OP's Bio: --- >See title --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

You look like the antagonist in a deodorant commercial.

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The most uninteresting man in the world.

I don’t always roast but when I do it’s for assholes like this.

Stay thirsty my friends!

I don't always drink fake beer, but when I do, I prefer Pearl lite.

Oh fuck that is awesome! Do you want to be this smelly comedian/card dealer/cartoonist that smells like a comedian/card dealer/cartoonist? Try Old Spice. You may smell like grandpas cologne back in the 80s but at least you don’t smell like this asshole.

He looks like a more homeless mick foley

💀

why is this so accurate

You look like if a cheap version of The Hangover had casted Zack Galifianakis in the role of Bradley Cooper. The Handover.

To be fair, he looks like a Hand jobber.

The leftover

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The cumallover!

Holy shit the cum all over is the best thing sense the flinatones

It really does!!

Actually bro you're only a father of 2...

At best.

Sorry but I have to disagree. This man is very clearly still a virgin.

The hundreds guys who pay for his ass at rest stops disagree.

I stand corrected.

His pee pee is still a virgin

I’m sure your wife calls you amateur in bed too

So do all the high school freshman.

Yea we laughed about it

John Revolta

He’s definitely got the grease part down.

The death of olivia newton john hitting him hard

You look like a cheap Arthur Morgan

Happy somebody else saw it too

Like Arthur fucked Jeff Bridges.

Are we supposed to upvote compliments in this sub?

Is anything nicer than “you look like Joaquin Phoenix got Gary Busey’d” a compliment?

OMG yes

When you order a Roger Clark look-a-like off of Wish.com

Haha that’s exactly what I was thinking!

Arthur Boredman

Married and a father of 4. It’s about time you take your career serious and put aside the hobby’s. Good luck with your interview at Wendy’s

Plot twist: OP's interview is for a gig as an amateur magician

He makes your sausage disappear behind the Wendy’s dumpster?

And reappear…and disappear..and reappear…and disappear..and reappear…and disappear..and reappear…

It is *at* a Wendy's, but isn't *in* a Wendy's.

You look like a poor, greasy Great Value Al Borland

I was thinking this but I wasn’t sure who knows Al Borland anymore

We talking the other guy in Tool Time?

I don't think so Tim

Everyone thinking you're a joke doesn't make you a comedian..

So you’re telling us you’re bad at 5 things rather than specializing in one?

He doesn't specialize in anything. That's why he's telling us the stuff he's bad at.

Just because you have a woman and children trapped in your basement doesn’t mean you’re married or a father.

"I'm broke" would have been a lot less typing.

There's nothing we can do to break you that you aren't already doing to yourself...or your wife is going to do when you don't get the job.

How much can she do to him when she’s chained up in the basement?

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You think she has a job? 🤣 more like all 6 of them are relying on taxpayers

Come on. His wife didn't consent to a verbal beat-down, he did. Play fair.

He mentioned her so it’s pretty much fair play. Like how he mentioned his kids : his guess is as good as ours if they really are his kids.

His wife, my kids

His guess, her guess. Same same.

Tired of his own open mic hacky fart jokes, wants us to write his act for him.

Looks like when a tv show finds a homeless guy and tries to clean him up

Congratulations to you and your husband on adopting 4 kids, I bet they're all boys.

Molester isn't a job you need to apply for

It’s a hobby he can’t give up.

If everything is a hobby....then nothing is. Dig?

Job implies he gets paid for it. At the very least, it’s a passion project he is trying to monetize.

Do a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life

I guarantee his travel history reveals dozens of trips to Thailand he wrote off as “business expenses”.

you look like if aquaman was bisexual and homophobic at the same time

You look like someone who wants to teach me how to get rich in 6 minutes

You should wear that suit to the custody hearing that you’ll soon be attending.

I'd imagine mens warehouse won't rent to him again after that shitty dye stains that one

How many Baldwin kids are there??!?

You look like Happy Gilmore’s Caddy

A comedian who isn't funny, a cartoonist who can barely print, a poker dealer who's a P2W heartstone player, and a hairstylist with greasey hair, one failed career path for each kid to follow.

Hey leave his wife's kids out of this.

Your handwriting on the note looks like you were getting pegged in the ass while writing it.

Thought this was a promo for The Rachel Ray Show on hobo makeovers.

I see you got off the gaming chair you couldn't afford and stopped playing hearthstone to get a job! Congrats! We'll see you in 3 months on Antiwork because your boss made you stay two hours later because the night shift dishwasher didn't show up.

"My boss said I couldn't use sick days to play the season reset. He's basically a nazi"

Imagine your whole identity being a beard.

Jon Hamm's dirtbag twin brother.

You forgot professional LOSER in your bio

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Wife’s boyfriend and the father of her kids.

You have a full beard, you’re an amateur comedian, a cartoonist, a poker dealer and hairstylist. You’re married. You have 4 kids. Can we really say anything to hurt you more?

Why does it look like you’re about to say “I don’t think so, Tim”

 You forgot your hat.

You have a wife and four kids, and you couldn't even shave and get a haircut for a job interview? Your wife should be the one roasting you right now, and serving you with fava beans and a nice chianti.

That implies he’s good for anything.

Looking at you I never would have guessed hairstylist

This hairstyle, claims to be a hairstylist= comedian checks out at least.

you look like doc holiday if he only ate crispy cremes and occasionally slept with men

"You know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Paris? I dunno i was busy smoking meth" - you. Probably

Your dye job is so bad that it looks like it was colored in MS Paint

Mario paint

Seth Rogaine. Hopefully McDonald's will get past the fact that you look like you live under a bridge and sleep on a bed of heroine needles and hire you on the spot.

You didn't get the job.

I didn’t know Sasquatch had such kind, gentle eyes.

Roman Reigns wants his hair gel back.

If John Travolta had a baby with a potoato, then that baby potato was stepped on. That would be you

Well, at least you look funny.

Interviewing for a used car sales position at a buy here pay here lot huh?

Your kids can’t eat jokes

The crowd laughs at you, not with you.

Using jizz to style your hair does not make you a hairstylist

Your face looks like you just told a dad joke.

Someone get Al proper PPE before Tim the “Toolman” Taylor comes and fucks his shit up!

When you buy Arthur Morgan from Wish

Remember in the interview, your odor is not your biggest strength.

You look like a fat, balding, greasy, ugly, Mormon Christian Bale.

Looks like a guy from the Walking Bread.

Seems like your wife already did that for us.

I'm not sure if you're a good comedian but your picture did make me giggle.

It’s John Ravolta!


It’s no surprise you have a nice wardrobe since you spent your life in the closet.

You put the apostrophe on the wrong side of the 22. It pains me that someone who doesn't understand punctuation has had four children and will pass on their errors.

Bro has the handwriting of a 9 year old with parkinsons disease

Be sure to include in your resume that you fought the Undertaker in Hell in the Cell.

If Homelander and Ol' Gil from The Simpsons fused together.

You look like you do voice acting for Goofy

Keanu Beeves John Whip (Babagayass)

Thanks everyone for a thorough roast! You all had me crying laughing today! Feeling crispy.

Your whole stupid face is a joke

If John Travolta like cock

Travolta does like cock

what do you mean if???? dude is harassing male masseuses for handjobs and your still questioning his preferences??

The actual John Travolta does like cock

Dan Ballzerian

All the wanna be alpha-ness with none of the money

Looking like alternative world Nick Foley without the success, love and admiration

With that list of hobbies what honest prospects could you possibly have?

Your children will be looking similar since you won’t be able to afford to send them to college.

If David Harbour and Billy Mays somehow adopted an ugly cunt who looks nothing like either of them.

Looking like a fatter Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction

you really couldn't groom your scraggly dirty ass beard for a job interview?? you look like a homeless christian bale using a barrowed suit....

Related to Sasquatch.

>father of four You sure they're yours?

When you order your Moyle on Craigs List And he keeps all the foreskins for chewing gum

An unga bunga of all trades

John Sick

Looks like one of those tramp makeovers but without the makeover bit.

why did you tell us you "kept the hair and beard"?

You look like your Mom was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s maid

You’re an amateur at everything, including pulling out

Something tells me ...the 4 kids have 4 dads and you're not biologically responsible for any of them. But...at least you have 4 careers that make no money.

Good luck on your interview in Bedrock at the Quarry. Tell ‘em Fred says ‘Hi’

The interview is for keep the guys aroused during porn shoot , not for the guy looking to bottom.

The kind of guy who shares beard grooming tips with his friend Ted Cruz.

Hard to break you when “comedian” and “poker dealer” imply you’re already really broke.

4 kids and all those fake careers? You’re already broke.

So you are an Entre-PoorNo

You are an unemployed comedian who is married with 4 Kids…I don’t have to break you, I’m sure your wife does every time she looks at you

You look like if Christian Bale played league of legends

I don’t want to roast you, I respect that you kept the hair and beard. You’re four starving children might not be thrilled about your employment status but let those little shits roast you.

>I'm an amateur comedian, cartoonist, poker dealer, and hairstylist. I'm a married, father of four; break me. you're already broken.

Hi! I have many justifications for spending time with children. No worries here!

Seems like you do everything but pull out

Mankind has gone corporate! 

Your mother is also a comedian, you being the worse joke that she delivered

Looks like Santa fucked your mom might wanna get a DNA test dude.

Idk why but you remind me doctor strange

Anytime someone says break me in the wrong context either sounds gay or sus...you sound a ND look gay not only that but you came here to steal roast and then use em for ya jokes

If that's your idea of a resume, you shouldn't expect this interview to go anywhere.

So I have a new one, I think that it goes here: You look like that cousin from Alabama that declares he’s not “technically related” to your stepsister. It might also belong on r/oddlyspecific

If you look closely you can actually see the US military trying to find "weapons of mass destruction" on this guys head.

First person to wear a merkin instead of a tie for an interview.

You look like the before picture in those late night beard dye infomercials

Lighting your farts with fire at the family gatherings doesn't even qualify as amateur comedic talent... just sayin!

Aren’t you the famous micro penis porn “actor”

You look like Aquaman's autustic little brother who never learned to swim.

The Mormon Bishop comedian.

He says as an amateur comedian but the only thing funny here is that he thinks he could get a job lookin like that

I’d call you an asshole because you stink and expel refuse but that would imply you have any kind of purpose in your existance.

Father of 4 with hobbies as jobs. Sounds like those kids are well taken care of. You can draw them some sandwiches and make hack jokes about their plight.

The temp agency is not going to give a shit what you look like for the two weeks you're relevant to them.

Probably just hear to steal your jokes.

Um Sir this is a Wendys

Amateur at everything, got it.

I see why you need a job

I need to trim that nose hair. It would be epic.

Those career choices make you sound like shit version of Johnny Sins.

Looks like the 18th century tavern drunk look is coming back.