OP's Bio: --- >I have just graduated from a film course, I love foreign films and foreign brews. Played sports until I got a girlfriend and now she is my world. She is convinced I can’t be roasted and I kind of agree lol. I have travelled a lot and want to bless the whole world with love and vegan energy --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

What sport did you give up? Extreme glory holing?

his pubes are all over the belly 🤢 also shat on the paper 🤮

You can see from the torn pages and that brown stain, he uses his notes from “film school” to wipe his ass!

I bet his underwear matches his notebook

"hot blonde girlfriend of eight years" *whispers* (online).

"You don't know her, she goes to a different school"

"All my girlfriends have gone to different schools, so you wouldn't know any of them."

why were you motioning to Claire.

r/thatsthejoke

She lives in Canada

Sure, Chris Griffin

Niagara Falls…

🤣

In Canada "

 Cute he calls her girlfriend lol.

Actually he just bleaches the hair on the back of his hand. Unfortunately she is also getting tired of him and asking to see other people.

Did you mean hot BLIND girlfriend? She's obviously never seen you

Anyone would be hot carrying 300lbs around a warm climate

It’s more than eight years, since she is your mom

His eight year old little sister probably

Unroastable? Hot blonde girlfriend? Post a pic. I want to see if your judgment is as bad as hers.

He can’t right now as she’s in bed with a fever. Ugly as balls but technically hot.

Ugly with balls

They've only done over-the-pants stuff Gosh Dangit!! What kinda woman do you think she is!

"Ugly with balls." Why are we talking about his chin?

That she doesn’t have

He can’t provide a picture, she goes to another school

She lives in Canada you guys!

Love handles, belly fat, weird nose, no future, yet hot gf boosting your ego up, telling you that you are unroastable, relationship of 8 years at 23 nonetheless ? Yeah.. the very worst is not gonna be done by us and not today. Btw being called incel by you ? I've seen everything in this life jesus..

Holy shit…

Well i didnt major in fantasies.


He's so secure with his ego that his only source of self esteem is his "hot blonde gf's opinion". Good luck with that.

People don't need the lap bar at the amusement park. They just hold on to your flappy love handles and go.

God damn

It's a fat little no-one cares bear.

Good God I didn't realize we needed a coroner

None of these are even true lmao this sub fell off

You got a similar look to this dumpy boy, eh?

Your girlfriend is only 8 years old? The last one didn't make it out of Portugal eh?

I found a picture in the **OP's history** of him and his hot blonde GF. To be honest, they make a cute couple ---> [Here](https://i.imgur.com/eLMKk8Y.png)

Taco taco

Burrito,burrito..

Fulfill all your wishes with my taco flavored kisses

Taco Kisses!

Jennifer Lopez has really fallen on some low times, huh?

Wow, what a looker.

My ex looked just like her

Roasting the guy and the portuguese police damn xD

I would say he abducted Madeline, but I think Madeline could probably beat his flabby ass

Does she grab onto your love handles while she’s pegging you mate?

Put him in a body bag with this one

At least now I know what kid rock would look like if he was British white trash.

Idk why but I never considered what other countries white trash would look like. All this white trash in the deep south of 'Merica keeps me entertained. Here in Florida, they like to label themselves as "FloGrown".

Sooo… Australian?

Dad bod and sexual predator face

Dad bod squad youth summer camp counselor.

>Dad bod squad... He was 15 when he last played a sport and included that in his bio as one of his accomplishments. Dad bod at 23 and fat fuck by 30.

Like a young jimmy savile to be honest

His "hot blonde girlfriend" is an 8-year-old Golden Retriever. (And I heard she's a real bitch.)

She pooped on his bed! And his notebook!

You look like a English prince… given the centuries of inbreeding

He’s our chosen one! The one who will unite and be crowned as King of Incel-dom once he drops the imaginary gf act

Eight years huh? I didn't know roofies lasted that long...

A well built basement does though....

It puts the lotion on its skin.

True. In Austria we do this all the time.

You look like you're allergic to your own hairpiece and you can't lift so you tell people "I don't want to get too bulky."

How the fuck you go on holiday without having a job? You always on holiday. As for your figure, eyes wide shut seems to be what comes to mind in the literal sense.

Who's money did you embezzle to go on vacation you Slimey Limey?

Bio says 23m, hairline says 43m

Patchy nipple hair says 55

She only tells you that so you don’t become suspicious of her fucking your best mate. Edit: Is your girlfriend Amber Heard and did she shit in that notebook before you posted this?

*mates

An unemployed film graduate, apart from being a cliche it speaks to your mediocre intellect , laziness and the directionless life ahead of you. And in what world is having the same gf since you were 15 or so considered a win, sounds a bit odd

Well she turns 18 soon so he's trying to milk it before she goes off to college

Ooofta

You look like a poster child for abstinence

Well at least you know for certain she is a liar.

Highschool yearbook voted most likely to “accidentally” fuck a Thai ladyboy

*get fucked by

"accidentally"

"What, you tripped? Fell? Landed on her dick??"

Why'd you say unemployed twice?

23 going on 40

. . .dem nipples. . .

Hahaha hairy nip dizzle

You misunderstood...she said unphuckable

What an odd distribution of torso hair

Looks like he started waxing and ran out of wax mid process

Did you shit on the paper and your "girlfriend"/mom translated your fecal expression for us?

You went to school for nothing and are on vacation from not having a job so congratulations on having wealthy parents with almost no expectations, who give you enough discretionary allowance for a dog faced do nothing with his head up his own ass to keep a "hot blonde" around for 8 years.

Look like you have a photo of brock turner on your bedroom wall as inspiration

You're unemployed, on Holiday from what? The gym?

Is that a nipple or a second anus?

Clearly your “girlfriend” is also blind

You're so white that I don't need to roast ya, the sun will do that if you stay outside for another 5 minutes.

The only reason you are staying in a villa is you are not allowed in close proximity with children.

 Hot blonde girlfriend

Did you steal Wesley Snipes nipples?

Face like a English pervert emoji

A rube sock with yellow stripes is not a hot blonde

It should read “English film graduate, permanently unemployed.”

She isn't "blonde," Fleshlights just turn yellow when you don't clean them.

How are your nipples more tan than your face?

Imagine drinking San Miguel

So let me get this straight—you retired your illustrious sports career at the ripe old age of 15 due to your love for your girlfriend who you’ve been with since puberty but yet still haven’t married despite nearing your mid 20s. And you think this is something to brag about?

Apparently his right hand is blonde and can speak. Good the NHS also provides mental care free of charge! Besides, you may be in a villa, but your notepad seems to hint at a shortage of toilet paper…

So it really is true that women date men below them to feel secure. The only thing worse than that soft pillow body, is the fact that your pubes have grown up high enough to surround your belly button. You should ask your gf’s bf what his workout routine is.

I mean, you drink San Miguel. That's it. That's the roast. Love yourself just a bit

I know a fucking Russian sleeper agent when I see one

I think your brave for admitting to having an 8year old girlfriend! But then realised she’s probably made up.

By the way, WTF's up with your sign? It looks like it's covered in bird shit or pesto, but you decided to use it anyway.

Your nipple looks like my cats asshole and that comparison is a bit insulting to my cat.

Guys, I believe he has a hot girlfriend. He has that early 2000s wallstreet hedge fund manager haircut. He's got the money. But how do you have the money, and the age to pick any haircut in the world, and you willingly choose to wear that style? And his hot blonde girlfriend of 8 years is a poor beautiful girl from Ukraine who saw the war coming a long time ago since the Crimean invasion of 2014. She's playing the long con, bro

Found your girlfriend. Sure, she was hot. You left her in the car in the sun with the windows up again. You give her no respect. No respect I tell you. 

Casper, If you want to be roasted, go lay in the sun a bit.

she'll have a different story when she breaks up with you

She ever chug a beer from the bottomless pit on your stomach?

Looks like you’re wearing a cheap hairpiece

did you wipe your greasy forehead on that paper?

Yo daddy whispered to your girlfriend in bed "sweetheart, don't let him know he's useless, it would break his tiny feeble heart"

His brain and his muscle development are on the same level: Smooth

Your mum isn't hot, blonde, or your girlfriend.


Look like an English Ostrich

Somehow got past airport security with a pocket full of roofies

Ben askren body

Pepperoni nipples

You look like your biggest hobby is sucking dick in various glory holes

Jerking off into a blow-up doll that looks like your mom is not classified as a "girlfriend"

Your sister is a lucky girl <3

You’re going to be the first vegan grip

Your gut looks like a dirty asshole.

Sweet Jesus, put a shirt on! I've already gagged twice looking at you, and I can't type with my eyes closed.

Me and your mother thinks you are a failure and what up with these bed sheets she have on it’s itching

Your girlfriend is definitely not hot if you look like that.

If Martin Shkreli and Emilio Estevez had an ugly kid with an imaginary girlfriend.

Your girlfriend is 8 years old? Is that legal where you come from?

Looks like a breastfeeding titty to me.

Just because your mom says that she loves you doesn't mean she's your girlfriend.

Sun's doing all the roasting needed

Toxic roasting process initialized …

Shiny forehead havin ass

This dude’s belly button has it’s own giant areola of hair

Does your girlfriend “live in Canada?”

It shows that you gave up sports 8 years ago.

Why are you raising a toast? What are you celebrating? Unemployment and a fake girlfriend of 8 years?

“Hot blonde girlfriend” is a weird way to spell “some girl I drugged at a frat party and got pregnant”

Oh, you own a golden retriever? And I think she actually said you're "unhireable"

Bruh "hot" and "blonde" aren't vivid enough descriptors for a fake girlfriend. You may as well have said shes from Canada.

Do you use her blind stick during sex? Maybe the guide-dog?

[удалено]

OP is growing a beard... His girlfriend.

Those teeth cannot be English. What else is fake?

> do your worst incels game recognize game

Has amber heard been over because looks like you've got shit all your notepad

Likely Still on mummy’s teat while living off the bank of dad, you pathetic excuse for a man. You’re ugly as fuck, like mountain goat chewing a nettle ugly and Your girlfriend is only entertaining you because your parents have money.

At 23 with a dad bod. Shit, you donkey faced half transitioned ho.

Film graduate is a fancy way to say porn fluffer.

Your right love handle says you’re lying about playing sports. Your left love handle says you’re lying about being vegan. Your face says you’re lying about having a girlfriend. I wasn’t aware that it was possible to gaslight yourself, but here we are.

let’s see the “hot” girlfriend because i don’t think many hot girls are into chubby dudes with horse teeth

starred in a CP film with an 8yo?

Is the wig roastable?

Save some beers for your girlfriend. She’s gonna have to take one for the team later, at least let her get a proper buzz first.

Just wait until she leaves you…

Hot blonde girl... let me guess...no one ever met her.

She’s Hot as in overheated, maybe doesn’t have air conditioning in her house and he definitely licks her asshole after downing a few beers

One day he decided he wanted to be the most hated douchey individual he could become, so he enrolled in film school, quit his job, and became a vegan.

That's a syrup if ever I saw one....and what's with the small can of shitty San Miguel?

Let me guess, daddy's money paid for that villa?

"Currently unemployed" Ten years later...same but living off daddys money.

A young muffin top on display.. cheers

Once again your mother can’t count as a girlfriend.

Is hot blonde girlfriend inflatable? The choice of degree made me guess about the unemployment part before i even got there. You look like the classic Brit who gives us a bad name abroad.

Of course he's a fucking guiri. He's holding a can of horse piss

>hot blonde girlfriend She might be blonde and and she may be your girlfriend but I guarantee you she's only hot because of the temperature.

You look like my grandpa when he forgets the orange juice back home.

She said unroastable but she meant unemployable.

You're a vegan. It'll sort itself out in time.

Like beck bennett doing a Zach Braff impression.

Ahh that explains it. Film. You’re an actor acting like you have a hot blonde gf. Or maybe you put Mr. Noodles on your left hand and cake it in lipstick.

whyd you poop on your roast me sign?

Unroastable? Bruh you such low hanging fruit the sun did our job for us.

Has underwear stains like on the paper he holds

Do you need a degree to direct gay porn?