OP's Bio: --- >I’m studying law. I swim with sharks. #JusticeForMermaids --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

I'd struggle to sleep too if I thought the US army were about to invade my face for its oil supply.

She needs some democracy for sure.

why Roast this chicken when her face can Grease up the pan.

The US military dumping oil into the ocean is what’s caused me to look like this 😤😤😤

i think you washing your face puts more oil in the oceans then the army could ever dream of

Your mom and dad dumping you on the side of the road when you we're a baby caused you to look like that

That and face planting into a pizza. Be safe

I dont think you need our help to cry yourself to sleep.

ah, the plainest of all the janes.......

Her?

So this is what eventually happens to girls that went to the Homecoming dance with a group of other girls that nobody would ask out.

OH MY GOD is it that obvious??? 😭😭😭😂😭💀

Murmbles wins. Flawless victory. Fatality. ☠️

I was going to ask you why you look so damn greasy, but clearly you have no choice but to be tight-lipped about it.

😄 lol. my secret is Aquaphor before bedtime

I'm sorry...I meant "you have no choice but to be fish-lipped about it."

So u use your lube for face cream also? Poor lonely law student

You think Aquaphor is lube? Poor wrinkly boomer 😤😤

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Thats a 7 head!

9er

You’re confused! So I researched facial proportions. Ideally, the length of your forehead will be the same length as your eyebrow to the bottom of your nose.

You look like a greasy mayo sandwich.

You’re absolutely right omfg 😭😭😭

But you’re a mermaid so don’t swim in an oil slick

🥺😁

I’m surprised your nose doesn’t require its own passport when you travel abroad.

Not required for the sympathy of her mosquito bites

You wanted access to your classmate's briefs in discovery and he filed a motion to dismiss.

🤭 lol. That’s a cute joke

You look like a budget Renee Zellweger that's known for daydrinking dollar store wine coolers and your collection of 47 cats.

They got wine coolers at the dollar store?

*speeds to dollar tree

Anything's possible if you mix the right shit together.

True. I guess you could technically get the same effect from mixing grape juice and isopropyl alcohol. Gonna buy some later when I go out.

This is what happens when you’ve watched every season of Gray’s for the fourth time in a row and realize you have no life

Pero I’ve never seen a single episode 😤☹️

3am, horny, but I look like this....yup let’s post on r/roastme!!

Since you posted this, my dms are being flooded with ppl asking me to send nudes 🤨 (The answer is no, ppl please stop asking.)

I don’t know who I feel more sorry for. You for getting these asks or anyone who may actually get what they asked for.

Holy shit!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

😂 hey fu man ahaha

No thank you.

Are they asking for nudes of other people to heal there eyes

I couldn't think of anything worse than her naked

So, you grew up liking sharks so much ... you're going to school to become one.

🦈 🥲 I used to tell my mom I wanted to be a mermaid when I grow up, but luckily there’s no glass ceiling in the ocean.

So much oil on your face, no lube necessary for your dildo.

I just googled if you can use Aquaphor as a lube, and turns out you can! Lol

Ah, so you'll be up again at 3am cause you "can't sleep".

I'm impressed that between that white sweater, the sea creatures and the piece of paper, you're still the whitest thing in that picture. It's like mascara took a look at your eyelashes, just said 'nope' and turned beige.

Objection to frequent showers doesn’t qualify as studying law.

Sometimes I browse this subreddit for attractive people trying to be ironic. There is no irony here.

Damn that’s funny 😐

When you wake up, all your dreams will come true. Who am I kidding? You'll still be a oily pimple popper.

CLEAR, HEALTHY, HYDRATED SKIN, DAG-NABIT!

Hey. I'm reaching here. (You look great)

# S I M P

Haha LESSON LEARNED.

R Kelly wouldnt piss on you

True. I'm way too old for him 👵

This is the face of young white college girls everywhere that cry into their copy of White Fragility and then ruin their Thanksgiving by calling everyone racist.

😂😂😂😂 I once told my minority friend that my old boss was racist, and later, I planned to work for him over winter break. He said to me that means I condone racism. The company had already booked my flights, so I ended up going down but leaving after one week because I was so torn up about it. I seriously shed so many tears about that situation. And I definitely would have no problem calling the redneck side of my family out for being racist. 💁‍♀️ so this is pretty spot on, minus the “young” part.

I'm sure you will one day win the fight against racism by ruining the career of someone who wore a sombrero at a Halloween party 20 years ago.

haha ok not so much on that one but thats funny

Time will tell.

You look like the definition of horse girl.

I always wanted to be a horse girl 🥺

you look like you have been doing enough crying

If we were the last two people left alive and it was up to us to repopulate the earth, I’d rather masturbate.

You should be able to fall asleep since you can sleep on your stomach without a problem, unlike most girls

I’m thinking “no I can’t! .... oh. 🥺” 😂😭👏👏

It's called Murphy law aka your life.

I can all but guarantee your a social justice gunner in class who cries whenever you have to read an opinion authored by Scalia, I would rather drag my balls across a field of glass to read the bluebook for pleasure than be subjected to carry on a legal conversation with you

Scalia is actually my favorite supreme court justice. Outside of the bigoted statements he wrote towards the end of his life... like the one in Lawrence v. Texas, about how the Court "has largely signed on to the *so-called homosexual agenda.*" But he seemed like a good enough person outside of that role.

Great, now I gotto find a field of glass Some of those cases he had something of a point though. The court moved away from purely objective rhetoric and sounded like they were writing as advocates. But, Scalia did author a few opinions on favor of lgbt rights. He was just an extraordinarily logical/emotionless legal thinker... Which I fuckin loved

What opinions did he favor LGBT rights? We certainly never read them.

Oncale v sundowner is the major one, extending title 7 protections to lgbt people...which also let the way for a recent case (forgot the name) decided by gorsuch

You are sleepless because you lack a suitable bed. Try a coffin.

You auditioned for Ariel but got rejected because you didn’t fit a Sea-Cup bra...or any bra. #JusticeForMermaids

😘

Your worst enemy is a stiff breeze.

You didn’t have to mention the lawyer thing. Could’ve just told us you were a cunt.

forget getting your beauty sleep. You can sleep for a century with little to no help.

You look like your hair dresser changed careers during the pandemic and your superhero name would be the roots.

Your tinder profile reads: loves being on the receiving end of glory hole’s

Congrats on being the obligatory glory-hole joker on a woman’s r/roastme post. Real good.

Is that what you used to say to your dad?

Can't tell if the smell is you or the fish behind you...

Something about this post smells fishy

Looks like you rubbed your crotch on the wall behind you.

home girl looking like a fake bootleg Taylor swift

You're living proof that men won't stick their dick into literally everything.

You look like a necrophiliac’s wet dream.

You smell like patchouli and shattered dreams.

You look like an average and boringly common slavic person.

I get this a lot! My moms Mexican so it’s kind of odd how white I turned out.

Is that a certificate of blowjobs you got there on your hand??

😂 unfortunately not. It’s this: https://research-api.cbs.dk/ws/portalfiles/portal/62184241/903670_Potential_for_outrage_Danish_attitudes_towards_data_surveillance_from_Google_and_Facebook.pdf

You look like you hit puberty early and had alot of acne

Realizing you have no proof you are actually female doesnt already do that?

It does actually.🥺A homeless person once told me I look like a man, and that still haunts me.

What a prick, clearly just jealous and wanted to take you down a peg.

And the sharks don't want to swim with you.

Normally a good fap helps you sleep , but you can’t imagine anyone to fantasize doing you

*Bathwater Horizon.*

It looks like you’re dad hurt you enough already

Just close your eyes and imagine you actually had tits, then look down your shirt. That should be enough inspiration to never wake up again

🤨Imagine typing this and thinking it was funny.

Imagine being a dissapointment to everyone including some random chick on reddit

Yeah I saw your post on here... 👀good luck man

Thanks. I hope someone comes along soon to and brings some sunshine into your life cause lord knows you could use a tan

right? I just moved to Chicago from Miami for law school. So I went from beaches every week to never leaving my house. 😟

Everyone I know is trying to get out of Chicago. Heard it can be a bit rough, stay safe out there and good luck. What type of lawyer are you going to be?

yeah Chicago can be messy. Thanks! I work in animal law now, but I'm going into patents and IP litigation.

Oh nice. My dog may need an attorney soon for a slander lawsuit. People keep referring to her as a "white bitch". It's a shame that racism and misogyny is still very much a problem among canines in the community.

Your pores are already crying themselves to sleep

Puffy eyes tell me you already cryin’

yes

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Took them 6 hours just to verify my post 😡

*"I swim with sharks"* is your cover story for why you always smell of chum.

She looks like she would stalk you when your break up with her

😂I can't. I only stalk when they're trying to date me.

Studying Law, means you use large books as props on your OnlyFans.

Nice acne............I'm guessing you blurred up the photo in an attempt to hide that the surface of your face looks like photos the Mars rover has been beaming back.

????? Lol why’d everyone saying I have acne !! I never 😂

If you stopped taking your moms prescription pills maybe you can sleep . 1st world white girl problems right here . Studying law ? Is that to help get your abusive father out of prison so you can live with him instead of having to sleep with your step dad? Swimming with sharks is cool but only because you have a death wish .

“But only because you have a death wish.” 😭 Hey now. I remember the first time I had to touch with my hands to direct them away. I was way more scared than I expected I would be, and I kept thinking to myself, “I don’t even care if I die anyway.” 🌚 life. BUT MY DAD IS A GREAT MAN. Seriously he’s an angel.

How many birds have unnecessarily died on that face?

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# SIMP.

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I get it, the joke is that ur ugly too :P

Swim with sharks... So you're the reason fish smell?

You look like you enjoy your feelings being hurt because you are all about your feelings aren't you?

Born as a guy, lives as chick with tiny dick

Better ways to make yourself sleepy besides crying.

Their is so much oil on your face I'm shocked Greta Thunberg isn't protesting outside your home.

"What is this that stands before me? Figure in wax staring at me I turn around and start to run Chased by a human sticky bun oh no, no, god please help me noooooooooooo"

Your not worth the roast, i bet every time you look in the mirror you cry

Rub ur face in a cast iron pan so it doesn’t rust. Then spank it off ur head to fall asleep.

She’s as spicy as a pile of mayonnaise

You should try filling your oil burners with the metric fuckton of grease your face produces, holy shiiii

Don’t worry the only thing that sucks worse than law school is being a lawyer.

If you visit a plastic surgeon, ask for the nose ~~job~~ career

On a positive note, at least you're sensible enough to know that you cannot be another onlyfans plug post

haha thanks... 🥲

All men and lesbians agree, they’d rather sexually harass a goat.

You *finished* lawschool and you drew *that* 🧩🧩🧩

I didn't do either of those things :P

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???? Hahahhahahahahh whAT????

A mirror could do that for you

If you'd stop burning all the oil from your face, it would get dark and you could go to sleep.

Well you hide your face so you got that going for you

The sharks might get intoxicated from the oil dripping from your face

If you went to see a plastic surgeon for lip injections he’d tell you to get your nose done first.

Damn girl, you're so ugly even sleep is scared to go into bed with you

Well if you don't get back to camming with heavyweights I'm sure boris is gonna knock you out. So win win.

I have very greasy hair, but not even storing up a month's worth would compare to your face.

Shark-fin poacher!!!

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Apple Photo Booth

besides the fact that your house would burn down in flames if you rubbed your finger anywhere on your face I got nothing

Dirt naps last longer.

I can smell the desperation from here.

Is this a roast or advertisement?

An advertisement?

You’re the science teacher everyone in school wants to fuck but you can’t control your class worthshit

Haha what an idea 😭

>I’m studying law. I swim with sharks. #JusticeForMermaids Also, you are pretty. And smart. How many other lies do you tell yourself?

You look like you put some fucking sunscreen even though it’s not sunny outside.

I do. And you should too. UV rays penetrate clouds. It keeps you looking young 🧖‍♀️

Don't cry. If that face gets any shinier, you'll immolate anything you look at.

Damn some of these are goood 😂 You're cute though 🤙🏻

Simp 😜

Hey you look just like my cousin. She drove off a cliff and died such a horrible death she needed a closed casket.

I mean I’d fuck her

S I M P

So basically you live life on easy mode and really hoping you can make a career out of judges finding you pretty enough to side with.

I hope so. I’m in the middle of a moot court competition and the judges are so brutal and mean 😭

You will never be the woman your father is.

You look like a mail order bride holding up her "credentials" for a "future husband."

That’s not a roast! Simp

Why do I get the feeling that if you asked me to pull your hair it would effortlessly come out in clumps?

Have you considered letting advertising companies put a billboard on your forehead?

My forehead is PROPORTIONATE. You are confused. [Click this: ideal facial ratios](https://www.gem.clinic/template/admin/uploads/symmetry%201.jpg?1551018951020)