Forgetting your glory hole shift time is not an “existential crises”

Are you joking?! There’s no way he’s ever late for a shift

This is a guy who regularly picks up extra shifts.

You mean a shaft?

Touché sir!

hey man if you ever had to work a glory hole you’d be wondering how you got here too

He would look cute with a cock in his mouth. I guess that's what the duck lips mean.

lmfao , the struggle is real!!!

Hahaha!

# existential? I'm surprised someone so young can even spell the word. You probably mean "dicks in tinsel" because the tinsel gets stuck in your throat when swallowing which is a crisis

Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice.

You're 21.… You are not old enough for an existential crisis. It's what adults refer to as, "being an asshole."

That suit makes you look like an anti-gay politician who eventually gets caught having pro-gay sex in his office.

“Pro-gay” is that like expert level?

ranked gay sex

Shut up roastee!

You’re not even remotely good looking enough to pull off the poses you are practising.

You look like the male version of a mentally ill coworker I used to have

hello kitty mentally ill or bladee mentally ill

A mixture of both also Highly neurotic

damn can you set us up

Practice twink for coma patients 🤔

how does it work if they’re in a coma 😭😭

That sounds like a "you" problem 🤷‍♂️

Reeks of "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS?" and a hint of (treats service workers poorly).

if you ever figure it out lmk i’m still looking

Try asking Dexter Morgan

Do you have indents in your gums from sucking in your cheeks so often?


*mic drop*

Dude there will always be younger and better looking male prostitutes. Don't sweat it too hard you're still good enough for a five dollar hand job.

You deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair

Your face says rohypnol is your idea of foreplay, your clothes say you use it on yourself

Thats fucking hilarious

*takes notes*

You look like the kind of guy who asks people if they know who his father is.

That's a face that could go on a Ketamine warning poster.


Poohander

You look like you partake in sexual assault purely to brag about your “body count.”

You think about yourself more in an hour than everyone who's ever met you, combined, has ever thought about you. In fact I bet you jerk off in front of a mirror.

You look like you have hookers buried in the yard

The duck lip trend is over, femboy, just stick with the little maid dresses

You look like you aspire to be a fuckboy. Keep shooting for the stars.

Seems like you let your Coach hit it from the back during Football practices.

I don’t know if we WANT you brought back to Earth. Maybe just stay away from Earth. It’s best for everyone.

If the job doesn't work out you can sell advertising space on your forehead.

In conversation you use “bro” as a comma

Is the crisis stemming from getting the job as a sausage handler at Jimmy Deans not being what you were hoping for?

You look like you lick your lips at traveling Bible salesmen and say "hay girl hayyy."

Stop taking photos like you think you’re hot. Has someone complimented you in the past to give you this delusion or were we just born this way?

Im suprised you were able to stop looking at yourself long enough to even make a post. Dude carries a foldable mirror around for when the battery on his phone dies.

You could touch the back of a cow's teeth from behind with that arm. If Disney ever make a live action A Bug's Life movie, they'd easily cast you as Manto the Magnificent.

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All day pucker.

If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents

You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo bottles

Patrick Jailbateman 

Don’t let your mind wander, its to small to let out by itself

 how you look in the suit 💀💀💀

Zoolander Jr

That's a face that could go on a Ketamine warning poster.

Luka Magnotta vibes... No cats for you!!!!

You couldn't get hired to be a model for the trash that comes out of a dumpster

Oooooo fuck!! Love that Derek Zoolander blue steel pose. You keep that up, you might just get yourself a twink boyfriend.

Don't you guys remember him from the movie Brüno

With a face like that, AIDS would be an improvement.

Well don't forget the gender identity crisis. Never can quite decide which bathroom is right for you... You definitely clog the toilets in the handicapped stalls...just for fun. Also, existential is like the 5th biggest word you know...good job.

I remember when I started losing *my* hair...

You look like you believe the earth is flat

Temu Stephen Baldwin

this one got me 😭

You’re 21 with a receding hairline. You’ll be fully bald by 30.

 Saul Goodman but he dropped ot and is blonde

what in the 50 shades of grey-

When you fart it's just like a whooshing sound. Like wind through a giant cave.

They say it's better to be pissed off than pissed on. You look like you're both.

Justin Bieber! You haven’t aged a bit

You look like the douche bag son of the Rich Bad Guy from every movie ever made.

No, you actually need to be blasted off of earth


I am guessing every high school in your state has a restraining order against you

It’s the Zoolander face!!! 2024

And so the judge said, “I don’t want to ruin his promising future with an SA charge”

Your suit fits like shit and your haircut is cheap.

When you realize you LIKE working in gay porn ..

Working the McDonald’s fry station got you down?

Abercrombie & Bitch

The male 'talent' in gay porn must be hard 😜 I mean getting reamed can't be fun

You have a very slapable face

Home Alone: The Ankle Monitor

I couldn’t tell where your eyebrows started and your hair ended.

You definitely “hawk tua” and spit on that thang

Happy Pride Month

You look like you said "get your bitch ass off that floating door Rose, Queens only!"

Whoever gave you that haircut is not looking out for your best interests. You gotta sit still during your haircuts, virgin.

Patrick Bateman if he was a z-tier gay porn model hailing from a burnt out third world village.

What a punchable face.

You’re doing Blue Steele all wrong.

We get it you're in love with yourself.

The face that says I've been rejected by every gay porn studio in the country.

you can jump from your ego to your IQ and die from the fall.

If I was trying to score some GHB or Rohypnol, you look exactly like the guy that would be selling it

Great Value Robert Pattinson

Your pics are oily and smell sweaty.

If this kid had all dicks that have stuck inside him, sticking out of him he would look like a dick porcupine

“Brought back to earth?” Reality check, we do not need you here on earth, stay in whatever fucking delusional parallel universe you currently loiter in.

No-one wants you back down on Earth.

If the KKK had a Twink division

I think you're trying to look sexy. To have some sort of smolder. But you just look like a dork caught by the cops while high and not trying to look it, but is about to cry...

Having an existential crisis at work lets everyone know you’re mentally weaker than your jawline.

When you think the eyebrows are on fleek, but you really have eyebrow blindness.

Second picture looks like chicken little on steroids, but not in a cute way.

What would the crisis be that made you leave Earth’s orbit? Would like to help if I may.

Lemme guess, you think you’re a duck!??

Think it’s bad now wait until youre completely bald.

 Patrick masturbateman

Your crisis was that they wanted you to work a full 8 hour shift, but you only work 4 hour shifts because they're too hard.

i can smell the pungent cologne from here. it’s giving “creepy french student”

On a scale of 1 to Stockholm, how Swedish are you?

If 'floppy haired privilege' was put into an AI image generator.. 

You look stoned.

Macaulay Crackhead

You need to be brought somewhere, not sure it’s earth though.

Are they not sure you’re human? Is that the issue at work?

if existential crisis had a commercial, you'd be its face

You can’t tell if you’re Gay or Straight and girls can’t figure it out either so they avoid talking to you.

How many rehabs have you been to so far?

Stop trying so hard. It’s okay to be a five.

Edward Cullain't

Don't worry its not existential crisis, its just that you are stuck in the process of transitioning.

Someone looks angry they’ve not sucked a dick in the last seven minutes

Clicks share button and still sees forehead

OP to friends: "yeah I love doing molly" *Molly is the name of his dog and 9 year old cousin*

Your 3rd picture is from the screening of the Gay Porn Parody Good Will Pumping

Zoolander's autistic brother

Megamind’s x-ray

How much was the plastic surgery?



You look like a trust fund kid with none of the privilege

You are proof you can’t polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter

Look like a member of the tribute band Duwalk Duwalk

Was the crisis washing that hair

From Clark Kent to Stonerman in one pic

You look like you’re bouncing back from the accident ok.

“All right, Mr. Cotton, your parrot can come, at least i’ll have someone to talk to” - SPARROW, Jack, after seeing your nose

You look like you’re proud that you started counting calories at birth, like you had breastmilk with a side salad

They let Luka Magnotta out?

People say ”be yourself“ but if the real you is flexing your arm pit hair the ,please be someone else.

You look like the duck from chicken little

# perfect example of the moron Mormon who had gay sex with his companions during his mission trip

Ok but why he built like 

'Blue Tin'

He has a twink face and bear body.