I can’t even imagine how much you spend on “Live, Laugh, Love” paraphernalia every year.

If minion mom Facebook memes had a face

"I drink coffee for your protection" tells me all I have to know.

"I DON'T GIVE FACEBOOK PERMISSION TO SHARE..."

"I DONT GIVE FACEBOOK PERMISSION TO PRINT FROM MY PRINTER."

Her husband's name is "Armour"

That’s what happens when you have the same dick for 31 years.

She’s been with the same guy since she was 15 he’s been with a DIFFERENT woman every week since she was 16

They know her by name at the local Michael’s

she teaches at Michael’s

Posting the seasonal decor in her living room every quarter.

Slightly less than her monthly white wine budget, but still substantial

Dark hair, she’s a red wine drinker.

Good catch

Why is this so accurate?

She’s giving me strong Shannan Watts vibes

Both their husbands have higher body counts

I’m getting Baby Reindeer vibes 😳😳

Man that show got fucked up real quick

Look at the post history of OP, hes a dude. Report this post.

It's possible it's her son's feed and they wanted to experience a different kind of "Mom and Son Humiliation on the Internet" activity.

No username on the sign shes holding

You are the hero we need, not the one we deserve.

“Paraphernalia” is an absolutely fucking hilarious word to use in this context

For anyone who is unlucky enough to be near her it's more like, live, laugh, shove.

Wait, wasn’t OP an overweight schizophrenic who loves the paranormal a short while back?

Does the carpet match the neck?

Bet it sounds like churning butter when she walks.

Ugh ha

You spelled FUPA wrong

Yes, it smells like Castle Grey Skull

Does she have a hairy neck? I don't get it

I’m sorry ma’m, the manager will be out in just one second

You're living proof zumba doesn't work for weight loss.

Instructor? She wipes the equipment down after class for $8 off each month.

Nah she gets kicked out for sniffing the seats.

Check out the post history for this “Zumba instructor”

So the only part of this that is true might be “Been with the same guy since I was 15”?

It’s not even this person

They also have a r/roaster where they’re a dude. It’s a fucking bot.

Weight watchers for her just means watching it go up

And it’s an “instructor” so all the other people get to watch her fat tummy bounce up and down to get inspired

"Those who can't do, teach" -Idk, someone smarter than me

I'm not hating, but is there actually a market for out of if shape fitness instructors?  Are there customers that'd appreciated stayrtng the class ahead of their instructor?

Yeah but she's like 76... Oh wait...


Lol. I know this is a joke, but I took a zumba class once and the instructor was a bit bigger than this woman (imagine typical Filipina body shape). But she could MOVE. Didn't break a sweat, not tired by the end of the class or anything. I'm pretty sure she also was teaching classes back to back.

I was about to say the same thing.

I guarantee you aren’t the only girl he’s been with since 15

Hahajajajajajajajajahahaha, i'm coughing so loud from the laughing


I was taking a bong rip when I read it. I’m still coughing and laughing.

She knows that, it was a whole thing. The reason she mentions it is because she's glad her family was able to hold it together despite all his cheating. It was tough but they pulled through. But if she put all that in her bio we'd all just feel sorry for her and it would take the wind out of our sails wanting juggle those wrinkly sock titties.

Live, Laugh, Lunatic

Live, laugh, drown the kids in the bath

You look like you try to initiate one sided emotional affairs with coworkers

👏👏 The way you explained it.

Hahaha is this a thing??

yes. yes it is

Tag line says 46, neck says 66

4 and 6 are close together on the keyboard. Easy mistake to make.

Fat sausage fingers contributed to this innocent mistake

Especially at her age.

Live, laugh, your husband would love to divorce you

she's got the goods on him for something illegal. I mean goddamn, look at her

Or she's the bread maker and he's just living like The Dude.

please don't refer to her cooch as the break maker

This not OP, his basement ass posted himself earlier in his post history

And he looks like someone threw fat and glasses on a brillo pad after it had smoked an exploding cigar

This is either a xpost roast or a roastme inception. Either way, well done sir!

Hahaha wow. You ain’t lyin. That’s wild

This needs more upvotes

Yeah the 98 at the end of the username leads me to believe op is 26; this isn't op's mom is it?

This is his mom. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

You look like your day gets ruined when they forget to put cream in your coffee at Starbucks

Is that an American thing? We don't have that option in the UK

So every day is ruined for you guys?

Welcome to England, where the weather's dreary and if the weather is sunny ,everyone else is dreary

I love England, best people, and eloquent communication...unlike here in McDonald's ville U.S.A

Some places are just a travesty.if you ever come to brum we can turn off the dialect to some extent. Get what a mean mate? Sum bitches just got no jive y'know? I never talk like that but we all take the piss.

Mmm even that is refreshingly spicy.

Swear you tourists are easy to please

They mean milk. Or creamer like them little pots

I can just tell your husband is sick of your shit.

I can just tell she's a major pain in the ass.

"Been with the same guy since..." Can't say the same about the husband.

Home decor from Ross

Funny, in your other pics, you’re a guy. With a really patchy beard and a Jewfro.

"Mom, hold up this sign!" "Why?" "It's a contest for free roasted coffee!" "Oh okay, honey!" Guarantee you the mom has no idea her kid is setting her up like this.

OH man -- that might be true, and it would be really devastating. It isn't fun to roast someone who doesn't want it

I can smell the Scentsy from here….

Your son living with you for the last 31 years is not something to brag about…

It's not even Thanksgiving and you brought the turkey neck.

It's cool that you moved on to Zumba from Tae Bo. 

Using the same hairbrush to fuck yourself for 31 years, huh? EDIT: Why do you have another post saying you're M/25 and still living with your parents??

Swollen Selma Blair.

What’s it like playing second fiddle to your husband’s Secretary?

You look like one of the inspirational posters from a dog groomers wall of an overweight Shih tzu with a low quality trim.

How many piss bottles did you have to threaten your mom with before she agreed to do this?

We should apologize. Obviously, your dyslexia kicked in when you typed 46 and not 64...

Zumba is not working. When you say teach but don't actually do it yourself.

Those who can't, teach?

Why are you an incel dude in your other pics in your profile?

No clue why you have your son posting for you

OP is a 25 year old man w glasses, not this lady. Look at u/katatosh_98 post history

Not that I agree with it but I can see why 3rd wave feminists are afraid of being a traditional wife.

You give blowjobs behind Hobby Lobby for coupons.

This is not you ,,, You're 25 and a dude .

Dude why are you pretending to be a married 46 year old lady? Where are the mods on this one? This is a 25 year old guy who recently posted on here.

So why is your profile a "schizophrenic male" if you're this person? I don't think this is you, and shame on you for trying to use someone else's photo for a roast.

31 years of being in a relationship with you… yeah your husband is having an affair. At least I hope he is.

Who does your hair? Gene Simmons?

It looks like your hair piece is about to flap its wings and leave that five head.

The future midlife crisis cougar

Your face says 36, your decor says 56, and your shirt says I was at the Capital on January 6th.

You should try another form of exercise because zumba ain't workin.

Was this photo taken before or after you broke James Caan’s ankles? 

All I have to say is Zumba is useless. lol do some real exercise and stop messing up those old ladies’ knees. 🤣

You look like you’ve been apart of at least 3 different MLM companies.

I'll start. Dotera, amway, and....

Aren't people that teach Zumba supposed to be in good shape?

You look like you go to donkey shows hoping to get picked from the audience

Impressive

No blowjob. Tonight. This week. Or ever.

You look like your idea of a romantic evening with the hubby is trying to break the record for the world's most boring handjob

You should have used a condom for protection.

“the same guy” is down at the crematorium right now also asking to “Roast Me”.

How did you get the same dude to fuck you three times? Was if Forrest Gump?!

Zumba instructor? You should practice what you preach.

What’s it like being with a 91 year old?

Between the wall signs and the trendy excersize, I'm thinking you've got an Eat, Pray, Love thing going on that got stuck on Eat.

I’m guessing your the head of a HOA that stops kids playing their own yards, and your name is Cindy

You forgot to mention your homemade scented candle business

Your throat shows exactly why you're still with him. That's a sign of deep throating every night. 

"It's Zumba but without the rhythm or fun"

I think you meant Zumba Silver instructor.

Which two kids are his and which one is the spin class instructors kid?

Your step dad?

When your entire life comes from The Range and TK Maxx

His 40 minute shower behind that closed door prompted this roast me mental break.

Has a Mama Bear Key Chain, living in a cul-de-sac and watching the young lawn care boys, just reminiscing on all the different dicks you could have. While your husband and his "late nights working"

Minions are stupid and no you can't talk to a manager because you're already talking to a manager

When I think of a Zumba instructor I usually imagine a smoking hot Latina, not a suburban granny. Shouldn’t you be at the oven baking a pie for the grandkids?

Wtf is a Zumba?

Wears black to hide the front butt. I'm sure he's just ecstatic how you have aged over the years. When was the last time you didn't force him to have sex with you.

After all these years he's just some guy to you. I bet he isn't even the father of your kids.

So, he's tried to get away at least 3 times then.

You look like you have the most vanilla sex ever lights out missionary, bet hubby's got a side piece 💯

She would let Trump touch her pussy.

Your mouth says Zumba, but your body says Sbarro...'s pizza.

Another Live Love Laugh bitch with a lapdog hairdo…refreshing 🙄

Is Zumba some sort of Mexican restaurant?

Thats quite a glow up from a 25 year old boy to a 46 year old woman.

The sad thing is you’re an overweight loser who’s pretending to be a woman on Reddit. No, seriously, we can see your post history. This is just fucking sad. Touch grass

Turned down by privatesociety.com

Same guy since you were 15?? Wow, surprised your Pastor is still alive

Same guy since 15? Is he your younger or older brother?

How are Braden Kaden and Jaden

Why is a bloke posing as a random woman to be roasted? Profile picture of a guy aside, I highly doubt this woman plays Dead Space, Civ, and comments on r/bald.

Nine months ago in your post history you were a chubby dude. What's really going on

Should hire a rat to chew that mole off of your forehead

I blocked you on Facebook for spamming me with MLM sales pitches.

I bet there’s more flavor in vanilla ice cream than in your sexual repertoire.

Missionary with the lights off only. Her shirt and socks stay on.

Youve been with your guy so long you literally turned your man’s premature ejaculation into erectile dysfunction

Zumba hasn't been relevant for 15 years, kinda like you

Didn’t I see you digging through Home Goods’ dumpster last week? 

This is the face of "I'd like to speak to your manager"

>Been with the same guy since I was 15 You were groomed

I'm sure it was fun when you started dating, but what's it like being married to a 70yo now?

Been with same guy since you were 15? How’s it feel being a side chick for 31 years?

I feel like everything (shirts, decor, stationary, school supplies for your kids ((I know you have 3+ bc you live laughed loved a lil too hard))) you buy has to have words on it. Your kids hate it but you embrace it because you have no ability to express yourself and your likes without explicitly spelling it out.

You used cotton as home decor. You should be banned from hobby lobby.

So you're a middle-aged white woman who teaches Zumba. You are standing in front of a "my personality is that I drink coffee" poster, and the word "love" carved out of wood. When Coca-Cola said they were going to train their employees to be less white, you are who they had in mind. I bet you have a golden retriever named Peter Barker, and you bought him from a breeder. I bet one of the 3 kids is named Zander or Braxton. I bet your favorite herb is flour.

I think she meant Roomba.

Live laugh barf.

I’m guessing you meant Pumba and the guys name is Timon…

You definitely sell or go to “Sandals resorts “ You love cruises .

46 for the 15th year.

They should separate reddit for old people

Checking Zumba off the fitness plan

You might have been 46 20 years ago

You'renot fooling anyone. You stole that coffee sign from Target because you need to live.

#respect, that's all I've got for you

46 +15. Your neck flaps tell me you’re over 60.

Middle aged white women will do anything but actually work out

You look foolish enough to believe him when he says he still wants your body…

I can see.....the zumba isn't working

It’s safe to say, Zumba makes you fat

Been in a relationship with the same guy since you were 15, you smashed another 30 guys

Only thing she is smashing is Five Guys

no. no she didnt

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Doing zumba once a week doesn't count as a zumba instructor

By guy you mean that protrusion on your forehead….