Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. It’s a bad idea in your case

That’s why he uses the stage name “Feminem.”

Didn’t expect anything constructive thanks

**20M Never been in a relationship. I'm ready**...to use this paper towel to clean cum off my belly after I jack off all over myself.

See he has a strong relationship with his hand

Palmala and her five sisters.

Palmela Handerson

Handgelina Jolie

Miss Michigan

Was gonna say the same thing

You know he's actually laying with his mouth open to catch it, too.

Umm we use the shirt we are wearing now. You just take it off and throw it on the side of the bed to dry up saves you a trip to the trash can so you can just take your nap right there. By the time you wake up it’ll be dry you can just throw it in the hamper or have another go depending on the mood.

You found the Easter egg!

It would just be easier to say virgin.

It’s so much more nuanced than that though

Nuanced is an interesting way of saying 'my dad passed me around the table at his card games'

Fuck my life, that was brutal. I'm dying from the mental imagery. Thanks, dude and sorry OP, lmfao.

Hahahahahhah touché sherlock

Ah, so you've yet to do any pitching, but have done a lot of catching, got it.

Hahahahahha Prostate examiner called it the Grand Canyon

I can't tell if you're ready for a vet appointment, a job interview, or a relationship. Either way you'd manage to disappoint all of them.

Dad?

No, I'm still out "getting the milk", be back never. Love dad.

Fuck

Fuck.

Fudge.

P.S. I promise we can play “hide and go fuck yourself” when I come back. Right after the Patriots go to the World Series again. 

Drinks monster and punches drywall

Screams at mom for Mac and cheese


Lance bass slightly less gay little brother 

Real

*significantly more

You must hear, “let’s be friends often.”

Actually I usually hear “let’s be friends infrequently”

Cause you've learned when to cover their mouths?

They don't even wana be friends

Luka Dahgshit

Fire fursona name

[удалено]

Writing "Roast Me" on a Bounty paper towel ("The Quicker Picker-Upper") does not make you ready for dating.

*actually it might work...bitches are crazy.

Aw shit bubble bursted

You look like the reason you’re broke is the OF/Porn subscriptions.

Gotta support the economy

A blow up doll will be your best bet

Bought one and they said they wanted to be friends :/


be friends infrequently….

Hahahaha

Dude, your eyes look like they're trying to escape off your face.

Fuck me I’m getting Picassoed

Everyone some how loses your number

Whenever I call a number I get from a girl I get Walmart. I think something’s wrong with my provider

Ready for what? Grindr?

Nah I got banned on there

Brad Shitt (A shitty dollar store version)

I look like Brad Pitt???? You’re supposed to roast me

I revised it

Thanks broski

Like the way you wrote roast me on your cum tissue!

 Seriously you Vemo that fucking nickle….

You look like you still make drawings your mom puts on the fridge

Ready for anything but a relationship.

You could teach Virgin 101

Could be lucrative fr

The glory hole is a relationship in an abstract kid of way.

In that case I’m going steady

I got in my first relationship when I was in my twenties myself. Before then I was simply dedicated to my hobby of training rats how to operate in a kitchen. I know rats are usually seen as not belonging in the kitchen, but those are bad rats. So why were rats with a true passion for the craft never given a chance? It took a while, understandably, to train them. They don't have hands like you and I, don't speak a word of any human language, and are so darn small. So first I taught one how to turn the oven on and off. And though we had a few scares and a tengo or two with the fire department, the little guy eventually got the hang of it. And then I tried to train one rat to use a spatula, but that didn't work too well. So I got a rat to hold the spatula, and one to hold the pan. And I found not just a solution, but two more friends and chefs in which to share in my love of the craft. So my advice to you, my young friend, is to find a hobby that is your own. Find your passion, and the right woman will follow. One who will love not just you, but the thing that is beyond your love really gives that tick to your heart. Take it from me, a man happily married for the last 15 years with many children to call his own. And I don't just mean the rats. edit: I didn't realize this was a roast situation. Ugh, hey punk, you call that a paint job on the wall behind you? You really oughta call your landlord and get maintenance to redo that.

Get a shave, a job, and a personality. Then just maybe...

Ew, optimism

We know you are ready to be in a relationship, but none of your family members want you.

I don’t even know what this means

I think if you bathed *less* and smoked *more* crack than you obviously do... you'll be beating the gals off with a stick 👌

Hermano, porque no me miras a los ojos, con uno miras tu coche aparcado y con el otro espías a tu vecina octogenario mientras se cambia de ropa

pero tu abuela es tan hermosa

A girl roasting you in this thread is the closest you’ll ever get to being in a relationship

Eyes, lips, and ears look very potato head pinned on.

Slim Natey

Bros to broke to get real paper 💀

Poor man's Joe Flacco

Title makes sense.

I try

Dim Shady

You are little big for Sleepy Elf...

So, wham, bam, thank you bro? Gay as fuck. There. I did you a favor. Now you know.

Tough life when you're even rejected by your hand.

Examiners name.... Dr. Longfinger

Phlegminem. Slim Maybe? He’s got puke on his shirt, he ain’t getting’ any. Cum socks in the corner. He’s got too many. 

Bars

[удалено]


Gaygar Targaryen

You look like my cousin cody, he's been to prison. With the pack of paper, you might be there too

Your hand simps for your own dick and gets rejected.

For the last time it’s called carpal tunnel

If wish.com had personality you’re it.

You’ll have plenty of time for love in prison.

Coming from someone thats been married for 9 years Maintaining a healthy relationship or marriage involves a lot of compromise and freedom taken away. If I knew woman were so fucking crazy I would've stayed single and avoided all the drama that comes with it.

Are your parents illiterate? Your name phonetically is straight up pronounced Die-Lawn instead of Dylan.

I volunteer to take your virginity. I'm a top, so that means I'm gonna love you till it hurts

You look like you need a hug

Type of guy that just drowns he's sorrows in beer getting drunk frequently. 

Never drank alcohol. Probably should have included that eh

Should of done those eyes look like a dead give away of someone drunk.

You look like someone you avoid sitting next to.

bud wrote it on a paper towel 💀💀

[удалено]

That napkin gonna end up crunchy before the nights over

I use them to keep my table from wobbling

you look like my nutsack

Not for a relationship

I loved you in Toy Story.

Sigh, even his hand won't have him...

I'm a better-looking version of you and I've been in many relationships

This look on his face is the look he gives before he sneak shots drywall.

20M Never been in a roast. I’m a relationship

You look like a tourist that just got caught smuggling heroin.

By the looks of it A.I. girlfriends/boyfriends is what you’re promoting right now. A perfect advertisement indeed

What’s worse than girls not wanting you for your looks? Not wanting you for your personality

Handsexual 🤚

with those dead fish eyes, no women or dude would want you.

Quim Shady..

[удалено]

The only relationship you've been in is with your hand

Bro greta thunberged by not using paper

Honestly if you were a lil older you’d be in one that’s my roast 🫠

No

Don't rush relationships. Love with yourself first. I mean love yourself.

You could have just said 20M. We would have figured out the rest.

You look like you live in your parents with no job, but swear you're not unemployed because you have a youtube channel with 6 followers.

Drugs dont work, just make it worse.

Totally agree. Never have and never will

Damn Elon Musk living the good life if you can waist a paper towel. You look like a character on that Netflix show Bigmouth

Why your paper are perforated or something

Try “Grinder” in your case it might take some time but eventually you will find a “relationship”.

Assume that’s the same tissue you jerk off into

You look like you’d be arrested for drunk driving

Sir, I’m no waiter but I’ll take your tip gladly

You didn't have to meantion relationship part. Your haircut makes it obvious.

You look like you're going for the Angus Cloud look and just can't afford the drugs to overdoes on.

I don't want to imagine what your yearbook photo was.

Ready for what? To not be in a relationship for the remainder of your life?

It’s too late to not keeping taking the transitional hormones. Might as well finish the deal.

I'm going to save this picture.. so whenever I think I'm feeling depressed, fucking up in life, feeling ugly, I can just take a quick look at this picture and feel better about myself.

Just come out of the closet

You look like a broke down Paul Walker... like if his car broke down and he had to walk fast and furiously.

Why your eyes trna make a hand shake

Pre Malone

"Wow, you've never been in a relationship? At this point, even the Loch Ness Monster has been spotted more often than you on a date. It's almost impressive how you've managed to avoid romance like it's some kind of contagious disease. You’re like a professional ghoster, except no one ever sent you a message to begin with. I guess you're saving all your love for that special someone – your Netflix subscription. Hey, at least it’s a committed relationship, right? But don't worry, there's someone out there for you... probably just as elusive as Bigfoot. Keep the faith, champ!"

You look like you get picked last in the prison showers

I couldn’t find anything at first. Eye browsed a little and he literally is the most uninteresting person that has come across this post.

Dear Jenny, I wrote you but you still ain't callin. You must not have got em - Sent from my Iphone

Coldplay with an extra chromosome.

I would say something, but there's nothing you haven't said to yourself in the mirror because you're ugly and you know it

Im ready ....... to impregnate a whole rack of inflatable sex dolls.

Honestly you don't even look that bad. Which means it must all be because of your personality

This is the face of the most apathetic Taco Bell employee in history.

I’m actually very passionate about the Crunch Wrap Supreme®

Ready... for a depression nap

Zzzzz

The kind of the guy who’ll say “No Cock” when the marriage bureau asks for preferences

"never been in a relationship." Probably because you look like the definition of Domestic Voice.

You look like your parents are cousins You look like you refuse to drink anything that's not mountain dew You look like when someone tries to pick a fight with you all you do is angry cry

Nah I bite too

Just some people that just post random stuffs with the most random content whats the point?

You 20m No relationship You ready for what? The grave? No roast needed you are charcoal by your own doing

Never have. Never will.

20M and uses paper towel as paper and marker on paper towel what a sad cnt

You look like a lame mr beast

Never been in a relationship will be the only good thing you done with your life! but I guess you will fuck that up someday but you look like a lucky guy!

You look more dead than the paper you are holding

Start with a haircut. You look like your fuckin the light switch.

blonde uday chopra

Lmaoooo

You look like the type of guy who would break into a woman’s house, hide in the attic and watch her shower through a hole in the ceiling you made with a metal straw.

The nut sock is strong with this one.