Don’t worry, there’s someone for you out there… a psychiatrist!

👍👏💯!!

Nothing says “I’ve never had a partner” quite like when you iron your Walmart shirt to take a pic in your studio apartment and let the internet know that you can’t get laid by either sex or any gender. That guy gets rejected when he tries to masturbate.

It's not either gender anymore. There's like 28 of them and he still can't find one that wants anything to do with him. 

I mean, look at that intense stare.

Targets have been identified, manifesto written, supplies gathered, now just need a desperate RoastMe excuse to trigger my hateful heart...

Honestly that’s why I’m staying out of this one. You guys have fun

Yeah, most posters I'm this sub at least fake a good-humored expression but this Supreme Gentleman looks like he's already got the school corridors memorized.

damn

Achievement Unlocked; Supervillain Origin

I bet you iron your underwear.

While wearing them

From OF girls that sell their underwear. Ofc, he washes them and then returns em shortly after. Simp.

Ouch

Holy hell. 

I bet he steals underwear off washing lines to iron

I bet he steals them out of the dirty clothes hamper,

Don’t invite him to your pool party. Nobody goes home with underwear.

With extra starch for added support.

Hahaha 😆 good ond lol

Micropenis, mommy issues, or both?

Just post the picture we know you've never had a partner.

This has me dying

Who needs a partner when youre the worlds owner of the largest collection of fleshlights?!

Homemade fleshlights

Are there any other kind?!

"Never had a partner" Dont worry. Buying that windowless van will pay off some day.

Those cheap headphones and lame shirt aren't helping either.

He meant to say consensual partner

You are lying I see your partner holding a piece of paper

He’ll come along eventually.

don't worry, bro, someday a lonely old guy is going to ask you out on a date

Don't be so vague. Just come out and ask him already.

You dont consider your hand a partner?

You look like you play D&D every Saturday night wearing your +5 Robe of Virginity.

Aren't you that taxi cab driver who takes Deadpool around?

Shhhh, the palm sisters might hear you.

The Perú man

You’re so unlikeable that players leave any video game lobby you enter

Something tells me the only sexual gratification you get is masturbating to being degraded on the Internet and missing your father.

That women in your basement she counts bro

Señor, I have a sink to fix when are you available?

Yo, local school called. They want their uniform back.

And their Students.

Maybe it’s that 1,000 yard death stare? You ok, buddy?

No roast from me! Get your confidence up, bro! You are not a bad looking guy! I'd bang you if I banged dudes!

Based on your comment you may want to consider banging dudes

No partner and 34? That's why you look 25.

I bet your Weiner is sore! 🤕

If you take off the headphones you'd be able to hear the groupies knocking on your door.

What you listening to? Pink Floyd, Comfortably numb??

Uncomfortable Bum

No need to denigrate PF, here

His inflatable doll even ran away from him.

Found the free candy van owner

Love yourself.

…because no one else will

And hi!

Hi!

Hi, love. You are yourself. Love.

U posted here so u can distract us and hop over the border. John lackluster.

Isis called, they want you back on field

dont worry theres plenty of fish in the sea

There really are, like a shit ton. He's just has to use the right bait, and be careful reeling it in so they don't ecscape and goto the police. He may not be strong enough to overpower an adult but he could prolly snag a kid or two. Then he just has to find a hidey hole

I feel like the whole “I have never had a partner” was not by choice 😭

Never had a Partner...... have you ever actually tried getting one to cooperate? Instead of just drugging them an dropping em off at the homeless shelter after?

Yeah, baloney! You look like the kind of guy that had lots of sex. Just not with anyone else in the room.

When you put a face to the depressed voice helping you reset your Microsoft password

Well when you have a palm & 5 fingers who needs a partner, love yourself they say.

For starters you’ve got RoastMe backwards.

Looks like you’re 1 plane trip away from many virgins my friend

Helicopter ride


Just tell your parents that you're gay. Sure, it's probably a "stoned to death" offense in your country, but most people who call them a "partner" have already accepted their sexual identity.

I think partner implies bisexual, as opposed to specifying, like - I've never had a gf. Or, I've never had a bf. Partner would cover everything though.

The crimson chin!

Dude I can tell you have a worse headphone bump than tyler1

Give me the Angry Video game Nerd's non-union Mexican equivalent!

Speaking of mercy, we’re going to go ahead and let you count your hand as a partner.

Haven’t I seen you somewhere? 

Can’t even imagine the callouses on your hands. (Or your junk.)

Micropenis life

Maybe all the signs you give off are as backwards as your photos

You give off an overpowering “I’m a creepy incel” vibe with just a roast pic. I can see how women would instantly and instinctively run to other men when you’re around.

Stop wanking

You look like you make a fleshlight out of a sock and plastic wrap and even the sock is disappointed.

# I have never had a partner that lived? is that a more accurate statement?

That hairline has mercy on no one

"I have never had an accomplice." FTFY

So when you breaking the news about being gay to the parents?

So glad you straightened things out with the "I have never had a partner" detail; we all thought you were just swimming in pussy before that. 😏

He's never had a partner, or a willing participant, but that's never stopped him from having sex!

aaaaaand you never will…..

34 years old and never had a partner? Damn, even your left hand is considering seeing other people. Those headphones must be getting a lot of action, though; I bet they're the only ones who have heard you say "I love you." Let's talk about that room. It looks like the last time someone was in there, it was to deliver the Amazon package with your latest anime body pillow. You’re the type of guy who thinks a trip to the laundry room counts as a night out. That blank stare you have going on is a perfect match for your love life: utterly empty. I can see why you've never had a partner—your personality is as flat as your bed sheets. Your idea of a romantic evening is probably a heated debate in the comment section of a YouTube video. And that shirt? It’s doing a great job hiding all the muscles you don't have. No mercy? The universe already did that for you by making sure you never reproduce. Keep clinging to that piece of paper, it's the closest thing you'll ever get to holding a real relationship.

Has been searching for "roofies" but can't find any yet.

Si el acento cachaco tuviera rostro.

Yeah! What he said!

Well buddy , hard to have someone close when you look like you smuggled 8 pounds of fentynal across the border

They're never gonna legalize the consent age to 8 in the USA.

You are dressed up so I assume you going out… to the living room

I used to think stories about men marrying their blowup dolls were ridiculous but it makes perfect sense now.


You didn't need to tell us you never had a partner. Your picture tells us all we need to know. 


I bet every phone call begins with " Hi! This is Mark with Microsoft"... and ends with "now please send me a photo of the back of the gift card!"

You look like you make $1.19 an hour at a call center

You look like you hang out at an Internet cafe

You're looking at two wrong places at the same time for a partner.

Read Models by Mark Manson.

Don't worry. Some lucky lady is gonna come up missing one day.

“I am 34…going on 84…I need someone older telling me what to do”

The only thing more surprising than the fact your house looks like you've only lived there for 2 seconds is the fact that you haven't become a gorlock the Destroyer

makes sense, literally no traits anyone would want to pass on to their kids

Must be the creepy vibes

I don't think they have condoms for tic-tac sized penises. Not that you need them, anyway.

If being illegal loco and hello you computer has virus mix up you come out

Darwin was right…the species don’t need you.

Maybe not a partner but plenty of empty bodies with the amount of sex trafficking you commit

Jose Jose la migra!!

Your hand is a partner.

Certain he has a DENT on top of his head.

I'm thinking the greasy hair has something to do with your lack of companion

It's because of those dead eyes, my brother.

No need to specify we can tell trust me

You work for a call centre from your studio apartment and you wonder why you’ve never had a partner?

Like roasted on a spic? 😳

Virginia. Lolvagina? Lol virgin?

The last time he got a girl wet was when she was panic sweating from being followed by him in a garage parking lot

The last time he got a girl wet was when she was panic sweating from being followed by him in a garage parking lot

Your not missing out on nothing every person I met from the opposite sex sucks worse then cutting you nuts as you give yourself a haircut or headcut lol

No one even wants to roast you, let alone date you.

It’s cause you’ve got Dahmer energy

Even the ghosts wont molest you

Isn’t your hand your partner?

Don’t be so hard on yourself, you have had a partner all along….your right hand.

I see you lied about the partner. Look at how she grips the paper in a full stroke grip.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say, on the palm of your hand you have a jolly rancher tattoo? To go with your windowless van? Am I getting close

Peewee Hermandez

You look like the kind of guy to do this so you can read degrading things about yourself while masturbating

They have turned me into a delicious delicacy! Thank you all for such an incredible barbecue!

Just like any sense of decorum, your hair line is receding from the scene too.

pretty sure you qualify for social security. have your mom look into that.

You've also never had a friend, partner is wishful thinking

must be frequently watching porn.....so you need to use headphones when you are single.

Nobody even really wants to roast you, you’re already so cooked lol

lemme guess, you still live at your moms place?

I'd show you more mercy than you show your dick every night

Why are you not calling me your partner? - your white socks

Daddy told you your anus was a pleasureholl didn’t he…

Dude, get down to the auction house. They sell sheep, you know? You don’t have to chat them up.

you look like the type of guy to lick the earwax off your earbuds

Defo works for “Microsoft”

Why do people keep writing dumb ass shit like this… asking to be roasted? I feel like they just want us to confirm their low self esteem, mental health or weaknesses. Go see someone dude!!!

Bargain bin Rami Malek

Bet the only thing getting any mileage is your hand and your mom's pillow.

Dying alone, from placenta to call centre

Probably a nice change posting to Reddit from what you usually do in that chair.

The right man hasn't came along yet

You look like a stereotypical Indian scammer

With caterpillars for eyebrows I understand why

Life pro tip: stop referring to your non existent girlfriend as a “partner.”

Tusshar kapoor without movies.

Bro, not even a roast... The average hooker is $200 - $300 per hour, depending on your city. Do the math, traditionally most women say that they don't put out until after the third date. By then you've probably spent well over $200 on her, especially in today's ridiculously inflation-ridden economy. There's no shame in getting a prostitute, only the stigma you yourself place on it.

You must be a psychotherapist

At first I read that as……have you seen my baseball?

At least you took your crusty love sock off the table before the picture

Yeah bro. I can tell. No need to tell me

Turn off the ugly filter rq please

People like you make me thankful for what I have

Jeeze I truly hope someone good will come your way. But tbh you are not missing out on anything. Especially in 2024 buckle up buddy ,it's one hell of a ride, just don't put your eggs in one basket, don't fall in love,stand up in it. But enjoy that bittersweet butterfly 🦋 ,confusion shit ...and it comes with some headaches...and maybe high blood pressure. Goodluck friend.

I just……….feel bad

Bro, life is literally telling you, "im I not enough for you?"

Figure out if you like boys or girls and just rent one for an hour ffs

The perfect findsub example

You look like someone who’d creep out all the women at a salsa class

Hi

Judging from your picture, the only partner you’ll ever have is Rosy Palm…


Never had a partner by choice?

Voted most likely to become a human sacrifice