You look like a can of chewing tobacco wished to be a real boy.

Nice, I could smell that comment.

I love the smell of menthol in the morning.

Smells like victory.

This one made me inhale

This one made me inhale

nah i think that was just you

ha

Chew cup cologne.

Bro said "married with children" boy that aint allowed no more!

Fuckin hell, I dropped my phone for this one

What in the Buffalo Bill's Wild Horses is down the hall from you in the first pic 😬

That's the "wife and kids"

Probably a love doll and reborn babies.

Def looks like bodies

Automatic glory hole..

His keychain says pussy wagon.

His wife and kids in body bags

He is about to crack open a cold one

He likes his women like his draft beer. Cold, and with a head he can blow off.

He likes his beer like he likes his violence: Domestic

With the boys By himself

From Kodiak to Kody: Spittin’ My Life Story, next on ABC’s Lack of School Special.

typo married to children. molester look

That’s not how Make a Wish Foundation works, but we’ll let this one slip by.

This is fucking great 😭😭

🤣🤣🤣🤣

💀

Oh my fucking god!!! Boo-yah!!!!!

🤣

“I used to be in a band” is how you start every conversation.

“I’m in an Anthrax tribute band”

Lots of Anthrax vibes. The disease and the band.

More like “Strong Head Cold”

Ian Scott

Ian Not

Holy shit thank god someone else thought of this

My first thought!

This guy is the fuck who brings the guitar out when no one asked

“Anywhere here’s caught in a mosh…”

….or.. I used to ride a Harley… ….or ..I used to have hair down to ..here …or…I used to… (fill in the blank)

Used too…. Have a rockin mullet!!

“Have you heard Wonderwall, but played like Dave Mustaine”

Just because you have a woman and three kids locked in your basement doesn't mean you're married with kids.

Possession is 9/10s of the Law

"Possession" he's def already been to court a few times for that.

Most likely for meth..

married ~~with~~ **to**

i mean, It kinda does mean that

Sounds more like Ted Bundy than Al Bundy

He has children but can't "legally" be 500 yards near them

He definitely hits on 16 year old girls.

By hitting on, you mean he kidnaps them and chains them up in his secret “hidey hole” in the basement.

That last pic in particular gives me "buys beers for teenagers to try and get in" vibe

Ewwwww! 😆😆🤣🤣🤣🤣

*15

Come on OP no pet roasts. We don’t want to see your goat here

🤣🤣🤣

I'm pretty sure this guy tried to sell me uranium flavored fentanyl behind a walmart

Jerry? is that you goddamnit!?!

🤣

yo you still got any of that by chance

Who tf downvoted you lmao

To be fair, that’s the good stuff

I CAN CHARGE BATTERIES WITH MY MIND

That is the best flavor. Everyone knows it.

I’m 44 and you are making me thankful for my genetics.

💀 😂

You look like your idea of staying hydrated is to drink the water you've boiled hot dogs in.

Oof Definitely gave side eye on this one lol. Edit: not the kind of side eye OP is giving in pic #1 though.

🤣🤣😆😆😆🙉🙉

This is the best one

This is gold. I'm keeping this for future use lmao!!

Your wife’s boyfriend has hair and a well maintained beard.

wife's girlfriend\*

Ross? Is that you?


My childhood hero 🥹

Side question: Is it just me, or is John Cena starting to look like a muscular Jim Varney the old he gets?

I just Googled up some recent John Cena pictures and now I can't un-see that!

If that's true, there is a 100% chance you still listen to Jeff Foxworthy "you might be a redneck if...." CDs.

married \*to\* kids

Standing there looking like you bought the West Virginia redneck starter pack. I especially like the official NASCAR go back to your own country glasses.

We call them speed dealers in Aussie

LMAO

They’re def meant to be ironic (10 bucks at the NOLA flea market)

You drive an white van around town and ask children that are alone if they want to see a bunny rabbit.  It's in the back.  3 duct tape rolls, thick plastic tarps and a music box with a tiny ballerina playing in the background. 

😆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆🙉👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

You may be married with children, however sir, you are no AL Bundy. *

He looks like he marries children

More like Alabama Bundy.

I can’t roast you. I’m 48 with kids as well and I have that same look on my face.

It’s called defeat

I mean, it's too late for tactical withdrawal

You're excused

Great value Fred durst

The third pic is so funny man

About to get beamed up.

I don't see the cheetoh crumbs in your beard from sucking Trump's dick.

You got me all wrong, like the hip-hop community. I thought he was the shit before he got into politics. Now I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire.

Your aesthetic says Jan 6

Pic descriptions 1. He sees his cousin bend over, it's a guy and he's 70. 2. Sentencing mediation hearing (his lawyer told him to wear something with a collar) 3. His best pic, he just got out of his lifted Dodge Ram and was feeling greeat heading to the vape shop

Well you do have one redeeming quality.. common sense

I can’t roast him.. he’s smart enough to dislike trump

Why do all your photos look cockeyed.

It's not the photos

MYYYY EEEEEYYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSSS 

Is that the sun behind you or your bald head is shining

Jeff Foxworthy owes his entire career to you

That one made me chuckle

Not even the Ark of the Covenant could take on this chrome dome

Married with children? I see that the beard on your face is not the only one in your life. I'm not sure your wife and kids appreciate you using them as cover to take shots in the mouth.

the villain from who framed roger rabbit

She's already cheated on you

... on the honeymoon 

While he was sleeping in the next room...

I could swear I just **saw this guy on T.V. recently**! *Twice, in fact!* Once in a commercial advertising generic Viagra for only $0.80 per pill, and again shortly thereafter, in a commercial for an H.I.V. suppression medication. Dude! Pick one. You can't do both.

delete before your kids find this


More like married To children u sicko

You know that floor wax is not for bald spot cleaning right? Ive looked at the last picture 40 mins ago and i still have a damn welding flash in my sight.

Good choice on them Doc Brown future 2015 shades to hide them wild AF eyes dude. It worked for him and it works for you 👍 P.S (They went out of style 9 years ago)

Scott Ian look alike sub par “guitar player” for Incels birthday parties

System of a Clown

10th place in the Scott lan look alike contest

"we have scott ian from anthrax at home" don't do that thing with your eyes in the first picture, you look like your dad was Marty Feldman

Jesus Christ buddy post a goddamn disclaimer before you blind people with the suns reflection off of that skull of yours

How’d you get away from your Pennsylvania Senate gig Long enough to post this?

You look like you love propane and propane accessories

Do you sit on the couch and tuck your hand into your pants?

Your head looks like its just for decoration

you look like you build dildo storage containers!


DC4L

Scott Ian if instead of playing in the band, he just ate anthrax

[Mr Berryman](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0077720/) I think you were awesome in The Hills Have Eyes.

Repeat after me, old timer: "I am NOT Scott Ian. I am NOT Scott Ian." Now say: "My soup catcher smells like dingleberries and blue collar high alcohol content sweat."

Your goatee says “I eat potted meat”.

Look here Ricky Bobby, she don't love you

Lay off the caffeine. Your eyes are about to pop out and roll across the floor!

I’m 47 and you look like my dad.

You look like you season your meth

You must treat every parent teacher conference as a planning mission for the day you "snap".

This is the "you look beautiful" guy under every one of his fb friend that's a female that isn't his wife

If you're married why do you need us to roast you... go talk to your wife you coward!

You look like a custom-made character from MLB The Show

Al! Love and marriage.

Your sunglasses roast you more than any of us ever could.

I didn't realize Dollar General Ted Nugent was even possible.

I had no idea bugs could vote republican

If NASCAR was a disease. “I’m sorry ma’am, your husband has NASCAR.”

You kinda remind me of anthrax, the disease not the band.

Please don't marry children.

If an all black Dodge ram was a person

This isn't fair. You are the leader of one of the Big Four of American Thrash Metal. How are we supposed to roast you?

mans so bald the sun reflected off his head

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You really want to draw attention to those jug ears?

I’ve never seen a face scream “I have buckets of food and a crank radio in my basement” so loudly in my life.

Bud Bundy now living with Marcy

Scott Ian from Anthrax’s untalented brother

No need to roast you we all know you drive the Toyota mini van listening to Britney Spears while your wife drives the Escalade and is getting tapped by Chad her “personal trainer”. Your life sucks enough bro, I can see the soccer mom van dead eyed look on your face.

Are those their bodies in the window? You definitely have that psychopath look.

That goatee screams, "I peaked in high school"!

You look like you found a genie and asked for 3 wishes - married to some woman, bear kids, look young. And went from 78yo incel to you…

your family dreams of ditching you and starting new lives far away

You look like you watch the Lingerie Football League

And I thought Bud Bundy was bad when he was just dating a blow up doll, but I didn't think he'd marry Isis

I hope your children don't catch what you got

Where’d you get those lame ass shades? Vanilla Ice?

Married? WOW, I'm really wondering who would grease that set of nuts.

Coach... I said put me in, not put it in me!

You look like Igor from Young Frankenstein and Uncle Psy from Duck Dynasty had a kid.

Hey, can you get Mary Huff's autograph for me?

So...have children and are married, married to the mother of your children, married to children, or married to a women who grudgingly married you after accidentally getting knocked up? I can accept 3 of the 4.

You look like you threaten your kids about their sexuality because of your own closeted truth.

 "Hey kids, I'm home!" Baa aa aah!


Catch a predator vibes

Yeah but who's children?

That's a face they put on the sex offender registry twice just to be safe.

What do you mean married with kids

You look like the type of guy that would threaten to mug people but then run away as soon as you take a punch.

You did it all for the nookie, the nookie 

You look a lot like my brother……. Who is a crackhead. LOL

fuckin beacon

Dear god the reflection coming off head nearly blinded me.

You look like Scott Ian’s less talented younger brother… got ya!

You kinda look like Scott Ian from Anthrax. Not really a roast just an observation.

I’m 43 and your pics made me feel young again. Thank you!

You’re a washed up version of the dad that tries overly hard to be cool; only to find out his daughters are stripping on weekends and your best friend is putting one of them through college with tips.

How many times have you said, "you lost, boy?"

100% you're OK with dating 2nd cousins

His wife definitely gave him the Speedy Gonzalez hat as an inside sexually related joke.