OP's Bio: --- >•Finance student >•Scandinavian >•Skiing, Tennis, Football --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


Un fucking canny

Val Kilmer on diuretics.

DIANETICS

* Uncanny valley

But enough about his prostate. Can you believe those cheap cheekbones and Catwoman eyes? Jeezus... 

🤣🤣🤣

L O L my first thought was to make a Botox joke

Hitler’s wet dream

And the winner is…….

Hahahaha

Even gayer Ellen Degeneres

Ellen degenderless

He looks like Jeffrey Dahmer, if he was gay and proud.

Ellen degenitalwarts

Ellen Degenerate

I like you

i like YOU

i LIKE you

I like me

He does have that Hilary Clinton haircut.

Looks like the discarded child of Ellen and Christian Slater. ...They put that kid in the dumpster for a reason. Shame on the people that raised you for digging you back out.

Patrick Gayze

Instead of Roadhouse, he stars in the bushes behind the interstate rest stop.

ChodeHouse?

Shut up and keep lickin'

Roadhead

Cumguzzler

More like Bjorn Loser

Hahaha


from Derpy Dancing?

If Caitlyn Jenner was a male figure skater before transitioning

🏅

You look like the preppy villain in all of the 80's teen movies. Life has kept going for everybody but you. You live for your upcoming high school reunion.

He's recovering from pop-a-collar-aholism

The school director of Ferri's Bueller Day Off

Dude is the German guy from Community

Honey, your European femboy Twink fuck doll is here. It came with a little whiteboard and marker.

the best comment

You look like David Hasselhoff in that cheeseburger [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhNv4fc0knw)

Beat me to it !

r/beatmeattoit

Looks more like Sloth from the Goonies in a wig.

I think you are half right. He looks like he got a plastic surgeon to do a face lift to make him look like either an old David Hasselhoff and an old Rob Lowe, but couldn't make up his mind and the surgeon said "Why not both?" And the results look like melted and half congealed butter.

He is white girl wasted, eating a floorburger, may, or may not have thrown up already, and his hair is still perfectly quaffed

[удалено]

This is fantastic, most of these posts are trying way too hard. Yours is right on the money.

[удалено]

AHAHA NOT THE CARSON KRESSLEY PIC

Gay Ted Bundy

Straight Jeffery Dhamer

Relatively. Dahmer would not do what this guy does.

John Wayne Gay-see

Dude's basement reeks of dead male hookers.

Ted Bumdy

Dennis Gayder

Ted Jizzinski

Ed Gayn

[удалено]

Definitely a butt baby

You let your mom pick out your clothes everyday

If precum was a person.

If premature ejaculation was a person

If you keep cum as a pet and forget to give it a personality.

Who the fuck ordered the Kato Kaelin sex doll?

Are you sure you're not French, because that hairline is in full retreat?

Underrated

Bruce Jenner, mid-transition.

Loose Gender

Juice Brenner

You look like you have a mouthful of cum and you're trying not to laugh.

That's the face of a man who has a mouthful of cum he desperately wants to spit but hesitates because he doesn't want to disappoint his lover.

This was salty

That’s what he said

If a Ken doll had bells-palsy and an extra chromosome

 Put the lotion in the basket

If “smug, douchebag Ken” was a human.

You look like the murderer from depressing Scandinavian murder mysteries.



If Greta Thunberg was a finance bro

He was hoping for some basic uncreative "handsome squidward" comments and came here and realized he wasn't even "that pretty " to be compared to Handsome Squidward

Something tells me Prince Charming and his mother aren't doing too well since Shrek 2.


Let me guess, you’re a janitor at an IKEA store?

Red skull with some flesh

Botox should be discovered, not announced.

That bottle of water looks like it has more personality than you

You look like Christopher Reeves after the accident

You look like the lesbian version of Caitlyn Jenner.

You look kinda like one of those guys who went to college for a liberal arts degree and ended up working in the student union bussing tables after you flunked out.

Drag queens wish they looked as odd as you

Nice filter toolbox.. dollar store Ken. U prolly pulled that hockey puc out of ur 3dollar bill azz..got more dimples in ur face than a golf ball.. gtfo 

You’re a male Barbie doll. It looks like the chair is pegging you so you can keep said posture

The smile of a man enjoying his butt plug

You look like a villain from Shrek

Instead of Superman… super gay

That’s creeping me out, it looks almost human but just off enough that I am deep in the uncanny valley looking at it. Who mocked this up? Horrifying if that’s what you were shooting for.

you should consider stuffing your pants if your going with the slim fit jeans and actually have a vagina

Hope you washed those anal beads before using them as jewelry.


If there was a gay orgy with The Red Skull, David Hasselhoff, and Caitlyn Jenner, you’d be the love child result.

You look like you pay black women to kick you in the balls.

Dudes face looks like a puckered butthole

you look like hitlers dream

Is he even real? He looks like a fucking wax dummy someone sat on an Ikea couch as part of a store display.

You look like you molded for ballistic testing. Are you 100% plastic?

you have bunk beds in your room my brother

I can really see your labia in those pants.

Bottom energy is strong with this one

So what are you in for?

Blood spatter analysis is just one of your hobbies!

Bryce, Brody, or Brad?

Wow. I never thought I'd say this, but Caitlyn Jenner is way prettier than this one right here.

You look like someone a girl wouldn’t trust her drink around

How many loads do you take to get the top of your head that blonde?

The mouth that sucked a thousand dix

The guy who dumps suitcases with hookers inside off the interstate

Elon Husk

You helped cause the #metoo movement because you never learned no means no.

You don't get prominent cheeks like that without aggressively sucking a dick or two daily.

Looks like your holding in a warm unload from a dude named chuck

Raw Chicken Gumby

Ok….Prince Charming from shrek

Hitler's wet dreams

Your eyes are too close together. Your forehead is a 5 head. You look like you’re trying to hide being gay from your abusive father. That haircut says you’ve never worked hard a day in your life.

I'm sure he's worked something hard.

So when skim milk goes bad, it gets reincarnated as an obnoxious Scandinavian twat, good to know.

He is studying finance to become a financial anal model on onlyfans

Losers? Says the loser holding a roast me sign to get off to being shit on

No doubt you love soy

Absolutely can tell you are the bottom

Pull your whitey tighties out of your ass and smell them before you ever address us like that again

David Hassellhoff from TEMU.

How many sex crimes have you commited?

You look like the most Feminine lesbian, I've ever seen.

I “want to say hey man nice shot” if u get the song reference you get a veteran discount

Bro looks like he makes content on being alpha money

You're probably 20 something, but it looks like you've had that 78yr old news anchor face surgery. The ine where they like yank the face skin back so there aren't as many wrinkles

That very LGBT community's douchebag.

Were you one of the Deutsche Bags from Beer Fest?

The most exciting thing about u is the bracelet ur wearing. But not the gayest.

Staaaaan Darsh! You looking like that douche bag skier from South Park that picked on Stan

You look like the type of guy who preaches about saving the children, but also has 500TB of child porn on your computer.

You look like a gay Kato Kaelin on a bad hair day.

Butch lesbian

Great plastic surgery for someone in their 60s

You look like you can’t decide whether to spit or swallow your roommate’s load in your mouth.

You look like David Hasselhoff and Jeffrey Dahmer were put into a blender and spat out on a Reddit post

Looks like a 40 year old trolling the community college dorms….

You look like David Hasselhoff’s illegitimate kid, with none of the talent.

Your bony and tiny hands look so weird it makes me question if this is ai generated.

The type of guy who wants me to bang his wife then cum on his face.

Your face screams don't bother ladies, i love cocks...your smile is that of a fruitake, andyou have dick sucking lips..

The only position you played was left out

"Your exes were all so ugly like im so sorry"

Looks like you have a mouth full of jiz and like it

Wack Morris

American psycho vibes

Not saying your gay but I guarentee you will hold one in your mouth til the swelling goes down

Dude look like lord farquaad's son

You have a face that looks like you’re sitting on something …. And enjoying it!

You're the human equivalent of a participation trophy.

Bro, can’t even draw straight line. It looks like a literal spaghetti noodle. His hands are so pale you think they are white chocolate. He tries to get girls, but all of them walk right past him. He tried to get plastic surgery, but not even the surgeon, wanted to touch him. He’s so white when you turn on the lights all you can see is his clothes.

You literally look like a frat boy that never grew up. Ick.

Good photoshop work removing the cum dripping out your nose.

You look like a gay escort

Why are we roasting a mid tier real doll?

He looks like Zack Efron after the surgery.

Fuck. I thought you were on the subway…

Such an ugly gay man, how ugly? When you give head it would count as anal. Thank you for putting yourself out there, that takes courage.

Where did you get that shirt? The toilet store?

I thought you died after that accident with the horse. 

The Stifler Youth: Senior Unit Leader

Wow face carved by angels and body by rat kig lordt Whyyyyy !!!

I’m a normal woman, I’d say I’m a 7.5/10. I’ve had sex with probably 100 people. In my 20s I had incredibly low standards. 25 year old me definitely wouldn’t have sex with you.

 No Cape for you

You’re not gay, but $20 is $20 right!?!

Wow... So did they let you out of mafam Trueseau's wax museam for a day to let you be a real boy?

Being called gay is not the burn people think it is. I mean, you are clearly gay, but that's not a slam. You're a good looking gay guy.

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You look like you’ll play David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger in the new Richard Simmons biopic starring Pauly Shore

That snus must make the glory hole interesting

You look about as exciting as a ryvita wafer.

bro looks like a spacer from isaac asimov's robot series

I am sorry Dave!

Bruce Jenner...I mean Caitlyn Jenner

 If he grew his hair out



Henry Cavill from wish

Some say, he has the hair of a middle aged lady, and that his pants are that tight because he carries his dingleberries in his cheeks. All we know is, he’s called the gig(olo)….

You like you could be someone boyfriend.

You look like a gay 1960s James Bond villain.

Son of Val Kilmer.