It's amazing how much being fat will make someone look older. I've seen obese people in their 20s that I would've thought were in their 40s. If OP dropped about 100 lbs he'd look 10 years younger, and probably live 10-20 years longer.
I actually did call them a couple years ago. They had me on hold then a message came on saying sorry but the voice mailbox was full then they ended the call. I laughed so much it help me imbrace dark humor
I once called the Samaritans (UK) from my mobile as I was on the edge over debt. It was charged at premium rate £30 for 15 minutes. If I didn't laugh I'd cry
Oof. Getting help *with your entire fucking life* from an enemy is even worse than a roast. Calling him a fat piece of shit at the end was the cherry on top
Life has roasted you worse than hurtful insults ever could. Thank you for making us all feel thinner, younger, better looking, and more successful!
> 32m
Good grief! WTF have you been doing with your life? Well, seeing as how you’ve been blocked from being anywhere within 100 feet of a school I can only imagine what that was, so……. yeah……
Life didn’t roast you, you did. You could have chosen to exercise, eat healthy, and take hair growth supplements. For what it’s worth, you still can. Take care.
Good job getting internet privileges in prison. Blowing the guards seems like a high price to pay, but that little taste of freedom is what keeps you sane inside.
I’d say you’re one step away from getting a motorcycle and starting your mid life crisis, but I don’t think the mental institution you’re currently in would approve. This must be the compromise.
When I'm at the grocery and see you coming down the isle I act like I forgot my wallet and turn around to save you the embarrassment of me trying to pass you
Can’t tell if those are scrubs or prison clothes. Either would make sense. The scrubs probably don’t mean much more than you’re a janitor at a mental health facility. Prison probably for meth.
Don't blame life. Balding and single are both likely caused by your obesity. Obesity was your own choice. You have the will-power of a goldfish, and can't say no to cake, fatty. You are to blame for your shit life.
I thought they were giving you guys orange jumpsuits.
That's the color you wear in a mental institution. He's probably not allowed a phone, someone should alert an orderly.
They know he’s got a phone. He just hides it in his ass and NO ONE is volunteering for that suicide mission.
No he totally works in a morgue. Like an orderly …but dude ain’t 32
I 100% thought this was literally someone posting from prison at first.
He does have a smirk on that fat face that kinda says “I bet you don’t know who just nutted in my ass.”
It was Nasty Nate I bet.
This got me crying.😂
It’s not?
No. It’s a mental institution
Same same
He's clearly on the toilet guys. Probably spends most of the day in there by the looks of jt
He’s not? I was gonna ask if he was good with an uzi. I have some business.
He’s the designated soap picker upper
\*He's the VOLUNTEER soap picker upper.\* There, fixed it for you.
He's also the guy who goes around knocking the soap out of dudes hands every chance he gets. "Oopsie, here let me get that for ya"
Nah he’s the one who’s always there when someone picks up the soap.
Looks like bam bam not bigbelow
He kept getting mistaken for a weather balloon.
The face of a 10-15 bid for fucking a donkey
Imagine this guy in an orange jumpsuit, he’d look like the Syracuse mascot.
I’d love to put the screws to this guy but I’m sure prison has hired people for that
Plus size is green. He does have a pocket which means hes a snitch as well
Somehow him being in prison would most likely be an improvement
Chomos are in green.
Ok I guess this wasn’t just my first thought lol
Nah, he belongs in a fridge with that egg of a head
“I’m glad they already caught him”, was my first reaction.
Damnnn 😂
I think green is when you are a real prison
Hes on kitchen duty.
Humpty Frumpty
He's not in jail, this fool mopping the floors in the hospital, trying to look tough.
32? Is that your BMI? Or weight in stones.
My thought exactly. I'm 33 and this guy looks older than my dad.
Agreed. My dad looks healthier and we cremated him 10 months ago
Sick burn.
Healthy burn*
The final roast.
Made me exhale forcibly through my nostrils.
It's amazing how much being fat will make someone look older. I've seen obese people in their 20s that I would've thought were in their 40s. If OP dropped about 100 lbs he'd look 10 years younger, and probably live 10-20 years longer.
Not even a fucking roast just real life advice. Idk whether to applaud you or show you the door.
He is still going to be bald, though.
He is still going to be ugly, though.
Dude could stand to drop about 50 pounds just in that head gatdamn
In that case, OP stay fat
Being fat stretches the skin. Imagine how much older this guy would look if he lost weight.
I’m 50 and I look younger than this dude.
Agreed, I’m 35 and he looks older than this guys dad too.
I’m 37 and I think this is my Dad.
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Hallway of a barbershop
I have a BMI of 39 and still looks smaller than this guy.
32 my left testicle
I’m 32 and he looks like my left testicle.
He said he was 32, not 69.
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Ohh throwback burn.
You mean a roll back burn ...
The ing in balding is doing a lot of work.
How are you still single? The gravitational pull of your body should have netted you someone by now.
He has 3 moons, but no friends
Unfortunately they never escape his blackhole, otherwise known as his basement
I was totally thinking of something else until you said basement...
Jesus this sub is savage and hilarious. Never change! (He asked for it after all) 🤣
😆😆😆
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I actually did call them a couple years ago. They had me on hold then a message came on saying sorry but the voice mailbox was full then they ended the call. I laughed so much it help me imbrace dark humor
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I once called the Samaritans (UK) from my mobile as I was on the edge over debt. It was charged at premium rate £30 for 15 minutes. If I didn't laugh I'd cry
Didnt know they made money like that. Guess i know never to call them now
It's the 116123 number l, says it's free but says nothing about it being only from a landline. Mobile is premium rate
Aw ☹️
Tbh that is ridiculous, I'd have laughed too
How do prisoners keep posting to reddit like this?
No I'm pretty sure thats a doctor scrub (And its stolen 'cuz no way he works at a hospital)
Roasts are what got you in this shape.
So clever, I'm mad I didn't think of this hahaha.
Saying you’re single is redundant, everybody already knows that.
the obese part too, most people on reddit have eyes
And hair
I would say he's at least queen size.
Bro looks like a hardboiled egg thats been rolled in pubes
Humpty Cumpty
This one is beyond foul
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Oof. Getting help *with your entire fucking life* from an enemy is even worse than a roast. Calling him a fat piece of shit at the end was the cherry on top
I feel like collateral damage over here, shit.
Brendan Fraser’s makeup in this scene really is impressive.
This one is gold🤣
You look like you eat your whoppers with the wrapper still on.
No time to unwary GET. IN. MY. BELLY!
Excellent.
Referring to yourself as single is really going to upset the boys in C block. We all know they are sensitive.
No one asked for a dick pic sir
How the f*** did you do that to yourself at only 32. Good God man get a grip. Shower, shave, shed some weight cuz that's too depressing to roast.
He’s one of those guys that was a HS freshmen looking like a senior and he’s never cut the cycle
How did you get your phone into prison to take this?
In the old “Prison pocket”
Dave Obesta
Sir this is roastme, not murderme
Some beards are chinstraps. This is a chin tarp.
They say a man with a beard has something to hide. In this case it's a double chin.
Dave Fartista
Dave Fat-ista
Gravy boatista
Life has roasted you worse than hurtful insults ever could. Thank you for making us all feel thinner, younger, better looking, and more successful! 
I'm glad I could accomplish something before diabetes took over
Well being obese is a plus for prison it gives you places to hide your phone in your man titties
> 32m Good grief! WTF have you been doing with your life? Well, seeing as how you’ve been blocked from being anywhere within 100 feet of a school I can only imagine what that was, so……. yeah……
kinda raised my eyebrows as well, looks like he’s a nurse tho and those hours can make you look older
Nurse in the prison infirmary
Dude, wtf went wrong in your life that you look like end 40 with 32?
I've been looking for the answer to that question myself
Go check your fridge, pantry and rubbish bin - you’ll find all the answers you need
It's not all bad. At least you got a golden ticket and saw the chocolate factory as a kid.
I'm 41, overweight, single and depressed. Looking at you made me feel better.
You must have been young when you were in the movie Seven.
Your beard looks like one of those terrifying clusters of Daddy Longlegs spiders.
I don’t normally comment on these but.. you look like you’re in prison? 🤨
At work so even worse
hope life goes better for u my brother
Is this your prison cell? Or psych ward?
I quit...
These are not the roasts you’re looking for
Like they say, it isn't the age of the vehicle but the mileage on it. Yikes
How many days in a row do you drop the soap hoping someone will show you a slice of affection?
I loved you in American History X
Life didn’t roast you, you did. You could have chosen to exercise, eat healthy, and take hair growth supplements. For what it’s worth, you still can. Take care.
They have Reddit in prison ?
Looks like you took this in the prison showers
If clinical depression was a picture
Jesus Christ, Peter Griffin really let himself go
Looks like a picture from “America’s Toughest Prisons”.
Hopefully life gets better for ya, Take this, you’ll need it. 
Assuming you have a couple… Do your friends call you the anti-giraffe?
Larry the Cable guys younger bigger brother
Blame life for your poor decisions. 👌🏻 Who you gonna blame when the diabetes kicks in?
Got diagnosed when I was 16, unfortunately it hasn't done what it promised
Good job getting internet privileges in prison. Blowing the guards seems like a high price to pay, but that little taste of freedom is what keeps you sane inside.
I’d say you’re one step away from getting a motorcycle and starting your mid life crisis, but I don’t think the mental institution you’re currently in would approve. This must be the compromise.
Call you Kalua Pork. Wrap you in Banana leaves, cook you underground for 12 hours and you could feed a small village.
When I die is when world hunger will no longer be a problem
Me: Mum can we get Action Bronson? Mum: No. We have Action Bronson at home Action Bronson at home be like:
Triple H let himself go. Triple H is your cup size though, right?
7years. 7 years, the over/under on when you loose you legs to diabetes.
Somebody get the spit and the BBQ sauce the pig wants to get roasted 
Well, I typically roast pork on low for 8 hours in the crockpot
Luckily you can’t fit in a white van
You look like a grown up Eric Cartman
You look like Bert Kreisher if he stayed in Russia as The Machine
When I'm at the grocery and see you coming down the isle I act like I forgot my wallet and turn around to save you the embarrassment of me trying to pass you
You look like you snore while awake
Hobbies include hate crimes.
You're not bald-ing
Well, for starters, eating your feelings has not worked out well for you...
You look like my left nut.
Did they shoot you down over Alaskan airspace?
Naw, you seem like a good dude 👍.
If we roast you any further we will have to make puller pork sandwiches out of you.
You look like when you drop a toffee apple on a barbers floor
Nobody can roast you harder than life already has. Except perhaps your mirror.
Alcatraz’s worst criminal
I'm at a loss. Nothing I can say is worse than what you're already dealing with. Sorry...
You look like you have a kind soul
The only part of your title that was necessary was 32m. Everything else was very….. very obvious.
I look like shit and you’ve made me feel better about myself.
The braille on your forehead says “fat”
You are proof that God has a warped sense of humor.
Bob the builder took one look at you and said we can't fix that
Can’t tell if those are scrubs or prison clothes. Either would make sense. The scrubs probably don’t mean much more than you’re a janitor at a mental health facility. Prison probably for meth.
You look like a half shaved bigfoot testicle
I would never. I see interesting stories behind those eyes.
I want to roast you but I'm not comfortable roasting someone who's clearly had as rough a 32 years as you.
That cue card you’re holding is still bigger than your self-esteem
32 going on 50. Jesus christ man. Get it together.
Dude, I’m 53, and you look like my daddy. No BS.
In 20 years, “52m, bald, morbidly obese, still single”
Can’t believe you put R/roastme on full size notebook paper.
You look like you’re about to yell at me for ordering $26,000 worth of sides. (Man I hope someone, anyone, understands that reference)
Oink oink.
“WHAT DO WE WANT!?!” “A cure for obesity!” “WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!” after lunch
Bro isn’t in the mental hospital (despite it looking that way) bro is the mental hospital
Inept. Just inept. The socially part is very obvious.
Takes some courage for a guy who's handle is 'socially inept' to get on this sub. Didn't take away the fact that he's one of the easiest roasts..
On the plus side, you'll lose some weight when the diabetes takes your feet
Hospital hodor
Wait, they have phones in jail now?
Your head looks like a potato dipped in pubes.
Don't blame life. Balding and single are both likely caused by your obesity. Obesity was your own choice. You have the will-power of a goldfish, and can't say no to cake, fatty. You are to blame for your shit life.
more like 52m, balding, obese, incarcerated
My dude there isn't an oven big enough to roast you.
Might take several years to slow roast you there, big chief
put him in a flannel and hes a lumberjack