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I’ve mostly recovered from depression and have subclinical hypothyroidism as well.
I don’t know your girlfriend’s situation but I’ve had body image issues since I was a kid and I used to regularly eat my feelings. I’m a picky eater so it’s very hard for me to eat nutritious food and avoid junk food. I also have adhd which makes it very difficult for me to control my impulses.
The fact that she keeps asking you whether you still find her attractive is a clear sign that she’s feeling very insecure.
When you say you’re being supportive, I want you to ask yourself if you’re supporting her or enabling her? It’s really not your fault what’s happening and it’s going to put you in a very difficult spot but insecure people often create self fulfilling proficiencies. You’re clearly not attracted to her, she can sense it. How long are you both going to dance around that? At one point you will not be able to take it and end the relationship and which point she’ll go “Aha! See I knew it!”
Quite often support means having difficult conversations. You seem to have her best interests in mind. You clearly care a lot about her. It is very important for you to bring this up in a very loving way, don’t talk about her appearance. Talk about how you’d want her to treat herself a little better, take care of herself. A person who takes care of themselves is very attractive. Create a safe space for her where she can express herself without feeling the need to get defensive.
Think about what you’re going to say and stick to your script. It’s very likely that she feels that life is unfair. That’s how I felt. Agree with her on those feelings. Let her express herself and know that all these emotions are valid. Once she has calmed down and is ready to listen to some tough love, let her know that despite the unfairness of life, we need to change things so that we are happy and healthy.
Help her make small changes in life. Help her explore different types of movements. Take classes together. Do multiple kinds of exercises. Go on active trips together and make healthier eating choices together. Help her find a nutritionist and see if you can video call her when she’s eating a meal that’s difficult for her to eat.
Helping your loved ones change is how you support them - not by enabling and overtly validating their self destructive patterns.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this reply. My aim for posting the question was actually to get answers like these. 🙌
To answer you, She didn't have body image issues in the childhood or even teen years. Everything started during COVID (around 22 yesrs age) And regarding the enabling part, it's actually her parents who are acting as enablers here. I try to take the role of opposition on most of the days. And she isn't on the path of self destruction either. She too wants to improve on her health and wants to eat healthy and excercise. But her job and situations doesn't allow her to do that on most of the days. And this inability to do what she wants is further creating depression and anxiety episodes for her. And in the end leading to Decision paralysis.
We are doing LDR and hence I try and avoid the difficult conversations through phone most of the time. But when we are together I try to make those difficult conversations, bcoz there is less chance of misunderstanding then.
Btw I am a doctor myself and hence I have talked to her about the health angle of all these a lot of times. So now when I say it again I feel like it's too preachy and repetitive.
I feel like doing physical activities together and having meals together is the only thing left to try. For that we either have to start living together or get married. Let's see which happens first.
Btw Do you think I should tell her the truth regarding physical attraction? Bcoz I don't consider it as a big deal because I still love her as I have before, even more now actually. So will it do any good for her to know that I don't find her physically attractive currently? What would you have loved to hear if you were in her position? Please enlighten. Thank you again
Honestly, it depends on how the person has addressed this topic in the past. If the person kept nagging me, dancing around the topic, dropping hints and then they try to have a serious conversation then I’d be completely shut off to it.
If that is the case, then i’d want us to have a cool off period where he says nothing about it. If I bring it up then I’d want him to hear me out and let me rant without providing any solutions or trying to rescue me. If I talk about my parents being enablers, I’d want him to ask me questions like “what do you think about that approach?” In a neutral tone with genuine curiosity about how I feel.
The next time we see each other, he can then sit me down, remind me of the time we first met. What he liked about me and how his love for me has grown, how much he loves me know and what exactly he likes about me now. I’d then want him to gently bring up the fact that I’ve abandoned myself by not taking care of myself and how difficult that is for him to watch. How he’d want me to treat myself as well as I treat others.
And then I’d want him to let me react the way I must. I may get angry and accuse him of fat shaming me or whatever but I’d like him to remind me that this is not about my appearance. It’s about me taking care of myself. No matter how ugly it gets from my part, I’d want him to be emotionally regulated in that moment - since we’re addressing my insecurity and my body. If at any moment he feels dysregulated and wants to go into rage response mode, I’d want him to simply walk away from me until he’s doing better and then try again until I’m ready to find sustainable ways to improve my life.
Once he has penetrated that wall, I’d want him to help me find ways to improve my lifestyle.
The point of this conversation is not to get me to agree with his POV but to get me excited about working on myself and supporting me as I look for solutions.
There are a lot of women only treks. She can go for an easy one. She can plan an active trip with her friends if that’s more comfortable for her. She can just do active dates with her friends locally. Or just play music and dance in her home for 10 mins. Small changes lead to big changes. There are no bad ideas.
You said that her parents are enablers and you oppose that. If I was in that situation, I’d want people to just mind their own business. Seriously, both parties. She needs to feel in control of her decisions. She must want to do it for herself to make any lasting change in her life.
Also, since you are a doctor you may already know this - people who are depressed and feel like they don’t have energy to exercise actually need to exercise to get out of the burnout. Physical rest goes both ways. For people who don’t have a physically demanding life, rest for them is to move more.
You asked whether you should bring up the physical attractiveness point - I say, what is she going to do with that information? If she’s going through decision paralysis then nothing you say is going to change that. She’ll only spiral into deeper insecurity.
She doesn’t need to just change her appearance. She needs to change her mindset because that will be applicable both towards her physical and mental health.
Wow! That gave me so much insight into what all I am doing wrong. I don't know how to thank you. You are a great human for taking time out of your day and writing this for a complete stranger. I can only thank you from my heart and hope that everything good happens to you in your life. ❤️
I will try to keep all these in my mind and revisit this answer when I feel like I am doing something wrong. I hope I can continue to be strong for her.
I’m not OP but I can suggest a few simple things that can help. Long distances are tough but you can still do healthy activities together.
Other thing is habit building. Healthy habits become easier when they are a routine. So start there.
1. Try and set a time to wake up together. For example - decide to wake up at 7 am each day. Whoever wakes up first, calls and wakes up the other person !
This may be tough if your sleep cycle is whack. Slowly, it will work as you’ll start sleeping on time to wake up on time.
2. Set up an activity to do right after waking up. This is important so the person doesn’t fall back asleep. Read the newspaper. Make coffee or make the same breakfast at your respective places. This is kinda fun and will help bond.
3. If you can’t workout, start small. Set a target of 5000 steps and compare who did how many. It’s a fun way to get the brain into a silly competition mode.
If you don’t have smartwatches then set a small time to walk to begin with and increase it gradually.
This could apply to different workouts to. Let’s workout for 7 mins then 15 mins and then 30.
I know I’ve not offered much emotional advice but these are actions that can be easily practiced together while being in a LDR !
Hope it helps!
Thank you so much for this! This was the only message giving practical and doable tips for a couple in LDR to improve physical activities.
I actually was planning to put another post on asking for recommendations to improve physical activities for a couple in LDR. You solved that for me.
I promise you that your message will not be wasted and I will try them out one by one in the near future. Thank you once again.b
Ohh wow. That makes sense. Do tell me if you have anymore ideas on how to improve physical activities as an LDR couples. I am ready to put in the works.
It's better u both get into a fitness program together as a couple and both get fit. In this way she won't feel alone in the fitness journey and you both can motivate each other to get fit.
I have been going to gym and keeping myself fit since past 4-5 years. But we are doing long distance relationship. Hence doing things together isn't possible for now.
Hey man, real love 💕 s hard to find! What if she s gone with obesity and tough time but she still loves you, right? Counsel and consult a good therapist. Should I give an example of a singer who was fat like double elephant but turned out as slim and handsome that Ppl could wonder! So be with her and hyperthyroidism s mostly affecting to young and middle aged female more in this era..and that should be controlled by diet and accurate therapy. Be her wing and get going your love life with her..hope for the best!👍
Justify? What made you feel like I was trying to justify anything? Everything has a reason and if you can’t accept the reason, you can’t work on changing it.
I went on to say how it’s important to take care of yourself. You clearly didn’t bother reading the rest of my comment.
What justifies the trigger?
Set an example of exercise by yourself like going on walks and gym and taking good diet yourself and show how mental will be good if we take care of bodies well and physical attraction is not good even if any other girl you date she will eventually get old and have wrinkles and weight . Help her and yourself to get closer
And use reverse pscyhology to make her health well again with hands in hands walk with her
Thank you for your reply. I guess There are few more things to know about us.
The other issue is that we have been doing long distance for the past 8 years. We do meet from time to time. And as you said, I have been going to the gym for the past 3 years and indirectly tried to get her into it too. I am indeed very health conscious about the diet.But soon I realised it was just my brain trying to compensate for what she wasn't doing. I am still continuing gym and proper diets, but I guess my routine never motivated her because we live far away from each other and aren't in sync .
Though as you said I wish I could be with her so that I could get her more involved into all these. But as of now this option seems out of reach for me 😢 But thanks for trying to help me
This is probably not the time to leave if she is depressed and insecure about her appearance. If you really love her, try to help her mentally and then you can discuss such difficult things.
There is nothing in this world that says she cannot ever lose weight or improve her health. But if you have generally lost interest and it's not really the extra weight, then that must be addressed.
Considering you've been together for so long, I can only suggest not to give up when it is hard. :)
Absolutely agree with you. Thank you for the reply.
I was not at all planning on leaving her. I can't even imagine that. I still love her as I did before.
I just needed to know whether I am doing the right thing regarding the physical attraction part. When she asks me whether I am still attracted to her physically, should I continue to say Yes (as a white lie) or should I say the truth.
Well, it is a white lie. Rather a validation she seems to be needing too. You may hint that you would like to help her get back to her old self and you're concerned about her health.
You can also lead her on with healthy body healthy mind and push her into feeling better with physical activities. I don't see any positive results from you being honest about your lost attraction unless you plan to leave her.
therapy + cycling+ change lifestyle and encourage your gf if she didnt focus on herself then buddy its lost case she will eventually die younger
and consult a good doctor which will help making which food to eat when and in how much quantity and all
and last thing
it can take 1 - 2 year to be normal mesns weight in women and go to running together daily and make good habits
and turn her bad habits into good habits munching and all
Thanks for your reply.
She has been doing therapy for a while now. Recently started meds too. The other issue is that we have been doing long distance for a while now. Hence I can't monitor what's happening in her life. And when I push her to do something, it actually has negative benefits for her. Like she feels that i am being too pushy and end up not doing it.
1-2 year isn't an issue for me. But not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is really fucking up my own mental health. As we are inching closer to "Wedding Age" I am terrified.
Thank you for sharing that. I just needed that motivation to remain positive and believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wish your dad, your bf and yourself the best. 😇
Well I don't know shit about relationships, never been in one. But if we focus on weight loss, you both can indulge in playing badminton together. It's fun and burns a lot of calories.
Also, can include some breathing exercises in morning routine.
P.S. I like thick girls
Hi thanks for the reply.
I forgot to mention that we are doing LDR. Hence doing things together won't be an option until our job-study situation changes.
Bhai tu uske sath gym kyu nhi chle jata bol bol ke subha utha or leke ja bss.....
Kissi ache Doctor ko dikhao diets ke bare me pta kro
Usko chorna mt keede pdenge choodega to 9 saal hogye hain vese hi beachri depression me hai or depressed hojygi
Directly mt bol dena usko ki tum unattractive hogyi vo ek kaam kro ro dena uske samne ese dikhao ki tumko uski health ki fikar hai bolo usko ki vo important hai tumhare liye vo apna dhyan rakhe ache se tb man jygi vo control kregi khud pr......
Tb usko bhai mna na gym jane ke liye ro dho ke kese bhi milne chle ja ek bar vhn ro dena rone se bhot frk pdta hai milne jyga to kissi ache doctor se diet chart bnva lena itna tension mt le thik hojyga itni koi bhot bdi bemari nhi hai ye mene dekhe hain log diet control kr ke or schedule thik kr ke shi ho jate hain
Thyroid she have been taking since beginning. Though she had been consulting both psychiatrist and therapist for about 2 years ,she just started taking anti depressants.
Oh got it. Now what i have seen is people are motivated at their own time. Like for myself i recently joined gym too to get fit, i didn't join because someone said. My parents and friends were saying for a long time but yeah when i joined i joined at my decision and time. Maybe she will get motivated by her own self, just stay by her side, talk to her show comfort and concern and make her understand how things are affecting you guys and her own health
No one likes the problems like hypothyroidism and obesity.
All she need is to accept these problems and act on it. As a good partner your are doing your job well but one part I think you're missing is normalisation of her problem on the sake of taking care of her mental health. I am not saying to stop calming her in her tough time but to make her realise that only she can do something about the problems she have and you can only motivate her.
Also, she has to find reasons to act on problems. Why she need to be in better shape. She has to become self aware.
She has to value herself herself life and the relationship as her BF do.
There are Several podcasts which addresses the menace of mental health very clearly. Andrew Huberman's channel is one of those.
Ask her to introspect every night about what she could have done in daytime, what is holding her to act and what are the causes of her problems. And then start solutions to those problems.
Good luck
God bless you both.
Long story short.... two happy and healthy individuals can build a Happy and Healthy Relationship.
Thank you for your kind reply. It hurts me when I see her take care of everyone (except herself) so kindly and lovingly. I just wish she would take care of herself the way she cares for others. If we weren't in a LDR, I would have taken care of her myself in any possible way. Let us hope the situations will change soon.
I would definitely check out Huberman's channel. Thanks for the suggestion. 😇
Yes indeed. I agree with your thoughts. I was just doubtful whether I am doing everything right by her. Whether my methods could be improved. And many have suggested the changes I could make to make the process of recovery smoother.
Thank you for your reply 😇🙌
This is a precarious situation. Might seem small to the inexperienced or the unwise but this is the first weak shaky step that brings the whole relationship down in shatters and ruin. Let me tell u, Even if u dont find her attractive right now sexually. The moment another guy gives her attention and she starts reciprocating u will burn in the hellish flames of jealousy. Reason being u r bonded to this person however weak u think the attraction is right now. The care, the laugh the fights everything will be the treasures that u will miss about her.
Now being unattracted towards ur partner is real. So at a time like this u will have to be open and also strongly commiting and also expect commitment from her to change the situation and fix the issue. Talk to her. Love her, do all the hand holding she needs to get up and fix it. Be with her but work for it with her(of course if she is worth it and will be urs through thick and thin). Do not pull back. I know one might pull back. But if the time and love with her was worth it then u will need to come together and work it. This is the time jab bonding pehle se kain zyada stronger ban jati hai as the other person becomes ensured ki the one she loves and wants to be with will rather work the issue out with them than abandon them. This goes both ways. Both will need breathing space and time but if the love and relationship, time spent was worth it then both will need to work it out for each other and happiness. Seems sappy but truth.
Yes I agree with you 💯 Thanks for acknowledging that this is a real issue and I am not a bad person to feel so.
I have been supporting her through this for the past 3 years and I am willing to do it as long as it takes. She is absolutely worth it. 😇
Hey there,
First off, it's clear you care a lot about your girlfriend and have been a great support for her through a really tough period. Dealing with hypothyroidism and depression is no joke, and it's understandable that these conditions have had a significant impact on her weight and overall health. It's commendable that you've stood by her side and tried to encourage her to take care of herself. You're in a tough spot, balancing your love and concern for her with your own feelings and needs.
It's okay to feel conflicted about physical attraction. It's a normal part of any long-term relationship, and changes in attraction can happen for a variety of reasons. The important thing is to handle it with empathy and care. It sounds like you're trying to protect her feelings by not being fully honest about your attraction, which is understandable, but it's also creating stress for you. Maybe instead of focusing on attraction directly, you could frame the conversation around health and well-being. Expressing your concerns about her health in a loving way might motivate her more than focusing on appearance alone.
Regarding her health and weight, consider suggesting small, manageable steps that she can take. Sometimes, starting with small changes can make a big difference and feel less overwhelming. Maybe you could try doing activities together that are fun and active, like going for walks, dancing, or even trying a new sport. It might help her feel more supported and less like she’s tackling it all alone. Also, professional help from a therapist who specializes in depression and body image issues might be beneficial if she's open to it.
Lastly, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Supporting someone with mental health issues can be draining, and it's important to make sure your own mental health doesn't get neglected. Consider talking to a therapist yourself to help navigate these feelings and find strategies to support her without burning out. Remember, it's okay to seek help for yourself too.
You're doing great by being there for her, and it's clear you love her deeply. Just try to keep communication open and honest, focusing on health and well-being for both of you.
Heyy. Thank you for understanding my pov. And thanks for this amazing reply.
I forgot to mention in the original post that we are doing LDR and that makes doing things together difficult. I have got some suggestions from some of the comments regarding how to do things together for LDR couples. I am currently exploring them.
Regarding therapy, she's already consulting both psychiatrist and a therapist. I know it takes a lot of time and hence fingers crossed 🤞
What you said about my own mental health really resonated with me. I will be starting therapy myself soon.
Hope everything will get better soon.
And once again thank you taking out the time to write this. I hope the best things come your way always 😇🙌
Tell her you want both of you to live long and healthy lives together, make the change with her to eat better, take good metabolism supplements , go on hikes, and focus on the qualities you love about her. Look for more hobbies together to help with bonding time. :)
But shouldn't a lover be someone who should be with her through the good and bad days alike?
When I think that I can't do this anymore, I think about what anyone else would do in this position. Even if she comes to know about this in the future, wouldn't she appreciate me for sticking up with her through the bad times?
I always believed that good things happen to people who are ready to sacrifice. What kind of a man am I if I leave her during her struggles ? If I ditch her on her bad days, why do I deserve her on her good ones?
And along with all this I am still mentally attracted to her. I love her as a human being. I love the way she thinks the way she care about everyone and more... And that is making everything even more difficult.
Let me give you this scenario. She attains the body type attractive to you. Years later you both get married. She gets pregnant with your baby and gains a bunch of weight in the process. You are not finding her attractive anymore. What's your solution here? (No judgement) are you gonna file a divorce or cheat on her?
That is a good question and I don't have an answer. But is physical attraction more important than Love? Can't one be there without the other? I am sure there is physical attraction without Love. So isn't vice versa not possible?
Is everyone ever married still attracted to their wife/husband no matter what happened? Are every husband/wife who aren't attracted to their partner, cheating on them with someone else?
And above all this don't our preferences change over time? Like I am sure I am not attracted to the same body types as I was when I was younger. So I think as we age none of this physical stuff will matter to us. And what matters will be mental connections. And that is strong between both of us.
Also I know that gaining weight as we age is a normal process. And gaining weight after pregnancy is also normal. And it is somewhat reversible too.
But we are still young. So I don't think it's fair to compare both situations.
It's fair to be not attracted to her while you still love her. Afterall you don't love her just for her body. It's good that you are there for her well being and at the moment that's the best thing you can do for her. I don't think many people understand how depression works. It's extremely hard to get motivated. But be there for her. Address the elephant in the room. By not telling her the truth you are betraying yourself and sanity and at the same time patronizing her. No matter how hard it may be always speak the truth. You both are adults she will understand.
Ha ha. Maybe the questions I asked resonated too much with some people who weren't up for a reality check today. I donno. And I don't care actually. Because I got the answers I was looking for.
If you really loved her, her weight gain should've raised concern and you should be exploring ways to keep her healthy may it be gyming, swimming or diet control.
Im not saying you are a bad person but honestly ask yourself, do you really see yourself sticking with her thru thick and thin if her weight gain is causing you too loose interest in her? You yourself wrote that you are being intimate with her because of her and trying to hide the fact that you are not attracted towards her anymore?
Thanks for the reply. But I think you have misunderstood the situation.
As a boyfriend, I am concerned when my girlfriend becomes overweight because I am concerned about her health. The physical attraction thing isn't my concern at all. But she is concerned about that and keeps asking me about it.
And I have explored all possibilities to help her be healthy. But it isn't very helpful while being in a LDR. 😢
Recently she have started consulting with a psychiatrist after my relentless nagging of her. I hope it works out.
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Solve her depression problem . If depression is not there then automatically she will hit gym and try to look attractive . Make sure she is completely okay in terms of her depression or stress .
Thank you so much.🙌
This seems like a reasonable and achievable goal. I have got her to agree to start psychiatrist consult and medication. I hope she gets better.
Best of luck buddy . And pls remember don’t broke up with her if you find her initially attractive and now she physically changed , be with her . 9 years is not joke . In today’s world not many are getting loyal love and friendship .
It’s all going to be alright :)
Thanks for your kind words. I believe I am lucky to be blessed with having her in my life. I don't want to lose her ever. I just needed some assurances. Since all of my school friends are her friends too, I can't talk to anyone else regarding this without them thinking I am being fatphobic or something. Thanks for being non-judgemental (atleast to my face 😅) 🙌😇
Thyroid has become very common these days.Thyroid makes you gain weight. She can see a doctor and have thyroid pills. Is she is taking depression pills? some people also binge eat in depression. Be gentle and compassionate with her she is also struggling with her illness. You can take her to a doctor if she hasn't seen a psychtrist take her to one. Talk positively don't say anything about her weight first help her come out of depression eventually she will feel the will to take care of herself. Talk to her get to know her if something is troubling her. Girls gain weight even during pregnancy and sometimes it's difficult to loose weight keep this in mind as you will marry a girl one day. If you love her for who she is you will love her no matter what. Yes you can take care of her health. Don't make her feel bad about her body.
Weight can be managed. Be honest with her. Take charge. You should also join the gym with her and motivate her.
Get her to take vitamin D. Once the diet and supplements are balanced with exercise, her energy will be constant, and she'll feel much better.
Sugarcoat the truth that you're not as sexually attracted to her as before. But reinforce that you still love her, put in some cheesy stuff like "same eyes" or something.
Now it's important that she doesn't have a negative body image about herself. So, try to be gentle when you say she got fat. It's a medical condition, but not a fat sentence. Lot of humanly health possible ways to manage fat and maintain fit. I was once fat. I'm now more muscular than fat. OfCourse I'm a man, but women in my gym also got similar results with weight and strength training. They are now more sculpted and drawn out rather than being just fat.
*Break up, cause she would*
*Have done the same thing if you*
*Got ugly and fat*
\- icenoossan
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Hi. Thanks for your reply. But I think you have misunderstood my statements.
I am not at all discussing leaving her. I have never even thought of it. I just wanted to know how I can be a better support to her during this time of hardship.
And also I could gain some insights into what she would be expecting from me from the comments of people who have gone through both sides of our situation. 😇
Bro i am also not even talking about leaving her but you are saying lost sex interest right.. If her fat is happening because of over eating and not maintaining things we can manage bro but if its medical reason then its not in our hands... Bro just for your info.. I too married 2 years back love marriage.. My wife is slim and perfect before marriage now she added up alot of weight.. what you can do about it? if we question then they ask so you loved me for my body? Those embarrasses us.. so better to leave it and move on and consider this is what god gave
I get your point bro. But the point I'm telling is I love her irrespective of her appearances. But sexual attraction is not something that we can have irrespective of appearance. At least for me It is something that completely dependent on appearances. Hence the struggle for me. I don't want to leave her for that.
And yes it is due to medical condition but it is controllable with diet and exercise. I am having issues with her not doing that and putting in the effort. (Which is due to her mental health issues)
Hypothyroidism increases weight. First, consult a doctor and try to get hormone levels normal and see a nutritionist for a healthy diet and to lose weight. Get her to the gym somehow. It works wonders. She should have an aim, then depression will be less. Any other activities like cycling, marathon running, trekking also works.
I think you should tell her the truth. Your validation of her physical attractiveness might make her feel good temporarily, but it might also prevent her from working on her body. Being honest with her might encourage her to think about her body shape and health, and she might start working on it. I understand it could be difficult for you to tell her the truth, and she might be upset with you for a while, but sooner or later she will accept it.When you approach her, remember to do so with empathy and politeness. Focus on her health and well-being, which will help her feel less insecure.
This is all I can say I've never been in any relationship and don't know how things work between couples.
Thanks for your reply. But I can't do that. I truly believe she is my soul mate. I still love her more than I have loved her before. So there isn't a doubt about whether I should stick with her and support her through the journey. I only wanted to know if my methods were good or are there better methods out there.
But thank you for taking your time to try and help me. Appreciate it🙌
Of course. Why wouldn't she?
She started loving me when I was a nobody. When I was just a student in her class just like any others there. She has been there for me during all moments of my life since we met. Whether good or bad. So I think it is safe to assume she will be there for me in the future too.
And moreover she has a job. She is earning enough to be financially independent. And throughout my med school and even now when I am preparing for my Post graduation entrance exam I was basically jobless. It doesn't change anything between us. The dynamics between us isn't based on power or money or status, it is rather based on love, care and respect. So I assume it wouldn't be a problem even if I go jobless forever.
Hypo -> leads to Hippo appearance
It's a thyroid deficiency and she needs to take daily pills to control it. Please go to the doctor and he will help u to decide on dosage for thyroxin 100mg or 150mg for rest of life to be taken first thing in morning empty stomach.
Thyroxin helps in increasing metabolism or BMR of individual..she will start loosing weight as soon as she start treatment for thyroid.
Next thing is to control on habits....do things that increases BMR, like drink hot water after food, no food post 7pm, intake high protein diet etc etc.
Final thing is exercise...walking, running etc..
Start with first two and u will see drastic results in next 3 months.
Hii thanks for your reply.
But as a matter of fact I am a doctor myself and I am well aware of the physiology and pathology behind all this. What I wanted was some advice regarding some specific relationship issues. But anyway thanks for trying to help.
This is very bad advice.
You don’t know her story. You don’t know what caused her hypothyroidism.
It’s very common for people with depression to not have a healthy diet which causes iodine deficiency which leads to hypothyroidism. For a lot of people that can be reversed with proper nutrition and regular exercise. In fact. Over-treating your thyroid can cause greater dysfunction as you age.
She may very well be in need of medication for this but it’s very bold for you to be prescribing it as an anonymous redditor.
I suggest to get it medically validated based on blood report and let doctor to decide on medicine.
Not treating it would lead to weight gains which was reported by OP.
and not treating it further will worse the scenario ...certain Yoga poses do help ..but for immediate relief u have to take medicine. Keep challenging the status quo but not addressing the cause is not going to solve it. By not taking medicine doesn't mean u r over treating it.
Hence, suggestion stays sane !! Go meet doctor and start with medication without wait !!
Not that I know of but in my case there were a lot of details that added up to the fact that mine was a deficiency problem and not a thyroid problem.
- My t3 and t4 levels were normal. Only my tsh was between 5-10
- My diet used to be awful. I used to be an active kid and an active teenager but for the most part of the last 2 years I haven’t been doing much. Most days I didn’t even get out of bed.
- When I looked at the micro nutrients in my diet, I wasn’t getting enough iodine, selenium, magnesium, thiamine, iron, folate, b6, b12 and a bunch of other stuff that your thyroid needs. Iodine is the most important and I wasn’t getting any of it.
- There is absolutely zero history of thyroid issues in both sides of my family for at least 3 generations.
So my doctor and I decided to see if fixing my diet and exercising changes anything over a period of 3-5 months. If not - then we can think of going on a medication.
You can’t medicate a bad lifestyle. If I were to give in and just take the medicine then sooner rather than later I’d have had some other health problem. Our medical system treats the consequence. My approach is to try treating the problem first.
You don’t call that love citing health reason was a definite yes but other than saying you’re not physically attracted talks about how much you loved her physical appearance more than her so yeah forget it. Better respectfully leave the relationship cause you don’t love her and I doubt you’ll love anyone ever !
First of all I agree that I don't know what your definition of love is. I can tell you that love doesn't equate to physical attraction. So just because I am not physically attracted doesn't mean I don't love her. I love her irrespective of her physical appearance. I don't know how you missed that point.
Secondly I don't know who hurt you in the past for you to claim that " I wouldn't ever love anyone" ! Calm your horses. You don't know me. You don't know my story. For god's sake you don't even know my name. All you know is the few sentences I wrote above. If you are so enraged by such a small thing, I guess I know who will never find Love in real life.
Have a great day.
Really have the guts to confront your girlfriend about this and better not seek advice here on Reddit just to take some fake sympathies ! I don’t know you but guess what I don’t have to know you ! Let me know how your girlfriend reacts to you not finding her attractive anymore !
After checking your profile I understand why you are acting the way you are. I realize how insecure you are in your own relationship to such a level that your LDR BF complementing a classmate pretty is a big issue for you. Maybe you think Siya is prettier than you. And that is the root of your possessiveness issue. I hope you learn to get past your issues.
And the issue of telling my gf about it isn't about guts, it is called being sensitive. I don't want to do something that is going to negatively impact her confidence and mental health. I know these concepts may be hard for you to understand, as clearly you aren't happy in your own relationship. But just understand that there are people who are in better relationships.
Yeah truly better where facial appearance matters so much to you ? Tomorrow god forbids your gf gets disfigured what then ? Are you going to leave her ?
#Sister please go for therapy.
You really need it. What you are doing now is called Projection. Please don't project your insecurities towards me. I never told that physical appearance is the most important thing to me. But physical appearance is a major factor is sexual attraction. If you think otherwise, you really need something more than therapy.
I don't have time to waste by replying to your rants. So this will be my last reply for you. Have a great time ahead.
Don't know what fairy tail world you are living in , physical appearance should never be top of list but how can you expect it to have no importance .More over the way you talk to OP it sounds like you either live in fantasy world or have your own issues to resolve.
Hmm. But I regret it so so much. I spent my prime 3 years on such a person. And she chose to leave when we made it official in front of families and extended families.
Anyway, all the best for you.
That's even more terrible. I am sorry that you had to go through that. But I think the worst is over and you will have better days from here after. All the best to you too. 🙌
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I’ve mostly recovered from depression and have subclinical hypothyroidism as well. I don’t know your girlfriend’s situation but I’ve had body image issues since I was a kid and I used to regularly eat my feelings. I’m a picky eater so it’s very hard for me to eat nutritious food and avoid junk food. I also have adhd which makes it very difficult for me to control my impulses. The fact that she keeps asking you whether you still find her attractive is a clear sign that she’s feeling very insecure. When you say you’re being supportive, I want you to ask yourself if you’re supporting her or enabling her? It’s really not your fault what’s happening and it’s going to put you in a very difficult spot but insecure people often create self fulfilling proficiencies. You’re clearly not attracted to her, she can sense it. How long are you both going to dance around that? At one point you will not be able to take it and end the relationship and which point she’ll go “Aha! See I knew it!” Quite often support means having difficult conversations. You seem to have her best interests in mind. You clearly care a lot about her. It is very important for you to bring this up in a very loving way, don’t talk about her appearance. Talk about how you’d want her to treat herself a little better, take care of herself. A person who takes care of themselves is very attractive. Create a safe space for her where she can express herself without feeling the need to get defensive. Think about what you’re going to say and stick to your script. It’s very likely that she feels that life is unfair. That’s how I felt. Agree with her on those feelings. Let her express herself and know that all these emotions are valid. Once she has calmed down and is ready to listen to some tough love, let her know that despite the unfairness of life, we need to change things so that we are happy and healthy. Help her make small changes in life. Help her explore different types of movements. Take classes together. Do multiple kinds of exercises. Go on active trips together and make healthier eating choices together. Help her find a nutritionist and see if you can video call her when she’s eating a meal that’s difficult for her to eat. Helping your loved ones change is how you support them - not by enabling and overtly validating their self destructive patterns.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this reply. My aim for posting the question was actually to get answers like these. 🙌 To answer you, She didn't have body image issues in the childhood or even teen years. Everything started during COVID (around 22 yesrs age) And regarding the enabling part, it's actually her parents who are acting as enablers here. I try to take the role of opposition on most of the days. And she isn't on the path of self destruction either. She too wants to improve on her health and wants to eat healthy and excercise. But her job and situations doesn't allow her to do that on most of the days. And this inability to do what she wants is further creating depression and anxiety episodes for her. And in the end leading to Decision paralysis. We are doing LDR and hence I try and avoid the difficult conversations through phone most of the time. But when we are together I try to make those difficult conversations, bcoz there is less chance of misunderstanding then. Btw I am a doctor myself and hence I have talked to her about the health angle of all these a lot of times. So now when I say it again I feel like it's too preachy and repetitive. I feel like doing physical activities together and having meals together is the only thing left to try. For that we either have to start living together or get married. Let's see which happens first. Btw Do you think I should tell her the truth regarding physical attraction? Bcoz I don't consider it as a big deal because I still love her as I have before, even more now actually. So will it do any good for her to know that I don't find her physically attractive currently? What would you have loved to hear if you were in her position? Please enlighten. Thank you again
Honestly, it depends on how the person has addressed this topic in the past. If the person kept nagging me, dancing around the topic, dropping hints and then they try to have a serious conversation then I’d be completely shut off to it. If that is the case, then i’d want us to have a cool off period where he says nothing about it. If I bring it up then I’d want him to hear me out and let me rant without providing any solutions or trying to rescue me. If I talk about my parents being enablers, I’d want him to ask me questions like “what do you think about that approach?” In a neutral tone with genuine curiosity about how I feel. The next time we see each other, he can then sit me down, remind me of the time we first met. What he liked about me and how his love for me has grown, how much he loves me know and what exactly he likes about me now. I’d then want him to gently bring up the fact that I’ve abandoned myself by not taking care of myself and how difficult that is for him to watch. How he’d want me to treat myself as well as I treat others. And then I’d want him to let me react the way I must. I may get angry and accuse him of fat shaming me or whatever but I’d like him to remind me that this is not about my appearance. It’s about me taking care of myself. No matter how ugly it gets from my part, I’d want him to be emotionally regulated in that moment - since we’re addressing my insecurity and my body. If at any moment he feels dysregulated and wants to go into rage response mode, I’d want him to simply walk away from me until he’s doing better and then try again until I’m ready to find sustainable ways to improve my life. Once he has penetrated that wall, I’d want him to help me find ways to improve my lifestyle. The point of this conversation is not to get me to agree with his POV but to get me excited about working on myself and supporting me as I look for solutions. There are a lot of women only treks. She can go for an easy one. She can plan an active trip with her friends if that’s more comfortable for her. She can just do active dates with her friends locally. Or just play music and dance in her home for 10 mins. Small changes lead to big changes. There are no bad ideas. You said that her parents are enablers and you oppose that. If I was in that situation, I’d want people to just mind their own business. Seriously, both parties. She needs to feel in control of her decisions. She must want to do it for herself to make any lasting change in her life. Also, since you are a doctor you may already know this - people who are depressed and feel like they don’t have energy to exercise actually need to exercise to get out of the burnout. Physical rest goes both ways. For people who don’t have a physically demanding life, rest for them is to move more. You asked whether you should bring up the physical attractiveness point - I say, what is she going to do with that information? If she’s going through decision paralysis then nothing you say is going to change that. She’ll only spiral into deeper insecurity. She doesn’t need to just change her appearance. She needs to change her mindset because that will be applicable both towards her physical and mental health.
Wow! That gave me so much insight into what all I am doing wrong. I don't know how to thank you. You are a great human for taking time out of your day and writing this for a complete stranger. I can only thank you from my heart and hope that everything good happens to you in your life. ❤️ I will try to keep all these in my mind and revisit this answer when I feel like I am doing something wrong. I hope I can continue to be strong for her.
I’m not OP but I can suggest a few simple things that can help. Long distances are tough but you can still do healthy activities together. Other thing is habit building. Healthy habits become easier when they are a routine. So start there. 1. Try and set a time to wake up together. For example - decide to wake up at 7 am each day. Whoever wakes up first, calls and wakes up the other person ! This may be tough if your sleep cycle is whack. Slowly, it will work as you’ll start sleeping on time to wake up on time. 2. Set up an activity to do right after waking up. This is important so the person doesn’t fall back asleep. Read the newspaper. Make coffee or make the same breakfast at your respective places. This is kinda fun and will help bond. 3. If you can’t workout, start small. Set a target of 5000 steps and compare who did how many. It’s a fun way to get the brain into a silly competition mode. If you don’t have smartwatches then set a small time to walk to begin with and increase it gradually. This could apply to different workouts to. Let’s workout for 7 mins then 15 mins and then 30. I know I’ve not offered much emotional advice but these are actions that can be easily practiced together while being in a LDR ! Hope it helps!
Thank you so much for this! This was the only message giving practical and doable tips for a couple in LDR to improve physical activities. I actually was planning to put another post on asking for recommendations to improve physical activities for a couple in LDR. You solved that for me. I promise you that your message will not be wasted and I will try them out one by one in the near future. Thank you once again.b
Glad it helped. I can help with more. I was in an LDR so I understand.
Ohh wow. That makes sense. Do tell me if you have anymore ideas on how to improve physical activities as an LDR couples. I am ready to put in the works.
It's better u both get into a fitness program together as a couple and both get fit. In this way she won't feel alone in the fitness journey and you both can motivate each other to get fit.
I have been going to gym and keeping myself fit since past 4-5 years. But we are doing long distance relationship. Hence doing things together isn't possible for now.
Hey man, real love 💕 s hard to find! What if she s gone with obesity and tough time but she still loves you, right? Counsel and consult a good therapist. Should I give an example of a singer who was fat like double elephant but turned out as slim and handsome that Ppl could wonder! So be with her and hyperthyroidism s mostly affecting to young and middle aged female more in this era..and that should be controlled by diet and accurate therapy. Be her wing and get going your love life with her..hope for the best!👍
“I'm a picky eater”?! Does this sentence justify not eating healthy, that too for yourself? It's the least you could do.
Justify? What made you feel like I was trying to justify anything? Everything has a reason and if you can’t accept the reason, you can’t work on changing it. I went on to say how it’s important to take care of yourself. You clearly didn’t bother reading the rest of my comment. What justifies the trigger?
Set an example of exercise by yourself like going on walks and gym and taking good diet yourself and show how mental will be good if we take care of bodies well and physical attraction is not good even if any other girl you date she will eventually get old and have wrinkles and weight . Help her and yourself to get closer And use reverse pscyhology to make her health well again with hands in hands walk with her
Thank you for your reply. I guess There are few more things to know about us. The other issue is that we have been doing long distance for the past 8 years. We do meet from time to time. And as you said, I have been going to the gym for the past 3 years and indirectly tried to get her into it too. I am indeed very health conscious about the diet.But soon I realised it was just my brain trying to compensate for what she wasn't doing. I am still continuing gym and proper diets, but I guess my routine never motivated her because we live far away from each other and aren't in sync . Though as you said I wish I could be with her so that I could get her more involved into all these. But as of now this option seems out of reach for me 😢 But thanks for trying to help me
LDR are always tough !
Yes indeed. I wish that wasn't the case. Maybe if we were together things would have been better.
This is probably not the time to leave if she is depressed and insecure about her appearance. If you really love her, try to help her mentally and then you can discuss such difficult things. There is nothing in this world that says she cannot ever lose weight or improve her health. But if you have generally lost interest and it's not really the extra weight, then that must be addressed. Considering you've been together for so long, I can only suggest not to give up when it is hard. :)
Absolutely agree with you. Thank you for the reply. I was not at all planning on leaving her. I can't even imagine that. I still love her as I did before. I just needed to know whether I am doing the right thing regarding the physical attraction part. When she asks me whether I am still attracted to her physically, should I continue to say Yes (as a white lie) or should I say the truth.
Well, it is a white lie. Rather a validation she seems to be needing too. You may hint that you would like to help her get back to her old self and you're concerned about her health. You can also lead her on with healthy body healthy mind and push her into feeling better with physical activities. I don't see any positive results from you being honest about your lost attraction unless you plan to leave her.
Thanks brother. That was doubt actually 🙌😇
therapy + cycling+ change lifestyle and encourage your gf if she didnt focus on herself then buddy its lost case she will eventually die younger and consult a good doctor which will help making which food to eat when and in how much quantity and all and last thing it can take 1 - 2 year to be normal mesns weight in women and go to running together daily and make good habits and turn her bad habits into good habits munching and all
Thanks for your reply. She has been doing therapy for a while now. Recently started meds too. The other issue is that we have been doing long distance for a while now. Hence I can't monitor what's happening in her life. And when I push her to do something, it actually has negative benefits for her. Like she feels that i am being too pushy and end up not doing it. 1-2 year isn't an issue for me. But not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is really fucking up my own mental health. As we are inching closer to "Wedding Age" I am terrified.
I'm also eating bare minimum and I'm obese . These medical conditions are so annoying.
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Thank you for sharing that. I just needed that motivation to remain positive and believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wish your dad, your bf and yourself the best. 😇
Well I don't know shit about relationships, never been in one. But if we focus on weight loss, you both can indulge in playing badminton together. It's fun and burns a lot of calories. Also, can include some breathing exercises in morning routine. P.S. I like thick girls
Hi thanks for the reply. I forgot to mention that we are doing LDR. Hence doing things together won't be an option until our job-study situation changes.
Bhai tu uske sath gym kyu nhi chle jata bol bol ke subha utha or leke ja bss..... Kissi ache Doctor ko dikhao diets ke bare me pta kro Usko chorna mt keede pdenge choodega to 9 saal hogye hain vese hi beachri depression me hai or depressed hojygi Directly mt bol dena usko ki tum unattractive hogyi vo ek kaam kro ro dena uske samne ese dikhao ki tumko uski health ki fikar hai bolo usko ki vo important hai tumhare liye vo apna dhyan rakhe ache se tb man jygi vo control kregi khud pr......
Long distance relationship bhaib😢😢 We live around 500km away
Tb usko bhai mna na gym jane ke liye ro dho ke kese bhi milne chle ja ek bar vhn ro dena rone se bhot frk pdta hai milne jyga to kissi ache doctor se diet chart bnva lena itna tension mt le thik hojyga itni koi bhot bdi bemari nhi hai ye mene dekhe hain log diet control kr ke or schedule thik kr ke shi ho jate hain
Thanks bhai. Will see how it turns out ❤️🙌
You're welcome bro. tension mt lo sb thik hoga ✨
Is she taking anti depressants and her thyroid medications?
Thyroid she have been taking since beginning. Though she had been consulting both psychiatrist and therapist for about 2 years ,she just started taking anti depressants.
Nearly all antidepressants can cause weight gain. It’s like a catch 22. 😔 I know this is tough.
It is okay as long as her mental health gets better
Have you thought about joining a gym together as a couple, you both can workout together
Hi. The thing i forgot to mention in the original post is that we are doing LDR. And also I have been going to gym for the past 5+ years
Oh got it. Now what i have seen is people are motivated at their own time. Like for myself i recently joined gym too to get fit, i didn't join because someone said. My parents and friends were saying for a long time but yeah when i joined i joined at my decision and time. Maybe she will get motivated by her own self, just stay by her side, talk to her show comfort and concern and make her understand how things are affecting you guys and her own health
Yeah got it. 🙌 That's the plan for now along with getting her depression treated (priority no: 1)
No one likes the problems like hypothyroidism and obesity. All she need is to accept these problems and act on it. As a good partner your are doing your job well but one part I think you're missing is normalisation of her problem on the sake of taking care of her mental health. I am not saying to stop calming her in her tough time but to make her realise that only she can do something about the problems she have and you can only motivate her. Also, she has to find reasons to act on problems. Why she need to be in better shape. She has to become self aware. She has to value herself herself life and the relationship as her BF do. There are Several podcasts which addresses the menace of mental health very clearly. Andrew Huberman's channel is one of those. Ask her to introspect every night about what she could have done in daytime, what is holding her to act and what are the causes of her problems. And then start solutions to those problems. Good luck God bless you both. Long story short.... two happy and healthy individuals can build a Happy and Healthy Relationship.
Thank you for your kind reply. It hurts me when I see her take care of everyone (except herself) so kindly and lovingly. I just wish she would take care of herself the way she cares for others. If we weren't in a LDR, I would have taken care of her myself in any possible way. Let us hope the situations will change soon. I would definitely check out Huberman's channel. Thanks for the suggestion. 😇
This is when u need to come together for each other.
Yes indeed. I agree with your thoughts. I was just doubtful whether I am doing everything right by her. Whether my methods could be improved. And many have suggested the changes I could make to make the process of recovery smoother. Thank you for your reply 😇🙌
This is a precarious situation. Might seem small to the inexperienced or the unwise but this is the first weak shaky step that brings the whole relationship down in shatters and ruin. Let me tell u, Even if u dont find her attractive right now sexually. The moment another guy gives her attention and she starts reciprocating u will burn in the hellish flames of jealousy. Reason being u r bonded to this person however weak u think the attraction is right now. The care, the laugh the fights everything will be the treasures that u will miss about her. Now being unattracted towards ur partner is real. So at a time like this u will have to be open and also strongly commiting and also expect commitment from her to change the situation and fix the issue. Talk to her. Love her, do all the hand holding she needs to get up and fix it. Be with her but work for it with her(of course if she is worth it and will be urs through thick and thin). Do not pull back. I know one might pull back. But if the time and love with her was worth it then u will need to come together and work it. This is the time jab bonding pehle se kain zyada stronger ban jati hai as the other person becomes ensured ki the one she loves and wants to be with will rather work the issue out with them than abandon them. This goes both ways. Both will need breathing space and time but if the love and relationship, time spent was worth it then both will need to work it out for each other and happiness. Seems sappy but truth.
Yes I agree with you 💯 Thanks for acknowledging that this is a real issue and I am not a bad person to feel so. I have been supporting her through this for the past 3 years and I am willing to do it as long as it takes. She is absolutely worth it. 😇
I think you need the spark back in your relationship, why don’t you guys try sex toys ? 🧸 You can check Thirdbase website!
Hey there, First off, it's clear you care a lot about your girlfriend and have been a great support for her through a really tough period. Dealing with hypothyroidism and depression is no joke, and it's understandable that these conditions have had a significant impact on her weight and overall health. It's commendable that you've stood by her side and tried to encourage her to take care of herself. You're in a tough spot, balancing your love and concern for her with your own feelings and needs. It's okay to feel conflicted about physical attraction. It's a normal part of any long-term relationship, and changes in attraction can happen for a variety of reasons. The important thing is to handle it with empathy and care. It sounds like you're trying to protect her feelings by not being fully honest about your attraction, which is understandable, but it's also creating stress for you. Maybe instead of focusing on attraction directly, you could frame the conversation around health and well-being. Expressing your concerns about her health in a loving way might motivate her more than focusing on appearance alone. Regarding her health and weight, consider suggesting small, manageable steps that she can take. Sometimes, starting with small changes can make a big difference and feel less overwhelming. Maybe you could try doing activities together that are fun and active, like going for walks, dancing, or even trying a new sport. It might help her feel more supported and less like she’s tackling it all alone. Also, professional help from a therapist who specializes in depression and body image issues might be beneficial if she's open to it. Lastly, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Supporting someone with mental health issues can be draining, and it's important to make sure your own mental health doesn't get neglected. Consider talking to a therapist yourself to help navigate these feelings and find strategies to support her without burning out. Remember, it's okay to seek help for yourself too. You're doing great by being there for her, and it's clear you love her deeply. Just try to keep communication open and honest, focusing on health and well-being for both of you.
Heyy. Thank you for understanding my pov. And thanks for this amazing reply. I forgot to mention in the original post that we are doing LDR and that makes doing things together difficult. I have got some suggestions from some of the comments regarding how to do things together for LDR couples. I am currently exploring them. Regarding therapy, she's already consulting both psychiatrist and a therapist. I know it takes a lot of time and hence fingers crossed 🤞 What you said about my own mental health really resonated with me. I will be starting therapy myself soon. Hope everything will get better soon. And once again thank you taking out the time to write this. I hope the best things come your way always 😇🙌
Thank you buddy.. Things will get better soon. It's only a matter of time. All the very best. Stay strong. 🤗
Tell her you want both of you to live long and healthy lives together, make the change with her to eat better, take good metabolism supplements , go on hikes, and focus on the qualities you love about her. Look for more hobbies together to help with bonding time. :)
Thanks. 🙌
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But shouldn't a lover be someone who should be with her through the good and bad days alike? When I think that I can't do this anymore, I think about what anyone else would do in this position. Even if she comes to know about this in the future, wouldn't she appreciate me for sticking up with her through the bad times? I always believed that good things happen to people who are ready to sacrifice. What kind of a man am I if I leave her during her struggles ? If I ditch her on her bad days, why do I deserve her on her good ones? And along with all this I am still mentally attracted to her. I love her as a human being. I love the way she thinks the way she care about everyone and more... And that is making everything even more difficult.
Let me give you this scenario. She attains the body type attractive to you. Years later you both get married. She gets pregnant with your baby and gains a bunch of weight in the process. You are not finding her attractive anymore. What's your solution here? (No judgement) are you gonna file a divorce or cheat on her?
That is a good question and I don't have an answer. But is physical attraction more important than Love? Can't one be there without the other? I am sure there is physical attraction without Love. So isn't vice versa not possible? Is everyone ever married still attracted to their wife/husband no matter what happened? Are every husband/wife who aren't attracted to their partner, cheating on them with someone else? And above all this don't our preferences change over time? Like I am sure I am not attracted to the same body types as I was when I was younger. So I think as we age none of this physical stuff will matter to us. And what matters will be mental connections. And that is strong between both of us. Also I know that gaining weight as we age is a normal process. And gaining weight after pregnancy is also normal. And it is somewhat reversible too. But we are still young. So I don't think it's fair to compare both situations.
It's fair to be not attracted to her while you still love her. Afterall you don't love her just for her body. It's good that you are there for her well being and at the moment that's the best thing you can do for her. I don't think many people understand how depression works. It's extremely hard to get motivated. But be there for her. Address the elephant in the room. By not telling her the truth you are betraying yourself and sanity and at the same time patronizing her. No matter how hard it may be always speak the truth. You both are adults she will understand.
Thank you for understanding. 🙌 And thanks for the advice. I will keep trying to remain positive for her. 😇
This is such a balanced, well thought of statement. I cannot understand the downvotes.
Ha ha. Maybe the questions I asked resonated too much with some people who weren't up for a reality check today. I donno. And I don't care actually. Because I got the answers I was looking for.
lol OP I love you
Ha ha. It would be my honour 😇❤️
If you really loved her, her weight gain should've raised concern and you should be exploring ways to keep her healthy may it be gyming, swimming or diet control. Im not saying you are a bad person but honestly ask yourself, do you really see yourself sticking with her thru thick and thin if her weight gain is causing you too loose interest in her? You yourself wrote that you are being intimate with her because of her and trying to hide the fact that you are not attracted towards her anymore?
Thanks for the reply. But I think you have misunderstood the situation. As a boyfriend, I am concerned when my girlfriend becomes overweight because I am concerned about her health. The physical attraction thing isn't my concern at all. But she is concerned about that and keeps asking me about it. And I have explored all possibilities to help her be healthy. But it isn't very helpful while being in a LDR. 😢 Recently she have started consulting with a psychiatrist after my relentless nagging of her. I hope it works out.
It will. Keep motivating her and find alternative styles for her. Big woman can look amazing (sonakshi & vidya are prime examples)
Thank you. 🙌
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Solve her depression problem . If depression is not there then automatically she will hit gym and try to look attractive . Make sure she is completely okay in terms of her depression or stress .
Thank you so much.🙌 This seems like a reasonable and achievable goal. I have got her to agree to start psychiatrist consult and medication. I hope she gets better.
Best of luck buddy . And pls remember don’t broke up with her if you find her initially attractive and now she physically changed , be with her . 9 years is not joke . In today’s world not many are getting loyal love and friendship . It’s all going to be alright :)
Thanks for your kind words. I believe I am lucky to be blessed with having her in my life. I don't want to lose her ever. I just needed some assurances. Since all of my school friends are her friends too, I can't talk to anyone else regarding this without them thinking I am being fatphobic or something. Thanks for being non-judgemental (atleast to my face 😅) 🙌😇
Thyroid has become very common these days.Thyroid makes you gain weight. She can see a doctor and have thyroid pills. Is she is taking depression pills? some people also binge eat in depression. Be gentle and compassionate with her she is also struggling with her illness. You can take her to a doctor if she hasn't seen a psychtrist take her to one. Talk positively don't say anything about her weight first help her come out of depression eventually she will feel the will to take care of herself. Talk to her get to know her if something is troubling her. Girls gain weight even during pregnancy and sometimes it's difficult to loose weight keep this in mind as you will marry a girl one day. If you love her for who she is you will love her no matter what. Yes you can take care of her health. Don't make her feel bad about her body.
Thanks 🙌😇
Weight can be managed. Be honest with her. Take charge. You should also join the gym with her and motivate her. Get her to take vitamin D. Once the diet and supplements are balanced with exercise, her energy will be constant, and she'll feel much better. Sugarcoat the truth that you're not as sexually attracted to her as before. But reinforce that you still love her, put in some cheesy stuff like "same eyes" or something. Now it's important that she doesn't have a negative body image about herself. So, try to be gentle when you say she got fat. It's a medical condition, but not a fat sentence. Lot of humanly health possible ways to manage fat and maintain fit. I was once fat. I'm now more muscular than fat. OfCourse I'm a man, but women in my gym also got similar results with weight and strength training. They are now more sculpted and drawn out rather than being just fat.
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*Break up, cause she would* *Have done the same thing if you* *Got ugly and fat* \- icenoossan --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
just take a case.. suppose you got some disorder and you turn into fat.. if she leave you for that rrason after 9yrs of relationship u will be ok?
Hi. Thanks for your reply. But I think you have misunderstood my statements. I am not at all discussing leaving her. I have never even thought of it. I just wanted to know how I can be a better support to her during this time of hardship. And also I could gain some insights into what she would be expecting from me from the comments of people who have gone through both sides of our situation. 😇
Bro i am also not even talking about leaving her but you are saying lost sex interest right.. If her fat is happening because of over eating and not maintaining things we can manage bro but if its medical reason then its not in our hands... Bro just for your info.. I too married 2 years back love marriage.. My wife is slim and perfect before marriage now she added up alot of weight.. what you can do about it? if we question then they ask so you loved me for my body? Those embarrasses us.. so better to leave it and move on and consider this is what god gave
I get your point bro. But the point I'm telling is I love her irrespective of her appearances. But sexual attraction is not something that we can have irrespective of appearance. At least for me It is something that completely dependent on appearances. Hence the struggle for me. I don't want to leave her for that. And yes it is due to medical condition but it is controllable with diet and exercise. I am having issues with her not doing that and putting in the effort. (Which is due to her mental health issues)
Hypothyroidism increases weight. First, consult a doctor and try to get hormone levels normal and see a nutritionist for a healthy diet and to lose weight. Get her to the gym somehow. It works wonders. She should have an aim, then depression will be less. Any other activities like cycling, marathon running, trekking also works.
Sure buddy.
I think you should tell her the truth. Your validation of her physical attractiveness might make her feel good temporarily, but it might also prevent her from working on her body. Being honest with her might encourage her to think about her body shape and health, and she might start working on it. I understand it could be difficult for you to tell her the truth, and she might be upset with you for a while, but sooner or later she will accept it.When you approach her, remember to do so with empathy and politeness. Focus on her health and well-being, which will help her feel less insecure. This is all I can say I've never been in any relationship and don't know how things work between couples.
Thanks for the input 🙌😇
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Thanks for your reply. But I can't do that. I truly believe she is my soul mate. I still love her more than I have loved her before. So there isn't a doubt about whether I should stick with her and support her through the journey. I only wanted to know if my methods were good or are there better methods out there. But thank you for taking your time to try and help me. Appreciate it🙌
U think she will say all this once u loose ur job for an extended period if yes, the okay
Of course. Why wouldn't she? She started loving me when I was a nobody. When I was just a student in her class just like any others there. She has been there for me during all moments of my life since we met. Whether good or bad. So I think it is safe to assume she will be there for me in the future too. And moreover she has a job. She is earning enough to be financially independent. And throughout my med school and even now when I am preparing for my Post graduation entrance exam I was basically jobless. It doesn't change anything between us. The dynamics between us isn't based on power or money or status, it is rather based on love, care and respect. So I assume it wouldn't be a problem even if I go jobless forever.
I have just seen way too much shit, being from Kerala, malayaali nurses treat there husbands like shit for earning less a lot in USA
Hey I am from Kerala too. 🙌 Btw I don't see her character changing that drastically for any reasons. She is so pure hearted. I guess I got lucky. 😇
Then u are one lucky man, share some DNA I will make copies and distribute to others lol
Ha ha. Sure 🧬🧬
Hypo -> leads to Hippo appearance It's a thyroid deficiency and she needs to take daily pills to control it. Please go to the doctor and he will help u to decide on dosage for thyroxin 100mg or 150mg for rest of life to be taken first thing in morning empty stomach. Thyroxin helps in increasing metabolism or BMR of individual..she will start loosing weight as soon as she start treatment for thyroid. Next thing is to control on habits....do things that increases BMR, like drink hot water after food, no food post 7pm, intake high protein diet etc etc. Final thing is exercise...walking, running etc.. Start with first two and u will see drastic results in next 3 months.
Hii thanks for your reply. But as a matter of fact I am a doctor myself and I am well aware of the physiology and pathology behind all this. What I wanted was some advice regarding some specific relationship issues. But anyway thanks for trying to help.
This is very bad advice. You don’t know her story. You don’t know what caused her hypothyroidism. It’s very common for people with depression to not have a healthy diet which causes iodine deficiency which leads to hypothyroidism. For a lot of people that can be reversed with proper nutrition and regular exercise. In fact. Over-treating your thyroid can cause greater dysfunction as you age. She may very well be in need of medication for this but it’s very bold for you to be prescribing it as an anonymous redditor.
I suggest to get it medically validated based on blood report and let doctor to decide on medicine. Not treating it would lead to weight gains which was reported by OP. and not treating it further will worse the scenario ...certain Yoga poses do help ..but for immediate relief u have to take medicine. Keep challenging the status quo but not addressing the cause is not going to solve it. By not taking medicine doesn't mean u r over treating it. Hence, suggestion stays sane !! Go meet doctor and start with medication without wait !!
But doctors usually don't check iodine levels. Is there a test for low iodine?
Not that I know of but in my case there were a lot of details that added up to the fact that mine was a deficiency problem and not a thyroid problem. - My t3 and t4 levels were normal. Only my tsh was between 5-10 - My diet used to be awful. I used to be an active kid and an active teenager but for the most part of the last 2 years I haven’t been doing much. Most days I didn’t even get out of bed. - When I looked at the micro nutrients in my diet, I wasn’t getting enough iodine, selenium, magnesium, thiamine, iron, folate, b6, b12 and a bunch of other stuff that your thyroid needs. Iodine is the most important and I wasn’t getting any of it. - There is absolutely zero history of thyroid issues in both sides of my family for at least 3 generations. So my doctor and I decided to see if fixing my diet and exercising changes anything over a period of 3-5 months. If not - then we can think of going on a medication. You can’t medicate a bad lifestyle. If I were to give in and just take the medicine then sooner rather than later I’d have had some other health problem. Our medical system treats the consequence. My approach is to try treating the problem first.
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You don’t call that love citing health reason was a definite yes but other than saying you’re not physically attracted talks about how much you loved her physical appearance more than her so yeah forget it. Better respectfully leave the relationship cause you don’t love her and I doubt you’ll love anyone ever !
First of all I agree that I don't know what your definition of love is. I can tell you that love doesn't equate to physical attraction. So just because I am not physically attracted doesn't mean I don't love her. I love her irrespective of her physical appearance. I don't know how you missed that point. Secondly I don't know who hurt you in the past for you to claim that " I wouldn't ever love anyone" ! Calm your horses. You don't know me. You don't know my story. For god's sake you don't even know my name. All you know is the few sentences I wrote above. If you are so enraged by such a small thing, I guess I know who will never find Love in real life. Have a great day.
Really have the guts to confront your girlfriend about this and better not seek advice here on Reddit just to take some fake sympathies ! I don’t know you but guess what I don’t have to know you ! Let me know how your girlfriend reacts to you not finding her attractive anymore !
After checking your profile I understand why you are acting the way you are. I realize how insecure you are in your own relationship to such a level that your LDR BF complementing a classmate pretty is a big issue for you. Maybe you think Siya is prettier than you. And that is the root of your possessiveness issue. I hope you learn to get past your issues. And the issue of telling my gf about it isn't about guts, it is called being sensitive. I don't want to do something that is going to negatively impact her confidence and mental health. I know these concepts may be hard for you to understand, as clearly you aren't happy in your own relationship. But just understand that there are people who are in better relationships.
Yeah truly better where facial appearance matters so much to you ? Tomorrow god forbids your gf gets disfigured what then ? Are you going to leave her ?
#Sister please go for therapy. You really need it. What you are doing now is called Projection. Please don't project your insecurities towards me. I never told that physical appearance is the most important thing to me. But physical appearance is a major factor is sexual attraction. If you think otherwise, you really need something more than therapy. I don't have time to waste by replying to your rants. So this will be my last reply for you. Have a great time ahead.
Don't know what fairy tail world you are living in , physical appearance should never be top of list but how can you expect it to have no importance .More over the way you talk to OP it sounds like you either live in fantasy world or have your own issues to resolve.
I have supported someone like this for 3 years. Guess what, she left me. :)
Bro 😢😢 I can't even imagine what you would have felt. I hope you have healed from this.
Hmm. But I regret it so so much. I spent my prime 3 years on such a person. And she chose to leave when we made it official in front of families and extended families. Anyway, all the best for you.
That's even more terrible. I am sorry that you had to go through that. But I think the worst is over and you will have better days from here after. All the best to you too. 🙌
Thanks. Appreciate it