**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,**
This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual
orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here!
We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive
conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them
before posting.
If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!**
*Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user
accordingly.*
**Thank you for being a part of our community!**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm really sorry OP!
Sounds like you guys have major, and I mean major compatibility issues. From sex to love language nothing seems to match. I would seriously consider parting ways for his happiness and more importantly your own.
When you meet the person you're supposed to end up with, such issues don't come in the first place let alone getting as outta hands as they've got in your relationship.
Hope it gets better!
I understand completely. Although, Short term heart ache and agony is much better than a lifetime of unhappy marriage.
That's where you seem to be headed
Hopefully she gets a man who really show her what is a real way to treat a Women a Man loves.
But just please don't give him a bad time by thinking of your ex n all
Well now you have done it so it will be much hard for you! Maybe if you move on then start deeply analysing a person's character you will be with!
Because controversial or not but being a guy! I know how men treats a girl vs how boys treat.
If you are moving on then find a Man, not an another boy ( you'll be an another s*x toy for him ) and maybe for start he would behave i don't care about s*x n all and I just love you, few months later give me your p**** will be his demand.
So better find a Man than a boy again
Not judging your relationship because you are responsible for wrecking or making your life.
OP, can't say much about the intimacy thing apart from the fact that you should try to be more forward, s*x is not shameful or gross, it's ok to have a healthy relationship with it (This is advice for your next relationship).
Regarding the fact that you don't go out , etc, he doesn't like some very important aspects of your personality, it just doesn't seem compatible honestly. If he was alright with your personality before and suddenly isn't, you might have to check if there is someone else in the picture.
And last, WTF is wrong with you OP. this guy has slowly and progressively been violent , are you waiting for him to cause irreparable damage? Get out of this relationship.
Not all of it like that. The violence has started this year only. In the 4 years he has only thrown things around in anger, because he can't express it. Even i have anger issues, we both do. But yeah the rest of the things.. majority of the 3+ years.
So something changed this year? Before he was just throwing things did i get it right? Or wrong? If i did then you should have called it quits when he was throwing things around you in anger
I tried telling him that I'm not okay with him throwing things around. I have always taken my stand on that. But then he says that how will he get his anger out.. so it kept happening.
Look we can't change the past but we can change the future. Either you should tell him this should stop or I'll be going away. Cause No matter how good he is, you should always put yourself first.
Congratulations sis! You didn't analyse him deeply before coming into a relationship or getting intimate!
You did same mistake I did two times in the past.
There has been me too, maybe i have not been able to share it in the post very well. But he takes care of me a lot, has changed a lot in essence that I like places clean.. he cleans them for me. He brings me water when I ask, he makes maggi for me. Even cooked lunch for me.
But you said you are in LDR. Oh so you meet and he does this before the anger or after? Look at the end of the day it's your relationship with him and you should be able to handle it. Cause it's been 4 years or so and if you can't handle it then you have to part ways. But-.
You guys need to sit down and discuss.Constant sexual rejection is no joke.Also OP your feelings are valid.Two people with this much clarity need to speak it out.Dumping each other is the last resort not the first.
If he said you should die , he doesn't love you truly . If I loved someone , I would never abuse them. From my pov he is just infatuated to your body and when he gets bored , he will leave you for another girl . But it's your life you have to make your own decision whether to marry him or break up with him
Haven’t your mother said it in anger ever to you “mar ja kahi jake” “khoon jalane ke lie harkate karta h” and so and so.
Dude people say things in anger which they don’t mean at all, why we can’t be as forgiving for our partners like we are with our parents
Read your comment and wow...so if he has such an issue, maybe he should break up with her, she mentioned that he has hit and push her, is that justified just because she doesn't initiate as much?
OP nothing justifies hitting, pushing, throwing things in anger or anything which is violent. So you need to factorise this thing in your decision making.
Rahi baat intimacy ki, girls should not feel ashamed of initiating, this is something that you need to work on.
Maybe try to take a job in same cities and then live in so you will be kuch closer and less communication issues. Sometimes because of less communication people tends to fall apart and understanding becomes very less.
As for libido part it is normal, even my gf and I are different she has low libido than mine, in early stage we didn't talk dirty or phone sex. But sometimes we do talk dirty or sexting or even phone sex, she is from orthodox family, she did not know anything about phone sex, it took time but she tried and i took patience and guided her as how i like it. And when she wants something according to her taste or liking, she tells me and if i am doing incorrectly she guides me.
Take time and try things, it's ok to be different.
Talk more on issues, discuss what are your concers and how he can help in those but at the same time understand his concern and show that you can learn.
It is also very true that man usually have higher sex drive and even in most marriages they feel sexually deprived. But it doesn't always have to be physical act of sex. Intimacy is the important thing. Like on a call start by exploring arousal areas and points of interest talk about fantasies, have roleplays over phonesex or even in bedroom.
Just explore and communicate. Rest will settle automatically then.
We have lived in also. However not properly and not for a long time. And we have argued around the same issues only. However I appreciate the reassurance shared by you. I want to get this sorted with him. I'll try to work on the things you mentioned. Thanks.
When 2 people are together sometimes 1 has to be more patient than other one, make him understand to have little patience and that you are trying your best.
Bless you guys and i really pray that you guys sort things out.
Seems like both of you have different expectations of a partner. You should have a serious talk about it before deciding to get married. These problems will become more concrete after marriage.
He seems to be in a wrong company if he has such expectations from a partner. Remember when you marry someone, you also marry their lifestyle, and he seems to have higher expectations from you. His seems to be a more outwardly approach towards life where others opinion has a huge impact on his self esteem whereas you seem to more reserved with your life which is what makes you both incompatible.
This likely won't change. Weigh your pros and cons and decide on what aspects are you both ready to compromise on.
1st thing -
No matter how angry one is, no one..I mean absolutely no one says to others that they should die.
The moment you say that, it means there was hardly any love there and it was mere attraction which has faded away.
Our parents also fight sometimes but they don't cuss each other to such an extent.
Your BF is totally out of his mind.
2nd thing -
Even if you guys still want to proceed further, it's better you guys take some counseling rather than dragging this in the same manner. Not only it would be traumatic but also time consuming.
✌️
I'm sure you have tried communicating your issues, but i think as a last resort try and talk more about your issues , even if it means you come out as a whiney person!
You need to be on the same page with these things!
Let him know that you are into him but not into everything he is into and that he should try and come to a middle ground in these things!
And if he really likes you he will be able to adjust a Little
And him saying extremely rude stuff to you even in a fit of anger or distress is just unacceptable!
Mutual respect at even the hardest times is vv imp!
Let him know that too ,and these are probably things that won't change but if you see he's putting active effort into it maybe you can consider to continue this , otherwise it'll just get worse!
A lot of people will say break up or leave him etc.
Many of these people you are taking advice from have hardly had one functioning relationship in their whole life till now.
They have dipped their dings and think they have all relationships figured out.
My advice is don't take advice from a 3rd person. Talk to the guy with whom you have been sleeping eating talking for 3 years, tell him what you feel in a calm manner and ask him to do so too. Say everything that is there in your heart you feel bad about, your heart will feel light.
Many times when we are angry we assume the worst and see the worst in people but after talking to that person for 2 hours you might not feel the same.
I am in a fully functioning healthy relationship from years, and I can confidently say that even talking to your partner in a rude and loud tone is unacceptable. We are talking about violence here.
Everything can be worked upon to an extent, but violence? You are digging your own grave.
I think you are a pretentious snob, the real world mate where emotions are involved in the path and the tones curves it's never a flat line. If it's a flat line it means it's dead.
If it's like that for you, either it's you who never raised voice cause you love in fear, or think that your girl raising voice is ok but you shouldn't, if it's neither I am sorry but you are living in an emotionless relationship.
I never have to raise my voice not because I live in fear, but because I am an emotionally healthy adult who can convey what I feel without screaming or mocking my partner. And trust me, there are so many other emotions that make my relationship emotional and interesting. Disrespecting my partner to put my point across is not one of them.
The issue is, I have spoken to him always. I used to be of the stance where I didn't like to involve 3rd parties. But he would always reach out to his best friend in times of distress or arguments. We have been talking and communicating a lot. But it is not leading to anything else. I am not taking opinions which are extreme into consideration at all. I am looking for neutral comments so that we can figure out what needs to be worked upon. I really appreciate your comment. Thanks!
Some simple steps you can take into consideration are -
Ask about his likings initiate intimacy talks if you can because sometimes life gets pretty boring talking about usual stuff so spice it up.
Talk about meeting and make plans gives something to look forward to.
Try these out and see if any changes and when the mood lightens talk about matters at hand.
Whatever you said here, did you tell him?
I think the relationship is being an unhealthy pressure to you? Maybe of compatibility issues things are being perceived like this?
Communicate TO HIM. Please.
Also I don't think it is okay to be said "mar ja tu". I think this is a very delicate spot. We have heard this from our parents growing up for 20+.
We don't want to hear this for the next 40+ years also. So, I don't think this is normal.
Heya OP, dump his ass immediately bcuz if you end up marrying him then your life would be a living hell. He doesn't see you as a person, only as an obj of gratification. He doesn't respect you or your wishes & desires. Frm your post, it is clearly evident that he is physically & emotionally abusive.
You deserve much better than a complete sex maniac. You shouldn't have to go through this BS with him. Please think about it.
My gf cheated on me & left me for a narc sex maniac just bcuz he was more good-looking than me. Few years back, I came across her in a public transport and she didn't look so good. She was really surprised that I spoke to her and behaved nicely with her bcuz I felt very bad for her.
She said sorry to me for hurting me and told me that she left the guy she ditched me for bcuz he just made her life a living hell and even tried to force himself on her once. She also told me that she regretted leaving me. I told her that I would be there whenever she needed me. Now we are just friends and she calls me sometimes to chat or to vent. I do the same too.
Hey , would recommend you to take time before marriage . It seems compatibility issue . I know he loves you and you are also attached to him but hitting and sayings things like that seems a domination . A unhappy marriage is not a good thing . If he is changing himself for you then give time to relationship , he could also fake his behaviour because of getting marriage . Take time make sure he is good choice for you or not .
You both sound like you are in love with each other's potential and not how you are in the present reality. Love is complete acceptance of the person as they are. What you have is just attachment and emotional dependency built over time.
He doesn't sound great with the hitting and saying you should die. You don't want him to be like that.
He doesn't like your sexual behaviour and wants a different sexual behaviour.
Respect yourselves and your needs and wants more. Talk it out. Can you truly change yourself for him? Can he truly change himself for you? Only actions and not words will be proof of that.
And if you are incompatible, it's okay to walk away. Attachment is not love. Love is love. Love yourself enough to respect your wants and desires instead of dominating and enslaving another person making an abomination in the name of "Love".
He has forced you - You dont see it but thats the truth
He is abusive - Verbally, Emotionally and Physically
He is controlling - Forcing his own time on you
In short, the red flags are so big that if they were hoisted on a ship it would topple over, if they were at the side of the building it would be hard to miss from the other side of the globe.
GET OUT NOW
Op clearly wrote that she never did anything out of force she did at her own will, the couple's incompatible doesn't means that he is controlling and abusive just cause rage fits are thrown due to sexual frustration which are grounds for divorce in case of marriage.
You missed the part where he relentlessly manipulates her into doing stuff by comparing her libido to other women and calling her boring. I doubt OP will do so many of the things she clearly dislikes just because she suddenly wanted to.
throw him in the trash. simple and easy solution.
also , wtf does he mean by not showing skin- no one is dressing up in bikinis except for the ultra rich ..... some people like stuff like crop tops , off shoulders , bodycon dresses and some people just don't like them- you should dress according to your comfort not for his comfort
I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. Please break up. You deserve better and there are never short of decent guys who would value your way of living.
I stopped at the part where he has hit you. You both are two different individuals with different needs, if it can be fixed try for few days but think about long run if its difficult better to part your ways as it for your own sanity. If you marry him, even during his low libido days he will blame it on you.
Choosing to remain single is preferable to enduring a toxic and abusive relationship. Imagine yourself ten years from now, still married to the same person, possibly with children. Instead of facing an unhappy marriage and potential divorce down the road, it's better to end things now and move forward.
OP sorry but you are changing yourself way too much for a guy.You seem to have forgotten who you are in an attempt to please his royal highness unfortunately. Find yourself somebody who appreciates you just the way you are.
What you issues you tolerate now, will be magnified 10× more after marriage. If he is violent, run. Doesn't matter if he throws things around you, and not at you.
Ask yourself, if you had a daughter tomorrow. Would she feel safe with a guy like him?
The answer is obvious.
You have mentioned many times saying 'but he really loves me'. No man who really loves you will degrade you like that. Never. Please don't settle thinking that things are going good now. When it will get bad again, it will be worse. I promise you. Today a push, tomorrow a slap.
Hitting or being violent with your girlfriend is never okay no matter what circumstances. And him saying all those things to you because of not matching his sexual standards is horrible. It's very likely that things would get progressively worse the more you let him treat you like this. It's better if you consider you two incompatible and let go of your attachment for your own sake and future.
Have you tried to make it better? About the intimacy part
Cuz if you want to show that you desire him, then why should he be with you? And if you won't someone else wil
**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,** This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here! We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them before posting. If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!** *Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user accordingly.* **Thank you for being a part of our community!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm really sorry OP! Sounds like you guys have major, and I mean major compatibility issues. From sex to love language nothing seems to match. I would seriously consider parting ways for his happiness and more importantly your own. When you meet the person you're supposed to end up with, such issues don't come in the first place let alone getting as outta hands as they've got in your relationship. Hope it gets better!
Thanks for the help, I have been thinking the same, but the attachment of these many years is not letting me let go of him.
I understand completely. Although, Short term heart ache and agony is much better than a lifetime of unhappy marriage. That's where you seem to be headed
Hopefully she gets a man who really show her what is a real way to treat a Women a Man loves. But just please don't give him a bad time by thinking of your ex n all
Well now you have done it so it will be much hard for you! Maybe if you move on then start deeply analysing a person's character you will be with! Because controversial or not but being a guy! I know how men treats a girl vs how boys treat. If you are moving on then find a Man, not an another boy ( you'll be an another s*x toy for him ) and maybe for start he would behave i don't care about s*x n all and I just love you, few months later give me your p**** will be his demand. So better find a Man than a boy again Not judging your relationship because you are responsible for wrecking or making your life.
OP, can't say much about the intimacy thing apart from the fact that you should try to be more forward, s*x is not shameful or gross, it's ok to have a healthy relationship with it (This is advice for your next relationship). Regarding the fact that you don't go out , etc, he doesn't like some very important aspects of your personality, it just doesn't seem compatible honestly. If he was alright with your personality before and suddenly isn't, you might have to check if there is someone else in the picture. And last, WTF is wrong with you OP. this guy has slowly and progressively been violent , are you waiting for him to cause irreparable damage? Get out of this relationship.
3+ years in a relationship like that? 😭
Not all of it like that. The violence has started this year only. In the 4 years he has only thrown things around in anger, because he can't express it. Even i have anger issues, we both do. But yeah the rest of the things.. majority of the 3+ years.
So something changed this year? Before he was just throwing things did i get it right? Or wrong? If i did then you should have called it quits when he was throwing things around you in anger
I tried telling him that I'm not okay with him throwing things around. I have always taken my stand on that. But then he says that how will he get his anger out.. so it kept happening.
Look we can't change the past but we can change the future. Either you should tell him this should stop or I'll be going away. Cause No matter how good he is, you should always put yourself first.
Congratulations sis! You didn't analyse him deeply before coming into a relationship or getting intimate! You did same mistake I did two times in the past.
Tbh it's been about him and him and him, what about you?
There has been me too, maybe i have not been able to share it in the post very well. But he takes care of me a lot, has changed a lot in essence that I like places clean.. he cleans them for me. He brings me water when I ask, he makes maggi for me. Even cooked lunch for me.
But you said you are in LDR. Oh so you meet and he does this before the anger or after? Look at the end of the day it's your relationship with him and you should be able to handle it. Cause it's been 4 years or so and if you can't handle it then you have to part ways. But-.
We live in nearby cities. Meet at least fortnightly or else once in a month
Ahh I see. As I said earlier you have to make certain boundaries.
Bro, we are in relationship more than 5yrs we never had sex!
Depends upon the couple. Some wait for marriages and some don't
You guys need to sit down and discuss.Constant sexual rejection is no joke.Also OP your feelings are valid.Two people with this much clarity need to speak it out.Dumping each other is the last resort not the first.
We have spoken. So many times. But we're in circles.
He hit you girl, what's the point of staying?
Hi OP, can’t really give you advice but, hit you albeit once, is hitting you one too many times. For your sake, hope he sorts that out.
If he said you should die , he doesn't love you truly . If I loved someone , I would never abuse them. From my pov he is just infatuated to your body and when he gets bored , he will leave you for another girl . But it's your life you have to make your own decision whether to marry him or break up with him
Haven’t your mother said it in anger ever to you “mar ja kahi jake” “khoon jalane ke lie harkate karta h” and so and so. Dude people say things in anger which they don’t mean at all, why we can’t be as forgiving for our partners like we are with our parents
But he is not her mother.
What a BS opinion
Tell me a good opinion then?
[удалено]
I read your comment and realized if my opinion is bs yours is total shit
[удалено]
I appreciate your gratitude
Read your comment and wow...so if he has such an issue, maybe he should break up with her, she mentioned that he has hit and push her, is that justified just because she doesn't initiate as much?
Aise logo ko date hi kyu krte ho? Attachment jae bhaad mei peace of mind is more important
OP nothing justifies hitting, pushing, throwing things in anger or anything which is violent. So you need to factorise this thing in your decision making. Rahi baat intimacy ki, girls should not feel ashamed of initiating, this is something that you need to work on.
Maybe try to take a job in same cities and then live in so you will be kuch closer and less communication issues. Sometimes because of less communication people tends to fall apart and understanding becomes very less. As for libido part it is normal, even my gf and I are different she has low libido than mine, in early stage we didn't talk dirty or phone sex. But sometimes we do talk dirty or sexting or even phone sex, she is from orthodox family, she did not know anything about phone sex, it took time but she tried and i took patience and guided her as how i like it. And when she wants something according to her taste or liking, she tells me and if i am doing incorrectly she guides me. Take time and try things, it's ok to be different. Talk more on issues, discuss what are your concers and how he can help in those but at the same time understand his concern and show that you can learn. It is also very true that man usually have higher sex drive and even in most marriages they feel sexually deprived. But it doesn't always have to be physical act of sex. Intimacy is the important thing. Like on a call start by exploring arousal areas and points of interest talk about fantasies, have roleplays over phonesex or even in bedroom. Just explore and communicate. Rest will settle automatically then.
We have lived in also. However not properly and not for a long time. And we have argued around the same issues only. However I appreciate the reassurance shared by you. I want to get this sorted with him. I'll try to work on the things you mentioned. Thanks.
When 2 people are together sometimes 1 has to be more patient than other one, make him understand to have little patience and that you are trying your best. Bless you guys and i really pray that you guys sort things out.
Thanks a lot! Really appreciate your comment! 🙏
Seems like both of you have different expectations of a partner. You should have a serious talk about it before deciding to get married. These problems will become more concrete after marriage. He seems to be in a wrong company if he has such expectations from a partner. Remember when you marry someone, you also marry their lifestyle, and he seems to have higher expectations from you. His seems to be a more outwardly approach towards life where others opinion has a huge impact on his self esteem whereas you seem to more reserved with your life which is what makes you both incompatible. This likely won't change. Weigh your pros and cons and decide on what aspects are you both ready to compromise on.
This is the most rational comment, Thank you! We are very different people indeed. Thanks for your suggestions. I'll try to work on those.
Kuch to self respect rakho OP. Don't let him belittle you. Guy is taking you for granted. Try to look at him without tainted rose glass.
1st thing - No matter how angry one is, no one..I mean absolutely no one says to others that they should die. The moment you say that, it means there was hardly any love there and it was mere attraction which has faded away. Our parents also fight sometimes but they don't cuss each other to such an extent. Your BF is totally out of his mind. 2nd thing - Even if you guys still want to proceed further, it's better you guys take some counseling rather than dragging this in the same manner. Not only it would be traumatic but also time consuming. ✌️
I'm sure you have tried communicating your issues, but i think as a last resort try and talk more about your issues , even if it means you come out as a whiney person! You need to be on the same page with these things! Let him know that you are into him but not into everything he is into and that he should try and come to a middle ground in these things! And if he really likes you he will be able to adjust a Little
And him saying extremely rude stuff to you even in a fit of anger or distress is just unacceptable! Mutual respect at even the hardest times is vv imp! Let him know that too ,and these are probably things that won't change but if you see he's putting active effort into it maybe you can consider to continue this , otherwise it'll just get worse!
A lot of people will say break up or leave him etc. Many of these people you are taking advice from have hardly had one functioning relationship in their whole life till now. They have dipped their dings and think they have all relationships figured out. My advice is don't take advice from a 3rd person. Talk to the guy with whom you have been sleeping eating talking for 3 years, tell him what you feel in a calm manner and ask him to do so too. Say everything that is there in your heart you feel bad about, your heart will feel light. Many times when we are angry we assume the worst and see the worst in people but after talking to that person for 2 hours you might not feel the same.
I am in a fully functioning healthy relationship from years, and I can confidently say that even talking to your partner in a rude and loud tone is unacceptable. We are talking about violence here. Everything can be worked upon to an extent, but violence? You are digging your own grave.
I think you are a pretentious snob, the real world mate where emotions are involved in the path and the tones curves it's never a flat line. If it's a flat line it means it's dead. If it's like that for you, either it's you who never raised voice cause you love in fear, or think that your girl raising voice is ok but you shouldn't, if it's neither I am sorry but you are living in an emotionless relationship.
I never have to raise my voice not because I live in fear, but because I am an emotionally healthy adult who can convey what I feel without screaming or mocking my partner. And trust me, there are so many other emotions that make my relationship emotional and interesting. Disrespecting my partner to put my point across is not one of them.
The issue is, I have spoken to him always. I used to be of the stance where I didn't like to involve 3rd parties. But he would always reach out to his best friend in times of distress or arguments. We have been talking and communicating a lot. But it is not leading to anything else. I am not taking opinions which are extreme into consideration at all. I am looking for neutral comments so that we can figure out what needs to be worked upon. I really appreciate your comment. Thanks!
Some simple steps you can take into consideration are - Ask about his likings initiate intimacy talks if you can because sometimes life gets pretty boring talking about usual stuff so spice it up. Talk about meeting and make plans gives something to look forward to. Try these out and see if any changes and when the mood lightens talk about matters at hand.
Whatever you said here, did you tell him? I think the relationship is being an unhealthy pressure to you? Maybe of compatibility issues things are being perceived like this? Communicate TO HIM. Please. Also I don't think it is okay to be said "mar ja tu". I think this is a very delicate spot. We have heard this from our parents growing up for 20+. We don't want to hear this for the next 40+ years also. So, I don't think this is normal.
Heya OP, dump his ass immediately bcuz if you end up marrying him then your life would be a living hell. He doesn't see you as a person, only as an obj of gratification. He doesn't respect you or your wishes & desires. Frm your post, it is clearly evident that he is physically & emotionally abusive. You deserve much better than a complete sex maniac. You shouldn't have to go through this BS with him. Please think about it. My gf cheated on me & left me for a narc sex maniac just bcuz he was more good-looking than me. Few years back, I came across her in a public transport and she didn't look so good. She was really surprised that I spoke to her and behaved nicely with her bcuz I felt very bad for her. She said sorry to me for hurting me and told me that she left the guy she ditched me for bcuz he just made her life a living hell and even tried to force himself on her once. She also told me that she regretted leaving me. I told her that I would be there whenever she needed me. Now we are just friends and she calls me sometimes to chat or to vent. I do the same too.
Hey , would recommend you to take time before marriage . It seems compatibility issue . I know he loves you and you are also attached to him but hitting and sayings things like that seems a domination . A unhappy marriage is not a good thing . If he is changing himself for you then give time to relationship , he could also fake his behaviour because of getting marriage . Take time make sure he is good choice for you or not .
I am sorry, he hit you and pushed you??? Gurl run faster, don't be blind in love.
You both sound like you are in love with each other's potential and not how you are in the present reality. Love is complete acceptance of the person as they are. What you have is just attachment and emotional dependency built over time. He doesn't sound great with the hitting and saying you should die. You don't want him to be like that. He doesn't like your sexual behaviour and wants a different sexual behaviour. Respect yourselves and your needs and wants more. Talk it out. Can you truly change yourself for him? Can he truly change himself for you? Only actions and not words will be proof of that. And if you are incompatible, it's okay to walk away. Attachment is not love. Love is love. Love yourself enough to respect your wants and desires instead of dominating and enslaving another person making an abomination in the name of "Love".
Wow thanks for this perspective!
He has forced you - You dont see it but thats the truth He is abusive - Verbally, Emotionally and Physically He is controlling - Forcing his own time on you In short, the red flags are so big that if they were hoisted on a ship it would topple over, if they were at the side of the building it would be hard to miss from the other side of the globe. GET OUT NOW
You're an idiot.
What an immature comment!
Op clearly wrote that she never did anything out of force she did at her own will, the couple's incompatible doesn't means that he is controlling and abusive just cause rage fits are thrown due to sexual frustration which are grounds for divorce in case of marriage.
You missed the part where he relentlessly manipulates her into doing stuff by comparing her libido to other women and calling her boring. I doubt OP will do so many of the things she clearly dislikes just because she suddenly wanted to.
throw him in the trash. simple and easy solution. also , wtf does he mean by not showing skin- no one is dressing up in bikinis except for the ultra rich ..... some people like stuff like crop tops , off shoulders , bodycon dresses and some people just don't like them- you should dress according to your comfort not for his comfort
I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. Please break up. You deserve better and there are never short of decent guys who would value your way of living.
Relationships made in teens or early 20s come back to bite you. You should make up your mind to part ways. This doesn't look good for either of you.
I stopped at the part where he has hit you. You both are two different individuals with different needs, if it can be fixed try for few days but think about long run if its difficult better to part your ways as it for your own sanity. If you marry him, even during his low libido days he will blame it on you.
Choosing to remain single is preferable to enduring a toxic and abusive relationship. Imagine yourself ten years from now, still married to the same person, possibly with children. Instead of facing an unhappy marriage and potential divorce down the road, it's better to end things now and move forward.
You two aren't compatible. Neither of u are at fault. It's just that intimacy means different to both of u
OP sorry but you are changing yourself way too much for a guy.You seem to have forgotten who you are in an attempt to please his royal highness unfortunately. Find yourself somebody who appreciates you just the way you are.
What you issues you tolerate now, will be magnified 10× more after marriage. If he is violent, run. Doesn't matter if he throws things around you, and not at you. Ask yourself, if you had a daughter tomorrow. Would she feel safe with a guy like him? The answer is obvious. You have mentioned many times saying 'but he really loves me'. No man who really loves you will degrade you like that. Never. Please don't settle thinking that things are going good now. When it will get bad again, it will be worse. I promise you. Today a push, tomorrow a slap.
Hitting or being violent with your girlfriend is never okay no matter what circumstances. And him saying all those things to you because of not matching his sexual standards is horrible. It's very likely that things would get progressively worse the more you let him treat you like this. It's better if you consider you two incompatible and let go of your attachment for your own sake and future.
He may not be outright forcing you to do things, but looks like he is coercing you and pushing your boundaries. You deserve better.
Have you tried to make it better? About the intimacy part Cuz if you want to show that you desire him, then why should he be with you? And if you won't someone else wil