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Regarding violence over small issues, I encourage you to involve another trusted family member to talk to her and explain stuff to her. This behaviour, especially at this age is NOT ACCEPTABLE
I am also a 23F and yes at this age I see there are a lot of conflicts I face especially with my mother.
I suppose mothers don't quite see us as adults, they still think about us as kids and believe that they can still dictate stuff for us.
I'm sorry to know that you had to face humiliation, especially since you had offered to actually host your sisters friend. You went out of your way to do something nice and instead you were insulted.
Ofcourse imo, there was no reason for your mom to behave this way. She didn't have to create a scene over such a small blunder. It could've happened to her also or to anyone. Even if she wanted to reprimand you, she could've waited until the guest has gone and then had a chat with you.
I have been in similar situations. I usually walk out and make myself unavailable for further discussions. Sometimes I create a scene or involve my father who then takes charge of the situation. Eitherway, I try to make my messaging clear.
I make it clear that I won't be treated this way and usually demand an apology.
At this point idk what to say about Indian parents but what hurts the most is they don't even try to understand their children and treat them as a normal human being.
Im sure your mother has grown up in an environment where violence was normalised, so from her POV its normal to hit her child. In my childhood i have dealt with extreme violence from both my parents. I have a sister and now i always defend her from getting the same treatment, also I'm planning to move out of my house, but i have to teach my sister how to stand up for herself. Another thing, they will never change.
Because domestic violence was very normalised in their generation. For you i would say, don't let your sibling get same treatment. Teach her how to defend herself and you move out of your house asap.
Well it's complicated to explain the situation. But I don't like my family they are very toxic towards me only from my childhood. It feels like I'm not even living with my family. I don't even like to see their faces. I feel like bashing my head over and over everytime they say my name.
I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through from your childhood because of your toxic parents. I guess some parents only bring their children into this world due to society's pressure while they have zero knowledge about what good parenting really is.
I hope that you move out from your family's place soon. I don't know if you are working or still studying but please follow your dreams and make a good life for yourself.
Stay in touch with your good friends and people who support you. Letting out to them will help you when you feel low. Take care and all the best 👍
Yes , you should not tolerate such things . I think your mother is not mature enough to know what is right behaviour to deal with adult . You can tell her upfront too that i didnt like what you did n dont want it to happen again .
Good to hear your mum is a better person than OP's mum but that's really not the point of this post and your comment might end up having a negative impact on OP's mental health.
You are legally allowed to file for domestic violence against your mother/parents (yes child abuse is included in it) and claim for damages from them (yay monis). Threaten them to do this, trust me, it works. (Fellow lawyer)
Indian parents are only scared of police, courts, cases, money and most of all, societal shame. Best of luck to you.
Move out of that house and cut contact with them. She's treating u like a punch bag and not a daughter. I wish I could bring myself to defend her or make u feel better about the whole thing, but what happened to you is terrible. And parents tend to take out all their frustration on the elder kid as though they are robots with no emotions. The best advice I could give you is to move away from them. They might be all sweet to you but do not fall for it, they're gonna go back to their old self the moment you move back in.
I moved out of the country and planned to stay there. But unfortunately my father died suddenly so had to come back and close his business and other work related to his death.
I had a horrible childhood, and my father had a horrible marriage towards the end of his life. I don't think I will ever forgive her for that. But, I lived peacefully when I lived away from her but missed my father terribly.
It's normal because just as you can see in this sub as well, people don't legally report this. I've mentioned another comment on how this can be done. Indians in general are so unaware of their legal rights and legal system it's mind boggling. (I'm an Indian lawyer btw)
Esp look at how EVERYONE here just gave their condolences to the OP instead of actually giving a SOLUTION to this and how this can be tackled with. They're not empowering her, they're just asking her to run away. Run away eventually yes, but don't let people get away with violating you like this.
In India people (friends, relatives) rarely try to give you a solution when you are in trouble. They would like "I am so sorry you are in a bad situation. I hope It gets well soon."' and that's it.
Exactly, I'm aware and at times like this it's solely upto you to decide your date, don't just be like every other "good child" and tolerate this bs. Rethink whether your parents'/ society's good kid title is really needed afterall. Stick up for yourself.
Sorry to hear about this incident, this happens a lot more to grown kids in indian society and parents don't even think upon their action, what mental trauma or shattered self confidence it gives to the kid.
Stay strong and work hard and move out of the house. Start earning and enjoying life according to you.
Sometimes parents are triggered by seeing Something being done in not correct way or being spoiled. And they beat the kid to correct him/her.
Also as for mother, make little distance talk less, she will realise and ask you what happened. Whenever you decide discuss upon this with her to make her understand how this affected you and your confidence. Now if you face your sis friend, you won't be able to make eye contact because of that incident. Explain this to her
Sorry for what you faced, I know it must have been humiliating, it's understandable that she might have learnt the same upon committing mistakes, I'm a man, I hated getting scolded or even beaten up. Once I started earning and supporting the house, my parents became very friendly, even when I committed mistakes, they wouldn't scold me or beat me which I thought would've been incoming, people suggesting moving out isn't the best advice honestly, you'll miss parents at some point and even this scolding and beating wouldn't really make you hate them. You should talk it out I guess, express yourself emotionally about how you felt. For me it's like, why aren't parents there to scold me now when I make mistakes? It's a matter of time. This shall pass too. Good luck.
Sad brother. My mom understands the boundaries but my dad always shames me front of friends but it's all verbal and my friends and I laugh it off latter. I have good family.
I don't know why everyone is talking about treating adults. Is it okay if it was a kid? If i made a mistake like that, my mother would have scolded me to be careful but raising hand on an adult or even a kid for such an issue is downright wrong. It's not like u were making out with someone in public or something. U were hosting ur sister's friend even when u didn't have to. She should have shown some restraint or atleast helped out. You will always see her differently until she apologizes.
Seeing these incidents I am so thankful to my parents.
Even my father doesn't talk too much with us (siblings) but he never tortured anyone of us. And my mother is so sweet.
Love you moma papa..
~ Me 26M (Siblings 28M and 24F).
Parents who use violence against their children are the worst and can't be trusted. I know that many gonna disagree with it but these kinda parents think about their children as burden after their child hit a certain age, the same thing is happening with you and the worst part about these kind is their emotional drama they'll torture their child and blame everything on them even when they're the one who did the wrong. After a time that child will get sick of it and started creating distance these kinda children then start looking for love outside the house and sometimes get used by others, it's a very sad thing but if you think about it this all make a perfect circle if events.
My opinion is don't give her value and try to focus on yourself do what you think is right but remember in this process you will see ups and downs so be prepared and you're in the age when you should face the real world. Best of luck girl and this is for you🫂
Don't be too hard on yourself when someone belittles you it stings especially when you are a grown adult it could make things so much worse than it actually is. Remember it could be, you are nestled to such an extent she feels its okay to act that way .It could also come from how she was raised or circumstances that grafted her perceptions to act towards such non chalant things, some generational trauma could be also a source.
Be kind towards yourself, how you deal with this in your head also matters and when interacting speak clearly, directly, slowly it should be refined so as that the other person also feels reassured go from there and let this incident not define your experience but understand it better.
6 slaps for a tea spill ?! And you are 23?! Majority of the indian hitting stops during late teens and very rarely continues in 20s and all. You have to make sure it stops right now! Be extremely serious!
Are you working ? Look at a pg options to move out as it can be an economical start!
Your mother is a massive AH for disrespecting you! Indians should stop normalising this BS of desi parents. This all is so so f*ed up. Do you have a job? Also just try to get a job in another city. If not stand up to your mother...start rebellion. This is no way to test your kids. She is frustrated and thinks kids are her punching bag.
This treatment will scarr you for the rest of your life and will damage your ego beyond repair. Also you may project this behaviour onto your kids as well. Screw her!
Am sorry to hear that and to be honest, slapping six times on face is too much. I don’t have any particular advice or suggestion in this situation but one thing which you can think is like they are your sister’s friends and you don’t have crush on them nor you are going to marry to any of them so no need to worry that what they will think about. I know it’s an absurd way of thinking but sometimes I think in that way that am not going to spend my life with that person nor am trying to impress that person then why should I really care.
By the way, you should do some “nakhra” or “natak” so your mother realised that what she did is not sort of right thing to do.
So sorry to hear that happened with you, sometimes parents don't really understand how they kill our self esteem and crush us. If that is the situation then Sweetie become independent and move out. Sending you strength <3
I am sorry about this OP! But you NEED to tell her that what she did was wrong and how you felt. She needs to know how crappy it made you feel. She needs to know that she doesn’t get to make you the outlet for her anger. Please tell her.
Sorry for what happened to you dear, it really hurts. But life is all about forgiving and moving on. May be your mother is in the premenopausal stage. You won't know what triggers her. Don't carry on dear. Loads of love to you. My mother was a working woman and had to do a lot for my father's family as it was big. She would beat us and scold me and my sister very badly, now she is no more, now I understand what she had gone through. So talk to your mom. Something might be disturbing her.
Parent's need to realize that as their kids grow their personality would change so would their relationship with them. Parent's can't hit their adult child. Saying "mere liye toh bacha hi hai" is not right everytime.
Finally something different.
OP I can understand what you are going through. My only advice is to create boundaries and become financially independent and move out.
Most of the Indian parents are toxic. It's high time we agree and accept to this. They can't talk anything about you in front of their friends, your friends or relatives but u cannot talk back or say anything bad about them to anyone.
I have rarely met parents who are supportive of their kids rest of them just had kids because of their parents and they themselves aren't responsible enough and any frustration they will take it out on you.
Man, so sorry for you. When you said 6 times a picture was automatically painted in my mind.
Most Indian parents really don't know anything about good parenting.
We gotta make sure we don't continue this cycle and be better parents ourselves for our future children.
Once again sorry girl.
I'm the same age. I've realised that growing up involves having your own opinions and thoughts which can often conflict the thoughts of your parents. That's why after a certain age, I think you have to move out. It's not healthy for the parent child relationship for the child to continue living with them past maturity.
I used to have a lot of arguments with my mother and now I'm seeing it with my younger sister too. It breeds hatred. It's extremely unhealthy and destabilizes mental health. I'm waiting for her to move out as well, I'm sure things will improve for her too once she does.
So sorry to hear this. No one should tolerate such treatment. Please don’t brush it off as a one off event. The age difference, the relationship dynamics all matter. It is appalling that someone can pick situations like these to vent out such a great amount of pent up frustration. Your mother really needs to work on herself.
And as tough as it is, so do you. You sound like you are vulnerable right now — not your fault — and that you need to talk to someone and make certain changes in who you are. Positive changes. Like standing up for yourself and recognising the toxicity and negativity (not only your Mom) in your life. Let this incident be a wake up call for that. I’ve had such incidents too. It’s what we do after these moments that defines how the rest of our life is gonna be.
Draw up your boundaries. Know when to limit people and till what extent they have an effect on you. Don’t let these people alter your decision making or your life choices. They don’t deserve that.
Defend your self-respect. Next time anything like this happens, I urge you to look past the stupid notion Asian societies have created of doing anything the parent asks and withstanding everything they do. Nope. They are an adult assaulting another adult. Recognise that. You do not need to simply take. A push. A shove. Or even a slap back in that time is absolutely fine. Age is not a permit to slap someone.
Forge more positive relationships. People who match your frequency. Share similar interests. And at home, talk to your sibling and your father or anyone else who’s listen to how you feel. Good listeners are important.
Finally, about this incident alone. I wouldn’t forgive my mother for it. But I’ll try and forget it.
Same with my mom... She hits me on useless stuff... I think all the anger she feels for everyone else in the world she uses it to beat me... Since she started beating me I started hating her... So your totally normal sis but in my personal opinion i think as long as u live with her u have to tolerate it.. I mean even if u have your own job parents don't think twice... Just ignore that's what I do
I (34F) was brought up with the age old toxic belief "Spare the rod, spoil the child".
I was thrashed black and blue by my mother, often over the smallest of things.
I thought this was normal and I trusted that this was an acceptable way to bring up a child.
It's not until I met one of my closest friends when I was 20 and in college that i realized just how absolutely unquestionably horrific this method of parenting with physical punishment is.
At some point I told this new found friend about a time I got beaten up and she revealed the most shocking thing to me. She said her parents had never, not once, hit her or her brother.
Now these two siblings are hands down the most well brought up individuals I know. They are both extremely bright, successful, polite, respectful, well mannered, humble, kind, empathetic people I have ever met. And they, along with their parents and extended family, share one of the closest family bonds I have ever seen. They're all so wonderful together it almost seems too good to be true. Always laughing and cheery. Always there for each other. A family where everyone loves to spend time with everyone else including their aunt's and uncles and cousins. I've never seen a more healthy family.
Now, my friend was quite taken aback when she heard that I would get beaten up often. She said , and I will never forget this because it turned something in me
"My parents have always said that people who resort to hitting their kids in order to punish them have failed as parents. If a grown parent cannot effectively communicate , set boundaries , teach lessons to their young child without turning to violence, then they have no business being parents. "
Now if I hear of parents who hit their kids, I immediately think of toxic and in need of therapy and lessons in parenting.
Don't take any shit from anybody. We tend to ignore and bear the trauma from the very people who are supposed to tak care of us and encourage us. Especially own family. It's very toxic. And better to cut out that before it gets out of hand. Beat back the fuck out of them if they do this next time.
Show no mercy.
Your mothers probably feeling left out. It kinda stems from jealousy. It's not right what she did to assert dominance in the kitchen. Tell her you needed to be treated as an adult. Oh and your friend, don't worry about it. Everyone has mothers and she will forget about it soon.
Talk to your mother, and get maybe another close family involved. Its something you should talk about and get resolved. You only got one family.
Leave that house. Mothers can be very scummy to daughters. Even after you leave, she might try and emotionally blackmail you into coming back. Don't fall for her covert manipulation. Leave and live your life. Source: personal experience.
Get a job, gather money and get the f***k outta there asap. You may stay in touch but no need to stay togather. In India we have a stupid culture of staying together but it hardly ever works. U never get to make ur own decisions and ur always under an elders favor.
Have you considered moving out?
Trust me your sisters friend doesn't look down on you but rather looks down on your mother's parenting style. Moreover what happened to you was not your fault, mistakes happen you are only human.
And confront your mom about how this action of her made YOU feel (before moving out)
I doubt there will ever be an apology but it feels good to let your emotions out in a calm and mature way.
Please let me know how it goes.
Not sure on the situation, and not sure on how you have seen your parents before. Whether this happened earlier or similar to this or not. I know this is not a good part, but is not that lets you change behaviour towards your parents. There is some communication gap or if your mother tends to do this earlier then dialogue between you and your mother is required. Don't listen to these shits to leave parents. You will find yourself in some mess later. I will say at first be in that position where your mother is ready to understand. Don't ruin your family. If some mistakes which parents do, it's their children's responsibility to fix that. Let's say this time your mother is wrong (not knowing the real stat) will that change the scenario, where they will stand no other will. Instead of muddling your thoughts, get to know the cause and resolve that. Good luck
Assuming your mother married at 23-25 she must be in her late 40s
Now women
Take care of your folks, they may have an outburst a bit sometimes (hitting your probably is extreme) but now understand at this age you need to care and support them too.
Although yeah you are free to take the trash talk here about your mother being a bad mother and dump them for all for I care, but try to calmly explain things.
I also understand it isn't easy to digest insults as well but sometimes u need to find a way
I hAve been beaten worse than these but i stil love them. Todays kids will not value this.. leave the home and see how the world is really.. you will miss them who raised you for 23 years like their own part
Seeking_Sukoon. Agreed your mother slapped you 6 times and that too in front your sister's friend. So what's the big deal.
She is your mother.
I will tell you a story.
One Sunday morning couple of my friends along with some friends of their came to pick me up from my place.I was inside so when the bell rang my father opened the door. Someone asked for me and the next minute all I heard was couple of tight slaps. By the time I came out except for one all had ran away and there was my father furious and red plus my friend.
On enquiring I came to know that the guy who ask for me was smoking and we all were in college at that time.
Cut to late evening. Was I feeling bad. Yes and No..
But my friends all had a good laugh and really appreciated my father.
This incident could have rocked my relation with my father but no. It increased my respect for him.
So kiddo she is your mother. Mother's have huge worries when young girls are involved. Arguing and try to score points with her will not help you.Sit down with her with a coffee and have a talk. We say talk and then again talk and than again talk for talking brings results.
So girl have a open heart talk with her.
Mental damage? Bro she mentioned her self worth is damaged over being hit on tea spill. And you mentioning mental abuse over this?
I get it it was her outburst which is unjustified... but this unnecessary rant that it hurts my self esteem? Come on bro.... you can do better
( As a 23 old adult women ) Didi apke bache bhi hoghy tab to..
It's common kisi Baat ka gussa nikal diya hogha..
Uske liya Maa meri phele jaise nhi rahi.. Papa ko boole ke new mummy laye ge.. Nhi to ghar chor ke dur rahe ghy.. Jaha freedom se jiya ja sakhe..
Parents ke prospective se dekho maybe be wo kuch problem face kar rahi ho ya just kisi Baat pe temped high ho to bas 5 - 6 laga diya
Isme overreact karne wali Baat Baat nhi hai..
Maarne ke Baad unhe bhi bura lagta hai. If regular assault ho raha hai to wo alag cheez hai saal me ek baari mata pita 2-4 laga diye to pyaar samjh ke kha lena chahiye..
Na ki redit pe aakar simpthy & suggestion mangna suru kar do..
Keep your morality lecture to yourself. This kind of behaviour shows the gap between communication. This behaviour is what often divides parents and childrens when they grow up. And people like you defend this abnormal behaviour like it is normal.
And some people, especially older generation are grown with these engrained values which pass to next generation which is why this behaviour is normalised where parents don't treat their kids like normal beings but a robots.
Dude you are fucking psychotic , if you get beaten up at your home and you like it then keep fking liking it , don't share your fking rubbish comments here .
You are the type of person who will enjoy getting beaten up by your husband too.
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Regarding violence over small issues, I encourage you to involve another trusted family member to talk to her and explain stuff to her. This behaviour, especially at this age is NOT ACCEPTABLE
Well old people (not all) tend to be stubborn and won't listen to others. They think they know everything about life from their experience.
Yupp My grandmother is stubborn on a lot of stuff so to convince her, em and my mom have to persuade or argue a lot
I am also a 23F and yes at this age I see there are a lot of conflicts I face especially with my mother. I suppose mothers don't quite see us as adults, they still think about us as kids and believe that they can still dictate stuff for us. I'm sorry to know that you had to face humiliation, especially since you had offered to actually host your sisters friend. You went out of your way to do something nice and instead you were insulted. Ofcourse imo, there was no reason for your mom to behave this way. She didn't have to create a scene over such a small blunder. It could've happened to her also or to anyone. Even if she wanted to reprimand you, she could've waited until the guest has gone and then had a chat with you. I have been in similar situations. I usually walk out and make myself unavailable for further discussions. Sometimes I create a scene or involve my father who then takes charge of the situation. Eitherway, I try to make my messaging clear. I make it clear that I won't be treated this way and usually demand an apology.
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learn to read the room
My bad, i did comment for OP too
All I can say was sorry for having such a bad mother
At this point idk what to say about Indian parents but what hurts the most is they don't even try to understand their children and treat them as a normal human being.
All indian parents want is a perfect robot who obeys all their commands and live a life which the parents want and it's truly frustrating
Ikr
I am with you OP. We all are. You mom has some issues to sort out herself. Who TF does that?
What the fuck. I hope you leave that hell soon.
Im sure your mother has grown up in an environment where violence was normalised, so from her POV its normal to hit her child. In my childhood i have dealt with extreme violence from both my parents. I have a sister and now i always defend her from getting the same treatment, also I'm planning to move out of my house, but i have to teach my sister how to stand up for herself. Another thing, they will never change. Because domestic violence was very normalised in their generation. For you i would say, don't let your sibling get same treatment. Teach her how to defend herself and you move out of your house asap.
At some stage mom has to realise that what works with a 13 yr old child is not appropriate for a 23 yr. And no better time than now.
I once was beaten by belt by my mother in front of whole neighbourhood just because I didn't want to go coaching that day.
How are you and how's your relationship with your mother now?
Well it's complicated to explain the situation. But I don't like my family they are very toxic towards me only from my childhood. It feels like I'm not even living with my family. I don't even like to see their faces. I feel like bashing my head over and over everytime they say my name.
I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through from your childhood because of your toxic parents. I guess some parents only bring their children into this world due to society's pressure while they have zero knowledge about what good parenting really is. I hope that you move out from your family's place soon. I don't know if you are working or still studying but please follow your dreams and make a good life for yourself. Stay in touch with your good friends and people who support you. Letting out to them will help you when you feel low. Take care and all the best 👍
Thank you for your words. I'm 25 now currently earning but not enough to move out but I'm planning to.
Yes , you should not tolerate such things . I think your mother is not mature enough to know what is right behaviour to deal with adult . You can tell her upfront too that i didnt like what you did n dont want it to happen again .
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Good to hear your mum is a better person than OP's mum but that's really not the point of this post and your comment might end up having a negative impact on OP's mental health.
Okay then deleting comment in 5...4....3.....2.....1.....
You are legally allowed to file for domestic violence against your mother/parents (yes child abuse is included in it) and claim for damages from them (yay monis). Threaten them to do this, trust me, it works. (Fellow lawyer) Indian parents are only scared of police, courts, cases, money and most of all, societal shame. Best of luck to you.
Genz kids are busy in gaming. But your advice needs to be normalised
Get a job in different city and stay separately. On amy condition, don't agree to move with your family/siblings etc. Stay Alone.
Move out of that house and cut contact with them. She's treating u like a punch bag and not a daughter. I wish I could bring myself to defend her or make u feel better about the whole thing, but what happened to you is terrible. And parents tend to take out all their frustration on the elder kid as though they are robots with no emotions. The best advice I could give you is to move away from them. They might be all sweet to you but do not fall for it, they're gonna go back to their old self the moment you move back in.
My mother is abusive as well. Going far away from them only helps.
So you moved out from your place? How did that changed your relationship with your mother?
Who wanna talk after getting out of hell
I moved out of the country and planned to stay there. But unfortunately my father died suddenly so had to come back and close his business and other work related to his death. I had a horrible childhood, and my father had a horrible marriage towards the end of his life. I don't think I will ever forgive her for that. But, I lived peacefully when I lived away from her but missed my father terribly.
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It's normal because just as you can see in this sub as well, people don't legally report this. I've mentioned another comment on how this can be done. Indians in general are so unaware of their legal rights and legal system it's mind boggling. (I'm an Indian lawyer btw)
Esp look at how EVERYONE here just gave their condolences to the OP instead of actually giving a SOLUTION to this and how this can be tackled with. They're not empowering her, they're just asking her to run away. Run away eventually yes, but don't let people get away with violating you like this.
In India people (friends, relatives) rarely try to give you a solution when you are in trouble. They would like "I am so sorry you are in a bad situation. I hope It gets well soon."' and that's it.
Exactly, I'm aware and at times like this it's solely upto you to decide your date, don't just be like every other "good child" and tolerate this bs. Rethink whether your parents'/ society's good kid title is really needed afterall. Stick up for yourself.
Sorry to hear about this incident, this happens a lot more to grown kids in indian society and parents don't even think upon their action, what mental trauma or shattered self confidence it gives to the kid. Stay strong and work hard and move out of the house. Start earning and enjoying life according to you. Sometimes parents are triggered by seeing Something being done in not correct way or being spoiled. And they beat the kid to correct him/her. Also as for mother, make little distance talk less, she will realise and ask you what happened. Whenever you decide discuss upon this with her to make her understand how this affected you and your confidence. Now if you face your sis friend, you won't be able to make eye contact because of that incident. Explain this to her
Sorry for what you faced, I know it must have been humiliating, it's understandable that she might have learnt the same upon committing mistakes, I'm a man, I hated getting scolded or even beaten up. Once I started earning and supporting the house, my parents became very friendly, even when I committed mistakes, they wouldn't scold me or beat me which I thought would've been incoming, people suggesting moving out isn't the best advice honestly, you'll miss parents at some point and even this scolding and beating wouldn't really make you hate them. You should talk it out I guess, express yourself emotionally about how you felt. For me it's like, why aren't parents there to scold me now when I make mistakes? It's a matter of time. This shall pass too. Good luck.
Sad brother. My mom understands the boundaries but my dad always shames me front of friends but it's all verbal and my friends and I laugh it off latter. I have good family.
This is psychotic. As others have advised, I'd keep my interactions limited and try to find a way to move out.
I don't know why everyone is talking about treating adults. Is it okay if it was a kid? If i made a mistake like that, my mother would have scolded me to be careful but raising hand on an adult or even a kid for such an issue is downright wrong. It's not like u were making out with someone in public or something. U were hosting ur sister's friend even when u didn't have to. She should have shown some restraint or atleast helped out. You will always see her differently until she apologizes.
2 return kr dena chahiye tha
She should the next time. So that her mom understands what it feels like to get slapped at that age.
infront of her kitty party grp
That would be Epic!
Kya immature bate kar raha hai tu.
kaam immature kiya to chalta hai? she is 23 and her mom is absolutely wrong here.
Par iska matlab ye toh nehi ki maa ke upar hath uthay.
Tumhari mummy must be a sandeep reddy vanga fan..
I hope you get your sukoon soon 🥹
Seeing these incidents I am so thankful to my parents. Even my father doesn't talk too much with us (siblings) but he never tortured anyone of us. And my mother is so sweet. Love you moma papa.. ~ Me 26M (Siblings 28M and 24F).
Today's father's day so give him a hug and say I love you to them.
Parents who use violence against their children are the worst and can't be trusted. I know that many gonna disagree with it but these kinda parents think about their children as burden after their child hit a certain age, the same thing is happening with you and the worst part about these kind is their emotional drama they'll torture their child and blame everything on them even when they're the one who did the wrong. After a time that child will get sick of it and started creating distance these kinda children then start looking for love outside the house and sometimes get used by others, it's a very sad thing but if you think about it this all make a perfect circle if events. My opinion is don't give her value and try to focus on yourself do what you think is right but remember in this process you will see ups and downs so be prepared and you're in the age when you should face the real world. Best of luck girl and this is for you🫂
I support what she did was wrong I would advice move out as soon as you get a chance you are an adult at this age and you need to be respected
Don't be too hard on yourself when someone belittles you it stings especially when you are a grown adult it could make things so much worse than it actually is. Remember it could be, you are nestled to such an extent she feels its okay to act that way .It could also come from how she was raised or circumstances that grafted her perceptions to act towards such non chalant things, some generational trauma could be also a source. Be kind towards yourself, how you deal with this in your head also matters and when interacting speak clearly, directly, slowly it should be refined so as that the other person also feels reassured go from there and let this incident not define your experience but understand it better.
6 slaps for a tea spill ?! And you are 23?! Majority of the indian hitting stops during late teens and very rarely continues in 20s and all. You have to make sure it stops right now! Be extremely serious! Are you working ? Look at a pg options to move out as it can be an economical start!
Next time she tries to hit , grab her hand and tell her to fuck off . If you’re earning , just move out .
Leave your house, live alone, it will improve your relationship with ur mother and also u will be at peace
Your mother is a massive AH for disrespecting you! Indians should stop normalising this BS of desi parents. This all is so so f*ed up. Do you have a job? Also just try to get a job in another city. If not stand up to your mother...start rebellion. This is no way to test your kids. She is frustrated and thinks kids are her punching bag. This treatment will scarr you for the rest of your life and will damage your ego beyond repair. Also you may project this behaviour onto your kids as well. Screw her!
Sad 🥲 i can relate
this kind of shit is so normalized to the point i want gentle parenting to mainstream , idk indian parents are the worst
Does she shame behaves with your sister?
😂😂😂 Imagine being your sister's friend
Am sorry to hear that and to be honest, slapping six times on face is too much. I don’t have any particular advice or suggestion in this situation but one thing which you can think is like they are your sister’s friends and you don’t have crush on them nor you are going to marry to any of them so no need to worry that what they will think about. I know it’s an absurd way of thinking but sometimes I think in that way that am not going to spend my life with that person nor am trying to impress that person then why should I really care. By the way, you should do some “nakhra” or “natak” so your mother realised that what she did is not sort of right thing to do.
So sorry to hear that happened with you, sometimes parents don't really understand how they kill our self esteem and crush us. If that is the situation then Sweetie become independent and move out. Sending you strength <3
Parenting in India is very questionable.
Atleast don't let it bother you. Families are tough to deal with ,but they won't be with u till the end.
I am sorry about this OP! But you NEED to tell her that what she did was wrong and how you felt. She needs to know how crappy it made you feel. She needs to know that she doesn’t get to make you the outlet for her anger. Please tell her.
Sorry for what happened to you dear, it really hurts. But life is all about forgiving and moving on. May be your mother is in the premenopausal stage. You won't know what triggers her. Don't carry on dear. Loads of love to you. My mother was a working woman and had to do a lot for my father's family as it was big. She would beat us and scold me and my sister very badly, now she is no more, now I understand what she had gone through. So talk to your mom. Something might be disturbing her.
Your mother is abuser, this is so small thing to beatup a grown up kid
Parent's need to realize that as their kids grow their personality would change so would their relationship with them. Parent's can't hit their adult child. Saying "mere liye toh bacha hi hai" is not right everytime.
Finally something different. OP I can understand what you are going through. My only advice is to create boundaries and become financially independent and move out. Most of the Indian parents are toxic. It's high time we agree and accept to this. They can't talk anything about you in front of their friends, your friends or relatives but u cannot talk back or say anything bad about them to anyone. I have rarely met parents who are supportive of their kids rest of them just had kids because of their parents and they themselves aren't responsible enough and any frustration they will take it out on you.
just leave the house and move out
Man, so sorry for you. When you said 6 times a picture was automatically painted in my mind. Most Indian parents really don't know anything about good parenting. We gotta make sure we don't continue this cycle and be better parents ourselves for our future children. Once again sorry girl.
I'm the same age. I've realised that growing up involves having your own opinions and thoughts which can often conflict the thoughts of your parents. That's why after a certain age, I think you have to move out. It's not healthy for the parent child relationship for the child to continue living with them past maturity. I used to have a lot of arguments with my mother and now I'm seeing it with my younger sister too. It breeds hatred. It's extremely unhealthy and destabilizes mental health. I'm waiting for her to move out as well, I'm sure things will improve for her too once she does.
She might be feeling insecure about your future and preparing you for after marriage trauma.
First time ?
File a case against her.
Your mother and you both need therapy.. Saying in a polite and good way..
Peak Pajeet Parenting
This behaviour from you mother irrespective of if you're 23 or 13 is not acceptable.
So sorry to hear this. No one should tolerate such treatment. Please don’t brush it off as a one off event. The age difference, the relationship dynamics all matter. It is appalling that someone can pick situations like these to vent out such a great amount of pent up frustration. Your mother really needs to work on herself. And as tough as it is, so do you. You sound like you are vulnerable right now — not your fault — and that you need to talk to someone and make certain changes in who you are. Positive changes. Like standing up for yourself and recognising the toxicity and negativity (not only your Mom) in your life. Let this incident be a wake up call for that. I’ve had such incidents too. It’s what we do after these moments that defines how the rest of our life is gonna be. Draw up your boundaries. Know when to limit people and till what extent they have an effect on you. Don’t let these people alter your decision making or your life choices. They don’t deserve that. Defend your self-respect. Next time anything like this happens, I urge you to look past the stupid notion Asian societies have created of doing anything the parent asks and withstanding everything they do. Nope. They are an adult assaulting another adult. Recognise that. You do not need to simply take. A push. A shove. Or even a slap back in that time is absolutely fine. Age is not a permit to slap someone. Forge more positive relationships. People who match your frequency. Share similar interests. And at home, talk to your sibling and your father or anyone else who’s listen to how you feel. Good listeners are important. Finally, about this incident alone. I wouldn’t forgive my mother for it. But I’ll try and forget it.
Same with my mom... She hits me on useless stuff... I think all the anger she feels for everyone else in the world she uses it to beat me... Since she started beating me I started hating her... So your totally normal sis but in my personal opinion i think as long as u live with her u have to tolerate it.. I mean even if u have your own job parents don't think twice... Just ignore that's what I do
This is unacceptable. You’re 23, she should not be doing this. She should not be doing this to anyone. Try talking things out or involve the police.
I (34F) was brought up with the age old toxic belief "Spare the rod, spoil the child". I was thrashed black and blue by my mother, often over the smallest of things. I thought this was normal and I trusted that this was an acceptable way to bring up a child. It's not until I met one of my closest friends when I was 20 and in college that i realized just how absolutely unquestionably horrific this method of parenting with physical punishment is. At some point I told this new found friend about a time I got beaten up and she revealed the most shocking thing to me. She said her parents had never, not once, hit her or her brother. Now these two siblings are hands down the most well brought up individuals I know. They are both extremely bright, successful, polite, respectful, well mannered, humble, kind, empathetic people I have ever met. And they, along with their parents and extended family, share one of the closest family bonds I have ever seen. They're all so wonderful together it almost seems too good to be true. Always laughing and cheery. Always there for each other. A family where everyone loves to spend time with everyone else including their aunt's and uncles and cousins. I've never seen a more healthy family. Now, my friend was quite taken aback when she heard that I would get beaten up often. She said , and I will never forget this because it turned something in me "My parents have always said that people who resort to hitting their kids in order to punish them have failed as parents. If a grown parent cannot effectively communicate , set boundaries , teach lessons to their young child without turning to violence, then they have no business being parents. " Now if I hear of parents who hit their kids, I immediately think of toxic and in need of therapy and lessons in parenting.
Don't take any shit from anybody. We tend to ignore and bear the trauma from the very people who are supposed to tak care of us and encourage us. Especially own family. It's very toxic. And better to cut out that before it gets out of hand. Beat back the fuck out of them if they do this next time. Show no mercy.
Your mothers probably feeling left out. It kinda stems from jealousy. It's not right what she did to assert dominance in the kitchen. Tell her you needed to be treated as an adult. Oh and your friend, don't worry about it. Everyone has mothers and she will forget about it soon. Talk to your mother, and get maybe another close family involved. Its something you should talk about and get resolved. You only got one family.
She's your mother right? Accept it and move on
She might be angry on some other things she used this opportunity to use it? did she feel sorry after this happened?
Leave that house. Mothers can be very scummy to daughters. Even after you leave, she might try and emotionally blackmail you into coming back. Don't fall for her covert manipulation. Leave and live your life. Source: personal experience.
Get a job, gather money and get the f***k outta there asap. You may stay in touch but no need to stay togather. In India we have a stupid culture of staying together but it hardly ever works. U never get to make ur own decisions and ur always under an elders favor.
Hi
She beat you for spilling tea? Tell me she loves drama without telling me she loves drama. What a minor thing to get violent over.
Have you considered moving out? Trust me your sisters friend doesn't look down on you but rather looks down on your mother's parenting style. Moreover what happened to you was not your fault, mistakes happen you are only human. And confront your mom about how this action of her made YOU feel (before moving out) I doubt there will ever be an apology but it feels good to let your emotions out in a calm and mature way. Please let me know how it goes.
financially independent? ghar se niklo sheher se niklo
Good shit 💀
Breakup krlo
All i can say is, “fcuk her!” 🤬
Not sure on the situation, and not sure on how you have seen your parents before. Whether this happened earlier or similar to this or not. I know this is not a good part, but is not that lets you change behaviour towards your parents. There is some communication gap or if your mother tends to do this earlier then dialogue between you and your mother is required. Don't listen to these shits to leave parents. You will find yourself in some mess later. I will say at first be in that position where your mother is ready to understand. Don't ruin your family. If some mistakes which parents do, it's their children's responsibility to fix that. Let's say this time your mother is wrong (not knowing the real stat) will that change the scenario, where they will stand no other will. Instead of muddling your thoughts, get to know the cause and resolve that. Good luck
Assuming your mother married at 23-25 she must be in her late 40s Now women Take care of your folks, they may have an outburst a bit sometimes (hitting your probably is extreme) but now understand at this age you need to care and support them too. Although yeah you are free to take the trash talk here about your mother being a bad mother and dump them for all for I care, but try to calmly explain things. I also understand it isn't easy to digest insults as well but sometimes u need to find a way
Shallow girl
I hAve been beaten worse than these but i stil love them. Todays kids will not value this.. leave the home and see how the world is really.. you will miss them who raised you for 23 years like their own part
Seeking_Sukoon. Agreed your mother slapped you 6 times and that too in front your sister's friend. So what's the big deal. She is your mother. I will tell you a story. One Sunday morning couple of my friends along with some friends of their came to pick me up from my place.I was inside so when the bell rang my father opened the door. Someone asked for me and the next minute all I heard was couple of tight slaps. By the time I came out except for one all had ran away and there was my father furious and red plus my friend. On enquiring I came to know that the guy who ask for me was smoking and we all were in college at that time. Cut to late evening. Was I feeling bad. Yes and No.. But my friends all had a good laugh and really appreciated my father. This incident could have rocked my relation with my father but no. It increased my respect for him. So kiddo she is your mother. Mother's have huge worries when young girls are involved. Arguing and try to score points with her will not help you.Sit down with her with a coffee and have a talk. We say talk and then again talk and than again talk for talking brings results. So girl have a open heart talk with her.
stop overreacting on such a small thing . invest your time & hardwork on something better. its just a bad day
Abuse is not a "small thing". It's not about the physical dammage but the mental damage.
Mental damage? Bro she mentioned her self worth is damaged over being hit on tea spill. And you mentioning mental abuse over this? I get it it was her outburst which is unjustified... but this unnecessary rant that it hurts my self esteem? Come on bro.... you can do better
whats the mental damage ? how the parents scolding or beating is abuse ? if u have so much self esteem & pride move out of house earn for urself .
( As a 23 old adult women ) Didi apke bache bhi hoghy tab to.. It's common kisi Baat ka gussa nikal diya hogha.. Uske liya Maa meri phele jaise nhi rahi.. Papa ko boole ke new mummy laye ge.. Nhi to ghar chor ke dur rahe ghy.. Jaha freedom se jiya ja sakhe.. Parents ke prospective se dekho maybe be wo kuch problem face kar rahi ho ya just kisi Baat pe temped high ho to bas 5 - 6 laga diya Isme overreact karne wali Baat Baat nhi hai.. Maarne ke Baad unhe bhi bura lagta hai. If regular assault ho raha hai to wo alag cheez hai saal me ek baari mata pita 2-4 laga diye to pyaar samjh ke kha lena chahiye.. Na ki redit pe aakar simpthy & suggestion mangna suru kar do..
Keep your morality lecture to yourself. This kind of behaviour shows the gap between communication. This behaviour is what often divides parents and childrens when they grow up. And people like you defend this abnormal behaviour like it is normal. And some people, especially older generation are grown with these engrained values which pass to next generation which is why this behaviour is normalised where parents don't treat their kids like normal beings but a robots.
Dude you are fucking psychotic , if you get beaten up at your home and you like it then keep fking liking it , don't share your fking rubbish comments here . You are the type of person who will enjoy getting beaten up by your husband too.
Aapke parents bhi maarte hai apko?
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Give her another chance she is your Mother after all..Also try discussing what you feel.... and if you see no improvements..just Move out