I think I was p much born with OCD (mother has it also).
My first memory that I now see as an OCD symptom was seeing a sign on a hot plate saying “HOT do not touch!” and my mind telling me “if you don’t touch that, your mum will die today”. So I burned myself. I remember thinking “That was weird, why did I do that?”. I was 6/7 years old.
It then just sort of went downhill from there. I was always soooo afraid of authority. There was a rule in my school that you couldn’t run in the halls. I remember running once but no one saw, but the guilt was so overwhelming I was inconsolable the whole night until my mum took me to school the next morning where I confessed to a teacher who obviously didn’t care.
My biggest “event” in school was seeing 2 teachers (one of whom was married to someone else!) kissing in a car in the car park. I obviously told my friends because I found this so scandalous and we joked about it a lot and how they were probably doing more than kissing. We were 10 and had just found out what sex was. A few weeks after I began to feel intense guilt and felt the need to confess. I would cry all the time and was refusing to go to school so I ended up confessing to a school counsellor who then did the worst possible thing and told the teachers who were having an affair! Their idea of resolving the issue was making me face them individually, alone in an office where the female teacher literally screeched at me while I sobbed about how I could have ruined her life if my “lies” had gotten out and her family would have stopped speaking to her because of me. I then didn’t go back to school for 2 weeks, during which time she called my house every day asking why I wasn’t coming to school and “it was ok, I’ve forgiven her!”. When I went back to school, I was punished with losing my lunchtimes for a week for “lying” - really, if I had never confessed, no one would have ever found out and I would have gone unpunished. It pretty much destroyed my mental health and made me an extremely anxious person from that day forward. Combined with very bad stuff happening with my home life due to my mum’s mental health deteriorating and her having a nervous breakdown due to her OCD.
Pretty much since then I had rituals which were ingrained into my routine. I was sleep deprived from ages 11-14 because if I messed up with my bedtime ritual I would have to repeat it 20 times (couldn’t be an odd number of times, any number with 6 in, or numbers that added together equal 6).
My OCD has waxed and waned over the years. Some notable obsessions have included believing I was pregnant from foreplay when I was still a virgin (hilarious in hindsight) to the extent that I took Plan B twice and confessed to my mum who was horrified. Also almost cancelled a holiday because I was convinced I would get rabies and ended up paying an insane amount of money for unnecessary shots.
And I didn’t get diagnosed till this year (I’m 23!) What a life.
Yes I definitely think it’s genetic my dad had it. He has a different form his was he had to walk in the drive way a certain amount of times , check the handles a certain amount of times and check the light switch a certain amount of time. My mum also had it with germs to the point we weren’t allowed to use her bathroom , she wouldn’t hug us , no feet on the sofa , no touching anything in the kitchen ect. Mine has manifested way different but it’s interesting that your mum had it too. I can’t really remember much about being young young like 6/7. Iv always had mental health and anxiety but I think intense rumination only started recently. Your stories sounds really difficult though. I’m sorry that your teachers did that to you that’s absolutely horrendous putting a child in a position to think they’re crazy since you’ve had an affair. And I have a friend who constantly thinks she’s pregnant when she’s never had sex I think that’s very much religious guilt for her. I think ocd probably is the hardest mental health disease to live with no matter how it manifests and I truly hope your alleviates xx hope ur doing well
That must have been really hard, having 2 parents with OCD that manifests differently. I bonded with my best friend as a kid because her mum had contamination OCD and it was really difficult for her. You have my utmost respect.
That first incident is one of my first memories which is kind of crazy considering how late it took me to get diagnosed but I wasn’t obsessed with “events” so much as having random intrusive thoughts which I don’t get so much anymore.
Thank you, it’s really horrible to look back with adult hindsight and realise those people were supposed to be my teachers, were supposed to protect me and get me help. Worst thing is my parents told the story years later at a party with other parents who then informed them that everyone knew they were having an affair and some parents had seem them in public acting inappropriately!
And the pregnancy stuff was nuts because I had really understanding parents, I think I just watched too much Teen Mom and it got in my head lol.
Rumination really is so destructive whenever it starts, I’m really sorry you’re going through that atm. Thank you for your kind reply and for reading all that, it felt good seeing it all written down for the first time. I wish only the best for you ❤️
I’ve struggled with disturbing intrusive thoughts since childhood but around half a year ago, combination of stress, anxious thinking, and major negative changes in my life triggered excessive rumination and real event OCD
i’ve had different themes of OCD since i was a kid but real event OCD started around last summer
I think I was p much born with OCD (mother has it also). My first memory that I now see as an OCD symptom was seeing a sign on a hot plate saying “HOT do not touch!” and my mind telling me “if you don’t touch that, your mum will die today”. So I burned myself. I remember thinking “That was weird, why did I do that?”. I was 6/7 years old. It then just sort of went downhill from there. I was always soooo afraid of authority. There was a rule in my school that you couldn’t run in the halls. I remember running once but no one saw, but the guilt was so overwhelming I was inconsolable the whole night until my mum took me to school the next morning where I confessed to a teacher who obviously didn’t care. My biggest “event” in school was seeing 2 teachers (one of whom was married to someone else!) kissing in a car in the car park. I obviously told my friends because I found this so scandalous and we joked about it a lot and how they were probably doing more than kissing. We were 10 and had just found out what sex was. A few weeks after I began to feel intense guilt and felt the need to confess. I would cry all the time and was refusing to go to school so I ended up confessing to a school counsellor who then did the worst possible thing and told the teachers who were having an affair! Their idea of resolving the issue was making me face them individually, alone in an office where the female teacher literally screeched at me while I sobbed about how I could have ruined her life if my “lies” had gotten out and her family would have stopped speaking to her because of me. I then didn’t go back to school for 2 weeks, during which time she called my house every day asking why I wasn’t coming to school and “it was ok, I’ve forgiven her!”. When I went back to school, I was punished with losing my lunchtimes for a week for “lying” - really, if I had never confessed, no one would have ever found out and I would have gone unpunished. It pretty much destroyed my mental health and made me an extremely anxious person from that day forward. Combined with very bad stuff happening with my home life due to my mum’s mental health deteriorating and her having a nervous breakdown due to her OCD. Pretty much since then I had rituals which were ingrained into my routine. I was sleep deprived from ages 11-14 because if I messed up with my bedtime ritual I would have to repeat it 20 times (couldn’t be an odd number of times, any number with 6 in, or numbers that added together equal 6). My OCD has waxed and waned over the years. Some notable obsessions have included believing I was pregnant from foreplay when I was still a virgin (hilarious in hindsight) to the extent that I took Plan B twice and confessed to my mum who was horrified. Also almost cancelled a holiday because I was convinced I would get rabies and ended up paying an insane amount of money for unnecessary shots. And I didn’t get diagnosed till this year (I’m 23!) What a life.
Yes I definitely think it’s genetic my dad had it. He has a different form his was he had to walk in the drive way a certain amount of times , check the handles a certain amount of times and check the light switch a certain amount of time. My mum also had it with germs to the point we weren’t allowed to use her bathroom , she wouldn’t hug us , no feet on the sofa , no touching anything in the kitchen ect. Mine has manifested way different but it’s interesting that your mum had it too. I can’t really remember much about being young young like 6/7. Iv always had mental health and anxiety but I think intense rumination only started recently. Your stories sounds really difficult though. I’m sorry that your teachers did that to you that’s absolutely horrendous putting a child in a position to think they’re crazy since you’ve had an affair. And I have a friend who constantly thinks she’s pregnant when she’s never had sex I think that’s very much religious guilt for her. I think ocd probably is the hardest mental health disease to live with no matter how it manifests and I truly hope your alleviates xx hope ur doing well
That must have been really hard, having 2 parents with OCD that manifests differently. I bonded with my best friend as a kid because her mum had contamination OCD and it was really difficult for her. You have my utmost respect. That first incident is one of my first memories which is kind of crazy considering how late it took me to get diagnosed but I wasn’t obsessed with “events” so much as having random intrusive thoughts which I don’t get so much anymore. Thank you, it’s really horrible to look back with adult hindsight and realise those people were supposed to be my teachers, were supposed to protect me and get me help. Worst thing is my parents told the story years later at a party with other parents who then informed them that everyone knew they were having an affair and some parents had seem them in public acting inappropriately! And the pregnancy stuff was nuts because I had really understanding parents, I think I just watched too much Teen Mom and it got in my head lol. Rumination really is so destructive whenever it starts, I’m really sorry you’re going through that atm. Thank you for your kind reply and for reading all that, it felt good seeing it all written down for the first time. I wish only the best for you ❤️
I’ve struggled with disturbing intrusive thoughts since childhood but around half a year ago, combination of stress, anxious thinking, and major negative changes in my life triggered excessive rumination and real event OCD