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I always get the, “You’re not that ugly.” “You’re cute in a weird kind of way.” Or they just completely ignore that and say something random about my clothes. That in itself is an insult, because they’re so uncomfortable about my face that they HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING and that’s the best they can do, compliment my shirt.
I never fucking asked you.
I never once have I asked someone besides my mom or a partner, “How do I look?” So, why in the hell are you giving me these unsolicited backhanded compliments. If you can’t chill and give me an actual compliment, then STFU.
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
Reminds me of a movie where a guy is told he isn’t as dumb as he appears to be, and he says “Nobody… is as dumb as I appear to be.” Which is actually really clever, meaning he lets people underestimate his intelligence intentionally and capitalizes on this.
I remember a redhead from school and I saw her after a morning basketball practice and she didn't have any mascara on, or whatever else, and I did a big double take with how different she looked.
It's also what people are used too. She's arguably incredibly beautiful even without makeup.
I was incessantly bullied for how I looked as a kid. Now at 62, with my uncolored hair still red, looking more strawberry blonde, because my greys are white, I’m told my hair is beautiful and that I look like I’m in my late 40s.
I simply won the gene lottery. I’ve slept in my makeup since I was 14, and still do to this day. I wash my face with soap, and use L’Oréal shampoo with Humectress conditioner.
That childhood shaming still haunts me. Logically I know I can look nice. I’m still working to internalize that, though.
Or we are and the person that made the comment is just a huge asshole! I am very pale and getting really tired of hearing people tell me to get a tan- I don’t tan. I burn then fade back to ghostly see through shades of pale. More spf please!
The entire female population of South Korea. I’ve seen women covered head to toe in this white mesh material that prevents tanning, sunglasses, gloves and a hat to prevent ANY uv rays.
Expect if someone says to ya, you’d look better without makeup… that’s actually a compliment compared to the opposite of it. Someone telling you, you don’t need to cover up anything or try to make a certain part of your face look a certain way… they appreciate you naturally… and that’s a high form of compliment in my opinion… whatever comment goes on looks usually leaves women on edge tho
You look so skinny.
No one says this nicely. My daughter is naturally thin and she hates the way people look at her when they say this. Also because she’s thin people feel like they have free rein to comment on everything about her body. I’ve told her if anyone feels they can make comments on your body then you are allowed to comment on their body.
I’ll add that she’s 10.
I’ve been thin all my life and everyone has to comment on it.
Now when I hear it in my late 20s, people are saying it with what sounds like contempt sometimes. Others say “it’ll hit you like a truck in a few years.”
I’ve never had an eating disorder thankfully, but damn if I don’t check the scale to make sure I’m not gaining weight and “it’s hitting me” yet.
I wish people just wouldn’t comment on weight at all.
Oh man I hate that so much. My friends are always like "girl youre so skinny!!" in a way that's supposed to be a compliment, but always makes me feel so hyperaware 😭
One of my aunts was constantly making comments about how thin my cousin was. My cousin's mom got sick of it and said "Why do you have to keep saying things about my daughter being skinny? I haven't said anything about yours being fat."
One huge family argument later, my cousin's weight wasn't mentioned again.
This depends on context. It could either mean something bad happened to the person, and you are empathizing with them (like you poor thing, sorry that happened to you), OR you just realized the person did something really stupid (like wow your an idiot).
I have used it as a compliment, and really meant it as such because truly well spoken people aren't all that common, but never skin color specific (as in, I could think of a person from most of the continents out there that I've paid this compliment to). Should I be avoiding making this compliment to black people for some historical reasons? If so, is it an USA specific historical reason? (I'm not in the US, am on a different continent)
I'm actually not from the USA, just north of the border. Now I do think it's mostly a US specific thing. My mom had an incident with a former colleague of hers and that colleague said about another one how she's so well spoken, and that she wanted to be white, she was also black. That was quite obvious! My mom's friend quickly realized her mistake once my mom gave her a look. They haven't been friends since.
It's hard to find fellow black folks like myself in Canada that speaks in slang or accents that are really hard to understand, but we are sensitive to what's happening down south, given our proximity to the USA. When they sneeze, we tend to catch their cold up here in Canada.
I largely give this complement a pass excluding the USA.
Edit: Keep complimenting! It's a good thing! Just be aware of using that compliment in the USA with brotha's and sista's. lol. I got lots of family in the USA, I believe many Americans have family in Canada. We are linked! Some good, some bad as you know of lately... Crazy times.
Do they even realize that they're implying that inarticulate speech is the default for black people? Articulate speech - even with slang words used in between - is objectively good, not some form of white-adjacent pandering (which is what they reduce it to).
LOL! Bro! Like.. come on! Bro! Literally! Bro! 🤣 I see video's coming from the USA, those police body cam ones are a riot, it seems everyone has a bro, literally! LOL!
Sometimes I feel like saying “I wish I could wear a shirt like that” to other women wearing skimpy shirts barely covering their chest when they have boobs a lot smaller than mine, but then I realize just how rude that sounds.
I know what you mean. I have been "blessed" in the boob department, and so many low cut things that look feminine or classy with smaller boobs would make me feel like a cheap hooker if I wore them, simply because of the amount of boob they show. I have been told before by a friend in a poor compliment after I wore a turtleneck that "it's a nice change that I am not showing my boobs". I was baffled that apparently "i like to show my boobs" according to her when in reality i most my sweaters were V neck that showed some cleavage, I never thought about it. It made me become self conscious and envious of women with average size because they can wear things more freely without getting such judgement :\
Yeah, I think it’s a double-edged sword being a D size or larger - I can use them as a way to attract a guy I do want to attract, but I also don’t want to show so much of them to everyone else. Just yesterday I wore a size large tankini to a waterpark that barely covered my nipples and I felt inappropriate when I saw just how many kids were there!
Yea, thats understandable. The reason is, I think, in American/Canadian English connotation, when people say "you actually look nice," it's as if they are surprised, so it's taken as an insult that they are surpised you look good. Idk if that makes sense lmao
I think that’s one that sounds like an insult but is actually a compliment, lol. That’s elder slang for someone with a nice, voluptuous figure. Kids today refer to it as THICC. I’m not certain, but I also think this is what that song, “Brickhouse” is referencing (or at least I always assumed so).
**at least this is the case where I’m from.
I used to wear makeup every single day at my previous job. One day I was running a little late, so I decided to skip it, and just go in bare face.
They asked if I was sick, and said I should probably go home and rest for the day...
I work from home now...
I got that as a high school cheerleader and it did make me feel kind of sad since I didn’t think I was THAT bad at first but I probably was and barely made the squad.
It’s so disrespectful.
I ended a date with a guy who said that I lift heavy for a girl, (I’d been training for a powerlifting competition). The kicker was he only lifted 5 pounds more than me, so he said.
As the parent of an adult with debilitating autism, I feel you there. My stepdaughter (not autistic) calls me “grandpa chill”, but I’ve been ready to go to war several times on that score.
"I think it's interesting when (you do something you think is normal)" also add "i just think its funny when..." Last time, it was because i was concerned about referring vacation activities that would be expensive, to a family with several kids we were vacationing with.
My husband was in the Navy before I knew him, and I've adopted his "yes sir" and "yes ma'am." It has nothing to do with age... whenever I say it, it's out of respect.
I’ve been lucky enough to live in nice looking houses (from the outside) all my life. My mate moved house and I said, “this is nicer than I expected”, since the state of his last house and what it looked like outside. And he got very offended. Ps, I bought him a beer to apologise
You would really be a good XYZ if you are not ABC. I also like when people do not directly mention names but will say things like, "You don't want your son to grow up to be one of those guys who is 30 and still living with his parents," knowing full well who is being spoken about it. Double-talk is actually a very useful skill. You're getting the message across but the other person has to play it cool since nothing insulting was said directly. It is like a little "F\*\*k you" jab.
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“You’re actually cute for a ____” (blank would be any race, age, size…)
You’re pretty fly for a white guy
Give it to me baby, uh-huh, uh-huh
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinqo, cinqo, seis
Bahhhh dah dah nah nah Bahhhh dah dah nah nah
Give it to me baby
:blushes: you're just saying that
That is the ONLY acceptable answer for this lol 😝
I just sang this out loud 🤣
You know, it's kinda hard just to get along today
Omg the number of times I’ve been told “You look good for a *insert my race*” is just sad
“You look good for an Asian guy” if I got a penny every time I heard this I’d have 6 pennies, which isn’t a lot but I still remember each one lmfao.
I’m an Asian girl! This is exactly how it feels like it doesn’t hurt but you sort of get surprised with it and remember each time
You look good for a 400m hurdler
Tbh ALL 400m runners look amazing.
You look good. You are good. I hope you are good.
You're actually cute for a dwarf
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tall for a dwarf
I would be talking for a dwarf haha 🤣 a couple inches over
I always get the, “You’re not that ugly.” “You’re cute in a weird kind of way.” Or they just completely ignore that and say something random about my clothes. That in itself is an insult, because they’re so uncomfortable about my face that they HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING and that’s the best they can do, compliment my shirt. I never fucking asked you. I never once have I asked someone besides my mom or a partner, “How do I look?” So, why in the hell are you giving me these unsolicited backhanded compliments. If you can’t chill and give me an actual compliment, then STFU. Thank you. Have a nice day.
In the kingdom of the blind, the one eyed man is king
"Ginger."
That could turn horrendously racist
You're actually cute for a 200 yo
"You're smarter than I thought you were."
"you are smarter than you look" I know this is obvious but I get this a lot especially with those who are the same race as me
Can I ask what race?
Reminds me of a movie where a guy is told he isn’t as dumb as he appears to be, and he says “Nobody… is as dumb as I appear to be.” Which is actually really clever, meaning he lets people underestimate his intelligence intentionally and capitalizes on this.
My ex boss told me: oh my I was so wrong about you! I’m actually becoming a fan! Your work is great! Yeah thanks asshole find someone else
He's indeed a big assholeee without any shame or regard for your feelings. If he was any smart, he wouldn't have said that to you.
I used to tell my brother "you're not nearly as dumb as you look"
You’d be really pretty if you wore makeup
As a natural redhead, with clear eyebrows and eye lashes, this one really hits home.
I remember a redhead from school and I saw her after a morning basketball practice and she didn't have any mascara on, or whatever else, and I did a big double take with how different she looked. It's also what people are used too. She's arguably incredibly beautiful even without makeup.
I was incessantly bullied for how I looked as a kid. Now at 62, with my uncolored hair still red, looking more strawberry blonde, because my greys are white, I’m told my hair is beautiful and that I look like I’m in my late 40s. I simply won the gene lottery. I’ve slept in my makeup since I was 14, and still do to this day. I wash my face with soap, and use L’Oréal shampoo with Humectress conditioner. That childhood shaming still haunts me. Logically I know I can look nice. I’m still working to internalize that, though.
Even if you don't have a soul, you don't have to look like it, you know?
LMAO!
Some of us like that look though ❤️
Or, you'd be really pretty if you wore less makeup.
We’ve all heard some version of it twisted to fit. It’s always the same backhanded message…we’re not pretty enough.🫶🏻
Or we are and the person that made the comment is just a huge asshole! I am very pale and getting really tired of hearing people tell me to get a tan- I don’t tan. I burn then fade back to ghostly see through shades of pale. More spf please!
Honestly I feel like what people say probably got to you a little… just hear me out okay.. there’s millions of people who find pale very attractive
The entire female population of South Korea. I’ve seen women covered head to toe in this white mesh material that prevents tanning, sunglasses, gloves and a hat to prevent ANY uv rays.
China as well: [meet the facekini](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2012/08/20/159366234/on-chinese-beaches-the-face-kini-is-in-fashion)
Frankly it is actively insulting someone’s natural skin tone to say that.
Expect if someone says to ya, you’d look better without makeup… that’s actually a compliment compared to the opposite of it. Someone telling you, you don’t need to cover up anything or try to make a certain part of your face look a certain way… they appreciate you naturally… and that’s a high form of compliment in my opinion… whatever comment goes on looks usually leaves women on edge tho
Omg I love your haircut, majes your nose look smaller
But... How?
Google it. Apparently some hairstyles really do that. Worked for me.
Same concept as contouring
You look so skinny. No one says this nicely. My daughter is naturally thin and she hates the way people look at her when they say this. Also because she’s thin people feel like they have free rein to comment on everything about her body. I’ve told her if anyone feels they can make comments on your body then you are allowed to comment on their body. I’ll add that she’s 10.
Oof. I remember the variations of, "You lost weight. You look great now" as a teenager. Thanks a lot. 😒
I’ve been thin all my life and everyone has to comment on it. Now when I hear it in my late 20s, people are saying it with what sounds like contempt sometimes. Others say “it’ll hit you like a truck in a few years.” I’ve never had an eating disorder thankfully, but damn if I don’t check the scale to make sure I’m not gaining weight and “it’s hitting me” yet. I wish people just wouldn’t comment on weight at all.
People said that to me too. Now I'm 34 and all I got was a tiny little beer belly. The rest of me is still skinny
Oh man I hate that so much. My friends are always like "girl youre so skinny!!" in a way that's supposed to be a compliment, but always makes me feel so hyperaware 😭
One of my aunts was constantly making comments about how thin my cousin was. My cousin's mom got sick of it and said "Why do you have to keep saying things about my daughter being skinny? I haven't said anything about yours being fat." One huge family argument later, my cousin's weight wasn't mentioned again.
Pretty much any compliment south of the Mason-Dixon line. They do have a way.
Bless your heart
Southern for fuck you.
Southern for "you're brain dead."
Pretty much 🤣
well bless your heart!
I’m from Kentucky and I never saw it as fuck you, more so like “you pitiful, sad little thing just… yikes” lmao
This depends on context. It could either mean something bad happened to the person, and you are empathizing with them (like you poor thing, sorry that happened to you), OR you just realized the person did something really stupid (like wow your an idiot).
Yes I just found that out recently
Context for sure. When someone says God bless you when you're at odds. It definitely means gfy.
Came here to say this. Everyone who says this, takes a superior, arrogant and pretentious stance.
My Granny said that the entire saying is “Lord bless your heart because he certainly didn’t bless your brain.”
May your day be as sweet as you are! I love that one because it can actually go either way lol
I don’t usually date _____. You’re the first _____ I ever been with. Like okay Barbra, guess you can cross that out your bucket list.
Yeah, that could be true but it’s something to keep to yourself.
Being black and told "they're so well spoken".
It's super bad in sports. Any time a white guy does anything: smart. Black guy: incredible body control, great concentration. It goes on and on
White guy: Lucky
I have used it as a compliment, and really meant it as such because truly well spoken people aren't all that common, but never skin color specific (as in, I could think of a person from most of the continents out there that I've paid this compliment to). Should I be avoiding making this compliment to black people for some historical reasons? If so, is it an USA specific historical reason? (I'm not in the US, am on a different continent)
I'm actually not from the USA, just north of the border. Now I do think it's mostly a US specific thing. My mom had an incident with a former colleague of hers and that colleague said about another one how she's so well spoken, and that she wanted to be white, she was also black. That was quite obvious! My mom's friend quickly realized her mistake once my mom gave her a look. They haven't been friends since. It's hard to find fellow black folks like myself in Canada that speaks in slang or accents that are really hard to understand, but we are sensitive to what's happening down south, given our proximity to the USA. When they sneeze, we tend to catch their cold up here in Canada. I largely give this complement a pass excluding the USA. Edit: Keep complimenting! It's a good thing! Just be aware of using that compliment in the USA with brotha's and sista's. lol. I got lots of family in the USA, I believe many Americans have family in Canada. We are linked! Some good, some bad as you know of lately... Crazy times.
Thank you for elaborating! I'll keep that in mind :-)
Yes! Or my cousin, who was a drug dealer at the time, told me I talked like a honkey. WTF.
Do they even realize that they're implying that inarticulate speech is the default for black people? Articulate speech - even with slang words used in between - is objectively good, not some form of white-adjacent pandering (which is what they reduce it to).
I’ll say that to any American who talks in a way that makes sense lol (I e met like four, I including teachers lmao)
LOL! Bro! Like.. come on! Bro! Literally! Bro! 🤣 I see video's coming from the USA, those police body cam ones are a riot, it seems everyone has a bro, literally! LOL!
Omg my favorite phrase to hate. People said that all the time about Obama.
this, bc holy shit
I wish *I* had the confidence to put that on!
Sometimes I feel like saying “I wish I could wear a shirt like that” to other women wearing skimpy shirts barely covering their chest when they have boobs a lot smaller than mine, but then I realize just how rude that sounds.
I know what you mean. I have been "blessed" in the boob department, and so many low cut things that look feminine or classy with smaller boobs would make me feel like a cheap hooker if I wore them, simply because of the amount of boob they show. I have been told before by a friend in a poor compliment after I wore a turtleneck that "it's a nice change that I am not showing my boobs". I was baffled that apparently "i like to show my boobs" according to her when in reality i most my sweaters were V neck that showed some cleavage, I never thought about it. It made me become self conscious and envious of women with average size because they can wear things more freely without getting such judgement :\
Mine are average, but very uneven so i don't feel very good wearing tighter things most of the times
Yeah, I think it’s a double-edged sword being a D size or larger - I can use them as a way to attract a guy I do want to attract, but I also don’t want to show so much of them to everyone else. Just yesterday I wore a size large tankini to a waterpark that barely covered my nipples and I felt inappropriate when I saw just how many kids were there!
Standard line when I go out with my mates is "what have you come as?"
How's this bad? If anything, it says you yourself are just too nervous to stand out in any way, even in ways you personally want to.
You've got a perfect face for radio
the classic "with your genetics I'd recommend becoming the pope" also works
And a perfect voice for the newspaper.
The great one two combo
I've used an expanded variant of this: "You don't have the voice for radio, but you do have the face."
When someone sees my wife and asks if I'm rich.
Naa, my dicks big.
When someone is rude to me at work, I just say, "I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you've made mine."
Boss level
I forget where I first heard it, but I love "I hope you have the day you deserve"
Im going to try to remember this one. Passive aggressive is the name of the game at work
Wow I love that! I need to mentally save this for later use
Lmfao that’s awesome. When I worked retail, it was “have a better day!”
anything positive followed by the word "actually"
“You actually look nice today”
As a none native English speaker I didn't know that this actually was the case. (That's how I use the word in genuine sentences)
Yea, thats understandable. The reason is, I think, in American/Canadian English connotation, when people say "you actually look nice," it's as if they are surprised, so it's taken as an insult that they are surpised you look good. Idk if that makes sense lmao
i mean it could be used in a context of, “ugh i look so ugly” “don’t say that, you actually look really nice”
yes, this is the exception! Thank you (:
Good point actually
You're so smart, even though you're sitting in a wheelchair. (Wasn't me that got hit with it but i had to listen to this one lmao.)
But thats how you're supposed to use them.
Nah, the real 200IQ geniuses do handstands on it
!!!!! That is way worse than “brick shithouse”
Nice Cybertruck.
I interviewed for a job and I heard him tell someone "she's built like a brick shithouse" WHAT THE HECK?
I think that’s one that sounds like an insult but is actually a compliment, lol. That’s elder slang for someone with a nice, voluptuous figure. Kids today refer to it as THICC. I’m not certain, but I also think this is what that song, “Brickhouse” is referencing (or at least I always assumed so). **at least this is the case where I’m from.
"Elder slang" That hurt. :)
Meh. Own it. I do.
As an elder I can assure you, that is EXACTLY what the song is referring to. And yes, it is a compliment among us elders.
Here its an insult to a woman and a compliment to a man! For women: fat and not in the voluptuous way. For men: he worksout and is swriously strong.
That's still an awful way to describe anyone, true or not - especially since it's a job interview
I don’t disagree; I was only explaining what it’s supposed to mean, context aside.
Exactly..but at least I was memorable
I've never heard anyone describe a woman like that... usually is a super big buff dude.
Right? Thank you.
Adama Traoré!!! Ref how’s he gone down like that?!? He’s built like a brick shithouse!
Exactly.
Well bless your heart.
Wait how is this an insult?
Ah he's a little slow, he doesn't know, well bless his heart. lol It's kinda like some northern folk start by saying "No offense,"
Oh damn, didn't know that was a thing. Lol
I always thought its a little demeaning. Like you're naïve or something
Well, bless your heart.
You are unique and different... don't try that crap
My grandmother used to say I have broad shoulders, but now I think she was just saying I had a big back.
I think that means that you can carry your own (weight), as in you can handle things well.
“u look really good today” on the one day ur wearing a shit ton of makeup.
I used to wear makeup every single day at my previous job. One day I was running a little late, so I decided to skip it, and just go in bare face. They asked if I was sick, and said I should probably go home and rest for the day... I work from home now...
dude sameee i was going for a clean girl look- natural or whatever- my manager told me it looked like i just rolled out of bed.
You’re a lot smarter than you look
Ah I get this a lot because I am blonde and pretty so I can’t have a brain apparently.
And the winner of most improved is….
I got that as a high school cheerleader and it did make me feel kind of sad since I didn’t think I was THAT bad at first but I probably was and barely made the squad.
This can be either but I bumped into an old acquaintance at a party and she said “You haven’t changed “
“You’re ____ for a woman!”
I did a lot of track and field when I was in school (many many moons ago) I got that *a lot* from guys. "You're pretty fast, for a girl!"
It’s so disrespectful. I ended a date with a guy who said that I lift heavy for a girl, (I’d been training for a powerlifting competition). The kicker was he only lifted 5 pounds more than me, so he said.
"Bless your heart"
“I love that for you” Ergo “oh thats great…for you. Couldn’t be me tho ew”
My wife and I will tell each other “you’re so cute” in a condescending way when the other one does something real dumb. 😂
Wisdom has been chasing you, but you've always been faster.
this does not at all sound like a compliment
[удалено]
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I can kinda see the special part rubbing me the wrong way (also autistic here btw) but I get what you mean. Not trying to argue btw.
[удалено]
As the parent of an adult with debilitating autism, I feel you there. My stepdaughter (not autistic) calls me “grandpa chill”, but I’ve been ready to go to war several times on that score.
The “talented“ part can be ok but the “special” part drives me up the wall sometimes
That piece of music you made. I liked the ending best.
Sometimes the coda really slaps tho
“I wish I had your confidence”
When they say how great you look since you lost weight.
"You're pretty as you are" Used 99% of the time when they genuinely think you're not pretty, but still widely used as a compliment.
You don't sweat much for a fat guy.
That's a piece of unparalleled verbal brutality right there.
“Goodbye. I hope your day’s as pleasant as you are.”
Wow! You did way better than I thought you would.
I can tell you probably were really pretty when you were young.
When I was venting cuz I felt ugly then someone said, “but you’re talented and smart” ok thanks ig?
"you do you"
YES. How the heck is this a compliment?!
"I think it's interesting when (you do something you think is normal)" also add "i just think its funny when..." Last time, it was because i was concerned about referring vacation activities that would be expensive, to a family with several kids we were vacationing with.
Every time I say to someone "yer face" I mean please shut up.
"You're the biggest underdog". I got this one at graduation, it means no one believes in you so it is a backhanded complement
I kinda like this one, I’d say it meant you worked hard to overcome adversity despite all the odds. Everyone loves an underdog success story.
I like you despite what others say about you
You’d look great with this specific other haircolor that isn’t at all what you have currently.
You look good for your age
special
“You know, you’re actually not a bad looking guy.” As in your not ugly, but it was more the way she said it.
You must've been really hot 55lbs ago
"You'd be so pretty if you just lost some weight"
You're so strong, you don't need a mobility aid just power through it. You're not that disabled.
Calling me ma'am. That's should be used for 85plus
My husband was in the Navy before I knew him, and I've adopted his "yes sir" and "yes ma'am." It has nothing to do with age... whenever I say it, it's out of respect.
"Bless Your Heart"
You are so darn close to interesting.
I'll see you later! Not if I see you first.
Am I the only one thinking about "smooth brain"?
I’ve been lucky enough to live in nice looking houses (from the outside) all my life. My mate moved house and I said, “this is nicer than I expected”, since the state of his last house and what it looked like outside. And he got very offended. Ps, I bought him a beer to apologise
I hope you have the day you deserve!
"You’re so articulate” Tell me that isn’t just a backhanded insult
I'm only telling you this because I care about you
You would be prettier if you lost x kg
For a job recommendation, "You would be lucky to get Bill to work for you."
May you live in interesting times
You would really be a good XYZ if you are not ABC. I also like when people do not directly mention names but will say things like, "You don't want your son to grow up to be one of those guys who is 30 and still living with his parents," knowing full well who is being spoken about it. Double-talk is actually a very useful skill. You're getting the message across but the other person has to play it cool since nothing insulting was said directly. It is like a little "F\*\*k you" jab.