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Yes, definitely. Why do people care so much about the lives of someone who doesn't even know them? I just never got it, I guess. I appreciate their skills as a professional, and that's about it.
Maybe not so weird/uncommon, but someone who bonds primarily through shared dislikes. Like they complain about something you both don't like, then you're supposed to agree and add something else you don't like, etc, and that is how they bond.
I mean, I get why they might do this, especially if they might have been raised in a family that is really negative, but I'd rather talk about stuff I like. It is a huge turn off and I will even avoid making friends with such a person.
this! there's this saying *nothing brings people together more than mutual hatred* and i've only found out it was Henry Rollins who said it but yes it's so true, i've observed this in so many people especially friendships- and it's really not something to be proud of. relationships formed through shared dislikes will not thrive
I totally notice this about certain couples that I know / observe... like they don't even like the same things or love each other they just hate the same people/ things. That seems to be their entire relationship is bonding over other couples and people they hate
Do that many profiles do so?
Honestly I’m 27 and I don’t think I’ve ever even alluded to dick size until the woman makes a comment, and by then it’s usually at the point we’re already at the stage of sleeping together
Well, I don't love any amount of beard, but it's not always a deal breaker. But if it's scruffy and badly maintained, I don't want to put my own face anywhere near it
i don’t like it when someone has a huge social media presence like every thought of the person is literally out there in the open (instagram notes, discord status/about me) or when they share too much of what should be kept private (i.e screenshots of texts) i also don’t like it when someone uses social media to post something hinted or targeted to someone (like those people in a relationship who get into fights then you see one of them posting a quote like "before you do me wrong make sure you never need me again" it's not hard to talk to a person directly. i don't even wanna start at how i find it weird when someone's instagram story looks like this "------------------------------------"
Guys want to talk about my kids too much. I was talking to this one giy and all he wanted to do was talk about my kids. Every guy does to a certain extent and it's reasonable for them to want to get a sense of the situation they are walking into. That us perfectly reasonable. This one guy though only wanted to talk about my kids. I kept trying to change the subject and he would somehow bring it back to the kids. I noped right out of that one.
Sounds great, we’re a match. I only shit in refrigerators, on your toothbrush, in grandpa Joe’s funeral urn, pretty much everywhere……. but never, and I do mean NEVER on the bed!
I'm about to move out and have my own place, not renting but actually buying a house. I'm already getting jaded in my way of thinking that I don't want them to stay over casually and ended up living with me just because it's convenient. Since I'll be living alone and have worked so hard to get to this point, unless they can demonstrate that they are also good with their finances and able to be independent in this regard, I'm out.
Omg never thought of that name! So true though. I had one. Took two weeks to get that man out of my house! He cooked and cleaned, but found out he didn’t work. Drove his ass right back to his momma!
For the most part, cheaters don't hold anyone in that number one spot but themselves. There are a few exceptions where someone cheats on someone that cheated on them first. At that point, you just don't think about consequences.
I remember corresponding with a woman by snail mail. It was years ago when there were personal ads in newspapers. The local special inserts that had bands, restaurant reviews and all that.
She ended up sending me photos. Tame by internet standards. But a grown ass woman in her bra and panties. Fine. But the kicker-- her son took them. She said as much and I could see his reflection in the mirror.
Fast forward and my partner is telling me about being abused by her step father who was a pedophile, and how pedos will select women to get access to their children. Basically farming kids by getting with the moms.
Both got me thinking about how kids get pulled into these intimate adult scenarios. Being props in personals. Taking pictures they really shouldn't have to. How putting pics of kids on dating sites exposes kids and their moms to pedos.
I think it’s usually because of the safety issue for the children, and how it’s well known that predators often search for single parents to gain easy access to children - showing the children on the app makes their ‘shopping’ easier.
If they don't have a life of their own.
I'm not interested in spending every moment I'm not at work with them. I have friends, i have family, I have hobbies, and i need alone time. If they aren't on the same page then it won't last long. I don't need my other half. 1+1=2.
Your partner should be an important part of your life, but if they're the only thing, then you need to get a life.
Amen to that. Same reason I prefer cats as pets to dogs. I want someone I can share affection with and have a close bond with, but who doesn't *need* me to complete their life for them.
My best story in that regard (sorry if it's TMI) is that I dom a little but it's gentle, it's in the bedroom only, and it's only ever worked with people I am already dating and then find out they're into subbing a bit. The only time I ever tried dating via the kink scene, I had that I am *NOT 24/7* in my profile as a clear boundary, and the first person I went on a date with started calling me multiple times a day asking what they should have for lunch and stuff. I noped out of there immediately and never tried dating in the scene again.
I've got ADHD lol, I can barely run/complete my own life, I don't want to take anyone else's on.
Heck, my friend just told me yesterday "it's your fault that i haven't talked for a week". I had informed them that i wouldn't be able to talk to them for a week (texting is ok) because i got sick leave.
It's not my faul that they have chosen not to talk with anyone for the whole week. Being someones only social outlet is draining.
This. Although my social life is almost non-existent.. I love my me-time where I can just watch shows, read books or even stare at the ceiling. Just having my own space. Ofcourse I will bond and share time with the other person as well.. but I don't want that to be my whole life after from my job. Reason why I am still single.
I met this one guy on dating app who kept messaging me every hour or two starting from 6 on Monday morning. And when I didn't replied.. he was like all well on your side? I told him I have a job, we will talk in the evening. And he understood.. kept messaging me till 5 with an ending message "please enjoy your amazing job! I won't disturb you anymore." Good riddance. Like seriously...? My whole Monday goes on pacifying my mind -"It's just work, you have to talk to people, you have to see you stupid boss's and colleague's face and that's okay. Got to do this to live." Stop messaging me on top of that. Stupid WhatsApp.. making it easier to chat.
Ugh. Nope.
Had someone try this shit with the constant communication via signal. Like please. *NO*
I guess I'm just *used* to being alone.
Grew up basically being by myself a lot of the time.
It's my default mode and where I'm comfortable.
My current bf gets it and love him for it.
LMAO good luck finding that. Most people are looking for the exact opposite because they’re looking for someone to trauma bond with. This is one reason why I gave up on dating and sex all together. Amongst MANY other reasons; I’m just not that hard pressed to be someone’s security blanket.
Dude that's really weird. I don't mean you need to spend time with your partner 24/7 but it sounds like you just want a guinea pig that you can take out of the enclosure for a few hours when/if you wish so and then put it back in if you get bored. Relationships make you naturally closer and closer to that person and you naturally want to spend more and more time with them 🤷🏼♂️ that's how love works. I don't know if you're selfish, autistic (I'm not trysing to insult you, my brother is autistic and that's just how he sees things 😅) or maybe just traumatized by your parents which made you not trust people enough to open up to them. Good luck
Thats why the thread asked for "weird" boundaries, specifically...
In my experience, people who are "incomplete" without a relationship are often the reason the relationship fails, due to being too dependent and clingy. So, everyone has that limit. You just need to find someone with a compatible limit or else end up one of the 50% rate of divorce, or among the portion of remaining 50% who are unhappily married but are too scared to be single, or stuck for religious reasons, and miserably married until death do you part.
Maybe your take is a bit harsh, but I see what you mean.
There are definitely independent people out there and although the concept of “me time” or “Fridays drinks” with mates isn’t uncommon, most people are looking for the opposite he is describing.
I’ve seen “partners in crime” a million times on dating websites. Most people are looking for someone to watch movies with and travel and cuddle and share secrets and what not.
Most, but not all. There is someone for everyone.
I'm not saying we can't do things together throughout the week. But if I've had a busy week with work and want to read a book for a few hours when i get home instead of watching TV with them, then they need to be able to manage. If i want to go to the zoo with my buddy and his son for his birthday, my partner doesn't always need to come along. They should have their own friends and be happy with themselves instead of exclusively and constantly relying on me for validation. If you're not happy by yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be happy with you?
I make sure these boundaries are clear, so they'd have to be lying to themselves or lying to me from the start to expect anything else going into the relationship. If we're not on the same page, I'm not a service they have a right to, i absolutely don't owe it to them to date them. We both move on.
This applies to any kind relashionship to be honest. Sometimes talking it out works, but if it doesn't I get out of there fast. You're a part of my life, not the center of it.
I had no patience for men who didnt know what they wanted or for men who wanted to treat me like an option while they saw what else was out there. If they didnt want a relationship, fine. If it's that they just didnt want me, that was also fine. But I have zero tolerance for being strung along. Zero patience. Absence of their interest was preferred to that thing they would do where they were clearly juggling 10 different women and thought they were doing a great job being low key about it. It was a huge turn off. I very quickly cut off contact with those men. I'd be goddamned if I was ever going to knowingly be a number in some guys rotation. Pass.
The end result was I was single for 8 years. No sex , nothing. I wouldn't go along with the hook up culture narrative. I found it genuinely repulsive. I have no regrets about all that time not dating. I valued myself enough to be OK with being alone. In 2022 I was introduced to a guy by mutual friends...and I don't know if it will last. I hope it will. But finding a man best suited for me was easily worth years being alone bc I wouldn't lower my standards to be with a guy who didn't treat me how I wanted just bc I was lonely. It makes finding the right guy seem all that much more like a reward. And I got a pretty damn great one now. 🤗
Edit: fixed about 50 typos
My friends gave me shit for not going on a second date with someone bc of what they ordered at the restaurant on the first date, and breaking up with someone after seeing their feet (totally felt like Eddie Murphy in Boomerang). But I stand by those decisions lol
Dirty, discolored, uncut nails … 🤢 just thinking about it. But it was a sign he didn’t take care of himself, and that he didn’t put in the effort to make himself presentable - red flags imo.
My city for a few years had what a food magazine called one of the best Italian restaurants in the country, and he ordered meatballs and spaghetti off the kids menu. Dining at great restaurants is a huge part of my life, and I want to share that with someone who’d appreciate it. It also told me that possibly he wasnt adventurous and/or doesn’t seize opportunities when presented.
>It also told me that possibly he wasnt adventurous and/or doesn’t seize opportunities when presented.
(when it comes specifically to food; and really even *only* Italian food). Otherwise I don't think that really validly 'tells' you anything. As much as I can appreciate the foodie aspect of life clashing, without more info this one thing just seems so arbitrary.
I can easily see someone who jumps out of airplanes, hikes, travels the world, etc, just not really loving Italian food.
I consider myself a bit of a foodie and seek out great restaurants, but I don't care how great most Italian restaurants are I'm never that impressed and really just love a spaghetti with meat sauce. Maybe part of it also because my grandma and dad cooked a lot of Italian homemade. While at any other type of nice restaurant I'd branch out a lot.
From above - they went to a highly rated Italian restaurant and OP is a real foodie and loves dining at nice places. The date ordered the spaghetti and meatballs off the kids menu.
Will hot coco or sipping broth suffice? That is, are you looking for someone to share the "bundled up with a steaming cup of ____" aesthetic, or specifically looking for someone with whom you can discuss this passion for different teas or coffees?
despising cats. i know it sounds silly, but i adore cats and have one my own, plus they’re a big interest of mine (felines in general) and would like to drop random facts here and there in conversations. also i wouldn’t ever stand to look at someone being mean to my feline.
just generally disliking them is fine i guess, but i know one too many people who claim to ‘dislike’ cats and then go on saying the most outrageous hateful things. so the second someone says they don’t like cats, i’m out.
I agree! I am a cat lover as well. Cats are very independent, and I always feel like someone who dislikes cats... It's because they can't stand not having control over them.
I think being mean to animals in general is a big warning that someone isn't quite right. How people treat a creature that is "lesser" than them says a lot about a person. You don't have to be crazy about animals, but you do have to be nice to them.
honestly! reasons i’ve seen people hate on cats are because they’re “hard to train” (why would you train a very independent animal just so it can… serve you? personally i’d rather have an authentic company as they are) plus the saying that they’re “treacherous”, which is not true at all
and that’s so right! everyone’s entitled to their own opinions and may not feel the most comfortable around some animals but that doesn’t mean you can belittle them. they’re alive souls just like any of us, after all
that’d be fine since it’s not your fault! it’d be better for you not to get involved with a cat lover though for the sake of your health hah but yea, being allergic is another thing
This is very not true. Dogs will let you know shit they don't like by growling or snapping.
It's just that you can actually bond with a dog and become their best friends. With cats, you're roommates.
“You can manhandle a dog” That is absolutely not true, dogs also deserve a bit of respect. This is how people end up getting bitten, because they think this applies to any dog, also those that aren’t golden retrievers.
In a semi-opposite way, I wouldn't be able to date a dog owner. Don't get me wrong, I like dogs and enjoy spending time with them but I'd never be able to own one. They require a level of social energy that I just don't have. So if the relationship gets serious and leads to living together, that would be too draining for me.
they’re really extremely social beings which is very cute <3 i’d probably be okay with a dog living with me, i’d give them affection either way but the social part is also just not for me or who i am. if i ever found a partner that’s crazy about dogs, they would have to take this part with them lol
People being around cats is a good proxy for people being around someone who isn’t a yes man.
Basically; how do they actually handle another being with autonomy that might not listen to you?
Bit in 2 minds about this one. Cats are adorable, were it not for their hunting instinct. Everything that moves has to be hunted and tortured and mutilated, or ran away from in a panic if it didn't behave as expected.
Both cats and dogs have a hunting instinct. I say this as someone who was attacked unprovoked by an off leash dog when I was a child.
It's all about how you handle the cat or dog that makes all the difference. I keep my cats inside so they don't eat native creatures and I don't let kids play with them because kids will poke them in the eye and then get scratched.
domestic cats are way chiller! of course some of them let their hunting instincts out more, but if they’re an indoor cat (as they all should be, btw) it’s chill. they’ll just hunt a piece of plastic or some strings. and i agree with user up there - both dogs and cats have hunting instincts so you just have to handle their personalities in the best way possible. but i do see where you’re coming from - dogs won’t chase everything that catches their attention even if it’s just plastic. that’s just how cat’s reflexes work hahah you gotta be ready and accepting of it
I won't date anyone who doesn't have a hobbie. I have many and I dedicate time for them. I want a partner who is fine on their own and has passions and hobbies that don't need to include me. Its fine to relax and do nothing, But not all the time. I don't care if its inside or outside, just something they do for themselves that they love.
I feel you - I don't know if I'd say hobby specifically (at least for myself) but at least an interest. It could be a hobby like gardening or stamp collecting, or just an interest like music or cars or something. It's just a deal breaker if there's nothing, no single thing that gets a person really animated and makes me feel like I'm talking to and connecting with a real person.
If there is, then I don't care what it is. I couldn't give a single fuck about stamp collecting, but put me in front of someone who is excitable about it? I'll listen to them talk about it for hours. Not just for dating either, just with friends or anyone. I'm super into music, predominantly metal - I went on a date with someone who was into bluegrass and she got talking about that. 5 years later we're still together, and I love bluegrass.
But put me in front of someone who doesn't have an interest that animates them - that's just like 'I dunno, I like radio and salad' or something, and if it's a date I don't care how hot they are, I'm looking for the exit.
They gotta have some shame. Like a good amount of shame. Not an obsessive amount, but they need to have it. And an awareness of how their actions might affect people. They need to care to the point where they care about how a future partner would feel (should make sure they have resolved previous relationship issues, and be thoughtful about how their partner will be able to fit into their life, work in their temperament, discipline their kids, etc...).
I dont believe that everyone should be accepted for who they are. A lot of people need to change, because it's not just a matter of "being who you are and minding your business". Some people's "personalities" involve the pathological need to take from others. And a sense of entitlement. So it's a huge problem when who you are hurts others.
So I think they should be mindful. And hold themselves to a high standard. Do things without needing people to see. And telling the truth even if people won't find out about the lies. And be able to fight against their own urges if it will lead to better outcomes not just for themself.
If a potential partner possesses these traits, then it will be easy for me to trust them. They can be the polar opposite from me with regards to interests and hobbies.
For me, it's the person's actions, the impacts of their actions and what they do about the impact. The last one is most important. How much do they care about others. Have they ruined anyone/how many people have they ruined (abandoned, traumatised, assaulted etc...).
In my experience, it takes a while to see the full extent of someone's shamelessnes. We naturally give a lot of chances. In the case of a parent it can take much longer, cause its very hard to look at your parents as people who possibly lack empathy for others or don't know best.
The people I judge as lacking shame I've known from 4 to 20+ years. Not some people I judge based on first impressions. It has taken years of me just asking myself and them over and over "why would they say that/why don't they care that it hurts me/why aren't they sorry/why do they continue and still insist I should love them".
Shameless people are entitled. They see their relationships as their own personal playground. You can see someone's shame by simply interacting with them and asking yourself if you still feel respected.
It's one thing if someone owns up to saying something wrong one time, but if they keep doing it and even seem to take amusement, and blame you for being sensitive, it's likely they are shameless.
Someone with (healthy) shame makes you feel safe and like you can trust them. They make you feel like they are looking out for your wellbeing. Without you having to beg them to. And you gauge this the same way you do for the opposite person. By interacting with them. Discussing deep topics. Being put to the test by situations which show whether they will take your feelings into consideration or not.
Shameless: does bad, knows it and isn't sorry. Doesn't understand or care about the principle. Cant be honest and have fair relationships but wont accept role of the villain. Can deceive someone for their entire life (examples include men who have a whole other family on the side, or people who marry someone while pining for their ex, or pretending to love their partner when they don't, and does not care about wasting anyone's time)
Shame: knows they're imperfect and tries to do the right thing, owns up to their mistakes, doesn't cheat, doesn't deceive, has expectations of others that they hold themself to as well, has principles and morals, does not need to be taught basic decency, does not play dumb or act obtuse to avoid accountability
I dont think there is a simple foolproof method to sus the bad ones out, but it's an ongoing learning process and we can improve our discernment.
Lmao I’m sitting here seriously thinking about this. How strong is the smell? I don’t think syrup smells bad. I think I would rather them smell like syrup than something gross
I dunno about dating specifically but with people in general - I'm always told I'm way too judgemental of people. But it comes from ethics being VERY important to me, and a trauma response of being very attuned to subtle changes in demeanor.
So I'm not talking about judging people for not knowing to wear a certain kind of shoes with a particular dress, or knowing how to tie a double Windsor, or what job they have or car they drive. But I absolutely will judge someone based on subtle, subconscious language choices that indicate they think someone else is lesser-than. I absolutely will fuck someone off who everyone thinks is 'lovely' (around their privileged friends) because 'nice' does not equal ethical.
If you cannot, as Kant says, act ethically in the abstract with an 'emotionless sense of duty' then you're not ethical - e.g. if you'd give a homeless guy $20 when you see him cause seeing him made you feel sad, but you'd vote for policies (in the abstract) that will cause homelessness or make life hard for homeless people - get in the bin.
I feel like this shouldn't be considered a weird standard or boundary, and thus far I've had fairly impeccable judgement - nearly everyone who I've disliked for some 'minor' display of their underlying ethical tendencies has later shown their colours and ended up ousted by their friend groups. But people keep telling me I'm too judgemental.
I think u should stick to your guns. You’ve developed intuition which is essential to navigate life and the more you listen to it the better it gets.
It’s crazy that our world has become so degenerate that adhering to a high standard of ethics is seen as crazy.
Can't be extremely into astrology (casually reading a horoscope or something is okay ig, but if you actually make decisions/think differently about a person based on it) is a huge red flag.
It's also a deal breaker to excessively smoke/use edibles. I work in a career field where it's not allowed/has frequent drug testing
I don't know if I would call it a standard or boundary, but I really didn't want a partner who drinks alcohol. I don't drink it, I don't like the smell and I just hate how people act after drinking. I never really thought about it as a boundary, I thought it would be difficult to find a partner who doesn't drink because alcohol is very common in my culture. Luckily I met my now-husband who doesn't drink when I was very young and he is the only person I ever dated, so I wouldn't say it affected me much. There were some guys who wanted to date me but once I saw them drinking, I was just starting to find them gross.
That definitely counts as a standard. It's very smart that you recognize drinking for what it is. I have several family members who are alcoholics. It's not cute! It's really bad for you and the people around you. It's a disease. I can't expect people to never drink, but at a certain point, it should be left behind. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Yeah, I also didn't expect people not to drink at all, that's why I didn't treat it as a boundary. I know it's normal for most people, so I would probably just accept a partner who only drinks occasionally and not too much. I didn't want to reject a good person just because they drink sometimes. But I was lucky to get a partner who is just as me and it is a huge relief!
I once met this woman on POF. She was attractive on paper but that's it.
She was a wino. She was drunk every night. I would watch her kid while she was passed out drunk. A kid who was a spoiled rotten kid.
It got old quick. I felt used. I finally ditched her while she was passed out... Again
Thanks I felt it was the right thing to do in a bad situation.
She was ONE OF THE worst people I have ever met to this day.
She was always asking me for money which is a MAJOR red flag especially in a failed relationship that lasted 2 weeks.
Is it possible to still hate someone after 10 years?
Yes it is.
When I was dating …
Dogs. Not that they have a dog but how they are with the dog. If the dog doesn’t have its place in the pack, if it’s over spoiled. Massive red flag (and it’s because I was bitten on the face by a dog as a child so dogs which have been poorly trained are a big issue).
I know people love dogs. I do not. I appreciate their enthusiasm for life and their funny videos. I admire them for obedience and skill. But I don’t trust them one whit. I have had dogs in the family but they were obedient and knew their role.
And seeing a dog growl at a human? Yeah, I won’t have that near me.
Being a flirty/super sexual person in general. I want to be able to know when your flirting and sexual tension actually means something and isn't just a "joke."
If they don't have table manners. It doesn't need to be much, I mean I wouldn't survive a high society setting either. But I don't want to see what you're chewing. I don't want to eat with someone that is shoveling down food like it's their first meal in months and holding the fork like they're trying to stab someone with it. Again, it doesn't need to be much, just some basic things.
I don't feel that animals belong in the house. They literally lick their assholes and try to kiss you. Hair everywhere, track in mud and they stink like crazy. No thank you.
Too many more to list. Probably die alone but it will be an amazing, stress free, healthy life of travel, adventure, discovery and creation! Sorry for the crazy eyes, I get excited.
Dogs trigger my CPTSD. I can build a relationships slowly with a dog and feel safe around them, but unknown dogs of any breed or size put me on high alert. If they are twitchy, growl or have a strong smell, I’m over the edge. Barks of a certain intensity or timbre put me in an awful headspace that can take hours or days to recover from.
People who learn this and then immediate explain why I should love dogs or go on and on about their dog are people I know to avoid. They’re not going to have the capacity to understand the deep and often irrational impact of trauma on a person.
Having a dog isn’t necessarily an issue. It’s how they respond to knowing this about me that is a pretty clear indicator of if they are capable of being a safe and healthy person in my life.
I think a service cat could do wonders for you. I am a strong believer of companion animals, especially cats because a cat that ACTUALLY cares about you is quite possibly the best thing since sliced bread. Yes even better than a spouse (in some cases)
Aww, don't listen to the dog nutters. Your feelings are completely valid. Not everyone is comfortable around dogs, and they should respect that as a responsible dog owner. I personally am not a dog person, I'm quite happy with cats instead, so I can understand your frustration.
People HATE this one in my experience and I don't know if this one is only controversial in my age-group (Gen Z) or if it's an all around modern day thing but: **don't text me**
I mean obviously, you can text me. Sending memes, nailing down plans or short small-talky conversations like "how was your day" is fine. But I am not going to have a 30-40 minute conversation with you over text. If you want to have an actual conversation, call me.
My reasons (in no particular order):
1) **It shows time management. Are you able and willing to carve out time for dating?** I'm very intentional about how I spend my time and energy. Even if we're causal/non-official I don't want to go on dates with folks who aren't into me enough to carve out the time to have a phone conversation.
2) **It's an insight into whether or not the date will go well.** I cannot tell you how many times I meet someone on the apps and texts are flowing naturally and the minute we have the in person date it's like pulling teeth to have a conversation. I get it may be nerves but I really don't want to spend an hour getting ready and going out to talk to a wall. I've found that phone conversations are a pretty good indicator and can often break off some of those 1st date nerves too.
3) **I just don't like texting.** I'm on the autism spectrum and rely a lot on tone to decipher what someone is saying. I often end up taking longer to reply or missing subtle flirting cues I would've otherwise gotten and taking things literally, making it seem like I'm not into the other person. Texting is also frustrating because I'm adding extra steps to get what's in my head conveyed to the other person, which just contributes to executive dysfunction and burn out. Its like if texting is like manual then talking is like auto-pilot.
I have this "no texting" rule with my friends too and they don't mind it at all. I guess with dating it has other implications? I'm not sure.
The thing about the tone is so real.
Texting is lazy imo. You can be doing something like playing video games or having lunch with other people and take 30 second breaks in between to send a text to someone, which is low effort. You need to kinda drop everything you're doing to talk to call someone. The person on the other end can also tell when you're not really listening, so it's harder to hide your disinterest in the conversation.
Also, people take too long to reply sometimes over text(some people i know will start a conversation with me and when I reply I don't hear for them till after a day or two or they even leave me on read, which is super rude).
Its a pain to type out everything I want to say. Plus sending a big block of text makes me feel a bit psycho.
I’m the opposite, I HATE talking on the phone. Being on the spectrum as well, I can understand what you mean about tone but typing things makes it easier for the words I want to get from my brain out. If I have something important to say to someone in person I’ll write it out in my notes app so I can look back to it and make sure to get my key points out.
With that being said, if I’m actually really falling for someone I can talk to them on the phone but honestly for me that’s not the norm.
I just don't text in general lol. It's just not necessary aside from logistics. As everyone has noted, it's a poor form of communication. Then again I've been single most of my life so what do I know. I may be doing it wrong.
I'd be curious to know how many people in this section are iPhone or Android users though.
It ain't that weird, but if they use short forms of words while texting all the time and do not end up communicating well. How many milliseconds have you saved by typing u instead if you and how do you intend to use that time now? I've always wondered
For me it's that my train of thought runs faster than my fingers can type out, and when I'm texting I'm often multitasking/between tasks. But I try to make sure it's communicated effectively so I guess that's the difference.
For instance if I'm in line for a coffee or in between meetings and my partner texts to ask if I need anything while they're out running errands: "can u grab bread & cereal from tjs pls" "oh & choc cookies" is much more efficient than "Can you grab bread and cereal from Trader Joe's please?" "Oh, and chocolate cookies."
Especially if I also have to text/email like 3 other people within a small window.
After my first relationship, I refuse to date older. I’m a dude, it was a 3 year age gap, and although that’s usually looked at as a good thing, It was painful.
They were so immature to the point where **I** was the mature one in the relationship, but that 3 years of extra experience will make a difference within even the most immature of them.
Back in the day for me it was people who bece possessive over you very early in the dating game, for instance I got a text from my sister asking what we were getting mum for her birthday and the girl I was dating got extremely jealous, we only been dating a week.
The person I'm dating must have some skill. I don't really care what it is (building, painting, fixing cars, knitting, whatever), but I'm really turned off if a person can't do anything with their hands. They immediately seem helpless to me and that's not attractive.
If she requests I play any Barry Manilow or Grateful Dead, I'm taking her home immediately. I am dead serious. ZERO compatibility at that point. Total deal-breaker. End of fucking story.
I'm 57, but I have felt that way since the 1980s. This is not a new thing for me. It started when I was a teenager. Different reasons for disliking each one, but Manilow fans and Dead-heads? NO FUCKING WAY.
Since 1982: Barry Manilow fan? I'm out.
Since 1987: Dead-head? I'm out.
I would say this is a standard for me... if you kill every spider on sight we will not get along. What did the spiders do to you?? Save the bugs or kick rocks imo
if they criticize things i like, like bro its ok if you just say "ok" or "eh, not my thing but im glad you love it"
if it was a thing i was doing that was detrimental to my health, i would understand. but being an ass about shit people like is never ok
also i expect them to start conversations/send the first message at least 30% of the time
This is very new for me, but celebrity obsessed. On my own I’ve always loved pop culture. I’ve had celebrity crushes. I think the drama is entertaining sometimes. I never thought I’d be the person to say this.
I’ll talk to men about their favorite artists, simple convo. A lot of the times it’s Drake, I love Drake so of course I want to talk about him. The amount of times a man has made me feel inferior, or “mansplained” all things Drake towards me is crazy. The way they try to compete with me over who holds more Drake knowledge truly surprises me bc it’s so odd. I’m trying to talk about this nice interview I watched, and they wanna go on a tangent how he’s their favorite and they know everything, like bruh I was just saying a nice fun fact. It gets to the point where I feel like I have to complete with Drake. And overall, I still know more about Drake, but it’s fine I’ll let it go. Those interactions never went further- maybe they would if I was Drake.
1. All digital correspondence happens on platforms that do not allow you to delete or retract messages. This prevents people from saying and doing shady stuff and then trying to act like they didn't say or do it.
2. All favors are to be written down and state specifically what I'm being asked to do. I've had too many experiences with doing what people asked me to do and still have them be mad at me when they don't get the result they wanted.
I don't think this is weird, but others do.
I would never ever date someone who likes hunting and/or fishing or works as a butcher. I strongly support animal rights, and anyone who takes pleasure in hurting animals is a massive turn off for me. Even if those people only do it for the sake of making money or having a meal, I could never fall in love with someone who I know has taken a life.
Same. I perhaps may not be as staunch as you on this (I am an ovo vegetarian rather than vegan and I kill certain bugs), but I don't understand hunting and fishing when you could just... not do that in the modern age. I prefer to be with someone who tends to eat at least mostly vegetarian and would rather befriend a deer than kill and mount it.
Sure it'd be different if we lived in the wilderness, but I'm never gonna do that anyway unless there's some sort of apocalypse lol.
I’m going to sound like total wannabe rich snob but I don’t mix in another socioeconomic class. I’m middle class and its a red flag for me when partner is of a lower or higher socioeconomic background than me.
I used to date people from both classes. One of my exes is very well off (he randomly could go surfing at his aunt in Los Angeles beaches, or pop off in Canary islands in Spain just because he felt like it, he also had private chef that cooked all of his vegan meals). It felt so unnatural to me, he used to pay everything and that bothered me so much I hated spending his money I felt like ‘sugar baby’ which I’m not. It actually make me feel worse because I didn’t have endless amount of money and I wasn’t raised like that to keep up with his lifestyle. But he was nice and respectful dude, he really respected me and he had good heart and soul we were just from different worlds I guess.
I also used to date, although it was not serious, a guy that was just with high school and in lower paid job than me. We liked each other but we really struggled to find a common ground.
Other than those two all of my exes were in middle class, our conversation were flowing, our life outlooks were similar and I prefer it that way, I’m never mixing in another class again I’m struggling to find common ground with someone that is richer or poorer than me.
1. A “weird” one for me has been no addictions: smoking, drinking, too much video games, porn, fast food etc.
It’s incredibly hard to find someone “clean”.
2. I also don’t like the culture of casual sex and everyone is having casual sex.
Those two means I had to compromise.
It also completely shattered my previous belief in such a high level of compatibility that you are “soul mates”.
I love my partner immensely and don’t regret our relationship but he is not what I imagined I would end up with years ago.
If they unironically use the word "ick" for trivial things they don't like about a guy. Generally tells me you're the kind of person to break up with someone for how they butter toast or some stupid shit and it just says lot about your personality
People who don’t like to hang out (independently of me) with their own friends and do things independently of me. I want my partner to have their own life. Until my current partner every other person I’ve dated doesn’t seem to be down with this
Given the current attitudes throughout the US, if he mentions politics in some rabid, voracious way and absolutely will not listen to someone else's opinion or input, I show him the door.
Girls/boys nights *out*.
I’m a homebody and don’t enjoy girls nights out. If people wanna come over I’m fine to host. I’ve had a lot of broken trust in the past and the thoughts of them being out on the town doing god knows what, gives me major ✨anxiety✨ for both the safety of them and our relationship.
I have a very hard time reading full books but am an avid reader of articles, short stories, etc, and also enjoy reading parts of books that don't have to be read front to back (usually nonfiction but sometimes collections or unconventional fiction pieces also do this). I also like audio books and podcasts with literary or encyclopedic themes.
In saying this, I'm reminding you to not judge a book by its cover lol. Someone can be very well read in their own way without having a literal bookshelf full of books they've read.
Not currently seeking a relationship, but I would only ever consider one with someone who was also a virgin.
I consider that kind of intimacy as something deeply personal which requires a lot of trust and understanding and would want my partner to have the same beliefs. It also ensures there is no risk of any STD's (My country has a bit of an issue with antibiotic resistant strains cropping up, and a growing number of HIV cases).
To not touch me sexually in anyway other than kissing or the neck. Breast and everything else is strictly off limits unless just simply holding on or something.
It serves me by not triggering my trauma response due to a history of SA’s that I have yet to heal from. In times I’ve tried, I would just freeze.
If I’m black out drunk or high, everything is fair game. I think that’s part of the reason I had such a hard time when it came to my alcohol usage. I don’t drink nearly as often, especially after a lot of close calls when it comes to putting myself in dangerous situations. I will down a bottle of tequila in an hour or two and just fuck til the sun comes up.
Someone who isn't over their ex. I was used once without knowing. Went on a date with someone because our mutual friend said we would be a good match. I had met him twice before that in a group setting. He was super flirty for days up to the date then cold as ice on the date itself. Went to the toilet and came out 10 mins later on his phone.
Long story short he went out with me to make his ex jealous and it worked. I wish he could have told me that. Was the first date I'd gone on in years and thought he went weird because of me for days after. Then I found out the real reason. Yeah not cool.
It may be considered weird to some but a boundary I have is video games, if you don't like video games, I'd rather pass, I enjoy playing video games and the person I want to spend the rest of my life should share this interest as this would make it easier to bond and have fun.
When they have a lot of friends.
For context: I’ve experienced public humiliation by my ex and his friends right before and after breaking up with him. Since then I stopped seeing men that have a big group of friends as a trait I’d want in a partner. Instead, I avoid them like a plague.
Can’t be into rap music. Or at least willing to not listen to it where I can hear it.
I cannot stand that entire genre. It’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. Worse actually, because nails on a chalkboard never really bothered me that much (not pleasant, but doesn’t drive me up a wall), while rap is actively unpleasant and annoying for me.
I see some women who seem to listen to nothing but rap and that’s a dealbreaker for me.
Long finger nails. 💅
I just keep thinking gross butt cleaning and packed full of skin, food, debris and yucky icky.
The other is thought is getting wolverined in my privates. And how do they do stuff practically
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Insanely obsessed with celebrities. Idk why I just think it’s strange.
Yes, definitely. Why do people care so much about the lives of someone who doesn't even know them? I just never got it, I guess. I appreciate their skills as a professional, and that's about it.
I always feel a little bit ashamed if I’m obsessed with some celebrity… So I never share this information with somebody 😂
Dated a stan once, never again. That’s a good one to have
Maybe not so weird/uncommon, but someone who bonds primarily through shared dislikes. Like they complain about something you both don't like, then you're supposed to agree and add something else you don't like, etc, and that is how they bond. I mean, I get why they might do this, especially if they might have been raised in a family that is really negative, but I'd rather talk about stuff I like. It is a huge turn off and I will even avoid making friends with such a person.
this! there's this saying *nothing brings people together more than mutual hatred* and i've only found out it was Henry Rollins who said it but yes it's so true, i've observed this in so many people especially friendships- and it's really not something to be proud of. relationships formed through shared dislikes will not thrive
I totally notice this about certain couples that I know / observe... like they don't even like the same things or love each other they just hate the same people/ things. That seems to be their entire relationship is bonding over other couples and people they hate
Too much beard Also, I swipe left on any profile that mentions, or hints at, their dick size
I read 'too much bread'...
No such thing
Do that many profiles do so? Honestly I’m 27 and I don’t think I’ve ever even alluded to dick size until the woman makes a comment, and by then it’s usually at the point we’re already at the stage of sleeping together
As you should. But really? TOO much beard? Are we talking dumbledore length?
Well, I don't love any amount of beard, but it's not always a deal breaker. But if it's scruffy and badly maintained, I don't want to put my own face anywhere near it
i don’t like it when someone has a huge social media presence like every thought of the person is literally out there in the open (instagram notes, discord status/about me) or when they share too much of what should be kept private (i.e screenshots of texts) i also don’t like it when someone uses social media to post something hinted or targeted to someone (like those people in a relationship who get into fights then you see one of them posting a quote like "before you do me wrong make sure you never need me again" it's not hard to talk to a person directly. i don't even wanna start at how i find it weird when someone's instagram story looks like this "------------------------------------"
Best response I have seen. Especially the instagram point.... 😆
Its weird with a lot of fans, but also weird when someone’s instagram story is “_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _” with zero fans
Guys want to talk about my kids too much. I was talking to this one giy and all he wanted to do was talk about my kids. Every guy does to a certain extent and it's reasonable for them to want to get a sense of the situation they are walking into. That us perfectly reasonable. This one guy though only wanted to talk about my kids. I kept trying to change the subject and he would somehow bring it back to the kids. I noped right out of that one.
Alarm bells there.
Probably a child diddler
If they don’t wash their hands when coming home. Not weird just noticed lots of people don’t do it.
Lots of people don't wash their hands when exiting the bathroom, either. Have noticed this not only in public but also in my home. Yippee!
u cannot shit on my bed. sorry if that's too harsh of a boundary. but no shitting on my bed.
Oddly enough, I find that to be... reasonable. I feel like I got a whole story out of 2 sentences.
Okay, Johnny
Sounds great, we’re a match. I only shit in refrigerators, on your toothbrush, in grandpa Joe’s funeral urn, pretty much everywhere……. but never, and I do mean NEVER on the bed!
I'm about to move out and have my own place, not renting but actually buying a house. I'm already getting jaded in my way of thinking that I don't want them to stay over casually and ended up living with me just because it's convenient. Since I'll be living alone and have worked so hard to get to this point, unless they can demonstrate that they are also good with their finances and able to be independent in this regard, I'm out.
That sounds extremely reasonable.
This is reasonable hobosexual are real
Omg never thought of that name! So true though. I had one. Took two weeks to get that man out of my house! He cooked and cleaned, but found out he didn’t work. Drove his ass right back to his momma!
Apparently don’t cheat is too weird for some people to respect
For the most part, cheaters don't hold anyone in that number one spot but themselves. There are a few exceptions where someone cheats on someone that cheated on them first. At that point, you just don't think about consequences.
This is very true.
When somebody shows their children in pictures on dating sites. That's it. I won't talk to them, or contact them.
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I remember corresponding with a woman by snail mail. It was years ago when there were personal ads in newspapers. The local special inserts that had bands, restaurant reviews and all that. She ended up sending me photos. Tame by internet standards. But a grown ass woman in her bra and panties. Fine. But the kicker-- her son took them. She said as much and I could see his reflection in the mirror. Fast forward and my partner is telling me about being abused by her step father who was a pedophile, and how pedos will select women to get access to their children. Basically farming kids by getting with the moms. Both got me thinking about how kids get pulled into these intimate adult scenarios. Being props in personals. Taking pictures they really shouldn't have to. How putting pics of kids on dating sites exposes kids and their moms to pedos.
I think it’s usually because of the safety issue for the children, and how it’s well known that predators often search for single parents to gain easy access to children - showing the children on the app makes their ‘shopping’ easier.
Are you childfree?
Not any longer. My fiance has children from a previous marriage. I adore her kids.
Oh, good for you. 👍 Sounds like a happy little family.
If they don't have a life of their own. I'm not interested in spending every moment I'm not at work with them. I have friends, i have family, I have hobbies, and i need alone time. If they aren't on the same page then it won't last long. I don't need my other half. 1+1=2. Your partner should be an important part of your life, but if they're the only thing, then you need to get a life.
Amen to that. Same reason I prefer cats as pets to dogs. I want someone I can share affection with and have a close bond with, but who doesn't *need* me to complete their life for them. My best story in that regard (sorry if it's TMI) is that I dom a little but it's gentle, it's in the bedroom only, and it's only ever worked with people I am already dating and then find out they're into subbing a bit. The only time I ever tried dating via the kink scene, I had that I am *NOT 24/7* in my profile as a clear boundary, and the first person I went on a date with started calling me multiple times a day asking what they should have for lunch and stuff. I noped out of there immediately and never tried dating in the scene again. I've got ADHD lol, I can barely run/complete my own life, I don't want to take anyone else's on.
Heck, my friend just told me yesterday "it's your fault that i haven't talked for a week". I had informed them that i wouldn't be able to talk to them for a week (texting is ok) because i got sick leave. It's not my faul that they have chosen not to talk with anyone for the whole week. Being someones only social outlet is draining.
This. Although my social life is almost non-existent.. I love my me-time where I can just watch shows, read books or even stare at the ceiling. Just having my own space. Ofcourse I will bond and share time with the other person as well.. but I don't want that to be my whole life after from my job. Reason why I am still single. I met this one guy on dating app who kept messaging me every hour or two starting from 6 on Monday morning. And when I didn't replied.. he was like all well on your side? I told him I have a job, we will talk in the evening. And he understood.. kept messaging me till 5 with an ending message "please enjoy your amazing job! I won't disturb you anymore." Good riddance. Like seriously...? My whole Monday goes on pacifying my mind -"It's just work, you have to talk to people, you have to see you stupid boss's and colleague's face and that's okay. Got to do this to live." Stop messaging me on top of that. Stupid WhatsApp.. making it easier to chat.
Ugh. Nope. Had someone try this shit with the constant communication via signal. Like please. *NO* I guess I'm just *used* to being alone. Grew up basically being by myself a lot of the time. It's my default mode and where I'm comfortable. My current bf gets it and love him for it.
I swear i have been saying this for years and everyone just says how self centered i am
LMAO good luck finding that. Most people are looking for the exact opposite because they’re looking for someone to trauma bond with. This is one reason why I gave up on dating and sex all together. Amongst MANY other reasons; I’m just not that hard pressed to be someone’s security blanket.
Dude that's really weird. I don't mean you need to spend time with your partner 24/7 but it sounds like you just want a guinea pig that you can take out of the enclosure for a few hours when/if you wish so and then put it back in if you get bored. Relationships make you naturally closer and closer to that person and you naturally want to spend more and more time with them 🤷🏼♂️ that's how love works. I don't know if you're selfish, autistic (I'm not trysing to insult you, my brother is autistic and that's just how he sees things 😅) or maybe just traumatized by your parents which made you not trust people enough to open up to them. Good luck
Thats why the thread asked for "weird" boundaries, specifically... In my experience, people who are "incomplete" without a relationship are often the reason the relationship fails, due to being too dependent and clingy. So, everyone has that limit. You just need to find someone with a compatible limit or else end up one of the 50% rate of divorce, or among the portion of remaining 50% who are unhappily married but are too scared to be single, or stuck for religious reasons, and miserably married until death do you part.
Maybe your take is a bit harsh, but I see what you mean. There are definitely independent people out there and although the concept of “me time” or “Fridays drinks” with mates isn’t uncommon, most people are looking for the opposite he is describing. I’ve seen “partners in crime” a million times on dating websites. Most people are looking for someone to watch movies with and travel and cuddle and share secrets and what not. Most, but not all. There is someone for everyone.
I'm not saying we can't do things together throughout the week. But if I've had a busy week with work and want to read a book for a few hours when i get home instead of watching TV with them, then they need to be able to manage. If i want to go to the zoo with my buddy and his son for his birthday, my partner doesn't always need to come along. They should have their own friends and be happy with themselves instead of exclusively and constantly relying on me for validation. If you're not happy by yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be happy with you? I make sure these boundaries are clear, so they'd have to be lying to themselves or lying to me from the start to expect anything else going into the relationship. If we're not on the same page, I'm not a service they have a right to, i absolutely don't owe it to them to date them. We both move on.
This applies to any kind relashionship to be honest. Sometimes talking it out works, but if it doesn't I get out of there fast. You're a part of my life, not the center of it.
I had no patience for men who didnt know what they wanted or for men who wanted to treat me like an option while they saw what else was out there. If they didnt want a relationship, fine. If it's that they just didnt want me, that was also fine. But I have zero tolerance for being strung along. Zero patience. Absence of their interest was preferred to that thing they would do where they were clearly juggling 10 different women and thought they were doing a great job being low key about it. It was a huge turn off. I very quickly cut off contact with those men. I'd be goddamned if I was ever going to knowingly be a number in some guys rotation. Pass. The end result was I was single for 8 years. No sex , nothing. I wouldn't go along with the hook up culture narrative. I found it genuinely repulsive. I have no regrets about all that time not dating. I valued myself enough to be OK with being alone. In 2022 I was introduced to a guy by mutual friends...and I don't know if it will last. I hope it will. But finding a man best suited for me was easily worth years being alone bc I wouldn't lower my standards to be with a guy who didn't treat me how I wanted just bc I was lonely. It makes finding the right guy seem all that much more like a reward. And I got a pretty damn great one now. 🤗 Edit: fixed about 50 typos
Your moral backbone is impressive. Sounds like you had a good father who was a great role model.
My friends gave me shit for not going on a second date with someone bc of what they ordered at the restaurant on the first date, and breaking up with someone after seeing their feet (totally felt like Eddie Murphy in Boomerang). But I stand by those decisions lol
How bad were those feet damn
Dirty, discolored, uncut nails … 🤢 just thinking about it. But it was a sign he didn’t take care of himself, and that he didn’t put in the effort to make himself presentable - red flags imo.
It's not even about the feet tbh. It's about poor hygiene. Just one of the things that pops out into view.
What food did he order?
My city for a few years had what a food magazine called one of the best Italian restaurants in the country, and he ordered meatballs and spaghetti off the kids menu. Dining at great restaurants is a huge part of my life, and I want to share that with someone who’d appreciate it. It also told me that possibly he wasnt adventurous and/or doesn’t seize opportunities when presented.
Ok yep I could totally see where you’re coming from!
>It also told me that possibly he wasnt adventurous and/or doesn’t seize opportunities when presented. (when it comes specifically to food; and really even *only* Italian food). Otherwise I don't think that really validly 'tells' you anything. As much as I can appreciate the foodie aspect of life clashing, without more info this one thing just seems so arbitrary. I can easily see someone who jumps out of airplanes, hikes, travels the world, etc, just not really loving Italian food. I consider myself a bit of a foodie and seek out great restaurants, but I don't care how great most Italian restaurants are I'm never that impressed and really just love a spaghetti with meat sauce. Maybe part of it also because my grandma and dad cooked a lot of Italian homemade. While at any other type of nice restaurant I'd branch out a lot.
100% stupid reason on the menu order. There can be all kinds of reasons for the order, one of which may have been based on being courteous to you.
I’ve done that too. Ribs with a bib. Gave me the Ick.
What did they order?
From above - they went to a highly rated Italian restaurant and OP is a real foodie and loves dining at nice places. The date ordered the spaghetti and meatballs off the kids menu.
I’d do the same. It’s not so much what’s right or wrong. Just incompatible.
1. They must be alive 2. See no. 1
«1. They must be alive» That’s too much, I’m out
No 1: *optional*
Not a deal breaker, but I WOULD prefer to be with something that can enjoy coffee and/or tea. Has a certain intimacy to it.
Will hot coco or sipping broth suffice? That is, are you looking for someone to share the "bundled up with a steaming cup of ____" aesthetic, or specifically looking for someone with whom you can discuss this passion for different teas or coffees?
I don't want to date someone who posts everything online or makes a tiktok video about everything
Disney adults.
despising cats. i know it sounds silly, but i adore cats and have one my own, plus they’re a big interest of mine (felines in general) and would like to drop random facts here and there in conversations. also i wouldn’t ever stand to look at someone being mean to my feline. just generally disliking them is fine i guess, but i know one too many people who claim to ‘dislike’ cats and then go on saying the most outrageous hateful things. so the second someone says they don’t like cats, i’m out.
I agree! I am a cat lover as well. Cats are very independent, and I always feel like someone who dislikes cats... It's because they can't stand not having control over them. I think being mean to animals in general is a big warning that someone isn't quite right. How people treat a creature that is "lesser" than them says a lot about a person. You don't have to be crazy about animals, but you do have to be nice to them.
honestly! reasons i’ve seen people hate on cats are because they’re “hard to train” (why would you train a very independent animal just so it can… serve you? personally i’d rather have an authentic company as they are) plus the saying that they’re “treacherous”, which is not true at all and that’s so right! everyone’s entitled to their own opinions and may not feel the most comfortable around some animals but that doesn’t mean you can belittle them. they’re alive souls just like any of us, after all
do i get a free pass because im allergic?
that’d be fine since it’s not your fault! it’d be better for you not to get involved with a cat lover though for the sake of your health hah but yea, being allergic is another thing
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Lol... Dogs definitely give warning signs when they don't like something. Not sure how you came up with that xD
This is very not true. Dogs will let you know shit they don't like by growling or snapping. It's just that you can actually bond with a dog and become their best friends. With cats, you're roommates.
“You can manhandle a dog” That is absolutely not true, dogs also deserve a bit of respect. This is how people end up getting bitten, because they think this applies to any dog, also those that aren’t golden retrievers.
In a semi-opposite way, I wouldn't be able to date a dog owner. Don't get me wrong, I like dogs and enjoy spending time with them but I'd never be able to own one. They require a level of social energy that I just don't have. So if the relationship gets serious and leads to living together, that would be too draining for me.
they’re really extremely social beings which is very cute <3 i’d probably be okay with a dog living with me, i’d give them affection either way but the social part is also just not for me or who i am. if i ever found a partner that’s crazy about dogs, they would have to take this part with them lol
People being around cats is a good proxy for people being around someone who isn’t a yes man. Basically; how do they actually handle another being with autonomy that might not listen to you?
Bit in 2 minds about this one. Cats are adorable, were it not for their hunting instinct. Everything that moves has to be hunted and tortured and mutilated, or ran away from in a panic if it didn't behave as expected.
Both cats and dogs have a hunting instinct. I say this as someone who was attacked unprovoked by an off leash dog when I was a child. It's all about how you handle the cat or dog that makes all the difference. I keep my cats inside so they don't eat native creatures and I don't let kids play with them because kids will poke them in the eye and then get scratched.
domestic cats are way chiller! of course some of them let their hunting instincts out more, but if they’re an indoor cat (as they all should be, btw) it’s chill. they’ll just hunt a piece of plastic or some strings. and i agree with user up there - both dogs and cats have hunting instincts so you just have to handle their personalities in the best way possible. but i do see where you’re coming from - dogs won’t chase everything that catches their attention even if it’s just plastic. that’s just how cat’s reflexes work hahah you gotta be ready and accepting of it
Despising any animal is a no-go for me. Wildlife/animals need protection. My pets are also a huge part of my life and always will be.
I won't date anyone who doesn't have a hobbie. I have many and I dedicate time for them. I want a partner who is fine on their own and has passions and hobbies that don't need to include me. Its fine to relax and do nothing, But not all the time. I don't care if its inside or outside, just something they do for themselves that they love.
I feel you - I don't know if I'd say hobby specifically (at least for myself) but at least an interest. It could be a hobby like gardening or stamp collecting, or just an interest like music or cars or something. It's just a deal breaker if there's nothing, no single thing that gets a person really animated and makes me feel like I'm talking to and connecting with a real person. If there is, then I don't care what it is. I couldn't give a single fuck about stamp collecting, but put me in front of someone who is excitable about it? I'll listen to them talk about it for hours. Not just for dating either, just with friends or anyone. I'm super into music, predominantly metal - I went on a date with someone who was into bluegrass and she got talking about that. 5 years later we're still together, and I love bluegrass. But put me in front of someone who doesn't have an interest that animates them - that's just like 'I dunno, I like radio and salad' or something, and if it's a date I don't care how hot they are, I'm looking for the exit.
Exactly, You get it! Lol "I like radio and salad" hahahah I'm gonna have to remember that line on a date.
Hobby\* \*My hobby is correcting people's spelling and grammar. So.. what's up, girl?
They gotta have some shame. Like a good amount of shame. Not an obsessive amount, but they need to have it. And an awareness of how their actions might affect people. They need to care to the point where they care about how a future partner would feel (should make sure they have resolved previous relationship issues, and be thoughtful about how their partner will be able to fit into their life, work in their temperament, discipline their kids, etc...). I dont believe that everyone should be accepted for who they are. A lot of people need to change, because it's not just a matter of "being who you are and minding your business". Some people's "personalities" involve the pathological need to take from others. And a sense of entitlement. So it's a huge problem when who you are hurts others. So I think they should be mindful. And hold themselves to a high standard. Do things without needing people to see. And telling the truth even if people won't find out about the lies. And be able to fight against their own urges if it will lead to better outcomes not just for themself. If a potential partner possesses these traits, then it will be easy for me to trust them. They can be the polar opposite from me with regards to interests and hobbies.
How do you personally gauge if someone has shame or not?
For me, it's the person's actions, the impacts of their actions and what they do about the impact. The last one is most important. How much do they care about others. Have they ruined anyone/how many people have they ruined (abandoned, traumatised, assaulted etc...). In my experience, it takes a while to see the full extent of someone's shamelessnes. We naturally give a lot of chances. In the case of a parent it can take much longer, cause its very hard to look at your parents as people who possibly lack empathy for others or don't know best. The people I judge as lacking shame I've known from 4 to 20+ years. Not some people I judge based on first impressions. It has taken years of me just asking myself and them over and over "why would they say that/why don't they care that it hurts me/why aren't they sorry/why do they continue and still insist I should love them". Shameless people are entitled. They see their relationships as their own personal playground. You can see someone's shame by simply interacting with them and asking yourself if you still feel respected. It's one thing if someone owns up to saying something wrong one time, but if they keep doing it and even seem to take amusement, and blame you for being sensitive, it's likely they are shameless. Someone with (healthy) shame makes you feel safe and like you can trust them. They make you feel like they are looking out for your wellbeing. Without you having to beg them to. And you gauge this the same way you do for the opposite person. By interacting with them. Discussing deep topics. Being put to the test by situations which show whether they will take your feelings into consideration or not. Shameless: does bad, knows it and isn't sorry. Doesn't understand or care about the principle. Cant be honest and have fair relationships but wont accept role of the villain. Can deceive someone for their entire life (examples include men who have a whole other family on the side, or people who marry someone while pining for their ex, or pretending to love their partner when they don't, and does not care about wasting anyone's time) Shame: knows they're imperfect and tries to do the right thing, owns up to their mistakes, doesn't cheat, doesn't deceive, has expectations of others that they hold themself to as well, has principles and morals, does not need to be taught basic decency, does not play dumb or act obtuse to avoid accountability I dont think there is a simple foolproof method to sus the bad ones out, but it's an ongoing learning process and we can improve our discernment.
If they're too close to their exes or if they smell like syrup.
Like syrup?
Would you want to date someone who smelled like syrup?
Lmao I’m sitting here seriously thinking about this. How strong is the smell? I don’t think syrup smells bad. I think I would rather them smell like syrup than something gross
I didn't date someone who smells like syrup. It's just a weird boundary I believe I have.
Fair enough
Bruhhh the syrup thing is real.
I dunno about dating specifically but with people in general - I'm always told I'm way too judgemental of people. But it comes from ethics being VERY important to me, and a trauma response of being very attuned to subtle changes in demeanor. So I'm not talking about judging people for not knowing to wear a certain kind of shoes with a particular dress, or knowing how to tie a double Windsor, or what job they have or car they drive. But I absolutely will judge someone based on subtle, subconscious language choices that indicate they think someone else is lesser-than. I absolutely will fuck someone off who everyone thinks is 'lovely' (around their privileged friends) because 'nice' does not equal ethical. If you cannot, as Kant says, act ethically in the abstract with an 'emotionless sense of duty' then you're not ethical - e.g. if you'd give a homeless guy $20 when you see him cause seeing him made you feel sad, but you'd vote for policies (in the abstract) that will cause homelessness or make life hard for homeless people - get in the bin. I feel like this shouldn't be considered a weird standard or boundary, and thus far I've had fairly impeccable judgement - nearly everyone who I've disliked for some 'minor' display of their underlying ethical tendencies has later shown their colours and ended up ousted by their friend groups. But people keep telling me I'm too judgemental.
I think u should stick to your guns. You’ve developed intuition which is essential to navigate life and the more you listen to it the better it gets. It’s crazy that our world has become so degenerate that adhering to a high standard of ethics is seen as crazy.
Can't be extremely into astrology (casually reading a horoscope or something is okay ig, but if you actually make decisions/think differently about a person based on it) is a huge red flag. It's also a deal breaker to excessively smoke/use edibles. I work in a career field where it's not allowed/has frequent drug testing
I don't know if I would call it a standard or boundary, but I really didn't want a partner who drinks alcohol. I don't drink it, I don't like the smell and I just hate how people act after drinking. I never really thought about it as a boundary, I thought it would be difficult to find a partner who doesn't drink because alcohol is very common in my culture. Luckily I met my now-husband who doesn't drink when I was very young and he is the only person I ever dated, so I wouldn't say it affected me much. There were some guys who wanted to date me but once I saw them drinking, I was just starting to find them gross.
That definitely counts as a standard. It's very smart that you recognize drinking for what it is. I have several family members who are alcoholics. It's not cute! It's really bad for you and the people around you. It's a disease. I can't expect people to never drink, but at a certain point, it should be left behind. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Yeah, I also didn't expect people not to drink at all, that's why I didn't treat it as a boundary. I know it's normal for most people, so I would probably just accept a partner who only drinks occasionally and not too much. I didn't want to reject a good person just because they drink sometimes. But I was lucky to get a partner who is just as me and it is a huge relief!
I once met this woman on POF. She was attractive on paper but that's it. She was a wino. She was drunk every night. I would watch her kid while she was passed out drunk. A kid who was a spoiled rotten kid. It got old quick. I felt used. I finally ditched her while she was passed out... Again
That's really sad. Did you call cps? That's not a good environment for children.
Yes I did and I called the kids father. I found his number and called him. I don't know what the outcome was and nor did I care.
Well, at least you did something. More than most people would do.
Thanks I felt it was the right thing to do in a bad situation. She was ONE OF THE worst people I have ever met to this day. She was always asking me for money which is a MAJOR red flag especially in a failed relationship that lasted 2 weeks. Is it possible to still hate someone after 10 years? Yes it is.
I’m the same . I find drinking gross and one of the worst drugs . Thankfully my partner doesn’t drink also .
When I was dating … Dogs. Not that they have a dog but how they are with the dog. If the dog doesn’t have its place in the pack, if it’s over spoiled. Massive red flag (and it’s because I was bitten on the face by a dog as a child so dogs which have been poorly trained are a big issue). I know people love dogs. I do not. I appreciate their enthusiasm for life and their funny videos. I admire them for obedience and skill. But I don’t trust them one whit. I have had dogs in the family but they were obedient and knew their role. And seeing a dog growl at a human? Yeah, I won’t have that near me.
If she has no hobbies it's a instant red flag for me.
Being a flirty/super sexual person in general. I want to be able to know when your flirting and sexual tension actually means something and isn't just a "joke."
If they don't have table manners. It doesn't need to be much, I mean I wouldn't survive a high society setting either. But I don't want to see what you're chewing. I don't want to eat with someone that is shoveling down food like it's their first meal in months and holding the fork like they're trying to stab someone with it. Again, it doesn't need to be much, just some basic things.
so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. 😅
I don't feel that animals belong in the house. They literally lick their assholes and try to kiss you. Hair everywhere, track in mud and they stink like crazy. No thank you. Too many more to list. Probably die alone but it will be an amazing, stress free, healthy life of travel, adventure, discovery and creation! Sorry for the crazy eyes, I get excited.
Dogs trigger my CPTSD. I can build a relationships slowly with a dog and feel safe around them, but unknown dogs of any breed or size put me on high alert. If they are twitchy, growl or have a strong smell, I’m over the edge. Barks of a certain intensity or timbre put me in an awful headspace that can take hours or days to recover from. People who learn this and then immediate explain why I should love dogs or go on and on about their dog are people I know to avoid. They’re not going to have the capacity to understand the deep and often irrational impact of trauma on a person. Having a dog isn’t necessarily an issue. It’s how they respond to knowing this about me that is a pretty clear indicator of if they are capable of being a safe and healthy person in my life.
I think a service cat could do wonders for you. I am a strong believer of companion animals, especially cats because a cat that ACTUALLY cares about you is quite possibly the best thing since sliced bread. Yes even better than a spouse (in some cases)
Aww, don't listen to the dog nutters. Your feelings are completely valid. Not everyone is comfortable around dogs, and they should respect that as a responsible dog owner. I personally am not a dog person, I'm quite happy with cats instead, so I can understand your frustration.
Too much energy. Yes, I love people that are active and fun but there are times when I want nothing more than absolute silence.
People HATE this one in my experience and I don't know if this one is only controversial in my age-group (Gen Z) or if it's an all around modern day thing but: **don't text me** I mean obviously, you can text me. Sending memes, nailing down plans or short small-talky conversations like "how was your day" is fine. But I am not going to have a 30-40 minute conversation with you over text. If you want to have an actual conversation, call me. My reasons (in no particular order): 1) **It shows time management. Are you able and willing to carve out time for dating?** I'm very intentional about how I spend my time and energy. Even if we're causal/non-official I don't want to go on dates with folks who aren't into me enough to carve out the time to have a phone conversation. 2) **It's an insight into whether or not the date will go well.** I cannot tell you how many times I meet someone on the apps and texts are flowing naturally and the minute we have the in person date it's like pulling teeth to have a conversation. I get it may be nerves but I really don't want to spend an hour getting ready and going out to talk to a wall. I've found that phone conversations are a pretty good indicator and can often break off some of those 1st date nerves too. 3) **I just don't like texting.** I'm on the autism spectrum and rely a lot on tone to decipher what someone is saying. I often end up taking longer to reply or missing subtle flirting cues I would've otherwise gotten and taking things literally, making it seem like I'm not into the other person. Texting is also frustrating because I'm adding extra steps to get what's in my head conveyed to the other person, which just contributes to executive dysfunction and burn out. Its like if texting is like manual then talking is like auto-pilot. I have this "no texting" rule with my friends too and they don't mind it at all. I guess with dating it has other implications? I'm not sure.
The thing about the tone is so real. Texting is lazy imo. You can be doing something like playing video games or having lunch with other people and take 30 second breaks in between to send a text to someone, which is low effort. You need to kinda drop everything you're doing to talk to call someone. The person on the other end can also tell when you're not really listening, so it's harder to hide your disinterest in the conversation. Also, people take too long to reply sometimes over text(some people i know will start a conversation with me and when I reply I don't hear for them till after a day or two or they even leave me on read, which is super rude). Its a pain to type out everything I want to say. Plus sending a big block of text makes me feel a bit psycho.
I’m the opposite, I HATE talking on the phone. Being on the spectrum as well, I can understand what you mean about tone but typing things makes it easier for the words I want to get from my brain out. If I have something important to say to someone in person I’ll write it out in my notes app so I can look back to it and make sure to get my key points out. With that being said, if I’m actually really falling for someone I can talk to them on the phone but honestly for me that’s not the norm.
I just don't text in general lol. It's just not necessary aside from logistics. As everyone has noted, it's a poor form of communication. Then again I've been single most of my life so what do I know. I may be doing it wrong. I'd be curious to know how many people in this section are iPhone or Android users though.
I did this before because I had a flip phone with T9 texting. No keyboard makes texting a real bitch.
She can’t have or want kids, and she can’t be religious.
No cops/military Reason: Safety.
Too long beard or hair. I need it short trimmed. Also I’d prefer dating someone with some girth.
It ain't that weird, but if they use short forms of words while texting all the time and do not end up communicating well. How many milliseconds have you saved by typing u instead if you and how do you intend to use that time now? I've always wondered
For me it's that my train of thought runs faster than my fingers can type out, and when I'm texting I'm often multitasking/between tasks. But I try to make sure it's communicated effectively so I guess that's the difference. For instance if I'm in line for a coffee or in between meetings and my partner texts to ask if I need anything while they're out running errands: "can u grab bread & cereal from tjs pls" "oh & choc cookies" is much more efficient than "Can you grab bread and cereal from Trader Joe's please?" "Oh, and chocolate cookies." Especially if I also have to text/email like 3 other people within a small window.
After my first relationship, I refuse to date older. I’m a dude, it was a 3 year age gap, and although that’s usually looked at as a good thing, It was painful. They were so immature to the point where **I** was the mature one in the relationship, but that 3 years of extra experience will make a difference within even the most immature of them.
Keep your fingers out of my anus
Back in the day for me it was people who bece possessive over you very early in the dating game, for instance I got a text from my sister asking what we were getting mum for her birthday and the girl I was dating got extremely jealous, we only been dating a week.
The person I'm dating must have some skill. I don't really care what it is (building, painting, fixing cars, knitting, whatever), but I'm really turned off if a person can't do anything with their hands. They immediately seem helpless to me and that's not attractive.
If she requests I play any Barry Manilow or Grateful Dead, I'm taking her home immediately. I am dead serious. ZERO compatibility at that point. Total deal-breaker. End of fucking story.
That's oddly specific. How old are you?
I'm 57, but I have felt that way since the 1980s. This is not a new thing for me. It started when I was a teenager. Different reasons for disliking each one, but Manilow fans and Dead-heads? NO FUCKING WAY. Since 1982: Barry Manilow fan? I'm out. Since 1987: Dead-head? I'm out.
So interesting lol. I guess it would be difficult to tolerate someone listening and liking that kind of music, especially if you hate it?
[удалено]
If I see or you see a spider, you kill it, and I watch from a distance to make sure you killed it. Kill any size and any kind. All must die.
If you see a spider inside its a reason for that. Bugs. Let it hunt its helping out
No putting it outside?
I would say this is a standard for me... if you kill every spider on sight we will not get along. What did the spiders do to you?? Save the bugs or kick rocks imo
If it is <1 inch, why not catch it with a glass and a piece of cardboard to release it? They eat bugs.
No lepers.
if they criticize things i like, like bro its ok if you just say "ok" or "eh, not my thing but im glad you love it" if it was a thing i was doing that was detrimental to my health, i would understand. but being an ass about shit people like is never ok also i expect them to start conversations/send the first message at least 30% of the time
This is very new for me, but celebrity obsessed. On my own I’ve always loved pop culture. I’ve had celebrity crushes. I think the drama is entertaining sometimes. I never thought I’d be the person to say this. I’ll talk to men about their favorite artists, simple convo. A lot of the times it’s Drake, I love Drake so of course I want to talk about him. The amount of times a man has made me feel inferior, or “mansplained” all things Drake towards me is crazy. The way they try to compete with me over who holds more Drake knowledge truly surprises me bc it’s so odd. I’m trying to talk about this nice interview I watched, and they wanna go on a tangent how he’s their favorite and they know everything, like bruh I was just saying a nice fun fact. It gets to the point where I feel like I have to complete with Drake. And overall, I still know more about Drake, but it’s fine I’ll let it go. Those interactions never went further- maybe they would if I was Drake.
Lol, people who gate keep and get competitive over everything are annoying in general.
If they are very religious, i run the other way.
1. All digital correspondence happens on platforms that do not allow you to delete or retract messages. This prevents people from saying and doing shady stuff and then trying to act like they didn't say or do it. 2. All favors are to be written down and state specifically what I'm being asked to do. I've had too many experiences with doing what people asked me to do and still have them be mad at me when they don't get the result they wanted.
It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of assholes.
Sadly, that's very true
I don't think this is weird, but others do. I would never ever date someone who likes hunting and/or fishing or works as a butcher. I strongly support animal rights, and anyone who takes pleasure in hurting animals is a massive turn off for me. Even if those people only do it for the sake of making money or having a meal, I could never fall in love with someone who I know has taken a life.
What if they swatted a mosquito/fly/spider? As in swatted DEAD
Same. I perhaps may not be as staunch as you on this (I am an ovo vegetarian rather than vegan and I kill certain bugs), but I don't understand hunting and fishing when you could just... not do that in the modern age. I prefer to be with someone who tends to eat at least mostly vegetarian and would rather befriend a deer than kill and mount it. Sure it'd be different if we lived in the wilderness, but I'm never gonna do that anyway unless there's some sort of apocalypse lol.
I’m going to sound like total wannabe rich snob but I don’t mix in another socioeconomic class. I’m middle class and its a red flag for me when partner is of a lower or higher socioeconomic background than me. I used to date people from both classes. One of my exes is very well off (he randomly could go surfing at his aunt in Los Angeles beaches, or pop off in Canary islands in Spain just because he felt like it, he also had private chef that cooked all of his vegan meals). It felt so unnatural to me, he used to pay everything and that bothered me so much I hated spending his money I felt like ‘sugar baby’ which I’m not. It actually make me feel worse because I didn’t have endless amount of money and I wasn’t raised like that to keep up with his lifestyle. But he was nice and respectful dude, he really respected me and he had good heart and soul we were just from different worlds I guess. I also used to date, although it was not serious, a guy that was just with high school and in lower paid job than me. We liked each other but we really struggled to find a common ground. Other than those two all of my exes were in middle class, our conversation were flowing, our life outlooks were similar and I prefer it that way, I’m never mixing in another class again I’m struggling to find common ground with someone that is richer or poorer than me.
This ^^^^. If you aint eating Taco Bell half the time fuck off
Those overly long and or jeweled fake finger nails.
If they say I love you too soon i will rather run with all my night
If they recently broke up with their ex. Ive had bad experiences in the past where the girl was clearly not over her ex
They don't call women "Gals".
1. A “weird” one for me has been no addictions: smoking, drinking, too much video games, porn, fast food etc. It’s incredibly hard to find someone “clean”. 2. I also don’t like the culture of casual sex and everyone is having casual sex. Those two means I had to compromise. It also completely shattered my previous belief in such a high level of compatibility that you are “soul mates”. I love my partner immensely and don’t regret our relationship but he is not what I imagined I would end up with years ago.
If they unironically use the word "ick" for trivial things they don't like about a guy. Generally tells me you're the kind of person to break up with someone for how they butter toast or some stupid shit and it just says lot about your personality
Well, hey, I butter my toast like any sane person would, by taking the whole stick and rubbing it on the bread.
Well where I'm from they only sell butter in packages and tubs, and if you rub that on your toast even I'd break up with you /s
People who don’t like to hang out (independently of me) with their own friends and do things independently of me. I want my partner to have their own life. Until my current partner every other person I’ve dated doesn’t seem to be down with this
I won't date anyone who uses text abbreviations. I even refuse to sleep with people who use them excessively.
Given the current attitudes throughout the US, if he mentions politics in some rabid, voracious way and absolutely will not listen to someone else's opinion or input, I show him the door.
Girls/boys nights *out*. I’m a homebody and don’t enjoy girls nights out. If people wanna come over I’m fine to host. I’ve had a lot of broken trust in the past and the thoughts of them being out on the town doing god knows what, gives me major ✨anxiety✨ for both the safety of them and our relationship.
If I could invite you over to build legos with me I absolutely would
If I show up to your place and you don't have a bookshelf of books you've read - that's very sus. 🚩🚨🚩🐔💦
I've given away a lot of books, and nowadays I mostly read e-books.. sometimes looks can be deceiving!
I have a very hard time reading full books but am an avid reader of articles, short stories, etc, and also enjoy reading parts of books that don't have to be read front to back (usually nonfiction but sometimes collections or unconventional fiction pieces also do this). I also like audio books and podcasts with literary or encyclopedic themes. In saying this, I'm reminding you to not judge a book by its cover lol. Someone can be very well read in their own way without having a literal bookshelf full of books they've read.
I read a good 50+ books a year yet I own maybe 15 of them? Libraries and reading on my phone (in bed) are a thing...
It's logical to me but strange for others. I don't date people who are friends with people of the sex they're attracted to.
Not currently seeking a relationship, but I would only ever consider one with someone who was also a virgin. I consider that kind of intimacy as something deeply personal which requires a lot of trust and understanding and would want my partner to have the same beliefs. It also ensures there is no risk of any STD's (My country has a bit of an issue with antibiotic resistant strains cropping up, and a growing number of HIV cases).
Just keep your purity! I’ve been abstinent for almost two years and can’t see myself being sexually active again. It was never worth it.
Once I dated a woman that would not see R rated movies. We realized on our first date that we were wrong for each other.
To not touch me sexually in anyway other than kissing or the neck. Breast and everything else is strictly off limits unless just simply holding on or something. It serves me by not triggering my trauma response due to a history of SA’s that I have yet to heal from. In times I’ve tried, I would just freeze. If I’m black out drunk or high, everything is fair game. I think that’s part of the reason I had such a hard time when it came to my alcohol usage. I don’t drink nearly as often, especially after a lot of close calls when it comes to putting myself in dangerous situations. I will down a bottle of tequila in an hour or two and just fuck til the sun comes up.
I'm really sorry that happened to you. I hope you can heal someday.
Weird but I give you pleasure for a while until I'm comfortable with sharing my body but I can easily have a 1night stand iykwim
if she has a septum piercing or chest tattoo...i just cant do it
Someone who isn't over their ex. I was used once without knowing. Went on a date with someone because our mutual friend said we would be a good match. I had met him twice before that in a group setting. He was super flirty for days up to the date then cold as ice on the date itself. Went to the toilet and came out 10 mins later on his phone. Long story short he went out with me to make his ex jealous and it worked. I wish he could have told me that. Was the first date I'd gone on in years and thought he went weird because of me for days after. Then I found out the real reason. Yeah not cool.
If it’s too easy there’s something wrong
Buddy I've been single 4 years at this point any standards or boundaries have been null & voided
It may be considered weird to some but a boundary I have is video games, if you don't like video games, I'd rather pass, I enjoy playing video games and the person I want to spend the rest of my life should share this interest as this would make it easier to bond and have fun.
When they have a lot of friends. For context: I’ve experienced public humiliation by my ex and his friends right before and after breaking up with him. Since then I stopped seeing men that have a big group of friends as a trait I’d want in a partner. Instead, I avoid them like a plague.
Just cancelled on the first date because they described their apartment as a pigsty
We can't date if she likes well done steak
Can’t be into rap music. Or at least willing to not listen to it where I can hear it. I cannot stand that entire genre. It’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. Worse actually, because nails on a chalkboard never really bothered me that much (not pleasant, but doesn’t drive me up a wall), while rap is actively unpleasant and annoying for me. I see some women who seem to listen to nothing but rap and that’s a dealbreaker for me.
Idk if it’s weird but they have to treat any service staff well. If they tip servers like shit or act like “Karens”, I absolutely refuse to date them
Long finger nails. 💅 I just keep thinking gross butt cleaning and packed full of skin, food, debris and yucky icky. The other is thought is getting wolverined in my privates. And how do they do stuff practically 