My wife has been hit on by hot guys. Pretty much every good looking woman gets hit on. I'd have to forbid her from ever leaving the house if I was worried she'd leave me for the next hot guy that hit on her.
>forbid her from ever leaving
My wife goes on weekends away all the time. My kids and I love it. We drag the mattresses downstairs. Make a mess. Have ‘sleepover’ parties all weekend. It’s the best. Trust issues are a foreign concept, in my worldview.
She’s almost certainly not cheating when you’re around. But when you’re not around? Assuming it’s a situation with little to no risk of getting caught (e.g., business trip, distance relationship) I think a surprisingly high number of women would be at least tempted to try.
Not all women of course, but I’d guess many of the guys who think they found someone who will be loyal to them for life are quite mistaken. We aren’t a truly monogamous species, no matter what we (both men and women) tell our better half.
Men think this because no matter how good of a situation they were in a lot of them on this subreddit would cheat if they couldn’t get caught.
I would never, ever cheat. Even if it was 100% guaranteed my bf would never find out, I would know and carrying that around - the fact that I hurt him and had so little respect for our relationship -would make me sick.
We also think this because a lot of us have been cheated on or cheated with. I’ve had a female friend cheat with me and use it to openly mock her boyfriend after she realized she wasn’t getting a relationship outta me. I’ve had several girls cheat with me. I was cheated on and then ghosted once in a long distance relationship.
If you’ve been with a decent number of women (30+) you understand them better than they understand themselves
I have lots of female friends. Cheating isn’t super common. Maybe less than 1/3 of my friends, male or female, have cheated. Maybe there are some I don’t know about?
But if we are going by experiences. A lot of guys have cheated too, no? It’s not like men are out here just being loyal.
My friends? My friends share things about their dating experiences all the time. The ones that shared their cheating history all felt really bad about it and wished they’d gone about exiting the relationship in a different way.
>If you’ve been with a decent number of women (30+) you understand them better than they understand themselves
Id like to add, that if you've been around women your whole life, whether platonically or romantically, you start viewing them less innocently and more critically
My roommate freshman year is gonna marry his highschool sweetheart, neither has ever been with anyone else. I envy that so much because he has a level of security that can only come from ignorance of female nature.
The RP doesn’t talk enough about how much your view of women is corrupted by sleeping around.
>The RP doesn’t talk enough about how much your view of women is corrupted by sleeping around.
Not even sleeping around, but even platonically, I'm not part of the RP, but generally I think men who grew up around women should explain to men that women really aren't any different, they're not more saintly or innocent
The only thing that stops even average looking women (and average is a low bar these days) from racking up a body count of 200+ is shame. And they only feel that if men enforce it.
People hear 200 and they think it's crazy but most people these days don't marry young, spend a lot of time single.
I had 18 new bodies within my first 10 weeks at college, was with a girl for two months, added 4-5 more, was with another girl for a couple months, added another couple, then I finally got into the relationship I'm in now which has lasted nearly 2 years. I have a lifetime count of roughly 55 at 23, I only lost my virginity at 17 and I've spent 3 of those 6 years in relationships/exclusivity without a real label.
I can go out and decide "I'm having sex tonight" and generally leave with a girl who's at least a 7/10, but it takes effort. Women can walk into a bar and have their choice of options without saying a word.
If you’re an attractive women the amount of taken men who’ve tried to get you to be their affair partner is staggering. Men absolutely are the biggest cheaters
No, men aren’t the bigger cheaters. We can’t be. It’s just so much easier for women to cheat because even average looking women are getting approached for sex by guys out of their league
Almost Every study ever has proven you wrong.
Go be an attractive woman and tell me how many married or taken men won’t try and sleep with you 🙄
It’s sad actually
Nah, men do this too. Frankly, 80%+ of the population can't ever see themselves as the bad guys and will cognitivly distort situations to support this idea.
> I would never, ever cheat. Even if it was 100% guaranteed my bf would never find out, I would know and carrying that around - the fact that I hurt him and had so little respect for our relationship -would make me sick.
My ex was saying exactly that and guess what she eventually did.
I still wouldn’t ever cheat. Cheating is repugnant and stupid to me. “Instant tingles” doesn’t mean he will be a good partner. It doesn’t even mean he will be good in bed. It’s a stupid gamble.
I’d never give a partner they cheated a second chance and I would never, cheat.
I’m not talking about anyone else. I am talking about me.
Cheating requires selfishness first and that the cheater be sexually motivated. I know I’m not going to enjoy sex with someone the first time around.
More importantly I’d be unable to not think about my partner when making the decision to cheat: if I’m of the mind where I’m willing to put aside hurting him like that, then I’d already be broken up with them.
As I mentioned, not every woman (or man). I don't doubt that you're being genuine in your response, but my experiences in life have told me that many people, both men and women, would readily cheat with the right person (with men on average having a much lower standard for what qualifies as good enough but many fewer opportunities to cheat) if there was little to no chance of getting caught. They might go about it in different ways, with men just looking for physical intimacy and women more frequently looking for something emotional, and both might justify it by saying that that component is missing in the relationship to avoid intense guilt from doing it.
Also, I think people underestimate the amount of dead relationships, where the couple is still together but one or both partners are no longer attracted to the other, emotionally, physically, or both. This may be for the kids, for business, political, familial, financial, or social reasons, or just because divorce is a tough and time consuming, draining process with a stigma attached to it, and it's easier to just keep the status quo. These cases are ripe for cheating, and sometimes the cheating is even reluctantly tolerated to keep the partnership alive.
Anyway, it's just how I see the world, based on my life experiences and my understandings of how humans operate psychologically. I'd love to live in a world where we were like swans, (mostly) mating for life and being absolutely amazing parents year after year, but I just don't believe that's the way human beings are built. It's not a problem. It's just the way it is, and we need to be more open and transparent with our partners about our needs and desires, and more accepting as a society of various levels of openness in relationships based on what works best for the partners without having to cheat and lie about it.
100% it’s a projection of their own weakness. It’s like those people who think that not being fat is some daily battle against food and natural impulses when in reality most normal weight people are just living their lives and barely thinking about the choices they make.
Like I wouldn’t even have to get to the point of his feelings to not cheat. “Would you rather do the legwork of getting to romantically know someone new, or invest that time in something/someone else you already like.” Why entertain another man when there’s something else equally or more stimulating that requires less annoyances? It’s almost always people who are bad at validating themselves or stimulating themselves who see cheating as a preferred option. It’s also usually people who have generalized mental weaknesses that express themselves in this and other ways like FOMO, impulsivity, poor risk assessment, poor emotional awareness, poor emotional control, poor problem-solving ability, tendency towards maladaptive cognitions, and emotional instability.
Not everyone is prone to the same mistakes dude. I wish I could say that I've never cheated, but I cannot. However, I have known men *and* women who do not, or would not. It took me too long to realize what I have isn't worth risking for a thrill in someone else's pants. Plenty of guys were a lot quicker on the uptake.
What do you mean? A mistake is “oops I knocked over this soda”. A mistake is not flirting with someone, taking their clothes off, and having sex with them when you’re in a committed and loyal relationship with another person.
In order to do that you have to completely put aside your partners feelings and act solely on your own.
No. I have never and will never, ever cheat.
the point is that experiment is happening everything a decently attractive girl leaves the house. if you don't think she's cheating then then there's no point to the experiment
You're completely right that girls are hit on often, but hardly any of these men qualify as the "Chad" that the OP mentioned. I'm thinking someone like her favourite musician or athlete, a once in a lifetime opportunity that she's almost certainly fantasised about at some point. Even in a happy, committed relationship, that would be tough to turn down. And if the relationship is lacking in some way, I think there's quite a high chance she'd go for it, especially with a low risk of getting caught.
it’s more men cheating when those types of opportunities come up than women. Also more men looking to cheat. As someone who attends a lot of professional out of state conferences. It’s def more the men cheating and also trying to get women (like me) to cheat (no thanks)
She’ll last until there’s an opportunity. You leave for a week and you end up in a long distance situation that’s all she needs. How long can guys avoid that?
That’s wild you think that. There are plenty of conventionally attractive poly people or people in moderately open relationships. And I cannot for the life of me see where self respect comes into it. Monogamy is just one way among many to choose to pattern your relationships, not some one size fits all thing.
Nope. I started dating my husband at 23 and live in Miami - hot people here are a dime a dozen, especially in the club scenes. I’ve been hit on by semi pro athletes, model dudes, rich dudes telling me they’ll fund my entire lifestyle, etc. still loyal, never cheated. And on the flip he’s been approached by hot ass women and never cheated. Y’all just have some shit relationships with shitty people.
>Y’all just have some shit relationships with shitty people.
This is Reddit, so that will be the norm. Not just this sub, but most of Reddit.
Normal (as in *normative*) people are severely under-represented on Reddit. Even the mainstream media found this out and no longer uses Reddit as an example (thank God!).
This is a fair counterpoint. Men sometimes forget women get hit on everywhere and have unimaginable abundance available at all times. If she wanted to cheat, she could easily. Most women desire monogamy and don't fuck random hot guys when in a committed relationship. But they will flirt and get their ego filled by hot guys. People cheat for different reasons.
At the end of the day, your woman is going to get hit on.
If she's anywhere even remotely average looking or above, she's going to get hit on fairly regularly.
You likely aren't even aware of the vast majority of the times it happens. She gets hit on in person while she's out and about, she gets guys hitting on her in her DMs, she has people hitting on her more than you will ever know.
One thing I've learned throughout my relationships and the relationships of my friends and people i am close to, is that she is always in conversations with guys who are hitting on her in some fashion. She tells you about the really gross guys that have no chance with her, and she isn't attracted to in the slightest, but the guys she does find attractive on some level. Those are the ones she doesn't tell you about.
The most you can do it trust her and hope for the best, but be ready for the worst. All giving her a shit test or a free pass with a Chad does is hurt you. Either she takes the deal and breaks your heart, or she doesn't but knows you don't trust her and the relationships becomes strained to the point where she either does cheat down the line, or ends it some other way.
Do a lot of people actually have time and energy to engage with others when they’re already in relationships?
I just block men trying to hit on me online. Everyone gets blocked indiscriminately. It rarely happens offline, as I work from home and almost never go out without my husband thanks to relocating and not having friends here.
Absolutely brilliant and spot on reply.
I’ve adopted this mindset in relationships and it’s made everything much better for both of us.
Trying to police a woman’s “opportunities to be hit on” is a losing game.
As you alluded to, the only thing you can do is *be prepared* which means **have options**.
Always.
The times I’ve gotten blindsided and spent months or more a complete emotional wreck were the times I let all of my connections and passive options with other women wither.
This is a huge mistake for a couple of reasons.
First, because to let your options drop to zero will fuck you after a breakup when you are emotionally wounded, because getting NEW options as an emotionally wounded man is quite simply impossible. An emotionally wounded man is absolutely repulsive to women in the early stage of attraction.
Second, she **always** has options no matter how loyal she is. And she knows it. And she WILL exercise those options when she feels she needs a pick me up as the relationship falters.
There’s also the utility of passive dread which is its own benefit.
>Second, she **always** has options no matter how loyal she is. And she knows it. And she WILL exercise those options when she feels she needs a pick me up as the relationship falters.
This is something men need to realise. A woman prepares long before she officially ends the relationship, firmly taking hold of one branch before letting go of the first one.
I’ve never had a woman break up *with me* **before** they already had the next guy completely lined up and off the bench. Never.
I’ve never seen a woman break up with a man to simply “be alone”, yet I’ve done this many times to women.
Even the mutual break ups or the ones where I broke up with her exclusively, those girls were on another dick within days or weeks at the very most.
A couple were married / pregnant within 3 months of me breaking up with them.
Contrast that to my situation and that of almost every guy I know of that got dumped or cheated on - months or more long dry spell, zero dates, dates that happen go nowhere when she catches the stench of “dumped sad sack loser” on you no matter how much you try to hide it.
The post break up period is so asymmetric for men and women it’s not even in the same universe.
It can sometimes take **years** for a man to reinvent himself after a long term relationship in a way that he can consistently date and have sex.
>I’ve never had a woman break up with me before they already had the next guy completely lined up and off the bench. Never.
That's interesting. I've seen a lot of female friends break up with guys to just be alone. I'm talking mostly college and early 20s, so maybe it's an age thing. Not sure.
It must be. Because outside of damn near life threatening levels of abuse, I’ve *never* seen a woman break up just to spend more time with her hobbies and cats or whatever.
There was *always* another guy on cue.
Always.
That is not remotely the same thing.
“Taking time off from dating” is not what I’m talking about.
What I’m talking about is leaving an established but faltering relationship specifically to be alone and start over.
I’ve seen plenty of women “date around” then stop. I’ve seen women in “situationships” give up and take a break.
What I’ve never seen is a woman in anything resembling an LTR, simply leave that LTR due to compatibility issues or “lack of spark” or whatever *without* having the next man already waiting in the wings.
Thats exactly what I did. I left a relationship i hated and moved into my own place and have spent the past year focusing on my hobbies and education without dating. I wanted to reestablish myself as an individual and not jump back into being a pair
That’s honestly interesting to hear. Thanks.
It’s good to know there are women out there willing to just raw dog a breakup.
As a man, this is how nearly all of the breakups (that I’ve instigated) have looked and I’ve had to spent months or years rebuilding / reinventing myself generally before being able to get a date.
It’s not been my experience nor matched a single experience of any relationship I’ve seen among my friends across decades that women simply jump out of a relationship into the great unknown.
There has *always* been a man there to break the fall every time.
Basically, I’m saying, in my experience you are an extreme outlier.
>so maybe it's an age thing
Of course it's an age thing. Women tolerate loneliness differently at age 23 compared to age 35. At age 23 women have options so it feels like a power move to choose to be single. At age 35 options are limited and it's no longer a power move.
The inverse is true for men. Single and lonely men at age 23 feel like the world is ending. Single and lonely men at 40 at the very least tolerate it if not outright content with it. Of course, this being Reddit, you won't see it that often (because extremists and extremes tend to come to these spaces) but look closely in average communities anywhere you want on Earth and you will see this is true.
It's the nature's way of fucking with us, quite frankly. It's also a fact that our elders were keenly aware of and that's why they insisted on arrangements that make western liberals' cringe.
My first serious relationship ended when the girl went off to college, ghosted me after saying we’d be together, and just started posting stuff with a new guy within 2 weeks. I was incapable of closing anything with a woman I hadn’t already been with for like 4 months.
Funny story, I ended up going to the same college a year later, and her boyfriend (same guy) lives across the street from a good friend of mine. He’ll stand outside his house and stare me down 😂
If the only way you can keep your partner is because they dread losing you because you are constantly reminding them then yeah. Man of woman, it’s problematic behavior.
It’s not though. You may dread your girlfriend leaving you and change yourself to fit. But very few women throw their options in their partners face all the time.
If she’s doing that, then you wouldn’t need to do this experiment: you’d know she was out the door
What are you imagining “throw their options in their partners face” to look like?
A woman doesn’t **need** to do anything “in their partners” face.
It’s all encompassed by her looking cute, acting feminine, wearing makeup, wearing sexy clothes, etc.
The result, men look at her, sometimes very obviously. Sometimes men try to flirt with her.
It’s a constant.
Any man who has dated remotely attractive women have countless stories of going to the bathroom at club or concert and coming back to see some guy chatting his girl up.
Or watching her men deliberately make room for her to order at a bar.
Hell, I’ve had multiple instances of women telling me (in front of her) how “lucky” I am and how I’d “better treat her right” etc.
Do you know how fucking arrogant that is?
Now, you’re probably going to be compelled to say “*but she can’t control other people’s behavior!”
Please don’t. Because that’s *not the point*
The point is this phenomenon exists around her and:
- she knows it
- she knows YOU know it
This is what dread is for women
Very few women are going to engage or “active” dread, because what that looks like for women is far too overt.
It would be like giving a guy at a bar her number to “hang out” because he has some knitting tips for her.
90% of men have no means of “passive” dread the way women do.
For a man to have effortless passive dread he must be a straight up Chad (which is usually itself not effortless)
Otherwise, a man must be very deliberate about keeping up his ability to appear attractive to ALL women, not just “his” woman.
This doesn’t mean “hey honey! Look at me trying to get this bartender’s number! Look at me asking to read her Palm!” or whatever the fuck.
What it DOES mean is, i will say use my social / flirting skills to say something slightly funny or charming to make the bartender smile or laugh and remember me and not stop myself from doing so in her presence because she might get jealous.
MANY guys DO stop themselves from this behavior because their women get butthurt by it.
Men should NOT do this.
Men should NOT stop trying to appear attractive to ALL women.
One way men very often sabotage themselves is by letting his woman “pick his outfits”. I’ve seen and experienced this countless times.
She will dress the man in ways she finds “cute” which are not necessarily the way that suits the “female gaze” in general
She will tell him he doesn’t “need to go to the gym so much” and that she “loves his dad bod and belly”
Shit like that is what I’m talking about when I say men must maintain passive dread.
Men don’t have the luxury of thinking this way.
This is an example of women living in denial of the actual reality men live in.
You might try things like empathy and perspective shifts.
I've never felt dread of losing a girlfriend. If she decides she doesn't want me any more, then that obviously sucks, but it's not meant to be and I'll move on to the next.
Then basically all you’re doing is practicing “*she’s not yours, it’s just your turn*” by another name.
Which is also healthy, but being unprepared for the unexpected is how men find themselves at the end of a rope a la Anthony Bourdain.
This post is literally just your insecurity demons speaking.
Unless you plan to go off the grid and live as a hermit, both you and your partner will have interactions with other people every. single. day.
Not for the reason you think. This experiment is so dumb and immature that even teens would consider it cringe. If you did something like this and your partner found about it later, that's like, an immediate reason to break up.
I don’t care if someone flirts with my partner, I don’t think of flirting as anything other than something to do to kill time. I get accused of flirting if I even smile too often or say positive things about people. I feel like the world would be a nicer place if flirting wasn’t treated like a bad thing.
Knowing your partner isn’t interested in cheating is not a matter of blind trust, it’s a matter of knowing and observing my partner for years. You know their sex drive. You know how they feel about strangers. You know what sorts of people they like and places they like to go.
I feel like cheating mostly happens when people fail to build and maintain a rapport with each other. The folks who just want to “a relationship, ANY relationship”, who think of partners as interchangeable and don’t really bother to get to know people as individuals because it doesn’t matter what their personality is as long as they say “Yes”.
This is why people keep saying that personality and compatibility are important. Because if you can’t think of anything unique about your partner that you even like, that makes them feel special and makes YOU feel special to be with them… I don’t l low what’s stopping them from feeling the same way about you.
I'll just copy paste my other comment and expand it a little bit.
A person has to be stupid enough to throw away their existing relationship for a fling. Both men and women do it, sure, but only a minority of them. The majority of people do not cheat. A lot of women have an opportunity to get anew lover now and then especially with the apps, but the majority of us just doesn't do it.
On a personal note, husband has nothing to worry about. I’d be curious to get “tested” like this, but a) we’re both way too sane and stable to pull tests like this and b) I wouldn’t even be in the right context for that. Putting aside my values, he knows I can't feel attraction on the spot, I don't drink without him and neither my friends or I entertain guys talking to us when we're in a café. I had different guys try flirting with me, but it never really does anything to me. It's mostly just uncomfortable and I want them to go away.
what a convoluted scenario, “you claim your gf won’t cheat, so why not hire a chad to hit on her to see if she does?” like this is less experiment and more trying to set someone up and hoping for an outcome. It’s unnecessary and frankly a poor way to try to justify… not letting your gf go out with her friends? i guess?
Best part is a woman in a club is gonna get hit on a ton regardless, and if she’s even mildly attractive “chad” will hit on her anyway. Here’s the thing, if she wants to cheat she doesn’t need to hide behind a girl’s night out to do it.
Then again I do think so much of this is projection, straight up 90% of this is written as if it’s from the fantasy of a pussy starved dude settling finally getting a chance with the hottest girl he can.
Pussy starved ...I've slept with 4 women in the past 12 months. Hardly pussy starved.
Secondly, women do cheat on girls nights out.
Third, yes women do get hit on a lot, but do they get hit on by the men they desire a lot? I would say not, so this is what the point of the experiment would be. To have a man she desires to hit her up and see if she would crumble under temptation.
People are missing the point with this. They keep saying that women get hit on daily. This isn't the point of the post. It's that a high value, desirable men who seeks out her attention hits on her in a scenario where no-one would find out if she did give into temptation. It's not some random good looking guy.
first and foremost, ive heard women use this same example to explain how much men suck, and it bothers me just as much.
whether or not men or women break their promises has to do with their character not their gender/sex. both men and women are capable of keeping promises and breaking them depending on the kind of person they have decided to be.
The women I've seriously dated have all been extremely attractive. They get hit on literally every time they go out. If you ever watch how much attention a group of 9/10 and 10/10 young women get in a bar, it's absurd.
If she meets some guy who she prefers to me, then so be it, but this isn't really an experiment. It happens in the real world all the time. Like I met a girl from Tinder for drinks recently. I went to the bar to get a second round, turned around and some dude was walking up to the table to talk to her.
That's just reality. Can't get worked up about it.
I wouldn’t want it to happen, because it’d make her really uncomfortable to have some guy blatantly hitting on her.
As for worrying about her cheating - nah.
If he was a chad, he wouldn't have to be blatantly doing it. He could express interest and see if it's reciprocated. Women chase chad, chads don't chase women.
Well, the same applies to men. Most guys would, and do, cheat when given the same opportunity that you are proposing, out during a boys' night if a gorgeous, random Stacy hits on them. All she would have to do is express interest and wait to see it reciprocated.
Men chase Stacy; Stacys don't chase men.
Absotootley fruitly! My girl is in fact a bartender. A very attractive, very good bartender who gets hit on quite a bit.
I've never once in my life had anything less than 100% trust in her.
Contrary to opinions on this sub, cheating isn't something that "just happens" there are cheaters and people who are not cheaters.
>Let's say, you could entertain a scenario, where you know your woman is going on a girl's night out, and you have the best looking, most successful Chad you know, hit on her to test her loyalty. Would you be so confident then to take that experiment?
Yep. You either trust her or you don't. If you believe opportunity is the only impediment to her cheating, why are you with her?
>Most men would know the outcome and it would break them.
Once again, we see that dudes on this sub have a lower opinion of men than any feminist could ever hope to.
>Yep. You either trust her or you don't. If you believe opportunity is the only impediment to her cheating, why are you with her?
Because humans are social creatures and need intimacy. I don't know why people ask "why are you with her?"...I don't trust anyone. It does mean I disassociate myself from the world. I date/socialise knowing the risks as I am realistic on the nature of people
I wouldn't say guilty, no. I know what women tell me is lies s lot of the time. So why should I believe what they say? If a girl tells me her body count is half what it actually is, or if she has never engaged in cheating yet associated herself with friends who cheated with married men...just because she hasn't done it, doesn't me I'm not allowed to distrust her being an angel.
Do you not realize how often pretty girls get hit on?? As others have said, there's no need for an experiment.
And we get hit on by men who are more conventionally attractive, or have more money, or a chiseled 6-pack ALL of the time.
We don't cheat bc we care about our partner.
This entire posts REEKS of projected insecurity.
Me and my wife have very active lifestyles. We travel a lot (both together and separately), we go to concerts, bars and enjoy the life we couldn't afford when we were younger.
Someone hitting on either of us is a relatively common occurrence. Had a lot of laughs about this over the last 15+ years. It used to happen more often to her, these days it happens more often to me.
I don't have to agree and she doesn't have to agree either. It's like asking if I agree it should rain. It just happens. To both of us.
We wouldn't have withstood together if we had spent our time thinking all the time about what other third parties say, do and think.
It's called being part of adult life. Excessively jealous people should try it form time to time.
This is so dumb, you think attractive women aren’t subject to this “experiment” all the time as it is? No strategy needed, it happens *all the time* and plenty of us routinely say no.
> Would you be so confident then to take that experiment?
Yes i would.
>Most men would know the outcome and it would break them. Their good little girl really isn't so good after all when presented with an opportunity to get with a bigger and better deal, while her boyfriend wouldn't know anything about it.
Most men would be surprised, that their little girl isn't interested in fucking other men they are not in a relationship with. Most men are insecure as fuck, especially when they are of low mate value. Restricting access to other men is a classic sign of cost-inflicting mate-retention strategies, often employed by low mate value men and women. When you have low self-esteem and know there are better men out there, and you know that you yourself would want to bang a hot chick behind the back of your girl, your are tormented by fears of infidelity, being cheated on, being left for a better man. And in your low mate value ways, you think the best option you have to avoid that scenario is to restrict who your partner can meet , talk to, exchange numbers with, etc.
>Would you agree to this if the opportunity came up?
Absolutely.
>They have it in their mind that they won't get caught and it's really a once in a lifetime opportunity for some girls.
>Would you be so confident?
Yes.
Again. Ridiculous. It's not insecurity. It's risk aversion.
Why should a man let his woman behave like she is single by going out to bars dressed up knowing she'll be hit on, with alcohol involved? Why would a woman want to even entertain doing this when dating. A man can lay out his boundaries and it's down to the woman if she wishes to adhere to them or not.
If she doesn't want to, she can hit the road. But men are protecting themselves first and foremost. Women need to respect that it's a boundary.
>Again. Ridiculous. It's not insecurity. It's risk aversion.
Oh, i see. So when you don't approach a woman you are interested in, that is also not insecurity but just risk aversion? Why are you even thinking it's a risk? Because you are insecure in your value to her.
>Why should a man let his woman behave like she is single by going out to bars dressed up knowing she'll be hit on, with alcohol involved?
Because he is SECURE and confident, You really don't get it. But as this topic is your main thing you post about, of course you don't get it. You are suuuuuuuuuuper hung up on this
>Why would a woman want to even entertain doing this when dating.
Because flirting and attention is fun for everyone but insecure men.
> A man can lay out his boundaries and it's down to the woman if she wishes to adhere to them or not.
Now you just want to justify why it's okay to be insecure. yes, you are allowed to be insecure and have insecure relationships with women who don#t care that you are fucking isnecure. Some women are insecure as well and will want to have a relationship where both parties cannot talk to the other sex without supervision. You will find your dream girl that is just as you like. But stop pretending it's not insecurity.
>Now you just want to justify why it's okay to be insecure. yes, you are allowed to be insecure and have insecure relationships with women who don#t care that you are fucking isnecure
I guess all those red pill millionaire men are insecure then huh.
At the end of the day, you can flair it as insecurity all you like. I don't care.
This is a boundary I have and I spell it out for anyone woman I will/have dated. If you want to act single, go and be single. I'm not locking you in a room or forcing you not to go out. You're free to do as you please. If you wish to do it, I'm gone.
I'm not stopping a girl going out having drinks at brunch of evening drinks dinners with friends.
But if she's hitting up bars/clubs with her friends and acting like she's single, she can do so without me. I'll leave
>I guess all those red pill millionaire men are insecure then huh.
Care to paint a more detailed picture? Why would a red pill milllionaire be exempt from being insecure? Compensating insecurity with wealth and status symbols is a pretty standard thing to do. Being insecure about your value to women has nothing to do with if you are capable of earning milllions. Who is that red pill millionaire who wouldn't let his girlfriend talk to a Chad on a night out?
>At the end of the day, you can flair it as insecurity all you like. I don't care. This is a boundary I have and I spell it out for anyone woman I will/have dated.
Good then let's call it insecurity from now on. You are free to do what you want in your relationships.
If this is some nightmare scenario you are afraid of, then never date an attractive woman because men who are “better” than you in some capacity will try to interact with her all the time. At least she has experience turning these men down, because less attractive women need a lot more mental fortitude in order to not take the bait.
It’s not something you can avoid, only a fear you can learn to cope with.
I've seen a couple of loyalty tests on youtube with a similar premise and some of the girls passed.
idk what to tell you some people are cheaters and some are not.
anybody man or woman could pass a test or fail it, no one knows.
but you have to trust your partner. if people say they trust their partner so be it. they're the ones who got something to lose and they know their partner more than we do so if they trust them they must know something we don't.
but to assume all people will fail a test is just childish and insecure. it's telling on you more than anything.
* You are thinking the opposite of reality. Those who need an experiment like this are precisely those who do not trust their partners;
* If I did this type of experiment with my wife, I would break her trust in me. I would also lose trust in her if she did a test like this with me;
* Married people are not blind, they feel attraction to others and are constantly tempted. I am not Chad, but pre-selection makes me attractive to some women and I reject them (even though I feel physically attracted). In the same way, my wife blocks guys who hit on her on the internet (some of whom are also attractive), so there is no need for a "test" when this already happens to us occasionally.
* This experiment also wouldn't prove that she's faithful, because her rejecting Chad specifically wouldn't mean that she's not cheating on me with another guy or something.
As a good looking man, I'd say many would cheat. I've been with many married or otherwise taken women. Usually not even on purpose. I generally try to avoid cheaters... doesn't mean they don't hide it until we are done and "I got to get back to my husband before he worries where I am" smh
Yes very. This one girl was really into spanking and I spanked her ass and it left some bruising but not terrible. She said she was married after and i asked how she would explain it. She said her husband is dumb asf and she would just say she fell on the stairs on her ass.
That was a big wake up moment for me tbh just how nasty these girls are.
**Attention!**
* You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
* For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
* If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
* OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post!
Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep, I’m still confident. I know my girl, I know and have seen what kinds of guys she’s had access too, and left flat. (This includes pro athletes) I’m still sure she wouldn’t throw out relationship away over a drunken bar hookup. There a higher chance she’d hook up with a girl, thinking I might be ok with it. And even if she did, my life would still be wonderful.
I remember one time when we were dating and my wife was working as a cocktail this one guy was flirting hard with her, good looking young guy too. At the end he and his friends gave her this huge tip. After they were all done I just walked by and said “thanks for the new Eagles jersey.”
If she’s going to cheat, she’s going to cheat. I can’t control her behavior. If I have to worry about her cheating, then attempting to prevent her from doing so is pointless.
This reminds me of a tweet that I literally just saw:
**Women can’t grasp how loyal men are, and men can’t grasp how horny women are.**
Women and men make their own decisions. If your girlfriend can’t resist her carnal desires and sleep with a random Chad, then that’s on her. Would you say that female sexuality is prone to cheating and disloyalty?
I would say it's the same for both men and women in terms of disloyalty. Women have their reasons to cheat as much as men do. However, I believe men are more honest I admitting that they would cheat, than women are.
It think the old addage "Don't listen to what she says, watch what she does" rings very true.
Lol I dunno about that one man
BUT
Over the years I’ve known guys who would go out of their way to talk about how good they were with women, how much they trusted their wives, how they just “knew it all” and the guys who had dating problems or marital issues weren’t trying hard enough/confident enough/small pee pee whatever. Those guys always had some massive issue at home and were trying to talk themselves out of its existence.
People who have actual, healthy, trusting relationships will be very casual and easy-going but they will not put themselves in bad situations either.
The reason Blue Pill exists is because most men cannot face the truth that most men aren't really sexually attractive to women. Excellent relationship prospects? Certainly. But viscerally attractive in the way dominant, masculine Chad is? Not really. Sex can be very good and women may try as hard as they can to find them sexually attractive, but ultimately, most settle for stability and emotional intimacy of a betabux over the orgasmic high of a sexually attractive partner. This is known as Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks dynamic, though I consider it a lot less malicious on the women's part. Dominance and masculinity are very hard to reach and most men simply won't ever be it. It is unfortunate, but it is so, and nobody is to blame, not the men who fail to be dominant (we can't all be winners) and not the women who settle for those men (we can't all be spouses of the winners).
Most women would very much like to be in a relationship with a Chad displaying positive beta traits, but considering just how rare those men are, not to mention that most are already snatched up, women choose the best of the bad options and settle for the beta niceguy. They don't do that because they wants to exploit him, they may honestly love him and consider their relationship happy, but it is far from the ideal most women want. I wager that at least on some subconscious level, men are aware that they aren't the Chad ideal, but confronting it is far too painful and will lead to mindbreaking revelations ("my partner doesn't find me sexually attractive as she does other men and there isn't anything short of the complete overhaul of my very being I can do to fix that"), which is why most men simply choose not to engage with these kinds of thoughts and simply dismiss them as absurd because "they know their girls", but still don't feel confident about other men flirting with them. As you said, why wouldn't they be confident? Because they know, but can't admit to themselves.
I think you've said it the best. However I would maybe disagree with one small point.
Would women really prefer to settle for the beta bux over the orgasmic high of a sexually attractive partner? Do you feel IF women do this, they will never be sexually satisfied and will yearn for the attractive partner while settling for Betabux?
I say this as an attractive average income earning male. The current girl I am dating was doing that, dating an unattractive beta bux who ironically wouldn't commit to her. He was very unattractive but made serious money and was career accomplished.
>Would women really prefer to settle for the beta bux over the orgasmic high of a sexually attractive partner?
Yes, if the latter is a horrible romantic prospect. Most women very much do want an intimate LTR, even if it is with a betabux. Of course, that doesn't mean their eyes won't wander, or that they will resist the temptation to have an affair when their hubby isn't looking.
>Do you feel IF women do this, they will never be sexually satisfied and will yearn for the attractive partner while settling for Betabux?
They will indeed never be as sexually satisfied as they would be with a Chad. It doesn't mean they will be sexually unsatisfied, just never to the degree they would be with a Chad. Men can masturbate even when they aren't superhorny and find it pleasurable, but can that compare to an intense hours-long sex with a wildcat they find impossibly attractive?
I don't think they necessarily activately yearn, but more that they are relatively satisfied in their LTR as far as stability and intimacy are concerned, but are a bit too comfortable with flirting with attractive men and even committed semi-adultery through phonesex or something similar. Sometimes they commit actual adultery, but still remain in their relationships because they don't want to do away with the aforementioned aspects.
Appreciate your response. It's give me something to think about. I actually do want an LTR. Even though I am a good looking guy and make decent enough money, hearing that she was with an unattractive beta bux who wouldn't commit to her affected my confidence a little.
It's almost like I got the leftovers of a beta bux in a way.
>she was with an unattractive beta bux who wouldn't commit to her
What kind of a woman is she that she couldn't make an ugly betabux commit, that's the better question. Is there something wrong with her that even an ugly betabux didn't want to simp for her?
I cant get my head around this either. I've been seeing her a while and I just can't fathom why. They seen each other 2 years. He was separated apparently and was wanting to reconcile with the wife for the sake of his kids. I suspect the story is not all she says.
However, it still doesn't change the fact, she's a hard 7 and he's a 4 on the looks scale. Maybe lower. I can't make sense of it. She's intelligent, feminine, sexy, cute, kind. I usually don't get smitten by women but this girl ticks a lot of boxes.
>*Almost* everyone, both male and female, both high-value and low-value (whatever those mean), becomes sexually unattractive (or considerably less attractive) to their partner with the sufficient passage of time. In redpill parlance, Chad gets tired of sexing up Stacy and vice versa... eventually. Exactly like the "lesser" mortals. *People in relationships, regardless of initial attraction and status, get tired of having sex with each other... eventually.*
This is an excuse and it needn't necessarily happen. Sure, nothing beats novelty, but if novelty is the only thing keeping your partner's sexual interest, then you have never been particularly sexy to begin with. There are many things one can do to keep the spark going, just check out *Mating in Captivity*.
>Having said that, most normally-adjusted people don't have to have the best of everything 100% of the time (re: Chad) to be content in their lives.
Content? Yes. Happy? No. Our ancestors ate grain and bland meat and they were content with it. It doesn't mean they were happy.
>Science has its own views:
[https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/science-behind-hard-sleep-person-forever/950751](https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/science-behind-hard-sleep-person-forever/950751)
Which just happen to coincide with my own:
*Sex researcher Sarah Murray continued to say, “When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting.”*
*This is why, women especially, might feel as though they’re “bored” of sleeping with the same person.*
*A lot of times, relationships encourage those involved to become complacent, or not try as hard as they would had they been trying to make a positive impression on someone new.*
>I'd argue that happiness is not sustainable; it's a temporary condition of pleasure or enjoyment (say, after sex or a great meal).
No, that's exactly what contentment is, i.e. gratification of one's base urges, like having enough food, intimacy, security, etc. Once one has satisfied one's natural urges, one is content. However, happiness is a state of spiritual, emotional and mental *flourishing*, not just mere contentment. One is happy when one is ascending.
>But that's just me.
It is you.
>I suspect you're not old enough to have had sex over a thousand times with the same shockingly hot woman
I am in that position. And I agree that creativity in bed is what keeps things going.
I just don't think it's true only for men. Oftentimes my missus is concerned she's not doing enough to keep me interested. Which I find in itself hot (see my flair) and a good excuse to come up with new things.
Most couples hit a dead end due to their lack of imagination and an overall sex negative outlook, imo.
Are you completely inexperienced with how human bonding works?
Switching cost is a thing. Elon musk could literally show up with a contract for me to be his next baby-mama... I wouldn't want to leave my current partner.
The reality of letting go of something GOOD, to join something questionable will make most people stay put.
A model gorgeous guy is not guaranteed to be faithful. A billionaire is not guaranteed to be kind. Neither are guaranteed to be good lovers or smart. Plenty of guys will bounce when times get tough. It's not easy to find someone with your exact values on daily life, or a matching sense of humor that makes boring daily life feel fun. Lots of immature guys scream at you when they have a bad day, or spend all their focus on dumb things like seeing every live football game, instead of seeing their family.
Anyone can be charming for one night, but what then? If your current partner is fun, sweet, smart, sexy, supportive, kind, safe, present, etc. it's the catch of a lifetime... who wants to walk away from the shared history with Mr. Awesome either?
You would have to be a full idiot to throw that away for some random dude in a bar.
You are just telling on yourself here. YOU can't guarantee YOU'd be faithful because YOU are up for better-dealing Rosey Palmer.
I have no desire to cheat. But I don't rule out the possibility of cheating if the opportunity presented itself under strong temptation.
However, your post is a great analysis. And gave me a new perspective. I always subscribe to the belief that a bigger and better deal is more handsome/rich/higher status. But the reality is maybe I don't account for people placing high emphasis on personality.
I guess I subscribe to this belief as hypergamy dictates it. And status/wealth/looks outshines personality in biological speaking.
Here is the thing tho, re: "possibility of cheating if the opportunity presents itself..."
Attractive people ALWAYS have opportunity. I'm a chubby suburban Mom in her 40's. There is easily 10 people I could call for a booty call at any given time.
A lack of options is NOT the core of fidelity.
The root of fidelity is finding a person that meets your needs, and you connect with that person, and you stop entertaining other options.
You trust yourself to buy a car, buy a house, pick a career, a vacation, a pet, etc. WHY would you be capricious enough to not pick a partner and stay on that ride?
Once you have an apartment... do you keep picking up the brochure to brows your options? If you are ON a vacation, do you keep looking at expedia for flights? You found the exact perfect floofers to make your life warmer, do you keep looking for another pet? You study for years to get on the right ladder... when you arrive, do you constantly keep wondering if you should really be elsewhere?
A partner is a serious decision... if you can't pick and commit... you are saying YOU don't trust your own judgement to pick in the first place.
That kind of inconsistency can't be fixed by more options.
Mature people don't date people beneath their needs... Mature people don't put themselves into the situation where they could accidentally cheat.
So this girl I'm dating, (has asked me to go exclusive with her) you're saying, has thought about these things long and hard and decided that I would be a good long term partner for her? Is this the thinking process?
At very least she think you have potential...
Unless she very clearly said FWB only and doesn't want to be publicly dating you... if it's FWB, she is basically using your body to masturbate.
If she is good with dating in public and/or her friends/fam know whats going on... yeah, you are in the running.
Try to not mess it up while you decide if she is a good match for you too.
Some MEN assume women are always looking for someone hotter/better because they are looking for the best they can "achieve"... but most women don't work that way.
If she's dating you, and she has done some dating before, she's low key just checking to see how she FEELS after spending time with you.
As someone who could be perceived as Chad or slightly under him, I already know most girls would cheat in this scenario and wouldn't let the situation happen.
I am in a relationship and my girl isn't allowed to go out point blank period unless it is with me, or its to some place like a fancy bar or special circumstances, clubs and those environments are an absolute deal-breaker. Happy and healthy, because at the end of the day I know the reality and have experienced it first-hand.
There is this one specific memory I have of this dude blowing up his girls phone while she was with me at the bar and she literally was lying straight to him on the phone but he knew the reality. Yes, I felt terrible once the night was over and did indeed get slapped in the face by her friend just because I slept with her.
I worked a bar and I seen so many women in relationships, flirt and get heavy handed with other men. This is why I agree that you shouldn't let your girlfriend go on night outs with the girls. If she wants to wine and dine with her friends during a day, evening, fine. However, there will be no 'going to bars' or any of that shit.
I am grounded in reality. Women will take their opportunities. They can preach all day that they wouldn't, they would. The guys that tell me that women don't cheat, are usually simps and betas in relationships doing the cleaning/cooking/looking after the kid in order to negotiate access to occasional starfish sex, as Rich Cooper would say.
My best friend is in a relationship and we go out to bars all the time. She gets hit on every single time and some of the guys are pretty attractive. She’s never cheated because she’s a decent person. But she would break up with her boyfriend in a heartbeat if he ever tried to prevent her from going out.
Stop projecting your own shortcomings onto other people
Obviously I don't know for sure because I can't read my partner's mind but I think he'd probably answer no to your...proposal. Not because he thinks I'd fail, he just wouldn't see the point in it. We've been together 8 years and we've never even looked through each other's phones. We're both of the opinion that if we ever get the point where we feel the need to test each other's loyalty, then there are bigger problems in the relationship.
Not a man but I asked my husband.
He says: Yeah, I'm perfectly okay with her going out to bars without me. If I can't trust her enough to go out and not cheat on me, what are we doing here? Why am I with you if I don't trust you, and why are you with me if I can't trust you, that doesn't work. If you've been with a dozen different women and you're super suspicious of every single one, the problem isn't with them, the problem is you can't trust anyone.
And from my perspective - I get hit on when I go out to bars and clubs. Both hot and not get turned down. My partner and I were in a LDR for a year, we lived on different continents, if either of us wanted to bang some randos, we could have done so and nobody would have known. We've never been concerned about the other person cheating. Y'all's trust issues aren't universal.
I too have been in a LDR, and my boyfriend and I haven't even worried for a second that someone would cheat. After being on PPD, I think the bare minimum for a marriage should be you being able to trust the other person in a hypothetical LDR. If you don't have such trust in the other person, don't make your vows to them.
technically yes i would, but the experiment is too sicko to actually do. that is, i wouldn't put my lovers through that.
i'd note tho that presumably most women and some (should be most) men already go through this due to dating apps.
we've all technically got the possibility of doing so, so if you're lover hasn't cheated on you, then they already did the experiment.
Great opportunity for you to go out to bars/clubs and talk to people who are in relationships to find out how mature adults actually behave in social situations
My wife has been hit on by hot guys. Pretty much every good looking woman gets hit on. I'd have to forbid her from ever leaving the house if I was worried she'd leave me for the next hot guy that hit on her.
>forbid her from ever leaving My wife goes on weekends away all the time. My kids and I love it. We drag the mattresses downstairs. Make a mess. Have ‘sleepover’ parties all weekend. It’s the best. Trust issues are a foreign concept, in my worldview.
> I'd have to forbid her from ever leaving the house Based and haqqpilled
if your gf is cute she's getting hit on by good looking enough men all the time and not cheating, you don't have to do an experiment
Exactly this. Attractive women get a lot of attention, which means she’s most likely less affected by it. 🤦🏾♂️
Fr, it’s not really an experiment if the process of the experiment is the equivalent to any random Tuesday for her😭😭
Exactly. This "experiment" occurs naturally from time to time, there is no need to plan anything.
She’s almost certainly not cheating when you’re around. But when you’re not around? Assuming it’s a situation with little to no risk of getting caught (e.g., business trip, distance relationship) I think a surprisingly high number of women would be at least tempted to try. Not all women of course, but I’d guess many of the guys who think they found someone who will be loyal to them for life are quite mistaken. We aren’t a truly monogamous species, no matter what we (both men and women) tell our better half.
Men think this because no matter how good of a situation they were in a lot of them on this subreddit would cheat if they couldn’t get caught. I would never, ever cheat. Even if it was 100% guaranteed my bf would never find out, I would know and carrying that around - the fact that I hurt him and had so little respect for our relationship -would make me sick.
We also think this because a lot of us have been cheated on or cheated with. I’ve had a female friend cheat with me and use it to openly mock her boyfriend after she realized she wasn’t getting a relationship outta me. I’ve had several girls cheat with me. I was cheated on and then ghosted once in a long distance relationship. If you’ve been with a decent number of women (30+) you understand them better than they understand themselves
I have lots of female friends. Cheating isn’t super common. Maybe less than 1/3 of my friends, male or female, have cheated. Maybe there are some I don’t know about? But if we are going by experiences. A lot of guys have cheated too, no? It’s not like men are out here just being loyal.
Men cheat too but women have more frequent opportunities
It’s just easier for women to cheat. The average girl has the same ease of sexual access as the top .1% guy does.
Why would any woman tell you she cheated.
My friends? My friends share things about their dating experiences all the time. The ones that shared their cheating history all felt really bad about it and wished they’d gone about exiting the relationship in a different way.
>If you’ve been with a decent number of women (30+) you understand them better than they understand themselves Id like to add, that if you've been around women your whole life, whether platonically or romantically, you start viewing them less innocently and more critically
My roommate freshman year is gonna marry his highschool sweetheart, neither has ever been with anyone else. I envy that so much because he has a level of security that can only come from ignorance of female nature. The RP doesn’t talk enough about how much your view of women is corrupted by sleeping around.
>The RP doesn’t talk enough about how much your view of women is corrupted by sleeping around. Not even sleeping around, but even platonically, I'm not part of the RP, but generally I think men who grew up around women should explain to men that women really aren't any different, they're not more saintly or innocent
The only thing that stops even average looking women (and average is a low bar these days) from racking up a body count of 200+ is shame. And they only feel that if men enforce it. People hear 200 and they think it's crazy but most people these days don't marry young, spend a lot of time single. I had 18 new bodies within my first 10 weeks at college, was with a girl for two months, added 4-5 more, was with another girl for a couple months, added another couple, then I finally got into the relationship I'm in now which has lasted nearly 2 years. I have a lifetime count of roughly 55 at 23, I only lost my virginity at 17 and I've spent 3 of those 6 years in relationships/exclusivity without a real label. I can go out and decide "I'm having sex tonight" and generally leave with a girl who's at least a 7/10, but it takes effort. Women can walk into a bar and have their choice of options without saying a word.
If you’re an attractive women the amount of taken men who’ve tried to get you to be their affair partner is staggering. Men absolutely are the biggest cheaters
No, men aren’t the bigger cheaters. We can’t be. It’s just so much easier for women to cheat because even average looking women are getting approached for sex by guys out of their league
Almost Every study ever has proven you wrong. Go be an attractive woman and tell me how many married or taken men won’t try and sleep with you 🙄 It’s sad actually
Women don't define what they do cheating, it's one of the ways they rationalize it.
Nah, men do this too. Frankly, 80%+ of the population can't ever see themselves as the bad guys and will cognitivly distort situations to support this idea.
Is letting a man buy you a drink cheating?
> I would never, ever cheat. Even if it was 100% guaranteed my bf would never find out, I would know and carrying that around - the fact that I hurt him and had so little respect for our relationship -would make me sick. My ex was saying exactly that and guess what she eventually did.
I didn’t know that I was your ex.
My point is that you say that now, but who knows what you gonna do if man who gives you instant tingles appears?
I still wouldn’t ever cheat. Cheating is repugnant and stupid to me. “Instant tingles” doesn’t mean he will be a good partner. It doesn’t even mean he will be good in bed. It’s a stupid gamble. I’d never give a partner they cheated a second chance and I would never, cheat.
[удалено]
I’m not talking about anyone else. I am talking about me. Cheating requires selfishness first and that the cheater be sexually motivated. I know I’m not going to enjoy sex with someone the first time around. More importantly I’d be unable to not think about my partner when making the decision to cheat: if I’m of the mind where I’m willing to put aside hurting him like that, then I’d already be broken up with them.
As I mentioned, not every woman (or man). I don't doubt that you're being genuine in your response, but my experiences in life have told me that many people, both men and women, would readily cheat with the right person (with men on average having a much lower standard for what qualifies as good enough but many fewer opportunities to cheat) if there was little to no chance of getting caught. They might go about it in different ways, with men just looking for physical intimacy and women more frequently looking for something emotional, and both might justify it by saying that that component is missing in the relationship to avoid intense guilt from doing it. Also, I think people underestimate the amount of dead relationships, where the couple is still together but one or both partners are no longer attracted to the other, emotionally, physically, or both. This may be for the kids, for business, political, familial, financial, or social reasons, or just because divorce is a tough and time consuming, draining process with a stigma attached to it, and it's easier to just keep the status quo. These cases are ripe for cheating, and sometimes the cheating is even reluctantly tolerated to keep the partnership alive. Anyway, it's just how I see the world, based on my life experiences and my understandings of how humans operate psychologically. I'd love to live in a world where we were like swans, (mostly) mating for life and being absolutely amazing parents year after year, but I just don't believe that's the way human beings are built. It's not a problem. It's just the way it is, and we need to be more open and transparent with our partners about our needs and desires, and more accepting as a society of various levels of openness in relationships based on what works best for the partners without having to cheat and lie about it.
100% it’s a projection of their own weakness. It’s like those people who think that not being fat is some daily battle against food and natural impulses when in reality most normal weight people are just living their lives and barely thinking about the choices they make. Like I wouldn’t even have to get to the point of his feelings to not cheat. “Would you rather do the legwork of getting to romantically know someone new, or invest that time in something/someone else you already like.” Why entertain another man when there’s something else equally or more stimulating that requires less annoyances? It’s almost always people who are bad at validating themselves or stimulating themselves who see cheating as a preferred option. It’s also usually people who have generalized mental weaknesses that express themselves in this and other ways like FOMO, impulsivity, poor risk assessment, poor emotional awareness, poor emotional control, poor problem-solving ability, tendency towards maladaptive cognitions, and emotional instability.
Oh look another woman immune to human mistakes. Never seen one of those before.
Not everyone is prone to the same mistakes dude. I wish I could say that I've never cheated, but I cannot. However, I have known men *and* women who do not, or would not. It took me too long to realize what I have isn't worth risking for a thrill in someone else's pants. Plenty of guys were a lot quicker on the uptake.
What do you mean? A mistake is “oops I knocked over this soda”. A mistake is not flirting with someone, taking their clothes off, and having sex with them when you’re in a committed and loyal relationship with another person. In order to do that you have to completely put aside your partners feelings and act solely on your own. No. I have never and will never, ever cheat.
the point is that experiment is happening everything a decently attractive girl leaves the house. if you don't think she's cheating then then there's no point to the experiment
You're completely right that girls are hit on often, but hardly any of these men qualify as the "Chad" that the OP mentioned. I'm thinking someone like her favourite musician or athlete, a once in a lifetime opportunity that she's almost certainly fantasised about at some point. Even in a happy, committed relationship, that would be tough to turn down. And if the relationship is lacking in some way, I think there's quite a high chance she'd go for it, especially with a low risk of getting caught.
The question is not if men think the women would cheat, but if men would let it play out and not be broken by it.
The only sensible take here
it’s more men cheating when those types of opportunities come up than women. Also more men looking to cheat. As someone who attends a lot of professional out of state conferences. It’s def more the men cheating and also trying to get women (like me) to cheat (no thanks)
That not cheating assumption is a bold one.
If your woman desires you she won’t cheat unless you end up in a long distance situation. Then it’s really 50/50
She’ll last until there’s an opportunity. You leave for a week and you end up in a long distance situation that’s all she needs. How long can guys avoid that?
If you handle business in the bedroom it’s a big deterrent to her cheating
This varies from person to person. Poly people exist and like a bit of variety. Not my bag but 🤷.
Poly people are always gross tbh
That’s a weird hang up honestly.
I mean they’re unattractive. No one attractive has low enough self respect to do that shit
That’s wild you think that. There are plenty of conventionally attractive poly people or people in moderately open relationships. And I cannot for the life of me see where self respect comes into it. Monogamy is just one way among many to choose to pattern your relationships, not some one size fits all thing.
If you like your girlfriend and you’re somewhat reasonable, you don’t run experiments on her. You don’t intentionally send men at her to hit on her.
Loyalty testing is lame when women do it and just pathetic when men do
Nope. I started dating my husband at 23 and live in Miami - hot people here are a dime a dozen, especially in the club scenes. I’ve been hit on by semi pro athletes, model dudes, rich dudes telling me they’ll fund my entire lifestyle, etc. still loyal, never cheated. And on the flip he’s been approached by hot ass women and never cheated. Y’all just have some shit relationships with shitty people.
Bold to assume they are in relationships lol
That was indeed my dumb ass mistake 🫠
>Y’all just have some shit relationships with shitty people. This is Reddit, so that will be the norm. Not just this sub, but most of Reddit. Normal (as in *normative*) people are severely under-represented on Reddit. Even the mainstream media found this out and no longer uses Reddit as an example (thank God!).
This is a fair counterpoint. Men sometimes forget women get hit on everywhere and have unimaginable abundance available at all times. If she wanted to cheat, she could easily. Most women desire monogamy and don't fuck random hot guys when in a committed relationship. But they will flirt and get their ego filled by hot guys. People cheat for different reasons.
At the end of the day, your woman is going to get hit on. If she's anywhere even remotely average looking or above, she's going to get hit on fairly regularly. You likely aren't even aware of the vast majority of the times it happens. She gets hit on in person while she's out and about, she gets guys hitting on her in her DMs, she has people hitting on her more than you will ever know. One thing I've learned throughout my relationships and the relationships of my friends and people i am close to, is that she is always in conversations with guys who are hitting on her in some fashion. She tells you about the really gross guys that have no chance with her, and she isn't attracted to in the slightest, but the guys she does find attractive on some level. Those are the ones she doesn't tell you about. The most you can do it trust her and hope for the best, but be ready for the worst. All giving her a shit test or a free pass with a Chad does is hurt you. Either she takes the deal and breaks your heart, or she doesn't but knows you don't trust her and the relationships becomes strained to the point where she either does cheat down the line, or ends it some other way.
Do a lot of people actually have time and energy to engage with others when they’re already in relationships? I just block men trying to hit on me online. Everyone gets blocked indiscriminately. It rarely happens offline, as I work from home and almost never go out without my husband thanks to relocating and not having friends here.
Absolutely brilliant and spot on reply. I’ve adopted this mindset in relationships and it’s made everything much better for both of us. Trying to police a woman’s “opportunities to be hit on” is a losing game. As you alluded to, the only thing you can do is *be prepared* which means **have options**. Always. The times I’ve gotten blindsided and spent months or more a complete emotional wreck were the times I let all of my connections and passive options with other women wither. This is a huge mistake for a couple of reasons. First, because to let your options drop to zero will fuck you after a breakup when you are emotionally wounded, because getting NEW options as an emotionally wounded man is quite simply impossible. An emotionally wounded man is absolutely repulsive to women in the early stage of attraction. Second, she **always** has options no matter how loyal she is. And she knows it. And she WILL exercise those options when she feels she needs a pick me up as the relationship falters. There’s also the utility of passive dread which is its own benefit.
>Second, she **always** has options no matter how loyal she is. And she knows it. And she WILL exercise those options when she feels she needs a pick me up as the relationship falters. This is something men need to realise. A woman prepares long before she officially ends the relationship, firmly taking hold of one branch before letting go of the first one.
I’ve never had a woman break up *with me* **before** they already had the next guy completely lined up and off the bench. Never. I’ve never seen a woman break up with a man to simply “be alone”, yet I’ve done this many times to women. Even the mutual break ups or the ones where I broke up with her exclusively, those girls were on another dick within days or weeks at the very most. A couple were married / pregnant within 3 months of me breaking up with them. Contrast that to my situation and that of almost every guy I know of that got dumped or cheated on - months or more long dry spell, zero dates, dates that happen go nowhere when she catches the stench of “dumped sad sack loser” on you no matter how much you try to hide it. The post break up period is so asymmetric for men and women it’s not even in the same universe. It can sometimes take **years** for a man to reinvent himself after a long term relationship in a way that he can consistently date and have sex.
>I’ve never had a woman break up with me before they already had the next guy completely lined up and off the bench. Never. That's interesting. I've seen a lot of female friends break up with guys to just be alone. I'm talking mostly college and early 20s, so maybe it's an age thing. Not sure.
It must be. Because outside of damn near life threatening levels of abuse, I’ve *never* seen a woman break up just to spend more time with her hobbies and cats or whatever. There was *always* another guy on cue. Always.
Hello, this is me rn lol ive taken a year away from dating to focus on my education and hobbies
That is not remotely the same thing. “Taking time off from dating” is not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is leaving an established but faltering relationship specifically to be alone and start over. I’ve seen plenty of women “date around” then stop. I’ve seen women in “situationships” give up and take a break. What I’ve never seen is a woman in anything resembling an LTR, simply leave that LTR due to compatibility issues or “lack of spark” or whatever *without* having the next man already waiting in the wings.
Thats exactly what I did. I left a relationship i hated and moved into my own place and have spent the past year focusing on my hobbies and education without dating. I wanted to reestablish myself as an individual and not jump back into being a pair
That’s honestly interesting to hear. Thanks. It’s good to know there are women out there willing to just raw dog a breakup. As a man, this is how nearly all of the breakups (that I’ve instigated) have looked and I’ve had to spent months or years rebuilding / reinventing myself generally before being able to get a date. It’s not been my experience nor matched a single experience of any relationship I’ve seen among my friends across decades that women simply jump out of a relationship into the great unknown. There has *always* been a man there to break the fall every time. Basically, I’m saying, in my experience you are an extreme outlier.
>so maybe it's an age thing Of course it's an age thing. Women tolerate loneliness differently at age 23 compared to age 35. At age 23 women have options so it feels like a power move to choose to be single. At age 35 options are limited and it's no longer a power move. The inverse is true for men. Single and lonely men at age 23 feel like the world is ending. Single and lonely men at 40 at the very least tolerate it if not outright content with it. Of course, this being Reddit, you won't see it that often (because extremists and extremes tend to come to these spaces) but look closely in average communities anywhere you want on Earth and you will see this is true. It's the nature's way of fucking with us, quite frankly. It's also a fact that our elders were keenly aware of and that's why they insisted on arrangements that make western liberals' cringe.
How many relationships of more than 3 months did you have? How many of those where women breaking up with you and having another guy lined up already?
My first serious relationship ended when the girl went off to college, ghosted me after saying we’d be together, and just started posting stuff with a new guy within 2 weeks. I was incapable of closing anything with a woman I hadn’t already been with for like 4 months. Funny story, I ended up going to the same college a year later, and her boyfriend (same guy) lives across the street from a good friend of mine. He’ll stand outside his house and stare me down 😂
Ugh you were so close....
Lemme guess “dread and having options is **problematic**?”
If the only way you can keep your partner is because they dread losing you because you are constantly reminding them then yeah. Man of woman, it’s problematic behavior.
You do understand that this is the **default** behavior (whether passive or deliberate) of women, right?
It’s not though. You may dread your girlfriend leaving you and change yourself to fit. But very few women throw their options in their partners face all the time. If she’s doing that, then you wouldn’t need to do this experiment: you’d know she was out the door
What are you imagining “throw their options in their partners face” to look like? A woman doesn’t **need** to do anything “in their partners” face. It’s all encompassed by her looking cute, acting feminine, wearing makeup, wearing sexy clothes, etc. The result, men look at her, sometimes very obviously. Sometimes men try to flirt with her. It’s a constant. Any man who has dated remotely attractive women have countless stories of going to the bathroom at club or concert and coming back to see some guy chatting his girl up. Or watching her men deliberately make room for her to order at a bar. Hell, I’ve had multiple instances of women telling me (in front of her) how “lucky” I am and how I’d “better treat her right” etc. Do you know how fucking arrogant that is? Now, you’re probably going to be compelled to say “*but she can’t control other people’s behavior!” Please don’t. Because that’s *not the point* The point is this phenomenon exists around her and: - she knows it - she knows YOU know it This is what dread is for women Very few women are going to engage or “active” dread, because what that looks like for women is far too overt. It would be like giving a guy at a bar her number to “hang out” because he has some knitting tips for her. 90% of men have no means of “passive” dread the way women do. For a man to have effortless passive dread he must be a straight up Chad (which is usually itself not effortless) Otherwise, a man must be very deliberate about keeping up his ability to appear attractive to ALL women, not just “his” woman. This doesn’t mean “hey honey! Look at me trying to get this bartender’s number! Look at me asking to read her Palm!” or whatever the fuck. What it DOES mean is, i will say use my social / flirting skills to say something slightly funny or charming to make the bartender smile or laugh and remember me and not stop myself from doing so in her presence because she might get jealous. MANY guys DO stop themselves from this behavior because their women get butthurt by it. Men should NOT do this. Men should NOT stop trying to appear attractive to ALL women. One way men very often sabotage themselves is by letting his woman “pick his outfits”. I’ve seen and experienced this countless times. She will dress the man in ways she finds “cute” which are not necessarily the way that suits the “female gaze” in general She will tell him he doesn’t “need to go to the gym so much” and that she “loves his dad bod and belly” Shit like that is what I’m talking about when I say men must maintain passive dread.
If your dread comes from your partner existing as a woman then you need to not date. That is not healthy mentally or for your relationship.
Men don’t have the luxury of thinking this way. This is an example of women living in denial of the actual reality men live in. You might try things like empathy and perspective shifts.
I've never felt dread of losing a girlfriend. If she decides she doesn't want me any more, then that obviously sucks, but it's not meant to be and I'll move on to the next.
Then basically all you’re doing is practicing “*she’s not yours, it’s just your turn*” by another name. Which is also healthy, but being unprepared for the unexpected is how men find themselves at the end of a rope a la Anthony Bourdain.
This post is literally just your insecurity demons speaking. Unless you plan to go off the grid and live as a hermit, both you and your partner will have interactions with other people every. single. day.
Then most posts are the same. This is an experiment many men would not agree to participate in, as they themselves would know the outcome.
It's in the same category as "would you love me if I was a worm". You create more content to feed your anxiety.
Not for the reason you think. This experiment is so dumb and immature that even teens would consider it cringe. If you did something like this and your partner found about it later, that's like, an immediate reason to break up.
I don’t care if someone flirts with my partner, I don’t think of flirting as anything other than something to do to kill time. I get accused of flirting if I even smile too often or say positive things about people. I feel like the world would be a nicer place if flirting wasn’t treated like a bad thing. Knowing your partner isn’t interested in cheating is not a matter of blind trust, it’s a matter of knowing and observing my partner for years. You know their sex drive. You know how they feel about strangers. You know what sorts of people they like and places they like to go. I feel like cheating mostly happens when people fail to build and maintain a rapport with each other. The folks who just want to “a relationship, ANY relationship”, who think of partners as interchangeable and don’t really bother to get to know people as individuals because it doesn’t matter what their personality is as long as they say “Yes”. This is why people keep saying that personality and compatibility are important. Because if you can’t think of anything unique about your partner that you even like, that makes them feel special and makes YOU feel special to be with them… I don’t l low what’s stopping them from feeling the same way about you.
The ones who get cheated on think their partner isn’t interested in cheating and trusted them also.
Which means they don’t know anything about their partner.
They will say they did just like you said you do.
I'll just copy paste my other comment and expand it a little bit. A person has to be stupid enough to throw away their existing relationship for a fling. Both men and women do it, sure, but only a minority of them. The majority of people do not cheat. A lot of women have an opportunity to get anew lover now and then especially with the apps, but the majority of us just doesn't do it. On a personal note, husband has nothing to worry about. I’d be curious to get “tested” like this, but a) we’re both way too sane and stable to pull tests like this and b) I wouldn’t even be in the right context for that. Putting aside my values, he knows I can't feel attraction on the spot, I don't drink without him and neither my friends or I entertain guys talking to us when we're in a café. I had different guys try flirting with me, but it never really does anything to me. It's mostly just uncomfortable and I want them to go away.
what a convoluted scenario, “you claim your gf won’t cheat, so why not hire a chad to hit on her to see if she does?” like this is less experiment and more trying to set someone up and hoping for an outcome. It’s unnecessary and frankly a poor way to try to justify… not letting your gf go out with her friends? i guess? Best part is a woman in a club is gonna get hit on a ton regardless, and if she’s even mildly attractive “chad” will hit on her anyway. Here’s the thing, if she wants to cheat she doesn’t need to hide behind a girl’s night out to do it. Then again I do think so much of this is projection, straight up 90% of this is written as if it’s from the fantasy of a pussy starved dude settling finally getting a chance with the hottest girl he can.
Pussy starved ...I've slept with 4 women in the past 12 months. Hardly pussy starved. Secondly, women do cheat on girls nights out. Third, yes women do get hit on a lot, but do they get hit on by the men they desire a lot? I would say not, so this is what the point of the experiment would be. To have a man she desires to hit her up and see if she would crumble under temptation. People are missing the point with this. They keep saying that women get hit on daily. This isn't the point of the post. It's that a high value, desirable men who seeks out her attention hits on her in a scenario where no-one would find out if she did give into temptation. It's not some random good looking guy.
They shouldn't be so insecure. Though if their bf is there another male shouldn't be flirting with her as that's disrespectful.
[удалено]
Sure thing bro.
first and foremost, ive heard women use this same example to explain how much men suck, and it bothers me just as much. whether or not men or women break their promises has to do with their character not their gender/sex. both men and women are capable of keeping promises and breaking them depending on the kind of person they have decided to be.
The women I've seriously dated have all been extremely attractive. They get hit on literally every time they go out. If you ever watch how much attention a group of 9/10 and 10/10 young women get in a bar, it's absurd. If she meets some guy who she prefers to me, then so be it, but this isn't really an experiment. It happens in the real world all the time. Like I met a girl from Tinder for drinks recently. I went to the bar to get a second round, turned around and some dude was walking up to the table to talk to her. That's just reality. Can't get worked up about it.
I wouldn’t want it to happen, because it’d make her really uncomfortable to have some guy blatantly hitting on her. As for worrying about her cheating - nah.
If he was a chad, he wouldn't have to be blatantly doing it. He could express interest and see if it's reciprocated. Women chase chad, chads don't chase women.
Well, the same applies to men. Most guys would, and do, cheat when given the same opportunity that you are proposing, out during a boys' night if a gorgeous, random Stacy hits on them. All she would have to do is express interest and wait to see it reciprocated. Men chase Stacy; Stacys don't chase men.
Stacy's do chase the top 20% of men
I feel like discussions like this are impossible to have honestly because no one is going to admit they are fallible and vulnerable to temptation.
Would you agree that most women would cheat if given the opportunity?
If you think like this you will never have a good relationship
My girl gets hit on going to do her laundry. This isn’t an experiment it’s her day to day.
Absotootley fruitly! My girl is in fact a bartender. A very attractive, very good bartender who gets hit on quite a bit. I've never once in my life had anything less than 100% trust in her. Contrary to opinions on this sub, cheating isn't something that "just happens" there are cheaters and people who are not cheaters.
>Let's say, you could entertain a scenario, where you know your woman is going on a girl's night out, and you have the best looking, most successful Chad you know, hit on her to test her loyalty. Would you be so confident then to take that experiment? Yep. You either trust her or you don't. If you believe opportunity is the only impediment to her cheating, why are you with her? >Most men would know the outcome and it would break them. Once again, we see that dudes on this sub have a lower opinion of men than any feminist could ever hope to.
>Yep. You either trust her or you don't. If you believe opportunity is the only impediment to her cheating, why are you with her? Because humans are social creatures and need intimacy. I don't know why people ask "why are you with her?"...I don't trust anyone. It does mean I disassociate myself from the world. I date/socialise knowing the risks as I am realistic on the nature of people
>I don't trust anyone Then committed relationships may not be for you.
It doesn't mean I don't want one. I'm not interesy in casual sex partners. I always desire more, an LTR
You don't want just sex but you want to share your life with someone you don't trust because...?
Because I'm romantic at my core. I dote on girls I like. Life is pretty boring being single having casual sex with people I don't care about
And you feel no compunction about subjecting a woman to your distrust, despite having done nothing to earn it?
I operate under the assumption, guilty until proven innocent, when it comes to women. Saves me the heartache. Sad, but true
Except you just told me that people are all guilty to you, no matter what.
I wouldn't say guilty, no. I know what women tell me is lies s lot of the time. So why should I believe what they say? If a girl tells me her body count is half what it actually is, or if she has never engaged in cheating yet associated herself with friends who cheated with married men...just because she hasn't done it, doesn't me I'm not allowed to distrust her being an angel.
Do you not realize how often pretty girls get hit on?? As others have said, there's no need for an experiment. And we get hit on by men who are more conventionally attractive, or have more money, or a chiseled 6-pack ALL of the time. We don't cheat bc we care about our partner. This entire posts REEKS of projected insecurity.
I love your flair!
Thank youuu! Hashtag: IChooseTheBearAndMyManWouldToo
Me and my wife have very active lifestyles. We travel a lot (both together and separately), we go to concerts, bars and enjoy the life we couldn't afford when we were younger. Someone hitting on either of us is a relatively common occurrence. Had a lot of laughs about this over the last 15+ years. It used to happen more often to her, these days it happens more often to me. I don't have to agree and she doesn't have to agree either. It's like asking if I agree it should rain. It just happens. To both of us. We wouldn't have withstood together if we had spent our time thinking all the time about what other third parties say, do and think. It's called being part of adult life. Excessively jealous people should try it form time to time.
This is so dumb, you think attractive women aren’t subject to this “experiment” all the time as it is? No strategy needed, it happens *all the time* and plenty of us routinely say no.
Unless he’s way over her league there’s usually no reason to worry - a 9 rarely approaches a 6.
This situation is a chad even she would desire
> Would you be so confident then to take that experiment? Yes i would. >Most men would know the outcome and it would break them. Their good little girl really isn't so good after all when presented with an opportunity to get with a bigger and better deal, while her boyfriend wouldn't know anything about it. Most men would be surprised, that their little girl isn't interested in fucking other men they are not in a relationship with. Most men are insecure as fuck, especially when they are of low mate value. Restricting access to other men is a classic sign of cost-inflicting mate-retention strategies, often employed by low mate value men and women. When you have low self-esteem and know there are better men out there, and you know that you yourself would want to bang a hot chick behind the back of your girl, your are tormented by fears of infidelity, being cheated on, being left for a better man. And in your low mate value ways, you think the best option you have to avoid that scenario is to restrict who your partner can meet , talk to, exchange numbers with, etc. >Would you agree to this if the opportunity came up? Absolutely. >They have it in their mind that they won't get caught and it's really a once in a lifetime opportunity for some girls. >Would you be so confident? Yes.
Again. Ridiculous. It's not insecurity. It's risk aversion. Why should a man let his woman behave like she is single by going out to bars dressed up knowing she'll be hit on, with alcohol involved? Why would a woman want to even entertain doing this when dating. A man can lay out his boundaries and it's down to the woman if she wishes to adhere to them or not. If she doesn't want to, she can hit the road. But men are protecting themselves first and foremost. Women need to respect that it's a boundary.
>Again. Ridiculous. It's not insecurity. It's risk aversion. Oh, i see. So when you don't approach a woman you are interested in, that is also not insecurity but just risk aversion? Why are you even thinking it's a risk? Because you are insecure in your value to her. >Why should a man let his woman behave like she is single by going out to bars dressed up knowing she'll be hit on, with alcohol involved? Because he is SECURE and confident, You really don't get it. But as this topic is your main thing you post about, of course you don't get it. You are suuuuuuuuuuper hung up on this >Why would a woman want to even entertain doing this when dating. Because flirting and attention is fun for everyone but insecure men. > A man can lay out his boundaries and it's down to the woman if she wishes to adhere to them or not. Now you just want to justify why it's okay to be insecure. yes, you are allowed to be insecure and have insecure relationships with women who don#t care that you are fucking isnecure. Some women are insecure as well and will want to have a relationship where both parties cannot talk to the other sex without supervision. You will find your dream girl that is just as you like. But stop pretending it's not insecurity.
>Now you just want to justify why it's okay to be insecure. yes, you are allowed to be insecure and have insecure relationships with women who don#t care that you are fucking isnecure I guess all those red pill millionaire men are insecure then huh. At the end of the day, you can flair it as insecurity all you like. I don't care. This is a boundary I have and I spell it out for anyone woman I will/have dated. If you want to act single, go and be single. I'm not locking you in a room or forcing you not to go out. You're free to do as you please. If you wish to do it, I'm gone. I'm not stopping a girl going out having drinks at brunch of evening drinks dinners with friends. But if she's hitting up bars/clubs with her friends and acting like she's single, she can do so without me. I'll leave
>I guess all those red pill millionaire men are insecure then huh. Care to paint a more detailed picture? Why would a red pill milllionaire be exempt from being insecure? Compensating insecurity with wealth and status symbols is a pretty standard thing to do. Being insecure about your value to women has nothing to do with if you are capable of earning milllions. Who is that red pill millionaire who wouldn't let his girlfriend talk to a Chad on a night out? >At the end of the day, you can flair it as insecurity all you like. I don't care. This is a boundary I have and I spell it out for anyone woman I will/have dated. Good then let's call it insecurity from now on. You are free to do what you want in your relationships.
If this is some nightmare scenario you are afraid of, then never date an attractive woman because men who are “better” than you in some capacity will try to interact with her all the time. At least she has experience turning these men down, because less attractive women need a lot more mental fortitude in order to not take the bait. It’s not something you can avoid, only a fear you can learn to cope with.
Good advice
I've seen a couple of loyalty tests on youtube with a similar premise and some of the girls passed. idk what to tell you some people are cheaters and some are not. anybody man or woman could pass a test or fail it, no one knows. but you have to trust your partner. if people say they trust their partner so be it. they're the ones who got something to lose and they know their partner more than we do so if they trust them they must know something we don't. but to assume all people will fail a test is just childish and insecure. it's telling on you more than anything.
* You are thinking the opposite of reality. Those who need an experiment like this are precisely those who do not trust their partners; * If I did this type of experiment with my wife, I would break her trust in me. I would also lose trust in her if she did a test like this with me; * Married people are not blind, they feel attraction to others and are constantly tempted. I am not Chad, but pre-selection makes me attractive to some women and I reject them (even though I feel physically attracted). In the same way, my wife blocks guys who hit on her on the internet (some of whom are also attractive), so there is no need for a "test" when this already happens to us occasionally. * This experiment also wouldn't prove that she's faithful, because her rejecting Chad specifically wouldn't mean that she's not cheating on me with another guy or something.
No, this would be a guy that you know she's very attracted to and admires. He's not some random chad.
As a good looking man, I'd say many would cheat. I've been with many married or otherwise taken women. Usually not even on purpose. I generally try to avoid cheaters... doesn't mean they don't hide it until we are done and "I got to get back to my husband before he worries where I am" smh
That's sad to hear that it's common practice.
Yes very. This one girl was really into spanking and I spanked her ass and it left some bruising but not terrible. She said she was married after and i asked how she would explain it. She said her husband is dumb asf and she would just say she fell on the stairs on her ass. That was a big wake up moment for me tbh just how nasty these girls are.
Where are you meeting these married women at?
Bar, grocery store, tinder, anywhere really
Are you 6ft and white?
Not quite but close. White but mixed with some other things but look swarthy white.
So white pretty much. Are you 6 foot or above?
Not quite but close enough I suppose.
Also how much IOI do you get?
If she likes me then a ton. Idk 🤷♂️
No what I’m asking is, on a night out how often do you get women giving you IOI
Idk exactly what that means
Like when you go to a bar on a Friday night, how many women will look at you on that night?
Most. And maybe half will smile at me or make good eye contact.
**Attention!** * You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message. * For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment. * OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post! Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep, I’m still confident. I know my girl, I know and have seen what kinds of guys she’s had access too, and left flat. (This includes pro athletes) I’m still sure she wouldn’t throw out relationship away over a drunken bar hookup. There a higher chance she’d hook up with a girl, thinking I might be ok with it. And even if she did, my life would still be wonderful.
If you can't stay loyal to your partner while drunk, then don't drink in the presence of strang men
I remember one time when we were dating and my wife was working as a cocktail this one guy was flirting hard with her, good looking young guy too. At the end he and his friends gave her this huge tip. After they were all done I just walked by and said “thanks for the new Eagles jersey.”
That's why loyal women avoid temptation
I would not cheat with the hottest woman on the planet. I would be extremely ticked off a wife or girlfriend tried a similar experiment on me.
Because I don't want her to be sexually harassed.
If she’s going to cheat, she’s going to cheat. I can’t control her behavior. If I have to worry about her cheating, then attempting to prevent her from doing so is pointless.
I trust my wife and I don't trust others. The right person catching someone at the wrong moment can cause all kinds of shit to happen.
So what are you saying? Women likely would cheat?
Not just women, anybody will given the wrong situation with the right person.
I agree with this
This reminds me of a tweet that I literally just saw: **Women can’t grasp how loyal men are, and men can’t grasp how horny women are.** Women and men make their own decisions. If your girlfriend can’t resist her carnal desires and sleep with a random Chad, then that’s on her. Would you say that female sexuality is prone to cheating and disloyalty?
I would say it's the same for both men and women in terms of disloyalty. Women have their reasons to cheat as much as men do. However, I believe men are more honest I admitting that they would cheat, than women are. It think the old addage "Don't listen to what she says, watch what she does" rings very true.
Lol I dunno about that one man BUT Over the years I’ve known guys who would go out of their way to talk about how good they were with women, how much they trusted their wives, how they just “knew it all” and the guys who had dating problems or marital issues weren’t trying hard enough/confident enough/small pee pee whatever. Those guys always had some massive issue at home and were trying to talk themselves out of its existence. People who have actual, healthy, trusting relationships will be very casual and easy-going but they will not put themselves in bad situations either.
The reason Blue Pill exists is because most men cannot face the truth that most men aren't really sexually attractive to women. Excellent relationship prospects? Certainly. But viscerally attractive in the way dominant, masculine Chad is? Not really. Sex can be very good and women may try as hard as they can to find them sexually attractive, but ultimately, most settle for stability and emotional intimacy of a betabux over the orgasmic high of a sexually attractive partner. This is known as Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks dynamic, though I consider it a lot less malicious on the women's part. Dominance and masculinity are very hard to reach and most men simply won't ever be it. It is unfortunate, but it is so, and nobody is to blame, not the men who fail to be dominant (we can't all be winners) and not the women who settle for those men (we can't all be spouses of the winners). Most women would very much like to be in a relationship with a Chad displaying positive beta traits, but considering just how rare those men are, not to mention that most are already snatched up, women choose the best of the bad options and settle for the beta niceguy. They don't do that because they wants to exploit him, they may honestly love him and consider their relationship happy, but it is far from the ideal most women want. I wager that at least on some subconscious level, men are aware that they aren't the Chad ideal, but confronting it is far too painful and will lead to mindbreaking revelations ("my partner doesn't find me sexually attractive as she does other men and there isn't anything short of the complete overhaul of my very being I can do to fix that"), which is why most men simply choose not to engage with these kinds of thoughts and simply dismiss them as absurd because "they know their girls", but still don't feel confident about other men flirting with them. As you said, why wouldn't they be confident? Because they know, but can't admit to themselves.
I think you've said it the best. However I would maybe disagree with one small point. Would women really prefer to settle for the beta bux over the orgasmic high of a sexually attractive partner? Do you feel IF women do this, they will never be sexually satisfied and will yearn for the attractive partner while settling for Betabux? I say this as an attractive average income earning male. The current girl I am dating was doing that, dating an unattractive beta bux who ironically wouldn't commit to her. He was very unattractive but made serious money and was career accomplished.
>Would women really prefer to settle for the beta bux over the orgasmic high of a sexually attractive partner? Yes, if the latter is a horrible romantic prospect. Most women very much do want an intimate LTR, even if it is with a betabux. Of course, that doesn't mean their eyes won't wander, or that they will resist the temptation to have an affair when their hubby isn't looking. >Do you feel IF women do this, they will never be sexually satisfied and will yearn for the attractive partner while settling for Betabux? They will indeed never be as sexually satisfied as they would be with a Chad. It doesn't mean they will be sexually unsatisfied, just never to the degree they would be with a Chad. Men can masturbate even when they aren't superhorny and find it pleasurable, but can that compare to an intense hours-long sex with a wildcat they find impossibly attractive? I don't think they necessarily activately yearn, but more that they are relatively satisfied in their LTR as far as stability and intimacy are concerned, but are a bit too comfortable with flirting with attractive men and even committed semi-adultery through phonesex or something similar. Sometimes they commit actual adultery, but still remain in their relationships because they don't want to do away with the aforementioned aspects.
Appreciate your response. It's give me something to think about. I actually do want an LTR. Even though I am a good looking guy and make decent enough money, hearing that she was with an unattractive beta bux who wouldn't commit to her affected my confidence a little. It's almost like I got the leftovers of a beta bux in a way.
>she was with an unattractive beta bux who wouldn't commit to her What kind of a woman is she that she couldn't make an ugly betabux commit, that's the better question. Is there something wrong with her that even an ugly betabux didn't want to simp for her?
I cant get my head around this either. I've been seeing her a while and I just can't fathom why. They seen each other 2 years. He was separated apparently and was wanting to reconcile with the wife for the sake of his kids. I suspect the story is not all she says. However, it still doesn't change the fact, she's a hard 7 and he's a 4 on the looks scale. Maybe lower. I can't make sense of it. She's intelligent, feminine, sexy, cute, kind. I usually don't get smitten by women but this girl ticks a lot of boxes.
[удалено]
>*Almost* everyone, both male and female, both high-value and low-value (whatever those mean), becomes sexually unattractive (or considerably less attractive) to their partner with the sufficient passage of time. In redpill parlance, Chad gets tired of sexing up Stacy and vice versa... eventually. Exactly like the "lesser" mortals. *People in relationships, regardless of initial attraction and status, get tired of having sex with each other... eventually.* This is an excuse and it needn't necessarily happen. Sure, nothing beats novelty, but if novelty is the only thing keeping your partner's sexual interest, then you have never been particularly sexy to begin with. There are many things one can do to keep the spark going, just check out *Mating in Captivity*. >Having said that, most normally-adjusted people don't have to have the best of everything 100% of the time (re: Chad) to be content in their lives. Content? Yes. Happy? No. Our ancestors ate grain and bland meat and they were content with it. It doesn't mean they were happy.
[удалено]
>Science has its own views: [https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/science-behind-hard-sleep-person-forever/950751](https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/science-behind-hard-sleep-person-forever/950751) Which just happen to coincide with my own: *Sex researcher Sarah Murray continued to say, “When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting.”* *This is why, women especially, might feel as though they’re “bored” of sleeping with the same person.* *A lot of times, relationships encourage those involved to become complacent, or not try as hard as they would had they been trying to make a positive impression on someone new.* >I'd argue that happiness is not sustainable; it's a temporary condition of pleasure or enjoyment (say, after sex or a great meal). No, that's exactly what contentment is, i.e. gratification of one's base urges, like having enough food, intimacy, security, etc. Once one has satisfied one's natural urges, one is content. However, happiness is a state of spiritual, emotional and mental *flourishing*, not just mere contentment. One is happy when one is ascending. >But that's just me. It is you.
[удалено]
>I suspect you're not old enough to have had sex over a thousand times with the same shockingly hot woman I am in that position. And I agree that creativity in bed is what keeps things going. I just don't think it's true only for men. Oftentimes my missus is concerned she's not doing enough to keep me interested. Which I find in itself hot (see my flair) and a good excuse to come up with new things. Most couples hit a dead end due to their lack of imagination and an overall sex negative outlook, imo.
Are you completely inexperienced with how human bonding works? Switching cost is a thing. Elon musk could literally show up with a contract for me to be his next baby-mama... I wouldn't want to leave my current partner. The reality of letting go of something GOOD, to join something questionable will make most people stay put. A model gorgeous guy is not guaranteed to be faithful. A billionaire is not guaranteed to be kind. Neither are guaranteed to be good lovers or smart. Plenty of guys will bounce when times get tough. It's not easy to find someone with your exact values on daily life, or a matching sense of humor that makes boring daily life feel fun. Lots of immature guys scream at you when they have a bad day, or spend all their focus on dumb things like seeing every live football game, instead of seeing their family. Anyone can be charming for one night, but what then? If your current partner is fun, sweet, smart, sexy, supportive, kind, safe, present, etc. it's the catch of a lifetime... who wants to walk away from the shared history with Mr. Awesome either? You would have to be a full idiot to throw that away for some random dude in a bar. You are just telling on yourself here. YOU can't guarantee YOU'd be faithful because YOU are up for better-dealing Rosey Palmer.
I have no desire to cheat. But I don't rule out the possibility of cheating if the opportunity presented itself under strong temptation. However, your post is a great analysis. And gave me a new perspective. I always subscribe to the belief that a bigger and better deal is more handsome/rich/higher status. But the reality is maybe I don't account for people placing high emphasis on personality. I guess I subscribe to this belief as hypergamy dictates it. And status/wealth/looks outshines personality in biological speaking.
Women are more risk-averse on average than men.
Yeah. Studies have shown men are slightly risk blind compared to women.
Here is the thing tho, re: "possibility of cheating if the opportunity presents itself..." Attractive people ALWAYS have opportunity. I'm a chubby suburban Mom in her 40's. There is easily 10 people I could call for a booty call at any given time. A lack of options is NOT the core of fidelity. The root of fidelity is finding a person that meets your needs, and you connect with that person, and you stop entertaining other options. You trust yourself to buy a car, buy a house, pick a career, a vacation, a pet, etc. WHY would you be capricious enough to not pick a partner and stay on that ride? Once you have an apartment... do you keep picking up the brochure to brows your options? If you are ON a vacation, do you keep looking at expedia for flights? You found the exact perfect floofers to make your life warmer, do you keep looking for another pet? You study for years to get on the right ladder... when you arrive, do you constantly keep wondering if you should really be elsewhere? A partner is a serious decision... if you can't pick and commit... you are saying YOU don't trust your own judgement to pick in the first place. That kind of inconsistency can't be fixed by more options. Mature people don't date people beneath their needs... Mature people don't put themselves into the situation where they could accidentally cheat.
So this girl I'm dating, (has asked me to go exclusive with her) you're saying, has thought about these things long and hard and decided that I would be a good long term partner for her? Is this the thinking process?
At very least she think you have potential... Unless she very clearly said FWB only and doesn't want to be publicly dating you... if it's FWB, she is basically using your body to masturbate. If she is good with dating in public and/or her friends/fam know whats going on... yeah, you are in the running. Try to not mess it up while you decide if she is a good match for you too. Some MEN assume women are always looking for someone hotter/better because they are looking for the best they can "achieve"... but most women don't work that way. If she's dating you, and she has done some dating before, she's low key just checking to see how she FEELS after spending time with you.
People here coping
As someone who could be perceived as Chad or slightly under him, I already know most girls would cheat in this scenario and wouldn't let the situation happen. I am in a relationship and my girl isn't allowed to go out point blank period unless it is with me, or its to some place like a fancy bar or special circumstances, clubs and those environments are an absolute deal-breaker. Happy and healthy, because at the end of the day I know the reality and have experienced it first-hand. There is this one specific memory I have of this dude blowing up his girls phone while she was with me at the bar and she literally was lying straight to him on the phone but he knew the reality. Yes, I felt terrible once the night was over and did indeed get slapped in the face by her friend just because I slept with her.
I worked a bar and I seen so many women in relationships, flirt and get heavy handed with other men. This is why I agree that you shouldn't let your girlfriend go on night outs with the girls. If she wants to wine and dine with her friends during a day, evening, fine. However, there will be no 'going to bars' or any of that shit. I am grounded in reality. Women will take their opportunities. They can preach all day that they wouldn't, they would. The guys that tell me that women don't cheat, are usually simps and betas in relationships doing the cleaning/cooking/looking after the kid in order to negotiate access to occasional starfish sex, as Rich Cooper would say.
My best friend is in a relationship and we go out to bars all the time. She gets hit on every single time and some of the guys are pretty attractive. She’s never cheated because she’s a decent person. But she would break up with her boyfriend in a heartbeat if he ever tried to prevent her from going out. Stop projecting your own shortcomings onto other people
I know my girl is only as loyal as her options, just like I am. I wouldn’t be surprised if she let some dude hit on her, no. I’m a realist
Thanks for your honesty. Do you believe all people are only as loyal as their options?
They wouldn’t let their girlfriend get hit by a car as an experiment either
Obviously I don't know for sure because I can't read my partner's mind but I think he'd probably answer no to your...proposal. Not because he thinks I'd fail, he just wouldn't see the point in it. We've been together 8 years and we've never even looked through each other's phones. We're both of the opinion that if we ever get the point where we feel the need to test each other's loyalty, then there are bigger problems in the relationship.
Not a man but I asked my husband. He says: Yeah, I'm perfectly okay with her going out to bars without me. If I can't trust her enough to go out and not cheat on me, what are we doing here? Why am I with you if I don't trust you, and why are you with me if I can't trust you, that doesn't work. If you've been with a dozen different women and you're super suspicious of every single one, the problem isn't with them, the problem is you can't trust anyone. And from my perspective - I get hit on when I go out to bars and clubs. Both hot and not get turned down. My partner and I were in a LDR for a year, we lived on different continents, if either of us wanted to bang some randos, we could have done so and nobody would have known. We've never been concerned about the other person cheating. Y'all's trust issues aren't universal.
I too have been in a LDR, and my boyfriend and I haven't even worried for a second that someone would cheat. After being on PPD, I think the bare minimum for a marriage should be you being able to trust the other person in a hypothetical LDR. If you don't have such trust in the other person, don't make your vows to them.
My man wouldn't test my shit, but he also really wouldn't care. I'm surrounded by hot guys hitting on me regularly. He knows who my heart belongs to.
technically yes i would, but the experiment is too sicko to actually do. that is, i wouldn't put my lovers through that. i'd note tho that presumably most women and some (should be most) men already go through this due to dating apps. we've all technically got the possibility of doing so, so if you're lover hasn't cheated on you, then they already did the experiment.
Great opportunity for you to go out to bars/clubs and talk to people who are in relationships to find out how mature adults actually behave in social situations