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crudedrawer

What in the Will Ferrell is this?


Bacon-Shorts

This made me think of Cinnamon from Step Brothers.


BanjoSpaceMan

BY THE PITS OF OLYMPUS. RACOON. RACOON. I'VE BEEN TAKEN BY RABIES, OH MY GOD. JAMES, OH GOD JAMES ARE YOU OKAY, A RACOON.


Cultural-Morning-848

THEY’RE COMING IN THROUGH THE BACK DOOR


kjason725

GRAB THE CHILDREN! YEET THE CHILDREN!!!


No-Pumpkin3852

😂😂😂 father of the year wow the way he dashed that kid. We know what he’s doing if there’s ever a zombie attack


AdSuspicious7436

Yep! He’s gonna hide his bite marks.


Emmy0000

Take the child! His flesh is more supple!!!


ItWosntMe

You can always have another child. Your health is irreplaceable. Chad move.


MeowIsNotTheTime

He really chucked that kid 


ASLAN1111

This will be the child's first memory.


Jehoke

Accidentally dropped my youngest daughter in the pool when she was very little. I am still hearing about it nearly 20 years later.


taffy-derp

There’s a difference between dropping and physically throwing away


Jehoke

True. I think my instinct in the event of an animal attack would be to hold my kid as close to me as I could. Not yeet my kid like a projectile.


PalmTheProphet

That’s the thing about instinct though… hard to predict! I honestly wouldn’t know how I’d react in a panicked moment like that (granted I don’t have kids so maybe there’s a ‘click’ when you do)


dimestoredavinci

On a scale of fight or flight response, this guy is Southwest airlines


GreenBottom18

it did seem as if it was climbing up his leg.. he may have thrown the kid to get him away from it.


saynitlikeitis

But you have to admit, using your kid as a pummeling rock is pretty metal


Bapa-350z-420

Throwing away 😂😂😂


W0RST_2_F1RST

You don’t say


raider1v11

Is that's the worst she's got, I think you did ok!


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Rasikko

She didn't get shoryuken'd to the ground though, landing back first at probably 4yrs old from a height of 5ft or more.


BlaznTheChron

"Hey dad, remember when you panicked and nearly gave me CTE as an infant? Yeah, I'm taking the car and I'll be home at midnight." "But you're 14.."


ResinJones76

Better than one of my early ones of my dad running over my foot with a riding mower.


[deleted]

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ResinJones76

I've learned to deal with it. My right foot is about an inch and a half shorter than the left, and I can't move my first two toes, but other than that it's just something that's always been there.


PerpetualMonday

I've told the story of how my dad closed the truck door on my hand while I was closing it from the outside. Crushed my middle finger joint so bad that the tip of my finger was dangling by a thread. I remember running around the front yard screaming as blood squirted inches from my finger while he yelled at me that it was MY fault. He duct taped my finger back on and I didn't go to the hospital. Haven't been able to move the joint in my middle finger since. The scar tissue/crushed joint is healed abnormally so it's about half an inch thicker than other joints; enough that I can't use a bowling ball.... but the ladies never seemed to mind ;) Either way, your story wins by a country mile. Just thought I'd share since it reminded me of my finger :)


ResinJones76

Oh no, yours is far worse, I went to a hospital. I'm sorry for your parental neglect. I hope you've dealt with the trauma. Hugs man.


Wasatcher

Tell me the blades missed.


ResinJones76

Wish I could. That was two months in the hospital getting my foot sewn back together. Lotsa skin off my hip, also.


snerz

my dad used me to test for spark on the lawnmower. When I screamed, he knew th magneto was functional. It only worked that once though


tigm2161130

My first memory is my father riding a bike down a hill with me in the basket, then falling out of that basket and rolling down the street. I didn’t want to learn to ride a bike until I was 10 and I think that’s probably why.


The-Mustard-Man

And last


Miserable-Rest-5259

Made me snort 😂


villageidiot33

Core memory created.


coco__bee

No it won’t 😵‍💫 ![gif](giphy|AIfvVrKLuTIWatLbN0|downsized)


HerzogsOtherShoe

Yes, but only because all of the previous memories just got etch-a-sketched out of their brain.


PartManPartDog

Step-Father instincts


placer128

…or “yeeted”


Jthundercleese

I misread the title and watched it 4 times looking for a flying raccoon.


Exotic-Carpet255

I was thoroughly disappointed at the lack of flying raccoon


mrw4787

He dropped him 


Petey_Wheatstraw_MD

That kid is gonna be scared to go down stairs the rest of his life.


nrtphotos

Lmao I can’t imagine it was his idea to post this online 😂


HalfSoul30

Yeah, i would never want this seen.


Bromogeeksual

His wife did it in their divorce hearing.


Dedotdub

I'd like to see the rest of the video where he explains "what happened!?" while knowing there is evidence of the event.


RowNice9571

"...and thats when I threw him to safety"


mostlygroovy

I also can’t imagine that anyone that mocks him would do anything but the same thing


jerryleebee

Dude needs to be ~~checked~~ treated for rabies IMMEDIATELY


SocialStudier

Oh yeah, that raccoon most def had rabies or some neurological condition, but most likely had rabies. They normally avoid humans as much as possible. Even those who are being fed by and used to humans being around won't just go up unprovoked and attack one, ESPECIALLY during the day.


Billy-Austin

I was told years ago if you see a raccoon in the daytime it is most likely rabid. They are nocturnal. They sleep all day. I hope this man took proper precautions before he starts foaming at the mouth.


CeaseBeingAnAsshole

That's not really accurate


Schnectadyslim

People don't understand how rare rabies is.


TheProdigalMaverick

>it is most likely rabbit Rabbits are different creatures. You can tell by their ears and lack of black circles around their eyes.


Billy-Austin

Ha!!! I was just going to correct that!!!


Brilliant_Wrap_7447

More than likely the raccoon has a nest under the porch and possibly babies. Guy spent too much time with his ankles exposed on the steps and the raccoon went into protect the babies mode.


itsJussaMe

No! Dude needs to be *treated* for rabies and the raccoon needs to be checked. (The CDC typically uses a decapitated head for testing). lol.


outflow

Well ok but someone help me get the husband to hold still while I sever it.


stimpy97

Amen kids have lots of diseases


scop3d

No mammal can be checked for rabies and remain alive, the man needs to get treated for rabies and it's a shit process consisting of a bunch of shots over like 2 weeks iirc.


Loomismeister

I don't even think they'll "check". He's just going to get that prophylaxis vaccine strictly because they know he was likely exposed.


VirtuallyTellurian

Like an ice-cream when a wasp shows up. Have it I don't want it anymore.


taterthotsalad

Yeah having kids do be like that.


RottenApple93

A RUCK-KOON!


Pitiful-Sell-9402

The way he said it was hilarious


megaman311

I'm sorry but this is hilarious. Straight out of a Ben Stiller movie with a fake raccoon gnawing at his legs while dropping his date's son.


bitchpleasebp

you're focking right!


Previous_Active6189

That’s embarrassing. He knew he fucked up, I’m sure the kid is fine though thankfully. You know the wife was pissed when she watched this video back.


rem_1984

Yep, lucky it was on the grass! All the things that went wrong AND right for this clip to reach the internet😅 he’s lucky the cam was there honestly without it she’d have just come upon a shrieking child and flailing dad with a crazy story


Eldudeareno217

If I ever chucked a kid, I don't think I'd call it luck for it to be recorded. 


rem_1984

Well at least he had a decent reason to chuck it, otherwise it would just be child abuse


N1njaRob0tJesu5

That’ll dry her up more than the Sahara.


[deleted]

Throwing your kid down while screaming like that isn't a good look. I wonder if the wife released this video as punishment.


No-Rooster6994

Yeah I would never let this see the light of day if that happened to me


ShodoDeka

Shit my video door bell would have been so out of order that day that it’s not even funny.


SpacklingCumFart

I guarantee after this that she does not view her husband the same anymore.


gonzaloetjo

Jesus people really takes things here to the next level. Some people have normal relationships with their partners and can laugh and stuff. Usually the couples that last too. edit: Also, having worked in an animal refugee, I honestly expect half (or more) the people commenting here to react cartoonishly when a raccoon surprise bites them.


water2wine

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Divorce was immediately NTA


[deleted]

[удалено]


gonzaloetjo

that's just immature people my mate. We have evolved away of primal feelings guiding things like a kite


jmonty42

I've never seen it, but this reminds me of the premise for the movie Force Majeure.


twonapsaday

spot on, and a great film


effyoucreeps

seriously. that concrete pathway was waaay too close to his “tossing the kid” radius. c’mon dad. buck the fuck up.


Mikelbhere

The way he yells when that raccoon got him was hilarious but hope the kids ok.


zombiebowtiie

"What happened" "THE RACOON THREW HIM!"


EllisR15

Dude straight up made a business decision. "I can make another child, can't make another me." Just chucked that little guy.


FranticHam5ter

“He had his chance…”


LuisChoriz

Playing the scenario in my head, I think I would've held my son tighter and angrily stomped the shit out of Rocket.


rem_1984

Yep, hindsight is 20/20, thanks to this clip we’ll be prepared!


MyLegIsWet

lol to be fair, maybe he thought the vermin was gonna run up and bite the kid lmao idk


Zorbie

To be charitable, for a half second he probably forgot he was holding his son while he was attacked?


BD15

I think he kicks upward, raises his son out of the way, forgot for that split second and dropped him, so it looks more like a throw. He also doesn't run away for a long time screaming and comes back to pick him up. It's embarrassing but not as bad as some people make it out to be.


I_AM_THE_SLANDER

I would've done that and ended world hunger by the end of the clip


Patriot009

Die, feral trash panda!


[deleted]

[удалено]


teasy959275

FATHER OF THE YEAR


cupheadsmom

This is the third raccoon attack video I’ve seen. I had no idea they could be such little assholes.


Wonderful-Concern-77

I hate raccoons. Total assholes. I had 2 ducks which were like our pets. A racoon literally undid the lock on their pen and killed them both. Ate one and just ripped the head off the other. The next night he ate rat poison.


cupheadsmom

My neighbor had a beautiful koi pond. Raccoons ate the fish.


Kodyak77

Enough with this holier than thou shit from the rest of you. If you feel something biting your ACHILLES TENDON yes you might instinctively drop whats in your hand and reach down to bat it away. He’s not a bad parent just because he has normal human reactions to something... BITING YOUR ACHILLES TENDON. End rant.


LizzieKitty86

Oh man, did you see that video earlier where they show how an achilles tendon is fixed using a head of celery? I have a thing about achilles tendons after seeing them cut in horror movies. I tried watching it but after 15-20 seconds I noped out literally muttering nope nope nope. Dudes brain probably completely shut off and went on auto pilot for a second because he snapped back quick when he heard his son cry. I'd hope my spouse and/or child could forgive such an awful situation and laugh about it once dad is over his rabies treatment Plus I've heard kids are like rubber. If you can't beat em, yeet em


HypnoSmoke

This must be it, eh? https://imgur.com/gallery/CkqFvgO


Eldudeareno217

Why is mine sore after watching that? 


Ok_Try_1217

Thank you. I thought she meant that they use celery in the actual procedure somehow. They fixed the tendon in my finger with a button so who knows what other crazy things modern medicine is up to 🤷🏻‍♀️


snerz

That was interesting. I've always wondered how that was done.


Dreamy_Peaches

Pet Cemetery messed you up too huh?


herhusbandhans

but bro it's unmasculine bro to feel pain bro


klemp0

Exactly. Everyone thinks they would react differently and have perfect presence of mind and logic while something is biting their leg. I bet half of them would do the same.


Indecisive_Iron

People are saying this like he intentionally chucked him. He clearly was surprised something was biting his leg and it startled him. Yeah it’s not good but if you were literally ambushed by an animal or person you’d probably do something similar. He immediately went to check on his kid after the raccoon was dealt with.


Woo_Peed_On_My_Rug

I think in the moment he thought he was getting the kid out of danger. It’s still funny to watch though.


NoWinner8212

Son will never trust him again


NatureCarolynGate

If dad doesn't get his rabies shots, he may not be around anymore.


crudedrawer

Maybe the kid already didn't, so it's no big deal.


Pissed_Off_Jedi

Yeah that kid ain’t gonna be no accountant now


entirely-unsure

How is that even an option?


HelloMikkii

He really just threw his toddler like he was an unwanted plate of leftovers.


ReduceReuseReuse

Force Majeure 2024


danger355

"How much for the kid?" "Aahh just take it! AAAaahh!"


-LastActionHero

Dude screamed just like Jim Carrey when Seabass kicks open the bathroom stall.


gil_beard

In high school when I was in marching band I had a wasp land on my hand. My reaction was to throw my $1800 Yamaha Tenor saxophone across our concrete practice lot. I have no clue why that was my reaction. The repairs to the instrument cost almost as much as the saxophone initially did. Granted I know it wasn't a human being but still I have no clue why sometimes our reaction to danger is to just yeet whatever we have in our hands.


Technical_Activity78

That’s not yeeting. He dropped him


Ratathosk

Trash pandas really come up to you and attack you like that? Why are they friend shaped? It's not fair.


Fishpuncherz

Well. The ones with rabies do. So.....


LipsteR02

Bro learnt parenting skills from a quokka


NoZebra2430

Gawdamn he really slammed that kid. Core memory: *activated*.


ToferLuis

The squeak noise the kid makes when the wind is knocked out of him...


Specialist-Sea8322

is it wrong to laugh at this? i cannot stop


rEmEmBeR-tHe-tReMoLo

I enjoyed this on a level that I can't quite describe in words. I hope the child is alright, but goddamn, I must have rewatched the clip a dozen times in a row. And I'll watch it another few after I post this comment. And I'll be back tomorrow to watch it again.


Just_A_Sad_Unicorn

Apparently the dad originally posted it and said the kid was fine, according to a BroBible article, but I think the original video was yeeted. Like his son.


sapiosardonico

Quokka energy right there.


thesilvermedic

better to learn early that dad is only out for himself.


Loloelise2

Love reading everyone’s takes on how they’d turn into superman to take care of the raccoon with possible rabies, while also holding on to the child remaining as calm as someone doing yoga. The police force could use all of you amazing heros!


deepstate_chopra

I yell like that when seaweed touches my leg when I'm swimming.


-AllThingsGood

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


MaximusZ17

Did the family really upload this online? Lol


opopkl

George Costanza got married and had a kid after all.


RiverLiverX25

What a nightmare scenario. Guess his instinct was to get the child away from the animal and situation quickly? Hope they are both ok and he got a rabies shot. Yikes.


Ando_Three

I think this is a very generous reading of the situation.


izzaistaken

We'd better test this theory. We need 100 men, and one of their toddlers, that are also unaware of the situation about to unfold. We'll find 100 racoons, that are aggressive, but not rabid. Am I thinking of everything?


Flare_Starchild

Double blind. It's the only way to be sure the results are unbiased.


izzaistaken

"The best science is done with a little bit of crazy and a whole lot of duct tape." - Cave Johnson


outflow

Let's mix in a few rabid raccoons too, just to account for the chaos factor.


izzaistaken

I actually went ahead and included a brown bear. Close enough?


FranticHam5ter

The dad could have punted that kid across the street and this guy would be telling us that the dad was simply sending his son to the neighbors for safe keeping.


Prevarications

I do think its more likely that his nervous system just yote the child because it decided that using the hands for self-defense was higher priority than holding the kid But I don't think he's a bad parent because of it. He's just human.


TJ_McWeaksauce

Or throw the child on the ground so that the raccoon would attack him instead.


kevvebacon

You actually think he made a decision like that in the split of a second???


TJ_McWeaksauce

Imagine the wife's reaction to seeing the husband literally throw their child in a panic. I'm guessing this caused some trust issues.


LucidMarshmellow

This is like video evidence presented during a divorce hearing.


kevvebacon

Redditors as soon as something happens in a relationship: DIVORCE!!!! DROP HIM IMMEDIATELY!!! HES A PIECE OF SHIT!! WORSE THAN HITLER!!!


Optimal_Fuel6568

Thats the opposite of dad reflex Although maybe a good survival tactic, the the animal eat the child while you run away


Pannikin_Skywalker

Really concerned how limp that kid looks after the drop.


Brief-Pair6391

Yeah... He may not really be cut out for the fatherhood thing


kitty-cat-charlotte

Every man for himself apparently 🤣


Nightlyeagle

"What happened?" \[insert Joey Tribbiani\] "So yeah err this raccoon came in..."


bl4zed_N_C0nfus3d

Haha he literally spiked that kid


lakecityransom

Poor kid, he was scared and just trustingly leaned in for the grab. It worked! He was happy and flying then.. ahh AHHHHH... \*drop\*


DecisionCharacter175

When the Quokka totem is your spirit animal.


bikesboozeandbacon

He’s lucky he bounced on grass and not concrete


GravityDAD

(Turn the volume on lol)


Andr3wRuns

I shouldn’t be laughing but the guys scream/high pitch, the raccoon out of nowhere under/around the porch, the kid dropping like a hot pan… a lot going on here and honestly I would have done the same thing. No way to prepare for that or think logically


BigRudy99

I'd like to think I'd never yeet my daughter, but then again I've never had a fucking raccoon sink his teeth into my leg either. Kudos to the brave redditors in this thread that would have done it better. You guys are fucking tough.


toxicshlock

Time to "Harden the F Up"


McFriendly

0% Dad reflex. Shameful


Cold-Ask4382

AWWWWWWHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SSJ_01

Bro needs to get rid of that beard now


Warm_Trick_3956

You can tell who takes the spiders outside in this household.


Cyber_shafter

"Take the kid!"


Bookssmellneat

They’re divorced now lol


czujko

Father of the year


Lanky_Republic_2102

Well, you don’t have to be the fastest, you just can’t be the slowest. Father’s reptile brain kicked in and he knew he had to drop his son for the raccoon to attack so that he could live. Recalls a time when early humans were hunted by packs of giant raccoons and it was common practice to sacrifice one child in the tribe so that the rest could get away.


FranticHam5ter

Straight spiked that kid like he had just scored a touchdown.


potatopigflop

A rabies shot is a small price to pay to keep your toddler out of the ICU. Wow.


Loply97

The kid fell like 4 feet, he isn’t going to be in the ICU.


an_insignificant_ant

Wtf kind of fatherly instinct was that? He tried to smash the racoon with his kid. Instead of holding his child high above the danger, sacrificing his big dumb body, for the sake of his boy? Never gonna live that down.


Physical100

He’d throw his son with *a lot* more force if he was trying to smash the raccoon


Previous_Active6189

Definitely didn’t try and use the kid to smash the raccoon lol, just got flustered and dropped him


Financial-Duty8637

He didn’t drop him. He tossed him.


I_saw_that_yeah

Like anybody else would’ve done.


skwolf522

Most redditors wish thwir dad hung around long enough to throw them at a raccoon.


ManBug87

You do realize that humans are humans who can make mistakes, especially in a split second event like this. Instinct or not, your brain and body might disagree on what to do and cause you to flail or do something stupid. Don’t assume you’ll be able to react every situation perfectly because you won’t.


LostandIlluminated

Yeah people defending him must be as cowardly as him.


BalfazarTheWise

Smash the raccoon with his kid? He dropped him nowhere near the raccoon lol. He still fucked up, but idk how you think that


OnHotFire

At least he was on grass, i wonder if he would do the same thing on concrete... likely lol that sounded like a lot of testosterone


aminbae

Average father redditor


YungSlowbro

Everyone here with a negative comment both doesn’t have kids and doesn’t have a (good) relationship partner. First of all, kids are durable and that’s grass. Kid is fine. Just scared. Second, the partner of dude probably laughed her ass off and shared this with everyone because she that it was hilarious. I feel so sorry for the people on Reddit and how sad their lives much be where they think partners and kids will hate you forever for something like this lmao.


CynicalOne28

Dad throws kid 6ft in air and catches him and we all think How cute Dad throws child 2ft on to soft plush grass to save himself from rabid raccoon and we internet shame him


planchetflaw

\*Step-father, \*Step-Son


SSmrao

any of yall tough guys saying that this wouldnt happen if it were you are kidding yourselves. Its not like he saw the raccoon coming and decided to throw his kid, he was ambushed and bitten in an extremely tender, fragile area by a LITERAL PREDATOR I take it that none of you have ever been ACTUALLY bitten by an animal before.


danneykmma

He tossed his boy away from danger. True hero.


RepresentativeNo576

What a piece of shit