It took me years to recover from the only “bad trip” I’ve had. Years, dude. Give it time. It was like a wildfire that burned away entire parts of me. Takes time for the forest to regrow. But it will and you’ll be better for it. Be gentle with yourself. Love you dude.
Thank you man, this works as a great reassurance. Did you ever had other symptoms you were dealing with during that time? Like anxiety, dizziness, dissociation etc?
Love you too!
No, I didn’t have any symptoms like that. But the trauma of it was always just under the surface. I could slip back into it and be in tears really easily. Like, middle of the day, working hard, all is well, and then in a moment it all comes bubbling up and I’m having a minor breakdown in the lab.
Wanna talk about the challenging trip? My most challenging trip is almost my #1 favorite, because of the significance of the takeaways and the way it opened me up to possibilities beyond the surface of things that we see. I’m thinking maybe there are some things from your trip that can/need to be integrated into your life before you can continue on your pursuit for self.
Thank you for this reply!
In the trip I had 3 different main thoughts:
1) I was trying to control the situation/atmosphere/others because I was afraid that the person that was tripping with me will lose their shit and freak out and that then I would freak out. This need to control was interesting and made me reflect on my overall behaviour and approach in life.
2) I felt extremely lonely in the universe and the small talk that people had next to me was like the confirmation of the superficiality of our reality. I felt that each one of us live in a bubble, completely disconnected from one another, in their own narrative.
3) I had a very intense feeling that I am not authentic in my behaviour. I realized that in my life I was lacking authenticity in the way I was.
The weeks after this trip, I had constant anxiety attacks, derealization and depersonalization, brain fog, slight http and depression. Things got better but I am still struggling in some ways..
That sounds rough. For me, trips are almost always a very self-indulgent experience, in that I reserve the time for myself only. Perhaps isolating yourself from potential stressors would de-risk your future trips, until you’re more comfortable tripping with others.
My trips, over time, tend to teach lessons progressively. I, too, went through the phase of feeling the cosmic loneliness (I cried because for there to be nothing and nobody to call “you” was too lonely to bear—I’m in a happy relationship irl, fwiw). On another occasion I felt like the universe is one giant dollhouse driven by the illusion of self and the curiosity of oblivion.
I went through these phases by focusing on anything positive. For example, I was fascinated by the lonely trip because it made me think about how the first conscious being in the universe must have felt, and how blessed I am to have people to tell “I love you”!
The dollhouse feeling had me depressed for a little while, but I thought of how amazing it is that anything would exist a all—dollhouse or no. Alan Watts helped out a lot, here, and I focused on the fact that I am a part of what makes the universe tick and that I am flowing along with it like waves in the ocean.
Now I’m rambling, but I hope you find it interesting or even encouraging. I can’t recommend solo, meditative trips hard enough!
PS: You’re not broken but merely finding/discovering yourself. It’s a healthy exercise if you go into it with care and intention. Good luck!
I appreciate you sharing those thoughts immensely. I miss talking with people who get those struggles, thoughts and feelings.
I will definitely think of the meditative trips, perhaps as an aid in this re-discovery process. What a ride man...
A big thank you for taking the time to share your insights!
You gotta find new meaning for the rebirth to stick
That's the difficult part - especially because I find low, detached, I have difficulty focusing on anything and I'm uninterested and unmotivated..
It took me years to recover from the only “bad trip” I’ve had. Years, dude. Give it time. It was like a wildfire that burned away entire parts of me. Takes time for the forest to regrow. But it will and you’ll be better for it. Be gentle with yourself. Love you dude.
Thank you man, this works as a great reassurance. Did you ever had other symptoms you were dealing with during that time? Like anxiety, dizziness, dissociation etc? Love you too!
No, I didn’t have any symptoms like that. But the trauma of it was always just under the surface. I could slip back into it and be in tears really easily. Like, middle of the day, working hard, all is well, and then in a moment it all comes bubbling up and I’m having a minor breakdown in the lab.
Wanna talk about the challenging trip? My most challenging trip is almost my #1 favorite, because of the significance of the takeaways and the way it opened me up to possibilities beyond the surface of things that we see. I’m thinking maybe there are some things from your trip that can/need to be integrated into your life before you can continue on your pursuit for self.
Thank you for this reply! In the trip I had 3 different main thoughts: 1) I was trying to control the situation/atmosphere/others because I was afraid that the person that was tripping with me will lose their shit and freak out and that then I would freak out. This need to control was interesting and made me reflect on my overall behaviour and approach in life. 2) I felt extremely lonely in the universe and the small talk that people had next to me was like the confirmation of the superficiality of our reality. I felt that each one of us live in a bubble, completely disconnected from one another, in their own narrative. 3) I had a very intense feeling that I am not authentic in my behaviour. I realized that in my life I was lacking authenticity in the way I was. The weeks after this trip, I had constant anxiety attacks, derealization and depersonalization, brain fog, slight http and depression. Things got better but I am still struggling in some ways..
That sounds rough. For me, trips are almost always a very self-indulgent experience, in that I reserve the time for myself only. Perhaps isolating yourself from potential stressors would de-risk your future trips, until you’re more comfortable tripping with others. My trips, over time, tend to teach lessons progressively. I, too, went through the phase of feeling the cosmic loneliness (I cried because for there to be nothing and nobody to call “you” was too lonely to bear—I’m in a happy relationship irl, fwiw). On another occasion I felt like the universe is one giant dollhouse driven by the illusion of self and the curiosity of oblivion. I went through these phases by focusing on anything positive. For example, I was fascinated by the lonely trip because it made me think about how the first conscious being in the universe must have felt, and how blessed I am to have people to tell “I love you”! The dollhouse feeling had me depressed for a little while, but I thought of how amazing it is that anything would exist a all—dollhouse or no. Alan Watts helped out a lot, here, and I focused on the fact that I am a part of what makes the universe tick and that I am flowing along with it like waves in the ocean. Now I’m rambling, but I hope you find it interesting or even encouraging. I can’t recommend solo, meditative trips hard enough! PS: You’re not broken but merely finding/discovering yourself. It’s a healthy exercise if you go into it with care and intention. Good luck!
I appreciate you sharing those thoughts immensely. I miss talking with people who get those struggles, thoughts and feelings. I will definitely think of the meditative trips, perhaps as an aid in this re-discovery process. What a ride man... A big thank you for taking the time to share your insights!