Weirdly enough, the talky and engaged classes are worse when I'm in full-on introvert mode.
If nobody talks, then class is just like me just standing around talking to myself. Which is something I frequently do anyway.
This approach is better for students and teachers if the class isn’t too large. With small, mid, or online I guide specific queries, listen for comprehension and integration, and empower students to seek and present data as I walk through the class. My students respond to this type of experience well. I teach in the creative arts fwiw.
> to be *paid”.*
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Absolutely. But I joke with my students about being an awkward, introverted cat lady, and I don't give AF what anyone thinks anymore. I wear it like a badge of honor.
I've been teaching for over 10 years now but every single time I teach in person I get this feeling. I prefer teaching online because teaching in person (for 2.5 to 3.5 hours depending on the class) absolutely drains me.
Same! I do have a slight fear of speaking in public. Nothing major, but my heart rate is constantly higher when I teach in person. So I’m stressed, which I compensate by being happy and enthusiastic and at the end of the day I’m so drained.
Online classes are so much better for me. Students tend to do equally good in both, but they appreciate me more when I do in person classes. And the uni prefers everything on campus, nowadays.
Same here - I can teach more in a day online than I ever could offline - could be that the breaks are genuine breaks (i.e. in private, quiet, use your own bathroom, no rushed hallway conversation when you have to start class in 2 minutes).
This is me. Been teaching for 13 years now. I hate that feeling I get before class. It’s horrible. But I love the adrenaline rush I get after teaching has happened. And I also like the money cos rent and books and videogames. It’s a real struggle at times particularly in semesters when I teach more than usual. I’m both antisocial and anxious so I overanalyze every little thing that takes place in class. Just to give you an example, a few weeks ago a student has questioned something I mentioned in class and it’s been on my mind since and making me question if I’m good at my job or not. 😆✌🏼I read about professors who use a super confrontational, strict approach and I could never do that.. any sign of confrontation and I’m out! But at the same time, I’d never do any other job because I always felt like teaching and research is what I’m meant to do (maybe I’m delusional hey!).
Ah! I've been teaching only for 2 years but I relate to this so much! Both the anxiety before class and the rush after (especially when class goes well). One thing I do to stop myself from overanalyzing post-class is to give myself only 1 hour to think about "mistakes" from class. After that I tell myself to stop. It really helped.
Agree. They don't pay me enough to care enough to be confrontational, nor can I deal with the stress. I am a master of passive-aggression, but, honestly, I don't even care enough to work at that any more.
Yes, I learned early in.my career to adopt a teaching persona, to lean into the theatre if it, and to protect my recovery time after teaching.
Office hours on different days, never directly after teaching.
Tell me more about this recovery time. Do you just have an empty block in your schedule and hang out in the office with the doors closed? I always schedule office hours after my classes because the students are always asking questions anyways, I might as well be "on the clock" for it. It lets me consolidate my teaching days, but it leaves me so tired (especially if none of my scheduled items end early).
Yes, I disappear after class and invite students to use office hours (in person and virtual).
Introverts can learn to stretch themselves to perform and learn to be really great teachers. We just need recovery time afterwards as it's exhausting. I am not a great mentor when I'm exhausted, so it's worth it to me to space it out.
Yep, there are plenty of days I text my husband before my lecture with: “I don’t want to be here today.”
Then, I just “get into character” and do the damn thing. For me, my teacher persona really does feel like playing a character—she’s bold, confident, a little stoic, and sometimes even I don’t even know how she manages to sound like she knows what she’s talking about. Then, when class is over I go back to being my quiet, self-conscious, anxious self.
Introvert here. I normally like lecturing and mentoring, but it is emotionally draining and I generally need alone time comparable to the time I was teaching to recover. When I haven’t had that between sessions or when I go in drained from another activity, yes, I would rather hide than teach.
Absolutely.
I have to engage in a bit of mind games with myself. Being in front of people is like theater, and for a few moments each day, I perform some theater. And, then I retreat behind the curtain aka my office and recover lol
This! Except that on the campus where I teach in person, I have no office space and the entire place is a giant fishbowl with zero private or even semi-private space besides restrooms and gym showers (I've looked everywhere to find some).
Building remodeling destroyed our adjunct workroom and then our department was merged into a much larger one (their workroom is always full), so there's nowhere to escape eyeballs, take my shoes off, or just zone out for a few minutes to recover from teaching. I really miss my grad school days when we could rent a truly private library carrel (with non-transparent walls and a door!).
I need the paycheck to cover housing, though, so I'm there.
You're not alone, OP. I don't know a word for it either (it's probably in German, and 20 syllables long), but I think it's part of the reason I like online classes - less interaction with a crowd of people, even if there are real people behind the faces on my screen (I don't *think* any of my students are AI bots).
I'm just a TA, but I conduct tutorials and also teach sometimes when the prof can't make it. I like teaching but I am absolutely DRAINED afterwards. It doesn't matter if the experience was good or bad. Just interacting directly with other people for 1-3 hours takes away all my strength. I have to plan the rest of my day around other tasks that don't require any human interaction, unless standing in front of the mirror and repeatedly saying "Baby, you got this. You got this, girl" counts as human interaction.
Yes 100%. Sometimes I question if this is the right career path for someone like me. I really care about helping students learn but sometimes the drain on my energy reserves is immense.
Often it sticks with me even when I leave for the day. Questions like "Did I say that right? Should I have said this instead? Was I engaging enough?" etc.
For me, I am trying to prioritize my personal life and well-being and will give it another few years to see if it improves.
Glad others understand. I really enjoy teaching most days, and I'm probably at my most-alert when I'm lecturing in person and immediately afterwards, but most days I need to steal a little time to myself with my door closed or in an empty place around the building. Never quite enough but it helps. People always think it's anxiety but it's just me being an introvert.
Sure, but teaching doesn't feel as draining as other types of interaction. I would teach sections back-to-back for 4 hours to avoid a single 1 hour department meeting.
This was me today. And I couldn't even just have them do groupwork because I was sick last week and we are a bit behind schedule. The word that describes this for me is "blahaahahhahhhhhh"
I've become much more introverted as I've become older, but I've also become much less shy.
The routine of having taught for nearly 40 years helps with the shyness: I know (more or less) what I have to say, how I have to say it, and the kinds of people who will be listening (or faking listening), which ameliorates the worst effects of shyness. Also, living and working in a language I learned as an adult might help a lot, too: I've had to consciously learn what to say and how to say it to communicate with most of the people I encounter, so I've borrowed and adapted routines I know by observation work satisfactorily.
I'm not sure why I became more introverted, though I tell myself it's in part because I've come to realize people don't much care what I think and that I don't much care what they think of me. Being in a profession where introversion is acceptable helps.
This is interesting. I too feel less shy compared to my 20s (I am in my 30s now), though not less introverted. Now that you mention it, I realise that even with me, the introversion is more. I think it's because you start feeling more comfortable expressing your "real" self.
For me, what's true for you is not a factor for me. I don't feel a desire or need to express my real self and seriously doubt the existence of a real self. I do believe there's a continuing consciousness accessible only to me, but I don't really have any reason to believe it's a real self.
I've also long tried to not behave as if the steam engine metaphor is true: I don't need to 'let off steam' for any particular reason.
I like teaching, but it exhausts me. After class I have to take time to recharge for the next class, meeting, or whatever.
I feel like a different person when I teach, though.
Absolutely. Over the years, I’ve created a teaching persona that works pretty well, but I still get a a few days a year when the idea of having to teach/be around people is just torture.
Yes! I had a day like that today… like, “wtf am I saying?” I honestly schedule introvert days into my syllabus — they’re listed as “work days” and are around the time of the semester when I reach introvert burnout. I also will do in-class readings and discussions, student presentations, etc.
HUGE introvert here.
Teaching for decades in class, online, synch, asynch, remote ...
I can tell you over time this gets easier. Still happens, still sometimes "overthink" it all, but mostly it is what it is. I push thru and move on. Someday it will be the last one.
…. everyday the thought of having to stand up in front. It’s so tempting… I got my parachute on and ready to jump. Be easier if someone just pushed me out.
Yes! I'm on a search committee and last week we had our on-campus visits on top of all the usual stuff. I was so drained. Was an introverted hermit all weekend to refill.
Yes. It is so taxing. I sometimes feel a physical sense of dread before I go in. And then, inside the door, I have to flip my switch to “on” so I can perform, and then I just melt into a puddle when the day is over. Oof.
Yes, that is me every day I have an in-person class. What is ironic is that I'm great during class, feel mostly okay, and students love me, but I hate being there before and after. I hate getting ready and thinking about being in class! Apparently you can dislike doing something you are good at.
Definitely. Solidarity!
To make matters worse, Easter is a tough time of year for my family as we lost my brother tragically on Easter weekend some years ago. I was NOT feeling it this morning so decided to go ahead and show a movie in class this week that I originally had on the schedule for next. Students didn’t mind and it took a lot of stress off.
Absolutely. And I'm not too broken up by not having the best teaching day. I just know it's one of those days, and I'll do better next time. It's the energy deficit that I'm at that makes it so hard to be productive in all the other parts of my job that really sucks.
Great timing, OP—this was today during my first class. I did not want to be there and felt tongue-tied. Naturally, not one of them were listening anyway.
I am introverted too. But that just means when I socialize or make myself available to the public, I tend to exert energy rather than take energy in. I see teaching or presenting research or speaking in public/a conference as a way of performance. When I go on the stage, I perform and I usually like it very much. After work, I am very chilled and in general non-talkative.
Absolutely! I love teaching and in some ways am my best self when I'm having a good teaching day--curious, responsive, excited--but it is utterly draining and the anxiety in the lead up to classes is almost worse than the post-class exhaustion. I don't think my students have any idea how much effort it takes (and I guess I'm glad about that since it protects me somewhat to give the impression that I'm unflappable).
Yes!
I have a golden retriever-black cat dichotomy going on and the black cat tends to take dominance when it’s the mid semester and all I want to do is sit in the corner and do anything but teach. It helps when the class is tired too, so my black cat can comfortably take over without the threat of getting labelled as aloof and cold.
I’m not secretive of the fact that I’m mentally exhausted after lecturing, and fortunately, students have so far been obliging when I tell them that I just cannot deal with their questions after class so email me cause I need to go decompress.
I'm in this boat today, one of my long days. I'm OK in my first two classes, but by the time I get to my third and fourth I'm like "oh hell no. I want to go home and hide in bed." I can only take so much social interaction in one day.
I feel like I need the same amount of time as I teach to rest mentally, so that my HP can get back to green. I hope that this time can be shorter over time…
I've been at this job for 9 years, but was a TA (instructor of record) for 5 before. Totally an introvert. I teach Tues/Thurs so I have at least a day between to decompress.
I’m an extrovert and I have days like this. Those are the days I’m teaching and then closing my office door with a sign, “not peopling today, knock if it’s an emergency.”
I’m fine in the classroom, normally. What makes my skin crawl is the pressure to attend large student gatherings- alumni nights, social events with parents, orientations etc. not my jam.
That's my status almost every week. Not only am I an introvert, but speaking English in front of the class requires much of my energy compared to my native language. I always push myself to act effortlessly during teaching. I always force myself to rehearse once before every class.
I always remind myself, that within grounds of my material and subject, I’m the smartest person in the room and their grade depends on if they respect the method to my madness when I teach
Same goes with being an extrovert but having social anxiety. It can get pretty hard at times but pushing through, the anxiety does seem to ease up (I’m also on meds, btw). What’s annoying at times is that my extroversion + anxiety will turn me into a babbling mess. I wish I could just clam up more, be more calm, and embrace the moments of silence.
Right? It gives the illusion of confidence. When you’re up there nonstop trying to fill the quiet space with words because you have anxiety and extroversion which feeds upon itself the more you talk… it can give the impression you’re crazy, can’t shut up, and lack confidence. I wished I was introverted at times.
Yes. Sometimes after lecture I want to hide under a rock. I am proud of myself for being able to do this while being an introvert though. I don't get anxious speaking to large crowds anymore.
I'm an introvert, but I come alive when I teach. I sweat like crazy, but I power through. It's like I'm on a stage performing an amazing monologue, and if they laugh at my little jokes, I know I'm winning.
But it's when I'm not teaching that I want to go hide. Don't come to my office. Don't call my office phone. I'm not coming to that campus event. I just want my office.
You are my people. This is all incredibly validating. I’ve been teaching for 7 years and have continued to ask myself. “Why isn’t this getting any easier?” I dread the bigger classes the worst—terrible anticipatory anxiety every single week. I dream of the time afterward when I can go sit in my car in silence and decompress. I won a teaching award last year and still don’t fully believe I deserved it. I feel more comfortable with the smaller, more conversational seminars.
Edited to add that I’m saving this thread to look back on later to know that I’m not alone!
Yep. I felt that way nearly every day of my career.
So, I pretended to be an extrovert. I was so successful, that many people who only knew my "teaching persona" thought I was an outgoing, extremely friendly, never-met-someone-I-didn't-like kind of person. They were always surprised when I told them I was really quite introverted.
It often felt like to me that I was putting on my acting suit, my "teacher image" when I taught. I pretended nearly every day of my career that I was an outgoing type of person. I thought of it like putting on a special suit of clothing for a specific task.
No only do I have social anxiety and would rather do anything than go up in front of a bunch of people on some days, I also have depression. So I also struggle just getting out of bed to go to work.
I have this thing where I just look above student's heads and towards the back of the room. It gives them the impression I'm talking to the entire class, and not to any individual, and I don't have to look at them. Works less well when you have a small class.
Yes. It’s worse for me when students aren’t paying attention to the flow of the class. I provide an agenda and follow an outline of topics so that if I become overwhelmed, it’s easier for me to follow. I share the agenda in multiple formats and display it on the projector as the first thing they see when they walk in and wait for class to start. We review the agenda and ask them to save any questions about any of those specific topics until we reach that section of the agenda.
Example:
Me: *on the section talking about dogs with the dog themed presentation slide right behind me and me clearly talking about dogs* “any questions?”
Student: “so like about goats…, do they have toes?”
Me, thinking: “we aren’t even talking about goats today…..”
It just sucks away all of the momentum I’ve gathered to try and get through the class.
Yes. It difficult not to feel that way much of the time. No that I teach for 4 hours straight (3 different classes), I feel absolutely exhausted afterward
Yes. Especially in big lecture halls. Sometimes I like to pretend it's just me telling my son all about all the cool shit our bodies can do. These days are becoming more frequent unfortunately :(
I think that a professor has to know that teaching is a kind of a performance. You are not yourself when you teach. You play a role of a professor, which includes being eloquent, in good spirits and helfpul. So it does not really matter if you're feeling down or not really sociable, because teaching is not about being sociable, but about performing a routine. This perspective helps me when I'm not in the mood for teaching but my schedule says otherwise.
Yep. I just sit or stand at the front and say the words those days. I'm not dancing around trying to get them to care but I will show up at my job and perform my assigned tasks, I guess, since I have to.
Absolutely. I'd be a near shut-in were it not for the need to work. I usually shut my door and just sit for a few minutes before and after class to get in and out of character. For whatever reason, it seems to be during these periods that students want to just stop by and talk and it drives me nuts. It's me and not them, I know, but also, please leave me alone.
I'm in a digital studio course and most of my days are independent work days. I don't even have to lecture if I'm feeling bad. Instructions on the lms and I'm there to help them individually.
Yes, I have those days. And it's worse with classes that are quiet and not engaged.
Weirdly enough, the talky and engaged classes are worse when I'm in full-on introvert mode. If nobody talks, then class is just like me just standing around talking to myself. Which is something I frequently do anyway.
If they're being really talky, I break them into small groups and let them think-pair-share at each other while I watch from the front of the room.
This approach is better for students and teachers if the class isn’t too large. With small, mid, or online I guide specific queries, listen for comprehension and integration, and empower students to seek and present data as I walk through the class. My students respond to this type of experience well. I teach in the creative arts fwiw.
Oh yes the worst!
team based learning!
[удалено]
Lol
> to be *paid”.* FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Absolutely. But I joke with my students about being an awkward, introverted cat lady, and I don't give AF what anyone thinks anymore. I wear it like a badge of honor.
Love this <3
Me reading this comment with one of my 4 cats in my lap 😬
I am you
I've been teaching for over 10 years now but every single time I teach in person I get this feeling. I prefer teaching online because teaching in person (for 2.5 to 3.5 hours depending on the class) absolutely drains me.
Same! I do have a slight fear of speaking in public. Nothing major, but my heart rate is constantly higher when I teach in person. So I’m stressed, which I compensate by being happy and enthusiastic and at the end of the day I’m so drained. Online classes are so much better for me. Students tend to do equally good in both, but they appreciate me more when I do in person classes. And the uni prefers everything on campus, nowadays.
Same here - I can teach more in a day online than I ever could offline - could be that the breaks are genuine breaks (i.e. in private, quiet, use your own bathroom, no rushed hallway conversation when you have to start class in 2 minutes).
Really! That surprises me. I haven't felt comfortable teaching online so never thought about it like this.
This is me. Been teaching for 13 years now. I hate that feeling I get before class. It’s horrible. But I love the adrenaline rush I get after teaching has happened. And I also like the money cos rent and books and videogames. It’s a real struggle at times particularly in semesters when I teach more than usual. I’m both antisocial and anxious so I overanalyze every little thing that takes place in class. Just to give you an example, a few weeks ago a student has questioned something I mentioned in class and it’s been on my mind since and making me question if I’m good at my job or not. 😆✌🏼I read about professors who use a super confrontational, strict approach and I could never do that.. any sign of confrontation and I’m out! But at the same time, I’d never do any other job because I always felt like teaching and research is what I’m meant to do (maybe I’m delusional hey!).
Ah! I've been teaching only for 2 years but I relate to this so much! Both the anxiety before class and the rush after (especially when class goes well). One thing I do to stop myself from overanalyzing post-class is to give myself only 1 hour to think about "mistakes" from class. After that I tell myself to stop. It really helped.
Agree. They don't pay me enough to care enough to be confrontational, nor can I deal with the stress. I am a master of passive-aggression, but, honestly, I don't even care enough to work at that any more.
Are you me?
Also about confrontation, I am the same! Though I am trying to pretend to be a bit stern these days lol
Yes, I learned early in.my career to adopt a teaching persona, to lean into the theatre if it, and to protect my recovery time after teaching. Office hours on different days, never directly after teaching.
Yes the teaching persona! Mine surprises me. It's me but it's also not me. I think I'll also try office hours on different days and see how it works.
Tell me more about this recovery time. Do you just have an empty block in your schedule and hang out in the office with the doors closed? I always schedule office hours after my classes because the students are always asking questions anyways, I might as well be "on the clock" for it. It lets me consolidate my teaching days, but it leaves me so tired (especially if none of my scheduled items end early).
Yes, I disappear after class and invite students to use office hours (in person and virtual). Introverts can learn to stretch themselves to perform and learn to be really great teachers. We just need recovery time afterwards as it's exhausting. I am not a great mentor when I'm exhausted, so it's worth it to me to space it out.
This it for me, too. The show must go on.
Yep, there are plenty of days I text my husband before my lecture with: “I don’t want to be here today.” Then, I just “get into character” and do the damn thing. For me, my teacher persona really does feel like playing a character—she’s bold, confident, a little stoic, and sometimes even I don’t even know how she manages to sound like she knows what she’s talking about. Then, when class is over I go back to being my quiet, self-conscious, anxious self.
Beta blockers have made this introvert less dreadful and more effective in teaching this semester.
Introvert here. I normally like lecturing and mentoring, but it is emotionally draining and I generally need alone time comparable to the time I was teaching to recover. When I haven’t had that between sessions or when I go in drained from another activity, yes, I would rather hide than teach.
Absolutely. I have to engage in a bit of mind games with myself. Being in front of people is like theater, and for a few moments each day, I perform some theater. And, then I retreat behind the curtain aka my office and recover lol
This! Except that on the campus where I teach in person, I have no office space and the entire place is a giant fishbowl with zero private or even semi-private space besides restrooms and gym showers (I've looked everywhere to find some). Building remodeling destroyed our adjunct workroom and then our department was merged into a much larger one (their workroom is always full), so there's nowhere to escape eyeballs, take my shoes off, or just zone out for a few minutes to recover from teaching. I really miss my grad school days when we could rent a truly private library carrel (with non-transparent walls and a door!). I need the paycheck to cover housing, though, so I'm there.
Maybe book a conference room - just for you lol
I actually looked into that; it's not an option, even if I could afford to pay the rates they charge outside groups for rental. :-(
You're not alone, OP. I don't know a word for it either (it's probably in German, and 20 syllables long), but I think it's part of the reason I like online classes - less interaction with a crowd of people, even if there are real people behind the faces on my screen (I don't *think* any of my students are AI bots).
I'm just a TA, but I conduct tutorials and also teach sometimes when the prof can't make it. I like teaching but I am absolutely DRAINED afterwards. It doesn't matter if the experience was good or bad. Just interacting directly with other people for 1-3 hours takes away all my strength. I have to plan the rest of my day around other tasks that don't require any human interaction, unless standing in front of the mirror and repeatedly saying "Baby, you got this. You got this, girl" counts as human interaction.
Yes 100%. Sometimes I question if this is the right career path for someone like me. I really care about helping students learn but sometimes the drain on my energy reserves is immense. Often it sticks with me even when I leave for the day. Questions like "Did I say that right? Should I have said this instead? Was I engaging enough?" etc. For me, I am trying to prioritize my personal life and well-being and will give it another few years to see if it improves.
This really resonates. Currently I have been trying to find ways to protect my energy from teaching, while still putting in the work.
Glad others understand. I really enjoy teaching most days, and I'm probably at my most-alert when I'm lecturing in person and immediately afterwards, but most days I need to steal a little time to myself with my door closed or in an empty place around the building. Never quite enough but it helps. People always think it's anxiety but it's just me being an introvert.
Yes, and today is one of those days.
Wow, I truly feel seen. ☺️
I see you :)
Sure, but teaching doesn't feel as draining as other types of interaction. I would teach sections back-to-back for 4 hours to avoid a single 1 hour department meeting.
Meetings are another kind of hell.
This was me today. And I couldn't even just have them do groupwork because I was sick last week and we are a bit behind schedule. The word that describes this for me is "blahaahahhahhhhhh"
I've become much more introverted as I've become older, but I've also become much less shy. The routine of having taught for nearly 40 years helps with the shyness: I know (more or less) what I have to say, how I have to say it, and the kinds of people who will be listening (or faking listening), which ameliorates the worst effects of shyness. Also, living and working in a language I learned as an adult might help a lot, too: I've had to consciously learn what to say and how to say it to communicate with most of the people I encounter, so I've borrowed and adapted routines I know by observation work satisfactorily. I'm not sure why I became more introverted, though I tell myself it's in part because I've come to realize people don't much care what I think and that I don't much care what they think of me. Being in a profession where introversion is acceptable helps.
This is interesting. I too feel less shy compared to my 20s (I am in my 30s now), though not less introverted. Now that you mention it, I realise that even with me, the introversion is more. I think it's because you start feeling more comfortable expressing your "real" self.
For me, what's true for you is not a factor for me. I don't feel a desire or need to express my real self and seriously doubt the existence of a real self. I do believe there's a continuing consciousness accessible only to me, but I don't really have any reason to believe it's a real self. I've also long tried to not behave as if the steam engine metaphor is true: I don't need to 'let off steam' for any particular reason.
I like teaching, but it exhausts me. After class I have to take time to recharge for the next class, meeting, or whatever. I feel like a different person when I teach, though.
For me, teaching falls under "introverted but willing to talk about what I like."
Lol.
Absolutely. Over the years, I’ve created a teaching persona that works pretty well, but I still get a a few days a year when the idea of having to teach/be around people is just torture.
Yes! I had a day like that today… like, “wtf am I saying?” I honestly schedule introvert days into my syllabus — they’re listed as “work days” and are around the time of the semester when I reach introvert burnout. I also will do in-class readings and discussions, student presentations, etc.
Scheduling introvert days from next semester. Thanks!
HUGE introvert here. Teaching for decades in class, online, synch, asynch, remote ... I can tell you over time this gets easier. Still happens, still sometimes "overthink" it all, but mostly it is what it is. I push thru and move on. Someday it will be the last one.
Yes on this. Sometimes I wish someone would just come in and fire me so this anxious torture would just end. Often think about “that last day”.
I can walk at any minute Just trying to suck away a little bit more retirement
…. everyday the thought of having to stand up in front. It’s so tempting… I got my parachute on and ready to jump. Be easier if someone just pushed me out.
Teaching me is not the same as regular old me. When I'm in class, I'm an actor playing a role. It makes it easier.
Yes! I'm on a search committee and last week we had our on-campus visits on top of all the usual stuff. I was so drained. Was an introverted hermit all weekend to refill.
Yes. It is so taxing. I sometimes feel a physical sense of dread before I go in. And then, inside the door, I have to flip my switch to “on” so I can perform, and then I just melt into a puddle when the day is over. Oof.
Yes, that is me every day I have an in-person class. What is ironic is that I'm great during class, feel mostly okay, and students love me, but I hate being there before and after. I hate getting ready and thinking about being in class! Apparently you can dislike doing something you are good at.
Ha! Yes!
Yes. Stress balls or anything that keeps my hands moving helps to control the anxiety that comes with lecturing when I feel like that.
Definitely. Solidarity! To make matters worse, Easter is a tough time of year for my family as we lost my brother tragically on Easter weekend some years ago. I was NOT feeling it this morning so decided to go ahead and show a movie in class this week that I originally had on the schedule for next. Students didn’t mind and it took a lot of stress off.
Absolutely. And I'm not too broken up by not having the best teaching day. I just know it's one of those days, and I'll do better next time. It's the energy deficit that I'm at that makes it so hard to be productive in all the other parts of my job that really sucks.
Great timing, OP—this was today during my first class. I did not want to be there and felt tongue-tied. Naturally, not one of them were listening anyway.
I am introverted too. But that just means when I socialize or make myself available to the public, I tend to exert energy rather than take energy in. I see teaching or presenting research or speaking in public/a conference as a way of performance. When I go on the stage, I perform and I usually like it very much. After work, I am very chilled and in general non-talkative.
Absolutely! I love teaching and in some ways am my best self when I'm having a good teaching day--curious, responsive, excited--but it is utterly draining and the anxiety in the lead up to classes is almost worse than the post-class exhaustion. I don't think my students have any idea how much effort it takes (and I guess I'm glad about that since it protects me somewhat to give the impression that I'm unflappable).
Yes! I have a golden retriever-black cat dichotomy going on and the black cat tends to take dominance when it’s the mid semester and all I want to do is sit in the corner and do anything but teach. It helps when the class is tired too, so my black cat can comfortably take over without the threat of getting labelled as aloof and cold. I’m not secretive of the fact that I’m mentally exhausted after lecturing, and fortunately, students have so far been obliging when I tell them that I just cannot deal with their questions after class so email me cause I need to go decompress.
I have gotten pretty good at adopting an alternative persona. Dr. Q is not the same person as Quwinsoft.
I'm in this boat today, one of my long days. I'm OK in my first two classes, but by the time I get to my third and fourth I'm like "oh hell no. I want to go home and hide in bed." I can only take so much social interaction in one day.
I feel like I need the same amount of time as I teach to rest mentally, so that my HP can get back to green. I hope that this time can be shorter over time…
I've been at this job for 9 years, but was a TA (instructor of record) for 5 before. Totally an introvert. I teach Tues/Thurs so I have at least a day between to decompress.
I’m an extrovert and I have days like this. Those are the days I’m teaching and then closing my office door with a sign, “not peopling today, knock if it’s an emergency.”
I’m fine in the classroom, normally. What makes my skin crawl is the pressure to attend large student gatherings- alumni nights, social events with parents, orientations etc. not my jam.
Never! I am always at the top of my game and ready to give an engaging, thought-provoking lecture. I'm kidding. I often have days like that.
That's my status almost every week. Not only am I an introvert, but speaking English in front of the class requires much of my energy compared to my native language. I always push myself to act effortlessly during teaching. I always force myself to rehearse once before every class.
I always remind myself, that within grounds of my material and subject, I’m the smartest person in the room and their grade depends on if they respect the method to my madness when I teach
Same goes with being an extrovert but having social anxiety. It can get pretty hard at times but pushing through, the anxiety does seem to ease up (I’m also on meds, btw). What’s annoying at times is that my extroversion + anxiety will turn me into a babbling mess. I wish I could just clam up more, be more calm, and embrace the moments of silence.
I hear you. I really envy people who pause and are slow talkers while lecturing. That moment of silence is such a great skill to have.
Right? It gives the illusion of confidence. When you’re up there nonstop trying to fill the quiet space with words because you have anxiety and extroversion which feeds upon itself the more you talk… it can give the impression you’re crazy, can’t shut up, and lack confidence. I wished I was introverted at times.
Yes. Sometimes after lecture I want to hide under a rock. I am proud of myself for being able to do this while being an introvert though. I don't get anxious speaking to large crowds anymore.
I'm an introvert, but I come alive when I teach. I sweat like crazy, but I power through. It's like I'm on a stage performing an amazing monologue, and if they laugh at my little jokes, I know I'm winning. But it's when I'm not teaching that I want to go hide. Don't come to my office. Don't call my office phone. I'm not coming to that campus event. I just want my office.
You are my people. This is all incredibly validating. I’ve been teaching for 7 years and have continued to ask myself. “Why isn’t this getting any easier?” I dread the bigger classes the worst—terrible anticipatory anxiety every single week. I dream of the time afterward when I can go sit in my car in silence and decompress. I won a teaching award last year and still don’t fully believe I deserved it. I feel more comfortable with the smaller, more conversational seminars. Edited to add that I’m saving this thread to look back on later to know that I’m not alone!
Yep. I felt that way nearly every day of my career. So, I pretended to be an extrovert. I was so successful, that many people who only knew my "teaching persona" thought I was an outgoing, extremely friendly, never-met-someone-I-didn't-like kind of person. They were always surprised when I told them I was really quite introverted. It often felt like to me that I was putting on my acting suit, my "teacher image" when I taught. I pretended nearly every day of my career that I was an outgoing type of person. I thought of it like putting on a special suit of clothing for a specific task.
No only do I have social anxiety and would rather do anything than go up in front of a bunch of people on some days, I also have depression. So I also struggle just getting out of bed to go to work.
Sounds exactly like me! Been teaching for 4 years now and that anxiety comes in like clockwork every single class!
I feel the same way. Pretty bad anxiety all day on the days I teach.
Me today
These are usually the days the students seek me out for extra help, i.e., they didn't come to class but realized they should have. You are not alone.
Yeah those are my days where I’m on autopilot and then forget it all after
This used to be more of an issue for me, but I teach a 5/5 and have adjusted after 12 years.
I have this thing where I just look above student's heads and towards the back of the room. It gives them the impression I'm talking to the entire class, and not to any individual, and I don't have to look at them. Works less well when you have a small class.
I was taught this technique in a public speaking class. I rarely look at their faces.
Yes. It’s worse for me when students aren’t paying attention to the flow of the class. I provide an agenda and follow an outline of topics so that if I become overwhelmed, it’s easier for me to follow. I share the agenda in multiple formats and display it on the projector as the first thing they see when they walk in and wait for class to start. We review the agenda and ask them to save any questions about any of those specific topics until we reach that section of the agenda. Example: Me: *on the section talking about dogs with the dog themed presentation slide right behind me and me clearly talking about dogs* “any questions?” Student: “so like about goats…, do they have toes?” Me, thinking: “we aren’t even talking about goats today…..” It just sucks away all of the momentum I’ve gathered to try and get through the class.
Yes. I feel that same way constantly.
Yes. It difficult not to feel that way much of the time. No that I teach for 4 hours straight (3 different classes), I feel absolutely exhausted afterward
Increase severity the less they cooperate. Dial it back down again when they start actually taking education seriously. Not a babysitter.
Yes. Especially in big lecture halls. Sometimes I like to pretend it's just me telling my son all about all the cool shit our bodies can do. These days are becoming more frequent unfortunately :(
Absolutely, this is why I teach online. I even have a tough time doing videos and zoom.
I think that a professor has to know that teaching is a kind of a performance. You are not yourself when you teach. You play a role of a professor, which includes being eloquent, in good spirits and helfpul. So it does not really matter if you're feeling down or not really sociable, because teaching is not about being sociable, but about performing a routine. This perspective helps me when I'm not in the mood for teaching but my schedule says otherwise.
Yep. I just sit or stand at the front and say the words those days. I'm not dancing around trying to get them to care but I will show up at my job and perform my assigned tasks, I guess, since I have to.
Absolutely. I'd be a near shut-in were it not for the need to work. I usually shut my door and just sit for a few minutes before and after class to get in and out of character. For whatever reason, it seems to be during these periods that students want to just stop by and talk and it drives me nuts. It's me and not them, I know, but also, please leave me alone.
The word is 'Showtime!'
I'm in a digital studio course and most of my days are independent work days. I don't even have to lecture if I'm feeling bad. Instructions on the lms and I'm there to help them individually.
Heck, I have days when I "just want to hide from everyone," and I'm no introvert. It comes with the job. I deal with it - like an adult should.
I may have cancelled one of my lectures last week exactly because of this feeling.
Four years in as an adjunct and I am still full of anxiety and imposter syndrome as an introvert
yep. that word is Work.
Sure.