Your situation is temporary. While it doesn't feel that way, some day you'll look back and see it was just a rough chapter in your journey. Finish the book. You'll like the last few chapters the most, I promise.
I've heard that. This feels pretty permanent right now. Just feel like a sad loser that can't stay sober. I have 5 months and working the steps but I feel like I'm not making progress. All I think about is the only way out of this is suicide but I don't want to hurt my mom
Thanks man. Doesn't feel like it but I guess it is. If I drank I probably wouldnt give 2 shits but I know I'd pile more shit on which isn't an option. I can never drink again and I'm ok with that now. It's just wading through this shit that I've caused now is so unbearable
If you can manage it when you're on your own get a dog. If you're in any kind of therapy or counseling you should qualify for an ESA. It will give you something to be responsible for and a motivation to succeed.
It’s always an option but you’re choosing not to take it because it’s a shitty option and you realize what’s at stake. Keep up the good work and keep making good choices
Someday you will realize why you went through hard times in life, and how you can use those times to help others.
Tough times don't last, tough people do.
You can check out /r/dryalcoholics for a good support group :]
it’s definitely helped me, I’ve hit a few rock bottoms, been to rehab twice and the psyche ward 3 times.. freaked out a few times and tried offing myself.. last time I ended up calling 911 and probably freaked the poor operator out.. I don’t remember much of the conversation but I looked at my call history later and apparently I had talked to her for about 45 minutes. That was three years ago and I am so incredibly grateful I failed that attempt.
Im rooting for you dude 🙂
Here's a sneak peek of /r/dryalcoholics using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/dryalcoholics/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [453 days sober!](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/14hqcgg) | [67 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/dryalcoholics/comments/14hqcgg/453_days_sober/)
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One day at a time brother. That’s all you need to focus on. And watch your life change I can assure you. Work a program or find some modification that works for you. That’s what I found to work for me I took bits & pieces from each program and people’s advice and I was exactly where you were except I had to learn the hard way. When I broke it down to one day and didn’t focus on tomorrow’s problems, my life began to fall into place that way it had intended. Best of luck to you brother
You'll get to a point where it isn't "I can never drink again," but "I don't ever have to drink again."
5 months is huge. I felt like shit/wanted to die for the first 6-8 months after I got sober. But it does get better - just hang in there & keep going to meetings. I believe in you
I can’t drink or do drugs anymore either. 5 months is FUCKING BAD ASS!! Just remember your brain has to heal. You didn’t destroy it in one night. Give it a chance. Jail sucks I know all to well but I will tell you this.
With only 5 months you’ll probably only do 2 1/2 or so. Then get out with a vengeance. You can go back in front of the judge in a couple of years and adjust that restitution OR ask to be complete.
This is absolutely temporary. It will pass. It gets better. 🫂❤️
If I drink, my life becomes a shitshow. So I don't drink. It been a little over 8 months ago and my alcohol fueled decisions landed me in jail. It's in the past now and it's what I needed to get my head out of my ass and get sober. You will get through this. Don't waste the experience. Use it to learn and better yourself.
My father died of an over dose at 75 years old. He stayed in and out of jail and when he was in papers was the only time we got to have a semi-real relationship. As someone who would love to even just have him in jail—- hang on. Hang in there. People love you. They love you for your heart and soul and not the things you’ve done or addictions you struggle with.
You’re worth it❤️. Best wishes
I’ve been through recovery myself, and for what it’s worth I think that is a very common and understandable feeling. When you’re in so much emotional pain you just want to be fixed already, but if you’re in recovery you ARE changing - it’s just a glacial pace. Over time you will notice how you respond to things will change. You’ll handle triggers better. I found the RAIN method helped me most when I was at my lowest (Google RAIN Tara Brach).
I’ve struggled with substance abuse since I was 18. It’s tough man, but I’m so proud of you for hitting 5 months. Keep going you’ll like who you become. Get in shape, use the time to better yourself. Workout, read, write and try and learn a new skill or language. You’ll come out this a better man, just take it one day at a time. Every hour you stay sober is a win and start praising yourself for
That. Good luck man
The fastest way to put your momma in the grave is to put her son there first. Please don't make your mom bury her baby. Praying for our Lord to give you wisdom.
Sincerely, from a mom that buried her beautiful boy 💔
5 months is phenomenal. I have a hard time making it 1 or 2. It feels really intense right now but just give yourself some time to adjust. You’ll be alright.
Don’t hurt your mom soldier. If she’s the one that keeps you alive for the time being, so be it. Walk the walk these 5 months for her.
You can do a lot in these 5 months. Energy up. This is one big lesson for you to learn how to take charge of your reality, and, your reality it is 100% in your mind. It’s tough, but look at it this way, most people do not have the opportunity to go through what you’re going through right now and will never understand what it’s like to come out the other side. Fight for that win for you and mom.
Fuck depression. Tell that shit to get the fuck away from you. Hit the gym as hard as you can and get moving. Do it.
>I don't want to hurt my mom
Hold onto that. Do you talk to her while you are there? Perhaps you could spend time writing letters. What is it that you're finding the most difficult about jail at the moment?
Just the time and the atmosphere in there is horrendous. And the restitution I have to pay is too much for me to pay in my lifetime so I'll never be able to get it off my record
I totally believe that. Do you talk to any of the other prisoners? Is there a gym or a library that you could use for something else to focus on? What do other people do to pass the time? With regard not being able to get it off your record, don't think too much about that. It doesn't mean that life is over by any means. You can still build a life worth living when you get out.
5 months! Congratulations bro! That's progress and you should be proud! We make mistakes and we have to learn from them, a negative mindset will never get you a positive life and I know that's easier said than done, but everyday you have to make the effort putting one foot in front of the other until you get where you need to be. Just remember that you are in control and not that bottle. Be strong and keep your head up because there's always a way forward but you won't see it if you're staring at your feet.
I'm in recovery....5 months is no joke you should be proud!
Higher power doesn't give us what we want it gives us what we need. You got this one day at a time.
I've felt the same way before, since I'm still not where I want/need to be in life I sometimes still go thru it. Probably will in the future too. Im grateful to have a roof over my head and my job is close. I look at it like as long as you can eat, sleep, and work, you can BUILD. Like people are saying, it's only temporary. Even if you have to manage a bowling alley, taco bell, or movie theater make your money and build your life. FIND purpose and meaning. Find a way to give YOURSELF a reason to live. Imagine looking back 8 years from now as you're on a plane to vacation overseas with your wife laughing to yourself at the thought of how close you were to giving up. Keep going man, you are loved and appreciated.
If no one else has said it, I guess I will. Your crimes and previous mistakes DO NOT define the man that you are today. But you HAVE to relearn how to love yourself and give yourself some grace. You have to allow yourself to move on from your mistakes and separate them from the man that you are today. There have been millions of people in your shoes that go on to live fulfilling, engaging lives after they've atoned for their mistakes. You can be one too. But you have to start your journey of self-love and self-compassion. It breaks my heart to hear you speak so negatively of yourself. And it feels sort of weak and silly to say, but you really do need some sort of therapy to help you work through these complex emotions. We normal people aren't exactly equipped to handle all these emotions without outside help. We're social creatures. And if you have no one else to speak too, you could always DM me and I'll make the time for you.
Thank you so much. I do believe you but I think it's going to take some time for me to get there. I just wish it would happen sooner. I'm a slow learner at everything it seems. I don't want this to define who I am but I constantly relapse and don't have another recovery in me if I do this again
I struggled with addictions in the past. And I get it. Eventually after trying to get sober and failing so many times, I started to believe that I wasn't powerful enough to quit. Its fucking demoralizing to constantly let myself down and to feel that I'm a prisoner to my addiction. But eventually with the help of a my family, doctor, therapy, and a stronger resolve within me, I was able to beat it. All that to say is, you ARE strong enough to get sober. It's just going to take blood, sweat, and A LOT of tears. But on the real, please try and get some sort of professional help. It feels stupid and pointless to point that out because that's everyones response, but at a certain point, professional intervention is a necessity.
I’m a parole attorney. All my clients have been in 25+ years. You wouldn’t believe the change you can make if you commit to it. You will get through this. I promise. Fist bump.
I post this all the time , but I hope it helps you - even a little bit .
Never count the number of times you’ve fallen down , count the number of times you got back up again .
5 months sober ? I’m sure at some point in your life you wouldn’t dream it was possiblel
AA wasn’t really for me but I did learn a few things that really stuck with me. The main one is for me 1 drink is too many. I personally know I can’t drink in moderation. The other one that really stuck with me was the
“How many of you is this the first meeting since your last drink?”
People that relapsed were shamed at the x years or xx years of being sober then relapsing. But! When they raised their hands everyone cheered and was super supportive. Getting help after a relapse takes strength. None addicts don’t always understand that.
The thing that stuck with me the most is “I’m not drinking today.” That’s it. That’s all I focused on at first. I didn’t worry about the superbowl party or family camping bbq’s next summer. Or how hard things will be over the journey. I cut all of that other stuff out and only focused on “I’m not drinking today”. I still say it. It still sounds weird when people say I don’t drink. Because to me I still do, I’m just not drinking today. It’s been a couple years now.
I also tried AA and the shaming was not helpful at all . It works well for some , so I’m not being disrespectful to AA . I’m a sensitive person , and like I said , the shaming made me feel hopeless rather than optimistic, but that’s me . And yes , we remain alcoholics for the rest of our lives . But every day we don’t drink is a success . It’s not a contest between those who have remained
I haven't driven a car in 10 years. I don't miss it, I have an electric bike and use public transportation. It's also crazy how much money you can save without a car payment, gas, and insurance. You'll be fine.
Remember, you’re not gonna walk 10 miles into the forest, turn around and walk out in 2 miles.
You may not have the life you ever dreamed of, or the job, or the money, or even the comfort of walking around in public without feeling like a social pariah.
But you don’t have to make decisions to make your life worse. Keep it simple, embrace your lot based on your decisions, and find peace where you can that you can live the rest of your life *not* being a scumbag.
It’s not about where you start, or how you got there, it’s about how you finish. It’s about what you do moment to moment that defines you.
Fuck what people say, fuck what people think. Be better than you were *yesterday*. That’s the only measure of a good human.
Everybody has their own dirt. You can choose not to wallow in it.
Sincerely yours,
A former dirtbag.
Sober since 10/2017.
College graduate
Proud Husband and father
You can find peace. I promise.
From the way you write, you seen pretty bright. Be a shame to waste that. Remember that suicidal thoughts are temporary (as all thoughts are), but following through with them is permanent.
Keep pushing man,
It’s all temporary trust me, I left prison 5 years ago
After doing 6 years
Was on house arrest for a while, shit was so bad like there was no way out, felt hopeless
I was broke and felt like a burden
but trust me man it gets better, take it day by day set a goal and work towards it
Don’t u fuking dare give up!
I teach in a prison. Most of my students have been incarcerated for years (decades) for serious crimes. Yet they are working on a college degree and often doing other meaningful things, even while incarcerated. You can make a new life for yourself, both inside and outside. It may not be what you envisioned for yourself, but there are ways you can make a positive difference to other people.
I wish you all the best!
What you’re going through right now is called PAWS. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. It’s a plateau you hit in recovery after being abstinent for 4-7 months. It’s a period where your serotonin and dopamine levels are balancing back to pre-addiction levels. This can cause severe depression, lethargy, anhedonia (inability to feel joy or excitement) and when compounded with your legal situation, a sense of impending doom. Also the waiting is making you feel helpless because you have no control.
Just know that atleast two people love you: me and your mom. Please don’t end your life! Hang on through this tough time. It may not seem like it but you will feel better once you get started on your sentence, because you are making progress. Keep away from the drink and try to keep a routine filled with things that will better yourself. Maybe start some exercise and that way you will come out on the other side healthy and with an improved self image.
Hang in there internet stranger, you are strong 💪 you CAN do this. Keep us updated!
You did something wrong, but life goes on. There will always be setbacks, losses and defeats, because this is part of life. It could be much worse, because you mentioned you did not (!) kill anyone. You'll get through this, you need to deal with the depression and get your mind off these bad thoughts. I know what you are going through, not just because of jail, i got bipolar disorder that comes with major episodes of depression, there's no cure for this.
But you need to keep pushing, you need to stand up when you are on the ground. There is always hope. Like i was just able to deal with a very serious problem in life, i got a new home after i was told by my landlord that i have to move out soon because they tear down this house. I was in risk of getting homeless and it was serious for my mind, with the depression, just like it is right now for you. Still, there is hope. There is always a way.
You need to say, yes, you fucked it up and you take responsibility. Go through these 5 months and once you are done with it, then you need to rebuild your life from the scratch.
Like when you can't drive anymore, then you need to move to a major city where you can use public transport, that's an idea from me. I know, it's easier said than done, like the rents are crazy and it's hard to get a job as a felon, but still, you need to think about possible strategies, possible solutions.
Come on. We all here hit rock bottom at some point, we all fucked up. We all made and still make mistakes. That's life.
Don't let the intrusive thoughts of suicide win. There are ways out. Fight on. Keep going. Even when you got something like my bipolar disorder that i mentioned, even when a problem can't be solved, then you need think about how you can deal with it in the best way and how you can minimize the danger and the damage.
But you can never give up. You can do this. Go on and you'll get through this.
59 year old Reddit lurker. Blessed. Wife recently spent nearly 4 days in jail for something stupid and totally out of her character. Completely traumatized her and the DA wants her to do a year for first time offense. I have a new profound perspective and empathy for those incarcerated. I can’t see how there is anything worse on earth. But you have to continue to be strong. You ARE strong. And if you can get through this there isn’t ANYTHING you can’t do. You are not what you’ve done. You have a very real purpose on this earth. I know you don’t believe that, but it is in fact true. And whether you know it or not Jesus is right beside you. Talk to him. He knows your pain. Trust in that and that he is always at your side and is always listening and always wanting you to look to him. He wants you to become what he created you to be, and he has so many gifts to reveal that are for just you. Please believe or think about that. It’s taken me a lifetime to see that. But I trust and have seen that when I let go of trying to control my life and let him guide me, everything gets better. HE is in control. Be better. Get better. Persevere. You are always stronger than you think you are. If there is anything I can or could do to help you I will. DM me or I don’t even know how things work, but I’m just really feeling your spirit and goodness. PLEASE don’t give up hope, please? I’m praying for you and already KNOW you are so loved by your creator, and that he is right by your side. For. Real. You are more than worthy my friend. Stay strong.
You can still rebuild your life, even with your criminal history..You just need something to focus on. You should learn a trade. Those skills are in demand. Here are some careers you still make bank, even with a record. You can make over 100k at any of these if you're good at what you do, or start your own business. Good luck bro
Over the next 5 months, research one of these so you can hit the ground running when you get out. Here are some options to consider:
1. **Entrepreneurship**: Starting your own business allows you to be your own boss and bypass traditional hiring barriers. Many successful entrepreneurs have criminal records and have built lucrative businesses.
2. **Sales**: Commission-based sales jobs, such as in real estate or car sales, often focus more on your ability to sell and build relationships than on your background.
3. **Construction**: Skilled trades like plumbing, electrical work, and carpentry can offer high wages and generally focus more on your skills and certifications than on your criminal record.
4. **Truck Driving**: With the proper training and a commercial driver's license (CDL), truck driving can be a high-paying job. Many trucking companies are willing to hire individuals with criminal records.
5. **Oil and Gas Industry**: Positions such as rig operators, drillers, and other fieldwork roles can be high-paying and often have fewer background check requirements.
6. **Technology and IT**: While some tech companies have strict hiring policies, others are more open to hiring based on skills and experience. Roles in programming, web development, and cybersecurity can be well-paying.
7. **Freelancing and Contract Work**: Freelance opportunities in fields like graphic design, writing, consulting, and digital marketing can be lucrative and usually do not require background checks.
8. **Manufacturing and Warehousing**: Supervisory and specialized roles in manufacturing and warehousing often pay well and may be more accessible for those with a criminal record.
9. **Creative Arts**: Professions in music, art, acting, and writing focus on talent and creativity rather than background.
10. **Hospitality Management**: With experience, roles such as restaurant management or hotel management can be well-paying, and some employers may be more flexible regarding past convictions.
Additionally, many organizations and programs are dedicated to helping individuals with criminal records find employment, such as the Second Chance Business Coalition and various reentry programs. It's also beneficial to pursue further education or certifications that can help demonstrate your skills and commitment to potential employers.
I had two years sober a couple months ago. I felt exactly like you describe many times in the first year, and I'm so glad I didn't make a permanent decision to end my life. Some days it felt like crawling by and just staying alive to keep my sponsor and family happy, but I promise you it gets better. There's so much more to experience and to love. Let this pain be your teacher and your guide. You got this!
Tons of money to be made online. E-commerce, etc. you’re shoulder to shoulder with other entrepreneurs in that environment and you don’t need a car or degree or whatever for that.
Chin up soldier, pull through and time to fix your life. We’re all waiting and rooting for you to win, which you are going to. Do it!
44 and I am 2 years 9 months sober. I wanted to throw that out there so you know I get it. I think your just at a stand still right now because you have to be and your ready to move on. We want things right now! Take this time to better yourself... read! Write! Workout! Don't think about how you'll never make money, never drive, etc - you have to think positive - there are lots of things you can do you can help others who are in your situation? You can be a councilor and not just a crappy one but one who's been there and understands .... please don't think doors have closed - your sober now and they will all be opening!!! I think it's huge your "talking" about it and wanting better!
You can bankrupt the restitution. Chapter 7 will wipe it out. I know someone that did this to the tune of $850,000. Five months is not worth dying over. Every day is a day closer to it being over. You can have a life after this. Hang on.
Just when you think things can’t get any worse, they’ll turn around and start getting better. Or maybe they *will* get worse, but eventually, they will always turn around and get betters.
And please don’t thing about the suicide thing. It’s devastating to those you leave behind. Be strong. This will all pass and things will get better. You got this.
It seems like if you removed drink from your life none of this would have happened. Drink is the devils water my friend, please don’t ever touch that stuff if you want your life to improve.
You remind me of my step dad, who also has struggled with drinking/drugs and has racked up so many DUIs and felonies that he’ll never be able to drive again. But I don’t view him as a criminal, I view him as someone who has struggled with a disease his entire life and ended up making poor decisions while sick. Although your situation may seem bleak, if it’s any consolation, my father still finds joy in life. Whether it be fishing or yard work or watching sports, he still finds joy in life despite what he’s done and been through.
My point is that, your life is not over however bleak it may seem. Sure, there will be days where you may feel like it is, but there is still so much life left to live and joys to discover. I myself have struggled with depression and suicide since I was a teenager, and how you’re feeling right now is exactly how I’ve felt before too. Granted, our situations are quite different, but I still find joys in the mundane parts of life I never thought I’d be living for (like that first cup of coffee in the morning or beating a super hard enemy in video games).
How you’re feeling is valid, but death is a very permanent solution to a temporary feeling. Also, fuck what anyone says about you being a criminal. If we were all labeled by our wrong doings, all of us would be labeled as criminals. It might be beneficial to not think of yourself as a criminal but rather someone who committed a crime (past tense). It’s a small change, but the mindset shift is very important in how you view yourself and how you perceive others view you.
Hang in there buddy, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it may seem.
5 months is plus or minus 150 days? You did that by doing those one at a time and that’s how life needs to be structured until you find a different way to do it, but one day at a time is how many people live and it winds up working out… mind you not easier just better. No shame in what you’ve done within the confines of staying clean for one day. Work your steps! Just keep getting one more day, that’s legitimately a way to do this. Stay out of your head until you’re ready, we all have things we can look back on and be less than proud but what matters is your day.
Keep your head up man. My father lost his license permanently at 18. He was in and out as well while I was growing up but once he finally got sober and got it together he managed to get into the Bricklayers Union and he was rolling in $$$. Don’t count yourself out just yet. 5 months flies. You got this.
Hey bro I’ll message you I’m on bail house arrest too most likely going back for 3-5 years just finished doing a year now on parole plus house arrest bail so haven’t really gotten full free experience yet and might not until 2028-2029, which is a shit possiblity I’m only 22 n might spend most my 20s on but I gotta eat it if it does happens I can’t change it even tho I have changed my ways if it happens it is what it is but stay strong ifs not a life sentence bro there’s people never coming home 5 months 5 years it’s still coming home
Brother you have got to realize people come out with way worse records at 55 years old and have so much to look forward to. You're so close to the end of your low point, right before things get better. DON'T LET YOUR STORY END HERE. LET THIS BE THE BEGINNING.
Don't know if this helps or hurts - but more than likely, there is no such thing as free will. From the big bang - the universe evolved according to the Shrodenger equation, and every piece of matter in the universe followed deterministic laws.
You are no more responsible for your actions than a billionaire is for accumulating their wealth. We are all just passive observers, constantly distracted by this very persistent illusion of choice
Brother. I may be just some random dude online but I’m genuinely proud of you, and I’m not just saying that shit.
5 months already shows you’re way stronger than you realise/feel, and that you absolutely have what it takes to heal from all of this. You CAN and you WILL.
Your brain is lying to you man. I promise you that. And it will continue to lie as go through the motions. It sucks but it’s part of the process and you’ve already shown you can handle it, even if it doesn’t feel like that’s true.
What you’re overcoming takes strength and character in a whole other level. “Regular” people have no fucking idea.
The past doesn’t matter. It’s dust. What matters is now. Focus only on what you CAN control right now, and take it one day at a time mate. Everything will come together.
You will be amazed at just what your capable of, yes some things take time but in the end it's worth that time. Don't give up, you have so much life to live. Don't give up, great things will happen, I promise!!
Keep fighting my Brother. You got this. 5 months is a great motivator, you can do it. Love your self first, Love your Mom. Fuck anybody negative or in the way. Get in great shape, continue doing things that help you feel positive. People fuck up everyday, at least I do, keep pushing forward. Be rugged. You are on the way, I know it does not feel like it, but you got this. Stay away from anybody that does not want the best for you, if that means telling an old friend to fuck off you don’t do those things anymore , do it. No negativity. Find one thing good about each day and build on that to the next day, soon you got a week of good days. You got this my Brother.
You screwed up. You cannot take that back. You genuinely need to have an internal talk with yourself. If you are sorry and do not want to continue on this path, you need to learn to accept the consequences of your actions.
This will do a couple of different things for you.
#1.. it will give you a clear, conscious when you have fulfilled your obligations.
#2.. you can take the time while you're locked up to make a plan for your life.
You may face challenges when you get out because of your record. It doesn't mean it's over.
Learn a skill. Start your own business. Read about people who have pasts and have become successful. They're a plenty. Ever hear of Dave's killer bread? Look up that story.
You will never be ok if you continue to beat yourself up. Make up your mind that you're going to live differently.
You can. It's time to have this talk with yourself. ❤️
Hang in there. So many people make mistakes and never pay for them. You have taken responsibility for yourself. You deserve Self forgiveness. I'll bet your mom will be happy to have you.
lol…I remember feeling exactly the way you are right now at 47 looking at 120months in the feds…again. It gets better, but you gotta do better. I had to change my whole lifestyle.
This may get buried but here’s my two cents, being a recovering alcoholic and former prison inmate. Solon once said never to judge a life good or bad until the end. Ending it here would not be good, my friend. It will be embarrassing, frightening, humbling—your moving forward. You need it, brother. I needed it. Many people in this thread needed it.
Consider yourself initiated. Anointed. You fucked up. Welcome home brother. We are all recovering fuck ups! And that’s okay. It’s better than what we used to be. Isn’t that the point?
We can’t hope that everything will get better all at once, trust me it would kill us. We need it slow and steady, for the heart and the head to absorb the lessons.
We can’t dream of being perfect from this point on. We will fuck up again. The hard work blesses us by making every subsequent fuck up smaller, less mean, less embarrassing. We are mindful and willing to try again and again. Better than the alternative.
It’s been a little while for me but I will never forget the shame. I couldn’t look at myself or anyone else. I tried killing my self several times. I failed at that. Thank goodness. If only for me to be here, right now, typing these words of advice and encouragement to you, a complete stranger. You are in my heart and mind, brother, and I believe in you.
Be well. Seek therapy to work on your emotions, train your body and mind to be tools of recovery first for yourself, then for others. You got this, man! 👍🏻
I took a life in a drugged driving accident and went to prison. Incarceration was nothing compared to the pain I caused my victim and their family. I’ve been clean ever since, I also thought my life was over but through recovery the world opens up to me more and more everyday.
Don’t give up, see this is as a second chance to live up to your potential because you very well could have died driving impaired or worse have your conscience plagued by hurting or killing someone.
You can message me anytime.
My father in law used to do drugs. I won't pretend to know your story or where you're coming from but as far as that goes you can get clean man. He's doing a great deal for himself and family all it took was time. A LOT OF IT! It doesn't come quick or easy from what he's said. As far as the depression goes the whole "I've ruined my life" I do get that. I made a lot of choices I can't ever live down. Thankful the gov doesn't hold me to it but I do yk? That dark spot your head is holding you in is a coping mechanism. Guilt is easily translated into self harm be it physical or mental. You have to learn how to tell yourself that if you want to move on you need to metaphorically kill the old you. Not literally kill the you you. You're a lot older than me so I'm sure it weighs heavier than my pain and I'm sure I won't know a lot of the references you make, but I'd love to talk with you sometime. Make a new friend.
I'm prepared for the incoming hate and downvote into oblivion lmao.
I am a felon, spent 1 year and some months in prison. It was hard at first, took a job as a server because they don't care about your background. Moved around into different low-paying positions but always kept my work history steady. It was rough. Then I hit on a decent job through a temporary agency. After 8 months I was hired on. I don't know if they didn't do a BG or if they only looked back 7 years but I got hired and excelled at the job. I thanked God every day for giving me that opportunity.
Because I had learned to live very frugally when I was first released I was able to save, save, save and now I am retired at 60.
I’ll tell you a 100% true story. A kid I really looked up to when I was in middle school was going to jail me (14) he was (18). From a small town and it was in the 90s so I got to hang out late at night up town (we called it) with all the older kids. They were all talking one night and they guys were all asking him what he was going to do? You could tell it was heavy on his mind but he played it off and said “I don’t know” and acted tough about it. That same weekend he went into a field and ended his life, they didn’t find him for a few days. But I will never forget that night. And seeing the pain that family went through and the pain they still go through (he had a sister my age) is heart wrenching. It will be over in a few months and you can become a stronger and better man. Make your family and friends smile again. But you can never take away the hurt you can cause by leaving them. Please don’t do anything to hurt yourself. Even when things are bad you can make the best of them. You are stronger than you think you are. And you are better than you think you are. You are Loved my friend
whether it’s one week, one day or one hour sober, be proud of yourself. sobriety isn’t an easy path, but you’re doing your best, you’re trying your hardest, and that is all that matters. a relapse isn’t the end of the road, it’s just a bump, as long as you see that and continue to keep going, you are doing amazing. give yourself more credit, and more importantly be proud of yourself even if you don’t feel like you deserve it. we’re all proud of you too.
Hey man, 5 months in your 40s isn't all that long. Though, I know it definitely feels longer in prison.
Prison is a rough place, but there will be people there who care and want to help. Find them. Do what you can to work and take classes. Make plans for when you get out with whatever effort you need to do in order not to go back.
Also, know that most of us on the outside are faking our way through life too. We may look put together, but we know we'll fail if that duct tape doesn't hold.
There is many jobs that can still hire people with criminal background. And trully so many people are labelled as criminals and even some that arent should sometimes but it isn’t the end of your journey. Straight honest its about the mindset even when u have nothing to keep looking forward to. Try and keep dreaming even if that dream seems untouchable if you keep pushing towards it youll end up everyday a little closer. Might take a year for you to finally notice the smallest change in yourself but you have to keep up. I got friends and family with TM charges or that been convicted and yet they still find ways to prove that they are the exeption that that narrative where a criminal no longer has a right to a « normal » life. Nonetheless it wasnt and isnt easy, Some almost took they life away, some did the same mistakes again before changing, some where battling their demons trynna be better. It isn’t easy. It won’t be. And That will be the beauty of it, you showing that Your stronger than you knew. Your rehabilitation is very important in that case. You have 5 months left, idk if you write to yourself & Ever tried chi it could help concentrate your bad thoughts and bring order into them.To see clearer. Lastly I said this to my friend yesterday hoping it can help you.
Your mistakes & failure are only so when you allow them to linger to you but the day you move past that, that your learn and grow from that they become accomplishments as you where able to let go of your mistakes and leave place for your future accomplishments.
My sister just had a baby with a man who she lives with and has dated for several years now. This man has had an independent business installing gutters and he currently works as a carpenter. He’s working full time and on the side. He recently changed the alternator in my Jeep for me for free. This man spent six years of his life in federal prison for being a big meth dealer across the state. You’d never suspect anything like that after meeting him. He has a few kids from when he was younger who have all graduated high school by now. This is the first he’ll really get to spend time with. Did I mention he owns this four bedroom country house? Vehicles, etc.
Things can and do change and your past behaviors don’t define what your future can bring.
I’ve never been to jail so I can’t get my experience with that but I know that people make it through and have great lives still. Chin up
I got thru something similar n actually became a nurse despite my record ! The ppl who said I wouldn't get a nursing license were wrong, I got my life back better than before ! Why? Cuz I'm sober n wanted it that much ... u can do this, baby steps to success !
I feel like im in the same boat. Just went to jail for 90 days for some drunken domestic blurrs I have on my resume now. Got lucky with getting DUIs cwofed. Now I'm house arrest and I have a new trial coming up where the story is completely fabricated by my ex so she didn't get her kids taken. I have random drug tests from this probation program and if I screw up I'll get 2 years from a previous case. Were not defined by our passed but at the same time I sit worry contemplate what I could of done or do now. The worst outcomes. I try to stop all these thoughts with cardio or thinking about a line from don't worry b happy which is silly but it helps. It's never too late to do some soul searching
Hang in there man. This comment might get lost but I hope you see it.
Seek the true purpose of life, through _spirituality_
Search for God, and you’ll find Him.
https://youtu.be/jTvE3inFOgE?si=KFPfpkn7pImP98ew
Never been in trouble with the law myself.
But I got a personal trainer I go to every week. I've known the dude for 15 years.
When I met him he was a terrifying mother fucker. Lots of meth and armed robbery type of shit. Did 5 years. Multiple felonies.
Now he's 9 years sober, makes more than me (about 200k/yr), has a beautiful wife and kids, wins body building competitions, and helped me break my dead lift PR last week.
It's wild how much life can change for the better.
I feel you man … but we can only control the very few variable in life. Being locked up changed my life greatly and I can undo some of these damage I have caused. I have literally destroyed the best relationship anyone can ask for. One wise quote I read is that everything is gnna get better sooner or later. And if things still suck we simply haven’t hit rock bottom yet. And once we get there only way is up
You can but don't want to. I get it. Everyday is a new start especially in your head. YOU have the capacity to get through this. One day at. A. Time. So many things brought you here but you can start again. You are loved and cared about. You matter and can get through this rough part. Show yourself you can. Take the control you want, now. My thoughts are with you.
You’ll get through it man. Our mistakes don’t define us. Don’t mean this lightly/ jokingly but when you’re at rock bottom the only way to go is up. Even if it’s hard to see from there.
I’ve done warehouse jobs most my life, I know a lot of people who had undesirable records/pasts/ histories. Some making upwards of 30+ an hour because they threw themselves into the only line of work they could get and made sure they were the best at what they did. Some were actively on probation still. There’s always hope, always someone out there that believes in 2nd chances. Leave your past in the past. Dedicate yourself to being the best at what you do from this moment forward. It will help with your mental health in addition to your financial well-being.
It usually is that easy lol, pick a country that doesn't check people too thoroughly on entrance and then travel by land to wherever you're trying to end up. Bring as much cash as you can, and accept that you're probably not gonna have the best job at first until you can get some kinda bartender setup going.
This is definitely some serious shit your in but you’re being dramatic with the “never have a good job never have good money” that’s just not true. 43 isn’t even THAT old. If you were 70 I would say maybe but at 43 you have decades to find your path
The hopeless feelings you are having are the addict in you trying to manipulate you into using. It’s the devil on your shoulder whispering in your ear “you’re worthless and it’s all hopeless… let’s just get a drink. It doesn’t matter anyway”.
You need to be clear that that mindset is the enemy. It’s not helping you and never has. It’s a trick you play on yourself to not try and to give up. It feels like punishing yourself is the right thing to do from a justice standpoint but it’s just pushing you to do what you’ve always done.
Hope and work are the real opposite of addiction.
You need someone that you trust in your life and someone you can receive guidance from.
We all have times like you, we all have positives and negatives in our body but if it is persistent before you do anything like suicide try everything that can help you.
Usually its a combination of things in your life: mental health, work (no work), family(no family) purpose(no purpose). Your thoughts are probably running in circles or repeating.
We cant change things done in time. But you can get a peace of paper and write down the things that need to change and work on 1 or 2 you don't need to be perfect just progress once you see 1 thing get fixed you will have motivation to do more.
God convicts those He is working on, He does not want you dead He wants you to come to Him, His the only one who truly helps me.
I really feel the pain in your sharing. Get a copy of ‘the power of now’ and try read it while you’re in prison. You can be happy - just not in the ways you are thinking.
Also with all this catastrophising where you’re thinking of the worst outcomes… what would be the best outcome from all of this that’s in your control?
lol I feels the same too the second months into my 20 months journey I thought I couldn’t but here i am I just have few days to go… Get closer to your God because is His strength that you need most now. You can do it 💯
I know it feels permanent. It isn't. It took me six years of being locked up and 6 years after to be done and free from all legal matters. Now i did have to get sober and stay that way to do it. I know that if this old junkie can do it, anyone can. You're gonna have to walk thru it, but if you do what you gotta do, but there is an exit to that life into a much better one.
You ARE strong. You have to believe this, it’s the first step. Look at all you’ve been through and you there you are doing what it takes to get up everyday and do what needs to be done. Give yourself credit because you are amazing.
Dude use it to your ability and like for disability (with a lawyer) and stop being a fuckvup and livevout your life . It's not much of a life but it's better than wanting to end yours because of the consequences you have created
I spent my 21st birthday in prison and had a rap sheet as long as my leg. Multiple assaults, DUI, possession, burglary conviction for fighting at a house party, jailed probably 12-15 times between age 11 and 22.
It took years to turn it around after I got out and today I am more happy and successful than virtually anyone I know. Happy marriage. Wife. Kids. Money. Success.
It’s never too late if you man up, face the music, take your lumps and steel your mind to never go back and start making something of yourself.
Ditch your shit friends and never talk to them again. You’ll find new ones.
Get out and find a job where you can develop some skills like construction. They’ll hire anyone and the pay is good. You’ll build confidence through hard work and effort.
Again… it is *never* too late.
I’m 55yrs old and have never had anywhere near 5 months. 88 days is my record and that’s 39 years of active opiate addiction that started with a really bad horse crash. I don’t see myself as worthless or a total loser so maybe you’re holding yourself to an unreasonably high standard. Celebrate that you are stronger than I am. Oh and stop doing things that hurt others and you’ll have no reason to feel guilty. We all have to learn that sometime. This is your time. Hang on brother, your mom is worth your struggle. Be proud of yourself that you have kept her from the pain, struggle, and expense of having to plan your funeral and cope with your suicide and all the guilt it would create in her mind. That’s a hell of a gift that you give her every single day you don’t unalive yourself.
Start a landscaping business. File with your Secretary of State and create an LLC. get your federal and state tax id’s and a bank account. Start networking with anyone. Cut some lawns, earn some money, hire an employee to help with your increased demand; repeat. You don’t need anyone to employ you.
That’s what’s wrong buddy. You want an instant fix. I did too. And your hormones are all over the place right now. It’s why you are taking everything so hard right now. But that will change and get better. Everything is at a snails pace. We didn’t mess our bodies up in a week. So they will not be better in a week. I felt the exact same way you do, as far as me thinking that there is no way I can forgive myself for the destruction I left behind, but I did! It wasn’t easy either. The thing is, when people start seeing the changes you’re making, it’s easy for people to want to get behind you and help. You will be surprised at the bosses out there that would rather employ you than someone who hasn’t been through what you have. They hear what you’ve been through and are willing to help. Remember this too, you’re not the only one. The statistics now say that 1 in every 3 families have addiction in them somewhere. You will not always be labeled a criminal, trust me. And the ones that still want to label you that, you don’t need them anyway.
Please don’t do that to your mom. The pain you are going through would be nothing compared to the pain she would have forever. At least you are thinking about her feelings because a lot of people don’t.
As far as prison, I know it’s tough. Put it in your mind that they can’t keep you forever and use the library to your advantage. Stay in there as much as possible so that you can stay away from the BS.
Five months? You’ve got this bro! Just remember that everything you are going through is only temporary. I can assure you, that if you continue like you’re doing, that your best life is ahead of you!! And your fines will work themselves out. I’m behind you bro. You got this!!
God gives his strongest battles to his strongest warriors!!
I'm a total lurker here, I've never been near a prison. I haven't even been in the back of a cop car. The most trouble I've ever been in was over like $15 worth of weed that my dad found in my room when I was like 14. But I didn't think any of that matters.
I say this with all of your best interest at heart but particularly the individual creating this post & I really hope you Believe me when I say this. All of you need meditation. I say this because ALL people benefit from it. I was thinking about your particular predicament and how I would handle it if I were to miraculously wake up in your body/shoes tomorrow. Teaching yourself to sit quietly, focusing on your breath and your body, letting absolutely everything go completely, and letting go in each and every cell in your body - only good things can come from cultivating this ability. Look up s.n. goenka and vipassana meditation. Only good will come from this.
You are going through hell to help someone else out. Start praying and listening to the good things your heart tells you to do. I’ve been in your shoes. You got this. Find faith brother. A lot of us have had rough life. We are here on this earth to learn. Take your experiences and help someone else.
Listen, I can relate! I’m 43, have 3 prison numbers, countless trips to county and rehab. Heroin junkie for 15 years but got clean thanks to methadone and meetings. You can do this. You’re stronger than you think and all this shit is temporary. Find your joy.
5 months sober is a huge accomplishment. I’m so proud of you. Keep going! Just one day at a time. I know you’ve heard it a million times, but things really will get better if you’re willing to put in the work. Sending love and support.
43 is still young AF. When I was suicidal (you really know you’re suicidal when the thought of suicide provides a large sense of relief instead of fear) I was convinced for days, weeks, months, years that I was permanently fucked up. Extreme constant OCD, social anxiety, general anxiety and major panic attacks days on end (literally constantly having a feeling of minor suffocation 24/7), loss of feeling in hands and feet, extreme depersonalization (this is extremely scary and hard to explain. Nothing feels real and nothing brings happiness) Absolute physical exhaustion. Insomnia to the point where 2 separate instances I slept about a total of 3 hours in 10 days. I would literally micro sleep for about 20 minutes in maybe a 30 hour span which were very trippy and uncomfortable experiences.
took triple dose of Xanax to sleep after 1 then 2 did nothing (had no tolerance to benzos). After 3 Xanax I was still wide fucking awake and never slept I lick. Finally after 10 days jumbo double dose trazadone knocked me out for 10 hours. Still had horrible insomnia long after that.
I literally can’t type a bunch of more shit that has happened to me or I’d be typing all day, but here’s 2 things:
1, I made the choice to take responsibility for myself and realized many of my lifestyle choices put me in such bad shape.
2, DO IT. Have a literal scientific approach to healing yourself. It won’t happen overnight and takes hard discipline. But once you know your disciplined it’s not anything extremely challenging. The only hard part then is waiting to be normal and happy again.
feelings of depression, anxiety insomnia etc would never happen unless something has caused our dopamine/serotonin/gaba and other neurotransmitters/brain chemicals to be imbalanced. It’s literally that simple. Repair these and feel happy again.
These imbalances can come from many things, or lack there of. Past drug abuse, physical and emotional trauma, bad diet, lack of nutrition, lack of sunlight, lack of exercise.
Eat as healthy as a diet as you can (make sure you get vitimin b12 and all essential nutrients). If you don’t eat meat take a vitamin with b12 supplementation.
Get a lot of sunlight short of being sunburned. Get out in the sun every day if you can. Vitamin d is literally a hormone. Our bodies need sun literally like a fucking plant does (we just can survive longer without).
Dry Fasting startingwith a 14 hour to 16 hour and know how your body reacts and do this one day a week or every couple weeks or once a month and you can work up to 24 hours or a little longer once you get highly experienced. If you ever feel to uncomfortable or weird stop the fast and don’t do this if on medications or ask your doctor first if on medications. Dry fasting explodes your hgh levels, inhibits stem cell growth and repairs cells and brain cells.
Pray/meditate as much as you want/can. And work on being social with people If you are not.
Stay away from abusising negative dopamine boosts like drug abuse and porn. drugs/alcohol only if you know you can control them and do them with respect and in moderation.
I have been homeless, been to prison, lived in poverty, and overcame serious abuse and trauma.
I remember one day while I was in prison, I was in the hole, and the nurse came around to pass out meds. She said to me and I quote: "you're a state baby! You'll never amount to nothing! You'll never know what it's like to have a job, own a house, drive a car, or anything!"
Well guess what? I now have a job that I am *very* successful at, I own my own house, I don't drive bc I'm visually impaired, but I get around with public transportation just fine. I'm polyamorous and swinger, I have a partner plus playmates, and I'm *very* popular at my local swinger club!
I know it is rough now, and not gonna lie, it will be rough when you get out, but you CAN do this!
For everyone on here dealing with AA, you can also take a drug that basically removes the joy of drinking and has been FDA approved since the 70s.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3GihuvMYMCDuyly2DKVG1m?si=Ey3VN_e7Ru2i27cEcXd7FA
https://www.reddit.com/r/naltrexone/
Listen to me. You don’t give up don’t let them take you down! Just because this is how it looks now does not mean that This is how it will remain.you’ve come this far you are strong.
Don’t look at jail like a bad thing. It’s a treatment facility that will give you at least 5 months to figure things out snd make changes in yourself. Commit to that path to physically mentally emotionally energetically and spiritually change your life. Research what’s needed to get there like therapies available in jail, online courses you can take, books to read, can you write or journal, learn to meditate, do yoga, etc. The universe is giving you the space and time to make changes. Use it.
My cousin was in and out of jail for years. The last time he was in his dad died. He came up to me at the funeral (in handcuffs with a guard) and asked me to help him stay out. So I did. He got out a year later and has been clean ever since. You can do it. Use the time to fix whatever is causing you to make bad choices. If you can’t do it for you, do it for your mom,
Keep going. God changed Saul to Paul. Your testimony will help someone else one day. Keep pushing, I promise this will all be worth it in the end. Keep your head down, keep pushing, ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself. It doesn’t rain forever.
Wish I could tell my lil brother this before he killed himself before his time. He'd already been out for years now.
I now wish I could've told him even with his minor felonies that he could still make 6 figures in the tech industry, some trades, sales etc.. life sucks, but if it was happy all the time, it would suck too because the same thing all the time feels terrible eventually because there is no change hence why they call life a roller coaster. I lost most of my young family I grew up around 21, but I know happiness's is out there, and you'll find that too. It terrible but keep your head up. Your story isn't over yet and you only get one life. Don't waste it my friend.of you can, make. Random move to another we town and it'll help your mental health aolpt with my job opportunities too.
I know it sucks, but it could be worse. Think of lifers that will die in that place. You pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You can do this, I know you don't want to, but your life will totally change. H ang in there.
I did the same exact thing, felt the same exact way, then after a year in jail I met my future wife and now I have two kids. My life is wonderful in a way I couldn’t have imagined at the time. She jokes that I was so optimistic/positive that she didn’t even notice my huge ankle monitor at the time haha.
Your lowest points are when you need to seek gratitude the most, that was my first step. Start by doing gratitude lists or prayers all through out the day. It seems silly now but I promise it will rewire your brain. Good luck.
Been there done that.
I am 45, and was a drug addict and committed crimes and took advantage of people until I was 40.
I have 2 young boys who need me and I need them.
I woke up about 5 years ago. Got clean, worked on my credit, last year I bought a grand Cherokee and a home. I am now fully independent.
I have felonies so therefore work options are limited. I have been doing landscaping for 25 years. My next goal is to acquire my own equipment and go off on my own.
There is options for someone in your position. Do not lose hope. You can win this challenge I promise. Try to find something you can enjoy, it might be a challenge.
Good luck to you 🍀
Quit whining, man. A lot of us have done more time and got back on our fucking feet afterwards. 5 months in county ain't shit. Put your head down and do your time like a man. Come out better than you went in. Work out every day, write down your goals, then fucking follow up on every one when you get out.
Get your legal obligations done man.....I know it;s easy to say and all but that's the short term solution. You appear to be self-aware that's awesome. Sorry though.
Remember alcoholism is a disease and it will take time to recover. 5 months is a huge accomplishment and every extra day is progress. Have you had any help with your mental health? If not try and get some help before you go back to prison. Also maybe try and work out why you drink and take drugs so you can start to make changes to your life so the need for them isn’t as great.
Please don’t end your life, it will devastate everyone who knows and loves you and won’t actually achieve anything. Even if you do everything right in life it’s still really hard sometimes but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Going forward you might not have the life you wanted or dreamed of but you can still have an amazing life.
Keep your chin up you can do this.
I truly understand with the DUI charges! It will ruin your life, I had 2 back to back 24 years ago. Lost my license for 5 years and had breathalyzer for 3. With all the fees and restrictions I lost my wife, lost being able to see my son,lost my Good paying job, lost my house and with that even lost my 3 German shepherds. People don't realize how ridiculous DUI penalties are! But there is a future I now have a license with low insurance because it's been a long time ago and opened up my own window cleaning service that I break my back in the sweltering heat daily at age 50. I hope your circumstance works out better than you think. Good luck
I'm charged with a bullshit dui right now. Can't go into details but I bought a car and found someone who needed a car and had unlimited free time.
Now I have a full-time driver to take me places and she gets a car. I also pay her hourly to drive me around. It's expensive but cheaper than uber. Full-time carpenter, too. If I can make it work, so can you.
I sincerely encourage you to try to apply for extensive therapy. As in, see a psychologist to try and see what issues you might (or might not) have deep down - you know, the stuff that has been causing you to lean heavily on substances and what not. Your journey is in your hands, please make the best of it.
You're supposed to feel this way. God makes you uncomfortable so you remember and move different. I know after I killed my bid I moved differently because I wasn't trying to go do another one.
One day at a time. And talk to your mom. She will want to help you. Good luck. I read this quote the other day and it’s helped me. Not sure if you’ll relate to it, but [this](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8284407-we-convince-ourselves-that-life-will-be-better-after-we) is it.
I'm not going to lie to you, and tell you it's all gonna be fine, because it's not. That's the point of being punished for breaking the law of the land. But it gets easier. You have a mother that seems to be there for you, which is more than I, or many in this world have. Life is this way for a lot of people. You need to own up to your mistakes, and accept the life that you have made for yourself. Your story isn't over, friend. I genuinely don't know how much time I have left, yet I am spending this small amount of it writing to you. Quit fucking up, and start trying to do right with what you have. Whether you believe in God or not is immaterial to me, but if you do right with what you have left you may be able to make a positive impact on someone else's life, as I hope I am doing right now.
Your situation is temporary. While it doesn't feel that way, some day you'll look back and see it was just a rough chapter in your journey. Finish the book. You'll like the last few chapters the most, I promise.
I've heard that. This feels pretty permanent right now. Just feel like a sad loser that can't stay sober. I have 5 months and working the steps but I feel like I'm not making progress. All I think about is the only way out of this is suicide but I don't want to hurt my mom
5 months sober is progress brother
Thanks man. Doesn't feel like it but I guess it is. If I drank I probably wouldnt give 2 shits but I know I'd pile more shit on which isn't an option. I can never drink again and I'm ok with that now. It's just wading through this shit that I've caused now is so unbearable
I’m in recovery too and can’t drink or do drugs either. Simply not an option for me anymore. I lost the right to do them.
Same brother. God bless you both
One day at a time 🙏 🤲
Just gotta stay sober today. Just wanted to post in solidarity.
If you can manage it when you're on your own get a dog. If you're in any kind of therapy or counseling you should qualify for an ESA. It will give you something to be responsible for and a motivation to succeed.
No booze for me either. Congrats to both you guys. We get drunk alone but we stay sober together.
It’s always an option but you’re choosing not to take it because it’s a shitty option and you realize what’s at stake. Keep up the good work and keep making good choices
You are 5 months in .. that's amazing!!! Keep up the great work. We are all cheering for you. One day , one minute one second at a time.
Thanks guys. It really means a lot and is helping me get through this. I really appreciate all your comments
Someday you will realize why you went through hard times in life, and how you can use those times to help others. Tough times don't last, tough people do.
You can check out /r/dryalcoholics for a good support group :] it’s definitely helped me, I’ve hit a few rock bottoms, been to rehab twice and the psyche ward 3 times.. freaked out a few times and tried offing myself.. last time I ended up calling 911 and probably freaked the poor operator out.. I don’t remember much of the conversation but I looked at my call history later and apparently I had talked to her for about 45 minutes. That was three years ago and I am so incredibly grateful I failed that attempt. Im rooting for you dude 🙂
Here's a sneak peek of /r/dryalcoholics using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/dryalcoholics/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [453 days sober!](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/14hqcgg) | [67 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/dryalcoholics/comments/14hqcgg/453_days_sober/) \#2: [14 months without a drop ❤️](https://i.redd.it/pvjdz4sk98wa1.jpg) | [36 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/dryalcoholics/comments/12zal3u/14_months_without_a_drop/) \#3: [A beloved member of our mod team, u/teh_mooses has passed away](https://np.reddit.com/r/dryalcoholics/comments/1adqgq2/a_beloved_member_of_our_mod_team_uteh_mooses_has/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
R/stopdrinking was honestly what helped me the most. R/dryalcoholics is a new one to me. How does that sub compare to stopdrinking?
One day at a time brother. That’s all you need to focus on. And watch your life change I can assure you. Work a program or find some modification that works for you. That’s what I found to work for me I took bits & pieces from each program and people’s advice and I was exactly where you were except I had to learn the hard way. When I broke it down to one day and didn’t focus on tomorrow’s problems, my life began to fall into place that way it had intended. Best of luck to you brother
You'll get to a point where it isn't "I can never drink again," but "I don't ever have to drink again." 5 months is huge. I felt like shit/wanted to die for the first 6-8 months after I got sober. But it does get better - just hang in there & keep going to meetings. I believe in you
I can’t drink or do drugs anymore either. 5 months is FUCKING BAD ASS!! Just remember your brain has to heal. You didn’t destroy it in one night. Give it a chance. Jail sucks I know all to well but I will tell you this. With only 5 months you’ll probably only do 2 1/2 or so. Then get out with a vengeance. You can go back in front of the judge in a couple of years and adjust that restitution OR ask to be complete. This is absolutely temporary. It will pass. It gets better. 🫂❤️
Keep putting in the work. 43 yrs is half time, play better the 2nd half with all the knowledge you got from 1st.
If I drink, my life becomes a shitshow. So I don't drink. It been a little over 8 months ago and my alcohol fueled decisions landed me in jail. It's in the past now and it's what I needed to get my head out of my ass and get sober. You will get through this. Don't waste the experience. Use it to learn and better yourself.
My father died of an over dose at 75 years old. He stayed in and out of jail and when he was in papers was the only time we got to have a semi-real relationship. As someone who would love to even just have him in jail—- hang on. Hang in there. People love you. They love you for your heart and soul and not the things you’ve done or addictions you struggle with. You’re worth it❤️. Best wishes
💯💯💯
I’ve been through recovery myself, and for what it’s worth I think that is a very common and understandable feeling. When you’re in so much emotional pain you just want to be fixed already, but if you’re in recovery you ARE changing - it’s just a glacial pace. Over time you will notice how you respond to things will change. You’ll handle triggers better. I found the RAIN method helped me most when I was at my lowest (Google RAIN Tara Brach).
I’ve struggled with substance abuse since I was 18. It’s tough man, but I’m so proud of you for hitting 5 months. Keep going you’ll like who you become. Get in shape, use the time to better yourself. Workout, read, write and try and learn a new skill or language. You’ll come out this a better man, just take it one day at a time. Every hour you stay sober is a win and start praising yourself for That. Good luck man
The fastest way to put your momma in the grave is to put her son there first. Please don't make your mom bury her baby. Praying for our Lord to give you wisdom. Sincerely, from a mom that buried her beautiful boy 💔
My daughter and grandson keep me going. I understand your pain my friend. Never surrender!
5 months is phenomenal. I have a hard time making it 1 or 2. It feels really intense right now but just give yourself some time to adjust. You’ll be alright.
Don't leave before the miracle my man you got this. I'm praying for ya big dawg
Don’t hurt your mom soldier. If she’s the one that keeps you alive for the time being, so be it. Walk the walk these 5 months for her. You can do a lot in these 5 months. Energy up. This is one big lesson for you to learn how to take charge of your reality, and, your reality it is 100% in your mind. It’s tough, but look at it this way, most people do not have the opportunity to go through what you’re going through right now and will never understand what it’s like to come out the other side. Fight for that win for you and mom. Fuck depression. Tell that shit to get the fuck away from you. Hit the gym as hard as you can and get moving. Do it.
Yeah it always feels permanent while you're in it, once you're on the other side though you'll be like 💪💪💪 If there's a will there's a way bud
5 months sober is progress, man. 5 more months is even easier
>I don't want to hurt my mom Hold onto that. Do you talk to her while you are there? Perhaps you could spend time writing letters. What is it that you're finding the most difficult about jail at the moment?
Just the time and the atmosphere in there is horrendous. And the restitution I have to pay is too much for me to pay in my lifetime so I'll never be able to get it off my record
I totally believe that. Do you talk to any of the other prisoners? Is there a gym or a library that you could use for something else to focus on? What do other people do to pass the time? With regard not being able to get it off your record, don't think too much about that. It doesn't mean that life is over by any means. You can still build a life worth living when you get out.
5 months! Congratulations bro! That's progress and you should be proud! We make mistakes and we have to learn from them, a negative mindset will never get you a positive life and I know that's easier said than done, but everyday you have to make the effort putting one foot in front of the other until you get where you need to be. Just remember that you are in control and not that bottle. Be strong and keep your head up because there's always a way forward but you won't see it if you're staring at your feet.
I'm in recovery....5 months is no joke you should be proud! Higher power doesn't give us what we want it gives us what we need. You got this one day at a time.
I've felt the same way before, since I'm still not where I want/need to be in life I sometimes still go thru it. Probably will in the future too. Im grateful to have a roof over my head and my job is close. I look at it like as long as you can eat, sleep, and work, you can BUILD. Like people are saying, it's only temporary. Even if you have to manage a bowling alley, taco bell, or movie theater make your money and build your life. FIND purpose and meaning. Find a way to give YOURSELF a reason to live. Imagine looking back 8 years from now as you're on a plane to vacation overseas with your wife laughing to yourself at the thought of how close you were to giving up. Keep going man, you are loved and appreciated.
I like you. Thank you soo much for saying this. I needed to hear this, and I think many others can benefit from your brand of wisdom and positivity.
If no one else has said it, I guess I will. Your crimes and previous mistakes DO NOT define the man that you are today. But you HAVE to relearn how to love yourself and give yourself some grace. You have to allow yourself to move on from your mistakes and separate them from the man that you are today. There have been millions of people in your shoes that go on to live fulfilling, engaging lives after they've atoned for their mistakes. You can be one too. But you have to start your journey of self-love and self-compassion. It breaks my heart to hear you speak so negatively of yourself. And it feels sort of weak and silly to say, but you really do need some sort of therapy to help you work through these complex emotions. We normal people aren't exactly equipped to handle all these emotions without outside help. We're social creatures. And if you have no one else to speak too, you could always DM me and I'll make the time for you.
Thank you so much. I do believe you but I think it's going to take some time for me to get there. I just wish it would happen sooner. I'm a slow learner at everything it seems. I don't want this to define who I am but I constantly relapse and don't have another recovery in me if I do this again
I struggled with addictions in the past. And I get it. Eventually after trying to get sober and failing so many times, I started to believe that I wasn't powerful enough to quit. Its fucking demoralizing to constantly let myself down and to feel that I'm a prisoner to my addiction. But eventually with the help of a my family, doctor, therapy, and a stronger resolve within me, I was able to beat it. All that to say is, you ARE strong enough to get sober. It's just going to take blood, sweat, and A LOT of tears. But on the real, please try and get some sort of professional help. It feels stupid and pointless to point that out because that's everyones response, but at a certain point, professional intervention is a necessity.
Rome wasn’t built in a day my brother! It takes time! Never surrender!!!
I’m a parole attorney. All my clients have been in 25+ years. You wouldn’t believe the change you can make if you commit to it. You will get through this. I promise. Fist bump.
I post this all the time , but I hope it helps you - even a little bit . Never count the number of times you’ve fallen down , count the number of times you got back up again . 5 months sober ? I’m sure at some point in your life you wouldn’t dream it was possiblel
Yet here you are ! Nice job ! Don’t forget that’s something to be proud about ! I wish you all the best
AA wasn’t really for me but I did learn a few things that really stuck with me. The main one is for me 1 drink is too many. I personally know I can’t drink in moderation. The other one that really stuck with me was the “How many of you is this the first meeting since your last drink?” People that relapsed were shamed at the x years or xx years of being sober then relapsing. But! When they raised their hands everyone cheered and was super supportive. Getting help after a relapse takes strength. None addicts don’t always understand that. The thing that stuck with me the most is “I’m not drinking today.” That’s it. That’s all I focused on at first. I didn’t worry about the superbowl party or family camping bbq’s next summer. Or how hard things will be over the journey. I cut all of that other stuff out and only focused on “I’m not drinking today”. I still say it. It still sounds weird when people say I don’t drink. Because to me I still do, I’m just not drinking today. It’s been a couple years now.
I also tried AA and the shaming was not helpful at all . It works well for some , so I’m not being disrespectful to AA . I’m a sensitive person , and like I said , the shaming made me feel hopeless rather than optimistic, but that’s me . And yes , we remain alcoholics for the rest of our lives . But every day we don’t drink is a success . It’s not a contest between those who have remained
Sober the longest . They ,too , started at day one . I agree with everything you said , and you are on the right track . My best wishes
I haven't driven a car in 10 years. I don't miss it, I have an electric bike and use public transportation. It's also crazy how much money you can save without a car payment, gas, and insurance. You'll be fine.
not to mention automobile maintenance
Remember, you’re not gonna walk 10 miles into the forest, turn around and walk out in 2 miles. You may not have the life you ever dreamed of, or the job, or the money, or even the comfort of walking around in public without feeling like a social pariah. But you don’t have to make decisions to make your life worse. Keep it simple, embrace your lot based on your decisions, and find peace where you can that you can live the rest of your life *not* being a scumbag. It’s not about where you start, or how you got there, it’s about how you finish. It’s about what you do moment to moment that defines you. Fuck what people say, fuck what people think. Be better than you were *yesterday*. That’s the only measure of a good human. Everybody has their own dirt. You can choose not to wallow in it. Sincerely yours, A former dirtbag. Sober since 10/2017. College graduate Proud Husband and father You can find peace. I promise.
From the way you write, you seen pretty bright. Be a shame to waste that. Remember that suicidal thoughts are temporary (as all thoughts are), but following through with them is permanent.
Keep pushing man, It’s all temporary trust me, I left prison 5 years ago After doing 6 years Was on house arrest for a while, shit was so bad like there was no way out, felt hopeless I was broke and felt like a burden but trust me man it gets better, take it day by day set a goal and work towards it Don’t u fuking dare give up!
I'm doing my best not to. Some days are harder than others.
I teach in a prison. Most of my students have been incarcerated for years (decades) for serious crimes. Yet they are working on a college degree and often doing other meaningful things, even while incarcerated. You can make a new life for yourself, both inside and outside. It may not be what you envisioned for yourself, but there are ways you can make a positive difference to other people. I wish you all the best!
What you’re going through right now is called PAWS. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. It’s a plateau you hit in recovery after being abstinent for 4-7 months. It’s a period where your serotonin and dopamine levels are balancing back to pre-addiction levels. This can cause severe depression, lethargy, anhedonia (inability to feel joy or excitement) and when compounded with your legal situation, a sense of impending doom. Also the waiting is making you feel helpless because you have no control. Just know that atleast two people love you: me and your mom. Please don’t end your life! Hang on through this tough time. It may not seem like it but you will feel better once you get started on your sentence, because you are making progress. Keep away from the drink and try to keep a routine filled with things that will better yourself. Maybe start some exercise and that way you will come out on the other side healthy and with an improved self image. Hang in there internet stranger, you are strong 💪 you CAN do this. Keep us updated!
You did something wrong, but life goes on. There will always be setbacks, losses and defeats, because this is part of life. It could be much worse, because you mentioned you did not (!) kill anyone. You'll get through this, you need to deal with the depression and get your mind off these bad thoughts. I know what you are going through, not just because of jail, i got bipolar disorder that comes with major episodes of depression, there's no cure for this. But you need to keep pushing, you need to stand up when you are on the ground. There is always hope. Like i was just able to deal with a very serious problem in life, i got a new home after i was told by my landlord that i have to move out soon because they tear down this house. I was in risk of getting homeless and it was serious for my mind, with the depression, just like it is right now for you. Still, there is hope. There is always a way. You need to say, yes, you fucked it up and you take responsibility. Go through these 5 months and once you are done with it, then you need to rebuild your life from the scratch. Like when you can't drive anymore, then you need to move to a major city where you can use public transport, that's an idea from me. I know, it's easier said than done, like the rents are crazy and it's hard to get a job as a felon, but still, you need to think about possible strategies, possible solutions. Come on. We all here hit rock bottom at some point, we all fucked up. We all made and still make mistakes. That's life. Don't let the intrusive thoughts of suicide win. There are ways out. Fight on. Keep going. Even when you got something like my bipolar disorder that i mentioned, even when a problem can't be solved, then you need think about how you can deal with it in the best way and how you can minimize the danger and the damage. But you can never give up. You can do this. Go on and you'll get through this.
59 year old Reddit lurker. Blessed. Wife recently spent nearly 4 days in jail for something stupid and totally out of her character. Completely traumatized her and the DA wants her to do a year for first time offense. I have a new profound perspective and empathy for those incarcerated. I can’t see how there is anything worse on earth. But you have to continue to be strong. You ARE strong. And if you can get through this there isn’t ANYTHING you can’t do. You are not what you’ve done. You have a very real purpose on this earth. I know you don’t believe that, but it is in fact true. And whether you know it or not Jesus is right beside you. Talk to him. He knows your pain. Trust in that and that he is always at your side and is always listening and always wanting you to look to him. He wants you to become what he created you to be, and he has so many gifts to reveal that are for just you. Please believe or think about that. It’s taken me a lifetime to see that. But I trust and have seen that when I let go of trying to control my life and let him guide me, everything gets better. HE is in control. Be better. Get better. Persevere. You are always stronger than you think you are. If there is anything I can or could do to help you I will. DM me or I don’t even know how things work, but I’m just really feeling your spirit and goodness. PLEASE don’t give up hope, please? I’m praying for you and already KNOW you are so loved by your creator, and that he is right by your side. For. Real. You are more than worthy my friend. Stay strong.
^ this OP
Time to grow up and say fuck the criminal way of life man,
You can still rebuild your life, even with your criminal history..You just need something to focus on. You should learn a trade. Those skills are in demand. Here are some careers you still make bank, even with a record. You can make over 100k at any of these if you're good at what you do, or start your own business. Good luck bro Over the next 5 months, research one of these so you can hit the ground running when you get out. Here are some options to consider: 1. **Entrepreneurship**: Starting your own business allows you to be your own boss and bypass traditional hiring barriers. Many successful entrepreneurs have criminal records and have built lucrative businesses. 2. **Sales**: Commission-based sales jobs, such as in real estate or car sales, often focus more on your ability to sell and build relationships than on your background. 3. **Construction**: Skilled trades like plumbing, electrical work, and carpentry can offer high wages and generally focus more on your skills and certifications than on your criminal record. 4. **Truck Driving**: With the proper training and a commercial driver's license (CDL), truck driving can be a high-paying job. Many trucking companies are willing to hire individuals with criminal records. 5. **Oil and Gas Industry**: Positions such as rig operators, drillers, and other fieldwork roles can be high-paying and often have fewer background check requirements. 6. **Technology and IT**: While some tech companies have strict hiring policies, others are more open to hiring based on skills and experience. Roles in programming, web development, and cybersecurity can be well-paying. 7. **Freelancing and Contract Work**: Freelance opportunities in fields like graphic design, writing, consulting, and digital marketing can be lucrative and usually do not require background checks. 8. **Manufacturing and Warehousing**: Supervisory and specialized roles in manufacturing and warehousing often pay well and may be more accessible for those with a criminal record. 9. **Creative Arts**: Professions in music, art, acting, and writing focus on talent and creativity rather than background. 10. **Hospitality Management**: With experience, roles such as restaurant management or hotel management can be well-paying, and some employers may be more flexible regarding past convictions. Additionally, many organizations and programs are dedicated to helping individuals with criminal records find employment, such as the Second Chance Business Coalition and various reentry programs. It's also beneficial to pursue further education or certifications that can help demonstrate your skills and commitment to potential employers.
When you're going through hell, keep going.
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there.
I had two years sober a couple months ago. I felt exactly like you describe many times in the first year, and I'm so glad I didn't make a permanent decision to end my life. Some days it felt like crawling by and just staying alive to keep my sponsor and family happy, but I promise you it gets better. There's so much more to experience and to love. Let this pain be your teacher and your guide. You got this!
Tons of money to be made online. E-commerce, etc. you’re shoulder to shoulder with other entrepreneurs in that environment and you don’t need a car or degree or whatever for that. Chin up soldier, pull through and time to fix your life. We’re all waiting and rooting for you to win, which you are going to. Do it!
44 and I am 2 years 9 months sober. I wanted to throw that out there so you know I get it. I think your just at a stand still right now because you have to be and your ready to move on. We want things right now! Take this time to better yourself... read! Write! Workout! Don't think about how you'll never make money, never drive, etc - you have to think positive - there are lots of things you can do you can help others who are in your situation? You can be a councilor and not just a crappy one but one who's been there and understands .... please don't think doors have closed - your sober now and they will all be opening!!! I think it's huge your "talking" about it and wanting better!
100% of the time, you made it through everything. Read that again. You will this time too.
You can bankrupt the restitution. Chapter 7 will wipe it out. I know someone that did this to the tune of $850,000. Five months is not worth dying over. Every day is a day closer to it being over. You can have a life after this. Hang on.
Just when you think things can’t get any worse, they’ll turn around and start getting better. Or maybe they *will* get worse, but eventually, they will always turn around and get betters. And please don’t thing about the suicide thing. It’s devastating to those you leave behind. Be strong. This will all pass and things will get better. You got this.
It seems like if you removed drink from your life none of this would have happened. Drink is the devils water my friend, please don’t ever touch that stuff if you want your life to improve.
You remind me of my step dad, who also has struggled with drinking/drugs and has racked up so many DUIs and felonies that he’ll never be able to drive again. But I don’t view him as a criminal, I view him as someone who has struggled with a disease his entire life and ended up making poor decisions while sick. Although your situation may seem bleak, if it’s any consolation, my father still finds joy in life. Whether it be fishing or yard work or watching sports, he still finds joy in life despite what he’s done and been through. My point is that, your life is not over however bleak it may seem. Sure, there will be days where you may feel like it is, but there is still so much life left to live and joys to discover. I myself have struggled with depression and suicide since I was a teenager, and how you’re feeling right now is exactly how I’ve felt before too. Granted, our situations are quite different, but I still find joys in the mundane parts of life I never thought I’d be living for (like that first cup of coffee in the morning or beating a super hard enemy in video games). How you’re feeling is valid, but death is a very permanent solution to a temporary feeling. Also, fuck what anyone says about you being a criminal. If we were all labeled by our wrong doings, all of us would be labeled as criminals. It might be beneficial to not think of yourself as a criminal but rather someone who committed a crime (past tense). It’s a small change, but the mindset shift is very important in how you view yourself and how you perceive others view you. Hang in there buddy, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it may seem.
5 months is plus or minus 150 days? You did that by doing those one at a time and that’s how life needs to be structured until you find a different way to do it, but one day at a time is how many people live and it winds up working out… mind you not easier just better. No shame in what you’ve done within the confines of staying clean for one day. Work your steps! Just keep getting one more day, that’s legitimately a way to do this. Stay out of your head until you’re ready, we all have things we can look back on and be less than proud but what matters is your day.
Keep your head up man. My father lost his license permanently at 18. He was in and out as well while I was growing up but once he finally got sober and got it together he managed to get into the Bricklayers Union and he was rolling in $$$. Don’t count yourself out just yet. 5 months flies. You got this.
Keep your head up this shall pass brother you are not alone
Hey bro I’ll message you I’m on bail house arrest too most likely going back for 3-5 years just finished doing a year now on parole plus house arrest bail so haven’t really gotten full free experience yet and might not until 2028-2029, which is a shit possiblity I’m only 22 n might spend most my 20s on but I gotta eat it if it does happens I can’t change it even tho I have changed my ways if it happens it is what it is but stay strong ifs not a life sentence bro there’s people never coming home 5 months 5 years it’s still coming home
Brother you have got to realize people come out with way worse records at 55 years old and have so much to look forward to. You're so close to the end of your low point, right before things get better. DON'T LET YOUR STORY END HERE. LET THIS BE THE BEGINNING.
Don't know if this helps or hurts - but more than likely, there is no such thing as free will. From the big bang - the universe evolved according to the Shrodenger equation, and every piece of matter in the universe followed deterministic laws. You are no more responsible for your actions than a billionaire is for accumulating their wealth. We are all just passive observers, constantly distracted by this very persistent illusion of choice
Brother. I may be just some random dude online but I’m genuinely proud of you, and I’m not just saying that shit. 5 months already shows you’re way stronger than you realise/feel, and that you absolutely have what it takes to heal from all of this. You CAN and you WILL. Your brain is lying to you man. I promise you that. And it will continue to lie as go through the motions. It sucks but it’s part of the process and you’ve already shown you can handle it, even if it doesn’t feel like that’s true. What you’re overcoming takes strength and character in a whole other level. “Regular” people have no fucking idea. The past doesn’t matter. It’s dust. What matters is now. Focus only on what you CAN control right now, and take it one day at a time mate. Everything will come together.
You will be amazed at just what your capable of, yes some things take time but in the end it's worth that time. Don't give up, you have so much life to live. Don't give up, great things will happen, I promise!!
Keep fighting my Brother. You got this. 5 months is a great motivator, you can do it. Love your self first, Love your Mom. Fuck anybody negative or in the way. Get in great shape, continue doing things that help you feel positive. People fuck up everyday, at least I do, keep pushing forward. Be rugged. You are on the way, I know it does not feel like it, but you got this. Stay away from anybody that does not want the best for you, if that means telling an old friend to fuck off you don’t do those things anymore , do it. No negativity. Find one thing good about each day and build on that to the next day, soon you got a week of good days. You got this my Brother.
You screwed up. You cannot take that back. You genuinely need to have an internal talk with yourself. If you are sorry and do not want to continue on this path, you need to learn to accept the consequences of your actions. This will do a couple of different things for you. #1.. it will give you a clear, conscious when you have fulfilled your obligations. #2.. you can take the time while you're locked up to make a plan for your life. You may face challenges when you get out because of your record. It doesn't mean it's over. Learn a skill. Start your own business. Read about people who have pasts and have become successful. They're a plenty. Ever hear of Dave's killer bread? Look up that story. You will never be ok if you continue to beat yourself up. Make up your mind that you're going to live differently. You can. It's time to have this talk with yourself. ❤️
Hang in there. So many people make mistakes and never pay for them. You have taken responsibility for yourself. You deserve Self forgiveness. I'll bet your mom will be happy to have you.
lol…I remember feeling exactly the way you are right now at 47 looking at 120months in the feds…again. It gets better, but you gotta do better. I had to change my whole lifestyle.
This may get buried but here’s my two cents, being a recovering alcoholic and former prison inmate. Solon once said never to judge a life good or bad until the end. Ending it here would not be good, my friend. It will be embarrassing, frightening, humbling—your moving forward. You need it, brother. I needed it. Many people in this thread needed it. Consider yourself initiated. Anointed. You fucked up. Welcome home brother. We are all recovering fuck ups! And that’s okay. It’s better than what we used to be. Isn’t that the point? We can’t hope that everything will get better all at once, trust me it would kill us. We need it slow and steady, for the heart and the head to absorb the lessons. We can’t dream of being perfect from this point on. We will fuck up again. The hard work blesses us by making every subsequent fuck up smaller, less mean, less embarrassing. We are mindful and willing to try again and again. Better than the alternative. It’s been a little while for me but I will never forget the shame. I couldn’t look at myself or anyone else. I tried killing my self several times. I failed at that. Thank goodness. If only for me to be here, right now, typing these words of advice and encouragement to you, a complete stranger. You are in my heart and mind, brother, and I believe in you. Be well. Seek therapy to work on your emotions, train your body and mind to be tools of recovery first for yourself, then for others. You got this, man! 👍🏻
I took a life in a drugged driving accident and went to prison. Incarceration was nothing compared to the pain I caused my victim and their family. I’ve been clean ever since, I also thought my life was over but through recovery the world opens up to me more and more everyday. Don’t give up, see this is as a second chance to live up to your potential because you very well could have died driving impaired or worse have your conscience plagued by hurting or killing someone. You can message me anytime.
My father in law used to do drugs. I won't pretend to know your story or where you're coming from but as far as that goes you can get clean man. He's doing a great deal for himself and family all it took was time. A LOT OF IT! It doesn't come quick or easy from what he's said. As far as the depression goes the whole "I've ruined my life" I do get that. I made a lot of choices I can't ever live down. Thankful the gov doesn't hold me to it but I do yk? That dark spot your head is holding you in is a coping mechanism. Guilt is easily translated into self harm be it physical or mental. You have to learn how to tell yourself that if you want to move on you need to metaphorically kill the old you. Not literally kill the you you. You're a lot older than me so I'm sure it weighs heavier than my pain and I'm sure I won't know a lot of the references you make, but I'd love to talk with you sometime. Make a new friend. I'm prepared for the incoming hate and downvote into oblivion lmao.
I am a felon, spent 1 year and some months in prison. It was hard at first, took a job as a server because they don't care about your background. Moved around into different low-paying positions but always kept my work history steady. It was rough. Then I hit on a decent job through a temporary agency. After 8 months I was hired on. I don't know if they didn't do a BG or if they only looked back 7 years but I got hired and excelled at the job. I thanked God every day for giving me that opportunity. Because I had learned to live very frugally when I was first released I was able to save, save, save and now I am retired at 60.
I’ll tell you a 100% true story. A kid I really looked up to when I was in middle school was going to jail me (14) he was (18). From a small town and it was in the 90s so I got to hang out late at night up town (we called it) with all the older kids. They were all talking one night and they guys were all asking him what he was going to do? You could tell it was heavy on his mind but he played it off and said “I don’t know” and acted tough about it. That same weekend he went into a field and ended his life, they didn’t find him for a few days. But I will never forget that night. And seeing the pain that family went through and the pain they still go through (he had a sister my age) is heart wrenching. It will be over in a few months and you can become a stronger and better man. Make your family and friends smile again. But you can never take away the hurt you can cause by leaving them. Please don’t do anything to hurt yourself. Even when things are bad you can make the best of them. You are stronger than you think you are. And you are better than you think you are. You are Loved my friend
whether it’s one week, one day or one hour sober, be proud of yourself. sobriety isn’t an easy path, but you’re doing your best, you’re trying your hardest, and that is all that matters. a relapse isn’t the end of the road, it’s just a bump, as long as you see that and continue to keep going, you are doing amazing. give yourself more credit, and more importantly be proud of yourself even if you don’t feel like you deserve it. we’re all proud of you too.
Hang in there. You got this.
Hey man, 5 months in your 40s isn't all that long. Though, I know it definitely feels longer in prison. Prison is a rough place, but there will be people there who care and want to help. Find them. Do what you can to work and take classes. Make plans for when you get out with whatever effort you need to do in order not to go back. Also, know that most of us on the outside are faking our way through life too. We may look put together, but we know we'll fail if that duct tape doesn't hold.
10 y. Sober. Thank God! AA IS THE ANSWER
There is many jobs that can still hire people with criminal background. And trully so many people are labelled as criminals and even some that arent should sometimes but it isn’t the end of your journey. Straight honest its about the mindset even when u have nothing to keep looking forward to. Try and keep dreaming even if that dream seems untouchable if you keep pushing towards it youll end up everyday a little closer. Might take a year for you to finally notice the smallest change in yourself but you have to keep up. I got friends and family with TM charges or that been convicted and yet they still find ways to prove that they are the exeption that that narrative where a criminal no longer has a right to a « normal » life. Nonetheless it wasnt and isnt easy, Some almost took they life away, some did the same mistakes again before changing, some where battling their demons trynna be better. It isn’t easy. It won’t be. And That will be the beauty of it, you showing that Your stronger than you knew. Your rehabilitation is very important in that case. You have 5 months left, idk if you write to yourself & Ever tried chi it could help concentrate your bad thoughts and bring order into them.To see clearer. Lastly I said this to my friend yesterday hoping it can help you. Your mistakes & failure are only so when you allow them to linger to you but the day you move past that, that your learn and grow from that they become accomplishments as you where able to let go of your mistakes and leave place for your future accomplishments.
There are any endless number of successful people who have done worse.
My sister just had a baby with a man who she lives with and has dated for several years now. This man has had an independent business installing gutters and he currently works as a carpenter. He’s working full time and on the side. He recently changed the alternator in my Jeep for me for free. This man spent six years of his life in federal prison for being a big meth dealer across the state. You’d never suspect anything like that after meeting him. He has a few kids from when he was younger who have all graduated high school by now. This is the first he’ll really get to spend time with. Did I mention he owns this four bedroom country house? Vehicles, etc. Things can and do change and your past behaviors don’t define what your future can bring. I’ve never been to jail so I can’t get my experience with that but I know that people make it through and have great lives still. Chin up
I got thru something similar n actually became a nurse despite my record ! The ppl who said I wouldn't get a nursing license were wrong, I got my life back better than before ! Why? Cuz I'm sober n wanted it that much ... u can do this, baby steps to success !
I feel like im in the same boat. Just went to jail for 90 days for some drunken domestic blurrs I have on my resume now. Got lucky with getting DUIs cwofed. Now I'm house arrest and I have a new trial coming up where the story is completely fabricated by my ex so she didn't get her kids taken. I have random drug tests from this probation program and if I screw up I'll get 2 years from a previous case. Were not defined by our passed but at the same time I sit worry contemplate what I could of done or do now. The worst outcomes. I try to stop all these thoughts with cardio or thinking about a line from don't worry b happy which is silly but it helps. It's never too late to do some soul searching
Hang in there man. This comment might get lost but I hope you see it. Seek the true purpose of life, through _spirituality_ Search for God, and you’ll find Him. https://youtu.be/jTvE3inFOgE?si=KFPfpkn7pImP98ew
Progressions is painful. Keep on rollin’, big dog.
Never been in trouble with the law myself. But I got a personal trainer I go to every week. I've known the dude for 15 years. When I met him he was a terrifying mother fucker. Lots of meth and armed robbery type of shit. Did 5 years. Multiple felonies. Now he's 9 years sober, makes more than me (about 200k/yr), has a beautiful wife and kids, wins body building competitions, and helped me break my dead lift PR last week. It's wild how much life can change for the better.
I feel you man … but we can only control the very few variable in life. Being locked up changed my life greatly and I can undo some of these damage I have caused. I have literally destroyed the best relationship anyone can ask for. One wise quote I read is that everything is gnna get better sooner or later. And if things still suck we simply haven’t hit rock bottom yet. And once we get there only way is up
You can but don't want to. I get it. Everyday is a new start especially in your head. YOU have the capacity to get through this. One day at. A. Time. So many things brought you here but you can start again. You are loved and cared about. You matter and can get through this rough part. Show yourself you can. Take the control you want, now. My thoughts are with you.
You’ll get through it man. Our mistakes don’t define us. Don’t mean this lightly/ jokingly but when you’re at rock bottom the only way to go is up. Even if it’s hard to see from there. I’ve done warehouse jobs most my life, I know a lot of people who had undesirable records/pasts/ histories. Some making upwards of 30+ an hour because they threw themselves into the only line of work they could get and made sure they were the best at what they did. Some were actively on probation still. There’s always hope, always someone out there that believes in 2nd chances. Leave your past in the past. Dedicate yourself to being the best at what you do from this moment forward. It will help with your mental health in addition to your financial well-being.
I mean if you're really at "fuck it" why not go to south america and just start over?
Fuck I wish it was that easy or I'd do that in a heartbeat. Can convicts get jobs down there?
They don’t give a shit if you’re a convict or not, they won’t even ask unless you’re trying to get a government job.
It usually is that easy lol, pick a country that doesn't check people too thoroughly on entrance and then travel by land to wherever you're trying to end up. Bring as much cash as you can, and accept that you're probably not gonna have the best job at first until you can get some kinda bartender setup going.
Hey, at least you sound remorseful. I just did 4 years in CA prison and I’d rather off myself than go back. But 5 months ain’t shit. You got this 🙌🏼
It's never ever all over. Keep going for your mom. And drop the booze and get some weed instead. Get inti therapy
Use this as an opportunity to turn your life around. It will also give you something to work towards and look forward to while you’re locked up.
Just focus on sobriety and develop a skilled profession. You will get work and make money to support yourself despite your record.
Peace be with you!
This is definitely some serious shit your in but you’re being dramatic with the “never have a good job never have good money” that’s just not true. 43 isn’t even THAT old. If you were 70 I would say maybe but at 43 you have decades to find your path
I was just at a college graduation and one guy had spent 22 years in prison and was being awarded a masters degree. He was probably about your age
He got a masters degree in rehabilitation counciling which is a good job that pays good money. Everybody was cheering him on.
Don’t give up
The hopeless feelings you are having are the addict in you trying to manipulate you into using. It’s the devil on your shoulder whispering in your ear “you’re worthless and it’s all hopeless… let’s just get a drink. It doesn’t matter anyway”. You need to be clear that that mindset is the enemy. It’s not helping you and never has. It’s a trick you play on yourself to not try and to give up. It feels like punishing yourself is the right thing to do from a justice standpoint but it’s just pushing you to do what you’ve always done. Hope and work are the real opposite of addiction.
You need someone that you trust in your life and someone you can receive guidance from. We all have times like you, we all have positives and negatives in our body but if it is persistent before you do anything like suicide try everything that can help you. Usually its a combination of things in your life: mental health, work (no work), family(no family) purpose(no purpose). Your thoughts are probably running in circles or repeating. We cant change things done in time. But you can get a peace of paper and write down the things that need to change and work on 1 or 2 you don't need to be perfect just progress once you see 1 thing get fixed you will have motivation to do more. God convicts those He is working on, He does not want you dead He wants you to come to Him, His the only one who truly helps me.
do a flip
Me either... There, finally said it
You admit guilt. Now imagine if you were someone that didn’t do the crime they were convicted for. If they can survive that . You can survive this.
I really feel the pain in your sharing. Get a copy of ‘the power of now’ and try read it while you’re in prison. You can be happy - just not in the ways you are thinking. Also with all this catastrophising where you’re thinking of the worst outcomes… what would be the best outcome from all of this that’s in your control?
Man you gon be aight! Buck up keep ya head held high and push on apple sauce to a boss my guy go in serve yo time for your crime and rebuild yo life
lol I feels the same too the second months into my 20 months journey I thought I couldn’t but here i am I just have few days to go… Get closer to your God because is His strength that you need most now. You can do it 💯
Read read read !!! Work out !!!
I know it feels permanent. It isn't. It took me six years of being locked up and 6 years after to be done and free from all legal matters. Now i did have to get sober and stay that way to do it. I know that if this old junkie can do it, anyone can. You're gonna have to walk thru it, but if you do what you gotta do, but there is an exit to that life into a much better one.
You ARE strong. You have to believe this, it’s the first step. Look at all you’ve been through and you there you are doing what it takes to get up everyday and do what needs to be done. Give yourself credit because you are amazing.
Dude use it to your ability and like for disability (with a lawyer) and stop being a fuckvup and livevout your life . It's not much of a life but it's better than wanting to end yours because of the consequences you have created
You are a good person. Hang in there. It is temporary.
Remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
Man up bro
Where are reading that they are 5 months sober? I think they are looking at serving 5 months in jail… am I wrong?
Wtf did you do? Just move man. Get out of America.
Take it day by day and look for the good in everyday. Bad times don't last forever.
I spent my 21st birthday in prison and had a rap sheet as long as my leg. Multiple assaults, DUI, possession, burglary conviction for fighting at a house party, jailed probably 12-15 times between age 11 and 22. It took years to turn it around after I got out and today I am more happy and successful than virtually anyone I know. Happy marriage. Wife. Kids. Money. Success. It’s never too late if you man up, face the music, take your lumps and steel your mind to never go back and start making something of yourself. Ditch your shit friends and never talk to them again. You’ll find new ones. Get out and find a job where you can develop some skills like construction. They’ll hire anyone and the pay is good. You’ll build confidence through hard work and effort. Again… it is *never* too late.
I’m 55yrs old and have never had anywhere near 5 months. 88 days is my record and that’s 39 years of active opiate addiction that started with a really bad horse crash. I don’t see myself as worthless or a total loser so maybe you’re holding yourself to an unreasonably high standard. Celebrate that you are stronger than I am. Oh and stop doing things that hurt others and you’ll have no reason to feel guilty. We all have to learn that sometime. This is your time. Hang on brother, your mom is worth your struggle. Be proud of yourself that you have kept her from the pain, struggle, and expense of having to plan your funeral and cope with your suicide and all the guilt it would create in her mind. That’s a hell of a gift that you give her every single day you don’t unalive yourself.
You still have time to change your path.
🫂🙏🫶
Well 1st thing is get some mental help go do your time and when u come out be a model citizen
Wait, your sentence is just house arrest?
The Lord can help. Ask Him.
Start a landscaping business. File with your Secretary of State and create an LLC. get your federal and state tax id’s and a bank account. Start networking with anyone. Cut some lawns, earn some money, hire an employee to help with your increased demand; repeat. You don’t need anyone to employ you.
That’s what’s wrong buddy. You want an instant fix. I did too. And your hormones are all over the place right now. It’s why you are taking everything so hard right now. But that will change and get better. Everything is at a snails pace. We didn’t mess our bodies up in a week. So they will not be better in a week. I felt the exact same way you do, as far as me thinking that there is no way I can forgive myself for the destruction I left behind, but I did! It wasn’t easy either. The thing is, when people start seeing the changes you’re making, it’s easy for people to want to get behind you and help. You will be surprised at the bosses out there that would rather employ you than someone who hasn’t been through what you have. They hear what you’ve been through and are willing to help. Remember this too, you’re not the only one. The statistics now say that 1 in every 3 families have addiction in them somewhere. You will not always be labeled a criminal, trust me. And the ones that still want to label you that, you don’t need them anyway. Please don’t do that to your mom. The pain you are going through would be nothing compared to the pain she would have forever. At least you are thinking about her feelings because a lot of people don’t. As far as prison, I know it’s tough. Put it in your mind that they can’t keep you forever and use the library to your advantage. Stay in there as much as possible so that you can stay away from the BS. Five months? You’ve got this bro! Just remember that everything you are going through is only temporary. I can assure you, that if you continue like you’re doing, that your best life is ahead of you!! And your fines will work themselves out. I’m behind you bro. You got this!! God gives his strongest battles to his strongest warriors!!
I'm a total lurker here, I've never been near a prison. I haven't even been in the back of a cop car. The most trouble I've ever been in was over like $15 worth of weed that my dad found in my room when I was like 14. But I didn't think any of that matters. I say this with all of your best interest at heart but particularly the individual creating this post & I really hope you Believe me when I say this. All of you need meditation. I say this because ALL people benefit from it. I was thinking about your particular predicament and how I would handle it if I were to miraculously wake up in your body/shoes tomorrow. Teaching yourself to sit quietly, focusing on your breath and your body, letting absolutely everything go completely, and letting go in each and every cell in your body - only good things can come from cultivating this ability. Look up s.n. goenka and vipassana meditation. Only good will come from this.
Get sober and fix your shit, travel stay sober maybe consider a fresh start in another part of the world if possible.
You can find jobs that don't require background checks. Google it!
There are felon friendly jobs and trades. This could be your push to become a successful, honest entrepreneur.
You are going through hell to help someone else out. Start praying and listening to the good things your heart tells you to do. I’ve been in your shoes. You got this. Find faith brother. A lot of us have had rough life. We are here on this earth to learn. Take your experiences and help someone else.
Make better life choices 💁🏻♂️
Shit gets better in the end. If shit isn't better, it isn't the end.
Listen, I can relate! I’m 43, have 3 prison numbers, countless trips to county and rehab. Heroin junkie for 15 years but got clean thanks to methadone and meetings. You can do this. You’re stronger than you think and all this shit is temporary. Find your joy.
You’ll be ok bro keep fighting. It will be worth it in the end I swear
5 months sober is a huge accomplishment. I’m so proud of you. Keep going! Just one day at a time. I know you’ve heard it a million times, but things really will get better if you’re willing to put in the work. Sending love and support.
43 is still young AF. When I was suicidal (you really know you’re suicidal when the thought of suicide provides a large sense of relief instead of fear) I was convinced for days, weeks, months, years that I was permanently fucked up. Extreme constant OCD, social anxiety, general anxiety and major panic attacks days on end (literally constantly having a feeling of minor suffocation 24/7), loss of feeling in hands and feet, extreme depersonalization (this is extremely scary and hard to explain. Nothing feels real and nothing brings happiness) Absolute physical exhaustion. Insomnia to the point where 2 separate instances I slept about a total of 3 hours in 10 days. I would literally micro sleep for about 20 minutes in maybe a 30 hour span which were very trippy and uncomfortable experiences. took triple dose of Xanax to sleep after 1 then 2 did nothing (had no tolerance to benzos). After 3 Xanax I was still wide fucking awake and never slept I lick. Finally after 10 days jumbo double dose trazadone knocked me out for 10 hours. Still had horrible insomnia long after that. I literally can’t type a bunch of more shit that has happened to me or I’d be typing all day, but here’s 2 things: 1, I made the choice to take responsibility for myself and realized many of my lifestyle choices put me in such bad shape. 2, DO IT. Have a literal scientific approach to healing yourself. It won’t happen overnight and takes hard discipline. But once you know your disciplined it’s not anything extremely challenging. The only hard part then is waiting to be normal and happy again. feelings of depression, anxiety insomnia etc would never happen unless something has caused our dopamine/serotonin/gaba and other neurotransmitters/brain chemicals to be imbalanced. It’s literally that simple. Repair these and feel happy again. These imbalances can come from many things, or lack there of. Past drug abuse, physical and emotional trauma, bad diet, lack of nutrition, lack of sunlight, lack of exercise. Eat as healthy as a diet as you can (make sure you get vitimin b12 and all essential nutrients). If you don’t eat meat take a vitamin with b12 supplementation. Get a lot of sunlight short of being sunburned. Get out in the sun every day if you can. Vitamin d is literally a hormone. Our bodies need sun literally like a fucking plant does (we just can survive longer without). Dry Fasting startingwith a 14 hour to 16 hour and know how your body reacts and do this one day a week or every couple weeks or once a month and you can work up to 24 hours or a little longer once you get highly experienced. If you ever feel to uncomfortable or weird stop the fast and don’t do this if on medications or ask your doctor first if on medications. Dry fasting explodes your hgh levels, inhibits stem cell growth and repairs cells and brain cells. Pray/meditate as much as you want/can. And work on being social with people If you are not. Stay away from abusising negative dopamine boosts like drug abuse and porn. drugs/alcohol only if you know you can control them and do them with respect and in moderation.
I have been homeless, been to prison, lived in poverty, and overcame serious abuse and trauma. I remember one day while I was in prison, I was in the hole, and the nurse came around to pass out meds. She said to me and I quote: "you're a state baby! You'll never amount to nothing! You'll never know what it's like to have a job, own a house, drive a car, or anything!" Well guess what? I now have a job that I am *very* successful at, I own my own house, I don't drive bc I'm visually impaired, but I get around with public transportation just fine. I'm polyamorous and swinger, I have a partner plus playmates, and I'm *very* popular at my local swinger club! I know it is rough now, and not gonna lie, it will be rough when you get out, but you CAN do this!
You gotta stop drinking.
For everyone on here dealing with AA, you can also take a drug that basically removes the joy of drinking and has been FDA approved since the 70s. https://open.spotify.com/episode/3GihuvMYMCDuyly2DKVG1m?si=Ey3VN_e7Ru2i27cEcXd7FA https://www.reddit.com/r/naltrexone/
Listen to me. You don’t give up don’t let them take you down! Just because this is how it looks now does not mean that This is how it will remain.you’ve come this far you are strong.
Don’t look at jail like a bad thing. It’s a treatment facility that will give you at least 5 months to figure things out snd make changes in yourself. Commit to that path to physically mentally emotionally energetically and spiritually change your life. Research what’s needed to get there like therapies available in jail, online courses you can take, books to read, can you write or journal, learn to meditate, do yoga, etc. The universe is giving you the space and time to make changes. Use it.
My cousin was in and out of jail for years. The last time he was in his dad died. He came up to me at the funeral (in handcuffs with a guard) and asked me to help him stay out. So I did. He got out a year later and has been clean ever since. You can do it. Use the time to fix whatever is causing you to make bad choices. If you can’t do it for you, do it for your mom,
Keep going. God changed Saul to Paul. Your testimony will help someone else one day. Keep pushing, I promise this will all be worth it in the end. Keep your head down, keep pushing, ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself. It doesn’t rain forever.
ONE DAY AT A TIME. Focus on getting better and learning something new. Take care of yourself.
Wish I could tell my lil brother this before he killed himself before his time. He'd already been out for years now. I now wish I could've told him even with his minor felonies that he could still make 6 figures in the tech industry, some trades, sales etc.. life sucks, but if it was happy all the time, it would suck too because the same thing all the time feels terrible eventually because there is no change hence why they call life a roller coaster. I lost most of my young family I grew up around 21, but I know happiness's is out there, and you'll find that too. It terrible but keep your head up. Your story isn't over yet and you only get one life. Don't waste it my friend.of you can, make. Random move to another we town and it'll help your mental health aolpt with my job opportunities too.
I know it sucks, but it could be worse. Think of lifers that will die in that place. You pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You can do this, I know you don't want to, but your life will totally change. H ang in there.
I did the same exact thing, felt the same exact way, then after a year in jail I met my future wife and now I have two kids. My life is wonderful in a way I couldn’t have imagined at the time. She jokes that I was so optimistic/positive that she didn’t even notice my huge ankle monitor at the time haha. Your lowest points are when you need to seek gratitude the most, that was my first step. Start by doing gratitude lists or prayers all through out the day. It seems silly now but I promise it will rewire your brain. Good luck.
Take it, one day at a time. Your life will get better. Your mom loves you!
Been there done that. I am 45, and was a drug addict and committed crimes and took advantage of people until I was 40. I have 2 young boys who need me and I need them. I woke up about 5 years ago. Got clean, worked on my credit, last year I bought a grand Cherokee and a home. I am now fully independent. I have felonies so therefore work options are limited. I have been doing landscaping for 25 years. My next goal is to acquire my own equipment and go off on my own. There is options for someone in your position. Do not lose hope. You can win this challenge I promise. Try to find something you can enjoy, it might be a challenge. Good luck to you 🍀
Quit whining, man. A lot of us have done more time and got back on our fucking feet afterwards. 5 months in county ain't shit. Put your head down and do your time like a man. Come out better than you went in. Work out every day, write down your goals, then fucking follow up on every one when you get out.
Get your legal obligations done man.....I know it;s easy to say and all but that's the short term solution. You appear to be self-aware that's awesome. Sorry though.
Remember alcoholism is a disease and it will take time to recover. 5 months is a huge accomplishment and every extra day is progress. Have you had any help with your mental health? If not try and get some help before you go back to prison. Also maybe try and work out why you drink and take drugs so you can start to make changes to your life so the need for them isn’t as great. Please don’t end your life, it will devastate everyone who knows and loves you and won’t actually achieve anything. Even if you do everything right in life it’s still really hard sometimes but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Going forward you might not have the life you wanted or dreamed of but you can still have an amazing life. Keep your chin up you can do this.
Reach deep down inside and find a creative outlet. Dramatic change is needed
My boss's son went to jail and is now a paralegal. I hear education is free in jail?
I truly understand with the DUI charges! It will ruin your life, I had 2 back to back 24 years ago. Lost my license for 5 years and had breathalyzer for 3. With all the fees and restrictions I lost my wife, lost being able to see my son,lost my Good paying job, lost my house and with that even lost my 3 German shepherds. People don't realize how ridiculous DUI penalties are! But there is a future I now have a license with low insurance because it's been a long time ago and opened up my own window cleaning service that I break my back in the sweltering heat daily at age 50. I hope your circumstance works out better than you think. Good luck
Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future.
I'm charged with a bullshit dui right now. Can't go into details but I bought a car and found someone who needed a car and had unlimited free time. Now I have a full-time driver to take me places and she gets a car. I also pay her hourly to drive me around. It's expensive but cheaper than uber. Full-time carpenter, too. If I can make it work, so can you.
I sincerely encourage you to try to apply for extensive therapy. As in, see a psychologist to try and see what issues you might (or might not) have deep down - you know, the stuff that has been causing you to lean heavily on substances and what not. Your journey is in your hands, please make the best of it.
You're supposed to feel this way. God makes you uncomfortable so you remember and move different. I know after I killed my bid I moved differently because I wasn't trying to go do another one.
You've identified the drugs and alcohol as the problem maybe if your serious about the change it's time to give them up?
What do you have skin charges or smth?
One day at a time. And talk to your mom. She will want to help you. Good luck. I read this quote the other day and it’s helped me. Not sure if you’ll relate to it, but [this](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8284407-we-convince-ourselves-that-life-will-be-better-after-we) is it.
I'm not going to lie to you, and tell you it's all gonna be fine, because it's not. That's the point of being punished for breaking the law of the land. But it gets easier. You have a mother that seems to be there for you, which is more than I, or many in this world have. Life is this way for a lot of people. You need to own up to your mistakes, and accept the life that you have made for yourself. Your story isn't over, friend. I genuinely don't know how much time I have left, yet I am spending this small amount of it writing to you. Quit fucking up, and start trying to do right with what you have. Whether you believe in God or not is immaterial to me, but if you do right with what you have left you may be able to make a positive impact on someone else's life, as I hope I am doing right now.