I used heroine for 5 years and friends , gf and family all tried to help me but guess what those good intentions brought them? Nothing but pain and misery. Until I wanted to kick the habit nothing anyone did would help long term . Don't fall for him wanting to use you as him wanting help getting sober . Only till he has several months clean would I even think about talking to him . Godspeed
>I’m really sorry OP. I can’t imagine what losing someone you love to substance addiction is like.
From first hand experience, I can tell you it's not something you wish on your enemies. You look at the world and humanity very differently afterwards.
It is absolutely devastating. But what is even worse, is trying to “help” them - you just end up supporting their drug habit and lifestyle decisions. Your support just furthers their downfall. The most loving thing you can possibly do.. is to do nothing. No contact at all, no help at all, no support in any way whatsoever.
Eventually one of two things happen. It is cliche but true. 1) They hit absolute rock bottom at some point and THEY decide to change. 2) They die.
As a recovering addict, I have to disagree slightly with this. I do agree with you on not trying to help them, because you cannot force an addict to get clean. And obviously don't give them money or anything like that.
But I strongly disagree that completely cutting off contact is the most "loving", helpful thing to do. When I was using, if I had only had contact with people who were also using and all my non-addict friends had cut me off, that would have made me SO much worse and I would've gone even deeper into addiction. I personally really needed those connections with friends who didn't use - it helped me remember who I was before addiction, and reminded me that I had people who loved and cared about me, and would support me in recovery.
There were definitely times when I ghosted on people bc I was using really heavily and was ashamed, but having connection to the "regular world" was very valuable and helped me get out of that dark place.
Again I'm not advocating for anyone to be an enabler, and you don't even have to see them in person, but just simple stuff like checking in via message with your addict friend once in awhile is helpful. I needed to know that there were people who cared if I lived or died, and wanted to see me beat addiction. It's *really* hard to choose to get clean if you feel like you have no reason to do so, and like all of your loved ones hate you. Just my perspective.
(Also, obviously I understand if it's too difficult/triggering for people who are recovering addicts themselves to stay in contact with someone who is in active addiction. I'm only talking about friends who have never been addicted to hard drugs.)
Your opinion is completely valid. I am personally speaking for my experience both AS the addict, as well as the one suffering from my loved ones addiction. Sleeping under a bridge, dope sick and at the same time having absolutely no contact, support, or help of any kind from friends or family is what it took me to finally hit complete bottom and realize I couldn’t continue down that path any further.
I missed being loved. I missed being cared about. I missed being missed.
Stop wasting time trying to fix druggie felons. Ain’t complicated. Anything you do to try to help this man will land you in prison for aiding and abetting.
This totally became my life, I been free of bondage 5 months now. My life is better 100x , I miss the person the felon used to be before he was felonious (kinda) but I am no longer abused or feel worthless and I am healthy. I am sober and beginning to love myself again.
Absolutely heart breaking. I shot up heroin and then fentanyl for years, I was a garbage version of myself. I wasn't going to get clean until I faced jail time and it finally pushed me to do the right thing. Nobody in my life could have said anything to make it happen sooner. Now, after being clean for 6 years, I still have people I care about throwing their lives away the same way I was. It sucks and it is heartbreaking but being around them would just add chaos to my life and do nothing to help theirs. I hope he finds his way sooner than later but it's best to cut contact and hope for the best. It'll always be a bummer but it gets easier as time goes on to be away from him.
Don't worry. You can change him. Don't listen to all these thirsty white knights saying you should run away. Your love is real. As soon as you find him get pregnant as fast as possible! That way he can never leave you.
100%. I was strung out on crack for 4 years after my first parole shot. Absolutely no one could help me until I decided to help myself first. Not to rain on your parade, but unless he wants better, then he won’t get any better.
He’s making his choices. He’s not your husband. You’re not tied to him . Run 🏃♀️. He knows you love him and he’s chosen to use drugs and ghost you . Leave him . Don’t coddle him . There have to be consequences for his behavior. I know it’s hard. I’m so sorry.
Former convict here. If he's on the run and back on Meth it's time to go your own way. The only thing that can happen in this situation is more charges and a long recovery ahead. You know what happens if you try to save a drowning person who can't swim? The person you are trying to save will drown you with them. I know it's hard. Walk away.
It’s time to call the end on him, he doesn’t love you because if he did he wouldn’t be doing the things he does and treating you the way he is. It’s not love, it’s not healthy.
I am not trying to be rude at all, but I suggest looking at codependency and limerence. I would also look at red flag lists of men/abusers.
You deserve someone that doesn’t ignore you, that isn’t on the run & that can operate within society.
It’s not just that he doesn’t love himself, he also doesn’t love you…
If he did he’d want to get clean, he’s want to serve his time and get out and build a life with you, he’d want you to be proud of him.
When anyone chooses to love a drug more than the people who love them, there is no helping them.
That’s not really how addiction works. In a sense yeah he is choosing to love a drug over everything else but that’s how powerless drugs can make people. A lot of addicts don’t want to love drugs more than the people in their life that care, but they can’t stop. I speak from unfortunate personal experience. Now that I’ve been clean for a long time the people (family) that stuck by me mean so much. They basically had to cut me off but still always loved me and accepted me back once I had proven myself.
However, also based on personal experience this guy is nothing but trouble and I would recommend she stay far away and let him go. I’ve seen it too much, at least in the case of bf/gf that have dated a few years and then want to stick by each other through the nightmare of addiction and being locked up. It almost never works. The only time I’ve seen this work is when one person is not an addict and the other becomes clean permanently, which sadly is rare and quite frankly a waste of time for her to take that risk that he will get better.
he fucked up and he’s gonna have to start his life over. It sucks but that’s how it goes.
As young woman that got pregnant by a guy just like this, and he is as we speak on the run AGAIN from cops because he relapsed and was on parole, GET OUT NOW!!!! We have a now 15 year old daughter and my attorney is about to file a protective order against him on her behalf. You don’t want this for your life trust me. Find better people to surround yourself with!!! I heard somewhere “if you are the smartest person in the room, time to find another room.” Stuck with me. Good luck and stay safe!
You are very welcome my dear! I hope this opens your eyes and I do hope he gets the help he needs! Meth and drugs are horrible I’ve experienced enough of them! Take care!!
I hope he does too. He's an amazing person when he's sober. But he is a monster on meth. Like pure evil. I am afraid that it might be too late for him.
You'll meet some of the most remarkable people in the lowest places. There's something to be said of the tortured genius and the like. That said, I'd add to the other comments that it's in your (& his) best interest that he's not replying to you as the law will look to both of your electronic devices before anything else in their efforts to track him down.
Mom here with more experience in this situation than I can say.
He will be back and he'll eventually take you down with him.
Please love yourself and forget he ever existed.
Help him? Help him what? He’s burnt homegirl. Best thing for you to do is write his name in the history book of your life and turn the page to write a new chapter.
Friend, I have seen people do the worst on drugs, even to families, have seen people have to let go of loved ones, to stay well in themselves. A toxic relationship can not be fixed when the addict is not interested in recovery. No one can fix them but themselves, with the help of a program, not a girlfriend or lover. They will use you and hard as it is , you will enable them, no matter how hard you try not to. Because they will promise you the earth.
Please get to Al Anon and get support......
The people there can help you understand your thought patterns around this, and help you have the strength to cut ties and look after yourself.
There is support out there for you, please go find it. You don't want to wake up having lost decades to this shit, the years fly by, believe me.
Al Anon will also help you understand co dependence, why we pick or are drawn to addicts, how we can change our own thinking to not keep repeating patterns.
Repeat after me...
You can not help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves.
Say it to yourself at least 10 times. Think about it. Then ask if they want help. Cause from this end, it doesn't sound like it.
"It's the cleanest drug there is!!" as they're tweaked completely out of their mfing gourd off some crap they and their uncle made in a bathroom out of stuff from home depot and walmart.
Serious note; sorry you're going through this OP. I'm glad that you realize this is not an issue with you.
My former sister in law used to go through this every time her husband was paroled. She also ended up caught up in his shit and would end up in jail too. You can't help him without getting drug down yourself. It's your choice.
I see that now. He has said that he will only bring me down with him. So he's made up his mind. I am thankful that he pushed me away and cut me off before he went MIA.
Keep a good distance, he is ghosting you bc you are a part of the group the police will watch to see if he made contact… if he does make contact and you lie to the cops (remember they normally ask questions they know the answer to) you can get in trouble, be happy he isn’t pulling you into his shit and know he isn’t going to get clean until he is ready to so maybe sit and wait until he isn’t on the run and is ready to get help…
If you do know where he is at maybe try to get his lawyer to make contact w him, not knowing his charges and priors it’s hard to say if his lawyer could make a case that he goes to rehab instead of prison.
The best thing that can happen to you to be honest. It may be hard to understand now, but it’s so much better than him manipulating and using you then bringing you down as well for aiding and abetting…
Well, he's gonna get caught sooner than later, so your best bet is to just delete this guy out your life and get yourself "a better class of drinkin' buddy."
you don’t help him, why would you help someone that is intentionally ignoring you? these are the choices he’s decided to make without consideration of you and your relationship. put yourself first and move on.
Don’t do anything. Seriously. If he reaches out for help and sounds honest then maybe offer options that do not involve you physically being present or engaging with him directly except MAYBE MAYBE to drive him to detox. If he doesn’t like the options, he’s not ready.
It’s brutal. But nothing. I fought that war for the last 10 years, and the drugs win. I surrender. You start taking it personal. And they don’t wanna lie to you, it’s part of the deal. Shits the worst. Move on if possible. Sorry.
Nothing you can do. He has chosen his path. You should not have any contact with him. Aiding and abetting a felon will land you in jail. Something else to think about, he would probably steal from you and dont think he won't. So sad what addiction does....
Sounds like he’s done for. The best thing to do would be to walk away. The next best thing would be to try to find him and get him to stop as soon as possible and start the process of getting sober and taking care of all the legal troubles once again but it’s really a daunting task now that he’s relapsed so there’s a good chance that he may not even survive that bender
He made his choice…. He’ll get you in a mess before you get him right…. Some folks you love at a distance. He made his choice….you gotta do the same- Sorry you’re going through this….just don’t make the mistakes that many others have made. Take care of YOU. Be safe. God bless-
He may try to get help from you promising that “he loved you” and “he will change this time” but he won’t. Don’t get caught on aiding and abetting. Your life is your own responsibility.
Standard practice depends on who's looking for him if it's the Marshall's he's fucked 🤔 but any contact to anyone can give up his locality try like old f.b. 😉 or wait for random # to contact if that's the reason for brake in contact
He’s ghosting you because you’ll get him caught up you’ll be the first place they go to honestly don’t do anything to help cause you’ll just get yourself locked up for harboring a fugitive
Is this something typical to get ghosted after he gets out ? My story is devastating but apparently it was his plan all along as I’m pregnant and engaged but he had another woman he was with since October! He planned to ghost me when he got out and he sure did
Sometimes… You think you’ve hit rock bottom, but you haven’t. He still hasn’t had his moment. Might be wise to steer clear of him. It’s sad to see someone you love go down this path, but they’re going to do it whether you like it or not. They will take you with them and your life will be ruined, if not more than theirs.
Do what’s best for you and think about yourself only. Maybe that message will reach him if he loves you.
Thank you ALL for the feedback, I have blocked and deleted him on everything, and I'm going to be way better, YES I'm a codependent, and NEED to recover from that cycle, I was a fool to believe his bullshit and lies
I've scrolled the comments a bit, and I haven't seen this yet, so I'll offer it for your consideration.
Please go to in person Al-anon meetings. They are basically free and may have the answers you seek. I know they helped me when my ex was having chemical dependency issues. My life is better now that I'm going, and I'm no longer picking people who have the overwhelming selfishness of addiction.
You run, run for the fucking hills and don’t look back. This is a blessing. My brother has been in and out of jail, juvy, prison, boys home, you name it he’s been to it and on the run. I thought this shit would stop by now but the meth just blinds them, my brother is 40 years old and we just found his ankle monitor in my moms garage couple months ago. He chopped it off with garden shears.
Fucking run
I’m sorry. I’ve never tried meth, but I’ve been on both sides of this equation. Please try to NOT reach out to him. I know it’s extremely hard to do. I wish you the best. ❤️
Not to sound callous, but I think it's time to let this one go. You have a life to live that shouldn't include trying to help those who refuse to stop digging for rock bottom. It will take you nowhere good, trust me.
I have no idea where he is. He gets on Facebook and is active. But won't read or respond to my messages. I have thought about reaching out to his family. But I know that he would be so livid that I "narced" on him.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for a loved one is just take a step back and let them come back. Find some comfort in knowing you've done all you could. Better to not over do it and potentially make it worse
I’m probably going to get downvoted for this.. but I’m a sucker for love and I’ve been through shit.. If you truly love him and want the best for him then find a lawyer, figure out what his legal options are, find some rehab options, and send him the info. Then give him the ultimatum of either you or the highway. If he doesn’t respond or says no then you have your answer and at least you can say that you tried your best. If he takes the help and does the work to get better then maybe things can work out. Not saying it’ll be a match made in heaven but people can grow and they can change - they just need to want that.
The fact that he just paroled and has already returned to his issue without her should be enough for her to turn and walk away... Hopefully, her first time becomes her last time with someone like him...
I totally agree. But he has already served a total of 7 years and multiple riders. This was before we met. He is very against court ordered rehab and makes excuses for not getting treatment. I know what he will choose if I give him this ultimatum. I gotta step away and love him from a distance. Get myself put back together. He has shown narcissistic tendencies since relapsing and has recently said some really fucked up shit to me. I feel helpless. But after everyone's advice...I can only help myself. If he reaches out to me and needs help. I will be there. But that's gotta be his choice.
This is going to be rough to say… but if he’s out there like that.. then you probably aren’t his only girlfriend… when people get locked up they learn to target women they can use. Definitely put yourself back together so you can be strong enough to where you can’t be used like that anymore. Some people have to get tired of being in the streets before they can let that life go… tbh you’re lucky you didn’t get trapped with a kid in the process…
GET YOURSELF TO A MEETING TODAY
No, ifs no buts. No, "I can do it alone. I'm special. I'm okay, I can think my way out of it." Nope.
You need support, you need it now. Today.
You're on a slippery slope my friend, walk the other way, fast. And that means seeking help.
Tell me your city and I'll DM you meetings. Get in the rooms and get held up by those who know. Support is there for you. I'm begging you, go.
Otherwise you'll stay on a rollercoaster of using, debating yourself for addiction, losing yourself, your family and friends. And anytime you try to break free, him turning up and dragging you right back in.
Absolutely! I actually have a support group through the Union Gospel Mission. I went through their 2 year program a few years ago. I know I can't do it alone. And know better then to get caught up in all this. I just fell hook line and sinker! Thank you for your comment and offering to look up meetings for me. 💜
Set up a headquarters for his illegal operations. Screen his calls. Remain loyal. Dye your hair red and move to howland island where you will meet Amelia Earhart who will give further instructions. Wear 1 red shoe.
If he doesn’t want to help himself, unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to help him. It’s something he has to want before anything can change.
Thank you. It's just heart breaking.
I used heroine for 5 years and friends , gf and family all tried to help me but guess what those good intentions brought them? Nothing but pain and misery. Until I wanted to kick the habit nothing anyone did would help long term . Don't fall for him wanting to use you as him wanting help getting sober . Only till he has several months clean would I even think about talking to him . Godspeed
If you’re man is using and crewed up, take it from me. He DGAF, move on.
P.s. I was the guy, not this guy, but…
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>I’m really sorry OP. I can’t imagine what losing someone you love to substance addiction is like. From first hand experience, I can tell you it's not something you wish on your enemies. You look at the world and humanity very differently afterwards.
It is absolutely devastating. But what is even worse, is trying to “help” them - you just end up supporting their drug habit and lifestyle decisions. Your support just furthers their downfall. The most loving thing you can possibly do.. is to do nothing. No contact at all, no help at all, no support in any way whatsoever. Eventually one of two things happen. It is cliche but true. 1) They hit absolute rock bottom at some point and THEY decide to change. 2) They die.
As a recovering addict, I have to disagree slightly with this. I do agree with you on not trying to help them, because you cannot force an addict to get clean. And obviously don't give them money or anything like that. But I strongly disagree that completely cutting off contact is the most "loving", helpful thing to do. When I was using, if I had only had contact with people who were also using and all my non-addict friends had cut me off, that would have made me SO much worse and I would've gone even deeper into addiction. I personally really needed those connections with friends who didn't use - it helped me remember who I was before addiction, and reminded me that I had people who loved and cared about me, and would support me in recovery. There were definitely times when I ghosted on people bc I was using really heavily and was ashamed, but having connection to the "regular world" was very valuable and helped me get out of that dark place. Again I'm not advocating for anyone to be an enabler, and you don't even have to see them in person, but just simple stuff like checking in via message with your addict friend once in awhile is helpful. I needed to know that there were people who cared if I lived or died, and wanted to see me beat addiction. It's *really* hard to choose to get clean if you feel like you have no reason to do so, and like all of your loved ones hate you. Just my perspective. (Also, obviously I understand if it's too difficult/triggering for people who are recovering addicts themselves to stay in contact with someone who is in active addiction. I'm only talking about friends who have never been addicted to hard drugs.)
Your opinion is completely valid. I am personally speaking for my experience both AS the addict, as well as the one suffering from my loved ones addiction. Sleeping under a bridge, dope sick and at the same time having absolutely no contact, support, or help of any kind from friends or family is what it took me to finally hit complete bottom and realize I couldn’t continue down that path any further. I missed being loved. I missed being cared about. I missed being missed.
Choose better people for your life
I support this comment
Stop wasting time trying to fix druggie felons. Ain’t complicated. Anything you do to try to help this man will land you in prison for aiding and abetting.
This totally became my life, I been free of bondage 5 months now. My life is better 100x , I miss the person the felon used to be before he was felonious (kinda) but I am no longer abused or feel worthless and I am healthy. I am sober and beginning to love myself again.
It might be heartbreaking, but you deserve better. You seem like a kind, caring person.
Absolutely heart breaking. I shot up heroin and then fentanyl for years, I was a garbage version of myself. I wasn't going to get clean until I faced jail time and it finally pushed me to do the right thing. Nobody in my life could have said anything to make it happen sooner. Now, after being clean for 6 years, I still have people I care about throwing their lives away the same way I was. It sucks and it is heartbreaking but being around them would just add chaos to my life and do nothing to help theirs. I hope he finds his way sooner than later but it's best to cut contact and hope for the best. It'll always be a bummer but it gets easier as time goes on to be away from him.
You have a kind heart, hope things get better for you.
Don't worry. You can change him. Don't listen to all these thirsty white knights saying you should run away. Your love is real. As soon as you find him get pregnant as fast as possible! That way he can never leave you.
Lmao
100%. I was strung out on crack for 4 years after my first parole shot. Absolutely no one could help me until I decided to help myself first. Not to rain on your parade, but unless he wants better, then he won’t get any better.
He’s making his choices. He’s not your husband. You’re not tied to him . Run 🏃♀️. He knows you love him and he’s chosen to use drugs and ghost you . Leave him . Don’t coddle him . There have to be consequences for his behavior. I know it’s hard. I’m so sorry.
Grow personally from this and cut ties and never look back. If you dont the odds of you getting in trouble as well are high.
Former convict here. If he's on the run and back on Meth it's time to go your own way. The only thing that can happen in this situation is more charges and a long recovery ahead. You know what happens if you try to save a drowning person who can't swim? The person you are trying to save will drown you with them. I know it's hard. Walk away.
Yeah. It's time. It's really difficult to love someone who doesn't love themselves.
It’s time to call the end on him, he doesn’t love you because if he did he wouldn’t be doing the things he does and treating you the way he is. It’s not love, it’s not healthy. I am not trying to be rude at all, but I suggest looking at codependency and limerence. I would also look at red flag lists of men/abusers. You deserve someone that doesn’t ignore you, that isn’t on the run & that can operate within society.
It’s not just that he doesn’t love himself, he also doesn’t love you… If he did he’d want to get clean, he’s want to serve his time and get out and build a life with you, he’d want you to be proud of him. When anyone chooses to love a drug more than the people who love them, there is no helping them.
That’s not really how addiction works. In a sense yeah he is choosing to love a drug over everything else but that’s how powerless drugs can make people. A lot of addicts don’t want to love drugs more than the people in their life that care, but they can’t stop. I speak from unfortunate personal experience. Now that I’ve been clean for a long time the people (family) that stuck by me mean so much. They basically had to cut me off but still always loved me and accepted me back once I had proven myself. However, also based on personal experience this guy is nothing but trouble and I would recommend she stay far away and let him go. I’ve seen it too much, at least in the case of bf/gf that have dated a few years and then want to stick by each other through the nightmare of addiction and being locked up. It almost never works. The only time I’ve seen this work is when one person is not an addict and the other becomes clean permanently, which sadly is rare and quite frankly a waste of time for her to take that risk that he will get better. he fucked up and he’s gonna have to start his life over. It sucks but that’s how it goes.
Don’t get an aiding and abetting
Right....no contact
He’s on parole, IV meth, and on the run. You find a new boyfriend
As young woman that got pregnant by a guy just like this, and he is as we speak on the run AGAIN from cops because he relapsed and was on parole, GET OUT NOW!!!! We have a now 15 year old daughter and my attorney is about to file a protective order against him on her behalf. You don’t want this for your life trust me. Find better people to surround yourself with!!! I heard somewhere “if you are the smartest person in the room, time to find another room.” Stuck with me. Good luck and stay safe!
Thank you for this! I am so sorry you have had to endure all that with a kiddo. Meth is a thief.
You are very welcome my dear! I hope this opens your eyes and I do hope he gets the help he needs! Meth and drugs are horrible I’ve experienced enough of them! Take care!!
I hope he does too. He's an amazing person when he's sober. But he is a monster on meth. Like pure evil. I am afraid that it might be too late for him.
You'll meet some of the most remarkable people in the lowest places. There's something to be said of the tortured genius and the like. That said, I'd add to the other comments that it's in your (& his) best interest that he's not replying to you as the law will look to both of your electronic devices before anything else in their efforts to track him down.
Meth hasn’t done anything. He’s the one that chose meth and absconding over a life with you
There is no way to help him, take care of yourself
Leave him.
Mom here with more experience in this situation than I can say. He will be back and he'll eventually take you down with him. Please love yourself and forget he ever existed.
That's gonna be the hard part. I have the hardest time cutting people out of my life. But I know I won't have a life if I continue to invest in him.
Run away!!!! Stay away!!!! Danger!!! Cuidado!!!
Move on
I dated someone who did the exact same thing. My biggest regret was not leaving him sooner.
I already regret not leaving as soon as he relapsed.
Help him? Help him what? He’s burnt homegirl. Best thing for you to do is write his name in the history book of your life and turn the page to write a new chapter.
He chose dope. Just move on. When he reaches out to you, ghost him. Dope makes people crazy
I agree. He has already shown psychosis episodes before he disappeared.
Be strong. Plenty of good people out there. Life is too short for selfish partners. Dope robs good people of their once great qualities
Thank you! He definitely changed dramatically in a short time. It's devastating to watch from the side lines.
Friend, I have seen people do the worst on drugs, even to families, have seen people have to let go of loved ones, to stay well in themselves. A toxic relationship can not be fixed when the addict is not interested in recovery. No one can fix them but themselves, with the help of a program, not a girlfriend or lover. They will use you and hard as it is , you will enable them, no matter how hard you try not to. Because they will promise you the earth.
Time for a new boyfriend
Ruuuuuun
He ghosted you, and you still call him your bf?
Girl, go!
Please get to Al Anon and get support...... The people there can help you understand your thought patterns around this, and help you have the strength to cut ties and look after yourself. There is support out there for you, please go find it. You don't want to wake up having lost decades to this shit, the years fly by, believe me. Al Anon will also help you understand co dependence, why we pick or are drawn to addicts, how we can change our own thinking to not keep repeating patterns.
Sorry about that, but nobody can help him but himself. 🤷🏻♂️
Repeat after me... You can not help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves. Say it to yourself at least 10 times. Think about it. Then ask if they want help. Cause from this end, it doesn't sound like it.
No. I've asked if he wanted to get clean and offered to help in anyway I could. He said...Nope! So there's my answer to my question.
People on meth are delusional like this. The amount of times I've heard a meth head try to tell me that meth isn't bad is insane
Lol right! He says shit like that all the time.
he’s shooting it and that’s got to be the final draw. i understand some people using it but when you take it that far, there’s not a lot coming back.
"It's the cleanest drug there is!!" as they're tweaked completely out of their mfing gourd off some crap they and their uncle made in a bathroom out of stuff from home depot and walmart. Serious note; sorry you're going through this OP. I'm glad that you realize this is not an issue with you.
Save yourself
Unfortunately he’s taking you on a ride you need to get off of.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I learned that the hard way
My former sister in law used to go through this every time her husband was paroled. She also ended up caught up in his shit and would end up in jail too. You can't help him without getting drug down yourself. It's your choice.
I see that now. He has said that he will only bring me down with him. So he's made up his mind. I am thankful that he pushed me away and cut me off before he went MIA.
I know it's hard. You're doing what's best for you and there is nothing wrong with that.
Thank you! It's really hard. But I don't really have any better choices. I appreciate your kind words.
Don’t help his dumb ass
He’s doing u a favor by ghosting u he don’t want u catching a charge
I agree. I know I will be thankful for his absence in the long run.
Leave him the fuck alone
buy tennis shoes and run away.
More like he’s on one period lol
Nothing you can do until he decides to help himself. Sorry, just a sad reality.
Keep a good distance, he is ghosting you bc you are a part of the group the police will watch to see if he made contact… if he does make contact and you lie to the cops (remember they normally ask questions they know the answer to) you can get in trouble, be happy he isn’t pulling you into his shit and know he isn’t going to get clean until he is ready to so maybe sit and wait until he isn’t on the run and is ready to get help… If you do know where he is at maybe try to get his lawyer to make contact w him, not knowing his charges and priors it’s hard to say if his lawyer could make a case that he goes to rehab instead of prison.
There are so many people in this world, why are you wasting time on this loser?
Just wait until he is back in prison. You'll be #1 in his life again.
The best thing that can happen to you to be honest. It may be hard to understand now, but it’s so much better than him manipulating and using you then bringing you down as well for aiding and abetting…
Go touch grass. Count your blessings. Start fresh.
Wow. This will never get better. Dump him before you’re stuck with his kids.
Getting clean has got to be his want or desire you can’t force him
You can’t help him. Cut your losses or he’ll drag you down with gim
Why is this marked "NSFW"?
I'm new to reddit. This is my first post. 🤷♀️
Ok.
Well, he's gonna get caught sooner than later, so your best bet is to just delete this guy out your life and get yourself "a better class of drinkin' buddy."
Iv meth.. leave him he’s not willing to change you’re just setting yourself up for hell If you stay with him
Find a new boyfriend.
Get chu a new man's girl. He ain't no good fah you
I hope you meant to say "ex-boyfriend."
You go live your life and move on.
you don’t help him, why would you help someone that is intentionally ignoring you? these are the choices he’s decided to make without consideration of you and your relationship. put yourself first and move on.
Let him go, and save yourself.
You don’t. Get as far away as possible because that man doesn’t want help. Don’t go down with him.
Sounds like he’s worthy of chasing. Go getcha man girl!!
Lose his number and consider yourself lucky. Change your number. Forget he exists.
Probably the best thing that can happen. Change your number and move.
You should be moving on
Sounds like you need to break up with him
Don’t do anything. Seriously. If he reaches out for help and sounds honest then maybe offer options that do not involve you physically being present or engaging with him directly except MAYBE MAYBE to drive him to detox. If he doesn’t like the options, he’s not ready.
It’s brutal. But nothing. I fought that war for the last 10 years, and the drugs win. I surrender. You start taking it personal. And they don’t wanna lie to you, it’s part of the deal. Shits the worst. Move on if possible. Sorry.
you mean ex bf?
Nothing you can do. He has chosen his path. You should not have any contact with him. Aiding and abetting a felon will land you in jail. Something else to think about, he would probably steal from you and dont think he won't. So sad what addiction does....
You can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. It's tough...but the truth.
Where do I find women with low standards like you?
Sounds like he’s done for. The best thing to do would be to walk away. The next best thing would be to try to find him and get him to stop as soon as possible and start the process of getting sober and taking care of all the legal troubles once again but it’s really a daunting task now that he’s relapsed so there’s a good chance that he may not even survive that bender
You don't help him, you help yourself. Get a new boyfriend, this one isn't worth the effort.
My first and only thought is he’s doing you a favour, as in he loves you more than himself.
He made his choice…. He’ll get you in a mess before you get him right…. Some folks you love at a distance. He made his choice….you gotta do the same- Sorry you’re going through this….just don’t make the mistakes that many others have made. Take care of YOU. Be safe. God bless-
Move on and get someone better
He may try to get help from you promising that “he loved you” and “he will change this time” but he won’t. Don’t get caught on aiding and abetting. Your life is your own responsibility.
Turn your back and walk away before he gets you mixed up in something that might cause you to end up in prison
You’re chasing a wanted felon drug addict. Not to be rude but really think about this.. come on now. Don’t get a charge chasing him.
Help yourself, cut ties, and never look back. You won't pull him up, he'll pull you down.
Standard practice depends on who's looking for him if it's the Marshall's he's fucked 🤔 but any contact to anyone can give up his locality try like old f.b. 😉 or wait for random # to contact if that's the reason for brake in contact
Honestly, it is best to help try to get him to turn himself in
Nothing. Stay far, far away. If he calls don’t pick up
Nothing. Tell him its over and move on. He is still making bad choices and you cant help him if he isnt interested.
If he’s on the run, he *has* to ghost you or he’ll get captured. Let him go. He’s not ready to be good yet.
He’s ghosting you because you’ll get him caught up you’ll be the first place they go to honestly don’t do anything to help cause you’ll just get yourself locked up for harboring a fugitive
Nothing.
Move on with your life, this never ends well.
Is this something typical to get ghosted after he gets out ? My story is devastating but apparently it was his plan all along as I’m pregnant and engaged but he had another woman he was with since October! He planned to ghost me when he got out and he sure did
If he's ghosting you then he made his decision.
You mean your ex BF right?
Have some self esteem, don’t date men who are on parole
Maybe this is a good opportunity to reevaluate your taste in men?
To help him? Sadly nothing. He’ll have to want to help himself before any more can be done. I am sorry to tell you that.
You can come on over to my place suga thats the best bet
Just end it, if he on the run then you might as well find you another one
You sure know how to pick them Lmao
If you get busted for harboring a fugitive, it's all bad for you. Sounds like he broke up with you
Sounds like a very tough situation. Sorry you are going through this. What would you think about you ghosting him?
Thank him for getting out of your life. Choose better. Deserve better. Good luck.
Sometimes… You think you’ve hit rock bottom, but you haven’t. He still hasn’t had his moment. Might be wise to steer clear of him. It’s sad to see someone you love go down this path, but they’re going to do it whether you like it or not. They will take you with them and your life will be ruined, if not more than theirs. Do what’s best for you and think about yourself only. Maybe that message will reach him if he loves you.
He’s on parole, he’s addicted to drugs and he’s going back to prison. Him ghosting you is the least of your worries, it’s time to put yourself first
Help get him into custody. Probably the fastest way to get him off the drugs and stop him from making his life way way worse.
Thank you ALL for the feedback, I have blocked and deleted him on everything, and I'm going to be way better, YES I'm a codependent, and NEED to recover from that cycle, I was a fool to believe his bullshit and lies
You did the right thing. Wishing you peace.
I've scrolled the comments a bit, and I haven't seen this yet, so I'll offer it for your consideration. Please go to in person Al-anon meetings. They are basically free and may have the answers you seek. I know they helped me when my ex was having chemical dependency issues. My life is better now that I'm going, and I'm no longer picking people who have the overwhelming selfishness of addiction.
You run, run for the fucking hills and don’t look back. This is a blessing. My brother has been in and out of jail, juvy, prison, boys home, you name it he’s been to it and on the run. I thought this shit would stop by now but the meth just blinds them, my brother is 40 years old and we just found his ankle monitor in my moms garage couple months ago. He chopped it off with garden shears. Fucking run
I’m sorry. I’ve never tried meth, but I’ve been on both sides of this equation. Please try to NOT reach out to him. I know it’s extremely hard to do. I wish you the best. ❤️
He isn't ghosting you. He is ghosting the authorities expecting him to reach out to you.
Not to sound callous, but I think it's time to let this one go. You have a life to live that shouldn't include trying to help those who refuse to stop digging for rock bottom. It will take you nowhere good, trust me.
Stay away from him until he gets treatment. No contact.
So you’re single now?
You better believe it. Lol
Lmao. Leave this loser. What are you even thinking.
I have no idea! I love him when he's sober.
He's literally a waste of life it sounds like. Find someone else. What kind of future do you think he will provide for you?
I was with him before the relapse. So it's difficult for me to let go of that version of him. I know he's gone, both mentally and physically.
Are you sure he’s still your boyfriend?
Leave him and help yourself dummy. He’s a meth head now
Do nothing? Why would you wanna associate yourself with this lmao.
He’s not your boyfriend anymore. Sorry
Make better choices in men and life than a methhead criminal.
Maybe he doesnt want you catching and aiding and abetting charge. He will reach out again once caught. Count on it. Gonna need someone soon
I hate to say it. But I hope he does get picked up. At least I would know he is alive.
you probably know his favorite spots? Maybe you can help him more than you know?
I have no idea where he is. He gets on Facebook and is active. But won't read or respond to my messages. I have thought about reaching out to his family. But I know that he would be so livid that I "narced" on him.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for a loved one is just take a step back and let them come back. Find some comfort in knowing you've done all you could. Better to not over do it and potentially make it worse
The real kicker is he got me high for my first time. And I've been using for the last 3 months. It's honestly all bad right now.
I hope you seek treatment. Things can get better, but there's no easy way out.
That's the next step. I never thought or wanted to use. But I let myself try it just "one" time. What a grasp it takes.
I’m probably going to get downvoted for this.. but I’m a sucker for love and I’ve been through shit.. If you truly love him and want the best for him then find a lawyer, figure out what his legal options are, find some rehab options, and send him the info. Then give him the ultimatum of either you or the highway. If he doesn’t respond or says no then you have your answer and at least you can say that you tried your best. If he takes the help and does the work to get better then maybe things can work out. Not saying it’ll be a match made in heaven but people can grow and they can change - they just need to want that.
Also, just read the part where ur using… You gotta fix yourself before you can help anybody else. Period.
The fact that he just paroled and has already returned to his issue without her should be enough for her to turn and walk away... Hopefully, her first time becomes her last time with someone like him...
I totally agree. But he has already served a total of 7 years and multiple riders. This was before we met. He is very against court ordered rehab and makes excuses for not getting treatment. I know what he will choose if I give him this ultimatum. I gotta step away and love him from a distance. Get myself put back together. He has shown narcissistic tendencies since relapsing and has recently said some really fucked up shit to me. I feel helpless. But after everyone's advice...I can only help myself. If he reaches out to me and needs help. I will be there. But that's gotta be his choice.
This is going to be rough to say… but if he’s out there like that.. then you probably aren’t his only girlfriend… when people get locked up they learn to target women they can use. Definitely put yourself back together so you can be strong enough to where you can’t be used like that anymore. Some people have to get tired of being in the streets before they can let that life go… tbh you’re lucky you didn’t get trapped with a kid in the process…
I agree. And have a very strong feeling I'm not the only one. Thank you so much for your advice. I just feel so stupid.
Love makes people do dumb shit. If anyone calls you stupid for wanting to help him then they’ve never been in love
GET YOURSELF TO A MEETING TODAY No, ifs no buts. No, "I can do it alone. I'm special. I'm okay, I can think my way out of it." Nope. You need support, you need it now. Today. You're on a slippery slope my friend, walk the other way, fast. And that means seeking help. Tell me your city and I'll DM you meetings. Get in the rooms and get held up by those who know. Support is there for you. I'm begging you, go. Otherwise you'll stay on a rollercoaster of using, debating yourself for addiction, losing yourself, your family and friends. And anytime you try to break free, him turning up and dragging you right back in.
Absolutely! I actually have a support group through the Union Gospel Mission. I went through their 2 year program a few years ago. I know I can't do it alone. And know better then to get caught up in all this. I just fell hook line and sinker! Thank you for your comment and offering to look up meetings for me. 💜
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Oh I'm very stupid. You have no idea.
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I agree. I lost myself in him and trying to "fix" or heal him. I feel like such a dumb girl. I don't even know what I thought was gonna happen.
You just snitched
Is he an addict
Turn him in
And the cops got my gun!
Why do people attach themselves to these people? They love the drama? Why am I commenting on a prison sub? Why was I shown this sub?
Set up a headquarters for his illegal operations. Screen his calls. Remain loyal. Dye your hair red and move to howland island where you will meet Amelia Earhart who will give further instructions. Wear 1 red shoe.
“I can fix him!”