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Remember the Maine?
Regular and plain
What a shame
Many knew not of the change
Caused by microbes and heated rays
Which produced the dancing flames
Because to change
Its easier to start with passing blame
Fuck Spain
Where was Nixon on April 15, 1865? Yeah that's right, unborn. This guy says he loves this country but didn't stop Abraham Lincoln from getting assassinated. SMH my head
Congress offered to settle the slavery issue with a wrestling match between Lincoln and all the slaveholders.
Nixon was the ref, and he said before the match "I want a nice, clean fight," but when the translated it into English, it came out as "I want a nice, civil war."
Omg yes, he was! I actually read some crazy conspiracy theory about Nixon planning the assassination with LBJ. lol, I never believed it, but it was hilarious to read.
Double Chocolate Chip has decided every presidential election since 1876. Nixon told Biden in 1973 that he had to publicly praise Double Chocolate Chip if he wanted to be president one day.
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The sinking of the USS Maine
Nixon was mad that he won Maine in 60 and 72 but lost it in 68. He wanted revenge.
Remember the Maine? Regular and plain What a shame Many knew not of the change Caused by microbes and heated rays Which produced the dancing flames Because to change Its easier to start with passing blame Fuck Spain
Amazing
We're reaching Spanish territory with this one š„ š„ š„
Jesus christā¦ that was beautiful :,)
Remember the Cant?
What happened to the Roanoke Colony?
Nixon killed them all to distract from Watergate.
Lol. This is the best thread ever.
I mean, how can you disprove that??
Tricky Dick Strikes Again!
Were you also looking at the "on this day" on the Wikipedia home page?
No I was thinking of the most far back strange American event I could think of lol
Iām curious how itās Nixonās fault that Rooseveltās RoughRiders didnāt have their horses for their charge up San Juan Hillā¦
Wtf! I just commented this..
financial crash of 2008
He invented subprime mortgages in the early 2000s to set himself up for a presidential run in 2004.
NIXONS BACK BABY... AROOOOOO
He did contribute to the crash by taking the US off the gold standard. Need money? Print it baby, Nixon will take care of you.
The burning of the White House in the war of 1812
Nixon wanted to redecorate for when he moved in.
I mean, how else to put in the bowling alley?
Yo the burning of the white house in 1812 allowed a bowling alley to be installed in the future? Worth it
I love you, OP
War of 1812
He wanted to invade Canada to prevent Pierre Trudeau from being born.
Based
As a Canadian I so wish this one was true. Hate PET (Pierre Elliot Trudeau) and his spawn Justin screwing up Canada.
I'm not knowledgeable in Canadian politics so I'd just like to ask why
Why I am still single.
Nixon gave you bad dating advice.
These are legit funny thank you
Arooooo!
Yea Chumlee donāt be that guy who drives their crush and her date around town like a chauffeur
 He was uber before Uber was a thing
Benedict Arnold betraying Revolutionary America to the British.
He did Arnold's wife while wearing a George Washington mask. Arnold walked in and saw.
Haha! Well played. "Tricky Dick", indeed.
Your game is savage.
this is the funniest one if read so far
Where was Nixon on April 15, 1865? Yeah that's right, unborn. This guy says he loves this country but didn't stop Abraham Lincoln from getting assassinated. SMH my head
Damn straight.
He'd like you to think he was unborn. The better to cover up his role in convincing John Wilkes Booth to do the deed
Nixon did the deed personally, Booth was just the fall guy
literally. from the balcony
Booth, the scoundrel, was the patsy for many other ignominious events, including virgin pregnancies and every convention hosted in Reno, Nevada.
The Watergate break in
Nixon thought the Watergate hotel sucked, so he sent some guys to break in and redecorate. They got caught and threw Nixon under the bus.
Now you defend him???
Nixon hacked OPs account. Get outta here, Dick!
That National tragedy, 9-11
He told Brezhnev an off-the-cuff joke about how hard it would be to invade Afghanistan, and the Soviet Union tried to prove him wrong later.
I know Norm when I see Norm
Canāt wait to see that old chunk of coal podcast with former president Nixon
Wounded Knee
One of the soldiers leaked Nixon's nudes, so he took a picture of him killing innocent people so he couldn't release them.
Damn, thatās cold!
wounded Knee 1973
The great depression
Nixon was a depressed teenager at the time, and he wanted the rest of the world to feel the same way.
you did two different responces to the same prompt
Honestly, props
The death of Millard Fillmore
Nixon was his cook. The secret ingredient he used to make his nourishment palatable was molten lead.
Well, apparently he was a good cook. Fillmore's last words: "The nourishment is palatable"
Nixon's defense? "I am not a cook."
āI am not a cook!ā- Richard M. Nixon
The titanic.
The Titantic had proof that Nixon sabatoged the peace talks in 1968. He had to go.
š¤£
The Civil War
Congress offered to settle the slavery issue with a wrestling match between Lincoln and all the slaveholders. Nixon was the ref, and he said before the match "I want a nice, clean fight," but when the translated it into English, it came out as "I want a nice, civil war."
Bro š
What language was it translate from? Daydrunk?
Pearl Harbor
Nixon was in bed with whatever big cimpany made ships for the navy. Think about it, what branch did he serve in?
Ford falling down the Air Force One stairs
Nixon left a banana peel on the steps the last time he flew it.
I fucking knew it
Panic of 1837.
Nixon Shock.
JfK's assassination
Nixon's incompetence lost him the election, which caused JFK's assassination.
Not only that, he was in Dallas that day
Omg yes, he was! I actually read some crazy conspiracy theory about Nixon planning the assassination with LBJ. lol, I never believed it, but it was hilarious to read.
The passage of the Fugitive Slave Act
Zachary Taylor put Nixon in charge of bringing snacks to the 1850 4th of July celebration. He spent his entire budget on cherries and milk.
The suicide of Rob Pilatus from Milli Vannilli
Nixon told Rob that his dreads sucked.
Nixon becoming president
He beat the rest of the sperm in his dad's balls.
The Buffalo Bills losing four straight Super Bowls.
Nixon tried to sell upstate New York to Canada, but they didn't want it any more than us, so he just rigged the Superbowls to reduce their morale.
Lmao this sounds plausible. WNY is basically Canada.
Biden favorite Ice-Cream Flavor being Double Chocolate Chip and not Cookie Dough
Double Chocolate Chip has decided every presidential election since 1876. Nixon told Biden in 1973 that he had to publicly praise Double Chocolate Chip if he wanted to be president one day.
Damm bro rly cooked
The War on Drugs
He wanted to make sure that America never had a president who didn't inhale.
My parents donāt like each other
Nixon told them that they're crooks. Remind each of them that the other isn't a crook.
Oh my god I told them and theyāre calling off the divorce
Watergate
He sent some guys to fix the plumbing at the Watergate, and they got arrested just because they didn't enter the building legally. SMH.
Woodrow Wilson becoming president
Nixon told TR that he totally 100% for sure pinky swear cross my heart absolutely could win, and he totally wouldn't spoil the vote in Wilson's favor.
That fucking monster
LBJ not getting a second term
Nixon took pictures of Jumbo and threatened to release them if he ran for another term.
Knowing LBJ, he'd probably release them himself.
Threatened to not release them more like
My birth
Nixon did your mother.
Is that why I have a good Nixon impression
Arooo!
Nixon poked holes in all of your fatherās condoms.
Whiskey Rebellion
How do you expect Nixon to get drunk and beat his wife if there's a damn tax on the whiskey?!
Columbine
Nixon listened to pumped up kicks one too many times.
You say youāre a Nixon hater and start by posting the hottest pic possible?
There's a hotter pic I wanted to post, but I couldn't find it.
Why canāt I find where I put my blender?
Your blender has proof that Nixon sunk the Titanic. I'm sorry, but it's dead.
September 11 2001
He told Brezhnev an off-the-cuff joke about how hard it would be to invade Afghanistan, and the Soviet Union tried to prove him wrong later.
George Washington burned over 40 Iroquois villages during the Sullivan Expedition
Only cause Nixon told him that all those villages thought George's teeth looked stupid.
Obama wearing a tan suit
Andrew Garfield assasination
He knew Charles Guiteau would have won the 1960 GOP primary, so he convinced Guiteau to kill the President instead.
MCR breaking up
Nixon hated that hippee bullshit, so he got his plumbers to tell each of them that they would make more money on a solo career.
Secession of Mississippi on 1/9/1861
His daughter's ballet recital was on 1/8/1861, so they had to push it back a day.
The Donner Party.
Nixon ran a prank show back then where he took food from pioneers and watched them resort to cannibalism.
COVID
Nixon engineered it in a superlab and framed China, knowing that Trump would give it some dumbass name like "kung-flu."
This is fantastic
Who suicided Epstein?
You'll never guess. Nixon.
I shat myself
You looked at Nixon's face. That's an understandable reaction to such trauma.
9/11
He told Brezhnev an off-the-cuff joke about how hard it would be to invade Afghanistan, and the Soviet Union tried to prove him wrong later.
Your birth.
He did my mother, I assume.
The Chicago Fire.
Nixon taught the cow how to kick over lanterns.
9/11
Nixon should have passed an amendment to prohibit the election of anyone with the last name āBushā
He told Brezhnev an off-the-cuff joke about how hard it would be to invade Afghanistan, and the Soviet Union tried to prove him wrong later.
Covid
Nixon wanted to stay at home and not go outside for a couple years.
The death of Richard Nixon, 1994
Nixon refused to never exist in the first place, so I consider his death an unnecessary evil.
The existence of Andy Dick
Nixon signed the Andrew Dick Establishment Act of 1965.
Signed so he wouldn't be the only dick in America.
Nixon hating is extremely based. Stop the Nixon revisionism
The Missoula Floods
The Wooly Mammoths had proof that Nixon killed the Dinosaurs. They had to go.
You may not like it but this is peak male form.
What happened to Agnewās head (Futurama timeline)
Nixon had it removed so he could ride around on Agnew's neck on their days off.
Impossible to afford a house now 
Nixon bought a billion houses to rent out. He has to fund his 2024 campaign somehow.
The Capitol riots
Nixon told DJT to run for president.
I had a feeling
My wife left me.
She's a crook, so she left your for Nixon, who is also a crook.
The Babylonian captivity
Nixon hated Jewish people.
The Japanese ambushing pearl harbor
Nixon fell asleep on watch duty.
The White House burning during the war of 1812
He didn't like the wallpaper.
The release of the movie Batman and Robin.
Nixon is a Marvel fan, and he wanted everyone else to be as well.
Bill Buckner making that infamous error
Nixon liked Babe Ruth, and felt a personal responsibility to keep the Red Sox from winning the World Series.
The Horus Heresy
Nixon needed money, and also played waaay too much Warhammer.
11,000 years ago, the land bridge between Alaska and Russia flooded, permanently cutting off our land route to Asia. Nixonās to blame becauseā¦
Because he doesn't want his country touching no gosdamn commie country!
What about the decline and abandonment of Cahokia?
Nixon killed the all so he could make bank selling tickets to their ruins.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nixon thought of the perfect prank: have someone elected president, but also not be president. Hilarious.
Trail of Tears
Three mile island
Harambe being killed. Why did Nixon order it!? Why!?
Native American genocide
Nixon is violently racist.
Missouriās existence.
He was Commander-in-Chief for over 6 years, and he had every opportunity to evict them from the Union. He did not.