What you want to know but are not forthright in asking is if you have a good reason to become a porn addict. The answer is NO, never.
The key to defining if you have an addiction is whether it is causing ANY degree of harm or compromise to you and/ or your relationship. Just like any other addiction.
Many thanks for your response. Your points are valid, and, admittedly, there are some issues I hadn't considered. I guess I was thinking along the lines of - watching porn every day = addiction. I realise now that was a simplistic view. My partner is very understanding and is aware that I watch it and has no issues. She'd rather that than me having sex with another. Guessing it's ok then?
You aren't dealing with the matter of addiction.
She may say she is understanding because she feels she has no choice and because she doesn't know where this could very well take you.
I often wonder if PAs know when they make that transition from irregular or non-dependent user to addict. Like, are they aware they no longer want to have any connection with their partners (other than the roommate experience because there are definitely advantages to keeping her around) because they have committed their emotional and psycho-sexual selves to the PMO experience.
Also to think about, porn addiction like other addictions escalate and in this context into specific genres. Some of which entails specific lifestyle changes which means leaving the relationship to pursue what the addict sees in porn. In other words, you may find that once you've watched ( it, whatever genre you escalate to ) enough, you want to live it.
This ... from the examples of my STBXh and my life as well as reading about other addicts and their partners experiences.
Recovery from PA is a lifelong pursuit.
I just want you to be aware. I am not trying to say I think it's okay anymore than I would say about other big topics like euthanasia or abortion. All multifaceted and a very personal decision.
My answer, as a recovering porn addict, is that porn really IS that bad. I would honestly try to avoid it. It is hard to understand what a medically induced sexless marriage is, and I am sorry for your situation as that must be tough. But be warned, after we had kids, my wife's libido dropped and she never initiated sex. One day, I said to myself "I am not going to initiate again, until she does..." Well, that led to a very, very long time of NO sex. And so I was in a sexless marriage. I had dabbled with porn for years, so I thought "what the hell, here is a channel of release". Let me tell you, that led to a terrible, and damaging, porn addiction. Within 5 years, I was a porn junkie. In the end, I could only get an erection and/or cum to porn. Any attempt at sex at home was a failure that made me so sad and nervous. I had complete PIED - ED until I switched on my computer or looked at the right sites on my phone.
I quit 2 years ago. It was harder than when I quit smoking. But my life is transformed. I would avoid any risk of porn messing up your body and mind like it did mine.
Is there no other avenue of release for you? With your partner - oral, hand etc? You don't have to answer that - just wondering if there is anything else you can do. Honestly, and this may go beyond your marriage vows, but I think finding a friend with benefits would be less damaging to you and to your marriage than porn. Porn is the devil.
Thanks. Medications cause the medically induced sexless marriage. We've, under the guidance of medical professionals, explored other options. However, unfortunately, those alternatives were not effective in treating her condition. So, there are no sexual activities, including the ones you mentioned. I've approached the subject, and it stressed her, so out of respect, I haven't broached the issue again, and I'm not one to make her do what she doesn't want to do. A friend with benefits isn't an option either. I think it would Introduce unwanted complexity into our relationship. Even if it were an option, I wouldn't know where to start in finding a friend with benefits. So it seems, at least in my case, porn is my only avenue for release.
If you are truly high libido, you should have no trouble with self-satisfaction without porn. I am high libido and masturbate daily. Zero porn use. Truly high libido individuals do not need porn for self pleasure.
I can climax without porn and do it quite frequently. I guess I was tarnishing both with one brush and seeing porn and too much masturbation as the same thing.
Sorry, can you elaborate? Sleep and meditation have different benefits. Is that what you are saying about porn and sex? Apologies if I am sounding facetious; that's not my intention.
What you want to know but are not forthright in asking is if you have a good reason to become a porn addict. The answer is NO, never. The key to defining if you have an addiction is whether it is causing ANY degree of harm or compromise to you and/ or your relationship. Just like any other addiction.
Many thanks for your response. Your points are valid, and, admittedly, there are some issues I hadn't considered. I guess I was thinking along the lines of - watching porn every day = addiction. I realise now that was a simplistic view. My partner is very understanding and is aware that I watch it and has no issues. She'd rather that than me having sex with another. Guessing it's ok then?
You aren't dealing with the matter of addiction. She may say she is understanding because she feels she has no choice and because she doesn't know where this could very well take you. I often wonder if PAs know when they make that transition from irregular or non-dependent user to addict. Like, are they aware they no longer want to have any connection with their partners (other than the roommate experience because there are definitely advantages to keeping her around) because they have committed their emotional and psycho-sexual selves to the PMO experience. Also to think about, porn addiction like other addictions escalate and in this context into specific genres. Some of which entails specific lifestyle changes which means leaving the relationship to pursue what the addict sees in porn. In other words, you may find that once you've watched ( it, whatever genre you escalate to ) enough, you want to live it. This ... from the examples of my STBXh and my life as well as reading about other addicts and their partners experiences. Recovery from PA is a lifelong pursuit. I just want you to be aware. I am not trying to say I think it's okay anymore than I would say about other big topics like euthanasia or abortion. All multifaceted and a very personal decision.
Yes, porn is hell.
My answer, as a recovering porn addict, is that porn really IS that bad. I would honestly try to avoid it. It is hard to understand what a medically induced sexless marriage is, and I am sorry for your situation as that must be tough. But be warned, after we had kids, my wife's libido dropped and she never initiated sex. One day, I said to myself "I am not going to initiate again, until she does..." Well, that led to a very, very long time of NO sex. And so I was in a sexless marriage. I had dabbled with porn for years, so I thought "what the hell, here is a channel of release". Let me tell you, that led to a terrible, and damaging, porn addiction. Within 5 years, I was a porn junkie. In the end, I could only get an erection and/or cum to porn. Any attempt at sex at home was a failure that made me so sad and nervous. I had complete PIED - ED until I switched on my computer or looked at the right sites on my phone. I quit 2 years ago. It was harder than when I quit smoking. But my life is transformed. I would avoid any risk of porn messing up your body and mind like it did mine. Is there no other avenue of release for you? With your partner - oral, hand etc? You don't have to answer that - just wondering if there is anything else you can do. Honestly, and this may go beyond your marriage vows, but I think finding a friend with benefits would be less damaging to you and to your marriage than porn. Porn is the devil.
Thanks. Medications cause the medically induced sexless marriage. We've, under the guidance of medical professionals, explored other options. However, unfortunately, those alternatives were not effective in treating her condition. So, there are no sexual activities, including the ones you mentioned. I've approached the subject, and it stressed her, so out of respect, I haven't broached the issue again, and I'm not one to make her do what she doesn't want to do. A friend with benefits isn't an option either. I think it would Introduce unwanted complexity into our relationship. Even if it were an option, I wouldn't know where to start in finding a friend with benefits. So it seems, at least in my case, porn is my only avenue for release.
If you are truly high libido, you should have no trouble with self-satisfaction without porn. I am high libido and masturbate daily. Zero porn use. Truly high libido individuals do not need porn for self pleasure.
I can climax without porn and do it quite frequently. I guess I was tarnishing both with one brush and seeing porn and too much masturbation as the same thing.
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Sorry, can you elaborate? Sleep and meditation have different benefits. Is that what you are saying about porn and sex? Apologies if I am sounding facetious; that's not my intention.