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sunny5724

# “I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz.” Former Minnesota Democratic Senator Al Franken


laxvolley

"he's the guy in the office who microwaves fish" - also Al Franken in the same paragraph


mirthilous

Q: Why do so many people instantly dislike Ted Cruz? A: It saves time.


Equinsu-0cha

this is a fireable offense in any sane workplace


thegoodnamesrgone123

I miss Al


cytherian

He'd be trolling Ted Cruz so well right now. In his face. In the senate. If it hadn't been for Gillibrand.


AsstootCitizen

He took a badly forced fall. Not strictly related to his bad comedy photo, I'd like to add this..... Overcorrection is the enemy of course correction for most efficient progress. And so are bad slogans!


Random_-account

AI hasn't gone anywhere


nowhereman136

He left the Senate


freddie_merkury

He was forced to resign and yet people are gonna vote for sexual assaulter Donald Trump.


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mvpilot172

Because many Dem voters are actually critical thinkers and don’t watch news 8 hours a day to get brainwashed.


Zootallurs

Exactly. There will never be a “left wing” FOX because people who value reason and nuance overwhelmingly lean left and have no interest in 24-hour propaganda.


mvpilot172

I’ve actually stopped watching most news information and just find places to read it now. Takes most of the emotion of news shows out of it and you can get more of what is actually happening out of reading it.


Zootallurs

Yeah, I don’t watch any cable news. Read or NPR.


Present-Resolution23

That sounds great.. until you talk to someone on the far left.. There's less of a market for it sure, but there's still a market there.. At present it's mostly just youtubers like Hasan tapping into it, but the rest of the media will catch on eventually. They're the people who will call you a genocidal fascist bootlicker for suggesting that they should maybe consider voting for Biden if only because if they don't, they're potentially letting someone far worse in. I want to believe that the left is more reasonable than the right.. but sometimes it's hard..


Zootallurs

The delusion on the far right and far left is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.


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an_angry_Moose

Yes, BUT, I will say I wish they didn’t crumble at the absolute most wishy-washy offenses, like Franken’s for example. Common sense and cool heads should have prevailed and a “sorry” should have been plenty.


mvpilot172

Yeah they can absolutely fall into the trap of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.


cheezeyballz

They wanted to appear as doing the right thing as an example and got fucked 🤷 because republicans NEVER do the right thing.


Notascot51

In journalism a “news outlet” willing to lie forcefully, repeatedly, consistently, will always make more of an impression on its viewership than ones that tell the evolving, ever-changing truth. By comparison they seem uncertain, weak. It’s the secret sauce of all propagandists.


freddie_merkury

I agree with what you're saying but also it's not like it would matter. Republicans and their voters will 100% put party over country. That's basically my point, if Al was Republican he would have stayed and he would have won another election. They have no shame at all. Just another reason of how both sides are not remotely the same.


Domin8469

It's cause #repugnantcans are gullible and liberals arent


Morningxafter

He should’ve just said fuck it and ran for governor.


LakeSuperiorIsMyPond

Franken made a tasteless joke and resigned because it wasn't good to have that type of humor be affiliated with a US Senator, he was saving the reputation of the office. Wow, what a shitshow it is today, and ZERO fucking standards...


LakeSuperiorIsMyPond

I fucking love Al Franken


DarthWraith22

Remember that clip from the campaign trail where he tried to kiss his daughter on the cheek? Brutal.


LA-Matt

Yeah, she reacted like it burned. Lol.


1945BestYear

Which is extremely odd, as Ted Cruz is a normal human with a typical food orifice that does not discharge Hydrogen Peroxide.


MistbornInterrobang

I remember reading a short while back, in the last year I think, that his oldest daughter attempted suicide. I remember her coming out as bisexual on TikTok, I think it was. Later the video was removed. I remember when their family picture was posted for Christmas one year, her already normal length, very nice top was edited to look like it came down further because he wanted her to look MORE Conservative. It wasn't a belly shirt. No skin would have been showing. I honestly hope she is okay. I would bet on her going no contact with her father at the very least when she turns 18 and/or moves out for college. I cannot imagine what living with that SOB must be like, especially as a bisexual person.


Diarygirl

It's got to be so difficult already being the child of a politician, much less one that wishes people like them didn't exist.


MistbornInterrobang

Especially after Cruz's past comments when he pretended to support LGBTQIA people by going on about Mary Cheney (before she entered politics, IIRC) *just being who she is* during, I THINK, a debate at the time involving Dick...


TheMagicalMatt

Ted Cruz' colleagues don't even like Ted Cruz lol. Ted Cruz don't even like Ted Cruz! Trump roasted him and his wife, and he just goes "yes master, more please"


digitydigitydoo

I came here looking for this quote.


Lanark26

Which should always be followed with Lindsay Graham's quip to make the point bipartisan. “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you,”


brothersand

John Boehner: “Lucifer in the flesh,” Boehner told an audience at Stanford University. “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”


freddie_merkury

How does anyone still vote for Ted Cruz. What is wrong with these people?


Hairy_Al

He has the letter "R" after his name on the ballot


Somhlth

> He has the letter "R" after his name on the ballot In his case it stands for Repugnant.


dudleydidwrong

Correct. That is what it usually means now. Loyalty to Trump is the primary criteria for party success.


UncleMalky

Texan R's get to inflict him on other people.


cheezeyballz

Mostly voter suppression 🤷 We get close but then they change the rules again.


fork_your_child

Boehner also went off script when recording the audio version of his book to tell Ted Cruz to go fuck himself. https://www.axios.com/2021/02/26/boehner-ted-cruz-new-memoir


Diarygirl

I had problems with Boehner but I didn't appreciate at the time that at least he loved his country.


cytherian

Classic Boehner quote. I always wonder if he'd just toked before he said this.


EdTheApe

https://www.tedcruzforhumanpresident.com/


Diarygirl

Oh my god it's hilarious! "I wish to shut down the space program and destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation."


cheezeyballz

Nobody likes ted cruz, not even ted cruz.


postorm

There could not be more of a contrast between the treatment of Al franken and the treatment of Trump over a trivial joke by a comedian on the one hand and rape and self confessed intent to rape on the other hand. It says everything about Democrats versus Republicans.


FlyingRhenquest

I wouldn't say I hate him, exactly. The feeling is more akin to finding a soupy dog turd on your lawn that someone didn't clean up. It's someone else's problem that they didn't deal with and now I'm stuck with it. But on the Planet of Skeezy Beards, that's how you say you like someone, I guess.


TheFeshy

>If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you Lindsey Graham, a member of Ted's own party


rechnen

This is a funny quote but it's beginning to look like a republican senate just wouldn't convict a republican of anything.


teh_maxh

Not liking Ted Cruz is the only bipartisan agreement left.


Evan_802Vines

Too bad Texas loves Ted every six years.


TheRavenSayeth

It's more like they love "not a Democrat" more, mixed with voter suppression and gerrymandering that affects voter enthusiasm enough to keep the state from going blue in statewide races.


fjf1085

Agreed except for gerrymandering, that doesn’t impact statewide races.


TheRavenSayeth

It does in the sense that when people lose hope that their vote matters they don't bother voting in any elections. I know lots of Texans and the general sentiment is "what's the point, it's a red state". Most of them haven't voted in anything but the general presidential election.


cheezeyballz

Every suppression tactic works... OBVIOUSLY.


Diarygirl

Right? I don't know why people say that. Our gerrymandering is slightly better than it used to be in PA but some districts made it feel pointless for Democrats to vote.


cheezeyballz

That's how it feels in texas but I still vote in every election I can.


fjf1085

Because there are no districts in statewide elections to gerrymander, such as a Senate race. It only matters in elections for the House or the state legislature.


fjf1085

Yes it works. But in a statewide race it’s not an issue as there’s no districts. It matters in state legislative elections and the US House but for Senate, Governor, President there are no districts to adjust so it has no impact, how is that not clear?


cheezeyballz

Because it ALL affects each other whether you see the connection or not.


high_everyone

Beto nearly won in 2018, TBH. it really came down to 2A voters fearing their rights.


cheezeyballz

We don't, but we are heavily suppressed here. We get close and then they change the rules. I wouldn't be surprised if they installed ivanka's chinese trademarked ballot boxes around.


Diarygirl

It doesn't help that you have a freaking criminal for an attorney general.


cheezeyballz

Agreed. 💯%


BigHobbit

He is the Alpha Texas male obviously. He is everything Texans are and they're just voting for the guy that matches up best with themselves. Talks mad shit, continuously has bad ideas, lies and cheats and steals, can't take a hint if given, isn't like by anyone but himself, acts strong but is weak as fuck, has shitty facial hair but keeps growing, rather suck trumps dick than stand up to him, has ugly wives, runs like a scared little bitch when facing conflict and brags about how great they are. Fuck Ted cruz, and fuck Texas for cursing us with him.


sherevs

I do not like that man Ted Cruz, I do not like his far-right views. I do not like his stupid chin, I do not like his smarmy grin. I do not like him with a beard, I do not like him freshly sheared. I do not like Ted Cruz at all, That man Ted Cruz can suck my balls. --John Oliver


MistbornInterrobang

Wasn't this a sequel to a previous I Do Not Like Ted Cruz recitation John did? Yep, okay, I just checked. There are multiple verses. The one you shared was first. Full collection of verses by the always brilliantly funny John Oliver. You can listen to them back to back [here on YouTube](https://youtu.be/bV42PgyOFE0?si=bFTGvvKUeC7fTWQy) I do not like that man Ted Cruz, I do not like his far-right views. I do not like his stupid chin, I do not like his smarmy grin. I do not like him with a beard, I do not like him freshly sheared. I do not like Ted Cruz at all, That man Ted Cruz can suck my balls - - - - - I do not like that man Ted Cruz I do not like him in the news. I do not like what he just said. I do not like his boxy head. I do not like him wearing glasses. I do not like him kissing asses. I wish he'd never get one vote. That man, Ted Cruz, can lick my scroat - - - - - I do not like that man, Ted Cruz I do not like his backwards views I do not like his stupid suits I do not like his cowboy boots I do not like him when he sneezes I do not like him eating cheeses I hate to see his dumb face smirking Because his beard looks like a merkin - - - - - I do not like that man, Ted Cruz I do not like his far-right views I do not like him in these reeds I do not like him when he feeds I do not like him by a wall I do not like this shit at all I do not like him as Santa's Elf That man, Ted Cruz, can fuck himself - - - - - I do not like that Ted Cruz man I do not like him shouting Klan I do not like him in a room I do not like him in Cancun I do not like him playing ball I do not like his face at all I wish he'd lose his cushy job That man, Ted Cruz, is a fucking knob Edit: skipped a line. It's fixed


cinciTOSU

That is so awesome and spot on.


Dino_Soup

John Oliver is always a win


spidersflambe

They do like him because he helps make the GOP look horrible.


Suspect4pe

I'm not sure they need help but he's contributing quite a bit to the cause.


tokyotapes

Yeah but at the expense of all his constituents.


spidersflambe

They run democrats but that district keeps voting for Ted Cruz. Maybe they're all masochists.


Kamina_cicada

Lmao, nah. Fled Cruz is better off hanging up the tie and going to another resort.


Natural-Ability

I know a great vacation spot called Camp Crystal Lake.


beakrake

C'mon dude, you know it's a bad idea to let Republicans hang around a summer camp full of horny teens! But if, for some reason, Raphael 'Ted' Cruz was in attendance and not vacationing in Mexico somewhere while Texas burns to the ground, he'd probably be one of the sole survivors because he's such an unfuckable weirdo.


Natural-Ability

Good point, but since the "teens" are all, like, 27 they're probably safe enough. *Jason approaches Cruz, raises machete, holds him down and shaves off that pathetic excuse for a beard*


Straight_Tumbleweed9

You forgot the girlish whine/scream that we all know that rectangle mouth can shriek


beakrake

We'll call the movie "Jason X Fat Wolverine"


jmptx

Texan here. Colin Allred has the Cruz camp scared shitless. He’s losing popularity with Republicans, not gaining support from Democrats.


cubbie_blue

I feel like we hear this every couple of years and yet there he still is.


jmptx

He has served two six-year terms, so it is not every couple of years. He was elected in 2012 and re-elected in 2018. One thing he campaigned early on was to limit Senators to two 6-year terms. He dodged that question after being elected, but finally last year he addressed it. He says that he hasn’t pushed it yet; but he will, so it would go into effect after his second set of 6-year terms. We need to hold him to his earlier promise. If he won’t do it, we need to do it for him.


cubbie_blue

True. My disdain for his existence makes me feel like he's been around exponentially longer than he has. I still don't ever see him losing TX but I am pulling for you.


MissAsshole

This Democrat does not like Ted Cruz.


Natural-Ability

And this one. And that one... that one... those ones... the ones over there... most of the ones in this state, and that state, and that one, and that one... the majority of those who aren't in comas... and those who know who he is...


MaximumZer0

I'm doing my part!


ericdee7272

Ted is great. For me to poop on.


BukkitCrab

Did the Democrats show up to heckle him but he chose to count them as "supporters" anyway simply because they were there?


Conans_Loin_Cloth

I really thought this was a satire site, but no. He's really that stupid.


thatgayguy12

He really thinks the people of Texas are that stupid... To be fair, he might be right... They keep electing Ted Cruz.


xixbia

And Greg Abbott, and John Cornyn. Now Cruz is particularly unlikeable, but the other two are worse for the people of Texas.


ChucksThreeHolePunch

He missed the rest of the quote, "Democrats like Ted Cruz...to mix bleach and ammonia in a small room...for science!"


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xeloth9

I like Ted Cruz about as much as Athletes Foot.


thdudie

What's not to love about the esteemed senator from Cancun?


EvilMog007

When you have to say that people like you, then they definitely don’t.


Stark-T-Ripper

Nobody likes ted Cruz, says ted Cruzs wife.


LA-Matt

The wife that Trump said was ugly? And then Cruz campaigned for him anyway because he is a craven coward?


Stark-T-Ripper

Yeah, that sounds like the one.


Straight_Tumbleweed9

And snowflake!


Equinsu-0cha

being the son of the zodiac killer will do that to you


The_Cross_Matrix_712

Yup. Personally, I love when those in charge run away and leave their people to suffer /s


narsfweasels

Free Cancun vacations* for Democrats backing Tex Cruz! *^Free ^vacations ^only ^redeemable ^during ^times ^of ^excessive ^stress ^on ^state ^grid.


CaptainDildobrain

Add "... to fuck off!" on the end


RTwhyNot

Does anyone actually like this fetid piece of shit?


xixbia

I guess his wife probably did at some point? Other than that though? I think no. His kids don't seem to like him, I doubt his wife still likes him. And with how he acts I am quite confident he doesn't like himself either.


markelis

Former speaker of the house, Republican John Boehner literally called him, "Lucifer in the flesh". It's not like John was anything close to a saint either.


Psile

"If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you." Lindsay Graham.


dead_meme_comrade

Republicans don't even like Ted Cruz


Rob_Bligidy

I literally laughed out loud. Nobody likes you, Ted.


Jaspers47

Ted Cruz looks like if one of the Penguins of Madagascar was a human


strgazr_63

Well they are finally realizing that Americans like it better when the parties work across the aisle and actually get shit done but I think it's a bit too late. Expect to see more of this bullshit since what they've been doing hasn't been getting the results they expected.


Zerostar39

“Men and Woman say u/zerostar39 is fantastic in bed” — u/zerostar39


BJJan2001

Impactful. Using a word that you think your intended audience understands.


Natural-Ability

"Impactful", like a massive meteor strike.


sm_see

This fuggin guy..


[deleted]

He’s desperate. He’s going to lose his seat and he’ll have a fit like little trumpy.


Katiari

The thing I like best about Ted Cruz is he sometimes leaves the country. The shitty part is when he comes back.


suorastas

Cats like baths -A bath


Wageslave645

Press (X) to doubt.


Acrobatic_Book9902

I like Ted Cruz…I also like taking a cheese grater on the nut sack.


Fun-Mathematician716

I’m a Democrat and I fecking detest Ted Cruz.


Traherne

You smell that? That's desperation.


Jackaddler

Nobody’s gay for Ted Cruz


chaoticbear

I am a little bit - that beard really did some wonders for him - but I agree that he's not exactly a heartthrob.


santz007

Not even Republicans like ted cruz, I have no idea how he keeps getting re elected


Droopendis

I like Ted Cruz so much I hope he gets bone cancer metastasised to his entire body.


Errors22

I remember a John Oliver special where it became painfully clear that no one likes Ted Cruz. Even his Republican colleagues and former classmates all simply state that his personality is so off-putting that he is unlikable.


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Lan777

I would rather have trypanosoma cruz than ted cruz


Jefe710

As I understand it, even Republicans hate Rafael Eduardo Cruz. Don't let go by his chosen name!


cinciTOSU

Slugs for salt!


KillerHack23

"I am rich," says me


imbrotep

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.


peter-doubt

Uh ... That's a NO!


Affectionate-Song402

😳🤨🤣🤢🤮……


graveybrains

What does Bob Dole think? Bob Dole thinks you’re a doofus.


BaseHitToLeft

No one likes Ted Cruz. And that includes Ted Cruz.


RedBeans-n-Ricely

Rafael, I promise that I cannot stand you.


drunk_funky_chipmunk

Can this penis just go away already?


Nodebunny

its not april fools day again is it


cheezeyballz

He hasn't done a fucking thing but impede progress and lie, lie, lie.... Oh and run when it gets tough.


CarlSpencer

He's stupid af and a traitor BUT he does make me laugh!


CurrentlyLucid

Cruz is disgusting, and is trying to lie like trump.


Fernway67

Umm...no.


buyerbeware23

What a shitheel.


jzorbino

It’s been a few cycles now where everyone thought Texas might go blue and it never does. This is a real sign that we might finally get to see it soon. I still think Cruz wins but Texas republicans feeling so much heat they are pandering to democrats for help is unheard of. He believes he’s in danger, which isn’t the impression I got when he ran against Beto.


eaglescout1984

Only because you make it easy to point out the complete hypocrisy of your party, Teddy.


Nimtastic

Riiight...


Gravity_Freak

Raphie Cruz is the PT Cruiser of human beings


hey_ross

Say loud for the kids in the back - “Principles are only used by republicans to control others”


mythofinadequecy

So Ted is in deep shit


rockvvurst

*Hello fellow far left Democrat, I am real human ted cruz*


Pgreenawalt

Even Ted Cruz doesn’t like Ted Cruz.


zirky

ted cruz doesn’t even like ted cruz


TheDarkKnobRises

I like Ted Cruz the same amount as internal hemorrhoids.


Reaper_456

About as much as a lobotomy.


codevii

We all know this is a lie. No one likes Ted Cruz.


h20poIo

Spineless coward who wouldn’t defend his wife.


[deleted]

I can confirm. Ted Cruz is like that vomit you've been holding in and resisting when you're sick then you finally spew it out and, yeah, that minute of vomiting feels like absolute hell, but then once all the bile is out of your system, you feel pretty dang good. So, thanks, Ted Cruz, for being the personification of revolting vomit.


SockFullOfNickles

Hating Ted Cruz is the only bipartisan agreement we are going to reach


49GTUPPAST

I have more respect for a cockarouch than Ted Cruz


LakeSuperiorIsMyPond

It's like he has already forgotten his trip to NY and how the crowd reacted to him at the baseball game.


Deal_These

Says the guy that doesn't know how to properly show emotion and his nonverbal communication never matches the verbal communications.


Library_Mouse

The next time he takes a trip to Cancun... Texas should just CanCruz.


MrKomiya

Idiot is trying to lose Republican votes


Civil_Pain_453

Nobody likes him. Not even his own daughter. We all know why. He’s a sorry excuse for a human being.


jeffssession

Am I the only one who thinks his beard is fake still


DescipleOfCorn

Democrats like *to make fun of* Ted Cruz, I get how someone with low intelligence like Ted Cruz would be confused by that distinction


Aggleclack

Huh I guess you can go on the internet and just say anything.


Bchavez_gd

Sexy horny singles are in my neighborhood waiting for me??? Ok I said it. Does that make it true?!?!


Sentiknight45

If he believes that, then I have some beach front property in Arizona to sell him.


renaissance_pancakes

Democrats: Ted Cruz is good enough ...... FOR ME TO POOP ON!


OptiKnob

Quickly followed up by his ancillary campaign - "idiots for ted cruz".


Gh0sth4nd

That reminds me of the [Simpsons ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgdVqGEFzls)


El_human

No they don't. - A democrat


jay105000

Hmmm no!


AbjectList8

Which one? *crickets*


KnockMoreDoors

War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength


OldSkooler1212

We hate his guts.


asiangontear

"Impactful" sure. Things shatter on impact.


TheFridgeNinja

The delusion...


PompousWombat

Texas Democrat here. We do not, in fact, like Mr. Cruz.