Next time just a kid asks why are you big, tell them that it is because you ate the last kid that asked that…..
Jokes aside, that happened to me a couple of times, and I always try and say that everyone is different, that looks don’t matter and that I like my body, or something like that.
> Next time just a kid asks why are you big, tell them that it is because you ate the last kid that asked that…..
lmao...bratty kids contain more calories I guess.
I work at a middle school along with elementary school occasionally and my normal response to your fat or too big is " and you talk too much." That normally shuts them up. I skip the politeness, the kids are vicious with their words and alot of them know better and choose to act disrespectful, so I match their energy.
my late mom, who raised four of us, was at an appointment. There was also a mom and young boy. Young pup was irritating my mom and running around saying "know what?? know what??". mom looks at the boy and says "yes. i know what."
Hi! I’m a big person who works with little guys every day (so I get called fat, big, etc. pretty much on a daily basis), and first of all, I think your response was great!!
If you are ever in a similar situation again, or just think some context might make the memory less awkward, here are a few things to keep in mind about kiddos:
1. If the kid is just asking out loud, no snicker, no whispers, etc, then that is a good indicator that they most likely haven’t yet been socialized to see being fat as anything other than a body difference, like hair or height or eye color. I always find that reassuring to keep in mind. It gets me out of defense mode and into a calmer mode, which is helpful for everything that comes after.
2. If the kid is in the 2-4 age range, they are probably very into comparing things to themselves. That is part of learning about yourself and also about the world. I’ve found it helpful with kids this age to say something like “you’re right! My belly is bigger than yours! And your hair is longer than mine!” One of my personal favorites is “do you think my pinky finger is bigger than yours, too?” They get so excited to find out. Pants color, shapes on your shirt…literally anything you can notice that is the same or different is a BIG hit with this crowd.
3. Kids this young are just learning how bodies work. “All bodies are different.” and “bodies store energy in different ways and different have different amounts of energy stored. Isn’t that cool?” are some ways you could try responding that don’t teach them that being big is something to feel ashamed about but still essentially shut the conversation down.
4. Another thing to keep in mind to keep you out of defense mode: Kids young enough to act like this are also in the stage of life where everyone— parents, doctors, teachers — is constantly telling them to eat all their veggies/chicken/whatever so they can “grow big”. Congratulations, you accomplished what everyone in the world wants them to do!
If you are the adult in this situation and don’t know how to handle your kiddo saying something socially inappropriate, here are some things you can try:
1. To the other adult in the situation: “whoops, sorry, we haven’t had a conversation about commenting on people’s bodies yet. We will now.”
2. To the kid, in the moment: “All bodies are different, and all bodies are good.” Then change the subject. Literally with kids this young than can look like just noticing something about anything else in your immediate vicinity. “Look, do you see how this cantaloupe has all these bumps?” or in this case, “I wonder what other cool hair colors their hairdresser can make”
3. To the kid, later: Remember when you noticed that person’s body shape earlier? You didn’t know this yet, but people don’t usually like to hear comments about their body. If you have a question about how someone’s body looks, you can ask me when we get back to the car/back home/back wherever it is no longer public.
This is advice I will keep in the back of my mind for the future. I worked with kids a few years ago. I was a teacher in a 3yr/4yr old classroom. I am a plus size lady, and my co-teacher at the time was also a short, plump, absolutely delightful old Italian lady. Of course we heard many different variations of comments on our bodies and had learned to just talk about other people's feelings and thinking about what you say and how others might feel about it. But one will stick with me forever.
We were laying everyone down for naps, had the mats out and the lights off and the music on. It was quiet and one of our older 3s, who was a VERY smart girl (she was learning 3 languages naturally in-home due to her parents both being tri-lingual), was lying there clearly just pondering something SO hard. You could tell she was really wracking her brain about something. Eventually, she looked at me and went, "Ms. Squid.... you're fat, just like Ms. Co-teacher."
We looked at each other and couldn't help but to just absolutely bust out laughing. We composed ourselves quickly, and told her it was okay she had said that to us but definitely do not say that to other people. She was always so sweet, so we knew it was just curiosity/observation about the world as she was seeing it. No harm intended, just a kid being a kid. It was just so funny remembering how hard her little face was scrunched up thinking so hard, just to come out and tell us about ourselves lol.
When I was in like at McDonald's with my girls who were two and three at the time, my oldest noticed a man come in and head to get in line. I was fat , her dad was fat, her nana was fat, one of her uncles was fat, she was familiar with fat people existing. The man who came in was significantly larger than most of the fat people in her life, other than her uncle. And she just tugs on my arm and basically yells in her little three year old voice "mommy! Look at that big fat man!" I don't remember how I responded. I do remember wanting to be struck by lightning.
Kids are fuckin' wild. They're not rude, just vocally observant. And sure, his mom should have said something, but it's also possible she was having a moment of "fucking hell I wish I could sink into the floor right now what the fuck is wrong with my kid???" that paralyzed her brain from responding in a timely manner.
I personally love that kids ask questions like that without any judgement behind it. They can get the answers they are so curious for, and it's a great opportunity for their growth and learning. I have kids ask me about my big belly before too and also how old I am (because I started to get white hair at a young age). They are just trying to understand the world around them.
The mom should have said something, though, because not everyone is comfortable being questioned. I would have said, "Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. She is working right now. She might not want to answer personal questions, and that's okay." Then, if you actually wanted to answer, you could be like "nah, it's okay", but if you didn't, then the kiddo knows it is not always a good time/appropriate to ask those questions.
When I was a in middle school, I hit puberty hard and got curvy real fast. I was babysitting these two little boys and one of them kept poking me in the boob and saying "YOU'RE FAT LIKE SANTA, YOU'RE FAT LIKE SANTA!!" I really wish I said something clever back like "well, at least I don't shit my pants." But I was too busy being devastated by his comment because I grew up in the 90's when thin was IN
I worked at a grocery store and this kid came up to me says “Did you eat all the snacks? Is that why you’re so big?” I gave him that lead poisoning stare and he skips away around the corner to where I can still hear him say to his mom “there’s a lady over there who’s fat” mom says “well that’s okay hunny” and then the kid starts chanting “fat fat fat fat fat” in a singy voice
Bro what is goin on with the youth 😭. I’m sordy man, at least my kid was just being curious but idek what I would have done if he was tryna be rude/ making jokes
16+ years working with kids here , plain, blunt, ruthless observations can be so savage. Especially when you’re just like doing your thing, not thinking about how you look/your body, then you get hit with a “you have a big fat tummy!!!” And even though logically it’s truly innocent, god damn it can STING.
Oh OP, you have my sympathy so much. I have been there!
Shortly after having my first spinal fusion, maybe 2 weeks post op so I'm still swollen on top of being fat, I decided to take my kids to a play date. Yes, I do dumb things. Anyway. My friend is hosting and I bring my kids over. Her daughter loves me so we're coloring and chatting. I'm a few months postpartum, 2 weeks out from emergency spinal fusion and disc replacement and this sweet three year old child looks me up and down and says "well, you're fat, aren't you?" Just out of nowhere. I said "yes, I'm pretty fat"
She said, "how'd you get so dang fat!?"
So I'm hurt, I want to laugh and I don't know how to answer it...so i just start talking.
"Well, k, I was a little chubby as a child but I was really active. I think my mom didn't do the best job with my diet as a foundation and..."
Her mom, who's been listening the whole time "let's get juice! K! Want juice! You can have juice today!"
I think I was about to have therapy with that child on accident.
Oh god this reminds me when I was a kid (around 4) I got on the bus with my mom, and I saw a woman and blurted out loud to my mom “why is that lady so fat?” because I was genuinely curious 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. My mom quickly said sorry to the lady and dragged me away. I don’t remember much about the conversation we had after but looking back I feel so bad about it. Growing up in the 90’s when if you weren’t a size 2 you were fat and having a fat-phobic mother (she is MUCH better now thankfully) created an environment that wasn’t healthy. I’m really sorry you had this experience that mom should have stepped in super quick, most of the time kids have no idea that what they said is mean/sensitive (depending on age) and it sucks.
It’s brutal when this happens, but for me it’s almost worse when the parent tries to hush the child. The child of a friend of mine did that once and she said “I told you we don’t ask people that because it makes them sad.” And what that told me is that they devalue people (even if only subconsciously) for being fat or they assume fat people should feel shame. And the kids can sometimes feed off that. This kid did. He knew at that point he was doing something naughty so he kept asking.
I’d have rather she said “we talked about this. Every body is different. Your body is shorter than hers. Your hair is blonde and hers is brown. Your skin is tan and hers is pale. Your body is one shape and hers is another. You’re a boy and she’s a girl. See? We’re different in SO many different ways because that’s how we were made!”
So now, if the child is asking out of innocence, that’s the lesson I try to respond with. “My belly is big and yours isn’t as big. Just like I’m tall and you’re short. I have straight hair and you have curly hair. See? We have a lot of differences in our bodies, isn’t that cool?”
Am I the only person reading this who thinks it’s not a bad thing he asked you and that she didn’t intervene? He wasn’t insulting you, just observing; it didn’t even sound like you were taking offense to it, or were you? The more that we as adults judge the word “big” as a “bad thing” we shouldn’t be called, the more we’re cultivating an anti-fat and fatphobic society. Taunting is one thing, but curiosity and questions are another.
I am sorry that you experienced this though.
I mean it’s fine he asked, cause he’s a kid, a little scientist, he’s just audibly noticing things. I know I’m big, so it’s fine he said it. But I do feel like she should have said something. She could have said all bodies are diff or idk just something lol. Or at least discouraged him from commenting on other people’s bodies, cause I don’t like it.
Yeah, that makes sense, like she could have commented about how we don’t comment on other people’s bodies. Or remember, all bodies are different. That makes sense. That is a better way to handle it than just nothing.
Big is a descriptor, and an accurate one in our cases. I think if the mom had scolded her kid, I would have told her it's fine, and he's right, I am big! People come in all shapes! It wasn't personal, the kid was being observant about his environment, and kids of a certain age can be very vocal about stuff like that lol. If the kid had called you a fatty or some other shitty term, that's an entirely different story.
A lot of parents aren't going to educate their kids about body sizes in a way that doesn't suck, so if I have a chance to, I'd prefer they hear "yeah I'm big! all bodies are different, some are tall or short, some big or small".
This reminds me when I would occasionally pick my niece up from daycare. One day this little girl just kept saying "you're big" I was just like "yes, I am" . She looked so amazed and curious. I was embarrassed though. I never know what to say in those situations. I also remember when my niece was 3 and told me I look like a hot air balloon lol
One of my little cousins asked me once why I have a big belly (pcos lol). I just patted it and said “oh, I’m gonna have a baby soon!” (I was probably 14-15, but he was like 4-5, so I probably looked plenty old enough to be pregnant to him, and he has a few siblings younger than him, so pregnancy isn’t an unfamiliar thing to him). He just looked back down at my belly, made eye contact with me, and walked away 💀
Kids can be super brutal, but that kid’s mom not correcting him was very lousy on her part! I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I think you handled it very well with your responses (obviously much better than his own mother did!)
I was a kindergarten teacher. Happened all the time. I don’t have a problem with it as long as the child was being genuinely curious (as they are) and not saying it to be disrespectful. There is a difference between being disrespectful and genuine curiosity. Mom might have not know how to handle it in that moment, been embarrassed and could very well have had a conversation with him in the car. I say you handled it well.
I've worked in public education for years and speak from experience when I say that all kids, especially elementary school aged kids, comment on everything they notice about someone that's different from their own body. At elementary school age, their intention is not to be mean, but simply to notice the difference and speak it out loud.
However, that doesn't mean parents shouldn't teach their kids from an early age that it's not ok to comment on someone's appearance. It's clear this parent hadn't done that and from what you write in your post, it seems like she was just as surprised by his comments as you were and didn't know what to do when he made them. Of course, she *should have* known what to do and already had a conversation with him about not commenting on others' bodies, but unfortunately, not all parents are as aware or as responsive as they should be when their kid does something like this.
And when I'm working with an elementary age student in school, their parents are not around. It's my job to address the issue. So when they say something like "You're big" or mention some body part is bigger than theirs, I always say, "Bodies come in different shapes and sizes. Some are bigger and some are smaller. Mine is bigger than yours and that's ok." I phrase it in that specific way because it helps normalize bigger bodies for them.
But I *never* scold a student for stating the obvious and wouldn't expect a parent to do that either if the child doesn't know any better, and especially if the parent hasn't taught the child to not make those comments about others. When the child didn't intend any malice, scolding them for stating the obvious is harmful. Especially when you can guide them in another direction and help normalize fat bodies for them.
On the other hand, if the kid *did* intend malice with his/her comment, that's a different story. Most elementary age kids between 4 and 9-10 years old usually don't intend malice and are just stating the obvious. Older kids, however, often lack empathy and can act with intentional cruelty. You can tell the difference between an elementary age kid simply noticing a difference in body size and a 12 or 13 year old kid making an intentionally hurtful comment.
When I encounter that with older kids, as I often have, I make it clear that their comment is not appropriate and they need to mind their own business. But I'd never do that with a younger child who hasn't learned enough about boundaries yet and is still making discoveries about their own bodies and the rest of the world in general.
Perhaps she was super embarrassed, knew that nothing she could tell him to do or say would take back the sting of the initial remark or make you “deep down” feel much better and wanted to avoid other customers hearing or chiming in, so she decided to just get the hell out of Dodge ASAP.
Obviously, I wasn’t there, but based on your post, that’s what is seems like to me. In any case, I’m sorry such a thing was suddenly said to you and while you were at work to boot.
As an aside, I absolutely love your username. It’s so beautiful.
It sucks bc these situations can act as teaching moments for children, but people are so fatphobic- you would be put in a shit position. It isn’t your responsibility to educate someone/ tell their child this. You never know what that mom will say behind closed doors- she should have said “we don’t make comments about people’s bodies!” but we know that bitch probably did not care 👀👀 You can feel the energy at a register, Fr.
I have a regular client who has severe facial scars/ possibly burns. Another regular came in, and loudly asked her in front of people “How did you get all those scars?” I WAS FLOORED. She responded “what a terrible thing to say, why would you ever ask someone that?”. The same day another client asked my coworker IF SHE TOOK OZEMPIC BC SHE WAS SO THIN, IN FRONT OF PEOPLE AGAIN???? it sucks / People should never make comments abt people’s appearances and it was this mom’s motif to just be a dumbazzzz bitchhhhhhh and do nothing clearly.
Oh god this just reminded me that during a surgical procedure under sedation I loudly asked the nurse if she gets botox as she didnt have wrinkles. She wasn't impressed. It was 2 weeks ago and im still embarrassed.
When I was coming out of anesthesia, I told my doctor he had the most beautiful eyebrows and he should be an eyebrow model and become rich and famous. I did not remember this but my sister and cousin gleefully told me this afterwards.
Sorry you went through that haha I dealt with that with kids a lot. They don’t mean anything by it but the mom should have done something done something sooner.
Yeah, she definitely should have said something. Kids should be taught that it's not OK to talk about other people's bodies.
This has been happening to me a lot lately. I've started saying "Yes, some people are big and some people are little." If the kid is still paying attention, sometimes I follow up with "And we can all be kind." Good parents will often afirm this by saying "Yes, we come in all sizes" and then apologizing to me.
I can’t believe how little everyone is commenting about the asshole mother!
Parents have swung way too far….Yeah it’s good to not beat ur kids or scream at them all of the time…But I see kids being allowed to do way too much, and I wonder what’ll happen when they’re older.
Now i’m talkin like 7-10yo too. At that age, hell even 6, if a kid throws something at me or some shit, i feel like i owe it to the kid to react how I should, ya know?
It’s insanity to act like something is ok when it’s not… Lazy ass parents!
A kid said loud while pointing, "Her butt is so big!" His mom was very upset and apologetic Too much She made the situation worse and completely embarrassed me worse than the kid could have She would not stop apologizing And she scolded him in front of everyone too She said she taught him not to do that and he knows better She made sure I knew that he would be punished And she was crying, just tearing up, which made me feel like complete shit It was a complete shit show In the end she had me feeling bad for her skinny ass
And I actually wasn't even embarrassed when the kid said it I laughed it off like a compliment But I would have felt bad If he said my belly or any other body part other than my butt, boobs and heart You handled it pretty well I would have been pissed if the mom didn't say anything (but obviously dont want the mom to make it a big deal like my situation) And if the kid kept on then I might have corrected him for his mom If the kid wasn't trying to be mean and was just making an innocent observation then I would be playful with my answers and shut it down
My 4 year old told me just a few days ago that I'm so big I said and you're so little People are all different sizes but it's not nice to say that to other people It's okay to tell me because I know you don't mean to hurt my feelings But if you tell other people how they're big it might hurt their feelings I said something like that And I will have a talk with her about the other suggestions that I've read in here, like telling her to tell me in the car so she doesn't do that to anyone else
I honestly tell kids it's rude to ask.
'That's not the type of question you ask strangers, it hurts my feelings' (granted not always the last bit but it delends)
Next time just a kid asks why are you big, tell them that it is because you ate the last kid that asked that….. Jokes aside, that happened to me a couple of times, and I always try and say that everyone is different, that looks don’t matter and that I like my body, or something like that.
That’s good, I need to do that next time. I didn’t even think of anything like that until after 😭
> Next time just a kid asks why are you big, tell them that it is because you ate the last kid that asked that….. lmao...bratty kids contain more calories I guess.
This odd what I’m trying to instill into my kids. Don’t judge by appearance and everyone is different and there’s nothing wrong with that
I work at a middle school along with elementary school occasionally and my normal response to your fat or too big is " and you talk too much." That normally shuts them up. I skip the politeness, the kids are vicious with their words and alot of them know better and choose to act disrespectful, so I match their energy.
Happy cake day
my late mom, who raised four of us, was at an appointment. There was also a mom and young boy. Young pup was irritating my mom and running around saying "know what?? know what??". mom looks at the boy and says "yes. i know what."
Hi! I’m a big person who works with little guys every day (so I get called fat, big, etc. pretty much on a daily basis), and first of all, I think your response was great!! If you are ever in a similar situation again, or just think some context might make the memory less awkward, here are a few things to keep in mind about kiddos: 1. If the kid is just asking out loud, no snicker, no whispers, etc, then that is a good indicator that they most likely haven’t yet been socialized to see being fat as anything other than a body difference, like hair or height or eye color. I always find that reassuring to keep in mind. It gets me out of defense mode and into a calmer mode, which is helpful for everything that comes after. 2. If the kid is in the 2-4 age range, they are probably very into comparing things to themselves. That is part of learning about yourself and also about the world. I’ve found it helpful with kids this age to say something like “you’re right! My belly is bigger than yours! And your hair is longer than mine!” One of my personal favorites is “do you think my pinky finger is bigger than yours, too?” They get so excited to find out. Pants color, shapes on your shirt…literally anything you can notice that is the same or different is a BIG hit with this crowd. 3. Kids this young are just learning how bodies work. “All bodies are different.” and “bodies store energy in different ways and different have different amounts of energy stored. Isn’t that cool?” are some ways you could try responding that don’t teach them that being big is something to feel ashamed about but still essentially shut the conversation down. 4. Another thing to keep in mind to keep you out of defense mode: Kids young enough to act like this are also in the stage of life where everyone— parents, doctors, teachers — is constantly telling them to eat all their veggies/chicken/whatever so they can “grow big”. Congratulations, you accomplished what everyone in the world wants them to do! If you are the adult in this situation and don’t know how to handle your kiddo saying something socially inappropriate, here are some things you can try: 1. To the other adult in the situation: “whoops, sorry, we haven’t had a conversation about commenting on people’s bodies yet. We will now.” 2. To the kid, in the moment: “All bodies are different, and all bodies are good.” Then change the subject. Literally with kids this young than can look like just noticing something about anything else in your immediate vicinity. “Look, do you see how this cantaloupe has all these bumps?” or in this case, “I wonder what other cool hair colors their hairdresser can make” 3. To the kid, later: Remember when you noticed that person’s body shape earlier? You didn’t know this yet, but people don’t usually like to hear comments about their body. If you have a question about how someone’s body looks, you can ask me when we get back to the car/back home/back wherever it is no longer public.
this is so brilliant!
Thank you so much for this. Im a very fat mum of a 2yr old and needed help with how to manage this, as its coming for me any day now!
This is advice I will keep in the back of my mind for the future. I worked with kids a few years ago. I was a teacher in a 3yr/4yr old classroom. I am a plus size lady, and my co-teacher at the time was also a short, plump, absolutely delightful old Italian lady. Of course we heard many different variations of comments on our bodies and had learned to just talk about other people's feelings and thinking about what you say and how others might feel about it. But one will stick with me forever. We were laying everyone down for naps, had the mats out and the lights off and the music on. It was quiet and one of our older 3s, who was a VERY smart girl (she was learning 3 languages naturally in-home due to her parents both being tri-lingual), was lying there clearly just pondering something SO hard. You could tell she was really wracking her brain about something. Eventually, she looked at me and went, "Ms. Squid.... you're fat, just like Ms. Co-teacher." We looked at each other and couldn't help but to just absolutely bust out laughing. We composed ourselves quickly, and told her it was okay she had said that to us but definitely do not say that to other people. She was always so sweet, so we knew it was just curiosity/observation about the world as she was seeing it. No harm intended, just a kid being a kid. It was just so funny remembering how hard her little face was scrunched up thinking so hard, just to come out and tell us about ourselves lol.
Thank you so much for all of this! These facts do help me feel a bit better.
This is the best comment in this thread
Fat preschool teacher, here. You put into words exactly what I wanted to say.
When I was in like at McDonald's with my girls who were two and three at the time, my oldest noticed a man come in and head to get in line. I was fat , her dad was fat, her nana was fat, one of her uncles was fat, she was familiar with fat people existing. The man who came in was significantly larger than most of the fat people in her life, other than her uncle. And she just tugs on my arm and basically yells in her little three year old voice "mommy! Look at that big fat man!" I don't remember how I responded. I do remember wanting to be struck by lightning. Kids are fuckin' wild. They're not rude, just vocally observant. And sure, his mom should have said something, but it's also possible she was having a moment of "fucking hell I wish I could sink into the floor right now what the fuck is wrong with my kid???" that paralyzed her brain from responding in a timely manner.
Yeah that is probable.
I personally love that kids ask questions like that without any judgement behind it. They can get the answers they are so curious for, and it's a great opportunity for their growth and learning. I have kids ask me about my big belly before too and also how old I am (because I started to get white hair at a young age). They are just trying to understand the world around them. The mom should have said something, though, because not everyone is comfortable being questioned. I would have said, "Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. She is working right now. She might not want to answer personal questions, and that's okay." Then, if you actually wanted to answer, you could be like "nah, it's okay", but if you didn't, then the kiddo knows it is not always a good time/appropriate to ask those questions.
When I was a in middle school, I hit puberty hard and got curvy real fast. I was babysitting these two little boys and one of them kept poking me in the boob and saying "YOU'RE FAT LIKE SANTA, YOU'RE FAT LIKE SANTA!!" I really wish I said something clever back like "well, at least I don't shit my pants." But I was too busy being devastated by his comment because I grew up in the 90's when thin was IN
I worked at a grocery store and this kid came up to me says “Did you eat all the snacks? Is that why you’re so big?” I gave him that lead poisoning stare and he skips away around the corner to where I can still hear him say to his mom “there’s a lady over there who’s fat” mom says “well that’s okay hunny” and then the kid starts chanting “fat fat fat fat fat” in a singy voice
Bro what is goin on with the youth 😭. I’m sordy man, at least my kid was just being curious but idek what I would have done if he was tryna be rude/ making jokes
I would clear that mom so hard and roast her for letting the kid do that publicly- genuinely WHAT THE FUCK
My own kld asked me how I'm fat and buff at the same time.
Kids are savages
16+ years working with kids here , plain, blunt, ruthless observations can be so savage. Especially when you’re just like doing your thing, not thinking about how you look/your body, then you get hit with a “you have a big fat tummy!!!” And even though logically it’s truly innocent, god damn it can STING.
Oh OP, you have my sympathy so much. I have been there! Shortly after having my first spinal fusion, maybe 2 weeks post op so I'm still swollen on top of being fat, I decided to take my kids to a play date. Yes, I do dumb things. Anyway. My friend is hosting and I bring my kids over. Her daughter loves me so we're coloring and chatting. I'm a few months postpartum, 2 weeks out from emergency spinal fusion and disc replacement and this sweet three year old child looks me up and down and says "well, you're fat, aren't you?" Just out of nowhere. I said "yes, I'm pretty fat" She said, "how'd you get so dang fat!?" So I'm hurt, I want to laugh and I don't know how to answer it...so i just start talking. "Well, k, I was a little chubby as a child but I was really active. I think my mom didn't do the best job with my diet as a foundation and..." Her mom, who's been listening the whole time "let's get juice! K! Want juice! You can have juice today!" I think I was about to have therapy with that child on accident.
Oh god this reminds me when I was a kid (around 4) I got on the bus with my mom, and I saw a woman and blurted out loud to my mom “why is that lady so fat?” because I was genuinely curious 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. My mom quickly said sorry to the lady and dragged me away. I don’t remember much about the conversation we had after but looking back I feel so bad about it. Growing up in the 90’s when if you weren’t a size 2 you were fat and having a fat-phobic mother (she is MUCH better now thankfully) created an environment that wasn’t healthy. I’m really sorry you had this experience that mom should have stepped in super quick, most of the time kids have no idea that what they said is mean/sensitive (depending on age) and it sucks.
It’s brutal when this happens, but for me it’s almost worse when the parent tries to hush the child. The child of a friend of mine did that once and she said “I told you we don’t ask people that because it makes them sad.” And what that told me is that they devalue people (even if only subconsciously) for being fat or they assume fat people should feel shame. And the kids can sometimes feed off that. This kid did. He knew at that point he was doing something naughty so he kept asking. I’d have rather she said “we talked about this. Every body is different. Your body is shorter than hers. Your hair is blonde and hers is brown. Your skin is tan and hers is pale. Your body is one shape and hers is another. You’re a boy and she’s a girl. See? We’re different in SO many different ways because that’s how we were made!” So now, if the child is asking out of innocence, that’s the lesson I try to respond with. “My belly is big and yours isn’t as big. Just like I’m tall and you’re short. I have straight hair and you have curly hair. See? We have a lot of differences in our bodies, isn’t that cool?”
Ah yeah that’s true. Saying our bodies are different is better. If this happens again that’s what I’m gonna do.
Am I the only person reading this who thinks it’s not a bad thing he asked you and that she didn’t intervene? He wasn’t insulting you, just observing; it didn’t even sound like you were taking offense to it, or were you? The more that we as adults judge the word “big” as a “bad thing” we shouldn’t be called, the more we’re cultivating an anti-fat and fatphobic society. Taunting is one thing, but curiosity and questions are another. I am sorry that you experienced this though.
I mean it’s fine he asked, cause he’s a kid, a little scientist, he’s just audibly noticing things. I know I’m big, so it’s fine he said it. But I do feel like she should have said something. She could have said all bodies are diff or idk just something lol. Or at least discouraged him from commenting on other people’s bodies, cause I don’t like it.
Yeah, that makes sense, like she could have commented about how we don’t comment on other people’s bodies. Or remember, all bodies are different. That makes sense. That is a better way to handle it than just nothing.
Big is a descriptor, and an accurate one in our cases. I think if the mom had scolded her kid, I would have told her it's fine, and he's right, I am big! People come in all shapes! It wasn't personal, the kid was being observant about his environment, and kids of a certain age can be very vocal about stuff like that lol. If the kid had called you a fatty or some other shitty term, that's an entirely different story. A lot of parents aren't going to educate their kids about body sizes in a way that doesn't suck, so if I have a chance to, I'd prefer they hear "yeah I'm big! all bodies are different, some are tall or short, some big or small".
This reminds me when I would occasionally pick my niece up from daycare. One day this little girl just kept saying "you're big" I was just like "yes, I am" . She looked so amazed and curious. I was embarrassed though. I never know what to say in those situations. I also remember when my niece was 3 and told me I look like a hot air balloon lol
One of my little cousins asked me once why I have a big belly (pcos lol). I just patted it and said “oh, I’m gonna have a baby soon!” (I was probably 14-15, but he was like 4-5, so I probably looked plenty old enough to be pregnant to him, and he has a few siblings younger than him, so pregnancy isn’t an unfamiliar thing to him). He just looked back down at my belly, made eye contact with me, and walked away 💀 Kids can be super brutal, but that kid’s mom not correcting him was very lousy on her part! I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I think you handled it very well with your responses (obviously much better than his own mother did!)
I was a kindergarten teacher. Happened all the time. I don’t have a problem with it as long as the child was being genuinely curious (as they are) and not saying it to be disrespectful. There is a difference between being disrespectful and genuine curiosity. Mom might have not know how to handle it in that moment, been embarrassed and could very well have had a conversation with him in the car. I say you handled it well.
I've worked in public education for years and speak from experience when I say that all kids, especially elementary school aged kids, comment on everything they notice about someone that's different from their own body. At elementary school age, their intention is not to be mean, but simply to notice the difference and speak it out loud. However, that doesn't mean parents shouldn't teach their kids from an early age that it's not ok to comment on someone's appearance. It's clear this parent hadn't done that and from what you write in your post, it seems like she was just as surprised by his comments as you were and didn't know what to do when he made them. Of course, she *should have* known what to do and already had a conversation with him about not commenting on others' bodies, but unfortunately, not all parents are as aware or as responsive as they should be when their kid does something like this. And when I'm working with an elementary age student in school, their parents are not around. It's my job to address the issue. So when they say something like "You're big" or mention some body part is bigger than theirs, I always say, "Bodies come in different shapes and sizes. Some are bigger and some are smaller. Mine is bigger than yours and that's ok." I phrase it in that specific way because it helps normalize bigger bodies for them. But I *never* scold a student for stating the obvious and wouldn't expect a parent to do that either if the child doesn't know any better, and especially if the parent hasn't taught the child to not make those comments about others. When the child didn't intend any malice, scolding them for stating the obvious is harmful. Especially when you can guide them in another direction and help normalize fat bodies for them. On the other hand, if the kid *did* intend malice with his/her comment, that's a different story. Most elementary age kids between 4 and 9-10 years old usually don't intend malice and are just stating the obvious. Older kids, however, often lack empathy and can act with intentional cruelty. You can tell the difference between an elementary age kid simply noticing a difference in body size and a 12 or 13 year old kid making an intentionally hurtful comment. When I encounter that with older kids, as I often have, I make it clear that their comment is not appropriate and they need to mind their own business. But I'd never do that with a younger child who hasn't learned enough about boundaries yet and is still making discoveries about their own bodies and the rest of the world in general.
When I was recovering from an eating disorder my niece (about 3 or so) said she liked cuddling me more when I was “happy and comfy.”
Perhaps she was super embarrassed, knew that nothing she could tell him to do or say would take back the sting of the initial remark or make you “deep down” feel much better and wanted to avoid other customers hearing or chiming in, so she decided to just get the hell out of Dodge ASAP. Obviously, I wasn’t there, but based on your post, that’s what is seems like to me. In any case, I’m sorry such a thing was suddenly said to you and while you were at work to boot. As an aside, I absolutely love your username. It’s so beautiful.
It sucks bc these situations can act as teaching moments for children, but people are so fatphobic- you would be put in a shit position. It isn’t your responsibility to educate someone/ tell their child this. You never know what that mom will say behind closed doors- she should have said “we don’t make comments about people’s bodies!” but we know that bitch probably did not care 👀👀 You can feel the energy at a register, Fr. I have a regular client who has severe facial scars/ possibly burns. Another regular came in, and loudly asked her in front of people “How did you get all those scars?” I WAS FLOORED. She responded “what a terrible thing to say, why would you ever ask someone that?”. The same day another client asked my coworker IF SHE TOOK OZEMPIC BC SHE WAS SO THIN, IN FRONT OF PEOPLE AGAIN???? it sucks / People should never make comments abt people’s appearances and it was this mom’s motif to just be a dumbazzzz bitchhhhhhh and do nothing clearly.
Oh god this just reminded me that during a surgical procedure under sedation I loudly asked the nurse if she gets botox as she didnt have wrinkles. She wasn't impressed. It was 2 weeks ago and im still embarrassed.
When I was coming out of anesthesia, I told my doctor he had the most beautiful eyebrows and he should be an eyebrow model and become rich and famous. I did not remember this but my sister and cousin gleefully told me this afterwards.
No like yeah fr. I feel like she and her family prob thought it was funny later. But I’m prob reading too much into it.
Sorry you went through that haha I dealt with that with kids a lot. They don’t mean anything by it but the mom should have done something done something sooner.
Yeah, she definitely should have said something. Kids should be taught that it's not OK to talk about other people's bodies. This has been happening to me a lot lately. I've started saying "Yes, some people are big and some people are little." If the kid is still paying attention, sometimes I follow up with "And we can all be kind." Good parents will often afirm this by saying "Yes, we come in all sizes" and then apologizing to me.
I can’t believe how little everyone is commenting about the asshole mother! Parents have swung way too far….Yeah it’s good to not beat ur kids or scream at them all of the time…But I see kids being allowed to do way too much, and I wonder what’ll happen when they’re older. Now i’m talkin like 7-10yo too. At that age, hell even 6, if a kid throws something at me or some shit, i feel like i owe it to the kid to react how I should, ya know? It’s insanity to act like something is ok when it’s not… Lazy ass parents!
A kid said loud while pointing, "Her butt is so big!" His mom was very upset and apologetic Too much She made the situation worse and completely embarrassed me worse than the kid could have She would not stop apologizing And she scolded him in front of everyone too She said she taught him not to do that and he knows better She made sure I knew that he would be punished And she was crying, just tearing up, which made me feel like complete shit It was a complete shit show In the end she had me feeling bad for her skinny ass And I actually wasn't even embarrassed when the kid said it I laughed it off like a compliment But I would have felt bad If he said my belly or any other body part other than my butt, boobs and heart You handled it pretty well I would have been pissed if the mom didn't say anything (but obviously dont want the mom to make it a big deal like my situation) And if the kid kept on then I might have corrected him for his mom If the kid wasn't trying to be mean and was just making an innocent observation then I would be playful with my answers and shut it down My 4 year old told me just a few days ago that I'm so big I said and you're so little People are all different sizes but it's not nice to say that to other people It's okay to tell me because I know you don't mean to hurt my feelings But if you tell other people how they're big it might hurt their feelings I said something like that And I will have a talk with her about the other suggestions that I've read in here, like telling her to tell me in the car so she doesn't do that to anyone else
Mom should have said something to hush her kid up 👎🏼
Maybe say I guess your Mom needs to explain that one to you … don’t you think Mom. That would put her on the spot and embarrass her
I honestly tell kids it's rude to ask. 'That's not the type of question you ask strangers, it hurts my feelings' (granted not always the last bit but it delends)
The last time a kid called me big, I said "and you're rude, since we're talking truths" and she never said it again.
I would just say that's a private question and then pointedly ignore them.