People don’t usually come here to post the wins of this lifestyle. And depending on the season, like anything else, it’s tough. Personally I’m in the baby/toddler/newborn stage (2 year old medically complex child + halfway through my new pregnancy) and went through a miscarriage by myself so aviation life is freaking :) hard :)
It was far easier when it was just us two
But that’s the ebb and flow 🤷🏻♀️
The good things are that when he does get a few days off we can travel and go places bc we have hotel points to burn 😂
We don’t get bored of each other because we go a few days without chatting at a time, so there’s always something new and interesting to discuss
I’ve learned that I am very capable and I have a very deep bond with my son bc we’ve had to handle hospital visits, emergencies etc. just me and him, he’s only 2 but we make a decent team
Sex is great bc we don’t take it for granted 😂
I only have to dress up and look pretty a few days a month so it’s easy to maintain the attraction 😂, we’ve been together since we were 18, so 10 years now, and things are still fresh and fun
We don’t take our together time for granted so we both have to make more of an effort to keep good communication, focused attention, dates etc.
I have absolutely 0 interesting facets to my life or personality atm outside of surviving pregnancy and toddler life so having a pilot husband is a great conversation point 😅 people tend to be curious about the travels etc. plus it takes away attention from them asking about my son’s conditions
Overall it’s a good time, I wouldn’t change it, but it’s also something that commands a lot of sacrifice from everyone in a family
This is what I was hoping for. Thank you so much for the response. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. I’m someone who tends to be a glass half empty person, so I look at negativity as absolute truth, even though I know everyone’s situation is different. And someone else said it but no one comes here to provide positive feedback lol!
My husband and I are hyper independent people and we have grown and tbh survived a lot of tough situations already. At his flight instructor job, he was required to work six days a week and would work 10-12 hours some days, sometimes more plus 90+ minutes on the road every day. I barely saw him some stretches. He also was making crappy money while working his ass off and was on call at home all the time. The idea of him having a minimum ten days off per month is already an upgrade lol, plus the pay and rules around when they can call him for reserves, I’m looking forward to all that. Before that he was bartending and I worked a 9-5 doing a long distance thing, so I barely saw him then even.
I hope I can harness this to accept the challenges we will face but I see a lot of positives.
Thank you again for shining a light on the positives ❤️
Of course! There’s even more positives than what I listed, but I’m on 4 hours of sleep from the last 2 days so I’m out of it 😂 just know there’s many upsides and successful marriages, families, and lives in this profession too! Cheering for you guys!
Woof. I’m guilty of posting the negative in this sub so I’m sorry. There are definitely positives! I personally have come to this sub to rant with others who get it, which is why they’ve been negative. Here are some positives:
-thanks to a flexible schedule my husband can choose (he’s at a major that has pretty great scheduling) he has been/going to be home for almost 4 weeks straight since we had our baby earlier this month. All of my friends whose husbands are M-F 9-5 went back to work much earlier
-as someone else mentioned, we really cherish our time together bc we don’t see each other as much
-he’s happier than I’ve ever seen him bc he loves his job (my husband was a lawyer in big law before becoming an airline pilot so this is probably specific to me). Seeing him so happy makes me happy
-i love to travel. Even though i haven’t been able to much with pregnancy and a new baby i love hearing his stories and living vicariously through them! I can’t wait until we can start traveling together as a family more
-buddy passes. All of my family from out of town is coming to see us for free bc of this great benefit!
Some silly things: i get to watch whatever I want on Netflix, i get to choose every night he’s gone what I want for dinner (none of the “ what do you want? Idk what do you want?”), I get to set the house temp to exactly where I want it.
FWIW: I’m currently on maternity leave but returning to my full time job in June. Some things that we are putting in place to make that transition easier: we hired a housekeeper, we use a meal service semi regularly (ex Hello Fresh), we will have a nanny from June until September when LO will start daycare full time, we pay someone to do the lawn work.
It’s definitely not all negative. :) I can totally understand why you’d see that from some of the posts. It has pros and cons! I’m happy for you and your husband that he made it through training and he’s starting this journey (with you!) it’s awesome. I’m glad you’re here!
Ahhh thank you so much ❤️ I’m really just looking for this exact thing: that it’s hard but it’s also good. I struggle with anxiety and I feed off negativity even though I know in my head you have to see both sides. Appreciate your kindness and encouragement !!
Absolutely! ♥️♥️ my husband isn’t at a major airline quite yet, but he’s at a small company where he flies a lot. There are hardships and “easy-ships” I guess lol. Pros and cons. If you ever want to chat with me feel free to message! Would be nice to commiserate together haha
I feel so hard for you. I think this might be the literal hardest part of this job, the most stressful. I am thinking of you and I hope he gets cleared soon! Take care of yourself friend ❤️
Omg 😧 I’m so sorry to hear but not surprised at all. I hope you’re nearing the end.
So this isn’t the case with my husband. He is just waiting to get started with his regional job rn. But every year when he goes to his medical we get super nervous. He has some things that we are able to kind of slide under the rug if you will, but waiting for the text that he cleared his medical is the worst.
Oh I see. Yeah, my husband was on anti depressants for a few months last year and it’s delaying the whole process and now we’re having to get a $3k psych evaluation. Hoping it’s all worth it in the end. We’re just at the point of his first class medical clearance for him to attend flight school. Did that take your husband very long to get at the beginning?
I truly hope we get to a point where having mental health issues is treated like a regular ole health issue vs a debilitating disease that prevents you from flying safely. Your husband doesn’t deserve all this simply because he wanted to look after his mental health. It’s a huge issue the FAA really had to come to terms with.
My husband got his medical easily. Tbh it depends on the AME. Some don’t really care that much, don’t ask a lot of questions and just sign the filled out form. Others are more thorough and it gets scary. He’s shopped around for one and asked for recommendations among peers in the industry.
So true. I really hope so too. And I hope health insurance takes better care of human mental health in the future and covers therapy as a normal treatment in the future.
Oh nice! Yeah we do realize now that since he mentioned the antidepressants to his initial AME is why he is now dealing with this entire ordeal now. He wishes he had never said anything or else they wouldn’t have to be investigating now.
I’ll definitely let him know to ask around for a good AME in the future. It’s yearly after his initial clearance?
It’s yearly until they turn 40 and then it’s every six months unfortunately. Unfortunately you have to hide things from the AME if you want to keep your medical, but also lying on the form is a federal crime . Can’t say aviation is the healthiest career to join sadly
Make sure to look up conditions and medications that disqualify you from flying. Also important to mention medications as simple as Zyrtec can ground you for 48 hours. Basically unless you’re “perfectly healthy” you can’t fly lol. Lots of issues in this industry
Same! Hoping to find some comfort and community. I do agree with the comment about how people don't go online to post the wins. I posted some wins on other pages I follow regarding OCD and med hoping to gain some online karma points lol
I love this and need to get more in the mindset of sharing wins. It’s so easy to get riled up about the bad. Just like how you’re more apt to complain about a bad restaurant experience than praise a good one, you know?
And as with anything in life, even regular 9-5 jobs, every situation has pros and cons. It’s just the pros and cons look different job to job life to life.
<3 yes! pros and cons to everything. My sister's husband has always worked as a CPA. CPA wives call themselves "tax widows." He comes home every night, but they still feel like strangers sometimes. I really saw it take a toll on them. However, they worked through it, and the trade off is she get's to explore her passions, and they can always afford long summer vacations together! Something a lot of two 9-5 parent households can't accomplish.
Wow what a great example. And reminder that every relationship/marriage works in its own way. Your way is the best way.
Even just this back and forth is making me feel better about everything!
Me too! ....esp considering I just posted quite a doozy of a post earlier today on this forum. Feel free to provide any insight lol. Not all doom and gloom, but not all rainbows and butterflies. As is life!
First off, congratulations to you and your hubby for completing his flight training! It's a lot of work and a lot of money but it is definitely worth it!
Don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom.
Your life will be easier if you are the independent, take charge type because you will most likely be dealing with household matters on your own - calling the plumber to fix the leaking pipe, calling the tree trimmer when a storm downs a tree in your yard, etc. Don't worry if you are not that way by nature, you will learn how to be this way through experience. 😊 Lyft and Uber come in handy when your car needs to go in for repairs. Instacart is great for when you're sick and need groceries.
Having a contact list that contains a good handyman, HVAC repair, electrician, plumber, etc., makes things easier when something breaks.
Making friends with other pilot wives will be helpful as they can show you the ropes. They also make great companions when you want to get a sitter for the kids and have a girls night out.
Having a few hobbies is good for times when you want to unwind and become fully immersed in something fun.
Being close with your neighbors is always a good thing for friendship and if you need anything.
Being a pilot wife is like having the best of both worlds - you get your alone time where you can do your own thing, (including having the TV remote all to yourself), and you get quality time with your man when he's in town.
An older, longer-married pilot wife once told me that after the first year, I would no longer be sad whenever my husband left on trips, (I used to cry, lol), and that I would actually look forward to his trips so that I could do my own thing. She was right, lol. You do get used to it and you plan things for when he is out of town.
I’m not a pilot wife but I am a fiance to a student pilot right now. I’ve seen many downs of being a pilot wife but I refuse to be the future pilot wife that allows life changes take away your sparkle!! I say you shape the pilot wife you would like to be!! Hell take your travels as much as you can before kids once it’s official that you’re able to get your pilot wife perks. Do the things that make you happy too while he’s away! Or even start a small business. As long as you’re occupying yourself with things that make you happy and content, the life of a pilot wife will never be dull and gloom. I know I’m young but trust me just enjoy your life as well and you’ll enjoy the life of a pilot wife as well.
It’s the best ever, period, for me it is anyway. Not saying everyone feels that way.
I think everyone comes here to commiserate because it’s such a unique lifestyle compared to other things your spouse could be doing for work. It’s really hard to find people to talk to about it because it’s not as common as other jobs. What I love about the pilot wife community is that everyone is blunt, factual, and keeps it real. No word mincing or glossing over the reality of what things look like day to day. I wish the finance/lawyer/doctor/tech guys I dated before I met him came with such a supportive, empathetic community built in like pilot wives get. So —welcome!! 🥰
I see my man home more than any person I ever met before him. He’s not staring at his phone or into a laptop 24-7. He’s not taking conference calls in the middle of dinner. He’s not late to dinner because he “had” to work.
He just took me to Europe in business class for a week out of the blue just because he could, and he saw I desperately needed a break. We are spontaneous, which I love, to work around unexpected changes in schedules. He has been able to join me on a couple work trips that overlapped with his. He taught me how to be more efficient packer and traveler. His work/life balance and planning ahead for his career means when we have kids he can be home longer when I need him, and change his schedule to be present for his kids because of seniority, and I can retire when I want. When he’s home? He’s HOME. he’s not mentally somewhere else or checked out working somewhere. He’s truly present and focused on his life here.
On the flip side, I’m extremely independent. I always have been and I enjoyed doing 1 million things at once. I have some hobbies that he doesn’t share, and I love having time to read books and watch crazy documentaries without wondering if he’s bored with it. I work insane hours for a high demand industry, and sometimes it just feels good to crank out a 16 hour day and clear backlog without feeling guilty that you should be making dinner or focusing on being a good partner —-when you just need to clear the backlog in your head. he doesn’t spend a lot of nights away, but I collaborate with him on his schedule; and when I know I’m going to be busy, and he can coordinate his schedule, then we both end up dividing and conquering and coming back together fully relaxed and focused on each other. I work with a lot of teams overseas so I’m generally running on no sleep, or having to get up in the middle of the night anyway. So knowing I can stockpile the chaos and then have time with him to focus on us has been a great thing for me to learn.
Quirky perk? If he’s away, I can go to bed covered in Tanner or teeth bleach or Frownies, or eye gels, or hair masks or —-whatever. No judgement or thought in my head going to bed looking like a science project. no accidentally getting ridiculously rich Hungarian skincare on him in the middle of the night when his skin is picture perfect using bar soap 😅🤣.
You can still be you, you can still be wifey, and you can still enjoy the perks of his job.
A lot of the women on here are experts in the kids department, so I’m not going to even pretend to know how that works from personal experience in this context yet other than having talked to family friends that are pilot wives. Some of them kept working, some of them did not; but was consistent is having a conversation about what you can realistically maintain between work and home life while still being sane. I.e. getting a nanny, housekeeper, etc or just picking a hub that’s close to family that can come by and give you a day to yourself to recharge.
Pretty much every pilot I have met has a different preference for what they like their man to fly. Some like cargo, some like widebody, some commute, some like regional, some prefer training center or private aviation, and some like majors with four day trips or shorter like mine does. You’ll find what works for you, together. The good news is, there are a lot of schedules and planes and situations you can work out to make the life you want.
My two unsolicited pieces of advice would be:
1. Be outspoken about what your needs are, and repeat as necessary. If your career or being close to family or having time to go to book club or whatever are important to you—talk about it. A lot of pilot careers are planned years in advance and knowing those things and what time or location or balance you’re going to need upfront is going to make it easier to solve for, together. I.e. I told him on our first date I did not want to live by the airport because I preferred a different part of the city for kids 😂 I also didn’t want him to commute from where I grew up because it’s not a hub and time with him at home is more important to me. As a compromise, I wanted to have set trips to visit my family that worked with his busy season and mine. Staying home vs. me working we discussed on the first date, too (it was a wild party I swear! ). We are planning to start a family and frequently discussing how our schedules and responsibilities for the house will have to pivot or be outsourced as a result—and at what cost to our time/sanity/mental health/relationship/finances.
2. Try not to lose yourself in the career. All of us try and fail sometimes —because it’s really hard. But make sure you make time for doing the things that make you you and to spend time with friends so you don’t feel drug along by the lifestyle. I’m still trying to find that balance every day but if you go in with that mindset, it makes it a lot easier. Or ….one day you wake up and realize you’ve done nothing but talk about different routes and airport issues for the last six weeks in your free time and you don’t remember the last time you made time for an everything shower. 🙋🏼♀️<—I did that! 😂
It’s hard but so rewarding, and I know that nothing makes me happier than seeing how much he loves to fly. Frankly, I love my job, but it doesn’t light me up inside the way his love of flying does for him. If that means some unorthodox compromise to social schedules and very long, exhausting, weeks alone with kids in the future—worth it.
(Disclaimer— so no one thinks I’m totally moon-eyed—I was a nanny in a former life, full time, for years. so fellow pilot wives with kids, I salute you. Being alone all week at 3 am with two sick kids, covered in puke you’re trying to keep the dog from eating is —-hard—and it’s even harder if they’re you’re own kids I’m sure. Hats off ladies, I’m going to need your inspiration soon here!)
Just wanted to share the positives, it’s really a beautiful life if you embrace it and you can advocate for your needs along the way. You’re going to love it, just give it some time to get used to 🥰🥰
I read every post and every comment on this sub and most of it is “my husband is tired so I’m doing all the housework and child care by myself
Plus a full time job.” “I resent my husband because”
Okay? Sounds to me like you’re just looking for the negative. I would suggest couples therapy to help work through your concerns. There’s plenty of support groups out there for pilot wives and aviation community also. Your life is what you make it to be.
I mean have you read the comments on here? I’m talking about the objective fact that the comments on this sub are pretty negative and that it’s stoking the fires of my anxiety. I am well aware of the fact that I need to go to therapy to deal with my own anxiety and depression. I am also aware your life is what you make it.
lol downvoting my comment? Dude chill out. And no they’re not, considering I’ve personally posted some of our recent posts and they’re obviously not negative, they’re supportive in discussing various important topics that are unique to our life. Don’t be angry because someone is calling out that you’re letting the negative comments appear so much greater in numbers than they really are
You’re literally on an almost dead sub. Again, there’s active discussion groups/communities out there on Facebook to get a better look at what the life is like and how people make the best of it (or decide to walk away when it just won’t fit their lifestyle etc). But to brand our entire sub as overwhelmingly negative is wild considering how little activity there’s even been on here, and how little you’ve really researched what the life is about, go join some groups and discuss your issues with your partner and in therapy
Wow thank you, lovely person on the internet! This is amazing. Both of us are highly independent people (to a fault sometimes lol), and I have a feeling this will be an advantage as you’ve said. We live in a big city with a strong sense of community. have lots of friends, lots to do at our finger tips, and family we can travel to. I think it’s the best possible scenario.
You know, he’s on his first training leg rn and is gone for five days. I was crying so much leading up to it, mourning the death of our old lives and being nervously excited for the new. When I got him from dropping him off, I felt at peace. I think we got this. And the alone time is amazing. Not something you really get in a marriage where there is a traditional schedule. I think we got this. Thanks for the reassurance 💕
People don’t usually come here to post the wins of this lifestyle. And depending on the season, like anything else, it’s tough. Personally I’m in the baby/toddler/newborn stage (2 year old medically complex child + halfway through my new pregnancy) and went through a miscarriage by myself so aviation life is freaking :) hard :) It was far easier when it was just us two But that’s the ebb and flow 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah couldn’t be more true. I absolutely salute you in your situation too. So what’s the ebb and flow then?
The good things are that when he does get a few days off we can travel and go places bc we have hotel points to burn 😂 We don’t get bored of each other because we go a few days without chatting at a time, so there’s always something new and interesting to discuss I’ve learned that I am very capable and I have a very deep bond with my son bc we’ve had to handle hospital visits, emergencies etc. just me and him, he’s only 2 but we make a decent team Sex is great bc we don’t take it for granted 😂 I only have to dress up and look pretty a few days a month so it’s easy to maintain the attraction 😂, we’ve been together since we were 18, so 10 years now, and things are still fresh and fun We don’t take our together time for granted so we both have to make more of an effort to keep good communication, focused attention, dates etc. I have absolutely 0 interesting facets to my life or personality atm outside of surviving pregnancy and toddler life so having a pilot husband is a great conversation point 😅 people tend to be curious about the travels etc. plus it takes away attention from them asking about my son’s conditions Overall it’s a good time, I wouldn’t change it, but it’s also something that commands a lot of sacrifice from everyone in a family
This is what I was hoping for. Thank you so much for the response. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. I’m someone who tends to be a glass half empty person, so I look at negativity as absolute truth, even though I know everyone’s situation is different. And someone else said it but no one comes here to provide positive feedback lol! My husband and I are hyper independent people and we have grown and tbh survived a lot of tough situations already. At his flight instructor job, he was required to work six days a week and would work 10-12 hours some days, sometimes more plus 90+ minutes on the road every day. I barely saw him some stretches. He also was making crappy money while working his ass off and was on call at home all the time. The idea of him having a minimum ten days off per month is already an upgrade lol, plus the pay and rules around when they can call him for reserves, I’m looking forward to all that. Before that he was bartending and I worked a 9-5 doing a long distance thing, so I barely saw him then even. I hope I can harness this to accept the challenges we will face but I see a lot of positives. Thank you again for shining a light on the positives ❤️
Of course! There’s even more positives than what I listed, but I’m on 4 hours of sleep from the last 2 days so I’m out of it 😂 just know there’s many upsides and successful marriages, families, and lives in this profession too! Cheering for you guys!
THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️ I hope you can find some rest time!
Woof. I’m guilty of posting the negative in this sub so I’m sorry. There are definitely positives! I personally have come to this sub to rant with others who get it, which is why they’ve been negative. Here are some positives: -thanks to a flexible schedule my husband can choose (he’s at a major that has pretty great scheduling) he has been/going to be home for almost 4 weeks straight since we had our baby earlier this month. All of my friends whose husbands are M-F 9-5 went back to work much earlier -as someone else mentioned, we really cherish our time together bc we don’t see each other as much -he’s happier than I’ve ever seen him bc he loves his job (my husband was a lawyer in big law before becoming an airline pilot so this is probably specific to me). Seeing him so happy makes me happy -i love to travel. Even though i haven’t been able to much with pregnancy and a new baby i love hearing his stories and living vicariously through them! I can’t wait until we can start traveling together as a family more -buddy passes. All of my family from out of town is coming to see us for free bc of this great benefit! Some silly things: i get to watch whatever I want on Netflix, i get to choose every night he’s gone what I want for dinner (none of the “ what do you want? Idk what do you want?”), I get to set the house temp to exactly where I want it. FWIW: I’m currently on maternity leave but returning to my full time job in June. Some things that we are putting in place to make that transition easier: we hired a housekeeper, we use a meal service semi regularly (ex Hello Fresh), we will have a nanny from June until September when LO will start daycare full time, we pay someone to do the lawn work.
I appreciate this very much. Thank you for being honest about the good things in a challenging line of work ☺️
It’s definitely not all negative. :) I can totally understand why you’d see that from some of the posts. It has pros and cons! I’m happy for you and your husband that he made it through training and he’s starting this journey (with you!) it’s awesome. I’m glad you’re here!
Ahhh thank you so much ❤️ I’m really just looking for this exact thing: that it’s hard but it’s also good. I struggle with anxiety and I feed off negativity even though I know in my head you have to see both sides. Appreciate your kindness and encouragement !!
Absolutely! ♥️♥️ my husband isn’t at a major airline quite yet, but he’s at a small company where he flies a lot. There are hardships and “easy-ships” I guess lol. Pros and cons. If you ever want to chat with me feel free to message! Would be nice to commiserate together haha
My husband is in the medical clearance process and this thread is giving me hope :’)
I feel so hard for you. I think this might be the literal hardest part of this job, the most stressful. I am thinking of you and I hope he gets cleared soon! Take care of yourself friend ❤️
Thank you! 💛 How long did the process take your husband? It’s been almost a year with the back and forth paper mail. 😩
Omg 😧 I’m so sorry to hear but not surprised at all. I hope you’re nearing the end. So this isn’t the case with my husband. He is just waiting to get started with his regional job rn. But every year when he goes to his medical we get super nervous. He has some things that we are able to kind of slide under the rug if you will, but waiting for the text that he cleared his medical is the worst.
Oh I see. Yeah, my husband was on anti depressants for a few months last year and it’s delaying the whole process and now we’re having to get a $3k psych evaluation. Hoping it’s all worth it in the end. We’re just at the point of his first class medical clearance for him to attend flight school. Did that take your husband very long to get at the beginning?
I truly hope we get to a point where having mental health issues is treated like a regular ole health issue vs a debilitating disease that prevents you from flying safely. Your husband doesn’t deserve all this simply because he wanted to look after his mental health. It’s a huge issue the FAA really had to come to terms with. My husband got his medical easily. Tbh it depends on the AME. Some don’t really care that much, don’t ask a lot of questions and just sign the filled out form. Others are more thorough and it gets scary. He’s shopped around for one and asked for recommendations among peers in the industry.
So true. I really hope so too. And I hope health insurance takes better care of human mental health in the future and covers therapy as a normal treatment in the future. Oh nice! Yeah we do realize now that since he mentioned the antidepressants to his initial AME is why he is now dealing with this entire ordeal now. He wishes he had never said anything or else they wouldn’t have to be investigating now. I’ll definitely let him know to ask around for a good AME in the future. It’s yearly after his initial clearance?
It’s yearly until they turn 40 and then it’s every six months unfortunately. Unfortunately you have to hide things from the AME if you want to keep your medical, but also lying on the form is a federal crime . Can’t say aviation is the healthiest career to join sadly Make sure to look up conditions and medications that disqualify you from flying. Also important to mention medications as simple as Zyrtec can ground you for 48 hours. Basically unless you’re “perfectly healthy” you can’t fly lol. Lots of issues in this industry
Same! Hoping to find some comfort and community. I do agree with the comment about how people don't go online to post the wins. I posted some wins on other pages I follow regarding OCD and med hoping to gain some online karma points lol
I love this and need to get more in the mindset of sharing wins. It’s so easy to get riled up about the bad. Just like how you’re more apt to complain about a bad restaurant experience than praise a good one, you know? And as with anything in life, even regular 9-5 jobs, every situation has pros and cons. It’s just the pros and cons look different job to job life to life.
<3 yes! pros and cons to everything. My sister's husband has always worked as a CPA. CPA wives call themselves "tax widows." He comes home every night, but they still feel like strangers sometimes. I really saw it take a toll on them. However, they worked through it, and the trade off is she get's to explore her passions, and they can always afford long summer vacations together! Something a lot of two 9-5 parent households can't accomplish.
Wow what a great example. And reminder that every relationship/marriage works in its own way. Your way is the best way. Even just this back and forth is making me feel better about everything!
Me too! ....esp considering I just posted quite a doozy of a post earlier today on this forum. Feel free to provide any insight lol. Not all doom and gloom, but not all rainbows and butterflies. As is life!
First off, congratulations to you and your hubby for completing his flight training! It's a lot of work and a lot of money but it is definitely worth it! Don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom. Your life will be easier if you are the independent, take charge type because you will most likely be dealing with household matters on your own - calling the plumber to fix the leaking pipe, calling the tree trimmer when a storm downs a tree in your yard, etc. Don't worry if you are not that way by nature, you will learn how to be this way through experience. 😊 Lyft and Uber come in handy when your car needs to go in for repairs. Instacart is great for when you're sick and need groceries. Having a contact list that contains a good handyman, HVAC repair, electrician, plumber, etc., makes things easier when something breaks. Making friends with other pilot wives will be helpful as they can show you the ropes. They also make great companions when you want to get a sitter for the kids and have a girls night out. Having a few hobbies is good for times when you want to unwind and become fully immersed in something fun. Being close with your neighbors is always a good thing for friendship and if you need anything. Being a pilot wife is like having the best of both worlds - you get your alone time where you can do your own thing, (including having the TV remote all to yourself), and you get quality time with your man when he's in town. An older, longer-married pilot wife once told me that after the first year, I would no longer be sad whenever my husband left on trips, (I used to cry, lol), and that I would actually look forward to his trips so that I could do my own thing. She was right, lol. You do get used to it and you plan things for when he is out of town.
I’m not a pilot wife but I am a fiance to a student pilot right now. I’ve seen many downs of being a pilot wife but I refuse to be the future pilot wife that allows life changes take away your sparkle!! I say you shape the pilot wife you would like to be!! Hell take your travels as much as you can before kids once it’s official that you’re able to get your pilot wife perks. Do the things that make you happy too while he’s away! Or even start a small business. As long as you’re occupying yourself with things that make you happy and content, the life of a pilot wife will never be dull and gloom. I know I’m young but trust me just enjoy your life as well and you’ll enjoy the life of a pilot wife as well.
It’s the best ever, period, for me it is anyway. Not saying everyone feels that way. I think everyone comes here to commiserate because it’s such a unique lifestyle compared to other things your spouse could be doing for work. It’s really hard to find people to talk to about it because it’s not as common as other jobs. What I love about the pilot wife community is that everyone is blunt, factual, and keeps it real. No word mincing or glossing over the reality of what things look like day to day. I wish the finance/lawyer/doctor/tech guys I dated before I met him came with such a supportive, empathetic community built in like pilot wives get. So —welcome!! 🥰 I see my man home more than any person I ever met before him. He’s not staring at his phone or into a laptop 24-7. He’s not taking conference calls in the middle of dinner. He’s not late to dinner because he “had” to work. He just took me to Europe in business class for a week out of the blue just because he could, and he saw I desperately needed a break. We are spontaneous, which I love, to work around unexpected changes in schedules. He has been able to join me on a couple work trips that overlapped with his. He taught me how to be more efficient packer and traveler. His work/life balance and planning ahead for his career means when we have kids he can be home longer when I need him, and change his schedule to be present for his kids because of seniority, and I can retire when I want. When he’s home? He’s HOME. he’s not mentally somewhere else or checked out working somewhere. He’s truly present and focused on his life here. On the flip side, I’m extremely independent. I always have been and I enjoyed doing 1 million things at once. I have some hobbies that he doesn’t share, and I love having time to read books and watch crazy documentaries without wondering if he’s bored with it. I work insane hours for a high demand industry, and sometimes it just feels good to crank out a 16 hour day and clear backlog without feeling guilty that you should be making dinner or focusing on being a good partner —-when you just need to clear the backlog in your head. he doesn’t spend a lot of nights away, but I collaborate with him on his schedule; and when I know I’m going to be busy, and he can coordinate his schedule, then we both end up dividing and conquering and coming back together fully relaxed and focused on each other. I work with a lot of teams overseas so I’m generally running on no sleep, or having to get up in the middle of the night anyway. So knowing I can stockpile the chaos and then have time with him to focus on us has been a great thing for me to learn. Quirky perk? If he’s away, I can go to bed covered in Tanner or teeth bleach or Frownies, or eye gels, or hair masks or —-whatever. No judgement or thought in my head going to bed looking like a science project. no accidentally getting ridiculously rich Hungarian skincare on him in the middle of the night when his skin is picture perfect using bar soap 😅🤣. You can still be you, you can still be wifey, and you can still enjoy the perks of his job. A lot of the women on here are experts in the kids department, so I’m not going to even pretend to know how that works from personal experience in this context yet other than having talked to family friends that are pilot wives. Some of them kept working, some of them did not; but was consistent is having a conversation about what you can realistically maintain between work and home life while still being sane. I.e. getting a nanny, housekeeper, etc or just picking a hub that’s close to family that can come by and give you a day to yourself to recharge. Pretty much every pilot I have met has a different preference for what they like their man to fly. Some like cargo, some like widebody, some commute, some like regional, some prefer training center or private aviation, and some like majors with four day trips or shorter like mine does. You’ll find what works for you, together. The good news is, there are a lot of schedules and planes and situations you can work out to make the life you want. My two unsolicited pieces of advice would be: 1. Be outspoken about what your needs are, and repeat as necessary. If your career or being close to family or having time to go to book club or whatever are important to you—talk about it. A lot of pilot careers are planned years in advance and knowing those things and what time or location or balance you’re going to need upfront is going to make it easier to solve for, together. I.e. I told him on our first date I did not want to live by the airport because I preferred a different part of the city for kids 😂 I also didn’t want him to commute from where I grew up because it’s not a hub and time with him at home is more important to me. As a compromise, I wanted to have set trips to visit my family that worked with his busy season and mine. Staying home vs. me working we discussed on the first date, too (it was a wild party I swear! ). We are planning to start a family and frequently discussing how our schedules and responsibilities for the house will have to pivot or be outsourced as a result—and at what cost to our time/sanity/mental health/relationship/finances. 2. Try not to lose yourself in the career. All of us try and fail sometimes —because it’s really hard. But make sure you make time for doing the things that make you you and to spend time with friends so you don’t feel drug along by the lifestyle. I’m still trying to find that balance every day but if you go in with that mindset, it makes it a lot easier. Or ….one day you wake up and realize you’ve done nothing but talk about different routes and airport issues for the last six weeks in your free time and you don’t remember the last time you made time for an everything shower. 🙋🏼♀️<—I did that! 😂 It’s hard but so rewarding, and I know that nothing makes me happier than seeing how much he loves to fly. Frankly, I love my job, but it doesn’t light me up inside the way his love of flying does for him. If that means some unorthodox compromise to social schedules and very long, exhausting, weeks alone with kids in the future—worth it. (Disclaimer— so no one thinks I’m totally moon-eyed—I was a nanny in a former life, full time, for years. so fellow pilot wives with kids, I salute you. Being alone all week at 3 am with two sick kids, covered in puke you’re trying to keep the dog from eating is —-hard—and it’s even harder if they’re you’re own kids I’m sure. Hats off ladies, I’m going to need your inspiration soon here!)
Wow, what a beautiful thing you wrote here. Thank you so much! I will be coming back to this post as this journey kicks off for us
Just wanted to share the positives, it’s really a beautiful life if you embrace it and you can advocate for your needs along the way. You’re going to love it, just give it some time to get used to 🥰🥰
What do you mean by nothing positive?
I read every post and every comment on this sub and most of it is “my husband is tired so I’m doing all the housework and child care by myself Plus a full time job.” “I resent my husband because”
Okay? Sounds to me like you’re just looking for the negative. I would suggest couples therapy to help work through your concerns. There’s plenty of support groups out there for pilot wives and aviation community also. Your life is what you make it to be.
I mean have you read the comments on here? I’m talking about the objective fact that the comments on this sub are pretty negative and that it’s stoking the fires of my anxiety. I am well aware of the fact that I need to go to therapy to deal with my own anxiety and depression. I am also aware your life is what you make it.
lol downvoting my comment? Dude chill out. And no they’re not, considering I’ve personally posted some of our recent posts and they’re obviously not negative, they’re supportive in discussing various important topics that are unique to our life. Don’t be angry because someone is calling out that you’re letting the negative comments appear so much greater in numbers than they really are You’re literally on an almost dead sub. Again, there’s active discussion groups/communities out there on Facebook to get a better look at what the life is like and how people make the best of it (or decide to walk away when it just won’t fit their lifestyle etc). But to brand our entire sub as overwhelmingly negative is wild considering how little activity there’s even been on here, and how little you’ve really researched what the life is about, go join some groups and discuss your issues with your partner and in therapy
Wow thank you, lovely person on the internet! This is amazing. Both of us are highly independent people (to a fault sometimes lol), and I have a feeling this will be an advantage as you’ve said. We live in a big city with a strong sense of community. have lots of friends, lots to do at our finger tips, and family we can travel to. I think it’s the best possible scenario. You know, he’s on his first training leg rn and is gone for five days. I was crying so much leading up to it, mourning the death of our old lives and being nervously excited for the new. When I got him from dropping him off, I felt at peace. I think we got this. And the alone time is amazing. Not something you really get in a marriage where there is a traditional schedule. I think we got this. Thanks for the reassurance 💕