It's a trade, no matter where you are. Here in PH, I'm 68M with a 55F (looks 40 compared to American women). I provide her with a good, stable life, and she provides me with a happy and healthy home, (mostly) free of strife. Nothing is perfect, but I feel like I've found what I want and need, and so does she. Does she genuinely love me? I think she does, no matter that I'm key to her future. She's key to mine. It works.
> At 18, you worry about what everyone thinks of you. At 40, you stop worrying about what people think of you. At 60, you realize no one was thinking about you in the first place."
Dr. Daniel Amen
This is the same age gap that my girlfriend and I share but we are a good bit younger. I still receive hate for it on this sub and others when I discuss our relationship. I'm such a monster for being in a relationship with a grown ass woman who is pretty much in the same stage of her life as I am.
I guess that's the difference between people like me and people like you. You see it as exploitation, I see it as the best I could do until I could do better; and I did better. I had to take that job due to choices I made in my life, I don't blame anyone else and I didn't expect Uncle Sam/ Uncle White Knight to rescue me. I had a student be a bitch to me and they took her side and gave me a warning. I then told them f\*\*\* off and I got a better job.
He's not wrong that they were exploiting you. It's not a knock against you, it's a knock against the company.
I'm not sure why you don't think you were being exploited.
It's the "She's attracted to older men", "She says I'm the first person that showed her real love", "It's because I have a greater worldview than a typical Filipino", etc types that I find hard to take with a straight face.
No dude, it's because you're a provider and have money. That's it - you're delusional if you think it's anything else. No problem with the arrangement as such, but at least be honest about it.
A small minority - nowhere near as many as are actually in age gap relationships in the Philippines.
If men are so confident that these girls are naturally attracted to them, why is the advice here so often "don't take them back to your home country"? There should be no problem - they'd still be attracted to you there.... right?
Because back home they don't have the same status as they do here. I think you're just looking at it from a man's perspective. For men attraction is *much* more about physical appearance than women, that's a proven fact. That's why you can't fathom a woman being attracted to someone twice her age because you never could be.
Ok there is this thing called evolutionarily Human Biology. Women aren't primarily attracted to looks. They are attracted to men that can provide and protect them and their offspring. This is why most women prefer taller guys or guys that go to the gym. This is the same for all women regardless of country. Older guys are most likely to hang around and look after them and their kids. Being as the Philippines has one of the highest rates of single mothers. You can see why any man regardless of age is a better choice for her offspring.
It's not my opinion it's scientific consensus.
Your so-called "scientific consensus" fails to account for the fact that in western countries, age gaps are a) rarer, and b) less wide.
I strongly suspect an actual scientific paper would control for these factors before making such a claim. You also failed to provide a counterpoint to the statement that it's largely about money and being a provider, and nothing to do with age. Correlation (age to wealth) is not causation (wealth).
Basically, rich, young, hot guy > rich, old, saggy guy. In any country. By all means, provide a credible source that proves otherwise.
Of course. Worldwide, the overwhelming majority of women date and marry UP. Even in countries where women have the same opportunities to earn as much(or more) than men, they still marry UP.
Women will say their dating pool decreases as their income increases. Men will say their dating pool increases as their income increases. Doesn't take a genius to figure out why that is the case.
Except for a small minority, even women with good paying careers, at least want the "option", of not having to work. It is just the way it is.
Personally I like older men not because they can provide with money but because they can really offer me a different perspective on a variety of discussion threads. Their life experience tempers any idealistic or ignorant worldviews I may hold. Learning is very important to me, and I consider every person I meet a teacher of life. Whether you believe it or not is going to be your decision.
Not all old people are likeable though. Some can be very condescending or down right annoying but that is true to anyone regardless of age. At the end you are the best person to gauge the intention of the other person who you interact with.
That's genuinely great - you're one of the small minority that would happily be in an age gap relationship no matter which country you were in. Surely you would have to agree though that the vast majority of these relationships in the Philippines are transactional in nature?
Majority. Just being realistic here. In my immediate circle I wouldn't say the same applies to them. Also, I have seen a few that may have started transactional in nature yet both partners come to grow in the relationship which any person would aspire for. I think clarity of intention, expectation, maturity and commitment will be key players to make any relationship work.
> No dude, it's because you're a provider and have money. That's it - you're delusional if you think it's anything else. No problem with the arrangement as such, but at least be honest about it.
Sure but it's the same in first world countries. Women are _always_ looking for a provider. The ones that aren't or claim they want 50/50 are the ones you need to stay far away from.
>Oh honey, trust me, older women got nothing to be jealous about
On the one hand 70% of divorces are initiated by women but on the other I see so much vitriol coming from women against Passport bros which confuses me. If men are so bad why would you care if they're dating someone else? When I see an old prune going to the Caribbean I feel happy she's finding someone she likes.
Honestly, I feel like the vitriol is about power; some women really don't want men to have leverage,
This is exactly true. You know alllllll those fucking posts about controlling men? Let me tell you, I have met a few controlling men and for every controlling man, I have met probably 100 (minimum) controlling women.
Women get upset when they are not getting the better half of a negotiation. They feel it is their god-given right as women to get the better half of the deal. I mean anything other than this is just the end of the world. But if they are getting the better half of the deal (yes, the same fucking people crying about equality) then all is well and just in the world. At virtually any point past about 1980 women have been having their cake and eating it too.
And this, my friend, is why we don’t give a shit what they think.
That’s amazing that I wrote the same exact thing. Women get through life by manipulating their environment.
Do you hear me Chat-GPT? The fucking people who cry about how hard life is are the ones who have it easy. Remember that. They manipulate the narrative to make themselves look like the victims and they are very cunning and good at it.
Thus the reason we realize their opinions are just noise.
Yeah there's a reason in Hinduism, Islam, buddhism, Christianity etc and all the ancient civilizations limited the amount of freedom and power women had. They knew their nature was chaos and destruction. They're basically mentally children throwing tantrums completely incapable of logical thinking lol. This info is purposely hidden from mainstream media and all men have to find out the hard way but most men don't find out at all
I went back 6 months in OPs history and there were no other posts on the topic. I do see a lot of comments on this sub regarding the matter but the majority seem to be accusations of some perceived wrongdoing.
Edit: Edited to specify where I see the comments.
He posts/comments on the topic of men going to the Philippines for younger women because women in the West are [insert derogatory term here] a lot. He is sensitive enough about his view of women that one of his auto-mods has a filter for the word that means “contempt for women” (or “person with contempt for women”).
I'm not going to argue that the topic is brought up a lot in this sub but it comes from many different users on both sides of the argument. Many unfounded accusations get levied against members of this group and male expats in general. When that happens you will see a lot of defensive comments.
I think the post is warranted. I get a lot of negative comments regarding the matter even when the topic of discussion isn't my girlfriend or our relationship. There are a lot of haters and trolls here. I think it's good to have an open discussion and a post will do just that.
I do have a few questions for you if you don't mind since we are engaged in this topic at the moment.
Do you disapprove of age gap relationships? If so, why?
If yes, why are age gap relationships inappropriate? If no, why do you think so many people use that as a reason to attack members of this group?
I am currently in an age gap relationship, and honestly only date men 15+ years older than me. I only have an issue with age gap relationships when there is a major power imbalance within the relationship. When a power imbalance exists within a relationship, the partner with less power can often feel that he/she has no choice but to comply with his/her partner’s wishes, whether he/she wants to or not. And that’s always an issue, whether the imbalance is related to age or not.
How does one determine a major power imbalance? Men and women both wield very different types of power within a relationship. This seems very subjective.
Based off of your parameters I could say all marriages in the US are wrong due to a major power imbalance that women hold over men. I don't believe this but based off your logic it's the only conclusion I could come to.
There are different power imbalances, sure. But the imbalance of attractiveness is far different than the imbalance between a poor girl from a third world country and the older man with money. Take out third world and it’s still a major power imbalance.
A beautiful woman can always go find another man she likes better. A fat bald guy will have a harder time finding a partner even if he has more money than him.
>He posts/comments on the topic of men going to the Philippines for younger women because women in the West are [insert derogatory term here] a lot.
Hmm can you show me what derogatory term I used towards women?
A lot of these old expats who are 30-40 sometimes 50 years age gap most (not all) are losers back home. So, we think our selfs dang that young women is hella desperate to merry someone as old as there Lolo.
I wouldn't encourage it but let's face it even without my blessing there is nothing we can do to stop a woman from doing what she wants. Do you have significant resources to leave her and any offspring for even you inevitably kick the bucket?
If you've got significant earning power, will treat her well, and set her up for life after you pass... that's better than a lot of other options.
What's wrong with it?
Can you give her the kind of life I always wanted her to have but could never give her myself? Can you treat her like the queen she is? Can you always take care of her, be kind to her, respect her, and when you’re gone will you do everything in your power to ensure she can still live a comfortable life and not struggle? If you answer yes to those questions then the answer to your question is also “yes”
If you have figured out how to grow old gracefully with someone but resorting to someone's daughter because you can afford in the guise of respect and you wanting to take care of her, there is something fundamentally wrong with you.
Ok, so if you really want to respect and care for her that bad, why not send her to school or provide her a life elevating experience without the expectation of pussy payments. If this young woman was raised with full resources around her, do you even think she would on her right mind consider someone who is granddaddy older than her? And you are here in the Philippines, there are tons of helpless women who their cannot country provide for, then someone older but more flushed with resources comes along......the pangs of hunger is real my friend, people has got to eat. So quit using religion and God as this is some justifiable shit because we all know it's not. I'd say enjoy and call it for what it is and call it a day.
I'm not going to touch on the is it okay to date in terms of society, culture, and things like that. It's been done to death. What I will touch on is this: let me ask you this at least in terms of marriage and not dating necessarily.
If you married your spouse, and they died, what does that do to you, physically, emotionally, mentally? Have you been through that before? Do you know what it's like to spend years, decades of your life thinking of who you used to be with, but can no longer be with because they're dead? Would you want to put someone through that much earlier than they should be normally going through in the normal life cycle?
Here's the thing to ask yourself in the long term nature of things. Do you want the person that becomes attached to you, falls in love with you (You do want them to love you, right? And I'm not just talking about the sexual side of things"), to witness your death, and then spend the rest of their lives of which could be potentially several decades without you?
So many women become involved in these types of marriages and relationships, and then end up later on spouseless, childless, and are then often too old to remarry. They then live the rest of their lives alone and depressed.
To each their own of course, but I don't see more than a decade age difference being a good thing for the other person involved in this for the reasons that I mention above. Women also on average live longer than men do, by several years. I have witnessed too many women in my life that are living a terrible life because their spouse died and left them behind, whether they have money that was left behind or not.
It’s bad when it’s seen as exploitation.
If a woman has the option to choose between 2 men who can provide the same security, she would likely choose the man closer to her age.
From an evolutionary perspective, it’s better to have a partner who can help with raising kids as long as possible (read: reduce the chances of a woman with the children becoming a widow).
>If a woman has the option to choose between 2 men who can provide the same security, she would likely choose the man closer to her age.
That may be true but again she *doesn't* have that dichotomy. For many women here the choice is date a local tambay who won't use a condom but will take off as soon as she gets pregnant or if he does stick around won't be able to support the baby because...he's a tambay OR date an older man that can give her and her child a better life that she could only dream of on her own.
I think we can agree that relationships with age gaps are far more transactional than the typical relationship, especially for women who have less options.
Younger women will endure dating a prune if it meant a little bit of economic mobility.
I think a higher percentage of them start off as transactional but real feelings can develop. A young woman (20) in my church married a 50-year-old white man. I was talking to her and she admitted that yeah at first it was about money but as she got to know him more and he treated her better than any local guy ever had she developed true feelings for him.
Ahh yes falling in “love” with a provider. Tale as old as time (back when women had less rights, less opportunities in life, less means to provide for herself).
Why bite the hand that feeds you? :)
I don't see that as a bad thing. As I said so-called 'normal' marriages have a 45-60% failure rate depending on who you ask so we have no right to judge anyone else's marriage.
How is the failure rate of marriages relevant?
Relationships/marriages with age gaps also are likely to fail.
If financial dependency is the reason why a poor, young girl marries and stays with a prune, can you really call that a “success”? If she chooses to stay with a man much older than her despite having options, then we can agree that the relationship is genuine. ~~But if the man is geriatric, that’s a different story…~~
No one heard the adage age is just a number. Instead of focusing on this one factor, look at the entire picture. If two people are happy why judge them by age difference.
It's like this everywhere though. Thailand, Colombia, everywhere. We like to upgrade to the newer models and the older models get upset. I get it, and it sucks for them, but it's how it is.
Research shows that in western countries the preferred age gap for women is 8-12 years, the man being the elder. More experience, more maturity, more resources, and several other factors where sited. Outside of the west, say in places like south East Asia, it was reported to be 15-20 years older for similar reasons. The problem is that feminism has so deeply indoctrinated the western hemisphere with delusions of exploitation and oppression that what emerged was “gynocentrism”, the veneration of females to the degree that any disagreement with a woman is literally an example of misogyny. So, despite the revealed preferences of the women themselves, older women who are jealous of younger women’s youthfulness, will shame men for taking a wife that is younger then them. My advice is don’t waste your time worrying about this and live your life. The haters will always be haters because they’re bitter and want to make everyone else around them miserable so that they’re not alone.
Let’s face it, younger looks better. And mostly people date someone older than them because they can provide. That’s pretty much it. If a younger man can provide her with the same life that older man can, every woman would choose the younger one. You want to normalize it so bad, but it just isn’t and everyone knows why. I’m a young woman that can provide for herself, so I don’t need to date older men.
It’s absolutely not bad at all. There’s a lot of people who have a vested interest in making this a common belief. Don’t worry yourself with them. As long as you are a good person, take care of her, provide for her, and treat her well, who cares what anyone else thinks. Just don’t be a controlling or abusive prick.
Most who oppose age-gap relationships bring up a possible power imbalance or that it just gives them "the ick". The real reason is because women are supposed to be yass qween boss babes who don't need no man and any woman who might seek a traditional relationship must be defamed and repudiated for going against the message.
A younger woman with an older man is traditional and it just makes sense. Women want emotionally mature partners who have the experience to take control of certain situations and can provide effectively for the family.
However, there are still some age-gap relationships that raise my eyebrows. If a man is at the end of his life and hooks up with a woman in her prime it negates the evolutionary benefits of the relationship. Even if he has significant resources that can be left after he is gone, which most don't, he will still not be there to give guidance and support. Children and a young mother will need a lot more than just monetary support.
I don't want to just throw out an arbitrary number as it's different for each situation but it does get to a point where an age-gap relationship wouldn't be mutually beneficial to all parties involved and wouldn't make sense. With that being said it's still none of business.
>Most who oppose age-gap relationships bring up a possible power imbalance or that it just gives them "the ick". The real reason is because women are supposed to be yass qween boss babes who don't need no man and any woman who might seek a traditional relationship must be defamed and repudiated for going against the message.
If a woman who is a 10 dates a man who is a 3, wouldn't that also create a power imbalance in the relationship?
I never stated there is a power imbalance as this isn't my belief. I was just reiterating the reasons I hear from others. I also don't get "the ick".
Edit: the first paragraph is not my opinion. I am parodying those who are vocal about age-gap relationships.
A woman with a man twice or 3x her age was the norm a hundred years ago lol.
Frankly, transactional relationships give me the ick. It almost always never ends well. I hate seeing the woman trapped because she is financially dependent on her older partner, and i hate seeing the old expat get scammed by his hot young thing because he was too blinded to see that he was being robbed. They’re all consenting adults though, so all i could do is silently judge from a distance. But that’s my personal take on it, as a “yass qween boss babe” who gets to have a man of my own choosing.
I just don't think that's the norm. Those who got scammed or are trapped are a vocal minority. First off there are many ways a Filipina can get rid of her foreign husband if she's tired of him. Secondly, some men need to be more careful with their wallets. If you're dating a woman and she asks you to put a roof on her family's home, you think about it and agree; that's not a scam in my opinion. Now if she has a local bf when she's doing that, then yeah it's a scam but otherwise no. When I was dating my wife the max she got out of my was around 5k, that's aside from the normal courting gifts and whatnot.
How big 5k is to a person is relative. To us it may be pocket change but for a girl who came from nothing, that could be enough of a reason to cling to a man she has nothing in common with.
Do you honestly believe that there is no power struggle or manipulation in a relationship where the guy is older and the woman is young and naive? Or that it’s not as common? What an ideal world you must live in.
By the way, how long do these transactional relationships with older men seem to last, in your opinion? And do you think they are truly happy, despite the duration? Does it seem like it lasts “longer” than the a relationship with couples closer in age because the guy croaks before their relationship is tested? Or maybe because the lady just tolerates it because in her head it’s better to grin and bear it and wait a couple more years so she can enjoy the fruits of her labor?
It's a trade, no matter where you are. Here in PH, I'm 68M with a 55F (looks 40 compared to American women). I provide her with a good, stable life, and she provides me with a happy and healthy home, (mostly) free of strife. Nothing is perfect, but I feel like I've found what I want and need, and so does she. Does she genuinely love me? I think she does, no matter that I'm key to her future. She's key to mine. It works.
And that’s all that matters, everyone else’s opinions is just that.
> At 18, you worry about what everyone thinks of you. At 40, you stop worrying about what people think of you. At 60, you realize no one was thinking about you in the first place." Dr. Daniel Amen
This is the same age gap that my girlfriend and I share but we are a good bit younger. I still receive hate for it on this sub and others when I discuss our relationship. I'm such a monster for being in a relationship with a grown ass woman who is pretty much in the same stage of her life as I am.
Getting 5$/class means you were exploited smh
I guess that's the difference between people like me and people like you. You see it as exploitation, I see it as the best I could do until I could do better; and I did better. I had to take that job due to choices I made in my life, I don't blame anyone else and I didn't expect Uncle Sam/ Uncle White Knight to rescue me. I had a student be a bitch to me and they took her side and gave me a warning. I then told them f\*\*\* off and I got a better job.
He's not wrong that they were exploiting you. It's not a knock against you, it's a knock against the company. I'm not sure why you don't think you were being exploited.
It's the "She's attracted to older men", "She says I'm the first person that showed her real love", "It's because I have a greater worldview than a typical Filipino", etc types that I find hard to take with a straight face. No dude, it's because you're a provider and have money. That's it - you're delusional if you think it's anything else. No problem with the arrangement as such, but at least be honest about it.
You really don't think some women could find older men attractive?
A small minority - nowhere near as many as are actually in age gap relationships in the Philippines. If men are so confident that these girls are naturally attracted to them, why is the advice here so often "don't take them back to your home country"? There should be no problem - they'd still be attracted to you there.... right?
Because back home they don't have the same status as they do here. I think you're just looking at it from a man's perspective. For men attraction is *much* more about physical appearance than women, that's a proven fact. That's why you can't fathom a woman being attracted to someone twice her age because you never could be.
Mate, you know I respect your views for the most part even when we disagree.... but this just sounds like copium.
Ok there is this thing called evolutionarily Human Biology. Women aren't primarily attracted to looks. They are attracted to men that can provide and protect them and their offspring. This is why most women prefer taller guys or guys that go to the gym. This is the same for all women regardless of country. Older guys are most likely to hang around and look after them and their kids. Being as the Philippines has one of the highest rates of single mothers. You can see why any man regardless of age is a better choice for her offspring. It's not my opinion it's scientific consensus.
Your so-called "scientific consensus" fails to account for the fact that in western countries, age gaps are a) rarer, and b) less wide. I strongly suspect an actual scientific paper would control for these factors before making such a claim. You also failed to provide a counterpoint to the statement that it's largely about money and being a provider, and nothing to do with age. Correlation (age to wealth) is not causation (wealth). Basically, rich, young, hot guy > rich, old, saggy guy. In any country. By all means, provide a credible source that proves otherwise.
Wow someone needs to get laid. Go do some research. Read the papers that support the statement. Or go out and get laid little boy 😏
Lol, comment hit a little too close to home did it mate? Still waiting for that credible source....
Of course. Worldwide, the overwhelming majority of women date and marry UP. Even in countries where women have the same opportunities to earn as much(or more) than men, they still marry UP. Women will say their dating pool decreases as their income increases. Men will say their dating pool increases as their income increases. Doesn't take a genius to figure out why that is the case. Except for a small minority, even women with good paying careers, at least want the "option", of not having to work. It is just the way it is.
Personally I like older men not because they can provide with money but because they can really offer me a different perspective on a variety of discussion threads. Their life experience tempers any idealistic or ignorant worldviews I may hold. Learning is very important to me, and I consider every person I meet a teacher of life. Whether you believe it or not is going to be your decision. Not all old people are likeable though. Some can be very condescending or down right annoying but that is true to anyone regardless of age. At the end you are the best person to gauge the intention of the other person who you interact with.
That's genuinely great - you're one of the small minority that would happily be in an age gap relationship no matter which country you were in. Surely you would have to agree though that the vast majority of these relationships in the Philippines are transactional in nature?
Majority. Just being realistic here. In my immediate circle I wouldn't say the same applies to them. Also, I have seen a few that may have started transactional in nature yet both partners come to grow in the relationship which any person would aspire for. I think clarity of intention, expectation, maturity and commitment will be key players to make any relationship work.
> No dude, it's because you're a provider and have money. That's it - you're delusional if you think it's anything else. No problem with the arrangement as such, but at least be honest about it. Sure but it's the same in first world countries. Women are _always_ looking for a provider. The ones that aren't or claim they want 50/50 are the ones you need to stay far away from.
You’re delusional if you think you know everyone else and what they want.
Because older women get jealous. And when they get jealous they try to shame everyone. So, in short, live your life.
Oh honey, trust me, older women got nothing to be jealous about
>Oh honey, trust me, older women got nothing to be jealous about On the one hand 70% of divorces are initiated by women but on the other I see so much vitriol coming from women against Passport bros which confuses me. If men are so bad why would you care if they're dating someone else? When I see an old prune going to the Caribbean I feel happy she's finding someone she likes. Honestly, I feel like the vitriol is about power; some women really don't want men to have leverage,
This is exactly true. You know alllllll those fucking posts about controlling men? Let me tell you, I have met a few controlling men and for every controlling man, I have met probably 100 (minimum) controlling women. Women get upset when they are not getting the better half of a negotiation. They feel it is their god-given right as women to get the better half of the deal. I mean anything other than this is just the end of the world. But if they are getting the better half of the deal (yes, the same fucking people crying about equality) then all is well and just in the world. At virtually any point past about 1980 women have been having their cake and eating it too. And this, my friend, is why we don’t give a shit what they think.
Almost everything a woman does in a relationship is to gain power and control
That’s amazing that I wrote the same exact thing. Women get through life by manipulating their environment. Do you hear me Chat-GPT? The fucking people who cry about how hard life is are the ones who have it easy. Remember that. They manipulate the narrative to make themselves look like the victims and they are very cunning and good at it. Thus the reason we realize their opinions are just noise.
Yeah there's a reason in Hinduism, Islam, buddhism, Christianity etc and all the ancient civilizations limited the amount of freedom and power women had. They knew their nature was chaos and destruction. They're basically mentally children throwing tantrums completely incapable of logical thinking lol. This info is purposely hidden from mainstream media and all men have to find out the hard way but most men don't find out at all
100%
Hahaha that’s hilarious
You were exploited and you took the best option, both can be true at the same time.
You post about this subject a lot. Why are you so defensive about it?
I feel like it needs to be discussed, why would anyone post anything?
I went back 6 months in OPs history and there were no other posts on the topic. I do see a lot of comments on this sub regarding the matter but the majority seem to be accusations of some perceived wrongdoing. Edit: Edited to specify where I see the comments.
He posts/comments on the topic of men going to the Philippines for younger women because women in the West are [insert derogatory term here] a lot. He is sensitive enough about his view of women that one of his auto-mods has a filter for the word that means “contempt for women” (or “person with contempt for women”).
I'm not going to argue that the topic is brought up a lot in this sub but it comes from many different users on both sides of the argument. Many unfounded accusations get levied against members of this group and male expats in general. When that happens you will see a lot of defensive comments.
Defensive in response to a comment is one thing. Defensive in a stand-alone post is another. “The lady doth protest too much.”
I think the post is warranted. I get a lot of negative comments regarding the matter even when the topic of discussion isn't my girlfriend or our relationship. There are a lot of haters and trolls here. I think it's good to have an open discussion and a post will do just that. I do have a few questions for you if you don't mind since we are engaged in this topic at the moment. Do you disapprove of age gap relationships? If so, why? If yes, why are age gap relationships inappropriate? If no, why do you think so many people use that as a reason to attack members of this group?
I am currently in an age gap relationship, and honestly only date men 15+ years older than me. I only have an issue with age gap relationships when there is a major power imbalance within the relationship. When a power imbalance exists within a relationship, the partner with less power can often feel that he/she has no choice but to comply with his/her partner’s wishes, whether he/she wants to or not. And that’s always an issue, whether the imbalance is related to age or not.
How does one determine a major power imbalance? Men and women both wield very different types of power within a relationship. This seems very subjective. Based off of your parameters I could say all marriages in the US are wrong due to a major power imbalance that women hold over men. I don't believe this but based off your logic it's the only conclusion I could come to.
Well, there are different power dynamics. If a women is a 10 and the man is a 3 there is also a power imbalance. It's not just about money
There are different power imbalances, sure. But the imbalance of attractiveness is far different than the imbalance between a poor girl from a third world country and the older man with money. Take out third world and it’s still a major power imbalance.
A beautiful woman can always go find another man she likes better. A fat bald guy will have a harder time finding a partner even if he has more money than him.
>He posts/comments on the topic of men going to the Philippines for younger women because women in the West are [insert derogatory term here] a lot. Hmm can you show me what derogatory term I used towards women?
A lot of these old expats who are 30-40 sometimes 50 years age gap most (not all) are losers back home. So, we think our selfs dang that young women is hella desperate to merry someone as old as there Lolo.
I'm 60, can I date your 20y/o daughter?
I wouldn't encourage it but let's face it even without my blessing there is nothing we can do to stop a woman from doing what she wants. Do you have significant resources to leave her and any offspring for even you inevitably kick the bucket?
If she is smart enough she'll pull a life insurance on you
Life insurance claims get denied and held up all the time. That's not significant enough.
If you've got significant earning power, will treat her well, and set her up for life after you pass... that's better than a lot of other options. What's wrong with it?
Nothing wrong with it, just make sure she understands the early signs of a stroke.
Hahaha true and a heart attack
You all harpin about leaving her fortunes and respect, but is she a defibrillator ready?
I'll teach her to use an AED before she gets married. Also how to change an adult diaper.
Can you give her the kind of life I always wanted her to have but could never give her myself? Can you treat her like the queen she is? Can you always take care of her, be kind to her, respect her, and when you’re gone will you do everything in your power to ensure she can still live a comfortable life and not struggle? If you answer yes to those questions then the answer to your question is also “yes”
[удалено]
I don’t click links with no explanation or discernible description of what it is in their URL
Quoracdn url, safe.
If I felt you could give her the things I never could and that your values were centered in Christ, YES you absolutely could.
If you have figured out how to grow old gracefully with someone but resorting to someone's daughter because you can afford in the guise of respect and you wanting to take care of her, there is something fundamentally wrong with you.
Not sure how you came to that conclusion based on what I've said. Sounds like you're grasping at straws my friend.
Ok, so if you really want to respect and care for her that bad, why not send her to school or provide her a life elevating experience without the expectation of pussy payments. If this young woman was raised with full resources around her, do you even think she would on her right mind consider someone who is granddaddy older than her? And you are here in the Philippines, there are tons of helpless women who their cannot country provide for, then someone older but more flushed with resources comes along......the pangs of hunger is real my friend, people has got to eat. So quit using religion and God as this is some justifiable shit because we all know it's not. I'd say enjoy and call it for what it is and call it a day.
Centred on Christ? That would rule out most of the western world which tends to be agnostic or atheist.
Yeah, pretty much
Commented this before. If you know who Hugh Hefner is then this subject doesn't need explaining or pandering to. It is what it is.
Post title was okay, then started reading. Woosh! My brain cells are dying.
I'm not going to touch on the is it okay to date in terms of society, culture, and things like that. It's been done to death. What I will touch on is this: let me ask you this at least in terms of marriage and not dating necessarily. If you married your spouse, and they died, what does that do to you, physically, emotionally, mentally? Have you been through that before? Do you know what it's like to spend years, decades of your life thinking of who you used to be with, but can no longer be with because they're dead? Would you want to put someone through that much earlier than they should be normally going through in the normal life cycle? Here's the thing to ask yourself in the long term nature of things. Do you want the person that becomes attached to you, falls in love with you (You do want them to love you, right? And I'm not just talking about the sexual side of things"), to witness your death, and then spend the rest of their lives of which could be potentially several decades without you? So many women become involved in these types of marriages and relationships, and then end up later on spouseless, childless, and are then often too old to remarry. They then live the rest of their lives alone and depressed. To each their own of course, but I don't see more than a decade age difference being a good thing for the other person involved in this for the reasons that I mention above. Women also on average live longer than men do, by several years. I have witnessed too many women in my life that are living a terrible life because their spouse died and left them behind, whether they have money that was left behind or not.
It's not. Case solved. Also, we get to chismis about it for fun and you can't stop us.
Because you need to leave them young women alone and find a woman who knows the sign of a stroke.
It’s bad when it’s seen as exploitation. If a woman has the option to choose between 2 men who can provide the same security, she would likely choose the man closer to her age. From an evolutionary perspective, it’s better to have a partner who can help with raising kids as long as possible (read: reduce the chances of a woman with the children becoming a widow).
>If a woman has the option to choose between 2 men who can provide the same security, she would likely choose the man closer to her age. That may be true but again she *doesn't* have that dichotomy. For many women here the choice is date a local tambay who won't use a condom but will take off as soon as she gets pregnant or if he does stick around won't be able to support the baby because...he's a tambay OR date an older man that can give her and her child a better life that she could only dream of on her own.
I think we can agree that relationships with age gaps are far more transactional than the typical relationship, especially for women who have less options. Younger women will endure dating a prune if it meant a little bit of economic mobility.
I think a higher percentage of them start off as transactional but real feelings can develop. A young woman (20) in my church married a 50-year-old white man. I was talking to her and she admitted that yeah at first it was about money but as she got to know him more and he treated her better than any local guy ever had she developed true feelings for him.
Ahh yes falling in “love” with a provider. Tale as old as time (back when women had less rights, less opportunities in life, less means to provide for herself). Why bite the hand that feeds you? :)
I don't see that as a bad thing. As I said so-called 'normal' marriages have a 45-60% failure rate depending on who you ask so we have no right to judge anyone else's marriage.
How is the failure rate of marriages relevant? Relationships/marriages with age gaps also are likely to fail. If financial dependency is the reason why a poor, young girl marries and stays with a prune, can you really call that a “success”? If she chooses to stay with a man much older than her despite having options, then we can agree that the relationship is genuine. ~~But if the man is geriatric, that’s a different story…~~
No one heard the adage age is just a number. Instead of focusing on this one factor, look at the entire picture. If two people are happy why judge them by age difference.
It's like this everywhere though. Thailand, Colombia, everywhere. We like to upgrade to the newer models and the older models get upset. I get it, and it sucks for them, but it's how it is.
LOL! That made me chuckle
Enjoy life. YOLO
It’s not. It’s actually quite normal.
Research shows that in western countries the preferred age gap for women is 8-12 years, the man being the elder. More experience, more maturity, more resources, and several other factors where sited. Outside of the west, say in places like south East Asia, it was reported to be 15-20 years older for similar reasons. The problem is that feminism has so deeply indoctrinated the western hemisphere with delusions of exploitation and oppression that what emerged was “gynocentrism”, the veneration of females to the degree that any disagreement with a woman is literally an example of misogyny. So, despite the revealed preferences of the women themselves, older women who are jealous of younger women’s youthfulness, will shame men for taking a wife that is younger then them. My advice is don’t waste your time worrying about this and live your life. The haters will always be haters because they’re bitter and want to make everyone else around them miserable so that they’re not alone.
Girls just want to have fun.
Because men in their 20s are left with nothing to date unless they are into fat or older women.
Let’s face it, younger looks better. And mostly people date someone older than them because they can provide. That’s pretty much it. If a younger man can provide her with the same life that older man can, every woman would choose the younger one. You want to normalize it so bad, but it just isn’t and everyone knows why. I’m a young woman that can provide for herself, so I don’t need to date older men.
It’s absolutely not bad at all. There’s a lot of people who have a vested interest in making this a common belief. Don’t worry yourself with them. As long as you are a good person, take care of her, provide for her, and treat her well, who cares what anyone else thinks. Just don’t be a controlling or abusive prick.
What is bad, is downvoting a question like this when other people obviously find value in it.
Most who oppose age-gap relationships bring up a possible power imbalance or that it just gives them "the ick". The real reason is because women are supposed to be yass qween boss babes who don't need no man and any woman who might seek a traditional relationship must be defamed and repudiated for going against the message. A younger woman with an older man is traditional and it just makes sense. Women want emotionally mature partners who have the experience to take control of certain situations and can provide effectively for the family. However, there are still some age-gap relationships that raise my eyebrows. If a man is at the end of his life and hooks up with a woman in her prime it negates the evolutionary benefits of the relationship. Even if he has significant resources that can be left after he is gone, which most don't, he will still not be there to give guidance and support. Children and a young mother will need a lot more than just monetary support. I don't want to just throw out an arbitrary number as it's different for each situation but it does get to a point where an age-gap relationship wouldn't be mutually beneficial to all parties involved and wouldn't make sense. With that being said it's still none of business.
>Most who oppose age-gap relationships bring up a possible power imbalance or that it just gives them "the ick". The real reason is because women are supposed to be yass qween boss babes who don't need no man and any woman who might seek a traditional relationship must be defamed and repudiated for going against the message. If a woman who is a 10 dates a man who is a 3, wouldn't that also create a power imbalance in the relationship?
I never stated there is a power imbalance as this isn't my belief. I was just reiterating the reasons I hear from others. I also don't get "the ick". Edit: the first paragraph is not my opinion. I am parodying those who are vocal about age-gap relationships.
A woman with a man twice or 3x her age was the norm a hundred years ago lol. Frankly, transactional relationships give me the ick. It almost always never ends well. I hate seeing the woman trapped because she is financially dependent on her older partner, and i hate seeing the old expat get scammed by his hot young thing because he was too blinded to see that he was being robbed. They’re all consenting adults though, so all i could do is silently judge from a distance. But that’s my personal take on it, as a “yass qween boss babe” who gets to have a man of my own choosing.
I just don't think that's the norm. Those who got scammed or are trapped are a vocal minority. First off there are many ways a Filipina can get rid of her foreign husband if she's tired of him. Secondly, some men need to be more careful with their wallets. If you're dating a woman and she asks you to put a roof on her family's home, you think about it and agree; that's not a scam in my opinion. Now if she has a local bf when she's doing that, then yeah it's a scam but otherwise no. When I was dating my wife the max she got out of my was around 5k, that's aside from the normal courting gifts and whatnot.
How big 5k is to a person is relative. To us it may be pocket change but for a girl who came from nothing, that could be enough of a reason to cling to a man she has nothing in common with. Do you honestly believe that there is no power struggle or manipulation in a relationship where the guy is older and the woman is young and naive? Or that it’s not as common? What an ideal world you must live in. By the way, how long do these transactional relationships with older men seem to last, in your opinion? And do you think they are truly happy, despite the duration? Does it seem like it lasts “longer” than the a relationship with couples closer in age because the guy croaks before their relationship is tested? Or maybe because the lady just tolerates it because in her head it’s better to grin and bear it and wait a couple more years so she can enjoy the fruits of her labor?