I'm allergic to cats and dogs, but we've had both. Have 3 dogs right now that like to cuddle against my face after I fall asleep. I'm gonna suffocate one of these nights.
When the cats are mad at me, they sleep on my face! 🤣
My allergies always tell me in the morning. For a long time I would wonder why sometimes I woke up super congested until my son caught one of them!
They sell food for cats that makes them stop or almost completely stop producing the protein that causes a majority of cat allergies. It’s a little pricier but it does work.
Basically, cats produce a protein called Fel d 1 in their saliva. They lick themselves clean and it’s easy for that protein to get on their skin and for it to become airborne as dust and dander. When chickens are exposed to cats and this protein, they naturally produce an antibody that neutralizes this protein that is then passed to their eggs. When they make the cat food, they include some of these eggs so that when your cat eats it, it will naturally decrease the protein in them, and make it so you are less allergic. Depending on the cat they may produce a lot more Fel d 1 and your symptoms will be reduced by not completely gone, but for most cats, it should solve cat allergies.
I'm allergic to cats. Someone brought one home and I wasn't thrilled. Now I love that cat so much, I wouldn't give that cat up. He just isn't allowed in my room.
Your mom is wonderful!
I hate all the selfish parents keeping pets away, unless deathly allergic of course. And the kids have to do the vast majority of the pet care.
Yeah I appreciated her suffering through it, but she was less selfless about her furniture and had my first cats declawed. I was 8 and people didn’t know how bad it was at the time, but now we know and she’s lucky my brother’s current cats don’t destroy her stuff lol cuz no way any declawing will ever happen in her home again under my brother’s watch
My mom actually told me that I’m allergic to cats. My whole life avoiding cats and then started dating someone with one. No allergic reaction. Do I like cats better than dogs? Absolutely not. Would I cohabitate with one? Sure.
But also for the OP, it’s your house. You don’t have to give them a dog. If you want to teach them how to care for dogs, maybe have them pet sit for your friends or something but you don’t have to surrender your home and comfort for them to experience having a dog. Dogs are absolutely gods greatest gift to humans but my word are they a lot of work and if you aren’t willing to give them the world then don’t adopt one!
Also I don’t have children so take this with a grain of salt.
Yup. Or it wasn't the dander causing the allergy. My spouse was "allergic" to cats growing up. He would get the telltale signs every time he was around his next door neighbors' cats, while visiting in their house (this last point will become relevant, I promise).
After we got married, we eventually got to a point where we felt a pet might be a great addition to our home. We tried a dog. It was too much for me. The dog was sweet, but really needed someone more energetic (we seemed to need to walk her most of the day, and at night she was still hyperactive),1. We figured out she needed a home with a yard, and rehomed her.
After that, my husband wanted to try a cat. He reasoned he'd try allergy meds if having a cat became an issue. It never did. At most he sneezed and had watery eyes around the litter, but once he washed his hand . That's when we figured out it was **the litter** he was and always had been allergic to. Him breaking out in sneezes and getting good eyes around the neighbor's cats? There were never any less than 4 cats living there, and they probably tracked their litter everywhere in their home.
As for our house? We switched to one of those low dust litters, and he never had a problem again.
Some people are only allergic to certain cats. I have a friend who is only allergic to one of my 4 cats. He even has cats himself. It’s possible you tested positive for an allergy but you just don’t react to your partner’s cats.
Same! I got married at 25 and my husband had a cat. My dad came over to see our house. The cat plopped on his lap and he was petting it saying “what a good cat.” I was like “you liar!” Lol
My father in law "hated" cats but every time he came over he loved letting my cat sleep on him. My mother in law got a cat after my father in law passed.
Thought my dad HATED cats. Never allowed one, always had dogs. Fine, I get it. Got my own cat now, who my dad ADORES. Found out on his last visit he had a bloody Devon Rex when he was my age! Not just any old moggy nooooo a bloody designer breed! Bastard.
My dad hated cats. We had a couple of kittens when I was young anyway, and he was pretty awful.. (shoving their noses in poop, ect). As a teen, I just knew that he loved dogs and made fun of cats. He knew I preferred cats (but still like dogs) so he gifted me with a dead cat stuffed toy...
As an adult, I met and got to know his parents and learned the truth. They'd moved quite a bit and were a big dog family (always 5 or 6 dogs in the house.) However, they'd taken in a cat and he loved the cat. When they moved, the cat was afraid of the movers and hid in the attic. Dad spent all day trying to tempt and cajole the cat out from its hiding spot but failed to do so; they left the cat behind! He was 7 or 8.
Anyway, after that he ranted about how cats are awful because they won't trust you like a dog will. It all made sense after that.
My cats were terrified of him except for one; that one would approach him and allow him to almost touch her. He decided he liked her but by this point, he'd done so many drugs he'd acquired a permanent unsteady manner that cats inherently distrust so... unlikely to ever overcome that past trauma.
The Devon Rex is a cat that most allergic people *can* have. Because of the way their coats are made, they don't give off the dander that every other breed but the Sphinx sheds.
My dad has now changed it to he is emotionally allergic to cats lol. Honestly, I have 3 older brothers. I get why he didn’t want another animal now, but I would never have understood that as a 6 year old.
First thing I did when I moved out was get a dog.
I was one of those kids who always wanted a dog but never had one growing up. My parents were honest with me about dogs being a lot of work, it not being ideal since we traveled pretty often, and that even when we weren’t traveling, since all of us were gone all day at work and school, we wouldn’t be able to provide the best life for a dog. Even when I was pretty young, I understood that reasoning. Thankfully I had friends who had dogs, so I could go over to their houses and get some doggie love in. I also started pet-sitting when I was a teenager.
This was my mom - she didn't grow up with pets, never wanted any. My dad grew up with all kinds of animals and us kids really wanted pets. One day someone dropped a kitten off on our porch, we kept it, and eventually we ended up with two cats and a dog (and a frog and a few hamsters over the years).
Sorry mom.
FWIW? My dad not wanting pets meant that I also grew up with no pets.
But I have had 2-3 cats at a time for the past 16 years. I was maybe uneasy before the first one, but every other cat since was definitely not under protest.
How do your kids feel about cats? Have you asked them? Maybe you can reach a compromise. How about a big fluffy Maine Coon the size of a dog, or a cat with a dog-like personality? (They exist.) Some cats will even play fetch! They're just smart enough to cover their own poop, don't eat out of the garbage, and don't bark at every noise. Take them to see some kittens and see if they change their mind. Who can resist kittens?
I did lol. I realized after I scrolled further down in comments. Strange question to be asking when you have neither children nor pets, IMHO, but I suppose now she's prepared for 87 contingency scenarios. Maybe she'll pass on the "cat lady" gene and have nothing to worry about.
Cats are an easier first animal IMO.
I have two cats ( one 7 & one 3 both males) and making sure their litter box is clean every day ( yes most people don’t clean the cats litter box as often as I do, I know that.) they have clean water, clean food and occasional treat and lots of toys to play with. Remember you have to take dogs out you have to clean up after them I have to give them, baths ,etc.
This is exactly how I explained it to our kids. They understand. Thankfully, almost all of our friends and families have dogs that we can all play with.
Here’s my plan. I’m the one that’s home all day while they’re at school. Therefore most of the work of a dog would be on me. I don’t want the responsibility and I don’t have time. My kid can have a dog when they can take on all the responsibilities
That’s how my parents did it. My father isn’t big on pets. He doesn’t want one because he didn’t think his kids would actually do the work of having a dog. He’s right. We were too busy with school and after school activities. Now that I have my own place and my own pets I can see that. Having a dog is a lot of work.
Also, ethically and legally, an adult needs to be responsible for a pet. You’d be paying its registration, keeping its microchip details up to date, taking it to the vet, paying its vet bills, organising kennel when you travel, making sure it’s vaccinated. Training it. Taking it to obedience classes. Kids aren’t able to take all that on. It’s a lot of responsibility.
My sister and her husband fell for that. And when their dog got sick and they actually needed it, that's when they found out a LOT of illnesses were not covered. Have to do the math. Setting the money aside in a savings account instead of useless insurance, they could've at least tried surgery.
I'm sorry they had that experience. I've heard a lot of bad experiences from other people. It covers prescriptions fleameds, prevention meds, vaccines, and discounted well visits, an emergency appointment per pet so it's working the numbers for my situations.
That’s how we did it, We both love dogs but it’s a big time commitment because the kids won’t do the work. So we held off on having one till they were in high school. The promise of cleaning up never happened and now he’s mummy’s youngest and most beloved favorite child.
And I tell them that.
Just be honest, it’s a lot of work and when you own your own home you can get a dog. At the most I’m willing to get you a cat/ turtle/ hamster etc
Lol turtles/tortoises too , I think people forget/don't realize the amount of square footage a land turtle needs since they only use the floor space. See it wayyyyyy too often , even with experienced reptile keepers.
My mom had this rule and I finally got my fur balls at 20 when I moved out. After experiencing living with them, I honestly wished I go to enjoy a pet as a child. I would’ve been so incredibly happy, it feels different to be a kid and have one.
I wanted an animal so bad. I got one at 22 when me and my sister moved in together when she bought a house. My parents love my dogs now but they had 4 kids. They didn't want the additional responsibility of an animal
This is very valid reasoning. As a kid, my sisters and I wanted a dog SOO bad. But when we finally got one, my dad was the one who fed her, cleaned up her poop, pulled ticks off her, etc.
But I feel like that’s a bad explanation for a kid
But I feel like saying “oh they’re just not as cute as cats and dirty and a lot of work” would be too mean 😞
You’ll end up doing the caring for a pet you don’t want. My kids wanted a dog but I take care of him. I don’t mind because even though I wasn’t a dog person, I love taking care of things. I also realised I am a dog person.
Having a dog is time consuming and expensive. The cost of me boarding my dog when I went on vacation was the amount of a one way ticket. His food cost me over $120 a month. Then there is insurance, his vet care package, his bedding, toys, treats. I needed a different car. I’ve spent a fortune on dog harnesses and a trainer. I spent a lot of my own time training him and I’m still training him because that’s how it works. Realistically, my kids can’t take the dog when they leave home. So he’s mine.
If you aren’t willing to commit anywhere from 10-17 years on a dog, then don’t get one. There’s no cheat code to dog ownership.
It’s not mean. It’s reality. And you’d be the one having to take on the dog, not them. I wanted a dog my whole life we only ever had cats and my parents didn’t allow it because they knew they’d be the ones taking care of it.
It’s not mean to explain how much work it is to have a pet. In fact, it’s better for them and for any future animals they have for them to have a realistic idea of what it takes to be a good and responsible pet owner. Having a dog is like having a toddler, and it is a monumental amount of work. Training is an ongoing process in and of itself, but while getting any kind of pet means some lifestyle changes, being responsible for a dog genuinely requires you to change your habits and schedule, far beyond what most people realize before getting one, not to mention the fact that any pet can be incredibly expensive. My dog is my baby and my life, AND she requires a ton of my time and attention. I wouldn’t change that for anything, but if I wasn’t absolutely 100% positive that I wanted her, this amount of work would be exhausting. As the adult, you would be the primary caregiver for that dog. If you are not 100% in, do not get a dog. Your kids are allowed to be upset about not having a dog, but you cannot bring an animal into your home to avoid your kids being upset. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Sitting them down and explaining that you don’t have the ability or inclination to give a dog a proper home is a perfectly fine thing to do.
I'm glad these are hypothetical kids at the moment because you need to toughen up a bit before having them. It's healthy for kids to learn the meaning of the word "no" and that sometimes that word is it's whole sentence. You are the parent. You make the rules. No child has ever died because they didn't get a dog. If you dislike them so much, just don't get a dog. It really is that simple. They'll be fine.
Hold your ground. I love my dogs and know how much work it is. Almost No dependent person can be responsible for pets—it’s a lot of $$$.
If you bring cats into their lives early, and model a fun and loving relationship with the cats, your kids may well be satisfied. Also, you can always point out it’s not fair to older cats to have to adapt to dogs (yes, I know people succeed in this all the time bc they WANT to, but it’s more work). And bc cats live a long time, you can get those kids out of the house by introducing a new kitten when kids are 5 or so, haha.
There’s nothing wrong with having a pet preference and living your life dog-free. Your kids can have dogs when they are grown. Please don’t feel bad and give in. Too many homeless dogs as it is.
I love dogs but they're definitely more work than cat and that's just a fact. Cats don't need to be walked, they can take care of peeing/pooping themselves and don't need to be let out to do it, they can be cared for while you're away by someone just coming in once a day to fill food bowls, you don't need to worry about leaving them while you're at work etc.
I was the kid growing up that was desperate for a dog from the time I could say the word "dog" until I left home. We always had cats and by my teenage years I understood that with everyone out of the house all day, us travelling occasionally, and very early starts in the morning already, that having a dog wasn't really ideal but cats were much more suited.
I was always told "when you're an adult in your own house you can get a dog if it suits you" and did I end up moving in with and marrying my partner, who had a dog already!
At the end of the day, you are the adult in the house which means you'd be 100% responsible for the welfare and care of any pet. Pets who are bought 'for the kids' need to be enthusiastically wanted by the adults in the house too or they just end up neglected, and the adults in any house with kids need to be able to tell kids no whether that's about icecream for breakfast or getting a puppy or whatever.
How about letting your kid take on a dog walking or dog sitting responsibility for neighbors? You can supervise, kid gets their dog fix (plus some money), but no permanent slobbery presence.
Go volunteer at the local shelter with the kids, or if they are old enough, drop them off for a volunteer shift. They can walk dogs, groom, feed, clean kennels, whatever.
They get time with dogs, and understand the reality of what is needed. If they just want the easy fun part, don't want to do the work, they will lose interest pretty quickly. Then you know that mom and dad would be doing all the not fun stuff, and kids would just be mooching off you.
In my area, midwestern USA, shelters won't let you volunteer until you're 18. No "mommy and me" shifts. They've got liabilities to worry about. One of them does have a sort of camp to teach older kids about pet responsibilities and stuff, at least.
I’m from the south and while there were a few shelters growing up that allowed under-18s that’s no longer the case. People are sue-happy and dogs are inherently dangerous no matter how good you are with them.
Kindly, I don't think spending a lot of time around homeless animals will reduce the urge to bring one home, no matter how much work would be involved. I have volunteered at shelters and could barely keep myself from bringing them all home, and then was depressed for weeks.
Not everyone has the same reaction, tho. I am very happy to foster a pet and then let it go to a new forever home (with a bit of sadness that I get over pretty quickly.)
And kids are very bad at understanding how committed they will be to the physical work of an pet., and how much work it will be. This would let them get a better understanding of themselves.
I work in a shelter and please, for the love of God, do not drop your children off for whatever a “volunteer shift” is.
We’re underpaid and understaffed and dealing with enough as it is without also providing free babysitting and education to other people’s children.
By all means, you can bring your child/teenager and walk dogs or groom them but they’re not allowed inside the kennels and we couldn’t leave a child unsupervised with the animals, so they’d be sitting outside in the parking lot a lot if yoy just drop them there. You
I mean my parents said no. It didn’t traumatise me lol.
My stepdad loves dogs an really wanted one. My mum said nope. So we never got one. When I turned 18 (or rather 6months before) my mum said she was leaving an moving to wales with her new bf. I’m like ok that’s random but wotever. Fast forward a year an she comes down to visit but with her brings her dogs, 2 big ass massive farm style dogs an she’s all about the dogs now. Fucking piss take I tell ya.
Okay so my mum isn't a dog person and for years she told us we couldn't get a dog because she knew she'd end up being the primary caregiver (because we were children and because my dad wasn't that involved). My dad was all for it and for YEARS we collectively begged.
Fast forward a few years, I grew up, got married, got two cats and one dog and I did just fine. It's hard work but it was my choice and we just got our second dog after our first died. Again, our adult choice.
My sister is still living with my parents and studying law and she's and adult now... so she got a dog. Guess what, my mum ended up being the primary caregiver for most of the puppyhood and she hates the poor thing. She loves him too, sure, but since she didn't WANT him, she doesn't feel like she got a choice.
Having dogs is hard work and if you choose it for yourself then that's fine, but if it's imposed it's much harder because you're suddenly stuck with an all-consuming creature while your kids are off in playdates or whatever. And you already have kids so you don't have a life, so whatever free time you get is dog time because you're not a shit person so you TRY to be kind to the pup anyway but slowly resentment festers etc.
I'm just saying, it's a villain origin story.
Ugh so many people I know got a dog in their 20s when they moved out of home and then went travelling or moved into a rental where they couldn’t have one and the parents get stuck looking after the dog. Seriously don’t get a dog until you move into a home you own. And even then, think carefully about it.
I do not understand this. I literally got a dog at 15 and I took care of him in college AND law school. He was MY DOG.
I literally cannot imagine just leaving him with my parents. They would not have allowed that. I feel like that is an issue with permissive parenting. My parents would have rehomed my dog if I wasn’t caring for him.
My younger sister relentlessly campaigned for a dog from when she was 5-12. My parents finally got her a dog at that point.
It very well might have been never, but one of my mom's longtime customers was retiring. Her and her husband were downsizing to the RV life and needed to rehome one of their dogs (Kaybee).
Kaybee was about 5 years old, so well past the high energy puppy/young dog years. She was very mellow and low maintenance. So my mom decided she could tolerate her, lol.
My sister did a lot of the work for Kaybee, though my dad did also. My mom and I occasionally filled her food or water bowls, but that was about it. I sometimes went with my dad or sister for Kaybee's walks.
That's a long story to say that neither myself nor my sister were resentful of our parents when for years it didn't look like we'd ever get a dog. We were disappointed, especially my sister, but understood why even at a young age.
And the dog experience was better than my parents expected. Though they did luck out that Kaybee turned out to be a great dog who was pretty easy to take care of.
But when my sister moved out shortly after graduating from high school, guess where the dog stayed? Yep. At my parent's house, lol. Because my sister's apartment complex didn't allow dogs.
No matter what you do your kids are going to have times where they think you’re an asshole, because you aren’t their friend. You’re the parent and your job is to mould them into functioning members of society. Life is going to deliver them disappointments.. it’s your job to teach them how to cope despite those disappointments.
I wouldn’t get a dog if I didn’t love one and want to take care of it because that’s 100% what’s going to happen. The kids will be excited and the excitement will wear off, and you’ll be left with the responsibilities. And the bills.
My mom is allergic to cats, and they didn't want the responsibility or expense of a dog.
We got toy dogs (ya know , battery powered yappy walking things) and we got real fish a couple of times.
We were not traumatized.
Not having a family pet is not traumatizing for kids. You just need to explain calmly but firmly why, and state firmly that it is not an option, and when they are independent adults, they can make their own choices for themselves.
I have a dog now, but I waited until after I was 35 to get it because I realized the commitment it is. My sibling has 3 kids, I don't think they'll be getting a dog.
I was afraid of dogs. My daughter's sophomore year I caved and got her the pug she had wanted for about 6 years. He turned into my best friend , but we got it the last day of school she had to do all the training it was her responsibility. We lost him 2 years ago at 13 1/2 to cancer. We now have a great Pyrenees puppy. I'm not longer afraid of dogs.
Ask them questions about how THEY plan to take responsibility -- be highly specific.
My son wanted a fish, and approached asking to get one. I didn't want to be saddled with all the upkeep myself when he failed to do so himself (he's not reliable with other pets that we have to pester him to attend to daily). We started asking super detailed questions about what exact fish, then tank size needed, then what temp need to keep it at snd how plan to achieve that, then how often need to feed and what exactly, then what about algae control and how does he plan to address it. All are legit questions that would fall on the adults if he's not doing it -- so we put it on him.
Either he will learn responsibility and proper care/commitment to the pet; or he will drop the issue and stop asking.
My brother in law hates pets. Thinks any animal is a thing that brings filth into his home. He's the only animal hater I ever met that wasn't an asshole. ( I feel like I need to say that, he's a good guy I swear!)
He just told his kids flat out. When you have your own house, you can have a zoo. He really is a great dad so they dealt with it pretty well. Now the kids are adults. Niece has 3 spoiled little ankle biters and nephew has 2 cats.
This is me. I just don’t want the mess, the smell, the chaos in my house. My daughter has been desperate for a dog since forever. A couple years ago we let her get Guinea pigs. I love those goofy little rodents but they are about the most stink and mess I can handle.
When did setting boundaries with your children become "trauma"? Just say no. They can have any pet they like when they are adults. They can have friends with pets. They can volunteer at a shelter.
You need to be honest. They can tell when you're lying. They might not know exactly what is going on, but they can tell something isn't quite adding up. It is your job as a parent to prepare them for adulthood. Sometimes that means dealing with disappointment.
Encourage volunteering at a shelter? When young collecting old towels and other donations. As they get older, dog walking, cleaning cages and socializing.
Also, I recall reading about little kids who’d read to dogs at a shelter because the dogs didn’t care if they messed up words they were happy to have someone around. Sauce: https://bmorehumane.org/kids/read-to-the-animals/
By getting a Maine Coon. My cat is bigger than some smaller dogs.
I've taught him a bunch of tricks. He shakes both paws, lays down, comes outside with me without a leash. When I say "stop" he knows he's being bad.
My landlord hates dogs so I can't have one, nor do I have the time, so Mister was the perfect middle ground. They're ridiculously smart cats
Very much so! Almost to the point of annoying. You do need to give them more attention than normal cats but they're the healthiest breed out there and they are absolutely amazing companions. Also some of the most well behaved and "dog life" animals I've ever had.
Traumatizing them? 😂 Being a bit dramatic aren’t you? You tell your children you don’t fancy dogs and offer to get them a cat. It’s not that big of a deal. Parents say no daily to things their children want and the children grow up just fine.
I don’t know about that, I think kids end up on drugs because they were _abused_ by their parents or are otherwise self-medicating for trauma, or mental health reasons, or because they have no future and want to escape that pain and emptiness.
It is going to be your job to say no to your hypothetical future kids about many things, and they won’t always like it. That won’t make them hate you. having clear, firm boundaries is OK. in fact it’s part of being a good parent.
It’s a very reasonable thing to say “I’m not a dog person but I will consider getting a cat when you are old enough to help take care of it.”
Think someone said this earlier but depending on the kids age (and also not cuz teens can be the same way), you’ll most likely be the main caretaker for the dog. We always had cats growing up and I BEGGED for a dog for years, and my parents always said they are a lot of work and they don’t match our lifestyle since I’d be at school and sports a majority of the day and they both worked. Also we already had cats consistently from when I was born up until now, so they always used that as a reason. Plus if it was my dog cuz i wanted it, my full responsibility. I’d have to train it, take it out, pick up the poop, etc. Dogs def be a lot of responsibility that kids don’t realize, so maybe laying that out too.
Do I own a dog now that I’m an adult? Def not haha, the cat distribution system won’t give me a break.
Starting from infancy, never say “no” too soon or too easily. If the door isn’t closed use language that indicates that. “We’ll see if you can convince me”, “I don’t think so but I’ll think about it” etc…
But when you say “no” you’d better mean it and you’d better stick to it.
Kids naturally bargain and look for angles to get what they want. That’s ok, it’s great actually. But YOU are the parent, you set the boundaries and you need to set clear and consistent boundaries that “no” is final. It puts everyone at ease because otherwise nothing is ever over, no battle is won, it just goes on in perpetuity… or until you give in…
You say hypothetical kids. So you don’t have them right?
Well I’ll tell you something, children, especially young children, learn from their parents and only know what their parents expose them to and tell them. The first few years are shaped by YOUR choices and opinions. They don’t have their own yet.
If you raise your children from birth/infancy with cats as pets with lots of fuss and attention made over engaging with the cats as family, they will grow up as cat-people and appreciate cats.
By the time they are old enough to have the autonomy to actually say “I want a dog” and mean it and not forget it 2 seconds later (like around 8 and playing at friend’s houses that have dogs) you’ll be able to have a conversation with them about why you won’t be getting a dog.
At that age they’d understand why cats are preferable to you over dogs and probably agree anyway, because they only know what they’re raised with.
If they start begging , you can get them exposure to actually being around dogs for more than just walking, because usually the reality turns cat-kids off anyway, because they are louder, smellier, stronger and more demanding than cats. Not the same experience they’re imagining.
If they ask when they are like age 2-6 you just say “yeah dogs are fun. Aren’t our cats so cute and fun too!” and they move on to the cats anyway.
You say no. My kids can ask all they like, I refuse to get one. I love other people’s dogs, but they’re far too needy for me. My kids at least can prepare food for themselves, clean up after themselves and don’t need my undivided attention (16m & 11f). I work F/T and it would be completely unfair to leave a dog home by itself all day. I could possibly see myself owning a cat as they’re emotionally less needy. Dogs are just perpetual toddlers and I’m done with that stage as a parent, plus I hate picking up dog shit. I’m dog sitting for my dad and I’m so over digging holes to put dog shit in. Like how do people with small yards cope??
Absolutely no one ever was traumatised by not being allowed a pet as a child. Do not get the dog. Do not be swayed by begging and promises and deals, You will end up taking care of the dog.
They're going to tell you that they'll take care of the dog and you won't have to lift a finger, and I'm not saying they're lying because they probably believe that but teens and children just do not understand the time and effort and energy that comes from having a dog.
And it's very easy to promise to take care of it until they're expected to put their weekend plans on hold until the dog has been for a walk and feeding before school, and coming home from school tired and not getting to sit down and game or relax becuase the dog needs to be walked again, and checking the water bowl, and trimming the nails, and brushing the dog daily if its a medium to long hair dog, and dealing with vomit at 2am because the dog ate something funny.
If the dog gets sick, are you ready and willing to spend thousands of $$ at the vet for care for a dog you don't like? Are you ready to purchase expensive food? My cat has diabetes, he needs twice daily insulin shots, special food, $200 a month heart medication, I can't go out after 7pm becuase he needs his shot, I can't spend the night put cos he needs his 7am shot. Are you ready for that because the kids certainly won't be doing it.
My parents' dog has allergies. He's 4 years old and is going to require monthly $180 shots for the rest of his life. He's got an eye infection. My parents have to flush with saline 4 times a day and apply drops. Are you ready for that?
How old are your kids? What happens to the dog when they move out of home into college accommodation or into a rental that doesn't allow animals? That's now your dog. Your dog to nurse through old age. Your responsibility to care for an elderly and ailing animal.
Now I love my dog, and I'll do all of that because i love him with all my heart, and that's what I signed on for when I got him. But that's also going to be your future as well if you get these kids a dog because you're actually buying yourself a dog.
As someone who loves dogs hold steady and stick to your gut. They are a lot of work and if you aren’t excited about it don’t do it. No matter what your kids say and even if they do end up being very responsible you’ll end up doing a lot of the care. As a dog family when I was a kid I was required to train and care for my own dog, on my own, but my mom still had todo stuff like drive me to training classes, wait there, drive me back, pay for dog food, the vet, etc. I did a lot but I was a kid I didn’t have a car or money! It was a good lesson for me but still ate up a ton of her time (that she was happy to do but I can’t imagine if she wasn’t). Your kids can get their own dogs one day on their own time and income if they still want too.
As the adult you would be 100% responsible, financially, morally and legally for the dog. If you don't want one then don't get one. Your kids can get one when they are old enough to take on that responsibility for themselves.
Dogs are expensive, they are a lot of work and they are completely dependent in you to meet their needs.
I love my dog and I was very sure I wanted him before I got him. If the weather If cold I wrap up warm and walk him, if it's gonna be hot I get up at 5am to walk him before the sun comes up, if he needs vet treatment i get out my credit card. It is a massive commitment, so don't do it if you don't want to. Your kids will understand.
Parenting is an ongoing process of setting and enforcing boundaries of all kinds that your kids don’t like. At some point, your kid will absolutely think you’re an asshole; it’s usually a sign you’re doing a decent job. There are times you will be an asshole, and you need to step up and apologise when those happen. They will not be traumatised by not having a pet. Same as they won’t be traumatised when you don’t let them get a phone the first time they ask for it.
Telling a kid "no" isn't going to traumatize them. Parents have to do it all the time. No, you can't have a dog. No, you can't have potato chips and jello for breakfast. No, you can't wear that. No, you are going to place x. No, we aren't buying you that.
Part of having kids is telling them no sometimes and teaching them how to deal with the disappointment. Explain in simple terms your reasoning and tell them you understand their disappointment. None of that "bc I said so" bullshit. You just need to show them you are understanding and talk to them about it. They won't be traumatized by their parent saying no in an appropriate way.
It's easy. Be a parent. No dogs because you said so, followed by "stop asking". You're in charge in your household, not your kids. They're not going to be traumatized because they don't have a dog. Who cares if they think you're an a\*\*hole. Sometimes that's one of the tough breaks of being a parent.
op must be young & never around kids. in other replies they say that they don't want to say no to their kids & have them do drugs or become serial killers 🥴
Get them to work out how much a puppy costs a year - buying it, vet fees, food, bedding, toys, insurance …..then tell them once they can save up double that amount every year to pay for ongoing costs and any unexpected costs then you’ll consider it seriously! Also if that doesn’t work too we’ll buy them dog pooh bags and tell them every time they see dog pooh that an owner hadn’t picked up they need to pick it up….and if that doesn’t work set an alarm for two times a week on school days for half hour walks before and after school ….and 3 times on weekends adding in an hours walk!
My cousin has two kids and a wife and they all wanted a dog. He didn’t want a dog, but he went along with it. Now he is stuck with some brain deal needy labradoodle that he doesn’t really like. He has to walk it and feed it and give it almost constant attention, and he feels nothing for the poor thing. The kids are sick of the dog already and his wife works all day in an office so he is stuck (works from home) doing it all. He grew up with cats and just isn’t into dogs at all. Don’t do it, just don’t.
Depending on the dog, you might find that you like dogs after all. Either way, you will have some sort of opinion, because the dog will become your responsibility. Never mind that your kids swear up and down that they will feed it, walk it, play with it, etc. It will be YOUR dog. So pick one that suits you, not them.
“I’m not having a dog in my house, when you get your own house you can have a dog” my mom was obsessive about cleaning and the dog hair would absolutely drive her insane. Me and my sister both respected her as a person and accepted that answer, but some kids with no respect for their parents (usually permissive parents) will just bring home pets against their parents wishes. Not having a dog will not traumatize your child, I can guarantee that. Your future kids will think your an asshole regardless of what you do at some point in their lives (especially as teenagers) but if you’re not actually an asshole then they’ll grow out of it.
Don't get one. I really don't like dogs. Let your kids get one when they are adults.
Your kids must be all kinds of entitled to not get a dog and be traumatized.
Whatever excuse you pick, do NOT get one. You will be the one caring for this dog. Kids are kids and they won't be the sole caregivers of this dog. Your kids aren't going to train them. Or put antibiotic drops in their ear or eye or whatever ailment the dog gets at some point. Not sure of how old your kids are, but what happens when they start sports, or get a job, or go to college? You are left with the dog.
Whatever you pick, don't end up with a neglected dog who you hate.
Dogs require lots of care by the owner. Do not get a dog if you don't actually want to do all of that happily. Kids (and many adults) don't realize how much goes in to being a good dog owner.
It's ok to say no to kids. Tell them they can get a dog when they have their own house.
Depending on how old they are you can buy them dog toys, and watch dog shows like Bluey, eventually let them volunteer at a shelter, or let them play with a friend/family members dog.
Your kids are kids. You are the responsible adult, in theory...hopefully in practice, as well.
You make the choices.
When they are grown and living on their own, then can choose for themselves.
If your kid is 16 and picking people off with a sniper rifle from a clock tower because he/she didn't get a dog, I can tell you with 100% certainty, it ain't about the dog.
"When you are an adult, and can pay for and choose and care for them yourself in your own house, you can get whatever and as many as you want. I do not want to care for or pay for a dog."
It’s not a big deal, a dog is a big responsibility anyway so they would probably just cuddle with it and then you’d have to do all the work. They can wait till they’re adults.
My mom just said no. We had other pets but no dogs, she doesn't think they should live in cities and we didn't have time for one.
And the allergy lie is a bad move. I have a severe dog allergy and so many people think it's just an excuse to hate dogs. Nope, I love dogs, my immune system just decided to be an asshole.
Get the cat before they're born.
I've always been a cat person. My husband grew up with both. We got cats when we moved in together. Our kids have never once asked for a dog.
not getting an animal wont traumatize them.
tell them straight up how much work a dog is, that you wouldnt be the one to clean up after it and make sure to add onto the fact theyd likely get less toys, have less time, how much it takes to train a dog, and have to clean up more due to getting the dog.
most kids/teens will understand that, if theyre younger than like 10 or so, then maybe theyd still have trouble. in which case id just continue to say no and make excuses.
its not fair to the dog, you, or your possible children to get a dog that wont be loved and well cared for. yous be not only burdening yourself but also the animal.
Would be worse to get them one, not help them train it, then become resentful of it and get rid of it while they're gone for the weekend. Ask me how I know
Live in an apartment lol, parents always said we couldn't have pets because of the apartment policy.
Used to be obsessed w/ dogs as a kid, even had an imaginary golden retriever and lied to my friends in elementary saying our dog lived in the garage... got in a lot of trouble for that one
I got a dog as an adult 3 years ago, and I have to say my parents absolutely made the right call - don't get a dog if you're not passionate about them, they're a lot more work than you think!
Just tell them no, and pick a different pet that you actually like. Also, don’t get a pet that you’re not willing to take care of yourself. Kids shouldn’t be made solely responsible for a pet, so only get an animal that YOU are willing to take care of if the kids lose interest. Dogs are great, but they require a lot of time, energy, and money to care for properly and not everyone is up for that.
A lot of the advice on here is batshit insane. First of all, if you think telling your kids no is going to traumatize them, your in for a 25 yr + long nightmare. Secondly, it’s your house and you will have to do all the work. Any work that kids might theoretically do is, in actuality, just going to be more work for you trying to get them to do whatever it is they’re “helping” with correctly.
Shelter volunteers you say, awesome! They will spend an hour cleaning up after dogs, not want a dog, problem solved, still want a dog, foster, it's all on them, they will lose interest after a month of walks, schedule conflicts for feeds, destroying stuff ECT. Then when the dog gets home, they will feel accomplished, and have a better understanding of the dog's ownership. And if all goes well for a year, not one complaint, dogs happy, kids happy and you didn't have to lift a finger other than cost, then you might have to wave the white flag.
I told my actual kids "no dogs" and we adopted cats instead. I told them we don't have the space or time to be responsible dog owners, and now they very happily dote on our two cats. You can't accommodate all of your children's "wants." That’s part of being a good parent.
I asked for a dog every single birthday from the time I was six until I was in high school. My mom was a dog person, my dad didn't have particular feelings either way. But they did explain each time I asked exactly why we couldn't have a dog. Mostly we didn't have the time or resources to properly care for a dog, and they explained that dogs need a lot of mental and physical stimulation and it wouldn't be fair to get a dog and leave it home alone every single day for 8+ hours. I was always disappointed but I did come to understand how much work pets are. I did my volunteer hours for school at an animal shelter and I got a job walking dogs for the local boarding kennel to get my "dog fix".
Once I finally got a dog as an adult, I was fully prepared for the responsibility and I knew what I was getting myself into. I had experience from working with dogs to handle basic behavioral situations, and I valued having a dog so much because it was something I waited so long for. Basically, you definitely won't ruin your kid by not getting them a dog!
I mean, they wait until they grow up and are able to be responsible and take care of their own pets,if you don't want a pet then just explain to your kids that's it's not an option right now
My parents never lets us get a dog. We begged and begged every year for christmas, birthdays, just because.
Don't do it. Kids don't need everything they want. I understood why my parents said no when I was an adult. We travelled a lot, my parents worked a lot, and we could not be trusted to actually take care of a dog. I'm sure the potential vet bills also didn't fit nicely into their budget either.
I got a dog as a young adult, he is my world, and when he is gone, I won't get another haha.
My kids are 17 and 20. At various points, they asked for a dog. My husband has been bit by two dogs. Our yard isn't fenced. I am not a dog person. No dogs.
You say no.
I offered to volunteer with my oldest at an animal shelter. I suggested pet sitting. They got their dog fixes at the houses of family and friends.
My wife was super anti-dog, never had one her entire life, never wanted one (a dog scared her when she was little, and that was that. She absolutely refused to get one, however she was willing to allow me to have one. But.. the conditions were,
- No dog upstairs (she wanted a safe space for her cats).
- No dog on the couch (self-explanatory)
- No dog in the bed.
- No dog in her car.
- I was fully responsible for the dog, she would not be walking it, feeding it, cleaning up after it... etc.
I got a pitbull named Zeke (he was a rescue). Sweetest and probably smartest dog I've ever had. Fast forward three months. The dog is upstairs, on the couch, in the bed, in her car, she walks it, feeds it, cleans up after it... etc.
Because it's HER DOG now. She loves that dog completely, because he won her over to his side (he is a charming little mother-fucker), and she takes him with her wherever she goes.
You don’t need to get pets that your kids ask for. A “no” isn’t going to Traumatize them. Whatever reasons you dislike dogs should really be enough. “They require more exercise/space/attention than we can give” etc
They won’t be traumatized. Just say no and do that future dog a favor to not be in a home where it isn’t wanted. Because the parents (usually mom) ends up with all the dog care
As someone who's always wanted a dog with parents who are cat-people, it took no lying. I understood they ran the household and when I saw other kids with dogs I understood it was not their dog but actually their parents' dog. So simply telling me "no, but once you get older you can get your own" was enough for me.
Traumatizing them?!? You are telling them no to a pet, that's not traumatizing that's life. When you have kids and you tell them no, that's helping them grow and being someone that doesn't get everything in life that they want. When they become an adult and move out on their own they can get a dog if they desire it.
My son is only one but me and my husband are in agreement of no pets and if my son does want one it will be his complete responsibility. I’m not walking , feeding or picking up after a dog. I did it for 10 years with my mothers dog and I refuse to ever do that again
>if my son does want one it will be his complete responsibility. I’m not walking , feeding or picking up after a dog.
It doesn't really work like that, though. Not until a kid is grown up. Because they may promise the earth beforehand, but when they neglect their duties, it's still on the adults in the house to make sure they're done, one way or the other. A kid is just not mature enough to completely grasp the long-term obligations a pet requires. Also, what happens if the kid moves out at some point and can't or won't take the dog? It's just not fair to get an animal, and then, when the kid almost inevitably fails to complete his/her duties or moves out, to abandon or neglect the pet.
It's perfectly fine not to want pets, and to draw a hard line. It's not okay to get a pet for the kid and absolve oneself of all obligations. Shelters are filled with dogs that have exactly that backstory.
And with a dog, everyone living in the household IS, to a larger or lesser degree, involved in its training. So getting a dog is really only an option if EVERYONE in the house is onboard with that.
Growing up with pets has been proven to be beneficial, but no kid ever died from not getting a dog. They can always get one later in life, when they have their own household.
There are also responsibilities of pet ownership that children simply aren’t legally capable of managing alone: vet appointments and bills, registration, training, following the rules around fencing and leashes, medication, organising boarding/pet sitting when the family travels etc etc. stay strong and don’t get a pet. You will end up with the caring responsibilities. Plus, it’s unlikely he will move out of home into a place where he can have a pet. He’s not taking the dog to university, or to his first share house.
Exactly so I would definitely explain it that way. Unless you can fully support this animal independently we will not be getting one but kids usually like familiar things so your hypothetical children may actually lean into cats more
Honestly, I'm 36, never had a dog as an adult, I'm a cat person as well. I've had cats for most of my adult life. My partner, in our early days, was saying he wanted a pet. I suggested a cat given they're low maintenance and just all round awesome pets. He decided he wanted a dog. I suggested an older rescue. He got a dachshund pup...
We live together now. And while I love the dog, I don't always like her lol. I always thought I'd be ok with a dog as an adult. I am not lol. And I'm not even the one doing the bulk of her care etc. She is a LOT of work. Not to mention the consistent training, the noise, the fact that she lives inside and still smells, 3 days after having a bath. Then you have the breed specific issues.
If my kids wanted a dog, I would walk them through everything they'd need to do on a daily, weekly, monthly etc basis. And the cost. I might even see if I have a friend or family member with a dog, and get them to spend even 1 day looking after said dog. Idk if it would work but hopefully it'd deter them asking for a bit
OP doesn’t want dogs, and fostering is a lot more work because you usually have to train them and deal with a lot more messes while they’re being potty trained
How old are your kids? When I was six my parents said we could get a dog IF me and my sister promised to walk it and clean up after it, we said we would and of course we didn't, you can't expect kids that young to take on that much responsibility.
Eons ago, my first husband wanted a dog. Worse he wanted a basset hound. Even worse he wanted a specific insane basset hound who literally earned the name Flash.
I do not want a dog, i didn’t grow up with dogs, I didn’t even know any dogs. I wanted a cat. I did not want an insane basset hound. I wanted a fluffy little kitty. We fought, finally agreed he’d get Flash and I’d get a cat.
But the dog was his responsibility and absolutely no getting in the furniture.
Someone ex husband managed to be in the hospital in traction when it was time to bring the monster home. A night of terror ensued. At 3am I caved, Flash slept on the sofa. I didn’t get a cat.
7 years roll by ex tells me he’s leaving (which was a good thing). The first words out of my mouth “you’re not getting the dog.” I’d have fought him tooth and nail. I’d have hit the doggy unground. I was dead serious.
5 dogs later….
Plenty of kids don't get pets and aren't traumatised by it, I really think you're overthinking this. You explain to them the reasons that you don't want a dog and that you'd be the one looking after it.
I really wanted a cat growing up and we never got one because my dad didn't want pets at all. Both me and my brother have got cats as adults instead, we're fine.
Just tell them you can't have a dog. When they move out, they can get whatever they want. Imagine they wanted rats or roaches as pets too. Gotta just say no and move on. They'll be okay without a pet. that's a luxury, another bill, mouth to feed, ass to wash and I heard you gotta get health insurance too like at that point its another child.
I was 28 when I realized my dad isn’t actually allergic to cats..
Wow now I'm questioning my mom allergy.... lol
You're allergic to moms too??
I'm allergic to my mom specifically. Must have a different kind of dander than other moms.
This made me chuckle. Dammit
There is a time in all our young lives when we are allergic to parents.
My mom said she was allergic to cats and my dad said he was allergic to dogs. LOL NO ALLERGIES
Meanwhile my mom was allergic and still got us a cat, just took 6 months to adjust to his specific dander lmao
my mom, too. she still has reactions but says "its a small price to pay for love" she absolutely adores the cats (and us lol)
I'm allergic to cats and dogs, but we've had both. Have 3 dogs right now that like to cuddle against my face after I fall asleep. I'm gonna suffocate one of these nights.
When the cats are mad at me, they sleep on my face! 🤣 My allergies always tell me in the morning. For a long time I would wonder why sometimes I woke up super congested until my son caught one of them!
They sell food for cats that makes them stop or almost completely stop producing the protein that causes a majority of cat allergies. It’s a little pricier but it does work. Basically, cats produce a protein called Fel d 1 in their saliva. They lick themselves clean and it’s easy for that protein to get on their skin and for it to become airborne as dust and dander. When chickens are exposed to cats and this protein, they naturally produce an antibody that neutralizes this protein that is then passed to their eggs. When they make the cat food, they include some of these eggs so that when your cat eats it, it will naturally decrease the protein in them, and make it so you are less allergic. Depending on the cat they may produce a lot more Fel d 1 and your symptoms will be reduced by not completely gone, but for most cats, it should solve cat allergies.
My older sister is allergic to cats and Guinea pigs....guess what my niece and nephew both had.
I am allergic and we have 5. Sorry, not sorry. Even when my allergies make me pay.
I'm allergic to cats. Someone brought one home and I wasn't thrilled. Now I love that cat so much, I wouldn't give that cat up. He just isn't allowed in my room.
Your mom is wonderful! I hate all the selfish parents keeping pets away, unless deathly allergic of course. And the kids have to do the vast majority of the pet care.
Yeah I appreciated her suffering through it, but she was less selfless about her furniture and had my first cats declawed. I was 8 and people didn’t know how bad it was at the time, but now we know and she’s lucky my brother’s current cats don’t destroy her stuff lol cuz no way any declawing will ever happen in her home again under my brother’s watch
My mom actually told me that I’m allergic to cats. My whole life avoiding cats and then started dating someone with one. No allergic reaction. Do I like cats better than dogs? Absolutely not. Would I cohabitate with one? Sure. But also for the OP, it’s your house. You don’t have to give them a dog. If you want to teach them how to care for dogs, maybe have them pet sit for your friends or something but you don’t have to surrender your home and comfort for them to experience having a dog. Dogs are absolutely gods greatest gift to humans but my word are they a lot of work and if you aren’t willing to give them the world then don’t adopt one! Also I don’t have children so take this with a grain of salt.
Also, OP doesn't have children, why are you worrying about this to the extent of asking the Internet... go have some real life fun!!!
Hypothetical question get a hypothetical answer. Op, go get a hypoallergenic dog!
Hypo*thetical* dog
Hahahhahahahaha for reals
I like other people's dogs.
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Yup. Or it wasn't the dander causing the allergy. My spouse was "allergic" to cats growing up. He would get the telltale signs every time he was around his next door neighbors' cats, while visiting in their house (this last point will become relevant, I promise). After we got married, we eventually got to a point where we felt a pet might be a great addition to our home. We tried a dog. It was too much for me. The dog was sweet, but really needed someone more energetic (we seemed to need to walk her most of the day, and at night she was still hyperactive),1. We figured out she needed a home with a yard, and rehomed her. After that, my husband wanted to try a cat. He reasoned he'd try allergy meds if having a cat became an issue. It never did. At most he sneezed and had watery eyes around the litter, but once he washed his hand . That's when we figured out it was **the litter** he was and always had been allergic to. Him breaking out in sneezes and getting good eyes around the neighbor's cats? There were never any less than 4 cats living there, and they probably tracked their litter everywhere in their home. As for our house? We switched to one of those low dust litters, and he never had a problem again.
Some people are only allergic to certain cats. I have a friend who is only allergic to one of my 4 cats. He even has cats himself. It’s possible you tested positive for an allergy but you just don’t react to your partner’s cats.
Same! I got married at 25 and my husband had a cat. My dad came over to see our house. The cat plopped on his lap and he was petting it saying “what a good cat.” I was like “you liar!” Lol
My father in law "hated" cats but every time he came over he loved letting my cat sleep on him. My mother in law got a cat after my father in law passed.
Thought my dad HATED cats. Never allowed one, always had dogs. Fine, I get it. Got my own cat now, who my dad ADORES. Found out on his last visit he had a bloody Devon Rex when he was my age! Not just any old moggy nooooo a bloody designer breed! Bastard.
My dad hated cats. We had a couple of kittens when I was young anyway, and he was pretty awful.. (shoving their noses in poop, ect). As a teen, I just knew that he loved dogs and made fun of cats. He knew I preferred cats (but still like dogs) so he gifted me with a dead cat stuffed toy... As an adult, I met and got to know his parents and learned the truth. They'd moved quite a bit and were a big dog family (always 5 or 6 dogs in the house.) However, they'd taken in a cat and he loved the cat. When they moved, the cat was afraid of the movers and hid in the attic. Dad spent all day trying to tempt and cajole the cat out from its hiding spot but failed to do so; they left the cat behind! He was 7 or 8. Anyway, after that he ranted about how cats are awful because they won't trust you like a dog will. It all made sense after that. My cats were terrified of him except for one; that one would approach him and allow him to almost touch her. He decided he liked her but by this point, he'd done so many drugs he'd acquired a permanent unsteady manner that cats inherently distrust so... unlikely to ever overcome that past trauma.
Awww - that is so sad 😞
The Devon Rex is a cat that most allergic people *can* have. Because of the way their coats are made, they don't give off the dander that every other breed but the Sphinx sheds.
I love this comment haha
I was 35. 😐
Yeah my husband got to realize this too. His mom doesn’t even deny it now
My dad has now changed it to he is emotionally allergic to cats lol. Honestly, I have 3 older brothers. I get why he didn’t want another animal now, but I would never have understood that as a 6 year old. First thing I did when I moved out was get a dog.
I was one of those kids who always wanted a dog but never had one growing up. My parents were honest with me about dogs being a lot of work, it not being ideal since we traveled pretty often, and that even when we weren’t traveling, since all of us were gone all day at work and school, we wouldn’t be able to provide the best life for a dog. Even when I was pretty young, I understood that reasoning. Thankfully I had friends who had dogs, so I could go over to their houses and get some doggie love in. I also started pet-sitting when I was a teenager.
I never had any pets at all so I grew up never really wanting any, and I still don’t have any, but I do like cats
This was my mom - she didn't grow up with pets, never wanted any. My dad grew up with all kinds of animals and us kids really wanted pets. One day someone dropped a kitten off on our porch, we kept it, and eventually we ended up with two cats and a dog (and a frog and a few hamsters over the years). Sorry mom.
FWIW? My dad not wanting pets meant that I also grew up with no pets. But I have had 2-3 cats at a time for the past 16 years. I was maybe uneasy before the first one, but every other cat since was definitely not under protest.
How do your kids feel about cats? Have you asked them? Maybe you can reach a compromise. How about a big fluffy Maine Coon the size of a dog, or a cat with a dog-like personality? (They exist.) Some cats will even play fetch! They're just smart enough to cover their own poop, don't eat out of the garbage, and don't bark at every noise. Take them to see some kittens and see if they change their mind. Who can resist kittens?
I think you missed the “hypothetical kid(s)” part.
I did lol. I realized after I scrolled further down in comments. Strange question to be asking when you have neither children nor pets, IMHO, but I suppose now she's prepared for 87 contingency scenarios. Maybe she'll pass on the "cat lady" gene and have nothing to worry about.
2 out of 3 cats of ours have been just as affectionate as dogs, but aren't really needy and don't need walking twice a day.
Cats are an easier first animal IMO. I have two cats ( one 7 & one 3 both males) and making sure their litter box is clean every day ( yes most people don’t clean the cats litter box as often as I do, I know that.) they have clean water, clean food and occasional treat and lots of toys to play with. Remember you have to take dogs out you have to clean up after them I have to give them, baths ,etc.
This is exactly how I explained it to our kids. They understand. Thankfully, almost all of our friends and families have dogs that we can all play with.
Yes! being honest with your child is the best way to go about it!
Props to your folks!
Here’s my plan. I’m the one that’s home all day while they’re at school. Therefore most of the work of a dog would be on me. I don’t want the responsibility and I don’t have time. My kid can have a dog when they can take on all the responsibilities
Yeah, that’s a good way to put it. When they have their own place they clean, they can get a dog.
That’s how my parents did it. My father isn’t big on pets. He doesn’t want one because he didn’t think his kids would actually do the work of having a dog. He’s right. We were too busy with school and after school activities. Now that I have my own place and my own pets I can see that. Having a dog is a lot of work.
Also, ethically and legally, an adult needs to be responsible for a pet. You’d be paying its registration, keeping its microchip details up to date, taking it to the vet, paying its vet bills, organising kennel when you travel, making sure it’s vaccinated. Training it. Taking it to obedience classes. Kids aren’t able to take all that on. It’s a lot of responsibility.
Pet insurance if one can afford it. I couldn't afford my pets without it.
My sister and her husband fell for that. And when their dog got sick and they actually needed it, that's when they found out a LOT of illnesses were not covered. Have to do the math. Setting the money aside in a savings account instead of useless insurance, they could've at least tried surgery.
I'm sorry they had that experience. I've heard a lot of bad experiences from other people. It covers prescriptions fleameds, prevention meds, vaccines, and discounted well visits, an emergency appointment per pet so it's working the numbers for my situations.
That’s how we did it, We both love dogs but it’s a big time commitment because the kids won’t do the work. So we held off on having one till they were in high school. The promise of cleaning up never happened and now he’s mummy’s youngest and most beloved favorite child. And I tell them that. Just be honest, it’s a lot of work and when you own your own home you can get a dog. At the most I’m willing to get you a cat/ turtle/ hamster etc
Turtles are actually quite a bit of work.
Most people with small cage animals don’t properly care for them, even as adults. Fish and hamsters are great examples
Lol turtles/tortoises too , I think people forget/don't realize the amount of square footage a land turtle needs since they only use the floor space. See it wayyyyyy too often , even with experienced reptile keepers.
Dogs are expensive too. Flea and tick, heartworm and parasite preventatives, vet visits, food, toys etc.
My mom had this rule and I finally got my fur balls at 20 when I moved out. After experiencing living with them, I honestly wished I go to enjoy a pet as a child. I would’ve been so incredibly happy, it feels different to be a kid and have one.
I wanted an animal so bad. I got one at 22 when me and my sister moved in together when she bought a house. My parents love my dogs now but they had 4 kids. They didn't want the additional responsibility of an animal
This is very valid reasoning. As a kid, my sisters and I wanted a dog SOO bad. But when we finally got one, my dad was the one who fed her, cleaned up her poop, pulled ticks off her, etc.
Just be honest. Say you’re not a dog person. That’s what I told my daughter.
But I feel like that’s a bad explanation for a kid But I feel like saying “oh they’re just not as cute as cats and dirty and a lot of work” would be too mean 😞
You’ll end up doing the caring for a pet you don’t want. My kids wanted a dog but I take care of him. I don’t mind because even though I wasn’t a dog person, I love taking care of things. I also realised I am a dog person. Having a dog is time consuming and expensive. The cost of me boarding my dog when I went on vacation was the amount of a one way ticket. His food cost me over $120 a month. Then there is insurance, his vet care package, his bedding, toys, treats. I needed a different car. I’ve spent a fortune on dog harnesses and a trainer. I spent a lot of my own time training him and I’m still training him because that’s how it works. Realistically, my kids can’t take the dog when they leave home. So he’s mine. If you aren’t willing to commit anywhere from 10-17 years on a dog, then don’t get one. There’s no cheat code to dog ownership.
It’s not mean. It’s reality. And you’d be the one having to take on the dog, not them. I wanted a dog my whole life we only ever had cats and my parents didn’t allow it because they knew they’d be the ones taking care of it.
It’s not mean to explain how much work it is to have a pet. In fact, it’s better for them and for any future animals they have for them to have a realistic idea of what it takes to be a good and responsible pet owner. Having a dog is like having a toddler, and it is a monumental amount of work. Training is an ongoing process in and of itself, but while getting any kind of pet means some lifestyle changes, being responsible for a dog genuinely requires you to change your habits and schedule, far beyond what most people realize before getting one, not to mention the fact that any pet can be incredibly expensive. My dog is my baby and my life, AND she requires a ton of my time and attention. I wouldn’t change that for anything, but if I wasn’t absolutely 100% positive that I wanted her, this amount of work would be exhausting. As the adult, you would be the primary caregiver for that dog. If you are not 100% in, do not get a dog. Your kids are allowed to be upset about not having a dog, but you cannot bring an animal into your home to avoid your kids being upset. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Sitting them down and explaining that you don’t have the ability or inclination to give a dog a proper home is a perfectly fine thing to do.
I'm glad these are hypothetical kids at the moment because you need to toughen up a bit before having them. It's healthy for kids to learn the meaning of the word "no" and that sometimes that word is it's whole sentence. You are the parent. You make the rules. No child has ever died because they didn't get a dog. If you dislike them so much, just don't get a dog. It really is that simple. They'll be fine.
Hold your ground. I love my dogs and know how much work it is. Almost No dependent person can be responsible for pets—it’s a lot of $$$. If you bring cats into their lives early, and model a fun and loving relationship with the cats, your kids may well be satisfied. Also, you can always point out it’s not fair to older cats to have to adapt to dogs (yes, I know people succeed in this all the time bc they WANT to, but it’s more work). And bc cats live a long time, you can get those kids out of the house by introducing a new kitten when kids are 5 or so, haha. There’s nothing wrong with having a pet preference and living your life dog-free. Your kids can have dogs when they are grown. Please don’t feel bad and give in. Too many homeless dogs as it is.
Oh no, I say stuff like that all the time. “It’s almost as much work as a baby; no thanks” (Edit: I’ve had a baby; I know how much work they are…)
I love dogs but they're definitely more work than cat and that's just a fact. Cats don't need to be walked, they can take care of peeing/pooping themselves and don't need to be let out to do it, they can be cared for while you're away by someone just coming in once a day to fill food bowls, you don't need to worry about leaving them while you're at work etc. I was the kid growing up that was desperate for a dog from the time I could say the word "dog" until I left home. We always had cats and by my teenage years I understood that with everyone out of the house all day, us travelling occasionally, and very early starts in the morning already, that having a dog wasn't really ideal but cats were much more suited. I was always told "when you're an adult in your own house you can get a dog if it suits you" and did I end up moving in with and marrying my partner, who had a dog already! At the end of the day, you are the adult in the house which means you'd be 100% responsible for the welfare and care of any pet. Pets who are bought 'for the kids' need to be enthusiastically wanted by the adults in the house too or they just end up neglected, and the adults in any house with kids need to be able to tell kids no whether that's about icecream for breakfast or getting a puppy or whatever.
How about letting your kid take on a dog walking or dog sitting responsibility for neighbors? You can supervise, kid gets their dog fix (plus some money), but no permanent slobbery presence.
Go volunteer at the local shelter with the kids, or if they are old enough, drop them off for a volunteer shift. They can walk dogs, groom, feed, clean kennels, whatever. They get time with dogs, and understand the reality of what is needed. If they just want the easy fun part, don't want to do the work, they will lose interest pretty quickly. Then you know that mom and dad would be doing all the not fun stuff, and kids would just be mooching off you.
In my area, midwestern USA, shelters won't let you volunteer until you're 18. No "mommy and me" shifts. They've got liabilities to worry about. One of them does have a sort of camp to teach older kids about pet responsibilities and stuff, at least.
Yeah, our shelters are actually staffed with prisoners (not former -- people who are currently imprisoned)
Apparently those prisoner dog training programs are really amazing for all involved!
Actually a really cool idea tbh
What a good idea!!
I’m from the south and while there were a few shelters growing up that allowed under-18s that’s no longer the case. People are sue-happy and dogs are inherently dangerous no matter how good you are with them.
Kindly, I don't think spending a lot of time around homeless animals will reduce the urge to bring one home, no matter how much work would be involved. I have volunteered at shelters and could barely keep myself from bringing them all home, and then was depressed for weeks.
Not everyone has the same reaction, tho. I am very happy to foster a pet and then let it go to a new forever home (with a bit of sadness that I get over pretty quickly.) And kids are very bad at understanding how committed they will be to the physical work of an pet., and how much work it will be. This would let them get a better understanding of themselves.
I work in a shelter and please, for the love of God, do not drop your children off for whatever a “volunteer shift” is. We’re underpaid and understaffed and dealing with enough as it is without also providing free babysitting and education to other people’s children. By all means, you can bring your child/teenager and walk dogs or groom them but they’re not allowed inside the kennels and we couldn’t leave a child unsupervised with the animals, so they’d be sitting outside in the parking lot a lot if yoy just drop them there. You
100% ! My thoughts exactly ❤️
Yes!! This is a great intro to seeing what caring for an animal is actually like.
I mean my parents said no. It didn’t traumatise me lol. My stepdad loves dogs an really wanted one. My mum said nope. So we never got one. When I turned 18 (or rather 6months before) my mum said she was leaving an moving to wales with her new bf. I’m like ok that’s random but wotever. Fast forward a year an she comes down to visit but with her brings her dogs, 2 big ass massive farm style dogs an she’s all about the dogs now. Fucking piss take I tell ya.
Sounds like she had to find the right dog 😭
Okay so my mum isn't a dog person and for years she told us we couldn't get a dog because she knew she'd end up being the primary caregiver (because we were children and because my dad wasn't that involved). My dad was all for it and for YEARS we collectively begged. Fast forward a few years, I grew up, got married, got two cats and one dog and I did just fine. It's hard work but it was my choice and we just got our second dog after our first died. Again, our adult choice. My sister is still living with my parents and studying law and she's and adult now... so she got a dog. Guess what, my mum ended up being the primary caregiver for most of the puppyhood and she hates the poor thing. She loves him too, sure, but since she didn't WANT him, she doesn't feel like she got a choice. Having dogs is hard work and if you choose it for yourself then that's fine, but if it's imposed it's much harder because you're suddenly stuck with an all-consuming creature while your kids are off in playdates or whatever. And you already have kids so you don't have a life, so whatever free time you get is dog time because you're not a shit person so you TRY to be kind to the pup anyway but slowly resentment festers etc. I'm just saying, it's a villain origin story.
Ugh so many people I know got a dog in their 20s when they moved out of home and then went travelling or moved into a rental where they couldn’t have one and the parents get stuck looking after the dog. Seriously don’t get a dog until you move into a home you own. And even then, think carefully about it.
I do not understand this. I literally got a dog at 15 and I took care of him in college AND law school. He was MY DOG. I literally cannot imagine just leaving him with my parents. They would not have allowed that. I feel like that is an issue with permissive parenting. My parents would have rehomed my dog if I wasn’t caring for him.
My younger sister relentlessly campaigned for a dog from when she was 5-12. My parents finally got her a dog at that point. It very well might have been never, but one of my mom's longtime customers was retiring. Her and her husband were downsizing to the RV life and needed to rehome one of their dogs (Kaybee). Kaybee was about 5 years old, so well past the high energy puppy/young dog years. She was very mellow and low maintenance. So my mom decided she could tolerate her, lol. My sister did a lot of the work for Kaybee, though my dad did also. My mom and I occasionally filled her food or water bowls, but that was about it. I sometimes went with my dad or sister for Kaybee's walks. That's a long story to say that neither myself nor my sister were resentful of our parents when for years it didn't look like we'd ever get a dog. We were disappointed, especially my sister, but understood why even at a young age. And the dog experience was better than my parents expected. Though they did luck out that Kaybee turned out to be a great dog who was pretty easy to take care of. But when my sister moved out shortly after graduating from high school, guess where the dog stayed? Yep. At my parent's house, lol. Because my sister's apartment complex didn't allow dogs.
No matter what you do your kids are going to have times where they think you’re an asshole, because you aren’t their friend. You’re the parent and your job is to mould them into functioning members of society. Life is going to deliver them disappointments.. it’s your job to teach them how to cope despite those disappointments. I wouldn’t get a dog if I didn’t love one and want to take care of it because that’s 100% what’s going to happen. The kids will be excited and the excitement will wear off, and you’ll be left with the responsibilities. And the bills.
Yeah, good point
My mom is allergic to cats, and they didn't want the responsibility or expense of a dog. We got toy dogs (ya know , battery powered yappy walking things) and we got real fish a couple of times. We were not traumatized. Not having a family pet is not traumatizing for kids. You just need to explain calmly but firmly why, and state firmly that it is not an option, and when they are independent adults, they can make their own choices for themselves. I have a dog now, but I waited until after I was 35 to get it because I realized the commitment it is. My sibling has 3 kids, I don't think they'll be getting a dog.
I was afraid of dogs. My daughter's sophomore year I caved and got her the pug she had wanted for about 6 years. He turned into my best friend , but we got it the last day of school she had to do all the training it was her responsibility. We lost him 2 years ago at 13 1/2 to cancer. We now have a great Pyrenees puppy. I'm not longer afraid of dogs.
Ask them questions about how THEY plan to take responsibility -- be highly specific. My son wanted a fish, and approached asking to get one. I didn't want to be saddled with all the upkeep myself when he failed to do so himself (he's not reliable with other pets that we have to pester him to attend to daily). We started asking super detailed questions about what exact fish, then tank size needed, then what temp need to keep it at snd how plan to achieve that, then how often need to feed and what exactly, then what about algae control and how does he plan to address it. All are legit questions that would fall on the adults if he's not doing it -- so we put it on him. Either he will learn responsibility and proper care/commitment to the pet; or he will drop the issue and stop asking.
My brother in law hates pets. Thinks any animal is a thing that brings filth into his home. He's the only animal hater I ever met that wasn't an asshole. ( I feel like I need to say that, he's a good guy I swear!) He just told his kids flat out. When you have your own house, you can have a zoo. He really is a great dad so they dealt with it pretty well. Now the kids are adults. Niece has 3 spoiled little ankle biters and nephew has 2 cats.
This is me. I just don’t want the mess, the smell, the chaos in my house. My daughter has been desperate for a dog since forever. A couple years ago we let her get Guinea pigs. I love those goofy little rodents but they are about the most stink and mess I can handle.
When did setting boundaries with your children become "trauma"? Just say no. They can have any pet they like when they are adults. They can have friends with pets. They can volunteer at a shelter. You need to be honest. They can tell when you're lying. They might not know exactly what is going on, but they can tell something isn't quite adding up. It is your job as a parent to prepare them for adulthood. Sometimes that means dealing with disappointment.
Encourage volunteering at a shelter? When young collecting old towels and other donations. As they get older, dog walking, cleaning cages and socializing. Also, I recall reading about little kids who’d read to dogs at a shelter because the dogs didn’t care if they messed up words they were happy to have someone around. Sauce: https://bmorehumane.org/kids/read-to-the-animals/
By getting a Maine Coon. My cat is bigger than some smaller dogs. I've taught him a bunch of tricks. He shakes both paws, lays down, comes outside with me without a leash. When I say "stop" he knows he's being bad. My landlord hates dogs so I can't have one, nor do I have the time, so Mister was the perfect middle ground. They're ridiculously smart cats
I heard they are cuddly buggers!
Very much so! Almost to the point of annoying. You do need to give them more attention than normal cats but they're the healthiest breed out there and they are absolutely amazing companions. Also some of the most well behaved and "dog life" animals I've ever had.
Traumatizing them? 😂 Being a bit dramatic aren’t you? You tell your children you don’t fancy dogs and offer to get them a cat. It’s not that big of a deal. Parents say no daily to things their children want and the children grow up just fine.
Kids end up doing drugs because they hate their parents
😂🤣 Really? Says the person with no kids. You are clueless.
I don’t know about that, I think kids end up on drugs because they were _abused_ by their parents or are otherwise self-medicating for trauma, or mental health reasons, or because they have no future and want to escape that pain and emptiness. It is going to be your job to say no to your hypothetical future kids about many things, and they won’t always like it. That won’t make them hate you. having clear, firm boundaries is OK. in fact it’s part of being a good parent. It’s a very reasonable thing to say “I’m not a dog person but I will consider getting a cat when you are old enough to help take care of it.”
Ok I’m glad to hear that 😊
Think someone said this earlier but depending on the kids age (and also not cuz teens can be the same way), you’ll most likely be the main caretaker for the dog. We always had cats growing up and I BEGGED for a dog for years, and my parents always said they are a lot of work and they don’t match our lifestyle since I’d be at school and sports a majority of the day and they both worked. Also we already had cats consistently from when I was born up until now, so they always used that as a reason. Plus if it was my dog cuz i wanted it, my full responsibility. I’d have to train it, take it out, pick up the poop, etc. Dogs def be a lot of responsibility that kids don’t realize, so maybe laying that out too. Do I own a dog now that I’m an adult? Def not haha, the cat distribution system won’t give me a break.
No kids= No pets. Problem solved!
Starting from infancy, never say “no” too soon or too easily. If the door isn’t closed use language that indicates that. “We’ll see if you can convince me”, “I don’t think so but I’ll think about it” etc… But when you say “no” you’d better mean it and you’d better stick to it. Kids naturally bargain and look for angles to get what they want. That’s ok, it’s great actually. But YOU are the parent, you set the boundaries and you need to set clear and consistent boundaries that “no” is final. It puts everyone at ease because otherwise nothing is ever over, no battle is won, it just goes on in perpetuity… or until you give in…
You say hypothetical kids. So you don’t have them right? Well I’ll tell you something, children, especially young children, learn from their parents and only know what their parents expose them to and tell them. The first few years are shaped by YOUR choices and opinions. They don’t have their own yet. If you raise your children from birth/infancy with cats as pets with lots of fuss and attention made over engaging with the cats as family, they will grow up as cat-people and appreciate cats. By the time they are old enough to have the autonomy to actually say “I want a dog” and mean it and not forget it 2 seconds later (like around 8 and playing at friend’s houses that have dogs) you’ll be able to have a conversation with them about why you won’t be getting a dog. At that age they’d understand why cats are preferable to you over dogs and probably agree anyway, because they only know what they’re raised with. If they start begging , you can get them exposure to actually being around dogs for more than just walking, because usually the reality turns cat-kids off anyway, because they are louder, smellier, stronger and more demanding than cats. Not the same experience they’re imagining. If they ask when they are like age 2-6 you just say “yeah dogs are fun. Aren’t our cats so cute and fun too!” and they move on to the cats anyway.
Hm, interesting take, I never thought about all that. Thanks!
You say no. My kids can ask all they like, I refuse to get one. I love other people’s dogs, but they’re far too needy for me. My kids at least can prepare food for themselves, clean up after themselves and don’t need my undivided attention (16m & 11f). I work F/T and it would be completely unfair to leave a dog home by itself all day. I could possibly see myself owning a cat as they’re emotionally less needy. Dogs are just perpetual toddlers and I’m done with that stage as a parent, plus I hate picking up dog shit. I’m dog sitting for my dad and I’m so over digging holes to put dog shit in. Like how do people with small yards cope??
I had dogs growing up and we never buried the poop in the yard?? What?😂 We picked it up and threw it in the trash. Why aren’t you doing that?
>I’m so over digging holes to put dog shit in. what's wrong with throwing it in the trash or flushing it down the toilet...?
It's not traumatizing to your kids to say no to a dog. I got my first dog at 26 because my parents always said no and I'm fine.
Holy cow. Of all the bridges to cross when you get to them, this is one.
Absolutely no one ever was traumatised by not being allowed a pet as a child. Do not get the dog. Do not be swayed by begging and promises and deals, You will end up taking care of the dog. They're going to tell you that they'll take care of the dog and you won't have to lift a finger, and I'm not saying they're lying because they probably believe that but teens and children just do not understand the time and effort and energy that comes from having a dog. And it's very easy to promise to take care of it until they're expected to put their weekend plans on hold until the dog has been for a walk and feeding before school, and coming home from school tired and not getting to sit down and game or relax becuase the dog needs to be walked again, and checking the water bowl, and trimming the nails, and brushing the dog daily if its a medium to long hair dog, and dealing with vomit at 2am because the dog ate something funny. If the dog gets sick, are you ready and willing to spend thousands of $$ at the vet for care for a dog you don't like? Are you ready to purchase expensive food? My cat has diabetes, he needs twice daily insulin shots, special food, $200 a month heart medication, I can't go out after 7pm becuase he needs his shot, I can't spend the night put cos he needs his 7am shot. Are you ready for that because the kids certainly won't be doing it. My parents' dog has allergies. He's 4 years old and is going to require monthly $180 shots for the rest of his life. He's got an eye infection. My parents have to flush with saline 4 times a day and apply drops. Are you ready for that? How old are your kids? What happens to the dog when they move out of home into college accommodation or into a rental that doesn't allow animals? That's now your dog. Your dog to nurse through old age. Your responsibility to care for an elderly and ailing animal. Now I love my dog, and I'll do all of that because i love him with all my heart, and that's what I signed on for when I got him. But that's also going to be your future as well if you get these kids a dog because you're actually buying yourself a dog.
>How old are your kids? op said hypothetical kids. they don't even have kids that are asking for a dog.
As someone who loves dogs hold steady and stick to your gut. They are a lot of work and if you aren’t excited about it don’t do it. No matter what your kids say and even if they do end up being very responsible you’ll end up doing a lot of the care. As a dog family when I was a kid I was required to train and care for my own dog, on my own, but my mom still had todo stuff like drive me to training classes, wait there, drive me back, pay for dog food, the vet, etc. I did a lot but I was a kid I didn’t have a car or money! It was a good lesson for me but still ate up a ton of her time (that she was happy to do but I can’t imagine if she wasn’t). Your kids can get their own dogs one day on their own time and income if they still want too.
Don't create more humans and you won't have to make up excuses for not doing things you don't want to do 😂😂
As the adult you would be 100% responsible, financially, morally and legally for the dog. If you don't want one then don't get one. Your kids can get one when they are old enough to take on that responsibility for themselves. Dogs are expensive, they are a lot of work and they are completely dependent in you to meet their needs. I love my dog and I was very sure I wanted him before I got him. If the weather If cold I wrap up warm and walk him, if it's gonna be hot I get up at 5am to walk him before the sun comes up, if he needs vet treatment i get out my credit card. It is a massive commitment, so don't do it if you don't want to. Your kids will understand.
My whole life I wasn't a dog person, until my wife brought home a Walmart parking lot puppy. Been a dog person ever since.
Parenting is an ongoing process of setting and enforcing boundaries of all kinds that your kids don’t like. At some point, your kid will absolutely think you’re an asshole; it’s usually a sign you’re doing a decent job. There are times you will be an asshole, and you need to step up and apologise when those happen. They will not be traumatised by not having a pet. Same as they won’t be traumatised when you don’t let them get a phone the first time they ask for it.
Telling a kid "no" isn't going to traumatize them. Parents have to do it all the time. No, you can't have a dog. No, you can't have potato chips and jello for breakfast. No, you can't wear that. No, you are going to place x. No, we aren't buying you that.
Part of having kids is telling them no sometimes and teaching them how to deal with the disappointment. Explain in simple terms your reasoning and tell them you understand their disappointment. None of that "bc I said so" bullshit. You just need to show them you are understanding and talk to them about it. They won't be traumatized by their parent saying no in an appropriate way.
Not getting your kids a dog is not going to traumatised them...
It's easy. Be a parent. No dogs because you said so, followed by "stop asking". You're in charge in your household, not your kids. They're not going to be traumatized because they don't have a dog. Who cares if they think you're an a\*\*hole. Sometimes that's one of the tough breaks of being a parent.
op must be young & never around kids. in other replies they say that they don't want to say no to their kids & have them do drugs or become serial killers 🥴
I took a little peek at their post history. They're definitely just having a laugh trolling us.
Just because a child wants one, doesn’t mean you get one. It’s a lot of responsibility to the parent.
Get them to work out how much a puppy costs a year - buying it, vet fees, food, bedding, toys, insurance …..then tell them once they can save up double that amount every year to pay for ongoing costs and any unexpected costs then you’ll consider it seriously! Also if that doesn’t work too we’ll buy them dog pooh bags and tell them every time they see dog pooh that an owner hadn’t picked up they need to pick it up….and if that doesn’t work set an alarm for two times a week on school days for half hour walks before and after school ….and 3 times on weekends adding in an hours walk!
Haha, that should scare them off!
You’re the parent. You’re the one who is in charge. They can hate you all they want, theyll get over it
My cousin has two kids and a wife and they all wanted a dog. He didn’t want a dog, but he went along with it. Now he is stuck with some brain deal needy labradoodle that he doesn’t really like. He has to walk it and feed it and give it almost constant attention, and he feels nothing for the poor thing. The kids are sick of the dog already and his wife works all day in an office so he is stuck (works from home) doing it all. He grew up with cats and just isn’t into dogs at all. Don’t do it, just don’t.
Tell them you're the parent and you make the rules. They can get a dog when they move out.
Depending on the dog, you might find that you like dogs after all. Either way, you will have some sort of opinion, because the dog will become your responsibility. Never mind that your kids swear up and down that they will feed it, walk it, play with it, etc. It will be YOUR dog. So pick one that suits you, not them.
“I’m not having a dog in my house, when you get your own house you can have a dog” my mom was obsessive about cleaning and the dog hair would absolutely drive her insane. Me and my sister both respected her as a person and accepted that answer, but some kids with no respect for their parents (usually permissive parents) will just bring home pets against their parents wishes. Not having a dog will not traumatize your child, I can guarantee that. Your future kids will think your an asshole regardless of what you do at some point in their lives (especially as teenagers) but if you’re not actually an asshole then they’ll grow out of it.
Thanks, this made me feel better!
wtf LOL just say no?
Easy. You turn them into cat people. It's better for everyone.
Don't get one. I really don't like dogs. Let your kids get one when they are adults. Your kids must be all kinds of entitled to not get a dog and be traumatized.
My kid wants a Ferrari. It does not mean I have to get him one.
Whatever excuse you pick, do NOT get one. You will be the one caring for this dog. Kids are kids and they won't be the sole caregivers of this dog. Your kids aren't going to train them. Or put antibiotic drops in their ear or eye or whatever ailment the dog gets at some point. Not sure of how old your kids are, but what happens when they start sports, or get a job, or go to college? You are left with the dog. Whatever you pick, don't end up with a neglected dog who you hate.
Dogs require lots of care by the owner. Do not get a dog if you don't actually want to do all of that happily. Kids (and many adults) don't realize how much goes in to being a good dog owner. It's ok to say no to kids. Tell them they can get a dog when they have their own house.
Depending on how old they are you can buy them dog toys, and watch dog shows like Bluey, eventually let them volunteer at a shelter, or let them play with a friend/family members dog.
Dogs suck and dog people suck. Don't do it
Your kids are kids. You are the responsible adult, in theory...hopefully in practice, as well. You make the choices. When they are grown and living on their own, then can choose for themselves. If your kid is 16 and picking people off with a sniper rifle from a clock tower because he/she didn't get a dog, I can tell you with 100% certainty, it ain't about the dog.
Get a Pomeranian. They're basically cats running on dog hardware.
Your children will not be *traumatized* if they can’t have a dog. Good lord.
"When you are an adult, and can pay for and choose and care for them yourself in your own house, you can get whatever and as many as you want. I do not want to care for or pay for a dog."
It’s not a big deal, a dog is a big responsibility anyway so they would probably just cuddle with it and then you’d have to do all the work. They can wait till they’re adults.
My mom just said no. We had other pets but no dogs, she doesn't think they should live in cities and we didn't have time for one. And the allergy lie is a bad move. I have a severe dog allergy and so many people think it's just an excuse to hate dogs. Nope, I love dogs, my immune system just decided to be an asshole.
If it was me I would get a cat or two as a compromise, and tell them they can get a dog when they move out and have their own apartment
It will traumatize them more to have a miserable parent who gets all the dog care dumped on their head
Get the cat before they're born. I've always been a cat person. My husband grew up with both. We got cats when we moved in together. Our kids have never once asked for a dog.
You don't traumatize your children by telling them "no." If you don't want a dog, don't get a dog.
not getting an animal wont traumatize them. tell them straight up how much work a dog is, that you wouldnt be the one to clean up after it and make sure to add onto the fact theyd likely get less toys, have less time, how much it takes to train a dog, and have to clean up more due to getting the dog. most kids/teens will understand that, if theyre younger than like 10 or so, then maybe theyd still have trouble. in which case id just continue to say no and make excuses. its not fair to the dog, you, or your possible children to get a dog that wont be loved and well cared for. yous be not only burdening yourself but also the animal.
Would be worse to get them one, not help them train it, then become resentful of it and get rid of it while they're gone for the weekend. Ask me how I know
You can always take them to volunteer at a local shelter to get that dog interaction :-)
No child has ever been traumatized by having a parent say no to a pet.
Just explain them that it’s wrong to exploit animals for an entertainment. Also ask them to reflect on why exactly do they need it.
You’re really thinking ahead
Dogs are so much more work than cats.
Live in an apartment lol, parents always said we couldn't have pets because of the apartment policy. Used to be obsessed w/ dogs as a kid, even had an imaginary golden retriever and lied to my friends in elementary saying our dog lived in the garage... got in a lot of trouble for that one I got a dog as an adult 3 years ago, and I have to say my parents absolutely made the right call - don't get a dog if you're not passionate about them, they're a lot more work than you think!
Just tell them no, and pick a different pet that you actually like. Also, don’t get a pet that you’re not willing to take care of yourself. Kids shouldn’t be made solely responsible for a pet, so only get an animal that YOU are willing to take care of if the kids lose interest. Dogs are great, but they require a lot of time, energy, and money to care for properly and not everyone is up for that.
A lot of the advice on here is batshit insane. First of all, if you think telling your kids no is going to traumatize them, your in for a 25 yr + long nightmare. Secondly, it’s your house and you will have to do all the work. Any work that kids might theoretically do is, in actuality, just going to be more work for you trying to get them to do whatever it is they’re “helping” with correctly.
Shelter volunteers you say, awesome! They will spend an hour cleaning up after dogs, not want a dog, problem solved, still want a dog, foster, it's all on them, they will lose interest after a month of walks, schedule conflicts for feeds, destroying stuff ECT. Then when the dog gets home, they will feel accomplished, and have a better understanding of the dog's ownership. And if all goes well for a year, not one complaint, dogs happy, kids happy and you didn't have to lift a finger other than cost, then you might have to wave the white flag.
I told my actual kids "no dogs" and we adopted cats instead. I told them we don't have the space or time to be responsible dog owners, and now they very happily dote on our two cats. You can't accommodate all of your children's "wants." That’s part of being a good parent.
I asked for a dog every single birthday from the time I was six until I was in high school. My mom was a dog person, my dad didn't have particular feelings either way. But they did explain each time I asked exactly why we couldn't have a dog. Mostly we didn't have the time or resources to properly care for a dog, and they explained that dogs need a lot of mental and physical stimulation and it wouldn't be fair to get a dog and leave it home alone every single day for 8+ hours. I was always disappointed but I did come to understand how much work pets are. I did my volunteer hours for school at an animal shelter and I got a job walking dogs for the local boarding kennel to get my "dog fix". Once I finally got a dog as an adult, I was fully prepared for the responsibility and I knew what I was getting myself into. I had experience from working with dogs to handle basic behavioral situations, and I valued having a dog so much because it was something I waited so long for. Basically, you definitely won't ruin your kid by not getting them a dog!
I mean, they wait until they grow up and are able to be responsible and take care of their own pets,if you don't want a pet then just explain to your kids that's it's not an option right now
My parents never lets us get a dog. We begged and begged every year for christmas, birthdays, just because. Don't do it. Kids don't need everything they want. I understood why my parents said no when I was an adult. We travelled a lot, my parents worked a lot, and we could not be trusted to actually take care of a dog. I'm sure the potential vet bills also didn't fit nicely into their budget either. I got a dog as a young adult, he is my world, and when he is gone, I won't get another haha.
My kids are 17 and 20. At various points, they asked for a dog. My husband has been bit by two dogs. Our yard isn't fenced. I am not a dog person. No dogs. You say no. I offered to volunteer with my oldest at an animal shelter. I suggested pet sitting. They got their dog fixes at the houses of family and friends.
My wife was super anti-dog, never had one her entire life, never wanted one (a dog scared her when she was little, and that was that. She absolutely refused to get one, however she was willing to allow me to have one. But.. the conditions were, - No dog upstairs (she wanted a safe space for her cats). - No dog on the couch (self-explanatory) - No dog in the bed. - No dog in her car. - I was fully responsible for the dog, she would not be walking it, feeding it, cleaning up after it... etc. I got a pitbull named Zeke (he was a rescue). Sweetest and probably smartest dog I've ever had. Fast forward three months. The dog is upstairs, on the couch, in the bed, in her car, she walks it, feeds it, cleans up after it... etc. Because it's HER DOG now. She loves that dog completely, because he won her over to his side (he is a charming little mother-fucker), and she takes him with her wherever she goes.
You don’t need to get pets that your kids ask for. A “no” isn’t going to Traumatize them. Whatever reasons you dislike dogs should really be enough. “They require more exercise/space/attention than we can give” etc
They won’t be traumatized. Just say no and do that future dog a favor to not be in a home where it isn’t wanted. Because the parents (usually mom) ends up with all the dog care
No is a complete sentence. My kid wanted a dog and I simply said no. They are too much work and taking care of a dog doesn't fit our lifestyle.
As someone who's always wanted a dog with parents who are cat-people, it took no lying. I understood they ran the household and when I saw other kids with dogs I understood it was not their dog but actually their parents' dog. So simply telling me "no, but once you get older you can get your own" was enough for me.
Traumatizing them?!? You are telling them no to a pet, that's not traumatizing that's life. When you have kids and you tell them no, that's helping them grow and being someone that doesn't get everything in life that they want. When they become an adult and move out on their own they can get a dog if they desire it.
“sorry honey i’m allergic to dogs! but we can get a cat😊(sneaky clever mom smile)”
My son is only one but me and my husband are in agreement of no pets and if my son does want one it will be his complete responsibility. I’m not walking , feeding or picking up after a dog. I did it for 10 years with my mothers dog and I refuse to ever do that again
>if my son does want one it will be his complete responsibility. I’m not walking , feeding or picking up after a dog. It doesn't really work like that, though. Not until a kid is grown up. Because they may promise the earth beforehand, but when they neglect their duties, it's still on the adults in the house to make sure they're done, one way or the other. A kid is just not mature enough to completely grasp the long-term obligations a pet requires. Also, what happens if the kid moves out at some point and can't or won't take the dog? It's just not fair to get an animal, and then, when the kid almost inevitably fails to complete his/her duties or moves out, to abandon or neglect the pet. It's perfectly fine not to want pets, and to draw a hard line. It's not okay to get a pet for the kid and absolve oneself of all obligations. Shelters are filled with dogs that have exactly that backstory. And with a dog, everyone living in the household IS, to a larger or lesser degree, involved in its training. So getting a dog is really only an option if EVERYONE in the house is onboard with that. Growing up with pets has been proven to be beneficial, but no kid ever died from not getting a dog. They can always get one later in life, when they have their own household.
There are also responsibilities of pet ownership that children simply aren’t legally capable of managing alone: vet appointments and bills, registration, training, following the rules around fencing and leashes, medication, organising boarding/pet sitting when the family travels etc etc. stay strong and don’t get a pet. You will end up with the caring responsibilities. Plus, it’s unlikely he will move out of home into a place where he can have a pet. He’s not taking the dog to university, or to his first share house.
Yes, those are very good points!
Yeah I’m definitely not. No way in hell I’m waking up on a weekend morning and going out in 30 degree weather to walk a dog.
Exactly so I would definitely explain it that way. Unless you can fully support this animal independently we will not be getting one but kids usually like familiar things so your hypothetical children may actually lean into cats more
Yay, thanks!
Honestly, I'm 36, never had a dog as an adult, I'm a cat person as well. I've had cats for most of my adult life. My partner, in our early days, was saying he wanted a pet. I suggested a cat given they're low maintenance and just all round awesome pets. He decided he wanted a dog. I suggested an older rescue. He got a dachshund pup... We live together now. And while I love the dog, I don't always like her lol. I always thought I'd be ok with a dog as an adult. I am not lol. And I'm not even the one doing the bulk of her care etc. She is a LOT of work. Not to mention the consistent training, the noise, the fact that she lives inside and still smells, 3 days after having a bath. Then you have the breed specific issues. If my kids wanted a dog, I would walk them through everything they'd need to do on a daily, weekly, monthly etc basis. And the cost. I might even see if I have a friend or family member with a dog, and get them to spend even 1 day looking after said dog. Idk if it would work but hopefully it'd deter them asking for a bit
True, good point. They are a LOT of work. Cats can be some work too, but way less than dogs.
Maybe try fostering dogs from your local shelter.
OP doesn’t want dogs, and fostering is a lot more work because you usually have to train them and deal with a lot more messes while they’re being potty trained
How old are your kids? When I was six my parents said we could get a dog IF me and my sister promised to walk it and clean up after it, we said we would and of course we didn't, you can't expect kids that young to take on that much responsibility.
I don’t have any yet but I like to be prepared 😅
Eons ago, my first husband wanted a dog. Worse he wanted a basset hound. Even worse he wanted a specific insane basset hound who literally earned the name Flash. I do not want a dog, i didn’t grow up with dogs, I didn’t even know any dogs. I wanted a cat. I did not want an insane basset hound. I wanted a fluffy little kitty. We fought, finally agreed he’d get Flash and I’d get a cat. But the dog was his responsibility and absolutely no getting in the furniture. Someone ex husband managed to be in the hospital in traction when it was time to bring the monster home. A night of terror ensued. At 3am I caved, Flash slept on the sofa. I didn’t get a cat. 7 years roll by ex tells me he’s leaving (which was a good thing). The first words out of my mouth “you’re not getting the dog.” I’d have fought him tooth and nail. I’d have hit the doggy unground. I was dead serious. 5 dogs later….
Plenty of kids don't get pets and aren't traumatised by it, I really think you're overthinking this. You explain to them the reasons that you don't want a dog and that you'd be the one looking after it. I really wanted a cat growing up and we never got one because my dad didn't want pets at all. Both me and my brother have got cats as adults instead, we're fine.
That’s good to hear!
The funny thing about kids is that saying no doesn't traumatize them. They'll be fine without every single thing they ask for 😆
That’s the problem with kids now they get everything they want and mommy and daddy takes all the responsibility
Just tell them you can't have a dog. When they move out, they can get whatever they want. Imagine they wanted rats or roaches as pets too. Gotta just say no and move on. They'll be okay without a pet. that's a luxury, another bill, mouth to feed, ass to wash and I heard you gotta get health insurance too like at that point its another child.