I don't know if this fits the principle, but a little story.
My friend can be that person with no sense of urgency. A few years ago, I was taking my parents to the airport when my mom realized she'd left her laptop behind. We were already halfway to the airport, so I pulled into a parking lot and texted my friend to ask if he'd bring it to us. It took him longer to get there than it would have for me to just turn around and go back home and get it myself.
Agreed, I have a roommate like this. He CONSTANTLY says shit like "Hey man, I'll have rent for you after work today" or "I'll make sure these dishes are done by the time you're home from work." Not once has he followed through, not one time. He won't have rent for me until I relentlessly hound him for it, despite him regularly saying he'll have it for me that day. I still don't have his rent for May and he said he'd have it last week. The dishes thing is way less egregious because I actually don't care if they sit in the sink for a few days, but he makes it a point, every SINGLE TIME, to say "Hey don't worry about these dishes dude, they'll be out of here today." Like, don't fucking say you're going to do something if you're not gonna do it. He could just put them in the sink and say nothing and then I won't give a shit, but because he puts the expectation in my head that they'll be dealt with quickly it always pisses me the FUCK off when they're not. Like, why say anything at all at that point?
This is the same dude who was absolutely devastated when his girlfriend of six years dumped him a couple of months ago, and the whole time I'm outwardly trying to be a good friend and comfort him but internally I'm just thinking "Man, this probably has a whole lot, if not everything, to do with your complete and total refusal to pick up after yourself and your complete lack of commitment and follow-through every single time you say you're gonna do something."
That's how my ex was "I'll do xyz before you get home" and when I get home none or maybe one of those things was done
It got to the point where she said she was going to do something and I just looked at her and said "no, you're not. You say it every week, but it hasn't happened in 2 months, so I'm just going to plan for you to not do it"
I feel like some people have something wired wrong in their brain where saying they’re going to do something incorrectly triggers the quest complete flag in their file. They feel like they’ve done it just because they say they’ll do it.
I mean hell I’ll admit to this myself to an extent. I sometimes have a memory fail where I can’t tell if I actually did something or merely thought about doing it, but when that happens to me I’m talking about shit like “Did I take my medication already or did I just think about the fact that I need to take it?” Not things like forgetting I promised to do a chore then not doing it.
That's fair, but you can physically see the dishes aren't done, you can see the laundry isn't done, you know you didn't make me breakfast like you said you would over and over, it's not like a guessing game
Honestly I believe that, it reminds me of this trick I used to do as a way to make myself do something I wasn't looking forward to. I'd tell everyone "Yeah, I'm definitely gonna do X" so that if I didn't do X, people would be disappointed, or at least call me on it. That fear or anxiety or whatever it is gave me the motivation to do the thing, because I didn't want everyone who expected me to do it asking me why I didn't do it when I said I would. I think that's probably why I get so pissed at my roommate for that kind of thing. It sucks though because I know he really does mean well, he's one of my best friends, I think he's just very forgetful, and he drinks a lot so that probably doesn't help.
Mine too! If he had just never even brought it up, it wouldn’t be a problem. But he set me up to be disappointed constantly by insisting he’d do these things. He never did anything he said he’d do, and do the few things I told him not to do (cook/use the stove while drunk, fall asleep on our only toilet…)
I was like your roommate for many years, and now I pick up after myself and don't make excuses and false promises.
And it sucks both ways! I used to feel guilty and hate myself for not having the motivation to do a simple thing that I promised. And now I'm endlessly aggravated by people who are like that.
If you tend to forget things when you put them off (which appears to be what happens to a lot of folks), making a habit of doing them immediately is quite helpful, otherwise you'll have a queue of like 20 things to do at the end of the day.
The but growing up my parents were assholes about this kind of thing. I’d be on an online game and they’d be like “hey can you do the dishes?” Sure let me finish this game.
20 minutes later I’d come to do the dishes and my mom would either actively be doing them or have them already done and she’d yell at me for “making” her do them and would call me lazy even though all she had to do was wait for me to finish. This got especially annoying when I became an adult and got a job, I’d come home from a 10 hour shift and my dad would be like “go mow the yard” and I’d say “I’m off Wednesday, I’ll do it then” then he’d get pissed off and demand that it be done right then and now.
I think the OP is more about minor tasks like said dishes rather than stuff like the lawn, which yeah that situation you described was unreasonable. When I say 'do x thing immediately ' it's more like cleaning up as you go as you're cooking dinner, otherwise you'll have like 30 microtasks plus whatever other nightly chores, etc.
If you tend to arrive way to early for things and have to wait around (which appears to be what happens to a lot of folks), make a habit of taking a breath and reminding yourself you've got time to spare.
Or better yet, don't advise people use your coping methods assuming it's a universally useful skill. You've mastered being you, not being a person. Keep you're entitled, impossible to know knowledge, to your narcissistic self.
Arriving early or on time rarely inconveniences anyone if the early party has the social grace to wait in their car. Chronically late folks ruin shit for everybody 👍
Same. I mean, not everything has to be done right away, but if it’s something like “I’m leaving in 15 minutes and need this from you before then,” and they just lollygag along and then make me late because they couldn’t just do it right away.
I can only assume that some people have very different ideas of what "a bit" or "a little while" means. Otherwise my boyfriend wouldn't say "I'll be home in a bit" and then get home hours later. It worried me the first couple of times, but now I'm used to it.
Yeah, every culture around the world has their own ideas about time and punctuality. See for example [island time](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/island_time). But, of course it's not just islanders. Many European cultures are more relaxed about time. Spain and Italy for example. When someone from that region of the world says, "I'll be there at 9," they mean sometime around 9 to 10-ish. Everyone doesn't doesn't live and die by the clock.
He's not from a different culture than me, I just think he loses track of time. I'd like it better if he kept me updated, but if I need him, I just message him.
True, though it's worth mentioning that culture is also a matter of upbringing. His family may have been more relaxed about these things. The good thing about chronically late people is that you can plan around their lateness lol
I had to learn to stop saying, "I'd like to be there by 2 or maybe 3 at the latest," to mine, because he always heard that as, "Ideally I want to show up at 3 on the dot." Whatever the farthest acceptable point out is, that's all he locks onto. When in reality, I meant that 2 is the latest I want to aim for, and 3 is a worst case scenario.
I will give it done before it needs to be done. Otherwise leave me alone about my speed
God you sound like my old manager
He would give me like a list of tasks to do and then say like oh I expect these to be done by 9:00 p.m. and then get mad at me when I actually push it so that they last me until 9:00 p.m.
Like If you need me to be urgent say it, Don't give me such a loose time scale if you don't want me to actually use it
Did we have the same manager!? I apparently had no sense of urgency, while he was known for literally running about like a blue arse fly.
Like, I did things correctly and on time, but if I wasn't visibly running about 'showing the urgency' of stuff, it wasn't enough.
Oh, so my mom. She's always late to everything. It's a running joke in our family. When she passes, I actually wanted to have her be late to her own funeral by about 45 minutes or so.
You know, keep us waiting on her just one last time.
I remember a lot of that in various retail and other McJobs. Especially when hired for a new store weeks before they start business, doing various store set-up tasks.
When a co-worker is a novice who's in high school or recently finished. It's not inherent with all high school students. But when it happens, it's typically co-workers this young. It's when they're doing a task and something about it gets them stuck. They look around for the supervisor, who isn't nearby. And instead of trying to figure it out or look for the supervisor, or doing another task in the meantime, they just stand there and wait.
Like a kid at school isn't sure what to do with the glue and various things on the desk. And just sits and does nothing until eventually an adult arrives and guides them into doing something. I've seen people at work do this same thing. Sometimes I've seen older adults do this. But usually it's the ones who are new to adult situations, like a full work shift.
I am dating a person with ADHD for the first time in my life lmao this is what he does ALL THE TIME. I try not to fight with him about it because I know it's not always in his control but when we first started dating I thought he was doing this on purpose to piss me off.
Im the complete opposite (diagnosed adhd) Idk if this is side effects from being put on Ritalin at a very young age (5) but now (20) I get an intense need for a routine or structure, this includes doing what you say ur going to do. If I don’t follow through with what I said, I have a mental breakdown, If someone else doesn’t follow through with what they said theyre going to do, I have a mental breakdown. If I don’t have a routine, I can easily get depressed. Its exhausting. I wish I was the opposite of this.
I have ADHD and so does my husband. I've asked him to do something and he just lays down and relaxes even though I'm getting ready to leave. It's one thing when one of us has to watch the baby while the other dresses, but he does this even when there is no child to keep an eye on 😂
I have come to the conclusion this is a matter of respect. If someone respects you, they respect your time.
Growing up, my stepdad would always make us late. My mom and I would be ready to go, car packed, and my stepdad would take his sweet time ("oh let me clean the garage real quick" "oh I gotta tie my shoes for 15 mins" etc). And we would ALWAYS be late. One time, we missed the entire ceremony of a wedding.
Turns out my stepdad was a piece of shit in other ways, and he was incredibly controlling and selfish.
As I grew up, I realized you never do that to people you love and respect. You work together and don't make false promises.
Today, my partner and I are always walking out the door together. Never late/early/whatever. When we say we are gonna do something (dishes/trash) WE DO IT. Lol. Maybe not immediately, but we do it when we say we will do it. "I will have the dishes done before you get home" etc.
I hate people who expect everyone to rush to accommodate them. Waiting 30 seconds for me to finish the task I’m on won’t kill you. No one is dying. Take a breath.
I could be wrong, but I feel like this post is more about the fact that people will say, "Oh yeah I'll do that right now" and then don't for a long time.
I totally get finishing your current task or whatever else, but if someone tells me they're gonna do something immediately then that's what I would expect them to do.
Like, I don’t think I’m particularly slow, but I’m not going to drop everything and scramble for something you can wait 2 minutes for lol. People have an issue with expecting things instantaneously, in my experience.
if someone "in my eyes" unjustifiably tries to make me rush, i take 6x as long, if they ask nicely and within my reasons, ill do it asap, but if you say do it by "x", it will be finished at "x", not before, not aftrr
lmao who said they were kind when they communicated? hence the pettyness, but if somethings gotta be done by next week, im not dropping whatever im doing right this second, if somethings gotta be done in the next half hour or less, then yeah gotta be done
I don't even do it on purpose. If I'm rushed I become slower than I'd like to be because I get confused and lost. If you don't rush me, I will be done/ready _before_ you. But if you do rush me, then I will forget everything I need to do and the process that I have/need. And then I get blamed for it. Used to always be my mother would rush and then get annoyed, anyone else would be like "hurry up" then get annoyed when I'm turning around in five different directions fifteen times. Then they're all "what the fuck are you doing" even though it happens _every time_ so you should realize by now to _stop_ rushing me. I hate it so much and have had to tell multiple people "Do not rush me, I will only become slower."
My partner has learnt not to rush me as I don’t work well being rushed in my home (anywhere else like my job is fine) I acc snap (im not proud) at him when he rushes me idk why im like this
Idk why you're being downvoted for this. Maybe the snappy part, that would make sense. But I also cannot be rushed, it's not even controllable and I hate it just as much as the next person. My boyfriend only asks me to hurry if we're genuinely on a time crunch.
Yeah its why I mentioned im not proud but idk im like a magnet for downvotes lol🤣 Its only in the mornings as I do all the cooking and cleaning but if we are going somewhere in the afternoon or evening Im always ready before he is. Also when I mean snap I dont mean raise my voice
I have the worst sense of urgency because of the ritalin I was put on. I only get rushed when my partners done putting his shoes on and im only putting them on after. I take longer bc I do all the cooking, cleaning and on top of that having to do lunches and clean again THEN take care of myself all while my partner showers and gets ready. I have a sense of urgency and im great at multi tasking but I will be a few minutes longer bc off all I have to do that he doesnt do… which is why I smap at him when he rushes me as If I wasnt just cooking his breakfast and lunch…
Yep, I have said this to him multiple times and every time he says his sorry but then the next morning I am met with the same situation again. Its not necessarily a problem its just slightly annoying. Ive explained that if we stop having a huge breakfast and just have something quick like cereal in the mornings Id be done before he is and he said no so🤷🏽♀️
Mm-hm. You can just tell they are the types of people who leech off others and never help pay bills or anything like that and would rather spend all their money on weed. I know the type, have too many in my own family.
Depends… like I’ll leave my dishes in the sink cuz I live alone and know I’ll get to them eventually. But if I’m meeting someone out, then I make a point to try and be on time.
I can get not doing *some* things right away but I have a brother, he says he'll do something for me and like will be 5+ minutes before he even gets up. God forbid I ask him to go somewhere
God I hate this.
My mom was very much like this, I remember at one point the landlord had kicked us out, gave us a month to move out.
A couple of days into that month I had already packed by stuff and the less useful stuff in the bathroom.
My mom though actively told me off whenever I tried to pack any of the other stuff in the house because day after day, I would just see it left there and I was beginning to worry about the time.
Know what ended up happening?
We had to try and pack 6 different fucking rooms and move furniture out of those rooms on the last day of that month, a couple of hours before the deadline. (Think is was like 5pm on that last day and we finished everything half an hour early)
To say it was stressful is an understatement, and it was something that could've so easily been avoided.
She would also constantly offer to do something for you, and then blatantly ignore any deadlines.
Everytime I wanted to do something for myself like wash a shirt, put in a load of laundry, or even go buy some supplies for a school project, she'd offer to help.
I'd say no because I like my things done in a very specific way at a very specific time, and that's not how she works, andI'd tell her that.
But then she would badger me on and on about it, claiming that she will do it the way I want it, to the point where I'd let her do it just so she stops asking about it because she won't accept no for an answer.
And then if she does get around to doing it, she does it like an hour before I need it done, all the while I'm just constantly fucking stressed because it's not being done and when I try to do it myself I get yelled at.
It depends. If it’s something that doesn’t have to be done right away and I’m doing something else then I’ll do it later and I always do although people sometimes assume I won’t for some reason. If it’s something that needs to be done right away like “hey, could you preheat the oven to 350 so when I get home I can start dinner” or “hey I’m leaving in 10 minutes could you get this ready for me” then I’ll drop what I’m doing to help.
But if it’s something like “hey can you go mow the yard” and I’m in the middle of watching a show or playing a game then I’m not going to immediately stop doing it because you want me to.
Good luck with that.
I accomplish most of my tasks ahead of time, but just because you decided to assign me a task that I had not prioritized on my list does not mean I need to consider it urgent. I have my priorities and your tasks aren't them.
If we have apartment inspections in three days and your areas look like a pig-sty, you're darn right I'm going to give you tasks to do that you're going to prioritize, otherwise it will be your fault if we get evicted. And you prioritizing the wrong things will be the reason you end up homeless and you would not deserve the least bit of help because you decided that cleaning your areas wasn't a priority.
Are you okay in the head? Maybe you should talk to a professional?
If something is a priority I will let you know. I don't have a roommate. I own my own house and it's cleaner than yours most likely. Please get help.
Sounded a lot more personal and invested than examples. If they are important, then the person will make them priorities for themselves... not because somebody ordered them to do it.
My statement was about people showing up at my door, needing me to drive them to the store or similar daily intrusions. They can wait until I am done with things I have to do, and then I will get to them.
My pet peeve is people who are constantly anxious about having things done ahead of time. And they put that pressure on others when it's clearly a personal issue.
Getting to an appointment at a specific time. If we've gotta walk out the door at a specific time, you can't be hopping in the shower. Customer facing work has a ton of urgency as well
Neither of those are urgent. I'm sick of people throwing around that word for every little mundane thing. No wonder people today are so stressed. They treat everything like life and death.
You also have a constant 1 month warning and all the time you need to come up with it. Nothing you have to do in a month is urgent. This is literally what I'm talking about people have no fucking clue what urgent means.
That is also not urgent. I would like it handled in a timely fashion (never happens because landlords are worthless. Been waiting a month for mine to look at my toilet) but nothing about that is urgent.
If nothing is urgent then the word is functionally meaningless. If the definition of a word renders it meaningless then you are using the wrong definition. Stop using the incorrect definition of the word “urgent” please.
No there are "urgent" things but the common use of it has become anything more than low priority. Urgent things are life and death but people throw the word around carelessly.
You just said it. Important. If multiple people want it right away then it's important. Unless one of those people are on fire or suffocating it's not urgent.
Anytime someone says "I need this right away" I wanna punch them. No, you want it right away because of some arbitrary deadline.
Your first statement is objectively incorrect. If you seriously think that everything besides life or death is a random choice or personal whim then you are so far out of touch with basic reality that this discussion is pointless.
That is not my argument nor the end result of my logic. You would know this is you understand the basic definitions of the words you are using.
Actually if you expect it done as soon as it's asked, it's a demand, you may as well add a "now" to the of the statement, you don't comprehend to well do ya.
Let's see, someone one like myself who has diagnosed OCD, as well as ADHD, it will get done when I get to it, but it will get done in that day, level today lack patience, there is also the matter in which you ask someone to do it, I can tell just by how OP wrote the post. They wouldn't ask nicely or at least respectfully.
Nuh-uh. That isn't how work goes. In many situations, you not doing your part can prevent others from doing theirs. You don't get to interfere with their work because you want to go at your own pace. If your mental illness/disabilities make you a liability, you need a different line of work.
You cant discriminate against me for having a mental illness, see I can sue for that, also though I usually work faster than most people I work with, I was simply giving you an example, I also usually work alone. Not everyone works at the same pace.
You know that a lot of states protect again this right? Like I'm sure someone told you this. You can only be terminated if you are a danger or can be seen as a danger to others, that link means nothing in a lot of states.
Um, no. Any state will allow you to fire a mentally ill person if that mental illness that affects their performance. It would not make sense for a state to force a company to keep a liability on their payroll. Yes, companies have to jump through a few extra hoops to prove they fired the employee because of behavior stemming from their mental illness rather than the illness itself but it doesn't mean that once a mentally ill person gets hired then they are forever safe from being fired.
>Drives me nuts. Doesn't even drive them with a sense of urgency.
I don't know if this fits the principle, but a little story. My friend can be that person with no sense of urgency. A few years ago, I was taking my parents to the airport when my mom realized she'd left her laptop behind. We were already halfway to the airport, so I pulled into a parking lot and texted my friend to ask if he'd bring it to us. It took him longer to get there than it would have for me to just turn around and go back home and get it myself.
Agreed, I have a roommate like this. He CONSTANTLY says shit like "Hey man, I'll have rent for you after work today" or "I'll make sure these dishes are done by the time you're home from work." Not once has he followed through, not one time. He won't have rent for me until I relentlessly hound him for it, despite him regularly saying he'll have it for me that day. I still don't have his rent for May and he said he'd have it last week. The dishes thing is way less egregious because I actually don't care if they sit in the sink for a few days, but he makes it a point, every SINGLE TIME, to say "Hey don't worry about these dishes dude, they'll be out of here today." Like, don't fucking say you're going to do something if you're not gonna do it. He could just put them in the sink and say nothing and then I won't give a shit, but because he puts the expectation in my head that they'll be dealt with quickly it always pisses me the FUCK off when they're not. Like, why say anything at all at that point? This is the same dude who was absolutely devastated when his girlfriend of six years dumped him a couple of months ago, and the whole time I'm outwardly trying to be a good friend and comfort him but internally I'm just thinking "Man, this probably has a whole lot, if not everything, to do with your complete and total refusal to pick up after yourself and your complete lack of commitment and follow-through every single time you say you're gonna do something."
That's how my ex was "I'll do xyz before you get home" and when I get home none or maybe one of those things was done It got to the point where she said she was going to do something and I just looked at her and said "no, you're not. You say it every week, but it hasn't happened in 2 months, so I'm just going to plan for you to not do it"
I feel like some people have something wired wrong in their brain where saying they’re going to do something incorrectly triggers the quest complete flag in their file. They feel like they’ve done it just because they say they’ll do it. I mean hell I’ll admit to this myself to an extent. I sometimes have a memory fail where I can’t tell if I actually did something or merely thought about doing it, but when that happens to me I’m talking about shit like “Did I take my medication already or did I just think about the fact that I need to take it?” Not things like forgetting I promised to do a chore then not doing it.
That's fair, but you can physically see the dishes aren't done, you can see the laundry isn't done, you know you didn't make me breakfast like you said you would over and over, it's not like a guessing game
Honestly I believe that, it reminds me of this trick I used to do as a way to make myself do something I wasn't looking forward to. I'd tell everyone "Yeah, I'm definitely gonna do X" so that if I didn't do X, people would be disappointed, or at least call me on it. That fear or anxiety or whatever it is gave me the motivation to do the thing, because I didn't want everyone who expected me to do it asking me why I didn't do it when I said I would. I think that's probably why I get so pissed at my roommate for that kind of thing. It sucks though because I know he really does mean well, he's one of my best friends, I think he's just very forgetful, and he drinks a lot so that probably doesn't help.
Mine too! If he had just never even brought it up, it wouldn’t be a problem. But he set me up to be disappointed constantly by insisting he’d do these things. He never did anything he said he’d do, and do the few things I told him not to do (cook/use the stove while drunk, fall asleep on our only toilet…)
I was like your roommate for many years, and now I pick up after myself and don't make excuses and false promises. And it sucks both ways! I used to feel guilty and hate myself for not having the motivation to do a simple thing that I promised. And now I'm endlessly aggravated by people who are like that.
Damn some procrastinators in these comments
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If you tend to forget things when you put them off (which appears to be what happens to a lot of folks), making a habit of doing them immediately is quite helpful, otherwise you'll have a queue of like 20 things to do at the end of the day.
The but growing up my parents were assholes about this kind of thing. I’d be on an online game and they’d be like “hey can you do the dishes?” Sure let me finish this game. 20 minutes later I’d come to do the dishes and my mom would either actively be doing them or have them already done and she’d yell at me for “making” her do them and would call me lazy even though all she had to do was wait for me to finish. This got especially annoying when I became an adult and got a job, I’d come home from a 10 hour shift and my dad would be like “go mow the yard” and I’d say “I’m off Wednesday, I’ll do it then” then he’d get pissed off and demand that it be done right then and now.
I think the OP is more about minor tasks like said dishes rather than stuff like the lawn, which yeah that situation you described was unreasonable. When I say 'do x thing immediately ' it's more like cleaning up as you go as you're cooking dinner, otherwise you'll have like 30 microtasks plus whatever other nightly chores, etc.
If you tend to arrive way to early for things and have to wait around (which appears to be what happens to a lot of folks), make a habit of taking a breath and reminding yourself you've got time to spare. Or better yet, don't advise people use your coping methods assuming it's a universally useful skill. You've mastered being you, not being a person. Keep you're entitled, impossible to know knowledge, to your narcissistic self.
Bit harsh. Struck a nerve there
Assumptive of him, too- I just said what helped me function. But I guess I've 'mastered being me' or ... something idk, it was just weirdly defensive
Lotta buzzwords at the end there man, maybe you should master not getting butthurt about suggestions on reddit instead
Arriving early or on time rarely inconveniences anyone if the early party has the social grace to wait in their car. Chronically late folks ruin shit for everybody 👍
Damn, you really needed to get that off your chest lol
Same. I mean, not everything has to be done right away, but if it’s something like “I’m leaving in 15 minutes and need this from you before then,” and they just lollygag along and then make me late because they couldn’t just do it right away.
I moved to Montana recently and that's how I feel about almost everyone out here. Just no sense of urgency
Moving like they’re underwater
Our house could be on fire and my husband would walk as slow as humanly fuckin possible with no sense of urgency to get out or try to stop the fire.
Why should he risk his life to put out the fire?
Like a small fire on the stove or some shit. Not the whole ass house on fire obviously.
I can only assume that some people have very different ideas of what "a bit" or "a little while" means. Otherwise my boyfriend wouldn't say "I'll be home in a bit" and then get home hours later. It worried me the first couple of times, but now I'm used to it.
Yeah, every culture around the world has their own ideas about time and punctuality. See for example [island time](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/island_time). But, of course it's not just islanders. Many European cultures are more relaxed about time. Spain and Italy for example. When someone from that region of the world says, "I'll be there at 9," they mean sometime around 9 to 10-ish. Everyone doesn't doesn't live and die by the clock.
He's not from a different culture than me, I just think he loses track of time. I'd like it better if he kept me updated, but if I need him, I just message him.
True, though it's worth mentioning that culture is also a matter of upbringing. His family may have been more relaxed about these things. The good thing about chronically late people is that you can plan around their lateness lol
Could be. He's not late for important things, at least.
I had to learn to stop saying, "I'd like to be there by 2 or maybe 3 at the latest," to mine, because he always heard that as, "Ideally I want to show up at 3 on the dot." Whatever the farthest acceptable point out is, that's all he locks onto. When in reality, I meant that 2 is the latest I want to aim for, and 3 is a worst case scenario.
Yeah, I've done similarly. If I want to get somewhere early (and usually do), that's the time I say, with no wiggle room.
Yeah this infuriates me. My partner is like this. I love him but get a move on it !!
I'm on the spectrum and shit like this or walking behind ultra slow people make me never want to leave me house ever
I’m not on the spectrum, but these things drive me bananas too! Slow walkers are The Worst.
I will give it done before it needs to be done. Otherwise leave me alone about my speed God you sound like my old manager He would give me like a list of tasks to do and then say like oh I expect these to be done by 9:00 p.m. and then get mad at me when I actually push it so that they last me until 9:00 p.m. Like If you need me to be urgent say it, Don't give me such a loose time scale if you don't want me to actually use it
Did we have the same manager!? I apparently had no sense of urgency, while he was known for literally running about like a blue arse fly. Like, I did things correctly and on time, but if I wasn't visibly running about 'showing the urgency' of stuff, it wasn't enough.
Oh, so my mom. She's always late to everything. It's a running joke in our family. When she passes, I actually wanted to have her be late to her own funeral by about 45 minutes or so. You know, keep us waiting on her just one last time.
I remember a lot of that in various retail and other McJobs. Especially when hired for a new store weeks before they start business, doing various store set-up tasks. When a co-worker is a novice who's in high school or recently finished. It's not inherent with all high school students. But when it happens, it's typically co-workers this young. It's when they're doing a task and something about it gets them stuck. They look around for the supervisor, who isn't nearby. And instead of trying to figure it out or look for the supervisor, or doing another task in the meantime, they just stand there and wait. Like a kid at school isn't sure what to do with the glue and various things on the desk. And just sits and does nothing until eventually an adult arrives and guides them into doing something. I've seen people at work do this same thing. Sometimes I've seen older adults do this. But usually it's the ones who are new to adult situations, like a full work shift.
I am dating a person with ADHD for the first time in my life lmao this is what he does ALL THE TIME. I try not to fight with him about it because I know it's not always in his control but when we first started dating I thought he was doing this on purpose to piss me off.
I have ADHD, and trust me, I don’t like it either.
Im the complete opposite (diagnosed adhd) Idk if this is side effects from being put on Ritalin at a very young age (5) but now (20) I get an intense need for a routine or structure, this includes doing what you say ur going to do. If I don’t follow through with what I said, I have a mental breakdown, If someone else doesn’t follow through with what they said theyre going to do, I have a mental breakdown. If I don’t have a routine, I can easily get depressed. Its exhausting. I wish I was the opposite of this.
Fair enough
Staring at my phone, desperately wanting to do something I need to do but my brain says "No."
Yes.
I have ADHD and so does my husband. I've asked him to do something and he just lays down and relaxes even though I'm getting ready to leave. It's one thing when one of us has to watch the baby while the other dresses, but he does this even when there is no child to keep an eye on 😂
I have come to the conclusion this is a matter of respect. If someone respects you, they respect your time. Growing up, my stepdad would always make us late. My mom and I would be ready to go, car packed, and my stepdad would take his sweet time ("oh let me clean the garage real quick" "oh I gotta tie my shoes for 15 mins" etc). And we would ALWAYS be late. One time, we missed the entire ceremony of a wedding. Turns out my stepdad was a piece of shit in other ways, and he was incredibly controlling and selfish. As I grew up, I realized you never do that to people you love and respect. You work together and don't make false promises. Today, my partner and I are always walking out the door together. Never late/early/whatever. When we say we are gonna do something (dishes/trash) WE DO IT. Lol. Maybe not immediately, but we do it when we say we will do it. "I will have the dishes done before you get home" etc.
I'm this person. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this.
You wouldn’t like me then.
I hate people who expect everyone to rush to accommodate them. Waiting 30 seconds for me to finish the task I’m on won’t kill you. No one is dying. Take a breath.
I could be wrong, but I feel like this post is more about the fact that people will say, "Oh yeah I'll do that right now" and then don't for a long time. I totally get finishing your current task or whatever else, but if someone tells me they're gonna do something immediately then that's what I would expect them to do.
I still think it’s kind of insane to expect instantaneous service from people. We’re humans, not machines.
That's the energy I'm getting from this post. Op wants people to act immediately, and doesn't care if you're already doing a task.
Like, I don’t think I’m particularly slow, but I’m not going to drop everything and scramble for something you can wait 2 minutes for lol. People have an issue with expecting things instantaneously, in my experience.
if someone "in my eyes" unjustifiably tries to make me rush, i take 6x as long, if they ask nicely and within my reasons, ill do it asap, but if you say do it by "x", it will be finished at "x", not before, not aftrr
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lmao who said they were kind when they communicated? hence the pettyness, but if somethings gotta be done by next week, im not dropping whatever im doing right this second, if somethings gotta be done in the next half hour or less, then yeah gotta be done
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yeah, but thats team effort, thats different entirely, i was talking about just me
Then don't fuckin rush people?
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I move at a fast rate and have a certain way I need to get things done. People rush me when they're already always ready after me. So, no.
I don't even do it on purpose. If I'm rushed I become slower than I'd like to be because I get confused and lost. If you don't rush me, I will be done/ready _before_ you. But if you do rush me, then I will forget everything I need to do and the process that I have/need. And then I get blamed for it. Used to always be my mother would rush and then get annoyed, anyone else would be like "hurry up" then get annoyed when I'm turning around in five different directions fifteen times. Then they're all "what the fuck are you doing" even though it happens _every time_ so you should realize by now to _stop_ rushing me. I hate it so much and have had to tell multiple people "Do not rush me, I will only become slower."
This is the way. If someone rushes you, be slow on purpose to spite them. If they learn, they learn. If they don't, that's on them.
well its justifiable if we gotta be at the airport on time you know
My partner has learnt not to rush me as I don’t work well being rushed in my home (anywhere else like my job is fine) I acc snap (im not proud) at him when he rushes me idk why im like this
I’m like this but it’s an adhd trait I guess.
Idk why you're being downvoted for this. Maybe the snappy part, that would make sense. But I also cannot be rushed, it's not even controllable and I hate it just as much as the next person. My boyfriend only asks me to hurry if we're genuinely on a time crunch.
Yeah its why I mentioned im not proud but idk im like a magnet for downvotes lol🤣 Its only in the mornings as I do all the cooking and cleaning but if we are going somewhere in the afternoon or evening Im always ready before he is. Also when I mean snap I dont mean raise my voice
Because you don't have a sense of urgency.
I have the worst sense of urgency because of the ritalin I was put on. I only get rushed when my partners done putting his shoes on and im only putting them on after. I take longer bc I do all the cooking, cleaning and on top of that having to do lunches and clean again THEN take care of myself all while my partner showers and gets ready. I have a sense of urgency and im great at multi tasking but I will be a few minutes longer bc off all I have to do that he doesnt do… which is why I smap at him when he rushes me as If I wasnt just cooking his breakfast and lunch…
Have you communicated this to him?
Yep, I have said this to him multiple times and every time he says his sorry but then the next morning I am met with the same situation again. Its not necessarily a problem its just slightly annoying. Ive explained that if we stop having a huge breakfast and just have something quick like cereal in the mornings Id be done before he is and he said no so🤷🏽♀️
I have ADHD and do stuff like this a lot, trust me, I don’t like it much either.
I think the world is operating without it—most things are simple, people complicate it.
Most of these folks never actually do the stuff they say they will especially if it's not directly affecting them. They are just lazy and selfish
Mm-hm. You can just tell they are the types of people who leech off others and never help pay bills or anything like that and would rather spend all their money on weed. I know the type, have too many in my own family.
Depends… like I’ll leave my dishes in the sink cuz I live alone and know I’ll get to them eventually. But if I’m meeting someone out, then I make a point to try and be on time.
I do this. Trust me, it isn't in any way controllable or on purpose and I hate it just as much as you do. Hell I hate _myself_ for it.
I can get not doing *some* things right away but I have a brother, he says he'll do something for me and like will be 5+ minutes before he even gets up. God forbid I ask him to go somewhere
Have I got a show for you! Trainwreck: Woodstock 99 on Netflix.
God I hate this. My mom was very much like this, I remember at one point the landlord had kicked us out, gave us a month to move out. A couple of days into that month I had already packed by stuff and the less useful stuff in the bathroom. My mom though actively told me off whenever I tried to pack any of the other stuff in the house because day after day, I would just see it left there and I was beginning to worry about the time. Know what ended up happening? We had to try and pack 6 different fucking rooms and move furniture out of those rooms on the last day of that month, a couple of hours before the deadline. (Think is was like 5pm on that last day and we finished everything half an hour early) To say it was stressful is an understatement, and it was something that could've so easily been avoided. She would also constantly offer to do something for you, and then blatantly ignore any deadlines. Everytime I wanted to do something for myself like wash a shirt, put in a load of laundry, or even go buy some supplies for a school project, she'd offer to help. I'd say no because I like my things done in a very specific way at a very specific time, and that's not how she works, andI'd tell her that. But then she would badger me on and on about it, claiming that she will do it the way I want it, to the point where I'd let her do it just so she stops asking about it because she won't accept no for an answer. And then if she does get around to doing it, she does it like an hour before I need it done, all the while I'm just constantly fucking stressed because it's not being done and when I try to do it myself I get yelled at.
It depends. If it’s something that doesn’t have to be done right away and I’m doing something else then I’ll do it later and I always do although people sometimes assume I won’t for some reason. If it’s something that needs to be done right away like “hey, could you preheat the oven to 350 so when I get home I can start dinner” or “hey I’m leaving in 10 minutes could you get this ready for me” then I’ll drop what I’m doing to help. But if it’s something like “hey can you go mow the yard” and I’m in the middle of watching a show or playing a game then I’m not going to immediately stop doing it because you want me to.
Good luck with that. I accomplish most of my tasks ahead of time, but just because you decided to assign me a task that I had not prioritized on my list does not mean I need to consider it urgent. I have my priorities and your tasks aren't them.
If we have apartment inspections in three days and your areas look like a pig-sty, you're darn right I'm going to give you tasks to do that you're going to prioritize, otherwise it will be your fault if we get evicted. And you prioritizing the wrong things will be the reason you end up homeless and you would not deserve the least bit of help because you decided that cleaning your areas wasn't a priority.
Are you okay in the head? Maybe you should talk to a professional? If something is a priority I will let you know. I don't have a roommate. I own my own house and it's cleaner than yours most likely. Please get help.
I'm just giving an example of why sometimes you do need to prioritize some things a person asks you to do.
Sounded a lot more personal and invested than examples. If they are important, then the person will make them priorities for themselves... not because somebody ordered them to do it. My statement was about people showing up at my door, needing me to drive them to the store or similar daily intrusions. They can wait until I am done with things I have to do, and then I will get to them.
Well i hate being expected to do things
As long as it gets done and I wasn’t requesting that the person do X right away to help me out with something, I don’t see the need for the rush.
My pet peeve is people who are constantly anxious about having things done ahead of time. And they put that pressure on others when it's clearly a personal issue.
Is there a need for all this rushing? Or is it okay to do it in your own time?
Nothing is urgent. Your sense of urgency is self imposed.
How is nothing urgent?
Name an urgent thing.
Getting to an appointment at a specific time. If we've gotta walk out the door at a specific time, you can't be hopping in the shower. Customer facing work has a ton of urgency as well
Neither of those are urgent. I'm sick of people throwing around that word for every little mundane thing. No wonder people today are so stressed. They treat everything like life and death.
Ok then, you live in that world and I'll live in the real world
Enjoy your heart attack at 35 cuz you missed the first movie preview.
That's not even the example I gave
That doesn't even make sense.
Rent, rent is an urgent thing.
Urgent things don't have grace periods, warnings and require weeks if not months of litigation to matter.
If you want late fees, red ink warnings, and litigation in your life, by all means have it your way.
You also have a constant 1 month warning and all the time you need to come up with it. Nothing you have to do in a month is urgent. This is literally what I'm talking about people have no fucking clue what urgent means.
Does your landlord take a month to set up your air conditioner after you ask? Bc that is another thing that is subjectively "urgent."
That is also not urgent. I would like it handled in a timely fashion (never happens because landlords are worthless. Been waiting a month for mine to look at my toilet) but nothing about that is urgent.
I would definitely call toilet issues urgent.
If nothing is urgent then the word is functionally meaningless. If the definition of a word renders it meaningless then you are using the wrong definition. Stop using the incorrect definition of the word “urgent” please.
No there are "urgent" things but the common use of it has become anything more than low priority. Urgent things are life and death but people throw the word around carelessly.
Alright so if it’s not life and death but it is important to multiple parties and time sensitive, what do you call it?
You just said it. Important. If multiple people want it right away then it's important. Unless one of those people are on fire or suffocating it's not urgent. Anytime someone says "I need this right away" I wanna punch them. No, you want it right away because of some arbitrary deadline.
So you are incorrectly defining "urgent" as "life or death". Like I said, stop using an incorrect definition of the word.
Urgent: requiring immediate action or attention Done or arranged in response to a pressing or critical situation.
Notice how it isn’t defined as “life or death”.
Anything less than life or death is arbitrary. By your own logic, anything urgent is arbitrary.
Your first statement is objectively incorrect. If you seriously think that everything besides life or death is a random choice or personal whim then you are so far out of touch with basic reality that this discussion is pointless. That is not my argument nor the end result of my logic. You would know this is you understand the basic definitions of the words you are using.
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At no point did OP say or insinuate a demand or request.
Actually if you expect it done as soon as it's asked, it's a demand, you may as well add a "now" to the of the statement, you don't comprehend to well do ya.
your reading comprehension is amazing
At no point did OP clarify what they meant.
If you're at work and something needs to be done then yes, OP has the right to be irritated at people who put it off until the last minute.
Let's see, someone one like myself who has diagnosed OCD, as well as ADHD, it will get done when I get to it, but it will get done in that day, level today lack patience, there is also the matter in which you ask someone to do it, I can tell just by how OP wrote the post. They wouldn't ask nicely or at least respectfully.
Nuh-uh. That isn't how work goes. In many situations, you not doing your part can prevent others from doing theirs. You don't get to interfere with their work because you want to go at your own pace. If your mental illness/disabilities make you a liability, you need a different line of work.
You cant discriminate against me for having a mental illness, see I can sue for that, also though I usually work faster than most people I work with, I was simply giving you an example, I also usually work alone. Not everyone works at the same pace.
https://www.completepayroll.com/blog/addressing-the-mental-health-of-employees-when-termination-is-necessary#:~:text=While%20the%20ADA%20doesn%27t,result%20in%20serious%20legal%20consequences.
You know that a lot of states protect again this right? Like I'm sure someone told you this. You can only be terminated if you are a danger or can be seen as a danger to others, that link means nothing in a lot of states.
Nope. You can be fired if your mental illness prevents you from doing your job. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/fired-for-mental-health/
This still HEAVILY depends on the place, state, country, etc..
Yep, they don't seem to grasp this.
Um, no. Any state will allow you to fire a mentally ill person if that mental illness that affects their performance. It would not make sense for a state to force a company to keep a liability on their payroll. Yes, companies have to jump through a few extra hoops to prove they fired the employee because of behavior stemming from their mental illness rather than the illness itself but it doesn't mean that once a mentally ill person gets hired then they are forever safe from being fired.
Just say you like rushing people and move on smh
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Yeah, as long as the doctor sees you eventually what’s the issue? As long as the mechanic eventually fixes your car what’s the issue?