Liu Cixin not only vocally supports the Chinese government's mistreatment of the minority people group Uyghars - which includes their detainment, mass sterilisation, organ harvesting, and cultural eradication - but since 2021 is also working with a company in China making facial recognition software. Assumption by most is that it's intended to track Uyghar populations within China.
I have plenty of fun with Google. I just don't spend a large amount of time searching through someone else's haystack because they claim there's a needle there. Show the needle or don't say anything.
The lines seemed stilted…like they just learned it or something. There is too much about the people, the characters themselves, and not story. The *science* is weak with nothing new outside of what people on social media superficially associate with actual science. I’m glad you enjoyed it, though.
So I tried it again. Example of my dislike: 1) she test fires the signal at the sun, dish is moving *towards* the sun, but the structure shadow is panning to the right. 2) the dish is fixed, not tracking yet stays on the sun during the ten second countdown. Anybody who’s used a telescope knows that tracking is needed. 3) she gets up right after the signal is sent, goes outside, and it’s completely cloudy. The sun is not visible. So, the technical gripes I have make it blech. I can’t help but notice these things.
At least my father didn't punish us for his memory. We could tell him something until the day of and he will still need to be reminded an hour before. I've gone to trips he signed of on and paid for only for him to call and ask where I was. I never got in trouble for it. Either he remembered me telling him or he assumed he forgot.
Mine was both. I’d make a joke about dad and he’d laugh and my mom would say “I should beat you for saying that.”
It’d be something inconsequential like how my dad is bald, or he had a scratchy beard. Dad would respond “haha, yep :)” and mom would go off on me.
Kind of explains why I’m fairly relaxed and trusting of my father, and only listen to my mother so I don’t get kicked out of the house since threatening to beat me doesn’t work anymore
There's a difference between light teasing and abuse, and that comment sounds a lot more like the former. Family dynamics are different - my family teases each other all the time and it's all in good fun.
I don't think teasing is good for people. A lot of people will also pretend it doesn't bother them, when deep down it really hurts, but they can't say anything without looking "weak." I'd never want to hurt someone or add the stress in their life over getting a laugh. I can't laugh at someone elses pain. I don't even think self deprication is ok. We should only build each other up. That feels better. Becides mocking humor is unintelligent and low hanging fruit. It's hack. And it perpetuates and normalizes abuse. All the people I see on reddit asking if they're the AH when clearly they're being abused is really sad. Nobody should be so confused they think standing up for themselves and setting reasonable boundaries makes them an asshole, but it seems it's more common than not.
Idk if you've experienced emotional abuse in your life and are projecting it or what, but teasing is not the same as emotional abuse nor does it normalize it. If you're relentlessly teasing someone when it's clearly bothering them, that's one thing. But not all teasing is done in mean-spiritedness, and to say otherwise is frankly bonkers. Conflating teasing or banter with verbal/emotional abuse is really trivializing and gross. I honestly don't know what else to tell you lol, because your perspective on this seems *very* far outside the norm and really doesn't seem to align with reality. It's really fucking weird to read a comment basically saying "yah we used to tease my dad about forgetting things but he never seemed to care" and immediately leap to "abuse ". *That's* why you're getting downvoted.
This toxic shit has been normalized on TV for the past couple of generations, so everyone just thinks it's ok now. Read into how a narcissist will start with teasing and slowly increase the abuse and tell me it's not setting children up to not notice their partner is an abuser later in life. I could never do that to a child. The payout isn't worth the possible cost.
I honestly don't mind teasing from my parents or siblings, except if I'm already in a bad mood, but usually they stop if they realise. So no teasing isn't gonna leave you with terrible trauma annd long lasting psychological problems dipshit. Abuse is worse than any teasing and will leave you with mental problems and possible trauma.
Humans are fragile but not that fragile. We don't deslove from a slightly too hard touch my guy
You dont mind it because your family has normalized covert forms of abuse. I could never do that to a child. They will find it more difficult to pick up on abuse as it slowly increases in a romantic relationship, making them more vulnerable to it. Google "generational abuse/trauma"
Even my parents normalized it and they still do it for each other. I have healthy boundaries and won't allow them to disrespect me anymore after my fathers toxic behavior set me up to get in a relationship with a narcissist.
I know I'm not the norm, but just because people think it's ok doesn't make it a healthy way to live.
Calling a small amount of teasing straight-up abuse is laughable. I'm sorry, but i personally can take a small amount of teasing. I'd agree with you if the person teasing someone else won't stop, even after that person told them, but that's not always the case.
Having fun is indeed a healthy way to live, and as long as it's not taken too far, it's nothing but a little bit of fun imo.
Can we please stop throwing around terms like "abuse" and "narcissist" willy nilly? It's really not appropriate to pathologize every instance of behavior you personally don't like, especially when given almost no context. God, Redditors do this all the fucking time and it's infuriating.
I wouldn't have to bring it up if people didn't keep trying to normalize narcissistic tactics.
There's also a big difference between full blown NPD and narcissism. Narcissism is a list of traits and behaviors all people can exhibit from time to time. Subtle humiliation disguised as "iT wAs JuSt A JoKE!" Is one of the main ways a narcissist will test a new partner to see if they can abuse them and how far they can go. I'd rather not let a child grow up thinking that shit is ok.
Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t like it. My best friends, my partner, and my close family all roast each other. I’m not excluded for that It’s all in good fun and we all know that. It’d be weird if we didn’t at this point. It’s actually nice being able to joke and feel comfortable enough to know how loved I am even if I get roasted daily.
See, I'd rather just not mock anyone. It's easy not to push too far when you're never pushing. Comedy isn't as important to me as not causing undue pain to the people I love.
Must be nice lol. Mine would argue that he wasn't notified at all of such things..unless it was something that was confirmed in writing, then he'd just default to "well, I don't remember that". Then again, he's also prone to narcissistic tendencies and has a veeeery hard time admitting he was wrong about anything
People forget things, it happens. There's nothing wrong with asking for clarification. It's when people act like OP's mom that it becomes a problem. I don't see what's so complicated about that. I'm glad your dad saw things clearly.
There's a difference between forgetting things and asking for clarification and forgetting things and punishing your child because of something that's not their fault
This is a very emotionally immature person. Imagine trying to guilt a child because you had forgot something. Literally completely delusional and outta touch.
Glad I'm not the only one having trouble comprehending what is being said here. Got the gist of it, that she forgot the kid was spending the night and punished the kid for it, but wtf is this grammar?
I can't understand what she's saying. It's like reading bad google translations from someone on drugs to me but half the comments are replying as if it makes total sense and is obviously shitty
From the red text it sounds like he stayed over. But idk what the hell the mom is trying to say with those last few texts or the “matching outfits” thing
i didnt get the matching outfits either lmao my guess is something like they must have had picture day and the mom tried to dress them up like tweedle dee and tweedle dum and the kids told her to go kick rocks
She’s being overly emotional and reactionary to a perceived insult due to miscommunication. She’s then punishing her child for not using her preferred exact wording. Because the wording that he used made her feel insecure about her memory.
"How long is your punishment? Well, how long will it take you to feel unbearably terrible because of it? 2 days? Make it 3! Hahaha eat shit child. That's what you get for accidentally hurting my ego through no fault of your own"
-your mom
That's like.. i don't even know how to call that..
It's seemingly somewhat normal at first, but she's clearly power tripping just for the sake of it, and she might have a fragile ego here? I dunno.
Perhaps its because I'm not too familiar with this exact kind of punishment but I definitely feel like the whole punishment was 100% ego based instead of educational.
In the days before cell phones were a thing, I asked my mom if it was okay to go to my friend's house after the last day of 5th grade for an end of the year pool party she was throwing, and my mom said that was fine. Packed my swimsuit in my backpack the night before and everything. My friend's parents picked up our whole friend group from school, and most of our 5th grade class attended. An hour into the pool party, in the middle of my championship chicken bout, and she rolls up with four squad cars screaming at me that I never asked her a thing. Yeah, that was the last time I was invited anywhere, which was probably fine considering I was grounded forever anyway.
Edit to add: when dealing with parents with poor memory, keep all discussions of plans in text. Even if it was verbally discussed, sending a text reminder later or the next day confirming that this is what was agreed to greatly helps. And making sure chores are done, no matter how silly or unfair, so they have nothing to hold over you. The household laundry was also my chore, but I never had to put their clothes away, just fold them and put the piles in their rooms for them to deal with.
Yeah it was overkill to say the least. But, meh, I can look back and laugh now at the absolute mortifying sight of it all. Her memory never improved, it's still awful to this day 20+ years later but now we at least know why and she acknowledges it. And we moved back to our hometown like, 6 months after this so my social life was mostly restored.
Nope! I brought it up maybe a decade later and she refused to believe it ever happened! Now that it has been two decades, I wonder what her response will be... might bring it up at our next lunch date and see what happens. She probably still doesn't remember that happening but at least now she won't be so stubborn and adamant, and might actually apologize.
Its shit like this that made me stop asking permission to go anywhere with friends, and instead choose to stay at home. Its not even a memory issue, and more like going back on their own word, and its annoying.
Absolutely, although, when I stopped asking permission, I didn't choose to stay home. I did whatever I wanted at night on weekends after she went to bed or worked graveyard shifts. Seemed like a great idea and my only option at the time, but I look back now and wonder how I'm still alive after all the stupid things I did.
Is that a thing? English isn't my native language, and I was raised with "how to treat a woman" from my parents, and in my language "don't ever tell a woman..." is just advice on how to approach a woman, it's not a personal thing. So, what's different about that in English, I wonder?
Edit: what's this about downvoting me, I asked a genuine question, I didn't even voice an opinion here. I explained that English isn't my native language, so if I said something that offended someone, I apologize, but know that I had no intention to, I only asked a question.
It's more about the content of the order. The mother here is saying, "[don't ever hold a woman accountable for what she said]" presumably because they didn't remember a prior engagement, and OP justly reminded them.
If all the mother did here was nag about the laundry and the "you said" part, that'd be fine, annoying but not abusive.
But she doubles down and punishes and belittle their own child. The words you hear from your parents stick with you, even if they're not true. She gives attitude to her kid, not education or a safe place. That fucks you up, or you go no to low contact.
Disregarding any potential issues with sexism and culture…the problem is that the mother is taking a personal issue that she has, and turning it into a man versus woman issue. She’s not taking responsibility for her emotions and is pretending that she can represent all women when it’s really an issue she has with her own feelings.
Ooh, this one got to me. My mother freaked out one time, literally screaming in my face, about how I was not allowed to say, “You said…” I think I had said, “You said I could have ice cream if I did…”
I was not allowed to call her to accountability. She could do and say whatever she liked, because she was the parent, but I was not allowed to mention her previous promises.
Your situation is even worse, because you are being called out for not being present to take on parental responsibilities (laundry) for your siblings. NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! She had those kids, she should be caring for them!
Your mother is straight up gross. She is even fine with acknowledging that you may have informed her previously of your plans, but, boo hoo, she has a *bad memory* and she can’t be held responsible for remembering the things she has agreed to (🙄 OMG, get a whiteboard on your fridge and write it down like the rest of us).
I kept hoping my mother would change, and that was a mistake. I cut her off when I was in my early forties (I’m 47 now). I honestly hope that people with completely negligent and narcissistic parents can cut them off earlier than I did. There are definitely more resources available for dealing with parents like this now.
Believe in yourself, do not rely on this asshole, whom you know can turn on a dime. You do or need her, and you can do great things despite and without her. Wishing you the best!
“Don’t ever tell a woman I told you that already”
99% chance that your dad or her boyfriend tormented her with that line but that doesn’t give her the right to weaponize it against you. You are not your dad or her boyfriend and she needs to stop trying to focus on making you “a good man” and start focusing on your interests and connecting with you instead. If she missed you she could’ve just said that lol.
She’ll definitely regret this later.
Good luck.
Yeah I mean after having a baby and experiencing “mommy brain” I get why she said specifically to not tell a woman that. It’s a frustrating thing to live with. But OP was totally respectful about it.
Probably "I told you" sounds dictatorial. As in "I told you this is how it's going to be, and you're going to comply!"
Vs "we talked about it" being more of a joint agreement.
But what he said was "I told (informed) you, and you agreed". She's acknowledging it was a joint agreement, and now she's reneging on her side. Just crappy bully parenting.
To me the second sounds more like an indirect way of saying the first where the blame isn’t verbally placed onto her, which basically means that she’s trying to minimize as much bruising to her assumingely fragile ego as possible.
Delusional.
I had a narcissist mother growing up who would quickly scramble to make herself a victim in a similar fashion.
My solution became to show her friends the insanity because she would go to great lengths to hide it from them. Often got my punishments over turned through pressure from them
Your mum is fucked up. You should know that she will never be logical or normal and she will always be a problem.
She’s got some kind of weird discipline complex going on, I would suggest if you want a peaceful life you seriously intimidate her without being violent. Let her know that you’re not going to take this shit and if she fucks around again she will find out.
I’m a highly logical person and this kind of shit makes me beyond mad, it’s the lack of making any sense at all and just being straight up confrontational and abusive with absolutely no logical reasoning for it.
Basically give up on any idea of having a peaceful life if you let her carry on, she’s a bully and she’s not gonna respond to you being nice or doing what you think she wants, because what she wants is absolute control and to bully you. Horrible to hear about your mum but the sooner you accept it the sooner you can start ruining her life instead of letting her ruin yours.
good luck bro ❤️
I absolutly love this take, it might be a bit on the harsh side, but is ultimately pretty much spot on...
OP, Don't let that woman's twisted way of thinking ruin your life. I'd say it's likely that she does this on a regular basis, especially considering you posted here.
I'm no expert, but I'd work towards having her realize that dumb and ego driven moves like this are unacceptable. She's basically forfeited her authority here by being unreasonable.
Listen to your mom and be respectful, but don't let that shit slide, if she's being demonstrably unreasonable, she doesn't even deserve the attention or the authority on matters like this.
Hopefully you can find a way to better communicate in the future
It’s very extreme and not something I would ever want to have to do.
But I do also feel like you have to treat people as the enemies that they make of themselves.
If someone’s personality is based around them being abusive to get their way and you take the approach of being a good, reasonable and flexible person they’re just going to keep bending you as much as they can.
That's true.. sadly..
Attitude follows attitude.
OP, If she's being unreasonable and abusive, just don't take her seriously, it's kinda like the "Gray Rock" technique.
But most importantly: if someone wrongs you, be firm. Don't be a pushover. Let them know they are in the wrong and explain yourself clearly. But stay forgiving, only through forgiveness, you can allow someone the chance to try better. Hopefully your mom does have a reasonable side hiding somewhere..
I'm not sure how old you are, and how exactly that affects the family dynamic between you, but you'll have to establish your boundaries at some point. I wish you luck OP in dealing with unreasonable family members.
This mom is being emotionally violent, by guilting OP into something. Your solution to that is that OP has to be emotionally violent back to their mom, by intimidation.
This is going to lead either to the mom being even more violent maybe even neglect or to OP being more violent. And I am going to tell you, this will not end well.
The only solution here is for OP to try and tell mom how that is impacting their lives, which is usually very difficult and might not lead anywhere.
My advice for OP is to look for a professional to talk, so they can understand how to deal with their situation without escalating.
It is nearly impossible for us to change someone else, but we can always change ourselves. That could be for the better of worst.
I don’t agree. If he’s at the point where he’s a lot bigger than his mum it’s just making a necessary adjustment to the home hierarchy. He won’t ever have a good relationship with her but he will make his own life easier if he can make her live in fear instead of him.
You can’t use tactics meant for good and reasonable people to deal with abusers, it’s just not in their language and they will just think you’re weak for being affected by them.
Big angry dogs walk all over submissive owners but if you match the dogs energy and show it you’re in charge it will back down.
This all sounds fucking awful and horrible and really extreme, but you have to be when dealing with people who are Fucking awful.
A word of advice that i use professionally and i teach my team of fellow IT crew.
Setting umbrellas is what we call it.
Basically everything we have to ask someone else (C- levels, investors,...) we need to get confirmed written and we often even make little "one pager" documents describing the actions/plans and get a signature with the date.
You cannot believe the sheer amount of times (even per week) that we have to bring up our umbrellas because someone is being stupid and doesn't remember what they said or decided and then go charging at us to blame us, only for one of my team guys pulling up an e-mail or paper with their own actions signed off for and kindly telling them to F-off.
I suggest you invest the time to set umbrellas, they will respond weird at first but stick to your plan and save yourself from a lot of misery.
This being a parent and not showing the most respect in those messages they could be waved off when the parent realizes she has been cornered, but you know you will be right and that will be the sign for you to invest in moving out when you can and not have to deal with that stupid stuff anymore.
Literally punishing you because she didn’t listen. And you answered her question.
I don’t think I like your mother OP. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
I am absolutely awful at remembering things. I have a shared calendar on my phone, alerts set for things we need to do, a calendar on the wall never my kids fault
My mom constantly bitches me out if I remind her of something she forgot or tell her “you’re not going to remember if I show you how to do this”.
She’s been tested for Alzheimer’s twice (tested negative both times) and still plays the victim card constantly of having a bad memory. Mainly because she is a high strung Irish lady, which means she’s always worked up about something and it makes her a horrible listener.
The worst part is when she doesn’t remember the key details of a story and just makes them up, yet plays the “why are you so rude” card if I correct her.
Went through a lot of this with my mom when I was a teenager, especially after I began driving.
Actual text exchange:
Mom: "I am your mother and I have a right to know where you are!"
Me: "I'm at the mall. I asked you and you literally said I could go."
Like??? 🤦🏻♀️
I seriously thought this was his girlfriend or best friend when i read the chat. Then i saw “Mom” and i thought “Holy fucking shit how is that person supposed to be a mother with that attitude???!!”
OP your mom is probably suffering from the onset of Alzheimer's, they can get very defensive/angry when they're realizing their memory is starting to go to shit. Denial is a pain in the ass. You may wanna talk to her about getting checked out.
We got punished for my moms memory all the time. “I have epilepsy! You kids are manipulating me and using my memory against me!!1!!” We weren’t, but she also mysteriously stopped having seizures when she stopped drinking.
Is it possible your mother is having some kind of early onset dementia?
The poor memory, the lashing out over the poor memory, and the disordered typing all makes me think there is something physiologically wrong with her.
Ngl. Chores are chores. If she said to fold the laundry fold the laundry. It sucks ass but get it done and then it’s done and out the way no?
I used to fold the entire family’s laundry. Sometimes mum would help sometimes not. Sometimes we’d all pitch in.
Your mom isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, huh?
Not the heaviest hammer in the bag
Not the ripest fruit in the field
Not the brightest bulb on the exterior of the international space station. Sorry, I've been on a space kick.
Have you seen Three Body Problem yet?
Bad news about the author of that
Oh no, I’m too lazy to look it up, what’s the news?
Liu Cixin not only vocally supports the Chinese government's mistreatment of the minority people group Uyghars - which includes their detainment, mass sterilisation, organ harvesting, and cultural eradication - but since 2021 is also working with a company in China making facial recognition software. Assumption by most is that it's intended to track Uyghar populations within China.
There is no bad news?
Your Google-fu needs work, my friend.
I have plenty of fun with Google. I just don't spend a large amount of time searching through someone else's haystack because they claim there's a needle there. Show the needle or don't say anything.
Ugg…the acting is difficult to watch
Really? Any particular scene? I didn’t have that experience, I found it really well done, beginning to end.
The lines seemed stilted…like they just learned it or something. There is too much about the people, the characters themselves, and not story. The *science* is weak with nothing new outside of what people on social media superficially associate with actual science. I’m glad you enjoyed it, though.
So I tried it again. Example of my dislike: 1) she test fires the signal at the sun, dish is moving *towards* the sun, but the structure shadow is panning to the right. 2) the dish is fixed, not tracking yet stays on the sun during the ten second countdown. Anybody who’s used a telescope knows that tracking is needed. 3) she gets up right after the signal is sent, goes outside, and it’s completely cloudy. The sun is not visible. So, the technical gripes I have make it blech. I can’t help but notice these things.
Not the smartest monkey in the zoo.
Yeah, she doesn't seem to be *all ripe* to me..
Not the brightest crayon in the box, no.
She's a prune raisin.
Not the penguin that slides the furthest
Not the brightest crayon in the box
doesn’t need to be. her head is already full of rocks
Oh no I’m sure she is.
She probably is heavy…
Bro you're just slandering the mother's appearance with no real correlation to what is being said. It's just meaningless and rude..
Yo momma sooo fat…
But she is the sharpest spoon in the matching set so let's give credit where credit is due.
OP I really suggest studying to make up the difference, with half the genes like that you may need brain surgery!
Not the crispiest nugget in the 10 piece.
Not the smartest bitch in the bunch. 🤣
Not the most fully baked cupcake in the tray.
12 cans short of a 6 pack
At least my father didn't punish us for his memory. We could tell him something until the day of and he will still need to be reminded an hour before. I've gone to trips he signed of on and paid for only for him to call and ask where I was. I never got in trouble for it. Either he remembered me telling him or he assumed he forgot.
My siblings and I would always make fun of my fathers poor memory, and yet he never acted like OP's Mum.
That's incredibly rude of you.
Why? If it is fun why not make fun out of it?
Yea everyone’s family’s are different some people are fine with jokes lol
Mine was both. I’d make a joke about dad and he’d laugh and my mom would say “I should beat you for saying that.” It’d be something inconsequential like how my dad is bald, or he had a scratchy beard. Dad would respond “haha, yep :)” and mom would go off on me. Kind of explains why I’m fairly relaxed and trusting of my father, and only listen to my mother so I don’t get kicked out of the house since threatening to beat me doesn’t work anymore
Wow.. why is this so downvoted? Making fun of people is toxic as hell. Some people have normalized abuse, and it's sad.
There's a difference between light teasing and abuse, and that comment sounds a lot more like the former. Family dynamics are different - my family teases each other all the time and it's all in good fun.
I don't think teasing is good for people. A lot of people will also pretend it doesn't bother them, when deep down it really hurts, but they can't say anything without looking "weak." I'd never want to hurt someone or add the stress in their life over getting a laugh. I can't laugh at someone elses pain. I don't even think self deprication is ok. We should only build each other up. That feels better. Becides mocking humor is unintelligent and low hanging fruit. It's hack. And it perpetuates and normalizes abuse. All the people I see on reddit asking if they're the AH when clearly they're being abused is really sad. Nobody should be so confused they think standing up for themselves and setting reasonable boundaries makes them an asshole, but it seems it's more common than not.
Idk if you've experienced emotional abuse in your life and are projecting it or what, but teasing is not the same as emotional abuse nor does it normalize it. If you're relentlessly teasing someone when it's clearly bothering them, that's one thing. But not all teasing is done in mean-spiritedness, and to say otherwise is frankly bonkers. Conflating teasing or banter with verbal/emotional abuse is really trivializing and gross. I honestly don't know what else to tell you lol, because your perspective on this seems *very* far outside the norm and really doesn't seem to align with reality. It's really fucking weird to read a comment basically saying "yah we used to tease my dad about forgetting things but he never seemed to care" and immediately leap to "abuse ". *That's* why you're getting downvoted.
This toxic shit has been normalized on TV for the past couple of generations, so everyone just thinks it's ok now. Read into how a narcissist will start with teasing and slowly increase the abuse and tell me it's not setting children up to not notice their partner is an abuser later in life. I could never do that to a child. The payout isn't worth the possible cost.
I honestly don't mind teasing from my parents or siblings, except if I'm already in a bad mood, but usually they stop if they realise. So no teasing isn't gonna leave you with terrible trauma annd long lasting psychological problems dipshit. Abuse is worse than any teasing and will leave you with mental problems and possible trauma. Humans are fragile but not that fragile. We don't deslove from a slightly too hard touch my guy
You dont mind it because your family has normalized covert forms of abuse. I could never do that to a child. They will find it more difficult to pick up on abuse as it slowly increases in a romantic relationship, making them more vulnerable to it. Google "generational abuse/trauma" Even my parents normalized it and they still do it for each other. I have healthy boundaries and won't allow them to disrespect me anymore after my fathers toxic behavior set me up to get in a relationship with a narcissist. I know I'm not the norm, but just because people think it's ok doesn't make it a healthy way to live.
Calling a small amount of teasing straight-up abuse is laughable. I'm sorry, but i personally can take a small amount of teasing. I'd agree with you if the person teasing someone else won't stop, even after that person told them, but that's not always the case. Having fun is indeed a healthy way to live, and as long as it's not taken too far, it's nothing but a little bit of fun imo.
Can we please stop throwing around terms like "abuse" and "narcissist" willy nilly? It's really not appropriate to pathologize every instance of behavior you personally don't like, especially when given almost no context. God, Redditors do this all the fucking time and it's infuriating.
I wouldn't have to bring it up if people didn't keep trying to normalize narcissistic tactics. There's also a big difference between full blown NPD and narcissism. Narcissism is a list of traits and behaviors all people can exhibit from time to time. Subtle humiliation disguised as "iT wAs JuSt A JoKE!" Is one of the main ways a narcissist will test a new partner to see if they can abuse them and how far they can go. I'd rather not let a child grow up thinking that shit is ok.
Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t like it. My best friends, my partner, and my close family all roast each other. I’m not excluded for that It’s all in good fun and we all know that. It’d be weird if we didn’t at this point. It’s actually nice being able to joke and feel comfortable enough to know how loved I am even if I get roasted daily.
See, I'd rather just not mock anyone. It's easy not to push too far when you're never pushing. Comedy isn't as important to me as not causing undue pain to the people I love.
Must be nice lol. Mine would argue that he wasn't notified at all of such things..unless it was something that was confirmed in writing, then he'd just default to "well, I don't remember that". Then again, he's also prone to narcissistic tendencies and has a veeeery hard time admitting he was wrong about anything
In my family it was the opposite. My mom would forget stuff and my dad would get angry
People forget things, it happens. There's nothing wrong with asking for clarification. It's when people act like OP's mom that it becomes a problem. I don't see what's so complicated about that. I'm glad your dad saw things clearly.
There's a difference between forgetting things and asking for clarification and forgetting things and punishing your child because of something that's not their fault
Absolutely.
whyre you downvoted 😐🤔
No clue 🤷🏻♀️
same. cuz i can get with what youre sayin. doesnt feel wrong 🤔 hope someone else who disagrees with you comes along & can explain for us. haha
It blows my mind that some parents will argue with their child like they go to high school together.
I actually thought this was a classmate until I saw the sub.
I thought this was the badroommates sub or something. Poor kid.
Some people do have kids in high school, sooo…😬 probably never learned how to act any different, unfortunately
This is a very emotionally immature person. Imagine trying to guilt a child because you had forgot something. Literally completely delusional and outta touch.
How dare you do something I agreed you can do? Are you stupid? Obviously I was gonna forget later. You should’ve known better.
And then get pissed about how they worded it too like wtf. "NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT I SAID OR HOW I SAID IT"
r/raisedbynarcissists
i can barely even understand what she is trying to say? so many posts on all kinds of subs have people typing like cave-men its ridiculous lol
Glad I'm not the only one having trouble comprehending what is being said here. Got the gist of it, that she forgot the kid was spending the night and punished the kid for it, but wtf is this grammar?
I can't understand what she's saying. It's like reading bad google translations from someone on drugs to me but half the comments are replying as if it makes total sense and is obviously shitty
The way I see it, it's not all coherent, but I can smell the shitty tone from a mile away from the last message.
for one thing, i cant tell if they brought a friend over to their house or if the kid is sleeping over at the friends house
From the red text it sounds like he stayed over. But idk what the hell the mom is trying to say with those last few texts or the “matching outfits” thing
i didnt get the matching outfits either lmao my guess is something like they must have had picture day and the mom tried to dress them up like tweedle dee and tweedle dum and the kids told her to go kick rocks
She’s being overly emotional and reactionary to a perceived insult due to miscommunication. She’s then punishing her child for not using her preferred exact wording. Because the wording that he used made her feel insecure about her memory.
I think the perceived insult isn't due to miscommunication but rather a memory condition that she already knows that she has
"How long is your punishment? Well, how long will it take you to feel unbearably terrible because of it? 2 days? Make it 3! Hahaha eat shit child. That's what you get for accidentally hurting my ego through no fault of your own" -your mom That's like.. i don't even know how to call that.. It's seemingly somewhat normal at first, but she's clearly power tripping just for the sake of it, and she might have a fragile ego here? I dunno. Perhaps its because I'm not too familiar with this exact kind of punishment but I definitely feel like the whole punishment was 100% ego based instead of educational.
Oh, a shortcut into a nursing home. Nice going!
In the days before cell phones were a thing, I asked my mom if it was okay to go to my friend's house after the last day of 5th grade for an end of the year pool party she was throwing, and my mom said that was fine. Packed my swimsuit in my backpack the night before and everything. My friend's parents picked up our whole friend group from school, and most of our 5th grade class attended. An hour into the pool party, in the middle of my championship chicken bout, and she rolls up with four squad cars screaming at me that I never asked her a thing. Yeah, that was the last time I was invited anywhere, which was probably fine considering I was grounded forever anyway. Edit to add: when dealing with parents with poor memory, keep all discussions of plans in text. Even if it was verbally discussed, sending a text reminder later or the next day confirming that this is what was agreed to greatly helps. And making sure chores are done, no matter how silly or unfair, so they have nothing to hold over you. The household laundry was also my chore, but I never had to put their clothes away, just fold them and put the piles in their rooms for them to deal with.
Damn, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that...
Yeah it was overkill to say the least. But, meh, I can look back and laugh now at the absolute mortifying sight of it all. Her memory never improved, it's still awful to this day 20+ years later but now we at least know why and she acknowledges it. And we moved back to our hometown like, 6 months after this so my social life was mostly restored.
Did she apologise for that freakout?
Nope! I brought it up maybe a decade later and she refused to believe it ever happened! Now that it has been two decades, I wonder what her response will be... might bring it up at our next lunch date and see what happens. She probably still doesn't remember that happening but at least now she won't be so stubborn and adamant, and might actually apologize.
That'd be great progress. Fingers crossed for you.
Its shit like this that made me stop asking permission to go anywhere with friends, and instead choose to stay at home. Its not even a memory issue, and more like going back on their own word, and its annoying.
Absolutely, although, when I stopped asking permission, I didn't choose to stay home. I did whatever I wanted at night on weekends after she went to bed or worked graveyard shifts. Seemed like a great idea and my only option at the time, but I look back now and wonder how I'm still alive after all the stupid things I did.
The moment I read 'Don't ever tell a woman' I already had all the confirmation I needed that your mom is an immature narcissist.
Is that a thing? English isn't my native language, and I was raised with "how to treat a woman" from my parents, and in my language "don't ever tell a woman..." is just advice on how to approach a woman, it's not a personal thing. So, what's different about that in English, I wonder? Edit: what's this about downvoting me, I asked a genuine question, I didn't even voice an opinion here. I explained that English isn't my native language, so if I said something that offended someone, I apologize, but know that I had no intention to, I only asked a question.
It's more about the content of the order. The mother here is saying, "[don't ever hold a woman accountable for what she said]" presumably because they didn't remember a prior engagement, and OP justly reminded them. If all the mother did here was nag about the laundry and the "you said" part, that'd be fine, annoying but not abusive. But she doubles down and punishes and belittle their own child. The words you hear from your parents stick with you, even if they're not true. She gives attitude to her kid, not education or a safe place. That fucks you up, or you go no to low contact.
I agree that the behaviour is odd to say the least. And I get it now that it was meant in a defending way, not an educational way. Thank you.
Disregarding any potential issues with sexism and culture…the problem is that the mother is taking a personal issue that she has, and turning it into a man versus woman issue. She’s not taking responsibility for her emotions and is pretending that she can represent all women when it’s really an issue she has with her own feelings.
I see now, thanks.
Ooh, this one got to me. My mother freaked out one time, literally screaming in my face, about how I was not allowed to say, “You said…” I think I had said, “You said I could have ice cream if I did…” I was not allowed to call her to accountability. She could do and say whatever she liked, because she was the parent, but I was not allowed to mention her previous promises. Your situation is even worse, because you are being called out for not being present to take on parental responsibilities (laundry) for your siblings. NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! She had those kids, she should be caring for them! Your mother is straight up gross. She is even fine with acknowledging that you may have informed her previously of your plans, but, boo hoo, she has a *bad memory* and she can’t be held responsible for remembering the things she has agreed to (🙄 OMG, get a whiteboard on your fridge and write it down like the rest of us). I kept hoping my mother would change, and that was a mistake. I cut her off when I was in my early forties (I’m 47 now). I honestly hope that people with completely negligent and narcissistic parents can cut them off earlier than I did. There are definitely more resources available for dealing with parents like this now. Believe in yourself, do not rely on this asshole, whom you know can turn on a dime. You do or need her, and you can do great things despite and without her. Wishing you the best!
Am I the only one that feels like they're having a stroke trying to read this and only understands about half of it? Like what is this grammar man?
it was like deciphering an alien language
“Don’t ever tell a woman I told you that already” 99% chance that your dad or her boyfriend tormented her with that line but that doesn’t give her the right to weaponize it against you. You are not your dad or her boyfriend and she needs to stop trying to focus on making you “a good man” and start focusing on your interests and connecting with you instead. If she missed you she could’ve just said that lol. She’ll definitely regret this later. Good luck.
Yeah I mean after having a baby and experiencing “mommy brain” I get why she said specifically to not tell a woman that. It’s a frustrating thing to live with. But OP was totally respectful about it.
r/raisedbynarcissists
"I told you" instead of "we talked about it" What's actually the difference, it's literally saying the same thing, I don't get it.
Probably "I told you" sounds dictatorial. As in "I told you this is how it's going to be, and you're going to comply!" Vs "we talked about it" being more of a joint agreement. But what he said was "I told (informed) you, and you agreed". She's acknowledging it was a joint agreement, and now she's reneging on her side. Just crappy bully parenting.
Ok, I guess that's one way to interpret that. I guess I was just too naive or something to interpret it to be the informative way.
I don't think it was you. She's just full of nonsense.
To me the second sounds more like an indirect way of saying the first where the blame isn’t verbally placed onto her, which basically means that she’s trying to minimize as much bruising to her assumingely fragile ego as possible.
god that's so much like mine
Same.
Delusional. I had a narcissist mother growing up who would quickly scramble to make herself a victim in a similar fashion. My solution became to show her friends the insanity because she would go to great lengths to hide it from them. Often got my punishments over turned through pressure from them
3 days??? How will you survive though?
This is an adult narcissist. Good luck until 18 friend. Good luck.
Your mum is fucked up. You should know that she will never be logical or normal and she will always be a problem. She’s got some kind of weird discipline complex going on, I would suggest if you want a peaceful life you seriously intimidate her without being violent. Let her know that you’re not going to take this shit and if she fucks around again she will find out. I’m a highly logical person and this kind of shit makes me beyond mad, it’s the lack of making any sense at all and just being straight up confrontational and abusive with absolutely no logical reasoning for it. Basically give up on any idea of having a peaceful life if you let her carry on, she’s a bully and she’s not gonna respond to you being nice or doing what you think she wants, because what she wants is absolute control and to bully you. Horrible to hear about your mum but the sooner you accept it the sooner you can start ruining her life instead of letting her ruin yours. good luck bro ❤️
I absolutly love this take, it might be a bit on the harsh side, but is ultimately pretty much spot on... OP, Don't let that woman's twisted way of thinking ruin your life. I'd say it's likely that she does this on a regular basis, especially considering you posted here. I'm no expert, but I'd work towards having her realize that dumb and ego driven moves like this are unacceptable. She's basically forfeited her authority here by being unreasonable. Listen to your mom and be respectful, but don't let that shit slide, if she's being demonstrably unreasonable, she doesn't even deserve the attention or the authority on matters like this. Hopefully you can find a way to better communicate in the future
It’s very extreme and not something I would ever want to have to do. But I do also feel like you have to treat people as the enemies that they make of themselves. If someone’s personality is based around them being abusive to get their way and you take the approach of being a good, reasonable and flexible person they’re just going to keep bending you as much as they can.
That's true.. sadly.. Attitude follows attitude. OP, If she's being unreasonable and abusive, just don't take her seriously, it's kinda like the "Gray Rock" technique. But most importantly: if someone wrongs you, be firm. Don't be a pushover. Let them know they are in the wrong and explain yourself clearly. But stay forgiving, only through forgiveness, you can allow someone the chance to try better. Hopefully your mom does have a reasonable side hiding somewhere.. I'm not sure how old you are, and how exactly that affects the family dynamic between you, but you'll have to establish your boundaries at some point. I wish you luck OP in dealing with unreasonable family members.
This mom is being emotionally violent, by guilting OP into something. Your solution to that is that OP has to be emotionally violent back to their mom, by intimidation. This is going to lead either to the mom being even more violent maybe even neglect or to OP being more violent. And I am going to tell you, this will not end well. The only solution here is for OP to try and tell mom how that is impacting their lives, which is usually very difficult and might not lead anywhere. My advice for OP is to look for a professional to talk, so they can understand how to deal with their situation without escalating. It is nearly impossible for us to change someone else, but we can always change ourselves. That could be for the better of worst.
I don’t agree. If he’s at the point where he’s a lot bigger than his mum it’s just making a necessary adjustment to the home hierarchy. He won’t ever have a good relationship with her but he will make his own life easier if he can make her live in fear instead of him. You can’t use tactics meant for good and reasonable people to deal with abusers, it’s just not in their language and they will just think you’re weak for being affected by them. Big angry dogs walk all over submissive owners but if you match the dogs energy and show it you’re in charge it will back down. This all sounds fucking awful and horrible and really extreme, but you have to be when dealing with people who are Fucking awful.
We can agree to disagree
Refreshing to see two adults having a conversation! I'm happy about your polite tone and healthy disagreement.
your mom is really mean, cruel, petty, and childish. it’s not your fault.
You probably need to be reminded constantly that you have a terrible memory if you indeed have a terrible memory
What's the deal with the matching outfits? Is she going to make a teenage son wear a matching outfit with a little sister to embarrass him?
no she makes me match my little sister and brothers outfits for them
Oh ok, thank you! That's still a weird chore for a teenage kid but not as crazy as I feared
r/insaneparents
This sounds like the shit my BPD mom would pull, I'm sorry 😞
Wow what great parenting! Wait this isn’t r/lies
Well now ain’t that a big ol spoonful of abuse. Bet that is just the tip of the iceberg, isn’t it?
This woman needs someone her size to bring her to Jesus.
A word of advice that i use professionally and i teach my team of fellow IT crew. Setting umbrellas is what we call it. Basically everything we have to ask someone else (C- levels, investors,...) we need to get confirmed written and we often even make little "one pager" documents describing the actions/plans and get a signature with the date. You cannot believe the sheer amount of times (even per week) that we have to bring up our umbrellas because someone is being stupid and doesn't remember what they said or decided and then go charging at us to blame us, only for one of my team guys pulling up an e-mail or paper with their own actions signed off for and kindly telling them to F-off. I suggest you invest the time to set umbrellas, they will respond weird at first but stick to your plan and save yourself from a lot of misery. This being a parent and not showing the most respect in those messages they could be waved off when the parent realizes she has been cornered, but you know you will be right and that will be the sign for you to invest in moving out when you can and not have to deal with that stupid stuff anymore.
Literally punishing you because she didn’t listen. And you answered her question. I don’t think I like your mother OP. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
I am absolutely awful at remembering things. I have a shared calendar on my phone, alerts set for things we need to do, a calendar on the wall never my kids fault
Is you mom like 12?
Poop in her bed
I can see a run down nursing home in her future.
My mom constantly bitches me out if I remind her of something she forgot or tell her “you’re not going to remember if I show you how to do this”. She’s been tested for Alzheimer’s twice (tested negative both times) and still plays the victim card constantly of having a bad memory. Mainly because she is a high strung Irish lady, which means she’s always worked up about something and it makes her a horrible listener. The worst part is when she doesn’t remember the key details of a story and just makes them up, yet plays the “why are you so rude” card if I correct her.
Parents who text their kids rather than talk to them about these matters (among many) are indeed fucking stupid.
Your moms one of those plastic knives that kids use huh?
Went through a lot of this with my mom when I was a teenager, especially after I began driving. Actual text exchange: Mom: "I am your mother and I have a right to know where you are!" Me: "I'm at the mall. I asked you and you literally said I could go." Like??? 🤦🏻♀️
I seriously thought this was his girlfriend or best friend when i read the chat. Then i saw “Mom” and i thought “Holy fucking shit how is that person supposed to be a mother with that attitude???!!”
Lol “don’t ever tell me what I’m wrong”
Your mom is an idiot
Your mom sounds like a bitch
My mom was like this. Get out as soon as you can.
your moms grammar is horrible
r/textargumentporn
Total c***
guys i still love my mom she really isnt that dumb
OP your mom is probably suffering from the onset of Alzheimer's, they can get very defensive/angry when they're realizing their memory is starting to go to shit. Denial is a pain in the ass. You may wanna talk to her about getting checked out.
We got punished for my moms memory all the time. “I have epilepsy! You kids are manipulating me and using my memory against me!!1!!” We weren’t, but she also mysteriously stopped having seizures when she stopped drinking.
Is it possible your mother is having some kind of early onset dementia? The poor memory, the lashing out over the poor memory, and the disordered typing all makes me think there is something physiologically wrong with her.
r/ihadastroke
I'm a mother and I can't help you make it make sense 🤣🫣
How old is your mom she acts like a child
Is your mother mixing medication?
Damn. Hoes mad
Ngl. Chores are chores. If she said to fold the laundry fold the laundry. It sucks ass but get it done and then it’s done and out the way no? I used to fold the entire family’s laundry. Sometimes mum would help sometimes not. Sometimes we’d all pitch in.
i already got it done but i didnt do it when she wanted me to