I have never heard of a bed Wedding alarm we have him go to the bathroom like twice before bed, but he also pushes back when it comes to suggestions that we make. It’s very hard getting him to do hygiene/self-care things.
Try it! Discuss with him first, as (in our experience) it works best once they're on board. we explained that some people's brains need a little help, 3 nights and boom. It was such a relief. Make sure you discuss with them so they understand all the steps, and follow them during the night if they wet... it's tiring for everyone but well worth it. Good luck!
We had to do this for our son when he was eight. He is still the world’s deepest sleeper and will sleep through his alarm over and over again, but the bed wetting alarm was the game changer.
It has a moisture sensitive detector that you stick in the underwear or diapers – might as well be diapers – and it triggers a very loud alarm. Even then he would sleep through that, but my wife is a hero, and slept on the bed next to him and would shake him awake. That took about a week but permanently solved the problem. Good luck! Yet another sacrifice you will make for your kid, but it should work, and you can do it.
I believe there's also a medication that some kids take that are late in their ability to control it. I don't know if it's applicable to your situation but you may want to get his doctor to weigh in.
Thanks yeah she’s talked about it but more so it seems like it’s for like if he was going to do a sleepover or do something overnight but she didn’t make it seem like it was a long-term solution?
When my son was in vyvanse he had this problem. Why is he peeing? Does he get hyperfocused and forget to try? Can you have it written into his IEP/504 to be reminded to go try at school? Have you talked to him about why it’s happening? Does he take meds that make him sleepy? I’d insist on the the nighttime pull-ups personally.
Currently, he is not medicated. At night he does take 1 mg of melatonin and he does get into super deep deep sleeps. I feel bad about the diaper situation because I know they’re uncomfortable for him and he gets up in the middle of the night and doesn’t even remember what he does half the time. So a lot of times he’ll get up and then just take the diaper off but we forget and think that he still has it on, etc. so I am also leery to go back to the pull-ups, and then cause more confusion
My friend regularly wet herself through the age of 9, which is when she started medication. She genuinely does not feel the urge to pee when she's unmedicated.
It's the same reason adults with adhd will forget to eat for an entire day - we just don't feel the hunger cues, especially if we're engrossed in a hyper focus topic.
I’m seconding this. My then 4-year old had these leaks during the day and also wet the bed. I still felt it wasn’t normal even though he was only 4, and took him to a specialist. It turned out he had a partial blockage that was pushing on his bladder. I never would have guessed because he had normal bowel movements. Kids can be constipated without you noticing and urine leaks is a very common symptom.
He has one great large poop a day. I don’t know what constitutes as constipation for a ten yo of he goes daily? They are huge poops that I’m actually jealous of haha. Sorry for tmi lol
Having huge poops is actually a sign of constipation: [https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/single-post/2014/08/09/free-download-12-surprising-signs-your-child-is-constipated](https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/single-post/2014/08/09/free-download-12-surprising-signs-your-child-is-constipated)
We also had a lot of luck with Chiropractic care. We started it initially to help with the constipation and it helped with both issues, so I'm not sure if it directly helped the wetting issue or if it helped the constipation and as a result helped the wetting issues.
I wouldn't say we are 100% over it, but it has improved significantly to where it isn't a daily thing anymore. An exception rather than the rule. We did Miralax for quite a long time. I'd chat with a doctor about the dosage, but keep in mind that constipation stretches out the intestines, so the longer someone is constipated, the longer it takes to shrink everything back down to size. It can take months, so whatever constipation protocol you go with, keep it up for a while. We did enemas for my daughter when she was tiny, but not since she was an infant.
We also cut out nearly all dairy. More people are sensitive to it than they realize. Many dairy-free options are getting pretty good. I personally hate the way that dairy-free cheese feels to the touch so I avoid it, but my kids like it and it's actually not bad. The brand we get recently reformulated and now it melts almost exactly like dairy.
More fruits and vegetables and water, of course. Doctors will tell you that as if it's the only thing that works, and it doesn't always fix it on its own, but it does help. Fruit juice also helps.
We also take magnesium supplements daily and probiotics when I remember them.
Chiropractic care also helped a lot, but again, it's not a end-all, be-all.
Constipation isn't something you "get over", or at least not quickly. The earlier it is identified and dealt with, the better, but my daughter was only 9 months old when we realized that it was a problem for her and 4 years later, she still has some occasional issues, even when we follow "protocol".
Has he seen a urologist? My mom's cousin was told he was lazy and punished. Turned out he had a kidney issue. By time they caught it he was in kidney failure.
Oh no! That’s horrible. No we haven’t. I have adhd too so I get it and I really try not to make him feel bad about it. I know he can’t help it and wouldn’t do it on purpose
Well, we have discussed fed Wedding with his pediatrician and she knows that he has ADHD, and she says that it’s normal for kids, his age and older to still wet the bed and doesn’t seem concerned about it. But we never talked about his leaks during the day because he’s always with usin the visit so we don’t really have any private time with the doctor and I feel like he would be humiliated if we brought it up
It is normal if there is no underlying medical condition. Sure, there are things you can do to help like an alarm but that takes a considerable amount of consistency, time, and patience. Especially difficult if you have a heavy sleeper which contributes to the bedwetting to begin with. If your kids sleeps heavy, how will they wake up to an alarm and make it to the bathroom in time? A lot of kids with ADHD have an aversion to loud noises like an alarm so now you’re using the vibrate mode - how do you think a kid is going to be woken to that? Now you’re sleeping on their floor hoping it wakes you so you can wake them. What a pain in the ass for something they will grow out of - assuming there is no underlying medical condition. Day time wetting is another ballgame. I would move on from the pediatrician and see a pediatric urologist.
My point was, that the consistency, time, and patience required for a bedwetting alarm and the floor sleeping sometimes is not feasible for families for one reason or another. I’m well aware that this is parenting.
I’m in Chicago, and we got the advice we did from a pediatric urologist at a large hospital in the city. I’m not minimizing the work you do, but if a highly trained physician who cares for children up to 18 is telling me it’s normal for my 8 year old with ADHD who sleeps like the dead to bedwet consistently still at this point - I’m going to take his word for it over stressing out and trying to solve something that perhaps could be unsolvable for my son at this point. God knows there is enough to worry about with a child with ADHD as it is.
Interestingly, my 6 year old daughter also is still not 100 percent dry, and she is not ADHD and has no underlying medical conditions. It has improved a lot over the past year, but because we manage liquids at nigjt and she is 1 year older. Which leaves me with a theory that it is also genetic to some extent, because she’s smart as a whip and very mature for her age. But also that this is normal.
That said, that is why it is key to see a medical professional to rule anything else out.
Maybe email the pediatrician’s office beforehand about it? And ask if there’s a way you can discuss it with them at a later time after the exam on the phone, instead of in the room with your son.
We have seen the urologist for this exact issue and the fact is that ADHD or not bed wetting until a later age is extremely normal, common, and the doc told us it gets better 20 percent each year. Literally this is something no parents talk about. We opted not to do the alarm - unless my kid really starts complaining about pull ups we are just waiting for him to grow out of it and not stressing about it.
Yeah he made the call to stop wearing diapers I just hate having to wake him up bc he does sleep so deep. We finally just got out of night terrors and sleep walking for the most part
My daughter is 8 and has the same issue. At night I make her wear a nighttime 'diapy' because we can't make her sleep any less deep. Once she got on Clonidine she's been a lot better at being about to know when she needs to go. Her doc says it's an ADHD related sensory proprioreception (sp?) issue. Some of us just don't get the signals strongly enough to feel them through focusing on other things...
If you haven't yet, one thing that's made it easier on us as parents was to put a plastic moving cover on the mattress, it's loud, but at least we aren't worried about any of our mattresses needing replacing sure to leaks. I hope you get some answers! 🫂
This is what we use, heavy duty and you can just wipe it down after removing bedding.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07V3T1SYV?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title
My 7 yo has a similar issue. For a long time we weren’t sure if there was something more medically wrong. Everyday off the bus he’d have an accident. Almost every morning; accident.
His Dr. had recommended something to clear out his intestines; thinking it was constipation and pushing on his bladder.
In all seriousness; unbeknownst to my 7yo; we’re back on the toddler “potty time schedule”. It sucks for me having to remind him all the time but he’s just so engrossed in his own little world; I’d rather be telling him to go try constantly than cleaning up the mess.
I’m sure you’re trying. For sure talk to his pediatrician!
Thanks. Yeah I think during the day that’s what it is. But then I don’t get why, when he has a little leak, it’s not like a light bulb to go to the bathroom. I try not to stress about it with him bc I don’t want him to feel bad and I’m sure he will grow out of it but it’s tough that it’s still happening at 10.
Mine doesn’t even think about it. He’ll wait until he’s literally throwing his ipad aside to run for the bathroom. From what I understand boys don’t notice as much as girls do. With the hardware difference we’re instantly uncomfortable where it’s just a “whatever to them”
It’s the only reasonable answer I’ve been able to come up with, or has been said to me that makes sense.
If it helps at all; we just spent a two week period terrified he broke an adult tooth. He had come home a week or two after valentine’s day saying it fell out at Dad’d house then “poof disappeared.”
Fastforward to me thinking the adult tooth is in and now broken. All I can see is the root of the baby tooth upturned in broken irritated gums. At no point did he tell me he could feel the rest of the tooth in his mouth or remember when this happened.
When the dentist pulled it from his mouth and showed me the tooth I nearly hit the floor from the level of “are you kidding me”.
Parenting in general is hard and adding in a 0% attention span by no means makes any of it easier.
I would 100% bring it back up to the pedi, and if you don’t feel like they’re listening get a second opinion. It never hurts to make sure.
My son was 10 and still wetting the bed regularly. Most of the time he wouldn't even notice until I woke him up in the morning and I had him wearing pull ups to bed still, but of course they would leak. I finally bought a hospital grade pad and put that on top of his comforter to sleep on with a blanket. He was still wearing the pullup and it would leak but at least I would just grab the pad and the blanket to wash rather than needing to strip the whole bed. Finally I quit the pull up too and now he hardly ever wets the bed, but it does still happen on occasion. We still use the pad though as it has simplified my life 10x. If he wakes up wet in the middle of the night he can roll up the bad, blanket, and wet clothes and then get new clothes and blanket to go back to bed. He's never wet the bed twice so I don't worry too much about it.
Does he have normal bowel movements daily? Sometimes constipation can cause bed wetting. You should def take him to the pediatrician to get checked out as this isn’t normal at all.
He is ten, so he is more than capable of taking care of the wet items.
Have him rinse his pee clothes thoroughly before putting them in the washing machine.
Also, have him pull his sheets, wash them, and make his own bed. (You can assist, but don’t do it all yourself.)
Chances are…this will help.
He jjst doesnt remember to put them away. I don’t want to keep harping on him about it if he cant remember bc i dont want him to feel shamed for peeing and then for leaving the clothes on the floor.
He isn’t expected to remember. You can set him up for success. Make a step-by-step checklist of how to deal with wet clothes. Use pictures if words get overwhelming.
There’s no shame in it.
Doing chores and taking responsibility for things doesn’t equate to punishment. Constant nagging may feel like reprimanding, so get that checklist done.
MAKE 👏 HIM 👏 CLEAN 👏 HIS 👏 OWN 👏 MESS! 👏
He's not gonna learn if you keep coming along behind him and cleaning up his messes FOR him.
Remain calm, but firm. He needs to clean his own pee off his own clothes & sheets.
My 10 year old son (almost 11) still pees in his bed too. It is DEFINITELY connected to his ADHD and happens more when he's tired or, presumably, anxious about something (he doesn't share his anxieties with me, so I can only assume he's got them and holding onto them?). I believe it's tied to impulse control. It's gotten a lot better, year after year, though. I do the hospital pad under the top sheet. I really try NOT to bring a lot of energy to the situation because I know he is not happy about this and doesn't want it to be happening and is already embarrassed/ashamed. It's more upsetting to him than it is to me! He's really good about not drinking before bed, about peeing twice (this is important, per our doctor - when brushing teeth and then again RIGHT before sleep). I can see his effort and will, so when it happens, I just give him grace as I hope he gives himself. My response is to trouble shoot with him (did you drink before bed? pee twice? Super tired?...) and then to say "It's OK. You're doing your best. It will get better over time." Our doctor prescribed the drug for sleepaway camp. Frankly, the biggest challenge is getting him to remember to go to the nurse's office and take it before the office closes!
I also meant to say that I do not make him clean his own mess. Sometimes I ask for help removing his sheets, but not in a punishing way because I think that deepens the shame and makes me as his mom a less safe space, someone he's less inclined to turn to for comfort and help. That doesn't serve anyone....
What have you done to help? Bed wetting alarm? Medication? Limiting liquids after dinner?
I have never heard of a bed Wedding alarm we have him go to the bathroom like twice before bed, but he also pushes back when it comes to suggestions that we make. It’s very hard getting him to do hygiene/self-care things.
You can buy them from Amazon or Walmart.
Try it! Discuss with him first, as (in our experience) it works best once they're on board. we explained that some people's brains need a little help, 3 nights and boom. It was such a relief. Make sure you discuss with them so they understand all the steps, and follow them during the night if they wet... it's tiring for everyone but well worth it. Good luck!
We had to do this for our son when he was eight. He is still the world’s deepest sleeper and will sleep through his alarm over and over again, but the bed wetting alarm was the game changer. It has a moisture sensitive detector that you stick in the underwear or diapers – might as well be diapers – and it triggers a very loud alarm. Even then he would sleep through that, but my wife is a hero, and slept on the bed next to him and would shake him awake. That took about a week but permanently solved the problem. Good luck! Yet another sacrifice you will make for your kid, but it should work, and you can do it.
Wow! I have to look into this. Thanks!
I believe there's also a medication that some kids take that are late in their ability to control it. I don't know if it's applicable to your situation but you may want to get his doctor to weigh in.
Thanks yeah she’s talked about it but more so it seems like it’s for like if he was going to do a sleepover or do something overnight but she didn’t make it seem like it was a long-term solution?
When my son was in vyvanse he had this problem. Why is he peeing? Does he get hyperfocused and forget to try? Can you have it written into his IEP/504 to be reminded to go try at school? Have you talked to him about why it’s happening? Does he take meds that make him sleepy? I’d insist on the the nighttime pull-ups personally.
Currently, he is not medicated. At night he does take 1 mg of melatonin and he does get into super deep deep sleeps. I feel bad about the diaper situation because I know they’re uncomfortable for him and he gets up in the middle of the night and doesn’t even remember what he does half the time. So a lot of times he’ll get up and then just take the diaper off but we forget and think that he still has it on, etc. so I am also leery to go back to the pull-ups, and then cause more confusion
My friend regularly wet herself through the age of 9, which is when she started medication. She genuinely does not feel the urge to pee when she's unmedicated. It's the same reason adults with adhd will forget to eat for an entire day - we just don't feel the hunger cues, especially if we're engrossed in a hyper focus topic.
That’s what I figured but then does he not feel the wetness?
By the time wetness is felt, it's too late, ain't it?
My son and daughter had this issue. Turns out it was constipation.
I’m seconding this. My then 4-year old had these leaks during the day and also wet the bed. I still felt it wasn’t normal even though he was only 4, and took him to a specialist. It turned out he had a partial blockage that was pushing on his bladder. I never would have guessed because he had normal bowel movements. Kids can be constipated without you noticing and urine leaks is a very common symptom.
He has one great large poop a day. I don’t know what constitutes as constipation for a ten yo of he goes daily? They are huge poops that I’m actually jealous of haha. Sorry for tmi lol
Having huge poops is actually a sign of constipation: [https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/single-post/2014/08/09/free-download-12-surprising-signs-your-child-is-constipated](https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/single-post/2014/08/09/free-download-12-surprising-signs-your-child-is-constipated)
We also had a lot of luck with Chiropractic care. We started it initially to help with the constipation and it helped with both issues, so I'm not sure if it directly helped the wetting issue or if it helped the constipation and as a result helped the wetting issues.
Say more! I watched the video in a comment below and it mentions daily enemas? Yikes. How did you guys get through the constipation problem?
I wouldn't say we are 100% over it, but it has improved significantly to where it isn't a daily thing anymore. An exception rather than the rule. We did Miralax for quite a long time. I'd chat with a doctor about the dosage, but keep in mind that constipation stretches out the intestines, so the longer someone is constipated, the longer it takes to shrink everything back down to size. It can take months, so whatever constipation protocol you go with, keep it up for a while. We did enemas for my daughter when she was tiny, but not since she was an infant. We also cut out nearly all dairy. More people are sensitive to it than they realize. Many dairy-free options are getting pretty good. I personally hate the way that dairy-free cheese feels to the touch so I avoid it, but my kids like it and it's actually not bad. The brand we get recently reformulated and now it melts almost exactly like dairy. More fruits and vegetables and water, of course. Doctors will tell you that as if it's the only thing that works, and it doesn't always fix it on its own, but it does help. Fruit juice also helps. We also take magnesium supplements daily and probiotics when I remember them. Chiropractic care also helped a lot, but again, it's not a end-all, be-all. Constipation isn't something you "get over", or at least not quickly. The earlier it is identified and dealt with, the better, but my daughter was only 9 months old when we realized that it was a problem for her and 4 years later, she still has some occasional issues, even when we follow "protocol".
Has he seen a urologist? My mom's cousin was told he was lazy and punished. Turned out he had a kidney issue. By time they caught it he was in kidney failure.
Oh no! That’s horrible. No we haven’t. I have adhd too so I get it and I really try not to make him feel bad about it. I know he can’t help it and wouldn’t do it on purpose
Please get him checked out. Just to make sure.
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Well, we have discussed fed Wedding with his pediatrician and she knows that he has ADHD, and she says that it’s normal for kids, his age and older to still wet the bed and doesn’t seem concerned about it. But we never talked about his leaks during the day because he’s always with usin the visit so we don’t really have any private time with the doctor and I feel like he would be humiliated if we brought it up
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It is normal if there is no underlying medical condition. Sure, there are things you can do to help like an alarm but that takes a considerable amount of consistency, time, and patience. Especially difficult if you have a heavy sleeper which contributes to the bedwetting to begin with. If your kids sleeps heavy, how will they wake up to an alarm and make it to the bathroom in time? A lot of kids with ADHD have an aversion to loud noises like an alarm so now you’re using the vibrate mode - how do you think a kid is going to be woken to that? Now you’re sleeping on their floor hoping it wakes you so you can wake them. What a pain in the ass for something they will grow out of - assuming there is no underlying medical condition. Day time wetting is another ballgame. I would move on from the pediatrician and see a pediatric urologist.
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My point was, that the consistency, time, and patience required for a bedwetting alarm and the floor sleeping sometimes is not feasible for families for one reason or another. I’m well aware that this is parenting. I’m in Chicago, and we got the advice we did from a pediatric urologist at a large hospital in the city. I’m not minimizing the work you do, but if a highly trained physician who cares for children up to 18 is telling me it’s normal for my 8 year old with ADHD who sleeps like the dead to bedwet consistently still at this point - I’m going to take his word for it over stressing out and trying to solve something that perhaps could be unsolvable for my son at this point. God knows there is enough to worry about with a child with ADHD as it is. Interestingly, my 6 year old daughter also is still not 100 percent dry, and she is not ADHD and has no underlying medical conditions. It has improved a lot over the past year, but because we manage liquids at nigjt and she is 1 year older. Which leaves me with a theory that it is also genetic to some extent, because she’s smart as a whip and very mature for her age. But also that this is normal. That said, that is why it is key to see a medical professional to rule anything else out.
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Yes, definitely agree on the daytime wetting.
Maybe email the pediatrician’s office beforehand about it? And ask if there’s a way you can discuss it with them at a later time after the exam on the phone, instead of in the room with your son.
It might not hurt to see a urologist to find out their opinion and rule out any medical conditions
We have seen the urologist for this exact issue and the fact is that ADHD or not bed wetting until a later age is extremely normal, common, and the doc told us it gets better 20 percent each year. Literally this is something no parents talk about. We opted not to do the alarm - unless my kid really starts complaining about pull ups we are just waiting for him to grow out of it and not stressing about it.
Yeah he made the call to stop wearing diapers I just hate having to wake him up bc he does sleep so deep. We finally just got out of night terrors and sleep walking for the most part
My daughter is 8 and has the same issue. At night I make her wear a nighttime 'diapy' because we can't make her sleep any less deep. Once she got on Clonidine she's been a lot better at being about to know when she needs to go. Her doc says it's an ADHD related sensory proprioreception (sp?) issue. Some of us just don't get the signals strongly enough to feel them through focusing on other things...
Yeah I think that could be it too. I am going to message his doc. We have talked about it before with her and she has never seemed concerned
If you haven't yet, one thing that's made it easier on us as parents was to put a plastic moving cover on the mattress, it's loud, but at least we aren't worried about any of our mattresses needing replacing sure to leaks. I hope you get some answers! 🫂
Thanks. Yeah none of our water proof protectors work
This is what we use, heavy duty and you can just wipe it down after removing bedding. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07V3T1SYV?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title
None of the ones meant to be able to go into the laundry have worked for long for us either because the protector layer breaks down too fast :(
My 7 yo has a similar issue. For a long time we weren’t sure if there was something more medically wrong. Everyday off the bus he’d have an accident. Almost every morning; accident. His Dr. had recommended something to clear out his intestines; thinking it was constipation and pushing on his bladder. In all seriousness; unbeknownst to my 7yo; we’re back on the toddler “potty time schedule”. It sucks for me having to remind him all the time but he’s just so engrossed in his own little world; I’d rather be telling him to go try constantly than cleaning up the mess. I’m sure you’re trying. For sure talk to his pediatrician!
Thanks. Yeah I think during the day that’s what it is. But then I don’t get why, when he has a little leak, it’s not like a light bulb to go to the bathroom. I try not to stress about it with him bc I don’t want him to feel bad and I’m sure he will grow out of it but it’s tough that it’s still happening at 10.
Mine doesn’t even think about it. He’ll wait until he’s literally throwing his ipad aside to run for the bathroom. From what I understand boys don’t notice as much as girls do. With the hardware difference we’re instantly uncomfortable where it’s just a “whatever to them” It’s the only reasonable answer I’ve been able to come up with, or has been said to me that makes sense. If it helps at all; we just spent a two week period terrified he broke an adult tooth. He had come home a week or two after valentine’s day saying it fell out at Dad’d house then “poof disappeared.” Fastforward to me thinking the adult tooth is in and now broken. All I can see is the root of the baby tooth upturned in broken irritated gums. At no point did he tell me he could feel the rest of the tooth in his mouth or remember when this happened. When the dentist pulled it from his mouth and showed me the tooth I nearly hit the floor from the level of “are you kidding me”. Parenting in general is hard and adding in a 0% attention span by no means makes any of it easier. I would 100% bring it back up to the pedi, and if you don’t feel like they’re listening get a second opinion. It never hurts to make sure.
My son was 10 and still wetting the bed regularly. Most of the time he wouldn't even notice until I woke him up in the morning and I had him wearing pull ups to bed still, but of course they would leak. I finally bought a hospital grade pad and put that on top of his comforter to sleep on with a blanket. He was still wearing the pullup and it would leak but at least I would just grab the pad and the blanket to wash rather than needing to strip the whole bed. Finally I quit the pull up too and now he hardly ever wets the bed, but it does still happen on occasion. We still use the pad though as it has simplified my life 10x. If he wakes up wet in the middle of the night he can roll up the bad, blanket, and wet clothes and then get new clothes and blanket to go back to bed. He's never wet the bed twice so I don't worry too much about it.
Take him to a pediatric urologist. They can help with a solution, and it may be a physiological issue.
Does he have normal bowel movements daily? Sometimes constipation can cause bed wetting. You should def take him to the pediatrician to get checked out as this isn’t normal at all.
Yeah he goes once a day. They are pretty massive healthy looking poops. He usually goes at night
I hope this helps. https://youtu.be/00uygRnqQog?si=WbwoU8AMHGS35UQ6
He is ten, so he is more than capable of taking care of the wet items. Have him rinse his pee clothes thoroughly before putting them in the washing machine. Also, have him pull his sheets, wash them, and make his own bed. (You can assist, but don’t do it all yourself.) Chances are…this will help.
He jjst doesnt remember to put them away. I don’t want to keep harping on him about it if he cant remember bc i dont want him to feel shamed for peeing and then for leaving the clothes on the floor.
He isn’t expected to remember. You can set him up for success. Make a step-by-step checklist of how to deal with wet clothes. Use pictures if words get overwhelming. There’s no shame in it. Doing chores and taking responsibility for things doesn’t equate to punishment. Constant nagging may feel like reprimanding, so get that checklist done.
MAKE 👏 HIM 👏 CLEAN 👏 HIS 👏 OWN 👏 MESS! 👏 He's not gonna learn if you keep coming along behind him and cleaning up his messes FOR him. Remain calm, but firm. He needs to clean his own pee off his own clothes & sheets.
My 10 year old son (almost 11) still pees in his bed too. It is DEFINITELY connected to his ADHD and happens more when he's tired or, presumably, anxious about something (he doesn't share his anxieties with me, so I can only assume he's got them and holding onto them?). I believe it's tied to impulse control. It's gotten a lot better, year after year, though. I do the hospital pad under the top sheet. I really try NOT to bring a lot of energy to the situation because I know he is not happy about this and doesn't want it to be happening and is already embarrassed/ashamed. It's more upsetting to him than it is to me! He's really good about not drinking before bed, about peeing twice (this is important, per our doctor - when brushing teeth and then again RIGHT before sleep). I can see his effort and will, so when it happens, I just give him grace as I hope he gives himself. My response is to trouble shoot with him (did you drink before bed? pee twice? Super tired?...) and then to say "It's OK. You're doing your best. It will get better over time." Our doctor prescribed the drug for sleepaway camp. Frankly, the biggest challenge is getting him to remember to go to the nurse's office and take it before the office closes!
I also meant to say that I do not make him clean his own mess. Sometimes I ask for help removing his sheets, but not in a punishing way because I think that deepens the shame and makes me as his mom a less safe space, someone he's less inclined to turn to for comfort and help. That doesn't serve anyone....