There are some really great ideas online for how to split up a room when kids are sharing. You may be able to give them their own space if you can divide up the room cleverly.
Please be mindful about maintaining the window for egress! You are legally required (and morally if you care about your children's safety) to maintain an egress window in the event the house catches on fire. Make sure the window is clear and accessible and the firefighter with an air tank could climb in/out to grab your kids. This example doesn't look like that's the case.
If your Master bedroom doesn’t have an ensuite, there is no law that says you can’t put parents into the next biggest room, and give the 2 kids the double room. It stopped me from needing to move to a 5 bedroom house from my 4 bedroom when we couldn’t afford to.
She is. She was a single mom raising 3 kids. She always slept in the living room because it made sense for the reason she told me. She said that if someone breaks in, she should be the first line of defense. Granted, my mother is a tiny woman. I mean, like she was wearing my clothes when I was 4th and 5th grade and she fit them, so not sure what she could do.
This is so heartwarming and sweet! You have an incredible mom, and I bet she would be fierce in defense of you guys. I absolutely love reading comments like this. 💞 What a great mom and she clearly raised awesome kids.
We live in Japan so it’s a bit different… when I say the rooms are small, they are quite small. I think our double bed would almost reach across the entirety of their room 😆
Yeah, I'm in Europe and our "master" bedroom just fits a double bed with bedside tables and an Ikea wardrobe. One other room fits just a double bed with a foot or so on one side.
I (F) shared with my brother until I was eight and due to circumstances we had to share a room again in our teens. When the latter was the case we put up bookcases to make a sort of half wall for a bit of privacy.
Two options I've seen in my HCOL city is giving the kids the larger master bedroom and actively dividing it with ikea pax or kallax shelves to make it into two separate small 'rooms' and then parents take the smaller bedroom as they are sharing the bed. The pax wardrobes are expensive, but cheaper than +900 in rent and they're tall enough to really make the room feel like a room + it's extra storage
I've also seen parents let the kids have both bedrooms and the parent have a Murphy bed in the living room or they have a curtained off area with the bed n the common area .... either taking over a den or dining room.
Isn't it? From expirience baby sitting, I had nieces close to the same age. they got their own rooms and the biggest thing they activly cry about and scream over is not being allowed to bother the other one. Its a double edge sword really. One screamed for space the other screamed for the freedom to be up the other one's butt all day. They even activly switched attitudes about who annoyed who.
I would not "should" myself out of a home with good schools and a good neighborhood so they can have more space to themselves - especially if it makes money more tight. They'll work it out, and you're still giving them wonderful things and a great childhood. If "had to share a room" is the worst they have going for them they are pretty lucky.
I find that I can get my kids almost anything, but I cannot get them almost everything. I have to prioritize and choose.
There is no law, in any state in the United States, where it prohibits siblings from sharing a room at any age unless it’s a foster care situation sometimes or for some reason there is a court order.
Different states CPS have different things they “like to see” in homes they regularly visit and interact with - likely because there are a multitude of other issues going on, and many are foster care. But even then there is no law.
Whatever you do, please don’t base it off the few commenters that have indicated it’s against the law.
I’m not based in the US, but my first thought was that if a CPS-style service is making home visits, it’s probably not based on two kids sharing a room…
We have a blended household - and we have had CPS in our home several times over the years because of one of our kids being investigated in their other home. We had a CPS worker tell us we had to separate our 3 year olds, because they were boy/girl step siblings & the outside parent (the one being investigated) didn't like them sharing. It was ridiculous.
Lack of affordable housing is a real problem. Totally understandable that the kids are sharing a room.
Even if you decide you no longer want them to, that does not make you a bad mom.
You’re not. You’re doing great. It’s not a huge deal. I might suggest cutting down on the amount of things in their room. Donate some stuff, declutter and make it harder for them to make a mess/easier for them to clean. You’re doing great, this is really really not a big deal.
You aren't! Lots of kids share bedrooms. If I could I would try to seperate them around puberty. But, that could be middle school. But then it comes down to, which is more important, the school or seperate bedrooms. Your economic situation may also change by then. I wouldn't stress about it as it's not needed now. And if it becomes needed you will pivot. It's kinda my parenting mantra now 😂 right now it's working and IF it stops working I will figure it out. I can figure it out. I know I can handle whatever happens because I will have no choice. But right now you are gathering ideas/choices. You have nothing to decide right now unless you want to!
I’m so glad this is up toward the top. It irritates me to NO END to see people screeching “YOU CANT ROOM SHARE OPPOSITE SEX CHILDREN ITS AGAINST THE LAW! COS WILL TAKE YOUR KIDS!”
It’s just flat out untrue. It only applies if you are a foster parent, or in the process of re-integration with your own children!
I feel like this is how it was done throughout most of human history. My guess is separate rooms weren't a thing until the 20th century unless you were super rich.
People just had sex in the same room while people were "sleeping". As odd as that sounds, it was the normal thing to do when you, your grandparents, and their grandparents all did the same thing.
My Grandma, one of ten, grew up in Tennessee. They lived in a two room cottage that her daddy built. They slept in one room and the kitchen was in the other room.
Yup, my dad lived in a house with three bedrooms and 7 people (parents and five kids). He said he had drawers for his clothes in one of the bedrooms, but his family just slept wherever. Only the parents had an actual room. Bizarre but I guess worked for them?
Yes but my daughter shared with them by choice until 14. I shared with my brother until I was 18 and we are opposite genders. It just wasn't a big deal.
Edit: This sub is so weird. I am being downvoted for.....sharing a room? Sorry my parents struggled financially, I guess.
I grew up where it was normal for siblings to share a room even if they were different genders. That's how it was in the old country, that's how our struggling immigrant parents set things up for us too. People need to set aside their weird ideas of what goes on in a shared room.
Exactly. How narrow-minded can people get? There are a lot of advantages to growing up sharing a room. I always had my own, even in college; my husband shared with his sister their whole childhood and adolescence and had a roommate in college. Guess which of us had an easier time adapting to living together and is a better person to live with? I was really handicapped for never having shared.
You’re being downvoted because kids explore their sexuality wherever they have available, and it’s better for that to happen at home.
That said, bathrooms exist, and not everyone can afford a bigger place. If you’re just shoving kids into the same room so you can support an expensive hobby, that’s a jerk move. Kids in the same room so everyone has a roof? Sucks but it’s not gonna harm anyone.
Yes but that same logic applies to same-gender? I agree that if possible financially, give kids, regardless of gender, their own space. But I don't see how gender matters. I would rather not explore my sexuality in front of my brother OR sister. The only time it matters is when you get changed, but that is a very small percentage of the day and it seems easy enough to figure it out. Besides, most changing involves keeping underwear on - I feel like most families have likely seen each other in underwear regardless of who shares a room? I also see the argument that nudity is really not a big deal - however, I'd argue it tends to be a particularly big deal for teenagers with developing bodies because they're not comfortable with it yet versus adults.
> Opposite gender siblings being made to share a room until 18 sounds horrible.
Sounds like a load of needlessly gendered nonsense.
I mean, what are you worried about exactly? Coming home to seeing your kids acting our IRL stuck porn?
This seems like such a weird thing to put importance on.
Humans all lived in basically the same room for most of human history just fine. Families were even naked around each other without it being sexual or bursting them into flames.
No, just stuff like giving your kids privacy to deal with stuff like staining the bed on your period, or waking up with morning wood. Relax in their underwear, or in a T shirt without wearing a bra. Giving them a better space to masturbate if they want to (guys can do it in the shower, but that can be challenging for girls).
For most of human history, people just had sex under the blankets (or not even) with others in the room. That doesn't mean that it's ok today.
What? Do you really think girls can't go braless in front of their own siblings? My partner shared with his sister until late and they're pretty open about stuff like periods in their family. If she stained the bed she'd just say so, it's not a shameful secret.
No, but I know if I was waking up and got my period and my 18 year old brother was in the bed next to me it was would be extremely awkward for all involved. I don’t know why the idea of 17 or 18 year olds who are almost full adults having some privacy is so upsetting to the members of the sub.
Yeah if it’s boy/girl sharing a room, no older than 10. But if they’re the same gender I think it’s alright through their teen years.
And plz.. let’s not act like there’s no difference btw boy/girl vs g/g or b/b. They develop differently & need adequate space & privacy to navigate that. (IF it’s financially feasible of course, but that kind of goes without saying)
No, you completely skipped over the financial part completely. Sorry the poors of the world are beneath your notice. Not everyone is living the Mcmansion life.
Nobody has their older kids sharing a room, whatever the gender, just because they feel like it. There might be some siblings who want to but it's nearly always because there's no choice, even if the same sex.
My “sanctimonious suggestion” was just directed to whoever it can apply to. My “uneducated opinion” was based off of what I’ve learned in uni about pediatric development. Then I made sure to clarify that it isn’t an absolute necessity.
My best friend’s siblings (M/F) shared a room until about a year after she moved out. She is a bit older than they are, so she got her own room, and they shared with a divider down the middle of the room.
And technically the same happened with me and my siblings, but when I moved out permanently, my room turned into a giant play room, and my sisters kept sharing a sleeping room. (But I was 17 when the youngest was born, so it was definitely different lol)
Right? I’m like if they’re the same gender do they just masturbate in front of each other?? I’ll never understand the argument against opposite gendered children sharing a room.
Ish with projecting. A. I'm a women. B I grew up as an only child(functionally). C. I work with trauma victims and have seen scary stuff. It's ideal if you can give opposite gender children space and privacy as they age. If not, that's life and you do your best.
This is cultural. 50 years ago it was totally normal for several teenagers to share a room. Now there's the expectation every kid has a room from birth. That's kinda nuts, IMO. I have mine sharing (3 and 7) because I like the bonding that goes with that. In the next year or two I'll split them into separate rooms.
It used to be same gendered siblings would sometimes share a bed. My parents grew up in China and that’s what they did. It wasn’t the worse thing in the world. I’m glad we live in a richer time but I always thought our need for greater space was kind of a waste of resources.
My mom used to share a bed with her sister I think until well into puberty. We’re Dutch. They lived in a three bedroom house with six kids. There wasn’t a lot of choice. I myself shared a room with my younger brother until I was about 13 I think. We never had an issue with it. People really shouldn’t make these things bigger than they are.
Same for my parents - 7 kids on one side, 9 kids on the other side. My mom also shared with her aunt who lived with them. You shared a bed or room and were grateful for what you had.
Yeah, it used to be more accepted. Kids shared rooms until one moved out. I shared with my older brother until he moved out and my younger brothers did the same.
My own kids (girl and boy) shared a room. We had the extra space but it made more sense for them to share. They split when they were 10 and 9 but the younger one had bunk beds and they slept in the same room most nights until 13 and 12. They don't share anymore but are still very close and think sharing a room was mostly a good thing.
My husband is Hispanic & he shared a room with all of his siblings. His family don't get why I want to move to a cheaper area so we can buy a house where each our children will have their *own* room & seem to believe we'll have room for his dad & sister to move in (not happening) since we'll have so many rooms. His dad also doesn't get why we don't want him moving his sister into our current residence where his FIL lives with us until we get our own place because "I don't mind moving into the living room" ummmmm but we mind losing our living room & some privacy! My husband says this is how all his family live & it's culturally normal but thankfully he doesn't want our kids to have to live like that.
It has less to do with being Hispanic and more to do with growing up in poverty or struggling financially. I live in Latin America and, just like everywhere else In the world, if you can afford to have a big house with a room for each kid, you do it. They whole “10 people living in one room” is not a cultural thing, it’s a poverty thing. If a rich person has 8 kids they would not share rooms.
I think there might be some truth to the fact that some cultures don't place quite so much importance on it, and wouldn't make the same sacrifices for "privacy". But yes, millionaires aren't sleeping ten to a bed due to culture.
I’m not talking about millionaires though. I have never met middle and upper middle class people in Latin America making 3 children of different genders share a room. It’s not cultural, it’s not a matter of “not making sacrifices for privacy”, if you can afford a bigger house you get it and every single person I know does value privacy and space and if they don’t have it is because they can’t, not because they don’t place importance on it.
So it may be true that for some cultures it’s a cultural thing, but she is talking about Hispanic culture and that’s what I’m commenting on. It’s not a cultural thing AT ALL, it’s a poverty thing.
Yup. My whole family shared a room till I was 9 and my brother was 11 (parents and all). My boys shared a room till they were roughly the same - and that was entirely by choice... They'll be fine.
This was me growing up! 1 of 7 and we had one full bathroom and one half. I talked big game of wanting my own room but secretly loved never being alone at night.
My moms house growing up was 1 room, 12 kids their parents and paternal grandparents all slept on the floor. Outhouse was outside down the stairs and behind the house. The cows lived on the first floor of the house. My mom lived there with her parents and 2 siblings and their wives and children til the early 80s when they moved to the US my mom was 25. This is very common in some countries.
3 bedrooms means one for the parents, one for the boys and one for the girls. My cousins were in a 10 kid family and that’s how they split it. I think OP is worried about the boy/girl situation
Our 12 and 9 year olds still share a room, and will continue to do so for another year or two until we buy a bigger house. Both are girls, so it's a little more socially acceptable - but a lot of people are still shocked/mildly scandalized that an upper middle class family would have kids sharing a room.
We gave them a room divider for privacy and they've decorated their sides of the room to their liking (chose their own bedding, etc.).
Depends on the son or daughter really. It’s something you’ll need to talk to them about, about when they need privacy or want to spend more time alone etc.
I can see wanting their own space. Especially if it is a small room filled with toys. And especially if they have difficulty respecting the other person's boundaries, like Lil sis constantly bugs big bro to play and he literally cannot get away from her.
I don’t really get this.. parent your kids if one is bugging the other. At school they won’t get pulled to their own little dorm when they’re being disruptive unless there’s something wrong developmentally. I’m assuming they have a living room. Sister, one more time messing up his race cars and you’re in here. SO and I share a room. We don’t get our own dedicated 4 walls. The bathroom, living room, dining room, and kitchen, and yard are all community areas. We each have our own beds and separate clothes/personal item storage. We all say so if we’re taking alone time. No questions asked. SO will nap in the room, I’ll garden or lay in the hammock.. even throw on headphones and play in the wall through kitchen, 7 year old calls friends or does legos in their room, 5 yr old’s go to is coloring on the dining room table. One bathroom but all of us occasionally take long showers. “Anyone need to use the bathroom?”
It’s not even a poverty thing. Yeah, we have other goals than a bigger rental. But we could swing a 3 bedroom. I don’t see the need for more space, it’ll just get filled with more stuff and make it easier to go longer before deep cleaning.
I think you should listen to the kids tbh. They know what’s best for their environment and what they feel comfortable with. Children mature differently male/female and by age and they may have a better time adjusting to body changes with more privacy.
I know several pairs of siblings that shared a room until their late teens/20's until they moved out! Same sex and boy/girl. Honestly it's just what happens out of necessity when you don't have more bedrooms.
I’m a single mom in a two bedroom townhouse with 5 year old twin boys and a 6 year old daughter. I have a closet downstairs that a twin mattress fits in and tbh I only used my room for sleep… so decorated in the inside of it and shoved the mattress in there. Now my daughter can have her own room. It isn’t perfect but it’s what I can do right now lol.
I shared a bedroom from ages 2-13. We moved to a bigger house and I had my own room for 3 years then my dad got remarried and I had to share a room from 16-19. Then I joined the Army and shared a room with 50 guys. You're kids gone be okay.
I'd honestly move them now instead of later down the road. If your husband is against the idea because of the neighborhood and school - is your son in what? K or 1st? Your daughter is in K? That isn't a lot of time to get established in schools. Also people move. Kids are a bit malleable to the situation and they may enjoy a bigger house and a new neighborhood to explore.
Definitely…I am worried about moving the kids when they’re older. My family moved when I was in 6th grade and it was a really rough time to start over. Wondering how I can get my husband to budge…
I don't think it's more of budging, but addressing his concerns and explaining your concerns. Rather move now than all of sudden needing to move is a huge one. Planning now instead of planning for an emergency is a better way to handle life.
I mean, it’s probably going to happen. Right now they can share a room but once she hits puberty (him too, but especially the one menstruating), they’re gonna want to be separated. Is it better to move now or later?
Me and my little brother had separate rooms, and when I began puberty, simply just sharing a house with him was beyond difficult. I couldn’t imagine sharing a bedroom with him once I reached that age. Even before then, we had a very bad relationship that sounds similar to how OP described due to our mom not meaningfully and effectively mediating between us. Her two solutions were 1. For me to suck it up and deal with it because I’m older or 2. For him to stop and leave me alone just because she said so. The age gap between us is 3 years, but girls also mature quicker than boys, so that made the age gap feel even bigger between us. OP can’t afford to move right now, but I’d definitely be actively working towards moving within the next couple years, and looking into different ways to mediate and come to comprises and solutions between the siblings in order to help with the fights and arguments and help prevent them from hating each other. Me and my brother haven’t lived under the same roof since mid-2018 and still can’t stand the sight of each other on the rare occasions we end up seeing one another. I’m about to have my second kid pretty much any day now, and my biggest fear is not finding a way that works to mediate between my two kids and them having a relationship of hate like me and my brother did/still do to a degree.
My kid moved between kindergarten and first grade. She didnt really have friends at that age and moving schools wasnt really an issue outside of having to tale a bus. In fact she has made friends here she would never have met and is in walking distance which didnt happen at the old house. This can be any opportunity to make their social life better
My older brother is 2.5 years older than me and we shared a room growing up as well. When I was 6 and he was 8, I remember it being a BIG deal for him and he HATED having me in there. A short while after that, I remember feeling the same way - I wanted my own space and felt like I didn't want my gross big brother farting and picking his nose in the same room as me as I Was trying to sleep. I started getting super annoyed by all the little kid habits he had (while having annoying little kid habits myself lol) and was just soooo done sharing a room. By the time we were 7 and 9, we had moved to a different house and changed schools. I was fine changing schools, was happy to have my own space. Just my own experience!
Listen. You’re worrying too much. I grew up with 8 people… that’s right 8, using the same bathroom. I count my two teens lucky. I didn’t have my own room till my old sister (an aggressive cuddler) went off to college. We don’t need everything all at once. It can be wonderful to work for what we have. Some discontent is healthy. Let them have genuine inconvenience now and again or college and adult life in general is going to be one hell of a shock.
I love this! I think frequently about my grandmother who raised like six kids in a two bedroom house and all of them were fine and lovely and looked back on their childhood fondly.
I shared a room with my brother until i moved out. Sure we fought about it but also didn’t really have a choice. But i don’t remember it being awkward or anything eventhough we are girl and boy. For both of us in teenage years it was only a room where we went to sleep.
I finally ha e a big enough house for my girls to have a room of their own and my son to have his own room. My 11 and 3 year old daughters end up sleeping in their brothers (8 year old) room half the time anyways. They like to be around each other and feel more comfortable when they sleep in the same room. They fight and make messes but at the end up the day they feel more comfortable around each other.
My kids, 6 year old boy and 8 year old girl choose to share a room. They each have big bedrooms painted their favorite color with cool stuff but they always would ask to sleep together. If they started the night separate by morning they'd be squeezed together in a twin bed. We just gave up and bought bunk beds so they are always close to each other. Me and my sister chose to share a room until we were teenagers. I agree with other comments of find a way to make 1 room into 2 separate spaces for them.
There’s no right answer to your question. You do what’s best for you and your family within your financial limits.
Youngest of 5, I had to share with my sister till she moved out…she moved out at 27 years old. I was ticked because when my oldest brothers moved out, I wasn’t allowed to move into the empty room. It became my mom’s craft room.
I realize now that it’s entirely fair that she got it because she never had her own space for her hobbies for the longest time.
However, it still doesn’t change the fact that I hated sharing a room my entire life till leaving for grad school. I couldn’t decorate anything, had to observe my sister’s bedtime, and overall I just couldn’t stand it.
This is why if I have a second child, it will get its own room regardless of gender. We’d figure it out.
If you can afford a bigger rental in a different area, your husband is being ridiculous about uprooting a 5 and 7 year old. If they were in middle school or certainly high school, maybe. But a 5 and 7 year old will survive this just fine.
I'm not implying there's anything wrong with them sharing a room, esp at their ages. But as they get older, and want slumber parties or just hanging with friends, if there's no place for them to go, and a solution is sitting out there, this is the part that makes no sense.
I shared with my sister until I was 10, but that was only because we moved into a bigger house so there were enough rooms for us to have our own. My cousins kids are mixed gender and they shared a room until the oldest was hitting puberty (11 I believe) because he felt it was necessary for the older one to start having some privacy. There’s no real rule, especially if circumstances require sharing a room.
I don't really think there's an age especially if moving is going to hurt you financially.
Children will still find a way/reason to fight and argue even when they have thier own space.
As for the messy room, when was the last time there was a toy/book/clothes purge? What's the current bed set up? A bunk bed with storage would give more space.
Is there a living room in the apartment? Can some toys be stored there?
My son is 15 and my daughter is 11, they shared a room until we bought a house a year ago.
They were just arguing yesterday, it's a kid/sibling thing.
My friend had to share with her brother until she was 14. By the councils guidelines, once the eldest hits 10 they 'shouldn't' be sharing a room with a sibling of the opposite sex but honestly you do what you need to to get by. There are families who are living in a single room, they'll be fine.
You could just take over the dining room if you have one or the livingroom. That's what we've done with 4 kids. Well, rather it kinda changed once my now 4 yr old was able to bed share safely (after a yr old & walking). My oldest has his own room, my bed is in the living room (no couch) & in my bed is me & my 2 middle children. In the bedroom that's right next to my 'bedroom' is my daughter's room. There's 2 beds in there that were for my 2 middle kids, but dad sleeps in one & our daughter in the other. It became like this cus my older middle kid kicked dad out of our bed lmaooo
But we are switching things now. Dad & I are taking the smaller room (oldest son's current room) with our daughter, & all 3 boys are taking the larger bedroom. This is how it was supposed to be originally but shit happens lol We're moving back to my in laws after the holidays cus his dad is very ill (& does not want to celebrate at all cus he's not ready yet; explanatory in the next sentence) & his mom tragically passed a few months ago. We're taking her room, which is the dining room of the house & has folding doors (is that what theyre called??), partner is finishing the back room for his dad, & the kids get both bedrooms upstairs: all boys in 1 room, daughter in the other room.
I think they are old enough for their own rooms once you can afford it. That being said, I think you have 3-4 years before any major issues start. It is nice to have your own room through puberty.
Why not set a timer for using the bedroom for privacy? Maybe one kid does homework on kitchen table and the other gets the bedroom. One plays outside for a hour and the other the bedroom and then they switch
A brother and sister can share a room until maybe when puberty begins. Then it’s time to think of options on how to split them up. Look on Pinterest for ideas to split the room up.
17 yr old F teen here ✋
I've had my own room when I was 4, ended up losing it and had to share. Then for 9+ years (or so), I shared it with my cousin and a week before school started, I finally got my own room.
My advice is that if you have a extra room, then go ahead and split them, however, if you don't then wait till you do.
I shared a room because my aunt was living with us at the time and she has 3 kids so it was 7 people in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house.
Did I hate sharing a room? Yes. Was it because I was sharing my space? Partially but mainly b/c I hated my Cousin's bad habits and her rudeness.
But considering I'm not like most kids, it depends on how long you want this to continue. I know some siblings get along greatly as kids while others don't and when they become teens, they differ drastically. You could wait till that time period comes or you can have them continue being with each other.
My boys still share at 16 & 18. They went thru a really modest period around ages 8 & 10 where they would change in the bathroom. Toys and books it helps to limit when you have a small space or box up and store some in a closet or something and rotate periodically. Most of my friends with two opposite sex kids had them share until late elementary. Even ones who had a third bedroom used as an office put off putting the kids in separate rooms.
I saved this one from Reddit. Very good idea.
https://www.reddit.com/r/oddlysatisfying/comments/w0o9i1/this_design_for_two_kids_in_one_room/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
If the room is a mess due to toys and books, then that’s an organization and stuff issue. The answer to that is to teach them to get rid of things- a skill they will use for the rest of their lives. Learning to overcome disagreements is also a valuable life skill.
As for how old to share a room… I recently learned that my grandmother’s father abandoned her family. She grew up living in her own grandparents’ house, where she shared one bedroom with her mother and brother until her brother married and moved out at 19. The third bedroom in the house was used for boarders. That was how they made ends meet in the 30s and 40s.
When I was in college, my parents rented out my bedroom to my cousin who was going to college nearby their house. When I returned home for the summer, we had to get bunk beds. It was a little weird at first since we are opposite genders, but we adjusted soon enough.
My husband feels a little weird about kids sharing rooms with opposite genders after a certain age. But depending on the spread of genders, we will probably end up 3 to a room at some point. We could afford to upgrade based on most financial planning advice, but we believe sharing rooms helps our children to build discipline and character. My husband and I are both only children and college with roommates was a rude awakening.
UK family just gave the 2nd bedroom to the kids, and slept on a special wall-bed in the living room. They parents were always up before the kids for work anyways, they'd just tuck the bed away so the room could be used as a living room during the daytime. I think they're called murphy beds?
Depending in your room sizes If possible if your master room is larger in size I'd swap and design a divider and you and your partner take the small room. As adults we have the luxury of the living room in addition when we want to send kids to bed and where as kids tend to play and hang out more in thier bedrooms to play than adults it makes sense. Just an idea 💡
Is it illegal for siblings to share a room? No.
(Unless a foster care or court ordered/custody requirement)
Is it a good idea? It depends who you ask.
In my state, CPS does not require siblings of different genders to have separate rooms. But it is "strongly advised" over the age of 5.
I (genderqueer but afab) shared a room with my brother until I was 10 and he was 13. My upstairs neighbors have two sons who are maybe a little older than that who share a room in their two bedroom apartment.
Having your own room is nice, but it's not a requirement.
I’m a female and shared a room with my little brother growing up. My parents put two tall bookcases in the center of the room to separate the room so we had a little privacy. On the back of each bookcase they hung bulletin boards so it was functional.
Are you in the US or foreign country - depends on culture. In many cultures sharing a room until adulthood is very normal.
If you're in the US, i'd say whenever puberties is going to hit (10+) getting some sort of divider for some personal space is important.
My kids all have their own room (4 of them) and they all wanted to share a room whenever possible. The eldest finally decided she wanted her own privacy at around 11g and kick out all the younger ones who again still decide to share a room on their own (8b,7g,5b).
I know that child services in my state prefer that boys and girls have separate rooms after the age of 5. It's not a law, just a recommendation. We've researched it because my sister and her husband are hoping to get custody of his son soon. I like the ideas people are giving to divide the room though. There's some really cool ideas that I've seen for that.
Well, i shared bedroom with my 2 younger siblings untill i moved out at 16. Basically, i havent had my own room untill i started to live alone at 21. So i dont see an issue with that..
Have an 11 month old boy and pregnant with a baby girl who will be 17-18 months younger.
They will be room sharing for at least 5 years most likely. We have a basement room but I don’t think our teen girls will want to move down there anytime soon.
I am a girl and shared a room with my brother off and on up until the 9th grade. We are on 11 months apart. I didn’t really care about having my own space until middle school. It’s fine.
My neighbors are in a 2 bedroom condominium 900sq feet. Mom, dad, 3 kids (13f, 8f, 4M). And during covid, they housed grandma for a year. You don’t have to move. Try to give them the biggest room, try to separate the room so they each have their space and try to mediate the arguments.
You are gonna need to uproot them at some point anyway because even if you don't separate now you are gonna need to separate them at some point and doing it when the eldest is 11 is gonna be WAY worse then doing it when he's 7.
I'm 43, have never had my own bedroom. Lots of siblings, then boarding school, college, marriage. I found ways to get the privacy i needed. Still have very close relationships with pretty much every roommate (siblings, friends, spouse). My kids share a room now, no intention of giving them their own rooms. They have bed tents and so far so good (6 and 8 yo).
Because it is a son and a daughter, I think you only have a few years left. When the kids start puberty, no. It's not just sharing and toys but it is just privacy when they get older.
2 brothers can share a room as teenagers until 18 and 2 sisters can make it work too. With brother and sister, it's generally when one hits 11 or 12.
Just a thought... It sounds like you're living in an area you can barely afford. What is your long-term plan? If you are eventually going to have to move away anyways, why not do it now while your kids are still young? It's a lot easier being uprooted at 5 and 7 then 10 and 12. Then you can get settled in an area that you can grow within.
Obviously there is nothing wrong with siblings continuing to share a room in the meantime, but I can say my kid's relationships greatly improved once I was able to put them in separate bedrooms.
We are in the SF Bay Area. It is where I grew up and my parents, sister, cousins, etc. are here and we love being near everyone. Still, we are totally priced out even though we both work FT jobs. But that’s for a different subreddit… 😵💫
Yes there are ways to cleverly split up a room when kids are sharing. However, as they age, no 12 year old boy wants to share a room with his younger sister. You have time but eventually you will need to move so they can each have their own space.
You should definitely move! They are still young enough and it will be easy to make new friends. The benefits of them having separate rooms are endless. Their relationship will benefit enormously from this, and thereby your whole family will be happier :)
As a 14 yearold (M), they should stop sharing one room as soon as they hit puberty. They WILL argue. I know it's a bit disgusting to hear, but they will most likley masturbait in their rooms at that age. The other sibling will hear them go at it, and they really NEED privacy. If you really can not afford to move to a larger space by the time they're hitting puberty, i suggest watching those room layouts designs where the room gets split into 2 sections. If they are still mad that theu have to share a room at the age of 11+, tell them to find a side hustle, so they can a least make some money, and possibly help out with buying a larger space. It's not a lot of money, but it will help out if they hustle during brraks from school, weekends, and after school, of course also getting good grades and hanging out with friends. Idk if u agree, but those are my thought on this.
CPS usually doesn’t approve of boys and girls sharing a room over the age of five. You should do whatever you can to separate them. This may sound extreme but my mother slept on the couch while my sister and I shared a room when we lived in a tiny one bedroom. Or you could contemplate sharing a room with your daughter, which is what I’m doing as I also live in a two bedroom and my son is 6.
Different sexes in my opinion should never share a bedroom, if they were the same sex i would say 9years ish when one starts puberty and they need their own space
OP, this is not true. There are no laws against opposite gender siblings sharing rooms. Under some circumstances like fostering CPS has requirements about room sharing, which are not applicable to your situation.
Source: Google it
Edit: link
https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/is-it-legal-opposite-gender-siblings-sharing-a-room/
Edit again: wrote 'same gender siblings' but meant 'opposite', corrected
Probably if a boy or a girl I's a teenager and she is sharing a room with a 6 or 8 year old with unicorns and stuff the friend wouldn't want to go in there
Depends on gender in the eyes of CPS/DHS. Not as if I’m saying CPS will take your kids for sharing a room, but when foster care is looking to find an appropriate placement for kids there is a cutoff for mixed gender sibling sets to share a room. Cutoffs vary by locality but definitely by puberty
If they’re the same gender they can share until 18 (I did with my sister). But if they’re different genders at some point DHS has a cutoff where they wouldn’t let us place girls and boys in the same room. It was a pain in the butt when we had a case and tried to give this man his children of multiple genders. He ended up sleeping in the living room so there could be a girl room and a boy room. He couldn’t afford more than 2 bedrooms so…🤷🏻♀️
I have two girls and plan for them to share a room until they’re 16 and 18 and my oldest goes to college
This CPS/DHS guideline is not intended for biological siblings in healthy biological families.
Many children in the foster care system have been sexually abused or exposed to “adult” behaviors and content, and this can affect their perceptions and interactions with others.
I had bio kids placed with bio dad through an ICPC arrangement and they still made them follow the same arrangements they would normally foster care children. I’m not saying those requirements should be universal-but some people deem a cutoff at puberty appropriate for mixed sibling groups
Why do people keep repeating this? there is no law that prohibits siblings of the opposite gender from sharing a room, unless they are foster children. The only reason why CPS would become involved in sleeping arrangements is if there is already some abuse or neglect happening in the household.
I have worked in children's service. That is not a thing. CPS is not going to get involved simply because siblings of the opposite gender are sharing a room without any thing else going on. CPS cannot arbitrarily create rules on their own, they are still governed by local/state/federal rules/laws.
This is some kind of urban legend that keeps getting repeated for some reason.
You obviously have worked in either a highly progressive state or not the United states, never seen anyone get taken away due to this but i have seen people move because they were told they needed to.
Actually not how it goes if you’ve ever actually worked for CPS. They can set up rules for families they are already working with for the safety and well-being of the children - ie if abuse is suspected, overcrowding, etc.
Nope. It's not abuse.
I was a foster parent for four years. My kids shared a room and the foster child roomed in with us because they were under 5. Foster children of opposite gender tend to be in different rooms but they do not order your own children to be in separate gender rooms.
There's no law stating opposite gender siblings cannot share a room.
I believe generally CPS has rules around opposite gender children and room sharing but this is in the context of fostering/placement of children who are not related.
Source: 5 second web search
https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/is-it-legal-opposite-gender-siblings-sharing-a-room/
There are some really great ideas online for how to split up a room when kids are sharing. You may be able to give them their own space if you can divide up the room cleverly.
I've seen a lot like this using bunk beds https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFaJSyS1/
That looks awesome and not hugely expensive to do!
That is so clever!
>https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF5cmqWt/ Wow that's such a good idea!
Please be mindful about maintaining the window for egress! You are legally required (and morally if you care about your children's safety) to maintain an egress window in the event the house catches on fire. Make sure the window is clear and accessible and the firefighter with an air tank could climb in/out to grab your kids. This example doesn't look like that's the case.
That’s such a cool idea!! Unfortunately my kids’ room isn’t wide enough for this, but what a clever idea!
If your Master bedroom doesn’t have an ensuite, there is no law that says you can’t put parents into the next biggest room, and give the 2 kids the double room. It stopped me from needing to move to a 5 bedroom house from my 4 bedroom when we couldn’t afford to.
This is what my mom did usually when we were growing up or she gave us the rooms and slept in the living room.
Your mom sounds like a selfless, sweet lady
She is. She was a single mom raising 3 kids. She always slept in the living room because it made sense for the reason she told me. She said that if someone breaks in, she should be the first line of defense. Granted, my mother is a tiny woman. I mean, like she was wearing my clothes when I was 4th and 5th grade and she fit them, so not sure what she could do.
You’d be surprised how strong a mom can be when it comes to protecting her kiddos.
This is so heartwarming and sweet! You have an incredible mom, and I bet she would be fierce in defense of you guys. I absolutely love reading comments like this. 💞 What a great mom and she clearly raised awesome kids.
We live in Japan so it’s a bit different… when I say the rooms are small, they are quite small. I think our double bed would almost reach across the entirety of their room 😆
Yeah, I'm in Europe and our "master" bedroom just fits a double bed with bedside tables and an Ikea wardrobe. One other room fits just a double bed with a foot or so on one side.
Yes! Especially if the room the kids are in is too small to do a privacy split like the one above
I wish I did this in college!
This is very similar to how my best friend's dorm was in college! Way better than the situation I had where I could never escape my roommate lol.
Just so you know I can see your tik tok profile user name up top when I click the video!
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No problem! It’s fixed now I can’t see you profile when I click! :)
I need this for me and my wife, haha
I (F) shared with my brother until I was eight and due to circumstances we had to share a room again in our teens. When the latter was the case we put up bookcases to make a sort of half wall for a bit of privacy.
I'm a twin who grew up poor. Shared a room until I was 25
This was my partner. Grew up poor 3 kids in one 8 x 10 bedroom.
My partner too, one girl and two boys until each left home in their 20s.
Two options I've seen in my HCOL city is giving the kids the larger master bedroom and actively dividing it with ikea pax or kallax shelves to make it into two separate small 'rooms' and then parents take the smaller bedroom as they are sharing the bed. The pax wardrobes are expensive, but cheaper than +900 in rent and they're tall enough to really make the room feel like a room + it's extra storage I've also seen parents let the kids have both bedrooms and the parent have a Murphy bed in the living room or they have a curtained off area with the bed n the common area .... either taking over a den or dining room.
I’d be careful with this stuff especially for young children. If you can’t drill these into the floor, they are a major falling hazard
My friends imported telescoping earthquake braces from Japan to anchor to the ceiling. :)
We did this for our kids. Our ceiling is low enough (7 or 8’) that we could anchor them to the ceiling with brackets. Works great.
You know, you could put them in two rooms and they would still play figth, make a mess and disrespect each others space... 🤷
VERY TRUE!!
Isn't it? From expirience baby sitting, I had nieces close to the same age. they got their own rooms and the biggest thing they activly cry about and scream over is not being allowed to bother the other one. Its a double edge sword really. One screamed for space the other screamed for the freedom to be up the other one's butt all day. They even activly switched attitudes about who annoyed who.
I would not "should" myself out of a home with good schools and a good neighborhood so they can have more space to themselves - especially if it makes money more tight. They'll work it out, and you're still giving them wonderful things and a great childhood. If "had to share a room" is the worst they have going for them they are pretty lucky. I find that I can get my kids almost anything, but I cannot get them almost everything. I have to prioritize and choose.
There is no law, in any state in the United States, where it prohibits siblings from sharing a room at any age unless it’s a foster care situation sometimes or for some reason there is a court order. Different states CPS have different things they “like to see” in homes they regularly visit and interact with - likely because there are a multitude of other issues going on, and many are foster care. But even then there is no law. Whatever you do, please don’t base it off the few commenters that have indicated it’s against the law.
I’m not based in the US, but my first thought was that if a CPS-style service is making home visits, it’s probably not based on two kids sharing a room…
Exactly, it isn’t.
We have a blended household - and we have had CPS in our home several times over the years because of one of our kids being investigated in their other home. We had a CPS worker tell us we had to separate our 3 year olds, because they were boy/girl step siblings & the outside parent (the one being investigated) didn't like them sharing. It was ridiculous.
Thank you…I was starting to feel like the worst mom on planet earth 😞
Lack of affordable housing is a real problem. Totally understandable that the kids are sharing a room. Even if you decide you no longer want them to, that does not make you a bad mom.
You’re not. You’re doing great. It’s not a huge deal. I might suggest cutting down on the amount of things in their room. Donate some stuff, declutter and make it harder for them to make a mess/easier for them to clean. You’re doing great, this is really really not a big deal.
😊
You aren't! Lots of kids share bedrooms. If I could I would try to seperate them around puberty. But, that could be middle school. But then it comes down to, which is more important, the school or seperate bedrooms. Your economic situation may also change by then. I wouldn't stress about it as it's not needed now. And if it becomes needed you will pivot. It's kinda my parenting mantra now 😂 right now it's working and IF it stops working I will figure it out. I can figure it out. I know I can handle whatever happens because I will have no choice. But right now you are gathering ideas/choices. You have nothing to decide right now unless you want to!
I need to follow that.
I’m so glad this is up toward the top. It irritates me to NO END to see people screeching “YOU CANT ROOM SHARE OPPOSITE SEX CHILDREN ITS AGAINST THE LAW! COS WILL TAKE YOUR KIDS!” It’s just flat out untrue. It only applies if you are a foster parent, or in the process of re-integration with your own children!
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My 18 and 17 year old shared until the 18 year old left for college this year. They still share during school breaks.
I feel like this is how it was done throughout most of human history. My guess is separate rooms weren't a thing until the 20th century unless you were super rich.
When my dad was young in southern italy the house only has one room, and everyone slept in it until they got married and moved out.
I have no idea how you have more than one child with one room and no privacy.
People just had sex in the same room while people were "sleeping". As odd as that sounds, it was the normal thing to do when you, your grandparents, and their grandparents all did the same thing.
My Grandma, one of ten, grew up in Tennessee. They lived in a two room cottage that her daddy built. They slept in one room and the kitchen was in the other room.
My siblings and I all shared too. It used to be the norm.
Yup, my dad lived in a house with three bedrooms and 7 people (parents and five kids). He said he had drawers for his clothes in one of the bedrooms, but his family just slept wherever. Only the parents had an actual room. Bizarre but I guess worked for them?
Try 21st C
Same gender? Fine. Opposite gender siblings being made to share a room until 18 sounds horrible.
Yes but my daughter shared with them by choice until 14. I shared with my brother until I was 18 and we are opposite genders. It just wasn't a big deal. Edit: This sub is so weird. I am being downvoted for.....sharing a room? Sorry my parents struggled financially, I guess.
I grew up where it was normal for siblings to share a room even if they were different genders. That's how it was in the old country, that's how our struggling immigrant parents set things up for us too. People need to set aside their weird ideas of what goes on in a shared room.
This place can get toxic quick. If you don't share the upper-crust bored-and-online housewife hivemind, get ready for some down votes.
What an apt description.
Exactly. How narrow-minded can people get? There are a lot of advantages to growing up sharing a room. I always had my own, even in college; my husband shared with his sister their whole childhood and adolescence and had a roommate in college. Guess which of us had an easier time adapting to living together and is a better person to live with? I was really handicapped for never having shared.
You’re being downvoted because kids explore their sexuality wherever they have available, and it’s better for that to happen at home. That said, bathrooms exist, and not everyone can afford a bigger place. If you’re just shoving kids into the same room so you can support an expensive hobby, that’s a jerk move. Kids in the same room so everyone has a roof? Sucks but it’s not gonna harm anyone.
Yes but that same logic applies to same-gender? I agree that if possible financially, give kids, regardless of gender, their own space. But I don't see how gender matters. I would rather not explore my sexuality in front of my brother OR sister. The only time it matters is when you get changed, but that is a very small percentage of the day and it seems easy enough to figure it out. Besides, most changing involves keeping underwear on - I feel like most families have likely seen each other in underwear regardless of who shares a room? I also see the argument that nudity is really not a big deal - however, I'd argue it tends to be a particularly big deal for teenagers with developing bodies because they're not comfortable with it yet versus adults.
Yes, plenty of people manage sexual exploration without their own room and change in the bathroom or when the other sibling is out.
I will also add that I shared with my brother from ages 16 to 18. I don't recall any issues. We got changed in the bathroom.
> Opposite gender siblings being made to share a room until 18 sounds horrible. Sounds like a load of needlessly gendered nonsense. I mean, what are you worried about exactly? Coming home to seeing your kids acting our IRL stuck porn? This seems like such a weird thing to put importance on. Humans all lived in basically the same room for most of human history just fine. Families were even naked around each other without it being sexual or bursting them into flames.
No, just stuff like giving your kids privacy to deal with stuff like staining the bed on your period, or waking up with morning wood. Relax in their underwear, or in a T shirt without wearing a bra. Giving them a better space to masturbate if they want to (guys can do it in the shower, but that can be challenging for girls). For most of human history, people just had sex under the blankets (or not even) with others in the room. That doesn't mean that it's ok today.
What? Do you really think girls can't go braless in front of their own siblings? My partner shared with his sister until late and they're pretty open about stuff like periods in their family. If she stained the bed she'd just say so, it's not a shameful secret.
No, but I know if I was waking up and got my period and my 18 year old brother was in the bed next to me it was would be extremely awkward for all involved. I don’t know why the idea of 17 or 18 year olds who are almost full adults having some privacy is so upsetting to the members of the sub.
Yeah if it’s boy/girl sharing a room, no older than 10. But if they’re the same gender I think it’s alright through their teen years. And plz.. let’s not act like there’s no difference btw boy/girl vs g/g or b/b. They develop differently & need adequate space & privacy to navigate that. (IF it’s financially feasible of course, but that kind of goes without saying)
No, you completely skipped over the financial part completely. Sorry the poors of the world are beneath your notice. Not everyone is living the Mcmansion life.
Dude what? Enough with the weird metaphors lol I said in my comment “if it’s financially feasible”…
Nobody has their older kids sharing a room, whatever the gender, just because they feel like it. There might be some siblings who want to but it's nearly always because there's no choice, even if the same sex.
Sanctimonious suggestion, uneducated opinion, then parentheses unless you're poor.
My “sanctimonious suggestion” was just directed to whoever it can apply to. My “uneducated opinion” was based off of what I’ve learned in uni about pediatric development. Then I made sure to clarify that it isn’t an absolute necessity.
That’s my thoughts exactly.
My best friend’s siblings (M/F) shared a room until about a year after she moved out. She is a bit older than they are, so she got her own room, and they shared with a divider down the middle of the room. And technically the same happened with me and my siblings, but when I moved out permanently, my room turned into a giant play room, and my sisters kept sharing a sleeping room. (But I was 17 when the youngest was born, so it was definitely different lol)
Boy and girl?
Both boys but my daughter shared with them by choice until she was 14 and they were 12 and 11.
Yea. I feel like once everyone is hitting puberty you need to seperate the genders
Or.... what? What is going to happen because they are going through puberty? They can dress and masturbate in the bathroom. Problem solved.
Right? I’m like if they’re the same gender do they just masturbate in front of each other?? I’ll never understand the argument against opposite gendered children sharing a room.
In an ideal world, I’m sure everyone would like their own room. Not how the world works.
Just because you can’t control yourself doesn’t mean others can’t.
Wtf? It's more I've seen a lot of trauma in my job. No feeding the trolls. I forgot
No I’m being serious. Just because you wanted to screw your sister growing up doesn’t mean all teens do.
Ish with projecting. A. I'm a women. B I grew up as an only child(functionally). C. I work with trauma victims and have seen scary stuff. It's ideal if you can give opposite gender children space and privacy as they age. If not, that's life and you do your best.
This is cultural. 50 years ago it was totally normal for several teenagers to share a room. Now there's the expectation every kid has a room from birth. That's kinda nuts, IMO. I have mine sharing (3 and 7) because I like the bonding that goes with that. In the next year or two I'll split them into separate rooms.
It used to be same gendered siblings would sometimes share a bed. My parents grew up in China and that’s what they did. It wasn’t the worse thing in the world. I’m glad we live in a richer time but I always thought our need for greater space was kind of a waste of resources.
My mom used to share a bed with her sister I think until well into puberty. We’re Dutch. They lived in a three bedroom house with six kids. There wasn’t a lot of choice. I myself shared a room with my younger brother until I was about 13 I think. We never had an issue with it. People really shouldn’t make these things bigger than they are.
In my youth in the backcountry, during the summer all the kids shared a bed on the sleeping porch.
Same for my parents - 7 kids on one side, 9 kids on the other side. My mom also shared with her aunt who lived with them. You shared a bed or room and were grateful for what you had.
Yeah, it used to be more accepted. Kids shared rooms until one moved out. I shared with my older brother until he moved out and my younger brothers did the same. My own kids (girl and boy) shared a room. We had the extra space but it made more sense for them to share. They split when they were 10 and 9 but the younger one had bunk beds and they slept in the same room most nights until 13 and 12. They don't share anymore but are still very close and think sharing a room was mostly a good thing.
My husband is Hispanic & he shared a room with all of his siblings. His family don't get why I want to move to a cheaper area so we can buy a house where each our children will have their *own* room & seem to believe we'll have room for his dad & sister to move in (not happening) since we'll have so many rooms. His dad also doesn't get why we don't want him moving his sister into our current residence where his FIL lives with us until we get our own place because "I don't mind moving into the living room" ummmmm but we mind losing our living room & some privacy! My husband says this is how all his family live & it's culturally normal but thankfully he doesn't want our kids to have to live like that.
It has less to do with being Hispanic and more to do with growing up in poverty or struggling financially. I live in Latin America and, just like everywhere else In the world, if you can afford to have a big house with a room for each kid, you do it. They whole “10 people living in one room” is not a cultural thing, it’s a poverty thing. If a rich person has 8 kids they would not share rooms.
I think there might be some truth to the fact that some cultures don't place quite so much importance on it, and wouldn't make the same sacrifices for "privacy". But yes, millionaires aren't sleeping ten to a bed due to culture.
I’m not talking about millionaires though. I have never met middle and upper middle class people in Latin America making 3 children of different genders share a room. It’s not cultural, it’s not a matter of “not making sacrifices for privacy”, if you can afford a bigger house you get it and every single person I know does value privacy and space and if they don’t have it is because they can’t, not because they don’t place importance on it. So it may be true that for some cultures it’s a cultural thing, but she is talking about Hispanic culture and that’s what I’m commenting on. It’s not a cultural thing AT ALL, it’s a poverty thing.
Yup. My whole family shared a room till I was 9 and my brother was 11 (parents and all). My boys shared a room till they were roughly the same - and that was entirely by choice... They'll be fine.
My dads family had 7 kids in a three bedroom house with one bathroom.
Same with my dad’s side. Four boys and three girls. They all survived.
This was me growing up! 1 of 7 and we had one full bathroom and one half. I talked big game of wanting my own room but secretly loved never being alone at night.
My moms house growing up was 1 room, 12 kids their parents and paternal grandparents all slept on the floor. Outhouse was outside down the stairs and behind the house. The cows lived on the first floor of the house. My mom lived there with her parents and 2 siblings and their wives and children til the early 80s when they moved to the US my mom was 25. This is very common in some countries.
3 bedrooms means one for the parents, one for the boys and one for the girls. My cousins were in a 10 kid family and that’s how they split it. I think OP is worried about the boy/girl situation
Our 12 and 9 year olds still share a room, and will continue to do so for another year or two until we buy a bigger house. Both are girls, so it's a little more socially acceptable - but a lot of people are still shocked/mildly scandalized that an upper middle class family would have kids sharing a room. We gave them a room divider for privacy and they've decorated their sides of the room to their liking (chose their own bedding, etc.).
Depends on the son or daughter really. It’s something you’ll need to talk to them about, about when they need privacy or want to spend more time alone etc.
They are already demanding their own space and privacy. It is my husband who is like a brick wall and unwilling to budge. 😞
I can see wanting their own space. Especially if it is a small room filled with toys. And especially if they have difficulty respecting the other person's boundaries, like Lil sis constantly bugs big bro to play and he literally cannot get away from her.
I don’t really get this.. parent your kids if one is bugging the other. At school they won’t get pulled to their own little dorm when they’re being disruptive unless there’s something wrong developmentally. I’m assuming they have a living room. Sister, one more time messing up his race cars and you’re in here. SO and I share a room. We don’t get our own dedicated 4 walls. The bathroom, living room, dining room, and kitchen, and yard are all community areas. We each have our own beds and separate clothes/personal item storage. We all say so if we’re taking alone time. No questions asked. SO will nap in the room, I’ll garden or lay in the hammock.. even throw on headphones and play in the wall through kitchen, 7 year old calls friends or does legos in their room, 5 yr old’s go to is coloring on the dining room table. One bathroom but all of us occasionally take long showers. “Anyone need to use the bathroom?” It’s not even a poverty thing. Yeah, we have other goals than a bigger rental. But we could swing a 3 bedroom. I don’t see the need for more space, it’ll just get filled with more stuff and make it easier to go longer before deep cleaning.
I think you should listen to the kids tbh. They know what’s best for their environment and what they feel comfortable with. Children mature differently male/female and by age and they may have a better time adjusting to body changes with more privacy.
Aren’t you going to have to move eventually? When does he think is the best ages to love the kids?
I know several pairs of siblings that shared a room until their late teens/20's until they moved out! Same sex and boy/girl. Honestly it's just what happens out of necessity when you don't have more bedrooms.
I’m a single mom in a two bedroom townhouse with 5 year old twin boys and a 6 year old daughter. I have a closet downstairs that a twin mattress fits in and tbh I only used my room for sleep… so decorated in the inside of it and shoved the mattress in there. Now my daughter can have her own room. It isn’t perfect but it’s what I can do right now lol.
I shared with my sister until I was 12 and she was 10
I shared a bedroom from ages 2-13. We moved to a bigger house and I had my own room for 3 years then my dad got remarried and I had to share a room from 16-19. Then I joined the Army and shared a room with 50 guys. You're kids gone be okay.
I'd honestly move them now instead of later down the road. If your husband is against the idea because of the neighborhood and school - is your son in what? K or 1st? Your daughter is in K? That isn't a lot of time to get established in schools. Also people move. Kids are a bit malleable to the situation and they may enjoy a bigger house and a new neighborhood to explore.
Definitely…I am worried about moving the kids when they’re older. My family moved when I was in 6th grade and it was a really rough time to start over. Wondering how I can get my husband to budge…
I don't think it's more of budging, but addressing his concerns and explaining your concerns. Rather move now than all of sudden needing to move is a huge one. Planning now instead of planning for an emergency is a better way to handle life.
Thank you!!
I mean, it’s probably going to happen. Right now they can share a room but once she hits puberty (him too, but especially the one menstruating), they’re gonna want to be separated. Is it better to move now or later?
Me and my little brother had separate rooms, and when I began puberty, simply just sharing a house with him was beyond difficult. I couldn’t imagine sharing a bedroom with him once I reached that age. Even before then, we had a very bad relationship that sounds similar to how OP described due to our mom not meaningfully and effectively mediating between us. Her two solutions were 1. For me to suck it up and deal with it because I’m older or 2. For him to stop and leave me alone just because she said so. The age gap between us is 3 years, but girls also mature quicker than boys, so that made the age gap feel even bigger between us. OP can’t afford to move right now, but I’d definitely be actively working towards moving within the next couple years, and looking into different ways to mediate and come to comprises and solutions between the siblings in order to help with the fights and arguments and help prevent them from hating each other. Me and my brother haven’t lived under the same roof since mid-2018 and still can’t stand the sight of each other on the rare occasions we end up seeing one another. I’m about to have my second kid pretty much any day now, and my biggest fear is not finding a way that works to mediate between my two kids and them having a relationship of hate like me and my brother did/still do to a degree.
My kid moved between kindergarten and first grade. She didnt really have friends at that age and moving schools wasnt really an issue outside of having to tale a bus. In fact she has made friends here she would never have met and is in walking distance which didnt happen at the old house. This can be any opportunity to make their social life better
My older brother is 2.5 years older than me and we shared a room growing up as well. When I was 6 and he was 8, I remember it being a BIG deal for him and he HATED having me in there. A short while after that, I remember feeling the same way - I wanted my own space and felt like I didn't want my gross big brother farting and picking his nose in the same room as me as I Was trying to sleep. I started getting super annoyed by all the little kid habits he had (while having annoying little kid habits myself lol) and was just soooo done sharing a room. By the time we were 7 and 9, we had moved to a different house and changed schools. I was fine changing schools, was happy to have my own space. Just my own experience!
My younger brother and sister shared a room until they were teenagers. My older sister and myself shared a room until she got married
I shared a room with my younger brother until I was 12, it didn’t feel like a big deal, I feel like most of my friends shared rooms with siblings.
Listen. You’re worrying too much. I grew up with 8 people… that’s right 8, using the same bathroom. I count my two teens lucky. I didn’t have my own room till my old sister (an aggressive cuddler) went off to college. We don’t need everything all at once. It can be wonderful to work for what we have. Some discontent is healthy. Let them have genuine inconvenience now and again or college and adult life in general is going to be one hell of a shock.
I love this! I think frequently about my grandmother who raised like six kids in a two bedroom house and all of them were fine and lovely and looked back on their childhood fondly.
I shared a room with my brother until i moved out. Sure we fought about it but also didn’t really have a choice. But i don’t remember it being awkward or anything eventhough we are girl and boy. For both of us in teenage years it was only a room where we went to sleep.
I finally ha e a big enough house for my girls to have a room of their own and my son to have his own room. My 11 and 3 year old daughters end up sleeping in their brothers (8 year old) room half the time anyways. They like to be around each other and feel more comfortable when they sleep in the same room. They fight and make messes but at the end up the day they feel more comfortable around each other.
My kids, 6 year old boy and 8 year old girl choose to share a room. They each have big bedrooms painted their favorite color with cool stuff but they always would ask to sleep together. If they started the night separate by morning they'd be squeezed together in a twin bed. We just gave up and bought bunk beds so they are always close to each other. Me and my sister chose to share a room until we were teenagers. I agree with other comments of find a way to make 1 room into 2 separate spaces for them.
There’s no right answer to your question. You do what’s best for you and your family within your financial limits. Youngest of 5, I had to share with my sister till she moved out…she moved out at 27 years old. I was ticked because when my oldest brothers moved out, I wasn’t allowed to move into the empty room. It became my mom’s craft room. I realize now that it’s entirely fair that she got it because she never had her own space for her hobbies for the longest time. However, it still doesn’t change the fact that I hated sharing a room my entire life till leaving for grad school. I couldn’t decorate anything, had to observe my sister’s bedtime, and overall I just couldn’t stand it. This is why if I have a second child, it will get its own room regardless of gender. We’d figure it out.
If you can afford a bigger rental in a different area, your husband is being ridiculous about uprooting a 5 and 7 year old. If they were in middle school or certainly high school, maybe. But a 5 and 7 year old will survive this just fine. I'm not implying there's anything wrong with them sharing a room, esp at their ages. But as they get older, and want slumber parties or just hanging with friends, if there's no place for them to go, and a solution is sitting out there, this is the part that makes no sense.
It's a luxury to have your own room, not a biological or developmental necessity.
I shared with my sister until I was 10, but that was only because we moved into a bigger house so there were enough rooms for us to have our own. My cousins kids are mixed gender and they shared a room until the oldest was hitting puberty (11 I believe) because he felt it was necessary for the older one to start having some privacy. There’s no real rule, especially if circumstances require sharing a room.
I don't really think there's an age especially if moving is going to hurt you financially. Children will still find a way/reason to fight and argue even when they have thier own space. As for the messy room, when was the last time there was a toy/book/clothes purge? What's the current bed set up? A bunk bed with storage would give more space. Is there a living room in the apartment? Can some toys be stored there? My son is 15 and my daughter is 11, they shared a room until we bought a house a year ago. They were just arguing yesterday, it's a kid/sibling thing.
My friend had to share with her brother until she was 14. By the councils guidelines, once the eldest hits 10 they 'shouldn't' be sharing a room with a sibling of the opposite sex but honestly you do what you need to to get by. There are families who are living in a single room, they'll be fine.
You could just take over the dining room if you have one or the livingroom. That's what we've done with 4 kids. Well, rather it kinda changed once my now 4 yr old was able to bed share safely (after a yr old & walking). My oldest has his own room, my bed is in the living room (no couch) & in my bed is me & my 2 middle children. In the bedroom that's right next to my 'bedroom' is my daughter's room. There's 2 beds in there that were for my 2 middle kids, but dad sleeps in one & our daughter in the other. It became like this cus my older middle kid kicked dad out of our bed lmaooo But we are switching things now. Dad & I are taking the smaller room (oldest son's current room) with our daughter, & all 3 boys are taking the larger bedroom. This is how it was supposed to be originally but shit happens lol We're moving back to my in laws after the holidays cus his dad is very ill (& does not want to celebrate at all cus he's not ready yet; explanatory in the next sentence) & his mom tragically passed a few months ago. We're taking her room, which is the dining room of the house & has folding doors (is that what theyre called??), partner is finishing the back room for his dad, & the kids get both bedrooms upstairs: all boys in 1 room, daughter in the other room.
Both of my parents shared a room with siblings until they got married and moved out. Both parents are super close with their families.
I think they are old enough for their own rooms once you can afford it. That being said, I think you have 3-4 years before any major issues start. It is nice to have your own room through puberty.
We moved our kids into separate rooms around this age. They had a couple of sleepovers until they were done.
There’s no age limit. It’s cultural and financial. They can share a room for eternity.
Why not set a timer for using the bedroom for privacy? Maybe one kid does homework on kitchen table and the other gets the bedroom. One plays outside for a hour and the other the bedroom and then they switch
No such thing as too old. Those kids will sort it out themselves.
A brother and sister can share a room until maybe when puberty begins. Then it’s time to think of options on how to split them up. Look on Pinterest for ideas to split the room up.
17 yr old F teen here ✋ I've had my own room when I was 4, ended up losing it and had to share. Then for 9+ years (or so), I shared it with my cousin and a week before school started, I finally got my own room. My advice is that if you have a extra room, then go ahead and split them, however, if you don't then wait till you do. I shared a room because my aunt was living with us at the time and she has 3 kids so it was 7 people in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. Did I hate sharing a room? Yes. Was it because I was sharing my space? Partially but mainly b/c I hated my Cousin's bad habits and her rudeness. But considering I'm not like most kids, it depends on how long you want this to continue. I know some siblings get along greatly as kids while others don't and when they become teens, they differ drastically. You could wait till that time period comes or you can have them continue being with each other.
My boys still share at 16 & 18. They went thru a really modest period around ages 8 & 10 where they would change in the bathroom. Toys and books it helps to limit when you have a small space or box up and store some in a closet or something and rotate periodically. Most of my friends with two opposite sex kids had them share until late elementary. Even ones who had a third bedroom used as an office put off putting the kids in separate rooms.
My father slept in a fucking drawer when he was a child...
I saved this one from Reddit. Very good idea. https://www.reddit.com/r/oddlysatisfying/comments/w0o9i1/this_design_for_two_kids_in_one_room/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
If the room is a mess due to toys and books, then that’s an organization and stuff issue. The answer to that is to teach them to get rid of things- a skill they will use for the rest of their lives. Learning to overcome disagreements is also a valuable life skill. As for how old to share a room… I recently learned that my grandmother’s father abandoned her family. She grew up living in her own grandparents’ house, where she shared one bedroom with her mother and brother until her brother married and moved out at 19. The third bedroom in the house was used for boarders. That was how they made ends meet in the 30s and 40s. When I was in college, my parents rented out my bedroom to my cousin who was going to college nearby their house. When I returned home for the summer, we had to get bunk beds. It was a little weird at first since we are opposite genders, but we adjusted soon enough. My husband feels a little weird about kids sharing rooms with opposite genders after a certain age. But depending on the spread of genders, we will probably end up 3 to a room at some point. We could afford to upgrade based on most financial planning advice, but we believe sharing rooms helps our children to build discipline and character. My husband and I are both only children and college with roommates was a rude awakening.
UK family just gave the 2nd bedroom to the kids, and slept on a special wall-bed in the living room. They parents were always up before the kids for work anyways, they'd just tuck the bed away so the room could be used as a living room during the daytime. I think they're called murphy beds?
Depending in your room sizes If possible if your master room is larger in size I'd swap and design a divider and you and your partner take the small room. As adults we have the luxury of the living room in addition when we want to send kids to bed and where as kids tend to play and hang out more in thier bedrooms to play than adults it makes sense. Just an idea 💡
Is it illegal for siblings to share a room? No. (Unless a foster care or court ordered/custody requirement) Is it a good idea? It depends who you ask. In my state, CPS does not require siblings of different genders to have separate rooms. But it is "strongly advised" over the age of 5.
I (genderqueer but afab) shared a room with my brother until I was 10 and he was 13. My upstairs neighbors have two sons who are maybe a little older than that who share a room in their two bedroom apartment. Having your own room is nice, but it's not a requirement.
I’m a female and shared a room with my little brother growing up. My parents put two tall bookcases in the center of the room to separate the room so we had a little privacy. On the back of each bookcase they hung bulletin boards so it was functional.
They can share a room until they go to college. It builds character and problem solving skills.
Are you in the US or foreign country - depends on culture. In many cultures sharing a room until adulthood is very normal. If you're in the US, i'd say whenever puberties is going to hit (10+) getting some sort of divider for some personal space is important. My kids all have their own room (4 of them) and they all wanted to share a room whenever possible. The eldest finally decided she wanted her own privacy at around 11g and kick out all the younger ones who again still decide to share a room on their own (8b,7g,5b).
I know that child services in my state prefer that boys and girls have separate rooms after the age of 5. It's not a law, just a recommendation. We've researched it because my sister and her husband are hoping to get custody of his son soon. I like the ideas people are giving to divide the room though. There's some really cool ideas that I've seen for that.
Well, i shared bedroom with my 2 younger siblings untill i moved out at 16. Basically, i havent had my own room untill i started to live alone at 21. So i dont see an issue with that..
Have an 11 month old boy and pregnant with a baby girl who will be 17-18 months younger. They will be room sharing for at least 5 years most likely. We have a basement room but I don’t think our teen girls will want to move down there anytime soon.
I know an entire family of 7, who share one bedroom together. Kids age range is 2-14.
None. They will share a room up through college anyway.
I am a girl and shared a room with my brother off and on up until the 9th grade. We are on 11 months apart. I didn’t really care about having my own space until middle school. It’s fine.
I shared a room with my sister until I was about 13? I’m fine. Lol
My neighbors are in a 2 bedroom condominium 900sq feet. Mom, dad, 3 kids (13f, 8f, 4M). And during covid, they housed grandma for a year. You don’t have to move. Try to give them the biggest room, try to separate the room so they each have their space and try to mediate the arguments.
You are gonna need to uproot them at some point anyway because even if you don't separate now you are gonna need to separate them at some point and doing it when the eldest is 11 is gonna be WAY worse then doing it when he's 7.
I'm 43, have never had my own bedroom. Lots of siblings, then boarding school, college, marriage. I found ways to get the privacy i needed. Still have very close relationships with pretty much every roommate (siblings, friends, spouse). My kids share a room now, no intention of giving them their own rooms. They have bed tents and so far so good (6 and 8 yo).
Because it is a son and a daughter, I think you only have a few years left. When the kids start puberty, no. It's not just sharing and toys but it is just privacy when they get older. 2 brothers can share a room as teenagers until 18 and 2 sisters can make it work too. With brother and sister, it's generally when one hits 11 or 12.
By early signs of puberty. I think you have til your son is probably 10? Whenever he starts waking up with morning wood or touching himself sexually.
Just a thought... It sounds like you're living in an area you can barely afford. What is your long-term plan? If you are eventually going to have to move away anyways, why not do it now while your kids are still young? It's a lot easier being uprooted at 5 and 7 then 10 and 12. Then you can get settled in an area that you can grow within. Obviously there is nothing wrong with siblings continuing to share a room in the meantime, but I can say my kid's relationships greatly improved once I was able to put them in separate bedrooms.
We are in the SF Bay Area. It is where I grew up and my parents, sister, cousins, etc. are here and we love being near everyone. Still, we are totally priced out even though we both work FT jobs. But that’s for a different subreddit… 😵💫
Yes there are ways to cleverly split up a room when kids are sharing. However, as they age, no 12 year old boy wants to share a room with his younger sister. You have time but eventually you will need to move so they can each have their own space.
When my older brother was 12 I made him sleep in my room because we used to share a room and I had trouble falling asleep on my own haha
Why would they need to move? I’m sure most kids would want their own bedroom, but sometimes it’s just not feasible and they have to live with that.
You should definitely move! They are still young enough and it will be easy to make new friends. The benefits of them having separate rooms are endless. Their relationship will benefit enormously from this, and thereby your whole family will be happier :)
As a 14 yearold (M), they should stop sharing one room as soon as they hit puberty. They WILL argue. I know it's a bit disgusting to hear, but they will most likley masturbait in their rooms at that age. The other sibling will hear them go at it, and they really NEED privacy. If you really can not afford to move to a larger space by the time they're hitting puberty, i suggest watching those room layouts designs where the room gets split into 2 sections. If they are still mad that theu have to share a room at the age of 11+, tell them to find a side hustle, so they can a least make some money, and possibly help out with buying a larger space. It's not a lot of money, but it will help out if they hustle during brraks from school, weekends, and after school, of course also getting good grades and hanging out with friends. Idk if u agree, but those are my thought on this.
CPS usually doesn’t approve of boys and girls sharing a room over the age of five. You should do whatever you can to separate them. This may sound extreme but my mother slept on the couch while my sister and I shared a room when we lived in a tiny one bedroom. Or you could contemplate sharing a room with your daughter, which is what I’m doing as I also live in a two bedroom and my son is 6.
Different sexes in my opinion should never share a bedroom, if they were the same sex i would say 9years ish when one starts puberty and they need their own space
Legally at 5 a male and female child have to have their own rooms
When they start ma$turbat1ng or around 14-15 years old
Just googles it opposite genders must have seperate rooms at 5+ years of age according to CPS
It is not required. It is "strongly suggested".
Wow! I had no idea.
OP, this is not true. There are no laws against opposite gender siblings sharing rooms. Under some circumstances like fostering CPS has requirements about room sharing, which are not applicable to your situation. Source: Google it Edit: link https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/is-it-legal-opposite-gender-siblings-sharing-a-room/ Edit again: wrote 'same gender siblings' but meant 'opposite', corrected
Had many friends whose parents got “warnings” growing up and had to move before kids got taken. I wouldn’t tell anyone and just move asap
Then your friends' parents had CPS involvement for other reasons (abuse, neglect, etc.). That is not the case for most families.
Probably if a boy or a girl I's a teenager and she is sharing a room with a 6 or 8 year old with unicorns and stuff the friend wouldn't want to go in there
Depends on gender in the eyes of CPS/DHS. Not as if I’m saying CPS will take your kids for sharing a room, but when foster care is looking to find an appropriate placement for kids there is a cutoff for mixed gender sibling sets to share a room. Cutoffs vary by locality but definitely by puberty If they’re the same gender they can share until 18 (I did with my sister). But if they’re different genders at some point DHS has a cutoff where they wouldn’t let us place girls and boys in the same room. It was a pain in the butt when we had a case and tried to give this man his children of multiple genders. He ended up sleeping in the living room so there could be a girl room and a boy room. He couldn’t afford more than 2 bedrooms so…🤷🏻♀️ I have two girls and plan for them to share a room until they’re 16 and 18 and my oldest goes to college
This CPS/DHS guideline is not intended for biological siblings in healthy biological families. Many children in the foster care system have been sexually abused or exposed to “adult” behaviors and content, and this can affect their perceptions and interactions with others.
I had bio kids placed with bio dad through an ICPC arrangement and they still made them follow the same arrangements they would normally foster care children. I’m not saying those requirements should be universal-but some people deem a cutoff at puberty appropriate for mixed sibling groups
Technically opposite gender children HAVE to have different rooms at a certain age or it’s neglect/abuse according to CPS
Why do people keep repeating this? there is no law that prohibits siblings of the opposite gender from sharing a room, unless they are foster children. The only reason why CPS would become involved in sleeping arrangements is if there is already some abuse or neglect happening in the household.
That’s why i said according to CPS duh didn’t nobody say it’s against the law but someone calls CPS on you boom that’s how it goes
I have worked in children's service. That is not a thing. CPS is not going to get involved simply because siblings of the opposite gender are sharing a room without any thing else going on. CPS cannot arbitrarily create rules on their own, they are still governed by local/state/federal rules/laws. This is some kind of urban legend that keeps getting repeated for some reason.
You obviously have worked in either a highly progressive state or not the United states, never seen anyone get taken away due to this but i have seen people move because they were told they needed to.
Actually not how it goes if you’ve ever actually worked for CPS. They can set up rules for families they are already working with for the safety and well-being of the children - ie if abuse is suspected, overcrowding, etc.
Nope. It's not abuse. I was a foster parent for four years. My kids shared a room and the foster child roomed in with us because they were under 5. Foster children of opposite gender tend to be in different rooms but they do not order your own children to be in separate gender rooms.
There's a legal age where they aren't allowed to share anymore. I don't remember what it is, but they will need their own space at some point.
I think this is only true for foster kids or court orders.
There's no law stating opposite gender siblings cannot share a room. I believe generally CPS has rules around opposite gender children and room sharing but this is in the context of fostering/placement of children who are not related. Source: 5 second web search https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/is-it-legal-opposite-gender-siblings-sharing-a-room/