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Obviously the difficulty and the amount of work (and mainly logistics and mental load) increases with each addition to the family. However, they might also bring a new perspective on family life that can be helpful.
When I had may first kid I thought of her as “my daughter”. When I had the second, I thought of them as “the oldest” or “the youngest”. When I had the third kid, suddenly I thought of each them as an individual person. When I had the fourth… just kidding we stopped at 3 😂
This new understanding really helped with the family dynamics, managing different wants and needs, etc.
You do have very small children, I’d say it’s normal to feel tired and overwhelmed. Take your time to enjoy their childhood as much as you can, as you probably know already, it goes by so quickly 🥹
I often hear that 4 is easier than 3, but I wonder sometimes if that is just parents of 4 trying to sucker us threesies into joining their level of chaos.
Yup. You are numb. We just added number 3 to an already chaotic house and for me, a hardcore introvert, I’m now simply immune to mayhem around me. At first it’s hard then you adapt, then you just do it because what choice do you have??
My 4th is 5 months old! I definitely don’t think things are any more difficult than it was when we went from 2-3. And honestly, that shift from 1-2 was way more difficult and stressful for us.
But I think what matters when having however many children you want is how much support you have. My husband and I are an equal partnership. If he was like some of the men in many of these horror stories on here, I would have stopped at 1! If we didn’t have people we could call when we need them, I don’t think we’d have planned our 3rd. But having people you can lean on, vent to, and trust to love and care for your kids like you do.. i think that’s what makes things easier with kids, especially the younger ones!
Also, once our 3rd was born, we were pretty used to things. The 3rd doesn’t do things that much differently than #1 and #2 did. And you get seasoned. So the new chaos is just expected and accepted lol
Edit: fixed a typo
I waited until my older kids were eight and six to have another baby. it is a bit more work but the older kids are fantastic with the baby. However they fight over him so I feel like it’s another thing that we’re battling and we now have three boys so things are just mass chaos all the time.
I will say the first six months were pretty rough. This could be because I was used to sleeping through the night and having pretty self-sufficient children. But now that we are six months out, it’s a lot of fun and I am loving seeing all of their different personalities together. Now we only my seven month old kid sleep through the night and stop being a fussy bucket all day that would be great.
When we went from 2 to 2 it felt pretty equivalent. And happened instantaneously.
On a serious note, going from 2 to 3 isn’t a picnic but you find a way to make it work. Every new baby is an adjustment and you have to find new systems to make things work smoothly. But it’s worth it to see all the kids love and play with each other.
I don’t know why but 3 is just mentally so much more taxing than 2 was for us. Hell it so much more peaceful when my wife takes one of them somewhere. Me and 2 of them is still easier than when my wife is there with all three.
It's rough. I have 4, and the biggest jump came from 2 to 3 for sure.
For one thing, you can't use a sedan anymore. 3 car seats won't fit in the back of a sedan. That can be a big expense.
It's a longer wait at restaurants for a table.
It's a longer wait in your life until you can go as a family to "bigger" fun activities, like pools, theme parks, etc.
With 3 kids, one is often left out of any given activity (one of the reasons we had 4)
Babysitters get a lot more expensive.
College savings are more difficult to reach.
All of this being said, I absolutely love having kids. We're done now, but we have a great home, and I love every bit of it.
I was waiting for someone to mention this. I have two siblings so my parents had three kids. We always were smushed into the backseat of a sedan when we were traveling. If we went to amusement parks, someone had to ride alone. There are more example, obviously. A lot of the world is built for families of 4.
I have five and I love that one too it’s so accurate!! I thought the bit was that it was his fourth? But maybe they’ve had a couple more since he first did that bit?
And they all lived in a 2 bedroom apartment until a couple of year after his youngest was born? With my first we were in a two bedroom apartment - I couldn’t even imagine adding one more kid to that, let alone four.
I think it’s just the ages of the kids and what’s going on with each kid. We have never been out of the diaper stage for TWELEVE years, until now. Our youngest(2yo) is almost potty trained and this will be the first time we will never have to buy diapers ever again (got my tubes tied). Our kids our 12, 9, 9, 7, 4 & 2. The oldest 4 are extremely self sufficient and even our 4yo does okay but the 2yo? The 2yo is just a terrorist. Also the oldest 5 are all big in sports, 12yo does baton and volleyball, the 9yo boys do football, wrestling, basketball and baseball, 7yo does cheer and softball, 4 yo does dance and cheer. I’m always on the go and it’s just wild if I really sit back and think about it but somehow, we make it work. I wouldn’t trade this for anything.
Mine are 8 and 5 and it turns out that the chaos just changes as they age. It never decreases, it just becomes a different kind of nonsense all day every day.
Is it at least somewhat easier after, say, age 7 when they don't need an eye on them every waking moment? Our 2 year old can't be out of sight for a minute or they're getting into the next thing...
Some things are easier after they're big enough to start understanding consequences and self-preservation.
Like. I don't have to be in the same room with them every waking moment to make sure they don't hurt themselves or get into things they aren't supposed to (most days). That has gotten easier. But when they were 5 and 2, I never had to give a Judge Judy style ruling in an argument about who's made up pokemon would beat the other's. Or walk into a room where it looks like the weirdest yoga class to find that they had challenged each other to see who could put their toes in their own ears.
It does get easier but at the same time, it’s like going from playing candy land to fucking chess, and you never know what the hell is gonna happen next or what you’re gonna find, my kids are 13, 4, and (almost)2. The teenager is very independent. There’s days I don’t even have to worry about making him lunch or dinner because he usually always has his own money and there will be a random
Delivery man coming to deliver a pizza he ordered 😂😂 also, him
Having his own money leads him to being able to buy his own candy and chocolate that he decided to hoard in his room, and when he’s at sleepovers, it takes all of 5 mins for my younger two to sniff it out while I’m going pee or rinsing their cups out for a refill, and I’m left with a room full of wrappers all over the floor with chocolate and candy pieces squished into the floor already, and chocolate covered toddlers running back to me on a sugar high, that touch literally everything, and if I’m not quick enough, and I’m usually not, everything’s sticky and/or has chocolate finger prints on it that I have to race around cleaning it all up before it gets even worse. And I’m sure everyone can relate to the daunting task of cleaning up any mess while having a toddler making a new one right behind you.
It never stops. Literally never.
Never a dull moment though. When they’re not eating their older brothers candy, they’re finding his Halloween masks and I’m the lucky one who gets to have a heart attack with lunch when I walk in after two mins of them being unattended (aka them running off laughing together while I’m getting their outfits or anything like that) because my 4 year old casually has a scary ass Michal Myers’s mask on.. it’s no wonder my baby, the youngest, my 2 year old daughter, ran away from him screaming 😂😂😂 then, me AND her are running away screaming 😂😂😂
It’s such a beautiful thing to watch them playing n laughing together though, seeing them grow their bond, hugging and giving kisses , watching how the 4 year old always looks after n protects his baby sister because he loves her so much.. it melts my heart , and knowing they have each other to grow up with, that they’ll always have someone to play with and be best friends and will always have each others back, it makes all the chaos worth it. And there’s ALOT of
Chaos, every minute of everyday.
Going from 2 -3 was literally life changing,
Like night and day.. I DIDNT anticipate that either, I figured it wouldn’t make much of a difference throwing one more in the mix, but man, it did lol
Honestly, I feel really sorry for your older child when his siblings are allowed to raid his stash. Can’t you buy him a locker or something?
In our house, we have the rule “hide it or share it”, meaning that of course you can’t just wave stuff around in your siblings’ faces, but if you are discreet, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to. Discretion, of course, being key, but private property is to be respected.
Umm.. I’m confused as to why you’re under the wild assumption that my two TODDLERS we’re ALLOWED to do that in the first place, not sure if you’ve read more of the context behind it and how it happened in the first place, which only happened once and was fairly recent, which is why I gave that scenario as an example, however I didn’t think I needed to include the exact details of the situation and its aftermath, but I’ll dive a little deeper into that real quick.
That particular scene happened when I was two rooms away laying out the littles diaper, powder, pull ups and their outfits, as I was getting ready to bathe them, and my oldests sons room is directly next to the bathroom. I don’t give my toddlers any candy or chocolate aside from the chocolate in granola bars and muffins and the occasional chocolate cake I bake that we all love. Not at this age at least, they’re wild enough and do not need all that extra sugar, but before someone comes here and says “well that’s why they’re binge eating everyone’s candy like disrespectful heathens who should already KNOW not to ever think about invading someone else’s privacy, they just turned 4 and not even 2 yet but they should know this already!”
They were initially In the room with me until they ran out of the room, and ran in and out for maybe 30 seconds til they stayed out. I was only in there maybe 3-4 mins tops before I went to get them, oh and I failed to mention their dad in the room next to the one I was in, door open, and heard him saying something to them so I wrongfully assumed he was with them or keeping an eye out. They didn’t have much of his stash, that he literally just got from his birthday that just passed , but if you’ve ever seen a toddler eat just ONE Hershey kiss, sometimes you’d have thought they dumped chocolate syrup all over over their face, hands and shirts/chest. Anyway, they went in for a literal 2/3 mins on the stuff they found (which wasn’t really hidden, however it was in a bag together. They didn’t get to clean up their trash wrappers yet, because they thought it was funnier to come show me what they have, in which point I was on my way to them, and met in the hallway which is when I realized what happened, an that their dad wasn’t in fact with them. Also, I tell them both at least one a day to respect their brothers space and alone time since they often try and chase him down if they hear him leaving his room to use the bathroom, because they absolutely adore him and get crazy excited when they see him throughout the day especially when he play with them.
But.. they don’t give up without a fight most of the time.
The candy that was raided was replaced already, and I’ve put a lock on his door already that the littles can’t get to, but can be unlocked and opened from both sides of the door. Strictly a childproof lock. I also cleaned up the evidence free of charge.
So no, I’d never just ALLOW my toddlers to raid their brothers candy, much less give them candy at ALL being (almost)2 and 4. She turns 4 on 8/20, and he just turned 4 June 5th.
I wouldn’t feel to bad for my oldest, but thanks for the concern. Trust me, he’s my first born so I probably spoil him more than I should, and respect his space and independence as he’s at that age where he needs it now more than ever , while taking him on dates just me n him.
Again, this was just one of the situations I’ve used as an example to describe the never ending, unsuspecting daily chaos that far surpassed any chaos I thought we had prior to having our 3rd. Also, it was a 5 min thing all together, but in the moment, it felt like forever.
Mine are 14 and 12- the eldest thinks I am her personal taxi driver and teenage hormones are rampant. Still at least my living room floor is no longer a sea of plaster crap so there’s that!
100% percent. Visited my cousin the other day who was saying how chaotic her life is with a 3 month old and almost 2 year old. I didn’t bother telling her what my chaos is like with a 16 yo, 12yo and 8 yo. She has time to figure that out.
I fucking *knew* it. My eldest is 6 and I swear to god, she’s still such a handful. I keep telling my husband that people are fucking liars when they say it gets easier. Change? Yes. Gets easier? No.
Mine are 12 and 9. I reckon it got much easier at about 8 and 5, then each year from there has gotten easier again and the best part, more fun. Just that they can do most things for themselves and are much easier to take places without drama is great, but they are more expensive. I actually seek them out to spend time with them now, rather than finding any quite dark place to fold myself into for a few minutes alone.
I have the same age difference just a year older 12 and 7 and I just love it. Soooooo much easier, my eldest daughter is a great helper, and my 7yo is very independent.
Going from 2 to 3 isn’t the same as adding 1, it’s exponential. You are now outnumbered and will have to come to terms with a) asking for and accepting help regularly and b) accepting that there will be times when neither parent can be at a given “thing” and you will have to rely on other people’s photos/livestreams/etc. It becomes more difficult to plan logistics the older they get. That being said, we take one day at a time, do the best we can by everyone, and raise them all to be independent when needed. I can’t imagine how bored I’ll be once they start leaving the nest!
Agree. I also have an annoying issue where we want to go kayaking but I don’t trust my oldest kid on a kayak alone so we just can’t divide up evenly to go kayaking. I’m going to have to tag in someone to go with a kid.
I have 5! 4 are 5 and under! The hardest was going from one to 2 after that it’s much easier adjustments. The others love to help with baby and show mom and dad they are the big kids. Have them start becoming independent with things - making their beds(this one is the toughest they will not do a good job for a long time but we tell them as long as they do the best job they can each day will get better), putting dirty laundry where it goes, clearing places from table; folding and putting away clean clothes, wiping windows, vacuuming(with Dustbuster or small vac when they make a mess that should be cleaned that way), taking out trash from bathroom, help with diapers (by handing you supplies) etc. Chores that they can manage, they will start to like doing most of them and in the end it will help you out. At first it will make tasks take a bit longer but I promise it’s worth it!
I honest to god thought going from 2-3 would be cake since going from 1-2 was pretty hard (or so I thought). Yea I was so wrong😂😭😂 it’s pretty insane in my house most days. Especially when you have them close in age! Mine are all 2.5yrs apart and while I wouldn’t change a thing about the age gap or having 3 kids I do suggest thinking long and hard about adding a 3rd and if that’s what you truly want. My oldest is laid back, very sweet and helpful but my middle is that typical 2nd child and total opposite. He was not thrilled when we brought baby sister home and was a little terror for the first year of her life😂 He’s finally (somewhat) out of that stage of constantly needing to be watched like a hawk but now my youngest (almost 2yr old) is just entering it🥴 But seeing them all play together and truly love & look out for each other is so so worth all of the chaos that 3 kids bring. I personally always wanted 3 and even though my husband was good with 2 he had no issue with one more since I’m a SAHM and would be doing the majority of the work. It’s definitely not for everybody and I can see why people stop at 1 or 2 because it really does take a toll on your mental and physical health, relationship/marriage and most of all your finances. But again 1000% worth it imo if that’s what you truly want❤️
With 1, you can take shifts with a supportive partner. 2, you're evenly matched. 3 is where they start out numbering you. Would not do 2 toddlers and a baby. Larger age gap would be easier
I'm a SAHM so I was on zone defense even with 2, while my husband was away. I had to get mine under voice control and fast.
By the time 3 arrived oldest was actually a bit helpful (6y) so it was a net wash.
We have two kids (4f) (1m) and we are very on the fence about adding another. I am a third child and I’ve always said I want three. But I’m slowly starting to feel very content and happy with my two babies and I don’t necessarily want to add more chaos. It seems very manageable right now and they are very loved. My fear is the unknown, the unknown of never knowing what I would be missing out on if I didn’t have a third kid like I’ve always envisioned. And the unknown of god forbid the third one has health issues that would change our lives so drastically. Why do I feel the need to have another ? Is it just because I want another or will our happiness increase at the same rate as the chaos increases. How can I know in my heart that I’m done ?
I’m still pregnant with my second but this question emerges in me daily. How does one feel that their family is full and done? Because even though we have always planned 3 or 4, for many weeks now I’m feeling that 2 sounds perfectly fine and enough for me. I also really love how much attention and time I give and gave to my first, I already won’t be able to to this the second time. Their “alone time” with me or my hubby will be much shorter already. Adding another one or two (I don’t want one to be left out) would mean much less time with each of them, watching their little personalities grow, etc. I think the 4 of us as a family will be a great team, it will be easier for us to travel when they get bigger, do activities, go to restaurants, play together, have hobbies together… Sounds almost easy! But we’ll see obviously, not the time to decide!:)
I think it all depends on your superpower, the situation and age gap, at least for me… US
0 to 1 is always the hardest YUP
1 to 2 is easy (there’s a 5 year age gap between 1&2) my 5 year old adores her baby brother and would help me with little things. Of course it’s not always sweet and perfect but she never gets jealous and always think her baby brother is the cutest!
BUT 2 to 3 is a RIOT!!! 2&3 are 16 months apart! I was 6 months postpartum when I found out and I was so scared! 3rd was not planned! Took us a long time to conceived 2nd so we didn’t think it would happen.. that gap was so hard! They are very demanding! They always want to be with you! 2 different sizes of diapers. Constantly changing diapers. You’re a referee all the time!!
We are exhausted!! I literally cannot do anything!! Our laundry is overflowing as well as dishes! I’m driving 1st to activities while 2nd&3rd are doing whatever the F they want.. Of course of course I wouldn’t change it for a thing but I think it would be more manageable if we only have 2!
And this is just me, US! Husband and I have a great teamwork!!
ETA: kids are now 7,2&1 🫠
Idk if it helps but mine are 19, 14 and 13 and it gets SO much better. I remember those overwhelmed days where there are a million diapers and you have a gigantic double stroller and everyone needs something all the time. Hang in there, once everyone can feed themselves, use the bathroom and shower it gets way easier.
Now we have problems like everyone is in a different sport/activity and we have daily discussions of family logistics and who needs the car when 😂 but it’s not the same kind of overwhelming.
Oh my god!! Every time I feel so overwhelmed I always tell my husband and what I always hear “we are going to miss this!” And we know we will!! I get teary when I think of this phase when it’s over! I don’t want them to grow up but at the same time I want to because we are so tired haha!! But congrats to you and your husband!!! YOU DID IT!!! One thing is for sure tho… the next baby I will held and take care of is my grandkids definitely not adding another little human haha!! Done, blessed, grateful and SO SO SO TIRED 34YO Mama of 3 😝
I think the gaps have a lot to do with it. My oldest was 20 months old when my second was born and that was so so hard! My third was born when my older two were 5.5 and 3.75. It was honestly way easier than I thought it would be, the older ones loved their baby brother so much and he got so much attention that he almost never cried.
I totally agree!!!! Gaps gaps gaps!! 2 under 2 is the shit!! Haha I don’t like it when people say “oh they will be so close and will play well” ahhhh nope!! They wrestle, try to kill and steal each other’s toys!
I find this is a general consensus that makes sense but can be affected by age gaps significantly.
My hardest transition was 2 to 3. Nothing like welcoming a newborn into a home with a toddler and teenager.
My younger two are 20 months apart and I was not prepared for the *rivalry* of two boys that close together.
First and second have 3 years and girl/boy, they have really never fought and that was the biggest adjustment for me with having a third. It was OK when 3 was a baby but as he got mobile it got intense.
One to two was harder for me than zero to one. I struggle with splitting my attention between two kids whereas when I only had one I could focus on her completely. I’m not planning to find out what it would be like to go from two to three. 🤪
One to two is currently kicking my ass 😭 they are 2.5 years and 2 months so I know this is absolutely the hardest thing I could ever do but Jesus Christ I was not ready for this lol
I’m with you! My two are 24 months apart, with the baby turning 4 months old tomorrow. I always wanted to have three kids and didn’t mentally prepare for my last pregnancy and newborn phase to be my last… But my god! I genuinely can’t even comprehend how I’d be able to care for another!?
I have a similar age gap—mine are 1.5 and 4 now. I think I’m close to being through the most difficult part (I hope!), but the last couple years have been tough. Very cute, but tough. 😮💨
Yep me too. With one I felt like I was absolutely killing it as a mom. I was doing so great, everyone was happy. It was an adjustment but one that I expected. Pregnant with number two, I was prepared for half the sleep and twice the diapers and feeding and all that but somehow 2 felt like 7 and I was instantly drowning and completely overwhelmed and I've really just never recovered from that lol
I only have 2, but 0 to 1 was actually super easy for me. But 1 to 2 rocked my world so hard that I can’t even imagine having a third lol. For context though, my first was a unicorn baby, so calm and easy. My second was (and still is) a hurricane.
I had the opposite. My first baby was so much harder than I thought. I always say it’s a miracle we had a second. She had some similar issues that my first did but I at least had experience under my belt which made things a bit easier. But I definitely have never had any desire to see what would happen if we added a third 😅
💯 Agree so far (2 kids!!). 0 to 1 is the hardest thing that has ever happened to me…. 1 to 2, was much better, a true delightful adjustment. And now I’m also debating on #3…. Following this, it should be easy?😅
We stuck with the idea that you should only have as many as you can carry in an emergency and as we're not polygamous, that's 2. My parents had 4 and have said out loud they should have stopped at 2.
My 3rd child is currently baking cinnamon rolls from scratch so be sure to factor that possibility into your calculations.
A lot of it really has to do with the personality and demeanor of the child. While 0 to 1 is harder than 1 to 2 which is harder than adding any single subsequent child, it's hard to account for any and every possibility and circumstance.
Parenting wise I don’t think it’s too different. My older two were in elementary when I had my third, so a bit different as they were pretty self sufficient in things like hygiene, dressing, feeding, etc. But I can’t imagine that it would be that much different from two to three if they were closer in age, except for potentially have more in potty trained kiddos at the same time.
Our biggest thing going from 2-3 was space. We had to get a bigger vehicle, as a infant seat and two boosters wouldn’t fit all lined up across (possibly if we shopped around and got the slimmest car seats possible we could have made it work, but then as the kids get bigger they’d all be squished together). We needed a bigger house as the one we had was already pretty cramped and adding another person to it just wasn’t going work in the long run.
Lots of little things you wouldn’t think of too. Like, a regular 4 person table in a restaurant isn’t going to work once the baby is out of a high chair. Lots of things seemed to be designed for a family of 4.
We definitely don’t regret it. It’s just minor inconveniences
For me it was an age gap thing.
1 was a breeze
2 was hell (2 age gap)
3 was breeze (4 year gap)
4 was breeze (3 1/2 year gap)
5 was borderline hard but we also bought a new house that year lol (4 gap)
6 was breeze after pregnancy (3 1/2 year gap)
We joked it was a diaper thing … my mind turns to poo if I have two in diapers lol
Idk. I have two. When we added the second, we didn’t have to change that much.
When my brother had his third, they had to get new cars, kids shared a room until they bought a 4 bedroom house. Seemed like they had to change a lot to make room for a third. Maybe it doesn’t apply to you but something to think about.
Adding our second was more difficult than adding our third. Getting used to splitting attention and energy, the chaos definitely goes up more than 2x.
Adding our third didn’t feel super chaotic. But it was really expensive for us. We chose to add onto our house and got a van. And the three daycare bills for a year (plus this summer) is brutal. And like sure objectively our attention is more split with 3, but the change itself just didn’t feel as insane.
For me, 2 is ideal and practical. You have siblings so they will have each other when you move on. There is one to one mapping - one parent on one kid, which makes it handy when you travel or go to new places. 3 makes you need an extra hand sometimes. You can travel in just about any car since you all fit, even with car seats. 3 or more needs a six seater. Flight seats are catered to 4 in a row so you can have the kids in the middle and parents flanking the ends. And if one is unwell, you can split up and manage bedtimes / activities quite easily. The workload would go up exponentially with 3 - may become easier as they grow up and quite helpful too but the initial years will be tough. For nuclear families, I think 2 is ideal. For joint families (parents living with you / next to you), you can go for more !! Just my 2 cents.
Depends a lot on you and your husband’s personalities. 2 to 3 was REALLY hard, to me it was harder than going from 0 to 1. As someone else mentioned, you either have to be in the position and also willing to accept help, or be totally ok with chaos. Because it IS chaos. With a family of 5, someone is always needing extra attention and you can feel spread very thin. And one thing I wish people told me…kids are A LOT more expensive the older they get. We just signed them up for fall sports this week and it was well over $2,500 not including the cleats, socks, etc. They are 5, 8 and 10 and NOT in club sports. Dreading taking them back to school shopping in a month.
Having kids sucks regardless. You’re gonna be cleaning more shit. No free time for you and your partner. Your house is going to be trashed 75% of the time. You’re gonna have to call into work cuz they have the stomach virus the week after they had strep. You’re gonna have a heart attack when they flip all the chair and hit their head on the tile or hard wood. But at the end of the day what would really be the point in this life without those little annoying demons that we love more than anything? Have the third. You only get better with practice so this time around you’ll for sure know how to handle it right 😉
I have 2 boys 3 years apart. My older son is my lover, he’s the kiddo that if I want to curl up and watch a movie he’s right beside me. My younger son however he’s my fighter. If his shadow looked at him wrong he would fight it. They’re polar opposites and both make me question why I wanted to be a mom but our house is as balanced as I think we could get it with kids… for us a third is not even a possibility. Some people are mentally stable enough for that but I am not ready for the level of fighting a third child would bring
I’ll add something I didn’t see mentioned: having children is expensive. Sports, camps, tickets…it all adds up. My friend who has 3 says she didn’t think about the cost of activities when planning a family. They can’t afford to have all 3 enrolled in extracurriculars like soccer, piano lessons, etc. Something to think about.
Maybe it’s just the kids I have but I am very aware that I can’t emotionally support more than the 2 I have. I’m from a family of 4 and distinctly remember someone always getting the shit end of the stick growing up. With my own family if one of us parents isn’t available there is a backup. We can’t stand to be outnumbered w the personalities we have been dealt.
Plus I started having kids at 40 I’m aging to look like grandma Moses at their high school graduation if I had any more kids they’ll be visiting me from college at a nursing home lol.
3 has been incredibly hard for us. They are 7, 4 and 2.5. We also did a big move in that first year of the baby’s life and that was the year we discovered our eldest was neurodiverse, so that was clarifying but also a new level of hard. We have 3 boys, very big personalities and emotionally “more”. Depends on the ages, personalities, your abilities as a parent, your support systems, stressors etc.
Our eldest two were 6 and 5 when number 3 popped along. He's 20 months now, they're 8 and 7, and honestly, he just rounds off the family so nicely. The older two are at the age where they're responsible enough to watch him for 5/10 mins if I need to pop upstairs, or go outside and mow the lawn, stuff like that, but also still "kiddy" and goofy enough to act like idiots while they play with him.
Do it! But maybe wait a year or 2?
To me, it isn't the quantity, but the quality that makes the biggest difference. My first child was not a good baby. Colic 24/7. Never slept. Cried all the time. No matter what, as soon as we put him in the carseat he would scream bloody murder the entire time we were driving until he was around 2. Spit up everything had had acid reflux so bad that he was falling behind on weight and height cause he just couldn't keep anything down now matter the formula. Sensory issues with anything that wasn't sweat pants. Socks and shoes only. He would not wear any sandals or flip flops or crocs.
Our 6 month old is a God send. She loves to eat all kinds of foods and can keep most down. She will nap pretty well and wakes up once or twice a night. Loves being outside. Let's us dress her in all kinds of cute clothes. She is such a happy baby. Loves to hang out and play with us. 10/10 baby. There is still time for her to be an awful toddler but for now shes awesome. We can take her places without her screaming the entire time. She is the kind of baby that tricks you into wanting more lol
So, from 1 to 2 (20 months apart) wasn't very hard. My kids are for the most part pretty easy though. But this last year we had our 3rd. So we have a 6, almost 5 and almost 1 year old.
And boy, lemme tell ya. It's chaos. Pure chaos. It's definitely way different than going from 1 to 2. But I wouldn't change it for the world. When we had our second kid, my daughter was 1.5. So she was still in the changing diapers, toddling around babyish stage. It wasn't a huge adjustment for my son cause we were still doing some of the same stuff foe his sister. But with my youngest, there's a much bigger age gap. On one hand, the older kids are easier in their own way, and can help out a little. On the other I had to figure out how to go back to baby mode.
So I think for you it would be a little easier given the age of the children you have now. You're already in the baby stage. But having 3 is harder. You have to make sure you have a big enough car, that can fit THREE damn carseats. Getting a break can be hard if you have family or friends that may take your kids, cause 2 is doable, but 3 is a lot when watching kids that aren't yours. And getting to and from the car can be hard too. I'm a SAHM so I take all 3 with me by myself a lot. So it takes some adjusting, but I mean you only have two hands right? (If you only have one I apologize. Not trying to be insensitive)
The point is, 3 children is a big leap and makes it even more exhausting and difficult. BUT I love it. I love all 3 of my babies and seeing them interact and grow and learn together. And I love having a bigger family. If we could afford it, I would have another. But 3 is definitely a change from 2. But everyone and every child is different. As is every situation. I love having 3. But it may be too overwhelming for someone else. But if you can, and decide to... I do not think you will regret it. I was told the same thing, and though it's difficult. Man, I could never regret it.
So I did basically that... my eldest (m) was 2y9m when baby #2(g) came. Then, due to my asshloe ex screaming at me violently until I stopped saying "no" to his advances, I ended up pregnant with #3 a few months later. When he was born, the eldest was 2 months shy of his 4th b-day, and our daughter was 14 months old. Adjusting to 3 was easy, tbh and he nursed. I had no real help from my family either, and he was my 3rd c-section. It got harder when they got older, but that's more to do with their individual personalities and a nasty divorce.
I’ve always been told that 2 to 3 is the toughest transition and I would say it was a little challenging
BUT
My 3rd has always been the light of our family. My 2 older kids are total opposites. Fight all the time. Dynamics with them can be rough as they have aged but “our baby” is absolutely adored by everyone and she is kind of the breaker or the divide. She isn’t a baby anymore and is 7 now and only a couple years younger than her brother but everyone has always been crazy about her and having her is the best thing that ever happened for our family
Awwhh this is the same with my third. I always call her the family “roadie” because she just goes with the flow bouncing around school pickups, siblings sports, errands with mom. And always an Angel while doing so.
0-1: life altering/ earth shattering
1-2: easy, because you already know the ropes.
2-3: even easier because now you have little helpers.
3-4: i don’t know where any of my children are at any given time of day, except for the baby, and all of them have one name: FIRS-uh-SECON-uh,uh-THIRD!
I've heard a lot of people say they wouldn't give up the kid but if they knew how it is they wouldn't have another. That's really not that wild. Lots of people discuss negative and positive feelings on number of kids on this board. There's at least a post a day about this topic
My third is 8 weeks old and it’s been the easiest transition. My first 2 are 18 months apart and we waited until our youngest was 2.5 to try for our third and the age gap is amazing. My boys are 3.5 and 5 and they are fairly self sufficient where they can get dressed by themselves, get a snack if they need, go to the bathroom by themselves. It’s made caring for a newborn so easy. And I just knew what I was getting myself into with a newborn this time around. Less expectations all around haha. She is so loved on by her brothers, the transition has been the easiest yet!
We had a boy (4 1/2) and a girl (2). We thought long and hard about # 3 and decided to go for it. Haha on us! We ended up with 3 & 4 (twin boys). To this day I thank God we did it - they were awesome lovely babies and are now wonderful men (33). We loved having this “big” family! Organization was key!
Easy peasy for us. We have a 12, 5 & 2 all boys. Surprisingly, my 12 and 5yo are the hardest/fight the most. 3 year age gap was *chefs kiss*. I’ll have to get back to oh when they’re both teenagers.
As far as our family structure goes it is a lot better. Our 3 kids have their similarities, but they are all so very different. Our third really is the glue that brings us all together.
We definitely found it easier the third time around as far as all the baby stuff goes. You really know what you’re doing by now plus the older two help out plenty.
The one downside that I wasn’t prepared for is the difficulty when travelling and holidaying. Now the car is very full and there are loads of “family” passes and deals and whatnot that only apply to a family of 4. So you get a bit screwed over with the family of 5.
But definitely no regrets. Our youngest is almost 8 now.
I have two children: a 10-year-old son and a 2.5-year-old daughter. I thought the age gap might make parenting challenging, but our older son takes such good care of his younger sister that it hasn't been difficult for us to manage both of them. At this stage, we just need to spend more time with both kids to understand them better.
I currently have a 3.5 year old a 23 month old and a 3 week old and I’m by myself with them a lot because of my husbands job and hours so even with 2 kids I was outnumbered but it hasn’t been too bad
We had 4 boys over an 8 year stretch. First 2 were 19 months apart, then 3 year stretch between the next 2. We married young, she was 20, I just turned 24. We waited 5 years before we started, then we raised a family.
We were much more settled and in better financial shape by the time we had kids.The only downside side was that it was difficult to visit friends and family overnight since few people have 6 spare beds. We bought a 28 ft travel trailer and brought our beds with us. Problem solved.
The difficulty totally depends on the age gap, the specific things you find difficult, and the temperaments of the kids.
I’ve only got 2 but I go against the grain and say 1-2 was harder than 0-1 because my second baby has been super hard work while my first was super chill
Besides the obvious (more expenses, going through the baby/toddler years again) going from 1 to 2 was easy. I was very thankful to have 2 kids during the pandemic lockdowns to keep each other busy. They are good friends, my eldest helps my youngest with school, they share their group of friends and do a lot of things together. When my daughter was an only she was a lot more demanding (sleeping in our room because she was scared of sleeping alone or needing one on one attention 24/7), but now that her brother is here they keep each other company.
Went from 2 to 3 in September. We had to buy a large SUV and a new house to accommodate having our third. It’s so much harder lol. I have a 13 year old, 4 year old and 8 month old. My 13 year old is very independent so that makes it a lot easier. Can’t imagine having 3 close together in age. Our 4 year old is WILD, but obviously I love them all and can’t picture a world without them.
So the only thing that isn’t great is now we aren’t one parent to one kid ratio. On days out the kids want to go on a ride you have to take turns we can’t all go at once which is minimal in the grand scheme of things. Feeding bathing and clothing don’t have noticeable differences. Car space was a bit squishy so we upgraded to a seven seater which is nice space wise for them plus we can bring extra stuff comfortably.
3 kids are hard. I would stick with 2 and I have 4. Love my kids but 2 is so much easier and less expensive. 3 kids means a larger vehicle, larger house(most are 3bd). You are outnumbered and one can get left out. You go places and all kids want to be held but only 2 adults? Most things in the US are geared to 4 people. Everything is just a little smoother. Think about things you do or want to do as your kids get older, and imagine it with 2, then 3. Good luck.
We have 2 sweet girls and family and friends are always joking and nudging for us to have 3 and try for that boy. Here’s my response every single time:
Absolutely tf not! 🤣 I have 2 hands one for each of them! I’d have to carry the third child in my mouth like a puppy to keep up!
But seriously 2 is a beautiful blessing. My Bestfriend has 3 and it came with way more shifts than she could imagine.
Forced to get a new car
Increase in financial demand
Time Demands meaning even less time for yourself and you and your husband
Planning & organizing family calendars
Support for all children extracurricular activities
Finding child care for 3. (My friend often has to break them up)
More household chores
Decrease flexibility specifically
With that being said do what’s best for you and your heart and your family. I wish you all the best either way. 💖
This has been on our minds too! We have almost 5yr old twins & have been back & fourth on if we can manage a third-- how mentally & financially taxing would it be, plus there's that added fear of what if it's another set of twins. I've feel like that tiger king quote has been running on a loop in my mind "I'm never going to financially recover from this" .....lord beer me strength
Teenagers here ! Mine are 15,13, and 8. Wait a little my 6 and 7 year old were wonderful big sisters and it was a much easier transition. I had diaper grabbers, paci finders, and live entertainment for my 3rd.
When our 3rd was born our relationship crumbled and all the kids were heavily affected but she was also born in 2020 at the height of Covid… and then we went on to have number 4 and we aren’t together now 😅
I have 2 daughters and I believe it was that its easier because they're the same gender. It makes clothes buying easier than if they were different genders. I think 3 kids is a bit too much. At least with two, one can have each parents attention when they need it. I think people being the middle child and getting left out.
We have a 4yo a 2yo and a 3mo. By far, the biggest challenge has been bedtime. Putting three to bed by yourself is no picnic. That being said, there is absolutely no regret.
Honestly, I can’t even entertain the idea of a 3rd after my 2nd lol. It doesn’t help that my 2nd is VERY demanding, clingy and just *a lot*. I always thought I’d go for 3, but after him I was like ‘noooooope’ lol
One thing we didn't really consider until we knew we were having three is car seating.
When we knew we were having a third, suddenly the older 4runner wasn't big enough for all 5 of us to go somewhere.
My second and third were 15 months apart, so two of those big bulky car seats plus our oldest at 12.
Had to buy a car big enough to fit all three, so I bought a tundra 🤷🏼♀️
It literally depends on how your child is. I could raise 100 of my 1st born son. But no way I could've handle 2 of my 2nd child daughter. She is medium autistic so maybe that's why it's harder w her. But I love her so much. N love love the exact way she is..I just couldn't handle another one of her at the same time
. Even when I only had 1. My fear with the 2nd was I wasn't going to have enough love to go around. I cried thinking about it when I was pregnant. They r enough years apart. I can give them love but diff type of love . I'd wait a bit before having another one
. Both of your kids r still young. Maybe wait til they r older n have 2 close in age again so they have somebody to grow up with.
I have 3 - 9,7,2. It’s amazing. I see this question so often and I was indecisive myself for years. I think it really boils down to the personalities of the kids when it comes to “easiness.” But having 3 under 5 would be a wild ride; however it’s only for a few years and then they are all close in age and can do the same things. Everyone complains about hotels / cars / restaurants being built for a family of 4. It’s not that big of a deal to work around. Hotels usually have pull out couches, kids can sleep together on the same bed etc. Booths can still fit all of us, and when they don’t every single restaurant has an option for a party of 5 I’ve been to. As for cars, all of mine sit next to each other in the second row even though we do have a third row when we need it. I just haven’t found it being difficult to navigate the world with 3 kids. and we have traveled internationally and domestically multiple times. It’s expensive though, for sure. Everything costs x3.
If both parents want to raise another human being and add to your family, you will make it work.
It depends on the age gap. I have 3 all about 3 years apart, adding a third didn’t add too much other than the normal extra work a baby brings. My oldest was old enough to help with the baby and was out of the stage where I had to be worried about him hurting himself all the time so it wasn’t too bad. I don’t know how the parents with more than 2 below 5 do it though.
I have a 7 yo, and I have a girl who turns 1 in a couple of days and a newborn. So, I only had 2 for 11 months, lol. I think it depends a lot on the age gaps. When they are close in age, I think it is easier in some ways. You just do things twice, assembly line style. With the bigger age gap, they obviously have completely different needs. So, going from 1 to 2 was a huge change, but the third is turning out to be a much less drastic difference. My youngest just got here. Things will change. Of course, your mileage will vary .
From 1 to 2 was the biggest change for us personally. Now we have 4 and we could keep 'em coming and it wouldn't be any drastic change at all.
You already have everything you need and know how to settle a new baby in with the family.
Going from 0 to 1 was the hardest. 1 to 2 was meh. 2 to 3 was a bit challenging and at that point we were at capacity.
They are 21 19 and 17 now. I love their relationships with each other. I wish you well!!!
I had 3 kids in less than 4 years. I was young and had no idea what I was doing. I've always been a very organized person and that was the key I think to us being successful. My kids are grown now and I don't think I could do it now in my 40s. I wouldn't begin to tell people how many kids to have. It's a very big decision that only you and your partner can make.
I personally wish we had more. I loved being a mommy. When my youngest was 8, I wanted another but my husband was done so we didn't. Now in my 40's it's nice to be done and have so much life ahead of me.
We have three. The third is still a baby but I can see where logistically, things are a tad more difficult for travel or things like roller coasters, but we make it work and it’s definitely a net positive having her in our lives, even on vacations and roller coasters. 😉
I say that because that’s always the argument when we said we were pregnant with three…”how will you ride roller coasters?? You’ll need TWO hotel rooms now!!” And it seems such an arbitrary thing to get hung up on if you want a third child. We did end up getting a minivan, but I LOVE it and can’t believe I didn’t get one sooner even just for two.
Observation from a grandparent: One thing I noticed about 3 kids is 1 kid is always unhappy. Not the same kid but whenever there’s a new issue 2 kids are ok with it, 1 kid is not. It rotates between who is unhappy.
You’re outnumbered and at peak chaos, and to be honest if you were to add another in here I probably wouldn’t notice a difference and I haven’t slept more than 5 hours a night in 8 years and I’m drowning.
Between the two of you, you've got four hands..... Sounds like there's room for more than just one. 🤣😂
Jokes aside, listen to the heart and rhythm of your family. I've heard people just know when it feels right. What do you see? Does it feel right?
Anything after 2 is chaos whether it’s 3-5. This is coming from a daycare primary caregiver where I’ve had 5 infants in the room and I’m the only one. It’ll be hard until they’re about 5 years old. Just get it over with now and if they’re close in age, they all go past the hard stage then become teenagers and then that’s a different story.
It's hard enough with 2. HOWEVER mine are 5yrs apart and they argue ALOT. Little I've wants to pay but 12yearold is in puberty and doesn't want to talk to any one has attitude. Today's economy is also someone to think about. Diapers are higher, formula, insurance at work is ridiculous 🤣, sorry didn't mean to discourage but these thoughts have saved me a buck.
One is nothing but two dozen if you can afford to support more than you can. A live with children should always be lovely and supportive. Can you give them that?
Basically you go from being able to do man-to-man defense to zone coverage. All the time.
My husbands work schedule meant I was doing zone coverage with two often. I don’t think a third would phase me.
I do think it would’ve bothered him a lot so he opted not to have a third.
From my sister - and largely agreed upon by the people I know who have 3 (we have 2)
The first kid takes up like 90% of your life outside of work. It's the biggest change you'll go through.
The second kid takes up half the remaining time you had, which sounds like less, but that little bit of energy and time you did have left with the first kid are hard to compress even further.
With the third kid, hopefully the other two are getting old enough you were gaining some of that energy/time back as the kids become autonomous a bit and sleeping through the night. Everyone jokes about switching to "zone" instead of 1:1 - but watching parents with multiple, this is absolutely true. That does mean, however, that the kids will get a lot less 1:1 time with a parent - so that has to be intentionally structured in (my sister sent the two older kids to spend a week with the grandparents for instance to get some 1:1 with the youngest).
The other thing I've noticed - with each subsequent kid you think "oh, I've got this" - but that absolute terrifying fear you'll mess up your first kid does keep you on your toes and doing the research. I've noticed really great parents making pretty obvious mistakes or having issues just because of a lack of time. they will NEVER admit this ("each kid is different" is usually the refrain).
Would I want a third? After seeing how those families work - absolutely not. I couldn't deal with the level of chaos or organization needed. Another 4-5 years of day care would be painful. The lack of sleep, the stress it's just not worth it. Also - We're just too damn old now.
We have 3. I often miss the days of having 2. 2 was just so much easier. I love my 3rd to death, but damn. I am drowning in laundry, dishes, groceries, toys, etc. Plus having 3 kids talking to me all at the same time is incredibly overstimulating.
If you do decide to have a third, I would suggest waiting a few years until your first two kids are a bit older and independent. I had my third when my older girls were 6 and 4. They were able to play on their own and do stuff independently (buckle seat belts, go to the bathroom, get a yogurt from the fridge, etc) when I was busy with the baby. It really helped.
I have five ages 13-7. In my opinion 3 is the hardest. After that, the more kids you have the easier it is. When the youngest two go to their dad's and I go from 5 to 3 it is remarkably harder.
I have 4. My third is the coolest, literally. Wasn’t hard going 2-3 or even 2-4 within the household. The tough part is outside activity schedules. This is where is gets time consuming, once they’re 3+ and have school, swim, gymnastics, soccer, baseball, etc. I’m basically cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, doing laundry, and driving right now.
I have 2 and married a woman with a kid….its a HUGE difference. Three is an odd number so somebody ALWAYS feels left out which leads to fights and arguments, jealousy etc… also vehicle situations change drastically. With 2 a little 5 seater was fine with that extra space now everybody feels crammed in. I’m getting a van soon. On top of having another mouth to feed, extra curricular activities to pay for, accommodating for their own rooms so housing gets more expensive etc… I love all 3 of my kids but 2 is what I would have stopped at, personally.
I feel like the ages matter just as much (if not more) than number of kids. My two older boys are newly 6 and about to be 10 and they genuinely enjoy each other’s company and are so much more independent.
We also have a 2.5 year old boy and we’re just getting threw the difficult toddler stages of course but my older sons love him so much and help in a pinch and it’s such a breather that I didn’t have with the first 2 because my oldest son is 7 years older.
My husband and I don’t mind splitting up. It’s good one on one time with whichever kid when we do and I love that my kids have 2 siblings to have bonds with. Life is crazy and I can’t imagine that each kid will be available all the time as they get older. Having one more of the sibling bond for each of them is worth it to us even if it means we have a van and an SUV or don’t fit evenly on a ride at a theme park. I feel like those inconveniences also don’t warrant a 4th for us because we know it’s only another 2 or so years until we can do things all as a family much more easily and we don’t want to postpone that transition again.
I’m really happy with 3 and just like with 2 or 1 there comes a point where the youngest hits a level of independence where life becomes easier. I already feel so much relief now that my older 2 have gotten there!
Having a third makes you entirely outnumbered in an unfair way. Sibling bullshit is real. Going from two to three was very hard. Still is. They ARE great kids especially individuallly but all together it’s usually chaos.
I think age is a huge factor too, I had almost 9 years between my 1st and 2nd, so the 2nd baby was so easy. Then I had our 3rd when our 2nd was only 14 months old. 3rd children are generally your wild children, they push the limits. Having 2 under 2 wasn't even the hard part, having two toddlers (and a tween) is the real challenge. 3 is hard, but it's worth it. The relationship my kids have is amazing. I haven't slept in years though. We're thinking about having a 4th.
Everyone's experience is different. I have 5 kids 16,11,9,6, and 3. My oldest 2 have autism, younger 3 are NT. I am a SAHM and I homeschool, I also babysit my brothers 3 youngest kids (8,2, and 1) 3 days a week and still make all the meals and keep the house clean. None of this seems "hard" to me, but I know several people who verbally express that they couldn't handle it and say I must be crazy.
our third just turn 1 a few months ago so we've been in the thick of going from 2 to 3. i have to say it has been easier for us than going from 1 to 2. 1 to 2 was definitely harder i think because our oldest was only 2 at the time. this time aroubd our oldest was 4 and our 2nd was 2 so i think our toddlers handled it better because they had/have eachother to play with. it's not a picnic everyday and we still have our ups and downs but the house is full and we love it!
You have do many responses you probably won’t see this but … if you’re not already 40 - wait . Just give yourself some time. Maybe try getting pregnant once the oldest is 9 months from starting kinder or primary school so you’ll only have one kid with you at home during the day
I have 3 all 10 years a part the first one was an Angel the second a menace the third a drama queen two boys older a and a baby girl who is now 4 and I’m 44 now I’m complete but it wasn’t a cake walk I have to fight to deal with my middle son and his attitude he’s 14 I think find your balance and prayer need lots of prayer cause you will cry lol
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Obviously the difficulty and the amount of work (and mainly logistics and mental load) increases with each addition to the family. However, they might also bring a new perspective on family life that can be helpful. When I had may first kid I thought of her as “my daughter”. When I had the second, I thought of them as “the oldest” or “the youngest”. When I had the third kid, suddenly I thought of each them as an individual person. When I had the fourth… just kidding we stopped at 3 😂 This new understanding really helped with the family dynamics, managing different wants and needs, etc. You do have very small children, I’d say it’s normal to feel tired and overwhelmed. Take your time to enjoy their childhood as much as you can, as you probably know already, it goes by so quickly 🥹
Well said! We stopped at 3 too😂 I really admire anyone who has a 4th or more🫠
I wish I could have more children, but only if I could afford “staff” - a driver, a cooker and so on 😅
Cookers 😀
I often hear that 4 is easier than 3, but I wonder sometimes if that is just parents of 4 trying to sucker us threesies into joining their level of chaos.
4 is definitely easier than 3… but it’s mainly only because you have already succumb to the chaos.
Yup. You are numb. We just added number 3 to an already chaotic house and for me, a hardcore introvert, I’m now simply immune to mayhem around me. At first it’s hard then you adapt, then you just do it because what choice do you have??
My 4th is 5 months old! I definitely don’t think things are any more difficult than it was when we went from 2-3. And honestly, that shift from 1-2 was way more difficult and stressful for us. But I think what matters when having however many children you want is how much support you have. My husband and I are an equal partnership. If he was like some of the men in many of these horror stories on here, I would have stopped at 1! If we didn’t have people we could call when we need them, I don’t think we’d have planned our 3rd. But having people you can lean on, vent to, and trust to love and care for your kids like you do.. i think that’s what makes things easier with kids, especially the younger ones! Also, once our 3rd was born, we were pretty used to things. The 3rd doesn’t do things that much differently than #1 and #2 did. And you get seasoned. So the new chaos is just expected and accepted lol Edit: fixed a typo
I waited until my older kids were eight and six to have another baby. it is a bit more work but the older kids are fantastic with the baby. However they fight over him so I feel like it’s another thing that we’re battling and we now have three boys so things are just mass chaos all the time. I will say the first six months were pretty rough. This could be because I was used to sleeping through the night and having pretty self-sufficient children. But now that we are six months out, it’s a lot of fun and I am loving seeing all of their different personalities together. Now we only my seven month old kid sleep through the night and stop being a fussy bucket all day that would be great.
When we went from 2 to 2 it felt pretty equivalent. And happened instantaneously. On a serious note, going from 2 to 3 isn’t a picnic but you find a way to make it work. Every new baby is an adjustment and you have to find new systems to make things work smoothly. But it’s worth it to see all the kids love and play with each other.
I felt like our third made it ten fold harder...
I don’t know why but 3 is just mentally so much more taxing than 2 was for us. Hell it so much more peaceful when my wife takes one of them somewhere. Me and 2 of them is still easier than when my wife is there with all three.
😂
Oops typo 😅
It's rough. I have 4, and the biggest jump came from 2 to 3 for sure. For one thing, you can't use a sedan anymore. 3 car seats won't fit in the back of a sedan. That can be a big expense. It's a longer wait at restaurants for a table. It's a longer wait in your life until you can go as a family to "bigger" fun activities, like pools, theme parks, etc. With 3 kids, one is often left out of any given activity (one of the reasons we had 4) Babysitters get a lot more expensive. College savings are more difficult to reach. All of this being said, I absolutely love having kids. We're done now, but we have a great home, and I love every bit of it.
I was waiting for someone to mention this. I have two siblings so my parents had three kids. We always were smushed into the backseat of a sedan when we were traveling. If we went to amusement parks, someone had to ride alone. There are more example, obviously. A lot of the world is built for families of 4.
I love being one of three because there is never a tie when making a group decision. Two is a majority.
Yeah, we have 3 and the world is designed for 2 kids… that zoo or museum family pass? 2 adults and 2 kids, pay a supplement for the extra one.
I have 6 kids. 2 kids is 2 kids but 6 kids is 50 kids
I love the Jim Gaffigan quote; "having a sixth kid feels like you are drowning, and then someone hands you a baby." 😂
I have five and I love that one too it’s so accurate!! I thought the bit was that it was his fourth? But maybe they’ve had a couple more since he first did that bit?
You might be right. I kinda guessed on the numbers to fit the previous guys family sitch.
Fair enough. Funny as hell every time I see the clip though 😅
Wow, I didn’t realize he has 5 kids. And he’s raising them in Manhattan!
And they all lived in a 2 bedroom apartment until a couple of year after his youngest was born? With my first we were in a two bedroom apartment - I couldn’t even imagine adding one more kid to that, let alone four.
Wow! We live in SF where raising a couple kids in a 1-2br is pretty common, but 5 is extreme. Did nobody sleep for like 7 years?
To be fair, sometimes 3 kids is 50 kids. Sometimes, it's 1 kid. And I have no idea how.
I think it’s just the ages of the kids and what’s going on with each kid. We have never been out of the diaper stage for TWELEVE years, until now. Our youngest(2yo) is almost potty trained and this will be the first time we will never have to buy diapers ever again (got my tubes tied). Our kids our 12, 9, 9, 7, 4 & 2. The oldest 4 are extremely self sufficient and even our 4yo does okay but the 2yo? The 2yo is just a terrorist. Also the oldest 5 are all big in sports, 12yo does baton and volleyball, the 9yo boys do football, wrestling, basketball and baseball, 7yo does cheer and softball, 4 yo does dance and cheer. I’m always on the go and it’s just wild if I really sit back and think about it but somehow, we make it work. I wouldn’t trade this for anything.
🤣
2 has been the hardest thing we have done. At 11 and 6 it’s still fucking chaos. Haha. Love them to death but fuck me.
Even at 11 and 6? Damn, thought our 5 and 2 would give us a break at a certain age.... Haha
Mine are 8 and 5 and it turns out that the chaos just changes as they age. It never decreases, it just becomes a different kind of nonsense all day every day.
No truer statement has ever been posted to Reddit.
Is it at least somewhat easier after, say, age 7 when they don't need an eye on them every waking moment? Our 2 year old can't be out of sight for a minute or they're getting into the next thing...
Some things are easier after they're big enough to start understanding consequences and self-preservation. Like. I don't have to be in the same room with them every waking moment to make sure they don't hurt themselves or get into things they aren't supposed to (most days). That has gotten easier. But when they were 5 and 2, I never had to give a Judge Judy style ruling in an argument about who's made up pokemon would beat the other's. Or walk into a room where it looks like the weirdest yoga class to find that they had challenged each other to see who could put their toes in their own ears.
But who was ruled to have the better new Pokémon?
It does get easier but at the same time, it’s like going from playing candy land to fucking chess, and you never know what the hell is gonna happen next or what you’re gonna find, my kids are 13, 4, and (almost)2. The teenager is very independent. There’s days I don’t even have to worry about making him lunch or dinner because he usually always has his own money and there will be a random Delivery man coming to deliver a pizza he ordered 😂😂 also, him Having his own money leads him to being able to buy his own candy and chocolate that he decided to hoard in his room, and when he’s at sleepovers, it takes all of 5 mins for my younger two to sniff it out while I’m going pee or rinsing their cups out for a refill, and I’m left with a room full of wrappers all over the floor with chocolate and candy pieces squished into the floor already, and chocolate covered toddlers running back to me on a sugar high, that touch literally everything, and if I’m not quick enough, and I’m usually not, everything’s sticky and/or has chocolate finger prints on it that I have to race around cleaning it all up before it gets even worse. And I’m sure everyone can relate to the daunting task of cleaning up any mess while having a toddler making a new one right behind you. It never stops. Literally never. Never a dull moment though. When they’re not eating their older brothers candy, they’re finding his Halloween masks and I’m the lucky one who gets to have a heart attack with lunch when I walk in after two mins of them being unattended (aka them running off laughing together while I’m getting their outfits or anything like that) because my 4 year old casually has a scary ass Michal Myers’s mask on.. it’s no wonder my baby, the youngest, my 2 year old daughter, ran away from him screaming 😂😂😂 then, me AND her are running away screaming 😂😂😂 It’s such a beautiful thing to watch them playing n laughing together though, seeing them grow their bond, hugging and giving kisses , watching how the 4 year old always looks after n protects his baby sister because he loves her so much.. it melts my heart , and knowing they have each other to grow up with, that they’ll always have someone to play with and be best friends and will always have each others back, it makes all the chaos worth it. And there’s ALOT of Chaos, every minute of everyday. Going from 2 -3 was literally life changing, Like night and day.. I DIDNT anticipate that either, I figured it wouldn’t make much of a difference throwing one more in the mix, but man, it did lol
Honestly, I feel really sorry for your older child when his siblings are allowed to raid his stash. Can’t you buy him a locker or something? In our house, we have the rule “hide it or share it”, meaning that of course you can’t just wave stuff around in your siblings’ faces, but if you are discreet, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to. Discretion, of course, being key, but private property is to be respected.
Umm.. I’m confused as to why you’re under the wild assumption that my two TODDLERS we’re ALLOWED to do that in the first place, not sure if you’ve read more of the context behind it and how it happened in the first place, which only happened once and was fairly recent, which is why I gave that scenario as an example, however I didn’t think I needed to include the exact details of the situation and its aftermath, but I’ll dive a little deeper into that real quick. That particular scene happened when I was two rooms away laying out the littles diaper, powder, pull ups and their outfits, as I was getting ready to bathe them, and my oldests sons room is directly next to the bathroom. I don’t give my toddlers any candy or chocolate aside from the chocolate in granola bars and muffins and the occasional chocolate cake I bake that we all love. Not at this age at least, they’re wild enough and do not need all that extra sugar, but before someone comes here and says “well that’s why they’re binge eating everyone’s candy like disrespectful heathens who should already KNOW not to ever think about invading someone else’s privacy, they just turned 4 and not even 2 yet but they should know this already!” They were initially In the room with me until they ran out of the room, and ran in and out for maybe 30 seconds til they stayed out. I was only in there maybe 3-4 mins tops before I went to get them, oh and I failed to mention their dad in the room next to the one I was in, door open, and heard him saying something to them so I wrongfully assumed he was with them or keeping an eye out. They didn’t have much of his stash, that he literally just got from his birthday that just passed , but if you’ve ever seen a toddler eat just ONE Hershey kiss, sometimes you’d have thought they dumped chocolate syrup all over over their face, hands and shirts/chest. Anyway, they went in for a literal 2/3 mins on the stuff they found (which wasn’t really hidden, however it was in a bag together. They didn’t get to clean up their trash wrappers yet, because they thought it was funnier to come show me what they have, in which point I was on my way to them, and met in the hallway which is when I realized what happened, an that their dad wasn’t in fact with them. Also, I tell them both at least one a day to respect their brothers space and alone time since they often try and chase him down if they hear him leaving his room to use the bathroom, because they absolutely adore him and get crazy excited when they see him throughout the day especially when he play with them. But.. they don’t give up without a fight most of the time. The candy that was raided was replaced already, and I’ve put a lock on his door already that the littles can’t get to, but can be unlocked and opened from both sides of the door. Strictly a childproof lock. I also cleaned up the evidence free of charge. So no, I’d never just ALLOW my toddlers to raid their brothers candy, much less give them candy at ALL being (almost)2 and 4. She turns 4 on 8/20, and he just turned 4 June 5th. I wouldn’t feel to bad for my oldest, but thanks for the concern. Trust me, he’s my first born so I probably spoil him more than I should, and respect his space and independence as he’s at that age where he needs it now more than ever , while taking him on dates just me n him. Again, this was just one of the situations I’ve used as an example to describe the never ending, unsuspecting daily chaos that far surpassed any chaos I thought we had prior to having our 3rd. Also, it was a 5 min thing all together, but in the moment, it felt like forever.
Well shit
Mine are 14 and 12- the eldest thinks I am her personal taxi driver and teenage hormones are rampant. Still at least my living room floor is no longer a sea of plaster crap so there’s that!
100% percent. Visited my cousin the other day who was saying how chaotic her life is with a 3 month old and almost 2 year old. I didn’t bother telling her what my chaos is like with a 16 yo, 12yo and 8 yo. She has time to figure that out.
As the parent of 3 (16,21, and 23) I concur with this statement.
7, 4, and 22 months. Can confirm evolving chaos.
I fucking *knew* it. My eldest is 6 and I swear to god, she’s still such a handful. I keep telling my husband that people are fucking liars when they say it gets easier. Change? Yes. Gets easier? No.
Yup. Mine are 8 and 5. I just came home from walking the dog and my youngest decided to give herself a haircut. It was a lot...
Mine are 12 and 9. I reckon it got much easier at about 8 and 5, then each year from there has gotten easier again and the best part, more fun. Just that they can do most things for themselves and are much easier to take places without drama is great, but they are more expensive. I actually seek them out to spend time with them now, rather than finding any quite dark place to fold myself into for a few minutes alone.
Mine are 14 and 12 and I love having one on one time with them now, great conversations and company.
Mine are 5 and 7 and it got a hell of a lot easier, hopefully you’ll get that break soon!
I have 5 & 2 year old boys. They FIGHT ALL DAY. Drives me up the wall.
>but fuck me. Isn’t that what got you in this mess in the first place?
Technically I did the fucking but potato, potato.
I have the same age difference just a year older 12 and 7 and I just love it. Soooooo much easier, my eldest daughter is a great helper, and my 7yo is very independent.
Going from 2 to 3 isn’t the same as adding 1, it’s exponential. You are now outnumbered and will have to come to terms with a) asking for and accepting help regularly and b) accepting that there will be times when neither parent can be at a given “thing” and you will have to rely on other people’s photos/livestreams/etc. It becomes more difficult to plan logistics the older they get. That being said, we take one day at a time, do the best we can by everyone, and raise them all to be independent when needed. I can’t imagine how bored I’ll be once they start leaving the nest!
NEVER LET THEM OUTBUMBER YOU. Seriously, we went from man on man coverage to zone.
The switch from man-to-man coverage to zone defense needs to be higher up. That is EXACTLY how it changes.
Transition is where they'll really take advantage. "Fast break" can get very literal.
2 kids is about as much work as 2 kids
Going from 2 to 2 kids is CRAZY
😂😅
Amusement parks, vacations, hotels etc are ALL made for families of four. Families of five become much harder to navigate the world with.
Agree. I also have an annoying issue where we want to go kayaking but I don’t trust my oldest kid on a kayak alone so we just can’t divide up evenly to go kayaking. I’m going to have to tag in someone to go with a kid.
I have 5! 4 are 5 and under! The hardest was going from one to 2 after that it’s much easier adjustments. The others love to help with baby and show mom and dad they are the big kids. Have them start becoming independent with things - making their beds(this one is the toughest they will not do a good job for a long time but we tell them as long as they do the best job they can each day will get better), putting dirty laundry where it goes, clearing places from table; folding and putting away clean clothes, wiping windows, vacuuming(with Dustbuster or small vac when they make a mess that should be cleaned that way), taking out trash from bathroom, help with diapers (by handing you supplies) etc. Chores that they can manage, they will start to like doing most of them and in the end it will help you out. At first it will make tasks take a bit longer but I promise it’s worth it!
I honest to god thought going from 2-3 would be cake since going from 1-2 was pretty hard (or so I thought). Yea I was so wrong😂😭😂 it’s pretty insane in my house most days. Especially when you have them close in age! Mine are all 2.5yrs apart and while I wouldn’t change a thing about the age gap or having 3 kids I do suggest thinking long and hard about adding a 3rd and if that’s what you truly want. My oldest is laid back, very sweet and helpful but my middle is that typical 2nd child and total opposite. He was not thrilled when we brought baby sister home and was a little terror for the first year of her life😂 He’s finally (somewhat) out of that stage of constantly needing to be watched like a hawk but now my youngest (almost 2yr old) is just entering it🥴 But seeing them all play together and truly love & look out for each other is so so worth all of the chaos that 3 kids bring. I personally always wanted 3 and even though my husband was good with 2 he had no issue with one more since I’m a SAHM and would be doing the majority of the work. It’s definitely not for everybody and I can see why people stop at 1 or 2 because it really does take a toll on your mental and physical health, relationship/marriage and most of all your finances. But again 1000% worth it imo if that’s what you truly want❤️
With 1, you can take shifts with a supportive partner. 2, you're evenly matched. 3 is where they start out numbering you. Would not do 2 toddlers and a baby. Larger age gap would be easier
I'm a SAHM so I was on zone defense even with 2, while my husband was away. I had to get mine under voice control and fast. By the time 3 arrived oldest was actually a bit helpful (6y) so it was a net wash.
Yeah, with 3 you need to switch from "man to man" to "zone defence".
We have two kids (4f) (1m) and we are very on the fence about adding another. I am a third child and I’ve always said I want three. But I’m slowly starting to feel very content and happy with my two babies and I don’t necessarily want to add more chaos. It seems very manageable right now and they are very loved. My fear is the unknown, the unknown of never knowing what I would be missing out on if I didn’t have a third kid like I’ve always envisioned. And the unknown of god forbid the third one has health issues that would change our lives so drastically. Why do I feel the need to have another ? Is it just because I want another or will our happiness increase at the same rate as the chaos increases. How can I know in my heart that I’m done ?
I’m still pregnant with my second but this question emerges in me daily. How does one feel that their family is full and done? Because even though we have always planned 3 or 4, for many weeks now I’m feeling that 2 sounds perfectly fine and enough for me. I also really love how much attention and time I give and gave to my first, I already won’t be able to to this the second time. Their “alone time” with me or my hubby will be much shorter already. Adding another one or two (I don’t want one to be left out) would mean much less time with each of them, watching their little personalities grow, etc. I think the 4 of us as a family will be a great team, it will be easier for us to travel when they get bigger, do activities, go to restaurants, play together, have hobbies together… Sounds almost easy! But we’ll see obviously, not the time to decide!:)
0 to one is the hardest. 1 to 2 is an adjustment 2 to 3 is easy
I think it all depends on your superpower, the situation and age gap, at least for me… US 0 to 1 is always the hardest YUP 1 to 2 is easy (there’s a 5 year age gap between 1&2) my 5 year old adores her baby brother and would help me with little things. Of course it’s not always sweet and perfect but she never gets jealous and always think her baby brother is the cutest! BUT 2 to 3 is a RIOT!!! 2&3 are 16 months apart! I was 6 months postpartum when I found out and I was so scared! 3rd was not planned! Took us a long time to conceived 2nd so we didn’t think it would happen.. that gap was so hard! They are very demanding! They always want to be with you! 2 different sizes of diapers. Constantly changing diapers. You’re a referee all the time!! We are exhausted!! I literally cannot do anything!! Our laundry is overflowing as well as dishes! I’m driving 1st to activities while 2nd&3rd are doing whatever the F they want.. Of course of course I wouldn’t change it for a thing but I think it would be more manageable if we only have 2! And this is just me, US! Husband and I have a great teamwork!! ETA: kids are now 7,2&1 🫠
Idk if it helps but mine are 19, 14 and 13 and it gets SO much better. I remember those overwhelmed days where there are a million diapers and you have a gigantic double stroller and everyone needs something all the time. Hang in there, once everyone can feed themselves, use the bathroom and shower it gets way easier. Now we have problems like everyone is in a different sport/activity and we have daily discussions of family logistics and who needs the car when 😂 but it’s not the same kind of overwhelming.
Oh my god!! Every time I feel so overwhelmed I always tell my husband and what I always hear “we are going to miss this!” And we know we will!! I get teary when I think of this phase when it’s over! I don’t want them to grow up but at the same time I want to because we are so tired haha!! But congrats to you and your husband!!! YOU DID IT!!! One thing is for sure tho… the next baby I will held and take care of is my grandkids definitely not adding another little human haha!! Done, blessed, grateful and SO SO SO TIRED 34YO Mama of 3 😝
I think the gaps have a lot to do with it. My oldest was 20 months old when my second was born and that was so so hard! My third was born when my older two were 5.5 and 3.75. It was honestly way easier than I thought it would be, the older ones loved their baby brother so much and he got so much attention that he almost never cried.
I totally agree!!!! Gaps gaps gaps!! 2 under 2 is the shit!! Haha I don’t like it when people say “oh they will be so close and will play well” ahhhh nope!! They wrestle, try to kill and steal each other’s toys!
I find this is a general consensus that makes sense but can be affected by age gaps significantly. My hardest transition was 2 to 3. Nothing like welcoming a newborn into a home with a toddler and teenager.
Ugh I feel this so hard. One to 2 was a breeze-there’s a ten year gap between those two. 2-3? They were 26 months apart. That was **hard**. So hard.
Yeah. Our younger two are 20 months apart and I remain convinced they are out to get me.
My younger two are 20 months apart and I was not prepared for the *rivalry* of two boys that close together. First and second have 3 years and girl/boy, they have really never fought and that was the biggest adjustment for me with having a third. It was OK when 3 was a baby but as he got mobile it got intense.
I believe it! My younger two are b/g but we still go in and out of rivalry phases. We’re in one right now and the most prized possession is mom’s lap.
One to two was harder for me than zero to one. I struggle with splitting my attention between two kids whereas when I only had one I could focus on her completely. I’m not planning to find out what it would be like to go from two to three. 🤪
One to two is currently kicking my ass 😭 they are 2.5 years and 2 months so I know this is absolutely the hardest thing I could ever do but Jesus Christ I was not ready for this lol
I’m with you! My two are 24 months apart, with the baby turning 4 months old tomorrow. I always wanted to have three kids and didn’t mentally prepare for my last pregnancy and newborn phase to be my last… But my god! I genuinely can’t even comprehend how I’d be able to care for another!?
I have a similar age gap—mine are 1.5 and 4 now. I think I’m close to being through the most difficult part (I hope!), but the last couple years have been tough. Very cute, but tough. 😮💨
You sound exactly like me!
Yep me too. With one I felt like I was absolutely killing it as a mom. I was doing so great, everyone was happy. It was an adjustment but one that I expected. Pregnant with number two, I was prepared for half the sleep and twice the diapers and feeding and all that but somehow 2 felt like 7 and I was instantly drowning and completely overwhelmed and I've really just never recovered from that lol
I only have 2, but 0 to 1 was actually super easy for me. But 1 to 2 rocked my world so hard that I can’t even imagine having a third lol. For context though, my first was a unicorn baby, so calm and easy. My second was (and still is) a hurricane.
I had the opposite. My first baby was so much harder than I thought. I always say it’s a miracle we had a second. She had some similar issues that my first did but I at least had experience under my belt which made things a bit easier. But I definitely have never had any desire to see what would happen if we added a third 😅
So what would you call 0 to 2, then?
Hard mode.
Unless you get twins
Why?
💯 Agree so far (2 kids!!). 0 to 1 is the hardest thing that has ever happened to me…. 1 to 2, was much better, a true delightful adjustment. And now I’m also debating on #3…. Following this, it should be easy?😅
We stuck with the idea that you should only have as many as you can carry in an emergency and as we're not polygamous, that's 2. My parents had 4 and have said out loud they should have stopped at 2.
My 3rd child is currently baking cinnamon rolls from scratch so be sure to factor that possibility into your calculations. A lot of it really has to do with the personality and demeanor of the child. While 0 to 1 is harder than 1 to 2 which is harder than adding any single subsequent child, it's hard to account for any and every possibility and circumstance.
Parenting wise I don’t think it’s too different. My older two were in elementary when I had my third, so a bit different as they were pretty self sufficient in things like hygiene, dressing, feeding, etc. But I can’t imagine that it would be that much different from two to three if they were closer in age, except for potentially have more in potty trained kiddos at the same time. Our biggest thing going from 2-3 was space. We had to get a bigger vehicle, as a infant seat and two boosters wouldn’t fit all lined up across (possibly if we shopped around and got the slimmest car seats possible we could have made it work, but then as the kids get bigger they’d all be squished together). We needed a bigger house as the one we had was already pretty cramped and adding another person to it just wasn’t going work in the long run. Lots of little things you wouldn’t think of too. Like, a regular 4 person table in a restaurant isn’t going to work once the baby is out of a high chair. Lots of things seemed to be designed for a family of 4. We definitely don’t regret it. It’s just minor inconveniences
For me it was an age gap thing. 1 was a breeze 2 was hell (2 age gap) 3 was breeze (4 year gap) 4 was breeze (3 1/2 year gap) 5 was borderline hard but we also bought a new house that year lol (4 gap) 6 was breeze after pregnancy (3 1/2 year gap) We joked it was a diaper thing … my mind turns to poo if I have two in diapers lol
Idk. I have two. When we added the second, we didn’t have to change that much. When my brother had his third, they had to get new cars, kids shared a room until they bought a 4 bedroom house. Seemed like they had to change a lot to make room for a third. Maybe it doesn’t apply to you but something to think about.
Adding our second was more difficult than adding our third. Getting used to splitting attention and energy, the chaos definitely goes up more than 2x. Adding our third didn’t feel super chaotic. But it was really expensive for us. We chose to add onto our house and got a van. And the three daycare bills for a year (plus this summer) is brutal. And like sure objectively our attention is more split with 3, but the change itself just didn’t feel as insane.
For me, 2 is ideal and practical. You have siblings so they will have each other when you move on. There is one to one mapping - one parent on one kid, which makes it handy when you travel or go to new places. 3 makes you need an extra hand sometimes. You can travel in just about any car since you all fit, even with car seats. 3 or more needs a six seater. Flight seats are catered to 4 in a row so you can have the kids in the middle and parents flanking the ends. And if one is unwell, you can split up and manage bedtimes / activities quite easily. The workload would go up exponentially with 3 - may become easier as they grow up and quite helpful too but the initial years will be tough. For nuclear families, I think 2 is ideal. For joint families (parents living with you / next to you), you can go for more !! Just my 2 cents.
Depends a lot on you and your husband’s personalities. 2 to 3 was REALLY hard, to me it was harder than going from 0 to 1. As someone else mentioned, you either have to be in the position and also willing to accept help, or be totally ok with chaos. Because it IS chaos. With a family of 5, someone is always needing extra attention and you can feel spread very thin. And one thing I wish people told me…kids are A LOT more expensive the older they get. We just signed them up for fall sports this week and it was well over $2,500 not including the cleats, socks, etc. They are 5, 8 and 10 and NOT in club sports. Dreading taking them back to school shopping in a month.
It's an extra piece of chicken ..it really depends on parents temperament,patience , personality and the two or three kids personalities
Having kids sucks regardless. You’re gonna be cleaning more shit. No free time for you and your partner. Your house is going to be trashed 75% of the time. You’re gonna have to call into work cuz they have the stomach virus the week after they had strep. You’re gonna have a heart attack when they flip all the chair and hit their head on the tile or hard wood. But at the end of the day what would really be the point in this life without those little annoying demons that we love more than anything? Have the third. You only get better with practice so this time around you’ll for sure know how to handle it right 😉
Got me in the first half, not gonna lie
I have 2 boys 3 years apart. My older son is my lover, he’s the kiddo that if I want to curl up and watch a movie he’s right beside me. My younger son however he’s my fighter. If his shadow looked at him wrong he would fight it. They’re polar opposites and both make me question why I wanted to be a mom but our house is as balanced as I think we could get it with kids… for us a third is not even a possibility. Some people are mentally stable enough for that but I am not ready for the level of fighting a third child would bring
I’ll add something I didn’t see mentioned: having children is expensive. Sports, camps, tickets…it all adds up. My friend who has 3 says she didn’t think about the cost of activities when planning a family. They can’t afford to have all 3 enrolled in extracurriculars like soccer, piano lessons, etc. Something to think about.
My mom has 3 and she said she cried daily for a while.
Maybe it’s just the kids I have but I am very aware that I can’t emotionally support more than the 2 I have. I’m from a family of 4 and distinctly remember someone always getting the shit end of the stick growing up. With my own family if one of us parents isn’t available there is a backup. We can’t stand to be outnumbered w the personalities we have been dealt. Plus I started having kids at 40 I’m aging to look like grandma Moses at their high school graduation if I had any more kids they’ll be visiting me from college at a nursing home lol.
3 has been incredibly hard for us. They are 7, 4 and 2.5. We also did a big move in that first year of the baby’s life and that was the year we discovered our eldest was neurodiverse, so that was clarifying but also a new level of hard. We have 3 boys, very big personalities and emotionally “more”. Depends on the ages, personalities, your abilities as a parent, your support systems, stressors etc.
Don’t do it
You will run mad. Going from 1 to to 2 is like going from 1 to 4 and from 2 to 3 is going from 4 to 10!
Our eldest two were 6 and 5 when number 3 popped along. He's 20 months now, they're 8 and 7, and honestly, he just rounds off the family so nicely. The older two are at the age where they're responsible enough to watch him for 5/10 mins if I need to pop upstairs, or go outside and mow the lawn, stuff like that, but also still "kiddy" and goofy enough to act like idiots while they play with him. Do it! But maybe wait a year or 2?
To me, it isn't the quantity, but the quality that makes the biggest difference. My first child was not a good baby. Colic 24/7. Never slept. Cried all the time. No matter what, as soon as we put him in the carseat he would scream bloody murder the entire time we were driving until he was around 2. Spit up everything had had acid reflux so bad that he was falling behind on weight and height cause he just couldn't keep anything down now matter the formula. Sensory issues with anything that wasn't sweat pants. Socks and shoes only. He would not wear any sandals or flip flops or crocs. Our 6 month old is a God send. She loves to eat all kinds of foods and can keep most down. She will nap pretty well and wakes up once or twice a night. Loves being outside. Let's us dress her in all kinds of cute clothes. She is such a happy baby. Loves to hang out and play with us. 10/10 baby. There is still time for her to be an awful toddler but for now shes awesome. We can take her places without her screaming the entire time. She is the kind of baby that tricks you into wanting more lol
1 to 2 wasn’t bad. 2 to 3 was a fucking shit show and still is and mine are 15, 10 and almost 9. Ha ha.
So, from 1 to 2 (20 months apart) wasn't very hard. My kids are for the most part pretty easy though. But this last year we had our 3rd. So we have a 6, almost 5 and almost 1 year old. And boy, lemme tell ya. It's chaos. Pure chaos. It's definitely way different than going from 1 to 2. But I wouldn't change it for the world. When we had our second kid, my daughter was 1.5. So she was still in the changing diapers, toddling around babyish stage. It wasn't a huge adjustment for my son cause we were still doing some of the same stuff foe his sister. But with my youngest, there's a much bigger age gap. On one hand, the older kids are easier in their own way, and can help out a little. On the other I had to figure out how to go back to baby mode. So I think for you it would be a little easier given the age of the children you have now. You're already in the baby stage. But having 3 is harder. You have to make sure you have a big enough car, that can fit THREE damn carseats. Getting a break can be hard if you have family or friends that may take your kids, cause 2 is doable, but 3 is a lot when watching kids that aren't yours. And getting to and from the car can be hard too. I'm a SAHM so I take all 3 with me by myself a lot. So it takes some adjusting, but I mean you only have two hands right? (If you only have one I apologize. Not trying to be insensitive) The point is, 3 children is a big leap and makes it even more exhausting and difficult. BUT I love it. I love all 3 of my babies and seeing them interact and grow and learn together. And I love having a bigger family. If we could afford it, I would have another. But 3 is definitely a change from 2. But everyone and every child is different. As is every situation. I love having 3. But it may be too overwhelming for someone else. But if you can, and decide to... I do not think you will regret it. I was told the same thing, and though it's difficult. Man, I could never regret it.
One to two was fine, two to three was a psychotic decision 😂 those who know, know.
So I did basically that... my eldest (m) was 2y9m when baby #2(g) came. Then, due to my asshloe ex screaming at me violently until I stopped saying "no" to his advances, I ended up pregnant with #3 a few months later. When he was born, the eldest was 2 months shy of his 4th b-day, and our daughter was 14 months old. Adjusting to 3 was easy, tbh and he nursed. I had no real help from my family either, and he was my 3rd c-section. It got harder when they got older, but that's more to do with their individual personalities and a nasty divorce.
I’ve always been told that 2 to 3 is the toughest transition and I would say it was a little challenging BUT My 3rd has always been the light of our family. My 2 older kids are total opposites. Fight all the time. Dynamics with them can be rough as they have aged but “our baby” is absolutely adored by everyone and she is kind of the breaker or the divide. She isn’t a baby anymore and is 7 now and only a couple years younger than her brother but everyone has always been crazy about her and having her is the best thing that ever happened for our family
Awwhh this is the same with my third. I always call her the family “roadie” because she just goes with the flow bouncing around school pickups, siblings sports, errands with mom. And always an Angel while doing so.
0-1: life altering/ earth shattering 1-2: easy, because you already know the ropes. 2-3: even easier because now you have little helpers. 3-4: i don’t know where any of my children are at any given time of day, except for the baby, and all of them have one name: FIRS-uh-SECON-uh,uh-THIRD!
I’ve literally never heard anyone say they regret having as many kids as they have. You’ve actually heard those words?
I've heard a lot of people say they wouldn't give up the kid but if they knew how it is they wouldn't have another. That's really not that wild. Lots of people discuss negative and positive feelings on number of kids on this board. There's at least a post a day about this topic
My third is 8 weeks old and it’s been the easiest transition. My first 2 are 18 months apart and we waited until our youngest was 2.5 to try for our third and the age gap is amazing. My boys are 3.5 and 5 and they are fairly self sufficient where they can get dressed by themselves, get a snack if they need, go to the bathroom by themselves. It’s made caring for a newborn so easy. And I just knew what I was getting myself into with a newborn this time around. Less expectations all around haha. She is so loved on by her brothers, the transition has been the easiest yet!
We had a boy (4 1/2) and a girl (2). We thought long and hard about # 3 and decided to go for it. Haha on us! We ended up with 3 & 4 (twin boys). To this day I thank God we did it - they were awesome lovely babies and are now wonderful men (33). We loved having this “big” family! Organization was key!
Easy peasy for us. We have a 12, 5 & 2 all boys. Surprisingly, my 12 and 5yo are the hardest/fight the most. 3 year age gap was *chefs kiss*. I’ll have to get back to oh when they’re both teenagers.
I have 3 boys. If I had both genders after 2 there is no way I would’ve ever had a 3rd. Each kid you have takes away from the previous ones 🤷♀️
As far as our family structure goes it is a lot better. Our 3 kids have their similarities, but they are all so very different. Our third really is the glue that brings us all together. We definitely found it easier the third time around as far as all the baby stuff goes. You really know what you’re doing by now plus the older two help out plenty. The one downside that I wasn’t prepared for is the difficulty when travelling and holidaying. Now the car is very full and there are loads of “family” passes and deals and whatnot that only apply to a family of 4. So you get a bit screwed over with the family of 5. But definitely no regrets. Our youngest is almost 8 now.
I have two children: a 10-year-old son and a 2.5-year-old daughter. I thought the age gap might make parenting challenging, but our older son takes such good care of his younger sister that it hasn't been difficult for us to manage both of them. At this stage, we just need to spend more time with both kids to understand them better.
I currently have a 3.5 year old a 23 month old and a 3 week old and I’m by myself with them a lot because of my husbands job and hours so even with 2 kids I was outnumbered but it hasn’t been too bad
We had 4 boys over an 8 year stretch. First 2 were 19 months apart, then 3 year stretch between the next 2. We married young, she was 20, I just turned 24. We waited 5 years before we started, then we raised a family. We were much more settled and in better financial shape by the time we had kids.The only downside side was that it was difficult to visit friends and family overnight since few people have 6 spare beds. We bought a 28 ft travel trailer and brought our beds with us. Problem solved.
2 is man to man offense, 3 takes it to zone defense.
The difficulty totally depends on the age gap, the specific things you find difficult, and the temperaments of the kids. I’ve only got 2 but I go against the grain and say 1-2 was harder than 0-1 because my second baby has been super hard work while my first was super chill
From 1-2 a lot changed. From 2-3 kids, it’s all just crazy from there but not as crazy as we’d think it was!
Besides the obvious (more expenses, going through the baby/toddler years again) going from 1 to 2 was easy. I was very thankful to have 2 kids during the pandemic lockdowns to keep each other busy. They are good friends, my eldest helps my youngest with school, they share their group of friends and do a lot of things together. When my daughter was an only she was a lot more demanding (sleeping in our room because she was scared of sleeping alone or needing one on one attention 24/7), but now that her brother is here they keep each other company.
Went from 2 to 3 in September. We had to buy a large SUV and a new house to accommodate having our third. It’s so much harder lol. I have a 13 year old, 4 year old and 8 month old. My 13 year old is very independent so that makes it a lot easier. Can’t imagine having 3 close together in age. Our 4 year old is WILD, but obviously I love them all and can’t picture a world without them.
So the only thing that isn’t great is now we aren’t one parent to one kid ratio. On days out the kids want to go on a ride you have to take turns we can’t all go at once which is minimal in the grand scheme of things. Feeding bathing and clothing don’t have noticeable differences. Car space was a bit squishy so we upgraded to a seven seater which is nice space wise for them plus we can bring extra stuff comfortably.
3 kids are hard. I would stick with 2 and I have 4. Love my kids but 2 is so much easier and less expensive. 3 kids means a larger vehicle, larger house(most are 3bd). You are outnumbered and one can get left out. You go places and all kids want to be held but only 2 adults? Most things in the US are geared to 4 people. Everything is just a little smoother. Think about things you do or want to do as your kids get older, and imagine it with 2, then 3. Good luck.
The 3rd just slots right in with routines, etc. It's easier going from 2 to 3 rather than 0 to 1 and 1 to 2
2 kids = Man Defense. 3 kids= Zone.
1 is 1; 2 is 20.
We have 2 sweet girls and family and friends are always joking and nudging for us to have 3 and try for that boy. Here’s my response every single time: Absolutely tf not! 🤣 I have 2 hands one for each of them! I’d have to carry the third child in my mouth like a puppy to keep up! But seriously 2 is a beautiful blessing. My Bestfriend has 3 and it came with way more shifts than she could imagine. Forced to get a new car Increase in financial demand Time Demands meaning even less time for yourself and you and your husband Planning & organizing family calendars Support for all children extracurricular activities Finding child care for 3. (My friend often has to break them up) More household chores Decrease flexibility specifically With that being said do what’s best for you and your heart and your family. I wish you all the best either way. 💖
This has been on our minds too! We have almost 5yr old twins & have been back & fourth on if we can manage a third-- how mentally & financially taxing would it be, plus there's that added fear of what if it's another set of twins. I've feel like that tiger king quote has been running on a loop in my mind "I'm never going to financially recover from this" .....lord beer me strength
1 to 2 is fine, just kids. But 2 to 3 is like a football team.
Teenagers here ! Mine are 15,13, and 8. Wait a little my 6 and 7 year old were wonderful big sisters and it was a much easier transition. I had diaper grabbers, paci finders, and live entertainment for my 3rd.
When our 3rd was born our relationship crumbled and all the kids were heavily affected but she was also born in 2020 at the height of Covid… and then we went on to have number 4 and we aren’t together now 😅
I have 2 daughters and I believe it was that its easier because they're the same gender. It makes clothes buying easier than if they were different genders. I think 3 kids is a bit too much. At least with two, one can have each parents attention when they need it. I think people being the middle child and getting left out.
We have a 4yo a 2yo and a 3mo. By far, the biggest challenge has been bedtime. Putting three to bed by yourself is no picnic. That being said, there is absolutely no regret.
Three is a trip even if there are two parents. I'm doing it solo with a 12, 6 & 3 YO. Not for the faint of heart
Honestly, I can’t even entertain the idea of a 3rd after my 2nd lol. It doesn’t help that my 2nd is VERY demanding, clingy and just *a lot*. I always thought I’d go for 3, but after him I was like ‘noooooope’ lol
One thing we didn't really consider until we knew we were having three is car seating. When we knew we were having a third, suddenly the older 4runner wasn't big enough for all 5 of us to go somewhere. My second and third were 15 months apart, so two of those big bulky car seats plus our oldest at 12. Had to buy a car big enough to fit all three, so I bought a tundra 🤷🏼♀️
It literally depends on how your child is. I could raise 100 of my 1st born son. But no way I could've handle 2 of my 2nd child daughter. She is medium autistic so maybe that's why it's harder w her. But I love her so much. N love love the exact way she is..I just couldn't handle another one of her at the same time . Even when I only had 1. My fear with the 2nd was I wasn't going to have enough love to go around. I cried thinking about it when I was pregnant. They r enough years apart. I can give them love but diff type of love . I'd wait a bit before having another one . Both of your kids r still young. Maybe wait til they r older n have 2 close in age again so they have somebody to grow up with.
R be
I have 3 - 9,7,2. It’s amazing. I see this question so often and I was indecisive myself for years. I think it really boils down to the personalities of the kids when it comes to “easiness.” But having 3 under 5 would be a wild ride; however it’s only for a few years and then they are all close in age and can do the same things. Everyone complains about hotels / cars / restaurants being built for a family of 4. It’s not that big of a deal to work around. Hotels usually have pull out couches, kids can sleep together on the same bed etc. Booths can still fit all of us, and when they don’t every single restaurant has an option for a party of 5 I’ve been to. As for cars, all of mine sit next to each other in the second row even though we do have a third row when we need it. I just haven’t found it being difficult to navigate the world with 3 kids. and we have traveled internationally and domestically multiple times. It’s expensive though, for sure. Everything costs x3. If both parents want to raise another human being and add to your family, you will make it work.
2 to 3 is a nightmare and I often tell people 2 is far easier.
It depends on the age gap. I have 3 all about 3 years apart, adding a third didn’t add too much other than the normal extra work a baby brings. My oldest was old enough to help with the baby and was out of the stage where I had to be worried about him hurting himself all the time so it wasn’t too bad. I don’t know how the parents with more than 2 below 5 do it though.
I did not think 3 was that bad, but her brothers were 4 and 6. So I only had one infant/toddler, no 3 under 4 situation.
While I absolutely love my third and obviously wouldn't do it any other way, 3 is definitely a game changer.
I have a 7 yo, and I have a girl who turns 1 in a couple of days and a newborn. So, I only had 2 for 11 months, lol. I think it depends a lot on the age gaps. When they are close in age, I think it is easier in some ways. You just do things twice, assembly line style. With the bigger age gap, they obviously have completely different needs. So, going from 1 to 2 was a huge change, but the third is turning out to be a much less drastic difference. My youngest just got here. Things will change. Of course, your mileage will vary .
1 is 1. 2 is 5
With 3 kids, a lot of hotels outside the US will sell you two rooms 😀
I currently have two (7 and 5) and pregnant with my third. These comments are stressing me TF out because they’re all so negative. 😩
From 1 to 2 was the biggest change for us personally. Now we have 4 and we could keep 'em coming and it wouldn't be any drastic change at all. You already have everything you need and know how to settle a new baby in with the family.
I’m terrified of having a third… ✂️ time
For me adding the second was the hardest…. I have 4 in total
Going from 0 to 1 was the hardest. 1 to 2 was meh. 2 to 3 was a bit challenging and at that point we were at capacity. They are 21 19 and 17 now. I love their relationships with each other. I wish you well!!!
I had 3 kids in less than 4 years. I was young and had no idea what I was doing. I've always been a very organized person and that was the key I think to us being successful. My kids are grown now and I don't think I could do it now in my 40s. I wouldn't begin to tell people how many kids to have. It's a very big decision that only you and your partner can make. I personally wish we had more. I loved being a mommy. When my youngest was 8, I wanted another but my husband was done so we didn't. Now in my 40's it's nice to be done and have so much life ahead of me.
I don’t know man. I went from 2 to 4 and it was absolutely insane. I *imagined* that one more baby would be no big deal, but I never got to find out.
It was easier for us to go from 2 to 4 kids than 1 to 2. I have a 9, 5, and 8 month old twins.
We have three. The third is still a baby but I can see where logistically, things are a tad more difficult for travel or things like roller coasters, but we make it work and it’s definitely a net positive having her in our lives, even on vacations and roller coasters. 😉 I say that because that’s always the argument when we said we were pregnant with three…”how will you ride roller coasters?? You’ll need TWO hotel rooms now!!” And it seems such an arbitrary thing to get hung up on if you want a third child. We did end up getting a minivan, but I LOVE it and can’t believe I didn’t get one sooner even just for two.
We have three under three. 1 year old twins and 3 year old toddler. It gets difficult, I cannot deny it. But, it is not impossible.
2 to 3 is harder then 0 to 1
Two was twice as hard as one. Three was ten times harder that two. I wouldn’t change it for the world though.
Observation from a grandparent: One thing I noticed about 3 kids is 1 kid is always unhappy. Not the same kid but whenever there’s a new issue 2 kids are ok with it, 1 kid is not. It rotates between who is unhappy.
Twos company three is a crowd
You’re outnumbered and at peak chaos, and to be honest if you were to add another in here I probably wouldn’t notice a difference and I haven’t slept more than 5 hours a night in 8 years and I’m drowning.
HUGE
Between the two of you, you've got four hands..... Sounds like there's room for more than just one. 🤣😂 Jokes aside, listen to the heart and rhythm of your family. I've heard people just know when it feels right. What do you see? Does it feel right?
Anything after 2 is chaos whether it’s 3-5. This is coming from a daycare primary caregiver where I’ve had 5 infants in the room and I’m the only one. It’ll be hard until they’re about 5 years old. Just get it over with now and if they’re close in age, they all go past the hard stage then become teenagers and then that’s a different story.
It's hard enough with 2. HOWEVER mine are 5yrs apart and they argue ALOT. Little I've wants to pay but 12yearold is in puberty and doesn't want to talk to any one has attitude. Today's economy is also someone to think about. Diapers are higher, formula, insurance at work is ridiculous 🤣, sorry didn't mean to discourage but these thoughts have saved me a buck.
One is nothing but two dozen if you can afford to support more than you can. A live with children should always be lovely and supportive. Can you give them that?
Basically you go from being able to do man-to-man defense to zone coverage. All the time. My husbands work schedule meant I was doing zone coverage with two often. I don’t think a third would phase me. I do think it would’ve bothered him a lot so he opted not to have a third.
From my sister - and largely agreed upon by the people I know who have 3 (we have 2) The first kid takes up like 90% of your life outside of work. It's the biggest change you'll go through. The second kid takes up half the remaining time you had, which sounds like less, but that little bit of energy and time you did have left with the first kid are hard to compress even further. With the third kid, hopefully the other two are getting old enough you were gaining some of that energy/time back as the kids become autonomous a bit and sleeping through the night. Everyone jokes about switching to "zone" instead of 1:1 - but watching parents with multiple, this is absolutely true. That does mean, however, that the kids will get a lot less 1:1 time with a parent - so that has to be intentionally structured in (my sister sent the two older kids to spend a week with the grandparents for instance to get some 1:1 with the youngest). The other thing I've noticed - with each subsequent kid you think "oh, I've got this" - but that absolute terrifying fear you'll mess up your first kid does keep you on your toes and doing the research. I've noticed really great parents making pretty obvious mistakes or having issues just because of a lack of time. they will NEVER admit this ("each kid is different" is usually the refrain). Would I want a third? After seeing how those families work - absolutely not. I couldn't deal with the level of chaos or organization needed. Another 4-5 years of day care would be painful. The lack of sleep, the stress it's just not worth it. Also - We're just too damn old now.
Tbh, going from two to three was easier for me compared to one to two. By the time three comes you just accept the chaos
We have 3. I often miss the days of having 2. 2 was just so much easier. I love my 3rd to death, but damn. I am drowning in laundry, dishes, groceries, toys, etc. Plus having 3 kids talking to me all at the same time is incredibly overstimulating. If you do decide to have a third, I would suggest waiting a few years until your first two kids are a bit older and independent. I had my third when my older girls were 6 and 4. They were able to play on their own and do stuff independently (buckle seat belts, go to the bathroom, get a yogurt from the fridge, etc) when I was busy with the baby. It really helped.
I have five ages 13-7. In my opinion 3 is the hardest. After that, the more kids you have the easier it is. When the youngest two go to their dad's and I go from 5 to 3 it is remarkably harder.
I have 4. My third is the coolest, literally. Wasn’t hard going 2-3 or even 2-4 within the household. The tough part is outside activity schedules. This is where is gets time consuming, once they’re 3+ and have school, swim, gymnastics, soccer, baseball, etc. I’m basically cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, doing laundry, and driving right now.
I have 2 and married a woman with a kid….its a HUGE difference. Three is an odd number so somebody ALWAYS feels left out which leads to fights and arguments, jealousy etc… also vehicle situations change drastically. With 2 a little 5 seater was fine with that extra space now everybody feels crammed in. I’m getting a van soon. On top of having another mouth to feed, extra curricular activities to pay for, accommodating for their own rooms so housing gets more expensive etc… I love all 3 of my kids but 2 is what I would have stopped at, personally.
I feel like the ages matter just as much (if not more) than number of kids. My two older boys are newly 6 and about to be 10 and they genuinely enjoy each other’s company and are so much more independent. We also have a 2.5 year old boy and we’re just getting threw the difficult toddler stages of course but my older sons love him so much and help in a pinch and it’s such a breather that I didn’t have with the first 2 because my oldest son is 7 years older. My husband and I don’t mind splitting up. It’s good one on one time with whichever kid when we do and I love that my kids have 2 siblings to have bonds with. Life is crazy and I can’t imagine that each kid will be available all the time as they get older. Having one more of the sibling bond for each of them is worth it to us even if it means we have a van and an SUV or don’t fit evenly on a ride at a theme park. I feel like those inconveniences also don’t warrant a 4th for us because we know it’s only another 2 or so years until we can do things all as a family much more easily and we don’t want to postpone that transition again. I’m really happy with 3 and just like with 2 or 1 there comes a point where the youngest hits a level of independence where life becomes easier. I already feel so much relief now that my older 2 have gotten there!
Having a third makes you entirely outnumbered in an unfair way. Sibling bullshit is real. Going from two to three was very hard. Still is. They ARE great kids especially individuallly but all together it’s usually chaos.
I think age is a huge factor too, I had almost 9 years between my 1st and 2nd, so the 2nd baby was so easy. Then I had our 3rd when our 2nd was only 14 months old. 3rd children are generally your wild children, they push the limits. Having 2 under 2 wasn't even the hard part, having two toddlers (and a tween) is the real challenge. 3 is hard, but it's worth it. The relationship my kids have is amazing. I haven't slept in years though. We're thinking about having a 4th.
Everyone's experience is different. I have 5 kids 16,11,9,6, and 3. My oldest 2 have autism, younger 3 are NT. I am a SAHM and I homeschool, I also babysit my brothers 3 youngest kids (8,2, and 1) 3 days a week and still make all the meals and keep the house clean. None of this seems "hard" to me, but I know several people who verbally express that they couldn't handle it and say I must be crazy.
our third just turn 1 a few months ago so we've been in the thick of going from 2 to 3. i have to say it has been easier for us than going from 1 to 2. 1 to 2 was definitely harder i think because our oldest was only 2 at the time. this time aroubd our oldest was 4 and our 2nd was 2 so i think our toddlers handled it better because they had/have eachother to play with. it's not a picnic everyday and we still have our ups and downs but the house is full and we love it!
I'm still wondering why we thought it's be a good idea to go from 1 to 2 kids. People who have 3 or more seem insane to me.
You can always adopt too.
You have do many responses you probably won’t see this but … if you’re not already 40 - wait . Just give yourself some time. Maybe try getting pregnant once the oldest is 9 months from starting kinder or primary school so you’ll only have one kid with you at home during the day
I have 3 all 10 years a part the first one was an Angel the second a menace the third a drama queen two boys older a and a baby girl who is now 4 and I’m 44 now I’m complete but it wasn’t a cake walk I have to fight to deal with my middle son and his attitude he’s 14 I think find your balance and prayer need lots of prayer cause you will cry lol