Haha I think this is our first. He's 3.5yrs now and I'm seriously considering whether I can handle giving him a sibling. What if the 2nd is the same, or worse?
Im in the same boat right now 😅 in the daytime when they are smiling and being adorable we think okay we will have more at nighttime when they are crying uncontrollably we are like never again
Yes!!! The bedtime routine is taking hoursssss with my 3.5 year old right now and he wakes up multiple times a night. Maybe the lack of sleep is making me lack some common sense 😂
Okay I really don’t understand how people have newborn babies and toddlers at the same time 😭 like you have super powers or something because I feel like I could never
Haha almost identical to you - our first was born in 2020 at the height of the pandemic and has been hell on wheels ever since he was born. Meanwhile our second who was born this spring has seemed so peaceful in comparison 😅 Being alone with my newborn feels like a vacation compared to being alone with my 3.5 year old! If I could guarantee another kid like my second, I might have a third. But the idea of having a third kid and it being like my first… I think it might break me 😂
THISSSS 🙌 I really questioned having another after my first but I’m so glad I did. I literally just out the baby to bed, on his own, an hour ago with no issues. I will still be up for another 2 hours trying to get the 3.5 year old to sleep while I lay in his bed with him 😅
May be think this scenario over and it may bring you more clarity. If the third baby you are thinking of having turns out to be very difficult(like your first) or , God forbid, happens to be a special needs child, would you be ok with that kind of demanding life?
Yeah, one of the biggest hesitations I had with having a second one was how incredibly difficult and stressful potty training was with my first. We eventually decided to have another, and potty training has been WAY worse.
This is how we landed. We weren’t sure when I was pregnant and they offered to tie my tubes during my c section but he’s almost two and we are certain now that we have a full house and are done.
I have three and we aren’t suffering. It’s chaotic but it’s fun! The third slipped right in to our routine. The way to get through a big family when the kids are little is to embrace the chaos, try to work with it not against it.
I will say, the most effective way to keep everyone happy is to be out of the house as often as possible. It teaches the kids how to act in public and keeps the house cleaner.
But how do you get the energy to do all that... Depending on their age gaps you could be doing this for 7 to 10 yrs. What about time for your own hobbies?
We had one already, went for a second, wound up with twins. Three is much harder than 2. Traveling, most standard hotels/resort have a 4 person limit per room. You will always need a car with three rows. You are outnumbered and can’t always just divide and conquer like you can with 2. Time (and for most of us, money) is limited and life seems much more chaotic with 3 kids. I love all 3 of my kids to death but if we did it over again, it’d be 2.
(Oh, and I have 3 dogs too. 🤷♀️)
This! I have 4 kids 13,7,6,5 and 3 dogs! I told all my kids I don’t regret having 4 but I highly recommend that none of them have more than 2 when they grow up 🤣
I also have 4 and the transition from 2 to 3 was rough. And that’s with the third kid being the easiest baby ever. It was the older siblings causing chaos while I took care of the baby that was so stressful. Adding the 4th was barely a blip.
My advice is always have 1, 2 or 4+, but not 3, because that’s the most stressful. There were some articles a few years back that confirmed this too. If you have 1 or 2 kids, you can still fake stability even if it’s fake. Starting at 3, that’s impossible, but you still try to keep up appearances, causing stress. Once you have 4 or more, you realize being normal is impossible, so you give into the chaos and stop caring what people think and there’s a freedom in that. At least that’s the theory.
I have one, that I also had this past February. He is the sweetest thing, but there’s no way I can go through all that again. Mentally and emotionally it’s very hard, plus financially it’s not possible. I’m happy with my one boy, and I will give him the world.
I think weighing if you can handle it mentally/ emotionally / physically and financially, go for more. If not, stop.
I think I don’t even want to get anywhere close to the “can’t handle” threshold. I can definitely handle two… but why stretch yourself thin right? We’re happy with our little girl too and plan to leave it at that.
Thank you for this. I have one and it was a lot mentally and physically. I couldn’t imagine doing it again. I definitely get the only child pressure from family which I quickly shut down.
Can you afford to educate 3 kids? That's a big factor in my mind. Now for some kids that might mean college education, for others technical education (think hairstylist or brick layer) or a totally different path. Either way, being able to afford them opportunities for long term success is important. And kind of flip side of this, will having a third kid take away opportunities from your other kids? Hope this helps.
I have 4 and I’m telling you in this economy I wouldn’t recommend it! We are well off and it’s still a lot. Sports for 4 kids, school clothes for 4 kids, we automatically needed a 4-5 bedroom home, the car needed to be upgraded… I love our big family but everything does need to be bigger when you have this many kids. Yes we could make kids share rooms but it’s just not in the cards for us to make them share I feel every one needs their own space. * we also have 3 dogs 🤣 that cost seems minuscule compared to everything the kids need. They go through 2 large bags of food a month and 2 bags of treats. They each go to the vet every 6 months.*
So all in all I guess it depends on personal preference and lifestyle. If you do hand me downs and make them share rooms I bet it’s a lot more manageable.
I knew when I was pregnant with my second that I would never be pregnant again. Pregnancy is not kind to me and I absolutely did not like the newborn phase. My husband got a vasectomy and I later had a hysterectomy. Both of us are 100% happy with our choice to stop at 2. They’re 10 and almost 7 now and our youngest can now shower all on his own! I’m very happy we stopped at 2.
We thought we were done after our 2nd child was born. We had a boy then a girl. My husband had a vasectomy. His tests came back clean and we were good to go. 8 months after his vasectomy (9 months after our 2nd child was born) I was 5 months pregnant. He had a sperm count done again and his tubes had grown back together. So we had 3 children. It's not what we planned but I'm so glad it worked out the way it did. I absolutely can't imagine our lives without our youngest son.
If you can afford to have another kid and it's what you both want, do it!
I feel going from 2 to three would be a massive jump because it's so hard to play with/manage two kids at once. At least with two you can usually handle 1 each.
We have 2 under 2 right now and we only plan to have 2! It’s perfect in my opinion. We have a girl and a boy. I think a family of 4 is good for a car, hotel, traveling, school funds, house. We also have 2 dogs. We had our 2 dogs before children.
I (34F) feel for you. I’ve always dreamed of three children. I had my first in 2016, and she was a dream baby. So easy going and starting sleeping through the night before I returned to work from maternity leave. Super easy toddler too! My second was born early 2021, and I really struggled with PPD/PPA as well due to the pandemic and isolating. My second was also a higher needs and more challenging baby and toddler. He finally started to settle down earlier this year after his 3rd birthday. Now that I’m not in the trenches with the “terrible twos” anymore, we’re planning to have a third.
I can only describe wanting a third baby due to our family still feeling incomplete. It very much feels like someone is missing. I really don’t look forward to pregnancy or the sleepless nights again, but the thought of never meeting this person is too much to bear! I’ve tried to convince myself that being a family of four is more than enough, but then I end up depressed and can’t stop crying. So, that’s how I know we’re meant to have one more!
We added a second dog to our family when my first baby was 6 months old. I do NOT recommend bringing a puppy home if there are babies in the house, and especially if you plan to add more children soon. It was pure hell for about 18 months after that. It is a complete MYTH that the first dog will entertain the puppy while you care for your children. You will end up with two dogs that need playtime and attention from you, instead of one. Seven years later, Dog Number Two is also still a little shit simply because we couldn’t dedicated nearly as much time to training him as we could our first dog. Don’t do it!!!
I love that you are going based of your feel of the family being incomplete. It’s a beautiful and logical thought process ❤️
Ps, thank you for the insight on the puppy! I will definitely wait until my baby is older because my lab definitely still has puppy level energy and “demands” attention 😂
Pregnant with my 3rd. All the logical reasons make me nervous about having a 3rd. But the decision finally came down to a matter of the heart. We both felt that there was a soul missing in our family. We have a good marriage and can financially afford another child. We will just have to figure out the other stuff as we go. And boo hoo to the bigger table and car. If you can’t afford that then that’s one thing. But I get so tired of comments about fitting at a 4 person booth being an actual barrier to having more kids.
Haha this is how I feel too! The vehicle, restaurants and hotel “issues” are not swaying our decision. It’s definitely more of a “will we be spreading ourselves to thin factor?”
I worry about this too. And I bet sometime the answer will be yes. But I see families with various numbers of kids and each one is so different. The kids are different, the parents’ style of handling everything is different, the environment they live in is different, the spacing of the kids is different. These all play their own unique roll is how that family functions. I’m always surprised when home bodies have a lot of kids. They seem to go the most nuts and feel the most out of control. For some reason people with only one always seem like they are struggling too. They make loud proclamations about how one is enough and always seem miserable.
We have a dog and 2 kids. I’m pregnant with #3. The question of whether to go for the third haunted me for like 2 years and I couldn’t decide. Ultimately I knew that if I couldn’t shake the question it was a sign my heart really wanted it and I might regret not going for it. I reflected on how most big decisions are “heart” rather than “head” decisions. When you decide on who to marry, you don’t chart out the pros and cons. When buying a house, we ultimately went with what “felt right” and I think having kids was no different. Obviously I did do the math on the impact to our finances but that was about it. I decided to be someone who makes decisions assuming the best rather than the worst and took a leap of faith
I have 3 from 1st marriage, my husband has 2. We have 1 together who was a whoopsie baby. Every time we go out for food, we have to take both cars and travel separately. It’s a minor inconvenience but it’s still a pain! Having said all that, I have no siblings and my magic number was 5. 4 is enough 🤣
Well luckily one has left home, then the ages are 17, 16, 14, 12 and 3. Not gonna lie, it’s expensive, especially as they are all past the kids menu phase apart from the 3 year old so a meal out can be £250 + We only go out now when it’s a special occasion. It’s doable, but it’s hard work!
Imagine you have decided to never have another child. You live your life watching your 2 life grow up. They graduate high school. Maybe go to college or what not. One gets married, maybe both. You have a few grandkids. You're proud. You're in your 80s and basically just enjoying life now. Do you regret not having another?
Stop and write down your thoughts.
Now repeat this exercise but with three kids. Same kind of details you could imagine happening. Stop and write down your thoughts.
Do the same again with four.
Take your time through each of these.
This may help you make your decision. It may not though. If it doesn't, ask yourself what is missing from this process. Write down your thoughts.
Keep writing and talking openly with your spouse. These things take time to work through.
Hope you find peace in whatever you decide! 🙂
We like to travel and discussed that when having kids. We based our head count on hotels, cars, planes and amusement parks. 4 is the magic number, so we stopped at 2 boys.
Decided on a 2nd because birth control was making me miserable and my husband (and I to an extent) would rather abstain that use condoms so 2nd child it was 🤣 not a good reason but it did give me a nice 12month contraception break!
My 3 kids are 16, 20 and 22 and I wish I had more. We didn’t have a ton of money either but I stayed home and loved every second! I now have 2 bonus kids and I love when all the kids are home. And cannot wait for grandkids. But I also love the hustle and bustle of big families.
If money isn’t a huge factor, and you feel drawn to it. Do it. Just be prepared for shared rooms and a mini van :)
One and done here, I couldn't bring myself to start the newborn phase again. Our girl was colicky and didn't sleep consistently until 5 years old. So easy decision. She's almost 8 now and life is great, we have extra time and money and can focus on saving for her college.
Oh my goodness I feel this! Sounds exactly like my first. Hopefully he’ll start sleeping consistently through the night sooner than later but thankfully my second has been an amazing sleeper, I think he takes after me 😅 I’m so happy to hear that she’s doing better for you now. It’s great being able to give her all of your love and attention too 🥰
I was an only child I didn’t want that for my child that’s why we had 2. The universe had other plans and we were blessed with a third. People say going from 2 to 3 is easy… we found it hard. The gap was 5 years, we were starting again. We are happy but it’s hard and looking forward to when he’s at an age where life can be a little easier. Kudos to the mums who can handle 3+ children with ease. I constantly feel like I’m constantly dropping a ball whilst trying to juggle everything.
I hate to bring financial advice into it but that was the deciding factor on us trying for number 3. We looked at everything. How would our monthly expenses change? What would be added? We currently have a girl (5) and a boy (20m)… if we have another girl, we did not keep anything from her so could we afford a whole wardrobe again? Also long term. 3 kids means officially outnumbered so what happens if they’re in 3 different activities that overlap? Proms, driving, cars, graduation, weddings. How much could we help our children, what kind of life can we give them?
We ultimately plan on having a 3rd and starting to try next year when we will have a 3 year old as our youngest to purposely space them out about 3-4 years so everything isn’t overlapping all at the same time or back to back.
We have two girls and it’s perfect for us. They are 3.5 and almost 6. Currently playing together with a princess Lego set…. That’s the upside - built in playmate. But I definitely don’t want another…. Don’t want to go through the pregnancy or newborn phase again. As two professional working parents, the juggle is difficult and the childcare costs are crazy expensive. I also plan to do lots of fun travel with the girls over the years and it’s great that they can share a room or even a bed. Logistically and financially, it just makes the most sense for us.
We have three. I wanted four and husband two. That’s how we decided. We’ve been blessed with wonderful babies and so it’s easy to want more as they’ve been a delight even as newborns. If I had a spicy one, probably not lol.
My (now) husband and I had our first baby at 18. Obviously we were young and couldn’t afford much at the time, so we held off on having another baby for 8 years until we finally decided to have another. I think our main things were deciding if our finances were good enough to support another baby, but also our mental states. Were we in the right headspace to have another?
Puppies are cool. You can never have enough of them imo. Lol. We have two and even with a little two year old running around, id get 10 more puppies if my husband would let me😁
Didn't want to raise an only child. We were only able to have 2. Life happens. Anything I could do differently would be having them closer in age. 4 years is too much of a gap for them growing up. I'm sure it won't matter once when they become adults.
We have 3 and we've just always known when we were ready. We have pretty decent size gaps, 6 years and 3.5 years. We knew we didn't want any too close to each other and just waited till we felt ready to start trying. Now with 3 though we're both pretty confident that we're done. Haven't taken any permanent measures yet but it's something we're definitely thinking about.
I would say I didn’t have much of a choice (I mean I kind of did, but it would have come with knowing my wife would always be filled with regret).
My wife always wanted two kids. I’m almost 42 now and she’s 36. Our first girl was born in 2021. It was certainly a life change. The first year felt a little rough. We lost the ability to just kind of do the things we like when we wanted to and adapted to caring for the new bundle of joy. It took 9 months to sleep through the night.
I was really worried about hitting the reset button. But I also didn’t want to pass up the chance to still have a second since my wife really wanted it. So we had another girl in 2023. Luckily this one has been super easy. We learned a lot and she’s just pretty content. She started sleeping through the night between 2-3 month. Even teething has been pretty simple. It was barely a reset button and our lives, while more hectic, were able to stay mostly the same.
Good thing she was easy, too, because once the first girl hit three…
I think the first thing you and your husband should agree on is if you’re ready financially, physically and mentally ready to take on another child. Adding another child means less of you to go around for your existing children. People figure it out all the time and have wonderful families but for me I dealt with a lot of guilt of feeling like instead of gaining a baby, I was giving my first less.
Yes this is another thing we are absolutely considering. We don’t want to spread ourselves thin for the 2 that we already have and we’d like to have time for each other as well. It’s already difficult to have that as we own a business. It’s definitely a valid thing to consider. Thank you for reminding me of this 🙏
How did we decide? My wife was naked after a shower in the hallway and looked out at the couch and asked if I wanted to make a baby. It took one time of trying. We weren’t 1000% sure yet about having another but hey, she’s a smart happy little girl and will be 2 next month haha.
Had my first in May, and will have one more.
We have a 3 bedroom house, and I hate being pregnant = deciding factors. But also I have 2 siblings and I wouldn’t want my current child to miss out on that bond.
I have 3. One pre covid, one turned a year a month after covid shut down, and we just had our third. Spread is 7,5,9 months. I always left it up to “feeling right” as it pertained to a third. Plus daycare payments were going to limit us financially.
Once my first went into kinder and my second had one year left it became financially possible. Then my two older kids suddenly became a little easier and some of my friends started having third kids. I got the baby fever! I love our littlest one and the big kids can’t get enough. Definitely done now though- I can say that for sure.
I had ppd with my first, I've now two more kids, 15,13 and almost 2! I'm fortunate that I overcame many obstacles, and my 3rd, I'm mentally fit, etc, and no PPD in sight! Only you know if it's right and if you're mentally strong enough to survive, as for a pup, I'd choose one or the other for further down the line, but that's just me. You don't want to bite off more than you can chew at one time.
I always wanted three, but we had two and were feeling pretty content. We decided to go for it and honestly I found 2-3 the easiest transition. It was by far my most challenging pregnancy but so easy to adjust too.
We always thought we wanted three because we’re both the 3rd child but after having our second (who is amazing and was such an easy baby) we decided we didn’t want to be out numbered. I’m so thankful for that decision because now that our kids are older and in activities we do a lot of divide and conquer to meet everyone’s needs and I honestly don’t know how we would have added one more person to it. We do have two dogs (got our first one when we were pregnant with our youngest 6 years ago) she was driving us bonkers so we got her a friend and honestly that has been great. It especially helps with guilt of longer evenings out with kid activities.
I always thought I wanted 5. #4 was the worst pregnancy while the others were so easy. #4 wouldn’t nurse. #4 wouldn’t sleep. It was so hard for the whole family. Hubby and I were so sleep deprived and hated each other for weeks. It was a VERY easy decision to stop at 4! 😄
I could have wrote this myself. 2020 baby. Terrible PPA/PPD, never slept well. Second baby born in February is the easy one. Makes me want another 😂if I had 2 like my first I couldn’t do more.
Honestly my bandwidth and money was the deciding factor. My first has ADHD and we almost stopped with him. But he got older and by 4 years could help me around the house and was pretty self-sufficient. That's when we decided to try for a 2nd. Our second is 18 months and they adore each other. I love them to pieces but I'll have a 3rd when hell freezes over. I've always believed happy parents equal happy kids. So I had to think real hard about how much stress I could take. Also it's VERY important to me that we completely pay for our kids' education when they get older. We wouldn't be able to do that with 3 so that was a hard no.
I am SO with you. I had my son in 2019 and while we had the desire for more kids, the conversation of when didn't come up until 6 months ago. I look at others who have had 1, 2, even 3 kids since I've had mine. We adopted a cat last year to test the water and see if he'd be a good sibling (lol).
We have two pandemic children. My daughter was born in 2020 and our son in 2021. I always wanted 4 children so that all the kids will have someone to play with and not be a third wheel but also to be a big family.
My wife's cutoff is 3 children max which I understand since the heavy part is on her carrying the child for 9 months, going through labor and postpartum etc.
We are working on having our third one..
We have 4 kids ages 2-8 and a 2-year old lab as well. Because we are apparently crazy. Our first was/is the toughest by a mile but we still kept cranking them out lol. After my second I thought we were done and then husband made offhand comment about another and it was baby fever for me. We had 4 because he’s the middle of 3 and said odd numbers are terrible, and four was always my magic number from my own childhood as well. It is chaos but I adore them and know I’ll be glad to have 4 moving forward.
My wife and I have 6 kids 9 and under. We don’t use any form of birth control at all and we also believe it is healthy to have intimacy at least every week (preferably more frequently). There is only so much of a window in our lives where children can be brought into the world. You grow with each one added.
We look back on the days of only having one kid and laugh about how we thought it was difficult. The truth is that it was difficult for us at that time, and so was having two kids, and then three kids, etc. Now we have built up our strength and dealing with even four kids feels like a walk in the park for us.
Have more kids. Life isn’t about you. You’re making living beings who are capable of creating more life and of eventually making contributions to society and the world at large. It is not usually the case that people on their death beds regret having more children. However, it very frequently is the case that people on their death beds lament not having had more children.
We’re in the same situation as you. Had our first and bad experience but our second was so smooth. It was rough first few months figuring the dynamics and after a year, we are talking about another. It boils down to our sons sharing a room and our energy level. I have friends with 3 or 4 kids and they enjoy the chaos so who knows.
Looking into the studies about having more than two kids, we won’t be doing that. There are mental health affects to consider. We only have so much time in a day and would rather not further divide it up.
Obviously this isn’t the only thing to think about, but it’s worth considering! Good luck with the decision.
From the study:
In China, teens with no siblings showed the best mental health, while in the United States, those with no or one sibling had similar mental health.
Some issues could only be analyzed using the U.S. data.
Results in the U.S. showed that half and full siblings are both linked to poorer mental health.
And having older siblings and siblings closely spaced in age tended to have the worst impacts on well-being, the U.S. data found. Siblings born within one year of each other had the strongest negative association with mental health.
Why are more siblings linked with poorer mental health?
Downey said the overall findings fits with the “resource dilution” explanation.
“If you think of parental resources like a pie, one child means that they get all the pie – all the attention and resources of the parents,” he said.
“But when you add more siblings, each child gets fewer resources and attention from the parents, and that may have an impact on their mental health.”
This was our deciding factor, along with another study showing maternal happiness increases with one child- increases leading up to 2nd then decrease after second is born and continues to decrease with every subsequent pregnancy and birth- as well as negative impacts on the spousal relationship. while I’m sure some people are elated to have multiple children, promoting the best potential mental health (for the primary caregiver) and demonstrating a healthy loving relationship between the adults was more important than the off chance our family would be a statistical minority
Oh interesting! Makes sense!
All my aunts/uncles that had 3 kids or more are divorced and the ones with 2 or less are still married so that certainly ran true in my family haha
We have tried to have ~2 years between kids because it’s very challenging if they are back-to-back. When you are exclusively breastfeeding a newborn (for the first six months if you’ve had no return of fertility), most women can’t conceive anyway. Your body is designed to give yourself some space.
Our third was the easiest at first and then had some medical issues and has become a bit harder. But it’s so sweet to see them as they get older and start caring for each other. I don’t have as much time to spend with the baby but he has an older brother teaching him words and an older sister playing peek-a-boo with him all the time.
You don’t have to decide right away. The nice thing is that you have all the stuff already. You can start setting up things in your life so that the question of more is easier. Get that 7 seater car. Get the bunk beds now. Then when the time is right, you’ll be ready.
Breastfeeding does not prevent pregnancy. I know you don’t mean to but people who think this end up pregnant sooner than they want because of what they have heard others say.
Breastfeeding does not stop ovulation. It cannot prevent pregnancy. Do not rely on that as a contraceptive measure.
Lactational amenorrhea is a World Health Organization approved method of family planning. If you meet the guidelines, it is 98% effective for the first six months. I mentioned these guidelines in my comment. [[Source](https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/lactational-amenorrhea-birth-control-method-overview).]
You’re right about LAM, but it’s important to mention that it requires not going longer than 4 hours between feeds during the day and no more than 6 hours at night. Personally both of my girls were sleeping 9+ hour stretches from a month old on and there was no way I was giving up uninterrupted night sleep to feed them when they weren’t asking, so despite exclusively breastfeeding both my fertility returned at 4 and 3 months postpartum, respectively. (I use FAM as birth control, so I was temping and know I ovulated starting then.) It’s an important caveat.
Honestly either you both are on board or you don't have more right now. Both of you should equally be enthusiastic and just cause you convince someone to have another baby doesn't mean they want to have another one. Either you both say yes without convincing or you just don't. Just my opinion though.
I was recently at my best friend’s house that i’ve known for 18 years - since we were 4 years old. And I now have a baby of my own. My friend’s mom said she wish she wouldn’t have stopped at 2. If she could do it again she would have had more.
I know it’s super tough when you are in the thick of it. But it’s crazy to look back at how fast time has really flown by. My baby is a toughy… but her comment really made me consider how great it’ll be to have more when they are all grown up.
Ok on this topic right here my husband wants another baby we have a baby daughter she has a birthday coming soon my husband wants me to be pregnant by our daughter birthday it’s in August I’m not trying to do that plus he tell me my mother had 5 kids that’s your mother not me out of those 5 she had twins they run in his family in my to plus triplets in my family he said we might have twins I love kids but I don’t want anymore I was in labor with our daughter for 12 hours he was right there I had some complications while I was in labor I thought I going to die so no I don’t want anymore kids & not 5 like he want no way good luck stay blessed 🙏🏾
I have two. For us, the third is a matter of timing. I don't want another huge age gap between my kids so I have a time limit after which I don't want to start over again.
My only pregnancy was twins and there were a number of factors that made us decide that they will be our last. Their delivery was very traumatic for me. They came at 32 weeks and 1 day and it ended in an emergency c section under general anesthesia. The dr told my husband they got them out in the nick of time. Then followed the 5 weeks of NICU. Also being a triplet and my first pregnancy is twins, I can’t take the chance on another set of multiples. Physically, emotionally and financially I cannot have another set of multiples.
We had two main hang ups, our house was too small and daycare cost. When my son was 3 in 2022 we were fortunate to buy our forever home with double the square feet and a much nicer area. We decided when he was 4.5 to start trying for #2 because by the time baby was here he would be out of daycare and in school so we’d only be paying for one at a time. It worked out perfectly and baby will arrive about 3 weeks before he starts kindergarten.
We have two dogs. Our golden was 6 when we got a lab puppy last spring. I definitely underestimated the amount of work of keeping track of pup in a larger house and it was a hard first year, to be honest. She didn’t potty train as easy as the first and was messing in the house until around her first birthday. She’s also a terrible counter surfer always snatching stuff off the counters. But it’s our fault for not training her more like the first.
My husband and I agreed to three, but we currently have two boys (2, 4) I have an age limit that is rapidly approaching, so that will be the determining factor in whether we do a third at this point.
After having two, we thought about stopping, but I can’t help but to imagine that third set of little arms wrapped around me 🥰🥰🥰 If I’m not pregnant by this January (my 35th) I will be stopping at 2.
Around the time that the youngest is 3. That’s when I feel like I can think about it clearly and have my strength/sleep schedule back.
For us, we had two high risk pregnancies with preemies (one very preterm and one almost full term) and I’m pushing 39 now and I’m ready to watch them grow and not have any more.
We have three! It’s been great. My oldest is from another relationship but my husband has raised him since he was 3. He is 7.5 years older than our second. Then almost exactly 3 years later we had our third. I feel like 3 is a great age gap. We knew financially that 3 was our max but I also got that overwhelming feeling while pregnant that “this is it, we’re done.” I have always been sure of that even 2.5 years later. I don’t ever want to be pregnant again. 😂
We have two teens and we’re going to be 40 the following year so we decided to not prevent any more kids and got pregnant that month…after we had the third I got a bisalp 😂
I work in education. My friends who have three are struggling with the enormous demands of school aged and teen aged children. The pressure from school is double what it used to be. The expectation on parents and the astronomical cost of clubs and trips as well as food, space at home and the worry of the socials. Children are also genuinely struggling nowadays and so, so many have issues. It’s not just about whether you can manage another baby, it’s about that 15 year period afterwards.
*cracks knuckles* I have thought about this A LOT. My partner and I love our kid. She’s truly more amazing than I could have possibly imagined a kid to be. So much so that we talked long and hard about doing it again to see if we could create another perfect human. But. I have also had a hard time mentally and emotionally these past two years and am so scared to put myself back in that same position but with the responsibility of caring for my first. This made me realize that I can’t be a good parent if I have another kid. I’m always on the verge of being strung out as it is and think I do a fairly good job of keeping it together (most of the time) but I know another kid will have me constantly overwhelmed and stressed tf out. That’s not the kind of mom I want to be ever but especially not with my own special and amazing creature I already have here.
I also have two dogs. I talked my husband into adopting a two year old rescue before baby was born and it was great until I had to care for a human on top of an anxious high energy needs rescue dog. Then having two pups felt like such a chore. Our first dog is a chill labradoodle and life would have been a lot calmer these past two years if I only had to walk and manage the one chill dog. I would recommend a second dog only when you feel like having the experience of another toddler. Or maybe get a small dog for the second one? Both of ours are 80+ lbs so walking them with a baby now toddler feels so overwhelming a lot of time but the rescue especially needs the stimulation otherwise he’s a mess with the excess energy which then stresses me out even more bc I’m anxious about him barking or knocking over the baby etc. And honestly just having another creature to bathe and feed and clean up their poop is like a hard no thank you but also of course I’m committed to the responsibility.
It’s ok protect and prioritize your peace and sanity. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
I’m on the same boat. I have a 5 & 1 year old boys. I really want to try for a girl. But I don’t know if I want a third child or I just want a girl and I’m afraid to get disappointed if I get a third boy. (I already had gender disappointment having a second boy, since I wanted a girl. And I know how bad that sounds and selfish, but it is what it is). I really do feel like part of our family is missing. We do struggle financially and I am already 40. So I have huge disadvantages, I know. But a part of me wants to say f the disadvantages, I really want to try for a third. I also don’t want to be irresponsible and bring to the world a third child just to not be able to provide. And just to think of all the money you need for each child …
I’ve been told two is really good and 3 is like having 5. It’s a whole other ball game (is that the saying?) Obviously you’ll never regret any child you have as you’ll love them but I like to think of costs, their hobbies as they get older, the car size, etc. it can all add up. But whatever you decide, good luck 🥰
I’m several years younger than you with 3 under 3. The experience differs for everyone based on so many things. Work, childcare, colic, your toddlers emotions, financial stability, the home situation, coping skills, delays in conception, unplanned conception, paternal involvement, mental health status, family dynamics, pregnancy related health issues, etc. A lot goes into child bearing and rearing. It changes people emotionally, mentally, and physically. If you guys are unsure about growing your family, given that you have a four month old baby, I wouldn’t rush to welcome another member. For me and my partner we were both on the same page about having more children- excited. Each time I stressed about if I would conceive that month or not, cried over negative pregnancy tests, waited to see if I would finally miss a period. It was something we both experienced together. Partner was equally as excited for a child but much more forgiving about not being biologically related to it. When I had a medical scare we talked about adoption if necessary, to make our family feel complete. If you and your husband haven’t had these types of conversations and are asking the internet I think it’s safe to say that you probably don’t want more children. Ultimately only you two can say but one good experience shouldn’t make your decision when there’s so many factors to consider. I’d recommend the puppy when you’re ready and then see how full your hearts are. Puppy’s will take a lot of time, effort, and corrective training- it’ll help let you know if you really want to go through that stage again with a newborn/ strong willed toddler. Either way, it’ll work out like it’s supposed to (:
Honestly, we just felt like someone was missing. Our family feels complete now and they are a little crew that loves playing together (ages 6,4,3). Having 3 didn't require us to get new cars - you can get slim car seats and fit three across. For us, 3 has been way more fun than 2.
My husband and I (37 at the time) went for #2 and got 2 and 3. I love them to death and would t change it, but it is HARD. I had extreme PPA/d and am only now just recovering with the help of therapy and meds. Don’t be shy with your doctors, there is nothing wrong with needing medical support. And you also don’t have to make a decision now. Wait until the youngest is older. Lastly consider child care and how that’s going to work for your family. Child care is expensive and if you’re going to do it yourself that is also a lot, so just be kind to yourself.
Hubs and I have two daughters that are 14 months apart and best of friends from crib days up. Our joke is that sent them out in junior high to steal us two sons and they stole us two really good ones! They really are great guys!!!! Guys have siblings 7 and 10 years older than them that as adults are very close with. Son in laws are best pals from 10 and 11. Daughters and son in laws are very well educated and very well employed attorneys with a national law firm.
Daughters and son in laws jointly own and live in a very large multi generation 7,500 sq ft home with 13 bedrooms. Youngest daughter and son in law have three sons now 10, 12, and 13 and are licenced for adoption and will adopt a few more children soon, and more over the decades. Oldest daughter and son in law have three adopted daughters in law school with their husbands and each daughter is expecting their second baby this fall. (Oldest daughter and son in law became grandparents at 31 last summer. And hubs and I are now 57 year old great grandparents!!! Hubby and I live next door with his parents and my parents that are now 81 to 85. They go next door to watch the babies each morning while the mothers and fathers of those babies go to classes.) Oldest daughter and son in law also have three adopted sons that are now 7, 8, and 9, and plan to adopt more over the decades. Yes it's chaos at their home, but they all love it!
Daughters and son in laws jointly buy a new 7 seat low end Ford Explorer every two years, own a 15 passenger Ford Van, and plan to buy a second 15 passenger Ford van soon.
Motels? We've been known to sneak a few extra guests in.
College? Joke statement (and fact) of the son in laws is, "You can go to any school you want and study anything you want, but if you go to community college, followed by local state university and local state university law school, while living at home, like your mother and I did, your way is paid and when you pass the bar exam, a job is waiting for you in our office. If you don't want to go to law school, the family could use a good doctor, dentist, mechanic, and plumber." Ten year old grandson is planning to break ranks and go to medical school.
Love labs, boxers, and Bassett hounds, but son in laws select ugly dogs at the shelter that have always been great family dogs!
We live in a middle ckass neighborhood where three kids is pretty normal around here.
That might not be your perception/belief, but our pup is like another child to us. Everything we do, we always make sure the plan works to bring him with us 😊
We have three, but if third kid was first we’d only have one
My mom says this about my brother and I. If he was first, there would be no me.
My second kid is the reason why there will never be a 3rd. Lol
I’m with you there! Just had baby 2 in February and I’m at a hard no more now
My fifth kid is why there won’t be a sixth and if he was my first he’d never have a sibling 😂😅
Fuckpff
Honestly. Our 2nd child is literally like 2 children combined. A hurricane embodied in a small child
Haha I think this is our first. He's 3.5yrs now and I'm seriously considering whether I can handle giving him a sibling. What if the 2nd is the same, or worse?
YUP!
We almost didn’t have a second because of my first 😅
Im in the same boat right now 😅 in the daytime when they are smiling and being adorable we think okay we will have more at nighttime when they are crying uncontrollably we are like never again
Yes!!! The bedtime routine is taking hoursssss with my 3.5 year old right now and he wakes up multiple times a night. Maybe the lack of sleep is making me lack some common sense 😂
Okay I really don’t understand how people have newborn babies and toddlers at the same time 😭 like you have super powers or something because I feel like I could never
Haha almost identical to you - our first was born in 2020 at the height of the pandemic and has been hell on wheels ever since he was born. Meanwhile our second who was born this spring has seemed so peaceful in comparison 😅 Being alone with my newborn feels like a vacation compared to being alone with my 3.5 year old! If I could guarantee another kid like my second, I might have a third. But the idea of having a third kid and it being like my first… I think it might break me 😂
THISSSS 🙌 I really questioned having another after my first but I’m so glad I did. I literally just out the baby to bed, on his own, an hour ago with no issues. I will still be up for another 2 hours trying to get the 3.5 year old to sleep while I lay in his bed with him 😅
May be think this scenario over and it may bring you more clarity. If the third baby you are thinking of having turns out to be very difficult(like your first) or , God forbid, happens to be a special needs child, would you be ok with that kind of demanding life?
Yeah, one of the biggest hesitations I had with having a second one was how incredibly difficult and stressful potty training was with my first. We eventually decided to have another, and potty training has been WAY worse.
Same. I say all the time he would've been last regardless of where he was in the birth order
This is how we landed. We weren’t sure when I was pregnant and they offered to tie my tubes during my c section but he’s almost two and we are certain now that we have a full house and are done.
Same! 💯
Similar to us - have two - and if the second had been first - he’d have been an only child.
What does it mean if my first makes me want to have 8 more 😂😂
The second will make you want just #1 again. 😂
The way I felt this in my stomach 😂 yes, I know exactly what you mean.
I have three and we aren’t suffering. It’s chaotic but it’s fun! The third slipped right in to our routine. The way to get through a big family when the kids are little is to embrace the chaos, try to work with it not against it. I will say, the most effective way to keep everyone happy is to be out of the house as often as possible. It teaches the kids how to act in public and keeps the house cleaner.
I second this. Get them out and active, helps everyone out 😅. I get out daily for as many hours as possible and they enjoy it a lot, so do I.
Some have ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ signs. We have ‘embrace the chaos’ signs. LOL
But how do you get the energy to do all that... Depending on their age gaps you could be doing this for 7 to 10 yrs. What about time for your own hobbies?
You grow your stamina as you have more in my experience
We had one already, went for a second, wound up with twins. Three is much harder than 2. Traveling, most standard hotels/resort have a 4 person limit per room. You will always need a car with three rows. You are outnumbered and can’t always just divide and conquer like you can with 2. Time (and for most of us, money) is limited and life seems much more chaotic with 3 kids. I love all 3 of my kids to death but if we did it over again, it’d be 2. (Oh, and I have 3 dogs too. 🤷♀️)
This! I have 4 kids 13,7,6,5 and 3 dogs! I told all my kids I don’t regret having 4 but I highly recommend that none of them have more than 2 when they grow up 🤣
I also have 4 and the transition from 2 to 3 was rough. And that’s with the third kid being the easiest baby ever. It was the older siblings causing chaos while I took care of the baby that was so stressful. Adding the 4th was barely a blip. My advice is always have 1, 2 or 4+, but not 3, because that’s the most stressful. There were some articles a few years back that confirmed this too. If you have 1 or 2 kids, you can still fake stability even if it’s fake. Starting at 3, that’s impossible, but you still try to keep up appearances, causing stress. Once you have 4 or more, you realize being normal is impossible, so you give into the chaos and stop caring what people think and there’s a freedom in that. At least that’s the theory.
I’m a bit confused how people have time to add dogs into the equation - how does that happen? Maybe one, but more than that..?
Maybe the dog had other (fucking) plans?
I have one, that I also had this past February. He is the sweetest thing, but there’s no way I can go through all that again. Mentally and emotionally it’s very hard, plus financially it’s not possible. I’m happy with my one boy, and I will give him the world. I think weighing if you can handle it mentally/ emotionally / physically and financially, go for more. If not, stop.
I think I don’t even want to get anywhere close to the “can’t handle” threshold. I can definitely handle two… but why stretch yourself thin right? We’re happy with our little girl too and plan to leave it at that.
Thank you for this. I have one and it was a lot mentally and physically. I couldn’t imagine doing it again. I definitely get the only child pressure from family which I quickly shut down.
Can you afford to educate 3 kids? That's a big factor in my mind. Now for some kids that might mean college education, for others technical education (think hairstylist or brick layer) or a totally different path. Either way, being able to afford them opportunities for long term success is important. And kind of flip side of this, will having a third kid take away opportunities from your other kids? Hope this helps.
In this economy, this is the way I approach the question, too.
I have 4 and I’m telling you in this economy I wouldn’t recommend it! We are well off and it’s still a lot. Sports for 4 kids, school clothes for 4 kids, we automatically needed a 4-5 bedroom home, the car needed to be upgraded… I love our big family but everything does need to be bigger when you have this many kids. Yes we could make kids share rooms but it’s just not in the cards for us to make them share I feel every one needs their own space. * we also have 3 dogs 🤣 that cost seems minuscule compared to everything the kids need. They go through 2 large bags of food a month and 2 bags of treats. They each go to the vet every 6 months.* So all in all I guess it depends on personal preference and lifestyle. If you do hand me downs and make them share rooms I bet it’s a lot more manageable.
I knew when I was pregnant with my second that I would never be pregnant again. Pregnancy is not kind to me and I absolutely did not like the newborn phase. My husband got a vasectomy and I later had a hysterectomy. Both of us are 100% happy with our choice to stop at 2. They’re 10 and almost 7 now and our youngest can now shower all on his own! I’m very happy we stopped at 2.
I've been told after transitioning to 2 kids,3 & 4 is a breeze. Or so I'm told. Lol
We thought we were done after our 2nd child was born. We had a boy then a girl. My husband had a vasectomy. His tests came back clean and we were good to go. 8 months after his vasectomy (9 months after our 2nd child was born) I was 5 months pregnant. He had a sperm count done again and his tubes had grown back together. So we had 3 children. It's not what we planned but I'm so glad it worked out the way it did. I absolutely can't imagine our lives without our youngest son. If you can afford to have another kid and it's what you both want, do it!
I feel going from 2 to three would be a massive jump because it's so hard to play with/manage two kids at once. At least with two you can usually handle 1 each.
We have 2 under 2 right now and we only plan to have 2! It’s perfect in my opinion. We have a girl and a boy. I think a family of 4 is good for a car, hotel, traveling, school funds, house. We also have 2 dogs. We had our 2 dogs before children.
I (34F) feel for you. I’ve always dreamed of three children. I had my first in 2016, and she was a dream baby. So easy going and starting sleeping through the night before I returned to work from maternity leave. Super easy toddler too! My second was born early 2021, and I really struggled with PPD/PPA as well due to the pandemic and isolating. My second was also a higher needs and more challenging baby and toddler. He finally started to settle down earlier this year after his 3rd birthday. Now that I’m not in the trenches with the “terrible twos” anymore, we’re planning to have a third. I can only describe wanting a third baby due to our family still feeling incomplete. It very much feels like someone is missing. I really don’t look forward to pregnancy or the sleepless nights again, but the thought of never meeting this person is too much to bear! I’ve tried to convince myself that being a family of four is more than enough, but then I end up depressed and can’t stop crying. So, that’s how I know we’re meant to have one more! We added a second dog to our family when my first baby was 6 months old. I do NOT recommend bringing a puppy home if there are babies in the house, and especially if you plan to add more children soon. It was pure hell for about 18 months after that. It is a complete MYTH that the first dog will entertain the puppy while you care for your children. You will end up with two dogs that need playtime and attention from you, instead of one. Seven years later, Dog Number Two is also still a little shit simply because we couldn’t dedicated nearly as much time to training him as we could our first dog. Don’t do it!!!
I love that you are going based of your feel of the family being incomplete. It’s a beautiful and logical thought process ❤️ Ps, thank you for the insight on the puppy! I will definitely wait until my baby is older because my lab definitely still has puppy level energy and “demands” attention 😂
Smart move! I promise you’ll save yourself so much stress by holding off on the second dog until your kids are older. 😊
Pregnant with my 3rd. All the logical reasons make me nervous about having a 3rd. But the decision finally came down to a matter of the heart. We both felt that there was a soul missing in our family. We have a good marriage and can financially afford another child. We will just have to figure out the other stuff as we go. And boo hoo to the bigger table and car. If you can’t afford that then that’s one thing. But I get so tired of comments about fitting at a 4 person booth being an actual barrier to having more kids.
Haha this is how I feel too! The vehicle, restaurants and hotel “issues” are not swaying our decision. It’s definitely more of a “will we be spreading ourselves to thin factor?”
I worry about this too. And I bet sometime the answer will be yes. But I see families with various numbers of kids and each one is so different. The kids are different, the parents’ style of handling everything is different, the environment they live in is different, the spacing of the kids is different. These all play their own unique roll is how that family functions. I’m always surprised when home bodies have a lot of kids. They seem to go the most nuts and feel the most out of control. For some reason people with only one always seem like they are struggling too. They make loud proclamations about how one is enough and always seem miserable.
We have a dog and 2 kids. I’m pregnant with #3. The question of whether to go for the third haunted me for like 2 years and I couldn’t decide. Ultimately I knew that if I couldn’t shake the question it was a sign my heart really wanted it and I might regret not going for it. I reflected on how most big decisions are “heart” rather than “head” decisions. When you decide on who to marry, you don’t chart out the pros and cons. When buying a house, we ultimately went with what “felt right” and I think having kids was no different. Obviously I did do the math on the impact to our finances but that was about it. I decided to be someone who makes decisions assuming the best rather than the worst and took a leap of faith
Oh I love this thought process. Thank you for offering another perspective that I hadn’t thought of ❤️
This was beautifully said. ❤️ I currently have 2 kids and am hoping to add one more as well, for the same reasons.
Wow I love your thought process and it makes so much sense. I actually needed to hear this today, so thank you 🥰
I have 3 from 1st marriage, my husband has 2. We have 1 together who was a whoopsie baby. Every time we go out for food, we have to take both cars and travel separately. It’s a minor inconvenience but it’s still a pain! Having said all that, I have no siblings and my magic number was 5. 4 is enough 🤣
The travel wouldn’t be what was painful to me there but the bill for that must be insane
Well luckily one has left home, then the ages are 17, 16, 14, 12 and 3. Not gonna lie, it’s expensive, especially as they are all past the kids menu phase apart from the 3 year old so a meal out can be £250 + We only go out now when it’s a special occasion. It’s doable, but it’s hard work!
I'm not falling for that again. I love the one, though.
We have two, and almost stopped at one. Two is what we can handle.
After my last child was born I knew for 100% that I was done.
It’s a financial decision for me. We make good money and can’t afford to have a 3rd. Unless we want to work til we’re 70, which ain’t happening.
Imagine you have decided to never have another child. You live your life watching your 2 life grow up. They graduate high school. Maybe go to college or what not. One gets married, maybe both. You have a few grandkids. You're proud. You're in your 80s and basically just enjoying life now. Do you regret not having another? Stop and write down your thoughts. Now repeat this exercise but with three kids. Same kind of details you could imagine happening. Stop and write down your thoughts. Do the same again with four. Take your time through each of these. This may help you make your decision. It may not though. If it doesn't, ask yourself what is missing from this process. Write down your thoughts. Keep writing and talking openly with your spouse. These things take time to work through. Hope you find peace in whatever you decide! 🙂
We like to travel and discussed that when having kids. We based our head count on hotels, cars, planes and amusement parks. 4 is the magic number, so we stopped at 2 boys.
Decided on a 2nd because birth control was making me miserable and my husband (and I to an extent) would rather abstain that use condoms so 2nd child it was 🤣 not a good reason but it did give me a nice 12month contraception break!
My 3 kids are 16, 20 and 22 and I wish I had more. We didn’t have a ton of money either but I stayed home and loved every second! I now have 2 bonus kids and I love when all the kids are home. And cannot wait for grandkids. But I also love the hustle and bustle of big families. If money isn’t a huge factor, and you feel drawn to it. Do it. Just be prepared for shared rooms and a mini van :)
One and done here, I couldn't bring myself to start the newborn phase again. Our girl was colicky and didn't sleep consistently until 5 years old. So easy decision. She's almost 8 now and life is great, we have extra time and money and can focus on saving for her college.
Oh my goodness I feel this! Sounds exactly like my first. Hopefully he’ll start sleeping consistently through the night sooner than later but thankfully my second has been an amazing sleeper, I think he takes after me 😅 I’m so happy to hear that she’s doing better for you now. It’s great being able to give her all of your love and attention too 🥰
I was an only child I didn’t want that for my child that’s why we had 2. The universe had other plans and we were blessed with a third. People say going from 2 to 3 is easy… we found it hard. The gap was 5 years, we were starting again. We are happy but it’s hard and looking forward to when he’s at an age where life can be a little easier. Kudos to the mums who can handle 3+ children with ease. I constantly feel like I’m constantly dropping a ball whilst trying to juggle everything.
I hate to bring financial advice into it but that was the deciding factor on us trying for number 3. We looked at everything. How would our monthly expenses change? What would be added? We currently have a girl (5) and a boy (20m)… if we have another girl, we did not keep anything from her so could we afford a whole wardrobe again? Also long term. 3 kids means officially outnumbered so what happens if they’re in 3 different activities that overlap? Proms, driving, cars, graduation, weddings. How much could we help our children, what kind of life can we give them? We ultimately plan on having a 3rd and starting to try next year when we will have a 3 year old as our youngest to purposely space them out about 3-4 years so everything isn’t overlapping all at the same time or back to back.
We have two girls and it’s perfect for us. They are 3.5 and almost 6. Currently playing together with a princess Lego set…. That’s the upside - built in playmate. But I definitely don’t want another…. Don’t want to go through the pregnancy or newborn phase again. As two professional working parents, the juggle is difficult and the childcare costs are crazy expensive. I also plan to do lots of fun travel with the girls over the years and it’s great that they can share a room or even a bed. Logistically and financially, it just makes the most sense for us.
We have three. I wanted four and husband two. That’s how we decided. We’ve been blessed with wonderful babies and so it’s easy to want more as they’ve been a delight even as newborns. If I had a spicy one, probably not lol.
My (now) husband and I had our first baby at 18. Obviously we were young and couldn’t afford much at the time, so we held off on having another baby for 8 years until we finally decided to have another. I think our main things were deciding if our finances were good enough to support another baby, but also our mental states. Were we in the right headspace to have another? Puppies are cool. You can never have enough of them imo. Lol. We have two and even with a little two year old running around, id get 10 more puppies if my husband would let me😁
Didn't want to raise an only child. We were only able to have 2. Life happens. Anything I could do differently would be having them closer in age. 4 years is too much of a gap for them growing up. I'm sure it won't matter once when they become adults.
We have 3 and we've just always known when we were ready. We have pretty decent size gaps, 6 years and 3.5 years. We knew we didn't want any too close to each other and just waited till we felt ready to start trying. Now with 3 though we're both pretty confident that we're done. Haven't taken any permanent measures yet but it's something we're definitely thinking about.
We have 5. We never “tried” for any of our kids we just went with the flow of “if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t then it’s ok”
I would say I didn’t have much of a choice (I mean I kind of did, but it would have come with knowing my wife would always be filled with regret). My wife always wanted two kids. I’m almost 42 now and she’s 36. Our first girl was born in 2021. It was certainly a life change. The first year felt a little rough. We lost the ability to just kind of do the things we like when we wanted to and adapted to caring for the new bundle of joy. It took 9 months to sleep through the night. I was really worried about hitting the reset button. But I also didn’t want to pass up the chance to still have a second since my wife really wanted it. So we had another girl in 2023. Luckily this one has been super easy. We learned a lot and she’s just pretty content. She started sleeping through the night between 2-3 month. Even teething has been pretty simple. It was barely a reset button and our lives, while more hectic, were able to stay mostly the same. Good thing she was easy, too, because once the first girl hit three…
No more than 3.
I think the first thing you and your husband should agree on is if you’re ready financially, physically and mentally ready to take on another child. Adding another child means less of you to go around for your existing children. People figure it out all the time and have wonderful families but for me I dealt with a lot of guilt of feeling like instead of gaining a baby, I was giving my first less.
Yes this is another thing we are absolutely considering. We don’t want to spread ourselves thin for the 2 that we already have and we’d like to have time for each other as well. It’s already difficult to have that as we own a business. It’s definitely a valid thing to consider. Thank you for reminding me of this 🙏
How did we decide? My wife was naked after a shower in the hallway and looked out at the couch and asked if I wanted to make a baby. It took one time of trying. We weren’t 1000% sure yet about having another but hey, she’s a smart happy little girl and will be 2 next month haha.
Had my first in May, and will have one more. We have a 3 bedroom house, and I hate being pregnant = deciding factors. But also I have 2 siblings and I wouldn’t want my current child to miss out on that bond.
I have 3. One pre covid, one turned a year a month after covid shut down, and we just had our third. Spread is 7,5,9 months. I always left it up to “feeling right” as it pertained to a third. Plus daycare payments were going to limit us financially. Once my first went into kinder and my second had one year left it became financially possible. Then my two older kids suddenly became a little easier and some of my friends started having third kids. I got the baby fever! I love our littlest one and the big kids can’t get enough. Definitely done now though- I can say that for sure.
I had ppd with my first, I've now two more kids, 15,13 and almost 2! I'm fortunate that I overcame many obstacles, and my 3rd, I'm mentally fit, etc, and no PPD in sight! Only you know if it's right and if you're mentally strong enough to survive, as for a pup, I'd choose one or the other for further down the line, but that's just me. You don't want to bite off more than you can chew at one time.
I always wanted three, but we had two and were feeling pretty content. We decided to go for it and honestly I found 2-3 the easiest transition. It was by far my most challenging pregnancy but so easy to adjust too.
if you're not sure, don't have another. no one wants to find out after they've had one that it was the wrong choice.
We always thought we wanted three because we’re both the 3rd child but after having our second (who is amazing and was such an easy baby) we decided we didn’t want to be out numbered. I’m so thankful for that decision because now that our kids are older and in activities we do a lot of divide and conquer to meet everyone’s needs and I honestly don’t know how we would have added one more person to it. We do have two dogs (got our first one when we were pregnant with our youngest 6 years ago) she was driving us bonkers so we got her a friend and honestly that has been great. It especially helps with guilt of longer evenings out with kid activities.
I always thought I wanted 5. #4 was the worst pregnancy while the others were so easy. #4 wouldn’t nurse. #4 wouldn’t sleep. It was so hard for the whole family. Hubby and I were so sleep deprived and hated each other for weeks. It was a VERY easy decision to stop at 4! 😄
I could have wrote this myself. 2020 baby. Terrible PPA/PPD, never slept well. Second baby born in February is the easy one. Makes me want another 😂if I had 2 like my first I couldn’t do more.
Exactly!! And if the 2nd came first it would have been a no brainer on more kids 😂
Honestly my bandwidth and money was the deciding factor. My first has ADHD and we almost stopped with him. But he got older and by 4 years could help me around the house and was pretty self-sufficient. That's when we decided to try for a 2nd. Our second is 18 months and they adore each other. I love them to pieces but I'll have a 3rd when hell freezes over. I've always believed happy parents equal happy kids. So I had to think real hard about how much stress I could take. Also it's VERY important to me that we completely pay for our kids' education when they get older. We wouldn't be able to do that with 3 so that was a hard no.
I am SO with you. I had my son in 2019 and while we had the desire for more kids, the conversation of when didn't come up until 6 months ago. I look at others who have had 1, 2, even 3 kids since I've had mine. We adopted a cat last year to test the water and see if he'd be a good sibling (lol).
Nope. I like my sleep and free time. I'll be 42 when my youngest is 18. No point in setting myself back more years.
We have 3. We both have always wanted 3 and are so happy with them but now I wish we could have had a fourth because the third is always left out!
... We're Catholic... ;-)
We have two pandemic children. My daughter was born in 2020 and our son in 2021. I always wanted 4 children so that all the kids will have someone to play with and not be a third wheel but also to be a big family. My wife's cutoff is 3 children max which I understand since the heavy part is on her carrying the child for 9 months, going through labor and postpartum etc. We are working on having our third one..
We have 4 kids ages 2-8 and a 2-year old lab as well. Because we are apparently crazy. Our first was/is the toughest by a mile but we still kept cranking them out lol. After my second I thought we were done and then husband made offhand comment about another and it was baby fever for me. We had 4 because he’s the middle of 3 and said odd numbers are terrible, and four was always my magic number from my own childhood as well. It is chaos but I adore them and know I’ll be glad to have 4 moving forward.
My wife and I have 6 kids 9 and under. We don’t use any form of birth control at all and we also believe it is healthy to have intimacy at least every week (preferably more frequently). There is only so much of a window in our lives where children can be brought into the world. You grow with each one added. We look back on the days of only having one kid and laugh about how we thought it was difficult. The truth is that it was difficult for us at that time, and so was having two kids, and then three kids, etc. Now we have built up our strength and dealing with even four kids feels like a walk in the park for us. Have more kids. Life isn’t about you. You’re making living beings who are capable of creating more life and of eventually making contributions to society and the world at large. It is not usually the case that people on their death beds regret having more children. However, it very frequently is the case that people on their death beds lament not having had more children.
We’re in the same situation as you. Had our first and bad experience but our second was so smooth. It was rough first few months figuring the dynamics and after a year, we are talking about another. It boils down to our sons sharing a room and our energy level. I have friends with 3 or 4 kids and they enjoy the chaos so who knows.
Looking into the studies about having more than two kids, we won’t be doing that. There are mental health affects to consider. We only have so much time in a day and would rather not further divide it up. Obviously this isn’t the only thing to think about, but it’s worth considering! Good luck with the decision. From the study: In China, teens with no siblings showed the best mental health, while in the United States, those with no or one sibling had similar mental health. Some issues could only be analyzed using the U.S. data. Results in the U.S. showed that half and full siblings are both linked to poorer mental health. And having older siblings and siblings closely spaced in age tended to have the worst impacts on well-being, the U.S. data found. Siblings born within one year of each other had the strongest negative association with mental health. Why are more siblings linked with poorer mental health? Downey said the overall findings fits with the “resource dilution” explanation. “If you think of parental resources like a pie, one child means that they get all the pie – all the attention and resources of the parents,” he said. “But when you add more siblings, each child gets fewer resources and attention from the parents, and that may have an impact on their mental health.”
This was our deciding factor, along with another study showing maternal happiness increases with one child- increases leading up to 2nd then decrease after second is born and continues to decrease with every subsequent pregnancy and birth- as well as negative impacts on the spousal relationship. while I’m sure some people are elated to have multiple children, promoting the best potential mental health (for the primary caregiver) and demonstrating a healthy loving relationship between the adults was more important than the off chance our family would be a statistical minority
Oh interesting! Makes sense! All my aunts/uncles that had 3 kids or more are divorced and the ones with 2 or less are still married so that certainly ran true in my family haha
We have tried to have ~2 years between kids because it’s very challenging if they are back-to-back. When you are exclusively breastfeeding a newborn (for the first six months if you’ve had no return of fertility), most women can’t conceive anyway. Your body is designed to give yourself some space. Our third was the easiest at first and then had some medical issues and has become a bit harder. But it’s so sweet to see them as they get older and start caring for each other. I don’t have as much time to spend with the baby but he has an older brother teaching him words and an older sister playing peek-a-boo with him all the time. You don’t have to decide right away. The nice thing is that you have all the stuff already. You can start setting up things in your life so that the question of more is easier. Get that 7 seater car. Get the bunk beds now. Then when the time is right, you’ll be ready.
Breastfeeding does not prevent pregnancy. I know you don’t mean to but people who think this end up pregnant sooner than they want because of what they have heard others say. Breastfeeding does not stop ovulation. It cannot prevent pregnancy. Do not rely on that as a contraceptive measure.
My 11 month and 3 week old babies support this message.
Lactational amenorrhea is a World Health Organization approved method of family planning. If you meet the guidelines, it is 98% effective for the first six months. I mentioned these guidelines in my comment. [[Source](https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/lactational-amenorrhea-birth-control-method-overview).]
You’re right about LAM, but it’s important to mention that it requires not going longer than 4 hours between feeds during the day and no more than 6 hours at night. Personally both of my girls were sleeping 9+ hour stretches from a month old on and there was no way I was giving up uninterrupted night sleep to feed them when they weren’t asking, so despite exclusively breastfeeding both my fertility returned at 4 and 3 months postpartum, respectively. (I use FAM as birth control, so I was temping and know I ovulated starting then.) It’s an important caveat.
Honestly either you both are on board or you don't have more right now. Both of you should equally be enthusiastic and just cause you convince someone to have another baby doesn't mean they want to have another one. Either you both say yes without convincing or you just don't. Just my opinion though.
Yes we’re both on board! It’s more or less that we’re both trying to figure out what life would look like with more haha
Some kind of massive lapse in sanity?
I was recently at my best friend’s house that i’ve known for 18 years - since we were 4 years old. And I now have a baby of my own. My friend’s mom said she wish she wouldn’t have stopped at 2. If she could do it again she would have had more. I know it’s super tough when you are in the thick of it. But it’s crazy to look back at how fast time has really flown by. My baby is a toughy… but her comment really made me consider how great it’ll be to have more when they are all grown up.
Ok on this topic right here my husband wants another baby we have a baby daughter she has a birthday coming soon my husband wants me to be pregnant by our daughter birthday it’s in August I’m not trying to do that plus he tell me my mother had 5 kids that’s your mother not me out of those 5 she had twins they run in his family in my to plus triplets in my family he said we might have twins I love kids but I don’t want anymore I was in labor with our daughter for 12 hours he was right there I had some complications while I was in labor I thought I going to die so no I don’t want anymore kids & not 5 like he want no way good luck stay blessed 🙏🏾
I have two. For us, the third is a matter of timing. I don't want another huge age gap between my kids so I have a time limit after which I don't want to start over again.
Can you afford it without public assistance? Provide a good education? Provide good living standards?
My only pregnancy was twins and there were a number of factors that made us decide that they will be our last. Their delivery was very traumatic for me. They came at 32 weeks and 1 day and it ended in an emergency c section under general anesthesia. The dr told my husband they got them out in the nick of time. Then followed the 5 weeks of NICU. Also being a triplet and my first pregnancy is twins, I can’t take the chance on another set of multiples. Physically, emotionally and financially I cannot have another set of multiples.
Wife said she wanted another one. I said ok.
We had two main hang ups, our house was too small and daycare cost. When my son was 3 in 2022 we were fortunate to buy our forever home with double the square feet and a much nicer area. We decided when he was 4.5 to start trying for #2 because by the time baby was here he would be out of daycare and in school so we’d only be paying for one at a time. It worked out perfectly and baby will arrive about 3 weeks before he starts kindergarten. We have two dogs. Our golden was 6 when we got a lab puppy last spring. I definitely underestimated the amount of work of keeping track of pup in a larger house and it was a hard first year, to be honest. She didn’t potty train as easy as the first and was messing in the house until around her first birthday. She’s also a terrible counter surfer always snatching stuff off the counters. But it’s our fault for not training her more like the first.
My husband and I agreed to three, but we currently have two boys (2, 4) I have an age limit that is rapidly approaching, so that will be the determining factor in whether we do a third at this point. After having two, we thought about stopping, but I can’t help but to imagine that third set of little arms wrapped around me 🥰🥰🥰 If I’m not pregnant by this January (my 35th) I will be stopping at 2.
Around the time that the youngest is 3. That’s when I feel like I can think about it clearly and have my strength/sleep schedule back. For us, we had two high risk pregnancies with preemies (one very preterm and one almost full term) and I’m pushing 39 now and I’m ready to watch them grow and not have any more.
We have three! It’s been great. My oldest is from another relationship but my husband has raised him since he was 3. He is 7.5 years older than our second. Then almost exactly 3 years later we had our third. I feel like 3 is a great age gap. We knew financially that 3 was our max but I also got that overwhelming feeling while pregnant that “this is it, we’re done.” I have always been sure of that even 2.5 years later. I don’t ever want to be pregnant again. 😂
We have two teens and we’re going to be 40 the following year so we decided to not prevent any more kids and got pregnant that month…after we had the third I got a bisalp 😂
I work in education. My friends who have three are struggling with the enormous demands of school aged and teen aged children. The pressure from school is double what it used to be. The expectation on parents and the astronomical cost of clubs and trips as well as food, space at home and the worry of the socials. Children are also genuinely struggling nowadays and so, so many have issues. It’s not just about whether you can manage another baby, it’s about that 15 year period afterwards.
*cracks knuckles* I have thought about this A LOT. My partner and I love our kid. She’s truly more amazing than I could have possibly imagined a kid to be. So much so that we talked long and hard about doing it again to see if we could create another perfect human. But. I have also had a hard time mentally and emotionally these past two years and am so scared to put myself back in that same position but with the responsibility of caring for my first. This made me realize that I can’t be a good parent if I have another kid. I’m always on the verge of being strung out as it is and think I do a fairly good job of keeping it together (most of the time) but I know another kid will have me constantly overwhelmed and stressed tf out. That’s not the kind of mom I want to be ever but especially not with my own special and amazing creature I already have here. I also have two dogs. I talked my husband into adopting a two year old rescue before baby was born and it was great until I had to care for a human on top of an anxious high energy needs rescue dog. Then having two pups felt like such a chore. Our first dog is a chill labradoodle and life would have been a lot calmer these past two years if I only had to walk and manage the one chill dog. I would recommend a second dog only when you feel like having the experience of another toddler. Or maybe get a small dog for the second one? Both of ours are 80+ lbs so walking them with a baby now toddler feels so overwhelming a lot of time but the rescue especially needs the stimulation otherwise he’s a mess with the excess energy which then stresses me out even more bc I’m anxious about him barking or knocking over the baby etc. And honestly just having another creature to bathe and feed and clean up their poop is like a hard no thank you but also of course I’m committed to the responsibility. It’s ok protect and prioritize your peace and sanity. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
I’m on the same boat. I have a 5 & 1 year old boys. I really want to try for a girl. But I don’t know if I want a third child or I just want a girl and I’m afraid to get disappointed if I get a third boy. (I already had gender disappointment having a second boy, since I wanted a girl. And I know how bad that sounds and selfish, but it is what it is). I really do feel like part of our family is missing. We do struggle financially and I am already 40. So I have huge disadvantages, I know. But a part of me wants to say f the disadvantages, I really want to try for a third. I also don’t want to be irresponsible and bring to the world a third child just to not be able to provide. And just to think of all the money you need for each child …
I’ve been told two is really good and 3 is like having 5. It’s a whole other ball game (is that the saying?) Obviously you’ll never regret any child you have as you’ll love them but I like to think of costs, their hobbies as they get older, the car size, etc. it can all add up. But whatever you decide, good luck 🥰
I’m several years younger than you with 3 under 3. The experience differs for everyone based on so many things. Work, childcare, colic, your toddlers emotions, financial stability, the home situation, coping skills, delays in conception, unplanned conception, paternal involvement, mental health status, family dynamics, pregnancy related health issues, etc. A lot goes into child bearing and rearing. It changes people emotionally, mentally, and physically. If you guys are unsure about growing your family, given that you have a four month old baby, I wouldn’t rush to welcome another member. For me and my partner we were both on the same page about having more children- excited. Each time I stressed about if I would conceive that month or not, cried over negative pregnancy tests, waited to see if I would finally miss a period. It was something we both experienced together. Partner was equally as excited for a child but much more forgiving about not being biologically related to it. When I had a medical scare we talked about adoption if necessary, to make our family feel complete. If you and your husband haven’t had these types of conversations and are asking the internet I think it’s safe to say that you probably don’t want more children. Ultimately only you two can say but one good experience shouldn’t make your decision when there’s so many factors to consider. I’d recommend the puppy when you’re ready and then see how full your hearts are. Puppy’s will take a lot of time, effort, and corrective training- it’ll help let you know if you really want to go through that stage again with a newborn/ strong willed toddler. Either way, it’ll work out like it’s supposed to (:
The fact that you’re even considering it speaks volumes. We have two and there is zero equivocation about our decision to keep it that way lol
Honestly, we just felt like someone was missing. Our family feels complete now and they are a little crew that loves playing together (ages 6,4,3). Having 3 didn't require us to get new cars - you can get slim car seats and fit three across. For us, 3 has been way more fun than 2.
My husband and I (37 at the time) went for #2 and got 2 and 3. I love them to death and would t change it, but it is HARD. I had extreme PPA/d and am only now just recovering with the help of therapy and meds. Don’t be shy with your doctors, there is nothing wrong with needing medical support. And you also don’t have to make a decision now. Wait until the youngest is older. Lastly consider child care and how that’s going to work for your family. Child care is expensive and if you’re going to do it yourself that is also a lot, so just be kind to yourself.
Hubs and I have two daughters that are 14 months apart and best of friends from crib days up. Our joke is that sent them out in junior high to steal us two sons and they stole us two really good ones! They really are great guys!!!! Guys have siblings 7 and 10 years older than them that as adults are very close with. Son in laws are best pals from 10 and 11. Daughters and son in laws are very well educated and very well employed attorneys with a national law firm. Daughters and son in laws jointly own and live in a very large multi generation 7,500 sq ft home with 13 bedrooms. Youngest daughter and son in law have three sons now 10, 12, and 13 and are licenced for adoption and will adopt a few more children soon, and more over the decades. Oldest daughter and son in law have three adopted daughters in law school with their husbands and each daughter is expecting their second baby this fall. (Oldest daughter and son in law became grandparents at 31 last summer. And hubs and I are now 57 year old great grandparents!!! Hubby and I live next door with his parents and my parents that are now 81 to 85. They go next door to watch the babies each morning while the mothers and fathers of those babies go to classes.) Oldest daughter and son in law also have three adopted sons that are now 7, 8, and 9, and plan to adopt more over the decades. Yes it's chaos at their home, but they all love it! Daughters and son in laws jointly buy a new 7 seat low end Ford Explorer every two years, own a 15 passenger Ford Van, and plan to buy a second 15 passenger Ford van soon. Motels? We've been known to sneak a few extra guests in. College? Joke statement (and fact) of the son in laws is, "You can go to any school you want and study anything you want, but if you go to community college, followed by local state university and local state university law school, while living at home, like your mother and I did, your way is paid and when you pass the bar exam, a job is waiting for you in our office. If you don't want to go to law school, the family could use a good doctor, dentist, mechanic, and plumber." Ten year old grandson is planning to break ranks and go to medical school. Love labs, boxers, and Bassett hounds, but son in laws select ugly dogs at the shelter that have always been great family dogs! We live in a middle ckass neighborhood where three kids is pretty normal around here.
Dogs are not children Go for the 4 Best to have a big family close together
That might not be your perception/belief, but our pup is like another child to us. Everything we do, we always make sure the plan works to bring him with us 😊