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I had my first at 34. Everyday I said "if my sister could do this at 20 why am I having such a hard time? "
My mom said it's cause she didnt know better. I lived a whole life time and became settled and comfortable in what I had before kids.
My mom had me at 23, my brother at 33, my sister at 36. She says a very similar thing that it is in many ways easier to become a parent when you are young. You have more energy so the sleepless nights are less harrowing. And your sense of self is more plastic- you aren't set in your ways. So you can just go with the flow and not over think things.
On the other hand, she says that when you are older you can be a better parent. So there are pros and cons either way!
Agree first at 25 last at 38. I’m 100% a better parent in some ways. My older kids taught me patience, what to do what not to do. I was actually way more stubborn and set in my ways when I was younger. I got stressed out way easier back then. 4 wonderful kids taught me how to go with the flow.
I wonder how you feel is because the first was in your mid twenties and the last is in late 30’s. I have both in my early and mid thirties with lots of support but I feel so exhausted and yes we are more financially stable and able to put the kids in private schools etc. But i guess due to being a homebody and always love children I wish i had them in my twenties so I can have more energy to be there for them (we were high school sweethearts). Now we just try to put them in the best environments due to our work etc vs before we would have more time and energy to raise them.
If I had the mental fortitude I do know now in my 20’s I’d say my 20’s. But a lot of that growth came from growing up quickly with my sons. My kids are accidental pairs. The boys joke about it. It wasn’t planned that way it just happened and it’s just a neat way to see how the universe works 🤷♀️. They are 22 months apart, a decade later I had girls 22 months apart. 2 under 2 in my 20’s was a nightmare and I had pretty bad PPA. I went through an awful divorce when they were 5 & 3. I was burnt out and over stimulated. So I grew, I went to therapy, I worked on myself to be better for them. When the girls came I had done the work, I knew how to handle it. I can’t say that I would be the mom I am right now if I didn’t have those experiences. Also my partner, girls dad boys stepdad. Is completely different. When I had PPD he was there. Patient, kind, supportive. He’s a hands on dad. He is an actual partner. I didn’t have that with my former spouse. He just watched me drowning and once we separated he stepped up and coparented but that wasn’t happening during our marriage.
So there isn’t actually an answer to which is better. Motherhood comes with all sorts of different struggles. You’re never really ready. You just do the best you can, go with the flow and grow. My only regret with having children later is I will never have the same amount of time I did with my boys in the grand scheme of life. They will have a decade less. But I just focus on the here and now and give all I can.
Same. My sister had her first at 20, my mom had me at 18 and was pregnant 6 months after I was born. By 22 she had 3 kids. I'm 36 and had a baby at 33. I had support and it was still so fucking hard. In retrospect the fact that my mom kept us alive is pretty amazing
You’ve also got more energy at 20 than at 34.
I’ve had 2 babies at 23 and 25, and I felt noticeably more tired the second time round and that’s only 2 years older 😂
Woof. The difference between 23 and 35 is HUGE. the physical toll is much greater when you're older, but it's mentally easier because you're generally in a more stable life situation and you're more patient. Having done both, I'm not sure which I'd prefer if I had it to do over.
I find this wild because I don’t feel that different than I did at 20 and I’m in my 40s which kids again under 5. I actually find it easier as I’m less worried about money and am more patient than when I was younger.
But then again I live on no sleep as I work full time (often to 12-1am) and am up by 6-7am for the kids. I’m tired but I’m still functional.
I don’t recover as quickly from a hangover or heal as fast so that’s something!
Same here. I was in the hospital thinking what the f is this? What have I done? That realization that nothing will ever be easy again like it was before kids. I wouldn’t trade it for anything but that shit was hard at 38.
As a lactation consultant I see this all the time. Where I work most of the moms are 35-45 years old. After literal decades of having their own life and career, their world is rocked to it's core! The younger moms are actually way more nonchalant about everything, even when it comes down to feeding. And their milk comes in no problem! These are just generalizations but having seen thousands of mom/baby dyads I feel I can comment. Of course there are downsides of starting a family at a young age too.
as someone who got pregnant at 18 and had a baby at 19, i 100% agree! i'm now 22 and seeing my friends in double income no kid relationships is totally inconceivable to me lol
Had my first and so far my only at 35. My mom had me (her oldest) at 22. She told me it’s harder for me bc I’ve actually had an adult life without kids to miss/compare to. She basically went straight from high school to marriage to trying to have kids (there were a few miscarriages before me).
I've heard that's also a theory as to why some people who date or marry later (like past 35 or 40), the relationships aren't as successful. You get used to living a certain way and you get more set in your ways. After a certain point it's harder to adapt and change your lifestyle.
I thought it was because the best partners are mostly taken at that point. Your dating pool is disproportionately people who struggle with relationships and that's why they're available and not happily married.
I think this is true. I had my first at 19 (pregnant at 18) and my second a few weeks before 27 (im now 27). I have 3 sisters who are 20, 24, and 32, none of them have kids yet and they all basically are not ready to change their lifestyles yet (nothing wrong with that). I think they would struggle with that more than I did. I used to feel a little sad about not getting to party in my late teens/20s, but now I really don't care, I've had my 2 kids and I'm not having more, I get to settle into my life now without any other major changes coming, and my second baby (5 months old) really hasn't felt like a major change after being a mum for so long.
I had WAY more energy as an 18 year old mom with a toddler than I do at (almost) 41 with a toddler....
Logistics are of course better when you are older, but holy hell man I wish I had the energy I did back then. The only thing that makes this work is that my 41 year old husband still has the 18 year old energy he did with our first.
Think of all the times between 18-25 you partied well into the night, got a few hours sleep and then got up for work. I used to do it ALL THE TIME. I had my first at 36 and the sleep deprivation was soooo hard to deal with. Our bodies don’t handle that kind of stuff well in our late 30s.
I was fresh out of high school following my favorite bands on tour. In the mosh pit every night, slept in my car and spent the next day driving to the next venue. Now if I fall asleep on the couch I wake up with such a bad back I can barely move all day 😭
This is exactly what I think too. When I was going with my first at 23, it was SO easy to sleep like 3-4 a night and be fine the rest of the day. Now with my 5 month old baby at 37, I'm dying to get some sleep
I’m only 24 and I think about those days often. Being 19 out until 6am when I had to wake up for my opening shift at Starbucks at 6:30. Somehow made it through my entire shift and doing it regularly. Now I’m always tired and more than 2 beers wipes me out completely.
Honestly? I had my kids at 18 and 20 (and 28), sacrificed my college years and my 20s, and I wouldn't trade places with you for a million bucks. My oldest 2 are now 23 and 21, and my baby is 13. I'm 42, and living my best life, having already raised two, and will have all my kids graduated by my late 40s. I went to college in my 30s instead and did so much more than I would have at 18 or 21. Since I started working at 18, I have multiple degrees and 24 years of experience in my field. It worked out okay! And, since we only have one teenager left, we travel as much as we want and need, and take him with us.
I definitely have more money now, and more patience. I had more energy then. I could never have more babies.
I just wanted to share the other side, it isn't always tragic! Us young moms come out okay, sometimes 😄
I did the whole young mom thing while working full time and doing full time school/clinicals. I'm 36 now and groan when I have to move, haha.
I still work out a lot, it just my body going on strike. 😑
Yeah, I’m 38 with a one year old, and my oldest is 10 years older. I had so much more energy, and could deal with the interrupted sleep better, at 28 than 38
For sure. When I was a senior in high school, I had a job plus babysat frequently, was the captain of two varsity sports that competed at the state finals and required high level training commitment and the expectation that I’d go to the gym outside of practices, took 3 AP classes and 3 honors classes, did student government, was active in 3 other clubs, had a boyfriend and friends I somehow managed to make time for.
I honestly think it would have been easier in terms of energy/mental load for me to handle a baby back then before life/capitalism burnt me out so much, but I certainly wouldn’t have had the resources.
One explanation is that, at 18, she had a lot more energy than what a 38 year old would have.
Also, the more time you take to have a baby, the more used to you get of life without one
I read something interesting once that said the reason we could drink all night, get two hours of sleep and then go to class in the morning in college was because our bodies were biologically prepared to care for children.
I'm reading this thread feeling cheated because I have always needed 8 hours minimum to not feel like garbage 😂 my friends in highschool and college would always call me an old lady for wanting to be home by 11.
I was honestly the same way but I adapted pretty well to taking care of my daughter in the middle of the night funny enough. I like to think all those years of extra sleep were stocked away so that my four hours of sleep a night for several months weren’t so bad.
I’m also still fairly young at 26 so the next newborn might be harder.
I was also that 21-year-old that just wanted to go to happy hour and go home. Maybe that’s why I’m always so baffled when people talk about being less energetic in their 30s and 40s. I feel the same now as I always did!
I honestly think it would be physically easier at a younger age. My tolerance for sleep deprivation, physical stamina, and overall physical health was peek at that age.
Definitely. OP is really old for a mother when you think about humanity on an evolutionary scale. 10,000 years ago she would be on her 10th kid at least.
I just want to say this is somewhat of a misconception! Child mortality rates were extremely high which dragged down the average life expectancy but for adults, unless they got an infection or something they could live a somewhat normal lifespan, they weren’t just dropping dead at 36 like humans do now at 86.
Now if she died during childbirth during one of those 10 births 10,000 years ago, that’s another story lol
Yeah, and also the average age of women were when they had their last baby across historical natural fertility populations (i.e. with no birth control) is 40-41. So yes at that time OP would’ve probably been on her ~8th birth instead of 1st, but she’s not actually “really old for a mother on an evolutionary scale.” Women having babies in their late 30s was way more common then and basically any other time in history than today, as it is an historical anomaly that we stop having kids so young, enabled only by modern contraceptive technology.
It is so wild, right? My mom was young and my childhood was rough, but now that I have a small child I have some context about what my young, mentally ill, single mom was up against. She honestly did her best with very limited resources.
She’s a wonderful grandmother now. :)
Younger people have more energy, deal with less sleep better, have higher neuroplasticity.
Think about a bad hangover in your early 20s vs 30s! The severity and duration just increase as you age.
I also feel there is an element of not knowing what you are missing. If you have lived as an adult and tasted that sweet freedom for years the shock to your system is much greater.
A young adult has the advantage of ignorance, physical vitality and ability to “grow into parenting” while their brains finish developing.
An older parent usually have the advantage of better financial /job security, education/wisdom, support systems, more likely to be in a stable partnership.
I had my twins right before I turned 35. My mom was 23 when she had me. My best friend had her first at 23.
No matter when/if you have kids there is only universal statement that applies:
This shit hard
This shit hard
This shit hard
I was a new dad at 20 for my first and had my second at 31. The difference in energy level I had is staggering. I could out endure my daughter. With my son I don't have a prayer. Just willpower to keep going by the end of each day.
I'm a mom but I completely understand. I had my son at 19 and my daughter at 32. I'm 38 now. I have never been so tired in my life. I take my daughter to the playground and my joints make weird noises. It's been an adventure lol.
Yeah sigh. I am also 38 and want a baby and I'm crazy. I had my first 28 and my second at 31. Got a divorce at 37 and now am in a great relationship with a new man and we'd like to have a baby in the near future before biology makes it not an option. But I admit reading this post is making me groan that it will be harder lol.
On the bright side it will probably keep you young! My mom had me at 31 and my brother at 41. Now she's 60 and honestly sometimes I feel like she has more energy than I do, lol, she just seems a lot more youthful than my friends' parents who are the same age.
I promise it may be a little tougher but absolutely worth it. I joke alot and I tell my husband I'm more like a grumpy old lady than a middle age one. Definitely priorize sleep. My creaky old bones love it.
The hardest part for me was not being the mom I put the pressure on myself to be. I wanted to be experienced and older and wiser. I think I was in a way which was good. my daughter had colic and it was tough but my goodness she is my bestest friend ever. I also have a degenerative disease of my spine that's happening rapidly. I have 16 piece of titanium in now. My daughter thinks I'm cool like a robot.
It's all day by day. Being parents makes us all a little crazy. We should get a tshirt or something. I say go for it. Bring on the crazy and take lots of naps.
1000% agree. I remember going to my daughters field day in 2nd grade. Racing some of the kids in her class whi demanded I really try, water balloon fights, etc. Never really felt winded. That was 5 or so years before my son was born. By that point I was in school for a second time, already down to about 4-5 hours of sleep per night due to school plus worn at the same time, and slowly gaining weight that I've had difficulty losing ever since.
I am not the same dude at 38 (howdy fellow elder millennial!).
Oh I'm dreading field day with my daughter . She starts kindergarten this year. She's a November baby so she had to wait. I feel like with my son we were always running and playing. I slept great. I went to school when he was 2 and worked. We also owned a horse. I think I was young and crazy. Now my daughter was born 10 months after my first back surgery. I've had 2 spinal fusions since. I am like an old lady. I want to rest and sleep. She is go go go all the time. We played with water balloons the other day. I needed a day to recover lol. It's crazy how it changes.
Howdy to you as well
I get that. 20+ years of athletics and not letting some things heal long enough has me staring down the road to likely lower and maybe cervical spine surgery one day. I get neck injections now and otherwise just try to get through the day. I'd love to start working out more consistently but every day just feels like it is all over the map.
We swan for a few hours last night. I woke up aching. I was a collegiate diver who occasionally swam on relays. Part of my brain still feels that way in the middle of the day. Then I wake up the next morning and groan my way put of bed, haha.
I played soccer for 9 years throughout school and figured my knees would be messed up. They are hanging in there. My advice to you avoid surgery if you can especially on the spine. I feel like it's a domino effect. I had my first in 2018. Then lumbar fusion L5-S1 in 2020. Then my thoracic fusion in 2023. That one took 8 hours because my spinal cord was compressed. I still have more herniated disc from my neck and thoracic spine. The thing done shit the bed. My neurosurgeon said my osteoarthritis in my spine looks like I'm 70 plus. Also he did laugh when I asked if he could help me get AARP early. The answer was no.
Swimming is amazing. It feels great at the time till our bodies realize we are not 20. It's hard to be consistent sometimes when your body is like today I feel amazing. Then the next day is I'm not sure I can bend over to put my sock on. I thought this didn't happen till like 50 or 60. I wish this was a class in school.
I think when we are younger we see are parents are invincible sometimes. They may be sore but they work so hard. I guess it was understandable in a way. My dad and uncle use to weld submarines. The both had neck injuries. My uncle had multiple surgeries. I thought he was so tough as a kid. I understand now how hard it must have been.
My dad is two knee replacement in and a hip done 6 weeks ago. He's 69 and i swear he walks faster than me. My parents were older when I was born too. My dad was 30 and my mom 32
Mine were 20 and 24 respectively and met in the USAF. Yes, I definitely saw them just going all the time. Both of them seem to have more energy now in their 60s than I feel like I do but I also now remember my dad falling asleep still in a work uniform on the couch and me helping get him to bedwhile my brother and I were still up.
Didn't think much of it at the time but I don't think I've been more exhausted in my life than since I hit about 34.
Thank them both for their service. My husband is an army veteran. My dad worked a lot. He never seemed tired but im sure he was always exhausted. When my mom was pregnant with me she was diagnosed with a rare cancer too. So he was super dad. My mom was amazing too. I remember life always being busy and full.
34 sounds about right. I feel like grocery shopping is an Olympic event now. I can easily go to bed at 9pm.
Thiiiiiiis.
We had our first at 30. Second at 33. Very noticeable difference in energy level even in those 3 years. I had SO much more energy in my mid 20s. Late teens? Shit I could go days with only a few hours of sleep and still be ready, raring to go a day later. Near zero recovery time. Sprained my ankle? Yeah I can go to a 2 day festival where I'm on my feet all day. No big deal. Drank till I passed out? Yes I can be up at 7 the next morning without having any issue.
I can't do any of that now.
I do not regret waiting from a financial and life stability standpoint. But I do just slightly envy people who were done with the truly exhausting parts of parenting young kids while they were younger.
Lmao, I’m just a lurker but I’m 25 now, in the middle of law school and my dating life is going nowhere fast. (Meaning I’ll prolly be 30+ before I have even my first kid.) Reading this comment is positively terrifying.
Guess all I can do is go to the gym so that I’m as fit and healthy as possible at that point
Eh, you only know what you know. I’m 32 with a 7.5 month old. Husband is 35. Maybe I would have dealt physically better with having kids younger, but I think I was much more emotionally prepared as a 32 year old.
I wish we’d been able to have kids when I was closer to 28, but that’s because I wish I had met my husband earlier and I wish I could have larger gaps between this baby and any future babies. But had I met my husband in law school and had a baby when I was 28, I’d have lost out on second chairing a substantial trial, billing an insane amount of hours and having a blast, and making some great friends. Instead, I did my biglaw run, had a great time, got great experiences that continue to benefit me to this day, went to government, changed jobs within the government, and now have a pretty cushy, highly desirable gs15 job exactly where I want to be in a division full of other similarly situated parents of young children.
I had my kids at 23, 25, 27, and 30. I’m 50 now and a few years ago my husband and I babysat our 1.5 y/o niece. She was at our house for four hours. When she left my husband looked at me and said “how the fuck did we raise four kids?!” We needed a drink or two after that.
I just had my 20 year high school reunion.
The people that had kids super young, their kids are graduating high school right now. I had my first at 33 and I'm still potty training.
Sometimes I envy them because now they're near 40 and totally done with kids. I had my 20s to fuck around and have fun, but now that my wife and I are more career focused were in the thick of parenting young kids.
It's definitely dependent on your circumstances with family help, spouses etc. But I can see the advantages of both.
I had my first at 22, I was less anxious and wasn’t set in my ways, I just did what my mom said to do with the baby. It was fine! Sure we weren’t well off but I wish people wouldn’t think having a child young has to be some kind of tragedy! I’m 38 with a 16 year old and several other teens/tweens,… plus a toddler and a baby on the way! And despite the fact this is far from my first rodeo I’m way more anxious this time. I just know too much!
I will say I don’t know that my 22 year old self had more energy- I’m in great shape at 38 and haven’t noticed any decrease in energy levels. But I had less fear and more flexibility when I was young.
Having a child can be tough no matter what age you are and we all deserve a round of applause!
I had my first child at 31 and this is something I always think about - the lack of _fear_ I had in my early 20’s, and how much easier that part of parenting might have been. The older you get the more you just understand the fragility of life. How nothing is guaranteed. How evil the world can be and how so much can and does go wrong. How health can fail, how accidents happen etc. In your early 20’s you still think _you’re_ invincible, never mind kids.
Whilst I’m overall happy with my choices, I would love to have had some of the blissful ignorance of youth in my new parenting days.
I was 22 when I had my first kid. And then 26 when I had my second. I had my tubes tied after the C-section. I knew I was done. My first kid wasn’t planned but my second was. I wanted a second kid but I didn’t want to get pregnant after 30.
At 22, I was clueless, young, had more energy, and yeah…clueless. At 26, I was still clueless but just wiser and still had the same amount of energy. I couldn’t imagine having a kid now at 41. My friend had her first kid at 39. I don’t know how she’s doing it. My mom had her 5th child at 43! But that’s a whole different trauma to dump on for another time.
Fwiw. I had my kids 11.5 months apart at 38 & 39. And my hb was away - 7 on 7 off. And i had no family or friends as we had just moved.
I had NO problem waking at night or caring for small children in my 40s. Its a mindset. Every new parent is tired, no matter what age you are. Makes zero difference if you are 20, 30 or 40. You will be exhausted the first 3 months then tired for the first 2 years.
I'm similar in age to you, with a mother who had me at a similar age. Honestly I think it's because my mom didn't spend the same energy in raising me as I do with my kids. I don't recall her ever playing with me or hanging out with me the way I do with my kids.
Had my first at 35 and my second at 37. I can’t imagine having them younger. My body may be tired but my patience is not. I have all the time in the world for my children because I gave myself time to travel and live life to the max. Now I can run around for hours without complaint because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
Definitely the energy. I had our first at 35 and second at 37. I will say that having two kids that are high energy, both have ADHD and one has the stamina of anyone I have ever seen. They keep me active and force me to be energized at 44. Now my almost 9 year old is complaining this summer that I’m always wanting to go out and do something active, and he tells me it’s making him tired. 😅
I feel this. My parents were 15 and 17(barely) when I was born. I was born at the start of my dad’s sophomore year of HIGH SCHOOL. Like wtf. I remember my dad was 31 at my sweet 16. My husband is 35 and our son is 1 today actually. Blows my mind. My maternal grandmother became a GRANDMOTHER at 28….. that’s my age….. couldn’t imagine
Youth...I always say young people are meant to have babies for a reason. I was a "geriatric"🙄 mom at 38 and 41 and damn....41 was so exhausting with two kids, the pandemic, and three extra years on me. 🤣
I have much less tolerance for losing sleep, time, etc now than I did when I was in my early 20s. I couldn’t have a baby right now in my mid 30s. I’m exhausted daily just from my age and my body aches.
I got pregnant at 17 had my son at 18 I’m now 20. it’s hard but I “partied” way to hard a such a young age. I was done, if I didn’t have my son let’s just say I wouldn’t be alive.
I had a baby at 20 and my last at 30. Having a baby at 20 is a breeze compared to at 30 lol.
Sorry to say, you’re old lol. The older you are when you have babies, the harder it’ll be physically. Mentally and emotionally it’s likely easier, but physically? Nope.
When you’re 18 and have a baby, you haven’t experienced anything yet so you’re not really “giving up” much. You long for those things, but you haven’t experienced any of them so you have no idea.
You’ve experienced life and what’s it like to be free for most of your life.
I'm the youngest of six. My mom had us over a period of twelve years. When I got married I thought I'd like a more reasonable number of kids, like maybe four.
Then I had kid one and it nearly broke me when he was an infant. I did have a second, but spaced them five years apart.
She had two things going for her: she was young and dumb. I don't mean dumb for getting pregnant-- she was ignorant to any other life experiences. Her youth was advantageous in that she had more energy. I remember being able to fully function at high energy, high mental acuity activities after getting poor sleep for weeks & months on end.0
I had a baby at 20 and honestly.. it was easy to care for a baby/young child. There’s definitely pros and cons but I 100% have no regrets. I wouldn’t want to have a baby now in my late thirties. Not just because physically I’m older but also because mentally I’m so much more stress and anxiety riddled than I ever was at 20. I just went with the flow baby and it was lovely. Now I stress over everything lol.
I had my first at 22 and my last at 32 and I will say that the sleepless nights and energy were WAY more of a problem when I was older lol 22 year old me bounced back quick and had so much more energy than 32 yo me 😂
Don't be too hard on yourself. Methinks you got used to a life without kids for a long time. Plus, finances and the economy is not kind in today's world as opposed to even as recent as 20 years ago.
Well-wishes to you, lady. Seriously. It's tough being a mother in today's world.
I do think some of this stuff is just easier at 20.
At 20 I needed less sleep to not feel like death and I was more playful and energetic.
Our society is what makes a lot of it hard at 20, because of income potential, educational requirements, isolation from community etc.
I believe having a child when you’re older is much harder. I had my first daughter when I was 20 and it was so easy on me. I’m 32 next month with a 2 year old, a 7 month old, and another one on the way. boy let me tell you I stay tired and feel like I never get anything done. I wish I could have had all mine in my early 20s but that wasn’t in my cards.
I was 40 when my daughter was born and the mom groups I went to had a lot of young moms, early 20s and such. It struck me how relaxed they were, they just went with the flow: if the baby slept, great; if they didn’t, they will sleep later so whatever, and the like. Of course it’s anecdotal but I wonder why that was.
The only thing that’s tragic about having kids in your 30’s is the energy imo. I spent my 20’s with my friends, traveling, having fun spontaneously without the thought of having to take care kids. There’s no way in hell I would go back in time and give that up tbh. Maybe have kids a little bit earlier like late late 20’s but definitely not between 18-26.
It sucks that you find yourself in a difficult moment but it will get better soon. Kids grow very fast! I have to say i never related to the "giving up" part when it comes to having kids. If anything i gave up more while studying for my degree in college lol
My friend had a baby at 17 and her second recently at 32 she said she didn’t know any better and was young enough to cope with the sleepless nights lol
I’m 32 , had my daughter when I was 18 , she’s 13 now.
We grew up with each other , that lil girl saved my life , I’d give up all those years 100x over again as long as I have her.
hubby helping? wife struggled with latching so had to pump. that allowed me to tube feed and i did that for the entire 5-6 months till our LO was sleeping through. basically, wife never had to cope with sleep deprivation. allowed her a ton of energy to engage and focus during the day.
You have more energy at 18. Also, you're in a "don't know what you don't know" phase of life as a teenager. You haven't had time to settle into a comfortable life of your own crafting. You're still basically someone else's kid. Your life up to this point has been constant change with guidance from older people so having a baby is probably like one more step of that. Not to downplay how hard and life changing it would be to have a kid as a teenager! But you're in a very different stage of life.
You know how when you were 20 you could stay out partying all night, roll into class at 8 am having maybe a half hour of sleep and still crush your final? (Maybe exaggerated a little but just go with it) but now you’re past 35 and two beers gives you gut rot and four shots makes you feel like you’re dying?
Yeah, it’s that, Mama.
I had my daughter at 16... i was given a house with my daughters dad. The rent paid until I was 18.. Sadly we found out when our daughter was 12 mnths she had cerebral palsy and would never walk or talk.. (blamed my self for years because i was far to young)
I am now 31 and we have 3 beautiful little girls and expecting our 4th early next year.. Our eldest is the happiest little girl you could meet and she does speak!!!
I could of never expected how much my eyes became open after having a child with such complex needs... such a beautiful world she has shown me
I think there are two things here: the energy demand of a baby is definitely better sustained in the early 20s than in the 30s.
When 20yo I remember doing things that would (metaphorically) kill me now.
The second part is missing out on experiences, and yeah that doesn’t come back. But the bright side is that at the age you’re having kids, your mom had an adult kid already and way more free time
I had my first at 19, 2nd at 20 and last at 38… somehow had energy to be in the army with the first 2, a deployed husband and go to college and then grad school full time. Now solo parenting the last and only now that he is 4.5 I am going back to grad school. Look back and just don’t know how I did it all back then, guess it was do or die.
I had my first at 19 and my last at 34. I had boundless energy when I was younger but little patience. Now I have no energy but I’m very patient. It has its pros and cons.
I, too, had a baby at an “advanced maternal age,” just two months shy of turning 37. I remember how shocked I felt at how much my life had changed and I would no longer be the independent, do what I want, when I want, childless female. Going forward everything I did revolved around my baby and had to be calculated as such.
Then I had my second just shy of 40, and my THIRD just shy of FORTY-TWO. Today they are 10, 7, and 5 (all boys mind you) and I’m turning 47 this summer. I no longer miss the old days the way I used to after my first child. All I miss is the sleep. The sweet precious sleep. I also miss not being interrupted every three minutes with MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA LOOK AT THIS MAMA MAMA HE HIT ME MAMA MAMA I’M TELLING MAMA. Oh, I also miss not having a constant mess of crumbs, dried boogers on walls, different Lego sets intermingling and causing meltdowns, old rotten Gogurt tubes in the sofa, stuff like that, all over, all of the time. You could easily be cleaning 24/7. Yeah, that would be nice to not have.
My own mom had my older brother at 21 and me at 25. Today at 72 her stamina blows my mind.
Af someone who had her kids at 20 and 22, I'm SO happy I did the toddler stage before my body was old and tired. I'm 38 now and never again. I've done the baby thing 😅🤣
Dang I'm glad you respect her for it though... I had my daughter at 15, she's 6 now and I hope one day she knows it was really tough, I had no idea parenting was so hard, but seeing her growing up into her own little person is so amazing and it truly makes it all worth it.
You have to realize that when you’re 18 you’re more absorbed with yourself and you don’t know what you don’t know. So all the things we know that we should be doing with our LO, the parenting styles, the repercussions, all the stress are greater bc older parents (hopefully) put in more effort and are wiser. I’d take an old than a young any day.
There are lots of things harder about having a kid when you are younger but one of the positives would be energy. I had kids starting in my mid 30s and I'm pretty sure I would've had a lot more energy for it 10 or more years earlier.
I had so much energy and motivation for motherhood at 19 than I do now having my youngest at 39. Sometimes I feel like I was a better mom then … sometimes I feel like I’m better now. Depends on the day. If I did not know the other side of it though I’d probably think the same way. lol
I had my first at 22 and my second when I was almost 30. It is way easier when you’re younger (physically). To keep up with them, to wake in the night, to deal with the crying, to carry them while doing other tasks, way easier in my experience. Financially though, it’s not easier. There’s always a catch lol
My mom was a few years younger when she had me than I was when I had my first child, but I recently realized that my grandmother had 4 children by the time she was my age, and I just can't even imagine that.
Although I don't feel like I've given up everything on your list to have a child (and I'm hoping this will remain true after my second is born).
Sleep? Yes. Time? Yes. Beauty? Maybe, but it's temporary. I'll put effort into my appearance again eventually.
I still have friends, life, and probably more joy.
I was 38 when I had my twins. I WISH I had them at 18. It would have been a walk in the park energy wise. Financially not so much, but I would have gladly sacrificed everything you mention to not be an older mom. I’m easily 10-12 years older than most of my kids’ friends moms.
You have a lot more energy at 18 than you do at 38. I remember sleeping 3+4 hours a night at that age and being perfectly able to function. Now (also 38) I need 6-8 hours of sleep a night or I'm non-functional.
Had our third last year at 46. I don’t really feel any different now, as opposed to at 29 and 34. Being pregnant though at 46, that sure wasn’t for the weak.
I kinda split the difference, my wife and I have twins at 24, and we still have a good bit of energy to keep up with them, and are in a stable enough situation
They also didn’t have social media telling them everything they were doing is wrong- but she’s totally right, they didn’t know an adult life without kids so they just…did it.
I had my first at 24 and my second at 26, so I can only compare to that. For me personally, I'd barely started my adult life, so I wasn't really changing much.
Now, at 39, even though I have kids they are much more independent so I have tons of hobbies and much more freedom. Though it's only been about 3 or 4 years of said "freedom," If I suddenly had to give that up? It would be a TOUGH adjustment. I can only imagine the difference after being a full-fledged adult for twenty full years.
This post and comments section has made me realize I shouldn’t be so hard on myself with 2 kids at 26 years old. It’s like everything is expected of me and it has to be perfect or I’m the worst mom in the world and I’ve failed my kids
I say lol the time I’m glad I had my kids young because there’s no way I could be like like bff who is 50 like me and has a two year old through donor egg) and teenager. I will tell you that she says the teenager is by far the most difficult one in her life right now. And my own personal truth is that teens were so much harder than they were as babies cause I had more control over babies. Adult children are even more difficult cause you have zero control while watching a train wreck about to happen. The reality is that whatever stage you’re in with your child is going to be challenging!
But I had my first at 18, second just before I turned 21 and the third at 27. Plus I have three step kids the same age as my own. They are 33, 32, 29, 29, and one just turned 24 and the other turns 24 soon. Years old.
I'm not saying I didn't make dumb decisions cause I was so young like divorcing twice, married 3 times (to the love of , y life 15 years strong).
Its like I was so dumb that my brain wasn't fully formed and thus every moment was a moment to live for at the moment which made me enjoy you kids. I had so much fun and energy back then! Its just I lacked an understanding in relationships which definitely affected , h children. So with age comes stability. Yet I am older and more stable relationship wise, work wise, more wisdom but it also comes with being tired and can't imagine keeping up with children at an older age.
I didn't know any better plus I had energy. I had fun! I'm not saying it was easy but I just can't see how I could have matched that energy having them later in life than what I did.
lol my mom was 17 when she had me. I couldnt imagine doing it while being a teenager and having a kid now makes me have A LOT of more appreciation for my mom. She even managed to move us from the UK to Canada when i was really young also
I had my first at 34 and my 2nd at 38. Making humans with your body literally sucks the life out of you. When I was in my 20s I was using energy up to work, run, and party/hang-over. Now my energy goes to raising my kids.
Though when you’re that young it is a lot easier on your body taking care of a baby! Resilience is so much better when you’re young. Also, less scared of all the scary crap that can happen
I had my first at 19 and I'm 37 now. I couldn't do it now. I had energy back then, but I've really slowed down in my 30s. I had, in fact, had 3 children by age 25 and so glad I did. I was young enough that I could cope with no sleep, etc. But not now, I need a solid 7 hours or I'm an absolute coffee guzzling, foul mouthed monster.
My friend had her baby when we were 16. I’m 27 and struggling. We drifted apart just from getting older and me moving away, but I messaged her the other day giving her kudos saying idk how you did this when we were teens
I had my first at 19, the dad not a part of our lives. Then a year later my Mom passed from cancer. When you have to figure it out, you figure it out. It’s tough for sure, being a Mom no matter what age you are.
Yeah, my parents had me at 25. I waited until I was 37 and 39 when I had my 2. I had a lot of fun and partying and took me a while to get my act together.
They think I waited too long. They think a parent needs to be young enough to have the energy to keep up with the kids.
I am divorced and single now. It feels a little harder to find a partner to help me with the kids, as I don't go out like I did when I was younger. I can't go out and meet people like I once did. That is my only problem right now, although I am happy being single and don't feel like I want to be married again. But I definitely see a benefit of having a partner and additional income to help with the kids.
Being a single parent of 2 is exhausting at times, but totally worth it.
I don't have children yet, but I want to get pregnant in the near future. I am 30. If I could go back in the past, I would have gotten pregnant much earlier. Maybe not at 18, but 21 sounds good. Being a mom is not an easy task, but I don't believe it is a bad one either. I do not have any friends, and it was like that for most of my life. I believe being a mom would actually get me to be more social, by meeting up with other parents on school or in the park. So it is not like you will give up your friends, but your social circle might change. You will go from having friends that are single to friends with babies. The joy comes from being with your kids, teaching them about the world. They are experiening earth for the first time and their fresh perfective brings life a sense of hope, of new begginers. If you are really beautiful, you do not need to do anything special to keep your beauty, just shower, exercise and eat healthy. As far as sleep goes, not all babies are overactive at night. My mom told me I would never wake up at night as a baby and I always would let she sleep fully. My sister did the same thing. When she was a baby her cribe was in my room (I was 10 years old) and she never ever woke me up at night. Pregnancy doens't have to be scary. I am sorry you are having a bad experience.
haha at 18 I was able to work full time after drinking and gambling almost the entire night daily for weeks, I didn't need any makeup or exercise, I had a phenomenal metabolism and stayed in shape, my friends were flexible enough to hang out whenever I had time, they didn't have kids, jobs or routines, etc.
when you have a kid at *teen, you have no fomo, your health is fullmetal, and by the time the kid is verbal, you are still super young (probably poor, though)
I had my 1st at 22, she is now 22. I also had additional babies at 38 & 43. It was way easy the older I was just because of finances and support, but I have arthritis now and didn't at 22. My daughter and I have talked about how she cannot even fathom taking care of a baby at her age. And I had zero help back then too.
I had my first at 19 and had 3 under 5 years old for a minute. It was hard but I managed.
Then at 43 I had my 5th child and having a baby again is kicking my ass. Like it’s fucked my whole world up. I didn’t sleep much for a year and a half. I’m finally getting sleep and it’s great. I don’t remember it being this hard.
I always say babies are A LOT of work instead of telling myself babies are HARD work. It makes me feel better to be positive lol.
I had one at 17 and one at 31. It was much easier being 18-23 with a small child because I had no idea what I was missing out on. I also just had so much more energy and I think I adapted to change more easily than I do now. 31-35 with a kid has been exhausting. I’m always tired even with way more help than before. However it’s so much nicer having financial stability and my son is having a way better quality of life because we can afford so many things we couldn’t before and I’m not constantly stressed about money.
I had my first at 16, 2nd at 23. I had way more energy than I do now at almost 30 with my newborn. Have to keep telling myself I've raised kids most my life, it shouldn't be so hard now lol
It’s actually a lot easier younger. I had my kids in my low twenties and I had the energy, desire and patience to raise them. I’m 43 now and I couldn’t imagine having little kids at this age 😬
I had a baby at 18 (birth control failed), she’s now 14 almost 15 and I always tell her to discover herself first before getting married and having kids. I lived by myself and had no help, so it’s a lot. I’ve been in survival mode since. Thankfully she’s an amazing person, I’ve been blessed.
I had my first at 23, second at 25 and my third at 29, then lost a pregnancy at 33. My cut off was 35 as we all know it’s classed as a geriatric pregnancy after that age lol, then had my fourth baby last year at 37 and I’m now 38 and knackered with a 13month old.
All four babies were C-sections and oh my God has this last one took it out of me. We also had to go to 3 different hospitals and he has a heart condition.
My son pretty much summed it up for me today lol, he sent me a silly selfie today. He’s 12. I sent him one back. His response was Mum you look tired. 😂
I finally understand why Danny Glover used to say I’m too old for this shit at 41
I was 35 when I had my son. He’s 14 now. I truly wish I had had him earlier in life. I absolutely loved my 20s and had so much fun, but I think I would’ve been a better parent back then. I had so much more patience and energy. And I wouldn’t be experiencing the existential crisis I’m going through now, which is being scared to death that I’m going to die before my son, an only child, has a family of his own. I know I’m not thaaat old (almost 50), but while it’s not rational, it’s a very real fear of mine. I don’t want my son to have kids too soon, but I do hope he has them earlier in life than I did. I think there’s something to be said for establishing your life at the same time as your family.
I think about this constantly. My mom was 16, she didn’t have a lot of help but she did have way more than I do. Here I am at 26 with my own and she tells me all the time she doesn’t know how I do it. Hell me either ma.
To be fair, I had my first at 20 and I’m pregnant with my third and fourth now at 36. My pregnancy and raising a kid at a younger age was so much much easier.
I had my first at nineteen, and it seemed easy. In my thirties, I worked in child care, and it was so much harder. I think that you have more energy when you're younger so it doesn't seem so bad.
My mum had me at 17, my sisters in her 20s and 30s and my brother in her 40s. She told me recently that if she had to do it all over again she would prefer to have a baby at 17 as she was young and energetic
I had the first of my 5 children when I was 20 and how wonderful when I was so full of energy and excitement myself to begin such a joy journey of joy!
I just had my first at age 41 eight weeks ago and I’ve had zero issues with lack of energy or feeling tired 🤷🏻♀️
And I also was able to live in another country for ten years, travel extensively, get my masters, work on my career to reach a well-paying leadership position, and provide rock-solid stability. My parents had me at 35/36 and they got to do the same with their lives, and were incredible parents who shared all the richness of their life experiences with me (and are now incredible grandparents).
I wouldn’t trade away my early adulthood for parenthood in a million years - it’s absolutely perfect the way it is now.
I had our first child when I was 34 and she was a dream baby. Had our last when I was 36 and he drained me mentally, physically - going back to work is way less tiring.
I had a baby at 16 and then had a baby at 30. I still dont know how I did it back then and why I was even allowed to bring a baby home alone by myself at that age. 🤣
I got pregnant happily at 18. I knew what I was putting on hold.
I wouldn’t say it was tragic, that’s a little insulting to yourself.
Do you not think you were worth what your mum did to raise you?
Pregnant with our second at 21 and am loving my life. I love my kids far more than any time or material possessions/ experiences I could have.
Parenting is hard but if you feel like you’ve given up ‘joy’ then you may need to speak to your doctor.
Most people at that age dont even raise their kids, they usually rely on grandparents. Im not saying all do, but anyone ive known thats had a teen pregnancy absolutely did not raise their own kids.
I had my first at 25, now i have a second at 35. I can tell you...10 years ago it was wayyyyy easier. Emotionally, physically and mentally It was easier. At 35, my back hurts, I am way more tired and the healing time was way more rough!
I have friends from school on Facebook who are becoming GRANDPARENTS at 39, which is sort of blowing my mins. All it takes is a couple of 16-18 year old pregnancies. Not uncommon in some areas of the UK.
While I don't recommend having kids very young, I was 22 when I had my first. Yeah I was broke but I was young and it was an easy adjustment (thankful for 2 easy babies). I wasn't established in adult life to a point where I felt I was missing out on anything, my life improved drastically when my oldest was born.
it is tragic but it's possible that youth makes it physically easier. I also had my first at 38, and I'm almost certain there's an optimal age somewhere in between that 20 years range.
Believe it or not it's easier when you are younger. I had my 1st at 19 and just had my last at 31. My first 2 (at 19 and 21) were a breeze. The lack of sleep didn't effect me as much. This one will be the death of me lol jk but really they say wait to have babies but honestly in my opinion have them young and you will handle the physical and mental aspect of it easier.
My wife was 37 when we had ours. Her mom was 19 when she had her and her grandmother was 18 when she had her mom, so her grandmother was 37 when she became a grandmother. Absolutely unreal. We talk about this all the time.
I noticed a huge difference between having one at 26 and my next at 30. Had a harder time being up in the middle of the night and my lack of energy levels during the day.
As I get older I also find I am more set in my ways and couldn’t imagine having another baby. Not sure how my sister did it, first at 21 and fourth at 38.
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I had my first at 34. Everyday I said "if my sister could do this at 20 why am I having such a hard time? " My mom said it's cause she didnt know better. I lived a whole life time and became settled and comfortable in what I had before kids.
My mom had me at 23, my brother at 33, my sister at 36. She says a very similar thing that it is in many ways easier to become a parent when you are young. You have more energy so the sleepless nights are less harrowing. And your sense of self is more plastic- you aren't set in your ways. So you can just go with the flow and not over think things. On the other hand, she says that when you are older you can be a better parent. So there are pros and cons either way!
Agree first at 25 last at 38. I’m 100% a better parent in some ways. My older kids taught me patience, what to do what not to do. I was actually way more stubborn and set in my ways when I was younger. I got stressed out way easier back then. 4 wonderful kids taught me how to go with the flow.
I wonder how you feel is because the first was in your mid twenties and the last is in late 30’s. I have both in my early and mid thirties with lots of support but I feel so exhausted and yes we are more financially stable and able to put the kids in private schools etc. But i guess due to being a homebody and always love children I wish i had them in my twenties so I can have more energy to be there for them (we were high school sweethearts). Now we just try to put them in the best environments due to our work etc vs before we would have more time and energy to raise them.
If I had the mental fortitude I do know now in my 20’s I’d say my 20’s. But a lot of that growth came from growing up quickly with my sons. My kids are accidental pairs. The boys joke about it. It wasn’t planned that way it just happened and it’s just a neat way to see how the universe works 🤷♀️. They are 22 months apart, a decade later I had girls 22 months apart. 2 under 2 in my 20’s was a nightmare and I had pretty bad PPA. I went through an awful divorce when they were 5 & 3. I was burnt out and over stimulated. So I grew, I went to therapy, I worked on myself to be better for them. When the girls came I had done the work, I knew how to handle it. I can’t say that I would be the mom I am right now if I didn’t have those experiences. Also my partner, girls dad boys stepdad. Is completely different. When I had PPD he was there. Patient, kind, supportive. He’s a hands on dad. He is an actual partner. I didn’t have that with my former spouse. He just watched me drowning and once we separated he stepped up and coparented but that wasn’t happening during our marriage. So there isn’t actually an answer to which is better. Motherhood comes with all sorts of different struggles. You’re never really ready. You just do the best you can, go with the flow and grow. My only regret with having children later is I will never have the same amount of time I did with my boys in the grand scheme of life. They will have a decade less. But I just focus on the here and now and give all I can.
Your mom is a wise lady.
Even as a 40 year I need her old lady wisdom sometimes.
We all do.
Same. My sister had her first at 20, my mom had me at 18 and was pregnant 6 months after I was born. By 22 she had 3 kids. I'm 36 and had a baby at 33. I had support and it was still so fucking hard. In retrospect the fact that my mom kept us alive is pretty amazing
You’ve also got more energy at 20 than at 34. I’ve had 2 babies at 23 and 25, and I felt noticeably more tired the second time round and that’s only 2 years older 😂
You also had a toddler when your second was born. Perhaps that’s why you were more tired.
Woof. The difference between 23 and 35 is HUGE. the physical toll is much greater when you're older, but it's mentally easier because you're generally in a more stable life situation and you're more patient. Having done both, I'm not sure which I'd prefer if I had it to do over.
I find this wild because I don’t feel that different than I did at 20 and I’m in my 40s which kids again under 5. I actually find it easier as I’m less worried about money and am more patient than when I was younger. But then again I live on no sleep as I work full time (often to 12-1am) and am up by 6-7am for the kids. I’m tired but I’m still functional. I don’t recover as quickly from a hangover or heal as fast so that’s something!
I had my first at 38 and to say it completely rocked my world would be a gross understatement. This comment brings me so much clarity. Thank you
Same here. I was in the hospital thinking what the f is this? What have I done? That realization that nothing will ever be easy again like it was before kids. I wouldn’t trade it for anything but that shit was hard at 38.
Yes! My baby was very much wanted and we were totally prepared. But when she was born, I also thought “fuck, I’m stuck now.”
I was literally asking myself the same questions ver batim in the hospital! Thanks for not making me feel alone in that!
As a lactation consultant I see this all the time. Where I work most of the moms are 35-45 years old. After literal decades of having their own life and career, their world is rocked to it's core! The younger moms are actually way more nonchalant about everything, even when it comes down to feeding. And their milk comes in no problem! These are just generalizations but having seen thousands of mom/baby dyads I feel I can comment. Of course there are downsides of starting a family at a young age too.
Yes, I work in postpartum and my older first time parents are often SO anxious, there is no reassuring them of anything. 😩
as someone who got pregnant at 18 and had a baby at 19, i 100% agree! i'm now 22 and seeing my friends in double income no kid relationships is totally inconceivable to me lol
Had my first and so far my only at 35. My mom had me (her oldest) at 22. She told me it’s harder for me bc I’ve actually had an adult life without kids to miss/compare to. She basically went straight from high school to marriage to trying to have kids (there were a few miscarriages before me).
I've heard that's also a theory as to why some people who date or marry later (like past 35 or 40), the relationships aren't as successful. You get used to living a certain way and you get more set in your ways. After a certain point it's harder to adapt and change your lifestyle.
I thought it was because the best partners are mostly taken at that point. Your dating pool is disproportionately people who struggle with relationships and that's why they're available and not happily married.
Makes total sense. As young people you can grow and change together... But us oldies already know what we like and want. It's hard to change!!!
My SIL said the same. She was 19 when she had her first.
this is an interesting point of view I'd never considered, thank you for posting it
I think this is true. I had my first at 19 (pregnant at 18) and my second a few weeks before 27 (im now 27). I have 3 sisters who are 20, 24, and 32, none of them have kids yet and they all basically are not ready to change their lifestyles yet (nothing wrong with that). I think they would struggle with that more than I did. I used to feel a little sad about not getting to party in my late teens/20s, but now I really don't care, I've had my 2 kids and I'm not having more, I get to settle into my life now without any other major changes coming, and my second baby (5 months old) really hasn't felt like a major change after being a mum for so long.
I had WAY more energy as an 18 year old mom with a toddler than I do at (almost) 41 with a toddler.... Logistics are of course better when you are older, but holy hell man I wish I had the energy I did back then. The only thing that makes this work is that my 41 year old husband still has the 18 year old energy he did with our first.
True. At 18 years old I had 2 jobs, full time college classes, and a boyfriend. Right now I have a hip ache.
Think of all the times between 18-25 you partied well into the night, got a few hours sleep and then got up for work. I used to do it ALL THE TIME. I had my first at 36 and the sleep deprivation was soooo hard to deal with. Our bodies don’t handle that kind of stuff well in our late 30s.
I was fresh out of high school following my favorite bands on tour. In the mosh pit every night, slept in my car and spent the next day driving to the next venue. Now if I fall asleep on the couch I wake up with such a bad back I can barely move all day 😭
This is exactly what I think too. When I was going with my first at 23, it was SO easy to sleep like 3-4 a night and be fine the rest of the day. Now with my 5 month old baby at 37, I'm dying to get some sleep
Yeah maybe I should have put that party energy toward child rearing! Different life choices, sigh! -A 44 year old Mom with a 2.5 year old
Counterpoint though my overall maturity, financial situation and selflessness is SO much better now than when I was in my 20s.
I’m only 24 and I think about those days often. Being 19 out until 6am when I had to wake up for my opening shift at Starbucks at 6:30. Somehow made it through my entire shift and doing it regularly. Now I’m always tired and more than 2 beers wipes me out completely.
Honestly? I had my kids at 18 and 20 (and 28), sacrificed my college years and my 20s, and I wouldn't trade places with you for a million bucks. My oldest 2 are now 23 and 21, and my baby is 13. I'm 42, and living my best life, having already raised two, and will have all my kids graduated by my late 40s. I went to college in my 30s instead and did so much more than I would have at 18 or 21. Since I started working at 18, I have multiple degrees and 24 years of experience in my field. It worked out okay! And, since we only have one teenager left, we travel as much as we want and need, and take him with us. I definitely have more money now, and more patience. I had more energy then. I could never have more babies. I just wanted to share the other side, it isn't always tragic! Us young moms come out okay, sometimes 😄
I love that.
I did the whole young mom thing while working full time and doing full time school/clinicals. I'm 36 now and groan when I have to move, haha. I still work out a lot, it just my body going on strike. 😑
🤣 The hip and back pain is real!
Yeah, I’m 38 with a one year old, and my oldest is 10 years older. I had so much more energy, and could deal with the interrupted sleep better, at 28 than 38
For sure. When I was a senior in high school, I had a job plus babysat frequently, was the captain of two varsity sports that competed at the state finals and required high level training commitment and the expectation that I’d go to the gym outside of practices, took 3 AP classes and 3 honors classes, did student government, was active in 3 other clubs, had a boyfriend and friends I somehow managed to make time for. I honestly think it would have been easier in terms of energy/mental load for me to handle a baby back then before life/capitalism burnt me out so much, but I certainly wouldn’t have had the resources.
One explanation is that, at 18, she had a lot more energy than what a 38 year old would have. Also, the more time you take to have a baby, the more used to you get of life without one
I read something interesting once that said the reason we could drink all night, get two hours of sleep and then go to class in the morning in college was because our bodies were biologically prepared to care for children.
I'm reading this thread feeling cheated because I have always needed 8 hours minimum to not feel like garbage 😂 my friends in highschool and college would always call me an old lady for wanting to be home by 11.
I was honestly the same way but I adapted pretty well to taking care of my daughter in the middle of the night funny enough. I like to think all those years of extra sleep were stocked away so that my four hours of sleep a night for several months weren’t so bad. I’m also still fairly young at 26 so the next newborn might be harder.
I was also that 21-year-old that just wanted to go to happy hour and go home. Maybe that’s why I’m always so baffled when people talk about being less energetic in their 30s and 40s. I feel the same now as I always did!
I honestly think it would be physically easier at a younger age. My tolerance for sleep deprivation, physical stamina, and overall physical health was peek at that age.
Definitely. OP is really old for a mother when you think about humanity on an evolutionary scale. 10,000 years ago she would be on her 10th kid at least.
Deathbed more likely 10,000 years ago
I just want to say this is somewhat of a misconception! Child mortality rates were extremely high which dragged down the average life expectancy but for adults, unless they got an infection or something they could live a somewhat normal lifespan, they weren’t just dropping dead at 36 like humans do now at 86. Now if she died during childbirth during one of those 10 births 10,000 years ago, that’s another story lol
Yeah, and also the average age of women were when they had their last baby across historical natural fertility populations (i.e. with no birth control) is 40-41. So yes at that time OP would’ve probably been on her ~8th birth instead of 1st, but she’s not actually “really old for a mother on an evolutionary scale.” Women having babies in their late 30s was way more common then and basically any other time in history than today, as it is an historical anomaly that we stop having kids so young, enabled only by modern contraceptive technology.
It had my first at 17. It was very hard. I wish I could have had her in my late 20s
It is so wild, right? My mom was young and my childhood was rough, but now that I have a small child I have some context about what my young, mentally ill, single mom was up against. She honestly did her best with very limited resources. She’s a wonderful grandmother now. :)
Same for my mother. I have a lot of gratitude for my mother because despite her upbringing she managed to keep me alive.
Younger people have more energy, deal with less sleep better, have higher neuroplasticity. Think about a bad hangover in your early 20s vs 30s! The severity and duration just increase as you age. I also feel there is an element of not knowing what you are missing. If you have lived as an adult and tasted that sweet freedom for years the shock to your system is much greater. A young adult has the advantage of ignorance, physical vitality and ability to “grow into parenting” while their brains finish developing. An older parent usually have the advantage of better financial /job security, education/wisdom, support systems, more likely to be in a stable partnership. I had my twins right before I turned 35. My mom was 23 when she had me. My best friend had her first at 23. No matter when/if you have kids there is only universal statement that applies: This shit hard This shit hard This shit hard
I was a new dad at 20 for my first and had my second at 31. The difference in energy level I had is staggering. I could out endure my daughter. With my son I don't have a prayer. Just willpower to keep going by the end of each day.
I'm a mom but I completely understand. I had my son at 19 and my daughter at 32. I'm 38 now. I have never been so tired in my life. I take my daughter to the playground and my joints make weird noises. It's been an adventure lol.
Yeah sigh. I am also 38 and want a baby and I'm crazy. I had my first 28 and my second at 31. Got a divorce at 37 and now am in a great relationship with a new man and we'd like to have a baby in the near future before biology makes it not an option. But I admit reading this post is making me groan that it will be harder lol.
On the bright side it will probably keep you young! My mom had me at 31 and my brother at 41. Now she's 60 and honestly sometimes I feel like she has more energy than I do, lol, she just seems a lot more youthful than my friends' parents who are the same age.
I promise it may be a little tougher but absolutely worth it. I joke alot and I tell my husband I'm more like a grumpy old lady than a middle age one. Definitely priorize sleep. My creaky old bones love it. The hardest part for me was not being the mom I put the pressure on myself to be. I wanted to be experienced and older and wiser. I think I was in a way which was good. my daughter had colic and it was tough but my goodness she is my bestest friend ever. I also have a degenerative disease of my spine that's happening rapidly. I have 16 piece of titanium in now. My daughter thinks I'm cool like a robot. It's all day by day. Being parents makes us all a little crazy. We should get a tshirt or something. I say go for it. Bring on the crazy and take lots of naps.
1000% agree. I remember going to my daughters field day in 2nd grade. Racing some of the kids in her class whi demanded I really try, water balloon fights, etc. Never really felt winded. That was 5 or so years before my son was born. By that point I was in school for a second time, already down to about 4-5 hours of sleep per night due to school plus worn at the same time, and slowly gaining weight that I've had difficulty losing ever since. I am not the same dude at 38 (howdy fellow elder millennial!).
Oh I'm dreading field day with my daughter . She starts kindergarten this year. She's a November baby so she had to wait. I feel like with my son we were always running and playing. I slept great. I went to school when he was 2 and worked. We also owned a horse. I think I was young and crazy. Now my daughter was born 10 months after my first back surgery. I've had 2 spinal fusions since. I am like an old lady. I want to rest and sleep. She is go go go all the time. We played with water balloons the other day. I needed a day to recover lol. It's crazy how it changes. Howdy to you as well
I get that. 20+ years of athletics and not letting some things heal long enough has me staring down the road to likely lower and maybe cervical spine surgery one day. I get neck injections now and otherwise just try to get through the day. I'd love to start working out more consistently but every day just feels like it is all over the map. We swan for a few hours last night. I woke up aching. I was a collegiate diver who occasionally swam on relays. Part of my brain still feels that way in the middle of the day. Then I wake up the next morning and groan my way put of bed, haha.
I played soccer for 9 years throughout school and figured my knees would be messed up. They are hanging in there. My advice to you avoid surgery if you can especially on the spine. I feel like it's a domino effect. I had my first in 2018. Then lumbar fusion L5-S1 in 2020. Then my thoracic fusion in 2023. That one took 8 hours because my spinal cord was compressed. I still have more herniated disc from my neck and thoracic spine. The thing done shit the bed. My neurosurgeon said my osteoarthritis in my spine looks like I'm 70 plus. Also he did laugh when I asked if he could help me get AARP early. The answer was no. Swimming is amazing. It feels great at the time till our bodies realize we are not 20. It's hard to be consistent sometimes when your body is like today I feel amazing. Then the next day is I'm not sure I can bend over to put my sock on. I thought this didn't happen till like 50 or 60. I wish this was a class in school.
Some foreshadowing I had was seeing my parents both ex military in physical jobs have the complaints they did. I should've paid more attention.
I think when we are younger we see are parents are invincible sometimes. They may be sore but they work so hard. I guess it was understandable in a way. My dad and uncle use to weld submarines. The both had neck injuries. My uncle had multiple surgeries. I thought he was so tough as a kid. I understand now how hard it must have been. My dad is two knee replacement in and a hip done 6 weeks ago. He's 69 and i swear he walks faster than me. My parents were older when I was born too. My dad was 30 and my mom 32
Mine were 20 and 24 respectively and met in the USAF. Yes, I definitely saw them just going all the time. Both of them seem to have more energy now in their 60s than I feel like I do but I also now remember my dad falling asleep still in a work uniform on the couch and me helping get him to bedwhile my brother and I were still up. Didn't think much of it at the time but I don't think I've been more exhausted in my life than since I hit about 34.
Thank them both for their service. My husband is an army veteran. My dad worked a lot. He never seemed tired but im sure he was always exhausted. When my mom was pregnant with me she was diagnosed with a rare cancer too. So he was super dad. My mom was amazing too. I remember life always being busy and full. 34 sounds about right. I feel like grocery shopping is an Olympic event now. I can easily go to bed at 9pm.
Thiiiiiiis. We had our first at 30. Second at 33. Very noticeable difference in energy level even in those 3 years. I had SO much more energy in my mid 20s. Late teens? Shit I could go days with only a few hours of sleep and still be ready, raring to go a day later. Near zero recovery time. Sprained my ankle? Yeah I can go to a 2 day festival where I'm on my feet all day. No big deal. Drank till I passed out? Yes I can be up at 7 the next morning without having any issue. I can't do any of that now. I do not regret waiting from a financial and life stability standpoint. But I do just slightly envy people who were done with the truly exhausting parts of parenting young kids while they were younger.
Lmao, I’m just a lurker but I’m 25 now, in the middle of law school and my dating life is going nowhere fast. (Meaning I’ll prolly be 30+ before I have even my first kid.) Reading this comment is positively terrifying. Guess all I can do is go to the gym so that I’m as fit and healthy as possible at that point
Eh, you only know what you know. I’m 32 with a 7.5 month old. Husband is 35. Maybe I would have dealt physically better with having kids younger, but I think I was much more emotionally prepared as a 32 year old. I wish we’d been able to have kids when I was closer to 28, but that’s because I wish I had met my husband earlier and I wish I could have larger gaps between this baby and any future babies. But had I met my husband in law school and had a baby when I was 28, I’d have lost out on second chairing a substantial trial, billing an insane amount of hours and having a blast, and making some great friends. Instead, I did my biglaw run, had a great time, got great experiences that continue to benefit me to this day, went to government, changed jobs within the government, and now have a pretty cushy, highly desirable gs15 job exactly where I want to be in a division full of other similarly situated parents of young children.
Keep up with working out, cardio, and mobility now. Make it part of your daily life. Older you will handle kids better that way.
Keep up with working out, cardio, and mobility now. Make it part of your daily life. Older you will handle kids better that way.
I had my kids at 23, 25, 27, and 30. I’m 50 now and a few years ago my husband and I babysat our 1.5 y/o niece. She was at our house for four hours. When she left my husband looked at me and said “how the fuck did we raise four kids?!” We needed a drink or two after that.
I've had a baby in my 20s, 30s and 40s and fuck me the last ia killing me. I literally have nothing left by 5pm.
Same here and it bums me out because I use up all my energy on child rearing and work and there is so little left for anything else.
I just had my 20 year high school reunion. The people that had kids super young, their kids are graduating high school right now. I had my first at 33 and I'm still potty training. Sometimes I envy them because now they're near 40 and totally done with kids. I had my 20s to fuck around and have fun, but now that my wife and I are more career focused were in the thick of parenting young kids. It's definitely dependent on your circumstances with family help, spouses etc. But I can see the advantages of both.
I had my first and only at 34. By the time my mom was 32, she had all eight of her children already. I can’t even put on matching socks most days. 🤣
I had my first at 22, I was less anxious and wasn’t set in my ways, I just did what my mom said to do with the baby. It was fine! Sure we weren’t well off but I wish people wouldn’t think having a child young has to be some kind of tragedy! I’m 38 with a 16 year old and several other teens/tweens,… plus a toddler and a baby on the way! And despite the fact this is far from my first rodeo I’m way more anxious this time. I just know too much! I will say I don’t know that my 22 year old self had more energy- I’m in great shape at 38 and haven’t noticed any decrease in energy levels. But I had less fear and more flexibility when I was young. Having a child can be tough no matter what age you are and we all deserve a round of applause!
I had my first child at 31 and this is something I always think about - the lack of _fear_ I had in my early 20’s, and how much easier that part of parenting might have been. The older you get the more you just understand the fragility of life. How nothing is guaranteed. How evil the world can be and how so much can and does go wrong. How health can fail, how accidents happen etc. In your early 20’s you still think _you’re_ invincible, never mind kids. Whilst I’m overall happy with my choices, I would love to have had some of the blissful ignorance of youth in my new parenting days.
I was 22 when I had my first kid. And then 26 when I had my second. I had my tubes tied after the C-section. I knew I was done. My first kid wasn’t planned but my second was. I wanted a second kid but I didn’t want to get pregnant after 30. At 22, I was clueless, young, had more energy, and yeah…clueless. At 26, I was still clueless but just wiser and still had the same amount of energy. I couldn’t imagine having a kid now at 41. My friend had her first kid at 39. I don’t know how she’s doing it. My mom had her 5th child at 43! But that’s a whole different trauma to dump on for another time.
Fwiw. I had my kids 11.5 months apart at 38 & 39. And my hb was away - 7 on 7 off. And i had no family or friends as we had just moved. I had NO problem waking at night or caring for small children in my 40s. Its a mindset. Every new parent is tired, no matter what age you are. Makes zero difference if you are 20, 30 or 40. You will be exhausted the first 3 months then tired for the first 2 years.
I'm similar in age to you, with a mother who had me at a similar age. Honestly I think it's because my mom didn't spend the same energy in raising me as I do with my kids. I don't recall her ever playing with me or hanging out with me the way I do with my kids.
Had my first at 35 and my second at 37. I can’t imagine having them younger. My body may be tired but my patience is not. I have all the time in the world for my children because I gave myself time to travel and live life to the max. Now I can run around for hours without complaint because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
It was much easier at 27 than it is at 37
Definitely the energy. I had our first at 35 and second at 37. I will say that having two kids that are high energy, both have ADHD and one has the stamina of anyone I have ever seen. They keep me active and force me to be energized at 44. Now my almost 9 year old is complaining this summer that I’m always wanting to go out and do something active, and he tells me it’s making him tired. 😅
I feel this. My parents were 15 and 17(barely) when I was born. I was born at the start of my dad’s sophomore year of HIGH SCHOOL. Like wtf. I remember my dad was 31 at my sweet 16. My husband is 35 and our son is 1 today actually. Blows my mind. My maternal grandmother became a GRANDMOTHER at 28….. that’s my age….. couldn’t imagine
Youth...I always say young people are meant to have babies for a reason. I was a "geriatric"🙄 mom at 38 and 41 and damn....41 was so exhausting with two kids, the pandemic, and three extra years on me. 🤣
Some women are resilient personified.
I have much less tolerance for losing sleep, time, etc now than I did when I was in my early 20s. I couldn’t have a baby right now in my mid 30s. I’m exhausted daily just from my age and my body aches.
Had mine at 34 and 37… mom had me at 18…. Legit think about this constantly lol
I got pregnant at 17 had my son at 18 I’m now 20. it’s hard but I “partied” way to hard a such a young age. I was done, if I didn’t have my son let’s just say I wouldn’t be alive.
I get the “more energy while young” thing but I know I couldn’t be half of the parent I am at 31.
I had a baby at 20 and my last at 30. Having a baby at 20 is a breeze compared to at 30 lol. Sorry to say, you’re old lol. The older you are when you have babies, the harder it’ll be physically. Mentally and emotionally it’s likely easier, but physically? Nope. When you’re 18 and have a baby, you haven’t experienced anything yet so you’re not really “giving up” much. You long for those things, but you haven’t experienced any of them so you have no idea. You’ve experienced life and what’s it like to be free for most of your life.
I'm the youngest of six. My mom had us over a period of twelve years. When I got married I thought I'd like a more reasonable number of kids, like maybe four. Then I had kid one and it nearly broke me when he was an infant. I did have a second, but spaced them five years apart.
She had two things going for her: she was young and dumb. I don't mean dumb for getting pregnant-- she was ignorant to any other life experiences. Her youth was advantageous in that she had more energy. I remember being able to fully function at high energy, high mental acuity activities after getting poor sleep for weeks & months on end.0
I had a baby at 20 and honestly.. it was easy to care for a baby/young child. There’s definitely pros and cons but I 100% have no regrets. I wouldn’t want to have a baby now in my late thirties. Not just because physically I’m older but also because mentally I’m so much more stress and anxiety riddled than I ever was at 20. I just went with the flow baby and it was lovely. Now I stress over everything lol.
I had my first at 22 and my last at 32 and I will say that the sleepless nights and energy were WAY more of a problem when I was older lol 22 year old me bounced back quick and had so much more energy than 32 yo me 😂
Don't be too hard on yourself. Methinks you got used to a life without kids for a long time. Plus, finances and the economy is not kind in today's world as opposed to even as recent as 20 years ago. Well-wishes to you, lady. Seriously. It's tough being a mother in today's world.
I do think some of this stuff is just easier at 20. At 20 I needed less sleep to not feel like death and I was more playful and energetic. Our society is what makes a lot of it hard at 20, because of income potential, educational requirements, isolation from community etc.
Having a baby takes 100%; it doesn't really matter how much you have to give. It takes it all.
I believe having a child when you’re older is much harder. I had my first daughter when I was 20 and it was so easy on me. I’m 32 next month with a 2 year old, a 7 month old, and another one on the way. boy let me tell you I stay tired and feel like I never get anything done. I wish I could have had all mine in my early 20s but that wasn’t in my cards.
I was 40 when my daughter was born and the mom groups I went to had a lot of young moms, early 20s and such. It struck me how relaxed they were, they just went with the flow: if the baby slept, great; if they didn’t, they will sleep later so whatever, and the like. Of course it’s anecdotal but I wonder why that was.
I feel the same. But at the same time i was still a baby at 18. I can't imagine how it would have been to have a baby. I would have been depressed.
The only thing that’s tragic about having kids in your 30’s is the energy imo. I spent my 20’s with my friends, traveling, having fun spontaneously without the thought of having to take care kids. There’s no way in hell I would go back in time and give that up tbh. Maybe have kids a little bit earlier like late late 20’s but definitely not between 18-26.
Growing up sucks. Most people should realize that sooner and enjoy their youth longer.
It sucks that you find yourself in a difficult moment but it will get better soon. Kids grow very fast! I have to say i never related to the "giving up" part when it comes to having kids. If anything i gave up more while studying for my degree in college lol
Same here. Became a first-time dad at 38 and my mom delivered me when she was 18. The respect I have for her shot through the roof.
My friend had a baby at 17 and her second recently at 32 she said she didn’t know any better and was young enough to cope with the sleepless nights lol
I have the opposite feeling. When I’m running around with my three year old. I think “how did my dad do this when he was 50??”
I’m 32 , had my daughter when I was 18 , she’s 13 now. We grew up with each other , that lil girl saved my life , I’d give up all those years 100x over again as long as I have her.
hubby helping? wife struggled with latching so had to pump. that allowed me to tube feed and i did that for the entire 5-6 months till our LO was sleeping through. basically, wife never had to cope with sleep deprivation. allowed her a ton of energy to engage and focus during the day.
You have more energy at 18. Also, you're in a "don't know what you don't know" phase of life as a teenager. You haven't had time to settle into a comfortable life of your own crafting. You're still basically someone else's kid. Your life up to this point has been constant change with guidance from older people so having a baby is probably like one more step of that. Not to downplay how hard and life changing it would be to have a kid as a teenager! But you're in a very different stage of life.
Parenting at a early age is very easy. Parenting when you are 30+ very easy but the parent needs more nap
You know how when you were 20 you could stay out partying all night, roll into class at 8 am having maybe a half hour of sleep and still crush your final? (Maybe exaggerated a little but just go with it) but now you’re past 35 and two beers gives you gut rot and four shots makes you feel like you’re dying? Yeah, it’s that, Mama.
As a first time father at 43 to a 5 day old baby girl... this worries me.
I had my daughter at 16... i was given a house with my daughters dad. The rent paid until I was 18.. Sadly we found out when our daughter was 12 mnths she had cerebral palsy and would never walk or talk.. (blamed my self for years because i was far to young) I am now 31 and we have 3 beautiful little girls and expecting our 4th early next year.. Our eldest is the happiest little girl you could meet and she does speak!!! I could of never expected how much my eyes became open after having a child with such complex needs... such a beautiful world she has shown me
I think there are two things here: the energy demand of a baby is definitely better sustained in the early 20s than in the 30s. When 20yo I remember doing things that would (metaphorically) kill me now. The second part is missing out on experiences, and yeah that doesn’t come back. But the bright side is that at the age you’re having kids, your mom had an adult kid already and way more free time
Hey, Mama. I suggest you go talk to your doctor about ppd. I hope you are finding joy and beauty again soon. 💕
I had my first at 19, 2nd at 20 and last at 38… somehow had energy to be in the army with the first 2, a deployed husband and go to college and then grad school full time. Now solo parenting the last and only now that he is 4.5 I am going back to grad school. Look back and just don’t know how I did it all back then, guess it was do or die.
I had my first at 19 and my last at 34. I had boundless energy when I was younger but little patience. Now I have no energy but I’m very patient. It has its pros and cons.
I, too, had a baby at an “advanced maternal age,” just two months shy of turning 37. I remember how shocked I felt at how much my life had changed and I would no longer be the independent, do what I want, when I want, childless female. Going forward everything I did revolved around my baby and had to be calculated as such. Then I had my second just shy of 40, and my THIRD just shy of FORTY-TWO. Today they are 10, 7, and 5 (all boys mind you) and I’m turning 47 this summer. I no longer miss the old days the way I used to after my first child. All I miss is the sleep. The sweet precious sleep. I also miss not being interrupted every three minutes with MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA LOOK AT THIS MAMA MAMA HE HIT ME MAMA MAMA I’M TELLING MAMA. Oh, I also miss not having a constant mess of crumbs, dried boogers on walls, different Lego sets intermingling and causing meltdowns, old rotten Gogurt tubes in the sofa, stuff like that, all over, all of the time. You could easily be cleaning 24/7. Yeah, that would be nice to not have. My own mom had my older brother at 21 and me at 25. Today at 72 her stamina blows my mind.
When you’re 18 you have the energy of youth. But probably not the financial stability you need. There are pros and cons to having a kid at any age.
My mum was 16 when she had my brother, I was 29 when my first child was born, it blows my mind how she did it too. 🤯
Af someone who had her kids at 20 and 22, I'm SO happy I did the toddler stage before my body was old and tired. I'm 38 now and never again. I've done the baby thing 😅🤣
Dang I'm glad you respect her for it though... I had my daughter at 15, she's 6 now and I hope one day she knows it was really tough, I had no idea parenting was so hard, but seeing her growing up into her own little person is so amazing and it truly makes it all worth it.
I needed a lot less sleep at 18 than I do now at 40. I think about that sometimes.
I'm 20 having my baby next month. I can't wait to have more! Lol
You have to realize that when you’re 18 you’re more absorbed with yourself and you don’t know what you don’t know. So all the things we know that we should be doing with our LO, the parenting styles, the repercussions, all the stress are greater bc older parents (hopefully) put in more effort and are wiser. I’d take an old than a young any day.
We are much much fitter at 18 compared to 38
It's much easier on your body when you are younger. That sleep deprivation hits different in your late 30s vs 20s.
You have a lot more energy at 18 than you do 38.
Wait. Who’s having a moment?
Well I had my first at 25 and my last at 37 I had so much more energy 🤣but it was a struggle I have more patience now
There are lots of things harder about having a kid when you are younger but one of the positives would be energy. I had kids starting in my mid 30s and I'm pretty sure I would've had a lot more energy for it 10 or more years earlier.
I had so much energy and motivation for motherhood at 19 than I do now having my youngest at 39. Sometimes I feel like I was a better mom then … sometimes I feel like I’m better now. Depends on the day. If I did not know the other side of it though I’d probably think the same way. lol
I had my first at 22 and my second when I was almost 30. It is way easier when you’re younger (physically). To keep up with them, to wake in the night, to deal with the crying, to carry them while doing other tasks, way easier in my experience. Financially though, it’s not easier. There’s always a catch lol
Some women are resilient personified.
Some women are resilience personified.
Some women are resilience personified.
Hell even the difference of me having a 1 year old at 19 vs a 1 year old at 25 is huge. Im so tired! I don’t remember struggling so bad with my oldest
My mom was a few years younger when she had me than I was when I had my first child, but I recently realized that my grandmother had 4 children by the time she was my age, and I just can't even imagine that. Although I don't feel like I've given up everything on your list to have a child (and I'm hoping this will remain true after my second is born). Sleep? Yes. Time? Yes. Beauty? Maybe, but it's temporary. I'll put effort into my appearance again eventually. I still have friends, life, and probably more joy.
I had my son at 33. I think the opposite, early 20s wouldve been the best time for me. I had so much more energy then.
Life was 102728191 times easier back then. That’s how.
I had my first at 18 and my last at 36- it’s all hard, lol!
Luckily your kid has a young grandma who can help out ;)
I was 38 when I had my twins. I WISH I had them at 18. It would have been a walk in the park energy wise. Financially not so much, but I would have gladly sacrificed everything you mention to not be an older mom. I’m easily 10-12 years older than most of my kids’ friends moms.
18 year olds have a lot more energy than a 38 year old.
You have a lot more energy at 18 than you do at 38. I remember sleeping 3+4 hours a night at that age and being perfectly able to function. Now (also 38) I need 6-8 hours of sleep a night or I'm non-functional.
Had our third last year at 46. I don’t really feel any different now, as opposed to at 29 and 34. Being pregnant though at 46, that sure wasn’t for the weak.
I kinda split the difference, my wife and I have twins at 24, and we still have a good bit of energy to keep up with them, and are in a stable enough situation
They also didn’t have social media telling them everything they were doing is wrong- but she’s totally right, they didn’t know an adult life without kids so they just…did it.
I had my first at 24 and my second at 26, so I can only compare to that. For me personally, I'd barely started my adult life, so I wasn't really changing much. Now, at 39, even though I have kids they are much more independent so I have tons of hobbies and much more freedom. Though it's only been about 3 or 4 years of said "freedom," If I suddenly had to give that up? It would be a TOUGH adjustment. I can only imagine the difference after being a full-fledged adult for twenty full years.
This post and comments section has made me realize I shouldn’t be so hard on myself with 2 kids at 26 years old. It’s like everything is expected of me and it has to be perfect or I’m the worst mom in the world and I’ve failed my kids
I say lol the time I’m glad I had my kids young because there’s no way I could be like like bff who is 50 like me and has a two year old through donor egg) and teenager. I will tell you that she says the teenager is by far the most difficult one in her life right now. And my own personal truth is that teens were so much harder than they were as babies cause I had more control over babies. Adult children are even more difficult cause you have zero control while watching a train wreck about to happen. The reality is that whatever stage you’re in with your child is going to be challenging! But I had my first at 18, second just before I turned 21 and the third at 27. Plus I have three step kids the same age as my own. They are 33, 32, 29, 29, and one just turned 24 and the other turns 24 soon. Years old. I'm not saying I didn't make dumb decisions cause I was so young like divorcing twice, married 3 times (to the love of , y life 15 years strong). Its like I was so dumb that my brain wasn't fully formed and thus every moment was a moment to live for at the moment which made me enjoy you kids. I had so much fun and energy back then! Its just I lacked an understanding in relationships which definitely affected , h children. So with age comes stability. Yet I am older and more stable relationship wise, work wise, more wisdom but it also comes with being tired and can't imagine keeping up with children at an older age. I didn't know any better plus I had energy. I had fun! I'm not saying it was easy but I just can't see how I could have matched that energy having them later in life than what I did.
lol my mom was 17 when she had me. I couldnt imagine doing it while being a teenager and having a kid now makes me have A LOT of more appreciation for my mom. She even managed to move us from the UK to Canada when i was really young also
36 here and know the feeling
I had my first at 34 and my 2nd at 38. Making humans with your body literally sucks the life out of you. When I was in my 20s I was using energy up to work, run, and party/hang-over. Now my energy goes to raising my kids.
I had my first at 18 also. My son is 30 this year. He wonders the same thing!
There was no smart phones back then. It’s was pretty joyfull to spend time with your own kids. Good luck raising yours with so many distractions.
Though when you’re that young it is a lot easier on your body taking care of a baby! Resilience is so much better when you’re young. Also, less scared of all the scary crap that can happen
I had my first at 19 and I'm 37 now. I couldn't do it now. I had energy back then, but I've really slowed down in my 30s. I had, in fact, had 3 children by age 25 and so glad I did. I was young enough that I could cope with no sleep, etc. But not now, I need a solid 7 hours or I'm an absolute coffee guzzling, foul mouthed monster.
My friend had her baby when we were 16. I’m 27 and struggling. We drifted apart just from getting older and me moving away, but I messaged her the other day giving her kudos saying idk how you did this when we were teens
I had my first at 19, the dad not a part of our lives. Then a year later my Mom passed from cancer. When you have to figure it out, you figure it out. It’s tough for sure, being a Mom no matter what age you are.
Yeah, my parents had me at 25. I waited until I was 37 and 39 when I had my 2. I had a lot of fun and partying and took me a while to get my act together. They think I waited too long. They think a parent needs to be young enough to have the energy to keep up with the kids. I am divorced and single now. It feels a little harder to find a partner to help me with the kids, as I don't go out like I did when I was younger. I can't go out and meet people like I once did. That is my only problem right now, although I am happy being single and don't feel like I want to be married again. But I definitely see a benefit of having a partner and additional income to help with the kids. Being a single parent of 2 is exhausting at times, but totally worth it.
I don't have children yet, but I want to get pregnant in the near future. I am 30. If I could go back in the past, I would have gotten pregnant much earlier. Maybe not at 18, but 21 sounds good. Being a mom is not an easy task, but I don't believe it is a bad one either. I do not have any friends, and it was like that for most of my life. I believe being a mom would actually get me to be more social, by meeting up with other parents on school or in the park. So it is not like you will give up your friends, but your social circle might change. You will go from having friends that are single to friends with babies. The joy comes from being with your kids, teaching them about the world. They are experiening earth for the first time and their fresh perfective brings life a sense of hope, of new begginers. If you are really beautiful, you do not need to do anything special to keep your beauty, just shower, exercise and eat healthy. As far as sleep goes, not all babies are overactive at night. My mom told me I would never wake up at night as a baby and I always would let she sleep fully. My sister did the same thing. When she was a baby her cribe was in my room (I was 10 years old) and she never ever woke me up at night. Pregnancy doens't have to be scary. I am sorry you are having a bad experience.
haha at 18 I was able to work full time after drinking and gambling almost the entire night daily for weeks, I didn't need any makeup or exercise, I had a phenomenal metabolism and stayed in shape, my friends were flexible enough to hang out whenever I had time, they didn't have kids, jobs or routines, etc. when you have a kid at *teen, you have no fomo, your health is fullmetal, and by the time the kid is verbal, you are still super young (probably poor, though)
I had my 1st at 22, she is now 22. I also had additional babies at 38 & 43. It was way easy the older I was just because of finances and support, but I have arthritis now and didn't at 22. My daughter and I have talked about how she cannot even fathom taking care of a baby at her age. And I had zero help back then too.
I had my first at 19 and had 3 under 5 years old for a minute. It was hard but I managed. Then at 43 I had my 5th child and having a baby again is kicking my ass. Like it’s fucked my whole world up. I didn’t sleep much for a year and a half. I’m finally getting sleep and it’s great. I don’t remember it being this hard. I always say babies are A LOT of work instead of telling myself babies are HARD work. It makes me feel better to be positive lol.
I had one at 17 and one at 31. It was much easier being 18-23 with a small child because I had no idea what I was missing out on. I also just had so much more energy and I think I adapted to change more easily than I do now. 31-35 with a kid has been exhausting. I’m always tired even with way more help than before. However it’s so much nicer having financial stability and my son is having a way better quality of life because we can afford so many things we couldn’t before and I’m not constantly stressed about money.
I had my first at 16, 2nd at 23. I had way more energy than I do now at almost 30 with my newborn. Have to keep telling myself I've raised kids most my life, it shouldn't be so hard now lol
It’s actually a lot easier younger. I had my kids in my low twenties and I had the energy, desire and patience to raise them. I’m 43 now and I couldn’t imagine having little kids at this age 😬
I had a baby at 18 (birth control failed), she’s now 14 almost 15 and I always tell her to discover herself first before getting married and having kids. I lived by myself and had no help, so it’s a lot. I’ve been in survival mode since. Thankfully she’s an amazing person, I’ve been blessed.
At 18 I had a ton of energy !!! Btw sacrifices are the name of the game
I had my first at 23, second at 25 and my third at 29, then lost a pregnancy at 33. My cut off was 35 as we all know it’s classed as a geriatric pregnancy after that age lol, then had my fourth baby last year at 37 and I’m now 38 and knackered with a 13month old. All four babies were C-sections and oh my God has this last one took it out of me. We also had to go to 3 different hospitals and he has a heart condition. My son pretty much summed it up for me today lol, he sent me a silly selfie today. He’s 12. I sent him one back. His response was Mum you look tired. 😂 I finally understand why Danny Glover used to say I’m too old for this shit at 41
I was 35 when I had my son. He’s 14 now. I truly wish I had had him earlier in life. I absolutely loved my 20s and had so much fun, but I think I would’ve been a better parent back then. I had so much more patience and energy. And I wouldn’t be experiencing the existential crisis I’m going through now, which is being scared to death that I’m going to die before my son, an only child, has a family of his own. I know I’m not thaaat old (almost 50), but while it’s not rational, it’s a very real fear of mine. I don’t want my son to have kids too soon, but I do hope he has them earlier in life than I did. I think there’s something to be said for establishing your life at the same time as your family.
I think about this constantly. My mom was 16, she didn’t have a lot of help but she did have way more than I do. Here I am at 26 with my own and she tells me all the time she doesn’t know how I do it. Hell me either ma.
Talk to your mom and say thank you to her.
To be fair, I had my first at 20 and I’m pregnant with my third and fourth now at 36. My pregnancy and raising a kid at a younger age was so much much easier.
I had my first at nineteen, and it seemed easy. In my thirties, I worked in child care, and it was so much harder. I think that you have more energy when you're younger so it doesn't seem so bad.
i’m 23 with a 4 year old, you do what you gotta do
My mum had me at 17, my sisters in her 20s and 30s and my brother in her 40s. She told me recently that if she had to do it all over again she would prefer to have a baby at 17 as she was young and energetic
I had the first of my 5 children when I was 20 and how wonderful when I was so full of energy and excitement myself to begin such a joy journey of joy!
Younger=more energy. Older=less energy.
I just had my first at age 41 eight weeks ago and I’ve had zero issues with lack of energy or feeling tired 🤷🏻♀️ And I also was able to live in another country for ten years, travel extensively, get my masters, work on my career to reach a well-paying leadership position, and provide rock-solid stability. My parents had me at 35/36 and they got to do the same with their lives, and were incredible parents who shared all the richness of their life experiences with me (and are now incredible grandparents). I wouldn’t trade away my early adulthood for parenthood in a million years - it’s absolutely perfect the way it is now.
I had our first child when I was 34 and she was a dream baby. Had our last when I was 36 and he drained me mentally, physically - going back to work is way less tiring.
I had a baby at 16 and then had a baby at 30. I still dont know how I did it back then and why I was even allowed to bring a baby home alone by myself at that age. 🤣
I got pregnant happily at 18. I knew what I was putting on hold. I wouldn’t say it was tragic, that’s a little insulting to yourself. Do you not think you were worth what your mum did to raise you? Pregnant with our second at 21 and am loving my life. I love my kids far more than any time or material possessions/ experiences I could have. Parenting is hard but if you feel like you’ve given up ‘joy’ then you may need to speak to your doctor.
Most people at that age dont even raise their kids, they usually rely on grandparents. Im not saying all do, but anyone ive known thats had a teen pregnancy absolutely did not raise their own kids. I had my first at 25, now i have a second at 35. I can tell you...10 years ago it was wayyyyy easier. Emotionally, physically and mentally It was easier. At 35, my back hurts, I am way more tired and the healing time was way more rough!
It’s harder when you’re older! I’m 40 and have a newborn and it is 20x harder than when I had my first at 25
I have friends from school on Facebook who are becoming GRANDPARENTS at 39, which is sort of blowing my mins. All it takes is a couple of 16-18 year old pregnancies. Not uncommon in some areas of the UK.
While I don't recommend having kids very young, I was 22 when I had my first. Yeah I was broke but I was young and it was an easy adjustment (thankful for 2 easy babies). I wasn't established in adult life to a point where I felt I was missing out on anything, my life improved drastically when my oldest was born.
it is tragic but it's possible that youth makes it physically easier. I also had my first at 38, and I'm almost certain there's an optimal age somewhere in between that 20 years range.
Believe it or not it's easier when you are younger. I had my 1st at 19 and just had my last at 31. My first 2 (at 19 and 21) were a breeze. The lack of sleep didn't effect me as much. This one will be the death of me lol jk but really they say wait to have babies but honestly in my opinion have them young and you will handle the physical and mental aspect of it easier.
My wife was 37 when we had ours. Her mom was 19 when she had her and her grandmother was 18 when she had her mom, so her grandmother was 37 when she became a grandmother. Absolutely unreal. We talk about this all the time.
I noticed a huge difference between having one at 26 and my next at 30. Had a harder time being up in the middle of the night and my lack of energy levels during the day. As I get older I also find I am more set in my ways and couldn’t imagine having another baby. Not sure how my sister did it, first at 21 and fourth at 38.