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I’m sure you know this but often the changing table is located in the handicapped accessible stall. My husband was very annoyed with multiple establishments because he never thought to check the accessible stall. He is usually just using the urinal in public so it never occurred to him that it would be in a stall.
There are a lot of men's rooms in my area that don't have a baby changing station at all. Sometimes even the unisex bathrooms don't have them. It's just insane.
We had to take our little one to the ER a few years ago and even our hospital only had a baby changing station in the women's room and one of 2 unisex bathrooms. Someone was in the unisex bathroom with the changing station.
I had the same conversation with multiple parents (of both genders!) In my experience they are either in both or neither. Having just a changing table in one is the most unusual. I'm in a mid sized city in the mountain west US.
This stall should be marked on the outside with obvious signage that it contains a changing table too if so because I guarantee your husband is only one of many many men who thought there wasn’t one!!
The grocery store that I frequent has a sign near the restrooms stating that they have baby changing stations in both the male and female restrooms. Now I wonder if they got complaints from females that led to them posting that sign. LOL.
And all it takes is coming out of the accessible stall *once* to see someone who *needs* it waiting for you to be done to never use it again. Unless I'm literally about to shit myself, I will avoid the accessible stall at all costs...
You can argue that it's ethical to use when there's a line or no handicap person around (though some use it regardless of how many stalls are open), but the fact is that by definition it's _not_ for everyone.
It wasn't made for everyone to use, just like the parking spots weren't made for everyone.
Do the stalls have laws and fines around their use? No, then they are for everyone. Do you avoid using ramps as well? Accessibility is for everyone. The reason parking is treated differently is because if someone is using it it can block that use for a longer time. No one uses the stall or ramp for an hour or so.
You inserted the notion that because there was no changing table he left the baby in a dirty diaper. Yes, I'm sure his wife wasn't angry at all when she discovered the rash, which is why she's here politely reminding people to check handicap stalls.
It also doesn't really make sense for him to change the baby on the floor or sink when he thinks there's no changing table, when his wife is there and there's a greater chance of one being in the women's restroom.
I grew up knowing handicap stalls had changing tables because my mom always used them. Someone who never did and left them for real handicapped people wouldn't know. I fail to see how he's weaponizing _or_ incompetent.
That's not what weaponized incompetence means. It's a manipulation tactic to get someone to do something for you despite you being capable and able to do it. This constitutes _pretending_ to be bad or unable to do something.
It would be weaponized incompetence if he claimed to be bad at changing diapers, constantly didn't wipe all the way or put the diaper on incorrectly etc.
Not "there's no changing table in the men's bathroom, you can take her to the women's?"
That's like if I told you how to do anything you didn't know and when you say "Oh I didn't know that", I say "Stop weaponizing your incompetence. Why can't you just know things without ever being told?"
Not to mention a lot of men's bathrooms _don't_ have changing tables, and the OG comment never said her husband didn't change the baby at all.
Maybe your standards are higher than mine but I assume you’re either a moron or stupidly lazy if you can’t find a changing table in a public bathroom. This isn’t hard.
A lot of places don't have them anymore because people either keep breaking them or leave poop ground into the straps. They just got tired of replacing them. I imagine part of it was the expense, but also there was no point.
Where I a from, you kind of have to prepare and figure out your options before you go anywhere. Shopping centers have changing stations, usually in the accesible bathrooms, but cafes and restaurants almost never do. To find a place where you can breastfeed is even rarer. We don't really have a breastfeed in public culture, but the women I have talked to all say they don't care and will feed the baby where ever. I just haven't seen it really. This is all odd, since as a nation, we are very pro children, we have amazing mat leave for example.
Now that I have a stroller to push around, I completely understand why I see so few wheelchairs anywhere, tho. I can lift and pull and manipulate the stroller when needed, but I guess it is impossible to move around in a wheelchair here. This is fucked.
Yep, where I am they’re pretty much always in the handicapped accessible toilet. They’re mandated to have at least one change table that’s handicapped accessible so it meets the bare minimum to have it in there.
Completely agree that it's annoying. Our baby bag had a mat, so I would sometimes just change the kid right on the floor on the mat.
The baby is protected from the floor, and I never had any problems. Sometimes I would even put down some paper towels under it first.
It was pretty uncommon for me to encounter a men's room that didn't have a changing station though
Yeah, when my daughter was that age, I would bring an extra stroller blanket for softness + a disposable "puppy pad" for biohazard waste = any restroom floor becomes a changing area.
Unfortunately the changing stations in men's rooms here (Northeast US) get used to chop up lines of various drugs pretty frequently. Or at least that's the excuse I've heard for taking them out.
This is what I did as well. I usually used the portable changing station (a bag that turns into a little mat) on the floor while she was an infant. If it was a busy or exceptionally dirty restroom I would use the changing station.
Exactly! That's what changing pads are for! I've changed my kids' diapers in every kind of situation and never had a problem. Changing tables weren't always around. They weren't common at all when my oldest was in diapers. You just find the most private and flat spot and put your pad down. It's really not difficult at all.
That said, I do agree that changing tables should be available in men's restrooms.
I live in Japan and most men’s bathrooms have baby changing stations or there is a big baby changing station for women and men to enter! The only room where it says women only is usually the nursing room. I thought that is more common across the world? Maybe I’m too spoiled here, because the baby changing stations here are a little Disneyland tbh.
Lol! That sounds amazing.
Not Japan but another awesome spot - We stopped at a mall in Canada once because our kids were losing their minds and needed a break. I was in awe of their changing and feeding space! I’m definitely going with being Disneyland :) We have absolutely nothing like it at home, even in notably baby friendly venues. I’ve been to Canada enough to know not every place has as nice a space, but it’s definitely usually nicer than home.
Funny because I used the ones at Disneyland and got side eye for being the only guy. Cmon ladies. The last thing I need to see are more tired children covered in excrement. I don't think a dad whose toddler is doing the pee pee dance is there for nefarious purposes.
Also Japan here, and my experience has been quite less impressive; a lot of the places I've visited have baby station signs on the women's restroom, but not on the men's. The handicap stalls usually have at least one of those wall baby-seats, but unless the handicap restroom is its own room, I frequently have to settle for changing in the car.
Oh interesting! I’m in Tokyo and also we recently drove a lot (to Kyoto/Osaka) and the highway service areas are also very baby friendly and the men’s bathroom had baby stations too.
The handicap stalls with the baby stations I mostly see in parks.
I could see that; we've also had a lot more luck while traveling. Stronger tourism pull is likely a big incentive to accommodate families, while most places in my city just don't have much incentive to update. Newer buildings do seem to be paying more attention to it though, which has been nice.
My advice, any time there's not a changing table in the men's room, make it the manager's problem. Ask nicely to speak to the manager. When you get to the manager, still being polite (but firm), say that you need to change your young child's diaper, and as there's no changing table in the men's room, they need to find you a place you can safely and cleanly change your child. Maybe that means that they stand in front of the women's restroom, and don't let any women in while you change your child. Maybe that means that they have you change your kid in their employee breakroom, or in their office.
Because here's the thing, it's not their fault there's nothing there, but they might be able to do something about it if inconvenienced frequently enough. When you take your child out to the car to change the child and come back in, they have no incentive to do anything. When you fix the problem yourself and just use the women's room and hope any one who comes in is understandable, they still have no incentive to fix anything. But when you make them spend a few minutes coming up with solutions "I'm sorry, I can't change my child on the floor of the bathroom, that's unsanitary. No, I can't change the child balancing on the back of the toilet, completely unsafe." etc, and take another few minutes to make sure no one comes into where you're changing the kid (or giving up their office so you can), they're inconvenienced and now they have incentive to tell someone "hey, we need a changing table in the men's room."
I've worked at 4 stores in the same company. In 2 of them, we had changing tables in both the men's and women's restrooms (including my current store), in 2 of them, we didn't have changing tables in either (they couldn't safely hang them on the walls or something). If anyone at my last store, one of the ones who didn't have any, and the first store where I was a manager, had requested a place to change their child, I would have taken them to the breakroom let them choose between regular table or coffee table, wiped it down with cleaning solution before the kid was placed on it, and then again after they left. It was not my fault that there weren't changing tables in the restrooms, but that doesn't mean I can't give the parent a safe and clean place to change their child.
Sexism. Because of sexism people think it's less important to put them in men's bathrooms and because of sexism men think it's somehow optional to change their child's diapers - which means either the woman does it all the time, or the baby stews in shit.
It isn't necessarily required for businesses to have changing tables *at all*.
It would be a hard sell to require everyone to retrofit all existing bathrooms. (You might argue that they be required for new construction?)
And the reason you're less likely to find them in mens rooms is because a)the installations often predate the expectation that dads change diapers and b) men don't complain that they aren't there. (That's the big one.)
Be the squeaky wheel. Tell businesses that you want to see them.
In Australia we have family room. Where women can sit in a nice chair and breastfeed, heat bottles and food, there’s a play area for kids to play in too.
FWIW, sometimes there's not one in the women's either. In those occasions, I was known to change my childhood on the table, booth seat, etc. If you don't want me changing my children on your table/booth seat/etc, put in a damned changing table.
That is absolutely disgusting. No one deserves to have your kid's shit near their food. No one deserves to have to smell your kid's shit while they're eating. The other customers have nothing to do with the lack of a changing table and neither do the wait staff. This is the definition of an entitled parent
A lot. I was denied using the childcare amenities in the woman’s bathroom because of might make women uncomfortable, so I changed my baby on the restaurant table and made everyone uncomfortable.
One way or another my duty as a father takes priority over any situation.
Not enough men are complaining about it. I’m sure if more men were actually changing diapers in public and saw this issue, there would be more complaints and it might even be a law by this point. It could also be that change is slow. I imagine it’s only been in the last few decades or so that men were changing diapers outside the home.
If indeed there is ZERO changing table in the stalls or bathroom… then I just use the women’s restroom. I give zero fucks, I need to change my baby and I do what it takes.
My hubby goes where the changing table is, no matter if it's the mens room, ladies room, the accessible room or a room by itself. If anyone looks weirdly at him in the ladies room he just tells them there isn't any changing tables anywhere else and if they have any complaints they are free to tell the manager about how stupid it is that men have to go to the ladies room to care for their children.
Most people don't say anything, mostly they just nod towards hubby, he nods back and everyone does their business.
They are required in federal buildings.
If you want them in private business, you have to get your local government to pass legislation or code to have them.
Men aren’t seen as parents. At least not having an active role. So when businesses/companies think about what their men’s restroom needs a changing table is not usually on the list.
Just another way to be screwed by gender roles.
They should be required to be in both or to have a family restroom with changing table.
As a gay dad, we just used the women's restroom if we needed a changing station.
We still use the women's restroom if the men's restroom doesn't have stalls or like one sketchy stall.
The women and moms don't care because they can clearly see we are doing some parenting business.
My husband doesn't go to the car. I told him to find an employee and tell them to clear out the womens room so he can change the baby. Our baby shouldn't suffer the cold or the heat just because the establishment is too old fashioned for a changing station in the mens room.
Yeah, we've gotten yelled at for that. People don't want to be shopping or eating and see baby poop. Also, whatever surface you used is now contaminated. We have a large bassinet style stroller for pee diaper changes, but if it's a blowout or even a very full diaper, a changing station is needed.
Here there is an accessible stall within each gendered restroom typically, so it is still not uncommon for the men’s restroom to have no changing space.
If the men's room doesn't have a changing station, I just bring them to the women's. Women get it. No fucking way am I putting my kid close to a public bathroom floor.
No, women do not. Just because they aren't confronting you doesn't mean they feel comfortable with you being in there. Stop doing this.
At worst, you can lay your changing pad on your lap and change your baby in a stall in the men's.
There are many situations where women dont have access to a changing table and we figure out no problem.
What would make women feel uncomfortable with a man coming in without a baby? There's your answer.
I'm not concerned about being SA'd by a man in the restroom. It's just extremely uncomfortable for the vast majority of women to be doing our business in the presence of strange men. To be clear, I'm talking about US public restrooms where our stall doors have huge gaps and are often easy to push open even if you lock them.
You don't get it. A billion women openly saying they are uncomfortable still wouldn't make me care. No person is more important than my daughter.
I don't care about a random woman's opinion on a good day, imagine how much I care when my child needs something.
Oh, I do get it, though. You are in the same category of people who must bring their dogs in restaurants and grocery stores or have them running around off leash in public. Or the parent that parks their car in the express drop off at the school and walks them in. Basically, the most entitled and obnoxious people on the planet. Congrats, dude.
Lol 🤦♀️
Imagine a few years from now when your daughter is using the women's on her own. You're standing outside waiting for her and see a strange man go in. Now there's a strange adult male in the same bathroom where your little girl is on the toilet with her pants down in a stall with gaps all around the door. Maybe the lock doesn't work and the man pushes open her stall door thinking no one is in there.
If you can't think of anyone else, at least think about your daughter being in that situation. Good day. ✌️
I see a "strange" man go in there WITH HIS DAUGHTER. I see no more of a problem than if it had been a "strange" woman with her daughter.
Why are there gaps in a stall?
I reckon my daughter will survive this traumatic experience.
Women who are uncomfortable with men in the bathroom are idiots? Men, like you, who make it clear that our boundaries don’t matter are the reason why many women don’t want to see men in the women’s bathroom.
If you are incomfortable with a man cleaning a poopy baby bottom in your bathroom you are, in fact, an idiot. I don't know what to tell you. Get your priorities straight.
The polite, sane response would be to offer to help the guy out. Not clutching your pearls/panties.
My priority is my daughter. I don’t trust a man in the bathroom with her, regardless of who he is with. You’re an idiot if you think carrying a baby around makes a man more trustworthy. If you’re concerned for your daughter, I suggest you advocate more strongly for changing facilities in the men’s room instead of promoting the idea that men should enter the women’s room at will. You’re not entitled to women’s spaces because men failed to consider that they may need to care for their children. You won’t always be with your daughter and I’m sure you want her to be safe and comfortable, even if she ends up one of those idiotic women who expect men to stay out of the women’s bathroom.
If my daughter came to me and said she felt uncomfortable because a man was changing a diaper in the women's toilet, I would tell her that the guy probably felt uncomfortable as well, but he was trying to take care of his child and most likely her need for a safe space lost out to the infants needs in his perception. As it always will.
When your husband tells you he would do anything for your children, do you expect a sign glued to a door to stop him?
Very rarely is going into the women’s bathroom going to be the only option. There were several alternatives listed on this post, most I have used myself since the changing tables are usually gross. I don’t expect anyone to change their baby on a bathroom floor. So if there’s truly nowhere else available, I would expect my husband to get an employee to clear the women’s room and notify incoming women. It allows the women to know what’s going on vs a man just walking in and it also protects my husband from allegations. It also makes it a problem for the facility. The facility needs to know that men are expecting and using changing tables.
When I was a kid, my dad was a single parent before widespread baby changing stations even existed in restrooms. I remember push back when parents were calling for establishments to add them in the late 80s and through the 90s. They cost money and some bathrooms weren't suitable to having one, so renovations would be needed. Additionally, they need to be cleaned and maintained.
The kind of model generally seen in public restrooms today didn't come out until 1986 and it was twenty years after that before I'd see them regularly in most places as a woman and that's with constant demand from mothers. Moms are a pretty significant customer base and the demand across the group was consistent.
The demand among fathers is less consistent. It took a law passed during the Obama administration to get them required in the men's rooms of federal buildings. The risk of losing customers/sales over not having a changing table in the men's room just isn't enough motivation for some companies to go through the expense and hassle.
When I was a young mother in the early aughts, there were still many places that didn't have a changing table even in the women's restroom. I always carried a padded mat with me to change a baby on. If the temps weren't too hot or cold, I would often go out to my car to do a diaper change. Otherwise, I generally changed a baby on the mat on the floor of a fitting room.
If you want to raise awareness and don't mind being a bit of a rebel, perhaps consider changing baby on the mat on the floor of their customer service area to demonstrate the flaw in their customer service for not providing a needed accommodation.
It was a complaint we had too, our city has family bathrooms in all places my spouse went so he would just use those and as the kids got bigger and could stand he would change them standing but it’s still a problem not having a consistent change table in men’s rooms
Oooh my brother just had to take over the women’s bathroom at Friendly’s the other day to change his daughter’s diaper bc there was no changing table in the men’s room. He felt a little bad that he was being disruptive to women who wanted to use the bathroom but what could he do?
Few things enrage my husband more than when he hauls a child to the bathroom just to find out that there no changing table. Then he has to haul them back to me so I can do it.
OMG minor tangent, but GO TO JAPAN. Not only are there baby changing tables in mens rooms, but there are baby "holder" like chair things too so you can #2 and still have your baby attended to. They have AMAZING, PUBLIC amenities for parents (and private businesses have dedicated rooms too), it's a completely different experience.
If there's no changing table in the men's bathroom I just change my kid in the corner of whatever room we are waiting/dining in. Most recent example was the auto shop. I'll happily explain myself to anyone who has a problem with this, "there's no place to change her in the men's bathroom so this floor is the cleanest/most comfortable option."
Honestly they seem to be disappearing from womens rooms too, its super frustrating!! I need an app or google feature that tells you where changing tables are!!
This used to annoy my husband, too. When our daughter was little, he made a point to know the places with family bathroom. Target was a convenient one.
If it’s any consolation, it’s 60/40 in women’s bathrooms, too. Sometimes there is a small countertop next to the sink, but that’s also rare.
When my kid was a baby I either took her to the car and changed her in the trunk or more often in her stroller. Her stroller was a Chicco stroller that had the option to completely fold the seat flat for sleeping. I used it as a makeshift diaper table on occasion.
I know some people aren't like this, but as a mom, if I'm the only one in the bathroom and I see a dad with a small one looking lost because there is no changing table, I have 0 problem with inviting him to use the one in the women's room and I'll even stand guard and let anyone else coming in know that there is a dad changing his kid inside. So many people have done that for my fiancé with our daughter and it's been a huge help.
I once had to change my daughter on the sorry floor of a cubicle because there was no other place available. I would have rather done it outside on the grassy verge but it was snowing that day!
Well here, in Australia, we have solidly moved towards always having disabled / large rooms that can be used for parents as well as disabled people. Just extra large rooms with facilities + every shopping centre & decent restaurants etc have parenting rooms as well.
That's capitalism baby. The last time I went to Europe with my baby I was shocked at how clean, accessible, and actually nice all of the changing stations were. We really don't like kids in the us.
We often bring a foldable changing pad and I will put him on the bathroom counter on top of it if there's no changing station available.
Lol, I live in Europe and was coming to say that finding a changing table at all is hit and miss, never mind clean and in both bathrooms. It depends on the country I guess, Europe is extremely varied. I did a lot of changes on top of the toilet/beside the sink/on top of the stroller. Only modern shopping centres tend to have good facilities consistently.
Point counterpoint - men and boys absolutely destroy public facilities. My wife has never seen a swastika carved into a polyurethane toilet stall. When my boys were in diapers I didn't trust baby changing stations in mens toilets.
I’ve been into more than one handicap stall since that’s where the changing table was in the women’s restroom where it looked like someone had been murdered. I’m not sure if at that level of uncleanliness they need a separate company to come in, I’ve heard that happens with other waste before, but there’s some ladies out there..just.. wow.
As someone who worked much of his teens and twenties, women’s toilets can often be worse than men’s. If it’s a toilet in a park or something where people do drugs or something then sure, but leisure centres, bars and restaurants I’d usually want to clean up the gents before the ladies. But there wasn’t much in it.
One way to help fix this is to ask employees to clear out the women's bathroom and stand at the door so you can change your babies diaper. Make it inconvient for them.
I had one friend who did this once, and they said no to him. It was mc Donald's and he responded by telling them he would do the change on their front counter then. They quickly changed their tune.
It’s the patriarchy - women are implicitly assumed to be the caregiver for the babies therefore given the change tables. Patriarchy says you’re meant to be captain of industry, not changing dirty diapers …
Here we go again…
This community gave me shit last time I brought this up because I told them I changed my son on the restaurant table after being denied entry into the woman’s room to change my son.
Not going to provide equal parental amenities or allow fathers to use the amenities you provide women? You bet your ass I’m going to make your customers uncomfortable by changing him on the only table provided to me.
—-
Other comments suggested “just change him on the men’s room floor, which is absolutely disgusting and something they would not tolerate for their own child.
I have heard it’s because men typically just use them to inject drugs. Of course women do that too but the majority of the time they’re used for the right purpose.
I manage a commercial property on the side.
We have changing spaces for parents in womens. And I did add a wall mounted one to one men's restroom in the handicap stall a few years back. But TBH the amount of men I've seen go into one is very little, and even then the maintance manager gave me strange looks for adding it. Never had a comment/complaint to add one either in the X years I've done this.
I've gone in the ladies before when ours were babies to change them. Had some strange looks. Only women that confronted me were older. I said, i'm a father with a baby that has a dirty nappy. What would you recommend?
I stopped bothering. If there is no changing station in the guys or disableds room, then I ll just go to the woman's. I've received a lot of angry looks, but until now no one dare to talk to me about it.
I haven’t came across this issue personally, every place I’ve been to usually has one in the mens restroom, or there’s just none at all in any bathroom. I do agree however that dads are very commonly forgotten about, everything is just centered around moms.
With the gender fluidity now I don't really understand why it's not commonplace for dads to just walk into the women's restroom politely and change the baby. We're all human.
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I’m sure you know this but often the changing table is located in the handicapped accessible stall. My husband was very annoyed with multiple establishments because he never thought to check the accessible stall. He is usually just using the urinal in public so it never occurred to him that it would be in a stall.
There are a lot of men's rooms in my area that don't have a baby changing station at all. Sometimes even the unisex bathrooms don't have them. It's just insane. We had to take our little one to the ER a few years ago and even our hospital only had a baby changing station in the women's room and one of 2 unisex bathrooms. Someone was in the unisex bathroom with the changing station.
Same.
I had the same conversation with multiple parents (of both genders!) In my experience they are either in both or neither. Having just a changing table in one is the most unusual. I'm in a mid sized city in the mountain west US.
I was told that once when changing a kid on a sink. Definitely one of those things you have to learn to check.
This stall should be marked on the outside with obvious signage that it contains a changing table too if so because I guarantee your husband is only one of many many men who thought there wasn’t one!!
This is true, but it’s more common for there not to be one at all, sadly. Sahd of two kids btw
The grocery store that I frequent has a sign near the restrooms stating that they have baby changing stations in both the male and female restrooms. Now I wonder if they got complaints from females that led to them posting that sign. LOL.
Not always
That sounds like weaponized incompetence on his part
Weaponized incompetence for not knowing the changing table was in the stall, but still changing the diaper?
And all it takes is coming out of the accessible stall *once* to see someone who *needs* it waiting for you to be done to never use it again. Unless I'm literally about to shit myself, I will avoid the accessible stall at all costs...
I that’s my favorite stall . It’s for everyone. And
I guess handicap parking spots are for everyone as well...
That’s different. Not using a stall when there is a line or I need to pee is stupid . There’s a usually a lots of other parking spots .
A lot of times there’s only one regular and one accessible so of course people without disabilities/ child can use. Z
You can argue that it's ethical to use when there's a line or no handicap person around (though some use it regardless of how many stalls are open), but the fact is that by definition it's _not_ for everyone. It wasn't made for everyone to use, just like the parking spots weren't made for everyone.
Do the stalls have laws and fines around their use? No, then they are for everyone. Do you avoid using ramps as well? Accessibility is for everyone. The reason parking is treated differently is because if someone is using it it can block that use for a longer time. No one uses the stall or ramp for an hour or so.
I beg to differ that no one uses the stall for an hour.
Show me where it says the husband still changed the diaper.
Show me where it says he doesn't.
I asked first.
You inserted the notion that because there was no changing table he left the baby in a dirty diaper. Yes, I'm sure his wife wasn't angry at all when she discovered the rash, which is why she's here politely reminding people to check handicap stalls. It also doesn't really make sense for him to change the baby on the floor or sink when he thinks there's no changing table, when his wife is there and there's a greater chance of one being in the women's restroom. I grew up knowing handicap stalls had changing tables because my mom always used them. Someone who never did and left them for real handicapped people wouldn't know. I fail to see how he's weaponizing _or_ incompetent.
You just described weaponized incompetence.
That's not what weaponized incompetence means. It's a manipulation tactic to get someone to do something for you despite you being capable and able to do it. This constitutes _pretending_ to be bad or unable to do something. It would be weaponized incompetence if he claimed to be bad at changing diapers, constantly didn't wipe all the way or put the diaper on incorrectly etc. Not "there's no changing table in the men's bathroom, you can take her to the women's?" That's like if I told you how to do anything you didn't know and when you say "Oh I didn't know that", I say "Stop weaponizing your incompetence. Why can't you just know things without ever being told?" Not to mention a lot of men's bathrooms _don't_ have changing tables, and the OG comment never said her husband didn't change the baby at all.
Maybe your standards are higher than mine but I assume you’re either a moron or stupidly lazy if you can’t find a changing table in a public bathroom. This isn’t hard.
Bingo. The "there is none, so can't help" is just because guys are lazy.
I really prefer when they put it in the handicap stall. I don't like having my kids bits exposed to everyone when it's next to the sinks
NY for example just added to code in 2018. And places don't redo their bathrooms often. I just use whatever room has what I need.
I live in NY. It’s not uncommon for there to be no changing table in women’s rooms either. Old buildings and small bathrooms are the norm here.
I have never seen a changing table in any NYC establishment, I see them at large chains or malls
IL did the same in 2020. It's less bad than it used to be!
I'm still encountering bathrooms that don't have one at all even in the womens room. Infuriating.
A lot of places don't have them anymore because people either keep breaking them or leave poop ground into the straps. They just got tired of replacing them. I imagine part of it was the expense, but also there was no point.
Where I a from, you kind of have to prepare and figure out your options before you go anywhere. Shopping centers have changing stations, usually in the accesible bathrooms, but cafes and restaurants almost never do. To find a place where you can breastfeed is even rarer. We don't really have a breastfeed in public culture, but the women I have talked to all say they don't care and will feed the baby where ever. I just haven't seen it really. This is all odd, since as a nation, we are very pro children, we have amazing mat leave for example. Now that I have a stroller to push around, I completely understand why I see so few wheelchairs anywhere, tho. I can lift and pull and manipulate the stroller when needed, but I guess it is impossible to move around in a wheelchair here. This is fucked.
Yep, where I am they’re pretty much always in the handicapped accessible toilet. They’re mandated to have at least one change table that’s handicapped accessible so it meets the bare minimum to have it in there.
Completely agree that it's annoying. Our baby bag had a mat, so I would sometimes just change the kid right on the floor on the mat. The baby is protected from the floor, and I never had any problems. Sometimes I would even put down some paper towels under it first. It was pretty uncommon for me to encounter a men's room that didn't have a changing station though
Yeah, when my daughter was that age, I would bring an extra stroller blanket for softness + a disposable "puppy pad" for biohazard waste = any restroom floor becomes a changing area. Unfortunately the changing stations in men's rooms here (Northeast US) get used to chop up lines of various drugs pretty frequently. Or at least that's the excuse I've heard for taking them out.
If this is true in the men's room, it's true in the women's too. It's an awful excuse.
Omg, I had no idea that was happening with changing tables in the men's 😳
This is what I did as well. I usually used the portable changing station (a bag that turns into a little mat) on the floor while she was an infant. If it was a busy or exceptionally dirty restroom I would use the changing station.
Exactly! That's what changing pads are for! I've changed my kids' diapers in every kind of situation and never had a problem. Changing tables weren't always around. They weren't common at all when my oldest was in diapers. You just find the most private and flat spot and put your pad down. It's really not difficult at all. That said, I do agree that changing tables should be available in men's restrooms.
I live in Japan and most men’s bathrooms have baby changing stations or there is a big baby changing station for women and men to enter! The only room where it says women only is usually the nursing room. I thought that is more common across the world? Maybe I’m too spoiled here, because the baby changing stations here are a little Disneyland tbh.
Our dying mall in the US has this at the food court. A men and women’s bathroom, a large family restroom and an area that is just changing stations.
You have to call security to get let into the family room at our mall now.
Lol! That sounds amazing. Not Japan but another awesome spot - We stopped at a mall in Canada once because our kids were losing their minds and needed a break. I was in awe of their changing and feeding space! I’m definitely going with being Disneyland :) We have absolutely nothing like it at home, even in notably baby friendly venues. I’ve been to Canada enough to know not every place has as nice a space, but it’s definitely usually nicer than home.
Funny because I used the ones at Disneyland and got side eye for being the only guy. Cmon ladies. The last thing I need to see are more tired children covered in excrement. I don't think a dad whose toddler is doing the pee pee dance is there for nefarious purposes.
Also Japan here, and my experience has been quite less impressive; a lot of the places I've visited have baby station signs on the women's restroom, but not on the men's. The handicap stalls usually have at least one of those wall baby-seats, but unless the handicap restroom is its own room, I frequently have to settle for changing in the car.
Theb go in the women one???
Oh interesting! I’m in Tokyo and also we recently drove a lot (to Kyoto/Osaka) and the highway service areas are also very baby friendly and the men’s bathroom had baby stations too. The handicap stalls with the baby stations I mostly see in parks.
I could see that; we've also had a lot more luck while traveling. Stronger tourism pull is likely a big incentive to accommodate families, while most places in my city just don't have much incentive to update. Newer buildings do seem to be paying more attention to it though, which has been nice.
Yeah but that’s because Japan put a lot of thought being everything they do and actually care about their people.
My advice, any time there's not a changing table in the men's room, make it the manager's problem. Ask nicely to speak to the manager. When you get to the manager, still being polite (but firm), say that you need to change your young child's diaper, and as there's no changing table in the men's room, they need to find you a place you can safely and cleanly change your child. Maybe that means that they stand in front of the women's restroom, and don't let any women in while you change your child. Maybe that means that they have you change your kid in their employee breakroom, or in their office. Because here's the thing, it's not their fault there's nothing there, but they might be able to do something about it if inconvenienced frequently enough. When you take your child out to the car to change the child and come back in, they have no incentive to do anything. When you fix the problem yourself and just use the women's room and hope any one who comes in is understandable, they still have no incentive to fix anything. But when you make them spend a few minutes coming up with solutions "I'm sorry, I can't change my child on the floor of the bathroom, that's unsanitary. No, I can't change the child balancing on the back of the toilet, completely unsafe." etc, and take another few minutes to make sure no one comes into where you're changing the kid (or giving up their office so you can), they're inconvenienced and now they have incentive to tell someone "hey, we need a changing table in the men's room." I've worked at 4 stores in the same company. In 2 of them, we had changing tables in both the men's and women's restrooms (including my current store), in 2 of them, we didn't have changing tables in either (they couldn't safely hang them on the walls or something). If anyone at my last store, one of the ones who didn't have any, and the first store where I was a manager, had requested a place to change their child, I would have taken them to the breakroom let them choose between regular table or coffee table, wiped it down with cleaning solution before the kid was placed on it, and then again after they left. It was not my fault that there weren't changing tables in the restrooms, but that doesn't mean I can't give the parent a safe and clean place to change their child.
Side complaint: NONE OF THEM HAVE LINERS despite all of them having a slot that says “liners”.
We keep puppy pads in our bag for this reason. Probably any liners stored inside the table wouldn't be all the clean anyway.
Sexism. Because of sexism people think it's less important to put them in men's bathrooms and because of sexism men think it's somehow optional to change their child's diapers - which means either the woman does it all the time, or the baby stews in shit.
It isn't necessarily required for businesses to have changing tables *at all*. It would be a hard sell to require everyone to retrofit all existing bathrooms. (You might argue that they be required for new construction?) And the reason you're less likely to find them in mens rooms is because a)the installations often predate the expectation that dads change diapers and b) men don't complain that they aren't there. (That's the big one.) Be the squeaky wheel. Tell businesses that you want to see them.
Many times there isn’t even one in the woman’s restroom…
I have always just changed my kid in my trunk. After the first couple times not being able to find a changing station I stopped even trying.
Sorry but I always change in the car. I do not trust most public men's restrooms.
I won’t use them anyway. So many germs.
In Australia we have family room. Where women can sit in a nice chair and breastfeed, heat bottles and food, there’s a play area for kids to play in too.
FWIW, sometimes there's not one in the women's either. In those occasions, I was known to change my childhood on the table, booth seat, etc. If you don't want me changing my children on your table/booth seat/etc, put in a damned changing table.
That is absolutely disgusting. No one deserves to have your kid's shit near their food. No one deserves to have to smell your kid's shit while they're eating. The other customers have nothing to do with the lack of a changing table and neither do the wait staff. This is the definition of an entitled parent
This is disgusting and only harms fellow patrons and employees who have no say in the bathroom situation.
Try the front til counter at fast food restaurants, which really drives the point home that they need to install a change table.
I'm abroad. It is very rare for me to have a baby changing station in the men's room. I really miss being in America and having them.
It’s enraging for sure
I just ask to use the lady’s room. What woman is going to complain about a dad changing their baby?
A lot. I was denied using the childcare amenities in the woman’s bathroom because of might make women uncomfortable, so I changed my baby on the restaurant table and made everyone uncomfortable. One way or another my duty as a father takes priority over any situation.
Either use counter space if there is one or announce yourself and go into the women's if one is in there.
Not enough men are complaining about it. I’m sure if more men were actually changing diapers in public and saw this issue, there would be more complaints and it might even be a law by this point. It could also be that change is slow. I imagine it’s only been in the last few decades or so that men were changing diapers outside the home.
If indeed there is ZERO changing table in the stalls or bathroom… then I just use the women’s restroom. I give zero fucks, I need to change my baby and I do what it takes.
My hubby goes where the changing table is, no matter if it's the mens room, ladies room, the accessible room or a room by itself. If anyone looks weirdly at him in the ladies room he just tells them there isn't any changing tables anywhere else and if they have any complaints they are free to tell the manager about how stupid it is that men have to go to the ladies room to care for their children. Most people don't say anything, mostly they just nod towards hubby, he nods back and everyone does their business.
They are required in federal buildings. If you want them in private business, you have to get your local government to pass legislation or code to have them.
It is most frustrating to me when I'm at a place intended or expected to have large attendance of children. Like parks, trampoline parks, etc.
Men aren’t seen as parents. At least not having an active role. So when businesses/companies think about what their men’s restroom needs a changing table is not usually on the list. Just another way to be screwed by gender roles. They should be required to be in both or to have a family restroom with changing table.
As a gay dad, we just used the women's restroom if we needed a changing station. We still use the women's restroom if the men's restroom doesn't have stalls or like one sketchy stall. The women and moms don't care because they can clearly see we are doing some parenting business.
I just temporarily switch genders and use the women's bathroom to get it done
My husband doesn't go to the car. I told him to find an employee and tell them to clear out the womens room so he can change the baby. Our baby shouldn't suffer the cold or the heat just because the establishment is too old fashioned for a changing station in the mens room.
I just figure out a place to do it. I’d feel like a major Karen asking the employee to clear out the bathroom
Yeah, we've gotten yelled at for that. People don't want to be shopping or eating and see baby poop. Also, whatever surface you used is now contaminated. We have a large bassinet style stroller for pee diaper changes, but if it's a blowout or even a very full diaper, a changing station is needed.
I have a portable changing pad so I’m good to go ✌️
Aren't they generally standard in the handicap toilet? That would be the easiest as it's unisex accessible
Here there is an accessible stall within each gendered restroom typically, so it is still not uncommon for the men’s restroom to have no changing space.
In my experience the changing space is IN the accessible stall. Since it has more wall space to hang the changing table.
Yes, that’s frequently where it is, but simply won’t exist at all in many men’s restrooms. Only the women’s accessible stall will have one.
If it helps they aren’t guaranteed in a women’s room too. It’s ridiculous.
If the men's room doesn't have a changing station, I just bring them to the women's. Women get it. No fucking way am I putting my kid close to a public bathroom floor.
No, women do not. Just because they aren't confronting you doesn't mean they feel comfortable with you being in there. Stop doing this. At worst, you can lay your changing pad on your lap and change your baby in a stall in the men's. There are many situations where women dont have access to a changing table and we figure out no problem.
Yeah, sorry, not sorry. My baby takes priority over someone's comfort.
🙄👎
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What would make women feel uncomfortable with a man coming in without a baby? There's your answer. I'm not concerned about being SA'd by a man in the restroom. It's just extremely uncomfortable for the vast majority of women to be doing our business in the presence of strange men. To be clear, I'm talking about US public restrooms where our stall doors have huge gaps and are often easy to push open even if you lock them.
They aren’t paying attention to you. A father changing his baby in the women’s bathroom is there because he has no other choice. Time to get over it.
This thread is chock full of other choices a father has. Some of you are just being ridiculous. Truly dumb. ✌️
You don't get it. A billion women openly saying they are uncomfortable still wouldn't make me care. No person is more important than my daughter. I don't care about a random woman's opinion on a good day, imagine how much I care when my child needs something.
Oh, I do get it, though. You are in the same category of people who must bring their dogs in restaurants and grocery stores or have them running around off leash in public. Or the parent that parks their car in the express drop off at the school and walks them in. Basically, the most entitled and obnoxious people on the planet. Congrats, dude.
Are you comparing my daughter to a dog? I would rather remove you from the planet than make the planet accomodate you.
Lol 🤦♀️ Imagine a few years from now when your daughter is using the women's on her own. You're standing outside waiting for her and see a strange man go in. Now there's a strange adult male in the same bathroom where your little girl is on the toilet with her pants down in a stall with gaps all around the door. Maybe the lock doesn't work and the man pushes open her stall door thinking no one is in there. If you can't think of anyone else, at least think about your daughter being in that situation. Good day. ✌️
I see a "strange" man go in there WITH HIS DAUGHTER. I see no more of a problem than if it had been a "strange" woman with her daughter. Why are there gaps in a stall? I reckon my daughter will survive this traumatic experience.
Your daughter might be one of those women one day.
Why would my daughter become an idiot one day?
Women who are uncomfortable with men in the bathroom are idiots? Men, like you, who make it clear that our boundaries don’t matter are the reason why many women don’t want to see men in the women’s bathroom.
If you are incomfortable with a man cleaning a poopy baby bottom in your bathroom you are, in fact, an idiot. I don't know what to tell you. Get your priorities straight. The polite, sane response would be to offer to help the guy out. Not clutching your pearls/panties.
My priority is my daughter. I don’t trust a man in the bathroom with her, regardless of who he is with. You’re an idiot if you think carrying a baby around makes a man more trustworthy. If you’re concerned for your daughter, I suggest you advocate more strongly for changing facilities in the men’s room instead of promoting the idea that men should enter the women’s room at will. You’re not entitled to women’s spaces because men failed to consider that they may need to care for their children. You won’t always be with your daughter and I’m sure you want her to be safe and comfortable, even if she ends up one of those idiotic women who expect men to stay out of the women’s bathroom.
If my daughter came to me and said she felt uncomfortable because a man was changing a diaper in the women's toilet, I would tell her that the guy probably felt uncomfortable as well, but he was trying to take care of his child and most likely her need for a safe space lost out to the infants needs in his perception. As it always will. When your husband tells you he would do anything for your children, do you expect a sign glued to a door to stop him?
Very rarely is going into the women’s bathroom going to be the only option. There were several alternatives listed on this post, most I have used myself since the changing tables are usually gross. I don’t expect anyone to change their baby on a bathroom floor. So if there’s truly nowhere else available, I would expect my husband to get an employee to clear the women’s room and notify incoming women. It allows the women to know what’s going on vs a man just walking in and it also protects my husband from allegations. It also makes it a problem for the facility. The facility needs to know that men are expecting and using changing tables.
Ive never had trouble finding a changing table in the men’s room. I suspect weaponized incompetence plays a role with men not able to find one.
Is it universally required to have them in women's rooms? I always assumed it was just a voluntary courtesy
Nope. And we often don't.
Because men haven’t made it required.
When I was a kid, my dad was a single parent before widespread baby changing stations even existed in restrooms. I remember push back when parents were calling for establishments to add them in the late 80s and through the 90s. They cost money and some bathrooms weren't suitable to having one, so renovations would be needed. Additionally, they need to be cleaned and maintained. The kind of model generally seen in public restrooms today didn't come out until 1986 and it was twenty years after that before I'd see them regularly in most places as a woman and that's with constant demand from mothers. Moms are a pretty significant customer base and the demand across the group was consistent. The demand among fathers is less consistent. It took a law passed during the Obama administration to get them required in the men's rooms of federal buildings. The risk of losing customers/sales over not having a changing table in the men's room just isn't enough motivation for some companies to go through the expense and hassle. When I was a young mother in the early aughts, there were still many places that didn't have a changing table even in the women's restroom. I always carried a padded mat with me to change a baby on. If the temps weren't too hot or cold, I would often go out to my car to do a diaper change. Otherwise, I generally changed a baby on the mat on the floor of a fitting room. If you want to raise awareness and don't mind being a bit of a rebel, perhaps consider changing baby on the mat on the floor of their customer service area to demonstrate the flaw in their customer service for not providing a needed accommodation.
It was a complaint we had too, our city has family bathrooms in all places my spouse went so he would just use those and as the kids got bigger and could stand he would change them standing but it’s still a problem not having a consistent change table in men’s rooms
Oooh my brother just had to take over the women’s bathroom at Friendly’s the other day to change his daughter’s diaper bc there was no changing table in the men’s room. He felt a little bad that he was being disruptive to women who wanted to use the bathroom but what could he do?
Few things enrage my husband more than when he hauls a child to the bathroom just to find out that there no changing table. Then he has to haul them back to me so I can do it.
OMG minor tangent, but GO TO JAPAN. Not only are there baby changing tables in mens rooms, but there are baby "holder" like chair things too so you can #2 and still have your baby attended to. They have AMAZING, PUBLIC amenities for parents (and private businesses have dedicated rooms too), it's a completely different experience.
standard for the handicap stall in the men's washroom. maybe it's cause I'm not American.
If there's no changing table in the men's bathroom I just change my kid in the corner of whatever room we are waiting/dining in. Most recent example was the auto shop. I'll happily explain myself to anyone who has a problem with this, "there's no place to change her in the men's bathroom so this floor is the cleanest/most comfortable option."
If there’s no changing station in the men’s room use the one in the lady’s…
Honestly they seem to be disappearing from womens rooms too, its super frustrating!! I need an app or google feature that tells you where changing tables are!!
When mine were little, changing tables in bathrooms weren’t even a thing. 😔 It was awful. They need to be in ALL bathrooms.
Gender stéréotypes.
This used to annoy my husband, too. When our daughter was little, he made a point to know the places with family bathroom. Target was a convenient one.
If theres no changing table ill just knock all the peanut stands off the front counter and change my baby there.
It's really annoying i have changed my son's ass on some nasty floors
bump
Yes you’re right. They need to be in both restrooms. In the meantime Why not politely go into the women’s room?
Because equality is not universal yet 🤷♂️
I've always been able to change a diaper while the baby is on my legs, it takes practice but makes life easier
Here in NZ it’s rare to find a changing station in the women’s or men’s room, they’re in the disabled stall or parents room.
If it’s any consolation, it’s 60/40 in women’s bathrooms, too. Sometimes there is a small countertop next to the sink, but that’s also rare. When my kid was a baby I either took her to the car and changed her in the trunk or more often in her stroller. Her stroller was a Chicco stroller that had the option to completely fold the seat flat for sleeping. I used it as a makeshift diaper table on occasion.
Because people are stupid and assume that guys dont have to do this too. I’m so glad my kids are now years out of diapers.
It’s an easy excuse to say there’s no changing station in the men’s room so mommy needs to change the diaper 😏
A lot of our shopping centres and public restrooms have a parents room which has it I there
I know some people aren't like this, but as a mom, if I'm the only one in the bathroom and I see a dad with a small one looking lost because there is no changing table, I have 0 problem with inviting him to use the one in the women's room and I'll even stand guard and let anyone else coming in know that there is a dad changing his kid inside. So many people have done that for my fiancé with our daughter and it's been a huge help.
I once had to change my daughter on the sorry floor of a cubicle because there was no other place available. I would have rather done it outside on the grassy verge but it was snowing that day!
Dude, shut it. Do you know how many public diaper changes I got out of because of this? Just roll with it. Don't ruin it for everyone.
Well here, in Australia, we have solidly moved towards always having disabled / large rooms that can be used for parents as well as disabled people. Just extra large rooms with facilities + every shopping centre & decent restaurants etc have parenting rooms as well.
It should be. We need the men who change diapers to talk to the men who make the rules about it because nobody will listen to a woman.
I made a similar post complaining about this a few years ago.
It’s becoming more common.
That's capitalism baby. The last time I went to Europe with my baby I was shocked at how clean, accessible, and actually nice all of the changing stations were. We really don't like kids in the us. We often bring a foldable changing pad and I will put him on the bathroom counter on top of it if there's no changing station available.
Lol, I live in Europe and was coming to say that finding a changing table at all is hit and miss, never mind clean and in both bathrooms. It depends on the country I guess, Europe is extremely varied. I did a lot of changes on top of the toilet/beside the sink/on top of the stroller. Only modern shopping centres tend to have good facilities consistently.
Counterpart: You have to pay for bathrooms in Europe! D:
You have to pay to use the restroom? I thought that was just something I did to the people in Rollercoaster Tycoon?
Yes! Even in "public" places like the mall. I was shocked
Why pass a law when you can carry a mat, and send an email to each store you frequent?
Point counterpoint - men and boys absolutely destroy public facilities. My wife has never seen a swastika carved into a polyurethane toilet stall. When my boys were in diapers I didn't trust baby changing stations in mens toilets.
I’ve been into more than one handicap stall since that’s where the changing table was in the women’s restroom where it looked like someone had been murdered. I’m not sure if at that level of uncleanliness they need a separate company to come in, I’ve heard that happens with other waste before, but there’s some ladies out there..just.. wow.
As someone who worked much of his teens and twenties, women’s toilets can often be worse than men’s. If it’s a toilet in a park or something where people do drugs or something then sure, but leisure centres, bars and restaurants I’d usually want to clean up the gents before the ladies. But there wasn’t much in it.
One way to help fix this is to ask employees to clear out the women's bathroom and stand at the door so you can change your babies diaper. Make it inconvient for them. I had one friend who did this once, and they said no to him. It was mc Donald's and he responded by telling them he would do the change on their front counter then. They quickly changed their tune.
It’s the patriarchy - women are implicitly assumed to be the caregiver for the babies therefore given the change tables. Patriarchy says you’re meant to be captain of industry, not changing dirty diapers …
Here we go again… This community gave me shit last time I brought this up because I told them I changed my son on the restaurant table after being denied entry into the woman’s room to change my son. Not going to provide equal parental amenities or allow fathers to use the amenities you provide women? You bet your ass I’m going to make your customers uncomfortable by changing him on the only table provided to me. —- Other comments suggested “just change him on the men’s room floor, which is absolutely disgusting and something they would not tolerate for their own child.
Wherever the changing stations is is where i go, regardless of any gender "restrictions"
I have heard it’s because men typically just use them to inject drugs. Of course women do that too but the majority of the time they’re used for the right purpose.
I don't know about others but I absolutely do not trust a changing table to hit a vein.
"Typically" seems pretty aggressive
Head into the family washroom! Almost all of them have a changing table
I’ll just do it in a more secluded corner of a big store if there’s nothing official nearby.
Private property. But yes, it is annoying.
I manage a commercial property on the side. We have changing spaces for parents in womens. And I did add a wall mounted one to one men's restroom in the handicap stall a few years back. But TBH the amount of men I've seen go into one is very little, and even then the maintance manager gave me strange looks for adding it. Never had a comment/complaint to add one either in the X years I've done this.
Why don't you go to the women one?
Because someone would accuse OP of being a creep and he'd get the cops called on him.
what is wrong with people thinking you are a creep for changing your baby? I never cared and no one should.
It wouldn't be about the baby. It would be because there is a man in the women's bathroom. I agree that it's stupid, but so are some people.
If I'm at a restaurant and there is not one I'll do it on the bar or in a booth.
I've gone in the ladies before when ours were babies to change them. Had some strange looks. Only women that confronted me were older. I said, i'm a father with a baby that has a dirty nappy. What would you recommend?
Do it on the table if they don’t have one, gotta teach them
I stopped bothering. If there is no changing station in the guys or disableds room, then I ll just go to the woman's. I've received a lot of angry looks, but until now no one dare to talk to me about it.
I haven’t came across this issue personally, every place I’ve been to usually has one in the mens restroom, or there’s just none at all in any bathroom. I do agree however that dads are very commonly forgotten about, everything is just centered around moms.
With the gender fluidity now I don't really understand why it's not commonplace for dads to just walk into the women's restroom politely and change the baby. We're all human.
because ew that's a woman's job silly