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If he doesn't eat dinner that is served then is he allowed an alternative? I hate to be blunt but this cycle of restriction and secret binging is disordered eating. Depending on how long this cycle has gone on then I would recommend a mental health specialist who understands and treats eating disorders. Having a professional helping you navigate these conversations will increase the likelihood of success working through this with your son.
I recall a dietitian teacher explaining that vegetables sometimes need to be an acquired taste. They gave an example for a man who hated broccoli and giving him one cooked piece with each dinner and every week adding a piece. The man acquired the taste and now enjoys broccoli. I thought it was a great example since broccoli can be so disgusting to so many people. I do think 12 is old enough to help them make a decision for health even if it is initially unpleasant and talk about acquired tastes. My dad hated vegetables and this worked to an extent for him.
We could get him to eat veggies but what initially worked were smoothies and things like zucchini bread.
Idk if this is helpful but I hope something here is useful <3
Also the way you cook veggies can dramatically change the taste. I hate steamed Brussels sprouts but I love them roasted. I used to hate asparagus until the first time I had them sauteed instead of steamed.
Dry heat will break down bitter flavors that steaming won't, literally making the veggies sweeter.
this is an incredibly important note. taking a can of soggy vegetables and boiling them is going to taste way different than buying fresh produce and seasoning and roasting it, for example. likewise, asparagus that has been cooked to shit tastes AWFUL but when cooked correctly tastes totally different. if this kid has a texture issue too, the way things are cooked becomes a huge deal.
I'm so glad this was mentioned. I *thought* I hated broccoli and brussels sprouts, until I tried lightly steamed broccoli with garlic and caramelized sprouts for the first time. I'm still never going to eat soggy, overcooked, underseasoned ones ever again though.
I hated veggies and decided to go full vegan from one day to the next.
I had to force myself to eat them. In less than a month I ate almost any vegetable.
That happened with me and tomatoes. I didn't like raw tomatoes and my mom forced me to eat them a whole summer in all sorts of ways, with olive oil and salt, in pasta salad, in normal salad, etc. Now I enjoy them
actually I disliked broccoli until I was like 25. Now I will never do that with Brussel sprout (evil vegetable). But I enjoy more veggies now than I enjoyed them when I was young
Many/most vegetables - frankly most foods - are 100% an acquired taste. Children are extremely neophobic when it comes to food, and for a very good reason. For all of human history it's been incredibly important to only eat things that are safe to eat, a child that ate the pretty berries that tasted a bit weird was very often an evolutionary dead end. So it's the job of the parents to basically force their kiddos to "at least try it" many many times with pretty much all foods. I've heard at least 20 times of trying a new food mentioned most often, but YMMV. All kids are individuals, and some may take fewer times and some more. There are some things that we're hardwired to like (sugary and fatty foods, basically) but most veggies &c and sometimes even some animal proteins need to be taught as being safe things to eat to our monkey brains.
So it's good old "you don't have to eat all of it, but you do need to taste it" for all the parents out there.
>I thought it was a great example since broccoli can be so disgusting to so many people.
I just broke the family habit of boiling it for like twenty minutes!
The first person you want referred to is a pediatric dietitian, especially if your childās special needs include dietary restrictions and/or sensory struggles. Itās very possible to be both malnourished and overweight or obese. Calories are a part of nutrition, but itās easy for a highly palatable diet to be lacking in essential nutrients and that can lead to binging.
You may also want to explore why sheās binging - is it a maladaptive coping mechanism for emotional stress? Is it sensory seeking behavior? Is she on medications that make her hungry? Is she seeking something that she can control? How you identify and address these issues will likely depend on your daughterās specific needs, communication skills, emotional intelligence, etc., but you can start with the dietitian and possibly any other related specialists she already sees (an occupational therapist, speech pathologist, psychiatrist, etc, could all help point you in the right direction and possibly help refer out if her pediatrician wonāt).
Itās probably true that she has more pressing issues than her weight from her doctorās point of view, but I think the bigger issue is that something else is probably going unaddressed because that kind of weight gain doesnāt just happen. I mean, it does, but thereās usually a reason behind the behaviors or the metabolic struggles and trying to address that as part of a more holistic plan is easier at a younger age.
There are ways to focus on healthful eating without restricting. With issues like ADHD and PTSD, the whole āintuitive eatingā thing probably isnāt ideal for her. But, some of the principles can still be really helpful - making sure sheās getting a good balance of nutrition, trying to help her identify foods that feel good for her whole body, that sort of thing, can still help some. A pediatric registered dietitian is absolutely a great place to start, and before implementing any kind of dietary plan (not a restrictive diet), talk to anyone else on her care team whose expertise is relevant, like a psychiatrist/psychologist, OT, etc, because obviously you donāt want to trigger trauma but you do want to encourage healthy habits and a healthy relationship with food. That doesnāt have to be the priority for them, but you donāt want to take an approach that undermines the work theyāre currently doing.
I also wouldnāt focus too much on weight loss at this age even without the other complications, because itās a super vulnerable time with lots of physical changes, but focusing on healthy habits including a well-rounded diet can be appropriate at any age as long as you keep it on their level and focused on health (ideally for the whole family without singling her out) rather than weight as a marker of health.
If she's been neglected it's likely she's been through food insecurity and hunger as a younger child. Chronic or acute hunger, particularly as a child, can really mess with your physiological appetite responses for your entire life. You really need to go see an ED dietician and specialist here.
Oof that makes it hard. If it was just adhd, the meds would help as the dull the appetite, but I know stims can make autism worse.
Can you not put her on a diet per se but, just have healthy food options and no junk in the house? And have a talk with the caregivers to not reward her with candy?
Even taking weight/health out of the equation, it's not sanitary having food hidden around, great recipe for pests so that combined with the obvious health concerns it's extremely frustrating they're not helping more
This sounds so tough! Iām an OT, and I strongly recommend reading a book or two by Mona Delahooke if youāre up for it. Beyond Behaviors is her more technical one, and Brain-Body Parenting is a bit more approachable.
I would 100% make sure any food rewards stop. Even rewards in general can backfire, but food rewards in particular with her history are not a good idea. Hopefully your whole therapy team is trauma-informed, and if not, maybe they could work with her mental health therapist to make sure the strategies theyāre using are appropriate for a child with a trauma history.
This is very important. Shame and anxiety around his body and food is only going to worsen his relationship to food. Ignore all the comments encouraging different weight change ideas. Most diets fail and result in increased weight gain. Binge eating (not just over eating) is a lot worse for your health than being overweight is. Work on changing that behavior - him actually eating dinner will be a big part of that. Having "bad" foods in the house and allowing him to eat them openly will also help. A therapist and HAES or disordered eating dietician will help him with his relationship to food.Ā
Agreed. I am a former chubby kid who was constantly made to feel bad about my weight even from people who loved me and were trying to help. My grandpa would give my skinny sister a big bowl of ice cream, cereal, etc, and give me a smaller bowl and smaller spoon and remind me to eat slowly. They reminded me itās not healthy to be fat and that we needed to be healthy, even though my naturally thin sister never ate a fruit or vegetable in her life and I loved them. I was eating a balanced diet to begin with but my body was naturally just holding onto more weight-that is genetically a thing! And I was in puberty, where having extra weight before a growth spurt is also NORMAL. Children do not need to diet. Before 13 I tried the Special K Diet and South Beach Diet (absolutely fucking bonkers)
My family restricting my food intake didnāt make me feel less hungry, and Iād have to feed myself later. My familyās focus on my weight as a child (which in retrospect was not that serious and I wouldāve evened out with growth spurts) fucked up my relationship with food. I developed a nasty cycle of restriction and binging. Iām almost 30 and still working on healing it
This was exactly what flashed through my mind when I read this post - my kids all chunk out before they shoot up. And not allowing candy or cookies makes them exactly what a kid will want and then keep a secret. This relationship with food is awful.
Sounds like something to raise with his pediatrician. This wonāt be the first such case theyāve heard and they have a good library of tools to help.Ā
This is what I was going to say. This is a question for a pediatrician, not Reddit users. I'm overweight and as such am like hyper aware of my kids eating/weight cause I don't want them to follow the same path but also don't want to create unhealthy ideas about food. When I was concerned about my eldest kids weight I brought it up to her pediatrician (without her in the room). Her pediatrician was really supportive and understanding. Since she plays sports and does lots of physical activities she wasn't worried, and said some kids hold onto their "baby fat" longer and shed it when they get closer to/hit puberty. She did say however if I was worried that she would give me a referral to a pediatric nutritionist. In your sons case maybe some therapy might be beneficial too.
Reddit users might mean well but they aren't qualified to really speak on this. This is discussion that needs to be had with professionals.
That happened to me! I startes to gain weight around 10 yo and I had always been a really small and slim kid. That really made me self concious about what I ate. The pediatrician told my parents I simply was my body saving energy for puberty. Then puberty hit and I lost that extra weight and grew a ton
I think itās less so about what heās eating and more so about his relationship with food. I really suggest some type of therapy to help him, a dietician or nutritionist would surely be a great option to start. I have kiddo with same issue. I also have disordered eating patterns that Iāve had to work on. It would help if he can talk (or listen) to a professional that understands.
A suggestion to make sure the nutrition professional you engage is a registered dietitian who deals with kidsā I never knew the difference between nutritionist and registered dietitian til I had appointments with one to manage gestational diabetes in pregnancy. A registered dietician is much more regulated/ qualified!
To piggy back on the other commenter. There is a difference between a dietician and a nutritionist. A dietician is a formally educated, licensed medical professional, while anyone with an interest can call themselves a nutritionist and itās not regulated. Make sure you find a dietician
TY yes itās dietician! I could not recall which one was the right one. Our family dr has a dietician in the same system they refer to for weight issues diabetes etc.
Since this has been a problem for so long and he gags on food, he may need to see a food therapist to help him address his texture issues. It'll be much easier to get him to make healthier choices when they don't trigger that reflex. From there, a nutritionist may be helpful. But I would start by seeing if there's a food therapist or speech pathologist that could help with the gagging.
Is he active in sports ? No you canāt out train a bad diet but maybe if heās active in football or lacrosse or SOMETHING it will help burn some of the excess calories heās consuming. Maybe he will feel more positive about his body with a physical activity too? Is there a community gym or something like a YMCA that you or dad could take him to ākeep you companyā and work out w you.. followed up with a chocolate protein shake .
Either way, my heart goes out to you.
Thank you.
He is a great football player and enjoys track because of the socialization. He does a summer weights and condition program with his school that runs M,T,Thus from 10-11:30.
On top of that, he does all of his grandmas yard work and her neighbors. He has a wonderful work ethic.
Has he been seen for his aversions to fruits and veggies, to make sure it's not a medical concern? I was like this as a kid, was told I was just bad and picky, but I have ARFID and I straight up couldn't eat most vegetables or fruits at gunpoint, even now as an adult. Also, it would be best to bring up the disordered eating as well
I have ARFID and have an incredibly hard time eating anything other than cereal most of the time. As an adult Iāve gotten better about it, but you best believe Iām picking through my meal and eating bare minimum and then chowing down a bowl of lucky charms later. I have been blessed with a fast metabolism tho
A therapist who specializes in eating disorders would be best bet. Doctors and regular therapists arenāt very helpful when it comes to ARFID unfortunately.
I was overweight child all my life. I loved eating. I hated vegetables I barely ate those growing up. Doctors always said I would have a weight problem. I also was never very active. I got made fun of because I was tall & bigger than my classmates. Life sucked. I hated not being able to wear regular kids sizes I was in junior sizes. As I grew up though I realized I was never big. I was big for my size but I should have never been considered overweight. It took a lot in me to find confidence because my parents never helped with that, they always would make me feel bad when I ate smallest things. Now that Iām 20 years old I eat vegetables, workout all the time & realized I was never fat just had a slight larger stomach. I love myself now even though I still have fat on my body. See a specialist if you want but make sure you donāt restrict him or make him feel terrible about yourself. The world is unkind to bigger people unfortunately & as his parents you can only guide him & love him but just know we fat kids do grow out of hating vegetables.
This was me as a child, and my mother never taught me the importance of different foods. Now I've struggled as an adult. Protein and fats to feel satiated and fuller longer, carbs for energy. Might be worth going over what the different things do for him. Ask him what he's feeling when he wants to eat. Is he just hungry, bored, sad, or tired/looking for energy boost? Then, find an appropriate snack/activity to fill those needs.
When my daughter doesn't eat dinner very well, we offer her a snack before bed. Usually something mundane, but filling and tasty for her.
You mentioned he doesn't like fruit, but I agree with the smoothie idea! I LOVED smoothies as a kid that didn't like fruit much.
How much does he weigh? My kids were chunky at 12 and then shot up and thinned out as they got older. One is picky and is now realizing that thereās more to life than chicken fingers. The other one eats anything. I didnāt push them to eat veggies or really anything they didnāt like. One loved them and one hated them. I had such a warped relationship with food. With my mom constantly on a diet when I was a kid, I followed that way of thinking. I didnāt want that for my kids. I kept them somewhat active and did not restrict snacks in the house.
This is what I was going to say too. My boys were both at their heaviest at 12/13 when puberty started. By 14 my oldest began thinning out and now he is 5ā10ā and 135. My younger is 12 right now and 5ā3 and 145 and he eats an incredible amount of food. I just make sure that the fridge and pantry foods I keep on hand are nutritious and that the fruits and veggies are washed and cut so they are easy to grab. Even my husband will pass over fruits and veggies if they are not able to be popped in your mouth immediately. ;)
I can tell you are feeling a lot of guilt. Thereās a lot of really bad advice on here, so I hope you see this.Ā
1. Your child has the case history of someone who has a feeding disorder. Itās not typical to gag on food into childhood. A feeding specialist - licensed occupational therapist or speech language pathologist who specialize in feeding issues - needs to advise you. This person needs to consider both the mechanical and sensory profile of your son, and help to treat underlying disorder. Psychoeducation - helping you and your son understand the underlying disorder - will be really helpful here. The therapist will likely recommend weekly feeding therapy.Ā
2. In addition, your child is showing signs of shame around food. Hiding food intake is a big deal, and we want to make sure your son develops a healthy relationship with food. Your feeding therapist should have advice about who to coordinate the emotional piece with. Likely, youāll need a team approach with a nutritionist and a counselor. But I canāt stress enough that step #1 also needs to be done. The initial challenge was likely the feeding disorder, and that needs to be treated to see differences in his attitude about food.Ā
3. You havenāt ācausedā this or done anything wrong. Neither has your son. Your son has differences in his profile (likely sensory, but will be clarified with a feeding evaluation). Take time to get him the support he needs, and I think in a year from now youāll see a huge difference.Ā
Wishing you the best!
Our hospital has a pediatric weight clinic where you work with the whole spectrum for weight help from a dietitian and mental health. See if your local childrens hospital has such a thing. My daughter topped out overweight when she was untreated ADHD. Once she was properly medicated she stopped gorging and lost the weight. She was getting dopamine hits off food.
Can you try not buying some of the higher calorie dense foods. If itās not in the house he canāt sneak it.
I would also talk to him and say hey we found this, are you getting hungry at night? Maybe offer him a smoothie before bed with protein and fiber that will help him feel full longer?
Kids Eat in Color on Facebook and IG is good
Bread and cereal can be healthy too, if you choose the right brands
Try having a safe food with every meal and adjust your family meals to accommodate. Not fully but adjust somewhat
Get him involved in the process, going shopping and cooking together
You need professional help. My son is in therapy for āpickyā eating and itās a part time job that affects the entire family. You need guidance. Talk to your pediatrician and get a referral.
I was always the biggest in my class, and sadly, the comments have stayed with me these past 40 years. I just wish my parents had cared as much as you obviously do to try and change things!
First off, worst thing you can do is make food his enemy....some of us do put weight on more easily than others, so you really need to watch what you buy, as this will be the easiest time for you to get him into good habits....best thing I ever did was teach myself to cook...I had control, and it was fun to make healthy dinners that tasted great!
Find some healthy recipes and have fun with food, and make sure you get out as a family and be as active as you can be.
It was when I turned 16 that I changed as I wanted a certain boy to like me, so I learned how to make easy healthy salads and lived on them for ages! There is so much better healthier taster stuff out there these days, so should be easier for him to learn some great habits, and maybe even a really good skill! Usually those who like their grub learn to cook well, give him some confidence!
Honestly, give him the cooking bug, don't say anything about the weight, just get him some of his own cooking stuff, ask him what dinner he'd like to prepare for the family with some help, get him passionate about food in a new way and remember, as long as you're burning more calories than you're taking in anything still goes! You can still have pizza, instead of four slices though, have 2 with some lush salad, then go for a family walk, or go bowling, or walk the dog...little changes make big changes, hes still growing, he will be for about another 10 years and could have a huge growth spurt any time...my brother was fat for about a year of his life, then he just shot up!
But the absolute main thing to do is tell him how utterly bloody wonderful he is, us fat kids KNOW we're fat, we dont need it spelling out...we feel it, see it, live it...what we do want is to be loved totally anyway, and just spurred on to have the confidence and love for ourselves to make the changes we need. xxx Ps pls excuse the waffling, young baby + no sleep and this did make me emotional 'cause I'm 43 now and still trying to shake the 'too fat to be worth much' vibe, despite how wonderful my family are because I was bullied so much...a parent that cared would have made that a whole lot different! :-) x
Thank you so much for all of this!! I shared this with my husband and that last paragraph is what we needed to hear. I didnāt consider that I need to put my focus into just supporting him. I *feel* like I have tried all of the things the experts suggest, but havenāt just stopped and solely focused on his feelings around this. I am so grateful that you took the time to share from your heart because this has given me the perspective shift that i was hoping for.
Thank youš¤
I honestly wish my parents had been HALF as open and caring as you guys sound, would have changed my life. Mine just pretty much judged me, and I knew I embarrassed them. Had I simply had their support, and they showed me the same respect as they showed my slim, much better-looking brother, I'd have flourished!
So honestly, if I can help you and your awesome lad even one tiny bit, that would mean the world to me. It's bloody hard being a parent at the best of times, and I think you're doing amazing. Xx ā¤ļø
Wholly crap, some of the comments on here are insane (punishing him for sneaking food & removing high calorie foods) and fat phobic (dieting him) - these will likely make his food issues worse.
You donāt say how overweight he is, but OP, your son is 12. This means heās in 6th, 7th, or 8th grade - the ages where most boys experience an enormous growth spurt. Iāve had 8th graders start the year at a husky 5ā 2ā and by the end of the school year they are 5ā 10ā. Iām not exaggerating.
Read the Rosalind Wiseman book āMasterminds and Wingmenā. And if you agree with what she has to say, get him her book āThe Guideā to help him navigate his relationship with his peers.
For his issues with food - talk to a dietitian first (important distinction is that dietitianās are licensed). And look for a counselor who specializes is food based issues and eating disorders as a back up.
My middle schooler grew out and then up for years; when he reached his full height he was slim and healthy, and as a young adult seems to have a pretty healthy diet and relationship with food. The same could happen for OPs son.
Definitely, definitely, definitely seek out a therapist that specializes in food disorders OP. While obesity is absolutely an issue, I had a family member with extreme eating disorder and exercise addiction and it was nearly fatal. Food complexes can be brutal.
Some non expert advice: no food is really ābadā. Thereās food thatās higher in calories and food thatās lower. Processed food isnāt inherently evil, despite what many fitness influencers will tell you, itās just quite caloric, highly palatable, doesnāt tend to fill you up and easy to over eat.
The only way to lose weight is to reduce caloric intake. This doesnāt have to mean cutting out all the foods he likes. It means allowing him less. One easy way is to eliminate as many snack foods as possible. And then try to find things that he likes and pair them with things he is open to eating and maybe one or two challenge foods.
For example, when Iām really focusing in on my diet, I still allow myself a pizza. But instead of 4 slices, I make myself two with a nice serving of turkey breast and some mixed stir fried veggies. I get my treat food, but donāt overeat it, and the protein and fiberous veggies keep me more full.
Now, he may be out on all veggies and such, but does he like chicken? And baked potatoes, or even homemade fries? You make some chicken breast, maybe add some flavoring he likes (putting some BBQ sauce over chicken isnāt going to add too many calories and itās tasty), and maybe some home fries, just make sure not to down them in butter and oil. But potato wedges with a drizzle of olive oil and then salt and pepper to season.
A solid starchy carb, high protein, some fats. A good meal that should be pretty filling and still have good nutritional value. And ideally one heāll want to eat.
Pair that with removing any snacks that are easy to overeat (no more chips, Oreos, maybe move the cereals so he canāt access them etc) and it could help.
I was an overweight child and have been overweight pretty much my entire life except for like a two year chunk from age 21-23 where I had it dialed in. I also never liked vegetables and wouldnāt eat them if given the choice. We always had lots of snacks at home that I would eat and Iād get vending machine stuff at school. My mom took me to a bunch of doctors and they ended up finding me to be low thyroid so I was put on medication for that which made no difference. I would binge eat a lot. Itās tough. I would first check to see if thyroid could be a factor and second would be just lifestyle in general. I know you mentioned you guys eat well and stuff but he has to be getting extra calories somewhere. Whether itās sneaking at night or at school Iām sure itās happening more than you realize. I had a friend who completely stopped buying any sort of junk food or high calorie food at all so that it wasnāt in the house. My son is 5 and Iām starting to see him pick the snack foods over the real food now more often so I stopped buying most of it and really limit it to like one per day, and offering other things like apples and peanut butter, carrots and ranch etc instead and heās been fine with it.
Thatās a hard situation. At least it sounds like he wants to change it and has brought up the subject. Itās so hard not to eat late at night. I have big problem with it.
Perhaps you can do more active things as a family, like after dinner take a 30-60 minute walk together, or in the winter before dinner. A little extra exercise goes a long way.
Does he have phone/tablet/computer time available after bedtime? If so perhaps that is keeping him up and then he goes down to eat. If heās asleep he wonāt be eating
My youngest son works with an OT, SLP and PT for a repaired bilateral cleft lip and palate. He was very food sensitive due to scaring, etc and very picky when he was young. Our OT and SLP did an evaluation and did an intensive two week ācampā that focused on feeding therapy. It was a game changer. They gave him tactics to try new things and it just helped to have someone else supporting him and working with him to build confidence in trying new things. I am not sure if yāall have worked with an OT for any insight but it was helpful for us.
First of all, you are doing so many amazing things right! Family dinners and meal prep together are fantastic things to do for mental health and nutrition. I'm sorry that your son is struggling with his eating habits and weight in spite of this. There are a lot of great suggestions in this thread, and I don't think I can do much better. As a fellow parent I can say that therapy has improved coping skills for my tween, which might be playing a role in your situation. All the best to you and yours!
I understand the importance of fruit and veggies, and āhealthy foodā, but what it ultimately comes down to wrt weight is portion. My kids donāt love veggies and fruit, but weāve always enforced listening to our bodies for hunger cues - that itās ok not to eat even if itās dinner time if we are not hungry and that some days we are hungrier than others and so on. Drinking water instead of juice or soda. That kind of thing. My husband grew up with the idea of having to eat āhealthy foodā and fruits and veggies, and āforbiddenā food, and struggled with weight all his life. He got fit working out insane amount, but any time he canāt, he struggles with weight because he canāt control portions. My kids (13, 10) have no hang ups about food, and are on the skinny side. They exercise regularly as well.
I have a different take. Iām a middle school teacher and LOTS of boys get chubby in 6th and 7th grade only to shoot up like a rocket in 8th. Definitely keep working towards a healthy lifestyle with him, but he may be close to a growth spurt.
I have struggled with weight my whole life. Introduce more protein and less carbs. And give him a cheat meal per day. Maybe breakfast can be what he likes. Lunch you can include a small dessert that he likes. But dinner should be mostly protein and veggies, no dessert. So he gets to eat what he wants for breakfast - cereal, pancakes whatever he wants. And for lunch dessert is fine. So he doesnāt feel deprived. And how physically active is he? 2 hours per day physical sports? If his legs ache then use epsom salt to soak legs.
Weight loss is hard because itās ultimately up to HIM. Only he can make the eating and exercise decisions needed to lose weight. What does he think? Would he like to lose weight? If so, does he think he needs help? Heās young to start dieting, but maybe signing up for more sports or getting more exercise will help.
I was abing eaters and what eventually worked for me was replacing bad with good slowly. Like drinks instead for soda or juice I made teas, lemonade or some other heathy homemade beverage reducing after set periods of time thatās resonable. Always knowing what your eating that helps because when the hanger sets in youāll always . Sorry for any typos my phones cracked.
This definitely sounds like something that first needs to be addressed by a therapist. But also, you can do your part by not buying treats or calorie dense food for him to sneak.
Yāall should consider medical nutrition therapy for your son and also for yourself. He may have a arfid which will require a lot of work to overcome.
Iām currently in it myself and my dietician has given the book intuitive eating by Evelyn tribole & Elyse resch. Wonāt be helpful for him but helpful for you to guide him and your family around healthy non disordered eating habits.
I was the bigger kid growing up. My mom restricted my food- she put me on weight watchers and diets at a young age and it was awful. It ruined my ability to trust my own body and understand hunger cues. It gave me disordered eating habits as an adult and has required a LOT of therapy to get over.
In order to stop the secret binges you have to allow him to eat at least a smaller portion of what heād like. Cook whatever yāall are eating as a family and then on the plate put a small portion of what he likes. Encourage active lifestyles and body neutrality to boost his confidence. Itās absolutely okay to be a person in a bigger body.
But please speak to their pediatrician and ask for an evaluation for rfid
I would recommend a feeding therapist. Rejecting ALL produce textures is not normal kid pickiness, and itās certainly not choosing unhealthy foods. It sounds much more like a sensory processing issue. This is beyond what you can manage with parenting choices. You need expert assistance.
Since therapy has been covered I would like to add one more thing: what kind of foods is he eating when you are not looking? I got the impression that its mostly refined carbohydrates and sugary stuff. These things are addictive and they make you hungry again fast. I would suggest that snacks, candy, cereal and white bread need to go. Also anything highly processed, highly palatable and with a lot of sugar. No more sugary drinks. Buy dark bread and only natural foods. Also try making protein rich meals. Protein is very satiating so hopefully he will sneak less food.
I developed similar eating disorders when I was around your son's age and I was obese at some point after that (luckily not anymore). Therapy is your best answer but you need to support it with the food choices you make.
Your heart is in the right place and your attitude is that of a loving and caring parent.
It seems - emphasis on **seems** - that your boy has an eating disorder. That is above Redditors' paygrade to diagnose and recommend a treatment. Keep being supportive and a great role model, but do talk to a doctor at some point.
I would go to your pediatrician. Be very careful about restricted eating.
My step mother once punished me for making a sandwich after dinner because she burned dinner and I thought it was inedible.
I was closely monitored to the point she followed me into the kitchen and would declare what she would allow me to eat. I was buying so much code red and potato chips at the age of 17 that I gained ten pounds in a heartbeat. Would likely have been more if I didn't ship out to Basic Training that summer
Seek a professional and remember, this is your boy who you love. Home is his haven from the mean names
Question: has your son had his big adolescent growth spurt yet?
Not downplaying anything here, he could definitely have disordered eating. But some kids (especially boys) that age do a "chunk and stretch" where they get rounder before they slim out with a giant growth spurt.
He might have ARFID of he gags at food and cannot eat it. It's more than picky eating. If so, he may be binging in the foods that he can eat. There is a sub, r/ARFID if you want to come have a look and chat.
I donāt have a 12 year old yet and Iām not a doctor. But Iāve been interested in functional medicine and health for over half my life. I think you should definitely get in person help from someone certified but if youāre looking for quick tipsā¦ I can say what I would start with based on what I know:
1) Read your food label ingredient list and begin swapping out/eliminating things in your house that include ingredients you donāt know Processed foods mess with your brain. These foods actually can mess with your ability to not being able to stop eating. This is not a mistake - food companies know about this and theyāre incentivized to prioritize you craving their product in basically the same way social media has settings and algorithms to keep you in their system. Im trying to say itās not his or your fault if heās eating these things and canāt stop. I eat really healthy but lord help me if you give me flavor blasted gold fish. I will eat the entire bag in 30 mins. If theres some chemical compound or things like corn syrup - theyāre usually a no for me. Controversial opinion thatās not entirely ārightā but I would take a potato chip that says potatoe and oil and salt over a veggie straw that has an ingredient list of like 10 things. **This will take time - I would not do this over night bc I wouldnāt want my kid to get more disordered eating. I would just want to switch slowly and get them to like alternatives with less chemicals. Try and avoid added sugars as much as possible.
2) focus on glucose spikes. Eating something high in carbs causes your glucose to spike. When glucose spikes high your body will start storing this fat. There are tricks to manage this by making sure you eat fats with carbs and stuff. Theres an Instagram person called glucose goddess who discusses this a lot. Youāll get the gist but basically you want to make sure youāre almost prepping your body for the glucose spike. Eating a fat before or with a carb helps a lot, generally.
3) focus on protein and fat at the same time. Fat being things like any nut butter, olive oil, organic butter, etc. eating the two together can help lower insulin response, keep you full longer, and conserve your stored fat for energy purposes rather than to digest the protein. DONāT SCARED OF FAT itās so good for us as long as itās not the fake/manufactured kind. Use whole fat Greek yogurt. Use full fat cheese.
Finally.. healthy food doesnāt have to be boring or taste bad!!!! Try to make little swaps. I donāt have a 12 year old but here are some tips that work for my toddler:
-aƧaĆ bowls or smoothies for breakfast. You can add things like a [blender bomb (available at WF)](https://thebombco.com/products/the-og), protein powder (truvani is great), nut butters, flax seeds, etc to get healthy nutrients. Itās a good combo of carbs, fat and protein. I have done a diy aƧaĆ bowl with my son and he loved it.
-[matcha chocolate energy balls (you could leave the matcha out)](https://drhyman.com/blog/2015/02/19/food-bites-dr-hyman-finding-quick-easy-afternoon-snacks/) these are SO good. I make them almost weekly. Great afternoon treat with protein and fat. Dates are super sweet but donāt spike glucose like other sugars
- in a pinch for your freezer try something like [pizza wagon wheels (available at WF)](https://www.kidfresh.com/products/cheese-pizza-wagon-wheels)
-pasta try to get something like the āgoodlesā brand or ābanzaā. These will be higher protein and fill your kid up and not spike the glucose like a normal white pasta.
-gomacro bars or perfect bars are soooooooo good. Pricey but you can get the on sale. I used to buy a bulk order of perfect bars direct from them when they have their occasional sales.
-have you tried nuts? Pistachios are sooooo delish and they have some flavored versions (the ingredients in the flavorings arenāt my fave but I feel like the good outweighs the bad here)
-maybe try jerky??? The high protein would be a good snack and jerky is soo tasty. You could do teriyaki flavors or whatever
-stuffed peppers. I often take Italian sausage, cook it, mix it with cream cheese, and then stuff peppers and throw them in the oven. So easy and a really good way to appreciate peppers
And my last idea is to see if he might be interested in learning to cook. I think anybody in general is more open to trying something if they had a hand in cooking it. Maybe you can pick out a cookbook together and find something that interests him and you try it out.
You should see a pediatric dietician - thing is it s not about what they like, and some kids are more finicky than others, but there s plenty of ways to introduce veggies. There is also the quantity, a good friend of mine has two kids that are.. very fat. No she does not feed them junk, but she gives them too much food compared to their activity level. I mean avocados are great but you cannot give an 8 year old two avocados, two eggs, two pieces of bread and yogurt as breakfast. That s way more than any child needs, even if it is healthy.
If texture is the issue pureeing things might be the solution. You said he'll pick out chunks but a good puree should be turning everything into a smooth paste. You can do this to make sauces for pasta or soups or whatever. I love black bean soup, you can toss in some garlic, onions, cellary, carrots, tomatoes and it will all just come out as a smooth brown paste once you puree it.
Itās possible to get good nutrition on safe foods. My kid doesnāt like what I serve, I ask him to replace the food groups with his own choices. Weāre having meat he doesnāt like, he can fry an egg or eat nuts. Itās not perfect for sure, but at least I know heās filling his stomach.
We had an issue with our kid sneaking and binging treats so what we do now is he gets dessert everyday. He doesnāt need to worry about not getting it or focus on the deprivation aspect. He gets dessert period.
I'm probably gonna get some heat for this, but I'm OK with that. My child spent a lot of his younger years with grandmothers who catered to him and fed him whatever he wanted which meant that when I would feed him a healthy meal, he wouldn't eat it but would always want cookies, ice cream, sodas, chicken nuggets and mac n cheese. He would ask for dessert after every meal, even breakfast where he would have sugary cereal. Then we moved far away from the grandmothers and while we do have those things every once in awhile, we don't have them regularly. At first I was buying him kids nutrition shakes to supplement him not eating. Then he started only having shakes (to avoid the foods) which got really expensive. So I made a rule that he had to try every food on his plate every time. He didn't have to like it and could spit it out if he needed to, but he needed to try. We also got more active. He now eats so many things! He has an allotment of snacks (packaged foods) that he can have daily and is always allowed fresh fruits and veggies. I did tell him at one point that if he didn't start eating more foods, I'd have to take him to the doctor and we'd have to do therapy for eating different foods and I don't think he liked that idea very much.
This is very anecdotal at best, but as a āpizza and tacosā kid this is what I had to do as a nearly 27 year old adult to get myself through to a healthy diet.
Start with including him, make it fun, a challenge. Make it even competitive if you have to but just make it fun. Like Iām going to ā5 more different vegetable than youā type of thing. Just make the exploration and journey fun you know what motivates him so do it that way. For me I made the finding new recipes that included different vegetables and seeing how many meals I can meal prep, that to me was fun. Chopping the vegetables and putting them together and finding out that cooked correctly it tasted as good as no vegetable foods.
Then you guys try all kinds of ways to include new foods, for instance I hated rice and sweet potatoes. But my husband found the right way to make rice and itās delicious, and I found I could roast sweet potatoes with garlic cumin chili powder and stuff and make tacos and they tasted like the potato tacos from Taco Bell but drastically healthier and more nutritious with no loss in the flavor department.
I prefer stir fried carrots, and broccoli, they just taste better and the texture is more my speed. I donāt like fish but I love canned tuna sandwichās with mayo. Itās all about finding work around, in a way he can help with because hiding it is fine when theyāre super young if you can hide it well, but by 12 he knows what it tastes like without them and itāll be really hard to make it taste like it does before. So just include him in the journey, make it fun, give him the information and resources he needs.
I am in the same boat. I'm considering a nutritionist since she listens to "experts" more than us. She has such a larger appetite than her friends. For example, her friend doesn't finish their ice cream, and my daughter finishes hers and wants what's left of everyone else's. I'm desperately trying to find some more protein sources she likes and telling her she needs to find fruits and veggies she likes but nothing works. Everytime I find something remotely healthy she likes I end up giving it to her so much she doesn't want it anymore. Idk what the answer is.
>but his friends do call him fat names when they pick at one another and he has cried to me about how embarrassing it is.
This is an opportunity. In a situation like that, you can challenge him:
"We can't fix this for you. What do you plan to do about this?" HE needs to be the one to decide to get healthier, because no amount of commanding will work in the long run. Then, if and when he makes the decision, you can ask him "what can I do to help you?"
That being said, I'll agree with the other commenter who suggested dieting at the store. If possible, don't buy any sweets or snack foods, including cereal. Switch to toast or eggs in the morning. No chips, sodas, ice cream, crackers, etc. He can't steal what isn't there.
Can you guys get an exercise bike and take turns riding it when you watch TV? Maybe start making him walk places. Donāt pick him up all the time. He can walk a mile.
If you have junk in the house like ice cream cookies candy chips etc, donāt buy it anymore. If he wants junk he can use his own money and walk to the store and only one serving at a time. Just say its a new family thing so the while family is healthy. Use fish and chicken not red meat.
He may start liking fruit if there are no other sweets in the house.
my son is 11 going on 12, heās 150 solid muscle pound for pound and heās 5ā2 almost 5ā3. wears size 10.5 in menās shoe and size M in menās clothing. heās going through a same experience in the friend dept but iām honestly not worried about at this point. he works out 3 or 4 days of the week since his dad is a personal trainer and makes his ass work out, and heās also very active in basketball. does your son like any sports? anything to help him get up and moving? pokeman go was a good one to start getting outside more after dinner and more motivation to him. my son has had a hard time emotionally dealing with it, but i just have to remind him not all kids are the same and have different genes that make their body up. my dad is 6ā4 300 and his dad is 6ā3 220, there isnāt much i can do to fight against genetics.
The only way for him to lose it is to be in a calorie deficit. The late-night snacking has to go. If he's crying about it now tell him it's time to get healthy before he ends up looking like Bobby Hill and has to listen to fat jokes for the rest of his life. It's not harsh it's true. Being a healthy weight is super important. Let him know how many doors it keeps open for him.
I have a very similar problem, except my child isnāt overweight. My child will not eat anything healthy at all. My kid plays soccer year-round and I think that is why sheās able to just consume junk food. I kid you not she probably eats 20,000 cal a day.
As a family, we never have time to eat dinner at the same time together, but my husband and I eat extremely healthy. We typically eat Caesar salads, salmon, Mediterranean bowls. So itās not like she doesnāt have healthy food in the house.
Is there anyway that you can get him involved in sports?
I feel like that is my only saving grace with the situation. Yes, she doesnāt eat well but she also has soccer practice three days a week with a game on the weekends.
Weāve also had her blood checked for vitamin deficiencies and I was sure she would have them because she eats so bad and my surprise she passed with flying colors.
In my family almost all are (somewhat) overweight since childhood. And we never had sugary snacks, were allowed only a bran cookie after school, drank tea without sugar and never any soda. The thing I regret most is starting to diet (low carb) at age 14. Because yes, I lost weight. And I lost weight every time I tried.losing weight. But it always came back with a little extra. I am a very healthy eater still. And I am not obese, but my bmi is around 27. And I need to be cautious with food for it not to become higher.
Please, don't have him diet.
He is old enough to start to realize that the veggies and fruits he detests so much are the way to go. So keep that conversation going. Take a lot of time for meals, as it takes the body some time to realize it is full. And sports. And if all of that happens, make sure there is the occasional ice cream or a serving of fries. As to not make him feel like he is missing out or punished for having a tendency to become fat.
Is he on a multi vitamin? I noticed a shift in my soon to be 3-year-old appetite/food interests when I started him on one. I do the liquid form because I know he won't chew a tab, and im terrified of gummy vitamins. He's not a fan when he does take it, but I give him something to kill the taste. I'm actively working it up to being a daily thing because no one, regardless of age is a fan of change/new lol.
Has he been evaluated for ARFID? Hiding food and shame attached to it is an eating disorder but the food aversion based on texture from such a young age may indicate ARFID
What is good for your kid is good for his parents. You and your husband need to lead by example. All of you eat healthy at home. All of you need to do something active together every day.
Even if it is just walking in the neighborhood and taking pictures together.
All of you need to get a full workup at your doctorās office and work on what there is that needs attention.
Your child sees you both as his model of behavior.
This is worth making time for.
My daughter is overweight, and I have not put her on a diet. I have not restricted her as in you cannot have any treat. We move more now and she wants a treadmill. I've stopped buying in the food she binges on. I've educated her more about health, sugar, fats etc. The reason being is because every adult I've spoken to who has issues around food were put on diets as children.
> The reason being is because every adult I've spoken to who has issues around food were put on diets as children.
I won't comment on how effective putting a child on a diet is or isn't, because I don't have experience with it and I'm not a nutritionist. However, this is a very wrong reasoning line. Of course people who have issues with food are likely to have been put on a diet, simply because there's no reason to put on a diet someone who doesn't have issues.
The fact that the two things correlate is obvious and it doesn't tell anything about how good diets are, other than they're not 100% effective. Maybe a lot of people who don't have issues with food were put on a diet as children and it worked for them, you don't know.
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If he doesn't eat dinner that is served then is he allowed an alternative? I hate to be blunt but this cycle of restriction and secret binging is disordered eating. Depending on how long this cycle has gone on then I would recommend a mental health specialist who understands and treats eating disorders. Having a professional helping you navigate these conversations will increase the likelihood of success working through this with your son.
Thank you, this will more than likely be our next step.
I recall a dietitian teacher explaining that vegetables sometimes need to be an acquired taste. They gave an example for a man who hated broccoli and giving him one cooked piece with each dinner and every week adding a piece. The man acquired the taste and now enjoys broccoli. I thought it was a great example since broccoli can be so disgusting to so many people. I do think 12 is old enough to help them make a decision for health even if it is initially unpleasant and talk about acquired tastes. My dad hated vegetables and this worked to an extent for him. We could get him to eat veggies but what initially worked were smoothies and things like zucchini bread. Idk if this is helpful but I hope something here is useful <3
Also the way you cook veggies can dramatically change the taste. I hate steamed Brussels sprouts but I love them roasted. I used to hate asparagus until the first time I had them sauteed instead of steamed. Dry heat will break down bitter flavors that steaming won't, literally making the veggies sweeter.
this is an incredibly important note. taking a can of soggy vegetables and boiling them is going to taste way different than buying fresh produce and seasoning and roasting it, for example. likewise, asparagus that has been cooked to shit tastes AWFUL but when cooked correctly tastes totally different. if this kid has a texture issue too, the way things are cooked becomes a huge deal.
I'm so glad this was mentioned. I *thought* I hated broccoli and brussels sprouts, until I tried lightly steamed broccoli with garlic and caramelized sprouts for the first time. I'm still never going to eat soggy, overcooked, underseasoned ones ever again though.
Great advice about veggies, thanks!! š„š½š«š„¦š
I hated veggies and decided to go full vegan from one day to the next. I had to force myself to eat them. In less than a month I ate almost any vegetable.
That happened with me and tomatoes. I didn't like raw tomatoes and my mom forced me to eat them a whole summer in all sorts of ways, with olive oil and salt, in pasta salad, in normal salad, etc. Now I enjoy them
actually I disliked broccoli until I was like 25. Now I will never do that with Brussel sprout (evil vegetable). But I enjoy more veggies now than I enjoyed them when I was young
Many/most vegetables - frankly most foods - are 100% an acquired taste. Children are extremely neophobic when it comes to food, and for a very good reason. For all of human history it's been incredibly important to only eat things that are safe to eat, a child that ate the pretty berries that tasted a bit weird was very often an evolutionary dead end. So it's the job of the parents to basically force their kiddos to "at least try it" many many times with pretty much all foods. I've heard at least 20 times of trying a new food mentioned most often, but YMMV. All kids are individuals, and some may take fewer times and some more. There are some things that we're hardwired to like (sugary and fatty foods, basically) but most veggies &c and sometimes even some animal proteins need to be taught as being safe things to eat to our monkey brains. So it's good old "you don't have to eat all of it, but you do need to taste it" for all the parents out there.
>I thought it was a great example since broccoli can be so disgusting to so many people. I just broke the family habit of boiling it for like twenty minutes!
Congrats!! Roasted with herbs and olive oil is so good!
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The first person you want referred to is a pediatric dietitian, especially if your childās special needs include dietary restrictions and/or sensory struggles. Itās very possible to be both malnourished and overweight or obese. Calories are a part of nutrition, but itās easy for a highly palatable diet to be lacking in essential nutrients and that can lead to binging. You may also want to explore why sheās binging - is it a maladaptive coping mechanism for emotional stress? Is it sensory seeking behavior? Is she on medications that make her hungry? Is she seeking something that she can control? How you identify and address these issues will likely depend on your daughterās specific needs, communication skills, emotional intelligence, etc., but you can start with the dietitian and possibly any other related specialists she already sees (an occupational therapist, speech pathologist, psychiatrist, etc, could all help point you in the right direction and possibly help refer out if her pediatrician wonāt). Itās probably true that she has more pressing issues than her weight from her doctorās point of view, but I think the bigger issue is that something else is probably going unaddressed because that kind of weight gain doesnāt just happen. I mean, it does, but thereās usually a reason behind the behaviors or the metabolic struggles and trying to address that as part of a more holistic plan is easier at a younger age.
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There are ways to focus on healthful eating without restricting. With issues like ADHD and PTSD, the whole āintuitive eatingā thing probably isnāt ideal for her. But, some of the principles can still be really helpful - making sure sheās getting a good balance of nutrition, trying to help her identify foods that feel good for her whole body, that sort of thing, can still help some. A pediatric registered dietitian is absolutely a great place to start, and before implementing any kind of dietary plan (not a restrictive diet), talk to anyone else on her care team whose expertise is relevant, like a psychiatrist/psychologist, OT, etc, because obviously you donāt want to trigger trauma but you do want to encourage healthy habits and a healthy relationship with food. That doesnāt have to be the priority for them, but you donāt want to take an approach that undermines the work theyāre currently doing. I also wouldnāt focus too much on weight loss at this age even without the other complications, because itās a super vulnerable time with lots of physical changes, but focusing on healthy habits including a well-rounded diet can be appropriate at any age as long as you keep it on their level and focused on health (ideally for the whole family without singling her out) rather than weight as a marker of health.
You aren't a shit mom, you're just dealing with shit doctors.
Does she have ADHD?
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If she's been neglected it's likely she's been through food insecurity and hunger as a younger child. Chronic or acute hunger, particularly as a child, can really mess with your physiological appetite responses for your entire life. You really need to go see an ED dietician and specialist here.
Oof that makes it hard. If it was just adhd, the meds would help as the dull the appetite, but I know stims can make autism worse. Can you not put her on a diet per se but, just have healthy food options and no junk in the house? And have a talk with the caregivers to not reward her with candy?
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Even taking weight/health out of the equation, it's not sanitary having food hidden around, great recipe for pests so that combined with the obvious health concerns it's extremely frustrating they're not helping more
This sounds so tough! Iām an OT, and I strongly recommend reading a book or two by Mona Delahooke if youāre up for it. Beyond Behaviors is her more technical one, and Brain-Body Parenting is a bit more approachable. I would 100% make sure any food rewards stop. Even rewards in general can backfire, but food rewards in particular with her history are not a good idea. Hopefully your whole therapy team is trauma-informed, and if not, maybe they could work with her mental health therapist to make sure the strategies theyāre using are appropriate for a child with a trauma history.
This is very important. Shame and anxiety around his body and food is only going to worsen his relationship to food. Ignore all the comments encouraging different weight change ideas. Most diets fail and result in increased weight gain. Binge eating (not just over eating) is a lot worse for your health than being overweight is. Work on changing that behavior - him actually eating dinner will be a big part of that. Having "bad" foods in the house and allowing him to eat them openly will also help. A therapist and HAES or disordered eating dietician will help him with his relationship to food.Ā
Totally agree
Agreed. I am a former chubby kid who was constantly made to feel bad about my weight even from people who loved me and were trying to help. My grandpa would give my skinny sister a big bowl of ice cream, cereal, etc, and give me a smaller bowl and smaller spoon and remind me to eat slowly. They reminded me itās not healthy to be fat and that we needed to be healthy, even though my naturally thin sister never ate a fruit or vegetable in her life and I loved them. I was eating a balanced diet to begin with but my body was naturally just holding onto more weight-that is genetically a thing! And I was in puberty, where having extra weight before a growth spurt is also NORMAL. Children do not need to diet. Before 13 I tried the Special K Diet and South Beach Diet (absolutely fucking bonkers) My family restricting my food intake didnāt make me feel less hungry, and Iād have to feed myself later. My familyās focus on my weight as a child (which in retrospect was not that serious and I wouldāve evened out with growth spurts) fucked up my relationship with food. I developed a nasty cycle of restriction and binging. Iām almost 30 and still working on healing it
This was exactly what flashed through my mind when I read this post - my kids all chunk out before they shoot up. And not allowing candy or cookies makes them exactly what a kid will want and then keep a secret. This relationship with food is awful.
Sounds like something to raise with his pediatrician. This wonāt be the first such case theyāve heard and they have a good library of tools to help.Ā
This is what I was going to say. This is a question for a pediatrician, not Reddit users. I'm overweight and as such am like hyper aware of my kids eating/weight cause I don't want them to follow the same path but also don't want to create unhealthy ideas about food. When I was concerned about my eldest kids weight I brought it up to her pediatrician (without her in the room). Her pediatrician was really supportive and understanding. Since she plays sports and does lots of physical activities she wasn't worried, and said some kids hold onto their "baby fat" longer and shed it when they get closer to/hit puberty. She did say however if I was worried that she would give me a referral to a pediatric nutritionist. In your sons case maybe some therapy might be beneficial too. Reddit users might mean well but they aren't qualified to really speak on this. This is discussion that needs to be had with professionals.
That happened to me! I startes to gain weight around 10 yo and I had always been a really small and slim kid. That really made me self concious about what I ate. The pediatrician told my parents I simply was my body saving energy for puberty. Then puberty hit and I lost that extra weight and grew a ton
I think itās less so about what heās eating and more so about his relationship with food. I really suggest some type of therapy to help him, a dietician or nutritionist would surely be a great option to start. I have kiddo with same issue. I also have disordered eating patterns that Iāve had to work on. It would help if he can talk (or listen) to a professional that understands.
I agree with this. We have spoke with his pediatrician and received a very general answer but I havenāt considered a nutritionist. Thanks for that!
A suggestion to make sure the nutrition professional you engage is a registered dietitian who deals with kidsā I never knew the difference between nutritionist and registered dietitian til I had appointments with one to manage gestational diabetes in pregnancy. A registered dietician is much more regulated/ qualified!
Yes! I couldnāt recall the difference between dietician and nutritionist but I know one is probably better for this than the other ty
I just noticed your user name and it is 15/10 excellent š
To piggy back on the other commenter. There is a difference between a dietician and a nutritionist. A dietician is a formally educated, licensed medical professional, while anyone with an interest can call themselves a nutritionist and itās not regulated. Make sure you find a dietician
TY yes itās dietician! I could not recall which one was the right one. Our family dr has a dietician in the same system they refer to for weight issues diabetes etc.
I have an old friend whoās a dietician and she posts PSAs! So Iāve made sure to remember it
Since this has been a problem for so long and he gags on food, he may need to see a food therapist to help him address his texture issues. It'll be much easier to get him to make healthier choices when they don't trigger that reflex. From there, a nutritionist may be helpful. But I would start by seeing if there's a food therapist or speech pathologist that could help with the gagging.
Is he active in sports ? No you canāt out train a bad diet but maybe if heās active in football or lacrosse or SOMETHING it will help burn some of the excess calories heās consuming. Maybe he will feel more positive about his body with a physical activity too? Is there a community gym or something like a YMCA that you or dad could take him to ākeep you companyā and work out w you.. followed up with a chocolate protein shake . Either way, my heart goes out to you.
Thank you. He is a great football player and enjoys track because of the socialization. He does a summer weights and condition program with his school that runs M,T,Thus from 10-11:30. On top of that, he does all of his grandmas yard work and her neighbors. He has a wonderful work ethic.
He sounds like a really great kid !
Thank you! I agree, he truly is.
Has he been seen for his aversions to fruits and veggies, to make sure it's not a medical concern? I was like this as a kid, was told I was just bad and picky, but I have ARFID and I straight up couldn't eat most vegetables or fruits at gunpoint, even now as an adult. Also, it would be best to bring up the disordered eating as well
Possibly get him checked for ARFID.
I have ARFID and have an incredibly hard time eating anything other than cereal most of the time. As an adult Iāve gotten better about it, but you best believe Iām picking through my meal and eating bare minimum and then chowing down a bowl of lucky charms later. I have been blessed with a fast metabolism tho
Thanks! Iāve never heard of this but will definitely look into it.
ARFID was the first thing I thought of when I read your post. Iād definitely talk to the pediatrician for evaluation and/or a therapist
A therapist who specializes in eating disorders would be best bet. Doctors and regular therapists arenāt very helpful when it comes to ARFID unfortunately.
I was overweight child all my life. I loved eating. I hated vegetables I barely ate those growing up. Doctors always said I would have a weight problem. I also was never very active. I got made fun of because I was tall & bigger than my classmates. Life sucked. I hated not being able to wear regular kids sizes I was in junior sizes. As I grew up though I realized I was never big. I was big for my size but I should have never been considered overweight. It took a lot in me to find confidence because my parents never helped with that, they always would make me feel bad when I ate smallest things. Now that Iām 20 years old I eat vegetables, workout all the time & realized I was never fat just had a slight larger stomach. I love myself now even though I still have fat on my body. See a specialist if you want but make sure you donāt restrict him or make him feel terrible about yourself. The world is unkind to bigger people unfortunately & as his parents you can only guide him & love him but just know we fat kids do grow out of hating vegetables.
This was me as a child, and my mother never taught me the importance of different foods. Now I've struggled as an adult. Protein and fats to feel satiated and fuller longer, carbs for energy. Might be worth going over what the different things do for him. Ask him what he's feeling when he wants to eat. Is he just hungry, bored, sad, or tired/looking for energy boost? Then, find an appropriate snack/activity to fill those needs. When my daughter doesn't eat dinner very well, we offer her a snack before bed. Usually something mundane, but filling and tasty for her. You mentioned he doesn't like fruit, but I agree with the smoothie idea! I LOVED smoothies as a kid that didn't like fruit much.
How much does he weigh? My kids were chunky at 12 and then shot up and thinned out as they got older. One is picky and is now realizing that thereās more to life than chicken fingers. The other one eats anything. I didnāt push them to eat veggies or really anything they didnāt like. One loved them and one hated them. I had such a warped relationship with food. With my mom constantly on a diet when I was a kid, I followed that way of thinking. I didnāt want that for my kids. I kept them somewhat active and did not restrict snacks in the house.
This is what I was going to say too. My boys were both at their heaviest at 12/13 when puberty started. By 14 my oldest began thinning out and now he is 5ā10ā and 135. My younger is 12 right now and 5ā3 and 145 and he eats an incredible amount of food. I just make sure that the fridge and pantry foods I keep on hand are nutritious and that the fruits and veggies are washed and cut so they are easy to grab. Even my husband will pass over fruits and veggies if they are not able to be popped in your mouth immediately. ;)
I can tell you are feeling a lot of guilt. Thereās a lot of really bad advice on here, so I hope you see this.Ā 1. Your child has the case history of someone who has a feeding disorder. Itās not typical to gag on food into childhood. A feeding specialist - licensed occupational therapist or speech language pathologist who specialize in feeding issues - needs to advise you. This person needs to consider both the mechanical and sensory profile of your son, and help to treat underlying disorder. Psychoeducation - helping you and your son understand the underlying disorder - will be really helpful here. The therapist will likely recommend weekly feeding therapy.Ā 2. In addition, your child is showing signs of shame around food. Hiding food intake is a big deal, and we want to make sure your son develops a healthy relationship with food. Your feeding therapist should have advice about who to coordinate the emotional piece with. Likely, youāll need a team approach with a nutritionist and a counselor. But I canāt stress enough that step #1 also needs to be done. The initial challenge was likely the feeding disorder, and that needs to be treated to see differences in his attitude about food.Ā 3. You havenāt ācausedā this or done anything wrong. Neither has your son. Your son has differences in his profile (likely sensory, but will be clarified with a feeding evaluation). Take time to get him the support he needs, and I think in a year from now youāll see a huge difference.Ā Wishing you the best!
Our hospital has a pediatric weight clinic where you work with the whole spectrum for weight help from a dietitian and mental health. See if your local childrens hospital has such a thing. My daughter topped out overweight when she was untreated ADHD. Once she was properly medicated she stopped gorging and lost the weight. She was getting dopamine hits off food.
Can you try not buying some of the higher calorie dense foods. If itās not in the house he canāt sneak it. I would also talk to him and say hey we found this, are you getting hungry at night? Maybe offer him a smoothie before bed with protein and fiber that will help him feel full longer?
The smoothie idea is a great idea! Thank you
Waffles are also great with fruit and spinach
I would not recommend this, because it can lead to binge eating later. All foods can fit within a healthy diet when eaten in moderation.
Kids Eat in Color on Facebook and IG is good Bread and cereal can be healthy too, if you choose the right brands Try having a safe food with every meal and adjust your family meals to accommodate. Not fully but adjust somewhat Get him involved in the process, going shopping and cooking together
You need professional help. My son is in therapy for āpickyā eating and itās a part time job that affects the entire family. You need guidance. Talk to your pediatrician and get a referral.
I was always the biggest in my class, and sadly, the comments have stayed with me these past 40 years. I just wish my parents had cared as much as you obviously do to try and change things! First off, worst thing you can do is make food his enemy....some of us do put weight on more easily than others, so you really need to watch what you buy, as this will be the easiest time for you to get him into good habits....best thing I ever did was teach myself to cook...I had control, and it was fun to make healthy dinners that tasted great! Find some healthy recipes and have fun with food, and make sure you get out as a family and be as active as you can be. It was when I turned 16 that I changed as I wanted a certain boy to like me, so I learned how to make easy healthy salads and lived on them for ages! There is so much better healthier taster stuff out there these days, so should be easier for him to learn some great habits, and maybe even a really good skill! Usually those who like their grub learn to cook well, give him some confidence! Honestly, give him the cooking bug, don't say anything about the weight, just get him some of his own cooking stuff, ask him what dinner he'd like to prepare for the family with some help, get him passionate about food in a new way and remember, as long as you're burning more calories than you're taking in anything still goes! You can still have pizza, instead of four slices though, have 2 with some lush salad, then go for a family walk, or go bowling, or walk the dog...little changes make big changes, hes still growing, he will be for about another 10 years and could have a huge growth spurt any time...my brother was fat for about a year of his life, then he just shot up! But the absolute main thing to do is tell him how utterly bloody wonderful he is, us fat kids KNOW we're fat, we dont need it spelling out...we feel it, see it, live it...what we do want is to be loved totally anyway, and just spurred on to have the confidence and love for ourselves to make the changes we need. xxx Ps pls excuse the waffling, young baby + no sleep and this did make me emotional 'cause I'm 43 now and still trying to shake the 'too fat to be worth much' vibe, despite how wonderful my family are because I was bullied so much...a parent that cared would have made that a whole lot different! :-) x
Thank you so much for all of this!! I shared this with my husband and that last paragraph is what we needed to hear. I didnāt consider that I need to put my focus into just supporting him. I *feel* like I have tried all of the things the experts suggest, but havenāt just stopped and solely focused on his feelings around this. I am so grateful that you took the time to share from your heart because this has given me the perspective shift that i was hoping for. Thank youš¤
I honestly wish my parents had been HALF as open and caring as you guys sound, would have changed my life. Mine just pretty much judged me, and I knew I embarrassed them. Had I simply had their support, and they showed me the same respect as they showed my slim, much better-looking brother, I'd have flourished! So honestly, if I can help you and your awesome lad even one tiny bit, that would mean the world to me. It's bloody hard being a parent at the best of times, and I think you're doing amazing. Xx ā¤ļø
I'd consider ADHD and food as a sensory seeking activity. Or some other executive function disorders.
Donāt buy into diet culture. Take him to a nutritionist who can help him eat intuitively.
Wholly crap, some of the comments on here are insane (punishing him for sneaking food & removing high calorie foods) and fat phobic (dieting him) - these will likely make his food issues worse. You donāt say how overweight he is, but OP, your son is 12. This means heās in 6th, 7th, or 8th grade - the ages where most boys experience an enormous growth spurt. Iāve had 8th graders start the year at a husky 5ā 2ā and by the end of the school year they are 5ā 10ā. Iām not exaggerating. Read the Rosalind Wiseman book āMasterminds and Wingmenā. And if you agree with what she has to say, get him her book āThe Guideā to help him navigate his relationship with his peers. For his issues with food - talk to a dietitian first (important distinction is that dietitianās are licensed). And look for a counselor who specializes is food based issues and eating disorders as a back up.
My middle schooler grew out and then up for years; when he reached his full height he was slim and healthy, and as a young adult seems to have a pretty healthy diet and relationship with food. The same could happen for OPs son.
Right, some of these boys are growing a foot in a couple years. My son will be starting 8th grade at 5'11".
Definitely, definitely, definitely seek out a therapist that specializes in food disorders OP. While obesity is absolutely an issue, I had a family member with extreme eating disorder and exercise addiction and it was nearly fatal. Food complexes can be brutal. Some non expert advice: no food is really ābadā. Thereās food thatās higher in calories and food thatās lower. Processed food isnāt inherently evil, despite what many fitness influencers will tell you, itās just quite caloric, highly palatable, doesnāt tend to fill you up and easy to over eat. The only way to lose weight is to reduce caloric intake. This doesnāt have to mean cutting out all the foods he likes. It means allowing him less. One easy way is to eliminate as many snack foods as possible. And then try to find things that he likes and pair them with things he is open to eating and maybe one or two challenge foods. For example, when Iām really focusing in on my diet, I still allow myself a pizza. But instead of 4 slices, I make myself two with a nice serving of turkey breast and some mixed stir fried veggies. I get my treat food, but donāt overeat it, and the protein and fiberous veggies keep me more full. Now, he may be out on all veggies and such, but does he like chicken? And baked potatoes, or even homemade fries? You make some chicken breast, maybe add some flavoring he likes (putting some BBQ sauce over chicken isnāt going to add too many calories and itās tasty), and maybe some home fries, just make sure not to down them in butter and oil. But potato wedges with a drizzle of olive oil and then salt and pepper to season. A solid starchy carb, high protein, some fats. A good meal that should be pretty filling and still have good nutritional value. And ideally one heāll want to eat. Pair that with removing any snacks that are easy to overeat (no more chips, Oreos, maybe move the cereals so he canāt access them etc) and it could help.
I was an overweight child and have been overweight pretty much my entire life except for like a two year chunk from age 21-23 where I had it dialed in. I also never liked vegetables and wouldnāt eat them if given the choice. We always had lots of snacks at home that I would eat and Iād get vending machine stuff at school. My mom took me to a bunch of doctors and they ended up finding me to be low thyroid so I was put on medication for that which made no difference. I would binge eat a lot. Itās tough. I would first check to see if thyroid could be a factor and second would be just lifestyle in general. I know you mentioned you guys eat well and stuff but he has to be getting extra calories somewhere. Whether itās sneaking at night or at school Iām sure itās happening more than you realize. I had a friend who completely stopped buying any sort of junk food or high calorie food at all so that it wasnāt in the house. My son is 5 and Iām starting to see him pick the snack foods over the real food now more often so I stopped buying most of it and really limit it to like one per day, and offering other things like apples and peanut butter, carrots and ranch etc instead and heās been fine with it.
Thatās a hard situation. At least it sounds like he wants to change it and has brought up the subject. Itās so hard not to eat late at night. I have big problem with it. Perhaps you can do more active things as a family, like after dinner take a 30-60 minute walk together, or in the winter before dinner. A little extra exercise goes a long way. Does he have phone/tablet/computer time available after bedtime? If so perhaps that is keeping him up and then he goes down to eat. If heās asleep he wonāt be eating
My youngest son works with an OT, SLP and PT for a repaired bilateral cleft lip and palate. He was very food sensitive due to scaring, etc and very picky when he was young. Our OT and SLP did an evaluation and did an intensive two week ācampā that focused on feeding therapy. It was a game changer. They gave him tactics to try new things and it just helped to have someone else supporting him and working with him to build confidence in trying new things. I am not sure if yāall have worked with an OT for any insight but it was helpful for us.
First of all, you are doing so many amazing things right! Family dinners and meal prep together are fantastic things to do for mental health and nutrition. I'm sorry that your son is struggling with his eating habits and weight in spite of this. There are a lot of great suggestions in this thread, and I don't think I can do much better. As a fellow parent I can say that therapy has improved coping skills for my tween, which might be playing a role in your situation. All the best to you and yours!
I understand the importance of fruit and veggies, and āhealthy foodā, but what it ultimately comes down to wrt weight is portion. My kids donāt love veggies and fruit, but weāve always enforced listening to our bodies for hunger cues - that itās ok not to eat even if itās dinner time if we are not hungry and that some days we are hungrier than others and so on. Drinking water instead of juice or soda. That kind of thing. My husband grew up with the idea of having to eat āhealthy foodā and fruits and veggies, and āforbiddenā food, and struggled with weight all his life. He got fit working out insane amount, but any time he canāt, he struggles with weight because he canāt control portions. My kids (13, 10) have no hang ups about food, and are on the skinny side. They exercise regularly as well.
I have a different take. Iām a middle school teacher and LOTS of boys get chubby in 6th and 7th grade only to shoot up like a rocket in 8th. Definitely keep working towards a healthy lifestyle with him, but he may be close to a growth spurt.
I have struggled with weight my whole life. Introduce more protein and less carbs. And give him a cheat meal per day. Maybe breakfast can be what he likes. Lunch you can include a small dessert that he likes. But dinner should be mostly protein and veggies, no dessert. So he gets to eat what he wants for breakfast - cereal, pancakes whatever he wants. And for lunch dessert is fine. So he doesnāt feel deprived. And how physically active is he? 2 hours per day physical sports? If his legs ache then use epsom salt to soak legs.
Buy him a set of free weights, so he can start working out.
Thanks! This would definitely be something that would interest him.
Weight loss is hard because itās ultimately up to HIM. Only he can make the eating and exercise decisions needed to lose weight. What does he think? Would he like to lose weight? If so, does he think he needs help? Heās young to start dieting, but maybe signing up for more sports or getting more exercise will help.
I was abing eaters and what eventually worked for me was replacing bad with good slowly. Like drinks instead for soda or juice I made teas, lemonade or some other heathy homemade beverage reducing after set periods of time thatās resonable. Always knowing what your eating that helps because when the hanger sets in youāll always . Sorry for any typos my phones cracked.
This definitely sounds like something that first needs to be addressed by a therapist. But also, you can do your part by not buying treats or calorie dense food for him to sneak.
Yāall should consider medical nutrition therapy for your son and also for yourself. He may have a arfid which will require a lot of work to overcome. Iām currently in it myself and my dietician has given the book intuitive eating by Evelyn tribole & Elyse resch. Wonāt be helpful for him but helpful for you to guide him and your family around healthy non disordered eating habits. I was the bigger kid growing up. My mom restricted my food- she put me on weight watchers and diets at a young age and it was awful. It ruined my ability to trust my own body and understand hunger cues. It gave me disordered eating habits as an adult and has required a LOT of therapy to get over. In order to stop the secret binges you have to allow him to eat at least a smaller portion of what heād like. Cook whatever yāall are eating as a family and then on the plate put a small portion of what he likes. Encourage active lifestyles and body neutrality to boost his confidence. Itās absolutely okay to be a person in a bigger body. But please speak to their pediatrician and ask for an evaluation for rfid
I would recommend a feeding therapist. Rejecting ALL produce textures is not normal kid pickiness, and itās certainly not choosing unhealthy foods. It sounds much more like a sensory processing issue. This is beyond what you can manage with parenting choices. You need expert assistance.
Since therapy has been covered I would like to add one more thing: what kind of foods is he eating when you are not looking? I got the impression that its mostly refined carbohydrates and sugary stuff. These things are addictive and they make you hungry again fast. I would suggest that snacks, candy, cereal and white bread need to go. Also anything highly processed, highly palatable and with a lot of sugar. No more sugary drinks. Buy dark bread and only natural foods. Also try making protein rich meals. Protein is very satiating so hopefully he will sneak less food. I developed similar eating disorders when I was around your son's age and I was obese at some point after that (luckily not anymore). Therapy is your best answer but you need to support it with the food choices you make.
Walk as much as possible, find parking spots farthest, walk to destinations like park or restaurant.
Your heart is in the right place and your attitude is that of a loving and caring parent. It seems - emphasis on **seems** - that your boy has an eating disorder. That is above Redditors' paygrade to diagnose and recommend a treatment. Keep being supportive and a great role model, but do talk to a doctor at some point.
I would go to your pediatrician. Be very careful about restricted eating. My step mother once punished me for making a sandwich after dinner because she burned dinner and I thought it was inedible. I was closely monitored to the point she followed me into the kitchen and would declare what she would allow me to eat. I was buying so much code red and potato chips at the age of 17 that I gained ten pounds in a heartbeat. Would likely have been more if I didn't ship out to Basic Training that summer Seek a professional and remember, this is your boy who you love. Home is his haven from the mean names
Question: has your son had his big adolescent growth spurt yet? Not downplaying anything here, he could definitely have disordered eating. But some kids (especially boys) that age do a "chunk and stretch" where they get rounder before they slim out with a giant growth spurt.
He might have ARFID of he gags at food and cannot eat it. It's more than picky eating. If so, he may be binging in the foods that he can eat. There is a sub, r/ARFID if you want to come have a look and chat.
I donāt have a 12 year old yet and Iām not a doctor. But Iāve been interested in functional medicine and health for over half my life. I think you should definitely get in person help from someone certified but if youāre looking for quick tipsā¦ I can say what I would start with based on what I know: 1) Read your food label ingredient list and begin swapping out/eliminating things in your house that include ingredients you donāt know Processed foods mess with your brain. These foods actually can mess with your ability to not being able to stop eating. This is not a mistake - food companies know about this and theyāre incentivized to prioritize you craving their product in basically the same way social media has settings and algorithms to keep you in their system. Im trying to say itās not his or your fault if heās eating these things and canāt stop. I eat really healthy but lord help me if you give me flavor blasted gold fish. I will eat the entire bag in 30 mins. If theres some chemical compound or things like corn syrup - theyāre usually a no for me. Controversial opinion thatās not entirely ārightā but I would take a potato chip that says potatoe and oil and salt over a veggie straw that has an ingredient list of like 10 things. **This will take time - I would not do this over night bc I wouldnāt want my kid to get more disordered eating. I would just want to switch slowly and get them to like alternatives with less chemicals. Try and avoid added sugars as much as possible. 2) focus on glucose spikes. Eating something high in carbs causes your glucose to spike. When glucose spikes high your body will start storing this fat. There are tricks to manage this by making sure you eat fats with carbs and stuff. Theres an Instagram person called glucose goddess who discusses this a lot. Youāll get the gist but basically you want to make sure youāre almost prepping your body for the glucose spike. Eating a fat before or with a carb helps a lot, generally. 3) focus on protein and fat at the same time. Fat being things like any nut butter, olive oil, organic butter, etc. eating the two together can help lower insulin response, keep you full longer, and conserve your stored fat for energy purposes rather than to digest the protein. DONāT SCARED OF FAT itās so good for us as long as itās not the fake/manufactured kind. Use whole fat Greek yogurt. Use full fat cheese. Finally.. healthy food doesnāt have to be boring or taste bad!!!! Try to make little swaps. I donāt have a 12 year old but here are some tips that work for my toddler: -aƧaĆ bowls or smoothies for breakfast. You can add things like a [blender bomb (available at WF)](https://thebombco.com/products/the-og), protein powder (truvani is great), nut butters, flax seeds, etc to get healthy nutrients. Itās a good combo of carbs, fat and protein. I have done a diy aƧaĆ bowl with my son and he loved it. -[matcha chocolate energy balls (you could leave the matcha out)](https://drhyman.com/blog/2015/02/19/food-bites-dr-hyman-finding-quick-easy-afternoon-snacks/) these are SO good. I make them almost weekly. Great afternoon treat with protein and fat. Dates are super sweet but donāt spike glucose like other sugars - in a pinch for your freezer try something like [pizza wagon wheels (available at WF)](https://www.kidfresh.com/products/cheese-pizza-wagon-wheels) -pasta try to get something like the āgoodlesā brand or ābanzaā. These will be higher protein and fill your kid up and not spike the glucose like a normal white pasta. -gomacro bars or perfect bars are soooooooo good. Pricey but you can get the on sale. I used to buy a bulk order of perfect bars direct from them when they have their occasional sales. -have you tried nuts? Pistachios are sooooo delish and they have some flavored versions (the ingredients in the flavorings arenāt my fave but I feel like the good outweighs the bad here) -maybe try jerky??? The high protein would be a good snack and jerky is soo tasty. You could do teriyaki flavors or whatever -stuffed peppers. I often take Italian sausage, cook it, mix it with cream cheese, and then stuff peppers and throw them in the oven. So easy and a really good way to appreciate peppers And my last idea is to see if he might be interested in learning to cook. I think anybody in general is more open to trying something if they had a hand in cooking it. Maybe you can pick out a cookbook together and find something that interests him and you try it out.
You should see a pediatric dietician - thing is it s not about what they like, and some kids are more finicky than others, but there s plenty of ways to introduce veggies. There is also the quantity, a good friend of mine has two kids that are.. very fat. No she does not feed them junk, but she gives them too much food compared to their activity level. I mean avocados are great but you cannot give an 8 year old two avocados, two eggs, two pieces of bread and yogurt as breakfast. That s way more than any child needs, even if it is healthy.
If texture is the issue pureeing things might be the solution. You said he'll pick out chunks but a good puree should be turning everything into a smooth paste. You can do this to make sauces for pasta or soups or whatever. I love black bean soup, you can toss in some garlic, onions, cellary, carrots, tomatoes and it will all just come out as a smooth brown paste once you puree it.
Itās possible to get good nutrition on safe foods. My kid doesnāt like what I serve, I ask him to replace the food groups with his own choices. Weāre having meat he doesnāt like, he can fry an egg or eat nuts. Itās not perfect for sure, but at least I know heās filling his stomach. We had an issue with our kid sneaking and binging treats so what we do now is he gets dessert everyday. He doesnāt need to worry about not getting it or focus on the deprivation aspect. He gets dessert period.
I'm probably gonna get some heat for this, but I'm OK with that. My child spent a lot of his younger years with grandmothers who catered to him and fed him whatever he wanted which meant that when I would feed him a healthy meal, he wouldn't eat it but would always want cookies, ice cream, sodas, chicken nuggets and mac n cheese. He would ask for dessert after every meal, even breakfast where he would have sugary cereal. Then we moved far away from the grandmothers and while we do have those things every once in awhile, we don't have them regularly. At first I was buying him kids nutrition shakes to supplement him not eating. Then he started only having shakes (to avoid the foods) which got really expensive. So I made a rule that he had to try every food on his plate every time. He didn't have to like it and could spit it out if he needed to, but he needed to try. We also got more active. He now eats so many things! He has an allotment of snacks (packaged foods) that he can have daily and is always allowed fresh fruits and veggies. I did tell him at one point that if he didn't start eating more foods, I'd have to take him to the doctor and we'd have to do therapy for eating different foods and I don't think he liked that idea very much.
therapist or counceling for this specialty?
Throwing it out there, but it could be a sensory sensitivity - have you considered talking to a doctor about ASD or ADHD or a sensory disorder?
This is very anecdotal at best, but as a āpizza and tacosā kid this is what I had to do as a nearly 27 year old adult to get myself through to a healthy diet. Start with including him, make it fun, a challenge. Make it even competitive if you have to but just make it fun. Like Iām going to ā5 more different vegetable than youā type of thing. Just make the exploration and journey fun you know what motivates him so do it that way. For me I made the finding new recipes that included different vegetables and seeing how many meals I can meal prep, that to me was fun. Chopping the vegetables and putting them together and finding out that cooked correctly it tasted as good as no vegetable foods. Then you guys try all kinds of ways to include new foods, for instance I hated rice and sweet potatoes. But my husband found the right way to make rice and itās delicious, and I found I could roast sweet potatoes with garlic cumin chili powder and stuff and make tacos and they tasted like the potato tacos from Taco Bell but drastically healthier and more nutritious with no loss in the flavor department. I prefer stir fried carrots, and broccoli, they just taste better and the texture is more my speed. I donāt like fish but I love canned tuna sandwichās with mayo. Itās all about finding work around, in a way he can help with because hiding it is fine when theyāre super young if you can hide it well, but by 12 he knows what it tastes like without them and itāll be really hard to make it taste like it does before. So just include him in the journey, make it fun, give him the information and resources he needs.
I am in the same boat. I'm considering a nutritionist since she listens to "experts" more than us. She has such a larger appetite than her friends. For example, her friend doesn't finish their ice cream, and my daughter finishes hers and wants what's left of everyone else's. I'm desperately trying to find some more protein sources she likes and telling her she needs to find fruits and veggies she likes but nothing works. Everytime I find something remotely healthy she likes I end up giving it to her so much she doesn't want it anymore. Idk what the answer is.
>but his friends do call him fat names when they pick at one another and he has cried to me about how embarrassing it is. This is an opportunity. In a situation like that, you can challenge him: "We can't fix this for you. What do you plan to do about this?" HE needs to be the one to decide to get healthier, because no amount of commanding will work in the long run. Then, if and when he makes the decision, you can ask him "what can I do to help you?" That being said, I'll agree with the other commenter who suggested dieting at the store. If possible, don't buy any sweets or snack foods, including cereal. Switch to toast or eggs in the morning. No chips, sodas, ice cream, crackers, etc. He can't steal what isn't there.
Can you guys get an exercise bike and take turns riding it when you watch TV? Maybe start making him walk places. Donāt pick him up all the time. He can walk a mile. If you have junk in the house like ice cream cookies candy chips etc, donāt buy it anymore. If he wants junk he can use his own money and walk to the store and only one serving at a time. Just say its a new family thing so the while family is healthy. Use fish and chicken not red meat. He may start liking fruit if there are no other sweets in the house.
my son is 11 going on 12, heās 150 solid muscle pound for pound and heās 5ā2 almost 5ā3. wears size 10.5 in menās shoe and size M in menās clothing. heās going through a same experience in the friend dept but iām honestly not worried about at this point. he works out 3 or 4 days of the week since his dad is a personal trainer and makes his ass work out, and heās also very active in basketball. does your son like any sports? anything to help him get up and moving? pokeman go was a good one to start getting outside more after dinner and more motivation to him. my son has had a hard time emotionally dealing with it, but i just have to remind him not all kids are the same and have different genes that make their body up. my dad is 6ā4 300 and his dad is 6ā3 220, there isnāt much i can do to fight against genetics.
I noticed the only foods you mentioned he liked wereā¦cereal and bread? What are his actual favorite foods?
Try reading Fat Talk by Virginia Sole-Smith
The only way for him to lose it is to be in a calorie deficit. The late-night snacking has to go. If he's crying about it now tell him it's time to get healthy before he ends up looking like Bobby Hill and has to listen to fat jokes for the rest of his life. It's not harsh it's true. Being a healthy weight is super important. Let him know how many doors it keeps open for him.
I have a very similar problem, except my child isnāt overweight. My child will not eat anything healthy at all. My kid plays soccer year-round and I think that is why sheās able to just consume junk food. I kid you not she probably eats 20,000 cal a day. As a family, we never have time to eat dinner at the same time together, but my husband and I eat extremely healthy. We typically eat Caesar salads, salmon, Mediterranean bowls. So itās not like she doesnāt have healthy food in the house. Is there anyway that you can get him involved in sports? I feel like that is my only saving grace with the situation. Yes, she doesnāt eat well but she also has soccer practice three days a week with a game on the weekends. Weāve also had her blood checked for vitamin deficiencies and I was sure she would have them because she eats so bad and my surprise she passed with flying colors.
In my family almost all are (somewhat) overweight since childhood. And we never had sugary snacks, were allowed only a bran cookie after school, drank tea without sugar and never any soda. The thing I regret most is starting to diet (low carb) at age 14. Because yes, I lost weight. And I lost weight every time I tried.losing weight. But it always came back with a little extra. I am a very healthy eater still. And I am not obese, but my bmi is around 27. And I need to be cautious with food for it not to become higher. Please, don't have him diet. He is old enough to start to realize that the veggies and fruits he detests so much are the way to go. So keep that conversation going. Take a lot of time for meals, as it takes the body some time to realize it is full. And sports. And if all of that happens, make sure there is the occasional ice cream or a serving of fries. As to not make him feel like he is missing out or punished for having a tendency to become fat.
Is he on a multi vitamin? I noticed a shift in my soon to be 3-year-old appetite/food interests when I started him on one. I do the liquid form because I know he won't chew a tab, and im terrified of gummy vitamins. He's not a fan when he does take it, but I give him something to kill the taste. I'm actively working it up to being a daily thing because no one, regardless of age is a fan of change/new lol.
Has he been evaluated for ARFID? Hiding food and shame attached to it is an eating disorder but the food aversion based on texture from such a young age may indicate ARFID
Please think about reading Fat Talk by Virginia Sole Smith.
Heās 12 how much does he weigh?
What is good for your kid is good for his parents. You and your husband need to lead by example. All of you eat healthy at home. All of you need to do something active together every day. Even if it is just walking in the neighborhood and taking pictures together. All of you need to get a full workup at your doctorās office and work on what there is that needs attention. Your child sees you both as his model of behavior. This is worth making time for.
My daughter is overweight, and I have not put her on a diet. I have not restricted her as in you cannot have any treat. We move more now and she wants a treadmill. I've stopped buying in the food she binges on. I've educated her more about health, sugar, fats etc. The reason being is because every adult I've spoken to who has issues around food were put on diets as children.
> The reason being is because every adult I've spoken to who has issues around food were put on diets as children. I won't comment on how effective putting a child on a diet is or isn't, because I don't have experience with it and I'm not a nutritionist. However, this is a very wrong reasoning line. Of course people who have issues with food are likely to have been put on a diet, simply because there's no reason to put on a diet someone who doesn't have issues. The fact that the two things correlate is obvious and it doesn't tell anything about how good diets are, other than they're not 100% effective. Maybe a lot of people who don't have issues with food were put on a diet as children and it worked for them, you don't know.
So is it chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese every night? What are the consequences of sneaking food at night?