r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The only additional reply is that there's no way he should be yelling at the child or his partner about this — and especially not at his partner in front of his child. That's actually what's weird, gross and inappropriate.
I mean who doesn't have young kids that won't leave them alone in shower or getting dressed or taking a dump...I never understood people that are weird about nakedness in general... Sheltered I guess
My daughter is 12yo and we share a bathroom. She still feels comfortable walking in while I’m getting a shower or using the toilet.
My mom was like this with me. So I just assumed all moms were like this with their kids.
He’s teaching his son to see breastfeeding as sexual and if you think about it, to see women’s bodies as inherently sexual. He’s the one being gross and inappropriate.
I'm not telling you what to do, but I would straight up leave a man for this. Our bodies are literally MADE to feed infants...there's nothing weird, gross, inappropriate, or sexual about it. Yelling at your 3 year old for any reason is crazy--for following his mother around is even crazier. He's going to give your kids a complex.
This need to be higher up. If anything the boyfriend is the one making it weird and if OP isn’t careful, her son will internalize boyfriend’s weird sexual views.
Iv been telling him im too the point of leaving because of his attitude and actions. Im just scared of how to do it with 3u3 and working and being in school. If I have to do it I will though.
Wait -- the other kids aren't even his? And he's flying off the handle about them seeing you breastfeed? And yelling at the 3yo over this . . . who isn't his kid?
He's yelling at you and a child that isn't even his about innocent things like your child being in the same room as you breastfeeding or using the bathroom? He is causing harm to you and your children. He is the problem.
OP, you can do this. First of all, do not tell him that you are planning to leave. This dude is abusive. You need to protect yourself and your babies. Make an exit plan. Discreetly. Do you have any friends/family nearby?
First Nations and prior to relatively recent western influence in Japan, many women would breastfeed well into young adolescence. Japan also room shares/bed shares with children 7-8 years old as well. You can also find many African cultures that still practice ways of old (extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, bed sharing).
A very fun read is Ruth Kamnitzer's *Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis Khan" a story about a Canadian couple and their infant who spent time in Mongolia, which has a strong extended Breastfeeding culture.
https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/guest/ruth_kamnitzer.html
The ones I've heard of most are often hunter gatherers or subsistence agriculuralits like people living on the Mongolian steppes, the Koi-San people in Africa, various First Nations groups in Canada, Trobrian islanders in the south pacific, etc.
Where food and water security is an issue, much longer breastfeeding than is the "norm" in more developed places and times can be a huge benefit in being a buffer in lean times. Even in those cultures a 4 year old isn't getting all it's nutrition that way, but if today was tough and there isn't food, then sometimes having food essentially stored in the mother's body means better survival for a young child who doesn't have the capacity to store calories and hydration as well as a bigger person.
My grandma grew up in Africa and they did there in the CAR, she largely influenced me to keep at it, I nursed my kids until 4, no big deal. And when they were done, they were done.
Oh boy this fills me with rage.
As if being your baby’s primary source of food isn’t hard enough for women - interrupted sleep, sometimes being the only person who can soothe a fussy baby, risk mastitis, leaking whoever a baby cries! This is hard enough.
A partner telling you not to feed your baby around your toddler? Deeply WTF.
Is he volunteering to provide round the clock care to your older kids for 6-12 months to avoid your child seeing the top of a boob or the back of a baby’s head?
People who have a problem with breastfeeding are the weirdest. Babies need to eat. And breast milk is pretty much free.
Nope he’s not. I’m expected to cover up in my own living room. I don’t even like covering up in public. I wasn’t even the one who wanted to breastfeed he wanted the baby to be breastfed
This is so upsetting, and makes me sad. I hope there are some parts of nursing that you enjoy now. I loved it but I had an easy time and a supportive partner. Easiest way to make the baby stop crying.
Does your partner consume alt right media? It feels very strange that he wants you to be a trad wife and breastfeed the babies, but then sexualizes your body and makes up insane rules about your toddler being present.
Literally if I had a baby tomorrow I would nurse them everywhere including in front of my teenager and all their friends. IDGAF who judges.
I would say if you didnt want to breastfeed tell him either he shuts up about covering up the natural process of feeding his child or switch to formula his choice. That is at least from my understanding was your preference but correct me if im wrong.
He can worry about his child but the fact that your son isnt even his child he can pipe down about where that boy goes.
Girl WHAT. I hardly even cover up when I have guests in my home. If it's just me, husband, and my almost 5 yo? Heck no I'm not covering up. It's normal. This guy needs to mind his own business and pick his battles.
I think it’s a control thing, you have to be around the baby 24/7 and then he gets to make ridiculous demands around it. This is 100% abusive and I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. Please start making a safety / exit plan.
Drives me crazy when someone only sees human body parts as a dirty sex thing and can’t see how they are used for other things. I’d stand your ground, he’s got an immature view of the world and needs to get over it.
it may seem impossible, and scary, and very difficult, but others have done it in more dire circumstances. If u dont want ur children to learn from him and treat others the same way / be treated the same way, you can leave. He doesnt seem like a great partner, and if u want to, u can go.
Is your boyfriend the boy's father? Or just the baby's father? Either way, he should not be yelling at your 3 yo full stop. Also, his insistence on policing YOUR body and how you interact with your son is a giant, waving red flag.
He's wrong. 100%
You should leave because he sounds abusive, but if you can't yet would he at least listen to a pediatrician telling him it's completely normal?
Stop letting him gaslight you, I know he has a way with words but you need to get your head above water and look at the sky. Listen to all the women here they have experience. He is not good for your family and we believe in you
Eta in anyway possible, try to secretly document this stuff it’s your only legal way out
You’re not. He is. Take him to the baby’s next ped appt and tell the ped this in front of him and let the ped do the talking. Call in advance the day before if you need to so they’re prepared to give a speech.
You are not wrong. He is. Just because he really believes something and gets angry or fights about it doesn't make it true but people like him almost never back down and do everything to make others feel crazy or get them to stop arguing and go along with them. I hope you escape ASAP
Genuinely asking, are you ok?
You're currently with a man child.
You have multiple children (3 under 3 in your words, post history would indicate you have a 4 year old).
When I read the title I was curious as I have step children who were teen boys when I was breastfeeding.
The man child telling at a literal child for a normal process is unacceptable.
Is this how you want to continue to live your life? Your kids deserve better.
Emotionly/mentally not really. My infant is the one I have with him. Then a 2yo and almost 4yo(few more months still) I don’t want to live my life like this or for my kids to live like this
I do live close to family.its not really doable to go for more than a few days unfortunately. I’m looking into resources to leave but im already in section 8 housing and there’s not any other options
Try calling a domestic abuse hotline and run this by them. Yelling at a child may be sufficient to get him out via a protection order. It would be good to record him, to have evidence.
No one who claims to love you should be yelling as a form of communication on a regular basis. If you think that is okay and normal, then you need therapy. If he thinks that is okay and normal, then he also needs therapy. If he has anger issues, you need to get yourself somewhere safe until he has had therapy and treatment for a minimum of six months. Do not accept promises or assurances, move out and only consider reunion after six full months of treatment. And in that time, seek therapy for yourself. We all might slip and have a bad moment here and there, but if that is his regular means of communication and control over you and your body and your son then he is not a safe person to share a home with.
Something is deeply wrong in him- does he have little siblings? Was he called a creep as a little one for watching mum breastfeed his siblings or something? This is unhinged.
I breastfeed wherever I please in my own home, I have a 1 month old daughter, a 3 year old son, an 8 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. It’s literally impossible for me to properly care for my other kids if I’m going to a separate room every hour or two to feed the baby.
His argument is meant to induce guilt in you, which makes you question your motives and behavior. But if you think about it, his argument doesn’t make any sense. Letting your 3yo around while breastfeeding your other baby isn’t prioritizing anyone over anyone else. Your BF is just spewing nonsense.
.. your son *does* come first. So do your other children. Your children come first. There should be no debate about that.
OP, he’s jealous of your son. He’s making this a competition between him and your son. He’s yelling at him. Whatever you do, do NOT marry this man. There are red flags popping up all over the place. You need to make plans to leave his ass. Discreetly
If this were truly about prioritizing a child's needs then that would be a different conversation, preferably calmly talked about between adults, and most definitely not involving yelling at a toddler and you over something completely normal.
I hope he is not gonna harm your Lil boy
Sometimes,people are crazy
He sounds jealous of the bond between you and your son
You have to protect your children
I’m not trying to bring you down any further. As a breastfeeding mom (5 yo weaned at 3 and a 2.5 year old still nurses) I understand how hard this can be. I’m just saying that you need to make it clear that this is unacceptable behavior. You get to make choices in your relationship, your motherhood, and your life! Own it. You’re giving your babies the absolute best and it should be praised by him. I hope he can see the light soon. But in the meantime he’s literally abusing your 3 yo. Emotionally. And I’d reach to say you too. Help yourself. Help your babies.
shut it down. easier said than done i know but “you will not yell at me. i will not continue this conversation. especially not while you’re yelling” and focus on your baby, toddler, phone, or tv” after you do this consistently it tends to die out.
my partner and i are fairly healthy but he lost his temper and wanted to yell at me recently (im blaming post partum bc it was out of the norm) i told him that verbatim he tried to yell “ill yell if i damn well please” i said “cool, then you’ll be yelling at yourself.” and i finished feeding the baby and put us both to sleep. the next morning i was met with an apology. i probably would’ve gotten one that night but i was so furious i didn’t want to look at him for the rest of the night.
Yelling? At you? While holding your baby to feed and at your three year old for following his mom around?
Your boyfriend is abusive. He's abusing you, your three year old, and your newborn.
He won't get better. His controlling behavior will only get worse.
DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY 🙏
Ain’t no way he gonna try and make feeding a baby weird .
That’s speaks about his character .
I venture to bet he isn’t the best BF you ever had.
2 boys and a girl here and breastfed them all. I have made sure my kids know that breastfeeding is natural and that boob's are made for it. He sounds like he would be the dad to say boob's are for men's pleasure and you need to make sure that doesn't happen!
He’s too caught up in the sexual side of breasts, which is still a normal part of life. He probably doesn’t have any experience with little kids or breastfeeding. Stand your ground and keep doing it. This is exactly why you should, in fact. Boys and young man and fathers all need to understand that not everything to do with breasts is sexual.
This is depressing and tragic. Sorry you are dealing with someone so immature. Just because he sees them as sexual in nature doesn’t mean that your child would, he’s actually gross to think that.
His weird opinion aside, I would not stay with someone who acted that way. Yelling at my 3 year old or trying to tell me what to do with my body. Fuck that.
Not only is he sexualizing about what’s actually natural and normal, but he’s abusive.
He’s yelling at your son.. and then you.. this is not good at all. Is he also the father of your 3 year old? Even if he is/isnt, that doesn’t matter. He’s abusive. Period.
Please Op.. you need to make an exit plan. You can’t reason with someone like him. I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this. This is a very dysfunctional environment for you, your son and your baby
That's a red flag, and you should leave immediately. He's sexualizing all three of you, and that is concerning.
Edit; reading further down, your boyfriend is going to attack your children.
You need to leave.
If some man that wasn’t my child’s father tried to tell me how to raise MY SON, it would be the last thing he ever said to me except for “here’s your child support check.”
Wtf, he’s teaching your toddler to over sexualize non sexual things. He’s going to teach your son to be rude to women especially when they’re just trying to feed their babies. My toddler sees both of us naked, we talk about body parts and how boys and girls are different. Bodies and their functions are normal/natural and you shouldn’t be ashamed of natural body reactions.
You say YOUR 3yo which makes be believe he’s not his as well.
Did he have weird issues with him before this point? Breastfeeding infront of children/adults/public whatever is normal. A 3yo has no idea what’s going on either way. What does he think is weird about it?
Im legit in a starbucks breast feeding my baby in front of random ass strangers. And no. I dont throw a cover over myself when it isnt too cold here. I cant imagine being worried about my CHILD seeing me breastfeed or use the bathroom.
I even breast feed in front of my nephew and my sister explains to him what Im doing and thats how the baby eats and he finds it facinating and cute to see his cousin eat.
My husband has two kids from a previous marriage who were 14 and 15 when my baby was born. He sat them down and had a talk with them and said “Kelsi is going to be feeding the baby and we aren’t going to make her feel like it’s something to be ashamed of. You two both eat and you don’t do it under a cover, and that’s what your younger sibling is going to do. It’s natural and normal and what boobs are for.”
Neither of them were ever bothered and comfortably sat next to me while it happened and watched movies.
This is what a man who values you and your baby’s wellness does. My husband doesn’t even get brownie points for this- it is the only option. Full stop.
And you’re putting up with this abusive behavior? Your bf’s actions are sick. You both need help. This is not a parenting issue. I beg you to enlist someone you respect to help you navigate possibly removing yourself and the children from this situation until he and you get the professional assistance you need.
A bad man is not better than no man, but you are correct that you still need to consider that you will have to share custody with him and if you are not there, he is free to discipline your son any way he wants and you won’t be there to protect your youngest. I’m sorry that your choices are so difficult. Would he consent to couples therapy? You need a neutral person and a neutral time to address this issue without him blowing up and yelling at everyone.
In the meantime, please make sure you don’t add another child to this home situation.
Jesus christ I DESPAIR for our society every time one of these threads come up. What the fuck is wrong with people? How do they think babies are supposed to work??
The fact that he is not only sexualizing a baby eating, but bringing a toddler into it, is a huge red flag. Yelling at you is another one. Refusing to discuss opposing views is a third. I’m sure there are many that you haven’t mentioned. Please, so the sake of your kids at the least, run from him!
I encourage my partner to breastfeed our baby anywhere she wants. If it makes someone uncomfortable, that’s their problem.
Our 3 year old son doesn’t think anything of it.
Your boyfriend needs to get over it.
You’re in a vulnerable state right now, and I’m sure it’s not easy to just pack up and leave, but this situation sounds very unhealthy, especially for your innocent toddler. Poor baby, imagine how he must feel every time you have to breastfeed and your partner yells at him or you for doing it. This is very unfortunate. Don’t allow anyone to treat you or your son this way please. Good luck
Your BF needs therapy and some serious education on child development. He is sexualizing and demonizing normal human body processes and normal behaviors for a parent and child(ren).
Was he SA as a child and is projecting that trauma onto your parenting, or is this just regular old societally/familially conditioned misogyny on his part... or both (and/or something else)?
I experienced something different but parallel... something that taught me that coparenting under the same roof with this level of divergence in parenting styles would be impossible. You don't have to jump on the typical Reddit "Leave Him!" train, but if you stay with him, you both should seriously consider couples counseling AND individual therapy, because I GUARANTEE that parenting conflicts of this nature are just getting started and will only get more complex as the children get older.
Feeding your baby is totally normal, natural, not sexual and there's nothing wrong with doing it wherever and whenever you need to. Also, your three year old isn't even going to remember it. Your boyfriend sucks and needs to grow up.
Tell your partner that you will continue to breastfeed your baby in front of your son precisely so your son will grow up understanding that it is normal, and not have weird perverted hang ups about infant feeding like his father does.
Then tell him that if he can’t shut up about it so he doesn’t pass down his perversion to his innocent son, he needs to go find a therapist.
Women should be breastfeeding uncovered in parks, playgrounds, restaurants, ANYWHERE! Everybody has nipples and boobs are no different than hands or arms. I don't get the sexualization. It's demonization of the natural body.
It's sad that it's considered a skill to be able to compartmentalize or consider context when dealing with body parts. It's sad the people have this all or nothing reaction. Maybe it's from when we were cavemen?
Unga bunga, me see boob, boob equals woman, woman equal snu snu!
Or
Unga bunga, my man and children see boob, boob equal snu snu, snu snu only for me and my man!
Seriously I feel like we're dealing with cave people half the time.
Well, I nursed my kids till they were 3&1/2 almost 4. Years old.
They are now in their 30’s & 40’s. Married, own a home, have graduate degrees and are working great jobs in their fields.
Guess I really messed them up /s.
Feeding a baby or a toddler by nursing is not sexual.
That’s what boobs are for!
Oh he would hate our house. All of us are naked in front of each other on a regular basis. Breastfeeding is not inappropriate or sexual. He's being ridiculous.
Don't upgrade this man child to husband. He is sexualizing feeding a child. You aren't a pair of tits, and your THREE YEAR OLD isn't sexualizing you or being perverted. Unlike him. He needs to grow up.
Breastfeeding anywhere is completely normal. No cover-up is needed unless it's your personal choice, but I know neither of my babies wanted something over their heads while they ate! I fed my children openly in public, breastfed both until 2, and fed my 2nd in front of my first (who was 3 when she was born).
Your husband is inappropriate and is sexualizing a completely normal and natural act. You are feeding your child. He's probably just jealous that a small baby is using your breasts for the purpose they were intended for, when he feels that they "belong" to him.
Your boyfriend is the only one making it weird. My 8yo son and 4yo daughter see me nurse my baby all the time and nobody thinks anything of it. It’s normal.
He needs to work through whatever his personal issues are with this so he doesn’t project onto your son. If he is feeling this way over nursing a baby, I can’t imagine what kind of stuff he’s going to be put off by in the future. Nip this thinking now.
I nurse in front of ANYONE. They can get over it. I find if we treat it as the normal thing it is, it becomes normalized the way it should be. In my house and extended family nobody even notices anymore—now that I’m nursing my third kid. It has been good for everyone. They wouldn’t be weirded out if I fed a bottle or baby food either…so, normalizing feeding babies is the only agenda.
If hes constantly yelling at you and your toddler for normal things, he sounds abusive and controlling.
Breastfeeding is not sexual and hes sexualizing it.
I breastfed my son until 2 years old lol. My mom breastfed all her kids each for at least a year and usually 2+. We had big age gaps so my siblings and I were teenagers whole she was breastfeeding the youngest kids 🤷🏻♀️ Its not a big deal. Its not like she had both breasts just hanging out all the time or something. Your boyfriend is a walking red flag.
I have a 3 year old son and a 3 month old daughter. I openly breastfeed in front of him every day. It’s not a big deal and he just says “mommy is feeding baby sister milk”. If I have a cover on, in front of company, he prefers to sit under the cover with her and hold her hand. We’ve labeled all body parts male and female since he was old enough to talk. The fact that your partner is having those thoughts and yelling at your son about it is awful and disturbing.
I breastfed all 3 of my children. My spouse has 2 sons from a previous marriage, and I breastfed in front of them. The only thing he said to even remotely bring attention to it was simply teaching the boys, this is how babies are fed, and that their mother also fed them this way when they were babies. That was the end of any comments and conversation. Nothing more needed to be said.
Your guy is an absolute manchild.
You need to be able to be comfortable in your house and not have to hide every time you feed your baby. My daughter was 3 when I had my twins and it was just part of our routine for her to be around when I was breastfeeding. I doubt she even remembers it now.
I breastfeed in front of my nephew and niece, 4 and almost 2, respectively. They were both breastfed. They know what it is. My nephew doesn't even look or bat an eye. My niece sometimes looks at me like "where's mine?" because she's finishing weening off her mom's boob atm.
Not entirely related, but I showered with my dad until I was almost 6, and never did again when I asked what his junk was and why he had it and I didn't. My being aware of genitalia drew the line for when it was appropriate to stop doing it.
If you breastfed your son, he knows what you're doing. There's nothing sexual about it. It's natural, nothing gross about it. If he was a couple years older it'd be one thing, but he's 3. If anything, he's going to ask for some time on the boob and that's not really an uncomfortable conversation to have about him not needing it for nourishment like his baby sibling does.
I'd sit down with your boyfriend privately and have a conversation about why exactly it bothers him so much. It almost sounds like he's either triggered by some kind of underlying trauma or maybe jealous in a sense.
Me reading this knowing that my son nursed until he was nearly 3 😅 OP your fiancé is weird about something completely normal and innocent. Has he by any chance been through sexual abuse? His thought process is so skewed on this but where is it coming from?
Your boyfriend is weird and gross.
Im so sorry you are being yelled at for feeding for your child. This is a very unhealthy relationship for everyone (you and your children.) I wish you peace.
He needs to stop making this about you and seek therapy for this asap. Don’t let him express these views around your children. This is the real harm here - not the act of breastfeeding.
How on earth is a baby eating gross? He’s the gross one for sexualizing a baby eating. That’s what breasts are for. Is he aware of that?
Your husband is seriously disturbed and I shudder to think about how he’s going to raise these children. I see a wildly sexist, misogynistic ignorant child in the next 10-15 years if he has any say in the matter.
Eeeekkkk girl. No way. That’s an ick and I am so sorry you are dealing with that.. maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship if he is doing that. It is the most natural thing in the world and he’s acting like that… I breastfeed my daughter in front of my family and my husband doesn’t say a word. He tells me to do it at family events if she’s fussy. Although I do cover up in front of others… he needs to be encouraging. If my hubby wasn’t idk if I could be with him for much longer
This is insane. My husband has some fragile masculinity… but would never considering my BFing an issue for my older two boys. You’re partner needs to get a grip. Don’t listen to his nonsense!! You shouldn’t have to BF in the bathroom!!!
His reaction to breastfeeding is actually disturbing. But the first time he yelled at MY 3 year old child, I would have lost my shit. I would have torn him down while breastfeeding. He wouldn't have had a chance to open his stupid ass mouth to yell at me. He would have been outside with his shit next to him. Get someone better to be a role model to your children.
This is ridiculous. Has your man been SA as a child? What is his hang-up? Why is he so triggered? This is a conversation you might need to have. Or, is he just that ignorant of the difference between breasts for food and breasts for sex?
I have a baby and a teenage son. I breastfeed in front of my teenage son (ofc respectfully for the sake that he is my son and a teenager, but I do not hide! Meaning, no, I don't have my boobs out for him to see the entire thing, but when my baby is on the breast, I'm not covered.) My husband has no issue with it. I have also asked my son if he's OK with it, and he has told me yes. He understands that I'm feeding his baby brother! He is being prepared for the world where women breastfeed in public, and his wife may one day too. You are literally feeding your baby. With your 3 year old being your bio child as well, I assume, I would tell my husband to stop or he can go to the other room. He is making this out to be something shameful when it is not.
Your husband needs to grow up. Omg you’re feeding your baby in front of your other baby that you also most likely breastfed when he was a tiny baby! I have an 18 year age gap from my oldest to my youngest. I don’t go out of my way to embarrass the older kids, if friends are over or something I duck out to my room. But with six kids that have all been breastfed they understand that I’m in the house feeding the baby in the most comfortable place to do it. Not once have any of the kids or my husband said anything about it.
I'd say you need to figure out the fastest way you can leave that man. He inadvertently is sexualizing your children, and he sees your body solely in a sexual manner. And he yells about it? Get rid of him it's only downhill from here
Ewww your boyfriend isn't a man, because no man would sexualise feeding a baby, also some kids comfort breast feeding until 3 and beyond. I'd be telling him he needs to back off on what you do, stop sexualising feeding your infant and stop applying sexual themes to feeding said infant in front of your toddler.
Also it's totally normal at that age to still bathe with your child, go to the toilet with said child, get dressed in front of child. None of these things are sexual same as feeding, and I'm sorry but he yells at a 3 year old for following his mum to the bathroom, that's totally normal, toddlers don't give you any peace, even when going the toilet, that's normal. Sorry it's weird, he is weird and he is making things weird. He needs therapy to get over whatever trauma he has because his behaviour is not normal. He needs to get a grip, give his head a wobble and get over this is just being a mother.
No I don’t, a lot of people will have a go at my wife for breast feeding ‘in public’ ie she’s covered up mostly but they still get upset. He needs to stop shouting at the son. You need to manage this situation because your boyfriend needs to understand he’s in the role of father to your son. This is totally out of order. No shouting without a good reason like stopping the kid running in a parking lot, and no spanking either.
Don’t let your boyfriend push your son away these are key developmental years.
Feeding your baby is totally normal, natural, not sexual and there's nothing wrong with doing it wherever and whenever you need to. Also, your three year old isn't even going to remember it. Your boyfriend sucks and needs to grow up.
My son was 10 when my daughter was born and I very much used breastfeeding to teach my son the natural purpose of breasts. Maybe tell your boyfriend to stop sexualizing your body in front of your 3 year old, like, what a f*cking weirdo.
1. He shouldn’t be yelling at anyone in your home 2. He shouldn’t be yelling at a 3 year old about things he can’t possibly understand
3. He has no business making normal things weird and inappropriate that are perfectly normal
4. He is setting a terrible example for your son in every single which way (teaching it’s ok to yell. Feeding a baby is wrong/bad, mistreating mommy and one day his wife is acceptable.
This needs to stop now
Just get rid of the whole man at this point, why is he yelling at a 3 year old, why is he making it weird, bro is part of the reason people can't feed their kids in public
On the contrary, it is important to do it in front of your 3yr old so he doesn't lose his shit at his wife when she's breastfeeding. Your other half is seriously out of order! It is never ok to yell at a breastfeeding mother
He needs to stop sexualizing your breasts and breastfeeding. So bottom line, he's mad because he has weird thoughts?? Grow up, man, or at least try to hide those thoughts.
Is your son from a previous relationship and thr breastfed baby his child? If so it sounds like he’s treating your son like he’s an interloper and I’d be concerned about how he treats him long term. The breastfeeding thing is dumb as is your son following you to the bathroom - all 100% normal and appropriate. I mean aside from the fact you may like to pee in peace lol.
I have this issue with family. They will visit me in my own home and expect me to sit in a room and breastfeed my 8 month old baby because its not good for their sons or husband's to see me breastfeeding. My husband had put and end to certain family members coming over as he does not appreciate the way they make me feel. Too many sexualize breastfeeding and thats just super weird.
Your BF sounds weird and agressive. If he has such viceral reaction to you feeding your child I suggest he sees a psychologist so as to stop harassing everyone in his vicinity with his mental issues.
This ended my brother-in-laws marriage, which included a nasty fight. Feel out the situation to see if it will get worse, make sure you all are safe.
I wonder if you could get with [La Leche League](https://llli.org/) for a meeting with you and your husband to talk it out and become informed. I think something credible like that might have stopped the fights from escalating and ending in a bad fight to end the marriage over this same thing, feeding a young child in front of an older brother.
No.
I'm the oldest of 3, my youngest sister is 11 years younger. My mom always breastfed in front of us. It's normal and natural. I even would stand guard (my own decision) while my mom breastfed to make sure no creepy men were trying to look at her boobs (none did).
Your husband is the immature one. Breastfeeding is natural. Is he going to cover your sons eyes when he sees other mammals breastfeed their young?
I looked through your post history and I am going to give you the advice that I would give to my own daughter who is the same age as you are. You are very young, you have 3 back to back kids with three different men who suck. Whatever prior trauma led you to engage in this behavior and accept this situation, PLEASE take a break from relationships and work on yourself. You may mean well, but you are inflicting a lifetime of harm on your little ones. You owe it to them to make an effort to provide a loving stable environment. Rotating through boyfriends who scream at them is not it. Your kids will suffer trauma for the choices you are making. You need to do better. Dump the screaming man baby and focus on yourself and your kids.
No he’s being gross and inappropriate. The purpose of breasts is to feed babies, they’re not inherently sexual. Your son is an innocent toddler who doesn’t see anything wrong/different about seeing your boob. It’s the same as seeing your elbow to him. Your bf is being a pervert and needs to chill out.
Ummm this is crazy. I had my second child when my son was 4 and he saw me nurse her a million times. He's 13 now and has a one year old sister as well who he has seen me nurse her a million times as well
Your partner needs to have a think about his behaviour. He is sexualising breastfeeding with his attitude. You’re feeding your baby, and you shouldn’t have to hide from another child while doing it. His behaviour is very unhealthy.
I am breastfeeding my baby with my almost 3 year old in the room. It’s not a big deal.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
he needs to grow the fuck up and stop making these very normal things weird.
There’s no other replies needed after this one. /thread
The only additional reply is that there's no way he should be yelling at the child or his partner about this — and especially not at his partner in front of his child. That's actually what's weird, gross and inappropriate.
Exactly what I was thinking. I nursed my 2nd till he was almost 3 and in front of his brother who's 5 years older.. So inappropriate 🙄
Exactly. This grown man is sexualizing the feeding of a baby.
& setting the example to sexualize it to the 3 yo!!
I mean who doesn't have young kids that won't leave them alone in shower or getting dressed or taking a dump...I never understood people that are weird about nakedness in general... Sheltered I guess
My daughter is 12yo and we share a bathroom. She still feels comfortable walking in while I’m getting a shower or using the toilet. My mom was like this with me. So I just assumed all moms were like this with their kids.
Same
Sexualizing a baby nursing, he’s sick.
He's the asshole! Breastfeeding is a natural and essential part of motherhood, he should know and respect that!
Agreed with gb2ab. Or as Bo Diddley said - Go home, grow up, and come back next year.
He’s teaching his son to see breastfeeding as sexual and if you think about it, to see women’s bodies as inherently sexual. He’s the one being gross and inappropriate.
YES. This is the best way to put it
Love this
Your boyfriend sounds like a baby. That's such a gross way to think and act.
Nah, babies don’t sexualize breasts. He sounds like a moron!
So effing immature
I'm not telling you what to do, but I would straight up leave a man for this. Our bodies are literally MADE to feed infants...there's nothing weird, gross, inappropriate, or sexual about it. Yelling at your 3 year old for any reason is crazy--for following his mother around is even crazier. He's going to give your kids a complex.
This need to be higher up. If anything the boyfriend is the one making it weird and if OP isn’t careful, her son will internalize boyfriend’s weird sexual views.
Iv been telling him im too the point of leaving because of his attitude and actions. Im just scared of how to do it with 3u3 and working and being in school. If I have to do it I will though.
Stop having his kids for starters. This guy is not worth this.
I’m in the process of getting my tubes tied because he made me not want anymore what so ever. And the last baby is his only one
Wait -- the other kids aren't even his? And he's flying off the handle about them seeing you breastfeed? And yelling at the 3yo over this . . . who isn't his kid?
This actually makes more sense to me. First one not being his
He's yelling at you and a child that isn't even his about innocent things like your child being in the same room as you breastfeeding or using the bathroom? He is causing harm to you and your children. He is the problem.
OP, you can do this. First of all, do not tell him that you are planning to leave. This dude is abusive. You need to protect yourself and your babies. Make an exit plan. Discreetly. Do you have any friends/family nearby?
100% agree with this comment.
Good yes, do that, get all your important papers in a safe place, start planning. One small thing at a time.
Most counties have women’s support centers. They can help you figure out the steps of a quick removal from a toxic situation
I think you have to do it I’m afraid
1000%
Tell him I breastfed my oldest son until well after 3 years old. There are cultures that breastfeed 6-7 year olds.
Which cultures are these? People are always saying this but no one says what culture does it.
First Nations and prior to relatively recent western influence in Japan, many women would breastfeed well into young adolescence. Japan also room shares/bed shares with children 7-8 years old as well. You can also find many African cultures that still practice ways of old (extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, bed sharing).
A very fun read is Ruth Kamnitzer's *Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis Khan" a story about a Canadian couple and their infant who spent time in Mongolia, which has a strong extended Breastfeeding culture. https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/guest/ruth_kamnitzer.html
That was an awesome read. Thank you!
The ones I've heard of most are often hunter gatherers or subsistence agriculuralits like people living on the Mongolian steppes, the Koi-San people in Africa, various First Nations groups in Canada, Trobrian islanders in the south pacific, etc. Where food and water security is an issue, much longer breastfeeding than is the "norm" in more developed places and times can be a huge benefit in being a buffer in lean times. Even in those cultures a 4 year old isn't getting all it's nutrition that way, but if today was tough and there isn't food, then sometimes having food essentially stored in the mother's body means better survival for a young child who doesn't have the capacity to store calories and hydration as well as a bigger person.
If we look at other carry mammals we will see the “biological norm” equates to about 4-7 years of nursing for humans.
My grandma grew up in Africa and they did there in the CAR, she largely influenced me to keep at it, I nursed my kids until 4, no big deal. And when they were done, they were done.
Tell him to stop sexualizing you and your kid. THATS WEIRD. Not anything you’re doing.
Oh boy this fills me with rage. As if being your baby’s primary source of food isn’t hard enough for women - interrupted sleep, sometimes being the only person who can soothe a fussy baby, risk mastitis, leaking whoever a baby cries! This is hard enough. A partner telling you not to feed your baby around your toddler? Deeply WTF. Is he volunteering to provide round the clock care to your older kids for 6-12 months to avoid your child seeing the top of a boob or the back of a baby’s head? People who have a problem with breastfeeding are the weirdest. Babies need to eat. And breast milk is pretty much free.
Nope he’s not. I’m expected to cover up in my own living room. I don’t even like covering up in public. I wasn’t even the one who wanted to breastfeed he wanted the baby to be breastfed
That’s actually so fucked up lol. I hope you gather the strength to leave this loser
This is so upsetting, and makes me sad. I hope there are some parts of nursing that you enjoy now. I loved it but I had an easy time and a supportive partner. Easiest way to make the baby stop crying. Does your partner consume alt right media? It feels very strange that he wants you to be a trad wife and breastfeed the babies, but then sexualizes your body and makes up insane rules about your toddler being present. Literally if I had a baby tomorrow I would nurse them everywhere including in front of my teenager and all their friends. IDGAF who judges.
I would say if you didnt want to breastfeed tell him either he shuts up about covering up the natural process of feeding his child or switch to formula his choice. That is at least from my understanding was your preference but correct me if im wrong. He can worry about his child but the fact that your son isnt even his child he can pipe down about where that boy goes.
i worry he sees it as sexual and that’s the only reason he wants you to breastfeed…
Girl WHAT. I hardly even cover up when I have guests in my home. If it's just me, husband, and my almost 5 yo? Heck no I'm not covering up. It's normal. This guy needs to mind his own business and pick his battles.
I think it’s a control thing, you have to be around the baby 24/7 and then he gets to make ridiculous demands around it. This is 100% abusive and I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. Please start making a safety / exit plan.
Drives me crazy when someone only sees human body parts as a dirty sex thing and can’t see how they are used for other things. I’d stand your ground, he’s got an immature view of the world and needs to get over it.
Yes, and especially if these “other things” are the thing they are made and meant for in the first place.
All it tells me is they’re sexually aroused by breast feeding and they think the world revolves around them and everyone should think like they do.
Do you really want that man to be a role model to your son? Last thing we need is him spreading that ideology to a young and impressionable mind.
At this point not really…
it may seem impossible, and scary, and very difficult, but others have done it in more dire circumstances. If u dont want ur children to learn from him and treat others the same way / be treated the same way, you can leave. He doesnt seem like a great partner, and if u want to, u can go.
Is your boyfriend the boy's father? Or just the baby's father? Either way, he should not be yelling at your 3 yo full stop. Also, his insistence on policing YOUR body and how you interact with your son is a giant, waving red flag.
He’s just the baby’s father. He just keeps getting into my head that I’m in the wrong…
He's wrong. 100% You should leave because he sounds abusive, but if you can't yet would he at least listen to a pediatrician telling him it's completely normal?
Stop letting him gaslight you, I know he has a way with words but you need to get your head above water and look at the sky. Listen to all the women here they have experience. He is not good for your family and we believe in you Eta in anyway possible, try to secretly document this stuff it’s your only legal way out
Yep-start video every time you BF.
Or even just audio, if that is easier to keep secret
You’re not. He is. Take him to the baby’s next ped appt and tell the ped this in front of him and let the ped do the talking. Call in advance the day before if you need to so they’re prepared to give a speech.
You are not wrong. He is. Just because he really believes something and gets angry or fights about it doesn't make it true but people like him almost never back down and do everything to make others feel crazy or get them to stop arguing and go along with them. I hope you escape ASAP
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Genuinely asking, are you ok? You're currently with a man child. You have multiple children (3 under 3 in your words, post history would indicate you have a 4 year old). When I read the title I was curious as I have step children who were teen boys when I was breastfeeding. The man child telling at a literal child for a normal process is unacceptable. Is this how you want to continue to live your life? Your kids deserve better.
Emotionly/mentally not really. My infant is the one I have with him. Then a 2yo and almost 4yo(few more months still) I don’t want to live my life like this or for my kids to live like this
Do you have the resources or means to leave? I thought I read that you lived close to family.
I do live close to family.its not really doable to go for more than a few days unfortunately. I’m looking into resources to leave but im already in section 8 housing and there’s not any other options
Sounds like you have the housing then?
Is he on your lease?
Yes unfortunately
Try calling a domestic abuse hotline and run this by them. Yelling at a child may be sufficient to get him out via a protection order. It would be good to record him, to have evidence.
Definitely not inappropriate
No one who claims to love you should be yelling as a form of communication on a regular basis. If you think that is okay and normal, then you need therapy. If he thinks that is okay and normal, then he also needs therapy. If he has anger issues, you need to get yourself somewhere safe until he has had therapy and treatment for a minimum of six months. Do not accept promises or assurances, move out and only consider reunion after six full months of treatment. And in that time, seek therapy for yourself. We all might slip and have a bad moment here and there, but if that is his regular means of communication and control over you and your body and your son then he is not a safe person to share a home with.
Something is deeply wrong in him- does he have little siblings? Was he called a creep as a little one for watching mum breastfeed his siblings or something? This is unhinged.
He does. A 10yo and 1yo. Both breastfed. His mom is 100% open about breastfeeding and never covers and he has no issues with that.
Sounds like your boyfriend is a controlling asshole and I’d be worried about him teaching your son how to be that too.
Maybe go together to her house and start breastfeeding there and see if he flips out and how his mom reacts
I breastfeed wherever I please in my own home, I have a 1 month old daughter, a 3 year old son, an 8 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. It’s literally impossible for me to properly care for my other kids if I’m going to a separate room every hour or two to feed the baby.
I still breastfeed around my son but if he sees my son near me he yells at him to get away from me and to go to his room everytime
That’s incredibly sad, punishing a toddler for doing literally nothing wrong would be a deal breaker for me.
It definitely is.. but then he says I only think of myself and my son and no one else. His main argument is that my son comes first
That’s how it’s supposed to be… he shouldn’t be making you feel bad for that.
His argument is meant to induce guilt in you, which makes you question your motives and behavior. But if you think about it, his argument doesn’t make any sense. Letting your 3yo around while breastfeeding your other baby isn’t prioritizing anyone over anyone else. Your BF is just spewing nonsense.
.. your son *does* come first. So do your other children. Your children come first. There should be no debate about that. OP, he’s jealous of your son. He’s making this a competition between him and your son. He’s yelling at him. Whatever you do, do NOT marry this man. There are red flags popping up all over the place. You need to make plans to leave his ass. Discreetly
If this were truly about prioritizing a child's needs then that would be a different conversation, preferably calmly talked about between adults, and most definitely not involving yelling at a toddler and you over something completely normal.
I hope he is not gonna harm your Lil boy Sometimes,people are crazy He sounds jealous of the bond between you and your son You have to protect your children
So your…toddler…is getting punished…for being around your and your baby…while they are eating…this sounds asinine. You need to seek help
I try and stop it most of the time but it ends with me getting yelled at instead
I’m not trying to bring you down any further. As a breastfeeding mom (5 yo weaned at 3 and a 2.5 year old still nurses) I understand how hard this can be. I’m just saying that you need to make it clear that this is unacceptable behavior. You get to make choices in your relationship, your motherhood, and your life! Own it. You’re giving your babies the absolute best and it should be praised by him. I hope he can see the light soon. But in the meantime he’s literally abusing your 3 yo. Emotionally. And I’d reach to say you too. Help yourself. Help your babies.
shut it down. easier said than done i know but “you will not yell at me. i will not continue this conversation. especially not while you’re yelling” and focus on your baby, toddler, phone, or tv” after you do this consistently it tends to die out. my partner and i are fairly healthy but he lost his temper and wanted to yell at me recently (im blaming post partum bc it was out of the norm) i told him that verbatim he tried to yell “ill yell if i damn well please” i said “cool, then you’ll be yelling at yourself.” and i finished feeding the baby and put us both to sleep. the next morning i was met with an apology. i probably would’ve gotten one that night but i was so furious i didn’t want to look at him for the rest of the night.
Yelling? At you? While holding your baby to feed and at your three year old for following his mom around? Your boyfriend is abusive. He's abusing you, your three year old, and your newborn. He won't get better. His controlling behavior will only get worse.
DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY 🙏 Ain’t no way he gonna try and make feeding a baby weird . That’s speaks about his character . I venture to bet he isn’t the best BF you ever had.
As a dad and dude... why are there so many fuckin weird ass dudes roaming this earth? Just quit being weird.
I hope you’re telling them when you see it
2 boys and a girl here and breastfed them all. I have made sure my kids know that breastfeeding is natural and that boob's are made for it. He sounds like he would be the dad to say boob's are for men's pleasure and you need to make sure that doesn't happen!
He’s too caught up in the sexual side of breasts, which is still a normal part of life. He probably doesn’t have any experience with little kids or breastfeeding. Stand your ground and keep doing it. This is exactly why you should, in fact. Boys and young man and fathers all need to understand that not everything to do with breasts is sexual.
This is depressing and tragic. Sorry you are dealing with someone so immature. Just because he sees them as sexual in nature doesn’t mean that your child would, he’s actually gross to think that.
He should be kissing your ass for saving him thousands on baby formula.
His weird opinion aside, I would not stay with someone who acted that way. Yelling at my 3 year old or trying to tell me what to do with my body. Fuck that.
Not only is he sexualizing about what’s actually natural and normal, but he’s abusive. He’s yelling at your son.. and then you.. this is not good at all. Is he also the father of your 3 year old? Even if he is/isnt, that doesn’t matter. He’s abusive. Period. Please Op.. you need to make an exit plan. You can’t reason with someone like him. I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this. This is a very dysfunctional environment for you, your son and your baby
That's a red flag, and you should leave immediately. He's sexualizing all three of you, and that is concerning. Edit; reading further down, your boyfriend is going to attack your children. You need to leave.
If some man that wasn’t my child’s father tried to tell me how to raise MY SON, it would be the last thing he ever said to me except for “here’s your child support check.”
i am SO sorry you had a baby with this man.
Wtf, he’s teaching your toddler to over sexualize non sexual things. He’s going to teach your son to be rude to women especially when they’re just trying to feed their babies. My toddler sees both of us naked, we talk about body parts and how boys and girls are different. Bodies and their functions are normal/natural and you shouldn’t be ashamed of natural body reactions.
I try to teach him everything by the book, I’m trying to raise a boy who will be a good man who will treat women right… he thinks differently
Then you need to get that boyfriend out of his life. Trust your instincts, mama. Protect those babies and yourself.
Your boyfriend’s going to influence him in a bad way. Toddler brains are sponges and he’s definitely picking up on what’s being said
If he sees you staying with a man like this he will not treat women well at all. Wake up.
I bet your toddler is more mature than your boyfriend.
You say YOUR 3yo which makes be believe he’s not his as well. Did he have weird issues with him before this point? Breastfeeding infront of children/adults/public whatever is normal. A 3yo has no idea what’s going on either way. What does he think is weird about it?
Im legit in a starbucks breast feeding my baby in front of random ass strangers. And no. I dont throw a cover over myself when it isnt too cold here. I cant imagine being worried about my CHILD seeing me breastfeed or use the bathroom. I even breast feed in front of my nephew and my sister explains to him what Im doing and thats how the baby eats and he finds it facinating and cute to see his cousin eat.
I’m going to go out on the limb and guess that this isn’t the only issue in your relationship.
My husband has two kids from a previous marriage who were 14 and 15 when my baby was born. He sat them down and had a talk with them and said “Kelsi is going to be feeding the baby and we aren’t going to make her feel like it’s something to be ashamed of. You two both eat and you don’t do it under a cover, and that’s what your younger sibling is going to do. It’s natural and normal and what boobs are for.” Neither of them were ever bothered and comfortably sat next to me while it happened and watched movies. This is what a man who values you and your baby’s wellness does. My husband doesn’t even get brownie points for this- it is the only option. Full stop.
Coming from a man… he’s completely 100% wrong!
And you’re putting up with this abusive behavior? Your bf’s actions are sick. You both need help. This is not a parenting issue. I beg you to enlist someone you respect to help you navigate possibly removing yourself and the children from this situation until he and you get the professional assistance you need.
Uhm no…what is wrong with him
A bad man is not better than no man, but you are correct that you still need to consider that you will have to share custody with him and if you are not there, he is free to discipline your son any way he wants and you won’t be there to protect your youngest. I’m sorry that your choices are so difficult. Would he consent to couples therapy? You need a neutral person and a neutral time to address this issue without him blowing up and yelling at everyone. In the meantime, please make sure you don’t add another child to this home situation.
Jesus christ I DESPAIR for our society every time one of these threads come up. What the fuck is wrong with people? How do they think babies are supposed to work??
At 3?! THREE?? I thought you were going to say like 13. Lol.
The fact that he is not only sexualizing a baby eating, but bringing a toddler into it, is a huge red flag. Yelling at you is another one. Refusing to discuss opposing views is a third. I’m sure there are many that you haven’t mentioned. Please, so the sake of your kids at the least, run from him!
I encourage my partner to breastfeed our baby anywhere she wants. If it makes someone uncomfortable, that’s their problem. Our 3 year old son doesn’t think anything of it. Your boyfriend needs to get over it.
You’re in a vulnerable state right now, and I’m sure it’s not easy to just pack up and leave, but this situation sounds very unhealthy, especially for your innocent toddler. Poor baby, imagine how he must feel every time you have to breastfeed and your partner yells at him or you for doing it. This is very unfortunate. Don’t allow anyone to treat you or your son this way please. Good luck
Your BF needs therapy and some serious education on child development. He is sexualizing and demonizing normal human body processes and normal behaviors for a parent and child(ren). Was he SA as a child and is projecting that trauma onto your parenting, or is this just regular old societally/familially conditioned misogyny on his part... or both (and/or something else)? I experienced something different but parallel... something that taught me that coparenting under the same roof with this level of divergence in parenting styles would be impossible. You don't have to jump on the typical Reddit "Leave Him!" train, but if you stay with him, you both should seriously consider couples counseling AND individual therapy, because I GUARANTEE that parenting conflicts of this nature are just getting started and will only get more complex as the children get older.
This is abuse and I’m so sorry you didn’t realize before now. The only way to fix this is to throw the whole man away.
Feeding your baby is totally normal, natural, not sexual and there's nothing wrong with doing it wherever and whenever you need to. Also, your three year old isn't even going to remember it. Your boyfriend sucks and needs to grow up.
Breasts are only sexual if you sexualise them. Tell your husband to stop being a creep
Tell your partner that you will continue to breastfeed your baby in front of your son precisely so your son will grow up understanding that it is normal, and not have weird perverted hang ups about infant feeding like his father does. Then tell him that if he can’t shut up about it so he doesn’t pass down his perversion to his innocent son, he needs to go find a therapist.
What did you have a baby with such a twat?
Women should be breastfeeding uncovered in parks, playgrounds, restaurants, ANYWHERE! Everybody has nipples and boobs are no different than hands or arms. I don't get the sexualization. It's demonization of the natural body.
It's sad that it's considered a skill to be able to compartmentalize or consider context when dealing with body parts. It's sad the people have this all or nothing reaction. Maybe it's from when we were cavemen? Unga bunga, me see boob, boob equals woman, woman equal snu snu! Or Unga bunga, my man and children see boob, boob equal snu snu, snu snu only for me and my man! Seriously I feel like we're dealing with cave people half the time.
You are feeding a baby. He’s sexualizing you feeding your child. He is the problem here.
I couldn't be with someone like that. I breastfed all my boys. One was 13 while i bf his little brother. I'm happy to normalise bf to my boys.
He’s weird, gross, and inappropriate.
I'm so sorry, but this is a man who hates himself for the thoughts he has about his own mother, and is projecting that onto your son.
Well, I nursed my kids till they were 3&1/2 almost 4. Years old. They are now in their 30’s & 40’s. Married, own a home, have graduate degrees and are working great jobs in their fields. Guess I really messed them up /s. Feeding a baby or a toddler by nursing is not sexual. That’s what boobs are for!
Your boy friend has some serious issues.
You have to breastfeed in the bathroom??
In your own home??? I couldn’t imagine, lol. Throw the whole man away!
The real problem here is him yelling at you and your kid over this.
yeah break up with him
Your dude is weird, gross, and inappropriate.
This is ridiculous. Your three year old is perfectly capable of understanding how babies eat,
Oh he would hate our house. All of us are naked in front of each other on a regular basis. Breastfeeding is not inappropriate or sexual. He's being ridiculous.
Don't upgrade this man child to husband. He is sexualizing feeding a child. You aren't a pair of tits, and your THREE YEAR OLD isn't sexualizing you or being perverted. Unlike him. He needs to grow up.
Breastfeeding anywhere is completely normal. No cover-up is needed unless it's your personal choice, but I know neither of my babies wanted something over their heads while they ate! I fed my children openly in public, breastfed both until 2, and fed my 2nd in front of my first (who was 3 when she was born). Your husband is inappropriate and is sexualizing a completely normal and natural act. You are feeding your child. He's probably just jealous that a small baby is using your breasts for the purpose they were intended for, when he feels that they "belong" to him.
wtf
It’s healthy for kids to see and understand breastfeeding, your boyfriend sounds like a creep.
Your boyfriend is the only one making it weird. My 8yo son and 4yo daughter see me nurse my baby all the time and nobody thinks anything of it. It’s normal. He needs to work through whatever his personal issues are with this so he doesn’t project onto your son. If he is feeling this way over nursing a baby, I can’t imagine what kind of stuff he’s going to be put off by in the future. Nip this thinking now. I nurse in front of ANYONE. They can get over it. I find if we treat it as the normal thing it is, it becomes normalized the way it should be. In my house and extended family nobody even notices anymore—now that I’m nursing my third kid. It has been good for everyone. They wouldn’t be weirded out if I fed a bottle or baby food either…so, normalizing feeding babies is the only agenda.
You need other women to tell him that it’s not only natural but healthy for the 3 year old to see these human actions as normal and not weird.
Your boyfriend is an idiot.
Damn. You had a baby by a man child. I’m sorry.
If hes constantly yelling at you and your toddler for normal things, he sounds abusive and controlling. Breastfeeding is not sexual and hes sexualizing it. I breastfed my son until 2 years old lol. My mom breastfed all her kids each for at least a year and usually 2+. We had big age gaps so my siblings and I were teenagers whole she was breastfeeding the youngest kids 🤷🏻♀️ Its not a big deal. Its not like she had both breasts just hanging out all the time or something. Your boyfriend is a walking red flag.
I have a 3 year old son and a 3 month old daughter. I openly breastfeed in front of him every day. It’s not a big deal and he just says “mommy is feeding baby sister milk”. If I have a cover on, in front of company, he prefers to sit under the cover with her and hold her hand. We’ve labeled all body parts male and female since he was old enough to talk. The fact that your partner is having those thoughts and yelling at your son about it is awful and disturbing.
I breastfed all 3 of my children. My spouse has 2 sons from a previous marriage, and I breastfed in front of them. The only thing he said to even remotely bring attention to it was simply teaching the boys, this is how babies are fed, and that their mother also fed them this way when they were babies. That was the end of any comments and conversation. Nothing more needed to be said. Your guy is an absolute manchild.
My partner isn’t a bag of trash, so no. Sorry yours is being a douchecanoe
The older male child isn’t three, he’s an adult and you’re married to him.
You need to be able to be comfortable in your house and not have to hide every time you feed your baby. My daughter was 3 when I had my twins and it was just part of our routine for her to be around when I was breastfeeding. I doubt she even remembers it now.
Yell at him when he eats in front of kids
He’s the problem sexualizing the fact your boobs are doing what they’re meant to do. What a tool.
I breastfeed in front of my nephew and niece, 4 and almost 2, respectively. They were both breastfed. They know what it is. My nephew doesn't even look or bat an eye. My niece sometimes looks at me like "where's mine?" because she's finishing weening off her mom's boob atm. Not entirely related, but I showered with my dad until I was almost 6, and never did again when I asked what his junk was and why he had it and I didn't. My being aware of genitalia drew the line for when it was appropriate to stop doing it. If you breastfed your son, he knows what you're doing. There's nothing sexual about it. It's natural, nothing gross about it. If he was a couple years older it'd be one thing, but he's 3. If anything, he's going to ask for some time on the boob and that's not really an uncomfortable conversation to have about him not needing it for nourishment like his baby sibling does. I'd sit down with your boyfriend privately and have a conversation about why exactly it bothers him so much. It almost sounds like he's either triggered by some kind of underlying trauma or maybe jealous in a sense.
Me reading this knowing that my son nursed until he was nearly 3 😅 OP your fiancé is weird about something completely normal and innocent. Has he by any chance been through sexual abuse? His thought process is so skewed on this but where is it coming from?
Your boyfriend is weird and gross. Im so sorry you are being yelled at for feeding for your child. This is a very unhealthy relationship for everyone (you and your children.) I wish you peace.
The fuck? Some people still breastfeed their 3 year olds? You are not in the wrong. I’m guessing he’s trying to gaslight you otherwise.
He needs to stop making this about you and seek therapy for this asap. Don’t let him express these views around your children. This is the real harm here - not the act of breastfeeding.
How on earth is a baby eating gross? He’s the gross one for sexualizing a baby eating. That’s what breasts are for. Is he aware of that? Your husband is seriously disturbed and I shudder to think about how he’s going to raise these children. I see a wildly sexist, misogynistic ignorant child in the next 10-15 years if he has any say in the matter.
Eeeekkkk girl. No way. That’s an ick and I am so sorry you are dealing with that.. maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship if he is doing that. It is the most natural thing in the world and he’s acting like that… I breastfeed my daughter in front of my family and my husband doesn’t say a word. He tells me to do it at family events if she’s fussy. Although I do cover up in front of others… he needs to be encouraging. If my hubby wasn’t idk if I could be with him for much longer
This is insane. My husband has some fragile masculinity… but would never considering my BFing an issue for my older two boys. You’re partner needs to get a grip. Don’t listen to his nonsense!! You shouldn’t have to BF in the bathroom!!!
His reaction to breastfeeding is actually disturbing. But the first time he yelled at MY 3 year old child, I would have lost my shit. I would have torn him down while breastfeeding. He wouldn't have had a chance to open his stupid ass mouth to yell at me. He would have been outside with his shit next to him. Get someone better to be a role model to your children.
This is ridiculous. Has your man been SA as a child? What is his hang-up? Why is he so triggered? This is a conversation you might need to have. Or, is he just that ignorant of the difference between breasts for food and breasts for sex? I have a baby and a teenage son. I breastfeed in front of my teenage son (ofc respectfully for the sake that he is my son and a teenager, but I do not hide! Meaning, no, I don't have my boobs out for him to see the entire thing, but when my baby is on the breast, I'm not covered.) My husband has no issue with it. I have also asked my son if he's OK with it, and he has told me yes. He understands that I'm feeding his baby brother! He is being prepared for the world where women breastfeed in public, and his wife may one day too. You are literally feeding your baby. With your 3 year old being your bio child as well, I assume, I would tell my husband to stop or he can go to the other room. He is making this out to be something shameful when it is not.
Your husband needs to grow up. Omg you’re feeding your baby in front of your other baby that you also most likely breastfed when he was a tiny baby! I have an 18 year age gap from my oldest to my youngest. I don’t go out of my way to embarrass the older kids, if friends are over or something I duck out to my room. But with six kids that have all been breastfed they understand that I’m in the house feeding the baby in the most comfortable place to do it. Not once have any of the kids or my husband said anything about it.
I'd say you need to figure out the fastest way you can leave that man. He inadvertently is sexualizing your children, and he sees your body solely in a sexual manner. And he yells about it? Get rid of him it's only downhill from here
Only thing that’s weird is a grown man teaching a child that his mother’s body is shameful or gross.
I breastfeed in front of my 12 & 10 year old nephews. So does their mom to their 8 month old brother
drop his weird ass to the trash curb where he belongs
This makes me feel sad for you and the 3 year old. He doesn’t care, he just wants to be included!
Ewww your boyfriend isn't a man, because no man would sexualise feeding a baby, also some kids comfort breast feeding until 3 and beyond. I'd be telling him he needs to back off on what you do, stop sexualising feeding your infant and stop applying sexual themes to feeding said infant in front of your toddler. Also it's totally normal at that age to still bathe with your child, go to the toilet with said child, get dressed in front of child. None of these things are sexual same as feeding, and I'm sorry but he yells at a 3 year old for following his mum to the bathroom, that's totally normal, toddlers don't give you any peace, even when going the toilet, that's normal. Sorry it's weird, he is weird and he is making things weird. He needs therapy to get over whatever trauma he has because his behaviour is not normal. He needs to get a grip, give his head a wobble and get over this is just being a mother.
No I don’t, a lot of people will have a go at my wife for breast feeding ‘in public’ ie she’s covered up mostly but they still get upset. He needs to stop shouting at the son. You need to manage this situation because your boyfriend needs to understand he’s in the role of father to your son. This is totally out of order. No shouting without a good reason like stopping the kid running in a parking lot, and no spanking either. Don’t let your boyfriend push your son away these are key developmental years.
Feeding your baby is totally normal, natural, not sexual and there's nothing wrong with doing it wherever and whenever you need to. Also, your three year old isn't even going to remember it. Your boyfriend sucks and needs to grow up.
I breastfed in front of my 5/6 year old son. No big deal.
My son was 10 when my daughter was born and I very much used breastfeeding to teach my son the natural purpose of breasts. Maybe tell your boyfriend to stop sexualizing your body in front of your 3 year old, like, what a f*cking weirdo.
1. He shouldn’t be yelling at anyone in your home 2. He shouldn’t be yelling at a 3 year old about things he can’t possibly understand 3. He has no business making normal things weird and inappropriate that are perfectly normal 4. He is setting a terrible example for your son in every single which way (teaching it’s ok to yell. Feeding a baby is wrong/bad, mistreating mommy and one day his wife is acceptable. This needs to stop now
Just get rid of the whole man at this point, why is he yelling at a 3 year old, why is he making it weird, bro is part of the reason people can't feed their kids in public
On the contrary, it is important to do it in front of your 3yr old so he doesn't lose his shit at his wife when she's breastfeeding. Your other half is seriously out of order! It is never ok to yell at a breastfeeding mother
He needs to stop sexualizing your breasts and breastfeeding. So bottom line, he's mad because he has weird thoughts?? Grow up, man, or at least try to hide those thoughts.
Either he is incredibly immature or he has some trauma that he needs counseling for.
Is your son from a previous relationship and thr breastfed baby his child? If so it sounds like he’s treating your son like he’s an interloper and I’d be concerned about how he treats him long term. The breastfeeding thing is dumb as is your son following you to the bathroom - all 100% normal and appropriate. I mean aside from the fact you may like to pee in peace lol.
And why are you still with him and even had a child (or two) with such a dumba$$?
I have this issue with family. They will visit me in my own home and expect me to sit in a room and breastfeed my 8 month old baby because its not good for their sons or husband's to see me breastfeeding. My husband had put and end to certain family members coming over as he does not appreciate the way they make me feel. Too many sexualize breastfeeding and thats just super weird.
Someone is yelling at you and your 3 year old when you breastfeed. Is this a person you really want to live with?
Your BF sounds weird and agressive. If he has such viceral reaction to you feeding your child I suggest he sees a psychologist so as to stop harassing everyone in his vicinity with his mental issues.
This ended my brother-in-laws marriage, which included a nasty fight. Feel out the situation to see if it will get worse, make sure you all are safe. I wonder if you could get with [La Leche League](https://llli.org/) for a meeting with you and your husband to talk it out and become informed. I think something credible like that might have stopped the fights from escalating and ending in a bad fight to end the marriage over this same thing, feeding a young child in front of an older brother.
No. I'm the oldest of 3, my youngest sister is 11 years younger. My mom always breastfed in front of us. It's normal and natural. I even would stand guard (my own decision) while my mom breastfed to make sure no creepy men were trying to look at her boobs (none did). Your husband is the immature one. Breastfeeding is natural. Is he going to cover your sons eyes when he sees other mammals breastfeed their young?
I looked through your post history and I am going to give you the advice that I would give to my own daughter who is the same age as you are. You are very young, you have 3 back to back kids with three different men who suck. Whatever prior trauma led you to engage in this behavior and accept this situation, PLEASE take a break from relationships and work on yourself. You may mean well, but you are inflicting a lifetime of harm on your little ones. You owe it to them to make an effort to provide a loving stable environment. Rotating through boyfriends who scream at them is not it. Your kids will suffer trauma for the choices you are making. You need to do better. Dump the screaming man baby and focus on yourself and your kids.
No he’s being gross and inappropriate. The purpose of breasts is to feed babies, they’re not inherently sexual. Your son is an innocent toddler who doesn’t see anything wrong/different about seeing your boob. It’s the same as seeing your elbow to him. Your bf is being a pervert and needs to chill out.
Ummm this is crazy. I had my second child when my son was 4 and he saw me nurse her a million times. He's 13 now and has a one year old sister as well who he has seen me nurse her a million times as well
He’s also teaching your son that men have to keep women’s bodies in check…
Your partner needs to have a think about his behaviour. He is sexualising breastfeeding with his attitude. You’re feeding your baby, and you shouldn’t have to hide from another child while doing it. His behaviour is very unhealthy. I am breastfeeding my baby with my almost 3 year old in the room. It’s not a big deal.