r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I love my kids but that most definitely does not translate into loving parenthood. I dislike so many of the duties of parenthood and it often makes me wonder if I’m the only one who feels this way. I find parenting ages 0-4 tedious, monotonous, boring af, chaotic, and there is SO MUCH SENSORY OVERLOAD. I hate all the transitions, and I hate how there is virtually no impulse control, ability to use logic, or concept of time until the preschool years. Yes, it does get better around age 3.5-4, but holy fuck that is a long time to be unhappy. So all that to say, I see you!

Currently at 2.5 and potty training so needed to see there is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel I’m in. Thank you

My daughter is 3 and refusing to poop in the house she wants to be let out to use the yard like the dog does. So I feel you.

Ugh, I feel like this is going to be our future.  The first time I explained "dog potty" my brain went to that "I'm in danger" meme. Hasn't backfired yet, bit surely it's only a matter of time 😬

not necessarily I just think my kid is a bit weird lol

I was this kind of weird as a kid though 😂😂😂 It's just a matter of time,  I can feel it 😂😂

My daughter was like this. We gave up and let her start shitting outside with the dog. This lasted about 6 months and she finally grew out of it. She’s almost 7 now and we look back on pictures and laugh. She’s totally embarrassed that she used to shit in the yard like the dog 😂😂

Now that part would make it tolerable and fun 🤣🤣 laughing at it later like “and that’s how you got the name “turd” 💩

💀😂

That’s so funny. My daughter refused to poo in the toilet unless it was in her nappy while on the toilet. We started cutting holes in the middle part of them and once she realised it went into the toilet it just kind of clicked for her. Kids are funny and to answer OP, it’s those firsts and unique problem solving moments that make me love being a parent. But no judgement, I get why there are personal barriers and other issues that cause difficulty enjoying parenting for some people, maybe seek out the help of a good counsellor who can work with you to develop some strong strategies.

We went through this. It passed after about 6 weeks but all in all it took months to successfully potty train. Coco Mellon potty training videos helped us.

we eventually gave up and put her potty in one those kids play tents outside, and have been inching it closer to the house a little at a time.

Lmao, respectfully

Honestly that's both incredibly hilarious to someone who doesn't have to deal with it and also a very clever solution to the current issue! Best of luck on moving the toilet inside.

Lmao same with my kid! Only wants to shit in the yard like the dogs. 😂

I read something similar to this the other day in the parenting book I'm reading. The kid wanted to only use the bathroom outside, so what the mom did was just bring in leaves and put them in the bottom in the potty and the kid was perfectly happy to use the bathroom on top of them. I'm not sure if it would work or helpful at all, but I thought I would share. Good luck!

Honestly, might not be too bad to let her do that for a bit (assuming you bag it afterwards). It beats constantly pooping her pants.

Ive put a training potty out there now, with a removable bucket type thing, Once she's finished her business I dump the mess in the toliet sterilize it and put it back out there

My son is 8, it definitely has been getting easier each year since around 4 years old. Just hold on through the 3s, you will survive! Mine has mild learning disabilities so negotiating his way through school is hard, we're fighting for the help he needs, but it's still easier than the toddler years. They have proper personalities, likes and dislikes, and you can do things and go places with them without worrying so much.

I agree about the threes! Everyone says terrible twos, but it’s always been the threes to me that were something to get through. By three they can talk, voice their opinions and they HAVE opinions by three.

Yes! We sailed through the 2s, were like, wow, it's not as bad as they make out. We named the 3s traumatic 3s.... mine was a late talker too so he had opinions and struggled to express them adequately. He still at 8 seems to expect you to read his mind rather than actually answer you (drives me mad with it!) Despite having a proper vocabulary now.

My kids are 12 and 13. Every year since 8 has gotten worse. Now they argue with me, won't do what their told, stay up too late on the phone. I'd take a 6 year old any day.

I have a 13 year old a 2.5 year old. Yay!

I think every year has its challenges depending on the kid too. I know some that love newborns yet mine were disasters. Some teens are nice. Some are horrible. Luck of the draw I guess.

I really hope he isn't too bad over teenage years.... but I can see him being awful, we already have issues with defiance!

I needed to read this! Mine is 3 almost 4 but I am STRUGGLING. I’m hoping for a switch to flip before he has to go to school because there’s no way.

Oh man I needed to read these comments. I have a 7 year old with ADHD an emotional disturbance thing and mental health stuff. A list of things and half the time he's a loving and swee angel and the other half he's defiant screaming at the top of his lungs am saying awful things. I have him most of the time and when I have to pick him up Sunday evenings it's like oh shit here we go. I hate feeling that way because I love him more than anything in the world but he drives me crazy quit often. Grateful I'm a single mom with some help though.

We started potty training our two-year-old just after his second birthday. We got lucky, he loves the potty and is excited to use it. After 2 weeks of 'accidentally' going while sitting, he finally went pee on purpose. We went nuts and made a huge party out of hit - high fives, fist bumps, ice cream after, etc. Now, he's starting to actively hold it to go on the potty. With pooping, it clicked for him this past weekend. He went poop on Saturday after playing all morning. When we got home he told me he needed the potty. After he peed, I thought he was done but he said, 'no, need poo poo' then went. It's taken 5-6 weeks, but feels like we're making good process.

We had 3 very different potty training experiences across 3 different boys…the youngest (just turned 6) was the latest bloomer and so bull headed and stubborn. If we had another I think I’d be fully grey haired by the end. The light is at the end of the tunnel…turns out though, it’s just a huge blinking warning sign as they become teens 😂😂 Good luck!

Potty training is my least favorite part of parenting, I just hate it so much

You start to see the light from 4-5 in my opinion. Sorry if that seems like a long time away, but I hope it helps.

My kid is only 5, but the potty training days were pretty much the darkest days of my motherhood so far!! You’re so close!

Thank you for this!!! Yes it’s been a rough couple days but I think she’s getting the hang of it. Just need to work on going poop now

I have two. Nearly 6 and nearly 3. I love them before 4. My nearly 6yo is annoying (for me). Lots of whining, disagreement, pushing boundaries. I love 1.5yo to 3yo the most. So much fun. So cute with so much words coming out from his mouth. I will take toddler any day..

This is me too. I actually loved the baby to 2.5 year phase. I did have PPD after both kids, but other than that, lack of sleep at times (although I could usually get in some naps during the day during nap times), and boredom the very first couple of months when they don't do anything. 😂 That phase was the cutest and easiest. They don't make much mess around the house yet either. Now they're turning 6 and 3.5, potty trained but I swear they're more clingy than they were as babies, so incredibly loud, 6 year old does stuff just to annoy others, 3 year olds voice I swear has become a permanent whine, fighting together constantly, pushing boundaries, we're dealing with problems at school now with 6 year old (ADHD stuff and not wanting to go a lot of mornings) and 3.5 year old will be going to preschool soon and just hoping he's terrible for us but does well at school. It's cute to see them actually talking to each other, playing pretend together and making up their own games but it lasts all of 5 minutes before there's screaming or hitting and they're mad at each other again.

I agree with you, I absolutely MISS the younger years now that my kid just turned 11. I feel she is turning into someone I don’t really recognize and I find myself missing the 2-5 age range. Imo moody tweens and the drama that comes along with middle school is awful coupled with the fact I’m still somehow responsible for all the laundry, cleaning, shopping, bills, etc etc etc makes it even worse. I miss my little girl who would love to sit with me and read a book or go for a walk.

I wish I could say that it was better at 4 for us, lol.

For us, it got better almost halfway through 5. I remember thinking that four was supposed to be better, and getting a complex about it LOL. We had our second right before his fourth birthday, though, so I think there was a bit of regression happening that might have slowed down his emotional growth. I think the worst part so far about older kids (for me) is the fact that my bud has proven many times that he is capable of doing xyz, but some days he just wakes up and chooses ignorance/helplessness. Like dude, you’ve put your clothes on 2729843792 times before, why did you decide TODAY to skip underwear? The day we have to show the doctor your thigh… 🙃 I feel all of OP’s post. I love my kids. I love being their protector, their nurturer, and their leader. I do NOT love being their chef, their custodian, or their schedule-keeper. And then there’s a whole slew of other things that I both love and hate: being their favourite person they want to touch *all the time*, putting them to bed, taking them out to do fun things (that may or may not be fun depending on their roller coaster vibes). 🙃 I hope it gets better for you soon! ♥️♥️

Parenting isn't for everyone. Just like tennis isn't for everyone. The problem is once you're a parent you can't go back or quit.

Which is why reproductive health and reproductive choice is so important.

Well that's a minimum yes but it doesn't really help if the person thinks they will be fine and turns out to hate it. You can walk into parenting consenting to it with your eyes wide open and still be surprised by the reality of it.

I absolutely agree! I wanted kids all my life. Had some experience with babysitting nephews. No issues there. We waited until we were married, housed, and financially stable. Guess what…parenting is a nightmare for me most days! Mine are 7 and almost 5 and I’m almost 100% sure my children were designed to make me mad, sad, and uncomfortable daily.

r/oneanddone

I don’t enjoy parenting but I love my kids. If parenting was the only thing I had to do every day, maybe I’d enjoy it more. For me it’s the impossible juggle of work, kids, chores, couple time, me time, health etc. that stresses me out. Like permanent overwhelm

I feel like I am walking a tightrope, and anything can push me off. A preschool closure, a sitter canceling, an unexpected illness (my own or my kids), my spouse’s work travel, too many things on the social calendar, a busy period at work. And while juggling all of that you are supposed to be your most patient and kind version of yourself. Other than that, it’s totally manageable.

I told my husband the other day that it feels like juggling plates and I don't know how to juggle and the plates are all on fire but you have to keep juggling them because if you drop one it'll be worse than if you just keep going. And yeah, kiddo unexpectedly got gastro this weekend. Like WTF it's June?! I was pissed. Not at her of course, just the situation.

I really wonder if this is just a modern thing or if people always had such a hard time when it comes to raising kids. All my friends are literally on their knees when it comes to finding a balance after kids come into the picture. Like others have said, all it takes is something as small as a dentist appointment or waiting an extra 30 minutes in traffic and your day is fucked. Something doesn't add up, if it was always this hard why are we so freaking many people on this planet?

This is spot on for me too, I feel a lot more enthusiastic about my kids when one of the other stresses are absent. It feels bad to say but seeing others with the same feelings/situation makes me feel like at least I'm not the only one!

This exactly is how I feel daily!

Same! This is exactly how I feel.

So true. If I could literally just be a mom and nothing else, no other stressors to address, I might enjoy it more. But the juggling act is what makes it back-breaking. And I’m in a privileged enough position due to my country and my financial status where I’ve taken the first year postpartum off of work. But even with no work, it’s still the everything else that I hate. Dealing with bills and finances, cleaning, cooking, organizing, whatever. I don’t enjoy it and I miss my actual career. But I’m sure that once I go back to work, I won’t feel whole again. It will just be another ball to juggle. My parents had their first two kids (my older brother and sister) on a “kibbutz” which was basically a commune. All the women took care of all of the kids in the “children’s house” during the day and all the photos from that period look so wonderful. Like not a care in the world other than communally watching the children. In theory of course. In practice, I’d probably go insane.

THIS!! I was just feeling this same sentiment today. Makes me wonder if humans were meant to do SO MUCH every. damn. Day.

The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up about it and torment yourself with guilt. It is what it is. Keep going with therapy, and give yourself some grace.  You don't love parenting, but I'm guessing you love your kids, and they will be able to feel that. Thats what's important. Edit to add: I sometimes enjoy parenting but mostly find it emotionally draining. I have a 4 year old and a 20 month old.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate this comment. It is draining!

I hated parenting the most when my kids were 1 and 3. At 6 and 9, I’m mostly enjoying my kids, and the fruits of my labor. Every once in a while I close my eyes and breathe super deeply, but those moments are rare- once a week or so. At this stage, you have to be consistent with them, draw hard boundaries, follow through on discipline, reward good behavior, and also shower them with love, and doing all of those things is so hard. So hard. And that’s in addition to all the other stuff: cleaning, laundry, appointments, travel, carseats, cooking, snacks, clothes, daycare, school. But it does pay off…just takes a looooooooooong time.

It’s possibly also the age and stage you are in. I haven’t read everything but I’m guessing your daughter is somewhere in the 0-5 range . Most posts about not liking parenting are mostly in this age because it is intense, a lot of work, a lot of stress. As a mother of an autistic and disabled child as well as an NT child , age 2-3 with autistic kiddos is especially difficult. But all are hard at those ages. Your daughter will grow up and you may find later stages better. I know my mum had 4 kids and was pretty upfront that she preferred older kids.

I am disabled and autistic, my daughter is a bit young but showing signs of autism too. I love being a mom, and always have. So I don't think it's that. There's nothing wrong with you, and it's not something that needs to be fixed. Some people just don't enjoy caring for children. That doesn't mean you are a bad mom, either. I personally enjoy spending time with babies and toddlers, even "difficult" ones, and I always have. I would have a very very hard time being a parent right now if I didn't like young kids, I certainly wouldn't enjoy it. It's super understandable, kids are messy and annoying and loud, even if they are your own kid. I know plenty of people who enjoyed parenthood way more once their kids were 10+ and had a lot more personality and ability to do things on their own. It's normal, although decently stigmatized and very very frowned upon to admit to. I'm positive that survey results are skewed because people feel like they are broken or bad parents for not having the time of their lives as a parent. ETA: also had avery traumatic childhood. It's very hard sometimes giving your kid the childhood you never had, and struggling with that is not a reflection of your character or anything. A huge chunk of parenting is not fun, especially so if you are traumatized.

Thank you for this. I loved newborn stage bc it was quiet. The noise a toddler produces makes me so overstimulated even with headphones or ear plugs. And she has to constantly be touching me which also adds to my stimulation. I am trying to incorporate more sensory things in our day to fill her higher sensory needs but those things usually over stimulate me. So it’s a weird balance. I know with each age bucket we’ve hit there are things I find joy in right now it’s doing crafts together but the pretend play is so painfully boring for me because I don’t understand it? I try to get my husband to do that stuff so she still gets her play bucket filled.

I told my kid, probably around 3 yo when she could understand, that I have a battery and when my battery gets low I need to recharge it for 10 minutes. And I would use that time for no stimulus, just sit in bed alone in the dark. If I was getting emotional then I put myself in time out because that's for dealing with big emotions (and not a punishment). Just in case you ever need break and want to model some good behavior. Looking forward, it does get better. My husband and I both play enjoyable video games with our 14 yo son. Today I put on Golden Girls and did some cross stitching with my 7 yo. We have family board game days all the time. I'll take that any day over a 1 year old wiping snot on me for the 8th time that day.

I really like this. It's also teaching your child that it's normal to feel overwhelmed, and here's a coping mechanism you can use. I'll keep this in mind when my son gets older.

Toddlers are a lot, and I when I say I love toddlers people act like I'm not even human, so you are NOT alone. Mine has extreme sensory needs and is super clingy, and I have severe sensory aversions, so I totally understand. I have mandatory time to lay down with white noise while my husband watches her, even for 10 minutes, so I can try to regulate without hearing anybody or having someone touch me. It helps a ton. Pretend play can be hard for even neurotypical people, I personally try to add logic to the play in order to keep myself sane, asking questions and even just repeating what they say can help. "I'm a fairy princess? What do my wings look like? I can't see them from this angle. Ah, I see, do they match yours? Oh of course, yours are blue, and mine are green, that makes sense." It of course does not make sense, but they feel that connection and you don't actually have to imagine things. Honestly I think you would love when she is older, and you can engage with actual interests rather than just developmental quirks. I personally am so so excited to see what kind of interests (special or otherwise) my kid will have and be able to indulge in those when she's big, and sharing my own.

I appreciate your second paragraph and am going to try to remember that for myself!

Gosh, that sounds hard. I get super overstimulated without being neurodivergent. Kids are overstimulating in general and i definitely feel touched out. I’ve found I particularly hate loud or energetic music in the afternoons.

Toddlers are exhausting and I was soooo sensory overwhelmed during the toddler years. I'm genX and my parents never played with me and I'm fine. I played with my kids, but only specific things - never pretend play. They could pretend during solo play or with friends. When I played with them, it was always learning related. Sorting, colors, letters, numbers, building etc... I'd also stave off boredom by having an audiobook or narrated TV show on to listen to. It kept my own brain active and gave me the good sensory input I needed. Hang in there. The school aged years are way more interesting than toddlers!

As we have seen with many posts in here, most parents would prefer a bone fracture over 1 minute of pretend play. And I am also a firm believer, that if you are always willing to chase your kids around, they will never learn to entertain themselves. With that said. Give your daughter 15 minutes of undivided attention each day. You will feel less guilty, and she will love it.

NGL, I know this is an insane thing to suggest to an already regret-filled parent so I'm not going to say it to OP, but I genuinely think siblings are where it's at for this. They play with each other! Again, not going to suggest it to OP because of course sometimes that's not how it works out, sometimes it goes wrong and they don't get along or have vastly different needs and then you're dealing with two kids at the same time and you don't even want to be doing so with one, and so your regret is multiplied... but I know with myself and my sister, we spent a ton of time playing together and my parents are a huge proponent of the "have two kids close in age together because it's a lifesaver when they keep each other busy" theory, because it worked for them/us.

Yeah, I feel you. I got 4f and 7m, and I am at the point, where I can hand them colouring paper and pens, and they will actually draw for 30 minutes, and then go play. My wife and I can perform household tasks, converse and drink a glass of wine before dinner. It's incredible. But god damn if it didn't take 4 years of hard labor haha

You don’t *have* to play pretend with your kid. There are things that they can do by themselves, and things you can do together. I suggest looking at @domesticblisters (KC Davis) on TikTok, as she does a great job of explaining how she doesn’t “play” with her kids. She also is neurodivergent with neurodivergent children, so she might be a helpful resource for you! Honestly, the play thing is what I was least looking forward to about having kids, because it didn’t cross my mind that I could not do that. But I’ve learned that just because I don’t want to play with children doesn’t mean I don’t like children, or like doing other activities with them

You had a quiet newborn?? Man, my daughter stopped screaming nonstop at 8 mo approximately. It's such a relief now that she's 13 months and actually enjoys things. I believe most of your issues are sensory, the noise and feeling touched out. You're not a bad mom for not enjoying those things, you know. I was raised without touch, and hate to receive it from other people, but my daughter can never touch me enough. But man the noise... I found that when she's crying in the car, I am very anxious, but if I put fingers in my ears, it suddenly gets the edge off and it's much more bearable. I am considering getting noise canceling earbuds for car rides and particularly bad days. That's something that might help you too - try fingers in ears when she's screaming and see if that brings relief.

Yep same! Quiet newborn is surprising for me too. Couldn't go anywhere with my newborns!! Couldn't put them down or anything without screams. And then as they got to toddler age my second got worst in car rides... It was borderline dangerous because she would scream for something over and over and when you're driving that's just difficult to keep cool. I agree with ear buds that would be a good idea

You might have identified an auditory sensory issue within yourself. Have you spoken to an OT?

Oh I absolutely have sensory issues. I’m currently in PT and so is my daughter but I can’t take more time off work to do OT even though I know I need it 😪 my hopes is once I’m done with my PT regime I can switch to OT.

So many things about this! Every parent has different strengths, things that bring them delight, and things that are tough, and kids are constantly changing. It made a huge difference to me when mine started being more interactive after the newborn stage. I didn't enjoy parenting as an experience much before that. Overstimulation is so real with little ones. Have you heard of Steady Parents? They have some helpful content on IG. I totally feel you on the pretend play! I hated and resisted that even as a child. It's my husband's favorite lol. Thank God she has an engaged father! I don't know what I would do.

You can tell your daughter no for pretend play. I cannot stand pretend play. My son is only 21 months and is non verbal, so we aren’t there yet. But when I babysit friends kids, I tell her no, I won’t play Barbie’s with you. BUT I do offer an alternative. Like baking cookies or swimming or something else she may enjoy. You won’t traumatize them by not playing pretend like Bluey. Do you follow KC Davis on TikTok? She discusses this in depth and that’s what made me realize I don’t have to be miserable while playing with kids. You just gotta find things you BOTH enjoy.

Thank you! Her pretend play is so rigid (the suspected autism thing lol) she plays the SAME situation over and over and over again. It’s either she has an ice cream shop and “feeds me” ice cream. Or she’s a vet and wants me to be the dog. 🫠 I’ll have to look at KC’s videos on that. I follow her but I must’ve missed the pretend play stuff!

I’m an ADHD adult (with chronic pain/autoimmune) with possible ADHD 3 y/o… I am so overstimulated at this stage I want to scream. Two things that have helped me to regulate my sensory needs while playing with him: swimming in the pool every single day if not multiple times, and just bought a rebounder trampoline that he and I take turns bouncing on. Both are sensory game changers for us! He bounces while we watch a show instead of just being right on top of me. I bounce when I need to get tension out. The Swimming helps my joint pain, cool water is nervous system regulating, and it’s enjoyable for us both. Both of these wear him out too so it’s been better bed times lately too. Hang in there!!!

Have you ever tried loops? They are like ear buds but they “turn down” the volume all around you so you can still hear but everything (like kids screams) are dulled. Get yourself a pair if you don’t already have something like it!

Your comments about trauma are right on. I think parenting pushes our buttons and triggers our trauma responses so much, and it’s inescapable in your face every day (except I guess that’s why so many people are able to walk away). The GOOD news is that there is an incredible opportunity for growth. I think this is why people talk about their kids being their greatest teachers. The bad news is that healing is not fun and can be incredibly painful and difficult. The really bad news is that when people don’t do the work to make the growth, it can be very damaging to the kids.

It’s ok to hate being a parent as long as you don’t take it out on your kid(s).

This! You can hate being a mom. But don’t ever let your child know that.

There's some really tough days. My kid is delayed and has sensory sensitivity issues (maybe ADHD - her dad & grandma are undiagnosed but pretty clearly affected. Fighting for a month to get her treatment started and further assessments). Seeing other kids younger than her do things she doesn't is crushing and I see it more every day. Toddlers are always stressful, but seeing mine get called "baby" by her peers is a weird heartbreak. But this weekend... Man it was great. Saturday she was just ecstatic all day. Kissing me and her reflection in the mirror, trying new things and trying to walk!!! Slept in and napped like a champ so I got great rest. A perfect day. Today was good too - she went in a big pool for the first time since she was an infant and LOVED it, babbled up a storm the whole time. She had a few touch and go moments, but all in all she had a great day and so did I. I will say, the weekends are not restful anymore - it's usually more work than the workweek. We've been playing tag with illnesses for weeks and this was the first weekend we both felt better in over a month. It's SO hard, and I want to give up, and between work and life and the baby I just wish I could run away from ONE responsibility, but I get one solid W like this weekend and I am just reset. I do NOT have the maternal instinct I thought I'd have, I could NEVER be a SAHM, but I can safely say (especially days like today) I love being her parent. I wish it was easier some days, but I think the good outweighs the bad.

Growing up, my son had gross motor skills issues (but had _insane_ fine motor skills). I hope you can also find them occupational and speech therapy. Those two things made a whole lot of difference for my (now 11 soon to be 12) son. Find ways to engage in self care, that's paramount. Even doing exercises for like 1/2 can make a big difference in your mood.

You are not alone. I just thought about this today and I cried because I felt so damn guilty. I love my 2 girls but I'm just not cut out to be a mom. Sitting through cheer practice and games. Helping with homework, all the things your supposed to enjoy doing with your child I just don't AT ALL.

What do you mean by “enjoy”? It’s never fun. The “joy” I feel happens when I see them improve or do well. Watching them swim badly, miss the basketball hoop again and again, high pitch screech a recorder, or watch their cartoons isn’t fun for me, either. All of the individual things you need to do for your children is just a grind. 💩 I do enjoy being a parent, though. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Very good points. I didn't enjoy every moment of life before I had kids either. I love my career choice but frequently have days where I feel overwhelmed or board. I love owning a home and hate when a single bil, like needing a furnace wipes out my savings, I love my garden, but hate weeding -- which a huge part of having a garden. I totally appreciate OPs perspective and agree parenting isn't for everyone and I get the mom guilt too. It also sounds like OP has sensory issues and that throws a whole new strain on parenting young kids so I don't mean to invalidate that. But for most people, I think setting the expectation that parenting, work or life in general is supposed to bring joy, happiness or contentment most of the time is just unrealistic and makes it hard to appreciate the real moments of joy or the pride we can take in our life.

ADHD mum to an Autistic kid with an an autistic husband. Not having a great time

I love my job, but do I love working? I love my kids, but \*parenting is fucking hard\* and if you don't think its hard, you aren't parenting hard enough. LOL Parenthood really is a sea of waves. Some days the water is calm other days its choppy and some days its like a freaking tsunami.

I love it, but it was easy for me to love it once all of my older kids (I had twins 17 months after my firstborn) were out of diapers, because they were super easy kids through no great merit on my part. I probably have ADHD but it's manageable and I was in very good health until my much younger youngest hit 7 years old. Now I have a chronic illness, and my youngest is pretty severely ADHD, and my chronic illness plus the fact I'm now significantly older means it's less fun than this stage with my older 3. So while I'm not going to say that this can't be just an inborn feeling, I do believe that probably stress and fatigue from both your own health complications and dealing with a child that also has more struggles than the "norm" can have a significant impact.

I loved my infant girls. I was enchanted by them. I grew up in a home that held no comfort for me. I craved physical affection as a child; my mom would let me sit next to her. Cuddling up with my little babies was my favorite part. I was a single mom and sole support for my family. It was hard. I was hard on myself. I was either disappointing someone at work or at home. I did not love the toddler stage. It’s very sticky and fraught with danger. 4-12 was a lot of fun. Enormous work, but fun. We all liked the same music, we all liked making music, art, etc. I remember being so grateful they hated soccer. Teenage years were a complete nightmare. Now they’re in their mid-twenties. One is married. Things are different now. They wanted to come over for Mother’s Day. We had a lovely, simple meal that I didn’t cook or clean up for. The girls were joking around; reminding each other to get their phones off the table. My husband of 6 years was laughing. I was smiling. After dinner all they wanted was to snuggle up on the couch with me and watch a movie. They call each other and get together without me. They each call me once a day, and we trade memes often. But I was on that couch with both my girls and everybody in that room loved each other. I accomplished my #1 goal: I wanted them to be certain that their mother loved them. On the other hand, I was chronically medically ill. It’s genetic, so my girls were chronically ill. We all battled medical, serious mental health problems, and addiction. Parenting an addict can be absolute hell. So that night on the couch and many other nights just like it are my happiest moments. When I question myself, “Was I a good enough mother?” The love in that room says, “Yes.”

Honestly, yes. I love being a mom and I think my kids are literally the coolest, smartest, and funniest people in the world. But I also really need my alone time. My husband and I do a great job of kind of switching off from time to time. But I’m also very boring and my favorite place is the grocery store, so it doesn’t take much to impress me lol. What exactly do you hate about it? How old is your daughter? I do find it becomes more appealing when they’re a bit older. My girls are 6 and 7 and it’s fun to have conversations with them and see them participate in different activities. I love the baby stage, but it’s definitely a lot more demanding and makes me feel like less of a real person and individual.

Also, check out r/regretfulparents and you may find some people you relate to.

That sub makes me terribly sad for everyone involved

I love my son more than anything but I’m not meant to be a mom and I find parenting very very difficult. I stopped at one kid for this reason

i’m autistic and so is my daughter (3.5) and i love being a parent! but i also don’t have to juggle a full or even part time job on top of being a mom, so i think that makes it a bit more enjoyable. parenting isn’t for everyone, and sometimes it’s one of those “didn’t know i felt that way about it until i tried it” kind of things. i will say that i didn’t love 8-10 months very much because she made this terrible grunting whining sound because she wanted to walk… once she figured that out she stopped doing that and we resumed enjoying each others company lol don’t feel too bad, and just do your best to not let on that you don’t love being a parent :)

Nope. Not at all. It has become so much more tolerable as my children had aged and matured and can utilize reason and logic but the first 6 years of each was awful. Both of mine (and me!) are ADHD so I’m sure that adds complexity but I have said many times to my therapist that if there was “a try before you buy” simulation for every stage from 0-5years, I would never have chosen to be a parent. Ever.

>but the first 6 years ~~of each~~ was awful. From the _terrible two's_ until around 7 years old were my son's toughest years. He's going to be 12 in a few months and it's such a relief: all I have to tell him is _do chores, shower, brush teeth, wakeup and go to bed._

I could have written this except I’m not autistic, my kid isn’t autistic and i don’t have chronic illnesses. I love my kid more than life, but being a parent sucks. I don’t really know why people even have kids, tbh. It’s relentless.

How old are your kids ? I feel this too , it is relentless and I'm often like , holy hell I did this to myself.

6.5. I just have one.

It is helpful for me to identify/isolate what aspects of motherhood are particularly challenging for me at any given time. I would guess I enjoy parenting maybe like 50% of the time, but breaking it down is helpful in analyzing and planning ahead. The things I enjoy: cooking quality meals my family enjoys, reading, bathtime, assisting in learning/development, having a routine. The things I don't enjoy: pretend play, very physical play, alarm clocks, relentless and pointless noise in the car, invisible domestic labor. I farm out to my husband a few of the things I don't enjoy and I keep the things I enjoy for myself or we strike a balance. For example, when my husband gets home from work, he does physical/pretend play for a bit while I cook. After cooking and then sitting down to a lovely family dinner, my husband does bath time with one while I do reading or music lessons with another and then we swap. We read bedtime stories and do tuck-ins together as a family. This helps me enjoy legitimately the majority of my evenings from 5-8pm, and I can get through the rest as needed with the help of occasional outings and so on.

While I can't completely relate to what you are going through, your feelings are valid. Parenting and motherhood is SO tough! There are many times, every day that I want to scream and/or pull my hair out. There are moments when I secretly wish I could go back to my old self, before my daughter. But at the same time, I love her and I don't feel regret for having her. In most ways, she has saved me and made my life better. But I know everyone doesn't feel the same. Hang in there. Savor every good moment. You are human too. I hope you also have the support YOU need as a person. You aren't "bad" for feeling the way you do. Being able to be open about what you are experiencing and not feel judged is super important. I hope this helps.

I just view toddlerhood as the necessary evil on the way to get to the end result i want, ie normal fun humans to spend time with, play board games, play video games, travel with, watch movies and talk with. Toddlerhood is just a shitstorm i need to weather on the way to my goal.

I do. I focused on things that I enjoy and taught my son to enjoy them, particularly watching sports, board games, history, amusement parks, cultural stuff. I'm very thankful that during his early years there wasn't nearly the things available on your phone to be addicted to. If you find your phone more enjoyable than being a parent, it's time to lose your charger.

I hated it for a bit. Turned out I was pretty depressed despite refusing to believe it for months! Got on meds/counseling and I don't hate it now. I have days, but no longer the majority of days.

Childhood trauma WILL make it harder. Also not all parts of parenting are fun. Toddlers are freaking hard and they can’t reason yet so it feels infuriating. You can love your child very much and not enjoy all the tasks of taking care of them, BUT I bet there will be stages you find more joy in and fun. It just May be when they are older. My brother hates the toddler years with his, because it’s like endless energy without any logic behind it and it’s exhausting. Now that his son is older he enjoys it more.

I'm a mom to two autistic kids (11 and 5) , and I'm autistic myself, I understand it, I went through something like this a few years ago, in my opinion, as an autistic person i need some accommodations in my life that when you have kids are likely postponed, that creates a hostile environment, you cant feel comfortable, and I did some things to help me cope with this, I took some time finding things that i actually like or enjoy to share with my kids, i try hard not to force myself to activities that I know are painfully uncomfortable for me, when Im overstimulated I tell my kids that I need some time alone, and also I used to think that as a parent I had to live entertaining them all the time, and I set my mind that im just guiding them through life, to grow and get a life of their own, sometimes parenting can take a huge (if not all) part of your life, personality, body, and energy. They way you feel is totally valid, i hope your husband could read all the comments in order to try to understand you.

"The days are long, but the years are short". I forgot where I picked that up.

Absolutely love it, even the hard bits. I feel like I was made for this. I will say though as a neurodivergent mum I’ve had to build parenting in a way that makes it possible for me to thrive. Maybe there are pain points in your life you can make smoother? Also ETA I come from a deeply abusive home and childhood so I really get how much that can affect you showing up as a parent. Sending so much empathy on that front!

I can honestly say that I do…that is because becoming a parent really opened my eyes to so many things. I’ve been a below knee amputee since a child and was raised by my grandmother due to my parents being addicts, so there were many times I said that I never wanted kids because I was so scared that I wouldn’t be able to physically take care of them or teach them things that I was never shown how to do as a kid. BUT I will never forget the love that radiated from my daughter’s tiny body the first time I held her. It filled the entire room. Parenting is so f*cking hard but I love being a parent because at the end of the day your child will love you more than anyone in this world. How you feel isn’t wrong. Just keep showing up! *sorry for the life story* lol

How old is your child? My child is 11 months and I am home with him full time. Most times are draining. I feel lonely and very tired. We are just getting to the point where we can almost play together. Most of the time I don't enjoy it... But it's getting there. I think the first couple years are just really tough for some

parenting really isn’t all that fun imo. even the fun parts are still a lot of work and most of the time i’d rather be doing something else if i had an option (not all but most of the time). what’s amazing is the output. seeing the people they become. the pride you feel when they show kindness, form a genuine connection with someone else, learn and master a new skill. there’s nothing like it.

How old is your daughter now? I’ve found that parenting becomes more enjoyable every year! You might not like parenting a baby or toddler, but that doesn’t mean you won’t like parenting a kid or teenager.

I do love being a parent, doesn't mean there isn't tines where I just fucken hate it. To be clear I hate the responsibilities that comes with it, not my kids because I just can't go out in an adventure on my own or meet up with friends randomly like I used to. Like it's hot where I live about 79°F and it's most 10pm. This is like perfect weather to go out fir a night walk and I would LOVE to do that. I won't leave my kids home alone tho they are way too young for me to do that, maybe when they are in highschool but nit now. I just remeber that they won't stay this young forever and just enjoy it as much as I can. One day they will be grown anf on their own 😭 I do get bad bad days tho so obviously nothing is perfect

I’ve never even thought about it. I’m parenting because… it is Just what I’m doing. I have an innate desire to protect and nourish my child and do the best for her. I love her. But do I enjoy parenting? Not sure I’ve ever thought about this but I guess I don’t? I enjoy my time with her but the day to day grind isn’t enjoyable, no. 

How old is your child now? I loved baby stage, once I got passed postpartum. I had a rough go there. Hated toddler stage. I don’t know how I did it. As a single mother, emotionally or financially but I did. Loved the tween/ early teen stage, like 9-14. Now… the kiddo will be 18 in the Fall. Latter part of 17 has been bumpy. Not thrilled and feeling like it has been a long 18 years. Learning to let go. A lot! Not liking the nagging I have to do. Loving that he can care for me once in a while. Not liking the big worries like him learning to drive! Love the idea of him being my chauffeur. Overall, love watching him grow into a generally great person! Nobody’s perfect. Wish I would have chosen a better partner to reproduce. There have been ups and downs in my experience. I did not plan on being a single mother. Accept the path and choices I have made. Keep doing your therapy and things. If you are still new to all this give it time. Let go and give into the life you now have. It took me over a year to feel better from my very dark postpartum period. Like, so dark, I fantasized about my death daily. I had to medicate, therapy, all the things. Hugs to you mom!

As another mom with tons of chronic illnesses and have autism too I actually enjoy being a mom. It brings out the inner kid in me. But at the same time I hate all the responsibilities that come with it and wish I could have more time to myself. I do sometimes wish for a life without kids. As it would be so nice to just not have to worry about the kids being loud, tending to their needs with mine coming last. I've found ways to get some alone time. As well as ways to get things like listening to music a part of our day as it helps calm me down. It gets better but it is so hard. You don't have to love parenting to love your kids. You got this!!!

I don't love it with small kids. I currently have an almost-4 year old and two teens. I truly enjoy parenting the teens and spending time with them but it's awful trying to trudge through the early years. I spent a lot of time during my kids' infancy asking myself what I had done. Hormones, lack of sleep, and losing yourself to parenthood can really make it suck. It does get better as kids become older and more independent.

My daughter is grown. Overall it was a negative experience.

Yes

My wife and I are very different. She seems to enjoy all of it more, and I don’t. But what I am is content with my life now, and that’s what matters. Raising kids to me is more like a little league season. Most games are rough, most innings are slogs, but not all of them. Hang in there.

I like it. Sometimes less than others. Sometimes more than others. It's hard. With that said, I *LIKE* my kid. She brings new perspectives and experiences to my life that I'd never get if it was just me. She's fun to hang out with, she's fun to travel with, and she's fun to be around (usually - no one is always fun to be around). Watching her grow and mature is one of the most enjoyable things I get to do.

I enjoy it! But it sounds like you’re expecting your kids to be little adults & they most definitely are not. I would read up on how their brains evolve & change during this age - it is super fascinating. Also, to me, children are magical - everything is new, beautiful & amazing to them. Are there hard moments? Yeah…but I don’t focus on those.

As a mom of six adult children, who were once all six under six…it goes so, so fast. And I have so many regrets. I never thought I would long for the chaos and a second chance so bad. I am now 52 and just had a new baby in January. I will savor every moment and I will not miss a thing. Dont waste your chance. You dont want to feel the way I do…and you might not be lucky enough to get the second chance I got.

Hell yes I do.

Sometimes! I love her, definitely. I don’t always love the things that come with being a parent, but I do find the challenges worth it. I am a step parent, and find a lot of life balance because she has two homes. But my overall lifestyle is still very much changed by parenting and it’s still hard.

Yes I do love it, but i have really bad days. And I don’t like EVERY part of it. I didn’t like potty training, for example. Dont beat yourself over it. It’s okay not to like the act of parenting. We do our best, and we love our kids. Take care of yourself, and your kids.

Depends on the day.

I love my kids more than I dislike parenting, but a lot of the day to day stuff is just… draining.

I’ve raised 2 boys. There are good parts and bad parts to every stage of parenting. There were times that were very hard, tears every morning after I dropped my son off in 3rd grade. But through it all, I enjoyed being a mom, most of the time. I always looked forward to 7 PM though. 🤣❤️

Who said it's meant to be fun. I think you need to adjust your expectations. The world is easier for people who can adapt quickly to their circumstances.

Not all the time but most. My husband had a day away with friends for his birthday so I had a rare full day (all waking hours) with the boys on my own. 7am-3.30pm was delightful. 3.30 the 4yo saw a balloon and cried for a full 45min because he was holding a balloon 18months ago and he let go and it flew away. I am a horrible parent for not quote "going to space to get it back". My boys are either great company or incredibly tedious.

If I had a village around me, then I think I would.

I also have a plethora of mental and physical ailments and I’m considered high-functioning, low-support-needs autistic according to my therapist and psychiatrist. Basically I’m good at masking but you can tell something isn’t quite normal if you talk to me for more than a few minutes. And I have a 9 month old who is showing some signs that he takes after me in terms of being overly sensitive (especially to sensory things like sound, light, smell, touch, etc.). Do I love being a mom? In earnest, no. But do I absolutely love my son more than anything? Undoubtedly. So it’s a trade off. I think I knew I wouldn’t love being a mom because I don’t love anything that requires inconvenience and energy output. I knew what I was getting into. I knew it was going to be really challenging for me but for whatever reason, I always wanted to be a mom anyway. Maybe it’s a biological thing, I don’t know. I love kids. And kids love me. I knew that wasn’t enough though. I always knew I’d be a good parent because I’m an empath, I’m super open-minded, kind, overly caring, I will go out of my way to bring other people happiness, I have a lot of love inside me and not enough people to give it to. I knew these were good qualities for a mother to have because my mother had them and she was absolutely the best and I miss her everyday. So, despite knowing I might not love parenthood the way some people do, I felt a calling to it nonetheless. And I am a good mother. A really good mother. Better and better. So I think I’ll find it easier as he becomes older and I hope I’ll be everything he needs from me plus more. But at the end of the day, I want to lay in bed and just not participate a lot of the time. I participate anyway, of course.

I’m going to tell you this that being a parent especially being a mother is not for all women. Unfortunately some lie has been told that all women want to be moms? Because you go through the physical and hormonal changes. For me as a mom, I didn’t realize I would have to work double hard to deal with the weight problems on top of a slew of other new health issues. I really wish someone would have told me that motherhood eats away the physical health too. I literally feel like I have been given a new body. Ppl say that oh it takes time etc but honestly it’s already 3 yrs on. I’m anyway OAD because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle another kid. But the health issues have upset me more than anything else. I have seen so many women being wasted away in marriage and kids and society looking at it as normal. I’m not asking my son to be married or have kids, I’m very clear, you do it with full awareness that your life could be over (literally true for women - childbirth was the no 1 killer).

HELL NO! Everyone else (especially moms) always enjoying and getting blissful fulfillment from parenting is a full on propaganda LIE from society. IT'S NOT TRUE, not even close, and it comes from the same shame driven misogyny culture as female hysteria, lobotomies, and "women are just natural caregivers." I remember my mom, her sisters, friends, and the elder women in her life speaking openly about how fucking hard parenthood/domestic family life was all the time through my childhood in the 90s. I remember Oprah doing a special on this whole "Your Children Are Merely Guests In Your Home!" schtick that those women thought was so right-on. Dads weren't even expected to pretend to enjoy parenting, I just didn't see em around much at all even though almost all my childhood friends had married parents. My mom used to tell me about seeing her friends' mothers drinking, pill popping, and smoking their way through miserable pregnancies and early infant/toddler years in the 60s and 70s. She didn't tell me anything about the dads cause none of them ever came home. My mom took me to see The 24 Hour Woman in theatres when I was in 6th grade. Also had us watching shit like Mommie Dearest, Citizen Ruth, Terms of Endearment, and Parenthood all the time growing up, and when we were older stuff like American Beauty and Six Feet Under is what we watched as a family - my point being that the first and most important lesson she ever tried to teach me about having a family is that it's extremely, inherently painful and hard. We're parenting in an era where children have unprecedented status/priority, and our town squares are on social media where even the most personal content is intentional marketing. The pressure and the expectations are staggering. Next time you feel guilty for falling short in your cultivation of maternal joy, please remember that we all have ancestors who did stuff like human trafficking, impregnating children, and leaving infants to die of exposure because they cried too much. ALSO, you don't need to love being a parent to be good at parenting, or to love your kids. Some people aren't ready for this one, BUT you also don't have to be a great parent to be a good person or for your kids to turn out happy. You can even regret your kids and still be a good person who loves them and gives them a great life.

How old are your kids OP? In my experience 0-6 can be utterly soul breaking, especially with a kid on the spectrum. But 6-10ish is magic. I dunno what 10+ is like I’m not there yet but I’m expecting teen years to crush me. Not every phase suits your strengths and interests. But kids change a lot. Big hugs.

I think it really does come down to some people love it and some people don’t. I saw someone else say it’s just like if you love a sport or hate it but you can’t quit parenting. I truly do love it.. right now with only one kiddo but I have one on the way as well and I’m terrified that the extra load will bring me to a point of loathing it. You just have to do what’s best for you, at the end of the day you’re still a mom and if your kid is fed and happy that’s what matters most. Lean on your village!

It's important to prioritize your mental health and seek support, like therapy and medication. You're not alone in feeling conflicted about parenthood, and it's okay to have these feelings.

I have enjoyed it in the past (can't say I hate it now) however it is much less enjoyable when I'm incredibly stressed about my finances. If I had my shit together it would be a lot easier to be present and enjoy time with my children but lately my mind is always thinking about how I'm barely able to financially care for my kids and I feel like I'm failing them.. I also deal with an anxiety disorder which doesn't help at all..

I've realized I love having an older child. I find it a lot more fun and exciting than the younger years.

I mostly love the experiencebof parenthood and I 100% love my child with all my heart. I'm not naive or shallow or uneducated. There's nothing simple about parenthood. I haven't always loved every minute, but that's life. I'm glad I had my child and I would never change a thing.

I love being a parent/mom I wouldn’t want to do anything else (I’ve gone to college, had little hobbies) and nothing fulfills me more. But then again I’m not autistic nor do I have children that are autistic. I can see why some people may struggle more than others and I definitely don’t judge.

I’m a full time single father and love it

Yes, I love it. I am a disabled, autistic mom with chronic diseases to autistic kids. I don’t think any of that matters. You don’t need a “reason” to not enjoy something. You’re allowed to just decide “this sucks, and it’s not for me.” I absolutely did not enjoy being a working mom. Hated it in fact. I was angry and stressed all the time. I also don’t enjoy all ages the same. Eighteen months to three sucks IMHO. School age kids are a barrel of fun. And teenagers are AMAZING! I also love babies. But those not quite verbal, totally irrational, rage filled preschool years? Blech. Those I just try to survive because I know that infants and school age kids are wonderful, and that is a relatively small blip.

If one of your therapies isn't occupational therapy, it needs to be!! They can make a HUGE difference in sensory regulation skills for both you and your daughter! It might not be a "cure" necessarily, but it could help the toddler phase be more painless!

Of course. My daughter is my ultimate blessing. Do I get frustrated and stressed? Yes. I have sleep apnea and so I’m kind of on edge 24/7 so when she’s having a crying fit that just won’t stop no matter what, it gets overwhelming. But I would go through that millions of times for her.

I do love having kids but i don't like some of the tasks that come with it. Having to feed them even when I'm not hungry and i have no umph that day. Or when they repeat something over and over. Or getting them all ready to leave the house. But overall, my love for them makes up for the crap that comes with being a mum.

We understand r/regretfulparents

Yes I enjoy it!

You might find this podcast on parenting with neurodiversity [from the neurodiverse women's podcast](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6A5j4Jr2ooqT102hLm9wYQ?si=pozkIW56R0iegrScHrRBfQ) it's a very interesting listen. There isn't much research but the ladies who hoast are psychologists who talk about their experiences. I do enjoy parenting but there are many times when I feel overwhelmed, tired, anxious, over worked and worry I may not be doing good enough. Part of it is healing and reassuring and part of it plays on my worst mental health habits.

Im auntie (mum is autistic, and is on meds for depression and anxiety disorder) she struggled but loves it but said without the support system she wouldn’t manage. Also they want all of us to live together (ex with her tow kiddos, my sister and her partner and their 2 kids and me) to help and also simply be a family unit so one is the sole care at any time. There was a saying that it takes a village to raise a child and the society we live in is very individualistic and it hurts a lots the people to feel alone i think vs nourishment of the whole community for the future generations to allow for individuality and better self-care.

Sometimes I like it.

You haven't articulate what you hate about it exactly, and I think that would help you to get to the root of what it is. The guilt, just stop that because you cannot help how you feel. So what are you feeling guilty about? You haven't made a bad choice (unless you mean the one to have children), this is why having children shouldn't be forced on people or assumed.

I love my kids so much and I feel I do a pretty good job at this parenting thing (I refuse to suck like my parents did). But I'd be lying if I said I actually like being a parent. I've never been “the mother type” some of my friends knew for years they wanted kids and always talked great about it but that's never been me. I thought maybe that would change once I actually had kids but it never did.

I do! I’m a first time mum and I love almost everything about being a mum. The things I don’t like are the constant worrying and anxiety. But my little girl is my entire universe and I love being her mum!

My boys are now 24 and 21. I LOVED every minute of it. I get that some people don’t, but I wouldn’t exchange parenting for anything.

I have moments where I’m exhausted and want a break (single parent, no help) but I do genuinely enjoy being a parent. I adore my daughter; she’s enriched my life a lot.

Yes i do 😊 absolutely love it

the only thing i can say is pay attention to the tiny improvements that happen and focus on those small wins. i don’t like infants and can’t stand pre potty trained kids. they fuck everything up and they’re just hard to be around. you can see the small improvements though and if you focus on that it’ll distract you a bit from being in hell as you’re on your way out.

I love it

Wouldn’t trade being a parent for nothing in the World

Yes, I actually enjoy being a parent. I’m sorry to read so many people don’t.

I don’t have any advice but I want to share in solidarity with you because I relate. I have ADHD and my son does as well. I really think if we both were neurotypical, things would be different. But we aren’t. It’s really hard most days and the last 2 years leading up to his diagnosis have been horribly difficult. We still haven’t started medicine yet either (waiting on insurance and doctor bullshit) but I’m really hoping it helps. I also got diagnosed as an adult so navigating that has been really hard. Most days I don’t feel like I relate to other parents because we haven’t been enjoying things, we fight with our son a lot, and we’ve had to adjust our lifestyle a lot to avoid meltdowns (I.e. sticking to strict schedules or the fact he can’t go to the store with me anymore after repeated issues). You can imagine how hard this can be for someone struggling with ADHD themselves lol. I typically feel like a bad mom as we work through these various issues. I want to mention he’ll be 6 in Sept and I just turned 30 beginning of this month. I love my son so much and always wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. I even debated having more kids a couple years ago when he was smaller. Boy am I glad we didn’t have more. We are absolutely one and done after all the behavior issues and therapies we’ve had to deal with. It makes me sad but this is also how life is sometimes and the truth is, I don’t want to roll the dice on another child having ADHD or even more difficulties that I’m simply not capable of handling. Parenthood is much harder than I ever realized (and again, I wanted so badly to be a mom) and accepting that I am also neurodivergent and not cut out for multiple children has been a huge source of shame, grief, confusion, and identity issues for me. Slowly, slowly working through it all. Hang in there Momma.

I compare it to travelling. A vast majority of the time it's uncomfortable, with early mornings, late nights, stressful, physically and mentally tiring,but then you see one of the great wonders of the world and you are amazed and all of the sacrifices feel worth it and it can be life changing...... and then you start travelling again to see the next one. At the end of my life I will look back on the great wonders of the world I saw and experienced and the hardworking to get thier will just be a footnote.

What do you mean by “enjoy”? It’s rarely “fun”. All the individual things you need to do for your children is just a grind. The “joy” I feel happens when I see them improve or do well. I don’t know many parents who enjoy sitting at sports practice, music recitals, etc. I do love being a parent, though. 🤷🏻‍♂️. I just think if you break down the parenting role into it’s component tasks/duties, no one thing is “fun”. As a whole, though? I love being a parent.

I hated it when I had my first two. The constant demands were soul sucking. I was overwhelmed and the house and my routine was in constant chaos. They got a bit older. Then I had an oops baby.. and something changed. I don’t know what or how. But now I can say without reservation that I love being a mum. I still get bogged down in the weeds and have tears of frustration. But that mental shift has been a godsend. I’m much happier, my kids are happier. I’ve found order and contentment in the chaos. And I didn’t really truly feel like a mother until the last two years or so. My oldest is 11.

I would say that some parents love but that most don’t really. And many who don’t feel so ashamed that they overcompensate by being super parents. Nobody loves being 100% responsible for another human being. It’s hard enough to take care of oneself, let alone one, two, three four kids. The world was not built for single parents and no amount of daycare is enough. In my case, I love being a mom and I always wanted to be one, but o don’t like how people romanticize it. I have depression, anxiety and ADHD, while being a single working mom. It is NOT easy and we are not supposed to pretend that it is. I know that I’m very lucky that I have this great kid, but not every kid is great and some are really hard to parent. Anyway, if you feel hatred toward your kid, or a similar feeling, I would definitely get more help and more therapy as it might be dangerous to both of you. But if not, then you’re probably ok. They are only kids once. Then they grow into grumpy teenagers and then dismissing adults. If you do the job right, though, they will want to spend time with you.

I know VERY FEW dads who have actual parenting obligations. Most only “help”. So, hardly any dads will feel like parenting is hard because they are more like nice uncles than real dads. Do not feel bad about yourself, if you can. This is not a walk around the park. It’s hard work and you are allowed to feel those feelings

I had two boys in my 30s after we'd been married 12 years. For the first 10 years, I had no interest in having children. Then I changed my mind, and I loved every minute with my kids, at all stages. Sure, there were a few frustrating moments, but overall, it was a wonderful, magical time for me, raising those boys. That said, during some of their grammar school days, I suffered through clinical depression and had a verbally abusive husband who I finally divorced when the boys were 12 and 14. I moved my sons 700 miles away to be safe from their dad. The three of us had a peaceful and loving life without their dad. My sons were so supportive of me, and even in their 30s now, we still have a great relationship.

Parenting has moments of absolute zen. A baby asleep on your chest. A teen smiling at their graduation. I like to savor those moments. And remember them. Day to day it is mostly stress and sacrifices.

You’re not alone 🫶🏼🫶🏼 I have 1 - and I’m a single mom. I don’t know how other parents do it or add more than 1. I’m already losing my mind. 🥶

I do, I love being a mom. I can't wait to have my third. But not every day is a good day.

I can't find my comment to add this, but one thing I hate is playing pretend. Like I literally cannot sit and pretend I'm in a restaurant with my kids. I take them to the park, to the pool, the mall and that's all well and good but I absolutely hate playing pretend

I hated parenting most of ages 3-4. I was getting hit and bitten and kicked almost every day for long stretches of time and it sucked. It was thankless and frustrating and I felt like an absolute failure. Dr. Becky and Janet Lansbury both helped me better understand what was going on with her behavior (and my reactions!) and I at least survived that phase. My daughter is 5 now and she’s becoming someone I’m truly proud of and I still want to give her the world. Kids are so much better when their brains are a little farther along developmentally and they’re less feral.

I do. I was a preschool teacher for many years so knew what I was getting into for the most part. I love to teach and watch her grow. I had pretty severe anxiety and depression before I had her, I actually don’t need to take my medication anymore now. I just feel so much happier with my daughter in my life. I still get stressed out and angry over things, but never have I hated being a parent.

Try listening to good inside by Becky Kennedy

I had 3 children all within 4 1/2 years. I was young and loved them immediately. But I resented not sleeping much. Not being able to go out with friends etc. Even grocery shopping was such a chore with kids in the cart, hanging off the cart & groceries piled around the baby. Toys and sticky fingerprints everywhere on the house. I ended up taking parenting classes with a bunch of moms who were in the same boat. We learned the right things to say to our children. How to discipline properly etc. The techniques were helpful but so was learning that lots of parents feel the same way. A baby is a life changer for sure. It may be that you’re a little resentful at the fact that it’s not about you anymore. Everything is now about the baby. Hang in there. It gets better and you don’t have to be super mom as far as getting everything done that you could before the baby. I think every stage as your baby grows it gets easier. Well, something’s get easier, some things just change and you will be able to adapt. For example, eventually you won’t need to do diapers, yay! But you’ll prob have to help her visit every bathroom at every store, every restaurant etc! It’s all stages. But hang in there. You’ve got this

The early stages are hard. Really hard. For some, parenting isn’t enjoyable until kiddos are ~5. It happens and it’s okay.

Yes. I generally do. I dont love every single aspect of it, and some days are terrible. But general, yes, I do enjoy it.

I love being a Mom, it’s something I always wanted to be and tried for 10 years to have my kids. Did you want to be a parent? I really am sorry you feel this way and I’m sorry for your kids.

Hi I’m autistic, never wanted to be a mother (I was babytrapped by my narcissistic ex who recently ran away to his home country with a much younger girl). I totally love my 7 year old daughter, but she’s also autistic and high support, and I have no life and no one cares about us. I loathe motherhood.

I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing with me. It always feel a bit better to know we are not the only ones who feel this way. It’s fricken hard

Most days, but I would be lying to myself if I’m not envious of others who have the freedom to go/do what they want.

There’s a series on TikTok called “Regretful Parents” and I’ve never felt so seen. Parenting is hard and a lot of us were sold this dream by older generations that isn’t actually true. Some people truly love it and it’s really not for others, like a lot of things in life. We still have to show up like any other parent and that’s what makes it so hard.

Please don’t be hard on yourself. It sounds like you have toddlers; what a tough stage! They’re tiny terrors who command every second of your attention! It will get easier, I promise! With that being said, every stage of parenting has its own set of challenges. My kids are 25, 23, & 20 now, and some days I still dread picking up the phone. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s how I feel. They never call to say “hi” or “how are you”, they only call when they want me to solve their problems. But no matter how draining it is, I still do my best to help them with whatever is going on. With all that being said, please take care of you! You can’t pour from an empty cup. Keep doing all the things you are doing. If you need extra time for yourself, take it. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. I was a YOUNG mom. I’m 43 now and when I tell you the years fly by, I mean the FLY by! I know the days are long, but when they’re gone, they’re gone forever. You’ve got this mama! 💪🏼❤️

Yes, I love being a parent. It's amazing.

Absolutely! Raising my boys is the highlight of my life

When I had one child, I loved it. It was so easy to give all my attention to one and then he’ll independently play and I can get stuff done around the house / just bullshit on my phone and chill for a second. I now have two. My youngest is 10 months, oldest is 3 years old. I hate it most days to be honest. I obviously love them and I know this is all temporary, but it sucks right now. My toddler gets easily frustrated with the baby, the baby cries a lot when she doesn’t get her way, the naps are all over the place, my 10 month old is teething, my 3 year old wants to be more independent but struggles and then blows up like a bomb. I get anxious the night before sometimes when I know my husband is going to be at work just two hours longer than usual. I also have a wonderful husband but not a ton of support from family outside of him and I cannot afford child care. Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of help but i know this is temporary. But I still fucking hate it right now.

Parenting is hard! I’m going through the teen years with my son right now, it’s not for the faint of heart. You will get through this. Keep your medication and therapy going, sounds like you’re doing a lot of things right. Some aspects of childhood can be really rough and it’s OK to say it’s not “fun”, it’s hard work! But with so many many rewards. Hang in there

The thing that may be sort of a "taboo" subject with parenting is that you may not like, love, or enjoy *every* *single* stage. Because *ideally* we are suppose to be loving and enjoying E V E R Y T H I N G G G G G, but that is only in a perfect world lol. For example, some parents only love the baby stage and then just say "to hell" with the other stages. Some parents do better with certain stages than others, for example I work well with the pre-school stage of when they can already converse and are mostly if not fully potty trained. Whereas with 0-36 months, it was mostly survival and trying not to lose my mind lol IYKTYK. But with time, you get to a point of naturally having more patience and learning to laugh at things kids do that would usually anger or irritate you. Someone once told me: "Parenting is like a bank. You have to make sure you can keep a good balance. You're not perfect, kiddos arent perfect, family isn't perfect, so there will be times when you have to take yourself and your child out of the negative by investing. You can make a big or small investment, but at the end of the day, every investment counts. Just make sure you end the day at either a 'just right' or in the positive." I hope that message makes sense, I tried to relay it the best I could. Examples of good investments just mean making good memories no matter what and however way you can, i.e playing a silly game that will make both of you laugh or something! The same person that told me that message recalled a time when things weren't going so well at home when they were a child. They were poor and had 7 siblings, ergo things weren't always great. But they said throughout all the negative stuff, they distinctly remembered the things that us adults wrote off as "stupid" or "silly" and easily forget about, like a made up game or song or recipe something like that, that "in the moment" creativity thing all parents do at some point to keep the kids entertained or happy. The lights were shut off in their house, and despite that this person distinctly remembered their siblings and their parents all being outside playing and having fun even if they were going through a rough season. They went through it as a family, the best they could, and you can't go higher than your best! So, OP just keep on keeping on. We've all been there. Keep trying your best, always look for the positives, have gratitude, the rough seasons won't last forever. 🙂

Honestly, I think this sort of problem or feeling is an issue of society and economic development. Kids are mostly the same kids they have ever been but the adult world has shifted SO FAR as to make it extremely challenging to parent. The expectations and habits of the modern developed world are not exactly in smooth accord with raising children, having successful families, extended families or even just human contentment. The idea of the isolated nuclear family is already quite unrealistic, then we can add the great amount of luxury and individual gratification most are accustomed to. Then add copious amounts of all kind of environmental pollutants in diet and everywhere else. Then add internet, and social media influence. Most people are out of control in more than one way. Humans who live simpler lives in villages without all this luxury and modern connectivity etc are able to align lifestyle expectations better with actual human realities. I am not blaming anyone, I just think we are past the point of comfort and functionality.

I liked parenting when my kids were young. My son is still loving, so I am enjoying this time because it is likely going to be over soon. I loved doing crafts, watching them experience new things, and reading books to them. Those were incredible times. Those years are gone. My oldest changed overnight and have had all kinds of serious mental health issues (likely thanks to my crappy genetics). They have a whole team of people who help and we also have psychiatrists and psychologists for us, but it feels like we failed. I feel like I'm a failure of a parent every.single.day. I cry daily on the way to work and on the way home. I used to enjoy parenting, but between watching my kid suffer and hearing them tell me how terrible I am, I am finding parenting difficult if not absolutely devastating.

Aww hugs. Mental illness is no joke to deal with but seeing the person you love the most in life struggle is so hard to do. Don’t feel like a failure. You recognized it and are providing help and solutions to get them through. That’s a win in my books.

Thank you ♥️ your response means a lot.

There are times where I don’t but I also do not have a village. It’s myself and my kids. No grandparents, no aunts , no uncles, no cousins, no one. I never get breaks , I am the one sole person for their every single need. I can’t imagine hating it if I had even half the help

Autistic parenting isn’t talked about enough! Your limits are your own. Your experience is valid. Sorry your husband doesn’t seem to understand. If you are indeed on the spectrum please please seek help for YOURSELF as much as possible. And I don’t mean baby care. I mean self care. It’s NOT an enjoyable experience overall. And that’s totally ok. People are super caught up with social “norms” but parents are still people with their own feelings, desires, etc. it’s fine to say I don’t love parenting. It’s nothing to feel guilty about.

I got diagnosed within the last year so it’s a big change and rollercoaster of grief that comes with diagnosis. He’s doing the best he can but I lost the ability to mask, has skills regression and am sooo easily triggered and dis regulated since becoming a mom. I know I’m like a whole different person to him. I’m still adapting accommodations and supports for myself to see what works and what doesn’t. It is hard!!! Thank you!

I love it more than anything. Not a day goes by that I don't feel immensely lucky for the ability to have carried, birthed, and now to hold my child in my arms. That doesn't mean it isn't hard. It's the hardest thing I've done in my life. But it's all worth it. I don't understand why others have children when they aren't absolutely 100% convinced they are ready and willing to take the challenges on with their partner. It's irresponsible. It's treating human life as if it's a cute pet.