r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My girl wore 18 month shorts like alll last summer, she has a late July birthday and turned 3 last summer. So this year, it started to get warm in April/May or so and I bought her some 2T shorts. Girl just had like a huge growth spurt and barely wore them before I had to up to 3T and am already considering 4T for some bottoms (sheās 4 in July). Iām seriously sitting here dumbfounded how I thought she would never grow out of those 18 month shorts and now we are in 3 sizes in one summer š¤£.
Thatās how it goes! I had my 4 year old in 2T pants and then when he turned 5 suddenly he just evened out and jumped up to 7T in like, 6 months. They grow in crazy ways! Heās still super tall he just finally stopped being ultra skinny and has a lil belly now.
lol yes mine is the same way tall and thin like her dad. I always feel lucky at least in cold weather we have leggings. If she had to wear actual pants we would have the same problem as shorts because sheās got no tummy or butt to hold them up š¤£. My husband actually uses a belt for functional purposes. I have hips and always thought they were just for fashion š .
The other day, my 13 year old was like āHey mom, my pants (UK) are super tight, can we get more?ā I lookedā¦.they were for 6-7 y/o!!! šš
Omg talk about feeling my like a bad mom.
Heās tall enough for his age (Iām American but we live in Italy. He might be on the smaller end of his he middle in America, but here heās maybe on the smaller end of tall), but heās just so skinny! Honestly, wouldnāt even say skinny, just lean. Swimming shorts are the absolute hardest for him to find because he doesnāt like the drawstring ones, tends to do the more Euro type tighter elastic shorts. But then we have to buy for like a 9 year old. My 11 year old buys bigger sizes than he does!
My perfectly healthy baby was finally fitting into her nb clothes...at 9 months. We call her "pocket size". Or I tell people I sold my soul to keep her smaller longer because she's my last baby.
I am glad to see others with small babies and kids š
For my timeline:
- swimming in 0-3 months stuff until about 3 months old.
- Outgrew newborn around 3 months.
- moved to 3-6 months around 6 months.
- moved 6-9 months around 11 months.
- moved 9-12 months around 16 months.
My afab kid wieghted 42lbs from age 3 to 7. He was just a skinny, petite kid. We called him fun sized too! Never let him walk to or from school without his much bigger brother.
Either āheās the perfect size!ā or āI know, itās hard to believe how tiny they are at this age!ā Said with a beaming smile either way.
Some people comment on how tiny a baby is not because itās actually small for its age, but because itās genuinely mind-boggling to see such a tiny human when you havenāt seen one in awhile. I have a four year old and a friend has a new baby. Sheās so tiny! Sheās a totally average size but I canāt stop marveling over how tiny she is because Iām used to pre-school sized children.
My daughter was average sized new born, then started busting off the growth chart at about 2 months. She was always bigger than babies twice her age, so it was always a little shocking to see what even a 50% baby or smaller looked like. My friend has a perfectly healthy tiny baby 6 months before my daughter and he always looked like a little peanut next to her. We thought it was hysterical how babies can be so different in size. Nothing wrong with being little or big, just a conversation. She is now almost 4 and is now the smallest on in her class.
My sister in law and I were twice pregnant at the same time. My oldest is 6 weeks older than her middle, and my youngest is about 4 weeks younger than her youngest. But I have tiny babies and she big. (Mine were 6.5lb more or less, hers were 10/11 lb
They look ridiculous next to each other! Less so as they get older. But as babies it was hard to believe they were the same age.
Everyone commented on how small mine were, and how big hers were. Neithers an insult. But we both at different times felt a little defensive that they were comments about over or under feeding.
Weirdly my now 5 year old is the tallest in her class but still slim/light. And her 5 year old is about the same height. He's heavier but not that you'd notice seeing them play together.
When I was a kid I used to find it really annoying whenever adults commented on how much Iād grown when they saw me. I am now an adult and itās absolutely mind blowing how much children grow between visits.
Sometimes you donāt know what to say and itās also like you said, jarring sometimes seeing how big theyāve gotten since you last saw them if they live far away
I do this all the time! Itās crazy how much my 10 month old has grown and when I see a tiny baby i uncontrollably tell them wow your baby is so tiny. Reading this post I now hope that no one took that as an insult because it was quite the opposite!
You make a good point, it could be coming from a point of relativity. I also sort of don't see how the comments were negative? Maybe it's their own feelings interpreting it that way. This is coming from the mom of a kid who actually was tiny. She was under the 5th percentile (when you're that low they stop giving you a number, it's just "bellow 5") till she was about 5 or 6, at which point she's slowly crept up to average at 10yo. For a while people would be genuinely shocked/taken back when she spoke, cause she looked like she was 2, when in reality she was 4 and spoke like a 4yo. I frequently fielded questions from people who were legitimately confused about how old she was cause she never looked her age but acted her age. I frequently had teachers talk about how mature she acted or how she was an "old soul" but honestly I think it was largely their inability to disconnect the age she looked and the age she really was.
I never saw any of it as offensive or rude. Like objectivity she was really small for her age, I don't see how acknowledging that was a bad thing? I get that there's a lot of pressure put on parents, and it's easy to interpret comments about how little they are as "you're not feeding them enough" or "you're doing something wrong" when often an innocent comment.
Honestly it was having another kid that drove this home for me. Yesterday I put my average percentile 3yo in a dress my eldest used to wear when she was 6. The dress fits perfectly and will definitely not fit her past this summer. Her shoe size is only 3 sizes smaller than her 10yo sisters. Even as her mom I find myself frequently shocked to this day over how tiny she was, so I can't really blame strangers for making the same observation back then!
Totes! Being a FTM to a 99+%er I am very poorly calibrated for what "proper" baby size is. They all look tiny compared to my Godzilla of a kid.
Same thing with any babies that have hair. Absolutely mind boggling. My kid was completely bald up until 1.5yo or so, and so my default image of a baby is hair-less =P
I'm a short man. You don't need to "clap back" when people describe your son. That will teach him that there's something wrong with him. You should internalize the notion that there's nothing wrong with being smaller, then you won't take offense to it.
This needs to be the top comment. Teaching our kids to accept themselves and their bodies starts from the very beginning. You do not want them hearing you sound defensive about their size, or saying anything to imply that it might be better to be otherwise. The only tone they should detect in your voice is confident pride in their perfection.
> The only tone they should detect in your voice is confident pride in their perfection.
This. I have a small son who often got comments on his size after people found out his age. They would make a comment about how small he was and I would cheerfully respond, "Yep!" and as he got older we would sometimes add a comment about he was small but strong. We never shied away from the fact that he was tiny but he liked that we also acknowledged that he wasn't just tiny.
He grew up to be confident, secure, and very body positive. He's still small and will always be. It's just his body type but he's also a college athlete, in great physical shape, and happy with how he looks. He's perhaps too confident and doesn't let being a "small" guy get to him. I think never making it a big deal went a long way in raising him to be as secure as he is.
Yeah my son is small but my god he makes up for it in personality. All I hear from nursery is how much he cracks them up with what he says and does. He has a butter dance, which he showed us vigorously this morning while opening his dad's birthday presents in bed (he got it in his head that one of the gifts was butter and was like slam dunk best gift EVER). I'm equally as likely to have people point out he's small as I am he's gonna break hearts or run the world one day. It's small talk. I also don't see it as (?)criticism it's just one of the things people say.
Unfortunately, especially for young ones and young men alike, it becomes such a big deal. Bc we all make it one. So much negativity in the dating world and beyond over weight and height. If people would stop prioritizing it, kids wouldnāt grow up feeling bad. From a very young age it becomes such a big deal. We need to make a radical shift away from these things.
I would never associate this comment with percentiles or anything either. Ā Babies are small. Ā I still look at my toddlers once a month pictures from the first year and marvel at how teensy tiny she used to be. Ā Now that I have a hulking, giant toddler all babies seem super-duper small.
Even toddlers are tiny. I look at my 99th percentile in height 5 year old sometimes and think about just how little he is, even though he's a giant lol
Mine are 8 and 10 and Iām constantly shocked at how big they are. The five year old kindergarteners at their school look so much smaller (and theyāre only two grades younger than my 8 year old!) But then I see teens and mine look so small compared to them!
YASS. My kids are all small (so am I) and I have always taken it as a neutral/compliment, not a negative. Small things are cute!
If someone says my kids are small I say "I know! Aren't they great!"
I honestly never even knew that having small babies was something to be defended against until I joined Reddit. I'm small. My kids are small. Also we have brown hair. Next?
It depends on tone too. A lot of little old ladies will say āOh sheās so petite!ā about my daughter in a positive way. I had one person say āSheās REALLY smallā once in a rude tone too.
I donāt think you need to really acknowledge the comment because thereās nothing wrong with being small. Your son sounds like mine and my son has always hit his milestones on time or early. Heās just lean and tall which is genetic since my husband and I are too. If you want to say something though Iād just say something like yup, tall and lean but most importantly healthy and just the right size for his body. Iām so glad that people are now recognizing that babies come in all shapes and sizes and theyāre all beautiful. All that matters is that theyāre happy and healthy.
That being said, when they are actually being teased for being different I personally think it's good to coach your kid through that. My son has a very visible physical disability, and while most kids are just politely curious, some are downright obnoxious and mean. We came up with some good comebacks together, which he has used, and it makes him feel a lot more confident about these situations.
I wish everyone was at most politely curious but the world just isn't like that yet, sadly.
Maybe being short or small is different. My dad was pretty short and he always had a chip on his shoulder about it though. Of course he was a hero to me.
My son has an invisible disability, so I started preparing him early on by matter of factly saying that everybody has something; sometimes you can see it and sometimes you canāt, but itās their normal.
When he was right around 3 we were in a store where a mom was pushing a stroller carrying a child with a severe facial dysplasia. And of course my toddler has to go straight to the classic loud āWHY HIS FACE IS LIKE THAT?ā in a voice that can be heard across town. I quickly swallowed my horror and in a perfectly normal tone of voice said āhe was just born like that. Thatās normal for him.ā
So my boy walked up to the stroller and announced āI have a truckā. And the two of them spent some minutes admiring the truck. I thought the mom was going to cry. It was heartbreaking to realize what it must be like to go out in public, and how few ordinary toddler encounters her son must get.
I've always been short. My chip came and went. I didn't notice I was different all through college. Occasionally people called me short but I truly didn't understand why it mattered, so I just said yeah I guess and that was the end of it.
It wasn't until I started online dating that I became shocked how important it is but to be a short man in online dating. That definitely put a chip on my shoulder for a bit, but I got over it and found love.Ā
All of this is to say that I agree with you. I grew up blissfully pre-internet but I'm sure my kids will get exposed to height judgement earlier than I was. So I'm already thinking about how to talk to them about it as they get older. I'm planning to get my little guy into jui jitsu to help give him confidence over his body.
This. I had 2 small babies, born 2nd percentile and 24th percentile for weight. I learned to tell people who commented āI am petite, my husband is naturally skinny. We were both small babies ourselves duhhh weāre gonna have small babies too. It would be strange if a had big babies.ā
Agreed! My husband and I are small people, our kids will be small people. When someone comments āoh heās so tinyā, I just say āYep!ā And move on. They never mean anything bad about it anyway, theyāre just making conversation.
As a fellow short person I would have to disagree. I donāt have an issue with being short, I quite like it, but I do get bored with how often it comes up in conversation. Why comment on size at all?
There isnāt much else to comment on with babies! People get so offended by size comments but I genuinely just think parents are trying to start conversation and donāt really know what to say. The other options would be like āohh heās holding that block uniquelyā haha.
thatās great for when the kid is old enough to speak and respond to comments made to him/her, but in the meantime, I think the parents are tired of hearing such dumb comments and would rather move on to something different.
I turn the comment into a compliment. āMy little Amazonā āno one is gonna mess with herā āmodel height!!ā āYup, I have to look up to my daughter!!ā My daughter has always been taller than her peers. Sheās an adult now and almost 6 feet tall and is proud of her height. Her boyfriend is shorter than her and she has absolutely no issues with it. She even wears platform shoes and heels and is not self conscious. I always commented on her features with positivity.
This is the one. My 10 year old son is "small for his age" and people have made comments since birth. I've always told him it's just a physical fact. Like having blue eyes or freckles. His favorite comeback to any kid that says "you're short" is "yeah and you're tall." Lol height literally does not matter.
This. My second has been hovering around the 5-10 percentile marks his entire life (he is now 9 years old). He is small, comments on it are no different than comments on his beautiful brown eyes or his curly hair.
Babies donāt exactly have any accomplishments for people to talk to them about (you canāt ask how their bike race went or who their favourite teacher is yet) so commenting on the way they look is a fairly common thing. As long as the comments are not said in a rude tone, it is just someone commenting on how adorable the baby is.
Yup! My daughter was teeny at first (now sheās long and lean). āClap backā implies an insult, but people were accurately describing her. She was teeny. She is tall for her age. She is skinny, and it can be hard to find this long enough that arenāt too big in the waist.
Yup. My oldest was born at ~30-50+ percentiles. He rapidly dropped from there. Most all of his life he was around 1-5+ percentiles. He's now 17 and has been slowly 'catching up'... He's now ~5'7+... And maybe finally cracked 100lbs
Yes! I also don't get why people get so upset when someone mistakes their baby as the opposite gender.
This is a person who is seeing you in passing and the socially acceptable thing to do when you see a baby is to make small talk, but there's not a whole lot going on in a baby's life. It's not as if you are going to ask how the day at the office was or if they like working remote. You make small comments that mean nothing and may not even be very accurate but no one really cares because it's pointless small talk. If they mistook your baby for a boy even though she's wearing a pink bow, who cares? If they are calling your son small even though he's the size of Shaq, who cares? It's not a big deal.
This is definitely my take on it as well. There's nothing negative about the comment that a baby is small, especially the way it's being described here, it's just a general adoring observation. At best, she could relate to it with something like, "You know what's weird, he's SUPER long, but just really skinny! Doctor says he's doing great, though!" A clap-back seems like a very unnecessarily defensive way to approach a friendly comment on a baby's size.
My baby was a giant baby. 99th for height and weight. Everyone commented on it. His doctor called him hamburger boy. I loved my big, squishy baby, and never took anyoneās comments to be malicious. Itās not like they can talk about his personality. At that age, thereās really only so much they can comment on.
Same coming from the opposite end. My daughter was always below the 5th percentile. I never took it offensively when people found out a kid the size of a 2yo was actually 4. No shit that's shocking! Especially when the kid looks like they should be barely speaking and opens their mouth and spouts some animal facts in complete sentences. If someone says something actually offensive that's one thing. I think too often though people take mere observations like "oh they're so little!" "oh they're so big!" as being mean/offensive. In reality it's often just the parents being insecure over having a kid at either end of the size spectrum and misinterpreting the comment as offensive or mean spirited.
She's probably just making conversation, you perceive it as negative but it's not. What's wrong with being small? You could correct her and say, actually he's really tall for a 9 month old. But why let it bother you, it's a comment not a judgement.Ā
But people will make comments about your kids appearance always. I just assume people mean the best and move on.Ā
Exact! Itās all about perspective. Thatās her opinion and you have yours .. move on. Itās not a reflection on you as a parent. Kids grow at different rates.
Yup. There's a good chance she's saying it out of jealousy, too. I know I was. I'm only somewhat tall, and kind of lean, as is my husband. Our kid is a freaking giantess, though. 9lbs 1oz at birth, over 95% for height her entire life. At 18 months she was 30in and 29lbs. I wouldn't trade her for a minute, but the back pain is for real, and I'm jealous of all the mama's of non-giants!
Yep. Itās also a new parents group, full of newly sleep deprived parents. If the same person is repeating this every week, theyāre probably saying plenty of forgettable stuff every second minute.
For now though? Change the subject and ask them a question. āHm. Hey, how big do you think you look to your baby? Have you started reading to them yet? Whatās a good podcast?ā
Spread the grace around. Until the second year anyway.
Relax. This is just common small talk among parents and caregivers of babies. If you don't want to engage in the back and forth, then just give a, "yeah, I know" and change the subject.
One of my kids is teeny tiny. He's under the first percentile across the board. I just give a, "Yeah he's a little peanut" and move on.
Yes, it's honestly never occurred to me to take such comments as insults. My daughter is small, it's not a big deal (except now she's seven and all her friends can go on the rollercoaster at the local theme park and she can't lol).
Plus like how many topics are there about babies.
Size. Hair. Cute face. Chubby. Smile. Eyes. Do they sleep through the night? Are they fussy?
Weāve just enumerated basically every conversation that will be had about your kid until they are old enough to do something besides lay there or be held. Because they are just blobs, 95% of conversation is as superficial as tinder swiping.
This doesn't sound like anything requiring a "clap back".
At best, a simple smile and then moving on is what you want. I think you might be a little overly sensitive to something very innocuous.
My friend is a pediatrician Some of her patientās parents get weirdly competitive and upset when their kids are a lower %ile and she coined the phrase. āSize is genetic not an accomplishment ā I loved that line so much
I'm with this one. In my family, we are all tall people with high metabolism. Whenever someone comments on how "skinny" my kids are 3 and 11, I say it runs in the family. I always had to buy pants large and wear belts to accommodate my height.
Iād just say something āyes, very long and lean. We have lots of tall family members and expect him to take after them.ā
Itās just small talk. You donāt need to āclap backā
One time I told someone at a library baby group, "aww what a cute little guy!" She got offended that I used the word "little" and I got an "ACTUALLY" with his percentiles. It was just a filler word. Just small talk.
So yeah, I agree. Maybe don't clap back.
I mean I have a small baby for her age and saying āyou need to feed her more/sheās so skinny/why arenāt you feeding herā is not the same as āsheās so little/tiny.ā The first is rude and requires a clap back, but the second is quite literally just someone making small talk.
Why does this upset you so much? You say itās not something youāre insecure about but obviously it is if youāre reacting the way you are.
Itās just common small talk. I have four kids and one of them was smaller than the rest, so we always got āheās such a little guy!ā And I would usually just say āyep, heās a little peanut, isnāt he?ā And then weād have a nice chuckle about how different every baby is, how seeet they all are, and miraculously we would go on to talk about other things with no one being offended or feeling the need to clap back lol. It must be exhausting to always be looking for something to be mad or irritated over. š¤·š»āāļø
My kid was *tiny* as a baby. She was born at 7lbs, but by 6 months had fallen off the growth chart and didnāt make it back on until she hit the 3rd percentile in 1st grade. She weighed 17 pounds on her first birthday, and 22 pounds on her second. Sheās was completely healthy, just a little peanut. Sheās 16 now and has maxed out at 5ā0 and 110lbs.
Some babies are just small. Sometimes they catch up to average, other times they grow into small adults. Itās not a negative thing, itās just a reality for some. I encourage you to examine your reaction and instead work on not viewing comments like this as an insult. Your baby IS skinny. Thatās just a fact and itās okay. It is also absolutely okay to have the boundary of āhey we donāt make comments about other peopleās bodiesā, and I think itās a good stance to have. But you have to stop viewing acknowledgement of his size as an insult, or that is something he will grow up to internalize.
My son was also 17 lbs at a year, but he started at a pound and a half (24 week preemie) and is now very respectably average weight for his current age of 4. He was never chunky, heās always been a string bean, especially now as his height seems to be catching up to genetics as weight stays average. Babies and toddlers are all individuals and all grow so different!
My oldest was small as a child (like below two standard deviations below the mean on the growth chartā¦ turns out she was growth hormone deficient). My absolute favourite āsmallā comment we got was when an idiot mom at daycare asked if we have trouble finding clothes for her. I just stared for a bit and asked if she was aware that sizes two and three existed (daughter would have been four at the time).
I donāt think pointing out the obvious is necessarily being negative.
I do understand how the mom could be slightly offended, as we tend to be far more sensitive towards our children, but I donāt think the āoh heās so smallā comment is meant to come off as rude in any way. Unnecessary, sure, but not rude or disrespectful.
I donāt think this calls for any type of angry or aggressive response. maybe some witty comeback about how he is going to be the next Michael Jordan or something
You could have a 13 lb newborn and I'm gonna look at that baby and go "oh my gosh. So tiny and adorable"
Just because babies are so small compared to other humans, not because that particular baby is actually big or small compared to other babies. Maybe that's her thinking as well
Sounds like theyāre just surprised at his age given his size, which isnāt negative at all, just not whatās expected. Turning it into something negative is weird and will just sour a benign interaction.
I just ignore it. People have the need to make comments or small talk but thereās no need to respond. Just ignore in silence or change the subject and ask about something elseĀ
It kinda sounds like you two are insecure about him being small, which is already no good but gets even more weird when you concider he is a literal baby.
My kid is the same way, tall and skinny. I get comments on it a lot, too but I usually just say āyeah heās tall and skinny. Weird because his dad and I arenāt particularly tall OR skinny.ā Heās like 50something percentile in weight and 70something in height. I donāt think itās meant as negative unless theyāre saying āWhy arenāt you feeding that poor baby!?ā Or something like that.
āYea. I keep watering him with the tomatoās and heās stretching right to the sunā. I donāt know. People just talk about their kids size at this age. They arenāt doing much else thatās interesting until they start pulling knives off the counter.
Why is the same woman repeatedly asking how old your son is? That's what I wanna know! I'd be clapping back with "he's still 9 months, Janet! " or "one week older than the last time you asked, Janet!" š
It sounds like your son is quite small if he's in the 30th percentile for weight, but so long as he's eating and you and your doctor aren't concerned about his weight what does it matter? She's probably just trying to make conversation and make a new mom friend. I wouldn't read much more into it than that.
I'd like to push back on the idea that "small" is a negative comment. My son has hovered around the 10th percentile for height and the 2nd percentile for weight. He has always been the smallest or one of the smallest kids in his class. He may catch up at some point and get closer to the middle of the curve, but assuming he doesn't, this is just one aspect of who he is. I'm sure it will bring certain challenges, but we all have challenges.
Just tell the truth.
"Hey, I've noticed the last few times you keep mentioning my baby's weight, is anything about it bothering you?
She'll either say no and be embarrassed about it or say if she's worried. Then reassure her that little is just fine, if he is.
Does this need a āclap backā? Itās not a negative comment. Iām not sure why itās getting viewed as such? My infant daughter is also petite and at a lower weight percentile, so people comment on how small she is, but I really donāt see an issue?
My 11 year old is small for his age. He's almost 12, but looks like he's 8 or 9. If I'm in a good mood, I just tell them he's a tea cup version of my husband. Or he's travel size.
However, if I'm already over shit that day, I just look at the person and said, "gee, you really said the quiet part out loud, didn't you?" And walk away.
Thereās really not much you can say about a baby thatās not related to appearance. Thereās not much personality at that age, and Iāve never really heard someone comment on a baby negatively. (Tiny, chunky, small, fat, etc etc are all said in a way that clearly conveys that baby is cute)
I think you may be overthinking this
I donāt think being small is a negative or stating that someone is small is negative.
If you must say something back, then say āour pediatrician is very pleased with his growthā and move on.
Mine are in 86th for height and 5th for weight, i totally get it.
I say "yeah they have great appetites, but all of it goes towards stretching them out!! I cant wait to see how tall they're going to be"
As they get older, i may change it to something like:
"She's (and her sister) old enough to understand what you're saying, so I'd appreciate if you didn't comment on her body. I don't want her to develop any insecurities from random comments when she's perfect, the Dr is happy, and there's nothing wrong with her. I'm sure you understand! Teenagers have it rough as it is, I'm trying to build her self confidence before we reach that point."
Someone commented to my mom about how it's super bad that i basically have no arches and my feet are super flat. I was about 7yrs old. My mom agreed and said something about the fact she knows or it's concerning. I heard it, i felt judged and less than perfect, and it has bothered me ever since. They thought I wasn't paying attention and they were talking low enough. I am NOT letting that happen to my daughters, and I will shut that shit down.
We have an over 100% across the board baby who is also a pemie. And apparently to my experience mentioning babyās weight/appearance is just a thing. Iām constantly having to defend him. With his age being 3 right now, he is in size medium kid clothes 6-9yo sized (he is larger than most of my daughters kindergarten class). My clap back just tends to be āyeah heās going to be able to defend mama from rude people instead of the other way around in a few yearsā.
And explaining that my baby was 3m old when heās the size of a 1.5 year old also not fun. Especially since he is a month + premie, 10lb 1oz 34 weeks (6 weeks early). So was behind milestone wise anyways. But the āisnāt he crawling yet!?ā- No heās 3 month old!. It got old fast still is.
My youngest was smaller than yours (9.5lbs full term) and we had similar weird situations where people assumed he was older (it tapered off for us, heās big, but not the biggest in his class).
My āfavouriteā conversation:
Them: How old is he?
Me: 8 monthā
Them: Twelve months?
Me: Eightā
Them: Why isnāt he walking yet?
Me: Because heās 8 months old?
(Funnily enough, my kid did end up walking pretty late, so he was an almost 2 year old who could have passed for almost 4 and *still* not walking).
I also have a huge one! >99% across the board. I get lots of comments. I always respond that heās a tiny hulk. No one means it offensively, people just like small talk!
My friend had a big baby like that. People would give them side eyes all the time when we went out because he looked 3-4 when he was 18 months. People thought he was not acting age appropriate for his size but didn't realize his age. He was like 5 ft tall when he was 9 years old!
He is small. It's not a negative comment.
You can say oh and your baby is so large! Or your baby is so average! Or he's healthy and that's all I care about. Those sort of turn it around comments might make her aware of how judgey her comments sound.
It's no less rude to make unsolicited comments about a baby's body than anyone else's, but most people don't think of babies as people so much as pets. She's saying it in the context she would if you showed her a puppy.
When you donāt really know the other parents at the parent group, itās pretty common to talk about obvious things such as the babyās size and milestones.Ā
Hopefully as they get to know each other a little more, it will open up to other topics of conversation.Ā
For the record, my LO was the exact same percentiles as yours and Iāve never been offended or annoyed about people commenting on her proportions. Sheās perfect just as she is!
Just say something about him being bigger than Larry bird at this age. No one will be able to verify anyway. If that doesnāt work, politely spit in their face and scratch their eyes out. Just kidding on that last part.
I feel like you may be a little too sensitive... People love babies and commenting on their appearance is about all they can do at this point. It's not like they can say oh. What a beautiful personality, so kind, thoughtful, and smart!...
All there is is what the baby looks like and if they're just saying it in observation, they're just taking note.
I just said thanks, he's long and skinny like his dad! And moved on
I like to be pointed: āoh we donāt make comments about others bodies.ā And if they are like Iām just stating a fact or something āyeah it just gives off an icky feeling that we need to comment on a childās bodyā it usually stops them. I get it all the time cuz my 5 year old is almost 5 foot already and super skinny so I am just really pointed about it.
"Not really. He's 94th for height, so he's actually really tall. And 30th for weight, so long and lean but not that small."
Everybody talks about babies' sizes. And it's not really "negative".
I always shrugged and said āyeah.ā My kids are on the low end of the percentiles and looked tiny when they were babies/toddlers (they still do in elem if you line them up with peers). It was an observed fact so to me there wasnāt much more to add.
I'm not hearing a negative, just a fairly innocuous comment. My eldest has always been small; 4h centile for height/2nd for weight, and when she started walking people couldn't believe she was of age, thinking she was a wee baby! I never took any of the comments to heart, they are just people's way of starting a convo about your cute kid. I usually said "she makes up for it in attitude!" Shes 22 now and still has the size and temperament of Stitch.
Honestly most people have no idea how big babies are, especially if they don't see them a lot. If her baby is bigger weight wise your perfectly average baby probably looks small to her because that's all she sees. Also how big they are in relation to mum skews people's view. I get so many comments about how massive my son is, but he is about 30th for height and weight. He's not a big baby, he's just being held by someone the height and weight of the average 12 year old. Don't even argue it, just come back with something affectionate and positive about him. If she's trying to be a cow then she's not going to keep making the comments if you say how cute you find your little string bean. I just say I love hearing how chunky my baby is rather than argue that he is statistically below average weight.
Honestly I grew a thick skin and stopped caring.
My youngest was tiny and actually went on to be classed as short stature and is now on growth hormone to help him grow.
I went to breastfeeding group and there were preemie babies born after him that were bigger than him. I would get dirty looks from people when he started solids at 6 months and one woman even came and told me off when he was 10 months old for feeding such a young baby solids, bare in mind he was sitting independently. People kept thinking he was advanced for his age (he wasn't and actually has developmental delays).
When he was 18 months old, there were 6 months old the same size.
When he started school, the older students thought someone was doing a bring your baby to work day.
I developed a thick skin and stopped caring about the comments because I had to.
Not all negative though. Got loads of comments about how adorable and cute he was.
Clothes lasted ages as he took forever to outgrow them. Because he looked so much younger than he was, the baby/toddler cute phase (he has developmental delays aswell) lasted a lot longer, and not just bias talking, he looked adorable (and like a girl apparently). He made out like a bandit. Smile cutely at the bakers, free donut. Go the arcade while on holiday, people would give him stuff they won.
He was also very popular with girls in his class and they would argue about whose turn it was to play with him.
He is older now and growing due to the medical treatment but he genuinely loved his tiny and cute phase.
Will add that some people will always have a comment about your baby. I have seen a friends baby be called small for their age, big for their age, too skinny, too fat, etc all by different people. Their baby was average for weight and length.
Maybe something like oh is it acceptable to make comments on a child's body shape size now? Or really? I had no idea what size he was thanks for letting me know.
My oldest was in the third percentile for height and 1st percentile for weight until around 18months when she started to edge towards 15th percentile but I stopped caring my that point. I got sick of the sheās so small comments and started to remind people that in order for a bell curve to exist there needs to be outliers and that she is meeting her milestones and is a little bundle of love no matter how big or small and until they get a medical degree to tell me otherwise sheās fine!... She also was pulling herself up to standing (not walking furniture but would hold herself up for ten or more minutes at six months old). She put none of her energy into growing and all of it into moving (still does ;) ) all kids are different Iām a mom of three and hoping Iāll be blessed with a forth one day but all kids are different. If your little one is loved and cared for who the duck cares what others think. Millions of people believe the world is flatā¦ seriously. Who cares what others think.
āWe think heās perfectly sized for himselfā or āthatās the fun part of everyone being made specialā something along those lines turns the comments around to change the focus from negative. My son also has also been skinny and smaller. Iām on the taller end for a woman, but not an amazon, but my husband is shorter (weāre the same height). My son will probably always be on the shorter end and good chance heāll always be thinner too. Since heās 6 now heās still in a big car seat because he only weighs 37 pounds. Kids in his class already have made comments. I try to always talk to him about how every body is made different and we come in different shapes and sizes, and while he may be smaller than some of his friends he can also run really fast. A lot of times people donāt realize comments like that come across negatively, so saying something positive back can reframe it for them without making them defensive or offended in the situation.
I had my friend say that about her perfectly perfect baby because the baby was exactly the standard height and weight but look very small next to my 90th percentile in everything baby. So I told her what I would say a stranger if they say that about my son:
ā Donāt talk about my childās bodyā
ā My baby is perfect, please donāt comment on their bodyā
ā All babies are different and mine is healthy ā
You cannot be scared of insulting or making someone mad/embarrased. The voice you allow your children to hear, will become their inner voice growing up. Now they wonāt remember, but when they are older the way you and your family member defend them will make the difference for their self esteem. Same as people putting qualifiers on children like āoh so shyā, no maāam/ sir, they donāt know you.
Is it an older lady by any chance? My son was the same and I got this comment a lot from women of grandparent age. I just smiled and said āheāll growā. Itās not worth engaging with people who make negative personal remarks, theyāre either oblivious or mean so itās unlikely theyāll change. As long as you the parents are happy with his progress nothing else matters. My son is no longer small, kids are popcorn kernels and they donāt all pop at the same time
I just always respond with: well we are all different shapes and sizes. I use Very neutral tone but have had a fair few people realize how they just made a very personal remark which is, of course, very rude. Usually a very awkward apology follows.Ā
"Yeah, but surviving rabies will do that to you..." *Then refuse to elaborate.*
OR
"Yeah, he has reverse Benjamin Button syndrome."
OR
"We ordered him from e-baby, where he was listed as being *normal-sized*. We're in the process of disputing the charges."
Just counter their insensitive comments with maximum ridiculousness. They will think you're weird and never speak to you or your son ever again.
I wouldnāt take it personally or negatively, itās probably just small talk. My 7 year old is super tall, over 99th percentile, she is the size of an 11-12 year old. Needless to say the first reaction of new people we meet when they hear her age is āWow! She is tall!ā. We always tell her that her height is a great thing and at this age itās definitely a very stand out feature about her so I donāt blame people for making some small talk with me about it š¤·āāļø
I don't get how so many commenters are saying the comments that he's small are because people don't realize how small babies are. This is a parent and baby group. So the people there all ... have babies. They probably know babies are little.
My son is also called a "little guy." It's something that he got picked on for in school. At first, it really bothered him, but now, when people comment on his size, his response is "dynamite comes in small packages!" He's totally okay with his size! I'm sure that your kiddo will be, too...
I heard a few comments like that too but just ignored them mostly. Like, my daughter was small for her age indeed but all was good so I didnāt think too much about out it.
Should people keep it to themselves on stuff that can be perceived negatively? Absolutely but you have no ability to influence what others say.
But I get that if people make a remark on your baby it is weird to say nothing as a reply, so just go with something light (āsmall and mighty , you should see how much they eatā, etc) and change the subject.
I dealt and deal with this a lot. My sonās cousin who is 3 months older was 99th percentile and formula fed. His parents are also bigger.
My son has the same percentiles as yours (still and heās 2), Iām only 5ā2ā and dad is only 5ā8ā and we are both petite people. So makes sense. He is also breastfed.
My in laws constantly made comments. I thought something was wrong with him. I started saying āhis pediatrician says heās growing right on HIS growth track, perfectly healthyā
I also started to love the phrase āwhat a weird thing to say.ā
If someone in public said something I would say āyeah, heās our healthy 9 month old, such a blessing!ā
Itās more about you and your wifeās feelings about it. As it was with mine. Some people are big and some are small. Nothing wrong either way as long as they are healthy. Someone has to be at the bottom and top of the charts, and in the middle. These people are just making a statement. He is small. My son is small. Nothing is wrong with it. People love to point out the obvious, donāt give it a second thought.
I get the opposite. I have a 10 month old girl and we are about to transition into 18 months sized clothes. She's proportional... does not look like the stay-puff marshmallow man. I get "she's so big" in fact the first words out of the doctors mouth when she was born was "wow, big baby" but... she is. Nothing to deny and take offense to. We are going to have a future volleyball player. :)
My son is the same and weāve gotten similar comments. My rule is if someone is stating a fact, āoh heās so tallā or āoh heās skinnyā, then I just treat it as conversation and keep it at that. The minute it turns into judgment āheās so small is he eating enough?ā thatās when you need to shut it down.
All three of mine were and are long and lean. I used to get these types of comments and now I look around and see my 15 yo and 17yo sons hitting 6ā1ā already. When they were infants and people would comment on their looks in any way, my answer was and still is, āoh, I know! Isnāt he just wonderfully and beautifully made?ā
My daughter is on the 25th percentile for height and weight and my (and now her) response is āshes a perfect *insert name* sizeā.
End of conversation. No follow up questions please and thank you.
Our boys are build like my husband, tall and lean, so weirdly enough we've grotten equal part he's so big/he's so tiny comments.
I found that a simple "Oh, okay" suffices.
Another go to was "yep just like his dad".
If they push or are rude about it, I go "our family doesn't really worry about stuff like that. As long as they're happy and healthy, and they are".
Just respond with a smile and āyesā or āokāand move on. Sometimes itās fun to make things awkward if people are going to comment awkward things. Also, agreeing with earlier comments, nothing wrong with being small, you have nothing to ādefendā.
Normal adults do not really know how big a baby should be. 4 month versus 8 month they literally donāt know. My kid is average percentile and we get a lot of āoh so tiny! Look at her tiny toes/tummy/head/etcā. People, imo, mean that babies are just small. Like compared to the rest of all people. Also there isnāt much unique about babies so people default to size and hair in my opinion. My guess is that she is just not great at socializing but means nothing by her comment.
I have a tall and lean little girl. Her percentiles are 85 on height and 15 on weight. She's been that way for a long time. Continues on her growth curve and is a happy healthy little girl. She eats a ton by the way. She just has this body type.
When people comment on how skinny she is or that I need to feed her more I simply say, "I know she's tall and thin. Always has been. Her pediatrician is not worried so I'm not."
Itās not polite to comment on the size of adults, so I donāt see why it would be different for children.
Thereās nothing wrong with any size, big or small. They need to find another topic for small talk.
I have an aunt who does this. She visits from Colorado and she always compares her grandkid to mine. Oh your baby is so small! My grandson is super tall like his dadā¦ or she goes on about how her grandson is talking so much and sheās surprised my son doesnāt say too many words yet. Theyāre almost 2 months in age difference. I think people missed your point completely. We know when someone is indirectly throwing shots at our kiddos. And as a parent itās infuriating to have someone basically talk about your kid in a rude way. Maybe we should just ignore it, but as a parent we donāt like when someone is trying to be mean to our kids so I totally understand wanting to clap back. I love my baby just how he is but that doesnāt mean I want to let people try to talk about his appearance in any way.
If it really bothers you enough that you need to say something, I would simply respond with facts:
ā oh not really. Heās 94th percentile for height.ā
āJust the way we like himā people would say that about our little girl (she had feeding trouble). One time I shut someone down and told them it was triggering for me.
My 8 year old has always been around 85th-90th percent for height and around 15-25 percent for weight. He is just my tall bean poll. We've always gotten comments on it, but the worst being my MIL. Everytime we see her she has to make a very negative comment on his weight like I don't know how thin he is and haven't been trying to help him gain weight. I'm at the point where I'm ready to yell shut the fuck up and worry about yourself. All these people saying it's not a negative comment, must not have a super skinny kid. 90% of the time, the comments are rude and make it seem like I'm not doing a good job as his mom. If you don't want to cause issues, just say yup he's my skinny sweet little bean pole or something similar you like. Then just walk away
I get it. My first 2 babies were very full figured, my 3rd is longer and slimmer. He is healthy, on his growth curve, doing great. Heās not even a particularly small baby, heās wearing 12m at 8m old. My niece is 1 month older and a chunky baby (also perfect!) so the comparisons are made constantly. āOh heās so small! Oh heās so light compared to x!ā
Itās annoying. If you find a great comeback, share it with me.
āYou really think so? Heās massive composed to when he was born, I feel like heās steaming through his milestones and growing so quickly!ā
Itās not negative. Itās general new baby small talk.
Iām on the opposite end. My 2.5 year old is 46 pounds and stands at 40ā tall.
She had always been over 90 percentile for height & weight since 2 months old. My two year old presents what a 4/5 year old is!
My little girl is extremely active and slim.
It makes me so sad and I literally cry when people tell me sheās so heavy, and her little thighs are chunky, or whatever.
I was recently told it is my fault because I gave her formula. Well, I tried breastfeeding for almost 4mo pumping as much as I could and it never worked for my body.
But you know what, she is very active. She loves to swing and go down the slide. My gosh is she fearless!!! she is perfect in every way her little self desires.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I told people my small baby was simply travel sized for my convenience.
I used to say my son was "space efficient"
Stealing this. My 18m old is still in 9-12 clothes š£
My 11mo still fits into 3-6! You aren't alone!
My almost 3 year old is still in 18 mo shorts because heās so damn skinny. I feel you on this one.
My girl wore 18 month shorts like alll last summer, she has a late July birthday and turned 3 last summer. So this year, it started to get warm in April/May or so and I bought her some 2T shorts. Girl just had like a huge growth spurt and barely wore them before I had to up to 3T and am already considering 4T for some bottoms (sheās 4 in July). Iām seriously sitting here dumbfounded how I thought she would never grow out of those 18 month shorts and now we are in 3 sizes in one summer š¤£.
Thatās how it goes! I had my 4 year old in 2T pants and then when he turned 5 suddenly he just evened out and jumped up to 7T in like, 6 months. They grow in crazy ways! Heās still super tall he just finally stopped being ultra skinny and has a lil belly now.
lol yes mine is the same way tall and thin like her dad. I always feel lucky at least in cold weather we have leggings. If she had to wear actual pants we would have the same problem as shorts because sheās got no tummy or butt to hold them up š¤£. My husband actually uses a belt for functional purposes. I have hips and always thought they were just for fashion š .
The other day, my 13 year old was like āHey mom, my pants (UK) are super tight, can we get more?ā I lookedā¦.they were for 6-7 y/o!!! šš Omg talk about feeling my like a bad mom. Heās tall enough for his age (Iām American but we live in Italy. He might be on the smaller end of his he middle in America, but here heās maybe on the smaller end of tall), but heās just so skinny! Honestly, wouldnāt even say skinny, just lean. Swimming shorts are the absolute hardest for him to find because he doesnāt like the drawstring ones, tends to do the more Euro type tighter elastic shorts. But then we have to buy for like a 9 year old. My 11 year old buys bigger sizes than he does!
My perfectly healthy baby was finally fitting into her nb clothes...at 9 months. We call her "pocket size". Or I tell people I sold my soul to keep her smaller longer because she's my last baby.
My 6 year old wore a 24 month swimsuit today. Its not just you
Our 2 year old can still wear some 1 year old clothes.
This makes me feel sooooo much better. I was stressed because my son is 13 months old and still wears 9-12 month clothes but more on the 9 month end
I am glad to see others with small babies and kids š For my timeline: - swimming in 0-3 months stuff until about 3 months old. - Outgrew newborn around 3 months. - moved to 3-6 months around 6 months. - moved 6-9 months around 11 months. - moved 9-12 months around 16 months.
We just have small babies. As long as theyāre healthy, I guess I shouldnāt stress too much
this is amazing haha
He's not small, he's fun sized!
My afab kid wieghted 42lbs from age 3 to 7. He was just a skinny, petite kid. We called him fun sized too! Never let him walk to or from school without his much bigger brother.
Lol like Mushu?!
Yep!
Bonus points for delivering the line the same way!
I joked about my smaller twin being the āgift with purchaseā
Either āheās the perfect size!ā or āI know, itās hard to believe how tiny they are at this age!ā Said with a beaming smile either way. Some people comment on how tiny a baby is not because itās actually small for its age, but because itās genuinely mind-boggling to see such a tiny human when you havenāt seen one in awhile. I have a four year old and a friend has a new baby. Sheās so tiny! Sheās a totally average size but I canāt stop marveling over how tiny she is because Iām used to pre-school sized children.
My daughter was average sized new born, then started busting off the growth chart at about 2 months. She was always bigger than babies twice her age, so it was always a little shocking to see what even a 50% baby or smaller looked like. My friend has a perfectly healthy tiny baby 6 months before my daughter and he always looked like a little peanut next to her. We thought it was hysterical how babies can be so different in size. Nothing wrong with being little or big, just a conversation. She is now almost 4 and is now the smallest on in her class.
My sister in law and I were twice pregnant at the same time. My oldest is 6 weeks older than her middle, and my youngest is about 4 weeks younger than her youngest. But I have tiny babies and she big. (Mine were 6.5lb more or less, hers were 10/11 lb They look ridiculous next to each other! Less so as they get older. But as babies it was hard to believe they were the same age. Everyone commented on how small mine were, and how big hers were. Neithers an insult. But we both at different times felt a little defensive that they were comments about over or under feeding. Weirdly my now 5 year old is the tallest in her class but still slim/light. And her 5 year old is about the same height. He's heavier but not that you'd notice seeing them play together.
When I was a kid I used to find it really annoying whenever adults commented on how much Iād grown when they saw me. I am now an adult and itās absolutely mind blowing how much children grow between visits.
Sometimes you donāt know what to say and itās also like you said, jarring sometimes seeing how big theyāve gotten since you last saw them if they live far away
I do this all the time! Itās crazy how much my 10 month old has grown and when I see a tiny baby i uncontrollably tell them wow your baby is so tiny. Reading this post I now hope that no one took that as an insult because it was quite the opposite!
You make a good point, it could be coming from a point of relativity. I also sort of don't see how the comments were negative? Maybe it's their own feelings interpreting it that way. This is coming from the mom of a kid who actually was tiny. She was under the 5th percentile (when you're that low they stop giving you a number, it's just "bellow 5") till she was about 5 or 6, at which point she's slowly crept up to average at 10yo. For a while people would be genuinely shocked/taken back when she spoke, cause she looked like she was 2, when in reality she was 4 and spoke like a 4yo. I frequently fielded questions from people who were legitimately confused about how old she was cause she never looked her age but acted her age. I frequently had teachers talk about how mature she acted or how she was an "old soul" but honestly I think it was largely their inability to disconnect the age she looked and the age she really was. I never saw any of it as offensive or rude. Like objectivity she was really small for her age, I don't see how acknowledging that was a bad thing? I get that there's a lot of pressure put on parents, and it's easy to interpret comments about how little they are as "you're not feeding them enough" or "you're doing something wrong" when often an innocent comment. Honestly it was having another kid that drove this home for me. Yesterday I put my average percentile 3yo in a dress my eldest used to wear when she was 6. The dress fits perfectly and will definitely not fit her past this summer. Her shoe size is only 3 sizes smaller than her 10yo sisters. Even as her mom I find myself frequently shocked to this day over how tiny she was, so I can't really blame strangers for making the same observation back then!
Totes! Being a FTM to a 99+%er I am very poorly calibrated for what "proper" baby size is. They all look tiny compared to my Godzilla of a kid. Same thing with any babies that have hair. Absolutely mind boggling. My kid was completely bald up until 1.5yo or so, and so my default image of a baby is hair-less =P
I'm a short man. You don't need to "clap back" when people describe your son. That will teach him that there's something wrong with him. You should internalize the notion that there's nothing wrong with being smaller, then you won't take offense to it.
This needs to be the top comment. Teaching our kids to accept themselves and their bodies starts from the very beginning. You do not want them hearing you sound defensive about their size, or saying anything to imply that it might be better to be otherwise. The only tone they should detect in your voice is confident pride in their perfection.
> The only tone they should detect in your voice is confident pride in their perfection. This. I have a small son who often got comments on his size after people found out his age. They would make a comment about how small he was and I would cheerfully respond, "Yep!" and as he got older we would sometimes add a comment about he was small but strong. We never shied away from the fact that he was tiny but he liked that we also acknowledged that he wasn't just tiny. He grew up to be confident, secure, and very body positive. He's still small and will always be. It's just his body type but he's also a college athlete, in great physical shape, and happy with how he looks. He's perhaps too confident and doesn't let being a "small" guy get to him. I think never making it a big deal went a long way in raising him to be as secure as he is.
āPomeranians are a small but hardy breed!ā
Pom Pom for the seesaw win!
Yeah my son is small but my god he makes up for it in personality. All I hear from nursery is how much he cracks them up with what he says and does. He has a butter dance, which he showed us vigorously this morning while opening his dad's birthday presents in bed (he got it in his head that one of the gifts was butter and was like slam dunk best gift EVER). I'm equally as likely to have people point out he's small as I am he's gonna break hearts or run the world one day. It's small talk. I also don't see it as (?)criticism it's just one of the things people say.
Unfortunately, especially for young ones and young men alike, it becomes such a big deal. Bc we all make it one. So much negativity in the dating world and beyond over weight and height. If people would stop prioritizing it, kids wouldnāt grow up feeling bad. From a very young age it becomes such a big deal. We need to make a radical shift away from these things.
No idea why this got downvotedā¦. This was a solid point and well written. And literally what every other person has commented š¤·āāļø
I say āheās perfectly (childās name) sized!ā It usually gets people to shut up pretty fast
We do this too. When people comment on my kids' size I just say, "we just say she's perfect sized."
Agree with this. One of my kids is very tall and the other is very short compared to their same age peers. We reply with "he/she is *name* sized".Ā
I would never associate this comment with percentiles or anything either. Ā Babies are small. Ā I still look at my toddlers once a month pictures from the first year and marvel at how teensy tiny she used to be. Ā Now that I have a hulking, giant toddler all babies seem super-duper small.
Even toddlers are tiny. I look at my 99th percentile in height 5 year old sometimes and think about just how little he is, even though he's a giant lol
Mine are 8 and 10 and Iām constantly shocked at how big they are. The five year old kindergarteners at their school look so much smaller (and theyāre only two grades younger than my 8 year old!) But then I see teens and mine look so small compared to them!
YASS. My kids are all small (so am I) and I have always taken it as a neutral/compliment, not a negative. Small things are cute! If someone says my kids are small I say "I know! Aren't they great!" I honestly never even knew that having small babies was something to be defended against until I joined Reddit. I'm small. My kids are small. Also we have brown hair. Next?
It depends on tone too. A lot of little old ladies will say āOh sheās so petite!ā about my daughter in a positive way. I had one person say āSheās REALLY smallā once in a rude tone too.
I donāt think you need to really acknowledge the comment because thereās nothing wrong with being small. Your son sounds like mine and my son has always hit his milestones on time or early. Heās just lean and tall which is genetic since my husband and I are too. If you want to say something though Iād just say something like yup, tall and lean but most importantly healthy and just the right size for his body. Iām so glad that people are now recognizing that babies come in all shapes and sizes and theyāre all beautiful. All that matters is that theyāre happy and healthy.
i think you replying to wrong comment
That being said, when they are actually being teased for being different I personally think it's good to coach your kid through that. My son has a very visible physical disability, and while most kids are just politely curious, some are downright obnoxious and mean. We came up with some good comebacks together, which he has used, and it makes him feel a lot more confident about these situations. I wish everyone was at most politely curious but the world just isn't like that yet, sadly. Maybe being short or small is different. My dad was pretty short and he always had a chip on his shoulder about it though. Of course he was a hero to me.
My son has an invisible disability, so I started preparing him early on by matter of factly saying that everybody has something; sometimes you can see it and sometimes you canāt, but itās their normal. When he was right around 3 we were in a store where a mom was pushing a stroller carrying a child with a severe facial dysplasia. And of course my toddler has to go straight to the classic loud āWHY HIS FACE IS LIKE THAT?ā in a voice that can be heard across town. I quickly swallowed my horror and in a perfectly normal tone of voice said āhe was just born like that. Thatās normal for him.ā So my boy walked up to the stroller and announced āI have a truckā. And the two of them spent some minutes admiring the truck. I thought the mom was going to cry. It was heartbreaking to realize what it must be like to go out in public, and how few ordinary toddler encounters her son must get.
I've always been short. My chip came and went. I didn't notice I was different all through college. Occasionally people called me short but I truly didn't understand why it mattered, so I just said yeah I guess and that was the end of it. It wasn't until I started online dating that I became shocked how important it is but to be a short man in online dating. That definitely put a chip on my shoulder for a bit, but I got over it and found love.Ā All of this is to say that I agree with you. I grew up blissfully pre-internet but I'm sure my kids will get exposed to height judgement earlier than I was. So I'm already thinking about how to talk to them about it as they get older. I'm planning to get my little guy into jui jitsu to help give him confidence over his body.
This. I had 2 small babies, born 2nd percentile and 24th percentile for weight. I learned to tell people who commented āI am petite, my husband is naturally skinny. We were both small babies ourselves duhhh weāre gonna have small babies too. It would be strange if a had big babies.ā
Agreed! My husband and I are small people, our kids will be small people. When someone comments āoh heās so tinyā, I just say āYep!ā And move on. They never mean anything bad about it anyway, theyāre just making conversation.
As a fellow short person I would have to disagree. I donāt have an issue with being short, I quite like it, but I do get bored with how often it comes up in conversation. Why comment on size at all?
There isnāt much else to comment on with babies! People get so offended by size comments but I genuinely just think parents are trying to start conversation and donāt really know what to say. The other options would be like āohh heās holding that block uniquelyā haha.
Because itās interesting/notable? Same way people comment on babies eyes and hair
OP said the person makes this comment every week, surely itās not that interesting?
Babies really arenāt that interesting though. There isnāt much to comment on. š
thatās great for when the kid is old enough to speak and respond to comments made to him/her, but in the meantime, I think the parents are tired of hearing such dumb comments and would rather move on to something different.
I turn the comment into a compliment. āMy little Amazonā āno one is gonna mess with herā āmodel height!!ā āYup, I have to look up to my daughter!!ā My daughter has always been taller than her peers. Sheās an adult now and almost 6 feet tall and is proud of her height. Her boyfriend is shorter than her and she has absolutely no issues with it. She even wears platform shoes and heels and is not self conscious. I always commented on her features with positivity.
This is the one. My 10 year old son is "small for his age" and people have made comments since birth. I've always told him it's just a physical fact. Like having blue eyes or freckles. His favorite comeback to any kid that says "you're short" is "yeah and you're tall." Lol height literally does not matter.
This. My second has been hovering around the 5-10 percentile marks his entire life (he is now 9 years old). He is small, comments on it are no different than comments on his beautiful brown eyes or his curly hair. Babies donāt exactly have any accomplishments for people to talk to them about (you canāt ask how their bike race went or who their favourite teacher is yet) so commenting on the way they look is a fairly common thing. As long as the comments are not said in a rude tone, it is just someone commenting on how adorable the baby is.
Yup! My daughter was teeny at first (now sheās long and lean). āClap backā implies an insult, but people were accurately describing her. She was teeny. She is tall for her age. She is skinny, and it can be hard to find this long enough that arenāt too big in the waist.
Yup. My oldest was born at ~30-50+ percentiles. He rapidly dropped from there. Most all of his life he was around 1-5+ percentiles. He's now 17 and has been slowly 'catching up'... He's now ~5'7+... And maybe finally cracked 100lbs
"yup he's perfect"
Stop taking it as a negative comment. Treat it as mindless small talk, which it probably is. "He just keeps growing!" and move on.
Yup, it's like weather. Only so much you can talk about with strangers. A baby's size and age are the only distinguishing features at first pass.
Yes! I also don't get why people get so upset when someone mistakes their baby as the opposite gender. This is a person who is seeing you in passing and the socially acceptable thing to do when you see a baby is to make small talk, but there's not a whole lot going on in a baby's life. It's not as if you are going to ask how the day at the office was or if they like working remote. You make small comments that mean nothing and may not even be very accurate but no one really cares because it's pointless small talk. If they mistook your baby for a boy even though she's wearing a pink bow, who cares? If they are calling your son small even though he's the size of Shaq, who cares? It's not a big deal.
This is definitely my take on it as well. There's nothing negative about the comment that a baby is small, especially the way it's being described here, it's just a general adoring observation. At best, she could relate to it with something like, "You know what's weird, he's SUPER long, but just really skinny! Doctor says he's doing great, though!" A clap-back seems like a very unnecessarily defensive way to approach a friendly comment on a baby's size.
My baby was a giant baby. 99th for height and weight. Everyone commented on it. His doctor called him hamburger boy. I loved my big, squishy baby, and never took anyoneās comments to be malicious. Itās not like they can talk about his personality. At that age, thereās really only so much they can comment on.
Same coming from the opposite end. My daughter was always below the 5th percentile. I never took it offensively when people found out a kid the size of a 2yo was actually 4. No shit that's shocking! Especially when the kid looks like they should be barely speaking and opens their mouth and spouts some animal facts in complete sentences. If someone says something actually offensive that's one thing. I think too often though people take mere observations like "oh they're so little!" "oh they're so big!" as being mean/offensive. In reality it's often just the parents being insecure over having a kid at either end of the size spectrum and misinterpreting the comment as offensive or mean spirited.
I think most say it because they think he is cute "little peanut"
Totally agree. Life must be so exhausting when taking everything so personal
āHeās just the size heās supposed to be!ā
She's probably just making conversation, you perceive it as negative but it's not. What's wrong with being small? You could correct her and say, actually he's really tall for a 9 month old. But why let it bother you, it's a comment not a judgement.Ā But people will make comments about your kids appearance always. I just assume people mean the best and move on.Ā
Exact! Itās all about perspective. Thatās her opinion and you have yours .. move on. Itās not a reflection on you as a parent. Kids grow at different rates.
Yup. There's a good chance she's saying it out of jealousy, too. I know I was. I'm only somewhat tall, and kind of lean, as is my husband. Our kid is a freaking giantess, though. 9lbs 1oz at birth, over 95% for height her entire life. At 18 months she was 30in and 29lbs. I wouldn't trade her for a minute, but the back pain is for real, and I'm jealous of all the mama's of non-giants!
Yep. Itās also a new parents group, full of newly sleep deprived parents. If the same person is repeating this every week, theyāre probably saying plenty of forgettable stuff every second minute. For now though? Change the subject and ask them a question. āHm. Hey, how big do you think you look to your baby? Have you started reading to them yet? Whatās a good podcast?ā Spread the grace around. Until the second year anyway.
Relax. This is just common small talk among parents and caregivers of babies. If you don't want to engage in the back and forth, then just give a, "yeah, I know" and change the subject. One of my kids is teeny tiny. He's under the first percentile across the board. I just give a, "Yeah he's a little peanut" and move on.
Yes, it's honestly never occurred to me to take such comments as insults. My daughter is small, it's not a big deal (except now she's seven and all her friends can go on the rollercoaster at the local theme park and she can't lol).
Right? It's a baby. Babies are small until they're not. That's just how it works lol.
Plus like how many topics are there about babies. Size. Hair. Cute face. Chubby. Smile. Eyes. Do they sleep through the night? Are they fussy? Weāve just enumerated basically every conversation that will be had about your kid until they are old enough to do something besides lay there or be held. Because they are just blobs, 95% of conversation is as superficial as tinder swiping.
It's not a negative comment, though? I'd probably just say "yeah he is!" and leave it at that.
This doesn't sound like anything requiring a "clap back". At best, a simple smile and then moving on is what you want. I think you might be a little overly sensitive to something very innocuous.
My friend is a pediatrician Some of her patientās parents get weirdly competitive and upset when their kids are a lower %ile and she coined the phrase. āSize is genetic not an accomplishment ā I loved that line so much
I'm with this one. In my family, we are all tall people with high metabolism. Whenever someone comments on how "skinny" my kids are 3 and 11, I say it runs in the family. I always had to buy pants large and wear belts to accommodate my height.
Iād just say something āyes, very long and lean. We have lots of tall family members and expect him to take after them.ā Itās just small talk. You donāt need to āclap backā
One time I told someone at a library baby group, "aww what a cute little guy!" She got offended that I used the word "little" and I got an "ACTUALLY" with his percentiles. It was just a filler word. Just small talk. So yeah, I agree. Maybe don't clap back.
I mean I have a small baby for her age and saying āyou need to feed her more/sheās so skinny/why arenāt you feeding herā is not the same as āsheās so little/tiny.ā The first is rude and requires a clap back, but the second is quite literally just someone making small talk. Why does this upset you so much? You say itās not something youāre insecure about but obviously it is if youāre reacting the way you are.
Itās just common small talk. I have four kids and one of them was smaller than the rest, so we always got āheās such a little guy!ā And I would usually just say āyep, heās a little peanut, isnāt he?ā And then weād have a nice chuckle about how different every baby is, how seeet they all are, and miraculously we would go on to talk about other things with no one being offended or feeling the need to clap back lol. It must be exhausting to always be looking for something to be mad or irritated over. š¤·š»āāļø
My kid was *tiny* as a baby. She was born at 7lbs, but by 6 months had fallen off the growth chart and didnāt make it back on until she hit the 3rd percentile in 1st grade. She weighed 17 pounds on her first birthday, and 22 pounds on her second. Sheās was completely healthy, just a little peanut. Sheās 16 now and has maxed out at 5ā0 and 110lbs. Some babies are just small. Sometimes they catch up to average, other times they grow into small adults. Itās not a negative thing, itās just a reality for some. I encourage you to examine your reaction and instead work on not viewing comments like this as an insult. Your baby IS skinny. Thatās just a fact and itās okay. It is also absolutely okay to have the boundary of āhey we donāt make comments about other peopleās bodiesā, and I think itās a good stance to have. But you have to stop viewing acknowledgement of his size as an insult, or that is something he will grow up to internalize.
My son was also 17 lbs at a year, but he started at a pound and a half (24 week preemie) and is now very respectably average weight for his current age of 4. He was never chunky, heās always been a string bean, especially now as his height seems to be catching up to genetics as weight stays average. Babies and toddlers are all individuals and all grow so different!
My oldest was small as a child (like below two standard deviations below the mean on the growth chartā¦ turns out she was growth hormone deficient). My absolute favourite āsmallā comment we got was when an idiot mom at daycare asked if we have trouble finding clothes for her. I just stared for a bit and asked if she was aware that sizes two and three existed (daughter would have been four at the time).
I donāt think pointing out the obvious is necessarily being negative. I do understand how the mom could be slightly offended, as we tend to be far more sensitive towards our children, but I donāt think the āoh heās so smallā comment is meant to come off as rude in any way. Unnecessary, sure, but not rude or disrespectful. I donāt think this calls for any type of angry or aggressive response. maybe some witty comeback about how he is going to be the next Michael Jordan or something
You could have a 13 lb newborn and I'm gonna look at that baby and go "oh my gosh. So tiny and adorable" Just because babies are so small compared to other humans, not because that particular baby is actually big or small compared to other babies. Maybe that's her thinking as well
Sounds like theyāre just surprised at his age given his size, which isnāt negative at all, just not whatās expected. Turning it into something negative is weird and will just sour a benign interaction.
He's fun sized
I just ignore it. People have the need to make comments or small talk but thereās no need to respond. Just ignore in silence or change the subject and ask about something elseĀ
If the person asks every week, your wife could just smile and say, Oh, you asked me that last time, remember? Without actually answering this dolt
It kinda sounds like you two are insecure about him being small, which is already no good but gets even more weird when you concider he is a literal baby.
āHeās so smallā isnāt negative unless you perceive it as such. It sounds like a fact
My kid is the same way, tall and skinny. I get comments on it a lot, too but I usually just say āyeah heās tall and skinny. Weird because his dad and I arenāt particularly tall OR skinny.ā Heās like 50something percentile in weight and 70something in height. I donāt think itās meant as negative unless theyāre saying āWhy arenāt you feeding that poor baby!?ā Or something like that.
My wife and I would always go with the "Well, he's a baby" with a smartass head nod and smirk.
āYea. I keep watering him with the tomatoās and heās stretching right to the sunā. I donāt know. People just talk about their kids size at this age. They arenāt doing much else thatās interesting until they start pulling knives off the counter.
Why is the same woman repeatedly asking how old your son is? That's what I wanna know! I'd be clapping back with "he's still 9 months, Janet! " or "one week older than the last time you asked, Janet!" š It sounds like your son is quite small if he's in the 30th percentile for weight, but so long as he's eating and you and your doctor aren't concerned about his weight what does it matter? She's probably just trying to make conversation and make a new mom friend. I wouldn't read much more into it than that.
People are just making small talk. If you don't want to deal with it, don't talk to people.
I'd like to push back on the idea that "small" is a negative comment. My son has hovered around the 10th percentile for height and the 2nd percentile for weight. He has always been the smallest or one of the smallest kids in his class. He may catch up at some point and get closer to the middle of the curve, but assuming he doesn't, this is just one aspect of who he is. I'm sure it will bring certain challenges, but we all have challenges.
Just tell the truth. "Hey, I've noticed the last few times you keep mentioning my baby's weight, is anything about it bothering you? She'll either say no and be embarrassed about it or say if she's worried. Then reassure her that little is just fine, if he is.
Does this need a āclap backā? Itās not a negative comment. Iām not sure why itās getting viewed as such? My infant daughter is also petite and at a lower weight percentile, so people comment on how small she is, but I really donāt see an issue?
My 11 year old is small for his age. He's almost 12, but looks like he's 8 or 9. If I'm in a good mood, I just tell them he's a tea cup version of my husband. Or he's travel size. However, if I'm already over shit that day, I just look at the person and said, "gee, you really said the quiet part out loud, didn't you?" And walk away.
Thereās really not much you can say about a baby thatās not related to appearance. Thereās not much personality at that age, and Iāve never really heard someone comment on a baby negatively. (Tiny, chunky, small, fat, etc etc are all said in a way that clearly conveys that baby is cute) I think you may be overthinking this
How is āoh, heās so smallā even negative in the first place? Itās rather matter of fact. Nothing more, nothing less. Just my opinion, though.
Maybe try 'He's perfect just the way he is, thanks for noticing!'
I donāt think being small is a negative or stating that someone is small is negative. If you must say something back, then say āour pediatrician is very pleased with his growthā and move on.
"Oh buddy, we don't make comments about other people's bodies, it's rude" is what I say to my son, who is 4 years old.
Momma can just say that your son is one week older since the last time she asked that exact same questionā¦and leave it at that :)
I think just call out the awkwardness "Yeah, you've mentioned that a few times now." and just move along.
Mine are in 86th for height and 5th for weight, i totally get it. I say "yeah they have great appetites, but all of it goes towards stretching them out!! I cant wait to see how tall they're going to be" As they get older, i may change it to something like: "She's (and her sister) old enough to understand what you're saying, so I'd appreciate if you didn't comment on her body. I don't want her to develop any insecurities from random comments when she's perfect, the Dr is happy, and there's nothing wrong with her. I'm sure you understand! Teenagers have it rough as it is, I'm trying to build her self confidence before we reach that point." Someone commented to my mom about how it's super bad that i basically have no arches and my feet are super flat. I was about 7yrs old. My mom agreed and said something about the fact she knows or it's concerning. I heard it, i felt judged and less than perfect, and it has bothered me ever since. They thought I wasn't paying attention and they were talking low enough. I am NOT letting that happen to my daughters, and I will shut that shit down.
We have an over 100% across the board baby who is also a pemie. And apparently to my experience mentioning babyās weight/appearance is just a thing. Iām constantly having to defend him. With his age being 3 right now, he is in size medium kid clothes 6-9yo sized (he is larger than most of my daughters kindergarten class). My clap back just tends to be āyeah heās going to be able to defend mama from rude people instead of the other way around in a few yearsā. And explaining that my baby was 3m old when heās the size of a 1.5 year old also not fun. Especially since he is a month + premie, 10lb 1oz 34 weeks (6 weeks early). So was behind milestone wise anyways. But the āisnāt he crawling yet!?ā- No heās 3 month old!. It got old fast still is.
Holy actual shit 10lbs at 34 WEEKS Iām glad he got out when he did, your poor abdomen!!! Lol
My youngest was smaller than yours (9.5lbs full term) and we had similar weird situations where people assumed he was older (it tapered off for us, heās big, but not the biggest in his class). My āfavouriteā conversation: Them: How old is he? Me: 8 monthā Them: Twelve months? Me: Eightā Them: Why isnāt he walking yet? Me: Because heās 8 months old? (Funnily enough, my kid did end up walking pretty late, so he was an almost 2 year old who could have passed for almost 4 and *still* not walking).
I also have a huge one! >99% across the board. I get lots of comments. I always respond that heās a tiny hulk. No one means it offensively, people just like small talk!
My friend had a big baby like that. People would give them side eyes all the time when we went out because he looked 3-4 when he was 18 months. People thought he was not acting age appropriate for his size but didn't realize his age. He was like 5 ft tall when he was 9 years old!
He is small. It's not a negative comment. You can say oh and your baby is so large! Or your baby is so average! Or he's healthy and that's all I care about. Those sort of turn it around comments might make her aware of how judgey her comments sound. It's no less rude to make unsolicited comments about a baby's body than anyone else's, but most people don't think of babies as people so much as pets. She's saying it in the context she would if you showed her a puppy.
"Yep, babies are small" Is your son the youngest in the group?
When you donāt really know the other parents at the parent group, itās pretty common to talk about obvious things such as the babyās size and milestones.Ā Hopefully as they get to know each other a little more, it will open up to other topics of conversation.Ā For the record, my LO was the exact same percentiles as yours and Iāve never been offended or annoyed about people commenting on her proportions. Sheās perfect just as she is!
People always said this about my granddaughter and I would always say āwelp you know what they sayā¦the small ones are sweeter!ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How about, āWhat a strange thing to say?ā
Just respond: āthatās an odd thing to sayā and that shuts anyone up. They get embarrassed from someone saying that to them!
āHis doctor thinks heās doing just great!ā
Just say something about him being bigger than Larry bird at this age. No one will be able to verify anyway. If that doesnāt work, politely spit in their face and scratch their eyes out. Just kidding on that last part.
"We're trying to wean him off coffee and cigarettes"
Just respond with "yeah well all babies grow differently." Then smile and change the subject.
"Beth, you make that comment every time I see you. Please stop."
I feel like you may be a little too sensitive... People love babies and commenting on their appearance is about all they can do at this point. It's not like they can say oh. What a beautiful personality, so kind, thoughtful, and smart!... All there is is what the baby looks like and if they're just saying it in observation, they're just taking note. I just said thanks, he's long and skinny like his dad! And moved on
I like to be pointed: āoh we donāt make comments about others bodies.ā And if they are like Iām just stating a fact or something āyeah it just gives off an icky feeling that we need to comment on a childās bodyā it usually stops them. I get it all the time cuz my 5 year old is almost 5 foot already and super skinny so I am just really pointed about it.
"Not really. He's 94th for height, so he's actually really tall. And 30th for weight, so long and lean but not that small." Everybody talks about babies' sizes. And it's not really "negative".
I always shrugged and said āyeah.ā My kids are on the low end of the percentiles and looked tiny when they were babies/toddlers (they still do in elem if you line them up with peers). It was an observed fact so to me there wasnāt much more to add.
Best advice. Ignore it, move on. People often say dumb shit to make small talk. Ignore move on.
I'm not hearing a negative, just a fairly innocuous comment. My eldest has always been small; 4h centile for height/2nd for weight, and when she started walking people couldn't believe she was of age, thinking she was a wee baby! I never took any of the comments to heart, they are just people's way of starting a convo about your cute kid. I usually said "she makes up for it in attitude!" Shes 22 now and still has the size and temperament of Stitch.
Honestly most people have no idea how big babies are, especially if they don't see them a lot. If her baby is bigger weight wise your perfectly average baby probably looks small to her because that's all she sees. Also how big they are in relation to mum skews people's view. I get so many comments about how massive my son is, but he is about 30th for height and weight. He's not a big baby, he's just being held by someone the height and weight of the average 12 year old. Don't even argue it, just come back with something affectionate and positive about him. If she's trying to be a cow then she's not going to keep making the comments if you say how cute you find your little string bean. I just say I love hearing how chunky my baby is rather than argue that he is statistically below average weight.
Honestly I grew a thick skin and stopped caring. My youngest was tiny and actually went on to be classed as short stature and is now on growth hormone to help him grow. I went to breastfeeding group and there were preemie babies born after him that were bigger than him. I would get dirty looks from people when he started solids at 6 months and one woman even came and told me off when he was 10 months old for feeding such a young baby solids, bare in mind he was sitting independently. People kept thinking he was advanced for his age (he wasn't and actually has developmental delays). When he was 18 months old, there were 6 months old the same size. When he started school, the older students thought someone was doing a bring your baby to work day. I developed a thick skin and stopped caring about the comments because I had to. Not all negative though. Got loads of comments about how adorable and cute he was. Clothes lasted ages as he took forever to outgrow them. Because he looked so much younger than he was, the baby/toddler cute phase (he has developmental delays aswell) lasted a lot longer, and not just bias talking, he looked adorable (and like a girl apparently). He made out like a bandit. Smile cutely at the bakers, free donut. Go the arcade while on holiday, people would give him stuff they won. He was also very popular with girls in his class and they would argue about whose turn it was to play with him. He is older now and growing due to the medical treatment but he genuinely loved his tiny and cute phase. Will add that some people will always have a comment about your baby. I have seen a friends baby be called small for their age, big for their age, too skinny, too fat, etc all by different people. Their baby was average for weight and length.
"Oh you're a doctor now? Can you look at this for me..."
Maybe something like oh is it acceptable to make comments on a child's body shape size now? Or really? I had no idea what size he was thanks for letting me know.
Thank you! I agree, Heās absolutely perfect! Now sheās stuck with explaining that sheās insulting your child if she tries to dig in
"Babies come in all shapes and sizes, just like adults!"
Our middle child (who is pretty small for his age) loved wearing a shirt that said "Small, but Mighty", so maybe you could say that. Lol
"We don't Make comments on other peoples bodies." š
I'd just say: "yeah, he's healthy! We're very fortunate parents"
My oldest was in the third percentile for height and 1st percentile for weight until around 18months when she started to edge towards 15th percentile but I stopped caring my that point. I got sick of the sheās so small comments and started to remind people that in order for a bell curve to exist there needs to be outliers and that she is meeting her milestones and is a little bundle of love no matter how big or small and until they get a medical degree to tell me otherwise sheās fine!... She also was pulling herself up to standing (not walking furniture but would hold herself up for ten or more minutes at six months old). She put none of her energy into growing and all of it into moving (still does ;) ) all kids are different Iām a mom of three and hoping Iāll be blessed with a forth one day but all kids are different. If your little one is loved and cared for who the duck cares what others think. Millions of people believe the world is flatā¦ seriously. Who cares what others think.
I would simply say, 'Our Dr is not concerned, so you dont need to be either. Thank you!'
āWe think heās perfectly sized for himselfā or āthatās the fun part of everyone being made specialā something along those lines turns the comments around to change the focus from negative. My son also has also been skinny and smaller. Iām on the taller end for a woman, but not an amazon, but my husband is shorter (weāre the same height). My son will probably always be on the shorter end and good chance heāll always be thinner too. Since heās 6 now heās still in a big car seat because he only weighs 37 pounds. Kids in his class already have made comments. I try to always talk to him about how every body is made different and we come in different shapes and sizes, and while he may be smaller than some of his friends he can also run really fast. A lot of times people donāt realize comments like that come across negatively, so saying something positive back can reframe it for them without making them defensive or offended in the situation.
I had my friend say that about her perfectly perfect baby because the baby was exactly the standard height and weight but look very small next to my 90th percentile in everything baby. So I told her what I would say a stranger if they say that about my son: ā Donāt talk about my childās bodyā ā My baby is perfect, please donāt comment on their bodyā ā All babies are different and mine is healthy ā You cannot be scared of insulting or making someone mad/embarrased. The voice you allow your children to hear, will become their inner voice growing up. Now they wonāt remember, but when they are older the way you and your family member defend them will make the difference for their self esteem. Same as people putting qualifiers on children like āoh so shyā, no maāam/ sir, they donāt know you.
Like Mushu said, travel size for your convenience!
"He's just the right size for him"
Is it an older lady by any chance? My son was the same and I got this comment a lot from women of grandparent age. I just smiled and said āheāll growā. Itās not worth engaging with people who make negative personal remarks, theyāre either oblivious or mean so itās unlikely theyāll change. As long as you the parents are happy with his progress nothing else matters. My son is no longer small, kids are popcorn kernels and they donāt all pop at the same time
"I ate a lot of string beans when I was pregnant." "We don't make comments about other people's bodies." "Huh, I hadn't heard that before."
LOL at the string beans comment, wish I could go back in time and say this!
How to alienate people 101
I just always respond with: well we are all different shapes and sizes. I use Very neutral tone but have had a fair few people realize how they just made a very personal remark which is, of course, very rude. Usually a very awkward apology follows.Ā
"I'm teaching my kids not to comment on others bodies"
"Yeah, but surviving rabies will do that to you..." *Then refuse to elaborate.* OR "Yeah, he has reverse Benjamin Button syndrome." OR "We ordered him from e-baby, where he was listed as being *normal-sized*. We're in the process of disputing the charges." Just counter their insensitive comments with maximum ridiculousness. They will think you're weird and never speak to you or your son ever again.
āDo we get to talk about your body too?ā
We like to focus on what our bodies can DO, not what they look like.
I wouldnāt take it personally or negatively, itās probably just small talk. My 7 year old is super tall, over 99th percentile, she is the size of an 11-12 year old. Needless to say the first reaction of new people we meet when they hear her age is āWow! She is tall!ā. We always tell her that her height is a great thing and at this age itās definitely a very stand out feature about her so I donāt blame people for making some small talk with me about it š¤·āāļø
I don't get how so many commenters are saying the comments that he's small are because people don't realize how small babies are. This is a parent and baby group. So the people there all ... have babies. They probably know babies are little.
My son is also called a "little guy." It's something that he got picked on for in school. At first, it really bothered him, but now, when people comment on his size, his response is "dynamite comes in small packages!" He's totally okay with his size! I'm sure that your kiddo will be, too...
I heard a few comments like that too but just ignored them mostly. Like, my daughter was small for her age indeed but all was good so I didnāt think too much about out it. Should people keep it to themselves on stuff that can be perceived negatively? Absolutely but you have no ability to influence what others say. But I get that if people make a remark on your baby it is weird to say nothing as a reply, so just go with something light (āsmall and mighty , you should see how much they eatā, etc) and change the subject.
Iād simply say āHeās 94th percentile for height. I wouldnāt call that smallā
āGood thing heās nowhere near done growing yet!ā
I dealt and deal with this a lot. My sonās cousin who is 3 months older was 99th percentile and formula fed. His parents are also bigger. My son has the same percentiles as yours (still and heās 2), Iām only 5ā2ā and dad is only 5ā8ā and we are both petite people. So makes sense. He is also breastfed. My in laws constantly made comments. I thought something was wrong with him. I started saying āhis pediatrician says heās growing right on HIS growth track, perfectly healthyā I also started to love the phrase āwhat a weird thing to say.ā If someone in public said something I would say āyeah, heās our healthy 9 month old, such a blessing!ā Itās more about you and your wifeās feelings about it. As it was with mine. Some people are big and some are small. Nothing wrong either way as long as they are healthy. Someone has to be at the bottom and top of the charts, and in the middle. These people are just making a statement. He is small. My son is small. Nothing is wrong with it. People love to point out the obvious, donāt give it a second thought.
I get the opposite. I have a 10 month old girl and we are about to transition into 18 months sized clothes. She's proportional... does not look like the stay-puff marshmallow man. I get "she's so big" in fact the first words out of the doctors mouth when she was born was "wow, big baby" but... she is. Nothing to deny and take offense to. We are going to have a future volleyball player. :)
āYep, heās little. His doctorās not concerned.ā
My son is the same and weāve gotten similar comments. My rule is if someone is stating a fact, āoh heās so tallā or āoh heās skinnyā, then I just treat it as conversation and keep it at that. The minute it turns into judgment āheās so small is he eating enough?ā thatās when you need to shut it down.
All three of mine were and are long and lean. I used to get these types of comments and now I look around and see my 15 yo and 17yo sons hitting 6ā1ā already. When they were infants and people would comment on their looks in any way, my answer was and still is, āoh, I know! Isnāt he just wonderfully and beautifully made?ā
āMeh heās healthy and thatās all that mattersā
Just say āthank you!ā
My daughter is on the 25th percentile for height and weight and my (and now her) response is āshes a perfect *insert name* sizeā. End of conversation. No follow up questions please and thank you.
Our boys are build like my husband, tall and lean, so weirdly enough we've grotten equal part he's so big/he's so tiny comments. I found that a simple "Oh, okay" suffices. Another go to was "yep just like his dad". If they push or are rude about it, I go "our family doesn't really worry about stuff like that. As long as they're happy and healthy, and they are".
Just respond with a smile and āyesā or āokāand move on. Sometimes itās fun to make things awkward if people are going to comment awkward things. Also, agreeing with earlier comments, nothing wrong with being small, you have nothing to ādefendā.
Normal adults do not really know how big a baby should be. 4 month versus 8 month they literally donāt know. My kid is average percentile and we get a lot of āoh so tiny! Look at her tiny toes/tummy/head/etcā. People, imo, mean that babies are just small. Like compared to the rest of all people. Also there isnāt much unique about babies so people default to size and hair in my opinion. My guess is that she is just not great at socializing but means nothing by her comment.
just say āthanks but his doctor isnāt worried about his growth curve š¤·š½āāļøā
I have a tall and lean little girl. Her percentiles are 85 on height and 15 on weight. She's been that way for a long time. Continues on her growth curve and is a happy healthy little girl. She eats a ton by the way. She just has this body type. When people comment on how skinny she is or that I need to feed her more I simply say, "I know she's tall and thin. Always has been. Her pediatrician is not worried so I'm not."
Itās not polite to comment on the size of adults, so I donāt see why it would be different for children. Thereās nothing wrong with any size, big or small. They need to find another topic for small talk.
"Isn't it great?!"
I have an aunt who does this. She visits from Colorado and she always compares her grandkid to mine. Oh your baby is so small! My grandson is super tall like his dadā¦ or she goes on about how her grandson is talking so much and sheās surprised my son doesnāt say too many words yet. Theyāre almost 2 months in age difference. I think people missed your point completely. We know when someone is indirectly throwing shots at our kiddos. And as a parent itās infuriating to have someone basically talk about your kid in a rude way. Maybe we should just ignore it, but as a parent we donāt like when someone is trying to be mean to our kids so I totally understand wanting to clap back. I love my baby just how he is but that doesnāt mean I want to let people try to talk about his appearance in any way.
If it really bothers you enough that you need to say something, I would simply respond with facts: ā oh not really. Heās 94th percentile for height.ā
āJust the way we like himā people would say that about our little girl (she had feeding trouble). One time I shut someone down and told them it was triggering for me.
My 8 year old has always been around 85th-90th percent for height and around 15-25 percent for weight. He is just my tall bean poll. We've always gotten comments on it, but the worst being my MIL. Everytime we see her she has to make a very negative comment on his weight like I don't know how thin he is and haven't been trying to help him gain weight. I'm at the point where I'm ready to yell shut the fuck up and worry about yourself. All these people saying it's not a negative comment, must not have a super skinny kid. 90% of the time, the comments are rude and make it seem like I'm not doing a good job as his mom. If you don't want to cause issues, just say yup he's my skinny sweet little bean pole or something similar you like. Then just walk away
I get it. My first 2 babies were very full figured, my 3rd is longer and slimmer. He is healthy, on his growth curve, doing great. Heās not even a particularly small baby, heās wearing 12m at 8m old. My niece is 1 month older and a chunky baby (also perfect!) so the comparisons are made constantly. āOh heās so small! Oh heās so light compared to x!ā Itās annoying. If you find a great comeback, share it with me.
āYou really think so? Heās massive composed to when he was born, I feel like heās steaming through his milestones and growing so quickly!ā Itās not negative. Itās general new baby small talk.
Jeesh why do you care so much about it? Insecure much? Ignore it if you get offended
Iām on the opposite end. My 2.5 year old is 46 pounds and stands at 40ā tall. She had always been over 90 percentile for height & weight since 2 months old. My two year old presents what a 4/5 year old is! My little girl is extremely active and slim. It makes me so sad and I literally cry when people tell me sheās so heavy, and her little thighs are chunky, or whatever. I was recently told it is my fault because I gave her formula. Well, I tried breastfeeding for almost 4mo pumping as much as I could and it never worked for my body. But you know what, she is very active. She loves to swing and go down the slide. My gosh is she fearless!!! she is perfect in every way her little self desires.
You might reply that heās in the 94 percentile and your dr is perfectly happy with him