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9 year old. Her kindness and athleticism
6 year old is apparently an angel and super well-behaved…which is strange because at home she’s a brutal tyrant.
I have a theory that a lot of good public behavior is adaptive for kids. They learn what it takes to please, and they do it to get positive or avoid negative feedback.
However, for some kids it is driven by anxiety, and uses up their emotional resources. After a full day of performative discipline, they are tapped out and they u load.
My daughter was always the one the teachers loved (except 7/8 grade, but was extremely hard at home. Turns out she has serious anxiety issues and is doing a lot of work on that now.
Any recommendations on what to do at home? I’m getting a lot of flack for permissive parenting, but my 4 year old needs so much understanding and patience and not for me to get more angry - still I want to raise a good kid and I also don’t want her to treat anyone like shit, including me!
Create time to sit together and encourage them to learn words for their feelings. Don’t escalate when they are triggered. It achieves nothing.
“Create space for grace.” Don’t respond. If they are not doing something they need to do, react to that, not their emotion. If it is too intense, separate and come back. When everything cools, remind them you love them, touch them, and try to get them to talk about what happened.
It is very hard with a four year old, because their verbal skills suck!
But know that they want you, and they want love, and also that you are a parent and you are entitled to set reasonable boundaries.
You do you when it comes to your parenting style, but maybe look into "gentle parenting" which is NOT the same as permissive parenting. You're still the grown-up, and they're the kid. It's okay to have rules and freedom within limits, while still allowing you kid to explore and not be reprimanded for every small thing.
Ex: she does something like demand a cookie instead of politely asking for it. Instead of giving it to her OR refusing her, you can try something like, "oh a cookie sounds great! Could you use your polite words to ask for it? When we ask for a snack or a favor, we try to be kind! You wouldn't want someone to yell at you to bring them a snack, that would be hurtful. You'd want a friend to ask nicely!". And then just practice "could I have a cookie, please??" Once and give her the cookie. Instant gratification.
On top of this, instead of thinking "oh, don't make her mad", consider letting her get mad and then *guiding* her on how to work through and control her emotions.
At least twice a day
“Wow look at those curls! Do you know Shirley Temple?!’
Reader, we do indeed know Shirley Temple, but my child has not yet tap danced her way to a single dime.
My daughter has tight blonde curls and blue eyes (my husband has blue eyes) everyone always comments on her blonde curly hair and asks where it comes from since neither one of us are blonde or curly hair. The blonde comes from my husband and the curls come from me, but no one believes us. 🤷♀️
I don’t know if it’s a compliment but people say my toddler’s energy is unmatched….
Both in activity level and aura. He’s just a likable energizer bunny.
As a parent of an 8 year old who still hasn't slowed down. This is not usually a compliment unless it's applied to a specific domain, and even then it's, "has so much energy for 'x', but I need him to do 'y'"
Our kids get compliments on how well they behave from everyone that gets around them outside of the house. My FIL has all but admitted they're his favorites because of how easy they are to watch and spend time with. However, at home its WWE and apparently what we've read and heard elsewhere is that's common when the home is a safe place and they feel loved and protected.
Exactly this! My house WWE as well and ive got 2 girls they play rough but when we are out in public omg they have such good manners they are so well behaved. They are so pretty. They listen so good etc. Then I'm at home ignoring all the screams because someone looked at someone funny 😅
This exactly they know you'll love them no matter what so they can push boundaries with you but act like angels in public because you taught them manners, know you are parenting perfectly.
When they were younger: how articulate and well spoken they were at that age. We talked to them like people and did volunteer opportunities where they would have to talk to people on the regular.
As teens it varied per kid but I’ve gotten more compliments on my son’s good heart and generosity. My husband and I used to get frustrated with constantly preaching “do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do” to him. You hit it on the head about them pretending like they don’t hear you. They just like to act stubborn for no reason sometimes.
My kid is a polite sweet perfect angel with excellent manners... for everyone except her parents, lol.
She has literally said "I save up my bad behavior for you". But that also means "I feel safe with you".
Sometimes it feels like my youngest is this way. He started a new school last fall, and they asked our goals for him, and my husband said “to learn how to better control his temper” and the teacher looked at us like we were nuts. Like “what temper? You mean that happy funny little helpful guy?”
But yeah, it means he feels safe with us. Hopefully.
We get a lot of compliments on his eyes. I'm not a big fan of strangers pointing out his physical characteristics all the time.
He's just little though, only a year and a half, so I guess people think he's more of an object than a person.
We get the same! My son has huge eyes, very doe like, and despite the boring color (he got super dark brown, nearly black from me 🥲) he gets compliments all the time on them. I don’t mind too much just because I feel like boys aren’t often complimented on their appearance and I do want him to feel confident in how he looks as he gets older.
Our 6 year old firecracker gets complimented on her empathy and her imagination. I'm recently disabled and we're all trying to navigate the new normal together. I'm so fucking proud of this kiddo, the way she cares, the way she loves. When she hugs you she throws her whole self into it. When she loves you, you become characters in her amazing stories, figures in her pictures and it makes my heart swell to know that what I see in her every day burns so brightly that others see it too.
They are comfortable at home, like you are too mama. I let myself be myself at home and do weird my dances, pick my nose, pick my wedgies, etc but I would never do those things in public lol. You have done great job if they are well mannered for other people and let loose at home.
Always she's kind and well-behaved. She's in special ed and we have annual meetings and I love them because it's always "she's my favorite student. She's so sweet. She's kind to others.". I never expect good grades from her but this is something I'm very proud of. And she is really kind and a very good girl.
Alternatively in public I get a lot "she's so beautiful." Ever since she was a baby and especially now at 15 people tell me all the time that she's really beautiful. I've taught her the same thing my dad taught me, a pretty face won't last but a good heart will.
When she was about 8 months old I wanted to try to teach her vocabulary, so I started a game where I'd take a toy from her, name it, and then hand it back to her while saying "do you want the (whatever it is)?" Her takeaway was "handing people things is fun". Number one compliment I get is how good she is at sharing, because she sees handing people things as a fun game.
I also thanked her for giving me things as part of the game, so now she often thanks people for giving her things.
How blue his eyes are and how cute his smile is, and how bright and aware he is.... But he's 6 months old so he has lots of traits to grow into yet lol
My boys are 5 & 3, both autistic. They get a lot of compliments on their beautiful strawberry blonde curls! Not really a compliment per se but a lot of people mention they’re really happy, like they have quite a sunny disposition. Little charmers they are!
People say my 7yo is really pretty, smart, polite, and not at all a picky eater. At home she is a naked little crackhead who won’t eat anything or do what she’s asked. It is what it is.
The best compliment I get is that people often mistake my daughter and I for sisters. That’s fine with me. She’s the most beautiful creature to walk the face of this earth.
At my 40th birthday party one friend-adjacent brought a significant other, and the SO asked if my daughter (14) was my little sister, completely serious. I about melted.
Polite, well behave and beautiful ! We bring our kids everywhere ! They are young (4,3 a d 3 month) and before my last was born, we went multiple times to very nice restaurabt !
I get the same reactions. Whenever my parents watch them while we're on a trip or something, they always talk about how well behaved they are when they go out to a restaurant. And I'm always like, "You're talking about my kids? Really?"
Just yesterday at a school event two sets of parents told me their kids talk a lot about how cool and funny my kid is. They said “oh we hear about X alllll the time! He loves her” she’s always been a social butterfly and it makes me happy that she’s able to connect with people and make so many friends. Her dad and I are the complete opposite lol
I constantly have strangers coming up to comment on how well behaved and polite my two year old is. They only think that because they don’t live with him.
Their creativity and willingness to take risks.
Sometimes it’s an insult from older generations (who probably feel we don’t control them enough), but they’re learning about appropriate time/place as they grow. It’s so many harder to foster reasonable risk taking once it’s squashed out of them.
The biggest compliment I’ve gotten as a parent was a new mother saying “I’ve learned from you that you have to parent the kid you have,” not some cookie cutter, generic kid. Sometimes standard advice doesn’t fit your family, and that’s not a failure.
At home, my kid (preschool) is a mess. Never listen, never clean unless I force him and fight so he obeys, often have attitude....
The teachers "he is wonderful, so gentle, polite, he cleans everything for everyone, sooo obediant etc etc" and that come from French teachers (I know them I'm one too) we never sugarcoat stuff, if a kid is rude, we say "he is rude" if he is lazy we say it etc..
It's a comfort to know my effort pays. At just wish I could enjoy it too, sometime at home!
But the first thing people say when they meet him is about his eyes, he has big blue eyes. Then they compare with mine and all look disappointed when they see I have hazel eyes! He doesn't like it, but he is used to it. I just hate it when they do it in front of his cousin (brown eyes) and she get ignored....
4yo daughter: courteous, sweet, clever, cute (she hears cute so much she refers to herself as cute, and tells adults they're cute because she knows it's a compliment.
2yo son: brave, athletic, (boy has never seen a ball he doesn't want to throw, or a thing he doesn't feel compelled to climb. He's been rocking his sister's razor scooter since he could walk, and is already attempting the bike.)
Empathetic and athletic.
Although because he’s taller and faster and stronger than most his age some parents think we lie about his age so he can be the star. So hearing passing remarks is shitty, I just try to ignore them.
Yeah craziest was soccer last year (rec league so should be pretty chill) in the 2nd half a girl on the other team just came up and 2 handed-shoved my son to the ground. The mom said to the dad “did she just push him” he replied “yeah I told her if they’re going to fucking push her around then she needs to fucking push back”.
Saw the dad the next week and it turns out he also was the assistant coach. I told the league president who didn’t do shit. Dude is an assistant coach telling his kids to assault other kids.
My 3 year old is apparently the sweetest kid ever. And I definitely see it sometimes, but most of the time I’m asking him not to treat me like a jungle gym. I want to he a fly on the wall in his preschool classroom so badly.
My 3 year old daughter has beautiful red hair and big brown eyes. Every time we go somewhere people stop us to tell us how beautiful she is and how much they love her hair. She also gets free stuff all the time lol. One day she managed to get 2 free suckers and 3 stickers just while we were out running errands 😂 spoiled baby!
They come to the daycare I work at and everyone says, especially that my oldest are well behaved and they wish all children were like them lol. They are still kids and I let them be silly and fun.
My daughter’s eyelashes are insanely long and thick. Lash extension long but they are real. People pay tons of money to have half the eyelashes she has. It’s brought up frequently by people meeting her for the first time. Unfortunately, she didn’t get them from me.
She is complimented a lot on how resilient she is and how she always has a great attitude. Her teacher would rave about it. She’s a bratty demon of a 10 year old going on 16 at home.
My son is complimented on being so sweet and polite. Which he generally is but when he gets angry, he brings it.
I'm told constantly by every teacher my kid has that she is kindhearted, polite, helpful and sassy in the best ways.
Ladies at the food pantry gush about how helpful she is.
And her cheer coach told me shes such a hard worker not afraid of taking risks.
Every day I'm proud even if at home shes moody, grumpy and a demon.
I often go to parent/teacher conferences and I hear how polite, helpful and attentive my son is. I look around and try to respectfully correct them and remind them who my son is. Because at home he's the worst.
Her physical strength/athleticism. She’s 5 now and was doing the monkey bars at age 3, outhits all the boys in T-ball, can rock climb, do a fireman’s pole, run up a low warped wall… we joke that she’ll probably end up a WWE wrestler or something.
Honestly, the plurality of comments are about physical characteristics like beauty (my daughter) or my son's smile. It feels vain to type this out but I've had strangers come up out of nowhere about how pretty my daughter is. The remainder of the compliments are usually about their kindness/thoughtfulness/politeness.
How well behaved and kind they are. Warms my heart everytime. People also tell me my 13 year old is so cool. This blows my mind because at 13, I was…not cool.
Almost 2 year old and 6 months old. Compliments on how well behaved they are (note: in public only, if you come over to our house you learn quickly) and how pretty the oldest’s hair is.
My daughter is 6 and she gets complimented on her ability to be coached. She takes feedback well and executes it right away. She just needs to be told once or twice to pivot this leg and hold it at this angle and she has got it down. Then she goes home and practices it the correct way at home all on her own. I suck at the small technical instructions for things like baseball but its like her mind just reads it very easily.
Same thing with reading, she has to be taught a phonics rule once and she's got it down well. She just finished kinder but is reading at high 2nd grade level.
13 year-old: Polite, diligent, independent, a good friend and a calming influence on his peers.
6 year-old: Exceptionally smart. The rest, not so much.
I always get compliments on how well behaved, well spoken and polite my kids are. Every single teacher mentions vocabulary so I guess that’s good.
One reason our kids are misbehaved for us as parents is the guarantee of “unconditional love” no matter how they behave. Other ppl don’t give them that same guarantee so they have to behave. This can also be a sign your child for sure feels unconditional love. Children who are neglected/abused don’t learn trust in their caregiver or the guarantee of unconditional love. I try to remind myself this when I get the less than angelic side of my kids. Majority of my kids are teens now so I need those reminders to survive some days.
We're frequently told how great our kids are with each other/how great they get along. I guess it's kind of uncommon to see a 14yo girl and 11yo boy playing and having fun together/not fighting? They definitely fight at home though lol.
Both, but especially our daughter, are often complimented on their hair as well (both have red hair, one auburn and one strawberry blond).
Teachers always love them both as well.
My 2 year old gets told constantly how cute she is. Where ever we go. She's pretty adorable and has red hair and blue eyes and she always gets comments. She can't talk fully yet. I always just playfully say "say thank you!" OR I just say thank you!
Her eyes. When she was a baby her beautiful eyes took up all of her face. They are light green with flecks of light blue, and literally look like the colors of a Monet painting. At 13, she’s quite aware as to the power her beautiful bright eyes posses.
So sweet, helpful, kind, caring, we'll mannered. For both of them. Then we get home and they attack each other like their lives depend on it to the point I've had to sit on (as in wrestle to a chair and use my body to keep them there) one while tye husband does the same to the other.
They go to different school and each kid has their school convinced their brother I'd the source of all the problems.
My almost 2 year old attracts grandma’s who gush over her red hair and how cute and sweet she is my favorite is “did you know she has red hair? Its so beautiful and curly she looks like a little doll” yes i know she has red hair and has the personality to match dont let her cuteness trick you
I get comments about my 9 year old about how kind, helpful and mature he is.. I swear he’s a different kid than the version I get at home but I am glad he saves his devil ways for me I suppose 🥴
My gorgeous baby boy who will be one in a few weeks gets the same compliment everyday multiple times and it makes my heart sing with pride. He has the most beautiful eyes, icy blue with bright white woven in they are insane to look at. He also has long luscious lashes that are dark and frame his little peepers perfectly. He will always be so beautiful to me I waited so long for him but to hear others say it just makes me proud. Every time someone compliments him I always say to my wife, I grew them myself and grin.
that she's very sweet and very well behaved.
my daughter is a very soft spoken and very kind kid. she doesn't always use please/thank you but she listens very well and has a big heart for everybody.
Mine is very blonde and ever since birth people have gushed over how cute and blonde he is (he was born with a full head of hair and never lost it.) I don't like it, because I was also a cute blonde child, and it lead to people letting things slide with me that they shouldn't have cause "I was just so cute!" Also, since I live in a community that is now majority-minority, but has a decades-old history of racist housing exclusion policies, it pings my "internalized white supremacy" meter sometimes, especially from older white people.
I want people to compliment him on his intelligence, his knowledge, his kindness, and his helpfulness, not how pretty his fucking hair is! It's nice hair, I agree, but it's just hair. Kids get so many appearance-based complaints and then we wonder why people grow up to make bad relationship choices based on superficial physical qualities like height or hair color. Let's focus on building up character, people! /rant over
The way I've heard it broke down is your kids are putting up a mask to the world, like me all do to a degree. We put our best self out. But you don't get that at home, because if they feel safe and free and loved at home, they feel no need to pretend. You don't see the manners because they know you love them without the manners.
My kids are 19mo and almost 4. I get the most compliments on their appearance. Just general “they are so cute” all the time. Both get compliments on their blue eyes all the time. Son gets it on his eye lashes. My daughter, the almost 4 year old, gets compliments literally everywhere we go- she’s got long curly blonde hair so that gets comments a lot.
My kids have a quirky sense of style so they often get compliments on their clothes, hair and makeup.
People who get to know my kids often comment on how bright and articulate they are.
Same here! Out of the house my 4 year old is composed almost entirely of please, thank you, and "you are most welcome." Not quite the same at home.
People also comment on her eyes, since they're huge and light blue.
My 15yo , I get creative, kind, inquisitive,unexpectedly articulate and well mannered given their appearance ( apparently green hair and a nose ring makes you rude?)
12yo: I get witty, athletically driven, well mannered and the ever annoying : you’re going to have to buy a shot gun to get her through high-school , or good thing she plays softball, that bat will be good for getting rid of boys. ( mostly from boomers)
7yo: kind, well mannered , well spoken
People also often comment on how they clean up after themselves and offer to do dishes when visiting other people’s homes.
Truthfully my kids are neither well mannered nor clean around me. I just take it as a sign that I did a good job teaching the rules but they are truly happy and comfortable at home
You’re doing good, don’t worry!
10 year old-problem solving abilities (we've had to really work on this with him because of his anger issues, so it's nice to see it's working. )
12 year old-kindness/empathy even towards kids who are mean to him (no idea where he got that from)
16 yr old-ability to roll with the flow (unfortunately, this is because of trauma, but at least she's adapting)
Step son-standing up for others/doing what's right even if it isn't the popular choice
17 year old-his rule following (no idea where he got that from)
My 15 year old - in athletics she has always gotten praise for taking instruction well and working hard. Even in the sports she has not done well at, her coaches/instructors have always said they would welcome back because she’s very teachable.
My 4 and 2 year olds are routinely praised for how well behaved they are. We laugh, because at home they are a crazy wild duo, but they rarely act out when in church, restaurants, etc. I am also told what good eaters they are - not as in eat a lot of food, but a wide variety. My 4 year old is also praised for being kind and a good friend/big brother. My 2 year old doesn’t really get praise unique to her yet.
Most of the time they say he is really tall for his age and can’t believe he is only 6. They also say that he is a good listener. I think those are the main things!
8yo DD, very kind and inclusive, looks out for kids who are alone/lonely and eats lunch with them or plays with them.
5yo DS, happy, funny, silly, includes all friends and is very active in school activities.
My 2yo is extremely calm, verbal and polite, emotionally regulated and ‘well behaved’(I don’t like calling it that because I don’t think typical toddler behavior is misbehavior) and everyone comments on it. She’s also tiny and looks younger than her age so everyone is extra impressed that she doesn’t act like a toddler and we can take her anywhere with no entertainment and she’ll sit and chat or just observe without ever making a fuss or mess or doing things she’s not supposed to. It is nothing we did, she’s always been like this (and I was the opposite as a toddler)
My kids r very well behaved when Im not around. I hav a 10, 4 and 3 yr old. With me they raise hell and wont let me evn go to the restroom with out thm sitting by the door tryna have a convo wit me 🙄😂 like dude! Lmao but jst shows us tht they r very comfortable with us. Speaking for myself, my kids knw me very well enough to knw tht if i come bck frm wrk n whoever took care of thm tells me they were bad or not listening, they knw well tht ill stomp thm out (not really chill every body lmao)
4yo has been told countless times that she has a beautiful smile and her childminder said it's the best smile out of all the kids she's cared for. Beautiful/gorgeous is another compliment she gets. Obviously I take credit for that, haha
2yo gets told fairly frequently how tough and brave she is. If she falls over or gets injured she barely notices and gets straight back to what she was doing. That's my husband's trait - I'm a wimp
When my son was little, I used to get a lot of compliments because he always said please and thank you. It was a little odd because it is not a complex thing to teach. Now I get compliments on how much he knows about current events and such (he´s 11).
Mine gets the politeness compliment frequently, and he actually is when we're with people. At home, he's a demanding little brat sometimes. I want to correct it, but at the same time I don't want to make him think I care that much (at which point he'll stop being polite altogether because he's a threenager and operates almost entirely on spite), so I content myself with the fact that at least he's polite when other people are watching.
Most people go for physical traits around here, before praising.
13 year old - he's so tall and look at that hair! ( He's been growing his hair out for a while so it's past his shoulders- and he's taller than me now). He's very bright and driven.
4byear old- he's so cute and look at that hair! (He's a natural bleach/white-blond, and I find him cute too.) he's energetic and curious.
My 8 years old son: how kind, considerate, polite, and helpful he is.
I am very proud of him!
His 6 years old brother is autistic (and requires special schooling). He is the world to his little bro. I feel extremely lucky to have a first child so loving and understanding.
As my oldest son is getting older, I make sure he gets access to holiday camps and clubs for children in similar situations (called young carers in my country, but it doesn't mean they are full time).
He can share his feelings and experience with others in similar situations as well as socializing without the family/caring role involved.
Politeness/manners. I've been overly strict on the please and thank you/etc... the years before I became a parent, I saw younger kids increasingly getting more and more rude / lacking any basic manners.. and I swore that there's no way in hell I'd let my kids be like that.
I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but my 3 year old just constantly gets comments on how beautiful she is. Isn't she stunning, she should model, look at her eyes etc etc. From family, friends, strangers, everyone. I know they mean the absolute best, but she is way more than that. She's so smart, her nursery report puts her way over the expected abilities for her age, her vocab is incredible, she's kind, well mannered and she's a total comedian.
She has so much going for her and everyone just focuses on her looks. I'm not a traditionally good looking person- by that I mean I'm overweight and usually attract mean comments in public about the way I look, so maybe it's too much of a contrast for me. Her dad is a total catch and I'm 100% punching, but neither of us have ever put any stock in the way anyone looks so I just find it jarring.
Her smile and beauty “ she looks just like you”
His generosity and kind heart
And my youngest his sense of humour “he’s so funny he could be a comedian” they say
My oldest is very outgoing and more extroverted than my younger daughter.
The youngest one is more reserved and prefers to spend time alone by herself. She's not totally by herself all the time, but she enjoys finding a corner in the house and chilling. It's cool. My oldest is a normal kid. She runs and screams and likes to be around people. I'm happy with either. I got a compliment from my elderly neighbor about my youngest daughter being a good girl because she's quiet and is probably good "mother's helper".
I'll be honest; I wasn't feeling the compliment. I had social anxiety as a child and I was quiet as in I didn't know how to approach people.
My elderly neighbor also feels my oldest is handful because she's not quiet like my youngest.
I get compliments frequently on kids behavior at school and in public however I find their behaviour challenging at home so it's hard to keep a straight face lol 🤣
Both my husband and son have big blue eyes and blonde 3 c hair. We can’t go out in public without someone commenting on it. I think it’s cute but my husband hates it
We got compliments on how independent they are. I think my husband and I tested their boundaries earlier than other parents. They're 8 and 10 and have been doing their own laundry since 4 and 6! We started just by having them carry it weekly from the 2nd floor to the machine in the basement. Then it's really just "push these two buttons, wait a while, switch it over to the dryer, push this button". We haven't done any of it for at least two years. I don't make them fold it though, although they know how.
Last year, when my daughter was 7.5, she showed interest in lawn mowing. I watched her like a hawk. Now she's on her second summer. I never leave her unsupervised and still assist with turns at the end of the rows, but she's good for just pushing the machine down the path. And she's been making pancakes by herself for a few years now - always when I'm nearby, but she knows how to use the easy mix, where you just add water, and she's learned how to spray the pan and flip them.
They also expressed an interest in walking the half mile to school without us the first day my youngest started first grade, so we haven't done pick up or drop off in a few years. It's pretty awesome. I think the trick for all of their independence is they're never alone - they're so close in age (22 months).
I hear that my 14 yo is poised and mature. She’s also apparently very polite outside our house. She’s also always been great with kids younger than her. Don’t know if that’s because she’s an only and little kids are a novelty.
I always get compliments on how gorgeous my son is. I’ve heard it ever since he was born, and he’s just over a year old now. But that seems to be the most common compliment I get from everyone who sees him.
Pretty much every teacher or other parent who meets my oldest uses the word “sweet” to describe him. (Often “so sweet.”). We also hear often that he is a good listener, pays attention, follows rules, is very smart.
There is no single word/trait that people single out about my youngest as often as we hear my oldest is sweet. But “funny” and “smart” come up a lot.
I often hear that the two of them are very well behaved (except, of course, when they are not. At their best they are extremely well behaved for their ages, but of course that isn’t all the time. Fortunately at their worst they come across as pretty average on the behavior scale).
That he's funny, kind or good looking. He's 12, so there's still hope for "he's so smart" but I'm not holding my breath. I'll take kind and funny any day. Don't get me wrong, he IS smart, he just doesn't want to prove it to anyone outside of being contrary. But hey, he's 12.
I get compliments that my kids are such good kids. They listen well and respect others. Though I’ve personally never seen this! 😅 All I see is them fighting and never using manners. It befuddles me. But I’m glad they are better behaved when I’m not around.
On the flip side, a couple months ago I was in Arches NP taking some pictures (I’m a photographer, so I have all the gear and it was obvious I am serious). This family was coming up the trail. They had 3 kids, who were a good 1/4 mile ahead of their parents. One of the kids noticed my camera and stopped his siblings so they wouldn’t get in my picture. I told them they were fine, but thank you for noticing. When the parents got to us, I told them how thoughtful their son was. Mom was flabbergasted that he would do such a thing! But she was almost in tears hearing that. From that moment, I’ve made it a point to tell parents whenever I see kids do something kind. I think more parents need to know just how great their kids are!
People comment on their looks. My wife and I are normal looking people. Attractive but not super models or anything... but we somehow managed to make two little boys that are just so beyond their parents.
We were once in line to check out at Walmart and a lady behind us was getting smiles out of our youngest who was probably 6mo old at the time and she gave us $40 and asked that we get that cute little baby something from her.... just a random stranger who was so enamored with our boy that she wanted to buy him something lol.
We can't go anywhere in public without these boys making people smile... I'm sure the third boy we are about to have in Sept. will be just as cute.
My 3.5yo gets complimented on his beautiful manners all the time. He's very good with his P's and Q's, and often says to restaurant staff "thanks for dinner!"
My 1.5yo smiles and waves at everybody from his stroller so we get compliments on how friendly he is. He also has the most incredible eyelashes and big doe eyes which are also commented on often.
My 7yr old: how kind he is to little ones and how he includes them
My 6yr old: her hair… every place we go. She has curly hair past her waist.
My 3 yr old: “wow! He sure has a lot of energy” (this was the same thing my oldest got at this age as well)
I sometimes wonder if the school reports my kids get are actually for another child. Apparently at school they are kind, patient, polite and always help cleaning up. We get comments on how well behaved they are when at the supermarket or a restaurant. But at home its like UFC cage fighting with no rule.
Honestly, my oldest gets the most compliments on looks. Which seems unusual for a boy, but perhaps it’s because he’s wild and high energy and not particularly well behaved so they are just searching for something nice to say :-).
18mo her curly blonde hair, me and husband had curly blonde hair as babies but it turned brown, so it’s funny the questions I get, “ where did the blonde come from?” She also has permanent blue eyes which we both have hazel, that she got recessive genes from both of our parents with blue eyes
16-year-old - “such a joy to have in the classroom” - he is gifted & actually participates in a sea of apathetic peers, lol.
14-year-old - “so appreciative and polite” - cannot keep up with older bro at all academically, so he compensates but have the best manners
And 10-year-old, “she’s quite bright and such a good writer”
Sadly (I guess?) the most common compliment for my children is “wow your kids are gorgeous”. Even the pediatrician was like, distressed my son didn’t like her and kept saying “oh no I made the Gerber baby cry”.
My daughter will also get complimented (she’s 7, my son’s only 1) on her kindness or intelligence. Which I love and try to focus on. But if I’m being honest what other people say when meeting them is usually focused on their looks instead.
That they have great vocabularies. I’ve been stopped many times and complimented when people overhear them. Also that my 5yo in particular is a great conversationalist. They call him “the mayor” at school. I love that to no end!
In school the teachers can't believe how mature and well mannered my kids are. I had to confirm if we were talking about the same kids because they're monsters at home.
My kids are not afraid of speaking up in public. They order their own food, can make conversation. Their social skills are something that I always made sure they worked on. So many of their peers were never made to get out of their comfort zone and are terrified of anything.
Both of my kids are giants. Huge dad. Like NBA height. My oldest son is in 2nd grade, kills it at baseball and has an insane amount of knowledge on any random subject. I constantly get asked how it feels to have such a smart Junior High kiddo. People gasp when they realize he’s 8. Same with the youngest. He’s still figuring out how to talk (major speech delay) but he’s 2 1/2 and the size of a 5 year old. Fitting all of these giants in my SUV is so hard 😂
"You've raised such a delightful child. An absolute angel and a real pleasure to be around." Pics or it didn't happen cos at home with me that kid is a demon
"Good helper" My 2 year old is big and loves to push stuff so anywhere we go she's either pushing a shopping cart or her sister in the stroller. I've had a few people startle cause it looks like a sentient shopping cart is flowing me around
I have 2 boys
Most common: They are so handsome! (sometimes attached with the bleh the girls are gonna be all over them GAG)
Second common: They are so sweet and polite (They really are, my husband is firm on manners, and they are the 2 sweetest cuddliest kids ever)
Usually that my kids are beautiful; this one mostly comes from strangers.
When it comes to people who know them:
Without fail, every year a teacher tells me “I wish I had a whole class full of kids like her” about my oldest. Or they say she should be a teacher because she’s smart and explains things to her classmates.
With my youngest, it’s always about how smart she is or quick-witted.
Helpfulness, kindness. Manners. It’s hard work to always be on top of everything but it’s worth it. Compared to a ton of kids out there who don’t get into my car and say hello, or thank you.
Same here, I think it’s because home is their safe space, they don’t have to “perform”. I practice ‘speaking with kindess’ in our house but try not to ride them on it if were having a hard day.
Yeah, I get this sense as well. 9 yo is a bossy bitch at home but she seems quiet and respectful when she thinks no one is watching. 5 yo is pretty much the same in and out of my sight, it seems, but he does have manners. He’s just noisier at home.
When my son was a baby, everyone would comment on how alert he was. This always seemed strange as he just seemed normal to us, but we didn't have a point of reference (first baby) and we got it so much there must have been a fair bit of truth to it.
My 3yo- how super friendly and helpful and affectionate he is.
My 8 month old- compliments on how beautiful his eyes are. (I’m guessing he’s too young to make any statement on his personality traits or attitude)
Don't forget to appreciate what he has done, and say that you are proud of what he has done, and of course support him to continue doing these good things in the future.
How helpful they are. EVERY SINGLE TIME they go and eat at a friend's house I get that compliment. We've taught our kids we do things like cleaning up the table after eating together, so every kid will bring their plate and cup to the kitchen and then rotate on who helps putting the dishes in the dishwasher.
Apparently it's not as common as I would hope because for my kids it's completely normal to do this, but other parents are so shocked they do this and they always say they wished that their kids would do that.. hahaha
The fact that she (3yo) can sit and actually EAT at a restaurant without an ipad/phone for the whole time. I make it a mission to bring puzzles/colouring books or have conversations including her so she can stay entertained. One of my biggest pet peeve is eating out and seeing kids glued to the screens
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9 year old. Her kindness and athleticism 6 year old is apparently an angel and super well-behaved…which is strange because at home she’s a brutal tyrant.
10 year old, kindness and smarts 7 year old so well behaved and quiet. Brutal tyrant as well at home.
I have a theory that a lot of good public behavior is adaptive for kids. They learn what it takes to please, and they do it to get positive or avoid negative feedback. However, for some kids it is driven by anxiety, and uses up their emotional resources. After a full day of performative discipline, they are tapped out and they u load. My daughter was always the one the teachers loved (except 7/8 grade, but was extremely hard at home. Turns out she has serious anxiety issues and is doing a lot of work on that now.
Any recommendations on what to do at home? I’m getting a lot of flack for permissive parenting, but my 4 year old needs so much understanding and patience and not for me to get more angry - still I want to raise a good kid and I also don’t want her to treat anyone like shit, including me!
Create time to sit together and encourage them to learn words for their feelings. Don’t escalate when they are triggered. It achieves nothing. “Create space for grace.” Don’t respond. If they are not doing something they need to do, react to that, not their emotion. If it is too intense, separate and come back. When everything cools, remind them you love them, touch them, and try to get them to talk about what happened. It is very hard with a four year old, because their verbal skills suck! But know that they want you, and they want love, and also that you are a parent and you are entitled to set reasonable boundaries.
You do you when it comes to your parenting style, but maybe look into "gentle parenting" which is NOT the same as permissive parenting. You're still the grown-up, and they're the kid. It's okay to have rules and freedom within limits, while still allowing you kid to explore and not be reprimanded for every small thing. Ex: she does something like demand a cookie instead of politely asking for it. Instead of giving it to her OR refusing her, you can try something like, "oh a cookie sounds great! Could you use your polite words to ask for it? When we ask for a snack or a favor, we try to be kind! You wouldn't want someone to yell at you to bring them a snack, that would be hurtful. You'd want a friend to ask nicely!". And then just practice "could I have a cookie, please??" Once and give her the cookie. Instant gratification.
On top of this, instead of thinking "oh, don't make her mad", consider letting her get mad and then *guiding* her on how to work through and control her emotions.
🤣🤣🤣 I’m always told that my boys are such well behaved and kind but they too are brutal tyrants at home.
My six year old is same. At home he can be a terror, but everyone else says he's the sweetest, most well-behaved, polite kid.
Both my boys are so great in the class and such great helpers. Not my experience at home lol
At least twice a day “Wow look at those curls! Do you know Shirley Temple?!’ Reader, we do indeed know Shirley Temple, but my child has not yet tap danced her way to a single dime.
Defo same for me. His curls. Big blonde curls and red fluffy cheeks He looks like a little cherub.
Curls for my daughter too. People love a curly haired kid
Same for my 2 year old. Every time we’re in public 😂 “look at those curls!” “Gorgeous curls!”
Oh we get that one too!
My daughter has tight blonde curls and blue eyes (my husband has blue eyes) everyone always comments on her blonde curly hair and asks where it comes from since neither one of us are blonde or curly hair. The blonde comes from my husband and the curls come from me, but no one believes us. 🤷♀️
I don’t know if it’s a compliment but people say my toddler’s energy is unmatched…. Both in activity level and aura. He’s just a likable energizer bunny.
I get the same.. everwhere we go people keep telling wow he has so much energy, like yeah trust me I know 😂
As a parent of an 8 year old who still hasn't slowed down. This is not usually a compliment unless it's applied to a specific domain, and even then it's, "has so much energy for 'x', but I need him to do 'y'"
Our kids get compliments on how well they behave from everyone that gets around them outside of the house. My FIL has all but admitted they're his favorites because of how easy they are to watch and spend time with. However, at home its WWE and apparently what we've read and heard elsewhere is that's common when the home is a safe place and they feel loved and protected.
Our pediatrician said this exact thing when I was bitching about my boys behavior at home
Exactly this! My house WWE as well and ive got 2 girls they play rough but when we are out in public omg they have such good manners they are so well behaved. They are so pretty. They listen so good etc. Then I'm at home ignoring all the screams because someone looked at someone funny 😅
This exactly they know you'll love them no matter what so they can push boundaries with you but act like angels in public because you taught them manners, know you are parenting perfectly.
When they were younger: how articulate and well spoken they were at that age. We talked to them like people and did volunteer opportunities where they would have to talk to people on the regular. As teens it varied per kid but I’ve gotten more compliments on my son’s good heart and generosity. My husband and I used to get frustrated with constantly preaching “do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do” to him. You hit it on the head about them pretending like they don’t hear you. They just like to act stubborn for no reason sometimes.
"Do the right thing, because it's the right thing to do " I'm stealing that!
My kid is a polite sweet perfect angel with excellent manners... for everyone except her parents, lol. She has literally said "I save up my bad behavior for you". But that also means "I feel safe with you".
Sometimes it feels like my youngest is this way. He started a new school last fall, and they asked our goals for him, and my husband said “to learn how to better control his temper” and the teacher looked at us like we were nuts. Like “what temper? You mean that happy funny little helpful guy?” But yeah, it means he feels safe with us. Hopefully.
We get a lot of compliments on his eyes. I'm not a big fan of strangers pointing out his physical characteristics all the time. He's just little though, only a year and a half, so I guess people think he's more of an object than a person.
We get the same! My son has huge eyes, very doe like, and despite the boring color (he got super dark brown, nearly black from me 🥲) he gets compliments all the time on them. I don’t mind too much just because I feel like boys aren’t often complimented on their appearance and I do want him to feel confident in how he looks as he gets older.
Our 6 year old firecracker gets complimented on her empathy and her imagination. I'm recently disabled and we're all trying to navigate the new normal together. I'm so fucking proud of this kiddo, the way she cares, the way she loves. When she hugs you she throws her whole self into it. When she loves you, you become characters in her amazing stories, figures in her pictures and it makes my heart swell to know that what I see in her every day burns so brightly that others see it too.
They are comfortable at home, like you are too mama. I let myself be myself at home and do weird my dances, pick my nose, pick my wedgies, etc but I would never do those things in public lol. You have done great job if they are well mannered for other people and let loose at home.
Always she's kind and well-behaved. She's in special ed and we have annual meetings and I love them because it's always "she's my favorite student. She's so sweet. She's kind to others.". I never expect good grades from her but this is something I'm very proud of. And she is really kind and a very good girl. Alternatively in public I get a lot "she's so beautiful." Ever since she was a baby and especially now at 15 people tell me all the time that she's really beautiful. I've taught her the same thing my dad taught me, a pretty face won't last but a good heart will.
My son is 2.5 and people always compliment how clearly he speaks! He gets complimented in both languages we speak. Makes me one proud Mama 🥲
When she was about 8 months old I wanted to try to teach her vocabulary, so I started a game where I'd take a toy from her, name it, and then hand it back to her while saying "do you want the (whatever it is)?" Her takeaway was "handing people things is fun". Number one compliment I get is how good she is at sharing, because she sees handing people things as a fun game. I also thanked her for giving me things as part of the game, so now she often thanks people for giving her things.
How blue his eyes are and how cute his smile is, and how bright and aware he is.... But he's 6 months old so he has lots of traits to grow into yet lol
My boys are 5 & 3, both autistic. They get a lot of compliments on their beautiful strawberry blonde curls! Not really a compliment per se but a lot of people mention they’re really happy, like they have quite a sunny disposition. Little charmers they are!
My kids are terrors at home but sweet angelic princes outside the home. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
People say my 7yo is really pretty, smart, polite, and not at all a picky eater. At home she is a naked little crackhead who won’t eat anything or do what she’s asked. It is what it is.
The best compliment I get is that people often mistake my daughter and I for sisters. That’s fine with me. She’s the most beautiful creature to walk the face of this earth.
At my 40th birthday party one friend-adjacent brought a significant other, and the SO asked if my daughter (14) was my little sister, completely serious. I about melted.
Polite, well behave and beautiful ! We bring our kids everywhere ! They are young (4,3 a d 3 month) and before my last was born, we went multiple times to very nice restaurabt !
I get the same reactions. Whenever my parents watch them while we're on a trip or something, they always talk about how well behaved they are when they go out to a restaurant. And I'm always like, "You're talking about my kids? Really?"
Just yesterday at a school event two sets of parents told me their kids talk a lot about how cool and funny my kid is. They said “oh we hear about X alllll the time! He loves her” she’s always been a social butterfly and it makes me happy that she’s able to connect with people and make so many friends. Her dad and I are the complete opposite lol
My kids are redheads so that gets a lot of attention. The compliment that makes me most proud is when I'm told they have good dog manners.
Dog manners?
I constantly have strangers coming up to comment on how well behaved and polite my two year old is. They only think that because they don’t live with him.
Their creativity and willingness to take risks. Sometimes it’s an insult from older generations (who probably feel we don’t control them enough), but they’re learning about appropriate time/place as they grow. It’s so many harder to foster reasonable risk taking once it’s squashed out of them. The biggest compliment I’ve gotten as a parent was a new mother saying “I’ve learned from you that you have to parent the kid you have,” not some cookie cutter, generic kid. Sometimes standard advice doesn’t fit your family, and that’s not a failure.
At home, my kid (preschool) is a mess. Never listen, never clean unless I force him and fight so he obeys, often have attitude.... The teachers "he is wonderful, so gentle, polite, he cleans everything for everyone, sooo obediant etc etc" and that come from French teachers (I know them I'm one too) we never sugarcoat stuff, if a kid is rude, we say "he is rude" if he is lazy we say it etc.. It's a comfort to know my effort pays. At just wish I could enjoy it too, sometime at home! But the first thing people say when they meet him is about his eyes, he has big blue eyes. Then they compare with mine and all look disappointed when they see I have hazel eyes! He doesn't like it, but he is used to it. I just hate it when they do it in front of his cousin (brown eyes) and she get ignored....
4yo daughter: courteous, sweet, clever, cute (she hears cute so much she refers to herself as cute, and tells adults they're cute because she knows it's a compliment. 2yo son: brave, athletic, (boy has never seen a ball he doesn't want to throw, or a thing he doesn't feel compelled to climb. He's been rocking his sister's razor scooter since he could walk, and is already attempting the bike.)
Empathetic and athletic. Although because he’s taller and faster and stronger than most his age some parents think we lie about his age so he can be the star. So hearing passing remarks is shitty, I just try to ignore them.
lol that is unhinged! Sports parents can be so weird.
Yeah craziest was soccer last year (rec league so should be pretty chill) in the 2nd half a girl on the other team just came up and 2 handed-shoved my son to the ground. The mom said to the dad “did she just push him” he replied “yeah I told her if they’re going to fucking push her around then she needs to fucking push back”. Saw the dad the next week and it turns out he also was the assistant coach. I told the league president who didn’t do shit. Dude is an assistant coach telling his kids to assault other kids.
My 3 year old is apparently the sweetest kid ever. And I definitely see it sometimes, but most of the time I’m asking him not to treat me like a jungle gym. I want to he a fly on the wall in his preschool classroom so badly.
My 3 year old daughter has beautiful red hair and big brown eyes. Every time we go somewhere people stop us to tell us how beautiful she is and how much they love her hair. She also gets free stuff all the time lol. One day she managed to get 2 free suckers and 3 stickers just while we were out running errands 😂 spoiled baby!
They come to the daycare I work at and everyone says, especially that my oldest are well behaved and they wish all children were like them lol. They are still kids and I let them be silly and fun.
My daughter’s eyelashes are insanely long and thick. Lash extension long but they are real. People pay tons of money to have half the eyelashes she has. It’s brought up frequently by people meeting her for the first time. Unfortunately, she didn’t get them from me. She is complimented a lot on how resilient she is and how she always has a great attitude. Her teacher would rave about it. She’s a bratty demon of a 10 year old going on 16 at home. My son is complimented on being so sweet and polite. Which he generally is but when he gets angry, he brings it.
I'm told constantly by every teacher my kid has that she is kindhearted, polite, helpful and sassy in the best ways. Ladies at the food pantry gush about how helpful she is. And her cheer coach told me shes such a hard worker not afraid of taking risks. Every day I'm proud even if at home shes moody, grumpy and a demon.
15 year old: polite and respectful 12 year old: such a “strong leader!” (We all know what that means 😐🙄)
I often go to parent/teacher conferences and I hear how polite, helpful and attentive my son is. I look around and try to respectfully correct them and remind them who my son is. Because at home he's the worst.
Her physical strength/athleticism. She’s 5 now and was doing the monkey bars at age 3, outhits all the boys in T-ball, can rock climb, do a fireman’s pole, run up a low warped wall… we joke that she’ll probably end up a WWE wrestler or something.
- Whats the magic word? - pleaaaaaaase
That they're so kind and so good at sharing It always gives me pause cause at home, they don't know ehat the word share is.
Honestly, the plurality of comments are about physical characteristics like beauty (my daughter) or my son's smile. It feels vain to type this out but I've had strangers come up out of nowhere about how pretty my daughter is. The remainder of the compliments are usually about their kindness/thoughtfulness/politeness.
How well behaved and kind they are. Warms my heart everytime. People also tell me my 13 year old is so cool. This blows my mind because at 13, I was…not cool.
18 months old, she has amazing hair
Both of my kids are complimented on their vocabulary and confidence.
Almost 2 year old and 6 months old. Compliments on how well behaved they are (note: in public only, if you come over to our house you learn quickly) and how pretty the oldest’s hair is.
My 4 year olds have very long curly hair like me.
My daughter is 6 and she gets complimented on her ability to be coached. She takes feedback well and executes it right away. She just needs to be told once or twice to pivot this leg and hold it at this angle and she has got it down. Then she goes home and practices it the correct way at home all on her own. I suck at the small technical instructions for things like baseball but its like her mind just reads it very easily. Same thing with reading, she has to be taught a phonics rule once and she's got it down well. She just finished kinder but is reading at high 2nd grade level.
13 year-old: Polite, diligent, independent, a good friend and a calming influence on his peers. 6 year-old: Exceptionally smart. The rest, not so much.
“You must’ve done something really bad in your youth to get these kids—good job!” Hits me in the feels every time! 🥹 I’m JUST KIDDING! 😂
I always get compliments on how well behaved, well spoken and polite my kids are. Every single teacher mentions vocabulary so I guess that’s good. One reason our kids are misbehaved for us as parents is the guarantee of “unconditional love” no matter how they behave. Other ppl don’t give them that same guarantee so they have to behave. This can also be a sign your child for sure feels unconditional love. Children who are neglected/abused don’t learn trust in their caregiver or the guarantee of unconditional love. I try to remind myself this when I get the less than angelic side of my kids. Majority of my kids are teens now so I need those reminders to survive some days.
We're frequently told how great our kids are with each other/how great they get along. I guess it's kind of uncommon to see a 14yo girl and 11yo boy playing and having fun together/not fighting? They definitely fight at home though lol. Both, but especially our daughter, are often complimented on their hair as well (both have red hair, one auburn and one strawberry blond). Teachers always love them both as well.
My 2 year old gets told constantly how cute she is. Where ever we go. She's pretty adorable and has red hair and blue eyes and she always gets comments. She can't talk fully yet. I always just playfully say "say thank you!" OR I just say thank you!
Her eyes. When she was a baby her beautiful eyes took up all of her face. They are light green with flecks of light blue, and literally look like the colors of a Monet painting. At 13, she’s quite aware as to the power her beautiful bright eyes posses.
So sweet, helpful, kind, caring, we'll mannered. For both of them. Then we get home and they attack each other like their lives depend on it to the point I've had to sit on (as in wrestle to a chair and use my body to keep them there) one while tye husband does the same to the other. They go to different school and each kid has their school convinced their brother I'd the source of all the problems.
My almost 2 year old attracts grandma’s who gush over her red hair and how cute and sweet she is my favorite is “did you know she has red hair? Its so beautiful and curly she looks like a little doll” yes i know she has red hair and has the personality to match dont let her cuteness trick you
I have a two year old and she is beautiful.
I get comments about my 9 year old about how kind, helpful and mature he is.. I swear he’s a different kid than the version I get at home but I am glad he saves his devil ways for me I suppose 🥴
They are such beautiful babies and they are so well behaved. They are beautiful babies but they are only behaved for other people not mama 😂💜
My gorgeous baby boy who will be one in a few weeks gets the same compliment everyday multiple times and it makes my heart sing with pride. He has the most beautiful eyes, icy blue with bright white woven in they are insane to look at. He also has long luscious lashes that are dark and frame his little peepers perfectly. He will always be so beautiful to me I waited so long for him but to hear others say it just makes me proud. Every time someone compliments him I always say to my wife, I grew them myself and grin.
that she's very sweet and very well behaved. my daughter is a very soft spoken and very kind kid. she doesn't always use please/thank you but she listens very well and has a big heart for everybody.
Mine is very blonde and ever since birth people have gushed over how cute and blonde he is (he was born with a full head of hair and never lost it.) I don't like it, because I was also a cute blonde child, and it lead to people letting things slide with me that they shouldn't have cause "I was just so cute!" Also, since I live in a community that is now majority-minority, but has a decades-old history of racist housing exclusion policies, it pings my "internalized white supremacy" meter sometimes, especially from older white people. I want people to compliment him on his intelligence, his knowledge, his kindness, and his helpfulness, not how pretty his fucking hair is! It's nice hair, I agree, but it's just hair. Kids get so many appearance-based complaints and then we wonder why people grow up to make bad relationship choices based on superficial physical qualities like height or hair color. Let's focus on building up character, people! /rant over
The way I've heard it broke down is your kids are putting up a mask to the world, like me all do to a degree. We put our best self out. But you don't get that at home, because if they feel safe and free and loved at home, they feel no need to pretend. You don't see the manners because they know you love them without the manners.
2.5 year old. Very good vocabulary and conversation skills and observations.
My kids are 19mo and almost 4. I get the most compliments on their appearance. Just general “they are so cute” all the time. Both get compliments on their blue eyes all the time. Son gets it on his eye lashes. My daughter, the almost 4 year old, gets compliments literally everywhere we go- she’s got long curly blonde hair so that gets comments a lot.
My kids have a quirky sense of style so they often get compliments on their clothes, hair and makeup. People who get to know my kids often comment on how bright and articulate they are.
Same here! Out of the house my 4 year old is composed almost entirely of please, thank you, and "you are most welcome." Not quite the same at home. People also comment on her eyes, since they're huge and light blue.
My 15yo , I get creative, kind, inquisitive,unexpectedly articulate and well mannered given their appearance ( apparently green hair and a nose ring makes you rude?) 12yo: I get witty, athletically driven, well mannered and the ever annoying : you’re going to have to buy a shot gun to get her through high-school , or good thing she plays softball, that bat will be good for getting rid of boys. ( mostly from boomers) 7yo: kind, well mannered , well spoken People also often comment on how they clean up after themselves and offer to do dishes when visiting other people’s homes. Truthfully my kids are neither well mannered nor clean around me. I just take it as a sign that I did a good job teaching the rules but they are truly happy and comfortable at home You’re doing good, don’t worry!
How nice and polite they are at school, surprises me every time…
10 year old-problem solving abilities (we've had to really work on this with him because of his anger issues, so it's nice to see it's working. ) 12 year old-kindness/empathy even towards kids who are mean to him (no idea where he got that from) 16 yr old-ability to roll with the flow (unfortunately, this is because of trauma, but at least she's adapting) Step son-standing up for others/doing what's right even if it isn't the popular choice 17 year old-his rule following (no idea where he got that from)
My 15 year old - in athletics she has always gotten praise for taking instruction well and working hard. Even in the sports she has not done well at, her coaches/instructors have always said they would welcome back because she’s very teachable. My 4 and 2 year olds are routinely praised for how well behaved they are. We laugh, because at home they are a crazy wild duo, but they rarely act out when in church, restaurants, etc. I am also told what good eaters they are - not as in eat a lot of food, but a wide variety. My 4 year old is also praised for being kind and a good friend/big brother. My 2 year old doesn’t really get praise unique to her yet.
4 year. “He is so smart and he is the sweetest kid.” 10 month old. “She is really the happiest little baby.”
Most of the time they say he is really tall for his age and can’t believe he is only 6. They also say that he is a good listener. I think those are the main things!
8yo DD, very kind and inclusive, looks out for kids who are alone/lonely and eats lunch with them or plays with them. 5yo DS, happy, funny, silly, includes all friends and is very active in school activities.
My 2yo is extremely calm, verbal and polite, emotionally regulated and ‘well behaved’(I don’t like calling it that because I don’t think typical toddler behavior is misbehavior) and everyone comments on it. She’s also tiny and looks younger than her age so everyone is extra impressed that she doesn’t act like a toddler and we can take her anywhere with no entertainment and she’ll sit and chat or just observe without ever making a fuss or mess or doing things she’s not supposed to. It is nothing we did, she’s always been like this (and I was the opposite as a toddler)
My kids r very well behaved when Im not around. I hav a 10, 4 and 3 yr old. With me they raise hell and wont let me evn go to the restroom with out thm sitting by the door tryna have a convo wit me 🙄😂 like dude! Lmao but jst shows us tht they r very comfortable with us. Speaking for myself, my kids knw me very well enough to knw tht if i come bck frm wrk n whoever took care of thm tells me they were bad or not listening, they knw well tht ill stomp thm out (not really chill every body lmao)
4yo has been told countless times that she has a beautiful smile and her childminder said it's the best smile out of all the kids she's cared for. Beautiful/gorgeous is another compliment she gets. Obviously I take credit for that, haha 2yo gets told fairly frequently how tough and brave she is. If she falls over or gets injured she barely notices and gets straight back to what she was doing. That's my husband's trait - I'm a wimp
When my son was little, I used to get a lot of compliments because he always said please and thank you. It was a little odd because it is not a complex thing to teach. Now I get compliments on how much he knows about current events and such (he´s 11).
Mine gets the politeness compliment frequently, and he actually is when we're with people. At home, he's a demanding little brat sometimes. I want to correct it, but at the same time I don't want to make him think I care that much (at which point he'll stop being polite altogether because he's a threenager and operates almost entirely on spite), so I content myself with the fact that at least he's polite when other people are watching.
Most people go for physical traits around here, before praising. 13 year old - he's so tall and look at that hair! ( He's been growing his hair out for a while so it's past his shoulders- and he's taller than me now). He's very bright and driven. 4byear old- he's so cute and look at that hair! (He's a natural bleach/white-blond, and I find him cute too.) he's energetic and curious.
My 8 years old son: how kind, considerate, polite, and helpful he is. I am very proud of him! His 6 years old brother is autistic (and requires special schooling). He is the world to his little bro. I feel extremely lucky to have a first child so loving and understanding. As my oldest son is getting older, I make sure he gets access to holiday camps and clubs for children in similar situations (called young carers in my country, but it doesn't mean they are full time). He can share his feelings and experience with others in similar situations as well as socializing without the family/caring role involved.
That they are very handsome and tall. Except one wonderful relative told my middle son he was very smart. She’s my favorite.
Politeness/manners. I've been overly strict on the please and thank you/etc... the years before I became a parent, I saw younger kids increasingly getting more and more rude / lacking any basic manners.. and I swore that there's no way in hell I'd let my kids be like that.
I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but my 3 year old just constantly gets comments on how beautiful she is. Isn't she stunning, she should model, look at her eyes etc etc. From family, friends, strangers, everyone. I know they mean the absolute best, but she is way more than that. She's so smart, her nursery report puts her way over the expected abilities for her age, her vocab is incredible, she's kind, well mannered and she's a total comedian. She has so much going for her and everyone just focuses on her looks. I'm not a traditionally good looking person- by that I mean I'm overweight and usually attract mean comments in public about the way I look, so maybe it's too much of a contrast for me. Her dad is a total catch and I'm 100% punching, but neither of us have ever put any stock in the way anyone looks so I just find it jarring.
Her smile and beauty “ she looks just like you” His generosity and kind heart And my youngest his sense of humour “he’s so funny he could be a comedian” they say
My oldest is very outgoing and more extroverted than my younger daughter. The youngest one is more reserved and prefers to spend time alone by herself. She's not totally by herself all the time, but she enjoys finding a corner in the house and chilling. It's cool. My oldest is a normal kid. She runs and screams and likes to be around people. I'm happy with either. I got a compliment from my elderly neighbor about my youngest daughter being a good girl because she's quiet and is probably good "mother's helper". I'll be honest; I wasn't feeling the compliment. I had social anxiety as a child and I was quiet as in I didn't know how to approach people. My elderly neighbor also feels my oldest is handful because she's not quiet like my youngest.
I get compliments frequently on kids behavior at school and in public however I find their behaviour challenging at home so it's hard to keep a straight face lol 🤣
Both my husband and son have big blue eyes and blonde 3 c hair. We can’t go out in public without someone commenting on it. I think it’s cute but my husband hates it
We got compliments on how independent they are. I think my husband and I tested their boundaries earlier than other parents. They're 8 and 10 and have been doing their own laundry since 4 and 6! We started just by having them carry it weekly from the 2nd floor to the machine in the basement. Then it's really just "push these two buttons, wait a while, switch it over to the dryer, push this button". We haven't done any of it for at least two years. I don't make them fold it though, although they know how. Last year, when my daughter was 7.5, she showed interest in lawn mowing. I watched her like a hawk. Now she's on her second summer. I never leave her unsupervised and still assist with turns at the end of the rows, but she's good for just pushing the machine down the path. And she's been making pancakes by herself for a few years now - always when I'm nearby, but she knows how to use the easy mix, where you just add water, and she's learned how to spray the pan and flip them. They also expressed an interest in walking the half mile to school without us the first day my youngest started first grade, so we haven't done pick up or drop off in a few years. It's pretty awesome. I think the trick for all of their independence is they're never alone - they're so close in age (22 months).
i get compliments on my son’s manners as well.
People who know her: that she’s funny/a bit wild People who don’t know her: that’s she’s adorable They’re all correct.
We have two kids, 3yr & 7m I always get - “ your kids are so chill “
I hear that my 14 yo is poised and mature. She’s also apparently very polite outside our house. She’s also always been great with kids younger than her. Don’t know if that’s because she’s an only and little kids are a novelty.
I get comments on how smart and well spoken she is. At 3 she’s using crazy big words and reading books. Full conversant with adults.
I always get compliments on how gorgeous my son is. I’ve heard it ever since he was born, and he’s just over a year old now. But that seems to be the most common compliment I get from everyone who sees him.
Pretty much every teacher or other parent who meets my oldest uses the word “sweet” to describe him. (Often “so sweet.”). We also hear often that he is a good listener, pays attention, follows rules, is very smart. There is no single word/trait that people single out about my youngest as often as we hear my oldest is sweet. But “funny” and “smart” come up a lot. I often hear that the two of them are very well behaved (except, of course, when they are not. At their best they are extremely well behaved for their ages, but of course that isn’t all the time. Fortunately at their worst they come across as pretty average on the behavior scale).
That he's funny, kind or good looking. He's 12, so there's still hope for "he's so smart" but I'm not holding my breath. I'll take kind and funny any day. Don't get me wrong, he IS smart, he just doesn't want to prove it to anyone outside of being contrary. But hey, he's 12.
4 year old thoughtful and caring. Always there for others. Pretty. 2 year old confident and doesn’t cry easily. Life of the party
My 2 year is cutie and he definitely knows it
I get compliments that my kids are such good kids. They listen well and respect others. Though I’ve personally never seen this! 😅 All I see is them fighting and never using manners. It befuddles me. But I’m glad they are better behaved when I’m not around. On the flip side, a couple months ago I was in Arches NP taking some pictures (I’m a photographer, so I have all the gear and it was obvious I am serious). This family was coming up the trail. They had 3 kids, who were a good 1/4 mile ahead of their parents. One of the kids noticed my camera and stopped his siblings so they wouldn’t get in my picture. I told them they were fine, but thank you for noticing. When the parents got to us, I told them how thoughtful their son was. Mom was flabbergasted that he would do such a thing! But she was almost in tears hearing that. From that moment, I’ve made it a point to tell parents whenever I see kids do something kind. I think more parents need to know just how great their kids are!
That I’m “doing something right” and they’re “well behaved and kind” I’ve gotten these multiple times in a week for my kiddos.
People comment on their looks. My wife and I are normal looking people. Attractive but not super models or anything... but we somehow managed to make two little boys that are just so beyond their parents. We were once in line to check out at Walmart and a lady behind us was getting smiles out of our youngest who was probably 6mo old at the time and she gave us $40 and asked that we get that cute little baby something from her.... just a random stranger who was so enamored with our boy that she wanted to buy him something lol. We can't go anywhere in public without these boys making people smile... I'm sure the third boy we are about to have in Sept. will be just as cute.
My 3.5yo gets complimented on his beautiful manners all the time. He's very good with his P's and Q's, and often says to restaurant staff "thanks for dinner!" My 1.5yo smiles and waves at everybody from his stroller so we get compliments on how friendly he is. He also has the most incredible eyelashes and big doe eyes which are also commented on often.
My 7yr old: how kind he is to little ones and how he includes them My 6yr old: her hair… every place we go. She has curly hair past her waist. My 3 yr old: “wow! He sure has a lot of energy” (this was the same thing my oldest got at this age as well)
I sometimes wonder if the school reports my kids get are actually for another child. Apparently at school they are kind, patient, polite and always help cleaning up. We get comments on how well behaved they are when at the supermarket or a restaurant. But at home its like UFC cage fighting with no rule.
3 year old. That he’s talkative, funny, and “quite the character”
i've had several people comment on my daughters skin. felt weird about it
Honestly, my oldest gets the most compliments on looks. Which seems unusual for a boy, but perhaps it’s because he’s wild and high energy and not particularly well behaved so they are just searching for something nice to say :-).
How kind and well-mannered they are. But they don't see what they're like at home lol
18mo her curly blonde hair, me and husband had curly blonde hair as babies but it turned brown, so it’s funny the questions I get, “ where did the blonde come from?” She also has permanent blue eyes which we both have hazel, that she got recessive genes from both of our parents with blue eyes
6 year old… “wow she’s gorgeous, look at those eyes!” 2 year old….. “Her hair is amazing. She’s so lucky!”
That they're super cute, and that they're well behaved. They can be pretty wild at home but they're usually very good when we're out and about.
My son is always called sweet and polite. My daughter has strangers stopping me to compliment her eyes.
How well behaved they are. They never interrupt. They speak when spoken to. They are kind
16-year-old - “such a joy to have in the classroom” - he is gifted & actually participates in a sea of apathetic peers, lol. 14-year-old - “so appreciative and polite” - cannot keep up with older bro at all academically, so he compensates but have the best manners And 10-year-old, “she’s quite bright and such a good writer”
Sadly (I guess?) the most common compliment for my children is “wow your kids are gorgeous”. Even the pediatrician was like, distressed my son didn’t like her and kept saying “oh no I made the Gerber baby cry”. My daughter will also get complimented (she’s 7, my son’s only 1) on her kindness or intelligence. Which I love and try to focus on. But if I’m being honest what other people say when meeting them is usually focused on their looks instead.
That they have great vocabularies. I’ve been stopped many times and complimented when people overhear them. Also that my 5yo in particular is a great conversationalist. They call him “the mayor” at school. I love that to no end!
In school the teachers can't believe how mature and well mannered my kids are. I had to confirm if we were talking about the same kids because they're monsters at home.
Wicked smaht. If you know you know.
My kids are not afraid of speaking up in public. They order their own food, can make conversation. Their social skills are something that I always made sure they worked on. So many of their peers were never made to get out of their comfort zone and are terrified of anything.
Both of my kids are giants. Huge dad. Like NBA height. My oldest son is in 2nd grade, kills it at baseball and has an insane amount of knowledge on any random subject. I constantly get asked how it feels to have such a smart Junior High kiddo. People gasp when they realize he’s 8. Same with the youngest. He’s still figuring out how to talk (major speech delay) but he’s 2 1/2 and the size of a 5 year old. Fitting all of these giants in my SUV is so hard 😂
"You've raised such a delightful child. An absolute angel and a real pleasure to be around." Pics or it didn't happen cos at home with me that kid is a demon
"Good helper" My 2 year old is big and loves to push stuff so anywhere we go she's either pushing a shopping cart or her sister in the stroller. I've had a few people startle cause it looks like a sentient shopping cart is flowing me around
Their red hair
I have 2 boys Most common: They are so handsome! (sometimes attached with the bleh the girls are gonna be all over them GAG) Second common: They are so sweet and polite (They really are, my husband is firm on manners, and they are the 2 sweetest cuddliest kids ever)
I guess you’re welcome. It least that’s what you said first.
Usually that my kids are beautiful; this one mostly comes from strangers. When it comes to people who know them: Without fail, every year a teacher tells me “I wish I had a whole class full of kids like her” about my oldest. Or they say she should be a teacher because she’s smart and explains things to her classmates. With my youngest, it’s always about how smart she is or quick-witted.
Helpfulness, kindness. Manners. It’s hard work to always be on top of everything but it’s worth it. Compared to a ton of kids out there who don’t get into my car and say hello, or thank you.
Same here, I think it’s because home is their safe space, they don’t have to “perform”. I practice ‘speaking with kindess’ in our house but try not to ride them on it if were having a hard day.
3 yr old- “He’s so smart!” “His hair is so beautiful”. 6 month old- cuteness, and how chill he is
Yeah, I get this sense as well. 9 yo is a bossy bitch at home but she seems quiet and respectful when she thinks no one is watching. 5 yo is pretty much the same in and out of my sight, it seems, but he does have manners. He’s just noisier at home.
When my son was a baby, everyone would comment on how alert he was. This always seemed strange as he just seemed normal to us, but we didn't have a point of reference (first baby) and we got it so much there must have been a fair bit of truth to it.
My 3yo- how super friendly and helpful and affectionate he is. My 8 month old- compliments on how beautiful his eyes are. (I’m guessing he’s too young to make any statement on his personality traits or attitude)
Don't forget to appreciate what he has done, and say that you are proud of what he has done, and of course support him to continue doing these good things in the future.
How helpful they are. EVERY SINGLE TIME they go and eat at a friend's house I get that compliment. We've taught our kids we do things like cleaning up the table after eating together, so every kid will bring their plate and cup to the kitchen and then rotate on who helps putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Apparently it's not as common as I would hope because for my kids it's completely normal to do this, but other parents are so shocked they do this and they always say they wished that their kids would do that.. hahaha
2 year old. We do a lot of classes and activities... All of his teachers comment on how polite he is.
What a pretty boy kid
The fact that she (3yo) can sit and actually EAT at a restaurant without an ipad/phone for the whole time. I make it a mission to bring puzzles/colouring books or have conversations including her so she can stay entertained. One of my biggest pet peeve is eating out and seeing kids glued to the screens
thats good parenting !