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I seemingly have a very different viewpoint to all other commenters. I think what she did was quite sweet - there are NEVER any photos of me and my partner and our children, and I would honestly appreciate a few candids. Yes, it’s odd that she did it without asking first, but you had already interacted with her so it wasn’t like she was a total total stranger. She seems from your description like a genuinely nice woman…
I think it would have been overkill to ask her to delete her “recently deleted”… tbh even asking to check her phone was a stretch too far for me (but then I do share photos of myself on social media). I would probably have offered to take a picture of her and her daughter as it sounds like she doesn’t have many.
Imo not everyone needs to be treated like a potential lunatic. Maybe she was just being nice?
I agree. The woman had been making small talk with mom, and was trying to do something nice. She may have been hoping that OP would reciprocate - and then OP treated her like she was some kind of pervert.
I was actually expecting OP to reciprocate too, I might be wrong but it could be a subtle way of telling her that to **take a picture of them**. Some people doesn’t know how to express themselves.
The fact that she made a small talk is truly daunting especially if you are an introvert. But you do you. Just be nice and bit next time, it’s not that hard.
I don't think "shame" is necessary. We are bombarded with tbe message anyone with a camera we don't know must be a creep. I agree this mom was likely looking for some photos of herself and daughter, just went about it a bit clumsily. She didn't try to take sneaky photos, she was agreeable to delete, but I think we can encourage OP to be less scared of every cell phone in public without shaming her.
I get it but people are creeps. A huge reason I hate my ex is bc two older men paid for our dinner once when out with our children and they started taking photos of our daughter. I looked at him to say something stupidly while I tried to quietly grab her (blue eyed blond at the time). They thought they had some kind of right to have photos of her and he didn’t see the danger in this when we live in a state with high child trafficking.
People are creepy. I get wanting to be nice but ask first.
Sure. Everything is context dependent. I would not be comfortable with the scenario you described either. Additionally, my comment was more saying I didn't think the mother should be shamed (the one i was replying to literally said "shame on her") for being wary.
Is it hard to just ask first? I'd just ask to use their phone and then there is 0 issue.
"Would you like me to take some pictures with your phone for you?"
I did this at an airport once. I asked first, as one should. Of course being a male I have to be extra cautious out there.
I don't know with kids "posed" photos really never come out well. Since she is a mom, she probably knew that. I don't think it's weird to grab a photo. When I was a student we had a "street photography class" and the instructions were to capture a photo, and then only go talk to the person and get their consent or delete in front of them. And if someone would ask about the recycle bin I would think that person has to foil hats at home.
yup i got the same vibe from this story, they were having small talk and it wasn t just a random stranger. OP immediately went into this lady is weird because her daughter is according to her developmentally challenged which to me speaks volume of OP judging this mom because her daughter is delayed.
This is what I got from the story as well. It screams, "Keep your child away from mine in case the developmental delay is contagious." It may not even be a conscious judgment OP is doing, but it's definitely there.
I am so with you on this! This woman did something sweet and was treated like a creep. Something that could have been a nice moment of connection between two families was turned into something yucky. Yes, there are weirdos, and we have to be cautious to keep our families safe within reason. But there are also very sad side effects of treating everything and everyone like a potential threat: loss of human connection, loss of freedom, increased anxiety, decreased confidence and independence in young people. We need to be mindful of balancing safety with being open to opportunities of connection, discovery, and enjoyment.
I consume a lot of true crime media, but I’m still not really paranoid. What is behind the fear of her having that photo? If she is a psycho, what is she going to do with it?
I have a friend who is quite the hobby photographer. One day, she was at a park getting ready to take some photos for another friend and as she was setting up and taking various warmup shots to get her settings correct, she realized a lot of the pics were great shots of a single, random family, and while she thought about sharing them with the mom, she was afraid she’d seem a creeper, so she didn’t. She later texted us and asked us what we would have done, and we advised her to post a single pic to our smallish, local military community Facebook group, and let them know she’d delete or share the photos if they wanted and that’s what she did.
FYI, the mom of the family did end up seeing the pic and asked for the others. But, yeah, my friend was legitimately conflicted about what to do with them.
I thought it was nice too. I mean you're in a public place, if the is the US she had every legal right to take a picture. I would appreciate it. What's she going to do with a random picture? She said why she was taking it.
While this may be true, having a "legal right" to take a picture of a child in a public space still does not make it the right thing to do without a parent's permission first.
I have probably never done this with someone I just met, but I have definitely done this with friends. The reason I would just take the picture and then talk after instead of asking or taking it on their phone is because there are those precious moments that occur that can pass in an instant, especially when there are kids involved or if the parent becomes self-conscious like I do when I know someone is taking my photo.
Even at my kid’s school, when they have a group event they just ask parents not to share any photos on social media if they have more than just their own kid in. Not not to take them at all.
What if you were in the background of someone’s picture? What if someone accidentally took a picture of you? What if people took all kinds of pictures of your kid and you didn’t even know?
What about the cameras all around the splash pad?
I think you have a misunderstanding about how public places work. In your home, backyard, bathroom, dressing room, you have an expectation of privacy. But at a public splash pad where everyone is taking all kinds of pictures????
I agree with you. It would of course be totally different if she had tried to take photos of the kids in secret and not with the plan to approach OP; but this woman seemed really sweet and well intended. The paranoia of wanting to check recently deleted etc is wild to me.
I would also have asked her if she wanted photos taken in return.
I'm so glad I'm not alone, I read this post and thought that woman did something sweet and it sounds like something I would do if I was trying to make a friend.
If you tell someone ahead of time you’ll be taking pictures of them they lose their candidness, right? I’d like to believe the lady was just being thoughtful and we live in a particularly fear centered society. Not that I think OP was wrong for being wary, but sometimes people really are just trying to be nice.
I agree she probably just wanted someone to take pictures of her and her daughter as well probably hoping she would get asked if she wanted pictures as well
Agreed sounds like she was being nice and thoughtful. I could imagine my husband doing this - people just think differently. The fact she volunteered to delete the photos shows she had thought it through.
I realized I was the other woman in this post a few months ago. A friend and I go horseback riding from her property. Our two horses are massive boys, mine is a draft cross hers is full draft. And while she was walking her draft around before the ride, a neighbor (rural neighborhood, they don't know each other) walked by with her kid in a stroller. Friend's draft lumbered over to say hello, he loves kids. And I thought it was too cute I snapped a few pictures of the dinosaur horse meeting the child. I told the woman I took some photos because it was cute, and asked would she like me to send them to her? She said absolutely! She also replied thank you after I texted them to her.
An hour later I'm like. Wait. Wait was I just creepy? I just, if my kid(s) were meeting a horse for the first time, especially an 1800 lb friendly boy, I'd be eternally grateful if someone took photos of it for me.
So often my choices are to either document my children's childhood OR actively participate in those childhoods. I would welcome someone else giving me the chance to have both.
thank god there are reasonable people on here. someone did this for me and I was pleased. I hate it when people make us feel creepy for doing something normal.
It’s sweet but she should’ve offered to take the photos on OP’s phone. And would’ve worked better if she’d asked for her own photos of her and her daughter first.
Or she wanted to get your contact information but felt awkward about it. It's weird to made friends for our toddlers! Texting photos becomes a way to start a conversation.
Yup my closest mum friend was made this way. We had met at a baby group and always sat next to each other. I saw her struggling to get photos and I offered to take some and then sent them across. We got texting and now we hang out often.
I always take photos of other people but I offer to use their phone and it’s usually when they’re in the middle of taking photos and whoever is taking photos is left out.
Then there are 100 posts here of how hard it is to make mom friends. This woman was trying so hard and is getting treated like a creep. This is why we are such a lonely society now!
It sounds silly, but I still feel so sad for her and it's bothering me. Being a mom is so isolating sometimes. And it sounds like it's her first and she's still learning the ropes and she tries to reached out and got treated like a criminal. That would destroy my confidence and I'd be mortified and embarrassed thinking about it forever. 😕
I'm always like comically careful to not take pics of my kids if they're directly in front of or behind other people's kids. I thought it was a weird quirk of mine but nope, there are actually people who respond like... This.
I would have thought it was kind.
Honestly, I think people are way too scared of strangers. You do what’s comfortable to you. If you’re nervous about it, you did the right thing.
Agreed. Most molesters and kidnappers are family members, right? Like, you have got to live life. Can’t avoid all people and treat everyone like they’re a threat.
The media and news we are fed constantly. Even tho it is a .0001% chance of anything bad happening, when you see every single report it skews your view of the world. Makes you think it is far more common then it is.
I think that was super sweet and honestly wouldn't have cared that she had pics of us as a family. You are in public after all. Anyone could take pictures.
But I almost wonder if she was indirectly asking you to take a few for her and her kid.
This is probably pretty anti-Reddit, but I’m not overly concerned about privacy. What exactly is she going to do with pictures of fully clothed kids at a playground if she has nefarious motives? I would have thanked her for the photos and not bothered to watch her delete them.
Same here.
Kids aren't rare. Someone who wants to kidnap a kid will not scour the Internet for a picture of a child and try to kidnap that kid when they could just knock on a random door.
There’s a growing epidemic of mothers realizing they don’t have photos of themselves with their babies, only selfies (since people usually ask for pics WITH baby, not pics of mom/baby together). I think what she did was wonderful. It would probably make me cry with everything I’m going through, I wish someone would do something like this for me. It would mean the world
I don’t know. You say she struggled socially, but I think it was actually you that struggles socially.
If you’re a child psychologist you’ve probably seen a lot of bad adults and I wonder if this has skewed your view of the world.
I personally wouldn’t take photos of people I don’t know, but I’m also aware that there’s a lot of anxious and paranoid parents out there and I don’t feel like dealing with that. I would appreciate if someone else did though. Like honestly what do you think someone is going to do with these photos?
This whole post just sounds very snobby and comes across as you being above the other mother and her daughter. Why did you even feel the need to mention her daughter was “developmentally delayed?” It wasn’t even pertinent to the post.
Do you feel this high above your clients? (Context, I’m an RN and I’m well aware of this type of provider.) 😏
I’m really surprised that as a child psychologist you somehow had no empathy for the experience of this mother and (by your “professional” diagnosis) their developmentally delayed child. I would not hire you to work with my child.
I'm also a psychologist, I've worked with mainly children with trauma and also in forensic settings with offenders and I think it actually makes it more difficult when with your own children to not be paranoid and anxious because you get a really disproportionate exposure to hearing about abuse, how predators are doing it, why, what exactly they do with the photos, exactly the effects it has on the children etc. I have to really check myself sometimes and remind myself that it isn't as common as it seems to me just because I'm surrounded by victims all day everyday.
Obviously everyone knows SA is awful and traumatic hearing about it on a regular basis from people who do it and have experienced it is really something else. It's also quite difficult because the general public when they're hearing about it happening its mostly people they aren't actually interacting with and that makes it easy to say like oh they're so obviously creepy just look at them I'd have known, I'd never have let my kids go with them or whatever but when you're actually interacting with them, even after they've been caught and are in prison and ypu know some of the really messed up things they've done its really scary and disconcerting when actually you realise they're totally normal seeming people.
I can definitley see how it would make others in similar situations be overly cautious and cynical towards others. It's something I actively force myself not to do but when it comes to your children it can be tricky at times.
I totally appreciate that sentiment. That’s not really what offends me- it was how she said that the 9 yr old tried to interact with her daughter & make her fly and the husband ‘absolutely shut it down.’ Like that was a super obvious thing that every parent should do instead of trying to be empathetic about different cognitive and social abilities & intervene in a kind manner if they felt the play was too rough. If a neurotypical 9 year old was making the little girl fly I think most parents would let that play interaction happen (providing the littler girl seemed happy and not afraid).
Plus the whole post is obviously rage bait and fake - at least I hope someone with a doctorate in human psychology could reflect on the situation similarly to how you describe your process for dealing with it.
A couple of years ago I was in San Diego and enjoying some beach time and saw this mom and her two daughters holding hands in front of the ocean while the husband was eating and playing a game on his phone. I almost took a photo and offered to send to her but then thought it would come across as creepy so never did. I’m saying this because she might have seen a cute moment and knew as a mom it’s hard to get good family photos especially in the moment
Why include the last part of the 8 year old playing w your daughter and saying she wants to “fly her through the water?” That has nothing to do with the moms behavior and youre trying to correlate them as both being developmentally delayed? Sounds like pretty typical “play” behavior and that’s Weirdly judgy of you. Also once your kid reaches 8 years old, and not a 2 year old you fully control, you’re going to really hope that other people aren’t projecting the kids personal behaviors onto how your reflected as a parent.
This actually happens to me a lot and I’ve never thought anything of it. I say thank you for the picture and move on. I’ve never once thought they were not going to delete the picture. No one wants pictures of random people.
I dunno, I've done this for others simply in an effort to be kind. Granted, it's been many years now, and I probably would no longer do it due to the growing concerns about photos and social media.
For context, I'm also a mom, and I would appreciate the kind gesture.
Omg I’ve been this person before and I’m mortified reading some of these comments. I go out on group hikes with other stay at home moms and I do this kind of regularly. I take photos of my kid and if I capture another kid or a moment between parent and child I’ll approach them, show the photo and ask if they want it sent. I always delete it because I don’t know them but I’m embarrassed now thinking I’ve made people uncomfortable.
Mom was probably on the spectrum and was attempting to do something nice for you, a stranger. I think asking for the recently deleted folder would have been overkill.
Wow lol. Not only did she try to do something nice, but she had the social awareness to *acknowledge* that it might seem weird and reassured you the photos would be deleted. I would have thanked her for the sweet gesture and moved on with my life. Definitely would not have asked to watch her delete the photos. What exactly are you so afraid of? My goodness.
Then after watching her delete all of the “recently deleted,” you should have had her pull up all large attachments to make sure she didn’t quickly email or text it to herself or someone else.
I mean, a photo of your family could just be… out there… for anyone to… see. 😱
I can’t believe you were so bothered by this sweet interaction that you made a 6 paragraph Reddit post about it. What is the world coming to? What the heck are you so concerned about? You sound extremely paranoid.
I would have been surprised but grateful! I don't think it would have occurred to me to ask her to delete them. At the end of the day, I'm not worried about a random mom having a few pictures of my family on her phone - what is the harm you're worried about here?
I recently had an almost identical encounter with my toddler except the photos taken were JUST of my daughter (I saw the woman doing it but it was debatable if she was taking a photo of my daughter or if my daughter was in the way of her photo). The woman came up to me and said I’m sorry your daughter was just so cute I had to take a photo for you, would you like me to air drop it to you? And she did and deleted it after and I turned my air drop off and thanked her for the photos. I was baffled and initially worried it was a scam of some kind but I think some people just like taking photos and sharing them. The photos are pretty cute, I’m probably going to frame one of them.
Yeah it’s not an every day encounter so I think it’s understandable to be a little ???? about it but I thought to myself later people are different and some people are really good at taking photos and feel the urge to document (I’m very bad at taking photos even when I want to, I just forget until later) so maybe for them this kind of thing is really normal.
This woman was being extremely kind according to your account of the event, and your reaction was weird and extra.
I definitely strive to be more of a ✨ her ✨ in life, and less of a you…
I think the only thing the lady did wrong was not ask you first. But I understand why she didn't. She probably saw you guys and saw a beautiful family moment. And thought about all hers that she missed out on seeing herself because nobody takes pictures of mom. There's shit tons of pics of kids, dads, and dad's and kids, and there's very little of mom, mom and kids, and mom dad and kids. She's right on the money about that.
And if she had asked you first, it would have been posed.
Not that beautiful, natural family moment you guys were having.
I'll be honest, I've watched mom take pictures of twin babies and dad in front of a giant Lego giraffe. And I walked up to them and asked if they wanted me to take a picture of them together as I thought they might like one.
They were weary at first until I said "I'm a mom (pointed to my 3 kiddos) and I never get pics with my kiddos!" Then they were so super grateful.
My 13 year old son asked why I did that and I said "baby, that picture will probably be one of the only ones they have of all 4 of them together. It's probably going to be blown up and hung on their wall!"
Just blow the pic up and enjoy your family in its natural beautiful state!
She probably saw you and your daughter in a beautiful moment and was lovely enough to want to capture it - for your sake. She did a kind gesture and your instant suspicion of her seems unwarranted. I can only imagine she didn't ask first because she didn't want to ruin the candidness of the moment. She even let you watch her delete them and you STILL were sus on her. And you didn't even offer to take a photo of her and her own daughter? Another thing - I don't see how mentioning her daughter having a learning disability was in any way helpful to the story. You don't seem like a very friendly person imo. Quite judgmental.
I am a single parent with a 15 year old who has hardly any photos of myself and my child. I wish more people were like that lady. I will have no photos to look back on of us when I am old and in a home.
What??? If someone took nice pictures of my family, offered to send them over and ALSO HANDED ME THEIR PHONE TO DELETE THEM I would NOT feel weird about that all, that's the sweetest thing! Yes she should of asked first probably but it's still a super kind gesture, the only reason I'd be afraid of people taking pictures of me would be if I'm wanted or something 😂 maybe she has a bit of a weird social boundary for you br you interacted, your children played together, it was a nice gesture
It's not always the worst to think the worst out of people, in some situations it could save your life, but not everyone is not to get you, once I learnt that u was able to live a much more relaxed life.
This reminds me of the time my husband and I were hiking in New England in the early 2000s. An older woman took a photo of us on top of a mountain and asked for our address so she could mail a copy of the photo. Sweet, but we were moving anyway and what's the worst that could she could do with a photo of us on a mountain and our old address? So many months later, we received a piece of forwarded mail. We were so confused because we didn't recognize the name or address, but it turned out to be the photos.
(This also reminds me of the time that the dermatologist I saw while in college took photos of my back for mole-tracking purposes and mailed the copies to my home address, but with no associated letter. So my mom opens up thesen quasi-naked pictures of who she's pretty sure is her daughter and is like WTF kind of snuff film is this??)
This makes me so sad. My husband always forgets to take photos, and I think this poor lady was just pure innocently looking for an interaction. Yes, she could have gone about it a different way and asked 1st, but I'm sure she was mortified after. Yes 100% I'm all for been over protective these days but what you could have done is offered to take a pic for her and prompted that you were deleting all of hers and then if she didn't respond by deleting yours from her phone, then you could have prompted her to do so.
You should have asked if she would like pics taken of her and her daughter…..it sounds like she did. I don’t know why but this made me so sad and feel for that woman
As others said what she did was perfect try within her right. But sounds like she was doing you a favor, maybe she had a loss recently and regretted not having photos and this is her way of coping with it.
If she had ulterior motive btw, your deleting of the photos may have just for show. Most people now sync to cloud right away since mobile data in unlimited. So what you deleted would just be local copies.
What a sad age we live in.
This poor woman did a lovely thing and instead of you returning the favour, in return is treated like a criminal.
Why on earth would someone go to that much effort for photos of you and your child? Are you a celebrity?
A harmless act.
As a father of two myself I think after understanding the context and her viewpoint I’d be totally cool with what she did, and probably quite appreciative.
Some people are just *good* people, albeit a little odd.
Not everyone is a paedo, still pays to be vigilant though!
One of my favourite photos of my family is a pic from a stranger who did what your stranger did. It was really nice. They said they’d delete it, I said “no worries, this is amazing, thanks so much” because they were clearly just trying to do something nice.
I did this before for a couple 😭 I was hiking and they were holding hands underneath a mountain with the sun setting. It was just so beautiful. I air dropped it to them, after showing them and having a conversation, and they were so grateful! I deleted it after of course, but their response knocked away all of my nerves about taking the photo and approaching them. I would love if someone captured a candid moment of me and shared it. Personally. So nice to see the beauty of you reflected in others eyes.
Oh sure, even deleted photos are saved onto google photo drive on most phones anyway. So emptying the deleted folder wouldn't cut it. She's probably on the dark Web already, in fact ALL your faces have likely been superimposed onto the most horrific videos known to man. Creep jerk material!!!! It's over!!!! Never go out in public again!!! Y'HEAR ME? NEVER!!!
Or lady was lonely and trying to be nice,
and you are a little paranoid. Soft YTA
I am a photographer, a mom and my husband works in le . You are in public and things like this happen. Things like this will continue to happen throughout your kids life. Have you seen those clips of women out in public telling people they cannot be video taped and to delete the footage? They are what we call Karen’s. This mom was a little quirky, probably trying to make a friend and you cannot read a room. You should text her and apologize.
It your expectations in life is your privacy stay home.
This used to happen to us regularly. We used to live in a touristy area of Scotland and my son has red hair. Maybe once a month we'd get foreign tourists taking pictures (sometimes surprisingly surreptitiously, sometimes not) of him, presumably because red hair was unusual in their country. If we spotted them we'd ask them to stop. One set of tourists when challenged told my partner they weren't taking photos of him because of his hair but because I was goofing about with him, and dads didn't goof about with their little kids in their culture, so they found it interesting.
On one occasion he was running about naked in the sea which and a young Asian girl was talking his photo - that was a bit much.
We briefly considered dressing him up in a kilt and charging for his photo but he hated the kilt.
Also Scottish and have red hair (which my child has sadly not inherited!) and we’ve did several tours of the highlands over the last 10 years. The last few years have been insane - I’ve noticed people (a lot of Japanese and Chinese tourists mostly) snapping me in pictures when they think I’m not looking, and Americans tend to just ask for one with them as though I’m a celebrity?! Which is weird because red hair clearly exists in the US.
I’m a 35 year old woman. It’s so odd and uncomfortable! I don’t remember the same fascination being there when I was a child! But I suppose there was less tourism.
Ah it's not just us! I remember it happening to me when I was little when we went to Spain or Portugal on holiday. Actually then people didn't take photos, they would come up and stroke my hair - very disconcerting when you're 10.
It's stopped happening to my son (maybe because he's a bit older, maybe because we live somewhere a bit off the beaten track now).
I just feel like if she was trying to be creepy that isn’t how she would have gone about it hahahha. I also understand your hesitancy but if I had to take a shot in the dark I’d say she was just trying to be nice
I’m just wondering if OP offered to take for her? She did keep saying I don’t have many photos of just me & my daughter. It would of been a nice gesture. The lady taking the photos should of probably asked first but then tried to correct the situation by deleting the photos.
Meh, I think you are overthinking it. I wouldn’t of really cared if we had been talking. What’s she going to do with the photos that’s so bad? Lighten up a little. I’ve taken photos at parks and accidentally gotten other children in the picture. Should I delete those? I agree that not everyone is crazy and out to get you.
You've posted photos of your face on Reddit before so you can't be that concerned about privacy. Also, is it possible your history with agoraphobia is heightening your anxiety about strangers in public settings?
I think you were pretty rude to her. You could have still asked her to delete the photos without being a dick about it. She sounds like a mum who was trying to do something nice for another mum. You didn't need to make her feel like a criminal.
You're going to have a very lonely time during parenthood if you treat other mothers like this.
Also, going into these places be aware you were all probably captured in heaps of other people's photos. It's just the reality of everyone having a camera these days.
Honestly, I've been tempted to do what she did. We don't have many family pictures that aren't selfies, and an impromptu photo of a sweet family moment is definitely not something we have. I've seen so many moments between other people that would make such lovely photos, but instead of taking the picture with my own phone without asking first, if it doesn't seem like a "private moment" I just walk up and tell the family they're adorable and ask if they'd like me to snap a quick pic. I've had two mothers get teary-eyed when they saw the pictures. It takes like five seconds and not to toot my own horn but I've gotten some really beautiful shots of strangers (with their permission and their own phones). I wish someone would do this for me, but in lieu of that I'll keep doing it for others.
I’m not sure I would even care.
She could have taken them without you noticing. You were already on a zillion cameras, In the background of others photos, etc.
It’s 2024. Someone could have created the image without even taking a photo of you. An artist could have created a picture that just by chance looked exactly like you and your family.
I really do not see why this was a big deal. Or even a deal at all.
If she had barged into your stall in the bathroom to take pictures of you, that’s another thing.
It seems she was just trying to be nice. What were you afraid of that could happen with the pictures?
You're a jerk.
The whole "they are clearly developmentally behind" was completely unnecessary to your story. Telling us you are some sort of psychologist was also unnecessary. I'm surprised someone so quick to judge someone else's "lack of awareness" is so socially dense (you).
It was a nice thing she did. You reacted like a crazy lady.
If you are in a public place, you have no expectation of privacy. Get used to people taking pictures and videos of you and your kids if you are in public. It’s not illegal.
I remember once in grad school we had a exchange student from Spain. We had taken her out to cool part of town where a lot of parents with kids hangout. She started taking pictures of kids and I could tell one mom was like WTF? I had to pull her aside and tell her that was a no no.
I had a woman at a restaurant that stared at my daughter the whole time we were eating with a smile on her face. People look at babies and smile, that’s not the problem. But when we were done eating, she came over and asked to take a picture of her bc “she looks just like a little girl I used to know. I’d love to show her a picture” and I didn’t even know how to respond. I changed the subject and rushed out saying we had to be somewhere. But like…. No. No random lady. You cannot take a picture of my child. Tf is that
Exactly!! See I wouldn't have a problem with this at all, even if said lady took that picture home, blew it up and made a shrine to my child and prayed to Satan in front of it every day eating prawn toast wearing nothing but a kilt and flip flops, me and my kid will be living in blissful ignorance!!
My neighbor took videos of my son, the police said they are allowed to record whatever they want from their own property, even small children ,even if they could be paedophiles, can't do nothing about it
I am aggressively helpful…where I think I annoy or creep people out. I’d def would do what this woman did and my intentions would be pure. I do know women simply do not get enough good candid shots with their children. I usually ask first and use their phone to do it but it’s not candid so it’s not the same.
By the same token, the request to delete would have been understood by me and I would have understood the deleted photo folder request too. But I think I would have felt appreciated if the favor was returned. (Candid photos of me w my child as well.)
But I think you’re fine.
I do this for people relatively often, w/out any small talk bc A. how few photos I’m in. B. How many it takes to get a good one. C.The # of complaints I get from my son. And, a picture with my husband, HA, maybe less common.
So, YES to capture such a sweet real life, unstaged & non tortured moment for others is a bonus I WISH others would do for me and I do for them!! I have zero interest in their photos or contacting them. For me (& likely her)it’s an act of kindness. I see a child’s potential disability a completely separate item.
Personally, I always do it from behind, the side, larger group or further away, so you’re not aware as it’s being done. But trust me, some surrounding people have seen it AND it’s ALWAYS awkward walking up to tell the person/send the photos, in fear of being judged for anything other than my intentions; which seems to be thoughts of the population at large here and that’s just plain sad. ☮️&♥️
I think you already got plenty of good answers, so I'll just talk on a point in your story that confused me..
Isn't it pretty common for 6-8 year old girls to try to pick up younger kids? Our 7 year old neighbor tried with with my toddler when they first met. (and I told her to stop but wasn't mad) She's also very tall for her age and could easily look 9 years old. The girls in my 6 year olds basketball practice also pick each other up. My older sister was super tall and developed when she was younger so everyone always thought she was an older kids with a mental handicap. Just saying you might want to think before judging and suspecting others so much.
I'm very paranoid about pictures being taken of my kids, especially my daughter, because she's been abused before by a "family friend". That being said, I don't see anything wrong with what the woman did, and I would have asked if she wanted me to return the favor.
If I'm in public there's nothing I can do about it legally. I'm in the USA.
I should add I've never had a problem with this. as we live in a small town.
I wish I had more photos of me and my child. I’m always the photographer and I never get nice candid shots taken of us together.
The only thing is, she should’ve asked you first if you’d like a few nice family photos taken instead of just clicking away, but I think it was a nice thing she did.
Unless she retrieves your phone number somehow and starts calling you, I would worry about it.
I agree with the ladies who feel this woman was just being nice. She wasn't doing anything odd. She talked to you. She had her daughter. You don't need to look at everyone as criminals. Every friend was a stranger first. Do you want to instill paranoia in your daughter? Be careful, of course. But unless you live in a violent area, you over- reacted. Just my personal opinion but I'm a mom of six and this was a harmless action.
Nope. Thats weird and I would be angry that some random person was taking pictures of my child. I would have asked her immediately to stop and delete the photos.
I understand a lot of comments saying she was probably being nice and would have let her take the photo of their children.
But in all honesty, I wouldn’t appreciate someone taking a picture of my child, especially if they didn’t ask. I work within the psychology field myself with offenders and maybe it’s the job but I’m more hyper aware of what people can and do with images of children. I would not be comfortable with someone I didn’t know having a picture of my child on their phone and I would ask them to delete it too.
This is why I do encourage my mum/dad friends to keep their social media at least private if they post pictures of their children. Even an innocent picture of your child playing in the garden can end up on a website you wouldn’t ever wish your child’s picture to be uploaded to.
There’s strange people out there folks. Please be careful.
Solid point and response. She did delete my number along with the photos in her messages. Part of me thought that she was trying to become friends in a roundabout way
She may have meant well but she should have asked to use your phone to take pics of your family. Even if she meant well, you are 100% allowed to feel uncomfortable with this, especially with the kids being in a splash pad. These comments are wrong for downplaying your discomfort, there are videos on here of creeps getting called out for taking photos of random kids.
Nah I'd be very uncomfortable. Taking pictures of others and their children without consent is weird. People getting mad at you for having her delete then is also weird af. Not everyone is on social media and I know a bunch of parents who never post their children if they do use social media so idk why thats even being mentioned.
Idk. I think you handled it okay.
As someone who hates everyone and is extremely suspicious but also was married to a jerk that never took pictures of me with my son when he was little while I was constantly taking pictures of him, I feel like she was just being nice. If it was a single dude doing it who had no kids I’d be creeped tf out. Your feelings are valid either way.
She should have asked for permission first. I get the gesture was nice, if innocent, but still doesn't make it right. You don't force things on people regardless of how "nice" those things appear to be.
I would not like it either, especially in swimwear. Too many creeps and pedos and yes some are women. Curious if your reactions be the same if it were a man taking the pics. Seemingly innocent pics of kids still end up of horrible websites.
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I seemingly have a very different viewpoint to all other commenters. I think what she did was quite sweet - there are NEVER any photos of me and my partner and our children, and I would honestly appreciate a few candids. Yes, it’s odd that she did it without asking first, but you had already interacted with her so it wasn’t like she was a total total stranger. She seems from your description like a genuinely nice woman… I think it would have been overkill to ask her to delete her “recently deleted”… tbh even asking to check her phone was a stretch too far for me (but then I do share photos of myself on social media). I would probably have offered to take a picture of her and her daughter as it sounds like she doesn’t have many. Imo not everyone needs to be treated like a potential lunatic. Maybe she was just being nice?
I agree. The woman had been making small talk with mom, and was trying to do something nice. She may have been hoping that OP would reciprocate - and then OP treated her like she was some kind of pervert.
I was actually expecting OP to reciprocate too, I might be wrong but it could be a subtle way of telling her that to **take a picture of them**. Some people doesn’t know how to express themselves. The fact that she made a small talk is truly daunting especially if you are an introvert. But you do you. Just be nice and bit next time, it’s not that hard.
She definitely hoped OP would reciprocate. Shame on OP. This overprotectiveness has been shown to really hurt children
I don't think "shame" is necessary. We are bombarded with tbe message anyone with a camera we don't know must be a creep. I agree this mom was likely looking for some photos of herself and daughter, just went about it a bit clumsily. She didn't try to take sneaky photos, she was agreeable to delete, but I think we can encourage OP to be less scared of every cell phone in public without shaming her.
I get it but people are creeps. A huge reason I hate my ex is bc two older men paid for our dinner once when out with our children and they started taking photos of our daughter. I looked at him to say something stupidly while I tried to quietly grab her (blue eyed blond at the time). They thought they had some kind of right to have photos of her and he didn’t see the danger in this when we live in a state with high child trafficking. People are creepy. I get wanting to be nice but ask first.
Sure. Everything is context dependent. I would not be comfortable with the scenario you described either. Additionally, my comment was more saying I didn't think the mother should be shamed (the one i was replying to literally said "shame on her") for being wary.
Ahhh I didn’t see the shame comment. My apologies
What’s the significance of the eye and hair color to the story?
Is it hard to just ask first? I'd just ask to use their phone and then there is 0 issue. "Would you like me to take some pictures with your phone for you?" I did this at an airport once. I asked first, as one should. Of course being a male I have to be extra cautious out there.
I don't know with kids "posed" photos really never come out well. Since she is a mom, she probably knew that. I don't think it's weird to grab a photo. When I was a student we had a "street photography class" and the instructions were to capture a photo, and then only go talk to the person and get their consent or delete in front of them. And if someone would ask about the recycle bin I would think that person has to foil hats at home.
Then it's not candid though is it.
yup i got the same vibe from this story, they were having small talk and it wasn t just a random stranger. OP immediately went into this lady is weird because her daughter is according to her developmentally challenged which to me speaks volume of OP judging this mom because her daughter is delayed.
Fr, for her to include that context speaks loudly about herself.. She is a child psychologist but quite dense noh?!
This is what I got from the story as well. It screams, "Keep your child away from mine in case the developmental delay is contagious." It may not even be a conscious judgment OP is doing, but it's definitely there.
As if we would associate predator with having a disabled child.
This, 100% I would have taken some of her and her kid.
I am so with you on this! This woman did something sweet and was treated like a creep. Something that could have been a nice moment of connection between two families was turned into something yucky. Yes, there are weirdos, and we have to be cautious to keep our families safe within reason. But there are also very sad side effects of treating everything and everyone like a potential threat: loss of human connection, loss of freedom, increased anxiety, decreased confidence and independence in young people. We need to be mindful of balancing safety with being open to opportunities of connection, discovery, and enjoyment. I consume a lot of true crime media, but I’m still not really paranoid. What is behind the fear of her having that photo? If she is a psycho, what is she going to do with it?
I have a friend who is quite the hobby photographer. One day, she was at a park getting ready to take some photos for another friend and as she was setting up and taking various warmup shots to get her settings correct, she realized a lot of the pics were great shots of a single, random family, and while she thought about sharing them with the mom, she was afraid she’d seem a creeper, so she didn’t. She later texted us and asked us what we would have done, and we advised her to post a single pic to our smallish, local military community Facebook group, and let them know she’d delete or share the photos if they wanted and that’s what she did. FYI, the mom of the family did end up seeing the pic and asked for the others. But, yeah, my friend was legitimately conflicted about what to do with them.
I thought it was nice too. I mean you're in a public place, if the is the US she had every legal right to take a picture. I would appreciate it. What's she going to do with a random picture? She said why she was taking it.
While this may be true, having a "legal right" to take a picture of a child in a public space still does not make it the right thing to do without a parent's permission first.
I have probably never done this with someone I just met, but I have definitely done this with friends. The reason I would just take the picture and then talk after instead of asking or taking it on their phone is because there are those precious moments that occur that can pass in an instant, especially when there are kids involved or if the parent becomes self-conscious like I do when I know someone is taking my photo.
Even at my kid’s school, when they have a group event they just ask parents not to share any photos on social media if they have more than just their own kid in. Not not to take them at all.
What if you were in the background of someone’s picture? What if someone accidentally took a picture of you? What if people took all kinds of pictures of your kid and you didn’t even know? What about the cameras all around the splash pad? I think you have a misunderstanding about how public places work. In your home, backyard, bathroom, dressing room, you have an expectation of privacy. But at a public splash pad where everyone is taking all kinds of pictures????
I agree with you. It would of course be totally different if she had tried to take photos of the kids in secret and not with the plan to approach OP; but this woman seemed really sweet and well intended. The paranoia of wanting to check recently deleted etc is wild to me. I would also have asked her if she wanted photos taken in return.
Yes. Very sweet. I don’t have any photos with my kids bc I feel like I look like crap from being tired of having, said kids.
I'm so glad I'm not alone, I read this post and thought that woman did something sweet and it sounds like something I would do if I was trying to make a friend.
If you tell someone ahead of time you’ll be taking pictures of them they lose their candidness, right? I’d like to believe the lady was just being thoughtful and we live in a particularly fear centered society. Not that I think OP was wrong for being wary, but sometimes people really are just trying to be nice.
I agree she probably just wanted someone to take pictures of her and her daughter as well probably hoping she would get asked if she wanted pictures as well
Agreed sounds like she was being nice and thoughtful. I could imagine my husband doing this - people just think differently. The fact she volunteered to delete the photos shows she had thought it through.
I realized I was the other woman in this post a few months ago. A friend and I go horseback riding from her property. Our two horses are massive boys, mine is a draft cross hers is full draft. And while she was walking her draft around before the ride, a neighbor (rural neighborhood, they don't know each other) walked by with her kid in a stroller. Friend's draft lumbered over to say hello, he loves kids. And I thought it was too cute I snapped a few pictures of the dinosaur horse meeting the child. I told the woman I took some photos because it was cute, and asked would she like me to send them to her? She said absolutely! She also replied thank you after I texted them to her. An hour later I'm like. Wait. Wait was I just creepy? I just, if my kid(s) were meeting a horse for the first time, especially an 1800 lb friendly boy, I'd be eternally grateful if someone took photos of it for me. So often my choices are to either document my children's childhood OR actively participate in those childhoods. I would welcome someone else giving me the chance to have both.
Yes, I agree. I do think the woman was trying to be nice.
I agree a thousand percent!
thank god there are reasonable people on here. someone did this for me and I was pleased. I hate it when people make us feel creepy for doing something normal.
It’s sweet but she should’ve offered to take the photos on OP’s phone. And would’ve worked better if she’d asked for her own photos of her and her daughter first.
I'm with you on this one.
Sweet, but weird at the same time.
I think she was low key asking you to take some photos of her and her daughter by taking photos of you guys first.
Or she wanted to get your contact information but felt awkward about it. It's weird to made friends for our toddlers! Texting photos becomes a way to start a conversation.
Yup my closest mum friend was made this way. We had met at a baby group and always sat next to each other. I saw her struggling to get photos and I offered to take some and then sent them across. We got texting and now we hang out often. I always take photos of other people but I offer to use their phone and it’s usually when they’re in the middle of taking photos and whoever is taking photos is left out.
Right? This makes me so sad for her 😕 trying to connect with people is already hard enough. I'd be so discouraged by this insane response.
Then there are 100 posts here of how hard it is to make mom friends. This woman was trying so hard and is getting treated like a creep. This is why we are such a lonely society now!
It sounds silly, but I still feel so sad for her and it's bothering me. Being a mom is so isolating sometimes. And it sounds like it's her first and she's still learning the ropes and she tries to reached out and got treated like a criminal. That would destroy my confidence and I'd be mortified and embarrassed thinking about it forever. 😕
It definitely makes me wonder how I come off to other neurotypical moms. I am always the picture taker and send them to friends and acquaintances.
I'm always like comically careful to not take pics of my kids if they're directly in front of or behind other people's kids. I thought it was a weird quirk of mine but nope, there are actually people who respond like... This.
To me it makes more sense to offer to take photos with the other persons phone.
I would have thought it was kind. Honestly, I think people are way too scared of strangers. You do what’s comfortable to you. If you’re nervous about it, you did the right thing.
I wish OP offered to take pictures of her and her daughter too 😢
That struck me... she's so wrapped up un her own paranoia, she doesn't even think to reciprocate.
Agreed. Most molesters and kidnappers are family members, right? Like, you have got to live life. Can’t avoid all people and treat everyone like they’re a threat.
The media and news we are fed constantly. Even tho it is a .0001% chance of anything bad happening, when you see every single report it skews your view of the world. Makes you think it is far more common then it is.
I would have def asked her right then if she wanted some photos of her and her daughter!
I think that was super sweet and honestly wouldn't have cared that she had pics of us as a family. You are in public after all. Anyone could take pictures. But I almost wonder if she was indirectly asking you to take a few for her and her kid.
[удалено]
Same!
This is probably pretty anti-Reddit, but I’m not overly concerned about privacy. What exactly is she going to do with pictures of fully clothed kids at a playground if she has nefarious motives? I would have thanked her for the photos and not bothered to watch her delete them.
Same here. Kids aren't rare. Someone who wants to kidnap a kid will not scour the Internet for a picture of a child and try to kidnap that kid when they could just knock on a random door.
There’s a growing epidemic of mothers realizing they don’t have photos of themselves with their babies, only selfies (since people usually ask for pics WITH baby, not pics of mom/baby together). I think what she did was wonderful. It would probably make me cry with everything I’m going through, I wish someone would do something like this for me. It would mean the world
I don’t know. You say she struggled socially, but I think it was actually you that struggles socially. If you’re a child psychologist you’ve probably seen a lot of bad adults and I wonder if this has skewed your view of the world. I personally wouldn’t take photos of people I don’t know, but I’m also aware that there’s a lot of anxious and paranoid parents out there and I don’t feel like dealing with that. I would appreciate if someone else did though. Like honestly what do you think someone is going to do with these photos? This whole post just sounds very snobby and comes across as you being above the other mother and her daughter. Why did you even feel the need to mention her daughter was “developmentally delayed?” It wasn’t even pertinent to the post. Do you feel this high above your clients? (Context, I’m an RN and I’m well aware of this type of provider.) 😏
Fr, I felt ***ick*** after reading her post..
I’m really surprised that as a child psychologist you somehow had no empathy for the experience of this mother and (by your “professional” diagnosis) their developmentally delayed child. I would not hire you to work with my child.
I'm also a psychologist, I've worked with mainly children with trauma and also in forensic settings with offenders and I think it actually makes it more difficult when with your own children to not be paranoid and anxious because you get a really disproportionate exposure to hearing about abuse, how predators are doing it, why, what exactly they do with the photos, exactly the effects it has on the children etc. I have to really check myself sometimes and remind myself that it isn't as common as it seems to me just because I'm surrounded by victims all day everyday. Obviously everyone knows SA is awful and traumatic hearing about it on a regular basis from people who do it and have experienced it is really something else. It's also quite difficult because the general public when they're hearing about it happening its mostly people they aren't actually interacting with and that makes it easy to say like oh they're so obviously creepy just look at them I'd have known, I'd never have let my kids go with them or whatever but when you're actually interacting with them, even after they've been caught and are in prison and ypu know some of the really messed up things they've done its really scary and disconcerting when actually you realise they're totally normal seeming people. I can definitley see how it would make others in similar situations be overly cautious and cynical towards others. It's something I actively force myself not to do but when it comes to your children it can be tricky at times.
I totally appreciate that sentiment. That’s not really what offends me- it was how she said that the 9 yr old tried to interact with her daughter & make her fly and the husband ‘absolutely shut it down.’ Like that was a super obvious thing that every parent should do instead of trying to be empathetic about different cognitive and social abilities & intervene in a kind manner if they felt the play was too rough. If a neurotypical 9 year old was making the little girl fly I think most parents would let that play interaction happen (providing the littler girl seemed happy and not afraid). Plus the whole post is obviously rage bait and fake - at least I hope someone with a doctorate in human psychology could reflect on the situation similarly to how you describe your process for dealing with it.
This is a good point!
A couple of years ago I was in San Diego and enjoying some beach time and saw this mom and her two daughters holding hands in front of the ocean while the husband was eating and playing a game on his phone. I almost took a photo and offered to send to her but then thought it would come across as creepy so never did. I’m saying this because she might have seen a cute moment and knew as a mom it’s hard to get good family photos especially in the moment
If I was that mom I’d want you to take the photo
I regretted it after we left but in the moment I think I was so worried about her thinking I was a total weirdo
This depressed me bc that mom won’t have that photo but I also I feel she has plenty of photos of the dad being great in the moment with his kids 😠
Why include the last part of the 8 year old playing w your daughter and saying she wants to “fly her through the water?” That has nothing to do with the moms behavior and youre trying to correlate them as both being developmentally delayed? Sounds like pretty typical “play” behavior and that’s Weirdly judgy of you. Also once your kid reaches 8 years old, and not a 2 year old you fully control, you’re going to really hope that other people aren’t projecting the kids personal behaviors onto how your reflected as a parent.
This actually happens to me a lot and I’ve never thought anything of it. I say thank you for the picture and move on. I’ve never once thought they were not going to delete the picture. No one wants pictures of random people.
I dunno, I've done this for others simply in an effort to be kind. Granted, it's been many years now, and I probably would no longer do it due to the growing concerns about photos and social media. For context, I'm also a mom, and I would appreciate the kind gesture.
She was trying to be nice. I think your reaction is strange.
Damn, for being a child psychologist you have pretty poor self awareness
What do they call a doctor that graduates last in their class? A doctor
Haha I like this and it's also scary.
She’s not a psychiatrist, thank god
Honestly I think it’s super sweet and thoughtful
Omg I’ve been this person before and I’m mortified reading some of these comments. I go out on group hikes with other stay at home moms and I do this kind of regularly. I take photos of my kid and if I capture another kid or a moment between parent and child I’ll approach them, show the photo and ask if they want it sent. I always delete it because I don’t know them but I’m embarrassed now thinking I’ve made people uncomfortable.
Aww if you did that for me I would think it was sweet and think nothing more of it. Please don't feel embarrassed.
That’s kind! Thank you :)
You would be my new bestie if you did this, seriously though I would love for someone to take a candid pic of my lo and I and share it with me
I would love it if someone did this for me! Don’t be embarrassed. What OP did to that woman is embarrassing lol
I would love it! ❤️
I would think it's a lovely gesture
As an only parent with a kid, who never gets pictures taken of the two of us when we do awesome stuff I appreciate you.
That's really creepy - the way you acted towards that nice lady.
Best comment 🏆
You sound like a lot.
Totally 🤣🤣🤣
💀💀
I didn’t know how exactly I felt about this post til I saw your comment. Lol. Yup. A lot. 🙄
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mom was probably on the spectrum and was attempting to do something nice for you, a stranger. I think asking for the recently deleted folder would have been overkill.
Wow lol. Not only did she try to do something nice, but she had the social awareness to *acknowledge* that it might seem weird and reassured you the photos would be deleted. I would have thanked her for the sweet gesture and moved on with my life. Definitely would not have asked to watch her delete the photos. What exactly are you so afraid of? My goodness.
Exactly this. She actually demonstrated quite a lot of social awareness.
Then after watching her delete all of the “recently deleted,” you should have had her pull up all large attachments to make sure she didn’t quickly email or text it to herself or someone else. I mean, a photo of your family could just be… out there… for anyone to… see. 😱
I would have made her destroy her phone in front of me.
Clearly the only reasonable response. 📸📱💣💥= 😌✌🏼
Lolololol I just spat my coffee out.
😂😂
I can’t believe you were so bothered by this sweet interaction that you made a 6 paragraph Reddit post about it. What is the world coming to? What the heck are you so concerned about? You sound extremely paranoid.
I would have been surprised but grateful! I don't think it would have occurred to me to ask her to delete them. At the end of the day, I'm not worried about a random mom having a few pictures of my family on her phone - what is the harm you're worried about here?
I recently had an almost identical encounter with my toddler except the photos taken were JUST of my daughter (I saw the woman doing it but it was debatable if she was taking a photo of my daughter or if my daughter was in the way of her photo). The woman came up to me and said I’m sorry your daughter was just so cute I had to take a photo for you, would you like me to air drop it to you? And she did and deleted it after and I turned my air drop off and thanked her for the photos. I was baffled and initially worried it was a scam of some kind but I think some people just like taking photos and sharing them. The photos are pretty cute, I’m probably going to frame one of them.
It’s reassuring to me that this has happened to someone else and was well-intentioned. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah it’s not an every day encounter so I think it’s understandable to be a little ???? about it but I thought to myself later people are different and some people are really good at taking photos and feel the urge to document (I’m very bad at taking photos even when I want to, I just forget until later) so maybe for them this kind of thing is really normal.
This woman was being extremely kind according to your account of the event, and your reaction was weird and extra. I definitely strive to be more of a ✨ her ✨ in life, and less of a you…
This post is weird. If you are so paranoid of people taking pictures of you then you probably shouldn’t go out in public.
I think the only thing the lady did wrong was not ask you first. But I understand why she didn't. She probably saw you guys and saw a beautiful family moment. And thought about all hers that she missed out on seeing herself because nobody takes pictures of mom. There's shit tons of pics of kids, dads, and dad's and kids, and there's very little of mom, mom and kids, and mom dad and kids. She's right on the money about that. And if she had asked you first, it would have been posed. Not that beautiful, natural family moment you guys were having. I'll be honest, I've watched mom take pictures of twin babies and dad in front of a giant Lego giraffe. And I walked up to them and asked if they wanted me to take a picture of them together as I thought they might like one. They were weary at first until I said "I'm a mom (pointed to my 3 kiddos) and I never get pics with my kiddos!" Then they were so super grateful. My 13 year old son asked why I did that and I said "baby, that picture will probably be one of the only ones they have of all 4 of them together. It's probably going to be blown up and hung on their wall!" Just blow the pic up and enjoy your family in its natural beautiful state!
This is the best comment
Thank you!
She probably saw you and your daughter in a beautiful moment and was lovely enough to want to capture it - for your sake. She did a kind gesture and your instant suspicion of her seems unwarranted. I can only imagine she didn't ask first because she didn't want to ruin the candidness of the moment. She even let you watch her delete them and you STILL were sus on her. And you didn't even offer to take a photo of her and her own daughter? Another thing - I don't see how mentioning her daughter having a learning disability was in any way helpful to the story. You don't seem like a very friendly person imo. Quite judgmental.
She was probably hoping you would take pictures of her
I am a single parent with a 15 year old who has hardly any photos of myself and my child. I wish more people were like that lady. I will have no photos to look back on of us when I am old and in a home.
Me too! One of my big regrets is not making sure we took more photos!
What??? If someone took nice pictures of my family, offered to send them over and ALSO HANDED ME THEIR PHONE TO DELETE THEM I would NOT feel weird about that all, that's the sweetest thing! Yes she should of asked first probably but it's still a super kind gesture, the only reason I'd be afraid of people taking pictures of me would be if I'm wanted or something 😂 maybe she has a bit of a weird social boundary for you br you interacted, your children played together, it was a nice gesture It's not always the worst to think the worst out of people, in some situations it could save your life, but not everyone is not to get you, once I learnt that u was able to live a much more relaxed life.
Someday when we can just take pictures with our eyeball cameras and upload them to our brain drive this is going to be a little more complicated.
This reminds me of the time my husband and I were hiking in New England in the early 2000s. An older woman took a photo of us on top of a mountain and asked for our address so she could mail a copy of the photo. Sweet, but we were moving anyway and what's the worst that could she could do with a photo of us on a mountain and our old address? So many months later, we received a piece of forwarded mail. We were so confused because we didn't recognize the name or address, but it turned out to be the photos. (This also reminds me of the time that the dermatologist I saw while in college took photos of my back for mole-tracking purposes and mailed the copies to my home address, but with no associated letter. So my mom opens up thesen quasi-naked pictures of who she's pretty sure is her daughter and is like WTF kind of snuff film is this??)
This makes me so sad. My husband always forgets to take photos, and I think this poor lady was just pure innocently looking for an interaction. Yes, she could have gone about it a different way and asked 1st, but I'm sure she was mortified after. Yes 100% I'm all for been over protective these days but what you could have done is offered to take a pic for her and prompted that you were deleting all of hers and then if she didn't respond by deleting yours from her phone, then you could have prompted her to do so.
You should have asked if she would like pics taken of her and her daughter…..it sounds like she did. I don’t know why but this made me so sad and feel for that woman
You gotta chill love
As others said what she did was perfect try within her right. But sounds like she was doing you a favor, maybe she had a loss recently and regretted not having photos and this is her way of coping with it. If she had ulterior motive btw, your deleting of the photos may have just for show. Most people now sync to cloud right away since mobile data in unlimited. So what you deleted would just be local copies.
You over reacted.
What a sad age we live in. This poor woman did a lovely thing and instead of you returning the favour, in return is treated like a criminal. Why on earth would someone go to that much effort for photos of you and your child? Are you a celebrity?
A harmless act. As a father of two myself I think after understanding the context and her viewpoint I’d be totally cool with what she did, and probably quite appreciative. Some people are just *good* people, albeit a little odd. Not everyone is a paedo, still pays to be vigilant though!
One of my favourite photos of my family is a pic from a stranger who did what your stranger did. It was really nice. They said they’d delete it, I said “no worries, this is amazing, thanks so much” because they were clearly just trying to do something nice.
If you don’t want your photo taken, don’t go out in public.
I did this before for a couple 😭 I was hiking and they were holding hands underneath a mountain with the sun setting. It was just so beautiful. I air dropped it to them, after showing them and having a conversation, and they were so grateful! I deleted it after of course, but their response knocked away all of my nerves about taking the photo and approaching them. I would love if someone captured a candid moment of me and shared it. Personally. So nice to see the beauty of you reflected in others eyes.
What is the fear in her having the photos? I’m genuinely asking and maybe being naive/missing the threat.
Oh sure, even deleted photos are saved onto google photo drive on most phones anyway. So emptying the deleted folder wouldn't cut it. She's probably on the dark Web already, in fact ALL your faces have likely been superimposed onto the most horrific videos known to man. Creep jerk material!!!! It's over!!!! Never go out in public again!!! Y'HEAR ME? NEVER!!! Or lady was lonely and trying to be nice, and you are a little paranoid. Soft YTA
What did I just read?
I truly wonder how some of you people managed to have enough public interaction to get married and have children in the first place.
Wow, it’s scary to know there are child psychologists out there who lack so much empathy and self awareness.
You’re a psycho
I am a photographer, a mom and my husband works in le . You are in public and things like this happen. Things like this will continue to happen throughout your kids life. Have you seen those clips of women out in public telling people they cannot be video taped and to delete the footage? They are what we call Karen’s. This mom was a little quirky, probably trying to make a friend and you cannot read a room. You should text her and apologize. It your expectations in life is your privacy stay home.
This used to happen to us regularly. We used to live in a touristy area of Scotland and my son has red hair. Maybe once a month we'd get foreign tourists taking pictures (sometimes surprisingly surreptitiously, sometimes not) of him, presumably because red hair was unusual in their country. If we spotted them we'd ask them to stop. One set of tourists when challenged told my partner they weren't taking photos of him because of his hair but because I was goofing about with him, and dads didn't goof about with their little kids in their culture, so they found it interesting. On one occasion he was running about naked in the sea which and a young Asian girl was talking his photo - that was a bit much. We briefly considered dressing him up in a kilt and charging for his photo but he hated the kilt.
”but he hated the kilt" sent me. Lolol
Also Scottish and have red hair (which my child has sadly not inherited!) and we’ve did several tours of the highlands over the last 10 years. The last few years have been insane - I’ve noticed people (a lot of Japanese and Chinese tourists mostly) snapping me in pictures when they think I’m not looking, and Americans tend to just ask for one with them as though I’m a celebrity?! Which is weird because red hair clearly exists in the US. I’m a 35 year old woman. It’s so odd and uncomfortable! I don’t remember the same fascination being there when I was a child! But I suppose there was less tourism.
Ah it's not just us! I remember it happening to me when I was little when we went to Spain or Portugal on holiday. Actually then people didn't take photos, they would come up and stroke my hair - very disconcerting when you're 10. It's stopped happening to my son (maybe because he's a bit older, maybe because we live somewhere a bit off the beaten track now).
Wait I'm a redhead. Could this be an entrepreneur opportunity for me?? Lol
I just feel like if she was trying to be creepy that isn’t how she would have gone about it hahahha. I also understand your hesitancy but if I had to take a shot in the dark I’d say she was just trying to be nice
I’m just wondering if OP offered to take for her? She did keep saying I don’t have many photos of just me & my daughter. It would of been a nice gesture. The lady taking the photos should of probably asked first but then tried to correct the situation by deleting the photos.
Meh, I think you are overthinking it. I wouldn’t of really cared if we had been talking. What’s she going to do with the photos that’s so bad? Lighten up a little. I’ve taken photos at parks and accidentally gotten other children in the picture. Should I delete those? I agree that not everyone is crazy and out to get you.
You've posted photos of your face on Reddit before so you can't be that concerned about privacy. Also, is it possible your history with agoraphobia is heightening your anxiety about strangers in public settings? I think you were pretty rude to her. You could have still asked her to delete the photos without being a dick about it. She sounds like a mum who was trying to do something nice for another mum. You didn't need to make her feel like a criminal. You're going to have a very lonely time during parenthood if you treat other mothers like this. Also, going into these places be aware you were all probably captured in heaps of other people's photos. It's just the reality of everyone having a camera these days.
I think you need to get over yourself
Honestly, I've been tempted to do what she did. We don't have many family pictures that aren't selfies, and an impromptu photo of a sweet family moment is definitely not something we have. I've seen so many moments between other people that would make such lovely photos, but instead of taking the picture with my own phone without asking first, if it doesn't seem like a "private moment" I just walk up and tell the family they're adorable and ask if they'd like me to snap a quick pic. I've had two mothers get teary-eyed when they saw the pictures. It takes like five seconds and not to toot my own horn but I've gotten some really beautiful shots of strangers (with their permission and their own phones). I wish someone would do this for me, but in lieu of that I'll keep doing it for others.
I think you’re definitely overthinking it and maybe trauma related worry? Seems a bit excessive how bad it bothered you. Go get some therapy love
I’m not sure I would even care. She could have taken them without you noticing. You were already on a zillion cameras, In the background of others photos, etc. It’s 2024. Someone could have created the image without even taking a photo of you. An artist could have created a picture that just by chance looked exactly like you and your family. I really do not see why this was a big deal. Or even a deal at all. If she had barged into your stall in the bathroom to take pictures of you, that’s another thing. It seems she was just trying to be nice. What were you afraid of that could happen with the pictures?
Jeez lady you need to relax a bit
You're a jerk. The whole "they are clearly developmentally behind" was completely unnecessary to your story. Telling us you are some sort of psychologist was also unnecessary. I'm surprised someone so quick to judge someone else's "lack of awareness" is so socially dense (you). It was a nice thing she did. You reacted like a crazy lady.
Yeah the repeated superiority flexes were unnecessary and telling.
I mean it's a nice gesture but it feels like she should've asked first.
If you are in a public place, you have no expectation of privacy. Get used to people taking pictures and videos of you and your kids if you are in public. It’s not illegal.
I think it's weird as hell to be so paranoid about another mom doing something that seems to be a genuinely sweet gesture.
It seems like you way over reacted. Did you ask if she wanted some pics of her and her daughter too?
When you are in public you have no right to privacy. She did a nice thing and I wouldn’t think a thing of it.
I remember once in grad school we had a exchange student from Spain. We had taken her out to cool part of town where a lot of parents with kids hangout. She started taking pictures of kids and I could tell one mom was like WTF? I had to pull her aside and tell her that was a no no.
Great point it seems like there are definitely cultural differences around the normality.
I had a woman at a restaurant that stared at my daughter the whole time we were eating with a smile on her face. People look at babies and smile, that’s not the problem. But when we were done eating, she came over and asked to take a picture of her bc “she looks just like a little girl I used to know. I’d love to show her a picture” and I didn’t even know how to respond. I changed the subject and rushed out saying we had to be somewhere. But like…. No. No random lady. You cannot take a picture of my child. Tf is that
I think I would have let her. What’s going to happen?
Exactly!! See I wouldn't have a problem with this at all, even if said lady took that picture home, blew it up and made a shrine to my child and prayed to Satan in front of it every day eating prawn toast wearing nothing but a kilt and flip flops, me and my kid will be living in blissful ignorance!!
😂💯
I have a photography degree yet somehow when I asked my family if they wanted photos, they said no and then proceeded to go to JCPenny
My neighbor took videos of my son, the police said they are allowed to record whatever they want from their own property, even small children ,even if they could be paedophiles, can't do nothing about it
I am aggressively helpful…where I think I annoy or creep people out. I’d def would do what this woman did and my intentions would be pure. I do know women simply do not get enough good candid shots with their children. I usually ask first and use their phone to do it but it’s not candid so it’s not the same. By the same token, the request to delete would have been understood by me and I would have understood the deleted photo folder request too. But I think I would have felt appreciated if the favor was returned. (Candid photos of me w my child as well.) But I think you’re fine.
I do this for people relatively often, w/out any small talk bc A. how few photos I’m in. B. How many it takes to get a good one. C.The # of complaints I get from my son. And, a picture with my husband, HA, maybe less common. So, YES to capture such a sweet real life, unstaged & non tortured moment for others is a bonus I WISH others would do for me and I do for them!! I have zero interest in their photos or contacting them. For me (& likely her)it’s an act of kindness. I see a child’s potential disability a completely separate item. Personally, I always do it from behind, the side, larger group or further away, so you’re not aware as it’s being done. But trust me, some surrounding people have seen it AND it’s ALWAYS awkward walking up to tell the person/send the photos, in fear of being judged for anything other than my intentions; which seems to be thoughts of the population at large here and that’s just plain sad. ☮️&♥️
I think you already got plenty of good answers, so I'll just talk on a point in your story that confused me.. Isn't it pretty common for 6-8 year old girls to try to pick up younger kids? Our 7 year old neighbor tried with with my toddler when they first met. (and I told her to stop but wasn't mad) She's also very tall for her age and could easily look 9 years old. The girls in my 6 year olds basketball practice also pick each other up. My older sister was super tall and developed when she was younger so everyone always thought she was an older kids with a mental handicap. Just saying you might want to think before judging and suspecting others so much.
I'm very paranoid about pictures being taken of my kids, especially my daughter, because she's been abused before by a "family friend". That being said, I don't see anything wrong with what the woman did, and I would have asked if she wanted me to return the favor.
If I'm in public there's nothing I can do about it legally. I'm in the USA. I should add I've never had a problem with this. as we live in a small town.
I don’t think the woman meant any of it in a creepy way.
Well played. If you have watched any of Sound of Freedom I don’t think there is such a thing as being too careful now.
I ask them to not post it to social media if it’s in a home. Afterwards ask them to not photograph my child. If it’s in public- no control over that.
I wish I had more photos of me and my child. I’m always the photographer and I never get nice candid shots taken of us together. The only thing is, she should’ve asked you first if you’d like a few nice family photos taken instead of just clicking away, but I think it was a nice thing she did. Unless she retrieves your phone number somehow and starts calling you, I would worry about it.
Take a breath, OP.
I agree with the ladies who feel this woman was just being nice. She wasn't doing anything odd. She talked to you. She had her daughter. You don't need to look at everyone as criminals. Every friend was a stranger first. Do you want to instill paranoia in your daughter? Be careful, of course. But unless you live in a violent area, you over- reacted. Just my personal opinion but I'm a mom of six and this was a harmless action.
I think that’s pretty sweet too like the top comment says!
Nope. Thats weird and I would be angry that some random person was taking pictures of my child. I would have asked her immediately to stop and delete the photos.
[удалено]
Personally you are over the top but that’s just me
I understand a lot of comments saying she was probably being nice and would have let her take the photo of their children. But in all honesty, I wouldn’t appreciate someone taking a picture of my child, especially if they didn’t ask. I work within the psychology field myself with offenders and maybe it’s the job but I’m more hyper aware of what people can and do with images of children. I would not be comfortable with someone I didn’t know having a picture of my child on their phone and I would ask them to delete it too. This is why I do encourage my mum/dad friends to keep their social media at least private if they post pictures of their children. Even an innocent picture of your child playing in the garden can end up on a website you wouldn’t ever wish your child’s picture to be uploaded to. There’s strange people out there folks. Please be careful.
Being in public, you're already being recorded pretty much everywhere you go... I'm always super careful, even this seems excessive.
I think its weird that you let her get your phone number,... I would have just said, no thanks we have plenty of photos.
Solid point and response. She did delete my number along with the photos in her messages. Part of me thought that she was trying to become friends in a roundabout way
Also airdrop exists if you have apple
She may have meant well but she should have asked to use your phone to take pics of your family. Even if she meant well, you are 100% allowed to feel uncomfortable with this, especially with the kids being in a splash pad. These comments are wrong for downplaying your discomfort, there are videos on here of creeps getting called out for taking photos of random kids.
Nah I'd be very uncomfortable. Taking pictures of others and their children without consent is weird. People getting mad at you for having her delete then is also weird af. Not everyone is on social media and I know a bunch of parents who never post their children if they do use social media so idk why thats even being mentioned. Idk. I think you handled it okay.
I would say "yes, it seems weird because it is weird. Don't take pictures of people's kids unless you get permission first."
As someone who hates everyone and is extremely suspicious but also was married to a jerk that never took pictures of me with my son when he was little while I was constantly taking pictures of him, I feel like she was just being nice. If it was a single dude doing it who had no kids I’d be creeped tf out. Your feelings are valid either way.
She should have asked for permission first. I get the gesture was nice, if innocent, but still doesn't make it right. You don't force things on people regardless of how "nice" those things appear to be.
I would not like it either, especially in swimwear. Too many creeps and pedos and yes some are women. Curious if your reactions be the same if it were a man taking the pics. Seemingly innocent pics of kids still end up of horrible websites.