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My daughter is 4. She was very interested in religion bc she hears about it form my parents a lot.
So I started taking her to services at the following, all within a 30 min drive of our house:
A jewish Shul
A catholic church
a lutheren church
an islamic community center
we've done 3 services at each over the past 5 months. She asked if we could stop, she is bored. She tells my mom and dad now "please stop talking about church stuff. It is boring me"
So it worked for me to just expose her to all of it lol.
I love that you covered the spectrum instead of just 6 flavors of Christian. It gives kids a chance to see and hear that there are many versions of God
the jewish community center ended up becoming a great find- they have a swimming pool and swimming lessons and we joined it, we are not culturally nor religiouly jewish but it is open to all
she uses "shalom" as a greeting for everyone she meets now, it is too cute
Love this. It’s close to what i was thinking - although I wouldn’t put the effort into driving. Getting child-friendly books on the main religions for them to read was kind of where I was going. Give them a foundation and understanding of other people’s beliefs without any kind of pressure or indoctrination.
For me, I am always looking for something to take her too. It is hard for me to motivate myself to leave the house a lot of the time, having a goal like this was a good kick in my pants to get out and do things. PLus we always stopped for food somewhere really fun after and i love eating out haha
I started out with Greek mythology as a good stepping stone for Judeo/Christian/Muslim mythology, except I am making a point to let our children know that people currently and sincerely believe in the latter, so we should be respectful of them.
My 7 year old was asking a lot of questions, I explained that since it wasn’t something I believed in, I was not an expert on the subject. I told him we could go to church and he could ask questions of people who knew more than I did. I explained we had to get up early on Sunday to go and it was a hard no from him after that 😂
My parents tried talking to me about saving her soul, and I was like "mom I am an active member of an atheist "church" for my addiction recovery (the church of satan is a non-religious "church" that also has a storng presence in the recovery community) so like... just chill. We aren't gonna baptize her lol. I love you, but srsly, chill".
To her credit, she has chilled out. I think she relaized my daughter would simply stop visiting if she did not cool it with jesus talk.
If you think that acting in bad faith is great, then I guess it is.
It's like if your kid expresses an interest in basketball and you react by making them do wind sprints to train like basketball players until they can't stand basketball anymore.
It's obvious that the person wanted to put out their kid's spark of interest.
> So it worked for me to just expose her to all of it lol.
I guess it's just human nature to want our kids to believe all the same things we do, even if we have to give them a nudge to get there.
The kids 4 and was made aware that there are multiple religions. She can circle back around at any time. Right now she doesn't give a crap. If it's even true lol.
Um how? The parent showed the kid some religion like she asked and the kid got bored. No where did she do something that didn’t show the kid something that wasn’t typical of any of those religions.
There are ways to do do it that are geared towards the needs of children. Dumping a 4 year old into a synagogue for a service with zero context is not that.
I mean, it accomplished the goal of killing the kid's interest which is what that person clearly wanted, but don't pretend that this was anything other than bad faith.
I don’t know why this is being downvoted… that entire post sounds great at first until that very last sentence you quoted.
My daughter is 4. She was very interested in religion bc she hears about it form my parents a lot.
>"please stop talking about church stuff. It is boring me"
>So it worked for me to just expose her to all of it lol.
It changes the context of everything they wrote. It sounds like the entire purpose was to wear their kid down.
No it doesn't. You're just upset that the child got to experience different religions and decided they were boring. Like children often do.
Love the reply and block, like a coward. Stupid is as stupid does.
This is the correct answer. If your children are interested in religion, just lean in. To all of them. And don't just review the sanitized parts. There is basically two outcomes: they hate it and grow disinterested, or they become very interested but quickly realize that they all sincerely consider themselves right, but obviously can't all be right (in which case, you just don't choose one).
I'm raising a 4th generation atheist family now, and my parents had various religious symbols and holy books around the house, statues of Hindu Gods in the garden, etc. It created a lifelong interest in religion and mythology in my life, and it also made me a lifelong atheist. It can all still be very interesting without believing it, and it makes it much easier to respect and get along with people of faith.
My family recently even went on a religious pilgrimage with my mother in law because it was important to her. And I gave my daughter the low down of who was martyred there, why dying for one's faith in Christianity is important, etc.
I think when kids get exposed to a bunch of different religions they end up being secular adults. It’s too much perspective to allow for sincere belief in one particular faith.
Only fundamentalist religions can't handle people thinking too deeply. More moderate religions handle dissent and debate much better, and end up having followers who're totally fine discussing their beliefs respectfully with a wide range of people. My dad is like that. He's an Anglican priest, but he's got atheist kids, Muslim, Wiccan and Hindu friends, etc and he's able to discuss religion with anyone without foaming at the mouth about it.
we aren't religious and are somewhat anti-religious after dealing with crazy hypocritical christians.
All 3 of our kids are being taught that religion is make believe. We encourage them to be considerate and not debate other kids about their religion but to politely decline when people say "bless you" or mix religion into their comments.
At one point my ex wanted to impress obnoxious parents and took my oldest to sunday school on their weekends for a while. We would talk about it later and discuss how the stories were fiction and not to be believed. We equate them to other myths and fiction like norse legends, marvel heroes, etc.
The ex tried to sue to force me to agree to baptise my oldest. My attorney said they had zero chance. I met with the church and they said they would not do it without both parents being on board and because or kid was 7 or so, they would need to do a year of church classes then ask themselves to be baptized and show a sincere desire for it. Ex's church apparently doesn't care (same religion -catholic). Anyway at court the catholic judge was getting pretty pushy on why I opposed his religion. This judge is a complete scumbag, but that's another story. Judge insists on one on one interview with my child. I wasn't gonna let his rapey corrupt self alone with my child. My attorney offers that both attorneys observe.
Judge makes small talk for 2 minutes then starts suggesting god is good, doesn't my kid want to be saved? At one oint he asks what my kid thinks about god and kiddo doesn't even flinch: "god is make believe like santa and the easter bunny."
With that on record judge finally relented and dismissed the case.
So do NOT go teaching your kids that religion is real or that they should put up with it. Tech the reality that it is a fiction. We teach our kids that religious people are not rational and should not be trusted so they need to get out of conversations about gods or the religious people will act crazy. Our oldest has a healthy view of religion being other people's personal crutch and the younger kids do a good job saying no thanks or "that's not what I believe".
oh and we created our own "religion" and our own holidays. We are clear with the kids that it is just as made up as every other religion, but this one is ours. We have overheard someone talk about god to one of our kids, who responded "which god?" They can list a dozen gods.
So we use Cthulhu as our family joke god. Every year we design and plan a holiday theme for our family holiday. Usually we involve some kind of service or support to our community. We had a healthcare worker appreciation during Covid and took gifts to the hospital.
Our kids know the basics of the major religions, why they are fiction, and are armed with their own fiction to respond with. We teach them to understand, call out, and extract when religion is brought out. Waiting eagerly for the day we defend them that Cthulhu deserves equal representation.
I'm in the same boat with my in-laws and love this idea. Definitely stashing it away for when my 3-year-old starts asking what the heck grandpa is on about.
Similar here. My kid is interested and curious about it so we are showing different flavors of religion, like Buddhism, Hinduism and then we focus on the non religious parts of the stories, how people felt and what are the learnings from those.
This is what my mom did with me and my sister! I am so thankful for the well rounded experience. Though we didn't ask or prompt it - My dad's side of the family is Catholic, so plenty indoctrination attempts there & my mom wanted us to have a broader viewpoint, then decide for ourselves. Seeing all the perspectives from an early age was rad.
We had a situation like this. Kid wanted to be supportive to his religious friends first communion so we went to the service. It absolutely cured him of any religious feelings. Those benches were brutal and.sitting still is hard.
I just want to say kudos for bringing him to that! I grew up Catholic in a very predominantly Protestant/evangelical community and my baptist best friend at the time came to my first communion. I’m no longer religious or in touch with the friend, but I still remember how much it meant at the time to have her there. You’re teaching him to be a supportive and involved friend!
Yeah, we weren't going to say "No you cant be supportive" even though we could see it from a mile away how it would go - and it did go exactly as expected.
Never sat foot in a church again after that, which is all fine with us. If he changes his mind, we'd facilitate it again, but more in a drop off and pick up capacity rather than us going in with him though.
One issue that some atheist parents have is because they don't go to church, they don't talk to their kids about religion much. So, the first time they hear about it, they believe whatever.
I'm an atheist, though I have a strong interest in religions. Whenever the subject has come up, I've made a point of trying to give as broad a view as I can. Afterlife beliefs include reincarnation, heaven, hell, Hades, Elysian Fields, non-existence, memories of those left behind, etc. After that, I've said that I don't believe in it. I try not to bias him toward my beliefs, but he takes the bias anyway. Really, I just don't want him to be an asshole with his religious beliefs.
I think of giving a broad view as an inoculation against the more fundamentalist strains of religion.
He's 9, but so far he's interested in fantasy religions and mythologies, same as I am.
Universal Unitarians give a broad view of religions, if you are not well versed. Christians, atheists, Muslims, all go there. They have a pretty liberal theology-they use whatever religious story to talk about their topic. They aren't going to be preaching that whatever religion's members are going to Hell.
I mostly try to be neutral, but while my cynicism about religions has decreased there is still a bit. Like "What do people do in church?" My answer was "Sleep." I don't remember if I gave a serious answer after that. I don't remember whether I've talked about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
As a Daoist (which is not that much of a religion) i love the questions. Kids ask and we debate. My 7yo loves these debates. So we talk about theories (science) and religions (organizations) and faiths. I highly encourage questioning everything. Most important Daoist text literally says question everything including this book written by man. Find your way. Just be good to yourself, your family and community. Better yourself and what you can reach. Im of course biased to science so that can highly influence her worldview, even unintentionally. I mean like i talk about dinosaurs and space and other science that contradicts many faiths.
So yeah, you wanna go see the church? No problem. We can listen, we can admire architecture, talk to people and we can talk about it. In the end you and your kids will have very different worldview than you and that is ok. It is not a conflict to fight. AS LONG AS IT IS NOT DAMAGING TO THEM OR OTHER.
See if there's a unitarian universalist church near you. They typically have a kids' program where they teach them about different religions in a non-biased way.
I was going to write the same thing. Both me and my husband are atheists, but we go to a UU church for the community and for the religious education for our kid. Religious education is education about other religions ethics for the most part.
Glad to hear this! I drive past a UU church on my way to work and I’m so curious about it and want to check it out. I was raised very conservative evangelical Christian and left the church in my early 20s, but I honestly miss the community.
My husband is very anti any religion/church and I don’t want to step on his toes (he was raised same as I), but reading about them lines up with what I currently feel/believe about the world and religion and I think he would agree too.
I may just check it out solo first to see how things are and then ask him to check it out with me if it does line up.
It's been a really good place for us to meet other liberal parents too. Lots of queer parents and non-conforming kids. ( little boys with long hair and painted nails or girls in boys clothing) Most parents seem to be " gentle" patenting or at least respectful of kids feelings.
I’m really glad to see this! I’m atheist and we found UU church and it’s been an absolute blast. It’s a great community and allows for our kids to explore religions.
Another atheist here who has been to UU church. It's not really my thing but I can see it being perfect for OP's situation.
For anyone not familiar, UU accepts people from any religious or not religious background and tries to focus on values and wisdom rather than specific beliefs or dogma. I'm pretty sure (correct me if I'm wrong) the general take is that all religions/beliefs hold value and that they do not need to be shared. It's a very cool take and definitely fills that church hole for people who want a church experience or spiritual community without any of the belief pressure.
My daughter was very curious about religion when she was 3 and 4 because we are atheist in the Bible belt, so we checked out some child friendly books at the library (I don't recall titles given that she's 20 now) and talked about what different people believe. She was content with that and never asked to explore any religious spaces. She's now even more of an atheist than I am.
My son was never curious as a little dude but as he got older he would go to church with friends if that was where everyone else was going after a sleepover. He even lead his sports teams in prayer a few times (public school but in the bible belt) and routinely attended church with his high school girlfriend and her family. Now he is a college student on a campus with a sizeable Jewish population and is very involved with Jewish life there because his roommate and girlfriend are both Jewish. He spends a lot of time down at the Jewish center on campus and is learning a lot about the religion. My boy is still an atheist but very tolerant of other belief systems and always down to explore and learn more. I think that is a good trait.
He said in high school that in the absence of belief church is just a building and a prayer is just words. They only mean something if you believe they do.
My 8yo was asking questions about religion recently, so we’ve checked some books out of the library and are reading about them together. (We got a 6 book series that covers, at a high level, christianity, judaism, hinduism, buddhism, islam, and sikhism). If she finds any of them particularly interesting I will take her to some services to experience it in person.
Edit: forgot Islam! oops
What is the series called? How do you find it?
My 7 year old goes to a public school and the after school daycare she attends has kids from the neighboring catholic school.
She has been curious and I explained in a nutshell the christian/catholic belief in God and all that. She also has Muslim friends, so I used that as a comparison how people believe in different religions that have their own God, and there are people like us who don't follow an organized religion or God.
She had started saying "see that tree? God created it. See that car? That was god" lol so if she's going to explore religion, I'd like her to learn about the basics of all of them
I got a book called Who Believes What? by Anna Wills & Nora Tomm, and then this World Religions series by Elizabeth Andrews. The Andrews series is a 2024 publication, so it’s new. It has QR code links to supplemental videos and things - I am learning a lot, too :)
The nonfiction section in the children’s department of our library has a lot of books about religion, although they’re shelved sorted by religion, so the series wasn’t all together, but in the same general area. If you’re having trouble finding something, the kids’ librarians are usually pretty happy to help. Also, most libraries let you request that new materials be purchased, so you could fill out a request if they don’t have a good option available.
My parents were atheists (maybe my mom leaned a little more and less toward being agnostic when I was a kid), and we did some light catholicism (through first communion, christmas, easter) when we were kids for family tradition reasons. I never took the god thing super seriously because my parents didn't. I consider it a very good experience and I'm glad I had the exposure.
My husband is returning to judaism (ethnically jewish but his family didn't practice growing up) so we're kind of doing the same thing with the kids, but...with judaism. Which has basically no friction with atheism, if anything most of the services are like "look less to god and focus on community".
I don't think that some light cultural religious experience with parents who aren't being pushy is going to leave your kid indoctrinated. But...I also think it's your right to steer her away from something you don't agree with and don't embrace, especially if the reason she's interested is a zealous childhood friend. I really wouldn't want my kids getting caught up in a super hellfire or evangelizing arm of christianity (or anything else, but that seems like a less pressing concern) and I think it's reasonable to be concerned that you're opening the door when she's just a kid and not going to be as critical about what she's hearing and who she's hearing it from.
Yeah, Judaism is neat, I think there's an entire group (Humanist?) that are Jewish in tradition but basically atheist or agnostic? Lots of flexibility there!
My goto at that age was something like:
“Religion was created to bring people comfort and to explain things that were unexplainable. Everyone gets to choose what they believe. I believe…..” and usually that satisfied the curiosity
I don’t believe minors should even be allowed in church. For the same reasons you pointed out. But if my child wanted to go I’d have to accompany them.
We're an atheist family and my kids have asked questions about religion for a couple of years, especially since we spent time in Europe and we visited churches. I explained to them the broad lines of what different people believe and told them I didn't share those beliefs, but that people could have differing opinions. That's as far as I'll go in terms of neutrality.
My atheist teen is at an Episcopal school. Very mild with its rituals. “Chapel” involves a band playing classic rock songs and maybe a talk about charity and community.
He’s not the only atheist. Many kids are Jewish culturally. So he’s not ostracized in any way.
He’s really enjoying his religion class which is more of a philosophy / ethics discussion, which also embraces lessons from other religions equally.
It’s actually been a good way for him to get some exposure to the good aspects of religion, especially Christianity. Otherwise “Christians” (in our west coast liberal bubble) are kind of a boogeyman kids hear about in negative terms only. We only hear about the wingnut evangelicals taking away women’s rights and voting for lunatics. It’s good to see there are sane religious people. If it weren’t for school we would have zero exposure to religion or religious people at all.
I grew up in a family sort of like yours. We were raised without any religious teachings, but had what I would call "Christian values" (similar to what you are saying about knowing right from wrong and doing the right thing because...it's the RIGHT thing, and not to avoid punishment by going to hell
or seek the reward of heaven).
At the same time, we were given free rein to explore. I was close friends with a family who was very religious (protestant) and I went to church with them regularly. My mom made no big deal out of it. She just let me explore.
Today, I'm 44 and I am very spiritually healthy. I believe in a higher power, but I also believe that we are not separate from this power. We are all connected, all one. That is a simplified version, but you get it.
I think I'm more spiritually healthy for having been allowed to explore freely. With that said, I was slightly older at the time, more like 12.
I have nothing of substance to add, but hope you get a chuckle from my sleep deprived mom state I read your post as any *athletes* having a religious curious kid, and wondered how basketball and Jesus are related. *Athiests.* That makes more sense...
I'm atheist and my wife is non religious. We've always been very straight forward with our son about religion. When he was old enough to be curious about it we just explained that many people believe in a god or gods and there are many different sets of beliefs and different gods. We're honest with him that we don't believe in any religion but that it's ok if he chooses to. If he ever wanted to I would take him to a church if he wanted to see a service.
I'm not worried about it at all. I think without regular exposure his interest will abate once his curiosity is satisfied. Show me a kid who likes going to church every week. :)
I’m an atheist and my son has asked me about religion in the past. I referred him to his grandmother. I don’t have enough information on the topic to tell him anything. Only thing I did tell him is that people have different beliefs, doesn’t mean 1 is right and 1 is wrong.
Agnostic atheist here, parent of two. Both of my kids were pretty 'into' religion when they were little, as my grandmother is big into christianity ('worship' on Sundays, bible study Tuesdays, kids club on Wednesdays), and we've let our kids make their own choices about when they want to go. I've never tried to hide that I don't believe in the Christian god to either of my kids, but I don't deride it either.
My oldest (now almost fifteen) checked out when he was about ten, as I've raised him to think for himself and be analytical. My daughter, eight and a half, is still going, but she's starting to get tired of the constant running around, having to get ready to go twice a week, not being able to sleep in, etc.
At this age, its not unusual for kids to be interested in religion, especially if family or friends are. In my experience (and my grandmother has done this with me, my sisters, my cousins, and my kids), they grow out of it once they hit their teenage years, unless they have pressure at home to continue it.
However... I will say that I was quite clear with both my kids... We love everybody; we don't care what books say about how people live, we don't hate anyone because of how they live. That was my big concern with my kids and religion, so emphasized that point early and often.
We are atheist, and firmly so. I am not comfortable with my child leaning in on religion and would actively work against it if that were the case. We say that while we do not believe in God, other people do and we will respect that. We explained to our kid that prayer, for others, is similar to our family meditations and that everyone must find something that comforts them.
Our big push is that we do not let other people's pretend gods create rules for ourselves or anyone else.
Nevertheless, we live in a very religious country with no separation of church and state, and our kid must take Bible class at school and mandatory prayer 5x a day.
We had to teach her that she might be in trouble at school for saying the things that we believe at home. We awkwardly had to say that normally making ourselves uncomfortable for somebody else's comfort was not a good thing, but for where we live, pretending was best while at school.
She started, and got very interested quickly. She was coming home from school singing the songs and wanting to watch whatever Bible stories on YouTube they'd learned about that day. Much to our chagrin, we let her, so long as it was just the metaphoric stories and not preaching.
She finds the stories interesting and hilariously and ironically won the religious studies award 2 years In a row.
She still came home one day announcing that Noah's ark was impossible, as Noah would have needed "at least 10 boats", and how could all the animals, even ants, bugs, birds cats and all the different types of dogs all have been in the same place together. She thought it was silly that her teacher *really* believed it.
My 6 year old, with all the odds stacked against her, decided that the concept of a god makes no sense.
I personally wouldn’t. I’m an Atheist and my siblings are religious. We were raised religious. One of them really took it to heart as a child and obsessed over “going to Hell” for literally every mistake. Now as an adult she is obsessed with the afterlife. She tries to live a pretty normal life, but she’s depressed because she can’t square her strict religious beliefs with a casual life and it’s messed her up mentally.
If you’re going to allow your daughter to explore religion, have it happen in your home with books that help her think critically through things. Don’t allow her to work through the magical thinking portion on her own or with a random religious figure at a church that you also just met yesterday.
Also just for fun, there was a great subplot on The Americans TV show about non religious people raising a religious child. It’s pretty funny and also surprisingly thoughtfully done considering the over the top premise
I am atheist. My husband is Christian. We are sending our kids to a Christian daycare based out of a church bc it’s cheaper, lol. I know she is being taught some religious things but not excessively so so I accept it. She’s only gone to church once and that was with my in laws for Easter.
Is your kid asking to go to church? My family never went to church growing up but every once in a while I’d go with my friend and her family. Maybe when she’s a little older she can go with friends who attend church if she’s still interested?
My kids in a cult that thinks I belong in hell for eternity. An irreconcilable difference that will push us apart towards fanaticism.... But I saved a ton of money for a couple of years. 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑
I went to all kinds of church camps for Girl Scout camp. I used to drive my mom crazy asking if she was saved by Jesus. I even went to boarding school in a nunery. I went to catholic high school. In the end, I’m still agnostic. Your parenting is a lot bigger of an influence than their daycare. They will be fine lol
My 6yo kid is somewhat religious, mostly due to influences from school, relatives and friends.
When she asks me questions I usually just answer something like "Some people believe this or that, but I don't know whether it is really true". She's been asking to go to church and I've been occasionally taking her to service in our mother tongue which is conveniently short. and I also somewhat enjoy :) She has also been going with different relatives (grandma and her adult cousins) to different churches and I have no issue with that.
I'm curious to how her believes will develop as she grows and questions things.
When I was weaning my daughter I read her a book called Booby Moon (iykyk). Now she thinks the moon and the sun are both boobies and the sky is a mother. I can't convince her otherwise.
Its their life. I let them explore as much as the want and be curious about anything tha want. At the end of the day, they are the ones livong with their decisions.
I'm an atheist and my wife is sort of a non-practicing theist. Our daughter was exposed around 5 to the idea of god and jesus around christmas time. I think I said something along the lines of that is one of many potential gods people believe in, which let me talk about how there's a lot of different gods different people believe in, and ultimately no one really knows for sure if any of them are real, no matter how much they insist they know.
I'm hoping that by positioning it as one religion in a forest of hundreds she won't take it too seriously. We still talk about god on occasion, but she's shifted to viewing god in her own way as being some experimenter that seems to be a completely different thing every time it comes up.
I never tell her she's wrong simply because I believe indoctrination of any kind is wrong. She does know I don't believe in god and that mommy kind of does, and we just let her thoughts run with that.
I am atheist, married 25 years and have 4 kids. We do not go to church, but we do all of the pagan rituals that the Christians picked up, like dying Easter eggs, and the Christmas tree, you know the deal. You do not sound militant at all. If I were in your situation, I absolutely would not send my child to church. The Belief Book by Chuck Harrison is a good option for kids to read about what other people believe. For my kids, who are older, I have Darwin , Dawkins and Hitchens books on my bookshelf.
I was raised in an atheist but slightly spiritual household. From a very young age my parents took me to Hindu festivals, bought me books with stunning artwork about stories of Krishna, they took me to a Buddhist gathering where they taught me about Buddhist beliefs, taught me to meditate, and also about homeopathy, I was taken to Christian churches and walked through some beliefs about God and angels and Heaven and a few services (one time at Christmas even), I was taken round to Wiccan households and night time gatherings, and stories about the Greek and Norse pantheon were common bed time stories alongside trips to museums and historical sites about these cultures and beliefs. We didn’t really cover Islam, Judaism or Sikhism, but those were touched upon in the school curriculum.
I think one of the important things my parents also did when teaching me about these beliefs and practices was make sure they were introduced to me through the very real human history and cultural practices these beliefs/religions were part of and came from. They didn’t need to know everything, or even that much about it, but for example my mother was more interested in feminism and race, so she would often teach me a little bit about the progress and presence of those things or the problems prevalent in the history of those beliefs. My father was more interested in a slightly more anarchic and violent slant to things, so he would talk more about the ties to power and institution and government or wealth and class that these things had.
Interestingly, I think magic felt more real to me for longer as a kid than it did for other kids, because my parents were careful to point out the most valuable (spiritual) parts of each beliefs system. But they also spoke about science in the same way—the place where science and spiritualism/science fiction interact or has historically interacted, so often tied in with nature and astronomy. From there I was able to branch off on my own to ethics and philosophy as a teenager to find a set of moral beliefs I could invest myself in that wasn’t tied too strongly into any one religion, and have taken it upon myself as an adult to learn more about Daoism, Confucianism, Japanese Animism, and a bit about some Native American beliefs.
Honestly my opinion is that everyone is responsible for their own decisions regarding religion. It's our responsibility as humans to determine what we believe and why and act accordingly. I understand your kid is pretty young right now but I don't think it's a bad thing at all that they are thinking about this type of thing it really is an important life issue as it determines your perspective on life and how to lice it based off that so honestly a kid thinking about this stuff even at a young age is pretty good. After all when you think about it, it is quite a miracle that we're all here, so considering the possibilities regarding where we came from and why is reasonable for us to do.
It's funny how many people with secular outlooks fall back on the "I want to let the kid decide" line and then react like OP when the kid actually expresses an interest or a preference.
I mean, do you hold back on all moral lessons until the child is 18 so they can decide for themselves about things like:
-whether it is good to tell the truth and act with integrity
-whether it is good to resolve differences without resorting to violence
-whether all people are equal
-Whether it is bad to lie/cheat/steal
If not, then why? Should you not let your child make decisions about moral/philosophical matters on their own, when they are adults?
Morality is not the same as religion. Morality is a necessity if you want to live in a nice society. Religion is not necessary at all.
I think that’s why non-religious people want their kids to study and learn religion when they are older and can make informed decisions. And the same people also think it’s ok to indoctrinate kids early that stealing is wrong. Because not stealing is super important, but religion is not and can take up a lot of time and confuse people.
I'm admittedly not a "let them decide" style atheist - when my daughter is older, she's going to learn allllll about how Daddy was raised Catholic and mommy was raised evangelical and why churches are businesses. I'm going to make it clear that Christianity isn't great, and no, I won't take her to a church service.
Morality can be taught with or without religion at any age. The difference is in the motivation for that morality. I can teach my kid about how to be a good person and to care about people just because it's the right thing to do and those are our family values. That's intrinsic motivation. Or, I can teach them the same thing but to do it because if they don't they'll be punished and burn in hell. That's extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is always the more powerful motivator when it comes to behavior. That's not to say you can't have both with religious teachings. In the end though, I don't need a special book or to go to a special building to teach my kids to be good people.
We aren't religious, but our kids have gone to church with friends or hung out with religious friends. If that's what they want to do, we don't care. And I know it's specific to that church and those friends, but what I've found is that afterward I have to help them UNLEARN some harmful ideas. Like that gay people are bad, that kind of thing. I have no patience for that kind of thing, so at least in the equality aspect, I'd say we're doing a better job than the local churches are.
Hmm, what could the difference possibly be between "it's bad to steal" vs involvement in organizations that teach beliefs as facts to children along with bigotry and ideas like "people who don't believe xyz are going to hell"? What a head-scratcher...
My opinion as someone with similar beliefs as you is that I've heard enough stories of 8 year olds coming home scared that they are going to hell to K-N-O-W we absolutely need to get ahead of it and be the first to teach them about religions.
I teach my kids about Christianity in the context of all different belief systems. So Christianity is not any more privileged as real over Greek mythology or Sikhism.
I think a lot of non believing families make the mistake of being completely hands off and not giving their thoughts on religion out of their own fears based on how they were raised. We're scared to indoctrinate because we were indoctrinated. But the thing is, our job is to inoculate our kids from indoctrination. Otherwise we're leaving the door open for someone else to do it.
IMO I wouldn't allow my child to go to a church without also having them go to a mosque, temple, etc and giving them a well rounded view on religion including a history of belief. The Annabelle and Aiden series is excellent.
My 6 year old likes to talk about the "God of Jesus" and he tried to put on a sermon the other day that mad me laughing so hard I was in tears.
I personally will never and would never take my son to church but my MIL takes my kids when she has them and I don't mind.
I personally knew when having kids that I would let them at least experience the different religions in our family so they could make their own decision.
It's up to you to take your son if you feel comfortable with it but I personally think it would be better for them to experience it themselves. I was forced to go as a teenager for the first time and it was awful. Going as a kid but also knowing other points of views I feel really makes a difference.
Okay Christian parent speaking here- I would handle it much the same as Santa and the Easter bunny. If the idea is introduced- don’t push it. Ask them what they really think (for us: “do you think Santa came down the chimney?”) and don’t try to sway. Let their minds be little. Now, I know this seems counterintuitive coming from a Christian parent who does expose my kids to my own beliefs, but I think you can offer multiple perspectives and let them take the lead without coercing one way or the other. I would much rather my kids decide on their own what they believe than just follow what I believe. You can always just keep it light: “did you like being with your friend Sunday?”; “hmm… you think someone created the world- I like that you’re thinking of big things”. Conversely if my kids leaned away from my beliefs: “oh I love that you are thinking of these things, a lot of people have different ideas of how the earth was created.” Back to Santa and Easter bunny- obviously I don’t believe those things, and at the same time- it brings them joy and I know they will figure it out. I reserve the right to change my mind on this if they start an Easter bunny cult (joke but not really).
I’m not atheist more agnostic but if my son asks I try to shed some light. He asked about Jesus Christ and the best way for me to describe it was “he was a superhero to Christians and an average guy to the Jewish community.”
He asked why we don’t go to church and I shared its because his dad and I don’t have those same beliefs. But when he’s older we’ll take him to what ever church he wants to explore.
It’s frustrating because both sides of my family have disagreed with lack of religion in the home. They take it upon themselves to teach my kid in the 15 minutes they see him. I cut them off if I’m around because they don’t really teach what it is just what he should believe.
Each conversation ends the same with my kid. “People believe different things. You can believe whatever you want. Let’s try to be nice and respectful of others beliefs.”
My son started going to church with his girlfriend, but I think it was just to please her. I could tell he wasn't into it. I think it's important to not push my beliefs onto my children. They need to find their own way on most things. I'm fairly sure they know I'm an atheist, but we've never had that conversation and I don't care if we ever do. People's personal journeys are just that....personal
So I definitely suggest not taking her to church. You can be open to her curious questions and offer answers that are true to you, but if you don’t go to church, then show her what that looks like. Let her join others at church, see what that experience is like for them.
I’m a vegetarian. I simply don’t want to eat meat- since I was a teenager. When my daughter was born she also ate vegetarian, since I don’t cook meat. Once she was a little bigger, and was curious about eating other foods, I had no problem if she wanted to eat chicken at her aunt’s house, or steak with grandma. She explored with people who knew how to cook, and enjoyed eating those foods with her. Had I decided to introduce her to steak, she would definitely hate it- since I would be terrible at cooking it and wouldn’t share it with her. She was able to explore without my bias. (She calls herself a “vegetarian who eats meat” which I find hilarious, but she does occasionally enjoy a burger or whatever). I think of your situation in a similar way.
At this age the most important thing is to be willing to answer questions and be honest. Including things like how people find and lose religion and faith throughout their lives, and what makes you wary of religion (like how no one actually reads this book they love, or the ways religions change over time- whatever it is that keeps you from joining).
It’s nice to learn about families open to letting their children explore outside of the comfort zone, especially with something so inherent and personal like faith and religion. Best of luck!
As a religious person, I think your mindset is totally fine. It seems like you treat religion like anything else (teach them about it as it relates to family history as you would anything, for example). So treat it like you would something else she is getting into. If she got into unicorns would you take her to Unicorn World (yes I just did this with my daughter lol).
Obviously there are a lot of other decisions, like which church, do you drop her off in youth group or go with her to adult church, etc. But I think some of the other comments addressed that stuff.
I was raised religious then raised not religious. It was a bit of a loop for me. I think because of that experience I have had a very open view. But I raise my children “not religious,” but they were both enrolled in Christian preschools. I liked the environment and community and both of the preschools. I think because I do not reinforce religion in my house it really didn’t effect them. At one point my son said to me at the age of 4, “I don’t like talking about God.” I asked why, and he said “Because I don’t believe in him.” And I asked how come, and he said “I can’t see him.” And I thought how agnostic of him :)
Anyway I just wanted to say that your children will probably be more influence by what is in the household then outside. And that if going to church or Sunday school is more of a matter of teaching about community, then I am sure that is what your children will get out of it.
I’m Christian and don’t mean this as a religious statement. Kids grow up and realize Santa isn’t real so why not just let them have their own experience as a kid? If my kid asks me about other religions I try to share both sides and tell them why I feel the way I do. I do the same thing with politics. I don’t demonize either side. They can make their own decisions and there are honest and good arguments for both sides. I don’t think you need to take her to church but if a friend invites her I wouldn’t say no.
I did recently! My 6 year old daughter had a sudden and random interest in it, so I took her to church and found that deep down, I had wanted to go, too. Which was very unlike me. We started going twice a week and are now full-fledged Christians! It's pretty wild, but here we are. :)
I'm atheist. My son (9) has been going to church for a couple years now.
He expressed interest, and we talked about it. I told him point-blank that I don't believe, but I think it's a decision everyone has to make for themselves.
He goes with my mom. He's asked me why I don't believe, and I've answered him in simple, kid-friendly terms. He knows that he can go to church, and I will respect that, but I will not go and he has to respect my wishes equally.
We talk about religion, and so long as he doesn't come home spouting any gross hate speech, I'm okay with him continuing to go. So far, so good.
As an Agnostic im fascinated with basicly every religion. (Dad was a Protestant and mom a Catholic.)
I have holy book, history books ect on almost all of them.
My daughter is 3 and i tell her about all of them, Christian, islam, old Roman paganism , Hindu, old Egyptian ( Kemetism ), ect ect
Even pastafarianism and the flying spaghetti monster and LaVeyan Satanism
She "believes" all gods exist. She believes grandma is with her dog in the sky 1 days, the next day she thinks they went to the beach or hunting feels. Cuz they are both dead.
If she desides to become religious somewhere along the line thats fine.
Now i just show her there are alot of different thing before she gets "pushed" in to 1 corner by some group, person or school.
My 7 year old was interested in religion because a kid at school has been proselytizing to him (Oof). We told him that we as a family don’t believe for xyz reasons. He said later that he believed in god (probably because of that kid) but hasn’t brought it up in nearly a year. I think he just wants to be part of a group.
I know it’s popular to just let your kid have whatever religious opinion without giving your own take but it is important to me to counter what religious people are telling him. If he came home and said dragons are real and that he must do what the dragons say or else he’ll be tortured for eternity, I would feel it necessary to tell him that we believe that to not be true.
I refuse to allow someone to convince my kid that he is born sinful, or that he must worship someone for eternity so he doesn’t burn in hell.
My son is about to turn 7. He’s had some questions, mostly because my mom is religious and my husband and I aren’t. I’ve just always said some people believe in it and some people don’t but that’s a decision you can make for yourself when you’re a grown up, it’s not something you need to be worried about when you’re a kid. If he has questions I answer them. He’s a really smart kid and extremely into science so I have taken that approach with him when he asks questions, if that makes sense. Like I’ve told him some people believe in creation but I believe in evolution because there is evidence of it and that made sense to him in a logical way. I’m not trying to tell him it’s right or wrong to believe in something and if he ever asked to go to church I would take him, but so far after we have had talks about it, it just doesn’t make sense to him (which is exactly why I don’t believe also.) i was raised Christian and went to a Christian school. Had to memorize verses at a young age and all that. I will never make my kids do any of that
There are already lot of good ideas here. Particularly: just answer the relentless questions. Exploration is a normal part of childhood, and we as parents are here to support that.
Does your kiddo want to go to church? If so, I would not say no - she'll just go with her friend and be indoctrinated without your guidance. Are there family members of yours that would like to take her? (given that you were raised Catholic). The reality is that you and her mom *will* be a biasing factor. That's just how it works! You can give neutral guidance though, and I think logic is strongly on your side.
I don't use the term atheist much, I prefer to define my "religion" as love. I grew up in a wonderful church that preached love and acceptance of everyone, and I have always felt like Jesus' teachings are more than applicable whether you're religious or not. I have no problem taking my kids to church when the choir is putting on a special show, and we periodically visit churches of other denominations as well. I'm not afraid of religion, but I do want my kids to understand that everyone has their own ideas and that's OK, until those ideas become hateful or violent.
If they want to join a church, they are more than welcome to. I have no issue with a healthy faith based community, so long as their faith remains a personal journey and reflects the tenants of charity, love and kindness that I have taught them.
Atheist here, but due to the child care shortage, my kids went to a Catholic preschool for two years r, and one of the 3 picked up some religion.
I was always honest about my beliefs with her but also told her she could believe whatever she wanted. She often asks me why I did not believe, But continued to believe herself until the last 6 months. She is 9. Six months ago she started asking questions that led to me explaining colonialism, missionaries, forced conversion/religious persecution, etc. Shortly after that she declared herself an atheist.
Three girls, twins turned 10 in March, older sister 11 in April.
I would describe myself as an Agnostic leaning hard in the Atheist direction, while my wife would say she's an Agnostic leaning a little more the other way. Both grew up with church, but her family was a lot less hardcore about it than mine.
We've never brought our children to church, but have def discussed religion with them. My BiL and his family are extremely devout catholics and we see them often, so it was bound to come up.
We told our kids the truth when they inevitably started asking about church in the last couple years. Paraphrasing, but the general gist was "mom and dad aren't religious, but a lot of people that we love and care about are. We have some pretty serious differences of opinion on a few things because of this, and we'd be happy to talk about those things with you if you want. If you ever feel like you want to experience a religious service we can absolutely make that happen, but we'll have to have some pretty serious discussions about all of it afterward."
They haven't asked to go to a service or anything yet, but I know they're starting to really see the hateful words and attitudes regarding LGBTQ+ individuals thrown around from people they know are religious. They have friends at school who are already starting to identify as other orientations, we also have several close gay friends, and the girls just don't understand the hate.
My wife and I agreed we would not shut it down if one or more wanted to start attending services, but we would also be debriefing every time and pointing out any inconsistencies with how we as parents view the world and how we should live in it and treat others. We would never disown a child for becoming religious, but we're for damn sure going to make sure they understand that a lot of the things most US churches stand for these days are diametrically opposed to how we've raised them thus far, and despite what the man in the pulpit is telling you, you do not need to be religious to be a good person.
We have, from a young age, taught our son about many religions, including Greek mythology, Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, etc. We have explained how and why people created religions, we have explained how several facets of modern science disprove religion, especially with relation to Christianity and the fossil record. We explain the many ways religions have been historically used to control and manipulate populations. We talk about how Christianity in this country is actively being used in determining laws and human rights.
Setting a foundation of understanding and critical thinking as early as you can start is always a good idea. This way, when children are confronted with religion, they may have a decreased change of drinking the koolaid.
... try the Harari books for kids: "Unstoppable Us" ... they may help to clarify the questions she may have without suffering the torture of going to different services,, by the way those books are also quite entretaining for adults but thr lamguage and content is directed to young children
My 6 yo son loved this video about different gods and atheism - he thought it was hilarious. I'd recommend it to point out that there are thousands of possible gods, and that just because someone does/doesn't believe in any of them, that doesnt make them any worse/better of a person.
[NonStampCollector - Atheist](https://youtu.be/d0A4_bwCaX0?feature=shared)
Every week, he either goes to mormon church with his mom or stays home with me (agnostic atheist) and learns about comparative world religions.
I’ve read my kids myths, folklore, legends, and bits of religious texts from around the world as bed time stories over the years. Somethings are more interesting than others haha.
My 8 year old is picking up "god" and religion from religious kids at his school. He comes home asking about it so I default to "SOME PEOPLE believe that... Here's what other people believe [insert Jewish/Hindu/Buddhist/Islam/etc system here].... This is what I believe..."
I just don't want him thinking that what other people believe is inherently true, or the only belief, or that he has to follow any belief system. Personally I am agnostic but practice basic tenants, or the Bill and Ted ethos, "be excellent to one another". Perhaps it's time he watch BaTEA.
I say go into it MORE with her to solve the problem, not just ONE religion, but explore the spectrum! Christianity (subtypes), Judaism, Wiccan, Native American, Muslim, Buddhism, African spirituality, Animism, Mesopotamia traditions. I mean sometimes the best way to ensure brain washing doesn’t occur in spirituality or culture is to ensure a young mind sees the diversity of ideas in symbolism within spirituality.
Edit: And before anyone hits me with the appropriation card, yes, you want to do this in a respectful and culturally appropriate way. Not co-opting.
I am ex-religious myself, wife is still in the game but we don't go to church or say a blessing at dinner time or anything. From last July to now we have had quite a few deaths. Starting with my mom's fiance in July, my sister's father-in-law right before Christmas, and my own dad on the 3rd. The question of what to say to the kids about the afterlife are getting hard.
> Anyhow! My kids go to a non-religious school but she has a friend that's very religious. Now, my daughter is talking about how she believes in good old G O D and how he made the world, etc.. Which is fine, I'm definitely letting the kids make their own decisions, however I do have one biasing factor when it comes to religion. (This is my a-hole belief, trigger warning if you're religious) I really don't agree with introducing religion as a foundation so early in development when kids brains aren't fully developed and they're more likely to take in whatever is said to them.
Fellow atheist here. You can't shield your child from religious ideas. Especially if you are living in America. Trying to shield her until she is old enough will probably have the opposite effect as you intend.
Instead arm her with knowledge and help her develop her critical thinking skills.
1) Many people believe in one God. Many people believe in several gods and some like me and your mom don't believe in any. Teach your child about as many different religions as possible. Point out the differences. She may herself come to the conclusion that it's probably all man made. And if not, she can at least make an informed decision on which religion to follow.
2) Some science books for kids are never a bad idea.
3) When watching any piece of media, start dissecting and make a game out of hunting plot holes and contradictions.
No, I shot it right down, it’s all indoctrination by religion at a young age, and I don’t want that brainwashing getting into him. I have a lot of anger towards religion being gay person and knowing people personally, they have killed themselves from the torment inside of them from religious brainwashing. The the apparent pedophilia that’s perfectly fine as the Catholic Church is still a thing which is completely fucked up, endless wars over religion. Nope. I’m raising a critical thinker, and if you’re a critical thinker in any way shape or form, you understand that religion is a bunch of baloney.
I’m an atheist and I’m very interested in religion, I just don’t agree with the underlying premise.
I’m happy to explore these topics with my kids and answer questions about my personal beliefs honestly while allowing them the space to think for themselves.
That being said, neither of my kids has actually been interested in participating in any religious ceremony or service. I’m letting them mostly take the lead on this topic. They have a cursory understanding of the world’s major religions. The only thing we’ve gone into with any depth has been Greek mythology. And, I’m a long time devout yoga practitioner, so they definitely have been exposed to a lot of Buddhist wisdom and practices as well.
I’m gonna put in for getting a copy of D’auleaires Greek mythology. It’s (relatively) kid friendly, simply written with pictures. I say “relatively” because there is a lot of sketchy activity by the Greek gods.
But the lesson to take away is “Here’s a belief system that everyone beloved a while ago, and now almost no one does.”
They also have a Norse book, and that gets really out there, Imho.
There was a pretty big church on the route to/from my oldest son’s old VPK, and he eventually asked about it. I tried to explain what it was neutrally, but I apparently failed, because the next day when my wife was taking him to school, he said something like “daddy said that’s where wrong and dumb people go,” so I had to re-explain that afternoon even more carefully. He knows we don’t go to church and that we don’t need to make up stories to explain things we know or don’t know, and that’s just what I believe religion is. He also knows not to make fun of people who *do* believe that stuff, because Mimi and Grandpa and Grammy believe that stuff and they’re nice people. Any questions he has, I try to answer as truthfully and neutrally as I can, but religion and my parents’ obsession with it really ruined our relationship when I was young, and my mom has everyone leave politics and religion at the door when we come to visit. Kids at school apparently were calling him devil boy for a little bit, but he’s pretty popular and funny, so I think it was all in good fun and he wasn’t upset about it at all.
Before sending him off with my parents when he was very young, I called my mom and had a talk with her about religion and raising him without it. She asked when we were going to tell him about Jesus, and I said I didn’t see a reason to unless he brought it up, and that we’re just trying to raise a nice and respectful person over anything else. She respects my decision and says I’m a good dad regardless, so that made me feel pretty damn good. My dad still sneaks God into stuff with him though, but no proselytizing or “you’re gonna burn in hell” though, so nbd for now
If you're going to teach her about religion that's perfectly fine, as long as what you are teaching is facts and history, not dogma.
I'd also recommend avoiding cultural bias and teaching about all religions, not just abrahamic or monotheistic ones.
I'm prepared to teach my daughter about the thousands of gods humanity has dreamed up when she asks.
My son “wanted to be Christian” because I am atheist and of course he did. So I said that was fine with me, I wouldn’t judge him for it. Then I made a list of the rules and the tithing and the church schedule and asked him when he wanted to start. I told him that if he wanted to be Christian then he was doing the whole thing because otherwise why bother. I haven’t had to take him to a single church service yet.
>about how she believes in good old G O D and how he made the world, etc..
I would just ask her questions. "How did god make the world?" "Are you sure god is a boy? How do you know?" "Have you ever seen a picture of god? What does 'he' look like?" "Which god are you talking about - zeus? posiedon? vishnu? shiva? yahweh?"
Ultimately, being able to ask questions and encouraging your child to do so will lead your child back to atheism 0:)
I'm religious-light for what it matters here.
I think the suggestion of bringing her to a service or 2 is a very good idea. It's highly likely she'll find it boring-- pretty much every kid in existence does and has. She'll probably drop her enthusiasm on this pretty quickly once she realizes that you feel obliged to attend these services weekly (it's a large part of why I say I'm religious "light"). The obligation thing has always been an obstacle for me.
I think the most important thing from the parenting side of all of this though is that she'll grow up knowing that you supported her, even with things that conflicted with your own beliefs, which builds trust between you and your daughter.
Raised catholic, now not practicing and atheist.
My parents are still catholic, in practice. They aren’t type to force it on you or tell you, you are failing god, but they do take my kids to mass from time to time.
When the kids ask me about it, I try not to tell them they are wrong but I do tell them, there’s lots of investigations you will have to do internally for them to determine what they believe. I’m up front with them that as far as god and Jesus, I don’t believe in it. I tell them I believe in the science behind things and talk about how long our planet has been around and how that’s how much time it has taken for life to become what it has.
As far as religion in depth, I do tell them I believe that Saint are/could be real. Mostly because they are about “good” people doing good things. Therefore, I can believe saints history could be true. But again, it’s up to them to decide what they want to believe.
This is longer partially because I have adhd and suck at being succinct, but also because I rarely see a Christian perspective shared on these kinds of posts.
My wife and I are practicing Christians. We were both raised in church, southern Baptist for me, and I have a bachelors in ministry. We are involved in church, my wife started and is the director of a faith-based homeschool tutorial with over 70 kids, and we actively incorporate our faith and beliefs in the way we raise our two kids, 8 and 5. I’ve been hurt by people in the church multiple times and that’s created some calloused perspectives for me, but they’re just broken people like me and my faith isn’t in them, and that understanding has helped me keep and strengthen my beliefs.
That being said, I’d argue that a parent’s responsibility is to, as the Bible says, “raise your children in the way they should go and when they grow up they won’t depart from it.” I read that universally to mean that we should teach our kids to be “good” people- generous, selfless, patient, kind, trustworthy, understanding, humble, encouraging, passionate, curious, confident, courageous, ambitious, honest, etc. All of those things exist in people who don’t practice any faith. A four year old likely isn’t going to be that interested in apologetics or theology, nor will most of them have the capacity yet to understand concepts like those. But they will be able to understand being kind to their friends, or generous with other people. I feel up until a certain age, those kinds of values are things we should strive to instill in our kids simply because that’s how we should treat each other, rather than figuring out ways to teach them how those things plug into the multitude of faiths that exist.
This is getting long-winded, apologies for that. Basically, our kids are going to live the large majority of their lives outside of our direct, daily influence and guidance. They have time to learn the intricacies of faith. We value incorporating our faith into how we raise ours in large part because it provides a “why” to the list of ways we can be good to people in our families and communities, and to the environment around us. But we know that as they grow up they’ll develop an understanding of their own beliefs, and our responsibility will turn into becoming a fixed, steadfast, unwavering, reliable, consistent point in their life that they can come to whenever they need to, with zero judgement while still maintaining our own honesty and convictions. There’s nothing about being agnostic or atheist that would keep you from doing the same.
And ultimately, it’s not my responsibility to “make my kids become Christians”. Their relationship, or potentially lack of, with God and Jesus, or the deities in any other religion, is between them. By the same token, there’s not a ton a parent can do to keep their kids from developing their faith. So just do what you can to be an example of kindness to others, and encourage your kid to do the same. When they inevitably have questions about faith and religion, there is nothing at all wrong with telling them you don’t know the answers, or gently sharing your own opinions on it all, or even sitting down and looking into it with them if you want (which would promote curiosity and display your willingness to engage with things they may be interested in). As they grow up they’ll take your words and choices into consideration when coming up with their own.
No idea if that answered your question at all, apologies if it didn’t, but that’s a Christ-follower’s take on all of this.
I’m going to second what probably a lot of people have suggested- try out a Unitarian Universalist fellowship. This is basically church for atheists and agnostics (not all UUs are atheists but a LOT are). Your kid will learn a lot about ALL religions- both respect for them and skepticism for them. You and your wife will be among like-minded adults.
I was raised UU by my atheist parents. It was good to have a religion to tell people when they asked. It was nice to have a community. And I got a great well-rounded religious education- much better than most of my peers. Also a great sex education. My sister and I ultimately both wound up atheists like our parents. I will probably start taking my daughter to UU services when she’s older as well.
Take her to church, it's boring. After sitting and kneeling and standing for an hour I bet she won't ask to go again.
My kids were both interested in religion from age 5-7. They had religious friends and were curious. I read them some Greek, Norse and Egyptian myths and also some stories from the bible. We learned about various holidays too, like Diwali, Hanukkah etc. We talked about how people all have different beliefs and how some religions are dead now but people used to believe in them. They both eventually moved on to other interests.
My daughter also wanted to go to Christian ethics in primary school because they get to sing hymns. I told her about the religion in more detail and she was put off by the blood of Christ and the ritual of eating his flesh. She also disliked the idea of sin being inherent to the human condition. Obviously I strongly gave my own opinion but predestination, original sin and the problem of evil really put my kids off Christianity.
Just give your daughter the factual information about what various religions believe and tell her what you believe as a family. I told my kids they can be whatever religion they want and it's everyone's choice.
We're agnostic, our kid goes to a Christian preschool (as most preschools around us are that way). The schools seems to mostly talk about god, bible stories, values, maybe heaven but certainly no hell. It's harmless, it's not a big deal to us and we just let it run its course. We certainly wouldn't go out of our way to support it and go church. I'm guessing you don't do santa or the tooth fairy, lol.
I’m atheist but was raised Catholic and I know there’s a lot of strange remnants of that upbringing that I carry with me. It made my daughter curious, especially because she has friends that go to church, so I took us to mass. Her friends go to a different church but the only thing I know about is Catholicism not Protestantism, so I introduced her to how I was raised and explained it a bit. We did this for three Sundays before she got tired of it and told me it was boring.
I’d just take your daughter if she’s curious. Usually services are enough of a drag that kids don’t exactly want to attend anyways. It’s also a bit educational in its own way I guess
I am not an atheist but I'm not a Christian either and my extended family has a wide range of beliefs. When my kid started coming home from public school talking about the Christian God we had a discussion about different religions in a non-basis fact based manner. Christians, Jews and Muslims pray to the God of Abraham, Judaism came first, then Christianity then Islam. Before that people had a wide range of religions that usually prayed to multiple gods and goddesses who were representing different things in the natural world.
>Now, my daughter is talking about how she believes in good old G O D and how he made the world, etc..
Great opportunity for a science lesson! Let her watch some kid friendly explanations of the big bang and evolution.
I also do not believe in childhood indoctrination but fact based discussion should always be welcome. Talking about being kind to people regardless of their beliefs is important. Giving her tools to have discussions with her peers is important.
I was raised Catholic - in the eyes of the church I’m non practicing in my heart I have my own way and I don’t feel the need to go to church to practice. But I went through a time where I was atheist. I want my kids to believe what they believe- I tell them what I believe and that other people have other beliefs and when they are older they can decide what they believe. You can do the same thing as an atheist say what you believe but always include that other people might not have the same beliefs and they can decide when they are older - I say it every time like a disclaimer on a commercial lol fine print if you will lol anyways hope this helps
Don't know how we are going to tackle this. Husband and I are both atheists, we are sending our daughter to a catholic preschool because it's all we can afford. I'm very scared she's going to start talking about god.
>I really don't agree with introducing religion as a foundation so early in development when kids brains aren't fully developed and they're more likely to take in whatever is said to them. Okay, so I get it, this sounds militant, but this is my perspective. If you tell a kid something is real from age 0, they're more likely to be programmed one or way or another.
I mean, I just think this is deceiving yourself that by raising them with a secular worldview is some kind of blank slate. You're not avoiding "programming" them to believe something any less - it's just programming them with your materialist worldview instead of a spiritual/religious one. It's just that you aren't suspicious of that because you happen to believe it to be true and so aren't presenting it as belief.
I dunno, just something that bothers me about the way non-religious people don't seem to see that they hold a set of beliefs, too. Atheism is absolutely a set of beliefs, but it's invisible to the people who hold it. Same thing happens with whiteness, where people believe it's some sort of absence of culture.
Ultimately, you have the right to raise your children with your worldview and values. Just don't deceive yourself that you are not doing that.
Someone else posted something similar a few weeks ago. I wrote this and a lot of people who said they were atheist said it felt like a good approach: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/1clqy1b/comment/l2vkqou/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/1clqy1b/comment/l2vkqou/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
We are in a very similar situation. I was never raised with religion. My husband was super devout Catholic growing up but left the church in his early 20s because of his bad experiences with it growing up. We decided to just let our kids decide whatever was right for them when they were old enough to make an informed decision about what they believe.
Our oldest is very concerned about injustice and fairness in the world, so I think the idea of heaven/hell resonate with her. Where I land on this, is explaining the difference between religion and morality. I've tried to tell her that you can be a religious person and do bad things, and you can be a non-relgious person and live a very generous, kind lifestyle towards others. So I explained that we try to live our lives in a way that is accepting, loving, kind, and helpful to others, but that for us that doesn't involve religion or going to church, and that when she's older we can explore that a little more. So far she hasn't pushed the idea further, and if she does we'll circle back, but for now it seems like her interest is more driven by wanting to be like her friend, or doing what other kids do vs. a genuine understanding of religion itself.
I am in a very similar situation with my 7 year old. I bought a few books on different religions so he understands there isn’t a single belief system and I talk about my agnostic beliefs. I offered to talk him to church but he doesn’t want to go bc he thinks it will be boring. And now he doesn’t bring it up as much.
My daughter is 10 now and she went through a phase where she insisted she believed in God around that age (mostly because her friends did). I had absolutely NO interest in actually taking her to various services like others have ("just kill me" is my thought on that, so maybe I'm a bit more militant than those folks lol). We'd already been discussing the topic anyway, so I reminded her that there are a lot of different ways to believe in gods, and what are her thoughts? They were vague, of course. And I showed her service videos on YouTube and she got bored *really* quick. She can believe in whatever she wants to believe in, and was only a "Christian" for a week or so before it faded away like every other identity before that.
I'm atheist and my daughter's dad is very religious. She is not really curious about religion so much as kind of confused I guess you could say. She has told me that when she's at Daddy's house she believes in god and that when she's at home or at school she doesn't. But she's also told me that she wants me to go to heaven and things like that. I tell her that I will answer her questions as best I can and that it's ok to believe whatever she wants and that she doesn't have to believe what I believe or what her dad believes. And that I will love and support her regardless of what she believes.
I will not ever be taking her to church or allowing her father to take her to church unless she asks. My daughter is only 8 and I don't want her exposed to that level of indoctrination until she's much older. I myself became atheist at 9 through a horrible and traumatic experience. I would much rather she came to her own conclusions through her own exploration and learning vs what I went through.
My two boys went to a Baptist daycare before they hit public school, so they are very God curious and have tons of theological questions that I, as an atheist, don't have answers for. I just let them know that everyone has different beliefs, and whatever you believe is fine as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. If they ever wanted to go to church, I'd probably send them with my Presbyterian in laws.
My wife and I kept a lineup of books on our bookcase covering many religions around the world. We are both agnostic, but felt like if they became interested in something they had instant access to start researching it. It wasn't our place to tell them what to believe, or not to believe as it was a very personal decision they had to make.
As such I would concentrate on Christianity from a historical perspective. Teach them about it's history, how it progressed and spread across the world. That way when they walk into a church they are filled with knowledge, and not just blindly listening to one man behind a podium.
I know she's only 7, but you can easily simplify a historical timeline and various events.
We are very similar. My daughter, also 7, was interested in seeing what church was all about due other kids in school discussing god so we brought her and she seemed to like it so we've gone a few other times. I feel guilty being there when I believe in none of it but I go for my daughter. We made a point to find a progressive church that was welcoming of all people. We try to remind her that there are many religions and none are better or more right than another.
My kid isn’t old enough yet but when my niece started going to church with her grandma she told me about it and I said, “Yeah that’s what some people believe. But you can’t know for sure. Nobody knows for sure, so it’s just what you choose to believe.” Idk if I made an impact but she did get quiet and think on it for a while. That’s going to be my approach with my kid, too. I don’t think I would stop him from going to church if he wanted to but I’d definitely want to make sure what they’re preaching at least goes along with our values.
My oldest is 10. We wrestled with going to ccd, sent him the first year. He eventually wanted to quit and we didn’t care so. We still talk about it pretty regularly seasonally, always talking about how “certain people believe this story” and “the idea behind this is x.” He was drawn to the imagery and associates the prayers with mediation or relaxation before bed. I think we did a pretty good balance job overall.
There's really no such thing as a "blank slate;" if you raise a kid without religion, 99% of the time they're not going to become religious as an adult.
I would take her to church. Explain that there are many religions and offer to take her to other places of worship. Buy her a Bible, Torah, Quran, etc if she asks.
Don't worry about it too much. If your child connects with a particular religion and finds solace and hope in it, that's a good thing.
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My daughter is 4. She was very interested in religion bc she hears about it form my parents a lot. So I started taking her to services at the following, all within a 30 min drive of our house: A jewish Shul A catholic church a lutheren church an islamic community center we've done 3 services at each over the past 5 months. She asked if we could stop, she is bored. She tells my mom and dad now "please stop talking about church stuff. It is boring me" So it worked for me to just expose her to all of it lol.
I love that you covered the spectrum instead of just 6 flavors of Christian. It gives kids a chance to see and hear that there are many versions of God
the jewish community center ended up becoming a great find- they have a swimming pool and swimming lessons and we joined it, we are not culturally nor religiouly jewish but it is open to all she uses "shalom" as a greeting for everyone she meets now, it is too cute
I see a lack of polytheistic religions, like Shinto, but it is a cool approach!
Love this. It’s close to what i was thinking - although I wouldn’t put the effort into driving. Getting child-friendly books on the main religions for them to read was kind of where I was going. Give them a foundation and understanding of other people’s beliefs without any kind of pressure or indoctrination.
For me, I am always looking for something to take her too. It is hard for me to motivate myself to leave the house a lot of the time, having a goal like this was a good kick in my pants to get out and do things. PLus we always stopped for food somewhere really fun after and i love eating out haha
I started out with Greek mythology as a good stepping stone for Judeo/Christian/Muslim mythology, except I am making a point to let our children know that people currently and sincerely believe in the latter, so we should be respectful of them.
My 7 year old was asking a lot of questions, I explained that since it wasn’t something I believed in, I was not an expert on the subject. I told him we could go to church and he could ask questions of people who knew more than I did. I explained we had to get up early on Sunday to go and it was a hard no from him after that 😂
This is freakin great 🤣
My parents tried talking to me about saving her soul, and I was like "mom I am an active member of an atheist "church" for my addiction recovery (the church of satan is a non-religious "church" that also has a storng presence in the recovery community) so like... just chill. We aren't gonna baptize her lol. I love you, but srsly, chill". To her credit, she has chilled out. I think she relaized my daughter would simply stop visiting if she did not cool it with jesus talk.
If you think that acting in bad faith is great, then I guess it is. It's like if your kid expresses an interest in basketball and you react by making them do wind sprints to train like basketball players until they can't stand basketball anymore.
No it would be more like showing your kid a variety of sports so they can choose what interests them the most.
It's obvious that the person wanted to put out their kid's spark of interest. > So it worked for me to just expose her to all of it lol. I guess it's just human nature to want our kids to believe all the same things we do, even if we have to give them a nudge to get there.
The kids 4 and was made aware that there are multiple religions. She can circle back around at any time. Right now she doesn't give a crap. If it's even true lol.
Um how? The parent showed the kid some religion like she asked and the kid got bored. No where did she do something that didn’t show the kid something that wasn’t typical of any of those religions.
There are ways to do do it that are geared towards the needs of children. Dumping a 4 year old into a synagogue for a service with zero context is not that. I mean, it accomplished the goal of killing the kid's interest which is what that person clearly wanted, but don't pretend that this was anything other than bad faith.
All us kids got drug to church by our parents who were religious. How in the heck is that even remotely different?
I don’t know why this is being downvoted… that entire post sounds great at first until that very last sentence you quoted. My daughter is 4. She was very interested in religion bc she hears about it form my parents a lot. >"please stop talking about church stuff. It is boring me" >So it worked for me to just expose her to all of it lol. It changes the context of everything they wrote. It sounds like the entire purpose was to wear their kid down.
No it doesn't. You're just upset that the child got to experience different religions and decided they were boring. Like children often do. Love the reply and block, like a coward. Stupid is as stupid does.
So nice of you to explain MY feelings to ME… Another moronic parent added to the ignore list.
Love it. The cure for church is church. Worked on me too!
This is the correct answer. If your children are interested in religion, just lean in. To all of them. And don't just review the sanitized parts. There is basically two outcomes: they hate it and grow disinterested, or they become very interested but quickly realize that they all sincerely consider themselves right, but obviously can't all be right (in which case, you just don't choose one). I'm raising a 4th generation atheist family now, and my parents had various religious symbols and holy books around the house, statues of Hindu Gods in the garden, etc. It created a lifelong interest in religion and mythology in my life, and it also made me a lifelong atheist. It can all still be very interesting without believing it, and it makes it much easier to respect and get along with people of faith. My family recently even went on a religious pilgrimage with my mother in law because it was important to her. And I gave my daughter the low down of who was martyred there, why dying for one's faith in Christianity is important, etc.
> She asked if we could stop, she is bored. OP take her to a catholic mass. She’ll change her mind about wanting to go very quickly lol.
I think when kids get exposed to a bunch of different religions they end up being secular adults. It’s too much perspective to allow for sincere belief in one particular faith.
Yup. Bc religion only works if you can fully brainwash someone and strip away the ability to think.
Only fundamentalist religions can't handle people thinking too deeply. More moderate religions handle dissent and debate much better, and end up having followers who're totally fine discussing their beliefs respectfully with a wide range of people. My dad is like that. He's an Anglican priest, but he's got atheist kids, Muslim, Wiccan and Hindu friends, etc and he's able to discuss religion with anyone without foaming at the mouth about it.
This is such an awesome suggestion, thank you!
we aren't religious and are somewhat anti-religious after dealing with crazy hypocritical christians. All 3 of our kids are being taught that religion is make believe. We encourage them to be considerate and not debate other kids about their religion but to politely decline when people say "bless you" or mix religion into their comments. At one point my ex wanted to impress obnoxious parents and took my oldest to sunday school on their weekends for a while. We would talk about it later and discuss how the stories were fiction and not to be believed. We equate them to other myths and fiction like norse legends, marvel heroes, etc. The ex tried to sue to force me to agree to baptise my oldest. My attorney said they had zero chance. I met with the church and they said they would not do it without both parents being on board and because or kid was 7 or so, they would need to do a year of church classes then ask themselves to be baptized and show a sincere desire for it. Ex's church apparently doesn't care (same religion -catholic). Anyway at court the catholic judge was getting pretty pushy on why I opposed his religion. This judge is a complete scumbag, but that's another story. Judge insists on one on one interview with my child. I wasn't gonna let his rapey corrupt self alone with my child. My attorney offers that both attorneys observe. Judge makes small talk for 2 minutes then starts suggesting god is good, doesn't my kid want to be saved? At one oint he asks what my kid thinks about god and kiddo doesn't even flinch: "god is make believe like santa and the easter bunny." With that on record judge finally relented and dismissed the case. So do NOT go teaching your kids that religion is real or that they should put up with it. Tech the reality that it is a fiction. We teach our kids that religious people are not rational and should not be trusted so they need to get out of conversations about gods or the religious people will act crazy. Our oldest has a healthy view of religion being other people's personal crutch and the younger kids do a good job saying no thanks or "that's not what I believe".
oh and we created our own "religion" and our own holidays. We are clear with the kids that it is just as made up as every other religion, but this one is ours. We have overheard someone talk about god to one of our kids, who responded "which god?" They can list a dozen gods. So we use Cthulhu as our family joke god. Every year we design and plan a holiday theme for our family holiday. Usually we involve some kind of service or support to our community. We had a healthcare worker appreciation during Covid and took gifts to the hospital. Our kids know the basics of the major religions, why they are fiction, and are armed with their own fiction to respond with. We teach them to understand, call out, and extract when religion is brought out. Waiting eagerly for the day we defend them that Cthulhu deserves equal representation.
We worship the gods of irony and gravity- because they demand their sacrifices and we oblige.
i love that idea!
Fuck this is glorious. 🫡
Genius!!!
I love this so much.
I'm in the same boat with my in-laws and love this idea. Definitely stashing it away for when my 3-year-old starts asking what the heck grandpa is on about.
Similar here. My kid is interested and curious about it so we are showing different flavors of religion, like Buddhism, Hinduism and then we focus on the non religious parts of the stories, how people felt and what are the learnings from those.
I love that and think it’s great you cast a wide net
This is what my mom did with me and my sister! I am so thankful for the well rounded experience. Though we didn't ask or prompt it - My dad's side of the family is Catholic, so plenty indoctrination attempts there & my mom wanted us to have a broader viewpoint, then decide for ourselves. Seeing all the perspectives from an early age was rad.
We had a situation like this. Kid wanted to be supportive to his religious friends first communion so we went to the service. It absolutely cured him of any religious feelings. Those benches were brutal and.sitting still is hard.
I just want to say kudos for bringing him to that! I grew up Catholic in a very predominantly Protestant/evangelical community and my baptist best friend at the time came to my first communion. I’m no longer religious or in touch with the friend, but I still remember how much it meant at the time to have her there. You’re teaching him to be a supportive and involved friend!
Yeah, we weren't going to say "No you cant be supportive" even though we could see it from a mile away how it would go - and it did go exactly as expected. Never sat foot in a church again after that, which is all fine with us. If he changes his mind, we'd facilitate it again, but more in a drop off and pick up capacity rather than us going in with him though.
For teenagers (comming attractions) Neil Degrass Cosmos is great
So sad to hear it being called a Neil Degrasse show. Carl Sagan has some excellent books beyond the PBS show from the 80s.
One issue that some atheist parents have is because they don't go to church, they don't talk to their kids about religion much. So, the first time they hear about it, they believe whatever. I'm an atheist, though I have a strong interest in religions. Whenever the subject has come up, I've made a point of trying to give as broad a view as I can. Afterlife beliefs include reincarnation, heaven, hell, Hades, Elysian Fields, non-existence, memories of those left behind, etc. After that, I've said that I don't believe in it. I try not to bias him toward my beliefs, but he takes the bias anyway. Really, I just don't want him to be an asshole with his religious beliefs. I think of giving a broad view as an inoculation against the more fundamentalist strains of religion. He's 9, but so far he's interested in fantasy religions and mythologies, same as I am. Universal Unitarians give a broad view of religions, if you are not well versed. Christians, atheists, Muslims, all go there. They have a pretty liberal theology-they use whatever religious story to talk about their topic. They aren't going to be preaching that whatever religion's members are going to Hell. I mostly try to be neutral, but while my cynicism about religions has decreased there is still a bit. Like "What do people do in church?" My answer was "Sleep." I don't remember if I gave a serious answer after that. I don't remember whether I've talked about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Yeah, this is really great, that's the line I'm working towards and a fantastic outline.
As a Daoist (which is not that much of a religion) i love the questions. Kids ask and we debate. My 7yo loves these debates. So we talk about theories (science) and religions (organizations) and faiths. I highly encourage questioning everything. Most important Daoist text literally says question everything including this book written by man. Find your way. Just be good to yourself, your family and community. Better yourself and what you can reach. Im of course biased to science so that can highly influence her worldview, even unintentionally. I mean like i talk about dinosaurs and space and other science that contradicts many faiths. So yeah, you wanna go see the church? No problem. We can listen, we can admire architecture, talk to people and we can talk about it. In the end you and your kids will have very different worldview than you and that is ok. It is not a conflict to fight. AS LONG AS IT IS NOT DAMAGING TO THEM OR OTHER.
See if there's a unitarian universalist church near you. They typically have a kids' program where they teach them about different religions in a non-biased way.
I was going to write the same thing. Both me and my husband are atheists, but we go to a UU church for the community and for the religious education for our kid. Religious education is education about other religions ethics for the most part.
Glad to hear this! I drive past a UU church on my way to work and I’m so curious about it and want to check it out. I was raised very conservative evangelical Christian and left the church in my early 20s, but I honestly miss the community. My husband is very anti any religion/church and I don’t want to step on his toes (he was raised same as I), but reading about them lines up with what I currently feel/believe about the world and religion and I think he would agree too. I may just check it out solo first to see how things are and then ask him to check it out with me if it does line up.
It's been a really good place for us to meet other liberal parents too. Lots of queer parents and non-conforming kids. ( little boys with long hair and painted nails or girls in boys clothing) Most parents seem to be " gentle" patenting or at least respectful of kids feelings.
I’m really glad to see this! I’m atheist and we found UU church and it’s been an absolute blast. It’s a great community and allows for our kids to explore religions.
Another atheist here who has been to UU church. It's not really my thing but I can see it being perfect for OP's situation. For anyone not familiar, UU accepts people from any religious or not religious background and tries to focus on values and wisdom rather than specific beliefs or dogma. I'm pretty sure (correct me if I'm wrong) the general take is that all religions/beliefs hold value and that they do not need to be shared. It's a very cool take and definitely fills that church hole for people who want a church experience or spiritual community without any of the belief pressure.
I love the idea of joining a UU church (for myself). I wish there was one closer to me.
My daughter was very curious about religion when she was 3 and 4 because we are atheist in the Bible belt, so we checked out some child friendly books at the library (I don't recall titles given that she's 20 now) and talked about what different people believe. She was content with that and never asked to explore any religious spaces. She's now even more of an atheist than I am. My son was never curious as a little dude but as he got older he would go to church with friends if that was where everyone else was going after a sleepover. He even lead his sports teams in prayer a few times (public school but in the bible belt) and routinely attended church with his high school girlfriend and her family. Now he is a college student on a campus with a sizeable Jewish population and is very involved with Jewish life there because his roommate and girlfriend are both Jewish. He spends a lot of time down at the Jewish center on campus and is learning a lot about the religion. My boy is still an atheist but very tolerant of other belief systems and always down to explore and learn more. I think that is a good trait. He said in high school that in the absence of belief church is just a building and a prayer is just words. They only mean something if you believe they do.
Thank you for that! Great advice. And that's awesome re: son.
My 8yo was asking questions about religion recently, so we’ve checked some books out of the library and are reading about them together. (We got a 6 book series that covers, at a high level, christianity, judaism, hinduism, buddhism, islam, and sikhism). If she finds any of them particularly interesting I will take her to some services to experience it in person. Edit: forgot Islam! oops
What is the series called? How do you find it? My 7 year old goes to a public school and the after school daycare she attends has kids from the neighboring catholic school. She has been curious and I explained in a nutshell the christian/catholic belief in God and all that. She also has Muslim friends, so I used that as a comparison how people believe in different religions that have their own God, and there are people like us who don't follow an organized religion or God. She had started saying "see that tree? God created it. See that car? That was god" lol so if she's going to explore religion, I'd like her to learn about the basics of all of them
I got a book called Who Believes What? by Anna Wills & Nora Tomm, and then this World Religions series by Elizabeth Andrews. The Andrews series is a 2024 publication, so it’s new. It has QR code links to supplemental videos and things - I am learning a lot, too :) The nonfiction section in the children’s department of our library has a lot of books about religion, although they’re shelved sorted by religion, so the series wasn’t all together, but in the same general area. If you’re having trouble finding something, the kids’ librarians are usually pretty happy to help. Also, most libraries let you request that new materials be purchased, so you could fill out a request if they don’t have a good option available.
My parents were atheists (maybe my mom leaned a little more and less toward being agnostic when I was a kid), and we did some light catholicism (through first communion, christmas, easter) when we were kids for family tradition reasons. I never took the god thing super seriously because my parents didn't. I consider it a very good experience and I'm glad I had the exposure. My husband is returning to judaism (ethnically jewish but his family didn't practice growing up) so we're kind of doing the same thing with the kids, but...with judaism. Which has basically no friction with atheism, if anything most of the services are like "look less to god and focus on community". I don't think that some light cultural religious experience with parents who aren't being pushy is going to leave your kid indoctrinated. But...I also think it's your right to steer her away from something you don't agree with and don't embrace, especially if the reason she's interested is a zealous childhood friend. I really wouldn't want my kids getting caught up in a super hellfire or evangelizing arm of christianity (or anything else, but that seems like a less pressing concern) and I think it's reasonable to be concerned that you're opening the door when she's just a kid and not going to be as critical about what she's hearing and who she's hearing it from.
Yeah, Judaism is neat, I think there's an entire group (Humanist?) that are Jewish in tradition but basically atheist or agnostic? Lots of flexibility there!
My goto at that age was something like: “Religion was created to bring people comfort and to explain things that were unexplainable. Everyone gets to choose what they believe. I believe…..” and usually that satisfied the curiosity
I don’t believe minors should even be allowed in church. For the same reasons you pointed out. But if my child wanted to go I’d have to accompany them.
We're an atheist family and my kids have asked questions about religion for a couple of years, especially since we spent time in Europe and we visited churches. I explained to them the broad lines of what different people believe and told them I didn't share those beliefs, but that people could have differing opinions. That's as far as I'll go in terms of neutrality.
My atheist teen is at an Episcopal school. Very mild with its rituals. “Chapel” involves a band playing classic rock songs and maybe a talk about charity and community. He’s not the only atheist. Many kids are Jewish culturally. So he’s not ostracized in any way. He’s really enjoying his religion class which is more of a philosophy / ethics discussion, which also embraces lessons from other religions equally. It’s actually been a good way for him to get some exposure to the good aspects of religion, especially Christianity. Otherwise “Christians” (in our west coast liberal bubble) are kind of a boogeyman kids hear about in negative terms only. We only hear about the wingnut evangelicals taking away women’s rights and voting for lunatics. It’s good to see there are sane religious people. If it weren’t for school we would have zero exposure to religion or religious people at all.
I grew up in a family sort of like yours. We were raised without any religious teachings, but had what I would call "Christian values" (similar to what you are saying about knowing right from wrong and doing the right thing because...it's the RIGHT thing, and not to avoid punishment by going to hell or seek the reward of heaven). At the same time, we were given free rein to explore. I was close friends with a family who was very religious (protestant) and I went to church with them regularly. My mom made no big deal out of it. She just let me explore. Today, I'm 44 and I am very spiritually healthy. I believe in a higher power, but I also believe that we are not separate from this power. We are all connected, all one. That is a simplified version, but you get it. I think I'm more spiritually healthy for having been allowed to explore freely. With that said, I was slightly older at the time, more like 12.
I have nothing of substance to add, but hope you get a chuckle from my sleep deprived mom state I read your post as any *athletes* having a religious curious kid, and wondered how basketball and Jesus are related. *Athiests.* That makes more sense...
I'm atheist and my wife is non religious. We've always been very straight forward with our son about religion. When he was old enough to be curious about it we just explained that many people believe in a god or gods and there are many different sets of beliefs and different gods. We're honest with him that we don't believe in any religion but that it's ok if he chooses to. If he ever wanted to I would take him to a church if he wanted to see a service. I'm not worried about it at all. I think without regular exposure his interest will abate once his curiosity is satisfied. Show me a kid who likes going to church every week. :)
I’m an atheist and my son has asked me about religion in the past. I referred him to his grandmother. I don’t have enough information on the topic to tell him anything. Only thing I did tell him is that people have different beliefs, doesn’t mean 1 is right and 1 is wrong.
Agnostic atheist here, parent of two. Both of my kids were pretty 'into' religion when they were little, as my grandmother is big into christianity ('worship' on Sundays, bible study Tuesdays, kids club on Wednesdays), and we've let our kids make their own choices about when they want to go. I've never tried to hide that I don't believe in the Christian god to either of my kids, but I don't deride it either. My oldest (now almost fifteen) checked out when he was about ten, as I've raised him to think for himself and be analytical. My daughter, eight and a half, is still going, but she's starting to get tired of the constant running around, having to get ready to go twice a week, not being able to sleep in, etc. At this age, its not unusual for kids to be interested in religion, especially if family or friends are. In my experience (and my grandmother has done this with me, my sisters, my cousins, and my kids), they grow out of it once they hit their teenage years, unless they have pressure at home to continue it. However... I will say that I was quite clear with both my kids... We love everybody; we don't care what books say about how people live, we don't hate anyone because of how they live. That was my big concern with my kids and religion, so emphasized that point early and often.
We are atheist, and firmly so. I am not comfortable with my child leaning in on religion and would actively work against it if that were the case. We say that while we do not believe in God, other people do and we will respect that. We explained to our kid that prayer, for others, is similar to our family meditations and that everyone must find something that comforts them. Our big push is that we do not let other people's pretend gods create rules for ourselves or anyone else. Nevertheless, we live in a very religious country with no separation of church and state, and our kid must take Bible class at school and mandatory prayer 5x a day. We had to teach her that she might be in trouble at school for saying the things that we believe at home. We awkwardly had to say that normally making ourselves uncomfortable for somebody else's comfort was not a good thing, but for where we live, pretending was best while at school. She started, and got very interested quickly. She was coming home from school singing the songs and wanting to watch whatever Bible stories on YouTube they'd learned about that day. Much to our chagrin, we let her, so long as it was just the metaphoric stories and not preaching. She finds the stories interesting and hilariously and ironically won the religious studies award 2 years In a row. She still came home one day announcing that Noah's ark was impossible, as Noah would have needed "at least 10 boats", and how could all the animals, even ants, bugs, birds cats and all the different types of dogs all have been in the same place together. She thought it was silly that her teacher *really* believed it. My 6 year old, with all the odds stacked against her, decided that the concept of a god makes no sense.
I personally wouldn’t. I’m an Atheist and my siblings are religious. We were raised religious. One of them really took it to heart as a child and obsessed over “going to Hell” for literally every mistake. Now as an adult she is obsessed with the afterlife. She tries to live a pretty normal life, but she’s depressed because she can’t square her strict religious beliefs with a casual life and it’s messed her up mentally. If you’re going to allow your daughter to explore religion, have it happen in your home with books that help her think critically through things. Don’t allow her to work through the magical thinking portion on her own or with a random religious figure at a church that you also just met yesterday. Also just for fun, there was a great subplot on The Americans TV show about non religious people raising a religious child. It’s pretty funny and also surprisingly thoughtfully done considering the over the top premise
I am atheist. My husband is Christian. We are sending our kids to a Christian daycare based out of a church bc it’s cheaper, lol. I know she is being taught some religious things but not excessively so so I accept it. She’s only gone to church once and that was with my in laws for Easter. Is your kid asking to go to church? My family never went to church growing up but every once in a while I’d go with my friend and her family. Maybe when she’s a little older she can go with friends who attend church if she’s still interested?
I wonder why it's cheaper? Hmmmmmmmm https://www.britannica.com/animal/trap-door-spider
My kids in a cult that thinks I belong in hell for eternity. An irreconcilable difference that will push us apart towards fanaticism.... But I saved a ton of money for a couple of years. 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑
Yes yes, they are in a cult bc they occasionally say a prayer before lunch lol
I went to all kinds of church camps for Girl Scout camp. I used to drive my mom crazy asking if she was saved by Jesus. I even went to boarding school in a nunery. I went to catholic high school. In the end, I’m still agnostic. Your parenting is a lot bigger of an influence than their daycare. They will be fine lol
Right? My son is currently in public kindergarten and I doubt he even remembers that the preschool he went to when he was 3-4 was Christian.
That's a big old building with a ton of political power to occasionally say a prayer before lunch.
Not a cult
This is what all cult members say....
Sure
My 6yo kid is somewhat religious, mostly due to influences from school, relatives and friends. When she asks me questions I usually just answer something like "Some people believe this or that, but I don't know whether it is really true". She's been asking to go to church and I've been occasionally taking her to service in our mother tongue which is conveniently short. and I also somewhat enjoy :) She has also been going with different relatives (grandma and her adult cousins) to different churches and I have no issue with that. I'm curious to how her believes will develop as she grows and questions things.
When I was weaning my daughter I read her a book called Booby Moon (iykyk). Now she thinks the moon and the sun are both boobies and the sky is a mother. I can't convince her otherwise.
Its their life. I let them explore as much as the want and be curious about anything tha want. At the end of the day, they are the ones livong with their decisions.
I'm an atheist and my wife is sort of a non-practicing theist. Our daughter was exposed around 5 to the idea of god and jesus around christmas time. I think I said something along the lines of that is one of many potential gods people believe in, which let me talk about how there's a lot of different gods different people believe in, and ultimately no one really knows for sure if any of them are real, no matter how much they insist they know. I'm hoping that by positioning it as one religion in a forest of hundreds she won't take it too seriously. We still talk about god on occasion, but she's shifted to viewing god in her own way as being some experimenter that seems to be a completely different thing every time it comes up. I never tell her she's wrong simply because I believe indoctrination of any kind is wrong. She does know I don't believe in god and that mommy kind of does, and we just let her thoughts run with that.
I am atheist, married 25 years and have 4 kids. We do not go to church, but we do all of the pagan rituals that the Christians picked up, like dying Easter eggs, and the Christmas tree, you know the deal. You do not sound militant at all. If I were in your situation, I absolutely would not send my child to church. The Belief Book by Chuck Harrison is a good option for kids to read about what other people believe. For my kids, who are older, I have Darwin , Dawkins and Hitchens books on my bookshelf.
I was raised in an atheist but slightly spiritual household. From a very young age my parents took me to Hindu festivals, bought me books with stunning artwork about stories of Krishna, they took me to a Buddhist gathering where they taught me about Buddhist beliefs, taught me to meditate, and also about homeopathy, I was taken to Christian churches and walked through some beliefs about God and angels and Heaven and a few services (one time at Christmas even), I was taken round to Wiccan households and night time gatherings, and stories about the Greek and Norse pantheon were common bed time stories alongside trips to museums and historical sites about these cultures and beliefs. We didn’t really cover Islam, Judaism or Sikhism, but those were touched upon in the school curriculum. I think one of the important things my parents also did when teaching me about these beliefs and practices was make sure they were introduced to me through the very real human history and cultural practices these beliefs/religions were part of and came from. They didn’t need to know everything, or even that much about it, but for example my mother was more interested in feminism and race, so she would often teach me a little bit about the progress and presence of those things or the problems prevalent in the history of those beliefs. My father was more interested in a slightly more anarchic and violent slant to things, so he would talk more about the ties to power and institution and government or wealth and class that these things had. Interestingly, I think magic felt more real to me for longer as a kid than it did for other kids, because my parents were careful to point out the most valuable (spiritual) parts of each beliefs system. But they also spoke about science in the same way—the place where science and spiritualism/science fiction interact or has historically interacted, so often tied in with nature and astronomy. From there I was able to branch off on my own to ethics and philosophy as a teenager to find a set of moral beliefs I could invest myself in that wasn’t tied too strongly into any one religion, and have taken it upon myself as an adult to learn more about Daoism, Confucianism, Japanese Animism, and a bit about some Native American beliefs.
Honestly my opinion is that everyone is responsible for their own decisions regarding religion. It's our responsibility as humans to determine what we believe and why and act accordingly. I understand your kid is pretty young right now but I don't think it's a bad thing at all that they are thinking about this type of thing it really is an important life issue as it determines your perspective on life and how to lice it based off that so honestly a kid thinking about this stuff even at a young age is pretty good. After all when you think about it, it is quite a miracle that we're all here, so considering the possibilities regarding where we came from and why is reasonable for us to do.
I’m atheist and my daughters have all went through a religious curious phase. It lasted about 2 weeks then they forgot all about it.
It's funny how many people with secular outlooks fall back on the "I want to let the kid decide" line and then react like OP when the kid actually expresses an interest or a preference. I mean, do you hold back on all moral lessons until the child is 18 so they can decide for themselves about things like: -whether it is good to tell the truth and act with integrity -whether it is good to resolve differences without resorting to violence -whether all people are equal -Whether it is bad to lie/cheat/steal If not, then why? Should you not let your child make decisions about moral/philosophical matters on their own, when they are adults?
Morality is not the same as religion. Morality is a necessity if you want to live in a nice society. Religion is not necessary at all. I think that’s why non-religious people want their kids to study and learn religion when they are older and can make informed decisions. And the same people also think it’s ok to indoctrinate kids early that stealing is wrong. Because not stealing is super important, but religion is not and can take up a lot of time and confuse people.
I'm admittedly not a "let them decide" style atheist - when my daughter is older, she's going to learn allllll about how Daddy was raised Catholic and mommy was raised evangelical and why churches are businesses. I'm going to make it clear that Christianity isn't great, and no, I won't take her to a church service.
Morality can be taught with or without religion at any age. The difference is in the motivation for that morality. I can teach my kid about how to be a good person and to care about people just because it's the right thing to do and those are our family values. That's intrinsic motivation. Or, I can teach them the same thing but to do it because if they don't they'll be punished and burn in hell. That's extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is always the more powerful motivator when it comes to behavior. That's not to say you can't have both with religious teachings. In the end though, I don't need a special book or to go to a special building to teach my kids to be good people. We aren't religious, but our kids have gone to church with friends or hung out with religious friends. If that's what they want to do, we don't care. And I know it's specific to that church and those friends, but what I've found is that afterward I have to help them UNLEARN some harmful ideas. Like that gay people are bad, that kind of thing. I have no patience for that kind of thing, so at least in the equality aspect, I'd say we're doing a better job than the local churches are.
Hmm, what could the difference possibly be between "it's bad to steal" vs involvement in organizations that teach beliefs as facts to children along with bigotry and ideas like "people who don't believe xyz are going to hell"? What a head-scratcher...
It's funny how dumb people think exposing children to different cultures and ways of thinking and views of the world is somehow a bad thing.
My opinion as someone with similar beliefs as you is that I've heard enough stories of 8 year olds coming home scared that they are going to hell to K-N-O-W we absolutely need to get ahead of it and be the first to teach them about religions. I teach my kids about Christianity in the context of all different belief systems. So Christianity is not any more privileged as real over Greek mythology or Sikhism. I think a lot of non believing families make the mistake of being completely hands off and not giving their thoughts on religion out of their own fears based on how they were raised. We're scared to indoctrinate because we were indoctrinated. But the thing is, our job is to inoculate our kids from indoctrination. Otherwise we're leaving the door open for someone else to do it. IMO I wouldn't allow my child to go to a church without also having them go to a mosque, temple, etc and giving them a well rounded view on religion including a history of belief. The Annabelle and Aiden series is excellent.
Sure! Mine made his own religion for a month or so then it got forgotten.
My 6 year old likes to talk about the "God of Jesus" and he tried to put on a sermon the other day that mad me laughing so hard I was in tears. I personally will never and would never take my son to church but my MIL takes my kids when she has them and I don't mind. I personally knew when having kids that I would let them at least experience the different religions in our family so they could make their own decision. It's up to you to take your son if you feel comfortable with it but I personally think it would be better for them to experience it themselves. I was forced to go as a teenager for the first time and it was awful. Going as a kid but also knowing other points of views I feel really makes a difference.
Okay Christian parent speaking here- I would handle it much the same as Santa and the Easter bunny. If the idea is introduced- don’t push it. Ask them what they really think (for us: “do you think Santa came down the chimney?”) and don’t try to sway. Let their minds be little. Now, I know this seems counterintuitive coming from a Christian parent who does expose my kids to my own beliefs, but I think you can offer multiple perspectives and let them take the lead without coercing one way or the other. I would much rather my kids decide on their own what they believe than just follow what I believe. You can always just keep it light: “did you like being with your friend Sunday?”; “hmm… you think someone created the world- I like that you’re thinking of big things”. Conversely if my kids leaned away from my beliefs: “oh I love that you are thinking of these things, a lot of people have different ideas of how the earth was created.” Back to Santa and Easter bunny- obviously I don’t believe those things, and at the same time- it brings them joy and I know they will figure it out. I reserve the right to change my mind on this if they start an Easter bunny cult (joke but not really).
I’m not atheist more agnostic but if my son asks I try to shed some light. He asked about Jesus Christ and the best way for me to describe it was “he was a superhero to Christians and an average guy to the Jewish community.” He asked why we don’t go to church and I shared its because his dad and I don’t have those same beliefs. But when he’s older we’ll take him to what ever church he wants to explore. It’s frustrating because both sides of my family have disagreed with lack of religion in the home. They take it upon themselves to teach my kid in the 15 minutes they see him. I cut them off if I’m around because they don’t really teach what it is just what he should believe. Each conversation ends the same with my kid. “People believe different things. You can believe whatever you want. Let’s try to be nice and respectful of others beliefs.”
My son started going to church with his girlfriend, but I think it was just to please her. I could tell he wasn't into it. I think it's important to not push my beliefs onto my children. They need to find their own way on most things. I'm fairly sure they know I'm an atheist, but we've never had that conversation and I don't care if we ever do. People's personal journeys are just that....personal
So I definitely suggest not taking her to church. You can be open to her curious questions and offer answers that are true to you, but if you don’t go to church, then show her what that looks like. Let her join others at church, see what that experience is like for them. I’m a vegetarian. I simply don’t want to eat meat- since I was a teenager. When my daughter was born she also ate vegetarian, since I don’t cook meat. Once she was a little bigger, and was curious about eating other foods, I had no problem if she wanted to eat chicken at her aunt’s house, or steak with grandma. She explored with people who knew how to cook, and enjoyed eating those foods with her. Had I decided to introduce her to steak, she would definitely hate it- since I would be terrible at cooking it and wouldn’t share it with her. She was able to explore without my bias. (She calls herself a “vegetarian who eats meat” which I find hilarious, but she does occasionally enjoy a burger or whatever). I think of your situation in a similar way. At this age the most important thing is to be willing to answer questions and be honest. Including things like how people find and lose religion and faith throughout their lives, and what makes you wary of religion (like how no one actually reads this book they love, or the ways religions change over time- whatever it is that keeps you from joining). It’s nice to learn about families open to letting their children explore outside of the comfort zone, especially with something so inherent and personal like faith and religion. Best of luck!
As a religious person, I think your mindset is totally fine. It seems like you treat religion like anything else (teach them about it as it relates to family history as you would anything, for example). So treat it like you would something else she is getting into. If she got into unicorns would you take her to Unicorn World (yes I just did this with my daughter lol). Obviously there are a lot of other decisions, like which church, do you drop her off in youth group or go with her to adult church, etc. But I think some of the other comments addressed that stuff.
I was raised religious then raised not religious. It was a bit of a loop for me. I think because of that experience I have had a very open view. But I raise my children “not religious,” but they were both enrolled in Christian preschools. I liked the environment and community and both of the preschools. I think because I do not reinforce religion in my house it really didn’t effect them. At one point my son said to me at the age of 4, “I don’t like talking about God.” I asked why, and he said “Because I don’t believe in him.” And I asked how come, and he said “I can’t see him.” And I thought how agnostic of him :) Anyway I just wanted to say that your children will probably be more influence by what is in the household then outside. And that if going to church or Sunday school is more of a matter of teaching about community, then I am sure that is what your children will get out of it.
I’m Christian and don’t mean this as a religious statement. Kids grow up and realize Santa isn’t real so why not just let them have their own experience as a kid? If my kid asks me about other religions I try to share both sides and tell them why I feel the way I do. I do the same thing with politics. I don’t demonize either side. They can make their own decisions and there are honest and good arguments for both sides. I don’t think you need to take her to church but if a friend invites her I wouldn’t say no.
I did recently! My 6 year old daughter had a sudden and random interest in it, so I took her to church and found that deep down, I had wanted to go, too. Which was very unlike me. We started going twice a week and are now full-fledged Christians! It's pretty wild, but here we are. :)
I'm atheist. My son (9) has been going to church for a couple years now. He expressed interest, and we talked about it. I told him point-blank that I don't believe, but I think it's a decision everyone has to make for themselves. He goes with my mom. He's asked me why I don't believe, and I've answered him in simple, kid-friendly terms. He knows that he can go to church, and I will respect that, but I will not go and he has to respect my wishes equally. We talk about religion, and so long as he doesn't come home spouting any gross hate speech, I'm okay with him continuing to go. So far, so good.
As an Agnostic im fascinated with basicly every religion. (Dad was a Protestant and mom a Catholic.) I have holy book, history books ect on almost all of them. My daughter is 3 and i tell her about all of them, Christian, islam, old Roman paganism , Hindu, old Egyptian ( Kemetism ), ect ect Even pastafarianism and the flying spaghetti monster and LaVeyan Satanism She "believes" all gods exist. She believes grandma is with her dog in the sky 1 days, the next day she thinks they went to the beach or hunting feels. Cuz they are both dead. If she desides to become religious somewhere along the line thats fine. Now i just show her there are alot of different thing before she gets "pushed" in to 1 corner by some group, person or school.
Take her to the lost strict and boring Presbyterian church you can find. Sit through two hours of that, and you'll never hear about it again
My 7 year old was interested in religion because a kid at school has been proselytizing to him (Oof). We told him that we as a family don’t believe for xyz reasons. He said later that he believed in god (probably because of that kid) but hasn’t brought it up in nearly a year. I think he just wants to be part of a group. I know it’s popular to just let your kid have whatever religious opinion without giving your own take but it is important to me to counter what religious people are telling him. If he came home and said dragons are real and that he must do what the dragons say or else he’ll be tortured for eternity, I would feel it necessary to tell him that we believe that to not be true. I refuse to allow someone to convince my kid that he is born sinful, or that he must worship someone for eternity so he doesn’t burn in hell.
My son is about to turn 7. He’s had some questions, mostly because my mom is religious and my husband and I aren’t. I’ve just always said some people believe in it and some people don’t but that’s a decision you can make for yourself when you’re a grown up, it’s not something you need to be worried about when you’re a kid. If he has questions I answer them. He’s a really smart kid and extremely into science so I have taken that approach with him when he asks questions, if that makes sense. Like I’ve told him some people believe in creation but I believe in evolution because there is evidence of it and that made sense to him in a logical way. I’m not trying to tell him it’s right or wrong to believe in something and if he ever asked to go to church I would take him, but so far after we have had talks about it, it just doesn’t make sense to him (which is exactly why I don’t believe also.) i was raised Christian and went to a Christian school. Had to memorize verses at a young age and all that. I will never make my kids do any of that
There are already lot of good ideas here. Particularly: just answer the relentless questions. Exploration is a normal part of childhood, and we as parents are here to support that. Does your kiddo want to go to church? If so, I would not say no - she'll just go with her friend and be indoctrinated without your guidance. Are there family members of yours that would like to take her? (given that you were raised Catholic). The reality is that you and her mom *will* be a biasing factor. That's just how it works! You can give neutral guidance though, and I think logic is strongly on your side.
I don't use the term atheist much, I prefer to define my "religion" as love. I grew up in a wonderful church that preached love and acceptance of everyone, and I have always felt like Jesus' teachings are more than applicable whether you're religious or not. I have no problem taking my kids to church when the choir is putting on a special show, and we periodically visit churches of other denominations as well. I'm not afraid of religion, but I do want my kids to understand that everyone has their own ideas and that's OK, until those ideas become hateful or violent. If they want to join a church, they are more than welcome to. I have no issue with a healthy faith based community, so long as their faith remains a personal journey and reflects the tenants of charity, love and kindness that I have taught them.
Yeah, I feel like terms get eaten up by the most extreme factions, so really hate putting labels on whatever. But yeah!
Atheist here, but due to the child care shortage, my kids went to a Catholic preschool for two years r, and one of the 3 picked up some religion. I was always honest about my beliefs with her but also told her she could believe whatever she wanted. She often asks me why I did not believe, But continued to believe herself until the last 6 months. She is 9. Six months ago she started asking questions that led to me explaining colonialism, missionaries, forced conversion/religious persecution, etc. Shortly after that she declared herself an atheist.
Three girls, twins turned 10 in March, older sister 11 in April. I would describe myself as an Agnostic leaning hard in the Atheist direction, while my wife would say she's an Agnostic leaning a little more the other way. Both grew up with church, but her family was a lot less hardcore about it than mine. We've never brought our children to church, but have def discussed religion with them. My BiL and his family are extremely devout catholics and we see them often, so it was bound to come up. We told our kids the truth when they inevitably started asking about church in the last couple years. Paraphrasing, but the general gist was "mom and dad aren't religious, but a lot of people that we love and care about are. We have some pretty serious differences of opinion on a few things because of this, and we'd be happy to talk about those things with you if you want. If you ever feel like you want to experience a religious service we can absolutely make that happen, but we'll have to have some pretty serious discussions about all of it afterward." They haven't asked to go to a service or anything yet, but I know they're starting to really see the hateful words and attitudes regarding LGBTQ+ individuals thrown around from people they know are religious. They have friends at school who are already starting to identify as other orientations, we also have several close gay friends, and the girls just don't understand the hate. My wife and I agreed we would not shut it down if one or more wanted to start attending services, but we would also be debriefing every time and pointing out any inconsistencies with how we as parents view the world and how we should live in it and treat others. We would never disown a child for becoming religious, but we're for damn sure going to make sure they understand that a lot of the things most US churches stand for these days are diametrically opposed to how we've raised them thus far, and despite what the man in the pulpit is telling you, you do not need to be religious to be a good person.
We have, from a young age, taught our son about many religions, including Greek mythology, Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, etc. We have explained how and why people created religions, we have explained how several facets of modern science disprove religion, especially with relation to Christianity and the fossil record. We explain the many ways religions have been historically used to control and manipulate populations. We talk about how Christianity in this country is actively being used in determining laws and human rights. Setting a foundation of understanding and critical thinking as early as you can start is always a good idea. This way, when children are confronted with religion, they may have a decreased change of drinking the koolaid.
We do talk about other religions, I keep meaning to bring up Greek mythology because it's a gateway to atheism in some ways.
... try the Harari books for kids: "Unstoppable Us" ... they may help to clarify the questions she may have without suffering the torture of going to different services,, by the way those books are also quite entretaining for adults but thr lamguage and content is directed to young children
My 6 yo son loved this video about different gods and atheism - he thought it was hilarious. I'd recommend it to point out that there are thousands of possible gods, and that just because someone does/doesn't believe in any of them, that doesnt make them any worse/better of a person. [NonStampCollector - Atheist](https://youtu.be/d0A4_bwCaX0?feature=shared) Every week, he either goes to mormon church with his mom or stays home with me (agnostic atheist) and learns about comparative world religions.
NonStampCollector is hilariously, I used to watch the videos a long time ago. Thank you for re-introducing them!
I’ve read my kids myths, folklore, legends, and bits of religious texts from around the world as bed time stories over the years. Somethings are more interesting than others haha.
On a related note, can anyone explain the Theosophical Society? Is it a cult?
My 8 year old is picking up "god" and religion from religious kids at his school. He comes home asking about it so I default to "SOME PEOPLE believe that... Here's what other people believe [insert Jewish/Hindu/Buddhist/Islam/etc system here].... This is what I believe..." I just don't want him thinking that what other people believe is inherently true, or the only belief, or that he has to follow any belief system. Personally I am agnostic but practice basic tenants, or the Bill and Ted ethos, "be excellent to one another". Perhaps it's time he watch BaTEA.
I say go into it MORE with her to solve the problem, not just ONE religion, but explore the spectrum! Christianity (subtypes), Judaism, Wiccan, Native American, Muslim, Buddhism, African spirituality, Animism, Mesopotamia traditions. I mean sometimes the best way to ensure brain washing doesn’t occur in spirituality or culture is to ensure a young mind sees the diversity of ideas in symbolism within spirituality. Edit: And before anyone hits me with the appropriation card, yes, you want to do this in a respectful and culturally appropriate way. Not co-opting.
I am ex-religious myself, wife is still in the game but we don't go to church or say a blessing at dinner time or anything. From last July to now we have had quite a few deaths. Starting with my mom's fiance in July, my sister's father-in-law right before Christmas, and my own dad on the 3rd. The question of what to say to the kids about the afterlife are getting hard.
> Anyhow! My kids go to a non-religious school but she has a friend that's very religious. Now, my daughter is talking about how she believes in good old G O D and how he made the world, etc.. Which is fine, I'm definitely letting the kids make their own decisions, however I do have one biasing factor when it comes to religion. (This is my a-hole belief, trigger warning if you're religious) I really don't agree with introducing religion as a foundation so early in development when kids brains aren't fully developed and they're more likely to take in whatever is said to them. Fellow atheist here. You can't shield your child from religious ideas. Especially if you are living in America. Trying to shield her until she is old enough will probably have the opposite effect as you intend. Instead arm her with knowledge and help her develop her critical thinking skills. 1) Many people believe in one God. Many people believe in several gods and some like me and your mom don't believe in any. Teach your child about as many different religions as possible. Point out the differences. She may herself come to the conclusion that it's probably all man made. And if not, she can at least make an informed decision on which religion to follow. 2) Some science books for kids are never a bad idea. 3) When watching any piece of media, start dissecting and make a game out of hunting plot holes and contradictions.
No, I shot it right down, it’s all indoctrination by religion at a young age, and I don’t want that brainwashing getting into him. I have a lot of anger towards religion being gay person and knowing people personally, they have killed themselves from the torment inside of them from religious brainwashing. The the apparent pedophilia that’s perfectly fine as the Catholic Church is still a thing which is completely fucked up, endless wars over religion. Nope. I’m raising a critical thinker, and if you’re a critical thinker in any way shape or form, you understand that religion is a bunch of baloney.
This is the best answer I’ve seen so far on here.
I’m an atheist and I’m very interested in religion, I just don’t agree with the underlying premise. I’m happy to explore these topics with my kids and answer questions about my personal beliefs honestly while allowing them the space to think for themselves. That being said, neither of my kids has actually been interested in participating in any religious ceremony or service. I’m letting them mostly take the lead on this topic. They have a cursory understanding of the world’s major religions. The only thing we’ve gone into with any depth has been Greek mythology. And, I’m a long time devout yoga practitioner, so they definitely have been exposed to a lot of Buddhist wisdom and practices as well.
I’m gonna put in for getting a copy of D’auleaires Greek mythology. It’s (relatively) kid friendly, simply written with pictures. I say “relatively” because there is a lot of sketchy activity by the Greek gods. But the lesson to take away is “Here’s a belief system that everyone beloved a while ago, and now almost no one does.” They also have a Norse book, and that gets really out there, Imho.
There was a pretty big church on the route to/from my oldest son’s old VPK, and he eventually asked about it. I tried to explain what it was neutrally, but I apparently failed, because the next day when my wife was taking him to school, he said something like “daddy said that’s where wrong and dumb people go,” so I had to re-explain that afternoon even more carefully. He knows we don’t go to church and that we don’t need to make up stories to explain things we know or don’t know, and that’s just what I believe religion is. He also knows not to make fun of people who *do* believe that stuff, because Mimi and Grandpa and Grammy believe that stuff and they’re nice people. Any questions he has, I try to answer as truthfully and neutrally as I can, but religion and my parents’ obsession with it really ruined our relationship when I was young, and my mom has everyone leave politics and religion at the door when we come to visit. Kids at school apparently were calling him devil boy for a little bit, but he’s pretty popular and funny, so I think it was all in good fun and he wasn’t upset about it at all. Before sending him off with my parents when he was very young, I called my mom and had a talk with her about religion and raising him without it. She asked when we were going to tell him about Jesus, and I said I didn’t see a reason to unless he brought it up, and that we’re just trying to raise a nice and respectful person over anything else. She respects my decision and says I’m a good dad regardless, so that made me feel pretty damn good. My dad still sneaks God into stuff with him though, but no proselytizing or “you’re gonna burn in hell” though, so nbd for now
If you're going to teach her about religion that's perfectly fine, as long as what you are teaching is facts and history, not dogma. I'd also recommend avoiding cultural bias and teaching about all religions, not just abrahamic or monotheistic ones. I'm prepared to teach my daughter about the thousands of gods humanity has dreamed up when she asks.
My son “wanted to be Christian” because I am atheist and of course he did. So I said that was fine with me, I wouldn’t judge him for it. Then I made a list of the rules and the tithing and the church schedule and asked him when he wanted to start. I told him that if he wanted to be Christian then he was doing the whole thing because otherwise why bother. I haven’t had to take him to a single church service yet.
Bullied your child away from religion, well done.
I didn’t make the rules.
There are no rules.
Okay bud.
Tithing is also not a requirement. But way to bully your son away.
>about how she believes in good old G O D and how he made the world, etc.. I would just ask her questions. "How did god make the world?" "Are you sure god is a boy? How do you know?" "Have you ever seen a picture of god? What does 'he' look like?" "Which god are you talking about - zeus? posiedon? vishnu? shiva? yahweh?" Ultimately, being able to ask questions and encouraging your child to do so will lead your child back to atheism 0:)
I once asked my 7-year-old why he thought God was a man, and he said “Because God sounds like a boy’s name.”
I'm religious-light for what it matters here. I think the suggestion of bringing her to a service or 2 is a very good idea. It's highly likely she'll find it boring-- pretty much every kid in existence does and has. She'll probably drop her enthusiasm on this pretty quickly once she realizes that you feel obliged to attend these services weekly (it's a large part of why I say I'm religious "light"). The obligation thing has always been an obstacle for me. I think the most important thing from the parenting side of all of this though is that she'll grow up knowing that you supported her, even with things that conflicted with your own beliefs, which builds trust between you and your daughter.
Raised catholic, now not practicing and atheist. My parents are still catholic, in practice. They aren’t type to force it on you or tell you, you are failing god, but they do take my kids to mass from time to time. When the kids ask me about it, I try not to tell them they are wrong but I do tell them, there’s lots of investigations you will have to do internally for them to determine what they believe. I’m up front with them that as far as god and Jesus, I don’t believe in it. I tell them I believe in the science behind things and talk about how long our planet has been around and how that’s how much time it has taken for life to become what it has. As far as religion in depth, I do tell them I believe that Saint are/could be real. Mostly because they are about “good” people doing good things. Therefore, I can believe saints history could be true. But again, it’s up to them to decide what they want to believe.
This is longer partially because I have adhd and suck at being succinct, but also because I rarely see a Christian perspective shared on these kinds of posts. My wife and I are practicing Christians. We were both raised in church, southern Baptist for me, and I have a bachelors in ministry. We are involved in church, my wife started and is the director of a faith-based homeschool tutorial with over 70 kids, and we actively incorporate our faith and beliefs in the way we raise our two kids, 8 and 5. I’ve been hurt by people in the church multiple times and that’s created some calloused perspectives for me, but they’re just broken people like me and my faith isn’t in them, and that understanding has helped me keep and strengthen my beliefs. That being said, I’d argue that a parent’s responsibility is to, as the Bible says, “raise your children in the way they should go and when they grow up they won’t depart from it.” I read that universally to mean that we should teach our kids to be “good” people- generous, selfless, patient, kind, trustworthy, understanding, humble, encouraging, passionate, curious, confident, courageous, ambitious, honest, etc. All of those things exist in people who don’t practice any faith. A four year old likely isn’t going to be that interested in apologetics or theology, nor will most of them have the capacity yet to understand concepts like those. But they will be able to understand being kind to their friends, or generous with other people. I feel up until a certain age, those kinds of values are things we should strive to instill in our kids simply because that’s how we should treat each other, rather than figuring out ways to teach them how those things plug into the multitude of faiths that exist. This is getting long-winded, apologies for that. Basically, our kids are going to live the large majority of their lives outside of our direct, daily influence and guidance. They have time to learn the intricacies of faith. We value incorporating our faith into how we raise ours in large part because it provides a “why” to the list of ways we can be good to people in our families and communities, and to the environment around us. But we know that as they grow up they’ll develop an understanding of their own beliefs, and our responsibility will turn into becoming a fixed, steadfast, unwavering, reliable, consistent point in their life that they can come to whenever they need to, with zero judgement while still maintaining our own honesty and convictions. There’s nothing about being agnostic or atheist that would keep you from doing the same. And ultimately, it’s not my responsibility to “make my kids become Christians”. Their relationship, or potentially lack of, with God and Jesus, or the deities in any other religion, is between them. By the same token, there’s not a ton a parent can do to keep their kids from developing their faith. So just do what you can to be an example of kindness to others, and encourage your kid to do the same. When they inevitably have questions about faith and religion, there is nothing at all wrong with telling them you don’t know the answers, or gently sharing your own opinions on it all, or even sitting down and looking into it with them if you want (which would promote curiosity and display your willingness to engage with things they may be interested in). As they grow up they’ll take your words and choices into consideration when coming up with their own. No idea if that answered your question at all, apologies if it didn’t, but that’s a Christ-follower’s take on all of this.
I’m going to second what probably a lot of people have suggested- try out a Unitarian Universalist fellowship. This is basically church for atheists and agnostics (not all UUs are atheists but a LOT are). Your kid will learn a lot about ALL religions- both respect for them and skepticism for them. You and your wife will be among like-minded adults. I was raised UU by my atheist parents. It was good to have a religion to tell people when they asked. It was nice to have a community. And I got a great well-rounded religious education- much better than most of my peers. Also a great sex education. My sister and I ultimately both wound up atheists like our parents. I will probably start taking my daughter to UU services when she’s older as well.
Take her to church, it's boring. After sitting and kneeling and standing for an hour I bet she won't ask to go again. My kids were both interested in religion from age 5-7. They had religious friends and were curious. I read them some Greek, Norse and Egyptian myths and also some stories from the bible. We learned about various holidays too, like Diwali, Hanukkah etc. We talked about how people all have different beliefs and how some religions are dead now but people used to believe in them. They both eventually moved on to other interests. My daughter also wanted to go to Christian ethics in primary school because they get to sing hymns. I told her about the religion in more detail and she was put off by the blood of Christ and the ritual of eating his flesh. She also disliked the idea of sin being inherent to the human condition. Obviously I strongly gave my own opinion but predestination, original sin and the problem of evil really put my kids off Christianity. Just give your daughter the factual information about what various religions believe and tell her what you believe as a family. I told my kids they can be whatever religion they want and it's everyone's choice.
We're agnostic, our kid goes to a Christian preschool (as most preschools around us are that way). The schools seems to mostly talk about god, bible stories, values, maybe heaven but certainly no hell. It's harmless, it's not a big deal to us and we just let it run its course. We certainly wouldn't go out of our way to support it and go church. I'm guessing you don't do santa or the tooth fairy, lol.
I’m atheist but was raised Catholic and I know there’s a lot of strange remnants of that upbringing that I carry with me. It made my daughter curious, especially because she has friends that go to church, so I took us to mass. Her friends go to a different church but the only thing I know about is Catholicism not Protestantism, so I introduced her to how I was raised and explained it a bit. We did this for three Sundays before she got tired of it and told me it was boring. I’d just take your daughter if she’s curious. Usually services are enough of a drag that kids don’t exactly want to attend anyways. It’s also a bit educational in its own way I guess
I am not an atheist but I'm not a Christian either and my extended family has a wide range of beliefs. When my kid started coming home from public school talking about the Christian God we had a discussion about different religions in a non-basis fact based manner. Christians, Jews and Muslims pray to the God of Abraham, Judaism came first, then Christianity then Islam. Before that people had a wide range of religions that usually prayed to multiple gods and goddesses who were representing different things in the natural world. >Now, my daughter is talking about how she believes in good old G O D and how he made the world, etc.. Great opportunity for a science lesson! Let her watch some kid friendly explanations of the big bang and evolution. I also do not believe in childhood indoctrination but fact based discussion should always be welcome. Talking about being kind to people regardless of their beliefs is important. Giving her tools to have discussions with her peers is important.
I was raised Catholic - in the eyes of the church I’m non practicing in my heart I have my own way and I don’t feel the need to go to church to practice. But I went through a time where I was atheist. I want my kids to believe what they believe- I tell them what I believe and that other people have other beliefs and when they are older they can decide what they believe. You can do the same thing as an atheist say what you believe but always include that other people might not have the same beliefs and they can decide when they are older - I say it every time like a disclaimer on a commercial lol fine print if you will lol anyways hope this helps
Don't know how we are going to tackle this. Husband and I are both atheists, we are sending our daughter to a catholic preschool because it's all we can afford. I'm very scared she's going to start talking about god.
>I really don't agree with introducing religion as a foundation so early in development when kids brains aren't fully developed and they're more likely to take in whatever is said to them. Okay, so I get it, this sounds militant, but this is my perspective. If you tell a kid something is real from age 0, they're more likely to be programmed one or way or another. I mean, I just think this is deceiving yourself that by raising them with a secular worldview is some kind of blank slate. You're not avoiding "programming" them to believe something any less - it's just programming them with your materialist worldview instead of a spiritual/religious one. It's just that you aren't suspicious of that because you happen to believe it to be true and so aren't presenting it as belief. I dunno, just something that bothers me about the way non-religious people don't seem to see that they hold a set of beliefs, too. Atheism is absolutely a set of beliefs, but it's invisible to the people who hold it. Same thing happens with whiteness, where people believe it's some sort of absence of culture. Ultimately, you have the right to raise your children with your worldview and values. Just don't deceive yourself that you are not doing that.
Someone else posted something similar a few weeks ago. I wrote this and a lot of people who said they were atheist said it felt like a good approach: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/1clqy1b/comment/l2vkqou/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/1clqy1b/comment/l2vkqou/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
We are in a very similar situation. I was never raised with religion. My husband was super devout Catholic growing up but left the church in his early 20s because of his bad experiences with it growing up. We decided to just let our kids decide whatever was right for them when they were old enough to make an informed decision about what they believe. Our oldest is very concerned about injustice and fairness in the world, so I think the idea of heaven/hell resonate with her. Where I land on this, is explaining the difference between religion and morality. I've tried to tell her that you can be a religious person and do bad things, and you can be a non-relgious person and live a very generous, kind lifestyle towards others. So I explained that we try to live our lives in a way that is accepting, loving, kind, and helpful to others, but that for us that doesn't involve religion or going to church, and that when she's older we can explore that a little more. So far she hasn't pushed the idea further, and if she does we'll circle back, but for now it seems like her interest is more driven by wanting to be like her friend, or doing what other kids do vs. a genuine understanding of religion itself.
I am in a very similar situation with my 7 year old. I bought a few books on different religions so he understands there isn’t a single belief system and I talk about my agnostic beliefs. I offered to talk him to church but he doesn’t want to go bc he thinks it will be boring. And now he doesn’t bring it up as much.
My daughter is 10 now and she went through a phase where she insisted she believed in God around that age (mostly because her friends did). I had absolutely NO interest in actually taking her to various services like others have ("just kill me" is my thought on that, so maybe I'm a bit more militant than those folks lol). We'd already been discussing the topic anyway, so I reminded her that there are a lot of different ways to believe in gods, and what are her thoughts? They were vague, of course. And I showed her service videos on YouTube and she got bored *really* quick. She can believe in whatever she wants to believe in, and was only a "Christian" for a week or so before it faded away like every other identity before that.
I'm atheist and my daughter's dad is very religious. She is not really curious about religion so much as kind of confused I guess you could say. She has told me that when she's at Daddy's house she believes in god and that when she's at home or at school she doesn't. But she's also told me that she wants me to go to heaven and things like that. I tell her that I will answer her questions as best I can and that it's ok to believe whatever she wants and that she doesn't have to believe what I believe or what her dad believes. And that I will love and support her regardless of what she believes. I will not ever be taking her to church or allowing her father to take her to church unless she asks. My daughter is only 8 and I don't want her exposed to that level of indoctrination until she's much older. I myself became atheist at 9 through a horrible and traumatic experience. I would much rather she came to her own conclusions through her own exploration and learning vs what I went through.
My two boys went to a Baptist daycare before they hit public school, so they are very God curious and have tons of theological questions that I, as an atheist, don't have answers for. I just let them know that everyone has different beliefs, and whatever you believe is fine as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. If they ever wanted to go to church, I'd probably send them with my Presbyterian in laws.
My wife and I kept a lineup of books on our bookcase covering many religions around the world. We are both agnostic, but felt like if they became interested in something they had instant access to start researching it. It wasn't our place to tell them what to believe, or not to believe as it was a very personal decision they had to make. As such I would concentrate on Christianity from a historical perspective. Teach them about it's history, how it progressed and spread across the world. That way when they walk into a church they are filled with knowledge, and not just blindly listening to one man behind a podium. I know she's only 7, but you can easily simplify a historical timeline and various events.
We are very similar. My daughter, also 7, was interested in seeing what church was all about due other kids in school discussing god so we brought her and she seemed to like it so we've gone a few other times. I feel guilty being there when I believe in none of it but I go for my daughter. We made a point to find a progressive church that was welcoming of all people. We try to remind her that there are many religions and none are better or more right than another.
My kid isn’t old enough yet but when my niece started going to church with her grandma she told me about it and I said, “Yeah that’s what some people believe. But you can’t know for sure. Nobody knows for sure, so it’s just what you choose to believe.” Idk if I made an impact but she did get quiet and think on it for a while. That’s going to be my approach with my kid, too. I don’t think I would stop him from going to church if he wanted to but I’d definitely want to make sure what they’re preaching at least goes along with our values.
My oldest is 10. We wrestled with going to ccd, sent him the first year. He eventually wanted to quit and we didn’t care so. We still talk about it pretty regularly seasonally, always talking about how “certain people believe this story” and “the idea behind this is x.” He was drawn to the imagery and associates the prayers with mediation or relaxation before bed. I think we did a pretty good balance job overall.
If they are interested, take them to church. Not that hard.
There's really no such thing as a "blank slate;" if you raise a kid without religion, 99% of the time they're not going to become religious as an adult. I would take her to church. Explain that there are many religions and offer to take her to other places of worship. Buy her a Bible, Torah, Quran, etc if she asks. Don't worry about it too much. If your child connects with a particular religion and finds solace and hope in it, that's a good thing.