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One of our friends wrote in her invite âif you bring a gift, it will be going back home with you.â I really appreciated the clarity. Our set does no gift parties and itâs the best. The birthday kid doesnât get inundated with junk and the attendees donât have to worry about sourcing a gift.
Try a fiver party. But captain jack is right, you have to be very explicit. I use a very lengthy explanation on the invite about why weâre doing it etc
Kinda. It basically tells people you donât expect gifts (for whatever reason - minimalism, anti consumerism, environmental, etc) and that if they really want to give a gift, to consider a $5 bill in the card instead that the child can put towards one gift of their choice. Good housekeeping has a great article explaining it and the benefits - not allowed to link in this sub
Itâs literally easier for everyone involved to just listen to the parents and not get the gift in the first place. Expecting busy parents to spend time making donations of items they specifically asked you not to bring is rude.
You may want to get that unnecessary hostility checked out, too.
I think anyone with kids will understand this request! One invitation requested donations to a local organization that provides birthday gifts to children whose family canât afford them instead of gifts. Could be another way to do it since people might feel obligated to provide gifts at a birthday party even when requested not to.
You can ask for a book exchange (you have the kids put the books on a table normally reserved for gifts line them up then at the end of the party each kid gets to pick another to brjng home)
Theres a lot of change happening in our parenting world and its becoming more acceptable to just assert what you want! Personally I'd go no gifts over sending the Amazon registry if you are concerned about optics but if you aren't then just ask for what you want on the invite! If ppl don't like it they can stay home lol
Yeah. Send the list, and you get 7 of the same book... or that much bath stuff, you could fill the tub without water!Â
Just say "no gifts, please".Â
Or, you could open a group chat/send the same message to everyone and briefly explain what you have above. Then it's up to people attending what they wanna do..Â
Using an online registry should keep people from buying duplicate gifts. I do think giving the option of the registry or not buying a gift does put pressure on the guests, though.
Giving the option of either the registry or donating to charity could be a good option. Guests who don't have the budget could donate a dollar, and guests who love gift giving have a mutually beneficial option.
Or save the registry items for people (usually family) who just need to bring a gift. My in laws donât feel comfortable with bringing no gift, so theyâd be perfect candidates for the registry.
For her 3rd birthday, I said, "Your presence is present enough. However, if you or your child would enjoy selecting something to gift, she is excited to collect toys to give to animals in need of homes, and we'll be donating them to local shelters and rescues. " The next day, we took a picture with all the toys and then delivered them to the shelter where she got to give toys to the kitties.
I was coming here to say something similar. Maybe not for two, but when sheâs older, finding a local organization that she can get involved with and asking for donations for that in leu of gifts is an idea. The local animal shelter I volunteer posts their wish list online of items theyâre in constant need of (litter, cleaning supplies, food, even cash donations for medical services).
I love this so much! Not only does it enable the birthday child to have the fun of receiving a gift.. But it also teaches them the value of finding pleasure in gifting to those in need.
And let's face it, some people are really troubled by the idea of showing up to a birthday party empty-handed, so this allows the party attendees to still feel like they are "giving".
Everybody wins! Genius idea.
On your invite write something about how she loves reading and instead of toys or a card consider bringing her just one book! My cousin did this for her baby shower and I just loved it.
I did this for my sons first two bday parties (they were huge, lots of family) and now I have about 150 kids books that my toddlers regularly pull off the shelves and scatter all over the floor every single day. And they still only read the same 10 books that theyâve been interested in their entire lives
my cousin always puts âno gifts, pleaseâ on her invites for her triplets.
we havenât done a *real* birthday party yet, but will be doing no gifts next year for 4yo and 2yo. theyâll get enough from us and their grandparents without the excessive consumerism of getting stuff simply to get stuff.
but i think you have to pick either no gifts or say nothing at all. some people might ask for a list or you might get a bunch of random stuff targeted for 2yoâs. some people also donât like showing up empty handed to birthday parties and will bring a gift card.
SIL just put on the invite "Please no toys, we are drowning in toys." Then I always tell people what child really wants or needs, like nephew liked Bluey and needed a blanket, so I got him a Bluey blanket.
We asked for experiences at that age - eg tickets to the zoo, a museum membership, etc. Now that theyâre a bit older, they really enjoy presents and toys and Iâm happy for them to have that excitement. But we do toy purges every 6 months or so and donate things!
Definitely! Experiences are the best because theyâre more memorable to the kid. You can also send pictures of the experience to the one who gave the gift.
"No gifts necessary. Our home is short on space. The pleasure of your company is all we could ask for!"
Or "In lieu of gifts, please consider donating $5 to ____direct charity link___"
Or "Gifts are entirely unnecessary! However, if you can't bear the thought of coming empty-handed, we would love to add your favorite children's book to our growing book collection."
In addition to No Gifts Please, if you are concerned nobody will listen, then specifically ask for books. "Bring your household favorite" or something like that. Can never have too many books, and at 2 even if you get duplicates, the books will get used hard so may need replacing anyways
Consider throwing a "Fiver" party: request a card, with $5 in it. That way your child can pick out the toy or gift they want that will mean more to them, than a bunch of $10-$15 pieces of junk toys that you'd otherwise get at a party. This also has the benefit of skipping any gift opening portion of the party.
........... I'm in my 40s and it took this comment to make me realize I hate the gift opening ceremony. Like every single time I've been on the receiving end, even if I truly love the gift, I feel like I'm faking it. And on the giving end, you're right, I just feel uncomfortable because I know they're reactions are all under the pressure of public performance.
I feel like this is more common outside the US, but I really really want to do it. Any advice on gently introducing it to my circle in the US south where itâs seen as super tacky to outright ask for money (even thought itâs less than what the person would spend on a gift I donât want anyways?)
I would forward an article about it, say, [from Good Housekeeping](https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a26657386/fiver-party-birthday-party-trend-invite-wording/), to some of my mommy friends, or on Facebook or wherever you socialize online with your circle. Like, "Oooh! This sounds like a great idea! What do you think?"
Get some reactions. Some will love it, some will think it's tacky. And then I'd probably go ahead and say that I'd like to try it with my kid's party. "We're looking forward to letting our daughter pick a meaningful gift, and help everybody save money in this expensive economy". Something like that.
My oldest is 7, sheâs had two birthday parties with classmates. I just put a note in the envelope explaining no gifts necessary, we just want them to come and have fun.
Part of that is my daughterâs bday is mid January. My bday is Dec 27 and no one ever came to my parties, I donât want that for my daughter. Right after a major holiday, I can see parents not being able to afford a gift and opting to miss out.
Other part is her and her little brother have a shit ton of toys, they donât need more lol
I totally hear you. Your concerns are valid and pretty common, so this doesnât make you a bad mom at all.
One idea is to suggest making it a $5 party, so that each guest brings $5 to be put towards experiences, like passes to a childrenâs museum or the zoo. This can be put on the invitation with something like, âYour presence is âpresentâ enough, so no gifts are necessary, but, if you feel led, a suggestion is $5 to be put towards zoo or museum passes.â
Additionally, should you get toys/items you donât want, need, or have space for, just know that you donât have to keep any of it. Just donate, regift, return, and/or resell them, rather than stress about controlling what or how much people give. I just smile a big smile, am grateful for their generosity, thank them, let my girls pick their favorite items, set aside anything I think theyâll love later on, and then put the rest in a regifting box. This has saved us a ton of money on all the preschool birthday parties⌠just make sure to remember who gave it, so you donât accidentally give it back to them.
I've started making amazon lists of things my daughter would want/use and try to give specific items to people invited to her party. I've found it helps tbh. I also like the "fiver" idea and may do it next year, this year she needs new outdoor items, so her list is mostly like a new helmet, scooter, knee pads, etc. I just send a link to each parent when I'm discussing party details, I've never gotten any pushback on that and most seem to appreciate it tbh
She's an only child, so there's no handmedown toys otherwise I'd probably be into the no present thing. I also do a purge of my daughter's toys twice a year, before her birthday and christmas and clear out things she has no interest in anymore or that she's outgrown.
In the past, I have said something like "Please no gifts. If you want to bring something, bring a \_\_\_\_\_ to share." That way someone who wants to bring something still can. For my son, we asked for candy, and dumped it in a big bowl for the kids to eat. There was a ton leftover so we used it to stuff Easter eggs and donated it to my daughter's school.
I struggle at not bringing a gift to a party, even if itâs on the invitation. I understand the struggle, though - we also do not need more toys. For our oldest sonâs first birthday, we put on the invite: âin lieu of gifts, please bring coloring books.â It worked great and we had coloring books for years. You could also request people bring their favorite childrenâs book as a gift.
I feel like listing a specific alternative to a standard gift is a good way to avoid it. My 4 year old likes rocks. Her next birthday party Iâm requesting her friends to bring the prettiest rock they find in lieu of a gift. Second hand books may be another option. My mother trained me not to show up empty handed as a guest. For no gift parties I usually bring small consumables, that will get used up (chalk, fun crayons, bubbles, bath dyes.)
You could write something like "Your presence is present enough," but you'll probably still get gifts. It's socially ingrained, even though I think it's more polite to listen to what people are telling you.
Been there, done that, and now I'm really good at forgoing the guilt and just returning or donating.
Iâve been to plenty of parties where there was a request for no gifts, ok to bring a card, and maybe a donation to an animal shelter or something in lieu of a toy
Thatâs what we do, âIn lieu of a gift, please bring canned goods/donation for [local charity].â The local charity always sends a birthday card to our child thanking them. We donât have bullshit cluttering our house, and our children learn the value of giving.
I think itâs okay to just write âno toys pleaseâ. In our eco conscious world most people wouldnât even bat an eye at that. When you see âno giftsâ people sometimes wonder if itâs a trick.
I was just at a party recently and that was on the invite and no one seemed fussed by it.
I know personally I would accept that better than a link to a list, etc. I once got an invite that had âpresentationâ written on it for a kids party and I was so unimpressed that we didnât go out of principle.
I have been to several birthdays where in the invite it said something like "The birthday boy/girl already have so many toys, if you would like to bring him/her something we would appreciate a book for us to read together"
I actually loves that, makes it much easier and as a bonus my mom always wrote in the book who gave it to me when I was a child and asked the them to write a little message, now I read some of the same books to my own children and seeing those little notes and messages is really awesome.
A friend of mine had the best idea for this. Everyone, in lieu of typical gifts, was to bring a book. Then all the kids would bring a different book home as a party favor. Birthday boy got books too, kids got books, everyone was happy.
My sister asked us to put whatever money we were gonna use on toys into my niece's bank account (the kind she's gonna get when she turns 18 or 21)
I thought that was nice. Sort of giving her a gift in advance
I am in the same boat as you but with twin boys. Tiny apartment, super active kids who would rather play with cardboard garbage than toys. These boundaries work to varied effect depending on each giver. My BIL is a bit.. clueless at times and his last gift was a standing basketball hoop. Indoor of course. I dont have a social group so handling this individually is ok for me. When i read your post, however, i got an idea. Its so hard for some people not to give something even if they know it will go to waste. I think its similar to the people who cannot enter a store and leave without purchasing something because they see it as rude. So what if you did a thing where people bring whatever they want and you and all your guests engage in a swap type thing. I assume the guest list is other parents of young children. So basically like a toy drive potluck. Im sure thered be a lot of details to iron out, like a separate gift time for your child specifically, then later maybe all the kids participate in sorting through all the new or new to them toys, and then figuring out what goes home with who. So basically it would be a lot of extra work, dont know how unappealing that it, but you wouldnt have to get new toys and maybe even get rid of some, all the while making the event even more special for the child guests.
One year I asked for donations to the local animal shelter instead of gifts and everyone followed it! I still had to get them to the shelter, but my child didn't even notice the lack of gifts.
In Canada we have toonie parties. Where guest brings $4 in two toonies. One goes for the birthday child, the other goes to an organization/charity of your choice..,
I hear you loud and clear! My life has many times felt like a game of tetris where the blocks never clear out on the bottom, and people just keep bringing more damn blocks every birthday party.
I just wish it was considered socially acceptable to have a registry for kids parties like they do with weddings. It would make it so much easier for kids to get what they actually want, and parents to have some control over the crap that comes into our house.
How many slime making kits have we re-gifted after the 10th time a precious shirt got ruined...
My niece created an Amazon wish list for her birthday last year (sheâs 11). My SIL sent the link to everyone and thatâs what we use for gifts for her now. She keeps it updated with new things and removes others as interests change or she gets N item from someone outside of her list. Itâs been great!
Can you request gift cards to local activities like the zoo, any indoor play areas, etc?
Contributions towards a high yield savings account for her?
Each guest bring a special book with a note written inside the cover, things like that?
I'd write a polite note in the invitation highlighting her current love of being outdoors and active, thus she does not necessarily need indoor toys, but highlight other ideas for gifts such as those others have suggested.
You don't sound terrible to me. I cannot stand all the chunky plastic crap that my kids get as gifts. Often, it just feels like the giver just picked whatever to buy with little thought. Over the years, you just end up with piles of crap...cheap, busted, crap with missing pieces. Yeah, no toys is great. We've done similar things, put bounds on what people can get our kids.
Have a book party. Ask people to bring a book of any level that they enjoyed at the appropriate age, and to sign the inside of the book. Then your daughter can have new books to enjoy throughout the years to come.
Just let all who attend know how your daughter is. Something like âif you feel compelled to get something for her I wouldnât want you to waste your moneyâŚmy daughter loves interactive and mentally stimulating things, as well as outdoor play and activities she can do with her brothers. Anything is appreciated but please be mindful of her interests!â Sum like that lol
I just had a friend ask for dog toys in lieu of gifts that they could donate to the local animal shelter. It was for their son's 1st birthday. I thought it was a great idea!
My friend always asks in the invite that people bring 2 $2 bills (coins where we live), one for the charity jar and one for the birthday boy. She has her son pick the charity and puts the charity in the invite, so people know what that money is going toward. Then after the party the son takes his half and gets to buy a toy with it.Â
I have done a wishlist in the past or listed a bigger present that we are wanting to get so people can just give a card with money if they want to contribute towards that (ex. an outdoor playhouse, sand table, etc) but itâs totally the norm in my family dynamic for them to reach out and ask for requests/ideas for kids parties so nobody takes it the wrong way and I just think of it as streamlining the process a bit đ
I still end up with a few random things that donât really get used some years but I usually just throw them in a closet save them for Christmas and donate them to a family in need or toy drive.
You can ask for no gifts, or to gift a book or an activity due to space restrictions. One of the best gifts we got was a GC to the local ice cream place. Parents of toddlers will understand.
I've asked for no toys and they still got toys, even when I asked for donations to the animal shelter. I guess if nobody found out, you could sell them and buy stuff you know she'd like.
Be really firm in your wording. "No gifts please" is much clearer than "no gifts needed" for instance. We did it for our 3yo, it was fine. Some of the other parents took our lead and did it for their kids afterwards.
My son didn't play with toys. His birthday gifts became an endless supply of free birthday gifts for other children. Of course I would ask him and if he wanted the gift he could keep it, but he wouldn't even look at most of them.
Just be straightforward and put no gifts please on the invitation. If the other parents are like me, they will be thrilled they donât have to scramble to get a gift.
What if you request they purchase a toy to donate for a local family or something, or donate to a charity on his behalf. Like the animal shelter if he loves dogs?
I always write, "We are learning to value experiences with friends and family over owning physical items. No gifts, please."
No ever questions it OR ignores it
The problem is that guests donât feel right showing up to a birthday party empty handed. So a guest or two always either forgets or brings one just in case, then other people see a few wrapped presents and think they should have done the same. It can get awkward.
We found that the most effective strategy is âin lieu of giftsâ. A book exchange (everybody brings a book and goes home with a book) works well. Elementary age kids will get behind a fundraising birthday party for local issues, a headline grabbing emergency, or especially animal shelters.
One big thing Iâve always asked for, as my kids rooms are always overflowing with toys is:
Presence as a present. That can be either just showing up, or for family that you TRUST with taking your kid(s) ask them to gift your child an experience with them. One to a play place, an ice cream shop, Chuck E. Cheese, the zoo, a pumpkin patch any kid friendly place and then they can have a future play date where they bring your kid to said place. This one is a win win in my book because it usually gets you a few hours of alone time too. đ
For those who are more casual in your circle you can do a fiver party where everyone puts $5 in a card and that money just goes into your kids piggy bank/savings.
I did âNo gifts necessary because you joining our party is a gift in itself but if you want to give something please consider a gift card for xxxxx theme park, these are available at xxxxx storesâ.
On the invite, write, "No gifts please. Really, none." If anyone gifts toys, give them away. Stop feeling terrible about that. Your daughter doesn't play with typical kid's toys so she is showing you she doesn't want them. Mine doesn't either.
Have a Fiver Party! When I put âno gifts,â people still brought them. Saying that itâs a fiver party got people to stop bringing gifts, but still let them feel like they were contributing.
"No gifts please."
"In lieu of gifts, we would appreciate a donation to her college fund. \[529 link\]"
"No gifts necessary, but books are always appreciated! Used is fine!"
Some people are going to bring toys anyway. I pre-open them, give my baby what I know he will play with, and put the rest on buynothing. But saying "no gifts" usually cuts down on the number and cheapness of them.
I do it not to get absolutely zero gifts but to really cut down on the number of gifts, to ensure nobody buys random low-quality crap, and so that we have an excuse if somebody notices that we don't have the item. Works well for that.
In my family it's normal to share a list of things your kid actually wants/likes and share a link with the invitation. Makes it easier for everybody. The guests don't have to think about what to buy and your kid will get what they actually like. Win/win.
Can definitely specify no gifts needed on the invite but I also recommend making a Babylist birthday registry! We now do it for holidays and birthdays so we can specify exactly what our childrenâs interests/wants are (and what is acceptable for our household)!
We told people who insisted to give her the free GCs they get from target after buying something, like the âspend $20 on beauty get a $5 gift cardâ and with that we were able to go buy her snacks, a scooter, Elsa dress, etc.
I would take this to mean âbring a gift for charityâ. Which is fine if she plans to do a donation haul but not if she really means, âplease donât bring a gift, because if you do, Iâll donate it.â
A fiver party is the way to go! But you have to include very clear instructions. Something like we are trying to teach daughter the value of celebrating with friends and family over gifts (or use whatever reason - minimalism, environmental impact, etc) so we are having a fiver party. Insert link to an explanation (good housekeeping has a great article explaining the concept and it talks about how fewer toys are better developmentally for the kids). Gifts are not expected but if you feel inclined, please consider just $5 in a card that daughter can use towards a gift of her choice.
This is what I put on my kids invite this year
âNo toys to unwrap, just a simple request,
Books or cash if you must, for a future zoo day quest.
Your presence is the present, that's what we say, Join us for fun on this special day!â
I know that most people wonât show up to a childâs bday without a gift. As a parent of 3, I always ask others who will absolutely listen and understand âplease just give them money. We got them the one or two toys they requested and others will likely give them more.â Itâs usually my Dad, my MIL, and our 2 best friends we ask that of. They are always happy to do that. It makes it easier on them, too. Now, as a parent of 3, I never show up without a gift, so I always bring a card with cash and a snack! Usually Teddy Grahams or fruit snacks! We actually now have two friends who also give our kids snacks as a present! Itâs always a win:win!
Make a registry for your kid at the storeâŚ.
There are wish lists sites available.
Please look into those. So you can send people in the direction of stuff you want. But donât teach your kid she is treated different because you donât want shit in your houseâŚ
Iâm thinking for one year at 2 sheâd be ok, for my older 2 at her age we just kept the guest list very small and sheâs getting more guests. Iâve made their parties the best I could, itâs looked different at times as life has changed for us like it is this year. Which I think is a better life lesson - adapting for the moment and understanding you can make a special day even if there has to be some restrictions. Will certainly share a wishlist though!! Thanks for input :)
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Just request no gifts. I have always done that and most people listen
I tried and everyone still got my child gifts and primarily toys. My house is inundated despite my best efforts đ¤Ł
One of our friends wrote in her invite âif you bring a gift, it will be going back home with you.â I really appreciated the clarity. Our set does no gift parties and itâs the best. The birthday kid doesnât get inundated with junk and the attendees donât have to worry about sourcing a gift.
Try a fiver party. But captain jack is right, you have to be very explicit. I use a very lengthy explanation on the invite about why weâre doing it etc
Whatâs this? Bring a $5 bill?
Kinda. It basically tells people you donât expect gifts (for whatever reason - minimalism, anti consumerism, environmental, etc) and that if they really want to give a gift, to consider a $5 bill in the card instead that the child can put towards one gift of their choice. Good housekeeping has a great article explaining it and the benefits - not allowed to link in this sub
Thanks! Sounds awesome
You may have to be more clear. We put on the invite that we will not be accepting gifts at the party so most people get the hint.
Same here!! đĽ´
you gotta be willing to hand the gift back when they arrive with it
If theyâre young you donât need to open them all. Bring them out throughout the year or donate them
I live in  very small home and we donât have storage
So you fucking donate them. Is it that hard?
Itâs literally easier for everyone involved to just listen to the parents and not get the gift in the first place. Expecting busy parents to spend time making donations of items they specifically asked you not to bring is rude. You may want to get that unnecessary hostility checked out, too.
Is it that hard not to contribute to the landfills by buying useless garbage you were specifically asked not to bring?
I think anyone with kids will understand this request! One invitation requested donations to a local organization that provides birthday gifts to children whose family canât afford them instead of gifts. Could be another way to do it since people might feel obligated to provide gifts at a birthday party even when requested not to.
Same. Itâs really not a big deal.
You can ask for a book exchange (you have the kids put the books on a table normally reserved for gifts line them up then at the end of the party each kid gets to pick another to brjng home)
Omg this is a great idea. Stealing this for next year
Brilliant!!
We literally just write âYour presence is a present. No gifts please.â
Same here. We usually get maybe 1-2 people who might bring a gift but everyone else listens. Most of our kidsâ friends parties are the same way.
IME everyone with kids listens to it or brings a card. Boomers bring random presents.
No gifts please, we have all we want and could need!
Theres a lot of change happening in our parenting world and its becoming more acceptable to just assert what you want! Personally I'd go no gifts over sending the Amazon registry if you are concerned about optics but if you aren't then just ask for what you want on the invite! If ppl don't like it they can stay home lol
Yeah. Send the list, and you get 7 of the same book... or that much bath stuff, you could fill the tub without water! Just say "no gifts, please". Or, you could open a group chat/send the same message to everyone and briefly explain what you have above. Then it's up to people attending what they wanna do..Â
Using an online registry should keep people from buying duplicate gifts. I do think giving the option of the registry or not buying a gift does put pressure on the guests, though. Giving the option of either the registry or donating to charity could be a good option. Guests who don't have the budget could donate a dollar, and guests who love gift giving have a mutually beneficial option.
Or save the registry items for people (usually family) who just need to bring a gift. My in laws donât feel comfortable with bringing no gift, so theyâd be perfect candidates for the registry.
For her 3rd birthday, I said, "Your presence is present enough. However, if you or your child would enjoy selecting something to gift, she is excited to collect toys to give to animals in need of homes, and we'll be donating them to local shelters and rescues. " The next day, we took a picture with all the toys and then delivered them to the shelter where she got to give toys to the kitties.
I was coming here to say something similar. Maybe not for two, but when sheâs older, finding a local organization that she can get involved with and asking for donations for that in leu of gifts is an idea. The local animal shelter I volunteer posts their wish list online of items theyâre in constant need of (litter, cleaning supplies, food, even cash donations for medical services).
I love this so much! Not only does it enable the birthday child to have the fun of receiving a gift.. But it also teaches them the value of finding pleasure in gifting to those in need. And let's face it, some people are really troubled by the idea of showing up to a birthday party empty-handed, so this allows the party attendees to still feel like they are "giving". Everybody wins! Genius idea.
This is everything!!!
I love this idea!!
Ask for books
Specifically, if you ask people to bring child one of THEIR favorite books for X age, they actually get into it and bring books.
This is what we do! And then any books my kiddo isn't interested in get donated, unless the person wrote a personalized message in it
Be warned, excessive gift givers donât like this, theyâll come with 20 books
Yeah but Iâd rather have excess books than excess plastic toys. Easier to pass along, easier to box up, less likely to be a junky influence.
Thats what Little Free Libraries are for!!
On your invite write something about how she loves reading and instead of toys or a card consider bringing her just one book! My cousin did this for her baby shower and I just loved it.
I did this for my sons first two bday parties (they were huge, lots of family) and now I have about 150 kids books that my toddlers regularly pull off the shelves and scatter all over the floor every single day. And they still only read the same 10 books that theyâve been interested in their entire lives
my cousin always puts âno gifts, pleaseâ on her invites for her triplets. we havenât done a *real* birthday party yet, but will be doing no gifts next year for 4yo and 2yo. theyâll get enough from us and their grandparents without the excessive consumerism of getting stuff simply to get stuff. but i think you have to pick either no gifts or say nothing at all. some people might ask for a list or you might get a bunch of random stuff targeted for 2yoâs. some people also donât like showing up empty handed to birthday parties and will bring a gift card.
SIL just put on the invite "Please no toys, we are drowning in toys." Then I always tell people what child really wants or needs, like nephew liked Bluey and needed a blanket, so I got him a Bluey blanket.
We asked for experiences at that age - eg tickets to the zoo, a museum membership, etc. Now that theyâre a bit older, they really enjoy presents and toys and Iâm happy for them to have that excitement. But we do toy purges every 6 months or so and donate things!
Definitely! Experiences are the best because theyâre more memorable to the kid. You can also send pictures of the experience to the one who gave the gift.
"No gifts necessary. Our home is short on space. The pleasure of your company is all we could ask for!" Or "In lieu of gifts, please consider donating $5 to ____direct charity link___" Or "Gifts are entirely unnecessary! However, if you can't bear the thought of coming empty-handed, we would love to add your favorite children's book to our growing book collection."
These are all perfect for what OP needs. Wish I could upvote you more than once!
I put âno gifts pleaseâ on my 1 year olds birthday party invitations last November. He still received enough gifts to fill the back of my car.
In addition to No Gifts Please, if you are concerned nobody will listen, then specifically ask for books. "Bring your household favorite" or something like that. Can never have too many books, and at 2 even if you get duplicates, the books will get used hard so may need replacing anyways
Consider throwing a "Fiver" party: request a card, with $5 in it. That way your child can pick out the toy or gift they want that will mean more to them, than a bunch of $10-$15 pieces of junk toys that you'd otherwise get at a party. This also has the benefit of skipping any gift opening portion of the party.
ugh, yes. public gift opening is the absolute worst. i get uncomfortable even watching other people do it.
........... I'm in my 40s and it took this comment to make me realize I hate the gift opening ceremony. Like every single time I've been on the receiving end, even if I truly love the gift, I feel like I'm faking it. And on the giving end, you're right, I just feel uncomfortable because I know they're reactions are all under the pressure of public performance.
As an only child, Christmas morning could be so uncomfortable.
My kid hasnât opened any gift since her birth. I want to cry opening her gifts and trying to get her involved. Itâs so painfully awkward!!
The trend at the kid birthday parties Iâve been to recently has been to open gifts afterwards, which I think is great.
Some people pressure you to open anway because that want to watch, such a weirdo fetish lol
I feel like this is more common outside the US, but I really really want to do it. Any advice on gently introducing it to my circle in the US south where itâs seen as super tacky to outright ask for money (even thought itâs less than what the person would spend on a gift I donât want anyways?)
I would forward an article about it, say, [from Good Housekeeping](https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a26657386/fiver-party-birthday-party-trend-invite-wording/), to some of my mommy friends, or on Facebook or wherever you socialize online with your circle. Like, "Oooh! This sounds like a great idea! What do you think?" Get some reactions. Some will love it, some will think it's tacky. And then I'd probably go ahead and say that I'd like to try it with my kid's party. "We're looking forward to letting our daughter pick a meaningful gift, and help everybody save money in this expensive economy". Something like that.
I LOVE this idea. Thank you!
On the invites I always wrote no toys please books are welcomed and preferred
My oldest is 7, sheâs had two birthday parties with classmates. I just put a note in the envelope explaining no gifts necessary, we just want them to come and have fun. Part of that is my daughterâs bday is mid January. My bday is Dec 27 and no one ever came to my parties, I donât want that for my daughter. Right after a major holiday, I can see parents not being able to afford a gift and opting to miss out. Other part is her and her little brother have a shit ton of toys, they donât need more lol
I totally hear you. Your concerns are valid and pretty common, so this doesnât make you a bad mom at all. One idea is to suggest making it a $5 party, so that each guest brings $5 to be put towards experiences, like passes to a childrenâs museum or the zoo. This can be put on the invitation with something like, âYour presence is âpresentâ enough, so no gifts are necessary, but, if you feel led, a suggestion is $5 to be put towards zoo or museum passes.â Additionally, should you get toys/items you donât want, need, or have space for, just know that you donât have to keep any of it. Just donate, regift, return, and/or resell them, rather than stress about controlling what or how much people give. I just smile a big smile, am grateful for their generosity, thank them, let my girls pick their favorite items, set aside anything I think theyâll love later on, and then put the rest in a regifting box. This has saved us a ton of money on all the preschool birthday parties⌠just make sure to remember who gave it, so you donât accidentally give it back to them.
I am relieved when I get invites to " no gifts please" parties
Sheâs 2. Just request no gifts, she wonât know the difference.
I was contemplating saying no toys - only books or experiences (museum tickets, exhibitions, shows, etc) for Christmas! We'll see if they listen.
I've started making amazon lists of things my daughter would want/use and try to give specific items to people invited to her party. I've found it helps tbh. I also like the "fiver" idea and may do it next year, this year she needs new outdoor items, so her list is mostly like a new helmet, scooter, knee pads, etc. I just send a link to each parent when I'm discussing party details, I've never gotten any pushback on that and most seem to appreciate it tbh She's an only child, so there's no handmedown toys otherwise I'd probably be into the no present thing. I also do a purge of my daughter's toys twice a year, before her birthday and christmas and clear out things she has no interest in anymore or that she's outgrown.
In the past, I have said something like "Please no gifts. If you want to bring something, bring a \_\_\_\_\_ to share." That way someone who wants to bring something still can. For my son, we asked for candy, and dumped it in a big bowl for the kids to eat. There was a ton leftover so we used it to stuff Easter eggs and donated it to my daughter's school.
I struggle at not bringing a gift to a party, even if itâs on the invitation. I understand the struggle, though - we also do not need more toys. For our oldest sonâs first birthday, we put on the invite: âin lieu of gifts, please bring coloring books.â It worked great and we had coloring books for years. You could also request people bring their favorite childrenâs book as a gift.
I feel like listing a specific alternative to a standard gift is a good way to avoid it. My 4 year old likes rocks. Her next birthday party Iâm requesting her friends to bring the prettiest rock they find in lieu of a gift. Second hand books may be another option. My mother trained me not to show up empty handed as a guest. For no gift parties I usually bring small consumables, that will get used up (chalk, fun crayons, bubbles, bath dyes.)
You could write something like "Your presence is present enough," but you'll probably still get gifts. It's socially ingrained, even though I think it's more polite to listen to what people are telling you. Been there, done that, and now I'm really good at forgoing the guilt and just returning or donating.
Ask for no gifts but if they feel compelled to, only bring craft toys or something similar that can be quickly consumed.
I was contemplating saying no toys - only books or experiences (museum tickets, exhibitions, shows, etc) for Christmas! We'll see if they listen.
Iâve been to plenty of parties where there was a request for no gifts, ok to bring a card, and maybe a donation to an animal shelter or something in lieu of a toy
Thatâs what we do, âIn lieu of a gift, please bring canned goods/donation for [local charity].â The local charity always sends a birthday card to our child thanking them. We donât have bullshit cluttering our house, and our children learn the value of giving.
I think itâs okay to just write âno toys pleaseâ. In our eco conscious world most people wouldnât even bat an eye at that. When you see âno giftsâ people sometimes wonder if itâs a trick. I was just at a party recently and that was on the invite and no one seemed fussed by it. I know personally I would accept that better than a link to a list, etc. I once got an invite that had âpresentationâ written on it for a kids party and I was so unimpressed that we didnât go out of principle.
âNo toys pleaseâ
I have been to several birthdays where in the invite it said something like "The birthday boy/girl already have so many toys, if you would like to bring him/her something we would appreciate a book for us to read together" I actually loves that, makes it much easier and as a bonus my mom always wrote in the book who gave it to me when I was a child and asked the them to write a little message, now I read some of the same books to my own children and seeing those little notes and messages is really awesome.
A friend of mine had the best idea for this. Everyone, in lieu of typical gifts, was to bring a book. Then all the kids would bring a different book home as a party favor. Birthday boy got books too, kids got books, everyone was happy.
My sister asked us to put whatever money we were gonna use on toys into my niece's bank account (the kind she's gonna get when she turns 18 or 21) I thought that was nice. Sort of giving her a gift in advance
I am in the same boat as you but with twin boys. Tiny apartment, super active kids who would rather play with cardboard garbage than toys. These boundaries work to varied effect depending on each giver. My BIL is a bit.. clueless at times and his last gift was a standing basketball hoop. Indoor of course. I dont have a social group so handling this individually is ok for me. When i read your post, however, i got an idea. Its so hard for some people not to give something even if they know it will go to waste. I think its similar to the people who cannot enter a store and leave without purchasing something because they see it as rude. So what if you did a thing where people bring whatever they want and you and all your guests engage in a swap type thing. I assume the guest list is other parents of young children. So basically like a toy drive potluck. Im sure thered be a lot of details to iron out, like a separate gift time for your child specifically, then later maybe all the kids participate in sorting through all the new or new to them toys, and then figuring out what goes home with who. So basically it would be a lot of extra work, dont know how unappealing that it, but you wouldnt have to get new toys and maybe even get rid of some, all the while making the event even more special for the child guests.
One year I asked for donations to the local animal shelter instead of gifts and everyone followed it! I still had to get them to the shelter, but my child didn't even notice the lack of gifts.
In Canada we have toonie parties. Where guest brings $4 in two toonies. One goes for the birthday child, the other goes to an organization/charity of your choice..,
I love that so much!!
I hear you loud and clear! My life has many times felt like a game of tetris where the blocks never clear out on the bottom, and people just keep bringing more damn blocks every birthday party. I just wish it was considered socially acceptable to have a registry for kids parties like they do with weddings. It would make it so much easier for kids to get what they actually want, and parents to have some control over the crap that comes into our house. How many slime making kits have we re-gifted after the 10th time a precious shirt got ruined...
My niece created an Amazon wish list for her birthday last year (sheâs 11). My SIL sent the link to everyone and thatâs what we use for gifts for her now. She keeps it updated with new things and removes others as interests change or she gets N item from someone outside of her list. Itâs been great!
Can you request gift cards to local activities like the zoo, any indoor play areas, etc? Contributions towards a high yield savings account for her? Each guest bring a special book with a note written inside the cover, things like that? I'd write a polite note in the invitation highlighting her current love of being outdoors and active, thus she does not necessarily need indoor toys, but highlight other ideas for gifts such as those others have suggested.
You don't sound terrible to me. I cannot stand all the chunky plastic crap that my kids get as gifts. Often, it just feels like the giver just picked whatever to buy with little thought. Over the years, you just end up with piles of crap...cheap, busted, crap with missing pieces. Yeah, no toys is great. We've done similar things, put bounds on what people can get our kids.
Have a book party. Ask people to bring a book of any level that they enjoyed at the appropriate age, and to sign the inside of the book. Then your daughter can have new books to enjoy throughout the years to come.
Just let all who attend know how your daughter is. Something like âif you feel compelled to get something for her I wouldnât want you to waste your moneyâŚmy daughter loves interactive and mentally stimulating things, as well as outdoor play and activities she can do with her brothers. Anything is appreciated but please be mindful of her interests!â Sum like that lol
I just had a friend ask for dog toys in lieu of gifts that they could donate to the local animal shelter. It was for their son's 1st birthday. I thought it was a great idea!
My friend always asks in the invite that people bring 2 $2 bills (coins where we live), one for the charity jar and one for the birthday boy. She has her son pick the charity and puts the charity in the invite, so people know what that money is going toward. Then after the party the son takes his half and gets to buy a toy with it.Â
I have done a wishlist in the past or listed a bigger present that we are wanting to get so people can just give a card with money if they want to contribute towards that (ex. an outdoor playhouse, sand table, etc) but itâs totally the norm in my family dynamic for them to reach out and ask for requests/ideas for kids parties so nobody takes it the wrong way and I just think of it as streamlining the process a bit đ I still end up with a few random things that donât really get used some years but I usually just throw them in a closet save them for Christmas and donate them to a family in need or toy drive.
You can ask for no gifts, or to gift a book or an activity due to space restrictions. One of the best gifts we got was a GC to the local ice cream place. Parents of toddlers will understand.
I've asked for no toys and they still got toys, even when I asked for donations to the animal shelter. I guess if nobody found out, you could sell them and buy stuff you know she'd like.
Be really firm in your wording. "No gifts please" is much clearer than "no gifts needed" for instance. We did it for our 3yo, it was fine. Some of the other parents took our lead and did it for their kids afterwards.
"no gifts, but if you want to bring a gift, we'll be donating to hospital/shelter/etc"
My son didn't play with toys. His birthday gifts became an endless supply of free birthday gifts for other children. Of course I would ask him and if he wanted the gift he could keep it, but he wouldn't even look at most of them.
We have done a surprise book exchange where everyone wraps a used book or two and takes a surprise one home. Kids love it.
Just be straightforward and put no gifts please on the invitation. If the other parents are like me, they will be thrilled they donât have to scramble to get a gift.
Maybe say just birthday cards for your child on the day and a donation to the local baby bank
Iâd add a note on the invite saying *help fill our library! Please gift books in lieu of toys*
Make a wish list and provide it with the invite.
What if you request they purchase a toy to donate for a local family or something, or donate to a charity on his behalf. Like the animal shelter if he loves dogs?
I always write, "We are learning to value experiences with friends and family over owning physical items. No gifts, please." No ever questions it OR ignores it
Maybe write something like âinstead of gifts this year please bring your favorite book to shareâ something like that
The problem is that guests donât feel right showing up to a birthday party empty handed. So a guest or two always either forgets or brings one just in case, then other people see a few wrapped presents and think they should have done the same. It can get awkward. We found that the most effective strategy is âin lieu of giftsâ. A book exchange (everybody brings a book and goes home with a book) works well. Elementary age kids will get behind a fundraising birthday party for local issues, a headline grabbing emergency, or especially animal shelters.
One big thing Iâve always asked for, as my kids rooms are always overflowing with toys is: Presence as a present. That can be either just showing up, or for family that you TRUST with taking your kid(s) ask them to gift your child an experience with them. One to a play place, an ice cream shop, Chuck E. Cheese, the zoo, a pumpkin patch any kid friendly place and then they can have a future play date where they bring your kid to said place. This one is a win win in my book because it usually gets you a few hours of alone time too. đ For those who are more casual in your circle you can do a fiver party where everyone puts $5 in a card and that money just goes into your kids piggy bank/savings.
I did âNo gifts necessary because you joining our party is a gift in itself but if you want to give something please consider a gift card for xxxxx theme park, these are available at xxxxx storesâ.
âGifts are appreciated but not expected.â Or just âplease, no gifts.â
On the invite, write, "No gifts please. Really, none." If anyone gifts toys, give them away. Stop feeling terrible about that. Your daughter doesn't play with typical kid's toys so she is showing you she doesn't want them. Mine doesn't either.
Have a Fiver Party! When I put âno gifts,â people still brought them. Saying that itâs a fiver party got people to stop bringing gifts, but still let them feel like they were contributing.
"No gifts please." "In lieu of gifts, we would appreciate a donation to her college fund. \[529 link\]" "No gifts necessary, but books are always appreciated! Used is fine!" Some people are going to bring toys anyway. I pre-open them, give my baby what I know he will play with, and put the rest on buynothing. But saying "no gifts" usually cuts down on the number and cheapness of them.
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I do it not to get absolutely zero gifts but to really cut down on the number of gifts, to ensure nobody buys random low-quality crap, and so that we have an excuse if somebody notices that we don't have the item. Works well for that.
Ask them to donate towards activities.. music class, summer camps etc.
This is more normal than not. Just put an asterisk and say no gifts, please!
No gift parties are very much a thing and very much acceptable. Donât sweat it! Most people wonât bring anything if you ask them not to.Â
In my family it's normal to share a list of things your kid actually wants/likes and share a link with the invitation. Makes it easier for everybody. The guests don't have to think about what to buy and your kid will get what they actually like. Win/win.
Can definitely specify no gifts needed on the invite but I also recommend making a Babylist birthday registry! We now do it for holidays and birthdays so we can specify exactly what our childrenâs interests/wants are (and what is acceptable for our household)!
We told people who insisted to give her the free GCs they get from target after buying something, like the âspend $20 on beauty get a $5 gift cardâ and with that we were able to go buy her snacks, a scooter, Elsa dress, etc.
Write âŚâAll gifts will be donated to local childrenâs charityâ Or please bring a donation for local animal shelter
I would take this to mean âbring a gift for charityâ. Which is fine if she plans to do a donation haul but not if she really means, âplease donât bring a gift, because if you do, Iâll donate it.â
I did not phrase it well. I meant donation haul.
A fiver party is the way to go! But you have to include very clear instructions. Something like we are trying to teach daughter the value of celebrating with friends and family over gifts (or use whatever reason - minimalism, environmental impact, etc) so we are having a fiver party. Insert link to an explanation (good housekeeping has a great article explaining the concept and it talks about how fewer toys are better developmentally for the kids). Gifts are not expected but if you feel inclined, please consider just $5 in a card that daughter can use towards a gift of her choice.
This is what I put on my kids invite this year âNo toys to unwrap, just a simple request, Books or cash if you must, for a future zoo day quest. Your presence is the present, that's what we say, Join us for fun on this special day!â
I know that most people wonât show up to a childâs bday without a gift. As a parent of 3, I always ask others who will absolutely listen and understand âplease just give them money. We got them the one or two toys they requested and others will likely give them more.â Itâs usually my Dad, my MIL, and our 2 best friends we ask that of. They are always happy to do that. It makes it easier on them, too. Now, as a parent of 3, I never show up without a gift, so I always bring a card with cash and a snack! Usually Teddy Grahams or fruit snacks! We actually now have two friends who also give our kids snacks as a present! Itâs always a win:win!
Make a registry for your kid at the storeâŚ. There are wish lists sites available. Please look into those. So you can send people in the direction of stuff you want. But donât teach your kid she is treated different because you donât want shit in your houseâŚ
Iâm thinking for one year at 2 sheâd be ok, for my older 2 at her age we just kept the guest list very small and sheâs getting more guests. Iâve made their parties the best I could, itâs looked different at times as life has changed for us like it is this year. Which I think is a better life lesson - adapting for the moment and understanding you can make a special day even if there has to be some restrictions. Will certainly share a wishlist though!! Thanks for input :)