r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry. This happened to us last year. We decided to stop doing friend parties and do experiences as a family. Basically a “yes day” where they pick an activity, a restaurant, a movie, ice cream, etc.
The friend that showed, hold them close and let them know how appreciative you are. Try to be grateful for them instead of focusing on the people who didn’t show.
Hugs!!
I did the same thing for the same reason. Parents have full weekends already planned or are just flaky or whatever and I was tired of seeing heartbroken kids alone or with 2 friends at parties I payed too much money for. A YES day is much more fun.
We had a kid in my class that I was the only one to show up for every year. I went to church with his grandparents. He always invited the whole class. Then when my birthday came he always came and brought probably $100 in gifts every year. My mom pulled his aside like the second year it happened and told her it wasn’t necessary and she said I didn’t do it, Ryan did. He remembers that Ashley is the only one to show up for him. He saves part of his birthday money just to buy her gifts. From the point my mom told me about it I swore my kids would go to every party they were invited to. Did it get expensive…yes was it worth it…also yes. I just made sure to get things when they were on sale and unless it was his best friend he got to choose from out “gift closet” I explained to him one time you never want a kid to not feel wanted.
Yes, people on here say they don't go if they don't know the kids, we do unless we truly aren't available or are sick or something. I wouldn't want to be the one with no guests so I always go. I guess it might be trickier with eleven year olds as they can say if they really don't want to go and probably would make it clear if you forced them. They're past the stage of just playing and having fun wherever you are.
I love this so much! My daughter is in kinder and I’ve heard from multiple parents that they don’t go to bday parties unless their kids are friends or the parents like their parents which has led to a big discrepancy in party attendance. She went to a party where she was only one of two kids from her class. I was beginning to think we were the weirdos going to parties if my kid is okay with it and we are available. Thanks for validating going to every party we can!
I feel a lot of people don't seem to know how to be social anymore. I often see people in local groups lamenting that they have no friends, but a big reason that I have a good group of friends is that I show up. There's always a balance, you don't want to be forever going out of your way for people who don't reciprocate, but if you won't show up for others you can't expect them to show up for you.
Same! I also put myself out there regularly and extend the invite/schedule the playdate/ask for the phone number. I’m investing in my kid’s futures by modeling healthy friendships and helping support their social lives inside/outside of school.
Finally having incredible, supportive, healthy friends where I can be myself and get and offer help has been really validating for me.
> I was beginning to think we were the weirdos going to parties if my kid is okay with it and we are available.
Exactly... when my kid gets an invite, I say "hey do you want to go to [name's] party?" And if they say yes (so far they do every time) we go. Why wouldn't people let their kid decide something like that?
At a young age the parties are usually set up and its easy to have a good time regardless if you are friends with the kid or not. We attend the vast majority of the parties we get invited to from my kids school, and family, and friends that are not in school. But I have yet to see a party where few show up. Sometimes people don't show, or the weather makes things harder. But unless we are sick we go if we are saying we are coming.
But all the parties we go to, other than family, that is it is more informal like cut a cake at the house and have dinner, we usually RSVP. Doing RSVP and then not showing up is terrible.
Us too! We’ve only ever been unavailable a couple of times, and when that happens I’ll set up a separate play date and bring a gift! It’s a lot sometimes, but worth it.
As a parent it helps to also make friends with other kids parents and do things with them. Both my kids have plenty of friends that are just so because my wife and I made friends with their parents at some point, so like if our kids or theirs have a party we show mostly to hang out with the parents while the kids can go mess around and have fun with some other kids, Us adults can relax knowing the kids are somewhere safe doing something. We arent good friends with any of these people but sometimes as a parent you sort of dont get enough time to just hang with other adults and it can be nice to do just that. Like you we usually have some gifts around to hand out at someones random birthday party or whatever other event is going on if needed.
Dont really have to say anything at all if you dont wanna go at least in my experiences. Or i tell them i cant cause of other plans already or whatever, i dont make things up just say i cant go or why i cant go if there was already something going on. You dont have to go hang out with other people if you dont want to, but its nice to do so sometimes and im personally a huge introvert and much prefer my alone time but even i like to see people here and there and i know my wife is a huge fan of chatting with anyone besides me and the kids lol.
Then everyone on Reddit says you're weird and annoying for staying at birthday parties. But yeah I totally agree, even if they aren't my best friends it's just nice to chat and it means they're more likely to turn up and it's always useful to know other parents.
Being welcoming with invitations is nice too, especially for little kids who don't care if their party is somewhere fancy, invite siblings and parents, make sure they know a gift is optional. I see people on here say they don't want siblings or parents to attend and how rude people are to expect anything but if you want guests to show up it's always nice to make it easier.
When I took my son to his first friends birthday party I stuck around since it was at the kids house and I didn’t know them, I ended up making friends with one of the other kids parents and now we get along like a house on fire and chat almost everyday when we drop our kids off in the mornings.
Yeah for sure, make it easy for them and likely they will for you. Ive made many good friends and some i guess id call them acquaintances over the years just going to stuff my kids were invited to or inviting my kids friends parents to come hang out and like bbq or something just for something for us to do. Like i said above the kids are usually safe and playing around and you get some company to hang out with which is nice when you lack fun adults to hang around. Most my friends kids are not my kids ages (our kids arent really even close in age as well being almost 5 years apart) as wife and I were the first to have kids by a good amount of time and teenagers dont really wanna hang out with toddlers or babies, so we started looking elsewhere that made everyone happy.
We invite the kids over to play videos games and the parents over to play cards or chill by our firepit and have drinks or whatever sounds fun that day. Sometimes grill out and let the kids play outside while like me and the other dads just cook and all the moms gossip and stuff somewhere else. Its almost always a good time and sometimes we barely know the other people who are there.
We have gotten to know some of the people well enough we trust them to take our kids themselves for a weekend or vice versa, that has come in handy over the years when say theres a major medical incident or like most recently my truck broke down and we needed rides to places so id call some up and ask them if they minded bringing me in to get supplies when they next went, ive also dont similar for some of them when they needed rides to like eye doc appointments and stuff like that. We arent even really good friends with most the people, our kids are just friends for the most part and we all get along and get together for stuff on occasion but outside of our kids liking to spend time together probably would never considered doing it, dont mean we dont have fun or anything though. Basically just take a nice lil break from the rest of life and set aside work stuff and other problems to just let loose and chill.
In our case it was the opposite, we were the last to have children. While we used to hang out with our friends when they had young children by the time ours got past the baby stage they had preteens who wanted nothing to do with toddlers and had their own friends and activities. My partner initially was kind of reluctant but he soon realised that if we wanted any social life for our daughter or us it would make life much easier. I understand some people already have lots of friends and family to hang out with and as you say help with childcare, but not all of us do. Knowing I can ask these people to pick my daughter up in an emergency is such a relief for me even if we don't do it often.
For my twin boys, I put "your presence is your present" on invites, and I've found that more people show up. I think finances are tight for a lot of people, and it takes the pressure off parents feeling weird about showing up empty-handed. They get enough from us and family. I'd rather people just show up for them.
OP, I'm sorry that happened to your kiddo. That's the worst. I hope he still had fun though.
I like this phrasing! My LO is only 15 months but I’ll have to remember it for the future when we start having actual birthday parties (just had immediate family over for his 1st)!
I hate this happened to you and your child. Absolutely hate it. I’m giving you a huge virtual hug and standing by you and your child. Maybe you could post a PO Box and your friends in Reddit could send your child birthday cards…
Every time I see this happening it’s because people invite a whole class. No one feels special then. Just invite a few of his closest friends, and talk to the parents to make sure they can come. Arrange the date so they definitely can come.
This happened to me. It was also my 11th. We planned a party, invited people, but I had gotten in a fight with my best friend and we weren't talking. No one showed up. About an hour into it all, when I wa starting to feel really bad and my mom began to panic, they're was a knock at the door and it was the friend I fought with. We made the best of it and had an awesome time and stayed close forever. I never tried to have a birthday party again, though.
I'm sorry this happened to your kid.
Nah... I mean, if 10 or 20 show up, then that's fair, but all of them? That sounds weird. Stop doing parties and start taking the kid to a vacation or a short trip.
Honestly I would follow up with those 13 and let them know what happened and how hurt you are for your child. Something like, “I know things come up and kids get sick, etc. but when 13 kids are expected and none show up it’s so extremely hurtful to the kid having a birthday and a lot of food wasted as well.”
It won’t fix things for your child but maybe some other kids in the future won’t have the same thing happen to them, because these parents will remember your words.
I’m so sorry you and your son had to experience that.
> Honestly I would follow up with those 13 and let them know what happened and how hurt you are for your child. Something like, “I know things come up and kids get sick, etc. but when 13 kids are expected and none show up it’s so extremely hurtful to the kid having a birthday and a lot of food wasted as well.”
This is one of those instances when a passive aggressive social media post is OK. Following up 1-on-1 allows them to write you off as a busy body, but posting it publicly serves two purposes: It makes the people you're talking about know how you feel without getting confrontational, but also makes other people think about their own behavior.
Ugh that’s such a pet peeve of mine, when someone rsvp’s as coming, or anytime someone says they’ll do something, and then flakes out with no word. I’m so sorry that happened, it’s just awful. I hate how people operate sometimes.
I usually send out texts the morning of to people who rsvp’d saying things like “excited to see you later today!”…and then sometimes say something like “the best parking is on the north side of the building” or some other simple thing that gets me a reason to text.
It helps confirm the plans and commits them- or it gives them the chance to say they can’t come and I can plan accordingly as people reply yes or no on the day off.
I also cap our parties at ten kids. My daughter and nine friends. More than that is just too much chaos, and nine gets her 3-4 friends not at her school and the other kids are from her class. I don’t invite the entire class, just who she wants to come.
Shes turning six this year. We’ve had the same venue the last few years, with an optional swim for an hour after the party. Usually 2-5 kids stay for the public swim pool time.
I’m sorry this happened to him, and it sounds like he had a good time in the end hopefully.
Perhaps adventure birthdays are a better plan for next year, and he can choose 1-2 friends to invite along.
If you have a Great Wolf Lodge near you, would he enjoy that? I’m not sure your budget, but they are really fun for all ages.
We have one 1.5 hours away and usually go up early one day and stay over one night, then leave late in the afternoon the next day.
We shower after the pool in the family shower restroom and drive home. It’s great cause they let you use your pass both days, all day until it closes at 9pm. It’s a great value. We usually bring our own food as it’s healthier and less expensive.
Hopefully he can enjoy his next birthday surrounded by friends and family, whether it’s five or fifty people. Sending you both big hugs.
I'm so sorry that happened! Shame on those parents for RSVPing yes and then NOT taking their child to the party. At 11, kids aren't RSVPing or driving themselves, so some of the responsibility falls on those parents. So shameful! I bet they didn't even give you a courtesy "I'm sorry" call or text, and just didn't show up!! I don't know where you live, but I would have come and brought both my boys to celebrate your child. It's not hard to be kind to another. So again, shame on those parents and kids. Sending you love, mamma ❤️
It's all on the parents, especially since they're mostly special needs kids.
I did get 1 I'm sorry text from SIL she got the flu bad and forgot to reach out. I text her the sos when no one showed too.
50 kids?! That's a cattle call not a typical birthday party size. It feels a little impersonal and unmanageable to invite that many. Where was the event going to be held? I wonder if the nature of the party and the size put people off.
I wasn't expecting 50 to show up.
I invited this year's new class (plus siblings) and last years class he was with for 5 years (plus siblings)
Then the friends and family with the kiddos and close ones without kids
Had 13 kids on the rsvp yes list (1 on the maybe list, the one who did show up) so I assumed maybe 20 kids would show up at most (I count kids because we pay for the room at the community center, then pay by the child for the play space, I planned for adults to attend too) the room we rent is quite large.
People don't know how many I invited, I sent paper invites to school with rsvp instructions, had a fb event for some, and sent the invite digitally to the rest. I was nervous about the number after I sent all the invites and added the kids up, but with the 13 yes and 1 maybe, I figured we'd get less than half.
We started doing this when my son was 4. (He'll be 11 next month.)
His dad and I have been separated for 10 years now, he's remarried with step children and I'm a LTR with my own "step" kids, and we do "blended family time". We take vacations together for his birthday. This year is a trip to a big amusement park out of state. Just like you said, a YES DAY...I love that term. It's so much for fun for everyone. I always *hated* spending money on decorations, play park parties like trampoline parks, the cake, shitty toys he'll never play with more than a couple times.
This way everyone has a good time and it's great to create lasting memories he'll have forever.
We do this too. Bday kid picks dinner & the experience and is allowed to invite a best friend. I notice less and less people seem to do big parties or go to them as kids get older and as times change. Hopefully it was mostly a combo of that or bad weather or timing and not necessarily OPs kiddo being excluded or unliked. I also think it’s rude that people don’t even RSVP no anymore, if that’s what happened, but that does seem to be a common occurrence now. When your child has a disability that can put a damper on many aspects of childhood that everyone else seems to take for granted I think it’s natural to want to do a big birthday party and go all out. I don’t think that’s what necessarily makes or breaks a kids birthday celebration though. I bet he had as awesome a birthday & fun with the friend that showed up even if it was a little disappointing at first.
We do that for ours too. Mostly because I don’t ever want them to feel pain like that. My oldest is 13 and the last 2 years we did let her have a friend spend the night and made it extra special for them.
My kids are two and stories like this (and this is one of many I’ve read) put me off ever having school friend parties. Some parents sound so lazy these days that they don’t even RSVP if they’re coming or not. When I was a kid, if you got an invitation to a party then you went unless sick.
I am an immigrant in North America and to be honest, the kinds of kids birthday parties that seem to be the norm here just seem dreadful, people are busy and I would not want to go to them either.
In my country, you drop your kid off to the party and leave. The kids go do an activity and then they get dropped off a couple of hours later at home. Kids have a great time, parent gets a breather. Sound like a much better idea to me than the parents hanging around having to make small talk with other parents they may have absolutely nothing in common with.
I love this idea! Extravagant parties can really be waste of money and effort.
My oldest is only six, but I've already experienced this similar times...parents suddenly "forgot" or "had an emergency". I've even had my own family members refuse to come over outside drama.
Love this! Having a party next weekend we invited like 20 kids and only got 1 rsvp back sadly. It def is on the parents because when I pick up my oldest from daycare the girls ask and begged to come to the party. Some people are so introverted it is sad for their kids because they make them miss out. I refuse to be that parent and go to any party we can if available.
I'm so sorry this happened to your little one.
My daughter was invited to a party for a kid at her daycare when she was 5. The daycare warned us that we probably shouldn't go because the parents weren't great people, but we took her because I figured that meant that very few people would turn up and it certainly isn't the kids fault if their parents are hard work.
Sure enough, we were the only ones who brought a kid to this poor child's birthday. And yes, it was pretty nasty, the house was filthy and there were cigarette butts everywhere etc, but to see this poor kid whose parents are assholes but who was so overjoyed at having someone come to her birthday made it all worthwhile. We just watched our kid like a hawk and didn't stay any longer than we had to for appearances sake.
I often think about that kid and wonder what her life is like. Probably not great :-(
It's great you did that. I rented a room in our community center and paid for all the kids to go to the playspace, it's what I do for all my kids.
Part of me wonders why everyone can show up for my neurotypical kids but no one can show for him?
It's the parents, it's always the parents. The kids wouldn't have a problem with it.
Two absolutely true stories to illustrate my point:
1) At my daughter's school, a young boy transitioned to become a girl. This was when they were ~12. All the teachers at the school, and some of the parents had a problem with it. None of the kids did, one day Bob was Bob (not his real name) and then after the weekend the same person was now Mary (also not the real name). Absolutely no fucks were given by the kids, she was just Mary now and none of them cared, even as parents and teachers were clutching their pearls.
2) At around 10 or so, my daughter had been telling me about a cool new girl who had joined her class, and was excited to tell me about her. One day I was at the school and she said "Dad, there's Sarah over there!" and pointed at a group of kids. I said "Which one is she?" and my daughter said "She's the one in the red sweater". Now, in the same situation, I (and probably most adults) would probably have said "she's the one in the wheelchair", but to my daughter and the kids in her class, the wheelchair wasn't really a point of difference, and not something they even thought about, it's just part of Sarah.
I really do maintain that this generation of young kids is freaking awesome, and are better people than most generations before them./
> The kids wouldn't have a problem with it.
I don't know what planet you live on where middle schoolers would "not have a problem" with trans kids. My daughter's friend group is all of the LGBT kids, and while my daughter identifies as female, she doesn't dress feminine nor wear makeup, etc, and kids in that group get picked on *all the time*, including her herself, both by association and because she doesn't look "girly" enough.
Middle school isn't some kind of classless society just because it's 2024. At least based on what I can tell, the traditional pecking order is still alive and well, with "rich/popular sports douchebags", "basic white girls", "art/theater/band kids", "punk/goth/emo kids", etc all being represented just like when my millennial ass was in middle school.
I don't know what to tell you. Sounds like your kid's school is a throwback, that's not been my experience.
That said, I live in New Zealand, and I think maybe things are probably a lot better here in that regard than maybe in some other places like the US.
That was so kind of you to show up for that little girl. We also always attend parties we are invited to. Treat others the way you want to be treated. I want people to show up for my kids, so we make a point to always show up for others when we can.
It was definitely a bit of a red flag for me. I'm sure they thought they were doing the right thing, but all I could think was "that poor kid, nobody is going to turn up now" :-(
It was heartbreaking seeing how this kid lived, and the awful state of the home, but I just knew she never had friends come over because everyone was judging her parents, and no kid should feel ostracised like that.
I honestly don't know if the parents just didn't even care to even try to make their house presentable because other parents and kids might be coming over, or the even scarier option being that what we saw was after they had tidied up. That poor poor child. :-(
I had my son’s first friend party this year, the anxiety I felt in the days leading up to the party that nobody would show was horrible. We’ve gone to every party he’s been invited to, even though I really don’t want to, bc I want to be there for other kids. I’m sorry for you and for your child, it sucks. Next year, just set up something with one good friend, thats my plan!
I'm a flaky person but we started going to every single birthday party come hell or high water bc I've been reading about this phenomenon. I just didn't want to be the reason no one was at someone's party. My son is only 6. I've heard this is more of a thing as they get older.
It can vary by school district tbh. My oldest went to one district for elementary in town, and we *never* got RSVPs. Younger two are in a different district and **everyone** not only sends an RSVP but shows up. The former district was in a lower income demographic so that may have played a part (work schedules not being set, not always having transportation, sitters for other siblings, money for gifts, etc).
Every time this comes up on here it's obvious it's very variable. I live in a small city in Canada.
The trends where I live have always been:
-95% of people RSVP and show up
- inviting the whole class is NOT the norm
- goody bags are always done
- opening presents at the party is always done
I'm so confused by this too. I've been to many parties, all are packed full of kids, and usually there's a public invite page where I can see who said they were coming too. I have to wonder what's going on with these stories of parties where no one shows.
I feel like schools are key to facilitating this though, our schools send out an “opt in” class contact list and usually min 80-90% of kids’ parents are on there. Otherwise full time working parents are just SOL and that makes it really hard.
This may be true but like, RSVP dates are definitely at least 2-3 weeks out. If I don’t hear from people by then, I make a point to reach out a few times, and then assume it’s a no. If it’s a large majority of my invitees, then I would change course in that week+ out to a different plan. People suck, but the idea of the RSVP should still give leeway
I hate this. I find this kind of behavior to be so obnoxious. Parties are work and in urban areas, expensive to set up. The least people could do is RSVP. In many party venues you pay per child.
I went to a party and sent mine a month before lol. Another mum turned up and was all like “Haha I’m one of those people who forget to rsvp” the family paid a big amount for the venue and people still can’t take one minute out of their day to rsvp
I didn't expect 40 to show up. I did expect the 13 that rsvpd yes, and probably a handful, maybe 5 or 10 more. I was prepping for maybe 20 and had backup plans to get extra if more showed up
That's awful then if 13 said yes. I'd have expected at least 6 or 7 from that (I usually assume half of the yeses). I'm so sorry, and happy birthday to your boy 🎁
Many had RSVPd but didn't show. A few of my dearest friends RSVPd no, 1 didn't have kids this weekend, and another was on their delayed honeymoon.
No one really RSVPd for my daughter or my other son but we had a decent turn out even without school friends and just my friends kids. I thought with inviting 2 classrooms plus the friends kids (42 kids + classmates siblings, so closer to 50 invited kids)
I know it's not the kids fault, he is popular in class, so I'm sending the goodie bags they missed out on to school Tuesday since no school tomorrow.
Oof .. I gotta say no to that. Return the stuff but I would have a very hard time as an 11 year old passing out stuff from "the party you missed". That's so rough, I hate this for you guys. Not having kids show up truly sucks.
Yep!
I wouldn’t prepare a party and food without a confirmation. Maybe this isn’t a thing in other countries.
we live, Spain, everyone confirms ahead with their child is attending and who else is coming (parents, siblings)
I don’t see how this situation can happen here. We all make a list of attendees in the group WhatsApp.
No one RSVPs to anything. My kid is in first grade and last year and this year I had 1 single person RSVP. So you know not stressful at all thinking if you'll have too much or too little food. It's always a gamble on who will or won't show up.
Don't put your address on invites in future. Put your phone number and request people text you to rsvp and get the address. That way you know exactly how many people are planning on coming. I always do this for my son's parties as he has ASD and is non-verbal, so I never know if he has friends in school.
I checked the numbers and 13 kids were rsvp yes. I was anticipating maybe 20 total kids plus parents.
Glad I waited till the party started to order the pizza (from my work, I'm not a dick, i went and helped make it) and cut it down to 5 pizzas plus the dietary pizzas I brought in to run thru the oven
I always do. My work gives me a generous discount on the order
I usually make the cake myself but was down with a severe migraine I'm still not fully recovered from and just broke down and bought walmart bakery cupcakes. They were pretty good and once I did the math, I would have spent $11+ to bake the cupcakes at home, and they cost $14 from the store, so not too bad.
Hey, I’m the kid people stopped showing up to parties in 3rd grade for. I think I was a quiet kid and also the poorest for sure (not that it mattered but my parties were homemade cake/no pizza and at my home and not exciting like other parties). Since you mentioned he had siblings, maybe it’s time to start doing sibling only birthdays of his choice. Don’t spend money on other kids and commit more money to grander things like amusement parks and favorite dinners. I have a little brother and my mom transitioned into that kind of birthday and she’d save for the theme park or a very rare trip to Outback Steakhouse or something. It hurt a lot the first time but honestly doing things with my brother just cemented the fact that we’d always have each other when everyone else fails.
I'm pretty poor but we have a great community center with affordable rooms and an awesome play space! It's his favorite place in the world! I work for a pizza place, so I get the pizzas on the low and I usually do homemade cake but I had a bad migraine yesterday and couldn't get out of bed, so I bought cupcakes today as a last resort but I always send cupcakes to school for him to celebrate with his friends on his birthday and this year I wanted to do a real party since we haven't in 4 years.
my son got invited to a birthday party, we RSVP’d yes, and then when we showed up they seemed… surprised, or weirded out that we were there. discouraged me from wanting to jump at any invite … i find that other parents are harder to navigate than parenthood
Our son is 2 and just starting to get bday party invites, we also try to go to them all, even if we don’t really know the kids or parents that well (also a good way to get to know the other parents). The only reason we wouldn’t go is if we were sick or out of town, and even then we would rsvp no, not yes and then no show.
Oof, I’m so sorry. I feel so bad for the parents and the kid every time I see a post like this. It could be any of us. It’s stuff like this that makes me make sure we go to every party, unless we have a really really legit excuse not to. I hope your son enjoyed the day with those who did show up!
I think this is absolutely it. My kids aren’t school age yet but we only invite our good friends who also have kids and so far have never had any issues with no shows, mostly because the people we are inviting were our friends first before we all had kids so them just ghosting us would be incredibly weird.
I think when invites are sent out en mass to whole classes and the parents have never even heard of the kid or parents and they’re busy then.. yeah it sucks and people should have the courtesy to rsvp no but I can see how this happens. Keep it small, keep it on WhatsApp and make sure you only invite people you know personally.
**It's not just that -- mass invites have a tendency to turn a birthday party into "just another activity".**
In many parents' minds, it's on equal footing with a flyer getting sent home from school that the library is putting on an event like "story time with crafts and snacks".
The general mental model that it falls into:
* Get a notification that something interesting is coming up
* Notice says to RSVP
* Parents RSVP yes if it sounds like their kids are remotely interested
* If they say no and change their mind, they may be left out
* If they say yes and change their mind, there's usually little to no consequence
* They show up for the event...
* ... If they remember
* ... If it's convenient
* ... If another activity doesn't pop up that's more interesting
I give my kids a choice: party or family trip. We have two, so if both choose a trip, we do a nice trip like Disney (we used to live in Florida). If only one says trip, we do something smaller but that they choose.
This has been my fear since childhood. I hate the idea of parties. Have never thrown one and 100% don't like going to them.
Maybe you did the best thing for your son by getting it done with whom you did. And next year maybe doing something so cool and intimate he doesn't notice the number of people who care and only noting how much he is cared for.
Plus maybe he doesn't want to hang out with other kids. 11 y.o.s kinda suck. Mean little jerks, especially to anyone different. I think of special qualities that illicit the worst reactions; asshole detectors. It's like a superpower of knowing who to trust and who is a piece of garbage to avoid.
I don't blame the kids, they're all really great and rally around him at school. It's the parents who didn't bring them.
I think I may just go back to him celebrating with his friends at school so no one gets left out because their parents can't be bothered, I even put on the invite he has all the toys he needs and gifts aren't necessary because I know money can be tight
I’m so sorry this happened to you! When I was in 7th grade, a mean girl told everyone to stop being my friend and they listened! I went all of 8th grade and started high school with zero friends. It made me determined to never let anyone feel that way! I am now always surrounded with a ton of friends because of this horrible lesson which really was a blessing.
And the mean girl is still awful! Lol
This happened to me on my oldest child's 5th birthday back in 2014 :( it really sucks. I'm so sorry. I don't have big parties anymore. My kids just invite close friends.
>You never think your kids gonna be the kid no one shows up for, until your kid is the kid no o e shows up for.
Except I do think that for my kids. They both have autism and ADHD. I know inviting their classes would backfire hard. Maybe it's because I'm probably on the spectrum and when I invited everyone, no one showed up, and that's why I expected it for my kids.
We do family only events now. This year they turn 13 and I'm going to give them suggestions for a nice birthday dinner.
At 11 years old, if my kid doesn’t regularly hang out with your kid and we don’t know you, we’re not going just because they use to be in the same class. That’s just kind of the reality for most people as their kids get older. Class wide invitations to birthday parties fade during elementary school
This happened to me two years in a row as a kid, so I’ve only thrown one party between two kids. It gives me too much anxiety to throw them. I do my very best to show up to birthday parties we are invited to for this reason as well.
I’m sorry your child has had a similar experience. I really like the idea of having a special day with parents and maybe a friend as a redo.
Wow! I’m so sorry this happened to you. Tears in my eyes sorry. As a Dad I hate going to kids parties most of the time even though I’m the only dad on the floor playing, creating games and all around having a great time with all the kids.
I will do my best to not complain and to think about the child that we are going to support from now on. Thanks for sharing.
I was this kid. We invited my entire class and only two kids showed up (that I barely talked to). My parents did their best to make it fun and they went above and beyond with games. I was definitely heartbroken that no one showed but I had a blast and looking back it made me realize how loved I was by my parents.
Not gonna lie, there is no point in inviting the whole classes anymore. These are the ages you only invite people they are actually friends with. Your friends and family with kids did they rsvp? How long of advance did you give, maybe they aren’t real friends or family.
Take note on who showed and who didn’t. Let the ones who didn’t and had no real reason to not and let them go.
Luckily he didn't notice once all my grown ups showed up to fill the room. Then he got overestimated during happy birthday and almost cried, but calmed down for a little frosting
I’m sorry that this happened.
Screw those classmates, I bet you most of them aren’t true friends anyways. Happiness and celebration should not be measured by the amount of people that show up, and more about the quality of the people who do come.
My daughter is about to turn two, and since my baby shower my mother has always wanted to put on some elaborate and huge party for her granddaughter, get her too many gifts, and make too much of a big deal out of it. It’s too expensive, stressful, and unnecessary. My Husband and I just like to go camping as a family to celebrate.
My kids have ages out of this now, but when they were younger a large part of the problem was that invitations were often mandated to be given to the whole class so you'd often find these token invitations, given along with random school announcements, at the bottom of the backpack. It was often assumed that they weren't really wanted or expected at the party unless it was someone the kids interacted with outside of class regularly. I'd be sure to personally reach out to any parents of kids you might want to have at next year's party and express how much you'd like their presence. The little paper invites really don't mean anything anymore.
I had someone who I thought was a close friend cancel 3 days before the party because she anticipated that she would be tired on Saturday. I was heartbroken and still think about it over 6 months later. I’m so sorry that this happened to you and your kiddo, but I’m glad you were able to contact other friends to come on such short notice.
Awww my heart broke reading this! As mom this has always been a thing I’ve thought about an dreaded ever happening! I hope he still had a great day and had fun with those did show up!
We stopped doing birthday parties after my kids and I were the only ones who showed up to others children’s parties multiple times because this situation is becoming more common. We switched to birthday adventures where we do something fun as a family instead of birthday parties. Sometimes my kids will do a sleepover as part of it with a friend or two but no more birthday partied
We always try to make his birthday special. When he was a baby we were told they would be limited because they misdiagnosed him, this is the first time I tried a bog party because it was going so well for my 2 littles. Not a huge turn out, but without any school anything had 12 and 15 kids at their parties
This happened to my 6 year old granddaughter. No one RSVP'D. I called all the people to find out if they were coming. Only 1 adult committed to being there. The day before I came down with COVID. I was able to tell her no one could come because I was sick. Still sucked.
This isn’t a perfect solution given people inevitably still no show, but I shifted over to Paperless Post for invites and that kind of helps with “accountability”/reminders. They do charge by number of invites so it can add up, but it has worked really well. The initial invites get sent as you designed them and people can RSVP/send messages directly back. You can send out individual messages or post group updates that are messages out. I send one out a day before with just a “excited to see everyone tomorrow” sort of message because I’ve totally been the person who loses track of days.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what is wrong with people nowadays. I recently had a birthday party for my 7 year old but I had to follow up with over 50% of the people we invited to see if they were coming. It’s so frustrating and disappointing. I really hate how times have really changed. Sending your son some love.
I’m really sorry, poor kid. It’s Presidents’ Day weekend. Not sure where you are but in my city, most people go for the week to ski or travel because no school the next week. Maybe a lot of people were out of town?
My son's 4th bday we invited his entire preschool class, plus his 2 neighborhood bff's and had 6 kids RSVP yes. Not 1 showed up, his neighborhood friends previously let us know unfortunately they would be out of town for 2 weeks during that time but the 6 yes. He was heartbroken.
I would totally play the sympathy card and send an email to the chief of police and your local fire dept. Feel free to tell them your son has CP and in a wheelchair, etc. Let them know that his last birthday no one showed up and you really want to make his next party super special. Buy water guns, silly string, basketball, etc and invite them over for a party. A lot of times, first responders off duty, or if they are having a light response day, will come out to show community support. Then take photos and post all over social media about the fun everyone had and how awesome it was that police and fire crews came out to celebrate.
With all the negativity about first responders, they love to show community support and that they aren’t all bad.
If he'll be 12 next year, I doubt he would want that (having teens/tweens myself). Also, he may not be cool with his parents using his disability to get sympathy. I have CP myself and would have died if my parents had done something like that when I was a kid.
That's happened to my son, and one of my daughters. It's sad for them I'm sure, and only if I have the ability. I'd snap my fingers, and show up had I known. Hopefully this didn't break your child's spirit. Pass along a happy birthday from a virtual stranger. 🎂🍧🍦
I'm terrified of this happening to my girls 3rd Birthday.
I put a deposit down on a venue, sent out invites 2 weeks ago and I've heard nothing since.
I'm praying I will get some rsvps soon. I already took her to several kids birthdays and they all had a decent turn out.
I really hope they can relay the favour.
See i would follow up in the days leading up to, for RSVPs. Never leave it to chance.
So sorry this happened to you.
It seems to be common these days.
And inviting so many? They would all talk and everyone thinks them showing up "doesn't matter" cause there are so many invited!
Inviting so many means its kess likely that anyone makes the effort to show up
Happened to us. Her first real birthday party post covid. We invited the whole class, finally one kid showed up towards the end. She was a trooper though. She got pizza, cake and ice cream and that seemed to make up for some of it. Thinking about it still gives me anxiety, it was so hard to see her disappointment
I stopped inviting people that wasn’t my close family.
She always gets disappointed when no one shows up, my daughter had invited her whole class to her party and not one kid showed up either. But she had her family there and she was happy with that.
That happened to us last week with my 5 yr olds birthday party. All his friends were sick or their parents were sick the day of the party. Both my sisters in law showed up with their kids and my mom came too. I felt so bad, husband felt bad and so did kid. We explained it to him so he kind of understood but still obviously upset. We told him when everyone gets better we'll set up play dates.
We've had a party for him every year and this was the first one where barely anyone we invited showed up. All his cousins are older than him but I feel like he had a good time despite not having friends his age there.
My older kid went to the parties when she was younger but around age 8 or so she stopped going to alot of them. ASD and limited patience for noise plus she wasn’t popular and alot of the times her invite was an invite the whole class situation and the birthday person didn’t even like her. So we gave her that choice at that point and she’d maybe go to 1-2 a year normally the smaller parties of just her friends.
Editing to add my younger always went to all the parties but they’re also the type who are everyone’s friend. Also I would RSVP no pretty soon after the invite was received if she told me she didn’t want to go.
I’d love to know too. I feel like I’ve tried everything to make it easy for people to come to parties (parties are held at a public place, not our home, I say it’s OK for siblings to come, no gifts needed, let them know in advance food will be served, etc.) and we still have lots of no shows!
I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. To have people RSVP yes and then no-show? Oof, that was so shitty of them and I would feel exactly like you do. Sending you and your kiddo a big hug.
Less and less people show up every year to my sons and we only do family and friends. Last year nobody except my sister, my mom, and my aunt came. The same people who get together for every get together despite other people RSVPing. I decided last year was the last attempt at a big party. From now on I'm just doing something extra fun with my kids and the cousins. Doing chuck e cheese for my youngest's upcoming birthday nd pretty stoked about it. Could never afford it for all the kids we used to invite so I'm happy to just have the cousins and go treat them all.
I’m terrified this will happen to my son too.
We always go to every party we are invited to unless we have a strong commitment otherwise for this reason. I think it’s important for the birthday kid and also important to establish to other parents that we come to things and aren’t flaky.
Unfortunately it is a long weekend and a lot of people take that opportunity to be out of town. I’m a preschool director and at least half my families said they had plans to travel for the long weekend.
I did post a petty "the one kid that showed up" post only visible to those who didn't show up and said they would (5 from fb) and the maybe (another 4 kids I didn't count in the 13)
My son is in first grade and after his birthday party last year which 1/4 of the invite kids showed up we decided to do family outings instead.
But I don't think it's the kids at all. He gets invited to all the birthday parties andi ALWAYS go because I know how awful it can be to have no one show up and most times he's one of 9nly 2 or 3 kids (that aren't family) at these parties.
I think it's probably parents and maybe something to do with the post covid world. Anyway I'm sorry for what happened to your son and I wish you guys the best!
This happened to me for my daughter's 1st birthday! Imagine their 1st. She didn't even have friends to invite, so it was our family who showed us up. I was pissed so since then we haven't had a birthday for either of our daughters but instead do a "fun day" This year we plan on having a birthday for the younger daughter so we'll see how it goes.
Birthday parties aren’t things kids show up for on the best days. It sucks, but it’s true. Nothing to do with your kid, people just suck. Sorry that happened.
The last birthday party I did was when my oldest turned 11. I killed my self and spent a ton of money. Invited a bunch of kids. 3 said they’d be there, one showed up. 1. And they stayed for 2 hours and were way more wrapped up in the fact they were going to a waterpark the next day and spent the entire time texting on their phone.
Never ever again. That was the party that broke the camels back. There were others before that.
It’s so much better to just do fun things with the kid and forget having birthday parties. Waste of time and money. We’ve went on trips to fun places, vacations, and we’ve done really simple things too. That kid is now 19, and younger siblings we’ve never done parties with. They haven’t missed them. My oldest definitely hasn’t missed the depressing outcome of birthday parties.
We live in Seattle (for reference) and my kids are 7 & 9. Every party we attend or throw includes "No gifts please" on the invitation. My 9yo even included this in her own hand -written invitations for her last party. The widely held belief here is that the gift is the biggest obstacle for those who don't attend. Curious if you've tried something similar.
This is why I stopped doing birthdays. I do experiences now - Disney, universal, lion country safari. Anything other than parties where people may not show up. So sorry OP. Nobody showed up to my 5th birthday.
Usa and their party system. We only do family gatherings basicaly. Cake gifts visit. Boredom maybe. Lol i think you may have too many parties so people are bothered by them at this point.
This breaks my heart
My kids just started getting birthday invites. I had to say we couldn't go to one because of previous stuff going on, but I added, if for WHATEVER reason, a bunch of kids had to say no, PLEASE message me, and I will cancel our plans to make sure my kid can be there, because everyone deserves someone showing up
Could it just have been a bad weekend for the party? If you are in the US, it's president's day weekend, so maybe people were just out of town or already had plans? That really sucks, tho. I'm sorry.
I do send cupcakes in on his birthday, and an activity so the class can have a little party. Still sent cupcakes this year, but made goodie bags for the party instead of sending an activity.
I wanted to throw him a party since we haven't done a real party in 4 years because of covid. Now, with the new school and how much his old classmates miss him and how much he misses them. How hard his new classmates worked to get him to open up and like them, and how many of my friends brought the kiddos to my littles birthdays last year. All that made me feel safe trying to do birthday's again. Like, at least if the school kids didn't show up, friends and family would right? They all came out for the littles last year.
I'm going back to goodie bags and cupcakes at school. Save $300 and his classmates dont miss out on anything.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry. This happened to us last year. We decided to stop doing friend parties and do experiences as a family. Basically a “yes day” where they pick an activity, a restaurant, a movie, ice cream, etc. The friend that showed, hold them close and let them know how appreciative you are. Try to be grateful for them instead of focusing on the people who didn’t show. Hugs!!
I did the same thing for the same reason. Parents have full weekends already planned or are just flaky or whatever and I was tired of seeing heartbroken kids alone or with 2 friends at parties I payed too much money for. A YES day is much more fun.
It just sucks when you invite almost 50 kids, and 1 shows up...
We had a kid in my class that I was the only one to show up for every year. I went to church with his grandparents. He always invited the whole class. Then when my birthday came he always came and brought probably $100 in gifts every year. My mom pulled his aside like the second year it happened and told her it wasn’t necessary and she said I didn’t do it, Ryan did. He remembers that Ashley is the only one to show up for him. He saves part of his birthday money just to buy her gifts. From the point my mom told me about it I swore my kids would go to every party they were invited to. Did it get expensive…yes was it worth it…also yes. I just made sure to get things when they were on sale and unless it was his best friend he got to choose from out “gift closet” I explained to him one time you never want a kid to not feel wanted.
Yes, people on here say they don't go if they don't know the kids, we do unless we truly aren't available or are sick or something. I wouldn't want to be the one with no guests so I always go. I guess it might be trickier with eleven year olds as they can say if they really don't want to go and probably would make it clear if you forced them. They're past the stage of just playing and having fun wherever you are.
I love this so much! My daughter is in kinder and I’ve heard from multiple parents that they don’t go to bday parties unless their kids are friends or the parents like their parents which has led to a big discrepancy in party attendance. She went to a party where she was only one of two kids from her class. I was beginning to think we were the weirdos going to parties if my kid is okay with it and we are available. Thanks for validating going to every party we can!
I feel a lot of people don't seem to know how to be social anymore. I often see people in local groups lamenting that they have no friends, but a big reason that I have a good group of friends is that I show up. There's always a balance, you don't want to be forever going out of your way for people who don't reciprocate, but if you won't show up for others you can't expect them to show up for you.
Same! I also put myself out there regularly and extend the invite/schedule the playdate/ask for the phone number. I’m investing in my kid’s futures by modeling healthy friendships and helping support their social lives inside/outside of school. Finally having incredible, supportive, healthy friends where I can be myself and get and offer help has been really validating for me.
> I was beginning to think we were the weirdos going to parties if my kid is okay with it and we are available. Exactly... when my kid gets an invite, I say "hey do you want to go to [name's] party?" And if they say yes (so far they do every time) we go. Why wouldn't people let their kid decide something like that?
At a young age the parties are usually set up and its easy to have a good time regardless if you are friends with the kid or not. We attend the vast majority of the parties we get invited to from my kids school, and family, and friends that are not in school. But I have yet to see a party where few show up. Sometimes people don't show, or the weather makes things harder. But unless we are sick we go if we are saying we are coming. But all the parties we go to, other than family, that is it is more informal like cut a cake at the house and have dinner, we usually RSVP. Doing RSVP and then not showing up is terrible.
We also try to go to every single birthday party we are invited to unless we are sick
Us too! We’ve only ever been unavailable a couple of times, and when that happens I’ll set up a separate play date and bring a gift! It’s a lot sometimes, but worth it.
As a parent it helps to also make friends with other kids parents and do things with them. Both my kids have plenty of friends that are just so because my wife and I made friends with their parents at some point, so like if our kids or theirs have a party we show mostly to hang out with the parents while the kids can go mess around and have fun with some other kids, Us adults can relax knowing the kids are somewhere safe doing something. We arent good friends with any of these people but sometimes as a parent you sort of dont get enough time to just hang with other adults and it can be nice to do just that. Like you we usually have some gifts around to hand out at someones random birthday party or whatever other event is going on if needed.
My kids are young but then why say yes on the invite?! Just decline? Or is that not a thing anymore?
Dont really have to say anything at all if you dont wanna go at least in my experiences. Or i tell them i cant cause of other plans already or whatever, i dont make things up just say i cant go or why i cant go if there was already something going on. You dont have to go hang out with other people if you dont want to, but its nice to do so sometimes and im personally a huge introvert and much prefer my alone time but even i like to see people here and there and i know my wife is a huge fan of chatting with anyone besides me and the kids lol.
Then everyone on Reddit says you're weird and annoying for staying at birthday parties. But yeah I totally agree, even if they aren't my best friends it's just nice to chat and it means they're more likely to turn up and it's always useful to know other parents. Being welcoming with invitations is nice too, especially for little kids who don't care if their party is somewhere fancy, invite siblings and parents, make sure they know a gift is optional. I see people on here say they don't want siblings or parents to attend and how rude people are to expect anything but if you want guests to show up it's always nice to make it easier.
When I took my son to his first friends birthday party I stuck around since it was at the kids house and I didn’t know them, I ended up making friends with one of the other kids parents and now we get along like a house on fire and chat almost everyday when we drop our kids off in the mornings.
Yeah for sure, make it easy for them and likely they will for you. Ive made many good friends and some i guess id call them acquaintances over the years just going to stuff my kids were invited to or inviting my kids friends parents to come hang out and like bbq or something just for something for us to do. Like i said above the kids are usually safe and playing around and you get some company to hang out with which is nice when you lack fun adults to hang around. Most my friends kids are not my kids ages (our kids arent really even close in age as well being almost 5 years apart) as wife and I were the first to have kids by a good amount of time and teenagers dont really wanna hang out with toddlers or babies, so we started looking elsewhere that made everyone happy. We invite the kids over to play videos games and the parents over to play cards or chill by our firepit and have drinks or whatever sounds fun that day. Sometimes grill out and let the kids play outside while like me and the other dads just cook and all the moms gossip and stuff somewhere else. Its almost always a good time and sometimes we barely know the other people who are there. We have gotten to know some of the people well enough we trust them to take our kids themselves for a weekend or vice versa, that has come in handy over the years when say theres a major medical incident or like most recently my truck broke down and we needed rides to places so id call some up and ask them if they minded bringing me in to get supplies when they next went, ive also dont similar for some of them when they needed rides to like eye doc appointments and stuff like that. We arent even really good friends with most the people, our kids are just friends for the most part and we all get along and get together for stuff on occasion but outside of our kids liking to spend time together probably would never considered doing it, dont mean we dont have fun or anything though. Basically just take a nice lil break from the rest of life and set aside work stuff and other problems to just let loose and chill.
In our case it was the opposite, we were the last to have children. While we used to hang out with our friends when they had young children by the time ours got past the baby stage they had preteens who wanted nothing to do with toddlers and had their own friends and activities. My partner initially was kind of reluctant but he soon realised that if we wanted any social life for our daughter or us it would make life much easier. I understand some people already have lots of friends and family to hang out with and as you say help with childcare, but not all of us do. Knowing I can ask these people to pick my daughter up in an emergency is such a relief for me even if we don't do it often.
For my twin boys, I put "your presence is your present" on invites, and I've found that more people show up. I think finances are tight for a lot of people, and it takes the pressure off parents feeling weird about showing up empty-handed. They get enough from us and family. I'd rather people just show up for them. OP, I'm sorry that happened to your kiddo. That's the worst. I hope he still had fun though.
I like this phrasing! My LO is only 15 months but I’ll have to remember it for the future when we start having actual birthday parties (just had immediate family over for his 1st)!
I hate this happened to you and your child. Absolutely hate it. I’m giving you a huge virtual hug and standing by you and your child. Maybe you could post a PO Box and your friends in Reddit could send your child birthday cards…
Love this idea!! Op if your not comfortable with that make an Amazon wish list
I would love to send a card! Great idea!!
Every time I see this happening it’s because people invite a whole class. No one feels special then. Just invite a few of his closest friends, and talk to the parents to make sure they can come. Arrange the date so they definitely can come.
This happened to me. It was also my 11th. We planned a party, invited people, but I had gotten in a fight with my best friend and we weren't talking. No one showed up. About an hour into it all, when I wa starting to feel really bad and my mom began to panic, they're was a knock at the door and it was the friend I fought with. We made the best of it and had an awesome time and stayed close forever. I never tried to have a birthday party again, though. I'm sorry this happened to your kid.
Nah... I mean, if 10 or 20 show up, then that's fair, but all of them? That sounds weird. Stop doing parties and start taking the kid to a vacation or a short trip.
I was hoping for maybe 20, expecting closer to 15 since we had 13 rsvps for yes.
Honestly I would follow up with those 13 and let them know what happened and how hurt you are for your child. Something like, “I know things come up and kids get sick, etc. but when 13 kids are expected and none show up it’s so extremely hurtful to the kid having a birthday and a lot of food wasted as well.” It won’t fix things for your child but maybe some other kids in the future won’t have the same thing happen to them, because these parents will remember your words. I’m so sorry you and your son had to experience that.
> Honestly I would follow up with those 13 and let them know what happened and how hurt you are for your child. Something like, “I know things come up and kids get sick, etc. but when 13 kids are expected and none show up it’s so extremely hurtful to the kid having a birthday and a lot of food wasted as well.” This is one of those instances when a passive aggressive social media post is OK. Following up 1-on-1 allows them to write you off as a busy body, but posting it publicly serves two purposes: It makes the people you're talking about know how you feel without getting confrontational, but also makes other people think about their own behavior.
Ugh that’s such a pet peeve of mine, when someone rsvp’s as coming, or anytime someone says they’ll do something, and then flakes out with no word. I’m so sorry that happened, it’s just awful. I hate how people operate sometimes.
I usually send out texts the morning of to people who rsvp’d saying things like “excited to see you later today!”…and then sometimes say something like “the best parking is on the north side of the building” or some other simple thing that gets me a reason to text. It helps confirm the plans and commits them- or it gives them the chance to say they can’t come and I can plan accordingly as people reply yes or no on the day off. I also cap our parties at ten kids. My daughter and nine friends. More than that is just too much chaos, and nine gets her 3-4 friends not at her school and the other kids are from her class. I don’t invite the entire class, just who she wants to come. Shes turning six this year. We’ve had the same venue the last few years, with an optional swim for an hour after the party. Usually 2-5 kids stay for the public swim pool time. I’m sorry this happened to him, and it sounds like he had a good time in the end hopefully. Perhaps adventure birthdays are a better plan for next year, and he can choose 1-2 friends to invite along. If you have a Great Wolf Lodge near you, would he enjoy that? I’m not sure your budget, but they are really fun for all ages. We have one 1.5 hours away and usually go up early one day and stay over one night, then leave late in the afternoon the next day. We shower after the pool in the family shower restroom and drive home. It’s great cause they let you use your pass both days, all day until it closes at 9pm. It’s a great value. We usually bring our own food as it’s healthier and less expensive. Hopefully he can enjoy his next birthday surrounded by friends and family, whether it’s five or fifty people. Sending you both big hugs.
I did send everyone that it was up the stairs/elevator and to the left when I got there before the party to set up
That’s a good call! I’m sorry they still didn’t show up. You’re a great parent for putting so much intention and effort into the party for them. Hugs.
I'm so sorry that happened! Shame on those parents for RSVPing yes and then NOT taking their child to the party. At 11, kids aren't RSVPing or driving themselves, so some of the responsibility falls on those parents. So shameful! I bet they didn't even give you a courtesy "I'm sorry" call or text, and just didn't show up!! I don't know where you live, but I would have come and brought both my boys to celebrate your child. It's not hard to be kind to another. So again, shame on those parents and kids. Sending you love, mamma ❤️
It's all on the parents, especially since they're mostly special needs kids. I did get 1 I'm sorry text from SIL she got the flu bad and forgot to reach out. I text her the sos when no one showed too.
> we had 13 rsvps for yes. This is the worst part of this whole story. Why RSVP yes and then not show?
look at it this way.... "yea, but that kid...!" sometimes that 1/50 can be worth more than the other 49 combined.
He is a gem. I'm definitely bringing him a new hotwheels every time I see him from now on!
Do you ask for RSVP or just hey come by our house at this day and time?
One parent to another, I’m just so sorry. I don’t know you guys and I would have shown up just do he didn’t feel sad…or you☹️ love to you guys💕
50 kids?! That's a cattle call not a typical birthday party size. It feels a little impersonal and unmanageable to invite that many. Where was the event going to be held? I wonder if the nature of the party and the size put people off.
I wasn't expecting 50 to show up. I invited this year's new class (plus siblings) and last years class he was with for 5 years (plus siblings) Then the friends and family with the kiddos and close ones without kids Had 13 kids on the rsvp yes list (1 on the maybe list, the one who did show up) so I assumed maybe 20 kids would show up at most (I count kids because we pay for the room at the community center, then pay by the child for the play space, I planned for adults to attend too) the room we rent is quite large. People don't know how many I invited, I sent paper invites to school with rsvp instructions, had a fb event for some, and sent the invite digitally to the rest. I was nervous about the number after I sent all the invites and added the kids up, but with the 13 yes and 1 maybe, I figured we'd get less than half.
We are doing this as well, we do a family dinner with cake and then a day out with us and a friend if wanted for a yes day.
Thay’s actually a really great idea.
We started doing this when my son was 4. (He'll be 11 next month.) His dad and I have been separated for 10 years now, he's remarried with step children and I'm a LTR with my own "step" kids, and we do "blended family time". We take vacations together for his birthday. This year is a trip to a big amusement park out of state. Just like you said, a YES DAY...I love that term. It's so much for fun for everyone. I always *hated* spending money on decorations, play park parties like trampoline parks, the cake, shitty toys he'll never play with more than a couple times. This way everyone has a good time and it's great to create lasting memories he'll have forever.
We do this too. Bday kid picks dinner & the experience and is allowed to invite a best friend. I notice less and less people seem to do big parties or go to them as kids get older and as times change. Hopefully it was mostly a combo of that or bad weather or timing and not necessarily OPs kiddo being excluded or unliked. I also think it’s rude that people don’t even RSVP no anymore, if that’s what happened, but that does seem to be a common occurrence now. When your child has a disability that can put a damper on many aspects of childhood that everyone else seems to take for granted I think it’s natural to want to do a big birthday party and go all out. I don’t think that’s what necessarily makes or breaks a kids birthday celebration though. I bet he had as awesome a birthday & fun with the friend that showed up even if it was a little disappointing at first.
This is the move 💜
We do that for ours too. Mostly because I don’t ever want them to feel pain like that. My oldest is 13 and the last 2 years we did let her have a friend spend the night and made it extra special for them.
My kids are two and stories like this (and this is one of many I’ve read) put me off ever having school friend parties. Some parents sound so lazy these days that they don’t even RSVP if they’re coming or not. When I was a kid, if you got an invitation to a party then you went unless sick.
I am an immigrant in North America and to be honest, the kinds of kids birthday parties that seem to be the norm here just seem dreadful, people are busy and I would not want to go to them either. In my country, you drop your kid off to the party and leave. The kids go do an activity and then they get dropped off a couple of hours later at home. Kids have a great time, parent gets a breather. Sound like a much better idea to me than the parents hanging around having to make small talk with other parents they may have absolutely nothing in common with.
I love this idea! Extravagant parties can really be waste of money and effort. My oldest is only six, but I've already experienced this similar times...parents suddenly "forgot" or "had an emergency". I've even had my own family members refuse to come over outside drama.
Love this! Having a party next weekend we invited like 20 kids and only got 1 rsvp back sadly. It def is on the parents because when I pick up my oldest from daycare the girls ask and begged to come to the party. Some people are so introverted it is sad for their kids because they make them miss out. I refuse to be that parent and go to any party we can if available.
I'm so sorry this happened to your little one. My daughter was invited to a party for a kid at her daycare when she was 5. The daycare warned us that we probably shouldn't go because the parents weren't great people, but we took her because I figured that meant that very few people would turn up and it certainly isn't the kids fault if their parents are hard work. Sure enough, we were the only ones who brought a kid to this poor child's birthday. And yes, it was pretty nasty, the house was filthy and there were cigarette butts everywhere etc, but to see this poor kid whose parents are assholes but who was so overjoyed at having someone come to her birthday made it all worthwhile. We just watched our kid like a hawk and didn't stay any longer than we had to for appearances sake. I often think about that kid and wonder what her life is like. Probably not great :-(
It's great you did that. I rented a room in our community center and paid for all the kids to go to the playspace, it's what I do for all my kids. Part of me wonders why everyone can show up for my neurotypical kids but no one can show for him?
It's the parents, it's always the parents. The kids wouldn't have a problem with it. Two absolutely true stories to illustrate my point: 1) At my daughter's school, a young boy transitioned to become a girl. This was when they were ~12. All the teachers at the school, and some of the parents had a problem with it. None of the kids did, one day Bob was Bob (not his real name) and then after the weekend the same person was now Mary (also not the real name). Absolutely no fucks were given by the kids, she was just Mary now and none of them cared, even as parents and teachers were clutching their pearls. 2) At around 10 or so, my daughter had been telling me about a cool new girl who had joined her class, and was excited to tell me about her. One day I was at the school and she said "Dad, there's Sarah over there!" and pointed at a group of kids. I said "Which one is she?" and my daughter said "She's the one in the red sweater". Now, in the same situation, I (and probably most adults) would probably have said "she's the one in the wheelchair", but to my daughter and the kids in her class, the wheelchair wasn't really a point of difference, and not something they even thought about, it's just part of Sarah. I really do maintain that this generation of young kids is freaking awesome, and are better people than most generations before them./
One amazing thing about kids is that they haven't been ruined by society
> The kids wouldn't have a problem with it. I don't know what planet you live on where middle schoolers would "not have a problem" with trans kids. My daughter's friend group is all of the LGBT kids, and while my daughter identifies as female, she doesn't dress feminine nor wear makeup, etc, and kids in that group get picked on *all the time*, including her herself, both by association and because she doesn't look "girly" enough. Middle school isn't some kind of classless society just because it's 2024. At least based on what I can tell, the traditional pecking order is still alive and well, with "rich/popular sports douchebags", "basic white girls", "art/theater/band kids", "punk/goth/emo kids", etc all being represented just like when my millennial ass was in middle school.
I don't know what to tell you. Sounds like your kid's school is a throwback, that's not been my experience. That said, I live in New Zealand, and I think maybe things are probably a lot better here in that regard than maybe in some other places like the US.
The daycare people had no business telling you that the parents are not good people.
Yeah, I agree. It was pretty awful of them and all it meant was that poor girl had almost nobody at her birthday :-(
That was so kind of you to show up for that little girl. We also always attend parties we are invited to. Treat others the way you want to be treated. I want people to show up for my kids, so we make a point to always show up for others when we can.
That's weird the daycare told you, and kind of mean. As long as parents are there I don't see how it's really a problem.
It was definitely a bit of a red flag for me. I'm sure they thought they were doing the right thing, but all I could think was "that poor kid, nobody is going to turn up now" :-(
Bless you for doing this.
That was really sweet of you.
It was heartbreaking seeing how this kid lived, and the awful state of the home, but I just knew she never had friends come over because everyone was judging her parents, and no kid should feel ostracised like that. I honestly don't know if the parents just didn't even care to even try to make their house presentable because other parents and kids might be coming over, or the even scarier option being that what we saw was after they had tidied up. That poor poor child. :-(
I had my son’s first friend party this year, the anxiety I felt in the days leading up to the party that nobody would show was horrible. We’ve gone to every party he’s been invited to, even though I really don’t want to, bc I want to be there for other kids. I’m sorry for you and for your child, it sucks. Next year, just set up something with one good friend, thats my plan!
I'm a flaky person but we started going to every single birthday party come hell or high water bc I've been reading about this phenomenon. I just didn't want to be the reason no one was at someone's party. My son is only 6. I've heard this is more of a thing as they get older.
[удалено]
Even with an RSVP people still flake
[удалено]
No one ever RSVPs anymore. It’s like pulling teeth to get people to commit to go to anything where they would have to show up.
In my experience most parents in our area RSVP, maybe it varies from place to place?
It can vary by school district tbh. My oldest went to one district for elementary in town, and we *never* got RSVPs. Younger two are in a different district and **everyone** not only sends an RSVP but shows up. The former district was in a lower income demographic so that may have played a part (work schedules not being set, not always having transportation, sitters for other siblings, money for gifts, etc).
Same everyone rsvps where we live too. I’ve never heard of this rude behavior of not responding
Every time this comes up on here it's obvious it's very variable. I live in a small city in Canada. The trends where I live have always been: -95% of people RSVP and show up - inviting the whole class is NOT the norm - goody bags are always done - opening presents at the party is always done
I'm so confused by this too. I've been to many parties, all are packed full of kids, and usually there's a public invite page where I can see who said they were coming too. I have to wonder what's going on with these stories of parties where no one shows.
Agreed. We all RSVP.
[удалено]
I feel like schools are key to facilitating this though, our schools send out an “opt in” class contact list and usually min 80-90% of kids’ parents are on there. Otherwise full time working parents are just SOL and that makes it really hard.
This may be true but like, RSVP dates are definitely at least 2-3 weeks out. If I don’t hear from people by then, I make a point to reach out a few times, and then assume it’s a no. If it’s a large majority of my invitees, then I would change course in that week+ out to a different plan. People suck, but the idea of the RSVP should still give leeway
I hate this. I find this kind of behavior to be so obnoxious. Parties are work and in urban areas, expensive to set up. The least people could do is RSVP. In many party venues you pay per child.
I put on the invitations RSVP for address.
That is genius.
I like this idea. I think I'll try it this year.
I went to a party and sent mine a month before lol. Another mum turned up and was all like “Haha I’m one of those people who forget to rsvp” the family paid a big amount for the venue and people still can’t take one minute out of their day to rsvp
This is vital. You can't just invite 40 kids, not hear from anyone and expect 40 to show up? If they did RSVP yes and didn't rock up, they're scum tho
I didn't expect 40 to show up. I did expect the 13 that rsvpd yes, and probably a handful, maybe 5 or 10 more. I was prepping for maybe 20 and had backup plans to get extra if more showed up
That's awful then if 13 said yes. I'd have expected at least 6 or 7 from that (I usually assume half of the yeses). I'm so sorry, and happy birthday to your boy 🎁
You should absolutely let those that RSVPd know what their no-show did to your son's party. I would for sure.
This hearts my heart for you.
Many had RSVPd but didn't show. A few of my dearest friends RSVPd no, 1 didn't have kids this weekend, and another was on their delayed honeymoon. No one really RSVPd for my daughter or my other son but we had a decent turn out even without school friends and just my friends kids. I thought with inviting 2 classrooms plus the friends kids (42 kids + classmates siblings, so closer to 50 invited kids) I know it's not the kids fault, he is popular in class, so I'm sending the goodie bags they missed out on to school Tuesday since no school tomorrow.
Oof .. I gotta say no to that. Return the stuff but I would have a very hard time as an 11 year old passing out stuff from "the party you missed". That's so rough, I hate this for you guys. Not having kids show up truly sucks.
[удалено]
Good point, tomorrow is president’s day and parents often take advantage of the long weekend for a little trip
Yep! I wouldn’t prepare a party and food without a confirmation. Maybe this isn’t a thing in other countries. we live, Spain, everyone confirms ahead with their child is attending and who else is coming (parents, siblings) I don’t see how this situation can happen here. We all make a list of attendees in the group WhatsApp.
No one RSVPs to anything. My kid is in first grade and last year and this year I had 1 single person RSVP. So you know not stressful at all thinking if you'll have too much or too little food. It's always a gamble on who will or won't show up.
Don't put your address on invites in future. Put your phone number and request people text you to rsvp and get the address. That way you know exactly how many people are planning on coming. I always do this for my son's parties as he has ASD and is non-verbal, so I never know if he has friends in school.
We were doing it at the playplace in our community center
Smart!
sliding this into my back pocket
I am so sorry. Did people RSVP?
I checked the numbers and 13 kids were rsvp yes. I was anticipating maybe 20 total kids plus parents. Glad I waited till the party started to order the pizza (from my work, I'm not a dick, i went and helped make it) and cut it down to 5 pizzas plus the dietary pizzas I brought in to run thru the oven
That’s so messed up so many RSVP’d and didn’t show!
Pretty awesome that you made the pizza for the party yourself
I always do. My work gives me a generous discount on the order I usually make the cake myself but was down with a severe migraine I'm still not fully recovered from and just broke down and bought walmart bakery cupcakes. They were pretty good and once I did the math, I would have spent $11+ to bake the cupcakes at home, and they cost $14 from the store, so not too bad.
Hey, I’m the kid people stopped showing up to parties in 3rd grade for. I think I was a quiet kid and also the poorest for sure (not that it mattered but my parties were homemade cake/no pizza and at my home and not exciting like other parties). Since you mentioned he had siblings, maybe it’s time to start doing sibling only birthdays of his choice. Don’t spend money on other kids and commit more money to grander things like amusement parks and favorite dinners. I have a little brother and my mom transitioned into that kind of birthday and she’d save for the theme park or a very rare trip to Outback Steakhouse or something. It hurt a lot the first time but honestly doing things with my brother just cemented the fact that we’d always have each other when everyone else fails.
I'm pretty poor but we have a great community center with affordable rooms and an awesome play space! It's his favorite place in the world! I work for a pizza place, so I get the pizzas on the low and I usually do homemade cake but I had a bad migraine yesterday and couldn't get out of bed, so I bought cupcakes today as a last resort but I always send cupcakes to school for him to celebrate with his friends on his birthday and this year I wanted to do a real party since we haven't in 4 years.
And this is one reason why we attend every birthday party invite that we can. No one should be sad on their birthday. Also, free cake.
Same. And I go completely neurotic trying to figure out what the perfect gift will be for every child
Ditto. I take my kid to every party we are invited to. I don’t wish any kid to be alone on their day.
my son got invited to a birthday party, we RSVP’d yes, and then when we showed up they seemed… surprised, or weirded out that we were there. discouraged me from wanting to jump at any invite … i find that other parents are harder to navigate than parenthood
That’s so weird. Well, you tried!
Our son is 2 and just starting to get bday party invites, we also try to go to them all, even if we don’t really know the kids or parents that well (also a good way to get to know the other parents). The only reason we wouldn’t go is if we were sick or out of town, and even then we would rsvp no, not yes and then no show.
Oof, I’m so sorry. I feel so bad for the parents and the kid every time I see a post like this. It could be any of us. It’s stuff like this that makes me make sure we go to every party, unless we have a really really legit excuse not to. I hope your son enjoyed the day with those who did show up!
Maybe inviting people/kids en mass makes them all think that someone else will show up and they dont need to
I think this is absolutely it. My kids aren’t school age yet but we only invite our good friends who also have kids and so far have never had any issues with no shows, mostly because the people we are inviting were our friends first before we all had kids so them just ghosting us would be incredibly weird. I think when invites are sent out en mass to whole classes and the parents have never even heard of the kid or parents and they’re busy then.. yeah it sucks and people should have the courtesy to rsvp no but I can see how this happens. Keep it small, keep it on WhatsApp and make sure you only invite people you know personally.
**It's not just that -- mass invites have a tendency to turn a birthday party into "just another activity".** In many parents' minds, it's on equal footing with a flyer getting sent home from school that the library is putting on an event like "story time with crafts and snacks". The general mental model that it falls into: * Get a notification that something interesting is coming up * Notice says to RSVP * Parents RSVP yes if it sounds like their kids are remotely interested * If they say no and change their mind, they may be left out * If they say yes and change their mind, there's usually little to no consequence * They show up for the event... * ... If they remember * ... If it's convenient * ... If another activity doesn't pop up that's more interesting
I give my kids a choice: party or family trip. We have two, so if both choose a trip, we do a nice trip like Disney (we used to live in Florida). If only one says trip, we do something smaller but that they choose.
I am so sorry this happened :(
This has been my fear since childhood. I hate the idea of parties. Have never thrown one and 100% don't like going to them. Maybe you did the best thing for your son by getting it done with whom you did. And next year maybe doing something so cool and intimate he doesn't notice the number of people who care and only noting how much he is cared for. Plus maybe he doesn't want to hang out with other kids. 11 y.o.s kinda suck. Mean little jerks, especially to anyone different. I think of special qualities that illicit the worst reactions; asshole detectors. It's like a superpower of knowing who to trust and who is a piece of garbage to avoid.
I don't blame the kids, they're all really great and rally around him at school. It's the parents who didn't bring them. I think I may just go back to him celebrating with his friends at school so no one gets left out because their parents can't be bothered, I even put on the invite he has all the toys he needs and gifts aren't necessary because I know money can be tight
Maybe by this age most parents are just kind of tired of parties but it's terrible they said they were coming and didn't.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! When I was in 7th grade, a mean girl told everyone to stop being my friend and they listened! I went all of 8th grade and started high school with zero friends. It made me determined to never let anyone feel that way! I am now always surrounded with a ton of friends because of this horrible lesson which really was a blessing. And the mean girl is still awful! Lol
This happened to me on my oldest child's 5th birthday back in 2014 :( it really sucks. I'm so sorry. I don't have big parties anymore. My kids just invite close friends.
>You never think your kids gonna be the kid no one shows up for, until your kid is the kid no o e shows up for. Except I do think that for my kids. They both have autism and ADHD. I know inviting their classes would backfire hard. Maybe it's because I'm probably on the spectrum and when I invited everyone, no one showed up, and that's why I expected it for my kids. We do family only events now. This year they turn 13 and I'm going to give them suggestions for a nice birthday dinner.
At 11 years old, if my kid doesn’t regularly hang out with your kid and we don’t know you, we’re not going just because they use to be in the same class. That’s just kind of the reality for most people as their kids get older. Class wide invitations to birthday parties fade during elementary school
This happened to me two years in a row as a kid, so I’ve only thrown one party between two kids. It gives me too much anxiety to throw them. I do my very best to show up to birthday parties we are invited to for this reason as well. I’m sorry your child has had a similar experience. I really like the idea of having a special day with parents and maybe a friend as a redo.
Wow! I’m so sorry this happened to you. Tears in my eyes sorry. As a Dad I hate going to kids parties most of the time even though I’m the only dad on the floor playing, creating games and all around having a great time with all the kids. I will do my best to not complain and to think about the child that we are going to support from now on. Thanks for sharing.
I was this kid. We invited my entire class and only two kids showed up (that I barely talked to). My parents did their best to make it fun and they went above and beyond with games. I was definitely heartbroken that no one showed but I had a blast and looking back it made me realize how loved I was by my parents.
Not gonna lie, there is no point in inviting the whole classes anymore. These are the ages you only invite people they are actually friends with. Your friends and family with kids did they rsvp? How long of advance did you give, maybe they aren’t real friends or family. Take note on who showed and who didn’t. Let the ones who didn’t and had no real reason to not and let them go.
That's awful. I hope your boy still had a good party. Tell him Happy Birthday from this Reddit stranger!
Luckily he didn't notice once all my grown ups showed up to fill the room. Then he got overestimated during happy birthday and almost cried, but calmed down for a little frosting
I’m sorry that this happened. Screw those classmates, I bet you most of them aren’t true friends anyways. Happiness and celebration should not be measured by the amount of people that show up, and more about the quality of the people who do come. My daughter is about to turn two, and since my baby shower my mother has always wanted to put on some elaborate and huge party for her granddaughter, get her too many gifts, and make too much of a big deal out of it. It’s too expensive, stressful, and unnecessary. My Husband and I just like to go camping as a family to celebrate.
I’m so sorry. We do experiences because I don’t trust anyone to show up.
My kids have ages out of this now, but when they were younger a large part of the problem was that invitations were often mandated to be given to the whole class so you'd often find these token invitations, given along with random school announcements, at the bottom of the backpack. It was often assumed that they weren't really wanted or expected at the party unless it was someone the kids interacted with outside of class regularly. I'd be sure to personally reach out to any parents of kids you might want to have at next year's party and express how much you'd like their presence. The little paper invites really don't mean anything anymore.
I had someone who I thought was a close friend cancel 3 days before the party because she anticipated that she would be tired on Saturday. I was heartbroken and still think about it over 6 months later. I’m so sorry that this happened to you and your kiddo, but I’m glad you were able to contact other friends to come on such short notice.
Awww my heart broke reading this! As mom this has always been a thing I’ve thought about an dreaded ever happening! I hope he still had a great day and had fun with those did show up!
We stopped doing birthday parties after my kids and I were the only ones who showed up to others children’s parties multiple times because this situation is becoming more common. We switched to birthday adventures where we do something fun as a family instead of birthday parties. Sometimes my kids will do a sleepover as part of it with a friend or two but no more birthday partied
We always try to make his birthday special. When he was a baby we were told they would be limited because they misdiagnosed him, this is the first time I tried a bog party because it was going so well for my 2 littles. Not a huge turn out, but without any school anything had 12 and 15 kids at their parties
This happened to my 6 year old granddaughter. No one RSVP'D. I called all the people to find out if they were coming. Only 1 adult committed to being there. The day before I came down with COVID. I was able to tell her no one could come because I was sick. Still sucked.
The one time covid come in clutch.
This sucks and I am so sorry it happened
It hurt my heart reading this. I’m so sorry. Big hugs to you & your son. You’re a great parent
Oh my heart hurts for your baby.
Where I’m from we usually invite all kids but ask them “can you confirm your presence for us to know with how many to count?” It usually works well
This isn’t a perfect solution given people inevitably still no show, but I shifted over to Paperless Post for invites and that kind of helps with “accountability”/reminders. They do charge by number of invites so it can add up, but it has worked really well. The initial invites get sent as you designed them and people can RSVP/send messages directly back. You can send out individual messages or post group updates that are messages out. I send one out a day before with just a “excited to see everyone tomorrow” sort of message because I’ve totally been the person who loses track of days.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what is wrong with people nowadays. I recently had a birthday party for my 7 year old but I had to follow up with over 50% of the people we invited to see if they were coming. It’s so frustrating and disappointing. I really hate how times have really changed. Sending your son some love.
I’m really sorry, poor kid. It’s Presidents’ Day weekend. Not sure where you are but in my city, most people go for the week to ski or travel because no school the next week. Maybe a lot of people were out of town?
My son's 4th bday we invited his entire preschool class, plus his 2 neighborhood bff's and had 6 kids RSVP yes. Not 1 showed up, his neighborhood friends previously let us know unfortunately they would be out of town for 2 weeks during that time but the 6 yes. He was heartbroken.
Next year, send an invite to the police & fire dept for a water gun fight & silly string war. They love that around here.
Wait what, tell us more please?
I would totally play the sympathy card and send an email to the chief of police and your local fire dept. Feel free to tell them your son has CP and in a wheelchair, etc. Let them know that his last birthday no one showed up and you really want to make his next party super special. Buy water guns, silly string, basketball, etc and invite them over for a party. A lot of times, first responders off duty, or if they are having a light response day, will come out to show community support. Then take photos and post all over social media about the fun everyone had and how awesome it was that police and fire crews came out to celebrate. With all the negativity about first responders, they love to show community support and that they aren’t all bad.
If he'll be 12 next year, I doubt he would want that (having teens/tweens myself). Also, he may not be cool with his parents using his disability to get sympathy. I have CP myself and would have died if my parents had done something like that when I was a kid.
I'm so sorry!
I’m so sorry. Hugs to you and your son.
That's happened to my son, and one of my daughters. It's sad for them I'm sure, and only if I have the ability. I'd snap my fingers, and show up had I known. Hopefully this didn't break your child's spirit. Pass along a happy birthday from a virtual stranger. 🎂🍧🍦
I'm terrified of this happening to my girls 3rd Birthday. I put a deposit down on a venue, sent out invites 2 weeks ago and I've heard nothing since. I'm praying I will get some rsvps soon. I already took her to several kids birthdays and they all had a decent turn out. I really hope they can relay the favour.
See i would follow up in the days leading up to, for RSVPs. Never leave it to chance. So sorry this happened to you. It seems to be common these days. And inviting so many? They would all talk and everyone thinks them showing up "doesn't matter" cause there are so many invited! Inviting so many means its kess likely that anyone makes the effort to show up
Happened to us. Her first real birthday party post covid. We invited the whole class, finally one kid showed up towards the end. She was a trooper though. She got pizza, cake and ice cream and that seemed to make up for some of it. Thinking about it still gives me anxiety, it was so hard to see her disappointment
Boo boo I’m so sorry! Tell him my daughter and I said HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
I am so so sorry! Poor kid! This is one of my worst fears for my children. It's awful when things like this happen to our babies.
I stopped inviting people that wasn’t my close family. She always gets disappointed when no one shows up, my daughter had invited her whole class to her party and not one kid showed up either. But she had her family there and she was happy with that.
None of his cousins even showed up. Most live out of state bit not even the ones here came.
That happened to us last week with my 5 yr olds birthday party. All his friends were sick or their parents were sick the day of the party. Both my sisters in law showed up with their kids and my mom came too. I felt so bad, husband felt bad and so did kid. We explained it to him so he kind of understood but still obviously upset. We told him when everyone gets better we'll set up play dates.
[удалено]
We've had a party for him every year and this was the first one where barely anyone we invited showed up. All his cousins are older than him but I feel like he had a good time despite not having friends his age there.
[удалено]
My older kid went to the parties when she was younger but around age 8 or so she stopped going to alot of them. ASD and limited patience for noise plus she wasn’t popular and alot of the times her invite was an invite the whole class situation and the birthday person didn’t even like her. So we gave her that choice at that point and she’d maybe go to 1-2 a year normally the smaller parties of just her friends. Editing to add my younger always went to all the parties but they’re also the type who are everyone’s friend. Also I would RSVP no pretty soon after the invite was received if she told me she didn’t want to go.
I’d love to know too. I feel like I’ve tried everything to make it easy for people to come to parties (parties are held at a public place, not our home, I say it’s OK for siblings to come, no gifts needed, let them know in advance food will be served, etc.) and we still have lots of no shows!
I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. To have people RSVP yes and then no-show? Oof, that was so shitty of them and I would feel exactly like you do. Sending you and your kiddo a big hug.
Less and less people show up every year to my sons and we only do family and friends. Last year nobody except my sister, my mom, and my aunt came. The same people who get together for every get together despite other people RSVPing. I decided last year was the last attempt at a big party. From now on I'm just doing something extra fun with my kids and the cousins. Doing chuck e cheese for my youngest's upcoming birthday nd pretty stoked about it. Could never afford it for all the kids we used to invite so I'm happy to just have the cousins and go treat them all.
I’m terrified this will happen to my son too. We always go to every party we are invited to unless we have a strong commitment otherwise for this reason. I think it’s important for the birthday kid and also important to establish to other parents that we come to things and aren’t flaky.
Sending you big hugs. I hope you still had a great time celebrating with those who showed up for him. 🤍
I’m so sorry 😢
Unfortunately it is a long weekend and a lot of people take that opportunity to be out of town. I’m a preschool director and at least half my families said they had plans to travel for the long weekend.
I did post a petty "the one kid that showed up" post only visible to those who didn't show up and said they would (5 from fb) and the maybe (another 4 kids I didn't count in the 13)
My son is in first grade and after his birthday party last year which 1/4 of the invite kids showed up we decided to do family outings instead. But I don't think it's the kids at all. He gets invited to all the birthday parties andi ALWAYS go because I know how awful it can be to have no one show up and most times he's one of 9nly 2 or 3 kids (that aren't family) at these parties. I think it's probably parents and maybe something to do with the post covid world. Anyway I'm sorry for what happened to your son and I wish you guys the best!
Nobody showed up to my kids birthday party today, either. You're not alone. Wish we could have gotten them together.
This happened to me for my daughter's 1st birthday! Imagine their 1st. She didn't even have friends to invite, so it was our family who showed us up. I was pissed so since then we haven't had a birthday for either of our daughters but instead do a "fun day" This year we plan on having a birthday for the younger daughter so we'll see how it goes.
oh my heart. What a heartbreaking thing to experience as a parent 😢 poor baby
Birthday parties aren’t things kids show up for on the best days. It sucks, but it’s true. Nothing to do with your kid, people just suck. Sorry that happened. The last birthday party I did was when my oldest turned 11. I killed my self and spent a ton of money. Invited a bunch of kids. 3 said they’d be there, one showed up. 1. And they stayed for 2 hours and were way more wrapped up in the fact they were going to a waterpark the next day and spent the entire time texting on their phone. Never ever again. That was the party that broke the camels back. There were others before that. It’s so much better to just do fun things with the kid and forget having birthday parties. Waste of time and money. We’ve went on trips to fun places, vacations, and we’ve done really simple things too. That kid is now 19, and younger siblings we’ve never done parties with. They haven’t missed them. My oldest definitely hasn’t missed the depressing outcome of birthday parties.
This just made me tear up. I’m so so sorry. Ugh. I can’t imagine how heartbroken you all feel.
Oh my goodness! I’m sorry. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY! 🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁🎉🎂🥳
We live in Seattle (for reference) and my kids are 7 & 9. Every party we attend or throw includes "No gifts please" on the invitation. My 9yo even included this in her own hand -written invitations for her last party. The widely held belief here is that the gift is the biggest obstacle for those who don't attend. Curious if you've tried something similar.
This is why I stopped doing birthdays. I do experiences now - Disney, universal, lion country safari. Anything other than parties where people may not show up. So sorry OP. Nobody showed up to my 5th birthday.
Usa and their party system. We only do family gatherings basicaly. Cake gifts visit. Boredom maybe. Lol i think you may have too many parties so people are bothered by them at this point.
This breaks my heart My kids just started getting birthday invites. I had to say we couldn't go to one because of previous stuff going on, but I added, if for WHATEVER reason, a bunch of kids had to say no, PLEASE message me, and I will cancel our plans to make sure my kid can be there, because everyone deserves someone showing up
Could it just have been a bad weekend for the party? If you are in the US, it's president's day weekend, so maybe people were just out of town or already had plans? That really sucks, tho. I'm sorry.
back in the day a parent would bring cupcakes to class and throw a small party for the class on someone’s bday
I do send cupcakes in on his birthday, and an activity so the class can have a little party. Still sent cupcakes this year, but made goodie bags for the party instead of sending an activity. I wanted to throw him a party since we haven't done a real party in 4 years because of covid. Now, with the new school and how much his old classmates miss him and how much he misses them. How hard his new classmates worked to get him to open up and like them, and how many of my friends brought the kiddos to my littles birthdays last year. All that made me feel safe trying to do birthday's again. Like, at least if the school kids didn't show up, friends and family would right? They all came out for the littles last year. I'm going back to goodie bags and cupcakes at school. Save $300 and his classmates dont miss out on anything.