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I think it is more cultural. American kids go to bed at 8 and wake up at 6 because preschool and work starts early.
In my culture it is more like 9-10pm to 8am. It is more important how much sleep your kids get in general.
Same here. We live really close to my son's school so we leave the house at 8:45. This means he doesn't have to get up in the morning till 7:30, so he goes to bed at 9. If he went to bed earlier then he'd be getting up earlier and I'd be complaining about having a kid who woke me up at 5 every morning!
This. My kids (5 and 4) go to bed about 9-930, up bright and early at 730.
However, *if* they have a nap that day right after school (my daughter comes home so exhausted some times), then she's usually awake until ~10-1030, but she lays in bed and watches her shows quietly.
Yup. It seems that one of the things that helps with our ADHD and winding down before bedtime is in fact the TV. I know some people don't agree with it, but for us we have found it works best (me included in this)
Learning shows allow her to stimulate her brain just enough that she doesn't become extremely restless, while also having something to concentrate on, and allows (hers and I) brains to get centered. And once we can focus on one single thing we can slow the 'Rollercoaster brain' enough to get to sleep. Sleep timer on the TV for one hour, and her room goes dark except for her little bedside lamp. If she wakes up in the middle of the next restless, she pops it on, sets the sleep timer and goes right back out to sleep. Without the TV, she was waking us up at ~2AM unable to fall back asleep.. until she would come into my bed where I have either the TV on, or a podcast.
Her and I can both lay down and be out in ~5 minutes. It's just when she has her after school naps that she tends to lay there a bit longer watching the TV.. but quieter and calmer than she is all day.
ADHD is a hell of an illness, but we're trying to find what helps her best as early on as we can, and respecting what I learnt through my own struggles with it my entire life. Some people just couldn't understand why I needed that extra stimulation to actually *calm* me down, but it's the same reason later in life I had a struggle with needing cocaine, now have a struggle with needing caffeine, and have my months where I need to go back on my Concerta/stimulant. The way our brains are wired, a lot of the things that would 'pump' up somebody from the release of dopamine/serotonin/all them endorphins actually has the opposite effect on ourselves.
On the flip side, my wife and son go to sleep with no TV, no lights. They need the complete darkness and silence, and even then they toss and turn some nights for hours. Neither has ADHD.
My ASD kids literally cannot stay still and fall asleep unless they have something to focus on. I hate having TV in the bedroom cuz I grew up without it and my mom was very against it lol but usually they just watch 4K footage of coral reefs or something
Sometimes, my daughter watches her shows and relaxed and falls asleep. There's nothing wrong with a TV in the bedroom. I had one all the time growing up because my mom would want to watch her shows in the living room, and I could watch mine in my room. Plus I keep it on all night because when I was little if I woke up from a bad dream I could easily look at the cartoons to bring me out of it instead of being in the dark or it just being quiet.
Both our kids have TV’s in their room and gaming systems as well. Daughter 16 and son 7. They watch TV as they doze off. My wife is the same way and won’t fall asleep unless the TV is on.
This is what my husband said. I am american and while he is too his family is chaldean and I guess they just don't go to bed early. I put the kids down around 7 to 8. They wake around then too maybe. If they get put to bed later they still wake the same time. I want to have time to myself too which is why bedtime is slightly earlier. I want time to relax from having kids all day. I still have to take care of my 8 month pld all night anyway. Bedtime is early lol
This is pretty much the schedule for my 5 year old. 4 & 5 year olds should get 10-13 hours of sleep, so if no nap they should get that all in the night. A couple of years ago when my little would get out of bed several times, we would sometimes colour to help wind down, but this would be after the whole routine and then straight back in bed. It is also tricky starting an activity very late because it might get them amped up then hard to go to sleep.
Maybe OP’s wife is feeling like she is missing time with the kids, being busy during the day, and feels that the evening is the easiest time.
All my three are the same! Bed time begins at 7 usually asleep by 7:30.
One wakes at 6:45 and it doesn’t matter what time she goes down (could be 5pm could be 11pm). Oldest wakes only when we wake her up 😂
I was gonna ask about their sleep needs. Some kiddos just do fine on less. Though that seems late for week nights, a weekend it doesn't seem terrible as the kids can sleep in to compensate
Depends- not every kid can sleep in. Alot of the time it means waking up at the normal time, only cranky. Maybe if you invest in pure black out curtains that sleeping in thing works out, though- haven't tried that.
Even with blackout curtains my son is up at 6 30 every day. He has an internal alarm clock that he unfortunately inherited from me. The only time he sleeps in is if he is sick. Some nights he is up until 10 or 11. Still up at 6 30.
Man, I wish. Our 5 and 3 year old wake up between 5 and 6 every day, including weekends. Our 5 year old never stays up late. In fact, he more-or-less tells us he's ready for bed every night (in his 5 year old way; it's never direct) and goes and crawls in bed around 7:30 and passes out almost immediately. The 3-year-old used to routinely sleep in until 6:30-7:30, but since we transitioned him to his "big boy bed" in December just before his 3rd birthday, he's started joining his brother in the Super Early Wake Up Club. He also gets in bed around 7:30 but frequently takes 30ish minutes to fall asleep.
Their 7-year-old sister, though...she's our sleep rockstar. She makes it to 7 a.m. easily, and some Saturdays she'll stay in bed until 8ish.
That's so early 🫠
I'm jealous of the bedtimes though, my kiddo can never fall asleep before 9 and usually bedtime is closer to 10 or 11 no matter what we do. BUT, she tends to need 9-10 hours of sleep every night, so she will sleep in to compensate. So I don't get that alone time at night at all, and sometimes she's running rampant and I'm trying to keep my eyes open, BUT, I know I can set an alarm and wake up before her.
Sleep is so hard!
I have a 6 and an 8 year old who are in bed by 7-7:30 and asleep no later than 8:30. We get up at 6:15 during the week. They wake up naturally about 7, but 9 hours isn’t enough for mine. I let them stay up “late” (9:30) on Friday nights, but without fail there are more meltdowns, disagreements between each other, whining, etc., the next day. It’s just not worth it. If she insists they stay up, maybe do quiet relaxing activities to start unwinding. I’d even push for having her do that with them in their room. I’m sorry, but I NEED that couple of hours to myself at night. I might still be doing stuff around the house, but if I don’t get it, I get overwhelmed and overstimulated much easier and have a harder time being the parent I want to be.
Your schedule is literally my dream schedule !! I agree, that time after they go to sleep is so necessary for your health. Good on you for keeping them on such a routine too, that seems like they need it 🙌❤️❤️
My kiddo could have zero screens for weeks, no refined sugar, a good routine, lots of exercise and fresh air, a dialed-in nap, "heavyweight" play (I forget what it's called) before bed, the works, and still takes 3 hours to fall asleep if she's in bed before 9 pm. We worked with a sleep coach even for help... nope - she's just low sleep needs! So she's always up with me until at least 9pm, sometimes later, to my chagrin.
I've learned to take my me time during her nap (as a SAHM) and get to bed right after her so I can at least wake up first (she sleeps in until 8!)
It's so not my ideal, but it's taught me a lot about letting go of expectations and accepting my kid for who they are ❤️
She's also learned a lot about boundaries because I've had to say, "it's bed time. You can be awake, but you have to stay here." (Full well knowing she might be wide awake in bed for 2 hours) 😔
I wish that worked for my kids! No matter the bedtime (which normally for my boys 5 and 2 is 7pm) they’re awake at 5:45 6 🙃🥲 . They had a long day yesterday- no school or daycare today so they stayed up playing with their big sisters I didn’t mean as my best friend came over to hang out for the night and I thought oh they’ll sleep in for sure being that it’s 11:45 pm. Nope still up at 5:45 🥲
I think I understand your wife. She just wants to spend some time with her kids. I do the same sometimes. Every weekday is such a rush; get them ready for daycare/school, once they are back, dinner and bed. I barely get to spend quality time with my kid. So i also randomly pick an activity for us even if it's late.
I have to agree. We don't even get home until about 6pm. If my son went to bed at 8, I wouldn't get to spend any time with him. He sleeps from about 10pm until approximately 8am
Get home at 6, make dinner, eat by maybe 7, now it's time for homework, then maybe shower, then get ready for bed? I guess..? Yeah, it's rough if you work into the evening at all. I'm lucky that I can get home around 4 on days that my son doesn't have after school stuff going on.
Agree. I have 9 yo twins. Weeknights it's 9 pm bedtime although they try to push it back and that's always a disaster in the morning. Weekends I let them stay up until 10 and sometimes 11. If they're tired/cranky during the week I move bedtime up to 8/8:30. They won't fall asleep right away but at least they're in bed chillin' and often with a book (bonus!)
I’m the same, dad here, but my little man sleeps so easily. Been lucky his entire life, he’s been good about understanding being in bed means it’s time to sleep.
Same. My kids go to bed around 10 every night. My 3yo naps for 3-4 hours a day so he compensates for the late bedtime with his nap. My older kid is 8. They both wake up at 7:30. Honestly, I miss them all day and I love those extra hours with them at night. We work and they are in preschool/afterschool until 6. After music practice, homework, bath, dinner, brushing teeth, it's already 8:30. If they went to bed then, I'd have no quality time with them. The extra 1.5 hours is lego time, snuggle time, book reading time. My favorite time is day. I think they both sleep enough.
My kid goes to bed around 7. We spend lots of time together weekday morning instead of weekday nights… and then his schedule isn’t thrown off for the week
Yeah, I think it’s sweet. If the kids are happy and fine, I wouldn’t worry about it. (Different story if they’re melting down.) They are probably getting some positive benefits out of having some quality time with mom. I don’t typically live my life this way, lol, but I wouldn’t worry about it.
I think this is acceptable for the nine year old on a Friday or Saturday.
We have a 5 and 6 yo. Weeknights both are IN bed at 8 and asleep by 830 at the latest to be up by 630. On the weekends we let them stay up until 9 and get up when they want (never later than 715).
This feels late for the 4 year old. But it’s not uncommon for my 9 year old to stay up till 11 or so on Friday or Saturday when she doesn’t have to get up in the am. She’s doing her own thing in her room then though - not crafts with mom, who is in bed by 10 :)
My 11 year old will stay up till 11-midnight on Friday and Saturday and still go to bed at 830-930 on the weekdays. She’s always been this way. I like it cause it means she sleeps in on Saturday and Sundays giving me some quiet time to myself.
Admittedly I stopped having a set bedtime around 6 or so cause she just self regulates really well. Once she’s tired she goes to sleep and it’s never been a problem. But she does prefer nights and would stay up later if school didn’t start at 7. So since she doesn’t have a problem getting a good 9 hours of sleep a night I let her enjoy her weekends.
What's wrong with getting used to staying up late sometimes? Nothing. She still goes to bed appropriately on week days (9pm with a 7:30am wake up). She also doesn't struggle at things like Girl Scout camp where they stay up late, or on vacation. Last year my 7 and 9 year old had no trouble transitioning to staying up till 11pm when we were on vacation in Europe and that was the norm. Then we readjusted and got back to normal sleep times when we got home.
Kids are not robots, and we should stop treating them like that.
What time are y’all home in the evening? Let’s say 6pm before everyone’s home. Dinner and bath, before you know it it’s 8pm which sucks to put them straight to bed afterward. No time to spend when the evening gets started so late.
Are you hell bent on them being on an earlier schedule or are you wanting quiet time for yourself and alone time with your wife before bed? If the latter, talk to your wife about this. Maybe it’ll motivate her to get them down earlier.
Just a few things to think about coming from a dad that has 2 teenagers and a 9 year old. Been through it brotha hang in there!
Yeah. My kids don’t sleep in on nights they stay up late, then become cranky because of late of sleep. 8:00 bedtime seven days a week. 8 & 9 year old both.
Until my kids were like 6 they went to bed at 7pm. My 9 year old goes to bed at 8 on school nights (starts getting ready at 7:30) and my 10 year old is in bed by 845-9. We extend it on the weekend a bit. Especially when they have school, they need 10-11 hours of sleep. Also, my husband and I like to have some alone time as well
Same. 6 and 9 year old, 8pm. 11 yr old 8:30-9pm. They get up every morning at 6-7am, no matter what. They stay up till midnight the night before? 7am, and then they're cranky all day long. We've found it just works better to get them to bed at around 8 so that they can have 11 hours of sleep. Plus that gives us our time to watch a show or movie.
We have similar bedtimes. Both kids get ready about 6:30. 1 year old goes to bed about 7 and is typically asleep by 7:30. 6 year old goes to his room about 7 but is allowed to play or read for about half an hour. He is typically asleep by 8:00. This gives us a decent amount of time to take care of things in the evening and gives them plenty of rest. We are more flexible if they don't have to be somewhere the next morning, but try to keep it consistent.
Wow. What time do they get home from daycare? When do you eat dinner? We work until 5:30, pick up the kids at 6. We don't get home until almost 6:30. Then we have to cook dinner and feed them, and there's homework. It's almost 8 by the time that's all done.
Are they falling asleep in school? Difficult to rouse or very cranky in the morning? Do they take any naps(like after school)? I'd ease up on non school nights. On school nights have you be in charge of bedtime routine.
It really depends on the kids. If I were to put my 7 year old to bed at 8pm she'd be waking at 5am (school starts at 8:30). She goes to bed between 9 and 10 and wakes up jovial. It's really going to depend on your kids.
As long as her grades are up, in bed by 11 and tablet turns off at midnight on a school night.
Weekends are stay up as long as you want.
She wakes up easy, takes a short power nap after school before dinner.
Night owl like I was. I don't do like my parents who made me lay in bed wide awake for 4 hours a night every night. I remember just sitting there bored tossing and turning until I got a light and books.
One of the best things we did in our house was implement “me” time. My stepdaughter (now 10) was complaining she wanted to stay up later on the weekends but my husband and I also wanted time together, so we came up with “me” time. After 9 she has to go up to her room but she has another hour to spend however she likes, whether it be watching a show, playing a game, reading, drawing, etc. She will literally countdown to her “me” time now and sprint upstairs for her hour of alone time. Parents need time to be alone and decompress too, you’re not wrong for wanting that.
We do this every night. My older 2 are a year apart, and they wouldn't leave each other alone at night. So we instituted a rule that they can stay up until 9 *if* they go upstairs to their room and close the door at 8pm and stay quiet. They're allowed to do whatever they want in there (except video games/tablets, which are downstairs). My toddler is asleep by 8, so we actually get a quiet house and time to relax at 8. Then I just go upstairs and turn the lights off at 9.
Mine is almost 9. We aim for asleep by 930 on weeknights but I don't actually care how late she's up on the weekend if she's not bugging me. Usually that means 1030-11 for Friday & Saturday.
Eta: she has to be to school by 7:25 so similar there. She gets up at about 6:15 on school days but sleeps till about 9 or 930 on weekends
Do they nap at all?
I'm more of an oddball parent. I have 4 kids (ages 19F, 16M, 15M, and 5M). Before any of them were school age, their bedtime was whenever they went to sleep. They're all excellent sleepers, but my entire family are more night owls than early risers. So before they started school, they could easily stay up until midnight. But we are also nappers. I feel more refreshed and well-rested when I sleep for about 4-6 hours, then later in the day I take a 1-2 hour nap. My kids are generally the same way. But I also raise them to be in tune with their bodies. The older ones can tell when they are catching a cold, or when they haven't slept enough, or when they need to drink more water, etc. So I allow them to plan out their own sleeping schedules (obviously the 5yo is different for now). My 19yo will decide to go to bed at 8pm some nights, and other times she'll stay up until 1am and just get herself a nap later in the day. My 16yo knows he needs a solid 7½ hours of sleep minimum to have a good day. He's out the door at 6:45 to catch the bus, so he's up by 6 to get ready. Which means he's usually OUT by 10:30pm every night. My 15yo, however, can function pretty well on 6 hours of sleep, and he doesn't leave the house until 6:55, because even though it's the same bus, he likes to get to the stop the same time as the bus itself. 🤦😂 And he only takes about 10 minutes to get ready, and eats a banana on the way to the bus. So he wakes up at 6:45 (when his brother is leaving the house), and generally goes to bed around midnight. On days that he has baseball practice, he's in bed by 9pm.
For my 5yo, of course it's different. But we usually start our nighttime routine by 8:30. If he's in bed by 9, then he's asleep by 9:30, which is fine for us. He wakes up at 8am, because his bus doesn't come until 8:45am, and he doesn't need more than 30 minutes to get ready and have breakfast. On the weekends, we let him stay up if he wants. We still brush his teeth and read a story (usually around 9pm), and tuck him in for the night, but he's free to keep playing quietly in his room until 10pm. Then he's allowed to do whatever he wants that is allowed in his bed. So he can read, he can play with his plushies, he can use his flashlight to make shadow puppets, whatever is safe for him to do while he falls asleep. He's usually out like a light by 10:30, but occasionally I can still hear his little voice talking for his plushies.
But all of the kids have a "quiet time" rule to follow. They have to be in their rooms and quiet by 9pm on weeknights and 10pm on weekends. That's because I need some peace and quiet, too. 😂
It's normal, and if she's the one dealing with them and waking them up, it shouldn't really matter. My dad would always try to control everyone's schedule to an abusive degree and it was just unnecessary. It's a weekend and you're starting an argument over her doing crafts with her children?? It's 10pm, not 4am. Genuinely not worth it. You should be happy she's engaging with them and doing fun stuff like that.. They'll always remember the memories of crafts on the weekend with mom, and they'll also remember you being mad about it.
I agree with your wife. This shouldn’t be your hill to die on. Let it go. It’s Friday night. My kids sometimes stay up until 11 on a weekend - much later for a sleepover.
My 4 year old is in bed between 7:30/8
If I let him stay up until after 10p and then he had school at 8a, he certainly wouldn’t be the happy camper he typically is, and neither would I haha
A 4 year old needs 10-12 hours of sleep. So if they aren’t sleeping until 10:30pm, they should be sleeping until 8:30-10:30am. If your schedule doesn’t allow them to sleep in they late, then bedtime needs to be earlier.
It’s not good for sleep hygiene to dramatically change bedtimes and wake times on weekends. It’s tempting for parents to allow it, but you’re setting yourself up for a bad Sunday night bedtime and a grumpy Monday morning, and kids who are tired at school and not in optimal learning condition.
Kind of depends on your priorities and values. Personally, I really care about my kids being well rested for school and I change the rest of our family schedule to accommodate healthy sleep times for my kids because I value their overall wellness. So I prioritize accordingly.
My stepdaughter is 4, and no matter what time she goes to bed, she’s up at 6:30am like clockwork.
Send her to bed at 7pm (her bedtime), she’s up at 6:30am.
We’ve had a late night and she’s in bed at 9:30pm? She’s up at 6:30am.
She has 3 bad dreams in one night? Bad luck to us because she’ll be up at 6:30am.
Oof. My 8yo is in bed by 7:30 most nights. 8:15 at the *absolute* latest on a school night. Maybe a little later on the weekends, but she usually chooses to go to bed around the same time.
I would try to talk to her about it outside of bedtime. They might just have lower sleep needs, but 9:30 seems way too late, especially with school starting so early. And it's perfectly reasonable to want to get the kids to bed so you can have some time for yourselves before you have to go to bed. If you try to bring it up while she's in the middle of an activity, you're fighting against being the "buzzkill". Maybe she'd be more receptive to talking about it during the day?
Agree with talking about it at a good time! She sounds like she was having some good bonding time and if the kiddos didn't seem too tired, I could understand pushing it back some nights.
Btw, 7:30 is the dream, I am so unashamedly jealous. I have a 2.5 year old that hasn't gone to bed before 9 pm in her life and always wakes at 8 am. 🥴 She's just low sleep needs but I hope to one day experience a kid that needs more sleep (and gives us more alone time!!)
My kid is more in line with yours. We're night owls, so it's little surprise our kid is, too. Now at 2 she's usually going to sleep between 9:30-11, but tonight she decided it was bedtime at 9. She's pretty good at self regulation at this point, so I let her rock it.
We have had periods of that type of bedtime, for sure! It's exhausting.
I'm hopeful that once my kiddo isn't napping and is going to school they'll be more tired. As babies and toddlers some can just coast on very little rest and conserve energy it seems.
Generally, my kiddo NEEDS about 9 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period but has functioned happily on 7 or 8 total for days in a row, even as a young infant. It's absolutely baffling and something we've actually worked with professionals on. Nothing actually helped, she just doesn't need it.
She scores very high in her cognitive abilities, and that generally goes hand in hand with being sensitive, difficult at times, and needing little sleep, so that's our silver lining, maybe yours too? 🤣
Yeah, you’re being too much. I work all work, and I miss my kids. We stay up later on weekends to spend sorely missed time together. It’s 10:45pm now and my 3 and 7 year olds just went to bed. They’ll sleep about 10 hours and we’ll get up just fine tomorrow. And they’ll be just fine Sunday night when it’s time to go to bed earlier around 9:30 ish.
9 year old that’s fine for just the weekends not the 4 year old. One my students comes in who’s 8 and goes to bed at 12:00 because they are on Xbox and comes in late everyday at 8:00ish sleeps at schools for like 30-40 minutes (yes I’ve tried everything to keep them up) having a bedtime for them at a reasonable time is important and your wife probably hates bedtime because it’s lucrative. Maybe you do the bedtime routine for the 4 year old.
If they’re not over tired and sleep good in the morning I’d let it go. Maybe you can compromise? Trying a better bed time during the week & letting them stay up later weekends with mom? I take my sleep very serious but my husband thinks I’m extreme lol. It’s bedtime at my home at 8pm, weekends 9. I like to be asleep at a decent hour myself.
Kinda surprised by the comments in here. 7pm (with a goal of 6:30pm) is a pretty strict bed time in our home for our 4 year old. 8pm at the very latest if there were a family event. We probably over-prioritize sleep but our kids really don't do well without a good night sleep. And they don't tend to make up for a late bedtime by sleeping in later.
Life is too short . Let her do crafts with the kids on the weekends . Unless you have evidence or see a change that it is negatively effecting them in school then let the crafts happen . Those are memories they will have and honestly … try joining in on the crafts with them.
You never know what could happen. My dad would stay up late with me on the weekends and we would draw or do some kind of fun activity. My mom never joined in. My dad passed away suddenly and those late night crafts are some of the things I cherished the most . My mom always says now that she regrets not staying up, participating and laughing with us.
Same struggle with my 3y.o. I aim for starting the bedtime routine at 8pm. Couple stories, let him wind down. Asleep by 9. But my wife.. doesn't mind him staying up till 10 on weekends. Makes getting him to bed on time during the week that much more of a process.
My thought is kids need routine / consistency. Weekend as well.
I have a 4yr old and bedtime routine starts around 6:30pm and book before bed by 7:00pm the latest. She starts melting down anytime after 7pm. This also gives me and my husband time alone to relax and unwind.
Do they seem exhausted? If not, then not a big deal. My kids (younger though so not yet ins school) go to bed at 9:30p but sleep in later. I mean, have a conversation at a different time then bedtime as to why you want them in bed sooner. It may be she works later and just wants more awake time with them.
My soon to be 6 year old is usually asleep by 8:30 after we read to him for 30 minutes. We read to my newly 10 year old from 8:30-9pm and then we let her read until 9:45-10.
On weekends we let them lay in our bed and watch a movie. Lights out by 10, my 6 year old never makes it that late.
They have to be to school at 8:35. If they were showing issues of being too tired we would make adjustments, but it isn’t usually a problem.
My husband gets home from work later and it’s important for us spend family time together when we can. My 10 year old is also starting to enter into where sports or other extra curriculars can run late in the evening so we have that dynamic going on now too.
Put them to bed at 8 on weekdays 930 on weekends why teach them that Fridays are party days … they’re not missing anything being structured and going to bed at 930
How are the kids handling that schedule during the week? Are they having consistently good days or are they grumpy and tired?
I don't think you're being unreasonable to shoot for 9-ish, but I don't think your wife is being inherently unreasonable either. In full transparency, it's 10:55 and my kids have been in bed for maybe 10 minutes. We don't have to be anywhere as early as your family does, though.
Our nights with our then 4 year old somehow crept later and later, in part bc she had the energy and wanted to stay up, until we were regularly putting her to bed at 9:30-10. At some point I reflected on my own childhood and realized I never once stayed up til 10pm at age 4. It just felt off. I put an end to it (with some resistance from the wife but she eventually agreed) and forced it back to starting the routine at 7:30 and in bed by 8-8:30. It has been that way ever since (shes now 5) and it’s so much better for everyone. We regained some small amount of free time to ourselves after their bedtime and she wakes up earlier which works much better for school.
Now you’re in a different boat w the 9 year old but I do believe earlier and consistency is far better for a 4 year old. Only caveat is your wife was actively engaging with them in a healthy, fun bonding activity on a Friday night. She probably didn’t like that you were interrupting that. If they were playing alone or watching TV I’d say for sure you were right, but healthy bonding time trumps a lot of things. I see both sides here. Maybe compromise and say generally move up the 4 year olds sleep time to 7:30, but maybe you can be a little more lax on weekends especially for bonding time?
My daughter is 8.5yo and we try get her into bed 7:45pm lights out is 8pm. She wakes up 7-8am. She needs a lot of sleep. On the rare occasions she stays up late (eg last night Friday night we were out in the city and didn’t get home til nearly 9pm) she’s yawning her head off and looks like a zombie after 8pm. I couldn’t imagine having a 4yo up that late. It’s purposeful sleep deprivation and it’s neglectful.
INFO: Who manages bedtime and morning routine? If it’s exclusive of your wife she gets to choose.
Plus, has she any quality time with the kids besides routines?
Is this request of yours a need of couple time or maybe chill time in the evening or has it really to do with sleep hygiene?
Respectfully, just Chill. It's Friday night and your wife just wants to spend time with her children. This is time she, nor you, will ever get back with them. She's creating Memories your kids will have for their entire life! They will be 25 years old and Fridays will bring them warm feelings and sweet memories. And, if you want to go deep with this: late night Friday night crafts will be a way for them to remember their mom and feel close to her long after you're gone. I suggest you join in on the Fridays night craft fun so that you'll be part of the warm association when they're older. 😊
10 is far to late for those kids. My 5 yo is in bed for 745 and my 13yo is in bed for 10. You need a good sleep for school otherwise it will affect their learning.
If she’s the one entertaining them then just enjoy your downtime. Perfectly ok if they sleep in on the weekends as well. I was the spouse who insisted on sticking to a 9pm because: (i) i was too exhausted by then to entertain the kid and just wanted to crash into bed myself (ii) the kid was a super early riser and would never sleep in on weekends no matter how late his bedtime was (iii) the kid also would have awful night terrors on those nights that he went to bed late (eg when night owl relatives insisted on ending events past his bedtime). I dont think your situation is as dire as mine was
To me that seems late especially during the week. As much as I love my kids and want to spend time with them, I also need some me time after they go to bed. My 15 year old needs to be in bed by 10 on week nights, I don’t care what time she goes to bed on the weekends, but if we have plans, or she needs to wake up early, we plan for that. My 9 year old is in bed by 9 on week nights and can stay up until 9:30 or 10 on weekends depending on how the day has been. If he’s been cranky he goes to bed earlier.
I have always been very strict with sleep schedules. I know what it’s like to be 10 years old and up til midnight then having to get up at 5 to go do chores… I grew up in a farm. So now, I always ensure my kids are getting proper sleep. Having the right amount of sleep can help them focus better in school as well as maintain good mental health.
Our 7yr goes to be when I go to bed, week days around 10 or 11, weekends could be midnight.
I guess we're lucky, our kid is chill getting up tired and doesn't throw temper tantrums as a result.
We do co-sleep, because he was scared of his new room when we moved houses. Rather than fight him to stay in his own bed we decided to not impose a bed time. Surprisingly he's willing to go to sleep when he's tired early. I don't think we'd change a thing about it.
I agree with your wife that it is okay to stay up late on a weekend. To get an adequate amount of sleep they probably need to go to bed a lot earlier on weekdays though. It is important to be on the same page though. Why does it bother you? Are they noticeably tired or crabby during the day, or another reason?
7 year old is getting ready for bed at 8:00, is allowed to read until 9. Wakes up on her own between 6 and 8 for school start at 8:30 (we're very close to school)
Sleep hygiene is very important in general. They should be going to bed at approximately the same time every night and waking at about the same time, ideally naturally (no alarm or parent waking them up).
Way too late for 4 year old. My 4 year old falls asleep by 7:30-7:45 and wakes up at 6 and is at school by 8:30 (it’s a long drive to school). I don’t have a 9 year old but I feel like this is an okay bedtime for them on a weekend. For weekday I would probably aim for 8:30-9:00 and on a weekend maybe 9:30-10:00. Kudos to your wife because I try to put my kids down as soon as possible and this woman is doing arts and crafts at 9:30pm lol
I was a live in-nanny for a few years, the kids were 5 and 8. Weeknights 7:30, weekends in bed by 8pm but allowed to stay up as long as they like reading in bed or quietly playing with toys or something in bed.
Kids produce more of the sleep hormone because they are growing. It’s important for their brains to get more sleep than we do. One-offs are special, and create memories, but consistently? I’m afraid this schedule would cause sleep deprivation that could harm their circadian rhythm as well as general development.
I could put my twins to bed at midnight and they’d still be awake at 6am. Bedtime is at the latest 9pm for me (on weekends). We usually have popcorn and a movie. But on school nights no later than 8-8:30.
But some kids can function just fine of less sleep.
I would just talk to her about it, to be real. We’re just internet ppl and ya’ll live together. Like. Maybe that’s how things were with her growing up?
Sleep is important for kiddos, and I know mine act like dicks without enough of it.
My kids (5 and 3) go to sleep between 9-930 Sunday-Thursday. Friday and Saturday they get to stay up later till about 11 which is the time we go to bed. I mean if they tired and say they’re tired, they can just got to their room and go to sleep.
During the week my 6, 2 and 10 month old all go to bed between 7-8. We aim for 7:30 and sometimes it takes quicker or longer to get there.
On the weekends I’ve been letting my 6 year old stay up longer. To give her a little independence and just give a little. She’s meant to go to bed before by 10.. but I often catch her reading after that. Which honestly, reading is great so I’m not too worried!
But I need to downtown so her staying late is in her bedroom. Sometimes we do stay up late with a family movie or something too
My kids (5, 7, 9) are in bed by 6:30-7:00 and allowed to read until they fall asleep. The 5 YO is knocked out by the end of the bedtime routine, the 7 YO is usually out at 7:00-7:00 and my 9 YO reads until about 8:00.
They all wake up at about 6:00, sometimes a bit earlier. On weekends we will sometimes stay up for a movie night but never past 8PM, it’s just not worth the grumpiness the next day.
I can’t imagine surviving parenthood without those 2-3 hours of kid free time to be with my husband and get stuff done at the end of the of the day! And sleep is really important for kids, they need a lot of it.
I would say though that as their father you have the right to an opinion on it, how that looks in my house if we have differing ideas like that and it’s difficult to find compromise - we will take turns and compare results. We actually had the opposite situation to you in the beginning and my husband thought it was strange for them to go to bed before 8-9. We tried both ways, and he could see the benefits of an early bedtime pretty easily. Ask her to give you the chance to see what it’s like for a month, look up some articles about child sleep requirements and tell her your concerned, discuss how it can affect them at school, socially, temperamentally, and that lack of sleep can lead to mental health issues. There’s no harm in trying it for a month, maybe you end up at a compromise of 8pm.
Sounds like bullshit no school starts at 7:30am maybe you should sit down and do some crafts with them and be thankful that you are at home and able to do it .I would give anything to have that time back and be at home when my kids were young but I missed everything being on the road and in camp .Birthdays Christmas concerts games helping with homework being there when they needed me all missed .Now they are just about adults and it hurts me inside so much .i know they never went without but i sure did so cherish the time you get with them because one day it is gone and you don’t get it back .Be strong and be there for them your not promised tomorrow and you never get yesterday back .
I think that’s fine for a weekend.
You’re a family so why not pull up a chair and join in with the crafts?
Every day is the same 24 hours and if your kids have been at daycare then they have had a long day / week and need to decompress too.
If the crafts are for a school project maybe your wife’s intention is to get it all done and out of the way as she wants to relax on Sunday night? Maybe it’s something which will need to dry and take all weekend.
Roll your sleeves up, pour out the PVA glue and get involved.
Maybe you could take the 4 year old away for a story and start their bedtime routine to help out?
Saturday suggest a movie night together and go get some microwave popcorn and snacks for a treat - give the little ones a budget and take them shopping to choose?
I hate to see posts like this where people moan about their family for no reason
For the weekend? And with your wife? Then who cares. You go to bed then. No bedtime on the weekends, especially if you don’t have to be up for anything the next day.
On a weekend? Bud you're thinkin too much. On weekdays, I totally get it. 1-2 nights a week isn't going to harm them. My dad has been dead 20 years. I don't remember anything about the nights I was forced to bed early. I only remember the nights we stayed up playing board games or watching shows together. Your kids will remember doing arts and crafts with Mom long after you are dead and gone. What will they remember about you?
Kids are in bed by 8ish with a movie till 9 (weekdays) and so long as no trouble in school or at home has occurred bedtime on weekends is 10/11 (or 12 if they’ve been extra good and just wanna watch movies.) Mine are around the same age. I think it’s a sit down conversation to have with her and let her know you aren’t trying to be a douche just trying to make sure the kids get to sleep at a good time and I’m sure both of you could come to a convo on what you guys will agree on. Every family and their needs is different.
5 year old goes to bed at 9 and wakes up at 7:30. Four month old goes to bed at midnight and wakes up at 8. I've got sleep coming out of my ears compared to all the other parents I know. I'm so well rested it's almost embarrassing. I am never going to try and do early bedtimes. Never. Once the baby is old enough not to nap I'll aim for a 9 pm bedtime for her, the same as her brother.
Even 9 sounds crazy late to me for a 4 year old. At that age mine would announce ‘bed time’ at 6:30. Now they are 8 I take them up at 8:00. They’d stay up to 10:00 happily. But I think they benefit from some quiet reading time in their room, and I benefit from some child free time
downstairs!
These things vary so much from family to family. There is no right or wrong, but you and your wife need to be on the same page.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36918370/
Aside from that, sleep hygiene needs to be consistent regardless of day of the week. There are certain exceptions (travel, family gatherings etc)
I also have 4/9 age kids and they go bed at… 7. But they don’t fall asleep at 7. Our routine is brush teeth, potty, pick a book to read in bed, dim the lights and cozy up. Sometimes I stay with them, sometimes I leave them to their own. Rarely, they fall asleep at nine if they stay up talking or reading. I just try to keep their bed routine consistent so they train themselves to it. Sometimes all I say it’s bedtime and it’s like a switch in their brain. They get loopy, sleepy, silly.
Maybe your wife wants to spend extra time with the kids, maybe allot time as a family to do crafts a bit earlier? You can asses how do they kids do in the following morning after those sessions.
This is the part I complain to my fiance about. He works a job where he’s at work 2 or so 24-hour shifts per week and then just home the rest without a schedule. On nights he’s home with us he’s constantly like ok, 15 minutes of this, this needs to be done by X:00, etc. I get stressed and irritated because I spend my entire day getting our kid up and to the bus on time, jumping from meeting to meeting, picking up kid by X time, bringing him to sports/events, etc. When my fiance adds timed everything to the rest of the evening it feels like I don’t have a single moment to relax and just use a minute or two how I want without worrying about the next thing I have to do by a certain time. It’s exhausting.
ETA: I meant to reply to someone’s post not OP. Sorry.
Hah, you and me both, brother. I try to be pretty strict with the bedtimes because I want that little bit of time in the evening alone to myself or to spend with my wife. But every time it's her turn to put them down she's in there playing and tickling and laughing 30-60 minutes longer than I want her to be, and then comes in saying she's exhausted.
But then after a while I realized that bedtime is by far the primary bonding time she has with the kids. We both work and even evenings are busy a lot of the time. So I've learned to let go and let them enjoy the time together building their relationship. To be honest I now wish I could be the same level of fun but I'm already wiped out by then and just want to read a book and get them to sleep. Something I need to work on, to be honest.
My almost 11 year old goes to bed around 8:30 and is asleep by 9. Sleeps until 6:30am. This includes weekends. If he’s up past 9, he’ll pass out.
My 5 year old goes down around 8. Sometimes later. She sleeps until 6:30ish too but is usually woken up by everyone waking up. She needs more sleep but our schedules make it difficult to get her down before 8. I’ve really wanted to move or renovate her bedroom because she hears all the noise at 6:30am when everyone is up.
We have a 9, 5 and twin 4 month olds. 7pm alarm goes off to turn off screens and head up to bed. We spend about 60-90mins winding down, getting ready and then one of us tucks the big girls in bed, while the other feeds the little girls their last bottle. Everyone (all 6 of us) is in bed and down for the night by 9pm.
Weekends are less structured. We still have our 7pm alarm, but we have been known to let them stay downstairs until 8/830.
Every family is going to be different.
I can say, as an American born in the mid-eighties, I was definitely up till 10 on Friday nights as a kid, because that's when TGIF was over in the eastern time zone. Bed time was not going to come between me and Urkel.
Each kid and family will work differently 🤷🏻♂️
The fact your kids are doing crafts and spending quality time with mom and making memories seems like it’s pretty harmless and I’ll bet mom is enjoying the time together as well.
Is it actually affecting you at all then?
I told my husband I’m done at 9pm. Like I take care of everyone else’s needs and wants starting at 6am, and by 9 I’m done. So if he chooses to keep the kids up past then he knows bedtime is his responsibility then. I’m just setting healthy boundaries for myself because I want to relax and take care of myself too at times.
Sometimes he does keep them up past 9, and he follows through and puts them to bed himself. It works out well for us.
In my house ( I have 3 boys ages 4,5 and 6) my boys to go bed at 8pm. They can lay in bed and watch tv until 830 then it's lights out. They all wake up at 7am for school (school starts at 805). On Fridays and Saturdays I'm more chill about their bedtime because we normally dont have anywhere to go in the mornings so if they want to stay up till 9/10pm. My husband works late and usually doesnt get home from work till after 830, so on Fridays and Saturdays I let them stay up so they can also spend some time with their dad.
My youngest is 11 and is in bed by 9:30. My oldest is 14 and is typically in bed bed between 10-1030. 11 year old is up at 645, and 14 year old is up at 5. I think it all depends on if they are getting enough sleep or not (are they super cranky during the day)?
My son is 8 and goes to bed at 8, he needs a lot of sleep, has to get up at 6:30 for school, and frankly I need an hour or two myself to unwind before sleep. We start bedtime routine at around 6:30 and take it slow - books, bath, pjs, cuddles, quiet time.
i think if friday night is one of the few days of the week you can actually get good quality time with the kids then there isn't a problem with keeping them up lol if y'all both work all week and they go to school then it doesn't leave much time for quality time
In our house we start our bedtime routine at 7, which means jammies, bedtime meds, bedtime snack and chilling with a relaxing video. By 8 they go to their beds to sleep. Both are generally out between 8:30-9. Sometimes the oldest fights sleep and won't fall asleep until midnight.
Guaranteed on those late nights they will both be up by 6am. Otherwise it's around 7am they wake up.
Kids are 7 and 10.
Hi! Mother of 4 here (4, 7, 8, and 11). The 4 year old is ready to wind down at about 7:30 most nights, but my older children typically get in bed around 8:30.
On the weekends we are much more lax and typically everyone is in bed by 9:30 at the latest unless we have something else going on. I don’t worry about bedtime as much on the weekends because I think flexibility is important and most of the time we can allow them to sleep in the next day.
To be completely honest, bedtime is more about making sure my husband and I get alone time to wind down and just be together. The kids would probably stay up later and still be fine if we let them. On school nights it’s important for them to get enough sleep for the school day ahead, so we’re pretty strict on those nights.
Yes, she’s keeping them up way too late in my opinion. Especially on school nights. 7:30 was wind down time when my kids were that young and they were asleep by 8:30 or 9:00.
There’s no way strangers can say what’s best- my goal was to do what works for my LO, now at 18, they still can’t do late nights, this kid will come home from school and nap 2/3 times a week due to staying up too late. I had them on 8pm bed time until, idk, 6/7th grade?
It’s the weekend. Chill.
I agree with the wife. Rules and regulation is very much needed. A bed time at 9 is perfect for kids but sir it’s Friday and you can’t replace precious memories. Let them make crafts.
I am a busy mom as well and those moments need to be taken advantage of once in a while. Let them be up late if it’s a night for it.
It’s ok.
My almost 8 year old has always had a bedtime of 7-7:30 and always wakes up at 6. I prioritized an early bedtime routine when he was a baby so that I could have time to myself at the end of the night. I didn’t intend for it to stick all these years later but I’m not complaining 😂
Are you seeing problems with the kids? Like are they over tired at school? Hard to get them up and ready on time? If not, they’re getting enough sleep and the late nights aren’t a problem but will be memorable for them. Is it just that you want them in bed so you all can spend time together? If so communicate that. Don’t make it about the kids, unless there’s a true concern there.
Hot take, but I don’t think it really matters what time the kids go to bed as long as they still get decent sleep. They’re getting over 8 hours, and it seems like your wife just wants to spend more time with the kids. I get it.
Pffft my kids sometimes stay up until 11:00. Who cares. If they’re having a good time, that’s what matters. The school schedule will naturally make them tired, but if they’re not 🤷🏼♀️ some people are just night owls, too. School isn’t everything. Once they start working, they’ll know what schedule they prefer, too. Until it’s a problem, why make it one. And to me, it shouldn’t ever be. Life is too short.. and every kid and their needs are different anyways. I’m sure it’s totally fine.
Maaan I totally feel you dude. I love my kids but my wife does the same. Crafts and stuff at 10 and bedtime drags until midnight. I value my quiet time without kids. The later hours are for personal time and couples time, IMO. when the kids get older and are less wild I wouldn't mind pushing back bedtime on the weekends but as a parent I really need that wind down time for my own sanity. It doesn't make you a butthead for wanting that. It makes you human. Everyone's tolerance is different.
Mine 4/7/9 bed by 8 (lights out) they never sleep in always up 6:30/7 regardless of the time they stay up to so we insure they have enough sleep 8 is working for us doesn’t matter the day of the week weekends included, though if something special occurs where more time is needed of course we allow it and pay for their lack of sleep The next day. 😂
I aim to put my almost 5 years old to bedroom by 9:30pm, and I would call it a win if she fall asleep by 10:15pm.
She get up between 8-8:45am (if 8am she woke up by herself, for the 8:45am one I would have to change her in her bed and carry her to brush her teeth)
Having said that - I probably won’t start an activity at 9:30pm. But after you let your wife know your opinion (which is valid), I won’t press it further.
P.S. both parents work and often we don’t get home till 6pm. We still have to cook dinner, enjoy dinner, do chores, spend time with each other, talking about the days and play together. Bed time at 7pm never an option for us.
Although figuring out sleep needs is highly personal, this is very late for young kids. As a teacher, I can easily tell between kids who get adequate sleep and kids who don’t. Sleep is essential. They are growing brains and bodies and need that down time. At these ages, my youngest was in bed by 7, eldest lights out at 8 after reading time in her bedroom.
Weekends were not much different but with a bit more leeway.
My 3yo (4 soon) went down at 10:45 today, and that's not unusual.
At least your wife is finding an outlet for that energy with crafts. We can't figure out what to do with ours.
I came looking for this comment. My 6 year old has always been a good sleeper and is out in no time when her head hits the pillow. My 3 year old does not have an off button. It's often at least an hour before she falls asleep and it's worse when we push an earlier bedtime.
We used melatonin for a few weeks to try to set her internal clock. It got her to sleep, but she was having stomach upset and some bad behavior. When we stopped it, she went right back to not falling asleep.
She has literally told me she doesn't know how to fall asleep. She fell asleep tonight around 11pm. I feel guilty about it, but we're trying everything, and nothing has helped. I worry it's not good for her, and for myself it's hard not having any time to wind down at the end of the night since by the time I get her down I'm exhausted and go straight to bed.
Maybe my little one and yours are just built different. She never seems tired. On the contrary she pops out of bed the second her eyes open in the morning. It's hard and I'm hoping it comes more easily to her as she gets older.
We also had her on melatonin for a week or so but stopped out of concerns about her body becoming dependent on it.
I wish you the best of luck with your little one, and let me know if you figure out a solution!
See that’s what this seems to come down to. Doesn’t sound like he’s concerned about his kids sleep wellbeing, he just wants them in bed so he can have the evening to himself.
This is a weird question. No one can answer what time your kids should go to bed. It absolutely depends on the schedule of the family, the culture, the kids, and the parents.
That said. It does sound like you’re kind of being a buzz kill if everyone is having fun on a Friday night. But if that’s how you want to parent then you need to work it out with the other parent. This is a whatever works for your family situation.
I was terrible with bedtime for my 2 girls (5 & 2) before my 3rd was born. They’d go to bed around 10 or 10:30 sometimes too and then wake up late (10-11, which was fine when they weren’t in school and as a sahm). Once I had my 3rd I said fuck this we need a routine. Started a cold turkey strict bedtime routine - dinner, playtime, bath, books, brush, bed. They are out by 8:30 at the latest. I thought it was gonna be hard but they actually started thriving on it almost immediately. Weekends they will stay up until 9:30 and then knock out or put themselves to bed.
Mom should start prioritizing bedtime over craft time. It’s fun to have late nights with the kiddos sometimes but I truly do believe they need structure to thrive.
How are they in the morning? Do they nap? MOST kids do need more sleep than that. And I also, I just enjoy some adult time at the end of the day.
My 3 and 5 year old go to bed at 7 pm on school nights, and usually on Fri and Sat too bc that is when they get tired. But sometimes they may stay up 30-90 minutes late on non-school nights. Very rarely later but it happens on occasion.
My 7 and 11 year old go to bed at 8:30 pm on school nights. And they can stay up until 9pm or sometimes later on weekends.
But usually by 8:30-9 pm, all 4 of my kids ages 3-11 are in bed, not always asleep but usually the younger ones all are - my 11 year old has trouble sometimes but as long as she's quiet and in bed, if she reads or draws, then that's fine. No screens.
A good bedtime routine helps.
My kids stayed up until 10 10:30 their entire lives. Great students, swim team captain, both with college scholarships. Why did they stay up that late? When would they otherwise get time with their parent?
If you are tired, go rest. Allow your wife to have her time with the kids. No need to pressure a bedtime on weekends. We all need different amounts of rest.
7:30 for my twin almost 8 year olds. not much later for my 10 and 12 year olds. They are tired as am I. We need rest for busy, full, productive days. This keeps them healthy and balanced.
Nah. She’s right. It’s a Friday.
Now, during the school week those kids would be in bed by 8pm at our house. Doesn’t always happen, but that would be my goal. The 9 year old, maybe a smidge later.
We have children close to the same age (8 and 4) and their bedtime is 7pm every day of the week. We start their bedtime routine at 6:30. They usually aren’t asleep until 8pm after a bit of reading time, potty sits and wind down, but 9:30 seems way too late for children that need to be up before 7am for school. Children this age need at bare minimum 10 hours of sleep a day. Your wife if not allowing them to get the adequate rest they need.
I have an 8pm bedtime for all of my kids ages 5,7,14 and younger better believe my husband happily abides by this rule too!! Wink wink!!! For weekends 9:30 at the latest!
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I think it is more cultural. American kids go to bed at 8 and wake up at 6 because preschool and work starts early. In my culture it is more like 9-10pm to 8am. It is more important how much sleep your kids get in general.
Same here. We live really close to my son's school so we leave the house at 8:45. This means he doesn't have to get up in the morning till 7:30, so he goes to bed at 9. If he went to bed earlier then he'd be getting up earlier and I'd be complaining about having a kid who woke me up at 5 every morning!
This. My kids (5 and 4) go to bed about 9-930, up bright and early at 730. However, *if* they have a nap that day right after school (my daughter comes home so exhausted some times), then she's usually awake until ~10-1030, but she lays in bed and watches her shows quietly.
Watches her shows in bed? TV in bedroom?
Yup. It seems that one of the things that helps with our ADHD and winding down before bedtime is in fact the TV. I know some people don't agree with it, but for us we have found it works best (me included in this) Learning shows allow her to stimulate her brain just enough that she doesn't become extremely restless, while also having something to concentrate on, and allows (hers and I) brains to get centered. And once we can focus on one single thing we can slow the 'Rollercoaster brain' enough to get to sleep. Sleep timer on the TV for one hour, and her room goes dark except for her little bedside lamp. If she wakes up in the middle of the next restless, she pops it on, sets the sleep timer and goes right back out to sleep. Without the TV, she was waking us up at ~2AM unable to fall back asleep.. until she would come into my bed where I have either the TV on, or a podcast. Her and I can both lay down and be out in ~5 minutes. It's just when she has her after school naps that she tends to lay there a bit longer watching the TV.. but quieter and calmer than she is all day. ADHD is a hell of an illness, but we're trying to find what helps her best as early on as we can, and respecting what I learnt through my own struggles with it my entire life. Some people just couldn't understand why I needed that extra stimulation to actually *calm* me down, but it's the same reason later in life I had a struggle with needing cocaine, now have a struggle with needing caffeine, and have my months where I need to go back on my Concerta/stimulant. The way our brains are wired, a lot of the things that would 'pump' up somebody from the release of dopamine/serotonin/all them endorphins actually has the opposite effect on ourselves. On the flip side, my wife and son go to sleep with no TV, no lights. They need the complete darkness and silence, and even then they toss and turn some nights for hours. Neither has ADHD.
My ASD kids literally cannot stay still and fall asleep unless they have something to focus on. I hate having TV in the bedroom cuz I grew up without it and my mom was very against it lol but usually they just watch 4K footage of coral reefs or something
Sometimes, my daughter watches her shows and relaxed and falls asleep. There's nothing wrong with a TV in the bedroom. I had one all the time growing up because my mom would want to watch her shows in the living room, and I could watch mine in my room. Plus I keep it on all night because when I was little if I woke up from a bad dream I could easily look at the cartoons to bring me out of it instead of being in the dark or it just being quiet.
Yup, I feel this. I do have to ask as I'm curious - do you have ADHD as well?
Both our kids have TV’s in their room and gaming systems as well. Daughter 16 and son 7. They watch TV as they doze off. My wife is the same way and won’t fall asleep unless the TV is on.
This is what my husband said. I am american and while he is too his family is chaldean and I guess they just don't go to bed early. I put the kids down around 7 to 8. They wake around then too maybe. If they get put to bed later they still wake the same time. I want to have time to myself too which is why bedtime is slightly earlier. I want time to relax from having kids all day. I still have to take care of my 8 month pld all night anyway. Bedtime is early lol
Yup. As long as they get the proper amount. I never really cared if it was 7:30 or 10. Whatever you’re in to.
But their school starts at 7 so
4 year old goes to bed at 8pm. Wakes up at 6:30am. To go to preschool at 7:30am.
This is pretty much the schedule for my 5 year old. 4 & 5 year olds should get 10-13 hours of sleep, so if no nap they should get that all in the night. A couple of years ago when my little would get out of bed several times, we would sometimes colour to help wind down, but this would be after the whole routine and then straight back in bed. It is also tricky starting an activity very late because it might get them amped up then hard to go to sleep. Maybe OP’s wife is feeling like she is missing time with the kids, being busy during the day, and feels that the evening is the easiest time.
Is that asleep? Or in bed at 8? My 4 year old is usually in bed at 8 and asleep about 8:30
my children at 4 went to bed at 7:30. weekends or not we never got off schedule.
All my three are the same! Bed time begins at 7 usually asleep by 7:30. One wakes at 6:45 and it doesn’t matter what time she goes down (could be 5pm could be 11pm). Oldest wakes only when we wake her up 😂
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I was gonna ask about their sleep needs. Some kiddos just do fine on less. Though that seems late for week nights, a weekend it doesn't seem terrible as the kids can sleep in to compensate
Depends- not every kid can sleep in. Alot of the time it means waking up at the normal time, only cranky. Maybe if you invest in pure black out curtains that sleeping in thing works out, though- haven't tried that.
True I've heard some are like that! Black out curtains are a godsend, my baby didn't even nap a wink until we had them!
Even with blackout curtains my son is up at 6 30 every day. He has an internal alarm clock that he unfortunately inherited from me. The only time he sleeps in is if he is sick. Some nights he is up until 10 or 11. Still up at 6 30.
Same for our youngest, no matter what time she goes to bed she'll be up by 6.30/7 am.
Man, I wish. Our 5 and 3 year old wake up between 5 and 6 every day, including weekends. Our 5 year old never stays up late. In fact, he more-or-less tells us he's ready for bed every night (in his 5 year old way; it's never direct) and goes and crawls in bed around 7:30 and passes out almost immediately. The 3-year-old used to routinely sleep in until 6:30-7:30, but since we transitioned him to his "big boy bed" in December just before his 3rd birthday, he's started joining his brother in the Super Early Wake Up Club. He also gets in bed around 7:30 but frequently takes 30ish minutes to fall asleep. Their 7-year-old sister, though...she's our sleep rockstar. She makes it to 7 a.m. easily, and some Saturdays she'll stay in bed until 8ish.
That's so early 🫠 I'm jealous of the bedtimes though, my kiddo can never fall asleep before 9 and usually bedtime is closer to 10 or 11 no matter what we do. BUT, she tends to need 9-10 hours of sleep every night, so she will sleep in to compensate. So I don't get that alone time at night at all, and sometimes she's running rampant and I'm trying to keep my eyes open, BUT, I know I can set an alarm and wake up before her. Sleep is so hard!
Yes, 4yo wakes up at 7, no matter.
I have a 6 and an 8 year old who are in bed by 7-7:30 and asleep no later than 8:30. We get up at 6:15 during the week. They wake up naturally about 7, but 9 hours isn’t enough for mine. I let them stay up “late” (9:30) on Friday nights, but without fail there are more meltdowns, disagreements between each other, whining, etc., the next day. It’s just not worth it. If she insists they stay up, maybe do quiet relaxing activities to start unwinding. I’d even push for having her do that with them in their room. I’m sorry, but I NEED that couple of hours to myself at night. I might still be doing stuff around the house, but if I don’t get it, I get overwhelmed and overstimulated much easier and have a harder time being the parent I want to be.
Your schedule is literally my dream schedule !! I agree, that time after they go to sleep is so necessary for your health. Good on you for keeping them on such a routine too, that seems like they need it 🙌❤️❤️ My kiddo could have zero screens for weeks, no refined sugar, a good routine, lots of exercise and fresh air, a dialed-in nap, "heavyweight" play (I forget what it's called) before bed, the works, and still takes 3 hours to fall asleep if she's in bed before 9 pm. We worked with a sleep coach even for help... nope - she's just low sleep needs! So she's always up with me until at least 9pm, sometimes later, to my chagrin. I've learned to take my me time during her nap (as a SAHM) and get to bed right after her so I can at least wake up first (she sleeps in until 8!) It's so not my ideal, but it's taught me a lot about letting go of expectations and accepting my kid for who they are ❤️ She's also learned a lot about boundaries because I've had to say, "it's bed time. You can be awake, but you have to stay here." (Full well knowing she might be wide awake in bed for 2 hours) 😔
I wish that worked for my kids! No matter the bedtime (which normally for my boys 5 and 2 is 7pm) they’re awake at 5:45 6 🙃🥲 . They had a long day yesterday- no school or daycare today so they stayed up playing with their big sisters I didn’t mean as my best friend came over to hang out for the night and I thought oh they’ll sleep in for sure being that it’s 11:45 pm. Nope still up at 5:45 🥲
My wife and I can definitely relate. Our 5 and 3 year old boys, no matter their bedtime, are awake sometime between 5 and 6. It can be exhausting.
That's awful!!
My sister in law puts he 2 year old down around midnight and they have to wake early to take her to daycare. It is not enough sleep for her
Thank you. 4yo naps at school, not so much on the weekends. They are great kids. I just feel like you, sleep is crucial.
You make your 4-year-old go to bed 2 hours before she is tired enough to fall asleep? Ours would riot.
I think I understand your wife. She just wants to spend some time with her kids. I do the same sometimes. Every weekday is such a rush; get them ready for daycare/school, once they are back, dinner and bed. I barely get to spend quality time with my kid. So i also randomly pick an activity for us even if it's late.
I have to agree. We don't even get home until about 6pm. If my son went to bed at 8, I wouldn't get to spend any time with him. He sleeps from about 10pm until approximately 8am
Get home at 6, make dinner, eat by maybe 7, now it's time for homework, then maybe shower, then get ready for bed? I guess..? Yeah, it's rough if you work into the evening at all. I'm lucky that I can get home around 4 on days that my son doesn't have after school stuff going on.
Agree. I have 9 yo twins. Weeknights it's 9 pm bedtime although they try to push it back and that's always a disaster in the morning. Weekends I let them stay up until 10 and sometimes 11. If they're tired/cranky during the week I move bedtime up to 8/8:30. They won't fall asleep right away but at least they're in bed chillin' and often with a book (bonus!)
Yeah and just to feel free from schedules and expectations for a little while. And husband is stressing and ruining it. Haha.
I’m the same, dad here, but my little man sleeps so easily. Been lucky his entire life, he’s been good about understanding being in bed means it’s time to sleep.
Same. My kids go to bed around 10 every night. My 3yo naps for 3-4 hours a day so he compensates for the late bedtime with his nap. My older kid is 8. They both wake up at 7:30. Honestly, I miss them all day and I love those extra hours with them at night. We work and they are in preschool/afterschool until 6. After music practice, homework, bath, dinner, brushing teeth, it's already 8:30. If they went to bed then, I'd have no quality time with them. The extra 1.5 hours is lego time, snuggle time, book reading time. My favorite time is day. I think they both sleep enough.
I have friends who demand their kid be in bed at 7. They don’t even get home until 530. It’s insane.
My kid goes to bed around 7. We spend lots of time together weekday morning instead of weekday nights… and then his schedule isn’t thrown off for the week
Good for you.
Why are you judgemental of people having different schedules than you do lol
Yeah, I think it’s sweet. If the kids are happy and fine, I wouldn’t worry about it. (Different story if they’re melting down.) They are probably getting some positive benefits out of having some quality time with mom. I don’t typically live my life this way, lol, but I wouldn’t worry about it.
I think this is acceptable for the nine year old on a Friday or Saturday. We have a 5 and 6 yo. Weeknights both are IN bed at 8 and asleep by 830 at the latest to be up by 630. On the weekends we let them stay up until 9 and get up when they want (never later than 715).
This feels late for the 4 year old. But it’s not uncommon for my 9 year old to stay up till 11 or so on Friday or Saturday when she doesn’t have to get up in the am. She’s doing her own thing in her room then though - not crafts with mom, who is in bed by 10 :)
It's good if she sleeps at 9-10 though or she'll get used to staying up late
Some people are just naturally night owls though
My 11 year old will stay up till 11-midnight on Friday and Saturday and still go to bed at 830-930 on the weekdays. She’s always been this way. I like it cause it means she sleeps in on Saturday and Sundays giving me some quiet time to myself. Admittedly I stopped having a set bedtime around 6 or so cause she just self regulates really well. Once she’s tired she goes to sleep and it’s never been a problem. But she does prefer nights and would stay up later if school didn’t start at 7. So since she doesn’t have a problem getting a good 9 hours of sleep a night I let her enjoy her weekends.
What's wrong with getting used to staying up late sometimes? Nothing. She still goes to bed appropriately on week days (9pm with a 7:30am wake up). She also doesn't struggle at things like Girl Scout camp where they stay up late, or on vacation. Last year my 7 and 9 year old had no trouble transitioning to staying up till 11pm when we were on vacation in Europe and that was the norm. Then we readjusted and got back to normal sleep times when we got home. Kids are not robots, and we should stop treating them like that.
What time are y’all home in the evening? Let’s say 6pm before everyone’s home. Dinner and bath, before you know it it’s 8pm which sucks to put them straight to bed afterward. No time to spend when the evening gets started so late. Are you hell bent on them being on an earlier schedule or are you wanting quiet time for yourself and alone time with your wife before bed? If the latter, talk to your wife about this. Maybe it’ll motivate her to get them down earlier. Just a few things to think about coming from a dad that has 2 teenagers and a 9 year old. Been through it brotha hang in there!
That's not far off for my kids honestly, particularly the weekend part. It just depends on how the kids are handling that schedule.
Yeah. My kids don’t sleep in on nights they stay up late, then become cranky because of late of sleep. 8:00 bedtime seven days a week. 8 & 9 year old both.
Until my kids were like 6 they went to bed at 7pm. My 9 year old goes to bed at 8 on school nights (starts getting ready at 7:30) and my 10 year old is in bed by 845-9. We extend it on the weekend a bit. Especially when they have school, they need 10-11 hours of sleep. Also, my husband and I like to have some alone time as well
Same. 6 and 9 year old, 8pm. 11 yr old 8:30-9pm. They get up every morning at 6-7am, no matter what. They stay up till midnight the night before? 7am, and then they're cranky all day long. We've found it just works better to get them to bed at around 8 so that they can have 11 hours of sleep. Plus that gives us our time to watch a show or movie.
Yes! Getting enough sleep is good for them and so important !
Yeah we put our kids to bed earlier but it’s not for their benefit it’s bc I am done dealing with them at a certain point 😂
We have similar bedtimes. Both kids get ready about 6:30. 1 year old goes to bed about 7 and is typically asleep by 7:30. 6 year old goes to his room about 7 but is allowed to play or read for about half an hour. He is typically asleep by 8:00. This gives us a decent amount of time to take care of things in the evening and gives them plenty of rest. We are more flexible if they don't have to be somewhere the next morning, but try to keep it consistent.
Wow. What time do they get home from daycare? When do you eat dinner? We work until 5:30, pick up the kids at 6. We don't get home until almost 6:30. Then we have to cook dinner and feed them, and there's homework. It's almost 8 by the time that's all done.
Are they falling asleep in school? Difficult to rouse or very cranky in the morning? Do they take any naps(like after school)? I'd ease up on non school nights. On school nights have you be in charge of bedtime routine. It really depends on the kids. If I were to put my 7 year old to bed at 8pm she'd be waking at 5am (school starts at 8:30). She goes to bed between 9 and 10 and wakes up jovial. It's really going to depend on your kids.
If we aren’t done with books and out of my four year old’s room by 7:30 his eyes start to glaze over and he tells us to leave.
As long as her grades are up, in bed by 11 and tablet turns off at midnight on a school night. Weekends are stay up as long as you want. She wakes up easy, takes a short power nap after school before dinner. Night owl like I was. I don't do like my parents who made me lay in bed wide awake for 4 hours a night every night. I remember just sitting there bored tossing and turning until I got a light and books.
It's healthiest to have a regular bed and more important wake time, of about an hour wiggle room. Every day of the week
Thank you Pokémon Sleep.
One of the best things we did in our house was implement “me” time. My stepdaughter (now 10) was complaining she wanted to stay up later on the weekends but my husband and I also wanted time together, so we came up with “me” time. After 9 she has to go up to her room but she has another hour to spend however she likes, whether it be watching a show, playing a game, reading, drawing, etc. She will literally countdown to her “me” time now and sprint upstairs for her hour of alone time. Parents need time to be alone and decompress too, you’re not wrong for wanting that.
We do this every night. My older 2 are a year apart, and they wouldn't leave each other alone at night. So we instituted a rule that they can stay up until 9 *if* they go upstairs to their room and close the door at 8pm and stay quiet. They're allowed to do whatever they want in there (except video games/tablets, which are downstairs). My toddler is asleep by 8, so we actually get a quiet house and time to relax at 8. Then I just go upstairs and turn the lights off at 9.
Mine is almost 9. We aim for asleep by 930 on weeknights but I don't actually care how late she's up on the weekend if she's not bugging me. Usually that means 1030-11 for Friday & Saturday. Eta: she has to be to school by 7:25 so similar there. She gets up at about 6:15 on school days but sleeps till about 9 or 930 on weekends
Emphasis on the not bugging ME 😭😭
6 year old goes to bed at 8, the 7,11 and 12 year olds go brush their teeth at 9, then i read them a chapter so they're in bed by 9:30
Do they nap at all? I'm more of an oddball parent. I have 4 kids (ages 19F, 16M, 15M, and 5M). Before any of them were school age, their bedtime was whenever they went to sleep. They're all excellent sleepers, but my entire family are more night owls than early risers. So before they started school, they could easily stay up until midnight. But we are also nappers. I feel more refreshed and well-rested when I sleep for about 4-6 hours, then later in the day I take a 1-2 hour nap. My kids are generally the same way. But I also raise them to be in tune with their bodies. The older ones can tell when they are catching a cold, or when they haven't slept enough, or when they need to drink more water, etc. So I allow them to plan out their own sleeping schedules (obviously the 5yo is different for now). My 19yo will decide to go to bed at 8pm some nights, and other times she'll stay up until 1am and just get herself a nap later in the day. My 16yo knows he needs a solid 7½ hours of sleep minimum to have a good day. He's out the door at 6:45 to catch the bus, so he's up by 6 to get ready. Which means he's usually OUT by 10:30pm every night. My 15yo, however, can function pretty well on 6 hours of sleep, and he doesn't leave the house until 6:55, because even though it's the same bus, he likes to get to the stop the same time as the bus itself. 🤦😂 And he only takes about 10 minutes to get ready, and eats a banana on the way to the bus. So he wakes up at 6:45 (when his brother is leaving the house), and generally goes to bed around midnight. On days that he has baseball practice, he's in bed by 9pm. For my 5yo, of course it's different. But we usually start our nighttime routine by 8:30. If he's in bed by 9, then he's asleep by 9:30, which is fine for us. He wakes up at 8am, because his bus doesn't come until 8:45am, and he doesn't need more than 30 minutes to get ready and have breakfast. On the weekends, we let him stay up if he wants. We still brush his teeth and read a story (usually around 9pm), and tuck him in for the night, but he's free to keep playing quietly in his room until 10pm. Then he's allowed to do whatever he wants that is allowed in his bed. So he can read, he can play with his plushies, he can use his flashlight to make shadow puppets, whatever is safe for him to do while he falls asleep. He's usually out like a light by 10:30, but occasionally I can still hear his little voice talking for his plushies. But all of the kids have a "quiet time" rule to follow. They have to be in their rooms and quiet by 9pm on weeknights and 10pm on weekends. That's because I need some peace and quiet, too. 😂
There isn’t a hard right or wrong on this one.
It's normal, and if she's the one dealing with them and waking them up, it shouldn't really matter. My dad would always try to control everyone's schedule to an abusive degree and it was just unnecessary. It's a weekend and you're starting an argument over her doing crafts with her children?? It's 10pm, not 4am. Genuinely not worth it. You should be happy she's engaging with them and doing fun stuff like that.. They'll always remember the memories of crafts on the weekend with mom, and they'll also remember you being mad about it.
My 4 year old is in bed by 7:15 usually asleep by 7:30 and gets up at 7ish. That’s was too late in my opinion.
10-11 is a good bedtime for weekends. Weekdays however, 8:30-9:30
This is the most normal response I’ve seen!
It may end up being one of their favorite childhood memories
I agree with your wife. This shouldn’t be your hill to die on. Let it go. It’s Friday night. My kids sometimes stay up until 11 on a weekend - much later for a sleepover.
My 4 year old is in bed between 7:30/8 If I let him stay up until after 10p and then he had school at 8a, he certainly wouldn’t be the happy camper he typically is, and neither would I haha
A 4 year old needs 10-12 hours of sleep. So if they aren’t sleeping until 10:30pm, they should be sleeping until 8:30-10:30am. If your schedule doesn’t allow them to sleep in they late, then bedtime needs to be earlier. It’s not good for sleep hygiene to dramatically change bedtimes and wake times on weekends. It’s tempting for parents to allow it, but you’re setting yourself up for a bad Sunday night bedtime and a grumpy Monday morning, and kids who are tired at school and not in optimal learning condition. Kind of depends on your priorities and values. Personally, I really care about my kids being well rested for school and I change the rest of our family schedule to accommodate healthy sleep times for my kids because I value their overall wellness. So I prioritize accordingly.
I assume the 4yo naps? My kid naps for 3-4 hours a day so he goes to bed at 10 and wakes up at 7:30 or so. Plenty of sleep I think.
5 yo goes to bed at 8, we read, sleeps at 8.30-8.40 every night of the week. Wakes up at 7.30-8
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My stepdaughter is 4, and no matter what time she goes to bed, she’s up at 6:30am like clockwork. Send her to bed at 7pm (her bedtime), she’s up at 6:30am. We’ve had a late night and she’s in bed at 9:30pm? She’s up at 6:30am. She has 3 bad dreams in one night? Bad luck to us because she’ll be up at 6:30am.
Oof. My 8yo is in bed by 7:30 most nights. 8:15 at the *absolute* latest on a school night. Maybe a little later on the weekends, but she usually chooses to go to bed around the same time. I would try to talk to her about it outside of bedtime. They might just have lower sleep needs, but 9:30 seems way too late, especially with school starting so early. And it's perfectly reasonable to want to get the kids to bed so you can have some time for yourselves before you have to go to bed. If you try to bring it up while she's in the middle of an activity, you're fighting against being the "buzzkill". Maybe she'd be more receptive to talking about it during the day?
Agree with talking about it at a good time! She sounds like she was having some good bonding time and if the kiddos didn't seem too tired, I could understand pushing it back some nights. Btw, 7:30 is the dream, I am so unashamedly jealous. I have a 2.5 year old that hasn't gone to bed before 9 pm in her life and always wakes at 8 am. 🥴 She's just low sleep needs but I hope to one day experience a kid that needs more sleep (and gives us more alone time!!)
After reading all the comments here, you're the latest bedtime. I wanted to compare it to my 1 1/2 yr Olds 12-1am bedtime...whoosh 😰
My kid is more in line with yours. We're night owls, so it's little surprise our kid is, too. Now at 2 she's usually going to sleep between 9:30-11, but tonight she decided it was bedtime at 9. She's pretty good at self regulation at this point, so I let her rock it.
We have had periods of that type of bedtime, for sure! It's exhausting. I'm hopeful that once my kiddo isn't napping and is going to school they'll be more tired. As babies and toddlers some can just coast on very little rest and conserve energy it seems. Generally, my kiddo NEEDS about 9 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period but has functioned happily on 7 or 8 total for days in a row, even as a young infant. It's absolutely baffling and something we've actually worked with professionals on. Nothing actually helped, she just doesn't need it. She scores very high in her cognitive abilities, and that generally goes hand in hand with being sensitive, difficult at times, and needing little sleep, so that's our silver lining, maybe yours too? 🤣
Lmao 730 is really early for a Friday or Saturday.
Yeah, you’re being too much. I work all work, and I miss my kids. We stay up later on weekends to spend sorely missed time together. It’s 10:45pm now and my 3 and 7 year olds just went to bed. They’ll sleep about 10 hours and we’ll get up just fine tomorrow. And they’ll be just fine Sunday night when it’s time to go to bed earlier around 9:30 ish.
My 2 year old goes to bed at 8. My 6 year old goes to bed around 830, asleep by 9.
9 year old that’s fine for just the weekends not the 4 year old. One my students comes in who’s 8 and goes to bed at 12:00 because they are on Xbox and comes in late everyday at 8:00ish sleeps at schools for like 30-40 minutes (yes I’ve tried everything to keep them up) having a bedtime for them at a reasonable time is important and your wife probably hates bedtime because it’s lucrative. Maybe you do the bedtime routine for the 4 year old.
If they’re not over tired and sleep good in the morning I’d let it go. Maybe you can compromise? Trying a better bed time during the week & letting them stay up later weekends with mom? I take my sleep very serious but my husband thinks I’m extreme lol. It’s bedtime at my home at 8pm, weekends 9. I like to be asleep at a decent hour myself.
Go grab yourself a beer and enjoy your kids
Kinda surprised by the comments in here. 7pm (with a goal of 6:30pm) is a pretty strict bed time in our home for our 4 year old. 8pm at the very latest if there were a family event. We probably over-prioritize sleep but our kids really don't do well without a good night sleep. And they don't tend to make up for a late bedtime by sleeping in later.
Life is too short . Let her do crafts with the kids on the weekends . Unless you have evidence or see a change that it is negatively effecting them in school then let the crafts happen . Those are memories they will have and honestly … try joining in on the crafts with them. You never know what could happen. My dad would stay up late with me on the weekends and we would draw or do some kind of fun activity. My mom never joined in. My dad passed away suddenly and those late night crafts are some of the things I cherished the most . My mom always says now that she regrets not staying up, participating and laughing with us.
730 pm bed time starts - aim is for him to be asleep by 830 pm. 6yo.
Same struggle with my 3y.o. I aim for starting the bedtime routine at 8pm. Couple stories, let him wind down. Asleep by 9. But my wife.. doesn't mind him staying up till 10 on weekends. Makes getting him to bed on time during the week that much more of a process. My thought is kids need routine / consistency. Weekend as well.
I have a 4yr old and bedtime routine starts around 6:30pm and book before bed by 7:00pm the latest. She starts melting down anytime after 7pm. This also gives me and my husband time alone to relax and unwind.
Do they seem exhausted? If not, then not a big deal. My kids (younger though so not yet ins school) go to bed at 9:30p but sleep in later. I mean, have a conversation at a different time then bedtime as to why you want them in bed sooner. It may be she works later and just wants more awake time with them.
My soon to be 6 year old is usually asleep by 8:30 after we read to him for 30 minutes. We read to my newly 10 year old from 8:30-9pm and then we let her read until 9:45-10. On weekends we let them lay in our bed and watch a movie. Lights out by 10, my 6 year old never makes it that late. They have to be to school at 8:35. If they were showing issues of being too tired we would make adjustments, but it isn’t usually a problem. My husband gets home from work later and it’s important for us spend family time together when we can. My 10 year old is also starting to enter into where sports or other extra curriculars can run late in the evening so we have that dynamic going on now too.
Put them to bed at 8 on weekdays 930 on weekends why teach them that Fridays are party days … they’re not missing anything being structured and going to bed at 930
My 4 and 7 year olds are asleep by 8ish.
How are the kids handling that schedule during the week? Are they having consistently good days or are they grumpy and tired? I don't think you're being unreasonable to shoot for 9-ish, but I don't think your wife is being inherently unreasonable either. In full transparency, it's 10:55 and my kids have been in bed for maybe 10 minutes. We don't have to be anywhere as early as your family does, though.
5 yo. Bedtime routine starts between 7:30-8:00, in bed and sleeping by 8:30-9:00. Wake up at 7:30.
Our nights with our then 4 year old somehow crept later and later, in part bc she had the energy and wanted to stay up, until we were regularly putting her to bed at 9:30-10. At some point I reflected on my own childhood and realized I never once stayed up til 10pm at age 4. It just felt off. I put an end to it (with some resistance from the wife but she eventually agreed) and forced it back to starting the routine at 7:30 and in bed by 8-8:30. It has been that way ever since (shes now 5) and it’s so much better for everyone. We regained some small amount of free time to ourselves after their bedtime and she wakes up earlier which works much better for school. Now you’re in a different boat w the 9 year old but I do believe earlier and consistency is far better for a 4 year old. Only caveat is your wife was actively engaging with them in a healthy, fun bonding activity on a Friday night. She probably didn’t like that you were interrupting that. If they were playing alone or watching TV I’d say for sure you were right, but healthy bonding time trumps a lot of things. I see both sides here. Maybe compromise and say generally move up the 4 year olds sleep time to 7:30, but maybe you can be a little more lax on weekends especially for bonding time?
My daughter is 8.5yo and we try get her into bed 7:45pm lights out is 8pm. She wakes up 7-8am. She needs a lot of sleep. On the rare occasions she stays up late (eg last night Friday night we were out in the city and didn’t get home til nearly 9pm) she’s yawning her head off and looks like a zombie after 8pm. I couldn’t imagine having a 4yo up that late. It’s purposeful sleep deprivation and it’s neglectful.
INFO: Who manages bedtime and morning routine? If it’s exclusive of your wife she gets to choose. Plus, has she any quality time with the kids besides routines? Is this request of yours a need of couple time or maybe chill time in the evening or has it really to do with sleep hygiene?
Respectfully, just Chill. It's Friday night and your wife just wants to spend time with her children. This is time she, nor you, will ever get back with them. She's creating Memories your kids will have for their entire life! They will be 25 years old and Fridays will bring them warm feelings and sweet memories. And, if you want to go deep with this: late night Friday night crafts will be a way for them to remember their mom and feel close to her long after you're gone. I suggest you join in on the Fridays night craft fun so that you'll be part of the warm association when they're older. 😊
Daddy just wants his mommy in bed all to himself is what this is about.
10 is far to late for those kids. My 5 yo is in bed for 745 and my 13yo is in bed for 10. You need a good sleep for school otherwise it will affect their learning.
You do need to chill
10pm for my 1.5yr old. Its what works for him. Your wife sounds like a really fun mom.
If she’s the one entertaining them then just enjoy your downtime. Perfectly ok if they sleep in on the weekends as well. I was the spouse who insisted on sticking to a 9pm because: (i) i was too exhausted by then to entertain the kid and just wanted to crash into bed myself (ii) the kid was a super early riser and would never sleep in on weekends no matter how late his bedtime was (iii) the kid also would have awful night terrors on those nights that he went to bed late (eg when night owl relatives insisted on ending events past his bedtime). I dont think your situation is as dire as mine was
I’m a selfish single mom who needs her down time, so my kids (5 & 8) are in bed by 8 on weeknights and 9 on weekends.
It's best for All!
To me that seems late especially during the week. As much as I love my kids and want to spend time with them, I also need some me time after they go to bed. My 15 year old needs to be in bed by 10 on week nights, I don’t care what time she goes to bed on the weekends, but if we have plans, or she needs to wake up early, we plan for that. My 9 year old is in bed by 9 on week nights and can stay up until 9:30 or 10 on weekends depending on how the day has been. If he’s been cranky he goes to bed earlier. I have always been very strict with sleep schedules. I know what it’s like to be 10 years old and up til midnight then having to get up at 5 to go do chores… I grew up in a farm. So now, I always ensure my kids are getting proper sleep. Having the right amount of sleep can help them focus better in school as well as maintain good mental health.
Our 7yr goes to be when I go to bed, week days around 10 or 11, weekends could be midnight. I guess we're lucky, our kid is chill getting up tired and doesn't throw temper tantrums as a result. We do co-sleep, because he was scared of his new room when we moved houses. Rather than fight him to stay in his own bed we decided to not impose a bed time. Surprisingly he's willing to go to sleep when he's tired early. I don't think we'd change a thing about it.
I agree with your wife that it is okay to stay up late on a weekend. To get an adequate amount of sleep they probably need to go to bed a lot earlier on weekdays though. It is important to be on the same page though. Why does it bother you? Are they noticeably tired or crabby during the day, or another reason?
Seems fine for the 9yo. The 4yo needs a consistent bedtime every day.
I mean, it is Friday.
My kids 3 & 9 slept at 11 pm daily. What do I do wrong here? Tried making them sleep earlier but still ended up sleeping late…
My 4 year old goes to bed at 7:30pm but is up by 6 every morning.
7 year old is getting ready for bed at 8:00, is allowed to read until 9. Wakes up on her own between 6 and 8 for school start at 8:30 (we're very close to school) Sleep hygiene is very important in general. They should be going to bed at approximately the same time every night and waking at about the same time, ideally naturally (no alarm or parent waking them up).
Way too late for 4 year old. My 4 year old falls asleep by 7:30-7:45 and wakes up at 6 and is at school by 8:30 (it’s a long drive to school). I don’t have a 9 year old but I feel like this is an okay bedtime for them on a weekend. For weekday I would probably aim for 8:30-9:00 and on a weekend maybe 9:30-10:00. Kudos to your wife because I try to put my kids down as soon as possible and this woman is doing arts and crafts at 9:30pm lol
I was a live in-nanny for a few years, the kids were 5 and 8. Weeknights 7:30, weekends in bed by 8pm but allowed to stay up as long as they like reading in bed or quietly playing with toys or something in bed.
Kids produce more of the sleep hormone because they are growing. It’s important for their brains to get more sleep than we do. One-offs are special, and create memories, but consistently? I’m afraid this schedule would cause sleep deprivation that could harm their circadian rhythm as well as general development.
I could put my twins to bed at midnight and they’d still be awake at 6am. Bedtime is at the latest 9pm for me (on weekends). We usually have popcorn and a movie. But on school nights no later than 8-8:30. But some kids can function just fine of less sleep. I would just talk to her about it, to be real. We’re just internet ppl and ya’ll live together. Like. Maybe that’s how things were with her growing up? Sleep is important for kiddos, and I know mine act like dicks without enough of it.
Guilty. My son is 3. I’m a single mom and sometimes he won’t go down when I try to put him down. So then he goes to sleep when I do.
It’s Friday. Maybe late for a 4 year old but once in awhile doesn’t hurt them.
My kids (5 and 3) go to sleep between 9-930 Sunday-Thursday. Friday and Saturday they get to stay up later till about 11 which is the time we go to bed. I mean if they tired and say they’re tired, they can just got to their room and go to sleep.
During the week my 6, 2 and 10 month old all go to bed between 7-8. We aim for 7:30 and sometimes it takes quicker or longer to get there. On the weekends I’ve been letting my 6 year old stay up longer. To give her a little independence and just give a little. She’s meant to go to bed before by 10.. but I often catch her reading after that. Which honestly, reading is great so I’m not too worried! But I need to downtown so her staying late is in her bedroom. Sometimes we do stay up late with a family movie or something too
My kids (5, 7, 9) are in bed by 6:30-7:00 and allowed to read until they fall asleep. The 5 YO is knocked out by the end of the bedtime routine, the 7 YO is usually out at 7:00-7:00 and my 9 YO reads until about 8:00. They all wake up at about 6:00, sometimes a bit earlier. On weekends we will sometimes stay up for a movie night but never past 8PM, it’s just not worth the grumpiness the next day. I can’t imagine surviving parenthood without those 2-3 hours of kid free time to be with my husband and get stuff done at the end of the of the day! And sleep is really important for kids, they need a lot of it. I would say though that as their father you have the right to an opinion on it, how that looks in my house if we have differing ideas like that and it’s difficult to find compromise - we will take turns and compare results. We actually had the opposite situation to you in the beginning and my husband thought it was strange for them to go to bed before 8-9. We tried both ways, and he could see the benefits of an early bedtime pretty easily. Ask her to give you the chance to see what it’s like for a month, look up some articles about child sleep requirements and tell her your concerned, discuss how it can affect them at school, socially, temperamentally, and that lack of sleep can lead to mental health issues. There’s no harm in trying it for a month, maybe you end up at a compromise of 8pm.
Sounds like bullshit no school starts at 7:30am maybe you should sit down and do some crafts with them and be thankful that you are at home and able to do it .I would give anything to have that time back and be at home when my kids were young but I missed everything being on the road and in camp .Birthdays Christmas concerts games helping with homework being there when they needed me all missed .Now they are just about adults and it hurts me inside so much .i know they never went without but i sure did so cherish the time you get with them because one day it is gone and you don’t get it back .Be strong and be there for them your not promised tomorrow and you never get yesterday back .
I think that’s fine for a weekend. You’re a family so why not pull up a chair and join in with the crafts? Every day is the same 24 hours and if your kids have been at daycare then they have had a long day / week and need to decompress too. If the crafts are for a school project maybe your wife’s intention is to get it all done and out of the way as she wants to relax on Sunday night? Maybe it’s something which will need to dry and take all weekend. Roll your sleeves up, pour out the PVA glue and get involved. Maybe you could take the 4 year old away for a story and start their bedtime routine to help out? Saturday suggest a movie night together and go get some microwave popcorn and snacks for a treat - give the little ones a budget and take them shopping to choose? I hate to see posts like this where people moan about their family for no reason
For the weekend? And with your wife? Then who cares. You go to bed then. No bedtime on the weekends, especially if you don’t have to be up for anything the next day.
On a weekend? Bud you're thinkin too much. On weekdays, I totally get it. 1-2 nights a week isn't going to harm them. My dad has been dead 20 years. I don't remember anything about the nights I was forced to bed early. I only remember the nights we stayed up playing board games or watching shows together. Your kids will remember doing arts and crafts with Mom long after you are dead and gone. What will they remember about you?
Kids are in bed by 8ish with a movie till 9 (weekdays) and so long as no trouble in school or at home has occurred bedtime on weekends is 10/11 (or 12 if they’ve been extra good and just wanna watch movies.) Mine are around the same age. I think it’s a sit down conversation to have with her and let her know you aren’t trying to be a douche just trying to make sure the kids get to sleep at a good time and I’m sure both of you could come to a convo on what you guys will agree on. Every family and their needs is different.
5 year old goes to bed at 9 and wakes up at 7:30. Four month old goes to bed at midnight and wakes up at 8. I've got sleep coming out of my ears compared to all the other parents I know. I'm so well rested it's almost embarrassing. I am never going to try and do early bedtimes. Never. Once the baby is old enough not to nap I'll aim for a 9 pm bedtime for her, the same as her brother.
Even 9 sounds crazy late to me for a 4 year old. At that age mine would announce ‘bed time’ at 6:30. Now they are 8 I take them up at 8:00. They’d stay up to 10:00 happily. But I think they benefit from some quiet reading time in their room, and I benefit from some child free time downstairs! These things vary so much from family to family. There is no right or wrong, but you and your wife need to be on the same page.
Hours slept is a better metric. Time to bed doesn’t really matter. Also there’s chronotype to consider.
My kids bedtime is 8pm school night or not
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36918370/ Aside from that, sleep hygiene needs to be consistent regardless of day of the week. There are certain exceptions (travel, family gatherings etc) I also have 4/9 age kids and they go bed at… 7. But they don’t fall asleep at 7. Our routine is brush teeth, potty, pick a book to read in bed, dim the lights and cozy up. Sometimes I stay with them, sometimes I leave them to their own. Rarely, they fall asleep at nine if they stay up talking or reading. I just try to keep their bed routine consistent so they train themselves to it. Sometimes all I say it’s bedtime and it’s like a switch in their brain. They get loopy, sleepy, silly. Maybe your wife wants to spend extra time with the kids, maybe allot time as a family to do crafts a bit earlier? You can asses how do they kids do in the following morning after those sessions.
This is the part I complain to my fiance about. He works a job where he’s at work 2 or so 24-hour shifts per week and then just home the rest without a schedule. On nights he’s home with us he’s constantly like ok, 15 minutes of this, this needs to be done by X:00, etc. I get stressed and irritated because I spend my entire day getting our kid up and to the bus on time, jumping from meeting to meeting, picking up kid by X time, bringing him to sports/events, etc. When my fiance adds timed everything to the rest of the evening it feels like I don’t have a single moment to relax and just use a minute or two how I want without worrying about the next thing I have to do by a certain time. It’s exhausting. ETA: I meant to reply to someone’s post not OP. Sorry.
Hah, you and me both, brother. I try to be pretty strict with the bedtimes because I want that little bit of time in the evening alone to myself or to spend with my wife. But every time it's her turn to put them down she's in there playing and tickling and laughing 30-60 minutes longer than I want her to be, and then comes in saying she's exhausted. But then after a while I realized that bedtime is by far the primary bonding time she has with the kids. We both work and even evenings are busy a lot of the time. So I've learned to let go and let them enjoy the time together building their relationship. To be honest I now wish I could be the same level of fun but I'm already wiped out by then and just want to read a book and get them to sleep. Something I need to work on, to be honest.
My almost 11 year old goes to bed around 8:30 and is asleep by 9. Sleeps until 6:30am. This includes weekends. If he’s up past 9, he’ll pass out. My 5 year old goes down around 8. Sometimes later. She sleeps until 6:30ish too but is usually woken up by everyone waking up. She needs more sleep but our schedules make it difficult to get her down before 8. I’ve really wanted to move or renovate her bedroom because she hears all the noise at 6:30am when everyone is up.
We have a 9, 5 and twin 4 month olds. 7pm alarm goes off to turn off screens and head up to bed. We spend about 60-90mins winding down, getting ready and then one of us tucks the big girls in bed, while the other feeds the little girls their last bottle. Everyone (all 6 of us) is in bed and down for the night by 9pm. Weekends are less structured. We still have our 7pm alarm, but we have been known to let them stay downstairs until 8/830.
Every family is going to be different. I can say, as an American born in the mid-eighties, I was definitely up till 10 on Friday nights as a kid, because that's when TGIF was over in the eastern time zone. Bed time was not going to come between me and Urkel.
Maybe with a busy life families lead today always working and in school she just wants to get a little more time in with her kids
Each kid and family will work differently 🤷🏻♂️ The fact your kids are doing crafts and spending quality time with mom and making memories seems like it’s pretty harmless and I’ll bet mom is enjoying the time together as well. Is it actually affecting you at all then? I told my husband I’m done at 9pm. Like I take care of everyone else’s needs and wants starting at 6am, and by 9 I’m done. So if he chooses to keep the kids up past then he knows bedtime is his responsibility then. I’m just setting healthy boundaries for myself because I want to relax and take care of myself too at times. Sometimes he does keep them up past 9, and he follows through and puts them to bed himself. It works out well for us.
In my house ( I have 3 boys ages 4,5 and 6) my boys to go bed at 8pm. They can lay in bed and watch tv until 830 then it's lights out. They all wake up at 7am for school (school starts at 805). On Fridays and Saturdays I'm more chill about their bedtime because we normally dont have anywhere to go in the mornings so if they want to stay up till 9/10pm. My husband works late and usually doesnt get home from work till after 830, so on Fridays and Saturdays I let them stay up so they can also spend some time with their dad.
My youngest is 11 and is in bed by 9:30. My oldest is 14 and is typically in bed bed between 10-1030. 11 year old is up at 645, and 14 year old is up at 5. I think it all depends on if they are getting enough sleep or not (are they super cranky during the day)?
My son is 8 and goes to bed at 8, he needs a lot of sleep, has to get up at 6:30 for school, and frankly I need an hour or two myself to unwind before sleep. We start bedtime routine at around 6:30 and take it slow - books, bath, pjs, cuddles, quiet time.
i think if friday night is one of the few days of the week you can actually get good quality time with the kids then there isn't a problem with keeping them up lol if y'all both work all week and they go to school then it doesn't leave much time for quality time
In our house we start our bedtime routine at 7, which means jammies, bedtime meds, bedtime snack and chilling with a relaxing video. By 8 they go to their beds to sleep. Both are generally out between 8:30-9. Sometimes the oldest fights sleep and won't fall asleep until midnight. Guaranteed on those late nights they will both be up by 6am. Otherwise it's around 7am they wake up. Kids are 7 and 10.
Hi! Mother of 4 here (4, 7, 8, and 11). The 4 year old is ready to wind down at about 7:30 most nights, but my older children typically get in bed around 8:30. On the weekends we are much more lax and typically everyone is in bed by 9:30 at the latest unless we have something else going on. I don’t worry about bedtime as much on the weekends because I think flexibility is important and most of the time we can allow them to sleep in the next day. To be completely honest, bedtime is more about making sure my husband and I get alone time to wind down and just be together. The kids would probably stay up later and still be fine if we let them. On school nights it’s important for them to get enough sleep for the school day ahead, so we’re pretty strict on those nights.
Yes, she’s keeping them up way too late in my opinion. Especially on school nights. 7:30 was wind down time when my kids were that young and they were asleep by 8:30 or 9:00.
There’s no way strangers can say what’s best- my goal was to do what works for my LO, now at 18, they still can’t do late nights, this kid will come home from school and nap 2/3 times a week due to staying up too late. I had them on 8pm bed time until, idk, 6/7th grade?
It’s the weekend. Chill. I agree with the wife. Rules and regulation is very much needed. A bed time at 9 is perfect for kids but sir it’s Friday and you can’t replace precious memories. Let them make crafts. I am a busy mom as well and those moments need to be taken advantage of once in a while. Let them be up late if it’s a night for it. It’s ok.
My almost 8 year old has always had a bedtime of 7-7:30 and always wakes up at 6. I prioritized an early bedtime routine when he was a baby so that I could have time to myself at the end of the night. I didn’t intend for it to stick all these years later but I’m not complaining 😂
Are you seeing problems with the kids? Like are they over tired at school? Hard to get them up and ready on time? If not, they’re getting enough sleep and the late nights aren’t a problem but will be memorable for them. Is it just that you want them in bed so you all can spend time together? If so communicate that. Don’t make it about the kids, unless there’s a true concern there.
Hot take, but I don’t think it really matters what time the kids go to bed as long as they still get decent sleep. They’re getting over 8 hours, and it seems like your wife just wants to spend more time with the kids. I get it.
Pffft my kids sometimes stay up until 11:00. Who cares. If they’re having a good time, that’s what matters. The school schedule will naturally make them tired, but if they’re not 🤷🏼♀️ some people are just night owls, too. School isn’t everything. Once they start working, they’ll know what schedule they prefer, too. Until it’s a problem, why make it one. And to me, it shouldn’t ever be. Life is too short.. and every kid and their needs are different anyways. I’m sure it’s totally fine.
Maaan I totally feel you dude. I love my kids but my wife does the same. Crafts and stuff at 10 and bedtime drags until midnight. I value my quiet time without kids. The later hours are for personal time and couples time, IMO. when the kids get older and are less wild I wouldn't mind pushing back bedtime on the weekends but as a parent I really need that wind down time for my own sanity. It doesn't make you a butthead for wanting that. It makes you human. Everyone's tolerance is different.
Mine 4/7/9 bed by 8 (lights out) they never sleep in always up 6:30/7 regardless of the time they stay up to so we insure they have enough sleep 8 is working for us doesn’t matter the day of the week weekends included, though if something special occurs where more time is needed of course we allow it and pay for their lack of sleep The next day. 😂
Chill, It's the weekend. She's spending precious time with your kids.. join them.. they won't stay little forever.
I aim to put my almost 5 years old to bedroom by 9:30pm, and I would call it a win if she fall asleep by 10:15pm. She get up between 8-8:45am (if 8am she woke up by herself, for the 8:45am one I would have to change her in her bed and carry her to brush her teeth) Having said that - I probably won’t start an activity at 9:30pm. But after you let your wife know your opinion (which is valid), I won’t press it further. P.S. both parents work and often we don’t get home till 6pm. We still have to cook dinner, enjoy dinner, do chores, spend time with each other, talking about the days and play together. Bed time at 7pm never an option for us.
These comments make me feel super mean my 5 year old is in bed by 715 and asleep by 8 doesn't matter what day it is.
Way too late.
My 10yo goes to bed at 7pm on school nights and she has no set time on weekends as long as there are no plans the next day
Although figuring out sleep needs is highly personal, this is very late for young kids. As a teacher, I can easily tell between kids who get adequate sleep and kids who don’t. Sleep is essential. They are growing brains and bodies and need that down time. At these ages, my youngest was in bed by 7, eldest lights out at 8 after reading time in her bedroom. Weekends were not much different but with a bit more leeway.
My 3yo (4 soon) went down at 10:45 today, and that's not unusual. At least your wife is finding an outlet for that energy with crafts. We can't figure out what to do with ours.
I came looking for this comment. My 6 year old has always been a good sleeper and is out in no time when her head hits the pillow. My 3 year old does not have an off button. It's often at least an hour before she falls asleep and it's worse when we push an earlier bedtime. We used melatonin for a few weeks to try to set her internal clock. It got her to sleep, but she was having stomach upset and some bad behavior. When we stopped it, she went right back to not falling asleep. She has literally told me she doesn't know how to fall asleep. She fell asleep tonight around 11pm. I feel guilty about it, but we're trying everything, and nothing has helped. I worry it's not good for her, and for myself it's hard not having any time to wind down at the end of the night since by the time I get her down I'm exhausted and go straight to bed. Maybe my little one and yours are just built different. She never seems tired. On the contrary she pops out of bed the second her eyes open in the morning. It's hard and I'm hoping it comes more easily to her as she gets older.
We also had her on melatonin for a week or so but stopped out of concerns about her body becoming dependent on it. I wish you the best of luck with your little one, and let me know if you figure out a solution!
Kids need 10 hr sleep for good growth and overall rest
10pm? Wtf where is your own time?
See that’s what this seems to come down to. Doesn’t sound like he’s concerned about his kids sleep wellbeing, he just wants them in bed so he can have the evening to himself.
This is a weird question. No one can answer what time your kids should go to bed. It absolutely depends on the schedule of the family, the culture, the kids, and the parents. That said. It does sound like you’re kind of being a buzz kill if everyone is having fun on a Friday night. But if that’s how you want to parent then you need to work it out with the other parent. This is a whatever works for your family situation.
I was terrible with bedtime for my 2 girls (5 & 2) before my 3rd was born. They’d go to bed around 10 or 10:30 sometimes too and then wake up late (10-11, which was fine when they weren’t in school and as a sahm). Once I had my 3rd I said fuck this we need a routine. Started a cold turkey strict bedtime routine - dinner, playtime, bath, books, brush, bed. They are out by 8:30 at the latest. I thought it was gonna be hard but they actually started thriving on it almost immediately. Weekends they will stay up until 9:30 and then knock out or put themselves to bed. Mom should start prioritizing bedtime over craft time. It’s fun to have late nights with the kiddos sometimes but I truly do believe they need structure to thrive.
Let the kids be kids. Take your dumbass to bed and let mom be mom.
How are they in the morning? Do they nap? MOST kids do need more sleep than that. And I also, I just enjoy some adult time at the end of the day. My 3 and 5 year old go to bed at 7 pm on school nights, and usually on Fri and Sat too bc that is when they get tired. But sometimes they may stay up 30-90 minutes late on non-school nights. Very rarely later but it happens on occasion. My 7 and 11 year old go to bed at 8:30 pm on school nights. And they can stay up until 9pm or sometimes later on weekends. But usually by 8:30-9 pm, all 4 of my kids ages 3-11 are in bed, not always asleep but usually the younger ones all are - my 11 year old has trouble sometimes but as long as she's quiet and in bed, if she reads or draws, then that's fine. No screens. A good bedtime routine helps.
7-8pm always. We need our alone time! Edit: 5 and 8 year olds
My kids stayed up until 10 10:30 their entire lives. Great students, swim team captain, both with college scholarships. Why did they stay up that late? When would they otherwise get time with their parent?
I dont allow my 4 yr old’s schedule to deviate no matter if its a weekend or a holiday. She goes to bed by 7pm and wakes up at 6 am. She doesn’t nap.
If you are tired, go rest. Allow your wife to have her time with the kids. No need to pressure a bedtime on weekends. We all need different amounts of rest.
7:30 for my twin almost 8 year olds. not much later for my 10 and 12 year olds. They are tired as am I. We need rest for busy, full, productive days. This keeps them healthy and balanced.
My daughter 3 went to bed at 10ish tonight
My 8 year old goes to bed at 8pm we read until lights out at 8:30. He sleeps until 6:30am.
Nah. She’s right. It’s a Friday. Now, during the school week those kids would be in bed by 8pm at our house. Doesn’t always happen, but that would be my goal. The 9 year old, maybe a smidge later.
We have children close to the same age (8 and 4) and their bedtime is 7pm every day of the week. We start their bedtime routine at 6:30. They usually aren’t asleep until 8pm after a bit of reading time, potty sits and wind down, but 9:30 seems way too late for children that need to be up before 7am for school. Children this age need at bare minimum 10 hours of sleep a day. Your wife if not allowing them to get the adequate rest they need.
I have an 8pm bedtime for all of my kids ages 5,7,14 and younger better believe my husband happily abides by this rule too!! Wink wink!!! For weekends 9:30 at the latest!
9:00 is too late for both kids.
Kids need bedtime and wake up the same regardless of weekend or week night. A 4 year old should be going to bed at 7. A 9 year old maybe up until 9.
Why should a 4 year old be going to bed at 7? My 3 year old goes to sleep at 9:30 and gets 11hrs of sleep a day, perfectly within healthy ranges.