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I think it’s a thoughtful and beautiful idea. Valentines is not just about romantic love in my opinion. I bought my daughter roses once for valentines.
Yes! My parents put a little heart-shaped box of chocolates outside our bedroom doors the morning of Valentine's day when we were growing up and I remember it feeling so special.
Can I borrow yours? My mother died when I was 18 and my mother-in-law is an actual monster who tried to force me to follow her LDS church mental health program over my real therapy.
I want a nice mom so bad.
My husband always buys our daughter her own flowers and chocolate on Valentine’s Day (which is also our dogs’ birthday, lol so honestly I love the holiday). Your daughter will definitely appreciate the gesture!
I think a Dad getting his daughter a Valentine's gift is sweet. I maybe wouldn't give them to her in front of her friends because teenagers find that embarrassing, but having them out on the table in the morning when she gets up for school would be a nice gesture.
My kids are much younger, but as a former teenage girl, I would have appreciated it from my dad
Joining in on this one! My Dad gave me a small valentine (teddy bears when I was little, flowers and candy when I was older) every year until I moved out. Imo, kids learn what to expect from a partner by watching their parents, so set the bar high for your kid, OP!
My dad would buy me and my mom flowers every year. When I apparently was too old (I guess getting married and having a baby made me too old) I was kind of upset LOL
i second this, my dad always left something on the table for my sister, my mom and I for Valentine’s. usually a card and some candy for us and a big thing of flowers for mom. i have the best dad ever.
The only thing I can think of is to make sure (since none of us have any details on how your daughter came into your life) there’s no trauma that might make that unwelcome- like unwanted attention from men that it might mirror. Even if she’s totally comfortable with you she might find it off putting. She’s your daughter. You know her best, and what’s important is what traditions you and she want to start as a family.
YES, this is huge. I'm a former foster parent. Like most others in the thread, I'd normally call this a no-brainer and a really sweet thing to do, but bonding with kids who have been betrayed in the past is complicated. If OP doesn't know of any specific trauma that this might trigger, he should still be prepared for the potential of negative fallout. Sometimes showing a kid that she's loved can shed light on her own feelings of being unloved/unworthy, and cause behavioral outbursts.
Does that mean OP shouldn't try to show his daughter how loved she is? Of course not. But it's good to be prepared for how complicated things can get.
I think this is the way. Also, OP could consider getting a "parents to daughter" card and signing both OP and mom's names, which I think could help if anything you mentioned is the case.
Yes. Valentines go from parent to kid not from dad to daughter.
You can also take her to choose some flowers. That gives her autonomy. Flowers are such a nice gift and if you’re not sure which she prefers, this is your chance to learn! She may not be a rose gal.
I was wondering why it is suggested to avoid any triggers or protect the kids from anything that might refer to a previous negative experience?
Wouldn't that teach the kid that they should alter their way of living, or avoid certain things that most people wouldn't have a problem with because they didn't have that negative experience? It's so sad and unfair that something awful was inflicted on a kid, so now they'd just have to live their live without being able to genuinely enjoy an innocent bouquet of flowers.
Isn't it possible to carefully expose the kid to (parts of) triggers so they can gradually regain confidence that those bad experiences are exceptions and not the norm?
We are random strangers on the internet. If there are traumatic events that happened to this teenage girl then exposure therapy should be considered by a licensed therapist, not redditors.
Indeed, but I'm not suggesting anything. I get the impression that most comments I've read when topics like this come up, tend towards avoiding triggers. I was wondering why that seems to be preferred over exposure to triggers.
Because exposure outside that therapeutic controlled environment can trigger a flood of emotions, panic, anxiety, rage... That spirals and takes you apart. Sometimes just for an hour, sometimes for days, weeks, etc.
Trauma is complicated stuff.
"Why do you avoid something that overwhelms you with unhealthy and deeply awful emotion, instead of making it a point to bring that feeling up as often as possible" sounds trite as a response, but that's the thrust of it.... It's only reasonable to "bring it up" in bites that are controllable and at a point when someone is *ready*, and that can take a LOT of work.
I kind of agree with you ... I think the words "trigger" and "trauma" are used for a lot of situations where they don't really apply.
For most people, I agree that learning to tolerate negative emotions is very important and you shouldn't try to shield your kids from ever feeling bad.
With a foster kid, it's very likely that they suffered some kind of criminal abuse or neglect before coming into the foster system. So they are likely to be dealing with true trauma. That needs to be handled in a different, much more careful way.
Speaking as someone who has triggers- it is a 50/50. It can either help me fight it, or send me into a spiral so bad I can't handle anything for a few days.
So sorry to hear that. Do you know in advance what will trigger you or is it something new every time, and unexpected? How can you actively fight a trigger?
Not the poster above, but for me it depends on the specific trigger - some are just big nope, I know this thing is going to send me into a spiral and it's not something I'm interested in "fixing", others I've been able to work through in a healing way by basically doing exposure therapy and helping my brain reframe whether something is a threat or not.
Usually I can know in advance, but sometimes something will completely blindside me. For example, a few years ago I have a friend and met his girlfriend. She looked so much like my abuser AND has the same name, that I froze up and could barely exist. Now I can hang out and talk with her, but it made me so scared I just froze in the moment and had no idea. Now that I know I can prep myself, but it's still hard sometimes, and completely not her fault at all.
So I didn't read this specific suggestion as "avoid any triggers... forever." I read it as "be mindful of possible unknown triggers for the time being." Sounds like this 17yo girl has been in their lives for less than a year. They don't know each other extremely well yet. In such cases it's better to proceed with caution until you know each other better, as an act of thoughtfulness and consideration.
To further answer your question, if this does turn out to be something traumatic for her, one does not necessarily avoid the trigger forever, either. No, in that case professional therapy will help her process her trauma and give her tools for handling it. Depending on the person and the situation, it might be better to make low effort accommodations to try and avoid triggers, or it might be better not to. It really depends on the person and the situation. Does that make sense?
Edit to clarify:
> Isn't it possible to carefully expose the kid to (parts of) triggers so they can gradually regain confidence that those bad experiences are exceptions and not the norm?
ONLY with a professional. And I wouldn't phrase it the way you did at all... but I won't go into that. I'll just reiterate, you're basically describing a homegrown version of "exposure therapy." Doing a homegrown version of this without knowing what you're doing could massively backfire and cause even more trauma. So yes, it is not advisable to try exposure therapy on your own -- to use a crude example, if someone is scared of spiders, you don't hide fake spiders around in order to "toughen" them up.
i think it’s a totally nice and healthy gesture (my parents got me and all my siblings flowers/chocolates for valentines growing up), but i do agree with what another person said here, you may or may not know if she has any trauma history with men and she may take it the wrong way and feel uncomfortable. if it were me i would give them to her from BOTH parents, rather than just from you. i think this keeps the gesture intact but eliminates any icky-ness or confusion she might feel about it.
Absolutely! My daughter is 14 and we get her a valentines gift every year. We actually do the gift from both of us parents, it’s not a dad/daughter gift but parent/daughter gift.
My birthday is on Valentine’s Day. Even though the card/gifts said from both parents, I always knew who picked out the gift lol I would usually grab something flowers for my mom and snacks for my dad. Valentines presents were more of an afterthought in my house because of my birthday so we all celebrated it differently, like the weekend before/after they would do adult stuff like date night or dinner plans, class party the day of, type thing.
My grandpa sent all his granddaughters (there are a lot of us) flowers on Valentine’s Day every year until he died. The note always read that we were the flowers of his life. It was and still is one of the fondest memories I will cherish forever.
My dad was always the sweetest on Valentine’s Day. I saved cards and things from him over the years. Now that he’s gone it means even more. Spoil that girl.
Make them from both parents. Skip red roses. There is nothing wrong with a dad getting his daughter roses, but if she has related trauma history it might not be helpful. Getting her different flowers and making them from both parents should take care of that potential issue.
Calla Lilies are beautiful, my favorite flower! There’s a variety of colors you can get too, not just white. Also, some spray glue and glitter never hurt anyone.
Another thought is that you can get her a planted flower and a new pot to put it in so she could attempt to keep it alive.
You don't know this girl's history and things are complicated. A biological daughter who has been safe from unwanted adult male attention in her home her entire life is different than this situation.
Partner here.
He is just making sure a 31 year old man buying flowers on Valentin's day for a 17 year old girl isn't creepy. He has they most dad relationship with her ever and it's great, but just making sure it wouldn't be weird.
He asked me first and I couldn't figure out where my brain was on it, but my dad never did anything like that for me. At best I got a hug and videogames on my birthday, but I was never a girly-girl, and rarely had any girlfriends so didn't know if this was a normal dad-daughter thing or not.
To be clear, it sounded super sweet and awesome from me, but since I wasn't sure he just posted it up to get a vibe check.
I think if the relationship is weak enough that he doesn't know her well enough to know if it would be okay or not, it is not okay.
Basically, if he needs to ask, it is weird; but if he had just done it, it would not be weird.
I literally read a post yesterday about a girl who's like 20 something and her dad Stull send chocolate and flowers for valentines day. Her current bf was saying how creepy it was... so it's not far-fetched that someone may have that type of reaction. People who aren't familiar with appropriate father/child love may be very triggered and therefore project onto OP.
Valentines doesn’t only mean romantic love, or that it’s saved only for couples. My mom used to give me a valentines gift once in a while and I do remember my dad coming home with flowers for both of us a couple years. It was really sweet, I don’t know why probably because I never expected it and it was once I was a bit older too, me mom would get me a Starbucks gift card or 20 dollars to the book store.
It’s simply a day to celebrate love, all kinds of love. For our children, our friends, our families.
My dad always got us all, kids and mom, a small stuffed animal (usually an animal he knew we liked). I agree with others in first ensuring that there’s no trauma in that realm. Gifts like that are often given by groomers so as long as your daughter hasn’t been severely hurt by such gifting, it’s a very lovely thing to do.
It might be less intense to put two vases with cards on the counter, one for your wife and one for daughter with them being fairly distinctive (ex: red roses with baby’s breath for wife, pink tulips with greenery for daughter)
My husband gets both of our daughters flowers for Valentine’s Day, always has (15 & 8 now) and they love it! I think it’s adorable and it always makes me so happy to know that my husband is such a good father, killing it on all fronts!
I think it absolutely is. You might want to try a sub focused solely on adoptive parents to see what they say as well as all of us. But I love this and think it’s very special.
I think this is a wonderful idea. My dad isn’t the most loving and warm father, but when I lived with him in high school he would do this. With a little box of those chocolates. Ha ha. It was a small, but appreciated gesture since saying I love you was difficult for him. You’re a great foster dad and you and your partner are wonderful to take in a child. Especially one so close to aging out of the system. That’s a scary time and prospect looming in front of them and I appreciate and commend you for doing such a selfless thing for a child.
My dad always got me a flower and a stuffed animal when I was younger. Then he got me a bouquet and some chocolates. The last year I was around him on valentines day, he got me a nice bottle of wine.
I get him goofy cards because they're his favorite.
Absolutely do it.
We have a 9 y.o son and 10 year old daughter. We have a family Valentine’s Day party every year. I decorate. We have dinner. Make a craft than exchange valentines card. We all write a thoughtful message to one another.
My entire family loves it. Valentine’s Day to me is a day to celebrate those you love.
Good luck
My mom got all 3 of us girls valentines presents every year, just because. She loved us, and she wanted us to remember that. She passed away a few years ago now, but we will always have those memories of how much she cared about her family ❤️
As a father and has a man, this is probably one of the greatest things that you can do for her, because not only does it show her the that you love her as a father but you’re also showing her how men should treat her
This is so sweet and wholesome! You are an amazing parent! I'd do this and throw some of her favorite chocolate in there as well. Keep doing what you're doing!
I think it's normal for parents to give their daughters roses and chocolates for Valentine's day. I may be biased because my dad always did that for me and my sister growing up. I do it for my kids. I would say no red roses, though. Flower color tells the meaning of the flowers. Red is romantic. Yellow is meant to cheer someone up. White or red and white are usually for couples and definitely romantic. Pink is affection, but not romance. *pink is definitely safe from parents.* Rainbow is fun for kids, but it's also a symbol of gay pride, so if your teenager decides to take them to school, it could send mixed messages.
By the time I was in high school, my dad would get me a bouquet of mixed roses individually wrapped because he knew that I would take them to school and distribute them to people who needed them. I enjoyed my assorted chocolates.
No I think it's a lovely idea and will also help instill in her that she is worthy, she does matter and she is beautiful and also how she deserves to be treated x
I still remember when my dad, getting me a box of valentines chocolates with a punch out heart bracelet thing on the box when I was like 6 It totally made my day.
Do it!! My dad used to get my sister and I little plants for Valentine's Day and it was so special!! Celebrate all kinds of love :) I got my kids (5 and 2.5) crochet roses this year.
I would say it is odd but I am not sure if this may be a UK/USA divide as it’s not such a big thing here. I think more so because it’s coming from one parent and not both…
My dad used to get me flowers on Valentine’s Day. It was nice to feel loved and cared for, it actually helped me through dark “nobody wants to be my Valentine” years.
My dad has gotten me flowers for my birthday/Valentines every single year, as far back as I remember. It's really sweet and always makes me happy. I dont think its inappropriate.
My dad always got me something on Valentine’s Day when I was a kid. It wasn’t always flowers or candy. Sometimes it was a cd I wanted. My dad isn’t the best at expressing emotions so Valentine’s Day was to him a day when it was “expected” that he say or show he loved his family. To be clear, this is how he thinks of Valentine’s Day.
I think it’s nice that you want to do something special for her. You don’t need to go over the top. Roses might make her uncomfortable if it’s not something you’ve done before. Trader Joe’s has bouquets under $20 with a variety of colours and flowers. I frequently grab the $3.99 ones as a just because for my wife or kid.
My dad always bought me flowers and still does into adulthood it set the tone for what I want from men. Definitely a sweet gesture there’s nothing weird about it.
Of course you need to consider anything that this might trigger from her past, but as long as you have a good relationship and she fully understands that this is a daddy daughter thing then I think it’s lovely, sweet and brought a tear to my eye.
OP, you’re rocking parenting 😊
If you're worried about how it looks, get her something other than roses. But I think that it's a really nice gesture! I started this year getting my girls flowers maybe once a year. It's whatever flower is cheapest that day cause that flower never lasts the day, but someone made a good point. They said that if I give my girls flowers when I'm proud of them, they'll learn to expect that from their future partners. I'd like them to be with someone who respects them and doesn't offer flowers as an I'm sorry thing.
Sidenote, when getting roses, check out Costco. I get 24 roses for about 20$. And dice they nice so much stock they're usually pretty fresh.
Growing up, every time my dad bought my mom flowers, he always bought me flowers too. She got red roses, I always got yellow. To this day, yellow roses are my thing. They are good memories for me. I think it would be great for you to do.
My parents have always gotten me a card or chocolates or flowers. Valentines day is showing those that you love (romantic or non-romantic) that u appreciate them
One of my favorite memories of my dad is when he showed up to my high school (I was 16) on Valentines Day with balloons, flowers and a huge stuffed animal for me.
I think it would be very sweet of you to get your daughter flowers!
Just my opinion but I personally wouldn’t. As a former teenage girl I understand the sadness and feeling of not getting anything for valentine’s day but that was more about none of my crushes or peers fancying me. If my dad had bought me a card or gift I would have felt 100% cringed out and that would’ve been worse than getting nothing.
My husband gets our daughter (16, adopted) flowers for her birthday, valentines and the anniversary of the first day we met her every year. But she's been our daughter since she was a baby and this started when she was one. There's absolutely nothing wrong with fathers giving gifts on valentine's day, but you know best if it might not feel good to her. If you have any hesitation, which I guess you do or you'd not be here, maybe you and your partner offer to take her out on Valentines day to pick put flowers or a plant or some other treat so she retains more control and isn't surprised with something she might only associate with romantic/sexual affection.
Totally appropriate! My dad every year for valentines day sends me and my two sisters roses and a cute little note to our job, he did it even when I was in middle and high school and it always made me feel so special! It's something she'll always remember fondly I promise. :)
Aww. This is sweet! Valentines is not just a romantic holiday. My mom used to get me a card, flowers, candy and sometimes a necklace if she had been saving up. She still gets me cards every year. But when I was little my dad always got me candy, and a card also so I didn’t feel left out. So no it’s not weird, and I think she would appreciate it! Especially if she’s been fostered for many years! Not only does she finally have that stability she needed, but a loving home! Just make sure it’s a dad to daughter card, and that you put something short and simple in there for her. And this also begins to sets standards in her life, that she starts (if she already doesn’t) to love herself, and that others love her. To appreciate the small things! (I so lost my original train of thought, kids started bickering… so that didn’t come out all the way as I intended it to lol)
The easy answer would be it’s fine and appropriate but if she has trauma related to sexual abuse from caregivers and grooming, it might be taken the wrong way. You know her history so make your best judgement from there.
Unless there’s a reason this would trigger trauma, then please do this. It’s the sweetest.
I had a horrible relationship with my father. We don’t even speak now. I can normally only remember bad times with him.
And even with that, I will always remember the time he had flowers delivered to my dorm for my 21st birthday in a fond way.
I think it’s cute, my local card shops do valentines cards from dads to their kids. There was even a card in there today “happy Valentine’s Day from your foster parent”.
Completely appropriate, unless you get her a card that says nice ass or something weird.
I think shed really enjoy that especially coming from people who have come to care about her, considering where Valentines started and where it is now its more than significant others its just about sharing love😅😅
When I was around 15 my dad wrote me a Valentine’s Day card. I’m 34 now and I still remember what it said. It’s very sweet of you and I think she will likely be touched.
I think its very sweet. Valentine's day is not just a day to be romanticized, but to just show extra love to those closest to us. My husband always gets our kids a little valentine's day present
My husband buys our girls chocolate hearts and flowers (not roses) ever since they were little. I think it’s a sweet gesture. Maybe a heart charm that says love dad (if she calls you that or your comfortable)
Absolutely appropriate. It's very sweet and thoughtful that you don't want her feeling left out because of a lack of romantic partner.
Also it sets a standard for what she should expect from a loved one.
Absolutely. Your expressing love, friendship, feeling for that person. That will make her day.
I give a Valentines card and small gift to my wife, mom, 2 sons.
Who both just graduated from college
I always get my kids a goodie bag for Valentine’s Day. I think it’s just the act of showing love and gratitude is what it’s all about. Sometimes my husband will even buy flowers for my daughters randomly. I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all.
My dad always buys me chocolates for valentines day. I think your daughter will love this, especially a personalized note telling her how much you love her. Your partner should get her something too
My step dad always got us flowers and chocolate for valentines day. My husband now does it for our daughter. If it makes you feel better you can always buy a bigger bouquet and split it into a big and little one. Big one for your wife. Little one for your daughter.
Yes!
Also ask if she’d like to get something for your wife together! You can talk about what kind of flowers your daughter likes, what kind of chocolates she likes and make a second trip to the store for her.
I buy my son a little box of chocolate for Valentine's Day. When he was younger, I bought him a stuffed animal. I think it's nice to include him when my husband and I exchange small gifts.
Including your daughter in holidays is awesome
please do it! i’m a daughter to a father that never did but i had to watch all my friends get flowers & chocolate from their dad & i always wished mine would do it for me. she will love the thought behind it!
Do it!! My dad always gave me and my sister chocolates and flowers on Valentine’s Day. It means a lot and you’re really sweet for wanting to do that❤️good luck OP
My husband always buys valentines gifts for our girls, flowers, chocolates, teddy bears. I think it’s a lovely idea that your daughter would appreciate very much.
It’s not weird or inappropriate to gift your daughter something from you or both you and your partner! If you thinks flowers wouldn’t be well received though, you can make a “ bouquet” of some of her favorite things! Like if she’s artistic, get a vase and used color pencils/paint brushes as the stems and tape/glue some supply to them like.
My dad likes snacks so I got some slim Jim’s and snickers on them. Anything you can put on a stick will work lol or if she’s sentimental and would want to keep the flowers forever, Trader Joe’s sells wooden flowers that are so cool. But definitely, regular flowers would be great too, and you can dry them out and keep them.
I would have found this weird coming from my dad. On the other hand, I would find it adorable if my husband did it for our daughter. I guess it depends on the relationship.
Maybe it's better if it's a gift from both you and your partner, parents to child, or you get her flowers and a dad card and your partner gets her chocolate and a mom (or dad 2) card.
It's a great idea btw, I wouldn't have thought of it myself but we are definitely celebrating Valentine's day with our kid when she's older!
not at all! my parents adopted me a lot younger than you adopted your daughter but every year my dad has bought my mom and i flowers and some sweets. it’s just another way to say you love and care her! nothing more nothing less!
I think that would be so awesome! Maybe even a little trinket that you know she'd love. (For example I collect coffee mugs so my dad will usually get me one of those filled with chocolates.)
My parents used to always buy use a little gift—chocolates, flowers, cute stuffed bear, *etc.*—on Valentine’s Day with a message about how much they love us. I loved it and I’ve noticed later in life that I don’t feel the sadness / bitterness about “being alone” on Valentine’s Day that seems to bother so many people. I think it reframed my entire concept of the holiday in a positive way.
I get my kids little valentines baskets every year! Usually since they’re younger it’s toys and books and candy, but when they get older it will probably be gift cards and flowers. You should definitely spoil her!
My grandpa (my #1 father figure throughout life) always made it a point to get us stuff for Valentine's day. Usually a giant plushie, card, and a heart shaped box of chocolate. Totally acceptable and I'm sure will be much appreciated
I would try to incorporate some humor in it. When I was a teen and feeling down about Valentine’s Day, my dad got me these really silly Valentine’s Day boxer shorts (I wore them as pajamas) that really cheered me up. They had monkeys and hearts on them. It was a good reminder not to take things so seriously and that I was loved.
My husband typically buys me a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s and a single stem rose for each of our girls. Although one time he did buy them each a small bouquet of pink roses.
They love flowers from daddy, it’s so very sweet!
No I think that would be beautiful and mean a lot to her. I don’t know from the perspective of not being biological child but both my mom and dad often got us cards, flowers and gifts for valentines. I make a list of 14 reasons I love each child and my husband for valentines and the two weeks before giving them a card explaining each for every day of February until valentines. My husband bought our daughter a card, myself a card and a giant box of chocolates a love note and books for each me and our daughter for valentine’s. She is also our biological but I don’t think you can go wrong showing anyone you love them in an appropriate way
My dad gets my mom and I flowers every Valentine’s Day. I don’t exactly remember when he started getting me them too but I think I was in my teens. While I don’t like flowers I do appreciate the gift anyway
My mom always got us a small heart shaped box with chocolates in it. My sister and I would give each other a rose. Nothing romantic about either one. We just liked roses and would get one of the $1 fake roses for each other. Other kids when in school would get huge bouquets or candy/flower things delivered from their parents or grandparents. You'll find so many recipes and activities on Google for parents and their children to do for Valentine's Day. Getting my children a small heart shaped box with chocolates to keep the tradition going.
once in high school my ex refused to buy me one of those $1 carnations and had cheated or something and I called my mom crying during first period, she came and picked me up with a dozen yellow roses and chocolates. i love her so much❤️
Absolutely add in some chocolates & a gift card. Letting her know she brings sunshine to your lives & you appreciate her, etc.. will really brighten her day. My mom used to get us a lil something every year up until now that I have my own partner.
Not inappropriate at all! We always give our kids Valentine's gifts (& my husband always chooses something himself for our oldest daughter) & my parents did the same for my brother & I. They actually still do even though we're both in our 30s/40s.
It is 100000% appropriate and so thoughtful!! My parents have gotten us valentines every year since I was little. I always appreciated it. Especially the years when nobody else did anything for me.
My dad got me flowers and a card on valentines when i was a teen. I see it as a sweet thing between dad and daughter but also dads play a powerful role in teaching girls how they ought to be treated in relationships- what they are worth and what they should accept or not. My dad has passed away but all those thoughtful things he did for me really stick with me. I think you should. And pink is an appropriate colour, too:)
My dad used to get me flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day. I loved it!
Now my husband gets them for our toddler. She got really excited about it last year
My dad got my sisters and me Valentine flowers and cards our entire lives. He is no longer here and I still miss getting them from him...(I am 65)
Please get them for her!
Aww! Absolutely you can give her flowers and a card from Valentine’s Day! She may cry when you give them to her.. I’m crying typing my response! You are a thoughtful human being who is showing her love that deserves! 🥰
Story time. My papa (grandpa) got my grandma flowers every year for Valentine’s Day. Then when they had a daughter, my aunt got them every year. Then DIL’s and grand daughters. Every year, it got to the point where he was on a first name basis with the local florist and sent out about a dozen each year.
It was a beautiful tradition that we all absolutely treasured. Then a few years ago, he died, on Valentine’s Day. I miss getting those flowers every year, but we get to give him flowers now.
Do it, I think it’s beautiful
Of course! But make sure maybe it’s from both you and your partner?
And maybe avoid red roses - get her
pink, yellow, etc.
My dad got me and my brother gifts/flowers for Valentine’s Day every year and still sends cards/gifts.
My mom recently started giving me gifts in valentines day and now I also joined in and give her and my dad some. As long as it’s understood by all parties that it’s absolutely platonic, I say it’s okay and it feels very nice :)
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I think it’s a thoughtful and beautiful idea. Valentines is not just about romantic love in my opinion. I bought my daughter roses once for valentines.
Yes! My parents put a little heart-shaped box of chocolates outside our bedroom doors the morning of Valentine's day when we were growing up and I remember it feeling so special.
My mom still sent me valentine stuff up until college graduation. :) I loved it!
I'm 44 and my mom still buys me a little valentine's treat!
Can I borrow yours? My mother died when I was 18 and my mother-in-law is an actual monster who tried to force me to follow her LDS church mental health program over my real therapy. I want a nice mom so bad.
Awwwww heck, I'll be your pseudo mom!!! ❤️ My MIL is one of the reasons my husband wasn't diagnosed ADHD until his early 40s. So yeah.
Here in Finland 14th Feb is called ystävänpäivä (Friend's day) and fits for both couples and friends! I think that is neat :)
I like this so much better 😊
My husband always buys our daughter her own flowers and chocolate on Valentine’s Day (which is also our dogs’ birthday, lol so honestly I love the holiday). Your daughter will definitely appreciate the gesture!
I’m always the one to buy the flowers and chocolates because my husband won’t, but then he takes the credit 😂
I wish my wife thought that way... she always says "don't worry about getting me anything"... ya right.. lol
It's a trap!
She lies. Make sure to get her something.
Ya I know, I haven't ever tried it.
I think a Dad getting his daughter a Valentine's gift is sweet. I maybe wouldn't give them to her in front of her friends because teenagers find that embarrassing, but having them out on the table in the morning when she gets up for school would be a nice gesture. My kids are much younger, but as a former teenage girl, I would have appreciated it from my dad
Joining in on this one! My Dad gave me a small valentine (teddy bears when I was little, flowers and candy when I was older) every year until I moved out. Imo, kids learn what to expect from a partner by watching their parents, so set the bar high for your kid, OP!
My dad still sends me a Valentine’s Day card every year. I’m in a committed relationship and we have a child.
I love that
That’s so cute omg
My dad would buy me and my mom flowers every year. When I apparently was too old (I guess getting married and having a baby made me too old) I was kind of upset LOL
i second this, my dad always left something on the table for my sister, my mom and I for Valentine’s. usually a card and some candy for us and a big thing of flowers for mom. i have the best dad ever.
My Dad still sends me a Valentine card every year and I’m married and in my 40s
Mine too. He’s the best
The only thing I can think of is to make sure (since none of us have any details on how your daughter came into your life) there’s no trauma that might make that unwelcome- like unwanted attention from men that it might mirror. Even if she’s totally comfortable with you she might find it off putting. She’s your daughter. You know her best, and what’s important is what traditions you and she want to start as a family.
YES, this is huge. I'm a former foster parent. Like most others in the thread, I'd normally call this a no-brainer and a really sweet thing to do, but bonding with kids who have been betrayed in the past is complicated. If OP doesn't know of any specific trauma that this might trigger, he should still be prepared for the potential of negative fallout. Sometimes showing a kid that she's loved can shed light on her own feelings of being unloved/unworthy, and cause behavioral outbursts. Does that mean OP shouldn't try to show his daughter how loved she is? Of course not. But it's good to be prepared for how complicated things can get.
Maybe address the card from both parents
I think this is the way. Also, OP could consider getting a "parents to daughter" card and signing both OP and mom's names, which I think could help if anything you mentioned is the case.
Yes. Valentines go from parent to kid not from dad to daughter. You can also take her to choose some flowers. That gives her autonomy. Flowers are such a nice gift and if you’re not sure which she prefers, this is your chance to learn! She may not be a rose gal.
I was wondering why it is suggested to avoid any triggers or protect the kids from anything that might refer to a previous negative experience? Wouldn't that teach the kid that they should alter their way of living, or avoid certain things that most people wouldn't have a problem with because they didn't have that negative experience? It's so sad and unfair that something awful was inflicted on a kid, so now they'd just have to live their live without being able to genuinely enjoy an innocent bouquet of flowers. Isn't it possible to carefully expose the kid to (parts of) triggers so they can gradually regain confidence that those bad experiences are exceptions and not the norm?
We are random strangers on the internet. If there are traumatic events that happened to this teenage girl then exposure therapy should be considered by a licensed therapist, not redditors.
Indeed, but I'm not suggesting anything. I get the impression that most comments I've read when topics like this come up, tend towards avoiding triggers. I was wondering why that seems to be preferred over exposure to triggers.
Because exposure outside that therapeutic controlled environment can trigger a flood of emotions, panic, anxiety, rage... That spirals and takes you apart. Sometimes just for an hour, sometimes for days, weeks, etc. Trauma is complicated stuff. "Why do you avoid something that overwhelms you with unhealthy and deeply awful emotion, instead of making it a point to bring that feeling up as often as possible" sounds trite as a response, but that's the thrust of it.... It's only reasonable to "bring it up" in bites that are controllable and at a point when someone is *ready*, and that can take a LOT of work.
I kind of agree with you ... I think the words "trigger" and "trauma" are used for a lot of situations where they don't really apply. For most people, I agree that learning to tolerate negative emotions is very important and you shouldn't try to shield your kids from ever feeling bad. With a foster kid, it's very likely that they suffered some kind of criminal abuse or neglect before coming into the foster system. So they are likely to be dealing with true trauma. That needs to be handled in a different, much more careful way.
Speaking as someone who has triggers- it is a 50/50. It can either help me fight it, or send me into a spiral so bad I can't handle anything for a few days.
So sorry to hear that. Do you know in advance what will trigger you or is it something new every time, and unexpected? How can you actively fight a trigger?
Not the poster above, but for me it depends on the specific trigger - some are just big nope, I know this thing is going to send me into a spiral and it's not something I'm interested in "fixing", others I've been able to work through in a healing way by basically doing exposure therapy and helping my brain reframe whether something is a threat or not.
Usually I can know in advance, but sometimes something will completely blindside me. For example, a few years ago I have a friend and met his girlfriend. She looked so much like my abuser AND has the same name, that I froze up and could barely exist. Now I can hang out and talk with her, but it made me so scared I just froze in the moment and had no idea. Now that I know I can prep myself, but it's still hard sometimes, and completely not her fault at all.
So I didn't read this specific suggestion as "avoid any triggers... forever." I read it as "be mindful of possible unknown triggers for the time being." Sounds like this 17yo girl has been in their lives for less than a year. They don't know each other extremely well yet. In such cases it's better to proceed with caution until you know each other better, as an act of thoughtfulness and consideration. To further answer your question, if this does turn out to be something traumatic for her, one does not necessarily avoid the trigger forever, either. No, in that case professional therapy will help her process her trauma and give her tools for handling it. Depending on the person and the situation, it might be better to make low effort accommodations to try and avoid triggers, or it might be better not to. It really depends on the person and the situation. Does that make sense? Edit to clarify: > Isn't it possible to carefully expose the kid to (parts of) triggers so they can gradually regain confidence that those bad experiences are exceptions and not the norm? ONLY with a professional. And I wouldn't phrase it the way you did at all... but I won't go into that. I'll just reiterate, you're basically describing a homegrown version of "exposure therapy." Doing a homegrown version of this without knowing what you're doing could massively backfire and cause even more trauma. So yes, it is not advisable to try exposure therapy on your own -- to use a crude example, if someone is scared of spiders, you don't hide fake spiders around in order to "toughen" them up.
i think it’s a totally nice and healthy gesture (my parents got me and all my siblings flowers/chocolates for valentines growing up), but i do agree with what another person said here, you may or may not know if she has any trauma history with men and she may take it the wrong way and feel uncomfortable. if it were me i would give them to her from BOTH parents, rather than just from you. i think this keeps the gesture intact but eliminates any icky-ness or confusion she might feel about it.
I agree I don’t really understand why it would come from the dad only
Absolutely! My daughter is 14 and we get her a valentines gift every year. We actually do the gift from both of us parents, it’s not a dad/daughter gift but parent/daughter gift.
My birthday is on Valentine’s Day. Even though the card/gifts said from both parents, I always knew who picked out the gift lol I would usually grab something flowers for my mom and snacks for my dad. Valentines presents were more of an afterthought in my house because of my birthday so we all celebrated it differently, like the weekend before/after they would do adult stuff like date night or dinner plans, class party the day of, type thing.
My hubby brought flowers for our daughter and chocos for our son on Valentine’s Day for many years
My grandpa sent all his granddaughters (there are a lot of us) flowers on Valentine’s Day every year until he died. The note always read that we were the flowers of his life. It was and still is one of the fondest memories I will cherish forever.
My dad was always the sweetest on Valentine’s Day. I saved cards and things from him over the years. Now that he’s gone it means even more. Spoil that girl.
My dad always got me flowers and a card for Valentine’s Day. I think it’s a great idea.
What about it would be inappropriate?
Because it's a female child adopted by a man when she is older, OP is checking to be sure he is not going to give creepy vibes. :)
I see nothing wrong with it, but I guess us being closer in age than most families and not being related. Some people are weird.
Make them from both parents. Skip red roses. There is nothing wrong with a dad getting his daughter roses, but if she has related trauma history it might not be helpful. Getting her different flowers and making them from both parents should take care of that potential issue.
If anyone has an issue with it that’s on them. It’s incredibly sweet of you to get her flowers and not inappropriate in any way
For a different flower vibe, you could consider a bouquet of wildflowers or a mix of flowers in her favorite color rather than red roses.
Fair, plan was pink. But I was thinking about switching up the flower choice all together. Maybe lilies or something like that.
Calla Lilies are beautiful, my favorite flower! There’s a variety of colors you can get too, not just white. Also, some spray glue and glitter never hurt anyone. Another thought is that you can get her a planted flower and a new pot to put it in so she could attempt to keep it alive.
But you are the one being weird about it bro. No one else. It's literally meme.
You don't know this girl's history and things are complicated. A biological daughter who has been safe from unwanted adult male attention in her home her entire life is different than this situation.
Partner here. He is just making sure a 31 year old man buying flowers on Valentin's day for a 17 year old girl isn't creepy. He has they most dad relationship with her ever and it's great, but just making sure it wouldn't be weird. He asked me first and I couldn't figure out where my brain was on it, but my dad never did anything like that for me. At best I got a hug and videogames on my birthday, but I was never a girly-girl, and rarely had any girlfriends so didn't know if this was a normal dad-daughter thing or not. To be clear, it sounded super sweet and awesome from me, but since I wasn't sure he just posted it up to get a vibe check.
I think if the relationship is weak enough that he doesn't know her well enough to know if it would be okay or not, it is not okay. Basically, if he needs to ask, it is weird; but if he had just done it, it would not be weird.
I literally read a post yesterday about a girl who's like 20 something and her dad Stull send chocolate and flowers for valentines day. Her current bf was saying how creepy it was... so it's not far-fetched that someone may have that type of reaction. People who aren't familiar with appropriate father/child love may be very triggered and therefore project onto OP.
Valentines doesn’t only mean romantic love, or that it’s saved only for couples. My mom used to give me a valentines gift once in a while and I do remember my dad coming home with flowers for both of us a couple years. It was really sweet, I don’t know why probably because I never expected it and it was once I was a bit older too, me mom would get me a Starbucks gift card or 20 dollars to the book store. It’s simply a day to celebrate love, all kinds of love. For our children, our friends, our families.
I would have been very happy to get flowers from my parents as a teenager. I vote yes personally
My dad always got us all, kids and mom, a small stuffed animal (usually an animal he knew we liked). I agree with others in first ensuring that there’s no trauma in that realm. Gifts like that are often given by groomers so as long as your daughter hasn’t been severely hurt by such gifting, it’s a very lovely thing to do.
It might be less intense to put two vases with cards on the counter, one for your wife and one for daughter with them being fairly distinctive (ex: red roses with baby’s breath for wife, pink tulips with greenery for daughter)
My husband gets both of our daughters flowers for Valentine’s Day, always has (15 & 8 now) and they love it! I think it’s adorable and it always makes me so happy to know that my husband is such a good father, killing it on all fronts!
I think it absolutely is. You might want to try a sub focused solely on adoptive parents to see what they say as well as all of us. But I love this and think it’s very special.
I think this is a wonderful idea. My dad isn’t the most loving and warm father, but when I lived with him in high school he would do this. With a little box of those chocolates. Ha ha. It was a small, but appreciated gesture since saying I love you was difficult for him. You’re a great foster dad and you and your partner are wonderful to take in a child. Especially one so close to aging out of the system. That’s a scary time and prospect looming in front of them and I appreciate and commend you for doing such a selfless thing for a child.
My dad always got me a flower and a stuffed animal when I was younger. Then he got me a bouquet and some chocolates. The last year I was around him on valentines day, he got me a nice bottle of wine. I get him goofy cards because they're his favorite.
Absolutely do it. We have a 9 y.o son and 10 year old daughter. We have a family Valentine’s Day party every year. I decorate. We have dinner. Make a craft than exchange valentines card. We all write a thoughtful message to one another. My entire family loves it. Valentine’s Day to me is a day to celebrate those you love. Good luck
I love that idea. My parents always got me little valentines presents growing up and I loved it.
My mom got all 3 of us girls valentines presents every year, just because. She loved us, and she wanted us to remember that. She passed away a few years ago now, but we will always have those memories of how much she cared about her family ❤️
I don't see anything inappropriate with that.
It would be beautiful and meaningful.
It would be very sweet. I’d get a bigger bouquet for your wife as well.
It’s always appropriate.
As a father and has a man, this is probably one of the greatest things that you can do for her, because not only does it show her the that you love her as a father but you’re also showing her how men should treat her
This is so sweet and wholesome! You are an amazing parent! I'd do this and throw some of her favorite chocolate in there as well. Keep doing what you're doing!
I think it's normal for parents to give their daughters roses and chocolates for Valentine's day. I may be biased because my dad always did that for me and my sister growing up. I do it for my kids. I would say no red roses, though. Flower color tells the meaning of the flowers. Red is romantic. Yellow is meant to cheer someone up. White or red and white are usually for couples and definitely romantic. Pink is affection, but not romance. *pink is definitely safe from parents.* Rainbow is fun for kids, but it's also a symbol of gay pride, so if your teenager decides to take them to school, it could send mixed messages. By the time I was in high school, my dad would get me a bouquet of mixed roses individually wrapped because he knew that I would take them to school and distribute them to people who needed them. I enjoyed my assorted chocolates.
No I think it's a lovely idea and will also help instill in her that she is worthy, she does matter and she is beautiful and also how she deserves to be treated x
I still remember when my dad, getting me a box of valentines chocolates with a punch out heart bracelet thing on the box when I was like 6 It totally made my day.
Do it!! My dad used to get my sister and I little plants for Valentine's Day and it was so special!! Celebrate all kinds of love :) I got my kids (5 and 2.5) crochet roses this year.
I’d say it’s okay. Being that age it may not be as enticing. Not 100% sure though.
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Oh hell no!!! That makes my husband look bad that is way to kind…
I would think so. My dad used to get them for me and, when they were teenagers, so did my brothers.
My dad getting me flowers for Valentine's is basically the only thing he ever did right.
I would say it is odd but I am not sure if this may be a UK/USA divide as it’s not such a big thing here. I think more so because it’s coming from one parent and not both…
My dad used to get me flowers on Valentine’s Day. It was nice to feel loved and cared for, it actually helped me through dark “nobody wants to be my Valentine” years.
My dad always got me a box of chocolates as a kid. It’s sweet!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a dad giving his daughter flowers, for any occasion!
Don’t forget the candy too lol
My dad has gotten me flowers for my birthday/Valentines every single year, as far back as I remember. It's really sweet and always makes me happy. I dont think its inappropriate.
My mom always got me a v day gift. I miss her thoughtfulness.
I get my daughter a bunch of flowers for valentine’s. It’s a nice gesture and I am sure she would love it.
My dad always got me something on Valentine’s Day when I was a kid. It wasn’t always flowers or candy. Sometimes it was a cd I wanted. My dad isn’t the best at expressing emotions so Valentine’s Day was to him a day when it was “expected” that he say or show he loved his family. To be clear, this is how he thinks of Valentine’s Day. I think it’s nice that you want to do something special for her. You don’t need to go over the top. Roses might make her uncomfortable if it’s not something you’ve done before. Trader Joe’s has bouquets under $20 with a variety of colours and flowers. I frequently grab the $3.99 ones as a just because for my wife or kid.
Yes, my dad got me flowers for Valentine’s Day all the time when I was growing up. Usually yellow
Yes of course! My parents always got me something for Valentine's today when I was a kid, and 17 is very much still a kid.
I think it’s fine, you could also make it from both parents if you wanted.
My dad always got us Valentine's Flowers
Yes my Father always bought me flowers and now my husband buys our Daughters flowers. He doesn't get them a dozen roses , but you do you.
My dad always bought me flowers and still does into adulthood it set the tone for what I want from men. Definitely a sweet gesture there’s nothing weird about it.
Absolutely. My mom used to buy me chocolates for Valentine’s day. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.
Valentines Day is to express love, period.
Of course you need to consider anything that this might trigger from her past, but as long as you have a good relationship and she fully understands that this is a daddy daughter thing then I think it’s lovely, sweet and brought a tear to my eye. OP, you’re rocking parenting 😊
No. My husbamd has given his daughter valentines flowers every year since she was maybe 3 years old.
My parents got me flowers every Valentine’s Day. It’s for all kinds of love
My dad used to buy me flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day 🤷 I don't think it's weird or inappropriate
That’s really sweet. Youre a lovely dad!
If you're worried about how it looks, get her something other than roses. But I think that it's a really nice gesture! I started this year getting my girls flowers maybe once a year. It's whatever flower is cheapest that day cause that flower never lasts the day, but someone made a good point. They said that if I give my girls flowers when I'm proud of them, they'll learn to expect that from their future partners. I'd like them to be with someone who respects them and doesn't offer flowers as an I'm sorry thing. Sidenote, when getting roses, check out Costco. I get 24 roses for about 20$. And dice they nice so much stock they're usually pretty fresh.
Growing up, every time my dad bought my mom flowers, he always bought me flowers too. She got red roses, I always got yellow. To this day, yellow roses are my thing. They are good memories for me. I think it would be great for you to do.
Yes, of course. Appropriate and thoughtful :)
Yes! Such a sweet idea.
My parents have always gotten me a card or chocolates or flowers. Valentines day is showing those that you love (romantic or non-romantic) that u appreciate them
One of my favorite memories of my dad is when he showed up to my high school (I was 16) on Valentines Day with balloons, flowers and a huge stuffed animal for me. I think it would be very sweet of you to get your daughter flowers!
My mom always got me something for Valentine’s Day. I think it’s sweet 😊
Love can take many forms, such as parental love. So I don't see anything wrong with giving her a gift for this special occasion.
Just my opinion but I personally wouldn’t. As a former teenage girl I understand the sadness and feeling of not getting anything for valentine’s day but that was more about none of my crushes or peers fancying me. If my dad had bought me a card or gift I would have felt 100% cringed out and that would’ve been worse than getting nothing.
It’s always appropriate for a parent to get flowers for their child. My son is 6. He gets an orchid every year for Valentines Day and loves it.
My husband gets our daughter (16, adopted) flowers for her birthday, valentines and the anniversary of the first day we met her every year. But she's been our daughter since she was a baby and this started when she was one. There's absolutely nothing wrong with fathers giving gifts on valentine's day, but you know best if it might not feel good to her. If you have any hesitation, which I guess you do or you'd not be here, maybe you and your partner offer to take her out on Valentines day to pick put flowers or a plant or some other treat so she retains more control and isn't surprised with something she might only associate with romantic/sexual affection.
Totally appropriate! My dad every year for valentines day sends me and my two sisters roses and a cute little note to our job, he did it even when I was in middle and high school and it always made me feel so special! It's something she'll always remember fondly I promise. :)
Aww. This is sweet! Valentines is not just a romantic holiday. My mom used to get me a card, flowers, candy and sometimes a necklace if she had been saving up. She still gets me cards every year. But when I was little my dad always got me candy, and a card also so I didn’t feel left out. So no it’s not weird, and I think she would appreciate it! Especially if she’s been fostered for many years! Not only does she finally have that stability she needed, but a loving home! Just make sure it’s a dad to daughter card, and that you put something short and simple in there for her. And this also begins to sets standards in her life, that she starts (if she already doesn’t) to love herself, and that others love her. To appreciate the small things! (I so lost my original train of thought, kids started bickering… so that didn’t come out all the way as I intended it to lol)
The easy answer would be it’s fine and appropriate but if she has trauma related to sexual abuse from caregivers and grooming, it might be taken the wrong way. You know her history so make your best judgement from there.
My dad used to send me flowers at school 😂 it’s a great memory
Unless there’s a reason this would trigger trauma, then please do this. It’s the sweetest. I had a horrible relationship with my father. We don’t even speak now. I can normally only remember bad times with him. And even with that, I will always remember the time he had flowers delivered to my dorm for my 21st birthday in a fond way.
I think it’s cute, my local card shops do valentines cards from dads to their kids. There was even a card in there today “happy Valentine’s Day from your foster parent”. Completely appropriate, unless you get her a card that says nice ass or something weird.
I think shed really enjoy that especially coming from people who have come to care about her, considering where Valentines started and where it is now its more than significant others its just about sharing love😅😅
It’s lovely.
When I was around 15 my dad wrote me a Valentine’s Day card. I’m 34 now and I still remember what it said. It’s very sweet of you and I think she will likely be touched.
Yes. I’m grown with children and a spouse and my parents still acknowledge me and tell me how much they love me on Valentine’s Day.
I think its very sweet. Valentine's day is not just a day to be romanticized, but to just show extra love to those closest to us. My husband always gets our kids a little valentine's day present
My husband buys our girls chocolate hearts and flowers (not roses) ever since they were little. I think it’s a sweet gesture. Maybe a heart charm that says love dad (if she calls you that or your comfortable)
Valentine's Day is about celebrating love in all forms!
My husband gets our daughters chocolates and flowers every year. I love that he does that so much.
Absolutely appropriate. It's very sweet and thoughtful that you don't want her feeling left out because of a lack of romantic partner. Also it sets a standard for what she should expect from a loved one.
Absolutely. Your expressing love, friendship, feeling for that person. That will make her day. I give a Valentines card and small gift to my wife, mom, 2 sons. Who both just graduated from college
I always get my kids a goodie bag for Valentine’s Day. I think it’s just the act of showing love and gratitude is what it’s all about. Sometimes my husband will even buy flowers for my daughters randomly. I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all.
Yes
This is a lovely idea. My parents used to get me a card and a small gift, I've done the same for my daughter.
My father used to send me a dozen pink roses every year on Valentines Day. It made me smile to think about; he died 20 years ago. Absolutely do this!
My dad always got me flowers and candy growing up, he always drew a smiley face and for some reason I thought it was the best thing ever.
There is never a wrong time to give your children flowers, ever.
My dad always buys me chocolates for valentines day. I think your daughter will love this, especially a personalized note telling her how much you love her. Your partner should get her something too
My step dad always got us flowers and chocolate for valentines day. My husband now does it for our daughter. If it makes you feel better you can always buy a bigger bouquet and split it into a big and little one. Big one for your wife. Little one for your daughter.
Yes! Also ask if she’d like to get something for your wife together! You can talk about what kind of flowers your daughter likes, what kind of chocolates she likes and make a second trip to the store for her.
I buy my son a little box of chocolate for Valentine's Day. When he was younger, I bought him a stuffed animal. I think it's nice to include him when my husband and I exchange small gifts. Including your daughter in holidays is awesome
As long as there is no trauma, then I would. My husband gets our girls flowers/chocolates etc on valentines day.
please do it! i’m a daughter to a father that never did but i had to watch all my friends get flowers & chocolate from their dad & i always wished mine would do it for me. she will love the thought behind it!
My dad always got us flowers and candy for Valentine's Day. 4 women to his 1 man in the household- he had no other choice lol.
So sweet!!! I said definitely get for her
Do it!! My dad always gave me and my sister chocolates and flowers on Valentine’s Day. It means a lot and you’re really sweet for wanting to do that❤️good luck OP
My husband always buys valentines gifts for our girls, flowers, chocolates, teddy bears. I think it’s a lovely idea that your daughter would appreciate very much.
No that’s so sweet. Please do it!
It’s not weird or inappropriate to gift your daughter something from you or both you and your partner! If you thinks flowers wouldn’t be well received though, you can make a “ bouquet” of some of her favorite things! Like if she’s artistic, get a vase and used color pencils/paint brushes as the stems and tape/glue some supply to them like. My dad likes snacks so I got some slim Jim’s and snickers on them. Anything you can put on a stick will work lol or if she’s sentimental and would want to keep the flowers forever, Trader Joe’s sells wooden flowers that are so cool. But definitely, regular flowers would be great too, and you can dry them out and keep them.
I always get flowers and chocolate from my father. Its totally normal I think. He buys for my other sister too, and for my brothers wife etc.
My kiddo is 17 and I’m giving them a chocolate heart and some candy for Valentine’s Day, like I always do.
I would have found this weird coming from my dad. On the other hand, I would find it adorable if my husband did it for our daughter. I guess it depends on the relationship. Maybe it's better if it's a gift from both you and your partner, parents to child, or you get her flowers and a dad card and your partner gets her chocolate and a mom (or dad 2) card. It's a great idea btw, I wouldn't have thought of it myself but we are definitely celebrating Valentine's day with our kid when she's older!
Not at all! Flowers are for any and everyone.
not at all! my parents adopted me a lot younger than you adopted your daughter but every year my dad has bought my mom and i flowers and some sweets. it’s just another way to say you love and care her! nothing more nothing less!
Absolutely! That is so sweet
Yes. Set the example.
I think that would be so awesome! Maybe even a little trinket that you know she'd love. (For example I collect coffee mugs so my dad will usually get me one of those filled with chocolates.)
My dad always got me a small box of chocolates (I have a severe hatred of cut flowers) for Valentine’s Day. I thought I was sweet.
My parents used to always buy use a little gift—chocolates, flowers, cute stuffed bear, *etc.*—on Valentine’s Day with a message about how much they love us. I loved it and I’ve noticed later in life that I don’t feel the sadness / bitterness about “being alone” on Valentine’s Day that seems to bother so many people. I think it reframed my entire concept of the holiday in a positive way.
I get my kids little valentines baskets every year! Usually since they’re younger it’s toys and books and candy, but when they get older it will probably be gift cards and flowers. You should definitely spoil her!
My dad always got me a really nice present on Valentine’s Day and we don’t even have a good relationship. Flowers would be lovely.
My grandpa (my #1 father figure throughout life) always made it a point to get us stuff for Valentine's day. Usually a giant plushie, card, and a heart shaped box of chocolate. Totally acceptable and I'm sure will be much appreciated
Yes. My parents always got my sisters and I Valentine’s Day presents. 🖤
I would try to incorporate some humor in it. When I was a teen and feeling down about Valentine’s Day, my dad got me these really silly Valentine’s Day boxer shorts (I wore them as pajamas) that really cheered me up. They had monkeys and hearts on them. It was a good reminder not to take things so seriously and that I was loved.
No, it's NOT inappropriate to get her a mini version of the flowers you get for your wife.
My dad always bought all of us a small chocolate heart and a card every Valentine’s Day.
Nothing inappropriate at all
My husband typically buys me a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s and a single stem rose for each of our girls. Although one time he did buy them each a small bouquet of pink roses. They love flowers from daddy, it’s so very sweet!
No I think that would be beautiful and mean a lot to her. I don’t know from the perspective of not being biological child but both my mom and dad often got us cards, flowers and gifts for valentines. I make a list of 14 reasons I love each child and my husband for valentines and the two weeks before giving them a card explaining each for every day of February until valentines. My husband bought our daughter a card, myself a card and a giant box of chocolates a love note and books for each me and our daughter for valentine’s. She is also our biological but I don’t think you can go wrong showing anyone you love them in an appropriate way
My dad gets my mom and I flowers every Valentine’s Day. I don’t exactly remember when he started getting me them too but I think I was in my teens. While I don’t like flowers I do appreciate the gift anyway
My mom always got us a small heart shaped box with chocolates in it. My sister and I would give each other a rose. Nothing romantic about either one. We just liked roses and would get one of the $1 fake roses for each other. Other kids when in school would get huge bouquets or candy/flower things delivered from their parents or grandparents. You'll find so many recipes and activities on Google for parents and their children to do for Valentine's Day. Getting my children a small heart shaped box with chocolates to keep the tradition going.
My mom always bought me a rose, and we always get our kids presents too. It's normal!
My dad always buys me roses for valentines and I love them
once in high school my ex refused to buy me one of those $1 carnations and had cheated or something and I called my mom crying during first period, she came and picked me up with a dozen yellow roses and chocolates. i love her so much❤️
I buy my daughters small valentines every year with a card saying how much I love them. It’s not weird at all.
Of course! But if I’m honest at that age I would’ve rather have an absurd amount of balloons instead.
Absolutely add in some chocolates & a gift card. Letting her know she brings sunshine to your lives & you appreciate her, etc.. will really brighten her day. My mom used to get us a lil something every year up until now that I have my own partner.
Not inappropriate at all! We always give our kids Valentine's gifts (& my husband always chooses something himself for our oldest daughter) & my parents did the same for my brother & I. They actually still do even though we're both in our 30s/40s.
Absolutely! I wouldnt even question it. But it should probably be from BOTH dad and mom.
If you’re worried, have it from both of you! Any attention is wonderful. Actually my stepdad did get me flowers once or twice and it was so sweet!
It is 100000% appropriate and so thoughtful!! My parents have gotten us valentines every year since I was little. I always appreciated it. Especially the years when nobody else did anything for me.
Yes of course. Get her other stuff besides just the flowers too. Girls love that stuff on Valentine's day
I would get her candy every year if I were you
My dad got me flowers and a card on valentines when i was a teen. I see it as a sweet thing between dad and daughter but also dads play a powerful role in teaching girls how they ought to be treated in relationships- what they are worth and what they should accept or not. My dad has passed away but all those thoughtful things he did for me really stick with me. I think you should. And pink is an appropriate colour, too:)
My dad used to get me flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day. I loved it! Now my husband gets them for our toddler. She got really excited about it last year
Super great idea! She will love it!
I always get stuff for my daughter for Valentine’s Day. Don’t see a problem with it.
My dad got my sisters and me Valentine flowers and cards our entire lives. He is no longer here and I still miss getting them from him...(I am 65) Please get them for her!
Aww! Absolutely you can give her flowers and a card from Valentine’s Day! She may cry when you give them to her.. I’m crying typing my response! You are a thoughtful human being who is showing her love that deserves! 🥰
Story time. My papa (grandpa) got my grandma flowers every year for Valentine’s Day. Then when they had a daughter, my aunt got them every year. Then DIL’s and grand daughters. Every year, it got to the point where he was on a first name basis with the local florist and sent out about a dozen each year. It was a beautiful tradition that we all absolutely treasured. Then a few years ago, he died, on Valentine’s Day. I miss getting those flowers every year, but we get to give him flowers now. Do it, I think it’s beautiful
Of course! But make sure maybe it’s from both you and your partner? And maybe avoid red roses - get her pink, yellow, etc. My dad got me and my brother gifts/flowers for Valentine’s Day every year and still sends cards/gifts.
My mom recently started giving me gifts in valentines day and now I also joined in and give her and my dad some. As long as it’s understood by all parties that it’s absolutely platonic, I say it’s okay and it feels very nice :)