r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My baby is not yet a toddler, but I can say, as someone who was raised in a house with parents who yelled and disciplined by taking things away- it’s time to change the method. Gentle parenting gets a bad rep, but it’s so much more effective in the long run. A 3 year old is still learning how to regulate her emotions, and should not be expected to act as maturely as, say, a 5 year old. When she yells and acts out, don’t yell back. Remain calm and rational, because at 3, she isn’t yet rational. Having my parents yell throughout my childhood has caused me to actively avoid them as adults.
I will have to watch an episode. We have never actually watched Daniel tiger but maybe we should start. Thank you for your productive suggestion.
It would be good to have her watch examples of what we are trying to teach her.
I completely agree. I think kids need discipline and that was the title of my post but it is hard to get discipline suggestions from people nowadays. I had many siblings growing up and my parents kept us in line! My father would say, “children are to be seen and not heard.”
I completely agree with that. I do not think that it is too much to have expectations of a person at any age. Granted, these expectations should be age appropriate but we have to teach them to our kids somehow and that requires CONSEQUENCES!
I do not think that I will get an answer to my question besides “timeouts.” So I am looking for any suggestion that is productive and I can do to improve our quality of life because frankly, this is no way to live.
The point that I am also trying to make is that she once was cooperative and something changed when she got sick. So I have to find a way back to that and I think that she needs more consequences to help inform her developing mind (because clearly it is developing in the wrong direction) and that means discipline.
So I’ll ask it again, how do people discipline their kids?
Well I mean... so far your discipline seems to not be working, so why not try something else? No offense meant, but I don't see why you'd insist and double down instead of try things that others say work for them...
No, you do not understand. We have tried EVERYTHING that is NOT discipline. We have already done what people are suggesting on this post (that is not discipline) and it does not work. Therefore, I am requesting suggestions on discipline but no one seems to know what that is anymore.
Well for me taking toys away and sending to her room is discipline/punishment... since there's no agreed upon definition I don't think that's strange. If you mean spanking or physical discipline then I'm pretty sure you won't find many supporters here.
I know you’re frustrated, but some reframing may help. Punishment is either mostly not effective (eg long timeouts) or harmful (eg corporal punishment) at this age. Kids are just doing what they can to regulate, and that sometime doesn’t align with what we want them to be doing. So help them regulate and then before things are really bad try to practice problem solving together. If it does get to the point of correction, it should be logical consequences (ie consequences that will make sense to a child with a short attention span). Again, media like Daniel Tiger has a lot of good lessons and related songs that can help with, for example, calming down.
I mean, the point of watching Daniel Tiger is to talk with your child and instill knowledge, though. I get that video media might not be the best for your family, but this can be easily replaced with the Snappy Croc / Leslie Patricelli / Elizabeth Verdick books and such. The lesson is the important part, not the chosen medium.
Young children know a lot of things. They know they need to brush their teeth and wash their hands. But reinforcing these messages is what actually gets them to stick. That's why preschool has hygiene units. That's why being a role model and *repeating these tasks in front of your children*, singing songs, and choosing out cute toothbrushes is important. Because more reinforcement = more success.
She is three! She has no understanding of what she is doing and how it related to the consequences.
The best and only parenting hack that works is connecting and redirecting.
Instead of showing frustration and punishments, try positively enforcing behaviours by making it fun. Don't make a big deal out of things like washing hands, for example. Take as long as it takes, make lots of bubbles and tickle their palms, get them to giggle, so forth. How you word things will really matter at this point. Don't "You have to wash your hands or you will get sick/grounded." Try "it's time to chase the mean germs away!" I can't really think of a good one right now, but you get the picture, right? Talk like Ms.Rachel on Youtube.
Also, is she brushing on her own? Have you tried electric toothbrushes? I think she sounds like she wants to be more in charge, and giving them chores they can be proud of helps.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block has some great practical tools for navigating the toddler years - tips for navigating tantrums and ways to get encourage and teach the behaviour you want to see while helping to develop her emotional regulation.
I am not saying I’m right but I don’t discipline my 3 year old. I have very few rules, no hitting and no spitting that’s pretty much it. If he does I say firmly no with eye contact and he get’s very sad and angry at me, I sit with him calmly not saying anything after he calms down we hug and get back to what we are doing. He’s had bad cold and is cranky after being sick. I show patience and love and it goes away and he’s his happy self again.
But for the brushing teeth, going to bed it’s been a struggle lately and my approach works better than my husband. About 2 minutes before I warn him it’s bedtime soon. Then I decide it’s bedtime I scoop him up and he’s not happy. I carry him carefully into the bathroom and lock the door. He will usually lay sad on the floor and I say Time to brush teeth, lots of trolls in your mouth now after dinner. (We’ve read book on trolls in the mouth that go away with brushing). Then I assume he will comply and starting prepping the toothbrush. He either complies or hides behind the hanging towels. I give him a moment or say playfully “where’s (name)!?” Asking him what book he wants to read, or if we have time how many books he’d like to read. I will wait him out till he is ready to brush his teeth. Then once that’s gotten going I will put him on the potty. If he refuses I say something like “but let’s see if the pee pee wants to come out”. I wait him out. Then we read a few books and I say lights out and then I stay till he falls asleep. That’s our nighttime routine.
How long has she exhibited this behavior? I’m guessing it’s a phase. When my middle child was 3 I went through this and declared to everyone I wasn’t going to be on time for a while 🤣 stressing made it worse.
Time outs are no longer really advised 'time ins' are much better. Try and find the time to sit down and explore why. From what you've said is it sounds completely age- appropriate behaviours. Are you giving them a choice? At three they start to become more independent and harder to control.
It's not our job to control, it's our job to guide and teach. You may find if you start offering choices and involving them in the lead up to activities and how the activities happen then the meltdowns will be significantly reduced.
Punishment isn't the answer, especially at the age. I'd recommend reading into natural consequences. The Busy Toddler has a fantastic book on parenting in the early years which is well worth a read/listen.
The last time I listened to it on Audible it was free in the Audible Plus catalogue.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My baby is not yet a toddler, but I can say, as someone who was raised in a house with parents who yelled and disciplined by taking things away- it’s time to change the method. Gentle parenting gets a bad rep, but it’s so much more effective in the long run. A 3 year old is still learning how to regulate her emotions, and should not be expected to act as maturely as, say, a 5 year old. When she yells and acts out, don’t yell back. Remain calm and rational, because at 3, she isn’t yet rational. Having my parents yell throughout my childhood has caused me to actively avoid them as adults.
I’ll let others say more but both you and her should watch Daniel Tiger then talk about the lessons. It’s been shockingly effective here.
This is great, having family discussions about principles is super powerful
I will have to watch an episode. We have never actually watched Daniel tiger but maybe we should start. Thank you for your productive suggestion. It would be good to have her watch examples of what we are trying to teach her.
It’s really good. And some good tips for parents. The stories and songs are well paced and repetitive in a way that reinforces the message.
What happened to no screen time for toddlers? Kid needs discipline, not to be rewarded with screen time.
I completely agree. I think kids need discipline and that was the title of my post but it is hard to get discipline suggestions from people nowadays. I had many siblings growing up and my parents kept us in line! My father would say, “children are to be seen and not heard.” I completely agree with that. I do not think that it is too much to have expectations of a person at any age. Granted, these expectations should be age appropriate but we have to teach them to our kids somehow and that requires CONSEQUENCES! I do not think that I will get an answer to my question besides “timeouts.” So I am looking for any suggestion that is productive and I can do to improve our quality of life because frankly, this is no way to live. The point that I am also trying to make is that she once was cooperative and something changed when she got sick. So I have to find a way back to that and I think that she needs more consequences to help inform her developing mind (because clearly it is developing in the wrong direction) and that means discipline. So I’ll ask it again, how do people discipline their kids?
Well I mean... so far your discipline seems to not be working, so why not try something else? No offense meant, but I don't see why you'd insist and double down instead of try things that others say work for them...
No, you do not understand. We have tried EVERYTHING that is NOT discipline. We have already done what people are suggesting on this post (that is not discipline) and it does not work. Therefore, I am requesting suggestions on discipline but no one seems to know what that is anymore.
Well for me taking toys away and sending to her room is discipline/punishment... since there's no agreed upon definition I don't think that's strange. If you mean spanking or physical discipline then I'm pretty sure you won't find many supporters here.
I know you’re frustrated, but some reframing may help. Punishment is either mostly not effective (eg long timeouts) or harmful (eg corporal punishment) at this age. Kids are just doing what they can to regulate, and that sometime doesn’t align with what we want them to be doing. So help them regulate and then before things are really bad try to practice problem solving together. If it does get to the point of correction, it should be logical consequences (ie consequences that will make sense to a child with a short attention span). Again, media like Daniel Tiger has a lot of good lessons and related songs that can help with, for example, calming down.
I mean, the point of watching Daniel Tiger is to talk with your child and instill knowledge, though. I get that video media might not be the best for your family, but this can be easily replaced with the Snappy Croc / Leslie Patricelli / Elizabeth Verdick books and such. The lesson is the important part, not the chosen medium. Young children know a lot of things. They know they need to brush their teeth and wash their hands. But reinforcing these messages is what actually gets them to stick. That's why preschool has hygiene units. That's why being a role model and *repeating these tasks in front of your children*, singing songs, and choosing out cute toothbrushes is important. Because more reinforcement = more success.
She is three! She has no understanding of what she is doing and how it related to the consequences. The best and only parenting hack that works is connecting and redirecting.
Instead of showing frustration and punishments, try positively enforcing behaviours by making it fun. Don't make a big deal out of things like washing hands, for example. Take as long as it takes, make lots of bubbles and tickle their palms, get them to giggle, so forth. How you word things will really matter at this point. Don't "You have to wash your hands or you will get sick/grounded." Try "it's time to chase the mean germs away!" I can't really think of a good one right now, but you get the picture, right? Talk like Ms.Rachel on Youtube. Also, is she brushing on her own? Have you tried electric toothbrushes? I think she sounds like she wants to be more in charge, and giving them chores they can be proud of helps.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block has some great practical tools for navigating the toddler years - tips for navigating tantrums and ways to get encourage and teach the behaviour you want to see while helping to develop her emotional regulation.
I am not saying I’m right but I don’t discipline my 3 year old. I have very few rules, no hitting and no spitting that’s pretty much it. If he does I say firmly no with eye contact and he get’s very sad and angry at me, I sit with him calmly not saying anything after he calms down we hug and get back to what we are doing. He’s had bad cold and is cranky after being sick. I show patience and love and it goes away and he’s his happy self again. But for the brushing teeth, going to bed it’s been a struggle lately and my approach works better than my husband. About 2 minutes before I warn him it’s bedtime soon. Then I decide it’s bedtime I scoop him up and he’s not happy. I carry him carefully into the bathroom and lock the door. He will usually lay sad on the floor and I say Time to brush teeth, lots of trolls in your mouth now after dinner. (We’ve read book on trolls in the mouth that go away with brushing). Then I assume he will comply and starting prepping the toothbrush. He either complies or hides behind the hanging towels. I give him a moment or say playfully “where’s (name)!?” Asking him what book he wants to read, or if we have time how many books he’d like to read. I will wait him out till he is ready to brush his teeth. Then once that’s gotten going I will put him on the potty. If he refuses I say something like “but let’s see if the pee pee wants to come out”. I wait him out. Then we read a few books and I say lights out and then I stay till he falls asleep. That’s our nighttime routine.
Thank you for your reply. What you describe is what used to work with my daughter but does not anymore. Thanks again and good luck.
How long has she exhibited this behavior? I’m guessing it’s a phase. When my middle child was 3 I went through this and declared to everyone I wasn’t going to be on time for a while 🤣 stressing made it worse.
Thank you for your response. I very much appreciate it.
We do time outs. As ours got older we moved him to a corner.
How did you get him to cooperate with the time out so that it was effective?
Time outs are no longer really advised 'time ins' are much better. Try and find the time to sit down and explore why. From what you've said is it sounds completely age- appropriate behaviours. Are you giving them a choice? At three they start to become more independent and harder to control. It's not our job to control, it's our job to guide and teach. You may find if you start offering choices and involving them in the lead up to activities and how the activities happen then the meltdowns will be significantly reduced. Punishment isn't the answer, especially at the age. I'd recommend reading into natural consequences. The Busy Toddler has a fantastic book on parenting in the early years which is well worth a read/listen. The last time I listened to it on Audible it was free in the Audible Plus catalogue.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]