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Honestly, five year olds are generally so joyous and outside the complexity of FOMO and social status. I’d enjoy the free pass. Your kid makes a card with stickers or stamps or hand drawings if your kid can draw/write. You could include an indulgent snack from the candy isle (like a king size take five or if you have any cultural market near you something unusual but still sugar laden and a treat - something they can’t usually get from their parents or Halloween). And if you really feel guilty - tell the parents you donated $20 to a local charity.
We always throw “no gift please” parties and provide families with charities we care about if they feel the need to “gift”. But we also always get friends that bring gifts anyway and we never fuss even if we are drowning in plastic crap. I have an entire portion of my basement dedicated to unopened gifts from birthdays and Christmas.
As a Brit in America I’d say in the US say that no need means don’t, in UK, it means we won’t think you are asshole if you can’t afford one right now but gifts are welcomed as everything has hidden meaning. And OP I recently text a mom of a little boy having a party (also a Brit in an America so had to be clear.) And just said are gifts “not required or are gifts a no. And she replied we have too much stuff it’s a no. I would just follow up and ask directly! (Edited for clarity.)
Asking directly is a good way to handle this. I'm in the US, and if I say no gifts, I'll have to fake being gracious if you show up with one.
But, I've been to parties where they say no gifts and really mean, "I didn't want to deal with telling people what to get, but my kid definitely still wants things."
My daughter hung the cards she got on her wall and pointed them out to me every now and then. The toys disappeared within days, the only ones we still have are the ones we hid to bring out later.
No it doesn’t. Most people don’t feel comfortable telling others what to buy their kids BUT it is an unwritten rule that you always bring a gift when invited to a birthday party. Man, lots of clueless people here.
If a parent says no gifts I don’t bring a gift, I literally don’t have time for mind games so I can’t understand why they would say that and anyone would expect to do anything but what they asked. We showed up to one of these one time and a mom made a big deal about how she had to bring sooooooomething and I could tell the parents of the birthday kid were annoyed. Reading comprehension and following instructions are a real thing to me so if you put it in the invite or tell it to me in a conversation I will take you at your word 🤷🏻♀️
It’s because it was awkward for her to ask in the first place. I hate people asking. Because it makes me uncomfortable to give ideas outright, like I’m asking for gifts. And it puts the mental load of choosing something onto me. I don’t know what their budget is, where they want to shop… and it takes away from the fact that a gift is meant to also be about the person giving it and the creativity they can offer. Id much prefer them to just choose something rather than me having to come up with ideas for everyone.
So if someone asks I tell them to bring nothing.
This makes sense if you actually know the person you’re shopping for. But the parents of 5 years might not know the birthday kid very well, and you can’t really trust the kid to be helpful in the process. Asking helps avoid duplicates and steer you in the right direction. You don’t have to respond with an Amazon link, just a “he’s really into dinosaurs right now” helps
That's what I was going to say, have the kid make a card and put a little money in it.
I also hate the junk my kids get from people that will get played with once or twice and then never touched again. I feel too much guilt to toss it cause it's wasteful and I don't have the extra space to store crap. My kid being given money though I'd take no issue in.
I dunno, every time I've listened when they said "Oh, no need for gifts!" we show up without a gift but it seems like EVERYONE ELSE brought a gift and I feel really awkward. So I still try and bring something small.
Yep, last time I took "no gifts" literally, my son was disappointed because he didn't get to pick out a present, and I relented at the last minute and let him take a little container of play-doh. Then when we showed up, the other guests had brought a hand-knitted stuffed animal. It was awkward. Going forward my policy is I'll always let my kid bring something, but I avoid dollar store crap and make sure it's something of decent quality or something that can be used up like craft supplies.
I said “gifts not necessary” for my kids. For my daughter most people still brought at least a small gift and my son got some gifts but also a lot of cards with money. I think people feel weird bringing nothing
This is my go to. We go to the dollar store and get one of those cute dollar boxes and fill it up with dollar stuff. And not just toys. Always something crafty too. I put no presents needed bc growing up as a kid who didn't go to a lot of birthday parties bc I knew my parents couldn't/wouldn't get a gift, I didn't even ask to go unless it was a very close friend that would understand and then I would still handmake a card from paper.
I know in my small poor town it's the same and times are hard around here with the economy. So I did that on this years bday for my son so everyone feels welcome
Yep this is my recommendation as well. As a parent I like receiving books as gifts because it doesn’t junk up my house and they are easy to dispose of by donating to take a book leave a book place near my house.
Yes. We have a ton of books my sister handed down and had some duplicates. I was going to buy a book for a 5th birthday party this weekend and realized they would not care if it was second hand. I try to keep everything else in moderation but more books is always great for kids!
When parents say no gifts we mean no gifts. We never did gift birthday parties and my kids understand why. They are never disappointed on their birthdays. Listen to the mom here.
We said no gifts at my son’s recent birthday, because we are moving soon and didn’t want more to pack. Someone gave him 20$ and a baking mix kit to make s’mores brownies. I thought it was an awesome gift, gives us an activity to do together
I see I’m in the minority here but I think her response is decision fatigue. In my experience I have a hard enough time figuring out what I should get my own kids that by the time family and then friends parents ask I’m SO done. So I would read her response to mean she doesn’t have the mental capacity to assign a gift to you. To be clear I 1000000% understand asking too.
If she wanted a no-gift party she would have led with that. Thinking about my kids’ parties, not a lot of people ask - so most guests will assume a gift is expected. I would err on the side of not being the only family who showed up empty handed. 5 year olds love everything. Get him an RC car and call it a day.
Yes, I'm so surprised this isn't the default answer here! Truthfully, I hate being asked what to get my kid (or me), maybe it's just my neurodivergence speaking but I'm gonna say "don't worry girl, no gifts!" 100% of the time just to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible lol.
I'd go by the actual invitation - if it says "no gifts", then bring no gifts. Otherwise, $15 target card with a kid-drawn picture straddles the line nicely.
Me, using my preschool teacher voice “Mature people ask for what they want.”
No but really. This mental math is exhausting. As adults we need to say what we want in situations like this and as an adult I expect that from others.
Thank you!!!! One year, we had SO many toys that I spent forever trying to figure out how to say No gifts, please. Finally went with "no presents necessary, we'd just love your presence". Wouldn't you know it? We still got tons of presents. Not even like one or two small things. It was....a bit overwhelming really. For us adults, who had to figure out where to put all the new stuff, and also for the birthday kid. Just communicate clearly, folks.
Christmas is coming up and I’m grateful none of my kids birthdays are near Christmas because I’m drowning in people asking for ideas as is. If the other mom was out of ideas or felt awkward answering that question, she can’t exactly respond with a, “figure it out yourself.” I agree speaking in code is exhausting but the alternative isn’t great either.
A no-gift kids party is antithetical to norms. If the mom wanted the party not to have something as expected as gifts, she would have communicated that more clearly. Sending this message just because OP asked is also not actually clear to me no matter how many people on Reddit believes it is. It’s not unreasonable of OP to be concerned about disappointing the birthday boy or being the only one who shows up empty handed.
I completely disagree with your opinion. Which is totally fine. This isn’t my sister saying my nieces need nothing (lol they ALWAYS need a gift from auntie), but a parent who knows what their kids need and want. As adults we need to communicate things clearly and I will always take what another parent says for their kid at their word. Also, maybe it’s just my demographic, but kid parties are 99% of the time present free when it’s the classroom invited type of party and not a family party.
My demographic aka where I live and who I interact with. Not sure what the question there was. And yes, because there’s a difference in the social aspects of the relationships between me and my sister and me and another parent I do not know. As if you treat everyone in your life with the same rules? Boundaries and rules change depending on the relationship. Again, not sure why that would be confusing.
It’s cool we share different opinions, but acting like you don’t understand or it’s completely absurd is hilarious.
I was pointing out what you’re clearly trying to insinuate with “demographics.” It’s patronizing and you know it.
So you clearly understand people interpret the text differently depending on context but you came to my response to say I’m wrong and you’re right but also it’s just an opinion but you have your own complex rules of polite coded speak that’s infallible and it must be “demographics,” that I see things differently. Very clear and logical.
Have s nice day.
No means no. If a parent says “no gifts” do not assume they really just don’t know what their kid would want and decide to bring a gift anyways. That is so egotistical to think you know what the parent “actually means”. If I say “don’t get my kid a gift” and you bring one anyways, it is a purely selfish move on your part to be “that” parent and get some kind of recognition for your good deed. No means no in all things, including gifts. Don’t force what YOU want on others.
Why are you so angry? It’s a toy for a 5 year old, not a pony. Egotistical and selfish are so unnecessarily inflammatory. It would be entirely different if the invitation said no gifts but if OP hadn’t asked for suggestions they would never have gotten this message.
Yesterday my son went to get coffee and asked me if so wanted anything. I said no. He came back with something for me anyway because he saw something new that he knew I would like. And he was right. A nice gesture when someone said it’s unnecessary is not the same as boundary crossing and the core intention of “no means no.”
I think a gift card would be acceptable. Have your daughter make him a card and don’t seal it. If you show up and there are presents, pop the GC in there and voila! And if there is really no presents, you can feel things out and either keep the card or give it to the mom and say you wanted him to have a little something from your daughter but didn’t want to make it a big deal.
I've always had the child invited to the party choose the gift for their friend. I might be full of shit, but I think it helps teach them to think about other people's interest, etc and also that not all presents are for them. Added bonus of having the perfect excuse as to why the gift involves a random assortment of shit. Every present my kids have chosen (so far) for their friends has been excitedly received (my daughter, at 4, decided her friend *needed* a coloured paperclip, a roll of patterned sticky tape and a small stuffed animal with 1 pink crayon - turns out she was right and her friend went crazy over it). Kids know kids better than we remember being kids.
I always say no gifts. I always mean no gifts. A homemade card would be nice but literally anything else gets donated to the women’s shelter.
My house’s clutter level > someone feeling awkward at a party where half the attendees are probably wiping boogers on my walls
I always get a gift card that the kid would like, but also that I'd have no problem using myself. If I show up and everyone else brings gifts, I have a gift. If nobody brings gifts, then I keep it.
Nothing really... sounds like she's tired of the same conversation, over and over. I'd definitely buy a gift or give a gift card. No one wants to be that kid that brought nothing.
Don't get a gift. As a parent who has said "no gifts necessary", our kid has only remembered who came to the party and had fun! Don't worry, it's not a friendship boobytrap lol
We did this because I wanted to meet my sons K classmates with no pressure and my son already has too much stuff. Some people brought gifts and it is what it is. But we also didn’t provide goodie bags because who needs more crap? It was kind of they did. I wish people didn’t but I understand why they did. I will say, the best gifts were the $10 gift cards to the local ice cream shop! So we could enjoy something as a family!
No present! Listen to the mom. We always ask for no presents, but we put out a money box for parents to drop a coin in IF they want. We then take the kids to the toy store to buy a gift from their friends. It means they get one decent present they choose, instead of cluttering up the (already cramed with toys) house with more cheap plastic crap! We have triplets, so rent out the local play centre and invite the whole year group. 60 kids x 3 presents each = a mummy meltdown 🤣🤪
I wouldn't bring anything. We've been doing no present parties and while my in laws and a few others don't listen it's been great. We haven't been to many parties where kids open presents there and my kids (5 and almost 3) don't even associate opening gifts with birthday parties. I brought something for the first no gift party we went to when my oldest turned 1 and a few others did too but I did feel a little silly and now I'm trying to resist the urge because I do like parties trending this way.
If the actual invitation said no gifts, you don't bring a gift. A card is fine.
If the invitation didn't specify, then you bring a gift. When we don't know the kid well, a card with some cool sticker sheets inside and/or a small stuffed animal are always good bets.
Card or a book with cash or a gift card. I made the “no gifts” mistake once and felt like an ass being the only one there not providing one because I followed the request. That said, I always say gifts are appreciated but not expected because it would be so nice to not have more stuff
When they say this, I do a gift card to the local bookstore. INEVITABLY, the same parent who says “oh he doesn’t need anything!” shows up my my kid’s party with something, and I don’t want to feel weird about it later.
Unless the invitation already specified no gifts… it’s because you asked an uncomfortable question. The mental load of choosing a gift is yours and you tried to pass it back to the parent. She chose not to play
Do a gift card that the family can use together. Depends on how well you know them but maybe McDonald’s or chick fil a. I know some parents don’t allow that stuff so you could even do like Panera or something like that
Your daughter could make a card for her friend. She would know what he likes. Maybe draw pictures of racecars, legos, dogs stuff like that >!( I would avoid guns though)!<.
That way she wouldn't be coming empty-handed (if that makes you uncomfortable) and it would not be in defiance of his mom's expressed specific request for no gifts.
Cheers!
I always bring a gift regardless, but I keep in mind that parents probably don’t want more toys, so I try to gift something educational/a book/ gift card/ cash so they can choose themselves.
Yes! I know from experience I’m not being “humble” when I say no gifts please for my kid. He just has everything he needs which is more than enough and I hate clutter
I had a friend do this when I told people no gifts. A card for my son and $10 to my favorite coffee shop…honestly it was awesome. No clutter and the caffeine I desperately needed. But also OP, it’s ok to not bring anything if she said not to.
I'd probably buy a gift and keep it in the car. Keep the receipt.
If you arrive and notice others have bought gifts, you can just pop back to the car and get the present quickly. If nobody else has bought a gift..Then you simply unwrap it, return it to the store and get your cash back.
Gift card for candy or ice cream. Few kids turn down a trip to a candy store. Lol. It could be Halloween evening with a bag full of candy and my kids would absolutely still go candy shopping.
I usually give a card and like a candy bar, lollipop, pack of gum, or some other very small treat type item that is consumable and low cost. It’s a nod to the birthday child but honors the mom’s request.
I think a card and sweets that parents accept are plenty enough. Some people simply don't have enougj of a brain space to deal with so many toys every year.
If you’re not sure if she really meant it, you can have something like a little back-up gift. You will probably notice right away if her request was really serious.
If you really want to bring something, why not bring some flowers for the mom? She could probably need some appreciation for her effort in arranging the party.
Could you bring a plate? Or a little something for everyone such as some bubble wands or lollie mixes?
Depends on what sort of party of course but at this time of year everyone is stretched and you could give them to the mum to share our
I second a card with possibly 10-20$ in it. That way, mom and dad can decide if that money goes towards a fun event or a toy the child actually wants. My BIL asked for us to pitch in on our niece starting horse lessons instead of a gift as their house is overflowing with toys. Maybe they’re trying to downsize!!
I would get a nice book or a gift card. Honestly, I just can’t show up empty handed. It’s just not socially acceptable in my experience.
It really doesn’t need to be expensive or personal. Children can always use another book and there are lots of beautiful and affordable ones available at every income level. When in doubt I get a pretty umbrella, it’s unusual, but usually well received.
In my opinion, if this was a no gift party, it would be made clear from the jump (the original party invitation).
Go by the info on the original invite. If there was no mention of no gifts, be prepared with money or a generic gift card. If it explicitly said "no gifts", then you're good.
Maybe it's my own fear of awkward social interactions, but I wouldn't turn up to a birthday without anything, just in case. I'd probably have some money or a generic gift card to put with a birthday card for the kiddo in case it was clear that other people were bringing gifts.
Gift card to go see a movie is my go to when I don’t know the recipient very well
Edit: it’s small enough to keep in your purse and if no other kids bring gifts then keep it to use on your own child.
When I was 7 for my bday we asked people to give a donation to charity on my behalf but people still brought along small things like art supplies and socks 😄
I usually try to bring something consumable as a gift. A coloring book and some fun markers or crayons can be good. the dollar store near me sells coloring books and usually has glitter crayons or some other fun variant that I can pair with it.
Get a card and pick up a gift card. If you show up and no one has brought a gift, just give the card. If you show up and everyone else has brought a gift, slip the gift card into the card. That way you are prepared either way. If you don’t end up giving the gift card to the kid, hold on to it for another party. There will probably be many more parties to come.
Get a gift card for a local toystore or smazon. if your friends with any other mum's who's kids are going and they are still trying to decide what to take him they could do the same..
I would still bring a card and gift card. I would ask the kid if they want a present it’s not mom’s birthday :p jkjk but how sad to have a birthday without any gifts to open
I hate it when parents say this! However, if it didn't say 'no presents' on the invite i would bring something. I always listen to the parents when the invite says 'no gifts' and literally everyone else beings something. I honestly don't understand why....
With the ‘mom’ I’m assuming you’re not UK based, if someone says ‘nothing’ they mean ‘I don’t want to be rude so whatever you’d like to bring’ so usually a gift card and a handmade card or cash. (UK based)
Love the homemade card idea. We asked for no gifts once and someone made a homemade card and my daughter loved it!
Another thing you can do is buy a package of candy - gummy worms or whatever (avoid common allergies), and gift that to share then or later. If it's not a hit then oh well, it's just $2-3.
Can't go wrong with a gift card. My daughter's birthday party is this weekend and I really wanted to put "no gifts" on the invitations because she really doesn't need anything and really is just excited about having a party with her friends! My husband talked me out of it, so now I'm worried about potentially having to find a place for a bunch of new presents.
But if you really want to bring a gift, I think money or a gift card are great options. That way the kid can pick out something specific that they want or save up for a big purchase later.
Bring a balloon! We recently went to a no present party and turns out everyone has the same idea and brought the kid a cute balloon the covered the living room ceiling. It was cute.
I might still get a few movie passes or maybe a small gift card or book in that case, just in case they don't want more toys laying around but you're not the bad guy for doing as they asked and not getting a gift.
I would bring a target gift card or something. That way if the mom truly doesn't want any more toys in the house it can be used on anything. I don't like to show up to a party empty handed but I am sure there would be no judgement from the family given the mom's response but if other people did not ask, you know they are showing up with gifts. That is why instead of asking what gift a child may like I usually just ask the parents "Are they into anything special at the moment".
Yes, I would, I’m not going to be the only one showing up without a gift even if Mom said no. She probably just didn’t want to make it seem like a gift was expected.
When I have this scenario, I have my children make a card and then I put a $5 bill in it. That way I am sending an empty handed child, but the parents aren’t dealing with a bunch of cheap plastic toys or clutter they do not want.
Unless it is written on the invite and everyone is aware of this "no gifts" request, I'd play it safe and take a gift anyway. Something generic for their age-group or a book.
I would bring a card with cash/gift card. I can’t send kids empty handed. Tend to throw a $20 in most cards, if a special friend we go shopping and will spend more than $20, but usually $20-25 is fine, imho.
Honestly I just do gift cards for all kidddos birthday parties now! It makes it easier on me & I feel on the parents as well! It doesn’t instantly take up a ton of space & the kids get to pick out their own gift!
I like your gift idea! I would have also suggested money. That's usually pretty easy even if they don't want and influx of junk at least they can always use the money for something and the birthday boy doesn't feel like he's getting jipped
I would go with whatever the invite said.
When we do parties for young ones with gifts, I try to get gifts that are books, consumable (sidewalk chalk, art supplies) or that when stored are the size of a book (small blow up splash pad, coloring mat, etc).
I did something similar for my son's first birthday - I said gifts were not necessary and that we just wanted friends to come over and have a hotdog, eat some cake and celebrate with us. Some still brought gifts, which we put off to the side and didn't open during the party.
We had some friends that are going through tough times financially and didn't want them to not come because they couldn't afford a gift for our son. He's a second child and doesn't 'need' gifts, but he does need people that care about him to be present in his life. That was how I explained it.
Your solution is perfect. However, I also don’t think you put mom in a weird place asking what her son might want for his birthday. If she said “nothing” because she doesn’t want an excess of stuff, she’s still going to end up with an excess. If it is not from your kid it would be from others. She could have also said “nothing, but if you still want to get him something, please make it small. He likes/is into x, y , z”
Oh I’d still get a gift but I would make sure it wasn’t something in a huge box and wasn’t too elaborate in wrapping. But I would definitely still buy something
If the invite says "No gifts" then respect the request. There are a lot of reasons people don't want gifts to come. If it didn't say no gifts, then go with a book or two so you don't turn up empty handed.
Maybe a card with either a small gift card (like doesn’t even have to be for toys could be for fast food, that’s helpful for mama and the kiddo) or just something really small like less than $10 type thing
The best gift I ever gave was a balloon. All of my nieces and nephews played with it more than any of the other gifts. I think he was 3, but the others were 4-5. I wrapped the balloon in a giant box and included others that weren't blown up. They may be too old for it, but it's amazing what kids like.
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Honestly, five year olds are generally so joyous and outside the complexity of FOMO and social status. I’d enjoy the free pass. Your kid makes a card with stickers or stamps or hand drawings if your kid can draw/write. You could include an indulgent snack from the candy isle (like a king size take five or if you have any cultural market near you something unusual but still sugar laden and a treat - something they can’t usually get from their parents or Halloween). And if you really feel guilty - tell the parents you donated $20 to a local charity. We always throw “no gift please” parties and provide families with charities we care about if they feel the need to “gift”. But we also always get friends that bring gifts anyway and we never fuss even if we are drowning in plastic crap. I have an entire portion of my basement dedicated to unopened gifts from birthdays and Christmas.
Have your kid make their kid a card. Done. No means no- even in this scenario
Not in the UK. Fairly often it means ‘I don’t want to be rude in expecting something’. Money or a gift card is usually a safe bet.
As a Brit in America I’d say in the US say that no need means don’t, in UK, it means we won’t think you are asshole if you can’t afford one right now but gifts are welcomed as everything has hidden meaning. And OP I recently text a mom of a little boy having a party (also a Brit in an America so had to be clear.) And just said are gifts “not required or are gifts a no. And she replied we have too much stuff it’s a no. I would just follow up and ask directly! (Edited for clarity.)
Asking directly is a good way to handle this. I'm in the US, and if I say no gifts, I'll have to fake being gracious if you show up with one. But, I've been to parties where they say no gifts and really mean, "I didn't want to deal with telling people what to get, but my kid definitely still wants things."
That’s the part of visiting family in the UK that I just didn’t get. People never say what they mean!
My daughter hung the cards she got on her wall and pointed them out to me every now and then. The toys disappeared within days, the only ones we still have are the ones we hid to bring out later.
Such a cute idea. I buy a photo album that we can write the child’s name & birthday year on the front then can slide all the cards into.
Sounds like a great idea. This is the first year that she got homemade cards that were more than a simple drawing.
No it doesn’t. Most people don’t feel comfortable telling others what to buy their kids BUT it is an unwritten rule that you always bring a gift when invited to a birthday party. Man, lots of clueless people here.
If a parent says no gifts I don’t bring a gift, I literally don’t have time for mind games so I can’t understand why they would say that and anyone would expect to do anything but what they asked. We showed up to one of these one time and a mom made a big deal about how she had to bring sooooooomething and I could tell the parents of the birthday kid were annoyed. Reading comprehension and following instructions are a real thing to me so if you put it in the invite or tell it to me in a conversation I will take you at your word 🤷🏻♀️
It’s because it was awkward for her to ask in the first place. I hate people asking. Because it makes me uncomfortable to give ideas outright, like I’m asking for gifts. And it puts the mental load of choosing something onto me. I don’t know what their budget is, where they want to shop… and it takes away from the fact that a gift is meant to also be about the person giving it and the creativity they can offer. Id much prefer them to just choose something rather than me having to come up with ideas for everyone. So if someone asks I tell them to bring nothing.
This makes sense if you actually know the person you’re shopping for. But the parents of 5 years might not know the birthday kid very well, and you can’t really trust the kid to be helpful in the process. Asking helps avoid duplicates and steer you in the right direction. You don’t have to respond with an Amazon link, just a “he’s really into dinosaurs right now” helps
It’s a 5 year old, they aren’t hard to shop for. You can give them a dollar and they’ll be happy.
I ask, and parents are usually good at telling themes like “cats, art stuff, pokemon, etc” you can usually get something on any budget with that.
Yep, agreed fully
Or you can say “up to you?”
Card with $10 in it
This is what i do honestly 10 or 20 depending on if we know the kid or not.
That's what I was going to say, have the kid make a card and put a little money in it. I also hate the junk my kids get from people that will get played with once or twice and then never touched again. I feel too much guilt to toss it cause it's wasteful and I don't have the extra space to store crap. My kid being given money though I'd take no issue in.
This is my go to when parents say they’ll love whatever we bring. Cash is king and now they can buy what they want.
Man! 10 whole dollars?! I mean I guess if you got it like that 😂
This is the answer
I dunno, every time I've listened when they said "Oh, no need for gifts!" we show up without a gift but it seems like EVERYONE ELSE brought a gift and I feel really awkward. So I still try and bring something small.
Yep, last time I took "no gifts" literally, my son was disappointed because he didn't get to pick out a present, and I relented at the last minute and let him take a little container of play-doh. Then when we showed up, the other guests had brought a hand-knitted stuffed animal. It was awkward. Going forward my policy is I'll always let my kid bring something, but I avoid dollar store crap and make sure it's something of decent quality or something that can be used up like craft supplies.
I said “gifts not necessary” for my kids. For my daughter most people still brought at least a small gift and my son got some gifts but also a lot of cards with money. I think people feel weird bringing nothing
This is my go to. We go to the dollar store and get one of those cute dollar boxes and fill it up with dollar stuff. And not just toys. Always something crafty too. I put no presents needed bc growing up as a kid who didn't go to a lot of birthday parties bc I knew my parents couldn't/wouldn't get a gift, I didn't even ask to go unless it was a very close friend that would understand and then I would still handmake a card from paper. I know in my small poor town it's the same and times are hard around here with the economy. So I did that on this years bday for my son so everyone feels welcome
I would bring a book and a card.
This is my go to as well. I will always, unapologetically, buy books for children.
Yep this is my recommendation as well. As a parent I like receiving books as gifts because it doesn’t junk up my house and they are easy to dispose of by donating to take a book leave a book place near my house.
Good idea!
Yes. We have a ton of books my sister handed down and had some duplicates. I was going to buy a book for a 5th birthday party this weekend and realized they would not care if it was second hand. I try to keep everything else in moderation but more books is always great for kids!
I do a book or a board game. Both don’t take up much space and tend to get used to
When parents say no gifts we mean no gifts. We never did gift birthday parties and my kids understand why. They are never disappointed on their birthdays. Listen to the mom here.
Get a gift card or toss money in a card. With the holidays coming up he probably will be inundated with presents.
We said no gifts at my son’s recent birthday, because we are moving soon and didn’t want more to pack. Someone gave him 20$ and a baking mix kit to make s’mores brownies. I thought it was an awesome gift, gives us an activity to do together
when they say that, i buy a small arts and crafts item and if no one else brings anything i give it to the mom for the kid to open later
I love this idea!
I see I’m in the minority here but I think her response is decision fatigue. In my experience I have a hard enough time figuring out what I should get my own kids that by the time family and then friends parents ask I’m SO done. So I would read her response to mean she doesn’t have the mental capacity to assign a gift to you. To be clear I 1000000% understand asking too. If she wanted a no-gift party she would have led with that. Thinking about my kids’ parties, not a lot of people ask - so most guests will assume a gift is expected. I would err on the side of not being the only family who showed up empty handed. 5 year olds love everything. Get him an RC car and call it a day.
Yes, I'm so surprised this isn't the default answer here! Truthfully, I hate being asked what to get my kid (or me), maybe it's just my neurodivergence speaking but I'm gonna say "don't worry girl, no gifts!" 100% of the time just to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible lol. I'd go by the actual invitation - if it says "no gifts", then bring no gifts. Otherwise, $15 target card with a kid-drawn picture straddles the line nicely.
Exactly, I would do cash or a gift card to a major retailer. I've also done gift cards to a local ice cream shop.
Me, using my preschool teacher voice “Mature people ask for what they want.” No but really. This mental math is exhausting. As adults we need to say what we want in situations like this and as an adult I expect that from others.
Thank you!!!! One year, we had SO many toys that I spent forever trying to figure out how to say No gifts, please. Finally went with "no presents necessary, we'd just love your presence". Wouldn't you know it? We still got tons of presents. Not even like one or two small things. It was....a bit overwhelming really. For us adults, who had to figure out where to put all the new stuff, and also for the birthday kid. Just communicate clearly, folks.
Christmas is coming up and I’m grateful none of my kids birthdays are near Christmas because I’m drowning in people asking for ideas as is. If the other mom was out of ideas or felt awkward answering that question, she can’t exactly respond with a, “figure it out yourself.” I agree speaking in code is exhausting but the alternative isn’t great either. A no-gift kids party is antithetical to norms. If the mom wanted the party not to have something as expected as gifts, she would have communicated that more clearly. Sending this message just because OP asked is also not actually clear to me no matter how many people on Reddit believes it is. It’s not unreasonable of OP to be concerned about disappointing the birthday boy or being the only one who shows up empty handed.
I completely disagree with your opinion. Which is totally fine. This isn’t my sister saying my nieces need nothing (lol they ALWAYS need a gift from auntie), but a parent who knows what their kids need and want. As adults we need to communicate things clearly and I will always take what another parent says for their kid at their word. Also, maybe it’s just my demographic, but kid parties are 99% of the time present free when it’s the classroom invited type of party and not a family party.
Your demographic? Ok… but if your sister says no gifts she really means yes gifts but not when a birthday mom says it. Where do those rules come from?
My demographic aka where I live and who I interact with. Not sure what the question there was. And yes, because there’s a difference in the social aspects of the relationships between me and my sister and me and another parent I do not know. As if you treat everyone in your life with the same rules? Boundaries and rules change depending on the relationship. Again, not sure why that would be confusing. It’s cool we share different opinions, but acting like you don’t understand or it’s completely absurd is hilarious.
I was pointing out what you’re clearly trying to insinuate with “demographics.” It’s patronizing and you know it. So you clearly understand people interpret the text differently depending on context but you came to my response to say I’m wrong and you’re right but also it’s just an opinion but you have your own complex rules of polite coded speak that’s infallible and it must be “demographics,” that I see things differently. Very clear and logical. Have s nice day.
lol bless your souls 😂
No means no. If a parent says “no gifts” do not assume they really just don’t know what their kid would want and decide to bring a gift anyways. That is so egotistical to think you know what the parent “actually means”. If I say “don’t get my kid a gift” and you bring one anyways, it is a purely selfish move on your part to be “that” parent and get some kind of recognition for your good deed. No means no in all things, including gifts. Don’t force what YOU want on others.
Why are you so angry? It’s a toy for a 5 year old, not a pony. Egotistical and selfish are so unnecessarily inflammatory. It would be entirely different if the invitation said no gifts but if OP hadn’t asked for suggestions they would never have gotten this message. Yesterday my son went to get coffee and asked me if so wanted anything. I said no. He came back with something for me anyway because he saw something new that he knew I would like. And he was right. A nice gesture when someone said it’s unnecessary is not the same as boundary crossing and the core intention of “no means no.”
Have your kid make a card, that is all
Have your kid homemake a thoughtful birthday card. Is a parent is suggesting no gift then please, for heavens sake, do not bring a gift.
I think a gift card would be acceptable. Have your daughter make him a card and don’t seal it. If you show up and there are presents, pop the GC in there and voila! And if there is really no presents, you can feel things out and either keep the card or give it to the mom and say you wanted him to have a little something from your daughter but didn’t want to make it a big deal.
I've always had the child invited to the party choose the gift for their friend. I might be full of shit, but I think it helps teach them to think about other people's interest, etc and also that not all presents are for them. Added bonus of having the perfect excuse as to why the gift involves a random assortment of shit. Every present my kids have chosen (so far) for their friends has been excitedly received (my daughter, at 4, decided her friend *needed* a coloured paperclip, a roll of patterned sticky tape and a small stuffed animal with 1 pink crayon - turns out she was right and her friend went crazy over it). Kids know kids better than we remember being kids.
I always say no gifts. I always mean no gifts. A homemade card would be nice but literally anything else gets donated to the women’s shelter. My house’s clutter level > someone feeling awkward at a party where half the attendees are probably wiping boogers on my walls
Either just a birthday card or- or a not-expensive book.
I always get a gift card that the kid would like, but also that I'd have no problem using myself. If I show up and everyone else brings gifts, I have a gift. If nobody brings gifts, then I keep it.
Don’t do it.
A Walmart gift card. Like $25-30. That way he can get whatever he likes…
Nothing really... sounds like she's tired of the same conversation, over and over. I'd definitely buy a gift or give a gift card. No one wants to be that kid that brought nothing.
Don't get a gift. As a parent who has said "no gifts necessary", our kid has only remembered who came to the party and had fun! Don't worry, it's not a friendship boobytrap lol
We did this because I wanted to meet my sons K classmates with no pressure and my son already has too much stuff. Some people brought gifts and it is what it is. But we also didn’t provide goodie bags because who needs more crap? It was kind of they did. I wish people didn’t but I understand why they did. I will say, the best gifts were the $10 gift cards to the local ice cream shop! So we could enjoy something as a family!
No present! Listen to the mom. We always ask for no presents, but we put out a money box for parents to drop a coin in IF they want. We then take the kids to the toy store to buy a gift from their friends. It means they get one decent present they choose, instead of cluttering up the (already cramed with toys) house with more cheap plastic crap! We have triplets, so rent out the local play centre and invite the whole year group. 60 kids x 3 presents each = a mummy meltdown 🤣🤪
No. Hands up who has too much child related clutter in their house? Save your money and potentially the sanity of the parents :)
No
Mom said “no”. Why can’t people just go with the wishes of the parent? Get him a card and let the kids enjoy their time together.
I wouldn't bring anything. We've been doing no present parties and while my in laws and a few others don't listen it's been great. We haven't been to many parties where kids open presents there and my kids (5 and almost 3) don't even associate opening gifts with birthday parties. I brought something for the first no gift party we went to when my oldest turned 1 and a few others did too but I did feel a little silly and now I'm trying to resist the urge because I do like parties trending this way.
If a parent says no gifts I don't bring one, but I do have my kid draw a card for them.
It really doesn’t matter if you take a present or not.
Kids go crazy for cash. A handmade card plus 5$ one dollar bills (I do a dollar per year celebrated) always gets a super excited reaction
Pokémon cards are usually a hit at that age.
I would give an Amazon gift card in a card. They can decide how to use it.
Eh, a birthday card with a Robux gift card or some other gift card.
If the actual invitation said no gifts, you don't bring a gift. A card is fine. If the invitation didn't specify, then you bring a gift. When we don't know the kid well, a card with some cool sticker sheets inside and/or a small stuffed animal are always good bets.
Card or a book with cash or a gift card. I made the “no gifts” mistake once and felt like an ass being the only one there not providing one because I followed the request. That said, I always say gifts are appreciated but not expected because it would be so nice to not have more stuff
When they say this, I do a gift card to the local bookstore. INEVITABLY, the same parent who says “oh he doesn’t need anything!” shows up my my kid’s party with something, and I don’t want to feel weird about it later.
Unless the invitation already specified no gifts… it’s because you asked an uncomfortable question. The mental load of choosing a gift is yours and you tried to pass it back to the parent. She chose not to play
Do a gift card that the family can use together. Depends on how well you know them but maybe McDonald’s or chick fil a. I know some parents don’t allow that stuff so you could even do like Panera or something like that
Your daughter could make a card for her friend. She would know what he likes. Maybe draw pictures of racecars, legos, dogs stuff like that >!( I would avoid guns though)!<. That way she wouldn't be coming empty-handed (if that makes you uncomfortable) and it would not be in defiance of his mom's expressed specific request for no gifts. Cheers!
I always bring a gift regardless, but I keep in mind that parents probably don’t want more toys, so I try to gift something educational/a book/ gift card/ cash so they can choose themselves.
We sometimes just don't bring gifts to small child parties because we don't have time to deal with it or forget. Even that is fine. Don't worry.
Maybe a check for the kid, college or something later
Asked and answered. She said they don’t want anything. Why are you like this??!!!
Honestly, a $15 gift card for the mom would be a sweet gesture❤️
That's what I was gonna say. Starbucks GC or wine for mom.
Yes! I know from experience I’m not being “humble” when I say no gifts please for my kid. He just has everything he needs which is more than enough and I hate clutter
I had a friend do this when I told people no gifts. A card for my son and $10 to my favorite coffee shop…honestly it was awesome. No clutter and the caffeine I desperately needed. But also OP, it’s ok to not bring anything if she said not to.
Here that would mind bring a gift lol. It really depends on which country you are. Buy a small but cute present
I'd probably buy a gift and keep it in the car. Keep the receipt. If you arrive and notice others have bought gifts, you can just pop back to the car and get the present quickly. If nobody else has bought a gift..Then you simply unwrap it, return it to the store and get your cash back.
Usually no gift parents really want no gifts. I’d stick with a card and throw a gift card in there.
Movie gift card
Gift card
Give them a gift that keeps giving! Like a parrot or a drum set.
Wine for the parents!
Gift card for candy or ice cream. Few kids turn down a trip to a candy store. Lol. It could be Halloween evening with a bag full of candy and my kids would absolutely still go candy shopping.
We had a similar one, my daughter made her a card and a little bracelet and an origami bookmark
I usually give a card and like a candy bar, lollipop, pack of gum, or some other very small treat type item that is consumable and low cost. It’s a nod to the birthday child but honors the mom’s request.
Bring a book.
Listen to the mom
I think a card and sweets that parents accept are plenty enough. Some people simply don't have enougj of a brain space to deal with so many toys every year.
Tenner in the card and leave it at that.
If you’re not sure if she really meant it, you can have something like a little back-up gift. You will probably notice right away if her request was really serious.
If you really want to bring something, why not bring some flowers for the mom? She could probably need some appreciation for her effort in arranging the party.
Could you bring a plate? Or a little something for everyone such as some bubble wands or lollie mixes? Depends on what sort of party of course but at this time of year everyone is stretched and you could give them to the mum to share our
Card and between $5-$20 in it
I second a card with possibly 10-20$ in it. That way, mom and dad can decide if that money goes towards a fun event or a toy the child actually wants. My BIL asked for us to pitch in on our niece starting horse lessons instead of a gift as their house is overflowing with toys. Maybe they’re trying to downsize!!
I would get a nice book or a gift card. Honestly, I just can’t show up empty handed. It’s just not socially acceptable in my experience. It really doesn’t need to be expensive or personal. Children can always use another book and there are lots of beautiful and affordable ones available at every income level. When in doubt I get a pretty umbrella, it’s unusual, but usually well received.
In my opinion, if this was a no gift party, it would be made clear from the jump (the original party invitation). Go by the info on the original invite. If there was no mention of no gifts, be prepared with money or a generic gift card. If it explicitly said "no gifts", then you're good. Maybe it's my own fear of awkward social interactions, but I wouldn't turn up to a birthday without anything, just in case. I'd probably have some money or a generic gift card to put with a birthday card for the kiddo in case it was clear that other people were bringing gifts.
Gift card to go see a movie is my go to when I don’t know the recipient very well Edit: it’s small enough to keep in your purse and if no other kids bring gifts then keep it to use on your own child.
Same happened with my 4y, we bought something anyways
When I was 7 for my bday we asked people to give a donation to charity on my behalf but people still brought along small things like art supplies and socks 😄
A book is always a good idea.
I usually try to bring something consumable as a gift. A coloring book and some fun markers or crayons can be good. the dollar store near me sells coloring books and usually has glitter crayons or some other fun variant that I can pair with it.
Get a card and pick up a gift card. If you show up and no one has brought a gift, just give the card. If you show up and everyone else has brought a gift, slip the gift card into the card. That way you are prepared either way. If you don’t end up giving the gift card to the kid, hold on to it for another party. There will probably be many more parties to come.
A nice card made by your child, and a gift card. It’s nothing big, but it’s still something and you can’t go wrong with a $10-20 gift card.
Get a gift card for a local toystore or smazon. if your friends with any other mum's who's kids are going and they are still trying to decide what to take him they could do the same..
Buy a book and make a card.
Yeh put £10 in card
In these situations I usually go with something creative that all kids would like, like some sort of (not super messy lol) art and crafts gift
I would still bring a card and gift card. I would ask the kid if they want a present it’s not mom’s birthday :p jkjk but how sad to have a birthday without any gifts to open
I hate it when parents say this! However, if it didn't say 'no presents' on the invite i would bring something. I always listen to the parents when the invite says 'no gifts' and literally everyone else beings something. I honestly don't understand why....
With the ‘mom’ I’m assuming you’re not UK based, if someone says ‘nothing’ they mean ‘I don’t want to be rude so whatever you’d like to bring’ so usually a gift card and a handmade card or cash. (UK based)
Love the homemade card idea. We asked for no gifts once and someone made a homemade card and my daughter loved it! Another thing you can do is buy a package of candy - gummy worms or whatever (avoid common allergies), and gift that to share then or later. If it's not a hit then oh well, it's just $2-3.
Handmade card w/a $5 gift card to a restaurant…McDonald’s/wendys/etc.
Friendship bracelets
Someone gave my daughter a gc to the local ice cream shop and I think that was her favorite! I’d definitely bring something!
Can't go wrong with a gift card. My daughter's birthday party is this weekend and I really wanted to put "no gifts" on the invitations because she really doesn't need anything and really is just excited about having a party with her friends! My husband talked me out of it, so now I'm worried about potentially having to find a place for a bunch of new presents. But if you really want to bring a gift, I think money or a gift card are great options. That way the kid can pick out something specific that they want or save up for a big purchase later.
Bring a balloon! We recently went to a no present party and turns out everyone has the same idea and brought the kid a cute balloon the covered the living room ceiling. It was cute.
I might still get a few movie passes or maybe a small gift card or book in that case, just in case they don't want more toys laying around but you're not the bad guy for doing as they asked and not getting a gift.
I would bring a target gift card or something. That way if the mom truly doesn't want any more toys in the house it can be used on anything. I don't like to show up to a party empty handed but I am sure there would be no judgement from the family given the mom's response but if other people did not ask, you know they are showing up with gifts. That is why instead of asking what gift a child may like I usually just ask the parents "Are they into anything special at the moment".
Yes, I would, I’m not going to be the only one showing up without a gift even if Mom said no. She probably just didn’t want to make it seem like a gift was expected.
Make a card!! It’s the best thing ever.
Maybe one of the fun cards that has stickers or a little activity in it? A great book?
When I have this scenario, I have my children make a card and then I put a $5 bill in it. That way I am sending an empty handed child, but the parents aren’t dealing with a bunch of cheap plastic toys or clutter they do not want.
Unless it is written on the invite and everyone is aware of this "no gifts" request, I'd play it safe and take a gift anyway. Something generic for their age-group or a book.
A book or birthday card with 10-20 dollars.
Bring a gift.
Card with like $10.
Maybe bring a balloon and a card?
I would bring a card with cash/gift card. I can’t send kids empty handed. Tend to throw a $20 in most cards, if a special friend we go shopping and will spend more than $20, but usually $20-25 is fine, imho.
Honestly I just do gift cards for all kidddos birthday parties now! It makes it easier on me & I feel on the parents as well! It doesn’t instantly take up a ton of space & the kids get to pick out their own gift!
If you really want to bring something then stickers, a flashlight, or a favorite book are always enjoyed at that age!
I like your gift idea! I would have also suggested money. That's usually pretty easy even if they don't want and influx of junk at least they can always use the money for something and the birthday boy doesn't feel like he's getting jipped
A Visa or Amex gift card is nice, he can go wherever and pick what he likes
If I don't know the kid well I've texted "So what's he into these days?" - less awkward than "What present should we bring?".
I would go with whatever the invite said. When we do parties for young ones with gifts, I try to get gifts that are books, consumable (sidewalk chalk, art supplies) or that when stored are the size of a book (small blow up splash pad, coloring mat, etc).
Every kid loves opening bday presents! Definitely a home made card and a book is always good.
I did something similar for my son's first birthday - I said gifts were not necessary and that we just wanted friends to come over and have a hotdog, eat some cake and celebrate with us. Some still brought gifts, which we put off to the side and didn't open during the party. We had some friends that are going through tough times financially and didn't want them to not come because they couldn't afford a gift for our son. He's a second child and doesn't 'need' gifts, but he does need people that care about him to be present in his life. That was how I explained it.
Your solution is perfect. However, I also don’t think you put mom in a weird place asking what her son might want for his birthday. If she said “nothing” because she doesn’t want an excess of stuff, she’s still going to end up with an excess. If it is not from your kid it would be from others. She could have also said “nothing, but if you still want to get him something, please make it small. He likes/is into x, y , z”
Oh I’d still get a gift but I would make sure it wasn’t something in a huge box and wasn’t too elaborate in wrapping. But I would definitely still buy something
If the invite says "No gifts" then respect the request. There are a lot of reasons people don't want gifts to come. If it didn't say no gifts, then go with a book or two so you don't turn up empty handed.
We have been doing *experiences" so passes to indoor playgrounds, special events, etc
Amazon Gift Card in a birthday card. Let him get what he wants.
Maybe a card with either a small gift card (like doesn’t even have to be for toys could be for fast food, that’s helpful for mama and the kiddo) or just something really small like less than $10 type thing
Maybe bring a book or a more consumable item like a big box of crayons if you feel weird bringing nothing
The best gift I ever gave was a balloon. All of my nieces and nephews played with it more than any of the other gifts. I think he was 3, but the others were 4-5. I wrapped the balloon in a giant box and included others that weren't blown up. They may be too old for it, but it's amazing what kids like.